#I WANNA SLEEP BUT THE ANXIETY
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vent below!
if someone does have random advice to share that would be absolutely lovely /gen
i feel lowkey silly for being scared of having a cavity since i’ve recently gotten bad with brushing every night and tomorrow i wanna tell my mom about this but im scared of getting ridiculed and then im scared that i actually do have one and something big has to be done or whatever
and ive been bad with brushing ever since junior year too like i’ll go days without and then think oh i probably should tonight and i even set an alarm every night to brush and i always just ignore it sometimes
like i don’t feel any pain or anything really funky but it doesn’t exactly look okay ish? then again my teeth are all weird and silly looking anyhow
i even legit searched up how to tell if you have a cavity and i could check everything off as false; i don’t have any lingering stuff from eating sweets, extreme temperatures also have no effect, the only issues being that im bad at hygiene in general and i’ve gone days on end without brushing (as i’ve stated before)
i’ve had cavities before when i was much, much younger (like. i think somewhere between kindergarten to 2nd grade maybe? whatever, i still have a filling from forever ago) and haven’t had any since then if memory serves me correctly
what makes this all feel worse is that im 18 so i might have to do paperwork n stuff and i am also absolutely TERRIBLE at calling people unless they’re very close to me but even then im still anxious when calling anyone
i’ll just be praying to whatever deity or other like entity that im perfectly fine and im just overreacting
also i should mention that the tooth im worried about is the bottom right molar (?) im not good at identifying teeth but it’s those big teeth in the back before the wisdom teeth
(and if someone here is able to actually tell what’s going on with what little bits of info i’ve provided that would be cool too. just please be nice about it)
#vent tw#I WANNA SLEEP BUT THE ANXIETY#i even set an alarm specifically for telling my mom my woes and worries
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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I feel like I will meet the voice actor one day.
#inside out 2#inside out#inside out anxiety#She's just so damn cute#Look at her sleep <3#Smart thinker#I wanna hug that plushie but I'm foreign#Everytime I think about her during school#memes
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST WIDDLE SNAKEY WAKEY.
I can't believe my son is 18!! I estimated a birth date for him to be about a month before I got him in fall of 2006, since he was such a widdle month-old baby sneky. I always try to get a good birthday pic of him - especially after he eats and gets the good yawns in.
Pretty soon, he'll be off to snake college, for snakes. Dunno how we're gonna afford those ssssnudent loans.
Image description below the cut:
First photo is an albino corn snake (species name: Pantherophis guttatus) peeking out from behind a fake flower on a rocky hide (a house inside the tank where reptiles can feel secure and hidden). The snake is flicking his tongue out. Only his head is visible in the photo. Caption on the photo reads: Demo's 18th birthday. August 9, 2024.
Next photo is the same snake, but in a clear, close-up, detail photo. Each scale is clearly defined. He has red eyes and pink cheeks, and pale white patterns on an off-white body. The scales on his head are shaped to follow the different planes of his face. The scales on his neck (and body, not shown) are uniform and scallop-shaped.
The next three photos are sequential. The same snake appears with his mouth barely open. Then, his mouth is wide open in a yawn. His cheeks look so smooshy. His head is shaped the way a snap hairclip opens, curved upwards, and it's funny and cute. His mouth has ridges inside, but no teeth or fangs are visible (because his teeth are too tiny to be photographed politely, and he does not have any fangs). The last photo in the sequence has the snake with his mouth still open, but the top of his head is a normal shape again as he begins to end the yawn.
