#attempted angst at leastš
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ā©āāŗāā¾ āā Moon, I hope you still know you always shine the brightest at night.ā¢
A/N: harhar this is most especially for those who always did their best but were still outshined by some others (oh i wonder who that is). this one is kinda different as it uses I/me pronouns for most of it. uhhh yeah guys. ik some of us are tired of trying to get our efforts noticed but ykw?? live for yourself bc if they wont notice then they sure are missing a lot of stuffsš„š„. inspired by that random uquiz i took ahasshshasha.
š«:Ā Beomgyu x GN readerĀ
(except its mentioned that its beomgyu only at the very end)
Content: Angst (i attempted pls forgive me), barely any cursing, Moon represents reader, Sun could be anyone you wish, Sun outshines Moon lol and Moon cries abt it.
WC: 1k
Foolish, innocent children would think the Moon has its own light that blooms only when the sky is inked in a dark shade.
āItās so pretty!āĀ A kid would say.
It is truly pretty, isnāt it? I canāt bear to tell you itās fake. I canāt bear to tell you that the Moon gets the light from something that actually shines. Something that shines way too much. Fuck the Sun. It shines on its own, sure, but itās blinding. No way anyone can even look at it for too long without risking their precious sight.
Why? Why does everyone like the Sun? Okay, it shows you big clouds you can make shapes with, wow! Lightens your path so you could see everyone and everything, thatās so astonishing!! It shines a lot, doesnāt it? The Sun has lots of people watching over it. Appreciating it every. single. day.
But the Moon?
Is long forgotten. Everyone turns off their lights, puts on their sleeping mask, and hits the bed. A few may give some glances, but they let themselves soon fall to the temptation of sleep. No one really bothers cranking their necks up a bit and look towards the Moon. You know, give it a bit of attention too.
Too bad that nobody cares, right? I donāt know. I donāt know why Iām so forgettable. Why do you just brush past me? Donāt you care? Donāt you give a fuck at all? Is my glow not pretty? Is Sun prettier?
If only the gods gave the Moon freedom to cry, it would sob. Sob so loudly that it would echo among the skies. If thatās the only way to get a few eyes on it, then so be it. If they would not look at it for its beautiful aspects, then look at the ugly side. Hear it sob so noisily till you scrunch up your faces in disgust, asking what the hell was wrong with it.
Thatās the problem. You donāt know.
The Moon would cry and cry, choking up apologies that no ears would hear.
Iām sorry. Iām sorry that I cannot light up the sky as much as Sun does. Iām sorry that I cannot give you clouds you can make shapes out of. I only have stars with me.
Stars arenāt as big as the clouds but thereās many of them.
Clouds look too few because theyāre large in size. It was okay to the people. Why? Because it looked grand. They covered up majority of the sky unlike stars.
No one bothers looking at the stars. Not as many as with clouds, at least. Everyone sleeps. They all sleep. Why donāt you look at my stars? Theyāre small but I gave you millions, billions, trillions of them. Please notice my stars.Ā Please.
I know, I know, I know, I KNOW. I know I canāt shine as bright as the Sun. I know my light is just reflected off from the Sun. But what will I do? No matter what I do, it is what it is. Please stop comparing me to Sun. I know itās the better version of me but Iām trying okay? I really am. Why canāt you see these trillion stars I try showing you?
Right. Because youāre asleep, waiting for Sun tomorrow.
Why do you brush me off so easily? Donāt you fucking understand how hard it is to light up a sky that ends up black the whole time? I said Iām trying. I really am. I have to go through that every single night but no one bothers looking at me. I have to light up my brightest using Sunās light but the sky still ends up dark.Ā
Why is my sky inked in this miserable black while Sun gets a pretty blue? Is my shine not bright enough? Am I too dull for you?
Sun gets the privilege of seeing everyone unlike Moon. Moon, who is doomed to a fate of prolonged darkness, cannot see everyone because it is too dark. But thatās where Moonās view is wrong in. Just because Sun can see everyone, does not mean Moon has no one at all.
There is someone looking over Moon, all the time. Perhaps, not just one person but Moon will never know because it is too dark. Although, it should not assume that it is trapped alone in this inked sky. Always, someone is looking up at it and appreciating its beautiful stars. It may not cover up the sky as much as clouds but who should care? The stars still have their own charms and the fact thereās too many of them to countā¦is amazing on its own.
The way the dark sky was bedecked in tiny stars that glowed was mesmerizing. Whoever missed on seeing that is truly unfortunate but maybe, not for him.
Someone who is watching the Moon right now, he wishes he could show just how pretty they are. If there was a big enough mirror, then he would bring it. The way the Moon shined in a dark night was inspiring. The little stars along with itā¦he wished he could hold it in his arms. Embrace them and show them to Moon so they would love themselves a little more. The stars were always pretty. Small but pretty. Take out his camera and snap a picture of it? Maybe. He wants to show the Moon so badly but unfortunately, in this life, the Moon might never be able to see. Although, stillā¦
I hope the Moon can see that somedayā¦somehow, somewhere that they are not alone and someone is watching them. I hope the Moon knows it still shines the brightest at night with their stars. Even if it takes millennia.
āThe Moon is so pretty, isnāt it?ā
For you were the moon that tried their very best for the longest time up to now and Beomgyu, was the sole person who saw every effort and wish he could show you how pretty you made the sky. Even if it was just little stars that you did.
#beomgyu x reader#beomgyu x gn reader#beomgyu x gender neutral reader#beomgyu x female reader#beomgyu x male reader#beomgyu x you#beomgyu x y/n#txt x gn reader#txt x gender neutral reader#txt x reader#choi beomgyu#beomgyu angst#txt angst#attempted angst at leastš
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HOW DIFFERENT BATBOYS APOLOGIZE AFTER A ARGUMENT āā .ā¦
a/n: Lowkey I feel like Iām like slightest but problematic in arguments (not me exposing myself) but srs I got this request by a anon! (Here) So yeah tysmm, I wonāt be writing the argument because lowkey, I canāt do angst at this time šš
(Tags: how different batboys apologize after a argument)
BRUCE WAYNE āā .ā¦
The "I'm Sorry, Butā¦" Apology: Bruceās apology might be a little stiff at first. Heās not great with words when it comes to his emotions, but he does know how to make up for things. His apology might start with something like, "I know Iāmā¦ difficult, but I didnāt mean to hurt you." The real comedy comes in when he tries to "fix" the situation by throwing money at itālike suggesting an extravagant dinner or buying you a new wardrobe because, "I know it will make you feel better."
Trying Too Hard to Be āNormalā: He might try to act like heās ānot Bruce Wayneā for a second, attempting to be goofy to show you heās truly sorry. Picture Bruce awkwardly trying to make a joke: "Iām sorry I made you feel like I was ignoring you. How about we go outā¦ without my bodyguards this time? You know, like a normal date?"
The Silent Apology: More often than not, Bruce will show you heās sorry with actions, like preparing your favorite meal or doing something thoughtful (such as leaving you a handwritten note or taking care of something you've been stressing about). But if you press him for words, he might simply mutter, āIām not good at thisā¦ but I am sorry,ā and leave it at that.
DICK GRAYSON āā .ā¦
The Full-On āIām Sorry, Please Forgive Meā Routine: Dick is extremely sorry whenever heās messed up, and he knows how to make it entertaining. Heāll show up with flowers, chocolates, or maybe even your favorite ice cream. And then, with a totally sincere but dramatic flair, heāll say something like, āListen, I know I was an idiot, and I have no excuse except that Iām clearly emotionally stupid when Iām upset. So please, for the love of all things holy, let me make it up to you.ā
Humorous Apologies: Dick might also make you laugh with his over-the-top apologies. Maybe he tries to outdo himself by setting up an elaborate āromanticā date, only for it to completely go awry (think spaghetti noodles flying everywhere or a very unromantic āromanticā location). Heāll laugh it off, saying, āOkay, so maybe thatās not exactly how I imagined itā¦ but you have to admit, itās unforgettable.ā
The Super Dramatic āIām Sorryā Speech: After an argument, Dick is not shy about admitting when heās wrong. Heāll deliver a heartfelt, exaggerated apology, something like, "I was a fool, and I see now that I was wrong. You are perfect, and I am definitely not. How do you put up with me?" Then, he might give you puppy-dog eyes, as if expecting you to immediately forgive him.
JASON TODD āā .ā¦
The āI Know I Messed Up, Butā¦ Hereās a Giftā Approach: Jason is quick to apologize, but itās not usually with a heartfelt speech. Instead, heāll show up with a giftāmaybe something small but thoughtful, like your favorite snack or a new book he knows youāve been eyeing. Heāll casually hand it to you and say, āAlright, alright, I messed up. But you know Iām not great at this, so hereās my attempt at being a decent human being.ā
Comedic Self-Deprecation: Jason, knowing heās not always the best communicator, might start with a little self-deprecating humor. "Look, Iām sorry, okay? Youāre right, I am a jerk sometimes. But hey, at least I didnāt set anything on fire this time, right?" Heāll try to make you laugh with his inability to fully express himself, but you know he means it.
The āIām Sorry, Now Letās Get Back to Normalā Routine: Jason might awkwardly try to move past the argument, brushing it off with a gruff, "Look, Iām sorry for being a pain. Can we justā¦ go back to how things were?" It's not the most eloquent apology, but itās Jason, and itās his way of saying he wants to make things right without diving too deep into feelings.
TIM DRAKE āā .ā¦
The "I Overthought This" Apology: Tim is a perfectionist, so when he messes up, heāll overthink how to apologize. Heāll probably try to do something really thoughtful, like writing you a letter or planning a whole day dedicated to making it up to you. But the real comedy comes when he gets so wrapped up in planning that heās awkward about it. "I, uh, made you a list of everything I could do to make it up to you, starting withā¦ well, taking you out for dinner. You like sushi, right? But if you prefer something else, I can alsoā"
The "What Do You Need?" Routine: Tim might also take a very logical approach. Heāll ask, "What would you like me to do to fix this?" but in a way that makes it seem like heās creating a spreadsheet of ways to apologize. "Iāve compiled some options for you to choose from. Option one: Dinner. Option two: A walk in the park. Option three: Let me do your laundry for the next weekā¦ā
The 'Nervous, Over-Apologetic' Tim: Tim is likely to be the one who apologizes over and over again. Heāll say āIām sorryā about a dozen times in a single conversation, with increasing levels of anxiety. "I really didnāt mean it that way. Iām so sorry. Are we okay? You donāt seem mad, but if you are, I understand, and Iām really, really sorry."
