#I am not normally in those spaces…
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Going over the invitation to my cousin’s wedding and the feeling is reminiscent of realizing I haven’t studied nearly enough for a test…
#each evening I’m expected to wear something nice and different#one evening calls for cocktail attire… umm this is ridiculous your honor#I know it’s called a suitcase but all I’ll have in there are suits I fear#irdk what anything above casual wear regularly looks like#I am not normally in those spaces…
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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Alabasta Ace is so funny.
Like the strawhats keep commenting that Ace is so polite and restrained compared to Luffy but like. This dude drags himself out of the ocean just to thank them for looking after his brother and offer to help wash dishes. Mans asks "Are these guys bothering you?" and proceeds to blow up an entire fleet with his bare hands. He trips over himself to make sure all of Luffy's crew likes him and no, really, you don't mind that he's a weirdo???? That we, I mean he, are feral little insane guys who take up space and emotional labor and are kind hard to handle? Really???? Cool cool cool hey just a reminder I can help out with anything that needs doing. I got lost in the desert but donnut worry in the 0.6 seconds since you last saw me I have somehow acquired water and provisions for several weeks. Don't ask me how!
Peak oldest sibling behavior.
#'Ace is trying to flirt with Sanji' <<< Weak take. Simple. Out of character.#'Ace immediately clocks Sanji as the domestic provider and tries to endear himself to the guy responsible for feeding his little bro.#At All Costs.' <<< Strong take. Breathtaking. Absolutely something he would do.#Ace cleaning his plate ever meal and carefully putting everything away: I am going to get a good job in taking up space :)#Something that is normal to want :) And possible to achieve :)#I'm just saying Alabasta Ace is clearly insane.#And so used to constantly having to provide for Luffy.#Oh? Buddy? Were you raised in an environment where resources were scarce and you felt you had to 'earn' the right to be cared for???#Are you used to working yourself to the bone to make sure you and your brothers weren't considered 'too annoying' or 'not worth the effort'#Are you scared of requiring care and being a burden on those who love you??? Huh??? Little buddy???????#one piece#op#portgas d ace#portgas d. ace
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this lesbian visibility week, i am asking monogender lesbians to be normal about multigender lesbians
#multigender lesbians belong in lesbian spaces#yes even if one of their genders is male#heck i need people in general to be normal about multigender people#“men dni” “women dni” who do you think you are i am both of those things#“we need weirder queers” you can't even handle a lesbian who is a guy#lesboy#multigender#multigender problems#transmultiphobia
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Switch is back after their Valentine's event for White Day to bring you Magic for your special someone(s)! Show your friends and fans a little appreciation in return, whether you're sailing for a Romancing Cruise or just for lifting their spirits A little bit UP!!
art-only below the cut!
#enstars#ensemble stars#switch#enstars switch#natsume sakasaki#sora harukawa#tsumugi aoba#enseason#it is 5 am#i have been rendering. since like. 6 PM give or take#with breaks and snacks yeah#shoutout to bean for proofreading my caption#it's so silly i'm so proud of it#it's so interesting drawing units i don't normally draw#throttling mugi for his mop head tho. natsume's right. he's fluffy but at what cost.#anyways this one's for you switchPs o7 (shoutout neppy)#ngl one of the subtitles was gonna be 'that guy sure can break dance' but the lyric was cuter and evened out the spacing more#also the n in the masthead survives yey#fun facts uhhhhhh#looked up their favorite foods on the wiki to make accurate drinks for them#natsume's is a mango fruit tea (didn't make it translucent tho whoops) with strawberry popping boba since he likes 2 flavored foods#sora's is a green apple blend with crystal boba#and mugi has brown sugar milk tea with boba 'cause he likes warm and sweet things (he is a basic guy and that is fair)#see i did my homework (watch as i didn't do enough hw and like one of them hates boba or something sgdkfhjsgjdfhkj)#i have more design notes but i can put those in the outfit post hjgfgjhdfgjhg#macarons are given to someone special/a valued friend for white day :]
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My brain just hit an old hyperfixation (is this what it's called? I hope I used the word right) and oh dear am I losing my mind now. I need to write a story I think. About this one old guy. He's unhinged. There's so much information about him and yet not enough. I want to explore his character so much. He's definitely a criminal - at least he was one - and I'm 95% sure he can do actual real magic, and he's a musician and an artist and an actor and a magician and a philosopher and a traveler and a conman and so much more and also I think he's some kind of immortal. Maybe he just has a VERY long life. It's strongly implied he was a pirate at some point of his life. He started a cult by accident several times. My conspiracy theories about him include him being a secret god.
