#Something that is normal to want :) And possible to achieve :)

[marypenelope]

(ID: Screenshot from r/Divorce that reads "Made the judge laugh today". /end ID)

(ID: Screenshot edited to read "Me (to myself): This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in divorce, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve," /end ID)

[dailynnt]

FRIENDS WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE

Summary: What happens when two best friends try to get along under the same roof? You've been living with Jungkook for three months now, but your cohabitation is still a challenge for you. He continues to live like a real bachelor without following the rules you agreed upon from the beginning of your decision to live together. Should you find a compromise or should you find a new place to live?

Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ Fem!Reader

Characters: The Reader, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jeon Hosuk.

🔞 Age restrictions: 18+

👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 Relationships: ⚤

📑 Number of words: ❓

📕 Number of part: 2/?

🖇️ Tags: best friends, friends with benefits, ex-relationships, slow longing, sexual tension, protected sex, unprotected sex, alcohol, drunken sex, inexperienced main character. Tags will be added as the story is written.

👩🏼‍💻 From the author: I can't believe I wrote the second part. I am so happy with how it turned out. I hope you will also enjoy it and look forward to the sequel. I will try to write it as soon as possible. I tried to create tension between Y/N and Jungkook. In part three, you'll find something very hot, so stay tuned for part three. Thanks to everyone who liked my story, I will do my best for you.

⚠️ Warning: English is not my native language, so there may be mistakes in the text. Please don't get mad at me too much! Those under 18, please don't read this story!

→ Part 1

Part 2. In theory

Today was a day off. Sunday. The one and only day when you could devote it entirely to yourself and not to your studies. Even though exams were about to start before the New Year holidays, you still recognized that you needed to rest, otherwise you might go crazy. This day could have started better if not for the morning's fight with Jungkook. And that's why you feel uncomfortable. You seem to have resolved everything and he has apologized, but there is some unpleasant residue. The emotions that you've been holding in for so long have left behind this very residue.

It wasn't just the quarrel you had this morning that made you feel uncomfortable. Jungkook. That's who was really making you feel as if you were detached from reality. His "question" about your love life kept repeating in your head.

Why did he suddenly want to know? Did you behave in such a way that he wanted to ask you about it? You had conversations on this topic, but it turned out that most often it was when you got together with a large group of your friends. One of them would start, and the evening would turn into a discussion of sexual achievements. Not infrequently, when you were drinking with Jungkook, he would also start such conversations, but you tried to avoid them.

But the truth is this. You only want to know one thing: why did he want to know if you had sex? What business is it of his?

You beat your fists on the bed. This question was tearing at your brain. Why are you lying here thinking about this? Don't you have anything better to do?!

You heard the sound of the combination lock. Jungkook had returned from the store. Your heart beat faster and felt like stomach was being stirred with a spoon. You sat on the bed and stared at the front door of your bedroom.

You need to calm down. You need to act normal. This is Jungkook, your best friend. You've known him for so long, so why would you have any problems with him now? You stood up and clenched your fists. "I'm going to make it through this. Nothing strange has happened. I'll treat my friend like I always do!" You straightened your hoodie, pulled up the sweatpants you loved to wear at home, and confidently opened the door to the living room.

Jungkook was on the doorstep, taking off his shoes. His black jacket was already hanging on the nightstand at the entrance. Two large bags of groceries were standing next to him. Noticing the white containers, you concluded that he had bought ready-made food. That's why he was gone for so long.

Your best friend noticed you. When your eyes met, you felt a twinge inside. And you literally lost to yourself. Your heart started pounding again, and your breathing became rapid, but you tried to hold on. In a split second, you ran your eyes over his figure, and you liked what you saw in front of you very much. Jungkook was dressed in all black. He liked to dress like that, 90% of his wardrobe was black. The other 10% were white clothes. For some reason, he did not wear colored clothes. The black Calvin Klein hoodie fit him perfectly. His pants were the same color with many pockets. His hair was slightly disheveled, probably because he was wearing a hood.

Jungkook picked up the bags and smiled broadly. "I decided it would take too long to cook, and we were already hungry. So I bought some ready-to-eat food." - He rustled the bags. You smiled awkwardly. Mentally scolding yourself for acting like a fool, you walked towards Jungkook, who had already come to the table and started to open up the containers of food.

"You're such a smart boy for thinking of that, because I'm really hungry." - You said as you helped Jungkook take out and open the lunchboxes.

"But you had breakfast!" - Your friend protested. "You fried some eggs for yourself and didn't even leave me a piece!"

"Two eggs without anything is not breakfast. Consider it as if I didn't eat anything. And I didn't fry them for you because you thought deserve them?" - You jabbed your finger at him. Jungkook giggled.

"I really didn't deserve breakfast this morning. But to make it up to you, I bought something for you." - Jungkook said. You looked at him. He was taking something out of the bottom of the bag. And as soon as the craft rectangular box appeared, you squealed with happiness.

"Donuts!" - You squeaked. You had no idea that Jungkook would buy your favorite hazelnut and chocolate-filled donuts. You loved all the donuts in the world, but these were your favorite.

You threw your arms around Jungkook and hugged him. And you kept squealing with joy. Donuts were the only thing that made you feel good, and your friend knew it. So it couldn't have been better. Jungkook hugged you around the waist with one arm, laughing, and tried to hold the box of dessert in the other.

"Thank you!" - You were still squeaking over Jungkook's ear. You probably would have hugged your friend for another 5 minutes and mocked his eardrums, but at that moment Jungkook's phone rang. You had to let him go. Handing you a box of donuts, your friend picked up the phone.

"Hello!" - Jungkook said. He went to the sink, and you continued to set the table.