DAMIAN WAYNE āā .ā¦
The Reluctant Apology: Damian isnāt one to apologize easily, and when he does, itās more formal. He might say something like, āI apologize for my behavior. It was uncalled for.ā And then heāll awkwardly pause, before adding, "I... didnāt mean to upset you." The comedic part comes when he clearly doesnāt understand how heās hurt you. He might ask, āIs there anything I can do to make it right? Orā¦ was this just another one of your moods?ā
The Unintentional "Nice Guy" Apology: Damian will give you something as an apologyāperhaps a bouquet of flowers or something that he āfound interesting,ā but heāll likely be very stiff about it, saying something like, āThis is for you. I thought you would appreciate it. Itāsā¦ an apology gift.ā Heāll be surprised when you react positively, since heās convinced that youāll just think itās lame
A Small Gesture of Remorse: As an apology, Damian might ask you to join him for a quiet walk or for tea, giving you a rare moment of sincerity. He might even throw in a joke (but itāll be one of those very dry ones), saying, āThe tea will be of the highest quality, so I suppose that should count for something."
#jason todd#dc#batboys#jason todd x reader#jason todd headcanon#batboys x reader#red hood x reader#red hood headcanon#red hood#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson headcanon#dick grayson#nightwing x reader#nightwing headcanon#nightwing#dollish#damian al ghul x reader#damian al ghul#damian wayne#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne headcanon#damian al ghul headcanon#tim drake#tim drake x reader#tim drake headcanon#red robin headcanon#red robin x reader#red robin#bruce wayne#bruce wayne headcanon
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Warnings: ā¢none to be concerned about ā¢fluff ā¢also angst (itās literally a small but promiseš)
Summary; Miguel Ohara thinks he might be in love
Miguel Ohara hasnāt felt anything in a long while.
Not since the death of his beloved daughter, not since the downfall of the one universe he could be happy in.
His heart was empty, going along with the motions of life. Being responsible for an entire multiverse and spider society was exhausting, but at least it was a small distraction.
Heād overwork himself to the bone, just to get rid of that horrible achy feeling in his chest. Still it was never enough. His mind couldnāt help but draw him back to that awful memory.
And the memories before it. Of his precious daughters laugh, her bright smile as he carried her on his shoulders.
Those little moments, where they would get ice cream or play at the park.
Heād cry himself to sleep those first few nights. The pain of her loss hurt him, and her memory made it even worse. Eventually he stopped feeling anything, only cringing slightly when he saw even a glimpse of his past. Yea, it hurt, but life goes on, right?
He had a whole operation to run, people to take care of and save. Heās never make that same mistake again.
Heād never let anyone get to close.
Until you.
You with your bright smiles and far to overjoyed personality.
With your chipper good mornings and your even more obnoxious goodbyes. He couldnāt get you out of his head.
Youād smile at him anytime he was near, and he couldnāt understand why. He made no move to acknowledge you, not even an attempt to get to know you.
And yet he knew everything.
He knew you preferred tea over coffee.
He knew you hated working on an empty stomach.
And he knew you just loved to talk. He swears his ear would have fallen off, your constant and endless rambling about literally nothing and everything all at once.
Youād skip into his office unannounced, and just start yapping.
At first he hated it.
Why would you bother him, of all people?? Did you not know he was the fearless leader of the spider society??? Protecter of the arachno humanoid poly multiverse????!!!!
But then he got used to it. Enjoyed it over time actually. (He would never admit that).
Heād come to look forward to your little ādiscussionsā. Random topics anywhere between how many more spider people were really out there to why his face was on the burger in the cafeteria.
These moments, they reminded him of a happier time.
He chased that feeling, and he chased you, figuratively, until he realized; holy shot I have a crush!
Well, Peter not so discreetly pointed it out.
And Miguel couldnāt get the stupid idea out his head. He started noticing the small things he did for you, the special treatment he gave you and only you.
He tried to limit his contact with you, until you came to him puppy eyed and sad, asking what you did wrong.
Hw tried putting himself on more missions, but that just drew you closer, fusing at him about being careful and not putting to much pressure on him.
After another short while he realized he was falling in love. (This one he figured out all by himself arenāt you proudš„¹?) and he hates but likes it all at the same time?? You were good for him, he knew. But he refused to. Refused to get near you only for you to be taken away from him.
He knew you were stubborn. Knew youād try to help him, get him to break down bak walls
Eventually he did, little by little. And fuck himself if he didnāt love it.
*I know I knowš preg reader x Miguel is coming, I just had to write this down before I forgot. Youāll get your smut and fluff loves donāt worryš«¶š½š
#writing#tumblr fyp#fyp#fyp2024#fluff#miguel oāhara x reader#atsv miguel#miguel o'hara#miguel x reader#miguel spiderverse#miguel spiderman#miguel 2099#miguel x you
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kā¦ sweetness I am in the heaviest mood for angst could u pretty pretty please write some for us š
angst for u darlingā°(ā ā ā)āÆ
āFuck you! Why wonāt you listen to me?! Iām here, crying, and all you do is just roll your eyes at me!ā You shout at him, replaying another bad fight thatās been happening too often in the past few months. His reactions have been the same lately. The impatience, the annoyance, the flippant answers he gives that only make everything worse.
Maybe you are too sensitive, maybe you ask for too much, maybe you could be more understanding of his side. But how much more understanding do you have to give your own boyfriend before he finally at least gives you some fraction of empathy that you need.
āAll you ever do is cry! You find some reason to flip out on me and I have to gather you up and put you back together again! Itās exhausting!ā your own boyfriend tells you.
Heās always been a little angry, always had a little bit of attitude, and heād always snap first before he calmed down. There used to be a time that Bakugou would at least attempt to reconcile. He tried in the beginning. A part of you blames yourself, that perhaps all your neediness wore him down and he was fed up.
He was the one telling you in the beginning to always tell him what was on your mind. Now it seemed that when you finally did, there was nothing but resentment. You had gotten to used to seeing him angry at you, his red eyes glaring and his mouth set in a frown.
āYou realize that youāre making a big deal of nothing right? You upset yourself and take it out on me!ā Bakugou shouts, āIām not a punching bag for when you feel like shit and Iām tired of your shitty reasons to start fights!ā
Are they shitty? Are you making a big deal out of nothing again? Why is it if itās nothing to him then it should be nothing to you? Is it so bad that you donāt like when he leaves during a fight? Is it awful that when he asks for space you blow up his phone demanding he answer you? Is it so bad that you get so angry you throw glasses against the wall because otherwise youād punch your own mirror?
All these feelings well up and they go out of control. How many broken promises have you made to swear that you wouldnāt blow up again? Too many to count and here you were failing him again.
You say the same words whenever this happens and Bakugou sees it coming.
āYou treat my feelings like theyāre an inconvenience!ā You tell him. You donāt feel seen or heard by him. Bakugou used to tell you that heād rather you be honest about how you feel rather than keep quiet to keep the peace.
The routine is supposed to be that he rolls his eyes again, sits on the chair and argues a little more until you break down in more tears. He supposed to stop once you start bawling and he plays clean up. He only acknowledges afterwards that he should listen to you and heās sorry that heās stubborn and heāll beg you to just calm down and swear that heāll listen this second time.
āJust shut the fuck up!!ā
And the world around you stops. The usual routine of a fight is thrown off instead of more crying, youāre stunned silent as you look at him. Bakugou has been disrespectful of your feelings before and vice versa there were times you didnāt respect his time to speak.
Never though had he ever spoken so harshly to you like this.
It worked though; you stopped crying. A part of you shrivels up inside and now you want to curl up in a ball and just hide away from the world. His hands touch your shoulders and he calls your name, trying to take back the awful words he shouted at you. āBaby, baby Iām sorry. I shouldnāt have yelled at you like that. Please, donāt push me away! Baby-ā heās pleading, not trying to be forceful on you but you shake off his touch.
Bakugou would always hug you after a fight, even if he was still angry at you and was still working off the residual. When he tries to pull you into that hug, for once you shrug out of his hold. You opt to lean against the wall for support. Lightheadedness creeps in and you feel a bit dizzy and your only goal is to make it to bed.
You donāt know what else to do except sleep away the numbness.
His words repeat over and over.
āBabe, Iām sorry! I shouldnāt have said that!ā Bakugou is frantic behind you, unsure how to handle the sudden fragility that heās brought on you. Screaming and screaming until you cry and make up is the only thing he knows. āPlease, look at me! Donātābabe, wait! Itās fucking three in the afternoon, why are you going in bed? Weāll talk, okay! Iāll listen!ā
Suddenly youāre so tired, crawling underneath the quilt without even changing out of your indoor clothes into your comfy lounge shirt and shorts. Curling up, you face away from him. Away from his side of the bed and his pillow.
And Bakugou stands helpless, his apologies meaning nothing and wishing that you would at least curse him out like you did before.
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what are the odds? | k.tr
synopsis you've tried numerous attempts in confessing to taerae but somehow it always ends up turning into unfortunate accidentsā¦misleading taerae into thinking you hate him at some poor attempts
pairing taerae x gn!reader
genre romance, fluff, humor, angst if you squint
word count 9.6k
content/tags sfw, miscommunication/misunderstanding trope, university!au setting, part-time barista!taerae
warnings I am not funny but I tried, swearing, a lotta things are unrealistic (anyways itās fiction lol) , the y/n here is kind of a dumbass sorry (to clarify, you are not dumb at all! Iām just referring to the mc here šš), low-key gave up halfway so things may be messy, will try to edit and proofread later when I have the time
featuring former boys planet trainees, kum junhyeon , park hanbin , cha woongki and seowon
taglist @leagreenly @kpoprhia @dimplewonie @shanb1n @wtfhyuck @mikaymee (kindly send an ask/dm if youād like to be added or removed)
HOW IT ALL STARTED
One of your friends, sung hanbin had decided to host an open-mic event at his cafe for the first time. At first, you didnāt want to go because of the number of assignments you had all piled up as your horridly long to-do list was desperate for your attention. but your friend was also desperate too, begging you to come as he was afraid only a few people would bother to show up.
