#And you cry yourself to sleep every night bc you’re so tired you’re SO tired and it’s been centuries but you have to keep going.

[shima-draws]

What the FUCK Furina’s backstory is so fucking sad??? The absolute TORTURE she’s been through. Shit dude,

[luveline]

you can ignore me for the rest of time and I will still dutifully show up to read your work every day ~ can I request some angsty bombshell x spencer? maybe their first actual fight and spence snaps at her so bombshell r crying and locks herself in their room and he apologizes through the door but still sleeps on the couch and she comes and snuggles in the middle of the night and forgives him bc she can’t sleep? this is so self indulgent pls feel free to change anything you want love you jade

thank u for requesting! —spencer makes you cry. fem, 1k

Spencer can’t stand hearing you cry. He can’t believe he’s the one who caused it —he didn’t mean to, he just got so annoyed at you, everything’s difficult lately now you’ve moved in together permanently because you practically living at his apartment is apparently not the same as truly living with one another. 

He knows neither of you are unhappy living together, but you haven’t fought before, not like this. He stands just outside the bedroom door where you’ve sequestered yourself, ashamed of making you this upset. He doesn’t let himself in. “Y/N?” 

“Go away, Spencer,” you say. To your credit, you try to sound calmer than you are. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean for it to go that far. Please don’t cry.” 

“Spencer,” you say, a line of anger darkening your words, “leave me alone.” 

He shouldn’t have said you were being lazy. You aren’t lazy, you’re tired. Moving in together has been really hard on you, even if you won’t admit it, or show it externally. He just wanted to say something mean, because you’d said you allowed him to have that ugly armchair in the living room and he got mad —it’s not ugly, and he wasn’t allowed, he’s a grown man. 

He just can’t feel angry about it anymore hearing your sad sniffling. He said something too mean, he took it too far, and maybe he was ‘allowed’. Moving in together is about compromise, and you’d compromised, and he’s punishing you for it. 

“I’m sorry, angel. I didn’t mean to make you cry, I– I was being mean and you didn’t deserve that. I’ll be out here if you… if you wanna talk to me,” he says, turning to leave with his head held low. 

He waits all night for you to come out, if it were just to drink some water or use the bathroom, but after a few minutes he can’t hear you crying, and you don’t make any sounds. He thinks he might hear you moving the sheets aside some time toward 10PM, but there’s nothing after that. He falls asleep on the couch, sulking, wishing he hadn’t been such an idiot. 

You let yourself out of your shared bedroom in the middle of the night. The sheets don’t smell enough like him, and you want to hold his hand, and you want to know he’s really not mad at you. That he doesn’t really think you’re lazy. 

Quiet, you walk downstairs and into the living room, where Spencer sleeps stretched out on the couch. It’s a big couch, meant for soft sitting, wide enough that, were you to set a baby down, they couldn’t roll off accidentally. Spencer’s on his side with his arm curled around one of the bigger pillows, brown strands of hair falling into his face.

He’s not a deep sleeper, but you can’t say you’re scared to wake him. You pull the pillow from his arms and sit on the couch beside him, working your way into his side, and encouraging his arm over yours. Gentle, you brush the mess of his hair from his eyes. He doesn’t even have a blanket.

You hold his sleeping face in your hands. His eyes twitch and scrunch tighter at your touching, worried, but you give a gentle, “Shh,” and he relaxes. His eyes smooth, then open, lashes struggling apart, the brown of his eyes dark as a roasted chestnut. 

He whispers your name, tongue heavy with sleep. 

“Mm,” you reply, tucking his hair behind his ears. 

“You okay?” he whispers. 

You press your face to his neck, letting yourself deflate as you wait for his arms to lock you in. It can’t be five seconds before he’s curling his arms around you carefully, kissing your hairline, the first bit of skin he can reach at this angle. He’s not quite awake yet, you know, can tell from countless times sleeping in his bed. If he were to fall back to sleep, he wouldn’t remember this tomorrow. 

“Can’t sleep,” you whisper.

“Oh,” he says, with all the tenderness of a pet name, dripping, palpable adoring, “want tea?” 

“Want you.” 

He strokes your shoulder. You’re the one being hugged, really, but Spencer’s grip gets so tight you worry he needs one. You wrap your arms behind him, close your eyes tight to stop from getting teary. 

“I don’t like fighting,” you say. 

“M’sorry.” 

“Do you want to kiss and make up?” 

He stills. “You’re not mad?” 

“You really upset me, Spence. N’ I bet you know that n’ feel bad enough already,” you mumble. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was being childish.” 

You forgive him. Everybody’s allowed to be mean every once in a while. You’d been arguing, and you can feel now that he regrets it, his hands apprehensive but somehow loving still as they touch your back through the thin fabric of a t-shirt he’d bought you. The front has a silly graphic on it, some equation that spells out love. 

“It’s okay,” you whisper. “I’m not mad. I can’t sleep when you’re not next to me, so… Let’s not fight again.” 

“I don’t like it when you cry.” 

You shake your head gently, slotting yourself into all his nooks and crevices. Your legs tangled, the couch is an ample bed for two people trying to be as close to each other as humanly possible. You don’t like crying either, not over Spencer, not thinking he doesn’t see you in the light you’d thought he did. 

“Do you really think I’m lazy?” you ask. 

“No, I was being awful,” he says, sounding deeply repentant. 

Well, there’s no need to punish him, you decide, not when he’s beating himself up already. You cup the back of his head to tap your foreheads together, any aches and pains of the bed disappearing in the eye of his softness. He’s gaining confidence now you’ve touched his hair, his hands travelling low to the small of your back, your face once again pushed into the curve of his neck, where you stay. 

[yangbbokari]

Long For You

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x gn!reader AU/Trope/Genre: Lovers to still lovers, Angst, fluff(?), hurt/comfort Warnings: regret, crying(?), lovesick, miscommunication, nothing really WC:1K Song rec: Long for you - Hyunjin A.N.:No bc after dropping that how’d he expect us to react(RAGHHHHHHHHHHH PLS IM SORRY ILL TREAT YOU BETTER)

~~~ You stare at the white tulip. A singular white tulip sent to you this morning from Hyunjin. Another apology letter to accompany it. Something about not being able to come home tonight even when he promised you he would.

That singular white tulip going to wilt and rot away like the rest. Forgotten just like his empty promises.

The feeling of your relationship slowly collapsing hurts your heart to the core. You wish it didn’t but there’s not much you can do. Everyone around you thinks you’re a match made in heaven. But it’s not the way you think this is.

You’re beginning to think that this love is all you and nothing left of him.

~~~ Hyunjin doesn’t return home until the end of the week. He notices your distance from him. He wants to take your hand in his and ask you what could possibly be wrong. But he refrains from it.

Maybe it was better for you to fall out of love with him.

As much as he loves you he knows what your parents think. “He’s no good for you y/n. It’ll only be so long before he leaves you for someone else. Take one look at him and you can tell that he’s a skank. Leave him. He’ll just break your heart.”

He can only think that your parents are right. Not the fact that he'd leave you for somebody else. But that he's no good for you and he'll never be.

It can only be so long before you get sick of his long schedule. No one wants to be stood up on every date and left to wait for the others arrival.

How many nights were you up waiting for him to come home? How many dinners were eaten with your only company being the silence that hung in the air? How many tears have you cried in his absence?

Those are the questions that float around his mind as he watches you peacefully sleep on your side of the bed. He can't help but reach his hand out to caress your face. A soft smile slowly trickled to his lips as he does.

These are the kind of moments he can only have as you sleep. But when you grab his arm he thinks he's almost been caught until you nuzzle your face into his arm. His heart warms at the sight but he knows he can't let his hopes get too high.

He notices the tears stains that line along your face. He doesn't fail to notice that his heart breaks instead.

"Don't go..." He can faintly hear you say. Oh how he wishes that he could stay with you until the next morning but work calls. What can he do. ~~~ When you awaken Hyunjin's side of the bed was empty. You could've sworn he came home last night and that you held on to him. Maybe it was all a dream again. Just as it always had been.

You want to cry but there are no tears left. Your mouth feels dry and your head hurts from the breakdown you had last night. Back before Hyunjin became famous he'd hold you in his arms and automatically made it better. But there were no one left to wrap you in their embrace.

Forcing yourself out of bed you make yourself a quick breakfast. But it only includes a peeled orange and a cup of tea. The same oranges you used to peel for Hyunjin because it was an act of love you wanted to show him. But who were you supposed to do it for now?

You quickly shake those thoughts from your mind. Opting to turn on the tv instead to hopefully drown out the voices in your head. But to no avail. You can barely make out the words the characters are saying as the voices come rushing back in.

He’s tired of you.

He doesn’t love you.

You’re pathetic.

Nothing but a toy.

Too naive for your own good.

He’ll never need you.

Just a nuisance in his life.

Suddenly everything becomes so loud. The voices coming from all over. The buzz of the refrigerator. The dripping of the water from the kitchen faucet. The sound of the vents blowing air. The lights become too bright and your eyes burn. It’s all too much.

You rush around the house. Shutting off the tv. Unplugging the fridge. Turning the faucet all the way down so no more water would drip. Disabling the air ventilation from continuously flowing. Drawing the curtains and switching off all the lights until you finally felt at peace.

After finishing you sat down in the middle of the floor. Knees pulled up to your chest and arms wrapped around them. You dropped your head down and you felt your tears run. It never got this bad. Hyunjin would be able to calm you down in these circumstances. But where was he now. The questions swirled around and made your mind dizzy.