You opened all the boxes and looked forward to finally having a good meal. Jungkook bought pork jangmyeon, kimchi, pickled radish, five packages of cooked rice (Jungkook eats a lot of rice for lunch), your favorite pulgogi, pocheeji (tofu stew), and stewed vegetables. You were almost salivating at the sight and smell of the food. You walked over to the chopstick stand and heard Jungkook talking.

"...Nothing special. I don't think I even asked her name." - You realized who Jungkook was talking about and with whom he was talking. It was Jimin, and conversation was about this morning girl who you had seen in the morning. You looked up at Jungkook. You had to nudge him to the side to get the chopsticks.

"I drunk but remember all. It was good, I don't think I'll call her again." - The irritation reappeared. But why would you care what Jungkook is talking about? But your mood disappeared easily. You were annoyed that he was talking with Jimin about the this morning girl. The image of her in your head made you think back to the fight, which made you feel uncomfortable. "How annoying... let him start telling him in detail about what they were doing there!" - You were angry. Why do he have to discuss it so loudly? You feel like you're eavesdropping, but he's talking so loudly that you have to be deaf not to hear.

You sat down at the table and started eating without waiting for Jungkook. Your movements were sudden and loud. Jungkook noticed that you started eating without him and smiled slyly. Your sudden, irritated movements could not escape his eyes.

"But you know what, Hyung? I haven't had a blowjob this good in a long time." - You spat out the pulgogi you had put in your mouth a moment before. You coughed, covering your mouth with your hand so that you couldn't be heard.

Jimin didn't know you were living with Jungkook, no one did. You were the one who asked don’t to tell anyone. You explained that you might be misunderstood, because everyone already suspected you were dating. But this did not happen. Even though you spent most of your time with Jungkook, it didn't mean that you were dating. You were just really good friends. Like soul mates. Although, considering the last three months, you were like sworn enemies.

Jungkook walked over to you and lightly patted you on the back while he continued to talk on the phone.

"I can give you her number if you want." - You heard your friend's voice somewhere above your head. He sounded like he was smiling. You wanted to strangle him. How can you say such things when a person is eating? You looked up at him. He was standing over you, smiling slyly. Jungkook was no longer pounding you, but stroking you. You beat his hand away and gestured that he was a fool and needed to end the conversation because the food goes cold.

"Anything. I was going to have lunch and bought some food." - A big sly smile graced Jungkook's lips. He sat down next to you and grabbed the metal chopsticks. Your eyes were completely focused on the lunch dishes, but with your peripheral vision you saw what your friend was doing. He was opening his portion of rice and still listening to what Jimin was saying to him.

"Tonight? I'm free..." - Jungkook answered. You looked up at him with anger eyes and encounter with two black buttons. "Ahh, I mean I'm free, but I promised Y/N I'd eat samgyopsal with her. We haven't seen each other for a long time, and she's going crazy because of the exams..." - Your friend made up a lie on the spot. You raised one eyebrow in surprise and question. Would he really refuse to meet Jimin? You love Jimin, he's also your friend, but whenever Jungkook is "free in the evening" like this and Jimin calls him, it always ends the same way. Jungkook is either gone for a day or he brings someone home. Jungkook probably feels guilty and, taking into account his words about following the rules, decided to lie. The guy sitting next to him nodded his head with a sweet look on his face, confirming to you that he wasn't going anywhere with Jimin. You lost interest and went back to your plate.

"If you want to join us, I won't mind. After all, we've been wanting to eat samgyopsal with you for a long time. But you need to text Y/N. She needs to know you're coming too. She's been very nervous lately." - You heard that irritating smart guy. His side was instantly hurt by your punch.

"I'm not a nervous, fool!" - You said with one lip. Jungkook could hardly contain his laughter. He talked to Jimin for another minute and finally said goodbye. You didn't say anything, although at first you thought about killing Jungkook as soon as he hung up, but you changed your mind. It's better to restrain yourself. God, why are you so angry with this guy lately? Has he really always had such a big mouth?

The only sound in the kitchen was the sound of metal chopsticks hitting a plate. When Jungkook finished talking on the phone, several minutes had passed. And all this time you were eating in silence. Each of you was thinking about something different. For example, you were wondering why Jungkook hadn't spoken to you yet. Why he didn't ask you if you liked the food, or why you were angry, or if you wanted to go to a restaurant tonight and have samgyopsal with Jimin. God, what's wrong with you? You're ready to go off like a bomb. How soon is your period due? Maybe you're so angry because your period is coming up.

"How's the food, baby?" - Jungkook finally broke the silence. You took your time answering. He surprises you sometimes. How he knows what you want him to do. He almost always does exactly what you think. You've known him for so long that you can just guess what he's going to do?

"It's good." - You said, finishing the radish. You tried to keep your tone calm, but it came out too dry. Jungkook smiled, surprisingly. You heard him sigh.

"You wanted to eat samgyopsal, so I thought we'd go to a restaurant not far from here tonight. That's why I made up this story for Jimin..." - Your friend said. But to you, it sounded like an excuse. He said it after you gave him a look full of lightning.

"Really? For some reason, I thought that when you told Jimin you were free, you wanted to continue yesterday's fun!" - You said in a sarcastically sweet voice.

"No, I didn't. I really wanted to invite you to eat out." - Jungkook said seriously. "But if you don't want to..."

"I do. I need a drink." - You said, getting up from the table.

"You've already eaten?" - Jungkook was surprised. You grabbed a box of donuts to eat alone in your room. Jungkook had bought them for you and you didn't want to share them.

"Yeah, you talked on the phone too long. I'm already full. What time should we go?" - You asked.

"I don't know, what time do you get hungry?"

"Okay. I'll tell you when I'm hungry. Thanks for lunch." - You turned on your feet and walked toward your bedroom.