So being the good friend you are (and terrible procrastinator looking for an excuse to not do work), you decided to go. Your other friends, zhanghao, ricky and junhyeon also tagged along to support as well.
To your surprise, the cafe was actually really full, more and more people rolled in every hour and although you loved to socialize, your battery was draining from seeing the number of people at a high.
There were a lot of talented people who took the stage. With some pouring out their emotions with their personal spoken-word poetry, some inducing laughter with stand-up comedy and some taking the stage to sing their heart out with a touching ballad or a fun pop song.
It was a particularly entertaining night but with the number of people increasing in the cafe, it was draining and dreadful to be with a swarm of people. It wasnāt that you didnāt like to socialize, it was just suffocating to be in a large crowded cafe.
It was 1 am but the open-mic was still lively and has yet to reach its end with a quite big number of people still waiting in line to take the stage.
āI want to go home.ā You yawn before comfortably resting your head on the table as you hear another poetry number.
āI gotta go I have a 7 am class tomorrow, the professor will rip my head off if Iām late again. I already told hanbin so he wonāt kill me. Bye guys.ā Ricky was the first one to leave from your group, bidding you guys a farewell.
Hanbin begged you guys to stay throughout the whole open mic to ensure there was going to be an audience for every performer. As the hours passed, less and less people were at the cafe.
āThank you to everyone who came today especially to the ones who decided to stay until the end of our event. Now we know thereās still some of you who wish to perform their piece tonight but Iām afraid we have to end it after one last performance. Do not fret, there will be another open-mic event in the future! I hope to see you all stop by again. ā Hanbin relays his closing remarks for the event.
āAnd now, to finally wrap our event, letās give the stage to the last but definitely not the least, kim taerae! Letās all give it up for him.ā Claps and cheers echoed through the room for the last performer. A young man walked into the stage with a guitar in his hand, he was dressed in a white denim jacket with a pair of blue jeans and his hair was styled in a little messy perm. He enters the stage and greets the crowd with a sweet smile.
āHello everyone! I am kim taerae and to end todayās open-mic on a good note, I will be singing man in love by infinite. Hope you enjoy.ā You were a little surprised at his low voice. You get up from your position and sit uptight, eager to watch the performance of the new man you found attractive. From his looks and to his speaking voice, he already seemed promising .
The moment he started singing, you melted over his vocals. His voice was quite deep yet also so sweet and soft. His voice was so captivating and everyone in the audience was in awe.
The performance was so satisfying and heartwarming to watch. He was also looking into the eyes of the members of the audience as if he was in a concert. At one point, your eyes meet and you felt your heart skip a beat as he flashed a charming bright smile as his eyes met yours for a moment.
At that moment, you felt your world stop for a moment like you have just met eye-to-eye with the love of your life. All throughout the performance, you felt as if you two were the only one there. As if taerae was pouring all those words out to you.
Soon, the song had finally come to an end and the crowd loudly claps and cheers, everyone was swooned by his heartfelt performance.
āThank you everyone, hope you all enjoyed the night and get home safe. Take care!ā He bids his farewell and everyone immediately stands up from their seats, ready to leave the event.
The next day arrived and here you were on your first day in a new class. You were sleep deprived and was trying your hardest not to fall asleep as soon as you sat down.
Everyone else chatted about whatever went on in their lives. A lot of the others already knew each other too. You were sitting in the back with no one next to you, feeling slightly out of place.
āHey may I sit here?ā A familiar low voice spoke. You get up and look at your left. Loe and behold, It was that sweet singer from yesterday.
āYes of course.ā You reply and flash a small smile.
āYouāre kim taerae?ā
āOh yeah! How do you know me?
āI recognize you, you were at the open-mic last night at the cafe last night, right?ā
āAh yes thatās me!ā He lightly chuckles in response.
āYou were incredible last night, you were the perfect person to end the show. Your singing was amazing! It was so sweet and satisfying to hear. And then when y-Iām so sorry I think Iām rambling now.ā His ears turned red from your compliment, keeping a shy smile on over the compliments you gave. You worried that you were doing too much.
āNo no itās fine! And thank you so much, I appreciate it, really.ā
ā sorry I forgot to introduce myself but Iām y/n by the way. nice to meet you taerae.ā You let your hand out to which he gladly shakes.
āAnd Iām well, as you already know haha, taerae but itās very nice to meet you y/n. looking forward to getting to know you.ā That sweet smile painted on his face as he seats himself next to you.
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you have liked, actually no scratch that, you have been in love with taerae since the first day you met him..
After becoming seatmates on the first day and getting along, you were bound to see each other every week, and after talking to him during every class, sharing about anything and everything in your lives instead of actually paying attention to your lectures, your feelings had gotten stronger as you had gotten to know him more over the course of a few months
He was a very smart, humble and sweet person. A million words werenāt even enough to describe his personality. To top it all off, he was incredibly handsome too. He had that sweet signature smile that always brightened your day. It was hard not to fall for someone like him.
He also became a part-time employee at hanbinās cafe, although you only every visited once a week to see hanbin, you started going everyday to see taerae.
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āhey y/n we know that youāre down bad for mr. cutie pie over there but please pay attention to your friends.ā junhyeon snaps at you from your trance after catching you once, again getting lost in your own world staring at taerae for the millionth time today.
currently, you and your friends were hanging at the cafe owned by hanbin located near your uni.
āYeah, huh yes.ā junhyeon and gunwook laugh at your reaction.
Speaking of the devil(or angel, you would think), taerae suddenly approaches your table.
āhey guys Iām clocking out now, just tell hanbin if you need anything. and y/n see you on monday!ā he sends you his signature smile as he waves at your friends a farewell as he leaves the cafe.
āsee you!ā you were smiling so big at him, unaware of how you were smiling so big like a fool. junhyeon and gunwook giggle and whisper amongst themselves, teasing your absolutely lovesick state.
āyeah and they say they have a little crush, and theyāve been trying to hide it.ā Junhyeon teases.
āOh shut up.ā You smack his arm and turn away, trying to hide your so painfully obvious blushing state.
āwe are so sick of you shooting heart eyes at him for the longest time, oh god when do you plan on finally asking him out?ā gunwook says.
ānow that you mention it I think Iām planning on confessing to taerae soon.ā
your friends dramatically gasp altogether. they certainly didnāt expect you to make a move a year after meeting him.
āYou really are?ā
āYeah I was actually thinking of telling him after the open-mic tomorrow.ā
āOoooh how?ā Sung hanbin chips in as he takes a seat at your table and casually sneaks a bite from zhanghaoās cheesecake sitting on the table.
āhey what the hell thatās mine, donāt think youāre so slick.ā zhanghao snatches the fork from hanbinās hand and hanbin chuckles at zhanghaoās annoyed state.
āhanbin what are you doing here arenāt you supposed to be working?ā you turn to look at him and he comfortably sinks his back into the couch.
āyou guys are the only ones here anyways and Iām closing the cafe in a bit. i also heard the words taerae and confess so of course I had to join in.ā
āanyways moving back to the topic, how are you going to tell himā hanbin mentions once again.
āI was just planning on just simply saying it. All straight forward like hey.. I like you.ā
Your friends squeal in excitement, you bury your face in your hands, embarrassed.
āI have a hunch he likes you too.ā your ears turn red over what hanbin said, thinking the possibility of taerae reciprocating his feelings made you feel a little happy inside.
āWishing you luck ā Hanbin pats your shoulder..
āYeah like what are the odds that things could go wrong?ā
RIGHT, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
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ATTEMPT 1 : THE OPEN MIC
āthank you for attending our open mic event this month ! I truly appreciate all your support and Iām always amazed by the talented performers that take on the stage. Hope you all get home safe and sound, thank you once again and I hope to see you again in our monthly open mic event once again next month.ā
āGood luck.ā Hanbin whispers in your year, sending you a fighting gesture as you proceed to look for taerae.
You look around and you spot him behind the cashier, currently counting a bunch of coins in his hand.
āHey!ā You catch the boyās attention as he looks up and immediately flashes a smile as you near him.
āHey whatās up? Did you enjoy tonightās open-mic?ā
āYeah I did! And like always, you did absolutely amazing.ā Taeraeās face flushing red after your compliment, you always found it so adorable when heād get so shy.
āUh taerae, I just wanted to tell you something.ā
āGo ahead. Iām listening.ā He places his arm on the counter, resting his chin on his palm, ready to listen to you.
āI donāt know where to begin..so the thing is.ā
You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the moment.
āIāve been keeping on eye on a certain someone for awhile now. Well whatever I shouldnāt be beating around the bush. I like-ā
āTaerae! Letās go!ā A blue haired boy comes and wraps his arm around taeraeās neck, ruffling through his hair. You presumed it was the blue-haired roommate taerae always referred to in his stories about his dorm life.
āLater hanbin! Y/nās trying to tell me something, go on..ā
āOh Iām so sorry I was interrupting something..ā
āI like hearing the stories about your roommate, I wanted to meet him.ā It just slipped. Forcing yourself to lie was defenitely not something you wanted to do but you felt too awkward to continue confessing.
āThatās me! Hello I am park hanbin, taeraeās amazing roommate that you hear about in his stories.ā Hanbin winks at you, and puts his hand out. You shake his hand, pretending like you eagerly wanted to get to know him.
āOh hey! Thatās cool so I always heard really interesting stories about you so Iāve been dying to meet you.ā You lied.
āI hear about you too, you seem cool. Hey wanna exchange numbers?ā
āYeah thatād be cool.ā You and hanbin pull out your phones and quickly exchange numbers as taerae stands awkwardly behind the counter, witnessing your interaction.
āSo uh i guess we can take our leave now? Thanks for coming today y/n and see you tomorrow during class!ā Taerae pats hanbinās shoulders, lowkey pushing him to go.
āOh of course. See you taerae!ā You smile and wave as they slowly take their leave.
āNice to meet you y/n see you around too!ā Hanbin cheekily throws a heart shooting gesture at you.
That was not definitely what you wanted to do.
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PERHAPS A LETTER WILL DO?
āI donāt know if I can directly say it to him again.ā You contemplated as you drew along your sketchbook. You were currently in ricky and zhanghaoās dorm, making a sketch of taerae as the two seriously focus on finishing their plates for their art classes due the next day, them being typical art students, while ranting about your confession process for the second time.