#snake#snakes#corn snake#snow corn#snek#sneks#snekblr#reptile#reptiles#Pantherophis guttatus#Elaphe guttata#cute#pets#pet birthday#18#tank is bare in the pics bc i ran out of spoons while washing everything#i forgot i have to wash decor outside and it got dark and i didnt wanna get bug bites so i had to...#...do a whole sink of heavy dirty dishes (not mine) AND wash the decor around the thawing meal for him#...and then disinfect the sink ofc bc i was at my limit after only getting the hide and water bowl washed#was gonna do it earlier in the day but ppl were moody downstairs#hes gonna sleep off that meal and sippy sip rn anyway (was already in his hide by the time i refilled my water and went back to my room)#i got a drinking vid but he was facing away from my vantage point and it makes him look like a hognose bc of refraction lol#anyway i gotta get ready for bed myself today was busy and i didnt even finish the one thing i planned to do bc im too tired#Cori.exe#Image.exe#i would do a silly edit like i usually do for demos bday but again i have no spoons rn#hhh added image description and now its almost midnight aa gotta post fast#*now its midnight lmao#ughhh i couldve been ready for bed in the amount of time it takes me to proofread an unacceptable number of times#anxiety is a mf 'what if i misspelled a word' 'what if this phrasing is awkward' mf im the only one that cares shut up
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What the FUCK Furina’s backstory is so fucking sad??? The absolute TORTURE she’s been through. Shit dude,
#Shima speaks#I’M SO UPSET.#THIS IS JUST RUKKHADEVATA ALL OVER AGAIN. GENSHIN STOMPING ON MY FEELINGS AND MAKING ARCHONS CRY#Why is it always the women. Stop doing this to our women.#Genshin Impact#Imagine putting on an act nonstop continuously for hundreds of years and not being able to tell anyone the truth#And dealing with the anxiety of your whole country dying out and it weighs on your shoulders and makes you so stressed#And you cry yourself to sleep every night bc you’re so tired you’re SO tired and it’s been centuries but you have to keep going.#You have to keep up the act you have to keep faking it you have to keep lying#You have to pretend everything is fine when it’s NOT and you don’t know what to do and you still can’t tell a single fucking SOUL#AGHHHH FURINA. MY SWEET GIRL. YOU DIDN’T DESERVE THIS#Genshin Impact spoilers#Furina#Focalors#I just wanna scoop her up into a big hug and tell her it’s okay 😭 Girl you don’t gotta act anymore you can finally FINALLY rest
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teenage girl problems when i'm 24 :)
#how do people go to parties without having severe anxiety about it#like i'm probably going to an lgbtq+ party somewhere in the new year (a club party#not a home party)#and i know 1 person there#and i'm just already stressing about it#bcs what if i wanna go home?#i cannot go home#i have to sleep over at their place#what if i have no one to talk to#what if i don't want to drink and they all get drunk and i end up hating it#what if i'm not strong enough to tell them no and end up getting drunk anyway with all the consequences ....#( i take like 3 drinks to get drunkish so... )#what if my ptsd acts up bcs of the amount of people in the room#what if i get panic attacks and ruin the night#what if i ruin their night#i don't wanna ruin their night#most these people don't even know me and i have to be liked
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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.
#spacie spoinks#bruh#like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk#''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing#like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like#a week and that was like the worst week of my life#i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP#HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche#the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid#also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr#idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again#ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dabi is surprisingly a lightweight. You honestly would’ve never figured by looking at him, but as you think back on it, you’ve never really seen him drink a lot. Not when there were celebratory parties, or when things didn’t go right for him. It’s why you’re so shocked when you convince two shots into his system, why he suddenly looks so loose, why his grin splits so wide.
He’s a clinger, you’ve also learned as you’ve started observing the blue eyed man where he shoves his face into the crook of your neck. His body bends over almost uncomfortably to fit into the position, and you can’t help but flinch a little when his damp breath blows a quiet little raspberry on your flesh.
omg wait my favorite thought is of you not even necessarily being a heavyweight, you can just handle your liquor a little better than anyone expects. you love to knock back drink after drink, convince Dabi into some stupid competition that he falls for because he’s such a little nerd and secretly wants to impress you. he does it thinking you’ll be the drunk one first, the one hanging off of his arm and hopefully his dick by the end of the night.
it belatedly shocks him when it’s the exact opposite. when he’s slurring a little and smiling at you, when you watch him through low eyes with a wide grin, when he wraps himself around you like a python, when you shake his face gently as you squish his cheeks together in hand. he’s just so utterly obsessed with you in these moments, and maybe it’s the liquor in him, but he knows his lowered inhibitions are only bringing forth the feelings he’s always suppressed.
drunk sex with Dabi where he’s the one too loose limbed and limp and weak. he flops onto bed like some rag doll with his arms and legs spread wide, but he musters up enough strength to release the heavy weight of his cock from its confinements. doesn’t do much besides lift his head from the pillows with a point to his crotch and a lazy grin, an announcement of, go ahead and hop on already before he’s flopping back down again, ready to lay back and get fucked like how he knows he deserves.