Your sobbing hadn’t ceased until you fell asleep. There on the floor. The cold tiles being your only comfort in the silenced room. ~~~ Being faced with the darkness and silence when returning home wasn’t anything new to Hyunjin. Except that it was the evening on Friday only about 5 p.m.

The curtains were never drawn this early. When the two of you first moved in you made a rule to always open up the curtains to let the sunlight stream in and put the day to a joyful start.

He also noticed how cold it was. He was sure the heater was on to at least 64. Why was it nearly freezing? Winters in Korea are no joke.

Hyunjin stumbled around until he found the light switch and he turned the heat back up. That was when he finally saw you lying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.

“Y/n!!” He nearly screamed.

You instantly jolted from your slumber trying to force your eyes open but the lights were too bright.

“T-turn off the lights. Please.” Your voice felt hoarse. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and your lungs were rejecting the oxygen.

Hyunjin was quick to do what you requested before stumbling his way back to you. “Are you okay baby? What happened?”

“Water.” You said dryly.

“What was that baby?”

“I need water.”

“O-okay baby. Wait just a minute.” He fumbled around trying to grab a glass and fill it up with water.

You grew worried. His movements were too faint. You bagel to panic. “Hyunnie..?”

“I’m here baby. Right here.” He found his way back to you and knelt down by your side. He reached for your hand and gently wrapped it around the cup. It was cold to the touch contrasting the warmth radiating off of Hyunjin.

After you drank the entire cup, he took it from you and placed it in the sink. He carefully placed his hands on either sides of your body and slowly lifted you up. And you let him.

He carried you all the way to the bedroom and settled you into the sheets. He knew how you got so he went to fix everything else. But before he could leave you grabbed his hand.

“Please stay. Don’t go.” How could he reject that? He slipped under the covers right with you and took you into his arms.

Oh how you missed this feeling. You couldn’t help but cry. Clenching onto his shirt you let your tears flow freely.

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asked the question but he knew the answer. You were in pain because of him. He couldn’t believe he let it get to this point where you had to break down in his hold.

You pulled him in tighter and buried your face into the crook of his neck. “It’s nothing. I just.. I just miss you so much. I missed this so much. I missed us so much.” Everything felt so much better now that he was with you. But you still doubted whether he love you.

“Tell me, Hwang Hyunjin. Do you still love me?” His heart broke. He didn’t believe there would ever be a day you would doubt his love for you. “What? Why would you ever think that? I love you y/nnie. With everything in me. All I’ve ever done is all for you. All I’ve ever accomplished was because of you.”

He pulled you away from your hiding place and cupped your face in his hands. “Don’t ever think for even a second that I don’t love you. You’re my everything. I couldn’t live without you. You mean absolutely the most to me. There’s not a moment that I don’t think of you. Long for you. I know how much you have to wait for me. But I promise it’s all the same for me. I love you so much.”

His forehead was pressed against yours as he leaned in for a kiss. When you didn’t reject it he finally pressed his lips against yours. Finally being able to take in the moment and relish in each other’s company. ~~~ Both of you ended up falling asleep and not wanting to awaken until the sun rose and peeked through the curtains. You woke up first and slowly but surely opened your eyes. You heard Hyunjin’s soft breaths coming from beside you.

A soft smile came to your lips naturally. It’d been forever since you got to wake up with him. You took your pointer finger and softly traced his facial features. It wasn’t until you got to his lips that you realized he was awake when he opened it to bite your finger.

“Ah—”

“What are you doing, hmm?” He nuzzled his nose into your neck causing you to giggle. “You just looked so peaceful and so handsome I couldn’t resist.”

You could feel him smiling against your skin. His cheeks warming at your comment. “Mmm.” He sighed relieved that you were finally okay again.

“I think I should go and plug in the refrigerator before the milk spoils.” Your boyfriend looks up at you with confusion is his eyes. “I unplugged it last night.” You said with a guilty chuckle. ~~~ The two of you spent the rest of the day doing activities you used to do with each other. As you were messing on the bookshelf a photo album dropped from the top shelf. On the front was written, “My love<3”

You chuckled at the sight of your foolish high school writing and called Hyunjin from the kitchen.

“Look what I found. It’s our photos from high school.” Hyunjin groaned at the sight. “Don’t remind me how horrible I looked then.” When he saw you frown he mentally face-palmed himself.

“What do you mean Hwang Hyunjin. You were my little cutie.” You pouted and jutted your bottom lip out. “Never mind. I’ll just put this back.”

“Wait baby. Let’s look at it. It’s been a minute since we’ve looked through them anyway.”

Hyunjin settled on the couch and pulled you into his lap, eliciting a squeal from you. “I’ll just look over your shoulder.” He said after you expressed your concern of him not being able to see it.

Hours passed as you flipped through the pages and remembered the stories behind each one. That was until you got to the one with you standing in the snow and reading a book. You looked at him surprised.

“When did you take this picture?”

“I took it during senior year and you were so worried about your studies and nearly walked out to the road. I took it because you looked so pretty with the snow falling around you and your furrowed brows, so concentrated on the book. You were so beautiful. It was before we began dating and that was the time I longed for your attention the most.”

“Am I not beautiful now?” You asked with a frown.

”You’re the most beautiful no matter what.” He reassured you.

“Do you not long for me anymore? Or is that just for your first love?”

He rested his head on your shoulder, inhaling your scent. White tulip. Your favorite flowers. Then he spoke.

“I’ll always long for you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thanks for reading!! I think this will be one of my last fics before I go. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Taglist: @jinnie-ret @kailee08

[screeching-bunny]

Helloooo my fave yandere!character writer! I hope your having a wonderful day! Can i request yandere!jock with male!reader and he finds the reader crying bc someone was bullying them or said smth mean or smth like that? Ik he would be pissed but i was thinking something along the lines of this:

*Reader explains what happens*

*Yandere!Jock absolutely pissed and turns to go beat the shit out of them*

Then the reader would grab is arm to stop him and say smthing like: “wait!…please…..please just….stay with me….please?” Like EEEEEEE I LOVE YANDERE!JOCK SMMMM AND IMA PASS OUT IF YOU DO THIS! OKAY THANKS BYE

(Also plz ignore if your requests are closed rn)

Yandere! Jock x Male Reader

Asks 2

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Reader is specifically going to be Male in this post!!!

Asks 1

Yandere! Jock liked looking at you whether it be intention or not his eyes were almost always on you. He loved looking at every expression you made throughout your day to day life and practically memorized every fine detail on your face. So it was no surprise that he was instantly alerted when he saw a hint of sadness appear on your face when you came in for your afternoon class. Like a little leach he started attaching himself towards you with a concerned look on his face to find out what had happened to his little darling but alas his attempts reamied futile as you refused to give him an answer that he accepted.

“I’m just tired and just didn’t get that much sleep last night.”

Tired his ass. Yandere! Jock knew for a fact that you fell asleep early last night while watching an animal documentary. How does he know this? Well, he was stalking I mean watching over you last night. Anyways the sentence “The giant horse cock weighs over eight pounds” was still fresh in his mind but that's not the point! The point is something or someone made you upset! This is honestly so absolutely unacceptable!! When class finishes he ends up cornering you to try and figure out what has happened to you. Soon you start to give in and tell him the exact reason as to why with tears bawling out of your eyes.

When he finds out the reason he is beyond pissed. A bunch of npc bullies had the audacity to go and bully you! There is nothing he wants to do then skin those losers alive for making you cry like this. How fucking dare they. Yandere! Jock immediately decides that at that moment, he would go on a manhunt. He genuinely believes that it’d be a good riddance, no way in hell is someone going to miss them. As he tries to get up, he is immediately stopped by you as you grab ahold of his arm.

“Please stay, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Holy shit! That sentence damn near put him in a coma. He just can’t believe how adorable you are. With that, he decides right away to bring you to his home in order to comfort you. The rest of the day is spent with just the two of you guys together while watching Netflix and ordering out to eat. All of his plans that he had before were canceled in favor of being by your side. He does his best to make you happy and laugh as much as possible. That smiling face of yours suits you better than a teary eyed expression. Although he can’t do it now, he vows to absolutely destroy the lives of your bullies. The mental and physical wellbeing of yourself matter more than anything in the world to him. Anything that causes harm to you he quickly deals with even if it means people. All that he wants is that you’ll be safe in his arms and by his side whenever he wakes up.

He makes it a point to prove the words of you tormentors were false and does his best to undo their claims. He’d be so appalled by the whole situation and just can’t wrap around his head at how someone could be mean to you. Like just look at you! You’re literally perfect what the hell were they smoking when they decided to verbally assault you. Yandere! Jock would be so overbearing and clingy towards you. Wherever you went he was close behind you. You’re going grocery shopping? Cool he’s right by your side. You gotta go to class? He’s right by you. Even if he doesn’t have the class he’s still coming. Showering? Move over and make room, he wants to shower as well. Is totally the type to throw a fit when you say no which causes you to relent and let him follow you.

In a few weeks after this incident there were missing people reports all over town of local college students. The same ones who coincidentally were vicious towards you. Everytime Yandere! Jock walks past these posters, he has a hidden smug look on his face. Justifies it by saying that he’s doing it in the name of love and that those people were the spawns of Satan. Besides, they're not even dead yet. They’re just trapped in a cabin in some random woods that only he has access to. Content with himself he spends his days by your side and pledging to himself that he’d never let anyone bother you ever again.