āThen perhaps you can try saying it to him by writing it in a letter instead?ā Ricky suggests as he calmly moves the brush strokes against his canvas, multitasking listening to you while painting for his finalās project in his drawing and painting class.
āWriting him a letter-okay wait ricky I think thatās a great idea, I think i can do that.ā you gasp as you turn to him, enlightened by the idea that doesnāt deal with direct confrontation.
āEh but how are you doing it? Are you going to mail it? You know itās a hassle and the courier rates are hell here or do you plan on just handing it to him then running away like an idiot. ā Zhanghao asks and you realize you didnāt fully grasp the idea yet. Writing down your feelings through a letter was definitely easier but how were you going to execute it?
āHyung donāt be too pessimistic, itās not so bad of an idea.ā Ricky defends.
āOkay well..aha! Iāll just give it to him in the cafe after his shift, or Iāll just ask hanbin to slip it in his bag since Iām pretty sure itād be impossible to slip it in during class.ā
āHmm..actually yeah thatās possible..not bad of an idea.ā
āIām a genius! oh hey guys look at my drawing, what do you think?ā You flaunt your poorly drawn portrait of your crush and ricky lets out a huge laugh while zhanghao sends you a mortified look.
āis that taerae?ā zhanghao points to your drawing, which was quite literally obvious as you wrote his name in red at the side.
āYeah..i tried to draw him from memory.ā You scratch the back of your head, embarrassed.
āWell as a fine arts student, I can definitely say itās a drawing. Very abstract!ā You send ricky a glare and smack his arm as he lets out a laugh.
āyou should be thankful I didnāt pursue arts, picassoās definitely shitting his pants right now.ā You jokingly remarked.
āBut I truly canāt draw at all what the hell.ā
āItās good that you know.ā Ricky jokingly insults and you shoot him a glare.
You rip that paper from the sketchbook, folding it neatly and putting it to the side.
You open a new page, taking a deep breath before writing away your feelings on the paper. But everytime you wrote, your inner perfectionist fought you, making you restart the letter multiple times.
There were multiple pieces of papers scattered around rickyās table and you had been stressing over it for over an hour and a half before finally finding the perfect words to say.
eventually you got all worn out from using all your brain power for the past hour as you fell asleep on rickyās desk.
āpsst, y/n you need to go, itās getting late. ā at around 8pm, zhanghao wakes you up. You were a little groggy but you made sure to stand up and grab the letter as you leave. There were way too many paper in the desk and you had only remembered seeing the paper right next to you, but there were two, you bring the one on the right, assuming it was the letter.
_________________________________
you poured your heart out into the letter and made sure each and every word you said was heartfelt and true. you were about to pack the paper and you immediately hand it to hanbin upon arriving at the cafe in the morning. nervous yet also excited about sending taerae the letter.
and so, you wait for the next day to arrive.
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āHey taerae check your belongings before you leave! Need to make sure you donāt leave anything in the cafe, closing up in a bit.ā hanbin yells from the stock room as he secretly grins to himself. taerae rummages through his backpack, thoroughly checking through his things.
He finds a piece of paper in the front pocket and curiously, of course he opens it. Taerae immediately held his hand to his mouth, shocked over what he saw.
ā¦
You anxiously waited for taerae to come to class as you fiddled with your fingers, afraid of what taeraeās reaction to the letter would be.
You spot taerae coming in and he waves at you from afar. You felt a sense of relief as you see taerae still openly greeting you and going your direction to take the seat next to yours like always.
āHey. ā Taerae sits down and all of a sudden his face was painted with a hint of worry. You mentally start panicking over what he was going to say. Is he going to reject me? Tell me to get lost? Why does he lowkey looks scared? you thought
Taerae goes to grab something from his bag and you gulp nervously. He takes out a piece of paper and passes it to you.
āOh taeraeā¦ā
āOpen it.ā He says and your hands shake a little as you open up the folded piece of paper, your heart was beating fast and taerae looked down on his desk, his hands clasped together, he just looked really anxious.
You open it and your eyes widen in shock.
āOh shit.ā
āRight? Isnāt it terrifying?ā He points at the paper, hesitant to look at it. It was the poorly drawn portrait of him that you made when you were at hao and rickyās dorm.
How the hell would you mess this up? And then it hit you, you grabbed the first paper you sw at the desk, assuming what you grabbed would be the letter.
āitās scary to me because just look at the drawing, are they trying to say something about my appearance? And my nameās in red on the bottom. I thought it was a litte gift but when you think about it, would someone really gift you something like this.ā You felt an arrow shoot through your heart. Not only did he just diss your drawing skills but he quickly assumed that this drawing was sent from a secret hater?
āwhat if theyāre just shitty at drawing, you know but they were trying to do a nice little gesture?ā
āBut the red name, the poor handwriting, it just really feels like a hate message.ā You felt your spirit leave your body.
āI donāt know I feel like I have to be on the lookout now, Iām scared someoneās coming after me.ā
āYOU SENT HIM THE DRAWING?ā ricky bursts out laughing at your failed mail delivery attempt.
āNo oh my god my stomach hurts so much I canāt handle it..and the fact he thinks itās a hate message is so fucking funny.ā Ricky held onto stomach from laughing so hard and you glare at him. It was certainly not helping the embarrassment your were experiencing at the moment.
āOkay stop laughing dumbass itās not funny.ā
āOh it is, it really is..ā You smack his arm to make him get a grip and ricky lets out a loud āOwā.
āNow what the fuck am I gonna do! Iām doomed!ā
āYou can always try again, you know? Maybe next time double check what youāre going to send to make sure you donāt send the love of your life your cursed looking drawings.ā
āwho send what what now?ā Junhyeon quickly plops a seat next to ricky.
āy/n just sent taerae a drawing of him and he..thought it wasā¦.a threat..ā ricky tries to hold his laugh in between his words.
āmakes sense your skills are the worse of the worse i feel like i lose ten years of my life when I see you do any sort of artwork.ā
āOh shut up! Why are you all just constantly after my ass.ā
āAnyways did you actually try to confess to him by using a drawing? ā junhyeon asked, visibly confused.
āNo no no! I was supposed to leave him a letter. The thing is in the morning, I went to the cafe in the morning with hao to hand hanbin the letter so he could sneak it in his bag. I think i handed him the wrong one..because I was holding on to both of the folded papers and I forgot which was which..ā
āTypical y/n moment..ā ricky says and you raise your fork at him.
āYeah okay okay.ā ricky raises his hands in the air to defend himself from you potentially striking at him with your fork.
āGuys what do I do..ā
āWhy donāt you just tell him directly?ā Junhyeon asks..
āLast time, I slipped up and lied that I wanted to mee his roommate, knowing damn well I donāt care about his roommate at all.āā
āSo what were you actually trying to send?ā
āOkay I got another idea this time!ā Ricky raises his hand you furrow one of your eyebrows at him.
_________________________________
ATTEMPT 2 : LEAVING THE LETTER AT THE LECTURE ROOM
āWhat time did hanbin say he was gonna come?ā
āHmm in like 30 minutes. He ends his shift at around 4.ā Hao tells you. This time you were meant to leave the letter on his desk. Hanbin said he left his things in the lecture room and was going back after his shift to retrieve them.
you of course also made sure to double check to prevent the same mistake from happening again, it would be too much. You were positive that this time, nothing would go wrong and taerae would finally be able to read the words youāve been meaning to relay.
āShit shit shit! Guys I hear footsteps, I think itās him!ā Junhyeon yelled and panic immediately seeps into you.
āWhat? I thought his shift ends at 4, uh whatever guys hide!ā
You and hao sneak under one of the tables at the back while junhyeon stood for awhile looking left and right, trying to figure out where to hide while he hears the footsteps getting louder and louder so he just hides behind the door, facing the corner, putting his black hoodie on.
Taerae walks into the room and hums a soft tune as he casually walks on his way onto his designated seat. He finds the paper on top and tilts his head to the side, surprised upon seeing a folded paper again. He scans the whole room with his sight before proceeding to slowly flip the fold.
The door abruptly closes as it emits an eerily creaking sound that echoed across the room. Taerae looks at its direction and notices a tall figure in a black hoodie at the corner of the room. His heart began to beat at an alarmingly fast rate.
āW-who are you?ā He stutters out of fear as he slowly approaches the figure. The figure freezes into place, not moving an inch from its position.
āWere you here for me?ā He slowly walks over and tries to gently approach the figure, he reaches out and tugs on the personās arm and they suddenly turn around, instantly head butting taerae before he could take a look into their face, sending taerae into a fainting spell as he collapses onto the floor.
āJunhyeon what the fuck!ā You and hao quickly rush over to the now, passed out, taerae laying on the floor.
āYou shithead why did you headbutt him!ā
āI didnāt want him to know it was me, okay! It was also a reflex i donāt know!ā
āYeah? Are you crazy!? Heās literally unconscious right now!!ā
āBut heās not dead right?ā Junhyeon slowly approaches his figure placing two fingers over his neck to check if he still had his pulse, he jumps but soon breathes a sigh of relief as he feels his pulse.
āAh! Oh thank God.ā
āUgh whatever just bring to him the clinic.ā Hao quickly goes to carry his left arm and you do the same on his other one.
_________________________________
You sit beside taeraeās peaceful sleeping state, patiently waiting for him to wake up, around 30 minutes has passed and he has yet to wake up.
Hao left early since he still had other senior duties to attend to while junhyeon left out of guilt, refusing to face taerae after giving him a concussion from a headbutt he didnāt mean to cause. He loved taerae too much to face him after what happened today.
You waited by taeraeās side even taking a nap as you waited for him to wake up.
You sat by the bed, with the letter in your hand. You opened it and reread each and every word once again as you look at taerae at the same time. You let out a huge sigh. You felt hesitant once again in confessing to taerae. Perhaps being by his side was enough, right?
But the feelings would always be there and you wouldnāt want to fight it. You sit and stare at his features for awhile, finding yourself enamored by his looks.
āI donāt think youāll ever forgive me taerae..ā
āfor what?ā you jolted from your seat the moment you hear that deep voice. taerae slowly tries to sit himself up and he squints at you as he rubs his eyes.