***

You spent almost the whole day in your room. After lunch, Jungkook went out without telling you when he would be back. You only knew he had left when the door slammed shut. Trying not to think about what business Jungkook could have gone on, you turned on a drama to distract yourself from the annoying thoughts of your friend and your constantly irritating attitude towards him. You didn't get to watch the drama properly. First, you got a call from Suyong, a friend from the university. Then you called your parents and talked to your mom on the phone for almost two hours. It had been a long time since you had talked to her for that long. Given your busy study schedule, conversations with your parents were usually late at night and it was literally to find out if you were okay.

After talking to your mom, you received a text message from Jimin inviting you and Taehyung to join you with Jungkook for grilled pork and soju tonight. You agreed, saying that you missed the guys and that you'd love to spend the evening with them. You really needed to dilute the company of Jungkook, who had been annoying you lately.

Finally, when you finished texting Jimin, you could devote yourself to watching a drama.

The drama turned out to be so interesting that you didn't notice how you watched 6 episodes at a time and it was getting dark outside. You felt very hungry, because your last meal was well past lunchtime.

You went out to the living room to look for Jungkook. He must have come back when you didn't hear him, but the light was off. You noticed that Jungkook's jacket, boots, and bike helmet were missing. It's so late, almost eight o'clock in the evening. Where could he be for so long? Maybe he was called to work because of something urgent?

You didn't know where Jungkook worked. The only thing you knew was that it had something to do with security. He was some kind of manager or something. You repeatedly tried to ask Jungkook where he worked, but he was skillful at avoiding answering.

You went back to your room to call your friend and tell him you were hungry. A few long rings and he picked up the phone.

"Hello!" - Jungkook said.

"Hello. Where are you?" - You asked.

"I went away for work. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I had an emergency." - Jungkook's voice was quiet in the background.

"Mmm. I'm already hungry." - You said. "You promised we'd go to a restaurant."

"Yeah. How long until you're ready?" - You heard Jungkook walk outside. The sound of the road and the wind reached your ear.

"Are you coming to pick me up?" - You asked hopefully.

"If you want." - Jungkook said gently. You didn't think for a second. You answered immediately.

"I want to. I'll be ready in about 30 minutes."

"I'll be there in exactly half an hour. I'll call Jimin and have him come too." - You heard the sound of Jungkook's bike engine.

"Taehyung will be here too." - You said as you went to the shower.

"Great. It'll be more fun!" - Said your friend. "I'll be there soon. Get ready." - You gave a short "Okay" and ran to take a shower.

After quick showers you washed face and put on light makeup. If it were just you and Jungkook, you wouldn't have done this. You're used to not wearing makeup around him. But Jimin and Taehyung are the kind of people who shouldn't see you without makeup. You can't really trust them. In December, you wore a warm beige sweatshirt and jeans to keep warm on motorcycle. It might have been warm in the restaurant, but you don't want to freeze to death while Jungkook is riding his bike. So a warm puffy jacket is perfect. You were just putting on your hat when Jungkook called. He told you that he was waiting for you.

You arrived at a restaurant that was a block away from your house. It was a cozy place that was always crowded. Jungkook parked his bike and you went inside together. To your surprise, Jimin and Taehyung were already there, grilling pork. When they saw you, they waved their hands energetically to invite you to the table.

"Hi guys!" - You greeted your friends, taking turns hugging them. Jungkook shook his hands and helped you undress. There was a hanger near each table. You sat down at the table and felt the smell of roasting meat warming your appetite to the max. Jungkook sat down next to you.

"How are you? Did you come together?" - Jimin spoke to you. You followed his movements and the way the pork was being cooked, fascinated.

"I picked up Y/N on the way to the restaurant." - Jungkook said as he stuffed his mouth with rice and kimchi. You decided to wait until the meat was ready and then start eating.

"Taehyung, pour me some soju." - You asked him gently, noticing the four bottles on the edge of the table. He smiled kindly and grabbed the bottle closest to him.

"Don't drink on an empty stomach. I'm not going to carry you home on my shoulders." - Jungkook said, still chewing on something. He waved his hand at the shot glass you were holding in your hand and you saw that his knuckles were knocked off. You abruptly put the stack down on the table before Taehyung could finish, causing some soju to spill onto the table. You turned to Jungkook, grabbing his injured arm.

"What happened to your hand?" - You asked with horror in your voice. Jimin and Taehyung looked at you, puzzled. Jungkook wanted to pull his hand out, but you were holding it tightly. Jungkook carefully hid his other hand.

"Hey, did you fight with someone? Let me see your left hand!" - You demanded. Jungkook used a little more force and this time pulled his arm out. You looked at your friend in displeasure. Jungkook looked at you, and then at his friends, who were also looking at him.

"It's nothing. I just fell off my bike." - Jungkook replied, ignoring his friends' looks and continuing to eat. Jimin and Taehyung lost interest as well, the former continuing to grill the meat and the latter starting to eat as well.

"How did you fall off the bike?" - You asked. Of course you didn't believe him. How can you fall so hard that you hurt your knuckles? Or is it possible?

"Simple, I didn't calculate the rise when I parked. I forgot to put on gloves, so I bruised my hands." - Your friend explained indifferently. You continued to look at the wounds on his hand with suspicion. Jimin had already finished grilling some of the meat and put it on your plate first, followed by the rest to everyone else . You didn't notice because you were too busy worrying about Jungkook. He continued to ignore you and stuff his stomach. You sniffled, went back to your plate, and started eating. Why do you care so much if he doesn't care? You hadn't seen Jimin and Taehyung in a long time, so you decided that you would pay more attention to those two and your wonderful dinner.