[damiansgoodgirll]

Hiii I love Ur judgment day x readers they are so adorable

Could you please write a JD (Platonic) x Reader where Y/n gets in a bad fight with their partner and they comfort them

the judgment day x reader (platonic)

‼️cheating and gaslighting, your bf name in this is alexander bc my ex name is alexander and now i hate alexanders

(i love this pic btw)

i don’t wanna love

“you’re overacting!” your boyfriend alexander kept screaming at you.

overreacting?

“so you’re telling me there’s nothing between the two of you? that i’ve been hallucinating for the past month?” you screamed back, tired of trying talking with him.

“there’s nothing between me and her” he said, lying. because of course you had the proofs that he was cheating, that he was seeing someone else while you were out touring.

“how can i fucking believe you when i have proofs!”

“what proofs?” he asked, not caring about the whole cheating part.

“the pictures of you two together? the messages? the-…”

“you went over my phone without even asking me?” he was angrier that before.

“i did! because you wouldn’t tell me the truth! you can’t deny what i just found!”

“okay, fine! i cheated, is that what you wanted me to say? i did it, and i wasn’t proud of it but you were always gone and i was here alone waiting for you every week to come home, i got tired and i wanted to have some fun and one night i went to this club where i met her, and she was always there for me, it wasn’t just sex, there was a connection…she understood me, she was there when you were out wrestling with your friends!” he said, not feeling guilty at all.

you couldn’t believe he was blaming him cheating on you on the fact that you were away from home because of your job.

“i can’t believe it that you are blaming your fucking childish behaviour on me being away because of my job!”

“i needed you and you weren’t there!” he kept screaming.

“so the best solution was fucking some bitch you met at the bar uh?” you were done with it “you have ten minutes to pack your things and get out of my house!”

“what are you talking about? where am i supposed to go?” he asked you.

“i don’t know, ask my replacement if you can stay at her’s, i don’t care, now, move before i call the police. this is my house, do you remember?” you said locking yourself in the guest bedroom and waiting for him to be over with packing.

you were sure you heard him closing the door once he was done packing and leaving your house. you were too tired to even go back into the master bedroom that you cried yourself to sleep right where you were.

the morning after you were supposed to go at rhea’s as you guys needed to prepare your upcoming match but you were drained and had no energy. you felt like shit and all you wanted to do was staying in bed and cry.

the team immediately knew something was up when you didn’t show up at her place. so instead of calling your or texting, you found them in front of your door.

“what are you doing here?” you asked them.

“we were worried. you didn’t show up, you didn’t call or text, we thought you were sick or that something happened…wait, were you crying?” rhea stopped when she saw your red eyes.

“no” you lied.

“whats going on love?” finn soft voice almost made you want to cry again. he always had a soft spot for you, treating you like a daughter.

“i just…i wanna be alone today…now, can you please go?” you almost begged them but they got it as an invitation to come inside so now you found yourself with your friends sitting on your couch, waiting for an explanation from you.

“what is going on uh?” damian asked you again.

“alexander and i broke up…” you whispered and waited for them to talk but they let you continue “he was cheating on me and i found out…instead of apologising he blamed it on me, saying that it was my fault because i was away touring and he needed me here…i just…what did i do wrong?” you cried again and now rhea was sitting next to you, holding you in her arms.

“you didn’t do anything wrong y/n…” she whispered.

“he was saying how much he wanted to marry me, to have a family with me just to find out that he was fucking someone else behind my back…it fucking hurts because i was ready to be with him for the rest of my life…i really loved him” you cried harder and rhea swore that alexander was a dead man.

“hey…” finn, the parental figure inside the whole group sweet talked to you “it’s not worth it…crying for him? it’s not worth it, he’s not worth it…i know you’re hurting right now and it will hurt for a while but eventually it’ll pass…it’ll get better, trust me…”

“thank you…” you whispered.

still crying in rhea’s arms as she let you. you never experienced such heartbreak and the pain you were feeling was too much.

“i just don’t understand how it went so downhill…everything was going perfectly…i would have noticed if something was wrong but i swear, everything looked normal” you cried.

“it’s not your fault love” finn said.

“finn’s right, you couldn’t have noticed…if he was acting normal, you couldn’t have noticed the sudden changes in his persona…i’m so sorry it happened to you, you don’t deserve it…” dominik said while sitting on the carpet, in front of you.

“i swear… i don’t wanna fall in love anymore” hearing such words coming from you hurt the group. you’ve always been the sweet and romantic one, you’ve always dreamed of a fairytale life and now you believed everything was a lie.

rhea looked sad “don’t say that love, it’s just a phase but you will feel better, i promise you”

of course. you were complaining about your disastrous love life with dom, who just got married, rhea, who’s gonna get married soon, finn, who’s been married for years and damian, someone that wasn’t looking for love and couldn’t understand anything about love.

“it’s easy coming from you…you’re all happy and in a healthy relationship, you all trust each other and i’m pretty sure you’ve never been cheated on” you regretted immediately saying that but you were hurting.

“we had our painful break ups too honey…” rhea said. she knew you were hurting so she didn’t mind it.

“did they cheat on you?” you asked them.

“no but…”

“exactly” you said, drowning your head in your pillows.

“what rhea was trying to say is that break ups are always hurtful, whether you get cheat on or not…and this pain you’re feeling, will get better, in a month or two you’ll be feeling better…” damian spoke softly to you. knowing that you were already in pain and that he didn’t want to upset you more.

“we will leave you alone if you want to…” rhea said, not wanting to leave you alone but she knew you probably needed time for yourself.

“no please…” you said shocking everyone.

“okay…then we’ll stay here…we can watch a movie if you want to” finn suggested and you all agreed.

“no rom com please” you said making them laugh.

rhea’s idea was to watch a horror movie but while they were all watching the movie you ended up falling asleep, too tired for all the tears you’ve been crying.

[bartxnhood]

second chance | c.b

colby brock x fem!reader

summary: you’ve been bottling up your emotions for too long, when colby finally returns from an investigation you blow up. he begs for a second chance.

warnings: angst, mild language, argument.

a/n: back with another colby blurb bc i literally cant get him out of my mind lol. this was kinda inspired by a song so i will link it below and you can listen while you read if you want !! enjoy ! feedback is appreciated.

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you frantically began throwing random items of clothing into your bag, rummaging through drawers, your shared closet, and the bathroom. getting what you needed for a few days away.

you were so tired of being alone. katrina was visiting her family, and sam and colby were on their filming trip which left you alone at the house. of course, you could just go home but you didn’t have the money for a flight at the moment and you were too keen on the idea of driving across the state alone.

so you just decided to stay back at the house.

but you were finally at your breaking point. colby was coming home today, but you just had enough. you needed a breather and the only way you’d get that is getting out and away.

you heard commotion downstairs and you took that as he and sam were home. “babe! i’m home!” colby announced coming upstairs, but when he opened the bedroom door he didn’t expect the scene in front of him.

colby asked, “where are you going?” as he dropped his bags to the floor. “staying with a friend” you answered, zipping up your bags and throwing them over your shoulder. you made a b-line for the door but, colby stopped you. “why?” you looked ahead, not wanting to face him.

he knew you were mad, he couldn’t understand why you were though. colby didn’t know about your loneliest nights, the ones you’d scream and cry yourself to sleep because of his lack of attention and time differences. he didn’t know how much you were suffering while he was out having fun recording his videos. you never told him.

“i just need to get out, colby.” you never called him that, it was always ‘colbs’ or ‘hun’. he pulled you back, you finally looked at him. “what’s wrong? talk to me” “nothing's wrong! im fine!” you weren’t. you wanted to punch him and call him stupid for not seeing your pain. colby sighed, “then why are you leaving?” finally, you snapped.

“because i’m tired!” you dropped your bags, your chest burning with anger. “i’m so tired of being left here alone for weeks, sometimes months while you’re gone. i know you’ve offered to let me join but you know i hate that stuff, colby.” it all came pouring out. “i’m so tired of waiting for you” you began punching and pushing his chest, the damn opened and tears flowed down your face. “i’m. so. tired!” his arms held you tightly but you fought back, and you cried, “don’t!” colby’s eyes were starting to tear up. “i wake up every fucking day reaching for you but you’re not here.”

“y/n..i..” he was at a loss for words, running a hand through his hair. “please just don’t leave, let’s talk this out, please.” he reached for your hand, pulling you closer his other hand held your chin up. “what can i do?” you blinked away tears blurring your vision, “i..” you fell silent, unable to think straight. colby added, “use your words.”

“just please don’t be so distant. i miss us, i miss you. i miss everything, and i just can’t be alone anymore.” colby nodded, “okay. i won’t leave. i promise” he wrapped his arms around your neck holding you closer than ever.

it had been a few hours since the fight, and now the two of you sat by the fire outside sharing a blanket. “im sorry for what i said and how i handled it. i was just so frustrated”

he hummed, “don’t apologize, im glad you told me. i think i needed to hear it” colby kidded your temple. “just promise me one thing, don’t shut me out. please” the pad of his thumb caressed your cheek. “i’ll be better too, i’ll stay home more often, kay?” you nodded, smiling. “i love you, colbs” he pecked your lips once more, “i love you too, y/n/n. i promise i’ll never act like that again. i’m sorry i put you through so much pain.”

[liebgotts-lovergirl]

I posted 1,773 times in 2022

That's 1,144 more posts than 2021!