āoh my god youāre finally awake.ā
āWhat happened I was at the classroom and I just blacked out, how did you find me..ā You panic a little, trying to scramble through your brain to think of a random excuse, surely you werenāt going to tell him you were there to drop a letter where you basically profess your feelings.
āUh i just stopped by the classroom, I thought I left something in the room.ā
āoh okay..did you see anyone else there? like a person with a black hoodie? I think someone hit me in the head.ā
Taerae tries to recall the situation, his memory still a little foggy over what happened. He couldnāt quite remember how the person looked as everything just happened so quickly.
āWait..what if it was the same person who sent me that drawing from before? How would they even know that I was coming back? Because the moment I entered the room, I felt this eerie atmosphere, like someone was waiting for me?ā You mentally curse at yourself for pushing through this plan, how the hell were you going to tell him the truth?
āI feel like I have this sort of secret anti? I donāt know Iām kinda scared to be alone now.ā
āIf you donāt mind, can you walk with me home today? Itās embarrassing but i feel kinda scared to walk hom alone.ā You eyes widened in shock but you quickly agree anyways. You just got an offer to spend some extra time with your crush. However a huge part of you felt guilty about what happened.
āIām sorry I canāt I have to go somewhere. Uh I think i actually need to go right now.ā You stood up and taerae looks at you softly, almost like his eyes were pleading for you to not go away.
āOkay Iāll just call your roommate to get you since I really canāt, itās park hanbin right?ā
āyeah, do you have his number? I think I left my belongings at the room I donāt have my phone right now.ā
āAh yes i do! Let me dial him.ā You scroll through your contacts searching for his name, quickly dialing him.
āHey y/n, whatās up!ā Hanbin responds almost immediately, greeting you in a cheery tone.
āHey, so taeraeās at the clinic right now, he got a concussion and sprained his ankle and he kinda canāt get to his dorm alone right now so can you come pick him up right now?ā
āAlright I see..ā
āSorry itās kinda hard to explain right now but taeraeās gonna fill you in on the details later.ā
āItās okay i know what happened, junhyeon told me..ā
āAh r-really, okay anyways just come and get him right now.ā You quickly end the call hoping he doesnāt go on and run his mouth on what happened.
ājust stay here and wait for hanbin I think Iāll have to go now.ā
āTake care! see you in the cafe and next week!ā Taerae flashes you his warm smile as he waves at you.
āYou too taerae.ā You smile back and take your leave..
_________________________________
ATTEMPT HONESTLY CANāT EVEN KEEP UP ANYMORE : FIGURING IT OUT AGAIN PART SOMETHING OR MAYBE NOT
You and your friends, ricky, junhyeon, zhanghao and sung hanbin and gunwook gathered in the same cafe once again.
_________________________________
āSo whatās your new plan?ā
āGuys I really donāt know anymore.ā You let your head hit the table, feeling so defeated at the moment after thinking about your two failed confession attempts.
āGuys whatās a foolproof way of me confessing where I donāt need to do it on the spot, or one that doesnāt have a chance of leaving him terrified him in any way.ā
āYeah heās been taerae-fied too many times.ā Junhyeon jokes. You roll your eyes at his poor attempt of making a taerae pun.
āThe plans have been so terrible.ā You sigh.
āTaeraeble you could say..ā Ricky softly says while looking down as junhyeon giggled, trying to surpress his laugh.
āOk I swear if you guys say another one.ā You glare at the two.
āHmm perhaps maybe.ā Gunwook leads. After junhyeon blabbered to him about what happened he was also then informed of the fact that you had feelings for taerae too.
āactually never mind I donāt know I thought i was thinking for a moment but it blew away sorry.ā
āJunhyeon why did you invite gunwook over too, heās no help either.ā Gunwook turns to you and fakes a loud gasp and you roll your eyes over his dramatic act.
āBy the way um sorry to say this late but, taerae just quit his job here yesterday. He also said heās transferring outside of the school.ā Sung hanbin mentions.
āYeah and he also said heās transferring next semester, heās actually moving out next friday.ā Sung hanbin adds. Everyone else is shocked over the sudden news. Taerae leaving so suddenly was never in anyoneās bingo cards.
āNo! I love taerae too much! Why am I only knowing now that my man is leaving.ā Junhyeon dramatically fake cries.
āOh shit. i just realized.ā
āWhat?āHao turns to you.
āI donāt think Iāll be able to see taerae much anymore, itās our last class next week and we donāt talk much outside.āYou recalled that the last day of your class with taerae was already next week because after that it would be finals then everythingās done. You werenāt sure if you were going to still be able to talk to taerae knowing how you usually only talked during class.
Maybe a part of you wished for those accidents to happen because deep inside, you were afraid about letting taerae find out about your feelings, afraid that he wouldnāt like you back and youād lose the friendship youāve built for a year.
_________________________________
The last monday. the last class you were going to share with taerae ever.
āHey y/n i want to tell you something.ā You look in his direction. You were already had an idea on what he was going to say.
āIām moving out next week and I quit my part time job at hanbin's cafe. Though maybe youāve noticed and Hanbin mightāve already told you but yeah I just wanted to tell you.ā
āOh I guess we wonāt be seeing each other much anymore..ā You say and his eyes widened. He waves his hands and sends you a reassuring look.
āoh we wonāt be seeing each other much anymore but I promise Iāll try to keep up with you! um my roommates wanted to throw a farewell party, honestly a little dramatic haha but I wanted to invite you and you friends over. Itās going to be a small one donāt worry.ā
āSure! Iād love to come, Iāll tell my friends too.ā
āThe last hurrah, you know. Also just so you know,, I genuinely enjoyed getting to know you this year, you were the best person Iāve met this year. I was so happy to have known you this year and I would have totally flunked this class because I mightāve have just ended up sleeping through every lecture haha.ā
āAnyways Iāll see you at the party, yeah?ā He points at you with that signature smile plastered on his face once again.
āAbsolutely.ā You smile back.
_________________________________
āI canāt do this anymore! Iāve tried everything like EVERYTHING yet somehow everytime I canāt seem to tell him how I feel.ā You cried as you took another shot of soju. Initially, you were alone at the convenience store wanting to buy alone a beer or two to let loose but here you were with almost two empty soju bottles.
āwhy didnāt a single thing go right..ā you bury your face in your hands.
a thought pops into your head and liquid courage pushed you to now film a voicemail on your phone to taerae. now, you were quite wasted and couldnāt see shit but you still pushed yourself.
you drunkenly record yourself professing your love to him, addressing him as you. you laugh to yourself as you finished recording and finally hit the send button.
āmaybe this can work ahehe.ā
āY/n?ā You hear a young man call out your name. You look up and your vision was too blurry to make out the owner of the voice. it was very familiar and clear to you but you just couldnāt seem to lay a finger on who it could be.
āYou!ā You stood up from your seat, pointing at the unknown man with your eyes closed. He takes a step back at your sudden move, confused on what to do.
You try to open you eyes, trying to take a look but soon your vision darkens and you pass out. the night going on as a blur.
_________________________________
your eyes flitter open and you feel your head ringing, a painful reminder of what happened last night. you wake up, confused as you look around, the surroundings being all too new.
since when did i have white sheets and a clean ass bedroom?
you slap yourself, trying to figure if it was a dream or not. but it wasnāt.
soon you hear a knock on the door on the far left and taerae enters, carrying a glass of tea and painkillers on a tray.
āoh youāre awake, anyways here take these for your hangover. finish the cup of tea and if your headache feels really unbearable, take a tylenol. anyways how are you feeling?ā he hands the tray to you and he sits down by you.
āHonestly woke up with a terrible headache. Is this your place?Iām so sorry..ā You ask.
āYes but donāt worry about it, I saw you pass out last night and I didnāt want to leave you there.ā he says and sends a reassuring smile your way. you felt your heart skip a beat for a second.
āanyways stay as long as you need! take care of yourself and rest. if you need water or anything, just call me! okay?ā he says as he proceeds to leave the room.
you feel your phone vibrate next to you and you are shocked upon what you see when you receive a notification from park hanbin.
phanbin: letās talk about this at the dorm party ;)
well, shit.
. Taerae invited the whole friend group (since he was friends with all of you too anyways) and the other dorm mates to come over. He requested it to not be so grand since he wanted it to be a simple farewell.
It was probably the last day you were ever going to see him and it kinda killed you inside knowing not a single attempt of your confessions worked and the words youāve been trying to relay are going to be left unspoken. Other than that, you had also discovered that you had sent a voicemail to park hanbin, perhaps leading him on. You also couldnāt bear to see taerae after your past encounter. This day, you were definitely more than nervous to come.
You, ricky, sung hanbin and zhanghao decided to go the dorm together. When you arrive, you finally meet the other dormmates taerae had always talked about in his stories.
āHi! Iām woongki, Nice to meet you. Come in.ā The brown haired boy cheerfully greeted the four of you as soon as you guys came in as he lead you guys to sit on the couch. Another taller, black-haired boy goes next to him and introduces himself.
āHey Iām seowon! Another roommate and woongkiās roommate.ā
āI see, it makes so much sense that youāre roommates, you both are very smiley haha.ā you say, seeing how cheery and friendly the two are in welcoming the both of you.
In the mean time, you got to chat with woongki and seowon. Park hanbin and taerae were still getting food and drinks.
From talking to them, you were also able to catch some stories and new facts about taerae. To your surprise, they reveal how he actually goes around the dorm wearing horrendous clothing pieces, wearing the same pair of red pants almost every day like it was the only pair of pants he owned. You also then learn about how taerae used to sing a lot in church growing up. His guitar was his pride and often, he would play and sing for them if ever anyone wanted him to. He could just sing on the spot if you asked him to.
The more you heard about him, the more endearing he was to you. It certainly didnāt help with making your feelings go away or having to deal with not seeing him anymore.
āSorry we took long but weāre here!ā Park hanbin and taerae finally arrived, with all their hands full with bags filled with snacks, chicken and beer.
For the night, you guys plan to play a few games then wrap up the night with a movie marathon afterwards.
The first game you guys decided to play was uno. It was fun, a lot of oohs and a lot of cheating with some players hiding specific cards. (yeah it was on junhyeon and ricky). Taerae on the other hand, often when he lost heād go look over your cards and coach you, and despite taerae being the first one to lose almost all the time, he managed to make you win every time.
