#I WANNA SLEEP BUT THE ANXIETY
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absoluteaffirmative · 4 months ago
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vent below!
if someone does have random advice to share that would be absolutely lovely /gen
i feel lowkey silly for being scared of having a cavity since i’ve recently gotten bad with brushing every night and tomorrow i wanna tell my mom about this but im scared of getting ridiculed and then im scared that i actually do have one and something big has to be done or whatever
and ive been bad with brushing ever since junior year too like i’ll go days without and then think oh i probably should tonight and i even set an alarm every night to brush and i always just ignore it sometimes
like i don’t feel any pain or anything really funky but it doesn’t exactly look okay ish? then again my teeth are all weird and silly looking anyhow
i even legit searched up how to tell if you have a cavity and i could check everything off as false; i don’t have any lingering stuff from eating sweets, extreme temperatures also have no effect, the only issues being that im bad at hygiene in general and i’ve gone days on end without brushing (as i’ve stated before)
i’ve had cavities before when i was much, much younger (like. i think somewhere between kindergarten to 2nd grade maybe? whatever, i still have a filling from forever ago) and haven’t had any since then if memory serves me correctly
what makes this all feel worse is that im 18 so i might have to do paperwork n stuff and i am also absolutely TERRIBLE at calling people unless they’re very close to me but even then im still anxious when calling anyone
i’ll just be praying to whatever deity or other like entity that im perfectly fine and im just overreacting
also i should mention that the tooth im worried about is the bottom right molar (?) im not good at identifying teeth but it’s those big teeth in the back before the wisdom teeth
(and if someone here is able to actually tell what’s going on with what little bits of info i’ve provided that would be cool too. just please be nice about it)
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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rainbowlilymemes237 · 7 months ago
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I feel like I will meet the voice actor one day.
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coridallasmultipass · 6 months ago
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST WIDDLE SNAKEY WAKEY.
I can't believe my son is 18!! I estimated a birth date for him to be about a month before I got him in fall of 2006, since he was such a widdle month-old baby sneky. I always try to get a good birthday pic of him - especially after he eats and gets the good yawns in.
Pretty soon, he'll be off to snake college, for snakes. Dunno how we're gonna afford those ssssnudent loans.
Image description below the cut:
First photo is an albino corn snake (species name: Pantherophis guttatus) peeking out from behind a fake flower on a rocky hide (a house inside the tank where reptiles can feel secure and hidden). The snake is flicking his tongue out. Only his head is visible in the photo. Caption on the photo reads: Demo's 18th birthday. August 9, 2024.
Next photo is the same snake, but in a clear, close-up, detail photo. Each scale is clearly defined. He has red eyes and pink cheeks, and pale white patterns on an off-white body. The scales on his head are shaped to follow the different planes of his face. The scales on his neck (and body, not shown) are uniform and scallop-shaped.
The next three photos are sequential. The same snake appears with his mouth barely open. Then, his mouth is wide open in a yawn. His cheeks look so smooshy. His head is shaped the way a snap hairclip opens, curved upwards, and it's funny and cute. His mouth has ridges inside, but no teeth or fangs are visible (because his teeth are too tiny to be photographed politely, and he does not have any fangs). The last photo in the sequence has the snake with his mouth still open, but the top of his head is a normal shape again as he begins to end the yawn.
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shima-draws · 1 year ago
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What the FUCK Furina’s backstory is so fucking sad??? The absolute TORTURE she’s been through. Shit dude,
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hel7l7 · 1 year ago
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teenage girl problems when i'm 24 :)
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wilfre-the-medical-bot · 13 days ago
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(OOC: Dude- I haven't had a good nights sleep in- I don't even know how long- My anxiety has been making my insomnia kick in-
Ooh! I should play some Pokémon Violet on my Switch! Who needs sleep when you've got Pokémon to feed and love? They need me!
Great idea, yippee! No sleep! YIPPEE!)
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crybaby-bkg · 2 years ago
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Dabi is surprisingly a lightweight. You honestly would’ve never figured by looking at him, but as you think back on it, you’ve never really seen him drink a lot. Not when there were celebratory parties, or when things didn’t go right for him. It’s why you’re so shocked when you convince two shots into his system, why he suddenly looks so loose, why his grin splits so wide.