#at first I wrote about him getting whisky dick and not even realizing it and being so embarrassed about it the next morning#but it made me laugh too hard and I was like#no one will enjoy that dude shut up AJSHDKDJDJD#but omg lightweight baby that can only cling to you and whine to go back to your room to fuck#only to pass out immediately on the bed lmfao#I love him I’m gonna str*ngle him so bad#anyway I finished all my work for the week and now I feel empty so I will be moving onto next weeks work tomorrow LOL NERD#but everything next week is simple too so why not get it out the way ya know????#after that I might sit down and actually write another fic since it’s been a little minute#everyone voted for therapist obsessed bkg next but I kinda wanna write something emotional for touya now lmfao#I’m becoming so obsessed with him and it HURTS!!!!!#I can only handle one ☝🏻 at a time or else I start getting the shakes#also omg my regular dr is making me go to the heart dr bc she said my anxiety worries her for my physical condition aksjdj embarrassing#okay bye I’m gonna read a little and sleep#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬#tw: alchohol mention
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Maybe pulling an all-nighter was a bad idea :)
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#Ruining the semi normal sleep schedule I'd managed 2 keep going for like a week cus of paranoia 😎#This is ofcthe one time I'm like Actually fucking sleepy#I shocked myself earlier n am in a spiral about the whole “even a semi small shock can fuck up ur heart hours or days later” thing#Which idk if thats unreasonable paranoia or like normal n smart#The internet is 50/50 on it lol#Mom says im being paranoid. Called a like phone nurse about it who said it'd be smart 2 get it checked just 2 be safe#But it's late and doesn't feel serious enough for the er?#Also the er is hell. U just sit there for Hours waiting n then get looked at for 5 minutes told n2 wait even more n then told 2 just go hom#So I am just kinda... existing.. until stuff opens n I can hopefully see a doctor about it or something:)#And cus I was already feeling kinda sick Before the shock I can't be sure if I actually have any symptoms of something worrying#AAAAND my anxiety about the whole thing is making me over analyze every heartbeat or muscle twitch#N tricking my brain into believing shit that's not real#I wanna nap so bad but my brain won't let meee#Ok ramble is done... I just needed 2 get this out of my system somewhere...#Can u believe I use 2 think I didn't have anxiety?? I was all Oh yeah I'm Super chill 😎 while sirens played in my head 24/7#rambles
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Do I buy another coffee? Yes or yes?
#mine#text post#I’m on like three hours of sleep#and I can’t tell if another coffee is gonna make my anxiety into a panic attack#or if it’ll make me wanna fight god#either way those are both constant states of being for me#so buy a coffee it is#thanks glad we had this chat
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Hey in case y’all were wondering I’m having a bad time
#it feels a little selfish. very selfish. nothing even happened to me#just thinking about my friend who is maybe kinda going through it and hasn’t responded to me or my friends texts in a week#even though she’s read them (read receipt is on)#and an online friend is having a bad time and I feel bad for them#and my brain is trying to convince me I made everything worse ever somehow#anxiety. fun#plus show I just watched is making me think about things in my life that I don’t want to#and I pulled an all nighter on accident which is making things worse probably but I can’t go to sleep now#anyways. if y’all wanna just ignore me for the next. 20 maybe. 10 minimum. minutes#sorry. bout all this i feel bad throwing this out here. feels icky. but I need to say it somewhere and I’m just not having a good time.#sorry venting#vent post#venting
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Me looking at all the asks in my inbox and wanting to answer them but work has been so stressful lately that I have zero energy once home:
#i wanna sleep for three days#and i wanna talk to you guys but all my brain comes up with rn is static noises#and yes its past midnight here but my anxiety induced insomnia is keeping me awake#holy fuck bangtan is leaving its still mess me tf up#rambling
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walked in this morning snd my coworker says You're training today! and I said Oh.
#IM OT GOOD WITH POEPLEEE Eepecially not new people and#the girl im training is quiet And so am i so im like forcing mhself to be kind of outgoing Its torture.#And i also dont know how to..ask people to do things#or tell them to do something#Which is like. almost all of what training is#omfg im only 18 and shy whyy whyyy#well its not too bad actall6 hut inwas really nervous at first but im getting more used to it#but i gave to train people bc im a Team Lead#which means nothing to me except thay i know how to do my job#and a 50 cent pay increase than not being one Wow..!#i wanna sleep so bad#Only. 3 and half more hours after my break ends.#i am glad tho atkeast it is good experience for like.. interacting with people#this job in general has made me a lot better at that and less anxiety aroujd it#but im still a shy and quiet person to begin with#and i say weird things on accident#Its funny tbh hiw often i say something just like. Something that i think is regular and normal#and not suppsed to be a joke or comedic and ppl im talking to start laughing#lile not my intent but if youre happy im happy💗
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MFW
I realise I have no will to study, play guitar, sing, write songs or literally anything, read books, go out, meet people, talk to people, play games, use c ai and NONE OF IT IS ACTUALLY WORKING ANYMORE
And i just sneak my 'sharpie' to the bathroom to cvt every night and don't sleep at night and sleep till noon and literally get nothing done.
If I am on tumblr venting..... it's BAD.
#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#i want to cvt#its really late but i don't care#baby cvts#sh cvt#cvtt!ng#depressiv#anxious#anxiety#i am so tired#im so tired#dont wanna sleep#slef harm#slef hate#su1c1dal#self h@rm
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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