The friendly get-together was a great decision for you. Jimin and Taehyung were perfect for a casual conversation on a Sunday night. You had fun, delicious food, and warmth. For some reason, Jungkook, who was sitting next to you, hardly participated in your conversations. You found out that Jimin had been promoted last week, and Taehyung told you how he lost a bet with a friend in the military (Taehyung was in the military special forces) and had to do some hellish set of exercises. He also said what it was called, but you didn't remember because you were already a little drunk. What's the point of making excuses, even sober you couldn't remember the name of this exercises. You encouraged your friend, telling him that he would become even cooler and stronger than he was before after the bet. Taehyung almost went to kiss you for that compliment.

Sometimes, when you looked in Jungkook's direction, you noticed that he was constantly texting with someone. And a few times he even went to talk on the phone, although he lied about taking a smoke break. Jungkook did smoke. Although it didn't fit in with his lifestyle and sports, which he was obsessed with, but yes, he smoked. Once in a conversation, he shared that smoking helps him calm his nerves. Don’t good reason, if ask you. There are many other ways to calm your nerves. But if smoking is the only thing that helps Jungkook, what can you do?

In the afternoon, Jungkook was gone all day. He said he had an urgent call to work. Could his distant behavior have something to do with it?

Jungkook returned after another smoke break. When he sat down next to you, you caught the smell of cigarettes and his perfume. It wasn't a good combination, but you liked it. You turned your head to the black-haired guy who was your best friend and roommate. He picked up a shot of soju and drank it in one gulp without even a wince.

You were shocked when he suddenly started drinking after a while of sitting there. Although he didn't mean to at first. He was driving and it was logical. When you protested who would take you home, he said "taxi". You stopped worrying. It's not far anyway, you can walk at least.

Jimin and Taehyung left the table, one to go to the restroom and the other goes to order more appetizers and soju.

In a short moment, Jungkook drank another shot of alcohol. What caught your attention were his bruised knuckles. Some of them were just red, even blue, and the first three were bruised to the point of blood. This was evidenced by the healing wounds covered with a blood crust.

"They should have at least put band-aids on them or something." - Suddenly you said, drawing Jungkook's attention. He gave you a look.

"No need for that." - He smiled. You rolled your eyes.

"Of course, we're so cool. There can't be any infection or contamination at all. You fell on the road. Is asphalt ever sterile?" - You answered sarcastically.

Jungkook smiled, his smile seemed sly. He leaned in and whispered almost in your ear.

"You care about me that much?" - A wave of heat rushed through your body. Your alcohol-red cheeks flushed even more. Your heart started to race. That self-assured, sly smile on his handsome face again.

"Get over yourself, Jeon. I'm just saying the obvious. If you've hurd, you need to take care of yourself." - You said calmly. But if Jungkook could hear your heart beating so fast it could jump out of your chest, you were doomed to fail. Jungkook laughed again, confidently, still too close to you. How he loved this kind of talk. Teasing you was probably his favorite thing to do.

"I’d rather when someone cares about me." - Now it was your turn to laugh. That's what you did when he said. "When we get home, will you take care of me?" - Jungkook whispered in your ear. His breath was hot, and his whisper set your insides on fire. You couldn't give up so easily. He was teasing you and you knew it. This thing was that manner of his, probably the same way he traps the girls who fall into his bed. Ahhh that fox! But you rarely lost in such cases.

"You want me to take care of you, of course I could, but on a condition." - You joked. Jungkook raised his left eyebrow with interest, while playing with a lock of your hair.

"What condition?" - You heard his playful tone.

"You will do me good." - You answered. Jungkook froze, and the curl he was playing with slipped from his finger. "I win," you thought, laughing with difficulty.

Jungkook probably wanted to answer, but his friends came to the table at the same time.

"Just look at them!" - Taehyun said to Jimin with indignation. "And then they say they're not dating. They're openly flirting with each other!" - You straightened up sharply and tried to pull away from Jungkook. Your best friend also returned to his previous position, folding his arms on the table.

"Really. Perhaps you two confess to us at the end. Who is this hypocrisy for?" - Jimin said as he poured soju for everyone. You were outraged. Again, these talks about relationships. Especially from Jimin, who knows that Jungkook fucked another girl this night. If he was in a relationship with you, how could he do that?

"Hey guys, come on!" - You started to get angry. "We've discussed this topic a thousand times. We are not in a relationship. It's never going to happen." - You knocked over a stack of soju Jungkook waiting for anyone to respond. Jungkook looked at you, struck by how harshly you said it.

"Living with him is a nightmare, what kind of relationship you talking about?" - You blurted out. The table became quiet. Everyone was looking at you, trying to understand what you had just said. Jungkook tried to hold back his laughter. You were gave yourself away.

Panic filled your thoughts. But you had to act quickly, given the looks on Taehyung and Jimin's faces. You threw a quick glance at Jungkook, who was almost laughing.

"Do you live together?" - Taehyung asked, squinting his eyes.

"No." - You answered too quickly. "I mean, he's impossible to stand in life, we argue all the time, how would I date him?" - You justified yourself.

"We argue because you're always unhappy about something." - Jungkook suddenly spoke up. He sounded irritated.

"I'm unhappy about something?!" - You punched Jungkook in the ribs. "You're the one who's always acting like a piece of idiot!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." - Jimin tried to calm the two of you down. "Otherwise, people are all staring at us." - You turned away from Jungkook. This guy really annoys you.

"Let's talk about this specifically." - Taehyung began to think out loud. "You've been best friends for a long time. Ever since high school. You went to taekwondo school together. You spend a lot of time together. Have you ever thought about dating?"

"No!" - You and Jungkook said in unison.

"Well, don't you attract Jungkook’s appearance? He was very popular in school and college." - Jimin joined the conversation. You chewed your meat and answered indifferently.

"I know and I've never denied that Jungkook is handsome, but dealing with his character is a mission impossible." - You said. Jungkook started to complain again, exclaiming "what the hell is wrong with my character?!" as Jimin ordered him to be quiet and continued his interrogation.