He’s a clinger, you’ve also learned as you’ve started observing the blue eyed man where he shoves his face into the crook of your neck. His body bends over almost uncomfortably to fit into the position, and you can’t help but flinch a little when his damp breath blows a quiet little raspberry on your flesh.
omg wait my favorite thought is of you not even necessarily being a heavyweight, you can just handle your liquor a little better than anyone expects. you love to knock back drink after drink, convince Dabi into some stupid competition that he falls for because he’s such a little nerd and secretly wants to impress you. he does it thinking you’ll be the drunk one first, the one hanging off of his arm and hopefully his dick by the end of the night.
it belatedly shocks him when it’s the exact opposite. when he’s slurring a little and smiling at you, when you watch him through low eyes with a wide grin, when he wraps himself around you like a python, when you shake his face gently as you squish his cheeks together in hand. he’s just so utterly obsessed with you in these moments, and maybe it’s the liquor in him, but he knows his lowered inhibitions are only bringing forth the feelings he’s always suppressed.
drunk sex with Dabi where he’s the one too loose limbed and limp and weak. he flops onto bed like some rag doll with his arms and legs spread wide, but he musters up enough strength to release the heavy weight of his cock from its confinements. doesn’t do much besides lift his head from the pillows with a point to his crotch and a lazy grin, an announcement of, go ahead and hop on already before he’s flopping back down again, ready to lay back and get fucked like how he knows he deserves.
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spaciebabie · 10 months ago
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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.
#spacie spoinks#bruh#like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk#''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing#like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like#a week and that was like the worst week of my life#i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP#HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche#the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid#also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr#idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again#ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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vanitythevantropist · 4 months ago
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Maybe pulling an all-nighter was a bad idea :)
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insufferablemod · 4 months ago
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telesodalite · 8 days ago
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This is a bit random, but I've been thinking about Misfire a lot lately, and it struck me, that with his adhd, the whole implied/hc'd substance use is only sometimes considered as a form of self-medicating? And, idk, I find the concept interesting.
Like, yeah sure, within the canon implications it's just stereotypical stuff, so it can be interpreted as wholly recreational, and whatever one might call accidentally catching a high from blood you've taken from a corpse.
But like, his adhd is emphasized as an important aspect of his character, so surely it's impacted his millions of years worth of life with its symptoms? Both good and bad?
The Decepticons in idw1 are weird, in many ways lol, but in the sense that they're the faction defined by their oddballs and rejects. They're the unwanted, the belittled, the different, the oppressed, the strange, the mad. But at the same time, any deviance from their impossible and ever-changing standards is punishable and looked down upon.
It's a classic, almost frustratingly stereotypical case of a system built against oppression becoming the oppressors. But that's not the point here.
The point is that they opened their arms and offered the idea of freedom to those who felt different from the pre-war standards, who felt belittled by it, or betrayed by it, and promptly went and turned around on these people to make them feel belittled and betrayed and made different from their own new standards.
Abuse, in many forms, runs rampant within Decepticon ranks. From the very top, to the very bottom. Any deviation or perceived weakness is an open invitation for such actions. Throw in the DJD, and there's no escape from it. No way to get out, only fit in and keep your head low, or become the very thing you originally wanted to fight against and be free from.
Substance abuse is mentioned in canon enough to assume that certain amounts of it were almost expected across both Decepticon and Autobot ranks and contingents. But considering the condition of Decepticon standards and communities, it can be assumed to be a bit more rampant in their case.
So, Misfire. We don't have much context for his background and what all he's seen and done.
It's implied he did some spywork, or at least made some cross faction connections during the war with Brainstorm, which might've been a big enough deal that it caught the attention of Skids, because he's aware of Misfire of all people, knows he changed his name right at the end of the war, and considers Misfire somewhat as a nemesis, which, might I remind thee that Skids was part of a secret special operations unit, a secret special operations unit under fucking Prowl!? So uh, possible big interesting stuff that never got explained there.
(The possible spy bit keeps me up at night I swear to god, bcs wtf were all those tiny implications supposed to mean?!? I need to know all the details of that possible spy drama so bad, omg)
Then, we know he "accidentally" killed "a dozen" other cons towards the end of the war, and that he was going to be jailed for it.
So Misfire's life obviously went down the drain before the murdering a dozen fellow soldiers bit, but considering every awful and challenging factor of being a sub-par soldier in the Decepticon army/air force, what kept him from doing something like that earlier on?
More important, what got someone like him through the war? What kept him going? What kept him alive? Well uh... the same thing that kept a lot of Decepticons going I guess. Substance abuse.
Ok so where does the self-medication angle of this whole thing come in Teles?? My answer to that would be, uh, inherently ig.