He's also a freaking round blue raven. Someone save me from my mind.
#seriously why is he so cool#he's like. a ball.#he's ROUND#if no one stops me I'm gonna make an au and introduce all my mutuals to a russian cartoon that lives in my head rent-free#it has an obviously mysterious old man and an old woman who seems to be very normal but actually has some weird past as well#and they're in love you can fight me on this THEY. ARE. IN LOVE.#there's a disastrous scientist who keeps forgetting to sleep and is kinda cute in a nerdy way#there's a mechanic guy who lives a bit away from everyone surrounded by tech and he's actually unhinged#he's a single father btw. he made a robot baby because he was lonely. it's very important for his character.#I WILL ship the scientist and the mechanic because no one can stop me <3#there's a local farmer who was a famous disco dancer an archeologist and a VERY famous actor in the past. he doesn't care about it anymore.#he was like. Captain America actor kind of famous. or Superman.#and then he just committed a bunch of crimes for his new friends and left to live in a village far away from big cities#all those people with very suspicious past raise a bunch of children together#absolutely inseparable adhd and autism best friends boys who I think are capable of destroying the world#and toxic teenagers couple:#a girl who honestly needs to figure herself out first before dating anyone and a poet boy who is SO deeply in love with her it's not okay#the farmer dude also has a rebellious teenager niece who visits him sometimes#and the mechanic's kid is usually in space but sometimes returns and I am not ashamed to admit that I cried during some of those episodes#I am going to think about them. they are so important to me.#I am going insane.#also yes they are all round animals. if you're wondering.#someone just tranquillise me already or something. it's 5 a.m. and I am losing my sanity
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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shaunajackie + solaris by stanisław lem (1/?)
#yellowjacketsedit#96yellowjackets#yellowjacketsource#shaunajackie#part 1 cause i decided it looks better as its own thing but i have like 5 more quotes to use lmao#i spent way too much time deciding on placement of the text so let me just rant abt it#the idea is. first you see space around them and between them. TIME between them#and mountains both because of the space they remind you of#and in the show you immediately think of the hills and the snow#like that IS the reason#then they are close in the memory shauna sees but theres already a wall between them#jeff is what they are talking about#jackie is forced to stay with shauna in those memories jackie who was clinging to shauna so hard before it all fell apart#and then the last one is.. quite obvious i think. noose around her neck#she cant leave she made her entire life revolve around jackie built her life on her memory#i am being so incredibly normal whos gonna give me an award for being SO NORMAL#shaunajackie solaris#yellowjackets blogging
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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You're allowed to be proud of yourself for achieving things that are not seen as achievements or are seen as "just the norm."
Sometimes, the achievement is reaching where others have always been, and it isn't about being normal, but about the things you have done to achieve a goal. You can celebrate and be proud no matter how "small" a feat it is
#positivity#encouragement#encouraging words#(mentioning food in the tag rant)#i'm proud of myself for trying a new food on a whim (or new as ini've never tried that specific variation of the food before)#and i'm happy with myself because this takes a lot of energy and mental space to actually do and i did it#and i'm not proud that i did a thing 'normal people' do (eating a variety of foods)...#...i am proud that i did something for myself. i am proud that i safely went out of my comfort zone#that need not me emulating the 'normal person'#forever annoyed at microwaved foods which get hot quickly and then lose that heat as you eat it#is this just a me thing because i feel like those microwave meals get cold quicker than food cooked any other way#deploying science side of tumblr to explain microwaves like i am five (lighthearted)
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What do English people call a close? You know, the stairwell bit where all the flats are in a tenement? If you go to visit someone at their flat, what do you call the bit where you wait for them to answer their door? That communal stairs… area?