132 posts created (7%)

1,641 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@softguarnere

@latibvles

@emmythespacecowgirl

@mccall-muffin

@hbowardaily

I tagged 1,767 of my posts in 2022

#omgg - 410 posts

#bob - 187 posts

#band of brothers - 164 posts

#daww - 103 posts

#reminders - 102 posts

#nature - 96 posts

#oooh - 91 posts

#hbo war - 86 posts

#relatable tbh - 86 posts

#joe liebgott - 83 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and i find the pov of this so interesting bc for parts of it it's like seeing 2 ppl fall in love thru the eyes of the ppl around them 🥺��

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Starry the Musical: Vincent Van Gogh (1/4)

"The sight of the starry night makes me dream"

31 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

#4

And to celebrate the end of Pride Month, the Duffer brothers have generously revamped a new version of homophobia just for us 🥴

43 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#3

Starry the Musical: Theo Van Gogh (4/4)

"You've carried me more than you'll ever know..."

45 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

Fire On Fire: Chapter 1

(Ch. 2)

Gallery II Taglist Application II Symbol Guide

Summary: With WWII raging across the European Theatre, OSS agent Alix "Pyro" Martinelli and paratrooper Joe Liebgott are forced to navigate their star-crossed romance at the worst possible time. With the knowledge that one or both of them could end up dead before the war's end, will their secret love survive the horrors that await them or break under the pressure? Simultaneously, as he prepares to send her into enemy territory, first-time case officer/handler Lewis Nixon struggles to shoulder the ever-present fear that the agent he's come to see as his little sister may not make it back alive.

A/N: Here it is!! Y'all know the drill lol, everything BoB is strictly based on the miniseries & my own headcanons, not the real-life ppl. Also pls be nice to me, this is the first thing I've written since like 2018-2019. It'll get better hopefully lol. (And yes, I'm making y'all wait for that coveted first interaction between Lieb x Alix lol bc I'm evil) 💖

See the full post

47 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Beside You (Ron Speirs x Reader Oneshot)

Pairing: Ron Speirs x Female!Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

For @brassknucklespeirs (Happy birthday, lovely!! I hope you like this💖 )

A/N: Me, using a Marianas Trench song for a ficlet? You’re damn right lol 😆

When your tears are spent

On your last pretense

And your tired eyes refuse to close

And sleep in your defense

You didn’t let yourself cry until you were alone, Ron knew that much, so when he saw you disappear into the stillness of the frigid Bastogne night, he knew exactly where you were headed. 

The days of ruthless shelling by the Germans had felled several trees in the nearby area, splintering them to bits…all except one, which lay across the snow a good 8-10 feet away from the rows of foxholes, tucked away behind a steep embankment, away from view. 

It was the perfect place to seek refuge for a brief second and as the company’s only combat nurse, God, did you need it. Try as he might, Doc Roe couldn’t be everywhere at once and that was where you came in. 

From your first day with Easy, you’d made it your mission to get to know every single trooper so that even in the heat of battle, when someone screamed “Medic!”, you could recognize their voice in an instant and get there. You would talk to them as you treated them, about anything they wanted: their families, their hometowns, sports teams, films, whatever they needed to keep them focused and awake. These men were trusting you with their lives and you would not let them down. You were friendly, hardworking, and dedicated to your field and your company; you never let gunfire or explosions hinder you. If you were needed, you were there. 

It was your warm and selfless nature that had first caught the eye of the infamous Ronald Speirs. You captivated him. How could someone so generous, so full of life, be here, in a place like this? You were an angel trapped in Hell but it didn't dim your shine, not even for a moment. You would give the shirt off your back to anyone who needed it, always the first to lend a hand and the last to quit at the day's end. 

Your vitality and generosity meant that you made friends easily, something that the withdrawn and mysterious Ron so envied. Like a magnet, people just gravitated towards you, happy to bask in your energetic glow, and Ron would watch quietly from the sidelines with a goofy smile on his face like a smitten schoolboy. You were like human sunshine, a balm to his hardened & war-torn soul.

When it's in your spine

Like you've walked for miles

And the only thing you want is just to

Be still for a while

But Bastogne…Bastogne was a whole different beast, even for someone as dynamic and exuberant as you. The conditions were abysmal, supplies almost nonexistent, and tensions running sky-high. 

 Most of the men you treated were lovely and appreciative of your care, but some… some weren’t. 

You'd first heard the mutterings after the deaths of two Replacements. One had been shot by a sniper that no one had spotted in time and the other had taken the brunt of a particularly nasty firefight. Campbell and Ulrich were both good kids and in both cases, you had done your best with what little you had but it just wasn’t enough. The wounds were too severe and you didn't have the equipment needed to perform a surgery that risky nor could you do it by yourself, on the battlefield of all places. All you could do was kneel beside them, hands bathed in blood, and whisper broken apologies for not being able to do more as they passed.

Eugene, all too familiar with this sort of loss, told you that you needed to forgive yourself. 

“There was nothin’ more you coulda done for 'em, cher,” he said as he handed you half of a bandage he'd scavenged. 

But in your heart, you just couldn’t believe that and neither could some of the boys. 

See the full post

60 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know thinking about my emo kid self, there’s such a difference in me in 2022/nearly 2023 at 27, where i can finally sing along to songs like therapy and remembering sunday by all time low, when it rains by paramore, the day i left the womb by (old school) escape the fate literally basically every mayday parade song ever, but most particularly i swear this time i mean it and a little bit of truth by you me at six… etc etc et al et al…. in the shower without choking back tears while sliding down the side of the shower.

like the day that i just started randomly singing therapy by atl and the day i left the womb by etf, for example, in the shower in like 2017 after not listening to them for a few years, bc both songs were randomly just stuck in my head…..

i knew i was feeling much better than i was at 15/16 in 2011, when i was going through my teen mental breakdown phase. i WAS screaming and choking out the lyrics to therapy and sick little games (along with the other songs mentioned above) in the shower in tears on the floor….. because i just fucking hated my life so much (lol, but not lol) and i thought i’d never leave my hometown (ok this is true and it’s fine) and it was also fucking shit because i couldn’t decide if i was depressed or not or anxious or not or i was just a big fucking fake *cue i’m a fake by the used here* and i wasn’t emo anymore and i had to be indie to sit with *echosmith voice* ~the cool kids~ when i changed schools.

like yeah. don’t get me wrong. there are times when the songs mentioned in this post make me cry (usually on my period tbh. lmao sorry for the tired joke)- like when the song/s really decides to hit me/i’ve actively looked them up on YT or spotify so i can have a good cry lol. but now i can sing these songs at any time without having an absolute snotty cry fest during any shower/bath i decide to sing these in. or just generally. like getting older rocks, in some aspects, and this is one of them.

because the songs that got you through what you thought at the time were your hardest times yet- you’ve got a huge storm coming in your mid20s, teen me- these songs will be your light instead of the pain, the utter angst and self-loathing you felt towards yourself on a daily basis as a teenager. yeah where’s that corny ass tumblr quote i used to post every fucking day of my life at 19- we all know it. but it really is. and yeah, there’s the thing that these songs are still emotional as all fuck, i still love them to this day. but i’m just not crying to them as much anymore. y’know what i mean??

anyway idek where this post was going. but growth is good and every current emo kid should know that it does get better. for the love of god it does. hang in there kids. because one day you’ll be 27, and whatever mid2000s or late 2010s emo song you’ve got on blast right now, because tiktok has been having a moment with them over the last couple of years…. will be a source of joy and not a source of self loathing and reason to cry every night in the shower. anyway. my point is, you won’t be “outdated, overrated” and you can still be “a dreamer for sure”- to quote the mayday parade song i mentioned earlier. you’ll just be a newer, hopefully happier, you. even when you’re “at bottom of the blackest hole” and want to “sleep enough to not see the sun anymore”. and that’s all you need.

[claude-hoenet-the-morningstar]

abandoned by god.

A Tuesday

Is it Autumn yet? Not here at least.

After

Text message, 03:22 PM, Bre

—-

I keep distracting myself. Keep trying to do things. And it’s not like this is a new behavior.. I’ve always been a people pleaser (and at least when I people please, I usually only hurt myself).. I digress.. I fell in love with him.. and he constantly used to tell me what he wished I looked like.. it wasn’t so direct. But he would comment on other girls. Smaller girls. More femme girls. Cis girls. And point out all the things that I wasn’t. And I was in love with him.. and I wanted to do anything for him, wanted to do anything to keep him, because I felt so fucking fantastic when we were us. One day, he said something like “are you gonna turn yourself into my dream girl?” And without hesitation, I said yes. And I meant it.. and that’s pathetic and kind of sad, but I already knew that I didn’t like myself that much. I’m the baddest bitch I know, but I don’t like myself all too much. I digress, again… So as I felt things start slipping away. I was trying to do everything I could to keep that ball of light. But he just kept slipping further and further away.. no matter what I did.. no matter what I said.. no matter how well I treated him.. and one day he just disappeared. He was already so far away.. but I clung to all I had.. I clung to him.. and the hope that he’d return.. and so I sat there in the dark.. I prayed and begged and bargained and manifested. I filled the jar every day with one spoonful of sugar. I made sure that when I was at home I kept the door unlocked bc if he ever considered coming home, I wouldn’t want him to try to open the door and take it as a sign that he shouldn’t come in if it was locked. I cried myself to sleep every night for months. And sat in the fear, in the uncertainty, in the grief that felt like thick crude oil that pulled my soul down with such gravity, I could feel it physically. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been around death and dying enough that SI is not a prominent issue. But eventually i was too tired to cry. No energy bc I was hardly eating. And I decided I needed to do something. so I just tried to keep myself busy. Started school. Then realized I was doing that so I’d be stable and successful and he would see that and he would want to come back. I started working out more and starving myself bc I wanted to be thinner so he’d see how attractive I was and come back. I stopped dressing in colors and put up all my gold jewelry — I thought bc I was in mourning, which I was but — bc I knew he liked that look so I’d hope that he’d like it on me and he’d come back. I pulled all my frames down and painted each one black. I started praying to Satan bc while I was in the dark I felt like it was comforting to know that sin was there with me. And in a way, I saw him as the devil. So I prayed to my beautiful god. I started dressing like a slut, bought 200 dollars or more worth of black clothing, started letting people stick needles in me — I thought it was because it looked cool, which it did, and also the pain felt good but — bc I knew he liked piercings, he used to tell me all the ones he wanted me to get for him, and that he liked girls who dressed like sluts so I thought he’d see the new me, the me I made for him and.. he’d come back. So I started everything I could, filled my cup so full it spilled over and poured out like a water fall, so that it was so loud it’d drown out the sound of my tears and crying. And here I am. The big tiddied goth girl. His big tiddied goth girl. Lying in this lustful red light night after night. Leaving my curtains open hoping that if he drives by my place he’d see the ferric beacon bleeding out of my windows and.. he’d come back. I keep pausing in my projects.. reflecting.. and asking myself a terrifying question….