Because think about it, you're just some kinda weird guy, caught in the middle of one long ass war. You're never good enough, can't achieve the one thing you've been gunning(lol) for, and are just sorta flying by the seat of your metaphorical pants through life. You're a solider, and a victim of systematic abuse because of that, and at some point, you're possibly a perpetrator of that abuse*. On top of all that, you've also got raging adhd during all this stress and trauma, and man, quieting those racing thoughts and numbing that constant buzzing itch in your body probably feels really good when you're escaping your extremely stressful situation for just a bit.
It feels better to be more detached, to be "calmer", less caught up in a hundred thoughts at once, more focused, more in control. Eventually this becomes the subconscious focus of his using to ease the stress. It "fixes" something. Makes things "right". So casual escapist substance use tumbles into substance abuse and addiction.
How this factors into his post-war life, idk, you decide ig.
I figure the scavs being broke and cut-off from others could play a part in Misfire having to wean himself off of whatever substances were most common among his ranks, but he's also probably creative enough to make stuff from whatever they pick up. Anything considered to be "hard stuff" would likely be frowned upon or policed by Krok tho, because of the whole traumatic experience with Roadbuster and his extreme brutality due to perceived Syk abuse.
But then again, the scavs are all still very much cons with vices, and 100% constant sobriety is apprently a challenge or punishment for cons and bots alike post war.
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*(Expanding on that bit via another ramble I had lying around that i thought i'd include)
When considering Misfire's adhd, most things emphasize the hyperactivity and impulsiveness in general without also emphasizing the negative sides.
That moment where he almost punches Grimlock comes to mind a lot.
It could be viewed as just a side-effect of perpetuated Decepticon abuse, a knee-jerk reaction that may have been turned on him during the war for his mistakes, that he in turn expresses towards others "mistakes".
Something to also consider here though, is how the impulsivity of adhd can make violent reactions worse, anger and/or frustration harder to control, and harder to hold back from expressing outwardly or physically, especially if left unchecked or untreated for a long time.
But Misfire stops and takes a second to collect himself before becoming somber as he considers Grimlock's perspective.
This instinctually violent reaction is not something he wants, or likes, and judging by how much time has passed by that point in the comic, this has been something he's been working on and is still working on.
But what about while he was still an active solider? When holding back was seen as a weak or foolish response? How did the impulsivity play into it? After being treated like that himself, struck or beaten for mistakes, at what point did it snap and he found himself standing over another solider as they stared up at him with that same fear and shock and hurt he had felt. How did that affect him to know he was capable of doing that without thought?
Because, ya know, he's done bad things too...
#smth smth. the scavs and their road to recovery in many forms#misfire#so. some random teles backstory rq#but for like. a few weeks i went to a therapist some years back. but this was on military insurance#so the therapist worked with active duty folks and veterans and such. but on the side she worked with folks struggling with addiction#(not the greatest pick for a teenager struggling with depression. suicidal thoughts. and extreme social anxiety lmao)#but anyways. while going through random symptoms and stuff. we talked about me possibly having adhd#and instead of explaining what all adhd entails and affects. she drilled into me the risk of me ever abusing substances#apparently most of her clients that struggled with addiction had adhd. and to her. that was the most important aspect of it#the chance to become addicted. to anything. not just substances. but anything that fed that dopamine craving#anyways. insurance got cut. never got the chance to go to therapy again. but that bit stuck with me when considering my habits#i don't really drink and i never take anything. mostly cause i already see shit that isnt there and am anxious. so. dont wanna test that lo#but idk. was thinking about some interpretations of misfire. and yeah. it all sorta spiraled from there#funny to think advice from my therapist would mainly find use in me thinking a little too hard about fictional characters lol#also. i hope any who see this dont take this as like. adhd being a negative thing?? bcs like. thats not what i mean#i just mean that like. well like any neurodivergency. its got its negative symptoms ya gotta work with#fucking struggling over here some days bcs of it lol. never even got fully diagnosed. just got told i had it. and my parents went :/#so yeah. idk. i just like exploring characters canon or implied neurodivergence in full. the quirks and the challenges and all#not an expert tho. but yeah#i need to sleep. couldn't sleep. so i wrote this. so if theres errors or smth sounds off. probs bcs i wrote it instead of sleeping. whoops#its probably fine tho. maybe#tw substance abuse
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starfleetwitch · 22 days ago
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My anxiety is here 🫳🏼
When it should be here 🫴🏼
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themoonunderstoodmydadjokes · 5 months ago
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Do I buy another coffee? Yes or yes?
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gods-favorite-autistic · 8 months ago
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Hey in case y’all were wondering I’m having a bad time
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borathae · 1 year ago
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Me looking at all the asks in my inbox and wanting to answer them but work has been so stressful lately that I have zero energy once home:
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