("Modern AUs don't require research" MAYBE IF YOU'RE ENGLISH THEY DON'T 😭)
#no i can't google it that just gets me “word that mean the same as close: near; next-to; intimate” and so on#godddd it was bad enough to be reminded that they don't call juice 'juice' wasn't it#i think i should try to cut a chapter or two from my outline - at this rate when i finish 12 chapters there'll be 3 readers left for it 💀#but the POV alternates which complicates cutting whole chapters out. hrm.#...wait there's no rule that says you can only post one part at a time is there? i could do it in sets of 3 or something couldn't it?#and that way nobody's forced to wait a week or whatever for the crucial Actually They Are Scamming Each Other reveal at the start#also i am starting to rethink the 'finish it all first' approach as it turns out i hate sitting on finished chapters and just get impatient#SO WHAT IF... what if i write the first three chapters and post those and then worry about the rest of it later?#it leaves the scary chance of it staying a WIP forever but i don't think anyone's on the edge of their seats for a sylki scammer AU anyway#OKAY I'LL DO THAT (feel free to try to convince me not to tho)#wait do they even have tenements in that london#a while ago i found out my address contains an unacceptable character because tenements are mostly just a scottish thing#and i was like “oh so THAT'S why websites refuse to believe it could be a real flat number?” nae tenements ootside the central belt! wtf!#...how do you even fit flats into buildings there then? do yous just arrange them in some weird tardislike liminal space?#where do you keep the stairs then? D:#*strange hand movements as i attempt to map out this bizarre topology that is apparently normal everywhere else in the uk*
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Brain emtpy, no thoughts, only pretty spider. i need to kiss him it would fix me
#angel dust hazbin hotel#i am. so good rn#i am definitely not completely drained and spaced out noooooo#i need him to put one of those viral boyfriend choker necklaces on cloud and *pull*♡#i am so normal rn hes so pretty#hi#♡#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡#☁️💬
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#??? speaks 🐇🗡#not asks#( ooc > )#BINARY: The pills are POISON#HEX: WELCOME TO THE EMPTY MIND (no spaces)#cw pills#cw poison#cw caps#more red text!!#my advice?#try talking to one of them DIRECTLY.#i won't tell you which to talk to though.#assuming you want the “normal” evan and HABIT bacl#not my images#mmmm- angst y mildly confusing stuff that only happened in my kinmems that i am putting on y'all mmm-#HABIT kin#Evan Myers kin#emh kin#mod is talking about kin shit#why yes. those ARE Evan's meds why do you ask?#red text lore
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struggling to focus. as ever
#im getting real frustrated.#i know ive been sitting up emotionally high#and probably not doing a great job at moderating it (even though i came up with some rules)#(it came along with sewing project inspiration which. is always a challenge)#but im trying. to just bw normal. work on things#and here i am. sat on my phone instead#feeling the emotions i feel when im up high and not getting enough input i guess#id just like. to work on this project without feeling like im missing something#like theres a space. something not beinf filled#thats the upswing talking but. idk#i want to concentrate. i could probably finish most of this today if i concentrate#why cant i concentrate#i WANT to be sewing#nyxtalks#vent#or at least it turned into that#urgh#im gonna try and focus back in on those rules i set. starting now
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:( both of my phone chargers hardly work, please charger how do i need to hold you to start the charging up
#this is a post i made#need a normal post to put my actual thoughts under lol dont know why but my thoughts sure all observational rn#well… a lot of my thoughts come from my surroundings have you seen the types of questions I come up with hehe#was gonna ramble about this in the other post but they got blipped out of existence so I didn’t#and apparently I will not yap anymore in this post#hmmm yeah the problem are emotions are just missing rn cause thoughts are all observational and its all physical reactions to music rn#brain wants to only talk things out in my head but then when i try to is like hmmm no.#ive also been writing one thing and then staring off into space for ages and not in the way i do when im excited about something#fall air would fix me maybe but also oh cant move to even open the window now#yall ever get in a position and youre like okay im staying perfectly like this i dont want to release the pressure on my hand and reset it#or something i dont know how to explain it#entropy apparently im all for it#^tags im gonna (am already) be like yeah ignore those idk what im talking about
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