When you graduate.

When you’re at your ideal weight and get the right insurance and have your bbl and boob job and facelift.

When all the frames are painted.

When all the dark art is hung up.

When your closet looks like night and your face looks like it is decorated in black ornaments and your skin looks like a canvass ran through by so many artists.

When it’s just you. Even though it’s not you. Because he killed you. And this is who is here now.

What will you do.

Do you think then maybe…

He’d come back?…

Now that he’s killed me. Now that i is dead and this Morningstar is alive. Now that I am his dream girl.

Will he?.. do you think…

He’d come back?

I know he’s not coming back. He’s told me. He’s shown me. And so I’ll never get me back. I’ll never get those parts of me back. That I dumped into his black hole of a soul. I’ll never have my faith in love back. I’ll never have my trust back. I’ll never have my innocent loving, doting, nurturing self back. I’ll never get my ball of light back. My stink. My autistic gremlin. My devil. My beautiful, beautiful Fallen Angel. With eyes so intense and irises so blue — and just a dash of green because of his heterochromia.

There are 7 billion people out there. But I will never get that feeling of ecstasy back.

I know I will heal eventually. I know I’ll learn to love and trust and be kind again. But it will never be the same. I will never be the same. And…

he’d.

never.

come back.

His one commandment.

So I don’t know what’s going to happen. I guess I’ll just keep doing the same things. I’ll keep making myself into his dream girl. And maybe at some point I’ll learn to do it for me. Or more likely, learn to lie to myself well enough to say I’m doing it for me. Gas light myself. Just like he taught me.

I’ll keep painting these red doors black. As if preparing for his return.

“What of a woman whose god has abandoned her?”

i

[ggyutarist]

✩₊⁺⋆☾ —— Moon, I hope you still know you always shine the brightest at night.⟢

A/N: harhar this is most especially for those who always did their best but were still outshined by some others (oh i wonder who that is). this one is kinda different as it uses I/me pronouns for most of it. uhhh yeah guys. ik some of us are tired of trying to get our efforts noticed but ykw?? live for yourself bc if they wont notice then they sure are missing a lot of stuffs💥💥. inspired by that random uquiz i took ahasshshasha.

💫: Beomgyu x GN reader 

(except its mentioned that its beomgyu only at the very end)

Content: Angst (i attempted pls forgive me), barely any cursing, Moon represents reader, Sun could be anyone you wish, Sun outshines Moon lol and Moon cries abt it.

WC: 1k

Foolish, innocent children would think the Moon has its own light that blooms only when the sky is inked in a dark shade.

“It’s so pretty!” A kid would say.

It is truly pretty, isn’t it? I can’t bear to tell you it’s fake. I can’t bear to tell you that the Moon gets the light from something that actually shines. Something that shines way too much. Fuck the Sun. It shines on its own, sure, but it’s blinding. No way anyone can even look at it for too long without risking their precious sight.

Why? Why does everyone like the Sun? Okay, it shows you big clouds you can make shapes with, wow! Lightens your path so you could see everyone and everything, that’s so astonishing!! It shines a lot, doesn’t it? The Sun has lots of people watching over it. Appreciating it every. single. day.

But the Moon?

Is long forgotten. Everyone turns off their lights, puts on their sleeping mask, and hits the bed. A few may give some glances, but they let themselves soon fall to the temptation of sleep. No one really bothers cranking their necks up a bit and look towards the Moon. You know, give it a bit of attention too.

Too bad that nobody cares, right? I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m so forgettable. Why do you just brush past me? Don’t you care? Don’t you give a fuck at all? Is my glow not pretty? Is Sun prettier?

If only the gods gave the Moon freedom to cry, it would sob. Sob so loudly that it would echo among the skies. If that’s the only way to get a few eyes on it, then so be it. If they would not look at it for its beautiful aspects, then look at the ugly side. Hear it sob so noisily till you scrunch up your faces in disgust, asking what the hell was wrong with it.

That’s the problem. You don’t know.

The Moon would cry and cry, choking up apologies that no ears would hear.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I cannot light up the sky as much as Sun does. I’m sorry that I cannot give you clouds you can make shapes out of. I only have stars with me.

Stars aren’t as big as the clouds but there’s many of them.

Clouds look too few because they’re large in size. It was okay to the people. Why? Because it looked grand. They covered up majority of the sky unlike stars.

No one bothers looking at the stars. Not as many as with clouds, at least. Everyone sleeps. They all sleep. Why don’t you look at my stars? They’re small but I gave you millions, billions, trillions of them. Please notice my stars. Please.

I know, I know, I know, I KNOW. I know I can’t shine as bright as the Sun. I know my light is just reflected off from the Sun. But what will I do? No matter what I do, it is what it is. Please stop comparing me to Sun. I know it’s the better version of me but I’m trying okay? I really am. Why can’t you see these trillion stars I try showing you?

Right. Because you’re asleep, waiting for Sun tomorrow.

Why do you brush me off so easily? Don’t you fucking understand how hard it is to light up a sky that ends up black the whole time? I said I’m trying. I really am. I have to go through that every single night but no one bothers looking at me. I have to light up my brightest using Sun’s light but the sky still ends up dark. 

Why is my sky inked in this miserable black while Sun gets a pretty blue? Is my shine not bright enough? Am I too dull for you?

Sun gets the privilege of seeing everyone unlike Moon. Moon, who is doomed to a fate of prolonged darkness, cannot see everyone because it is too dark. But that’s where Moon’s view is wrong in. Just because Sun can see everyone, does not mean Moon has no one at all.

There is someone looking over Moon, all the time. Perhaps, not just one person but Moon will never know because it is too dark. Although, it should not assume that it is trapped alone in this inked sky. Always, someone is looking up at it and appreciating its beautiful stars. It may not cover up the sky as much as clouds but who should care? The stars still have their own charms and the fact there’s too many of them to count…is amazing on its own.

The way the dark sky was bedecked in tiny stars that glowed was mesmerizing. Whoever missed on seeing that is truly unfortunate but maybe, not for him.

Someone who is watching the Moon right now, he wishes he could show just how pretty they are. If there was a big enough mirror, then he would bring it. The way the Moon shined in a dark night was inspiring. The little stars along with it…he wished he could hold it in his arms. Embrace them and show them to Moon so they would love themselves a little more. The stars were always pretty. Small but pretty. Take out his camera and snap a picture of it? Maybe. He wants to show the Moon so badly but unfortunately, in this life, the Moon might never be able to see. Although, still…

I hope the Moon can see that someday…somehow, somewhere that they are not alone and someone is watching them. I hope the Moon knows it still shines the brightest at night with their stars. Even if it takes millennia.

“The Moon is so pretty, isn’t it?”

For you were the moon that tried their very best for the longest time up to now and Beomgyu, was the sole person who saw every effort and wish he could show you how pretty you made the sky. Even if it was just little stars that you did.

[queentala]

Gavriel and Rowan for @hot-ashryver bc I love them

Having those two as lovers is like a win at a lottery. Basically, you're set up for the rest of your life as they would rather fling themselves off a cliff than see you lift a finger

They’re constantly jumping around you, making sure you’re happy, healthy and comfortable

You need anything? One word and they’re already on the way to bring you whatever your heart desires, let it even be the moon on a string

You’re bathed in affection 24/7, and given that Gavriel and Rowan love each other as much as they love you, there’s so much warmth, kisses and cuddles in your life

It’s a really healthy relationship. You can always tell them everything and know for sure that you’ll find comfort and support in their arms, of course vice versa

Both are extremely supportive of your hobbies and job, and want you to fulfill yourself, but even if they’re never going to say it out loud, they’d be more than happy if you decided to stay home and let them provide for you

Just knowing that you’re safe home plus they get to have you all to themself is making them feel somehow calmer

They hate seeing you worried or sad, but because they are both warriors and sometimes they simply leave for war, you spend weeks, months even, worrying about them and not once crying as you know there’s nothing you can do but hope they come back to you in one piece

Your goodbyes are painful for all of you, but once your eye catch their figures in the crowd of soldiers, your feet carry you faster than wind and within seconds you’re back in their embrace

Those evening are always spend with the three of you tangled between sheets. Sometimes naked, other times clothed... It never matters as long as you’re together

Rowan and Gavriel are slightly overprotective when it comes to your safety so they’re always on either of your sides, Rowan’s hand on your lower back, Gavriel’s tangled with yours as you walk through the city. Any male or female that looks at you a second too long has to immediately deal with narrowed eyes and exposed fangs aimed at them

They are also both light sleepers and at the beginning of your relationship they used to shoot awake at your slightest move. As it started to become tiring, they started caging you in their iron grips for the night, depriving you of the ability to move in your sleep

You complained for some time but after one night when you were forced to sleep alone as Rowan and Gavriel were off on a mission, you missed their touch so much that now it’s your arms around them so they couldn’t let you go as they roll over or something

Also, they would really want to start a family with you

And not being able to imagine better fathers in the world, you just couldn’t say no to them

You end up having a lot of children, with each one of them being completely different

One identical as Rowan, one the exact copy of Gavriel, baby girl that looks like mammy, boy with golden hair and mama’s eyes, and baby that’s 50/50 you and Rowan

Every single one of them is loved exactly the same by every one of you, and your kids are the happiest in the world with two amazing fathers and the most perfect mama 

Gods I think I need to make a separate post for these two as fathers as I could write about this for hours...