It was followed by a game of charades. It was even more chaotic than playing uno.
Then lastly, truth or dare.
The dares were pretty mild like for example, taking their shirt off for the whole game, having to eating a tablespoon of sugar or just doing a specific dance.
And for some reason, nobody chose truth because they were just pretty lame questions like did you ever fail a test? Or did you ever have your first kiss blablabla. the dares were more entertaining.
āOooh y/nās the chosen one!ā Everyone cheered.
āSo, whatās your choice, is it a truth or a dare?ā
āIāll choose truth.ā
āAlright, let me think do you like anyone in the room?ā Hanbin smirks, he was definitely planning on something.
āOf course I like everyone in the room, what are you implying.ā You laugh with a hint of nervousness, trying to play off the question.
āNo I mean, do you like like anyone, romantically?ā He states, now you were sure park hanbin might have caught on and he defended knows.
āBe honest..ā
You stop and take a small gulp as everyoneās eyes were all glued onto you in anticipation.
āYeah..ā you softly say and oohs were throwed. Your friends laugh and try to act all shocked as if they didnāt know you did and who it was.
āWoah really.ā Park hanbin brings one of his hands to a mouth as he nods his head, seemingly not so shocked either.
āWho?ā
āCome on itās over itās supposed to be one question.ā
āWe need to know!ā
āHanbin stop..theyāre obviously not comfortable sharing especially in this setting so just stop.ā Taerae sternly says making the whole room go silent.
āWell moving on then! Why donāt we start the movie marathon, yeah?ā Everyone stands up from the ground and proceeds to lay on the couch. And chairs laying around.
You look in taeraeās direction and he gives you a small smile.
Buzz. Your phone rang.
You look over and recieve a text from park hanbin, asking you to meet up at his bedroom to discuss something. He looks at you and directs to go up with his eyes.
You roll your eyes but you get up anyways as you go upstairs, hanbin following along.
Taerae notices the two of you sneaking upstairs. He was curious about what you two were up to.
āAw man thereās no more popcorn.ā Junhyeon complains, his voice snapping taerae from his thoughts.
āOkay what now?ā
āi know about it.ā
āAbout how you feel.ā
āAbout what?ā You furrow one of your eyebrows as hanbin takes a pause, his lips pursed as he looks at the ground.
āI know you like me.ā You pause there for a moment, your brain trying to function as for this time you had misled the wrong boy into thinking that you like him.
āOh uh about it..ā
āItās fine you donāt have to deny it but y/n Iām sorry I donāt like you in that way though but you know maybe I could give you a chance and get to know you more first?ā He shyly takes a step closer to you, moving his face closer to yours.
āUh Hanbin.ā You freeze on the spot, not knowing what to do or what to say.
āItās not- like I don-ā
āItās okay you donāt have to deny it, look I acknowledge your feelin-ā He moves his face closer to yours to look into your eyes.
All of a sudden the door next to the two of you creaks open, revealing taerae standing there with his mouth wide open.
āSorry to interrupt you guys but uh I just wanted to say Iām going to sleep now since Iām leaving early tomorrow.ā Taerae awkwardly smiles and takes his leaves. You panic, assuming he probably overheard most of the conversation which might have misled him to thinking you actually had a crush on park hanbin.
You mentally curse at yourself as you watch taerae turn his back and turn away.
āNow going back..ā
You quickly shut the door, take a deep breath and take a hold of hanbinās shoulders. Well you hd to clear it up, itās now or never.
āI donāt like you. I donāt have any feelings for you. I am not interested at you.ā You look up at him and gave him a straight face. He tilts his head, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.
āHuh?Then why did you send me that voicemail?ā
āMan this is so embarrassing.āYou look at the ground in shame, not wanting to open the conversation over the embarrassing voicemail.
āI accidentally sent it to you..it was meant for someone else.ā You facepalm.
āI was drunk and I wasnāt thinking clearly! It was really stupid of me. I just sent it to you thinking it was..someone else plus I was drunk! I my vision was all blurry too iām sorry.ā You continued, Hanbin lets out an oh as he scratches his head, embarrassed and confused.
āWait then who was it for?ā
āAbout that..ā
āTell me who? Who is it?ā He whines as he playfully pokes your arm, curious as to who the lucky boy may be. You certainly didnāt want to tell the boy knowing he was taeraeās best friend and he might blabber about it to him.
āSecret.ā
āAwwww come onā¦.wait..Ha! Nevermind donāt tell me I know.ā Hanbin lets out a light laugh, taking a step closer to you.
āYour crush on taerae is so painfully obvious.āhe whispered. You freeze on the spot. He takes a step back and continues giggling to himself.
āI mean I could feel it before but I pushed it off because I thought you liked me..but it all makes more sense now. you, see taerae at the cafe everyday, you light up when he talks to you, you always stare at him, can you also not make that obvious? And lastly I can easily sense that the way you act around him is very different from everyone else.ā
āLike you are in love with him.ā He crosses his arms and he knew he was right.
āPfft no.ā
āOh yeah you are.ā
āBut heās moving away anyways so itās not that big of a deal.ā
āAw sorry about that..ā
āAnd from what happened earlier..he probably thinks I like you.ā
āIām so sorry about that, you know what, Iāll clear it up to him-ā
āNo you donāt have to, heās leaving and I donāt want to cause anything. and itās my fault really! I was the one who carelessly sent that voicemail, Iām sorry for leading you on too. So anyways, I think I might just go leave now.ā You flash hanbin a smile to reassure him before leaving. Hanbin grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.
āIām also sorry about earlier too by the way, y/n. Honestly-ā
āHanbin Iām sorry for cutting you off again but honestly I think I need to go now. I just donāt want taerae to know, and Iām not sure if weāll keep up when he leaves so I iust hope we stay as friends, so we donāt leave at an awkward note. Anyways thank you and sorry hanbin but I gotta go now.ā He loosens his grip on your wrist and pats your shoulder.
āTake care.ā
Here you are, in the comfort of hanbinās care sipping on a glass of iced coffee, staring out the window. Last night, you left the party early and you werenāt able to bid taerae a proper goodbye in person.
you open your phone, and stare at you text messages with taerae, contemplating on whether you wanted to write him a long goodbye message or to simply tell him good luck and take care.
āfor how long are you going to stare at your phone.ā hanbin gets you from your out-of-zone state.
āhanbin, I donāt know how to say goodbye. honestly I feel miserable. I hate that heās leaving and I wasnāt even able to tell him how I feel.ā you bury your face into yoir hands. hanbin takes the seat next to you and rubs your back. the boy you loved was leaving and he never even got the chance to know how you truly felt.
as if the heavens heard your cries, you felt your phone vibrate and you received a notification of a text message from park hanbin.
phanbin: y/n go run to taerae right now. heās leaving soon but hey, you deserve to be able to tell him how you feel properly and now may be the perfect time. I also cleared up everything that happened last night lol so dw. anyways do this text me back and go run to him NOWWW!!!!!! heās still in front of our dorm <3
You look at hanbun and he gives you a reassuring nod as an approval.
āGo now!!!ā he yells good luck to you as you proceed to rush out of the cafe, running towards the direction of his dorm. You ran and ran, your feet moving at a full speed like you were at a marathon. a rush of adrenaline filled you and this time, you were motivated than ever to tell him how you truly feel.
you were just one block away from the dorm and soon, you spot a car parked in front of the dorm with a handful of boxes outside. you proceed to go there but you couldnāt see taerae around. youāre not too late, his boxes are here so heās somewhere.
you take a deep breath first, resting your hands on your knees first from all the running. you forgot that you werenāt an athlete and your lack of exercise was getting right back at you.
you receive another text mess from park hanbin.
park hanbin:I Iām sorry i know youāre probably sprinting right now but heās at the convenience store so you might have to do a little more running. his dumbass forgot to buy a few things. anyways good luck y/n! you got this.ā he sends you a thumbs up emoji.
you run and run again and you curse under your breath, realizing how far the convenience store is. your legs were slowly getting wobbly and you onew your lack of physical activity was bound to get you someday but you hoped it wouldnāt be right now.
you just stop running and start walking instead. as you near the store, you spot the brown-haired young man outside, sitting on a table outside with his back facing you.
you take a deep breath before tapping his shoulder. he turns around and you thank the heavens that there was no plot twist of this being a non-taerae or else you were going to absolutely throw a fit.
āhey taerae! I needed to tell you something before you go and I wanted to give you a proper goodbye in person since I wasnāt able to last night.ā you say and the boy stands up, flashing you a grin as he had gimbap in his mouth. he raises his hand and you were a little confused as to what he meant by that.
āshould I say what I need to say or wait for you to finish?ā he swallows his food down before speaking up.
āok sorry you can go on now.ā he lightly chuckles and you laugh a little.
you take a huge gulp, taking a look at the ground before looking straight at him right in the eye. he eagerly listens, giving you a reassuring look. itās finally happening.
ātaerae I have been dying to tell you this for a long time now honestly and although I donāt think now is the perfect time, I just wanted to get this off my chest before you go cause I know I would regret it if I didnāt tell you sooner.ā you take a pause and he gives you another nod, a way of telling you he was still listening.
so here it goes.
āI li-ā
you were soon cut off by the sound of the door opening as a man calls out to taeraeātaerae hyung! Did you kn- y/n?ā you look behind you and you spot junhyeon, holding a full meal of burgers and fries and a cup of come on a tray in his hands.
ājunhyeon what the hell are you doing here?ā
āI was helping taerae moving out then he went here to buy things then we just decided to eat here.ā he says, standing there, a little confused. he quickly scans the situation between you and then it finally hit him.
āah I believe I interrupted something here, sorry I will just eat inside.ā
the boy quickly rushes back inside.
you turn to taerae again. āanyways, sorry for the little commotion there. anyways as I was saying, taerae-junhyeon what the actual fuck sit somewhere else.ā junhyeon sat in front of the window directly facing the both of you. you motion to the boy to move the other way and he rolls his eyes before taking a seat somewhere else.
āoh god I hope itās the last of him. I swear if anything goes wrong again-ā
all of the sudden, the rain decides to twist the odds and rain on your parade. you grab taeraeās hand, about to take him inside but he firmly holds onto your hand, telling you to stay.