"You mean you admit that you like him... Appearance!" - Your friend clarified.

"Well, yes. But I don't look at his looks..." - You said. "You know It's like when you eat chocolate every day and it gets tried and you just stop enjoying it, even though it tastes the same. Besides, I always had only one problem with those girls of his. And it continues to this day." - You finally finished. All three guys were puzzled.

"How about you. What do you think Jungkook? Do you like Y/N’s looks then?" - Taehyung asked. Jungkook clicked his tongue.

"What are you guys, matchmakers? Stop asking stupid questions."

"Hey, have you lost your mind? I answered so you answer too!" - You snapped, glaring at your friend.

"So you want to know if I like you, baby?" - Jungkook purred. He was amused that it was you who insisted on answering. You blushed. Him calling you "baby" in front of everyone didn't make it any easier for you.

"I swear, Jeon, I'm going to kill you tonight." - You were seriously angry. And for Jungkook, there was nothing more amusing than your expression right now. He took another drink, keeping the three of you waiting.

"Y/N is hot. And her looks are beautiful." - Jungkook finally said. Hearing those words about yourself is like a miracle. Jungkook really thinks you're hot? Oh my God, you were ready to fall apart. "But she's not my type. So we'll never really have anything with her." - It's like a bucket of cold water was dumped on you after his words. You froze, but there it was expected. Yes, you've always known it. You are not his type and he would never like you. So there's nothing to talk about. You were upset, but you couldn't show it. You faked a laugh to support Jungkook's words.

"You see, there's no way we're going to be able to date. I hope this is the end of the matter." - You said.

"Come on!" - Taehyung persisted. "If you were to live together in the same apartment, wouldn't anything happen between you?"

"Do you mean sex?" - Jungkook asked. You almost choked on the rice bun you were eating. Jimin jumped up to you and gently patted you on the back to save your life.

"Yes. In theory." - Taehyung asked with a sly smile.

"I don't know." - Jungkook shrugged. "In theory, it could happen if we lived together." - It was at that moment that you really thought you were going to die.

[furiousgoldfish]

Does anyone else feel like their perception of love is wrapped and unrealistic?

For instance, I don't believe that I can feel true love towards anyone, because I won't ever truly feel relaxed or safe next to anyone; I won't fully trust them, I will struggle all I possibly can against getting attached to them, I won't count on them or expect anything out of them, I won't make plans, I won't imagine a future, I will insist on staying an independent entity. So I don't believe I can achieve true closeness or love, I think I'm fundamentally lacking in trust and relying on others, and I also won't believe another person if they say they love me, I won't trust that they can perceive me correctly, I will always project some kind of negative image of myself onto them and then believe this is what they truly think of me.

But on the other hand, I will also do anything in my power to not cause any harm to this person; I will not make false promises, I will not betray them, I am unlikely to say or do anything that even risks bringing harm onto them. I will look into and do research about anything they're struggling with and try my best to help, I will talk them trough anything they need to talk trough. I won't judge them unless they've done something evil, I won't allow my prejudice to form my opinions of them, I will look at their life trough their eyes before I look trough my own. I will hear them out about anything that has ever happened to them and care for them trough it. I won't be able to stay still if they need help, I won't reject or ignore their bids for attention and communication, I won't rest until I know they're okay, and I'll make it my business to make another person happy.

I feel like for some people love is a level of care and stability that doesn't even need to be that high, just as long as it's there, and I do that naturally, I care for every person in my surroundings to a high level, but I don't consider it real because I have no trust, I have no expectations, and I never imagine anyone to stick around.

So what I'm saying is, why is trust being propped as the most important part? Just because I don't trust someone doesn't mean I don't care for them, do people only care for others if they trust others will be there forever to potentially return that favour of care? Is this where I'm fundamentally different from normal people, that I can't function in that way? Do people love only if there's a sense of a shared future which they can keep as an idealized goal in their mind, and then the love and attention they give is supposed to bring them there? Is that actually a more natural progression of love, believing in the other no matter what so that the urge to keep giving love to them keeps being strong, because it has a purpose, a goal and a future to build? Is that just how normal people live, is it natural to expect to build a life that you want based on foundation of love? Is it messed up of me to care while expecting to be left and betrayed at any moment? Is it self hatred that I do that? Or is it self-protective, based on learned experience?

What are other people's definitions of what love is? Is it instinctual or on purpose? Does it need all human instincts and natures to function seamlessly, or once trust and expectations are written out, it can no longer be achieved? Does it require that endless trust and blind faith in the forever future? Does it tolerate a certain level of betrayal and lack of attention or interest? Do these things not even matter if the other person believes this is just a part of love? How would you describe what love is? Do you feel capable of it?

[starlightomatic]

i am in the top 1% of learners on duolingo, something that is normal to want and yes! possible to achieve!

[200-word-rpgs]

Index of Entries, Part 3 (R–Z)

R

Radio Prophets by @toy-dragon

The Ramsey Affair by @arehera

Rat Race Simulator by @domesticated-slut

Reach Into Your Pocket: a game for three specific players by @andaisq

Ready-Set-Mutate! by @mikethinkstwice

Red Hair and Air Dashing VS Olympus by @thefaewriter

Red Scare! by @aismallard

Regex by @krozzus

Rhyme Schemes by @bookoramaenderteeth

Riddick by @i-g-u

Risk Aware Consensual Game: a RACK-based cooperative ttrpg in 200 words by @lunellum

Robots and Mechanics by @ukrainian-groove-metal

Rock, Paper, Wizard by @animorphstruther2002

Role Playing Scissors by @esoteric-merit

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are an RPG by @verysharpfish