Anyway, you’re pregnant? Their overprotectiveness gets like ten times bigger

They are both pleasure doms and the most passionate lovers you could imagine so you could never say you lack something in bedroom

There’s also no pressure that it’s always has to be the three of you. It’s fine if you have sex only with Rowan or only with Gavriel, and you’re completely fine if you come back home to your men naked and sweaty in bed (in fact you don’t mind sitting on a couch with glass of vine in hand and watch your lovers in bed)

Conclusions: they are perfect

[hhawks]

THE KIND OF GIRL YOU DREAM OF

✰ starring: lady nagant/kaina tsutsumi x fem!reader ✰ synopsis: in which you spend your nights wishing your girlfriend would stay. ✰ content: mha manga spoilers if you squint, post paranormal liberation war arc (i haven't read it so if anything's wrong crucify me), kinda toxic nagant ngl, clingy reader, kinda angsty. i really just put my tummy ache on the keyboard n it wrote this. very self indulgent ✰ warnings: oral (f! receiving), non descriptive fingering, slight dom/sub dynamics ✰ word count: 2.3k ✰ a/n: you ever just want something you can't have bc that's me with kaina tsutsumi

“kaina.”

her name. when was the last time she’d heard it? when had anyone called her anything but nagant? you watch the way she tenses at the doorframe, hand sliding down the dark oak. “hey.”

“hey?” you don’t rise from your place in the bed, your knees curled to your chest, the way she had found you here, on this monday night. “hey?”

“what else do you want me to say?” her voice is tired, you can hear the traces of strain and phlegm and tiredness behind it. “i’m sorry? i am, you know.”

you roll your eyes, leaning back against the headboard. “you could at least sound genuine about it. you know, after leaving for three weeks without so much as a warning.”

it was true. you’d gone to sleep with kaina one night only to find her gone the next morning, a whisper in the wind, not even a goodbye to detail her absence. it wasn’t an uncommon phenomenon; you know kaina’s resilience to duty was stronger than anything else. more important to her than anything.

and that included you, her girlfriend.

“i can’t stay long.” there they are. the four dreaded words you fear every time she comes back home. “i have another mission in about three hours. but i thought i’d come by.”

“come by your own house?” you can taste the bitterness on your tongue, the embers that coat the tip of your words.

she sighs. it’s so obvious she’s tired, and you curse yourself for being so harsh with her, but you can’t help the ache in your heart that tattles on you. the subtle beating of your pulse that rises ever so slightly when she walks forward, planting one knee of the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight. “‘m sorry,” she whispers, and when you look at her, you can’t seem to find even a trace of disingenuity in her eyes, no matter how hard you look. “i really am. i wish i could stay.”

“then stay,” you whimper, reaching forward to wrap your arms around her neck. “please. ‘m tired of sleeping alone, kai.”

you watch her eyes close, the way the moonlight paints the angles of her face silver. the dusty gleam of light cracks through the room, padding softly between two lovers, destined apart. “please,” comes your broken plea, begging, desperate.

she laughs. not a happy, melodical one, but one that’s full of air. full of resignation, full of stop asking, please, stop asking for what i cannot give you. the words aren’t spoken, but they’re there. they’re inkling at the back of her throat and the tip of your tongue. hanging between your mouths, taunting you.

“can i kiss you?” she asks, violet eyes glassy. your heart breaks in two, in pieces, into shards that pierce your fingertips with every inch of skin you dare to touch. like electricity, buzzing in your nerves, synapses crying and jumping and fizzling. you want everything and anything, and so you answer her with a kiss.

she’s warm and sweet, familiar and sighing with a deep, finally. like she’s been waiting weeks for the taste of your tongue, to feel the softness of your skin under the pads of her fingers. you think, maybe she has. maybe she thinks about me. really, thinks about me. there’s the scent of need and desire as she climbs further up the bed to you, enveloping you in her arms, the strong stench of her work and the constant reminder that this is temporary. that her time here is borrowed, a breather between jobs and that you’re not really a priority. just a hobby.

but she’s here, you remind yourself, as her lips trail from your lips to your jaw. you giggle softly, a small tickles, leaves your mouth in a breath. and she laughs with you. she’s here with me, she came to me. are your insecurities unfounded? you’re trying, valiantly trying not to think as she holds you, rucks her hands up your sleep shirt, warm palms to chilled skin. “kaina,” you whimper. “more, please.”

she nods. silent. ever mum, working more with her hands. her fingers twist in the cotton of your shirt, and she glances at you for permission. you nod shakily. “yes, yes.”

goosebumps raise along your exposed skin, your nipples pebbling. she throws your shirt over her shoulder, already forgotten as she watches you shiver. “fuck,” she breathes. “‘s cold, isn’t it? d’you wanna lie down?”

“‘s okay,” you murmur, tugging on her own clothes. “take ‘em off, wanna see you.”

you help her along, undoing the belt and the back of her costume, the dark fabric falling away under your fingers. scar upon scar is revealed to you, stories she’s told you of her time in the hero commission, in tartarus. you shed tears as she rocked you and only whispers as comfort, her arms holding you tightly against her chest. darkened sinew trailing down, down, down.

only the moonlight is privy to this moment between two lovers, who sit across from one another in silence, some sort of twisted intimacy as you look. just look. watch the way her chest heaves as she breathes, new bruises, dried blood. your heart aches to rip itself out of your chest and fling itself next to her own, but you hold it steady. instead, you reach an arm out, tentative hands finding sensitive skin. “kaina,” you mumble, tracing a new scar, barely healed, dried scabbed skin pulling itself taut to heal her.

“it’s nothing,” she assures you, but there’s a warble in her voice that makes you doubt. you’ve never called kaina a liar. she’s the most honest person you’ve ever met. but as she winces, obvious pain rippling as you caress her bare skin, you know candour has never met her tongue tonight. “baby, lay down.”

you look at her, unsure. uncertain creases your brow, makes you ugly. she reaches forward and thumbs the wrinkle away, and guides you to lay on your back before her. “wanna make you feel good,” she smiles against your cheek. “let me?”

kaina hovers above you, lips trailing from your jaw to the hollow of your throat, biting and sucking. you whimper, wrapping your arms under her arms. “kai, d-don’t, it’ll show—”

“i want it to,” she peers up at you. “so people know you belong to me.” she licks a forming bruise, blue and purple and lovely. she leaves a trail, wet and featherlight down to your navel, where the band of your panties awaits her. she digs her fingertips under the elastic, snapping it once. you jerk slightly, a pent up breath expelled from where you were holding it.

“so sensitive,” she smiles, nudging the tip of her nose against it, the only thing separating her from your clit that flimsy piece of cotton. “been keeping it good for me?”

“mmhm,” you whine. “haven’t cum since the last time you made me. promise.”

“good girl,” she affirms, her tongue poking out to run a wet stripe over the crotch of your panties. “so good.” her tongue is so warm, you can feel it even over the cotton, and it makes you clench. just the heat of her mouth is enough to see you come undone, and you think that there’s nothing more you could ever want or need than her pulling them off right now.

you whine. “off, off,” you’re kicking, trying to rub your thighs together for friction. “wanna feel your tongue, kai, please?” you must look pitiful, because her eyes soften and her jaw goes slack, and her fingertips are moving faster than you can register to pull the soft fabric down your thighs. it feels cold, her fingertips tracing patterns into your skin, so soft and teasing they make your toes curl. there’s a beat of silence that passes between the two of you as she helps you toe your panties completely off and she just looks. looks at the way your pussy drips in front of her, silver glistening against the expanse of your skin. milky hands find their way to your thighs, her grip strong as she pulls you closer to her.

“i’ve missed this pussy,” she breathes, nudging the tip of her nose along the slick of your folds. “holy fuck, i’ve missed your pussy.”

“missed y’too,” you whimper, backing your hips up against her face. “thought of you every night, wish you’d—” you cut off with a sharp gasp as she runs a flat stripe up from your hole to your clit. the customary “fuck,” comes out with a shudder.

“wish i’d what, hm?” she hums into your cunt, latching her lips along the weeping mess of your cunt. “honestly, i could just— fuck, i could just breathe you in.”

you feel the steady rise and fall of her breath against you and you whine, “kaina, ‘ts cold, cold.”