ātaerae itās raining, youāll get sick, we have to get in iāll just tell you inside.ā
āno tell me right here, right now. you have been wanting to tell me for a long time and I know you want to say it already.ā you felt a hint of seriousness in his tone.
āare you serious?well fine Itās so weird to say it right now but okay..taerae, i..ā He nods, the words starting to get hesitant to leave your mouth. you take a deep breath and you finally mustered up the courage.
ātaerae I like you. no, actually Iām in love with you. Itās embarrassing but Itās true and I canāt fight it anymore. I loved getting to know you and from the moment i first laid my eyes on you and heard your sweet voice back in that open mic, I fell in love. I was so lucky to be able to get to know you more too. you are the sweetest, kindest and most wonderful person Iāve ever met. Itās okay if you donāt like me back. I just want to say that I love and appreciate every moment I got to spend with you in the past year..it was so lovely to have known you taerae.ā unexpectedly he lets out a light laugh, his big signature smile painted on his face. he gently takes both of your hands in his.
āI love you too, y/n. in fact, Iāve always known.ā you felt like your ears betrayed you at the last part. what does he mean he always knew?
āback at the clinic, I saw the letter next to you while you slept. it had the words āto taeraeā written on it so I just opened it. I read each and every word you wrote and took it to heart. I was so happy to know you felt the same..but when you woke up, you hid the letter and I iust felt that you were still not ready to tell me so I didnāt open a convo about it. hanbin told me about everything and cleared everything up, actually both hanbins did, sung and park haha.ā you both laugh.
āwell..what now? youāre leaving now so what will be then? weāll barely see each other now that weāre not in the same uni.ā
āactually about that, Iām still in the same uni, Iām only moving dorms..ā
āwhat?ā the whole dramatic mood you had turned upside down. you playfully smack taeraeās arm, bursting into tears. he didnāt expect to see you cry but he just laughs and brings you into a hug.
āI forgot to specify to you guys that I was not transferring schools and only dorms and that just made me realize why everyone was dramatic with everything. please donāt cry..ā
āthatās really mean taerae, I was actually so upset that you were leaving so I was miserable for nothing.ā your bury your face into his chest, pulling him tighter and taerae began to laugh.
he slowly lets go and cups your face, breaking into a smile and you feel the whole world brighten as you look into his eyes again. he stares at your lips and your faces inch closer together.
āmay I?ā he asks and you nod your head before he gently brings your face closer to his with his finger and his arms snake around your waist. you felt the whole world stop as you melt into his touch. your lips seemingly shaped for one another.
slowly, he pulls away and breaks into a huge smile.
āfinally! Iāve been waiting for this one.ā you hear junhyeonās screams from inside the store and you simply roll your eyes back at him, you and taerae laughing over his reaction.
you turn to look back at taerae.
āI really love you and Iām glad youāre finally mine.ā you giggle as you wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his face close enough for you noses to touch.
and finally, the odds were in your favor.
a/n and you reached the end! hope you enjoyed reading it. this has been sitting in my drafts for a month, but missing taerae and the new kcon behind drove me to finish this story! I also have a love-hate relationship with this which is why it took pretty long to write HAIAHSHSB sorry for some mistakes in the capatalization of names and grammar that I may have overlooked. But anyways feel free to leave feedback! I would love to hear your honest thoughts on this :>>>
#zb1#zerobaseone#zb1 imagines#zb1 angst#zb1 fluff#taerae#kim taerae#taerae fluff#taerae angst#taerae imagines#taerae oneshots#taerae x reader
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I know you must be pretty busy right now considering that you probably have a lot of requests but do you mind writing hanahaki disease au with Gepard and Sampo (separately)? Mb Natasha too if you write for her but that's completely optional! I'm just a sucker for pining š They know reader for a long time but for some reason never made a move (well maybe Sampo did but reader thought he was just being his usual flirty self) but then reader got closer to someone else and they misunderstood and got jealous and the whole hanahaki thing happened
Thank you!
-ĖĖāāāāā blooming regrets
ā¹ character(s) - gepard landau, sampo koski ā¹ word count - 1.6k ā¹ notes - gn!reader, hanahaki disease (character is diseased, not reader)/mentioned gore, angst just angst I'm sorry, a bit open-ended
hi anon! thanks for the req!! unfortunately I do not write for natasha but I'm happy to do the req for sampo and gepard (=^ļ½„Ļļ½„^=) I debated between ending this with angst or hurt/comfort but since you didn't specify I went for pure (but a Little open-ended?) angst hoohoo.. sorry it's kinda short ;w; ty again!!
ā¹ Gepard Landau
His cough really wasn't a big deal.
He assured his fellow Silvermane Guards, his sister, even the newly-appointed Supreme Guardian Bronya Rand near-daily.
It was a cold. Just got something stuck in his throat. Ah, he just had a drink of water, and it went down the wrong pipe.
The Captain of the Silvermane Guards cannot afford to be unwell, not for a second. If he had a fever, he'd push past it. If he got a headache, he'd keep his focus on the job at hand and ignore his pain. No matter what it was, it wouldn't put him down, and this cough, while persistent, was no exception.
The excuses worked at first, but not for long.
And they certainly didn't work on you.
"I might not know the Supreme Guardian, but surely she's going to listen if I beg for you to be given a break. Ever since the Astral Express crew left, the Fragmentum has receded more than before. Surely you canā"
"Y/N, I told you, it's just a minor cold. I'm fine. Just fine."
You raised a brow.
"This cough has only gotten worse since you first had it, Gepard! That's no simple cold. If you really want me to stop bothering you, at least go to the doctor and get yourself checked out."
In an attempt to appease you, the man had agreed, finding himself trudging to the one place he wanted to avoid.
If the doctor diagnosed him, then it became real that he had some sort of illness, and that would only be a hindrance. Not only to his duties, but to you...
Still, if going to be examined would make you happy... he'd do it.
The man would do anything for you.
And it seems that this was the problem all along.
"M-Mr. Landau..." the physician reentered the room after a short moment to look over his tests, anxiously fiddling with the paperwork. Well, that wasn't a good sign.
"It's okay, I can take it," Gepard answered confidently, folding his hands as he stifled another cough. "Any treatment is fine, as long as I can get back to work as soon as possible."
The physician's face crumbled, and the Captain felt his pulse run cold.
Was it... worse than he thought?
"I'm... I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid this is not something you may want treated."
What does that even mean?
"Of course I do! Just..." Gepard calmed himself, slumping onto the examination bed again. "Just let me know what it is."
"Sir... you have contracted an incredibly rare disease. With the onset of the Eternal Freeze and the extinction of many botanical-related illnesses and plants, many medical experts considered it impossible for this disease to return, and many wrote it off as gone for good. But..."
He turned a paper containing an x-ray of the Captain's chest.
A small root dug its way up inside his lung, and the blonde froze.
"It's called Hanahaki... and it originates from love. Unrequited love. And the only cure, I fear, is... to have your love for the one that afflicted this removed for good."
ā
Against all odds, Gepard had taken the time off that he desperately needed.
Though Supreme Guardian Bronya was shocked at first by his submission to the advice of everyone around him, she could not bring herself to question the man when he coughed againāseeing that crimson red sprout up that he desperately tried to hide.
Knowledge that hanahaki was still in existence would bring panic to the masses. Gepard knew this. He kept himself hidden, out of sight. Not even to see you did he leave his home.
After all, even that simple action alone would hasten his disease.
He still had a duty. He told himself that over and over, slamming it into his mind. The surgery to remove the roots was all but essential.
Gazing out of the Landau home's window, seeing you walking down the street with a smile on his face... his heart panged, though.
He couldn't do it.
Loving you was painful, but the thought of losing that emotion towards you wrought even further pain upon him.
It was then that he saw a stranger at your side. Well, not quiteāhe'd seen them around with you before, talking to you, laughing with you, taking your hand as they led you around town.
Just as they did in that moment.
An uncomfortable feeling rose in Gepard's throat, and he began hacking into his hand once again, collapsing as he clutched the windowsill for stability.
A small, blood-soaked periwinkle fell right into his waiting hand.
Yet somehow, it felt as though his chest hurt for reasons far deeper than the flowers taking hold of his lungs with each passing moment.
ā¹ Sampo Koski
Sampo wasn't one to instill concern in anyone.
Even for those who genuinely cared for him, though they were few and far between, it was always the same thought.
"It's Sampo. What could possibly happen to him?"
Of course, there's always the joking thought that one day, all his disgruntled customers and scammed victims will come back to wreak vengeance. But really, this happened every other week.
And Sampo was always fine.
So, when he sat in front of a very distraught Natasha, something felt terribly, horribly wrong.
"H-Heyyy, Nat! Come on, now, you can tell Sampo all the details of this little cough!" he chuckled, though it was punctuated by said hacking. "It can't be too bad, eh?"
Usually, his joking would elicit even just a small chuckle from the woman. But she nearly trembled when picking up her notes, rereading them over and over as though to confirm the information she already knew.
"Sampo..." she murmured. "Is there... someone you love?"
Though he could crack another jest, ask if Miss Natasha of all people was coming onto him, he saw the look in her eye, and swallowed another choke.
"Erm..."
Of course, in spite of his hesitation in speech, his mind had none at all.
Your face came to mind at once, bright, smiling, overjoyed. The way your brow would pull when he got into a scuffle and came to you all banged up, or the way you'd laugh at his latest scheme to trick some no-good vagrants into a 'package deal' scam.
Your energy, your voice, your touch. Everything flooded into his senses, and he smiled despite himself, despite the situation.
"Well..."
"If you're thinking of lying, save it," Natasha managed a strained laugh. "I think we both know from that silly grin that you have someone in mind. And I know... I think I know exactly who it is."
"But what've they got to do with my 'lil cold? Don't tell me... My only cure is to have my beloved Y/N nurse me back to health?!" Sampo clasped his hands together, making goo-goo eyes at Natasha.
He had assumed the mood to be lightened, but her eyes only darkened again.
"Sampo... this disease... it'sā"
Her prognosis was punctuated by another cough from the conmanāthis time wet, uncomfortable, as blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He was about to continue her sentence for her to throw in a joke, to reassure him that he was used to such minor amounts of blood, when something rose up his throat and into his mouth, cutting off his words.