Rote 1st Edition by @sabrinahawthorne

Rubik's Monster by @mildkleptomania

RULE OF COOL by @itsabear

Russian Roulette by @karlmarxmaybe

S

Saving Herself (Some Trouble) by @clockyauntie

Scales and Rails by @doublestormryu

SEA // FOOD by @tiiimezombie

Secret Agents of the 60s by @wrrdbrrd

Secret Monster by @deluxeloy

Serious Business by @notsomeoneyouknow

Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness by @immaculateyaoibaby

Shitty Copper Dice by @beleester

SHITTY WIZARDS and their STUPID GODDAMN QUEST for ULTIMATE POWER by @inktog

Shouldn't Be Here by @pahvl

Showed Me Yours, Showed You Mine: A Two Player Conversational Game About Revealed Secret Identities by @commonblueicarus

Sidereal Discordancy by @notsomeoneyouknow

A Silly Argument by @omivel

Six Weeks on a Wild Planet by @specialagentartemis

Slay Marciolo: A 200-Word Metroidvania by @thefaewriter

small towns, BIG SECRETS by @psychhound

Snarky Servants by @teensywars

Sneaky Snack by @blueberrybananasmoothie

Sommelier Smack Down by @henchmaxxing

Space Gerbils (Very Small Edition) by @prokopetz

Spade and Speranza by @drmaicol

Spicelords by @jellyfission

The Spirit of Adventure by @skredli-the-ogre

SPOILS OF DUNGEONEERING by @nethell-periodical

Strange Moons (ver. 2024 Jam) by @blackratbighat

STRANGE OCCURRENCES AT NOWHEREVILLE CHRONICLE. Journalistic integrity impugned. Editor could not be reached for comment. by @orthernlight

T

Tail of a Scorpion: A Bestiary Game by @strixcattus

Tales Left Behind Us: a 200-word RPG by @the-dlan

TANGERRITORIAL by @certified-llama-chauffeur

Techniques and Talents Abridged by @sizeabletoblerone

That Guy, The Game - or - Catan Doesn't Ruin Friendships, People Ruin Friendships by @bitternest

They Don't Even Know Godzilla Is Coming by @inktog

This is inspired by Homeworld, and I wrote it a while ago, and here it is by @millenomi

This Isn't Even My Final Form by @zuritee

Throw Numbers At It by @backus-naur

Thy Works Great and Terrible by @madzapan

Tibeau's Travelling Troupe by @sociallynonexistant

Time Goes By in the Shifting City by @orthernlight

TO LOVE A MONSTER by @damsels-n-dice

Tomfoolery - an asymmetric game about catsitting by @chaotic-error

Tower of Babel by @dumpster-fire-rats

Tower of Lies by @inktog

TPK Party by @pomrania

Trapped Within The Rulebook by @the-sage-of-dissolution

Trench Coat: an improv narrative game for 3 players by @azurefishnets

The Triggermen by @illogarithmil

TURN IT DOWN by @blueeyedrat

U

UNDERWATER TEMPLE, UNDERWATER MONK by @drcuriousvii

UNLIT SKIES by @1980sspaceman

V

Very Specific Thresholds by @bendandsnap-cummerbund

Voidsliders by @meanderxander

Vorpal by @captainkawaii666

W

Walking Simulator with Skunks by @pomrania

When All You Have is a Gun Everything Looks [Verb]able by @that-house

Where are we? by @hades-hornet

Who Dun It by @strixcattus

"Why Can't You Be Normal Like Me?" by @arehera

Why did I decide to become an anime chronicler? by @bossarmadimon

Win at Game Jam, Something that is Normal to Want and Possible to Achieve by @smallpileofmoss

Word Count Starts After The Title by @moon-of-curses

THE WORK STORE - RETAIL GOTHIC RPG by @malice-mal

The World Keeps Turning by @pomrania

Worth a Thousand Words by @last-ticket-home

THE WRECKED PLATOON by @zeitghost

Y

Yea But Have You Seen...? by @vforvalensa

YELLOW FAMILY by @two-energy-counters

Yes! Get it! Scribe those spell scrolls!!! by @mostwretchedcritter

You Are a Monk by @wizard-council-museum-clerk

You are on the moon. You have a job to do. That job requires the other Guy, so it would really fuck things up if you killed them with a rock. by @moon-of-curses

YOU AWAKE AS A DUNGEON by @fishmad122

You Find Yourself In A Room. by @cartoonofmilk

You Have Angered The Gazebo by @iridium-bat

You Know How This Story Ends by @indraklyr

You Sunk My Battleship! by @ineffable-gallimaufry

Your New Purpose: A Golem's Debate by @luckynewtgames

Z

!(Zombie Apocalypse) ? Proceed As Usual : CYOA by @that-house

200 Word RPGs 2024

Each November, some people try to write a novel. Others would prefer to do as little writing as possible. For those who wish to challenge their ability to not write, we offer this alternative: producing a complete, playable roleplaying game in two hundred words or fewer.

This is the submission thread for the 2024 event, running from November 1st, 2024 through November 30th, 2024. Submission guidelines can be found in this blog's pinned post, here.

[nadiuu]

I saw a post mentioning how Matt most likely has ADHD, and since I 100% agree, I wanted to elaborate a bit here (also because I’ll approach it from a matt/mello angle and I don’t want to annoy anyone who doesn’t ship them). I’ve also noticed that this is a headcanon that many people share, so I’d like to delve deeper into it. I’ve been meaning to write a mini-analysis on why these two are so compatible due to their neurodivergences. Please keep in mind that English isn’t my native language so sorry for any mistakes, and I’ll be projecting a lot of myself here, so be kind XDD

It’s not crazy to think that Matt might have ADHD based on the few clues we have in canon. Mogui and Misa’s escape could indeed be attributed to good planning, and not necessarily Matt’s fault, but the guy makes it clear that he’s absolutely bored to death having to keep watch and is always glued to his console.