“answer me.” she punctuates her command with a tight smack over your clit and you jerk in surprise, squirming under her grip. “wish i’d what, baby?”

you huff, a breath lost between your lungs and your throat. “wish, w-wish,” you muster all you can to answer her but it just won’t come out, not with her stiff tongue drawing circles around the sensitive bud of your clit, fingers rubbing your thighs soothingly. “wish you’d s-stay.”

if you catch the way she tenses you don’t bring it up. her shoulders stiffen and her grip on you gets ever tighter. “wish i’d stay, huh? needy, clingy little girl?” deflecting, evading. all she’s ever known, never one to let herself get tied down to one single person. it’s all kaina’s known, the fastest way to escape, how to fit herself in the grooves of the world just right so she can slip right out. she’d be lying if she said you didn’t soften her, mellow her down enough to get her into your bed, but the tendency remained.

was it enough to lie for the night?

but you beg so sweet, tantalising cherry on your tongue. you command her, you rear your weapon against the tirade of her resistance. you make her feet heavy-laden, sinking into the hardwood floors, tired and guilty with the stench of abandoning you. it hurts, pierces her where she wishes she couldn’t feel, to see you unwrapped and vulnerable in front of her. to know that you trust her, love her even, and she’s thinking of leaving.

could the truth just be denied for the rest of time?

“please,” you’re begging as she keeps her tongue on you, fingers teasing your inner thighs. “please, don’t leave. stay.”

she needs you to shut up. to be quiet. so she sucks harshly on your clit until you’re crying, whimpering pathetically, melting right into the palm of her hand. she gasps when you clench hard, gushing without so much as a “cumming, c-cumming!”.

“there we go,” she coos, rubbing a finger along your clit to ease you through your orgasm. you’re glassy-eyed, peering down at her, hands flexing and reaching for her. “feel good?”

you hum, nodding shakily. “c-can you,” you breathe through words. it’s hard to find your tongue. “kaina, can you c’mere?”

why does she obey? why can’t she find it in herself to step back, to wipe the slick and drool off her chin and vanish into the twilight, just as she’s done every week since you met? maybe it’s the look of pure loyalty in your eyes, glimmering gold under your heavy eyelids. maybe it’s the whipping wind in your voice, icy yet melodic, calling her name. kaina. kaina. kaina. how long has it been since she’d heard it?

and how long has it been since she’d responded to it?

kaina shuffles forward on her knees, hovering above you. “‘m here,” she whispers, lowering herself down so her forehead presses to yours. “‘m here, okay?”

she fingers you to the edge of your sanity after that, watches you in silent horror and wonder as you cum, thrash under the weight of her gaze. she begins to feel, for the first time in her life, the need to stay. the desire to curl up next to your heaving body as you come around from your orgasm, and hold you. to ignore the mission before her, and the war behind her.

(it remains a desire, one she never sought after, and one she never dared to give up on.)

“stay,” kaina hears you whisper as you drift off to sleep. your eyelids are drooping, the torrent of the night finally catching up to you. she thinks it’s over, the navy skies pulling streaks of grey through the horizon, detailing the start of her work. until she moves to leave, and your hand, half asleep, grips hers. “i love you, kai.” you mumble.

(in the morning, you won’t remember you said that. in the morning, you’ll wake up alone, and wonder if the night was a dream. all that remains of kaina is the bruises she painted into your skin.

in the morning, you won’t know that she cried, over you, over this. over your slumbering body, knowing that she could never bring you into her world. knowing that she could never cross into yours. you won’t know how she stayed until the last second, wanting so badly to stay.

you won’t know that in her mind, she gave up.

you only realise when you never see her again.)

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Scummy, sleazy!Naoya who’s your next door neighbor and you honestly can’t stand him. He’s stomping his feet and slamming shit 24/7, plays his music or tv loud at all hours of the night and don’t get me started on the banchee screaming women that are in and out almost every night. You tried to be nice, asked him to keep it down a little. I mean, he’s not the only person that lives in the building, right? He should just respect his neighbors but you didn’t know what you started by coming to him at 11 at night, banging on his door to “keep it down asshole people are trying to sleep!” Well now, it seems like you’re not getting any sleep because every night, as soon as you’re tucked in and your head hits the pillow, you hear the wet, sloppy sound of Naoya jerking his cock in his room, that just happens to be next to your room and, what’s that? Is he actually moaning you’re name??!! 👀👀

BABE?? YOUR MIND IS JUST—JUST SO BIG JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Ok, ok, you've forced my hand. I have to write Naoya x chubby fem reader bc my mind is RACING with possibilities

CW: chubby fem reader, misogyny, fatphobia, some bullying, male masturbation, breeding kink, allusions to baby trapping

Jesus christ ok—

Scummy!Naoya is the absolute WORST

Imagine living next door to this bastard as a woman jesus christ

Now let's be clear: Naoya is not a good guy here sksksk he is still an arrogant misogynist who deserves a good kick in the nuts

But... *debby ryan ear tuck* he's still kinda hot sksksk

ANYWAYS yall are neighbors and he's a NIGHTMARE

Always making noise, never listening to your gentle requests to please turn the volume down bc you have to wake up early for work

He just simply doesn't care about you and your stupid problems

I imagine Naoya as this privileged little playboy who lives off daddy's money and has never had to work a day in his life

He doesn't like the apartment he lives in, he thinks it's too cheap and dingy, but again, living off daddy's money so he doesn't really have a say where he lives

He still complains tho sksksk

And he doesn't care for his neighbors

He wishes he could live in a penthouse with a new girl in his bed every night, but nooooooo he has to live in a corner apartment with you as his nextdoor neighbor

Speaking of you: he hates you skskks

He thinks you're so ANNOYING: your smile, your laugh, the baggy clothes you wear when you walk around the apartment complex

He thinks you're a sad excuse for a woman, working and living alone and weighing far more than average

He thinks you're pathetic and he HATES that you love yourself as much as you do

He doesn't go out of his way to speak to you, but if you do interact, he's far less than kind

"You're still single? I'm not surprised, seeing the way you look and the fact that you're as independent as the average man. Maybe if you lost a few pounds and acted like a lady, people would like you more."

He's clearly insecure about himself and just taking it out on you bc you're pretty and nice and sexy and funny and perfect and he can't stand it 🙄💅

But you're unbothered bc you're confident and know your worth and some pencil dick weasel like him can't ruin that 😌

He's still a pain in the ass tho 😒

Always playing his shitty rap music and stupid shows super late and super loud

And then there's the plethora of women who stop by to have screaming matches with him

They wail and cry about how he cheated on them and he always claims that they weren't even dating which makes the screaming WORSE

The sound of slamming doors and thrown objects has become far more common than you would like

One night you've just had enough: you have to be up at 6am and Naoya has been watching TV at full volume for the last two hours and you're DONE

You stomp over to his apartment in your pajamas and bang on his door nonstop until he answers

"What the hell do you—"

"NO," you interrupt, jabbing his chest with your finger. "I'm tired of telling you to quiet down. You're a fucking adult; you need to start acting like one and be respectful of other people. If you don't turn your shit down, I will call the police and get your ass thrown out of this apartment. Don't fucking try me."

You stomp back to your apartment without another word, sending him one last glare before slamming your door shut.

To your surprise, the TV is turned down quite a bit and you're finally able to rest

Naoya can't sleep tho, still shocked by everything that transpired

He's never seen you so angry before, your eyebrows furrowed, lips turned down into the meanest frown he's ever seen, making your pretty plump features look ugly—

Wait

Pretty??

Shit... now that he thought about it, you really were pretty, with your bright eyes and plush frame, looking so soft and delectable. He wondered if you tasted as good as you looked—

WHAT NO WAIT NO HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK OF YOU IN THAT WAY!! You were just some stupid fat woman that lived nextdoor who shouldn't work so much and instead should spend her time lounging around at home eating juicy fruit in the nude and spreading her legs for him when he came home from work—

OKAY HE'S GOTTA STOP

He's just tired and horny, he doesn't actually like you, it's just that he's not in the right mindset to recognize you for who you really are. He'll go to bed and he'll be back to despising you by tomorrow

But... that doesn't happen 🧍‍♂️

Naoya keeps thinking about you, how your tank top and shorts hugged your frame so well, how he could see your nipples hardening beneath your shirt and how he had the sudden urge to suck them into his mouth and bite them...

Sooooo... Naoya may not hate you as much as he originally thought...

He doesn't want to admit it, but he actually finds you incredibly attractive

Yes he's a fatphobic piece of shit and thought that you were a slob at first just bc of your size but now he thinks your wide hips are perfect for child-bearing and that the extra fat would aid you during pregnancy pregnancy kink is off the CHARTS for this asshole

Nah but fr, he's starting to peak glances at your curvy body whenever you're not looking

Every time yall meet at the mailboxes downstairs, he's lagging behind so he can watch you as you walk upstairs, your hips swaying, your ass looking like a perfect round peach

He's started coming over to borrow flour or milk, any excuse to see you and admire the way you look in your casual clothes

One time you answered the door in a towel and he had to hide his boner while you got him a cup of sugar he was so tempted to turn things around and be like "why don't you give me some real sugar, babygirl?" Turn this into some kinda porno but he couldn't speak he was so nervous 😓

He's thinking about bending your body in the craziest positions, your rolls squished together and your tongue lolling out of your mouth as he pounds into you, hearts in your eyes as he fills you up for the nth time that night

He's struggling to fall asleep without jerking off at least once before bed

He's thinking about you, obviously, how your back would arch beautifully as he pushes your head down into his sheets and pounds your fat cunt for hours on end

He's sure you'd be so precious in bed, your mean attitude melting away after creaming on his dick a few times, turning whiny and needy, hooking your ankles around him and making grabbing hands at him, silently begging him to come closer

He can practically hear your cute, breathy moans in his ear as he jerks his cock late at night

"Oh my god, Naoya! Fuck me, fuck me!!"