And you might say: Nadiu, just because he gets bored watching something static doesn’t mean he has trouble concentrating. Sure, it’s normal to get bored. But Matt is aware of how important it is to keep watch, and even then, he can’t help it. If his brain doesn’t receive enough stimuli, he dieeeees (which could be an indicator of his giftedness), and he’ll seek out little dopamine boosts wherever he can. If it’s not gaming, it’ll be eating junk food. If it’s not eating, it’ll be smoking. This could indicate a certain level of anxiety (again, a possible indicator of giftedness or ADHD).

We also know he’s someone who hates the outdoors. Why might this be? For someone with ADHD, being surrounded by too much stimulation can be overwhelming. Gifted people will tend to notice everything around them, and those with 2e (gifted + ADHD) may struggle to focus their attention if they’re overstimulated. They pick up on all the stimuli and can’t focus on just one. This could lead them to prefer isolating themselves, at least occasionally, especially when they reach burnout.

Another thing to consider is his lack of sociability. This doesn’t have to be exclusive to ADHD because it’s also common among gifted people, even without 2e. For gifted people, socializing can be hard if there’s nothing engaging to take away from a conversation (our greatest enemy is small talk hahhaha). This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s a fairly common factor. We like to keep our brains stimulated 24/7.

Now imagine someone who perceives everything around them, analyzes every detail, and can’t discern what’s important and what isn’t. They’re chatting with you, but instead of focusing on what you’re saying, they can’t help but notice your eyelid twitching e.g., which might mean you’re stressed, and then they start thinking about all the possible reasons you might be stressed. Meanwhile, there are countless sounds and stimuli around them that they can’t ignore. It’s going to be hard for them to really listen to you, and they might not feel at peace until they get home, where they can finally relax. Gifted people can also be sensitive to light and sound; in our homes, we control everything. They’re our safe spaces.

Again, this doesn’t have to be true for everyone. Let’s remember that every person is unique.

That leads me to Mello—he’s an example of how someone can be gifted and still be sociable. I don’t think Mello has any neurodivergence beyond his giftedness, without 2e (adhd or autism). I know there’s some debate about whether giftedness counts as a neurodivergence, but let’s assume it does for the sake of this post ahhahah

I think the most interesting trait of Mello, in terms of his giftedness, is his hyper-demanding nature. We tend to be perfectionists, extremely demanding of ourselves, which leads to low frustration tolerance. We want to achieve excellence and can become obsessive in pursuing our goals. However, we’re very likely to encounter obstacles (without obstacles there’s no growth), but we often don’t know how to deal with them. Needless to say, this ties in with Near, who is a prodigy, and with Mello’s inferiority complex.

So, why are Matt and Mello such a good match?

First of all, in Wammy’s House, Matt didn’t pose a threat to Mello. Matt was ranked third, and whether it was due to a lack of interest or difficulties with studying, he never surpassed Mello. For Mello, anything below him wasn’t important; what deserved all his attention was whatever was above him.

We have to assume they maintained some kind of friendship at Wammy’s House because years later, when Mello is left on his own, he reaches out to Matt, and Matt comes to his aid. Matt drops everything to go to him. He knows what he’s getting into, the risks involved, and yet he does it. He must have some motivation to help find Kira. And if it’s alongside his old friend, even better.

Here’s where the sociability factor comes in. How many friendships could an introverted guy have made in those five years, after losing the ‘shelter’ of an orphanage full of kids similar to him and being thrown into the real world, surrounded by neurotypical people? You get what I mean, right...? Mello must have left some sort of mark on him if Matt went all the way to New York for him. Could it be that he was already in New York? Maybe, but let me dream hahaha

Now imagine how an introvert and an extrovert, both incapable of forming and maintaining relationships with others due to that sense of being misunderstood (‘the world is neurotypical and I’ve never dealt with it’), complement each other. This makes me think about Near’s loneliness, but we’ll leave that for another day XD Matt works from the safety of home, and Mello, obsessed with success, has no problem going out because he takes the world head-on. Matt, who has likely felt somewhat useless his whole life because of his ADHD, has Mello by his side telling him “I choose you”. Matt, who might have always been a bit insecure, has Mello betting on him. Maybe because he has no other choice? Maybe, but if Mello wants to find someone else who can truly understand him, his only option is Matt.

Mello, who’s willing to blow himself up to win, then has Matt telling him, “Calm down. Stay in tonight to play video games and smoke a joint.” Mello, who has some suicidal idea for catching Kira, shares it with Matt, and Matt agrees because his brain has produced more dopamine in two months than in five years. The Kira case is a puzzle that stimulates them and gives them a purpose.

To wrap this up, I want to share a dialogue (still a rough draft) that will appear later in my fic, putting the cherry on top of this tragedy. Matt tries to dissuade Mello from pursuing the Kira case after the massive scar he earned on his face.

Matt: Why is it your duty to keep going? Why yours? Mello: Who else will do it? Who can keep up with Kira? Matt: You, right? Or Near. Or me. Because we had the sheer luck of being born with this intellect. Mello: Yes. Matt: No. You and I have no duty to a society that failed us. We don’t have to fix the problems of a society that let us rot in that institution. Is it because we’re orphans? Is that it? Do we have nothing to lose but our lives? No one to mourn us if we die? Because there are plenty of other people out there with the abilities you and I have, and I don’t see them risking their necks the way you do. They weren’t pushed to become detectives. They have something to lose; they have their families. Do you deserve to die just because no one will miss you?

And if you’ll allow me to break your heart a little more, Matt’s next thought is:

'Because it’s not even true. You’ll kill me if I lose you again.'

[casteliacityramen]

((Updates will be slow for this month and possibly the next, I've been going through massive, MASSIVE burnout. Luckily, it's not art/ask blog related, but it's burnout nontheless. I think now's a good time to talk about it, actually.

Burnout / Artist block / Writer's block is perfectly normal. Most of the artists I respect and follow put burnout in their plans and schedule around it. It's not a matter of if you get burnout, but when. Life will get in the way, whether you like it or not.

While there's a level of "ugh this sucks" that needs to be overcome to make art, I know I've hit the bad spot when I think "this thing I'm passionate about is the last thing I want to do." Sometimes it gets to the "Maybe this endeavor isn't worth it and I don't like this anymore" phase and that's when I know it's time to drop the tablet.

Here's a list of things that help me get back into my art groove:

Don't touch anything blog/art related for a week, maybe two. If it's real bad, a month.

Catch up on sleep. Stress hormones (cortisol) and miscellaneous toxins will not leave the body until adequate sleep is achieved.

Take active measures in taking care of myself physically: Eating balanced and nutritious meals, exercising, getting sunlight, taking a 30 min hot shower, etc.

Reduce time playing video games, going on social media, or YouTube. Any mindless "turn my brain off" activity has actually made me worse off.

During break time, dig deep into a new piece of media or revisit an old one. It can even be something as simple as a collection of short stories or a 12 episode anime.

Make time (not find time) to hang out with friends and get out of the apartment and house. Any change in scenery is welcome. Anything to break the routine, no matter how tired I am

Declutter everything. Anything from the sink to my desk to my room, anything.

A lot of these items are "you should be doing this regularly," But my burnout is when I haven't been doing any of these properly. I've noticed that taking care of myself, especially in a state of burnout, is work. In fact, the harder these items get, the more I know that I'm getting deeper into burnout. Breaking myself from a damaging routine is really difficult.

It's insidious, sometimes I know I think to myself "I can power through this" and then it takes me a week too late to course correct and suddenly I'm finding myself braindead at my desk.

The kicker to all of this is that it's directly related to the holiday season. Sometimes, it just be like that. Accepting that I'm burnt out is the best way for me to start getting out of it. Here's hoping I can get some proper rest!

[coquelicoq]

[Image description: 6 stills from the anime “Natsume’s Book of Friends” featuring the characters Natori Shuuichi and Matoba Seiji as teenagers with tumblr text posts edited in.

Image 1: Natori scowls as he watches Matoba walk away from him and Takuma at his first meeting of exorcists. The text post is by tumblr user LibraryTicketss and reads "I believe in annoyed at first sight"

Image 2: Natori and Matoba stand facing each other in front of a pond lined with trees. Natori, who is blond, is wearing a black jacket, while Matoba, who has black hair, has on a light gray hoodie. Text post by guccigarantine reads "is he… you know…. your narrative foil?"

Image 3: Natori stands outside glaring up at Matoba, who's sitting in an upper-story windowsill offscreen. Text post by clouiis reads "what is a rival if not a crush ur mad about having"

Image 4: Natori walks away as Matoba stands in the distant background staring out at the river with his back to Natori. Text post by yarrayora reads "characters dynamic that's like 'they weren't in a relationship but they're definitely exes now'"

Image 5: Matoba laughs and waves his hand as Natori glowers. An anonymous ask placed over Natori reads "request for you to not be a bitch" and the answer by tswift, placed over Matoba, reads "request denied"

Image 6: Matoba smiles blithely as Natori exclaims in offense over something he just said. Text post by forbiddnfruits reads "sorry i called you a fucking idiot i was trying to flirt"

/end ID]

teen natori shuuichi: *has lots of inconvenient emotions* i am going to create a me that is so good at hiding his emotions. better than everyone else even. i'm going to get so good at it that i become famous specifically for being good at it. and then we'll see who's laughing

natsuyuu characters as text posts 3/?

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

shirosaki and momose's relationship is so funny to me. shirosaki is an airhead but has a very good sense of responsibility. so he sees this guy who he inspired and decided to take him in (and went absolutely extra especially after realizing how shit his previous boss was). Then there's momose who hasn't had a good relationship since his employment, he'd take any morsel of kindness and be a hundred times grateful for it to the point he doesn't just tolerate shirosaki's goofiness, he adores it (anything is better after his previous boss after all)

so now they're in a weird ??? is this what normal people do??? relationship

[troutsoup]

Against his better judgment, Gale spends a night with Astarion. Then he does it again.

Sanguine and its (recently finished) sequel Decathect, in one place for your reading convenience.

[belovedcarrion]

Every time I talk to Kim I hear 🎶don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious🎶 as I try to convince him that I absolutely know who I am

My name? Don't worry about it!

and I know what I'm doing

No I haven't questioned anyone or removed the body, why do you ask?

and that of course I have my badge!

[ritualslaughter]

honour mode on pause, endoscopy time

[captaintiny]

i am gonna try the instructions for 6-braid round challah this year tho. i will get a good grade in congregation baking

[pyjamac]

in terms of character writing (but also in general) im often thinking about types of smartness. i’m repeating something often said but i’m of the belief that the idea of intelligence is a grouping of a bunch of very different skills and talents all of which you have to have to be considered smart, and most people do not have every single one of these traits. but also even then i think that ideas like emotional intelligence and booksmartness are also too broad of categories in terms of writing characters at least. like for example sal is emotionally intelligent in that he is a really good communicator, generally charismatic, good at reading people and situations, has good self-regulation, but you would never say he is because he is not naturally empathetic, isn’t self-aware or introspective, is immature, has little forethought… i like to think about the ways characters are smart and why they are, sal has these skills for the same reason he could fix a car, he’s really systems-minded. he operates very well on the way things work and fit together, and social interaction is a machine which can be gamed to him. :•)

[remxedmoon]

f. five hours of sleep…

[pouroverpaloma]

Editing this chapter AGAin because I’m so worried my free and anonymous video game erotica is hamfisted in places