His imagination runs wild as he fucks his lube-slicked hand, imagining it's your pretty chubby pussy taking him instead

He's so wrapped up in his little fantasy of you that he's not thinking about how loud he's being

"Fuck, Y/N! That's it, fucking take it. So good, so fucking good, shit! Gonna fill you up, gonna get you fucking pregnant. Gonna make you my cute little housewife, keep you safe and well-fed—fuck, you feel so fucking good—"

He cums with a groan of your name, cleaning up after basking in the afterglow for a few minutes

There's a knock at his door 😶

He's confused af bc it's like midnight but he goes to the door anyways and lo and behold look who it is, it's the girl he just jerked off to

He's like "🧍‍♂️ what... what're you doing here?"

"You know I can hear you, right? These walls aren't as thick as you think they are."

His first reaction is embarrassment, but then he sees the outfit you're wearing—an oversized t-shirt that reaches your mid thigh—and suddenly he's glad you heard him

He leans against his doorframe, smirking softly, eyes roaming you as his dick starts to harden once again

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it?"

[krushkreates]

some post-inversion david x angel bc i like hurting and making yall hurt with me

tw/cw: post inversion, mental breakdown, ptsd, anxiety, night terrors- it’s a wild and long ride for this one.

INVERSION AND POST-INVERSION SPOILERS

—

angels been david’s pillar after the inversion. and honestly? i felt that. anyways, since david’s got a small security job, angel has the house to themselves for the day. it’s quiet. they’ve taken a nap, done laundry, cleaned, even made some food. they get a phone call from their best friend. it’s all fine and dandy. they know david’s been involved in an attack (or the inversion if they’re an empowered person) and that it’s been a rough time to say the least. they both go silent for a moment before they ask “angel, how are you actually doing?” and the floodgates open. angel confesses through these heaving sobs that they don’t sleep at night because david wakes up. sometimes he’s screaming, sometimes he’s half-shifted. sometimes he’s thrashing and growling. then the crying hits for hours and the suns up by then so there’s no point in going back to sleep because angel has work in an hour. they take a nap on their “lunch” that’s really maybe 15 minutes long so they’ve got 5 minutes to shovel in something so they don’t pass out. if they’re lucky they sleep in the car for 30 minutes once a week. their phone is always on the charge because they’re so scared they’ll get that call again that somethings happened and won’t know if he’s okay or god forbid even alive. the only times they really fully shower now are when he does because he doesn’t feel safe being alone and he’s usually needing to be under warm water. the therapist said it’s a good way of feeling safe so that’s what they do. angel doesn’t remember the last time their muscles fully relaxed or their head wasn’t hurting or part of their shirt wasn’t wet from tears. through all of this, they never once blame david. but they’re so tired and angels curled into themselves, shoulders shaking and eyes watering.

it’s so hard to be someone’s support when you yourself feel like you’re crumbling but what good is it to complain when you weren’t in the ward? you weren’t in there so your needs don’t matter? the front door opened about 10 minutes ago and while every fiber of david’s being is screaming at him to go comfort his mate, he stays, partially hidden by the wall that separates the front door and hallway from the kitchen. it’s a rare moment to hear angel genuinely express what’s been on their mind about all of this. he’s told them time and time again that his trauma doesnt mean they weren’t affected. now angels apologizing to the other person on the line but it’s just so damn hard because “i don’t remember the last time i got a full nights sleep or actually let myself cry and i don’t remember to take my fucking meds anymore because i have to make sure he does because i’m so scared that i’m gonna lose him to the aftermath.” it’s silent in the house and angels wiping their tears and apologizing again and shakily laughs at something the other person said. i’ll be alright, they reassure them. i love you and i’ll talk to you soon okay?

he takes that as his cue to start walking but all he can think of is how hurt they are. he takes a glance at their wide and bloodshot eyes and finally notices how dark the rings are and when did they lose that much weight and they’ve put the mask back on, asking him about his day and how the job went. he holds them so tight and apologies fall so fast out of his mouth and now they’re crying again and he’s fighting back tears but the therapist said that holding in emotions is bad so now they’re both crying on the kitchen floor. he’s hurting and they’re hurting and he’s hurting because they’re hurting for him. they know angel’s prone to anxiety but when you’re fighting for your life in your mind, you get tunnel vision. he notes that they never once blamed him. no accusatory fingers, no clipped tones of vehemence, no sagging shoulders when he asks them to come back to bed for a minute, no dry attitude if he comes home from the office early in tears. no stiff shoulders when he’s hugging them. none of that. always warm, soft, and caring. healing.

the kitchen tile is cold through his jeans and angel’s gripping his shirt the way he did the first month after. how animalistic emotions make a person. he’s sorry and they’re sorry and while wounds don’t heal proportionally to time, they heal eventually. they always do

[admiringlove]

hurtful things

+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.

+genre: angst; headcanons.

+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.

+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.

+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]

+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D

+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.

— KAEYA.

“i’m better off without you.”

you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 

you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 

"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"

you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"

"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."

he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."

"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).

"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."

you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 

so that's how it was, you think. 

the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 

ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 

he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?

and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 

did you really feel that bad about what he said?

in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 

"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"

jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."

"how long has it been?"

"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"

"i.. don't know."

he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 

maybe it was for the best.

— DILUC.

“you’re nothing but a burden.”

after taking on a few abyss mages and mitachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 

you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."

"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"

"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."

your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"

and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 

he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 

the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 

only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."

it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 

he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 

maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.

— CHILDE.

“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”

it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.

just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  

a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."

the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 

the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 

when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."

"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."

"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."

"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 

"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."

"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"

you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 

"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"

he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 

your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."

"wait, i didn't mean-"

"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."

it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 

it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.

— ZHONGLI.

“i’d like you to leave me alone.”

zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?

he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."

he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."

because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 

you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 

so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?

it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."

he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 

had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 

he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.

he couldn't breathe without you. 

he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."

you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."

god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 

he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[firefly-moon]

Pajama Party.

Oikawa Tooru X Reader

Your boyfriend had completely forgotten about your little pj party you two had planned , and once he came home to find you asleep on the couch he realized how much he loved you and how much he regretted missing it.

CW: hurt to comfort? Lowkey cliche, but sometimes they the best stories. I kinda wrote this one on a whim bc I just got a new onesie. Uhm. Crying? Barely edited even if our drama queen king deserves better writing😔😕

It had been the third time that you had to wait up for your boyfriend Tooru to get home. Three times in just this month in where he had skipped out your pajama parties.

Sure you were both busy adults, but these small things were events you had looked forward to at the end of every stressful work week. You had certain pajamas that you would put on and sit on the couch to set up y’all’s stay at home date night.

But three nights he had missed had been three too many. Every time Oikawa would arrive home in the dead hours of the night, he would se you cuddled into yourself on the couch. Tonight was no different.

You had found yourself a brand new onesie you wanted to show off tonight. It was a simple bear one, but nonetheless you loved it. Yet, you couldn’t. Tooru didn’t place his keys in the lock until you had fallen asleep.

Of course you didn’t want to make a big deal of him missing your small at home dates but it really didn’t sit right with you. Instead of being in Tooru’s arms, you would find yourself with a pillow on your lap with a bowl of ice cream and a stupid movie playing. You wouldn’t say anything because you knew how busy he was with volleyball and with the team.

Tooru made his way into your shared living room to find your sleeping figure wrapped up in a onesie and a small blanket. A frown had begun to form on his face. He had forgotten -again- that tonight was a pajama party. He stayed out late in the gym trying to get everything perfect.

He knows that can’t be an excuse. It’s a stupid excuse. Even if volleyball had always been first in his life, you had replaced not to long ago. He was falling into his old patterns again and he could tell it was affecting you. If Oikawa was anything, he was observant.

Loving him has never been easy. Never. And he knew that. He knew how egotistical he was, how obsessed he’d get with being perfect, and of course he knew how hard it was to just be around him in general some days.

Yet, you stuck through every day with him. The good and the bad. And here he was looking down at your cute figure as you slept without even giving anything back to you. The thought put tears in his eyes. He knew you could do so much better but here you were, after him missing three date nights, waiting for him.

He shrugged off his bag and walked into the shared bedroom. He threw on one of his onesies and went back to the living room. At this point you’d woken up from some of the noise and was lightly rubbing your eyes and reaching for the remote to turn the TV off. You hadn’t noticed Tooru yet.

“Darling?” He weakly called out, barely trusting his voice.

“Hm..?” You blinked back your sleep and gave him a tired smile. “Hi, Ru’..” you yawned and got up to give him a hug. At this point, Oikawa was crying. You were to good to him.

“Tooru? What’s wrong?” You felt him shaking underneath you and saw he was crying.

“I’m so sorry… I’ve skipped our dates and came home late and-“ you cut him off with a small peck to his cheek.

“It’s ok.. I know you’re busy and it does upset me, but I’m also proud you’re doing your best. Just don’t skip anymore..” you snuggled closer to him in the hug which just made him cry more. “Ru’ you’re such a crybaby.”

“Shut up Y/N,” he sniffled against your head. “Can we cuddle now..?” He barely whispered the question.

“Of course. Let’s go to bed and have our pajama party tomorrow.”