Loosening his jaw, a purple and pink hyacinth landed right in his palm. Natasha was so pale, she might as well have been a ghost.
"What's..."
For once in his life, even the Sampo Koski was stumped.
"Hanahaki..." Natasha whispered, covering her mouth.
"What?!" Sampo's head snapped up, flicking between the doctor and the flower. "That's... That's a myth that kids get told so they confess their feelings quicker, so they don't chicken out. C-Come on, Miss Nat, that's notā"
She shook her head, and Sampo paused, staring at the flower.
"I've gotta clear my head."
"Sampo!"
The conman was to his feet in an instant, speed-walking out of the clinic faster than he ever thought his legs could take him. He didn't really know where he needed to go, but he knew he had to see you.
Seeing your face would put that warm, fuzzy, butterfly-like feeling right back in his chest. It would replace all this pain crawling into his lungs, his throat, not worsen it.
But when he saw you approach with your friend in tow, it felt like his chest had been stabbed straight through.
"Sampo! I heard you saw Nat today. You okay?"
"Y-Yeah!" Sampo was quick on the uptake, hiding the flower and swiping a hand over his mouth swiftly in case of any leftover blood. "You know me, just'a coupl'a bangs and scrapes from the latest 'customer'. You know how it is for ol' Sampo!"
You chuckled lightly.
"Well, that's good. Just don't go scamming any good people now, huh?" Your friend tugged your arm, giving Sampo an apologetic smileāsomething that dug up an even more foreign emotion within him. "Ah, right. I'm sorry, Sampo, we have plans today. But let's spend some time at the Great Mine some other time, huh?"
"No problemo! Sampo never skimps out on plans, and he never leaves a friend hanging! I'll see you then, Y/N."
You left with one last laugh and a smile.
Sampo's own smile slowly fell the moment you vanished from view... and he stared at the pink-and-purple hyacinth in his hand.
He recalled what they meant when Natasha had told him once, explaining all the intricacies of flower language if he were to ever give a 'special someone' a bouquet one day...
Joy, fresh starts, new love... But the purple?
That could only mean regret.
The conman threw the flower to the ground and stalked away, but not before trampling the bud.
As if he could ever regret something like loving you.
#sampo x reader#sampo koski x reader#sampo#sampo koski#gepard#gepard landau#gepard x reader#gepard landau x reader#hsr#hsr x reader#honkai#honkai x reader#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader
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for the writer ask game! š, š, š¤Æ?
Writer ask game!
š What made you start writing?
The long and short of it is me, myself, and I; same with drawing, I wanted to be able to see my ideas come to life, and get personal satisfaction out of finishing a story. The oldest fanfic I wrote was from first grade lol, and anytime there was an opportunity to write a story for a school assignment, I went above and beyond. I did write plenty for myself, between first grade and when I started uploading stories online.
I started posting bc I saw people posting MLP fanfic on a specific site, and I was like "I wanna do that!" and I had just officially fallen into MLP G4 in 8th grade, so I had some ideas and wrote them and posted them, and I enjoyed getting feedback, so I kept writing and kept posting. That site was great for that, bc people would largely give constructive criticism, and it was SO easy to find someone to edit your stuff....posting on Tumblr and especially AO3 just doesn't hold a candle to the way that environment was. I moved over to Tumblr bc 1) didn't know AO3 existed, and 2) that's largely where the Markiplier fandom is. At least Tumblr you know that people are sharing your work by reblogging (sometimes); the website had a featured box and a popular box and groups that you could put your stories in and get exposure! I don't really have ideas for MLP anymore, hence why I'm not really on there as of late :(
š What leads you to consider a fic a success?
It depends, really. Comments and reblogs are a huge part of it, and if every reblog I received had someone making a comment about the fic, I'd be thrilled (although that's not always the case). The number of notes are a factor (80-100 I'll consider it successful), but it's hard sometimes when most of those are just likes. š I'm still deeply appreciative of all the interactions, but having 50 likes but no reblogs makes you wonder if you've done something wrong that nobody wants to share it. :(
The other side to this is that if I wrote something specifically to "target" another person, or it involves referring to lore I participate in, then as long as that person/those people see it and react and I get to interact with them about it, then it'll be worth it, even if the fic doesn't break like 20 (the only piece of writing I did for Egotober didn't get far cuz it was so niche, but the people whom I participated in the lore with saw and liked it, so I'm not as bothered (unlike the MLP art I did for the Cringetober part...can't believe that one)
š¤Æ What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
Mystery for sure, bc I only attempted it once for school and I felt I didn't do the greatest (had to hide a phobia in the writing and my classmates guessed it rather quickly). I'm also not super interested in writing mysteries, so it works.
Angst might be the other one, bc it depends on the type of angst. Most angst I can't write unless I'm already in a funk, bc even my own writing has the opportunity to bring me down. At the risk of sounding like the meme, I have a bit too much empathy to write depressing circumstances unless I'm in that mindset. I wrote something with mild angst recently and it made me tear up š
I can't read angst cuz it usually hurts too much. Major angst/whump no, minor angst sometimes.
Thank you for da ask!!
#tbh a lot of my writing is motivated by my mindset/state of mind#which I think isn't terribly out of the ordinary but maybe that it's to the degree of being unable to#when in that state that might be unusual. Idk ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ#sorry about complaining about the number of notes cuz I know your stuff is more niche than mine so it's harder for you š
#I've got one saved in my drafts but unfortunately I haven't given myself time to sit down and read it#I really should!#sab speaks#anyway hopefully that all makes sense! this is my third draft cuz i completely started over twice lol
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DID I JUST HEAR SATZU TOXIC FWB
well... maybe! it's quite a classic trope isn't it!! I think I've attempted writing it at least once every year for like the past 3 years, but I never finish it,, my heart simply can't take the angst š though, if you see smth like it show up in a certain req then... š«¢
#asks#nr1chaedickrider#i was serious when i said every time i start having a crush on someone i suddenly feel like working on it again#smth abt being delusionally happy in life that gives me the capacity to work on fics i usually never would work on ššš#bc like??? both smu/t and ang/st??? ššš in one fic??? šš with no flu/ff??? šš who is this girl š
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Saudade || Chapter 1: Seoul Rain
Summary: A man of plan. Jungkook didn't live a life he didn't design. But when fate decides to take control will he take it back or he will lose his way, like he did when he was 15?
Or
Mafia AU where OC helps her coworker runaway from her mafia fiance and get caught on the process by his men. But when Jungkook finally sees you, anger is not what he feels.
āļø Pairing: Mafia Jungkook x Reader
āļø Rating: M
āļøGenre: Mafia, angst, Lil fluff later on, slow-burn, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn.
ā ļø Warnings: Swearing, name-calling, violence, physical abuse, domestic violence, illegal drug dealing, childhood trauma, attempted sexual abuse (I'll ad them as I write, feel free to remind me if I forget something as well)
First thing first, as originally planned, this is not going to be a one shot. I'm sorry (am I?)
And since it's not a oneshot, I am really really not sure when the next part is gonna drop. Again, I'm sorry.
One of the reasons this not being a oneshot is the character development of both Jungkook, mostly the OC. Since it's going to be officially my full blown fic, I really want to play around with her character and I may have quite a few idea. So again I apologize for the delay.
Another thing is that I really don't proofread what I write so it's pretty much the first draft I wrote. So for obvious reasons there will be tons of tons mistakes. So basically how it goes is when I get the chance to re-read the entire thing, I correct the mistake as I go. And English is my second language so if you are looking for finesse, I must warn you, you will be disappointed š.
š¹š· Series Master list š·š¹
10:30 am, Trimage, Seongdong-gu, Seoul.
Funny how change of perspective changes the reality of things. He always felt like his apartment building wasted a lot of space for open parking now staring at it from the 38th floor of his apartment building, the space looks impossibly small. Insignificant even. Like his childhood.
Jungkook is staring at his image on the window. He can count the changes in his body that took place through out the years. He can't see the scrawny, malnourished 14 years old boy reflect back at him anymore. Instead he is looking at someone well-built, not buff yet farm, well postured man staring back at him.
A man.
He's not surprised with his transition, far from it. He worked for them, to the point that he's almost proud. He calculated every single change that took place in his life, measured and laid out by him, with precision, patience, and control- impeccable control.
His thoughts are interrupted by a phone call. Looking at the window now, it's starting to fogg up, a tale tale sign of untimely Seoul rain, he can't see his shadow anymore. He reluctantly takes the call, almost dreading it. Although he has been anticipating this call the entire morning, something tells him he's not gonna like what he'll hear and how things roll from there.
"Minho"
"We found her"
"Tae-hee? She is in Korea!?"
"No, but we got a lead. Found the whore who caused this whole riot in the first place. Tae-hee doesn't have the gall to . . . "
"I know what she is capable of and what not, I didn't ask for her resume Minho. Now would you get to the fucking point, what do we know. You are wasting time?" Jungkook cuts him off annoyingly.
"We've been trying to coax stuff out off her since last night, the bitch here won't budge"
"Hold on..." Jungkook can feel the headache forming already. "Are you trying to tell me we had a lead since last night and I am being informed now? In the dead-fucking morning? When I clearly remember giving clear instructions to notify me the instance we have some sort of lead on her whereabouts?"
Minho noticably gulp over the phone, " Bos-ss . . .we were just trying to give you something solid before we pass on the information of having a lead. Thought. . .'
"It would impress me? Well you thought wrong because I can think of at least 10 reasons why I should put a bullet between your eyes. Not working so well for charming the big boss, is it Minho?"
" I-I . . . We'll get you s-something valuable . . ."
"Oh I know you will! If you want live pass to see the next day that is. I'm coming to the camp myself, ping the location to my driver. And Minho?"
"Yes, boss"
"It's Miss Song to you, you disrespectful bastard." Jungkook all but lowly hisses over the phone, calm and collected. But Minho on the other side, nearly soils his pressed slacks, that's the affect he has over the man that works for him. If given the option, they'll probably slit their own throat than facing a pissed of Jungkook and bear the consequences. He's a rational man but he could be very devil when he wants to be.
It has started to rain meanwhile. The rain was a much needed relief to the summer heat in Seoul. Still, Jungkook doesn't like the rain. It reminds him of the uncertainty, things or situations he cannot control. And he absolutely hates it.
Jungkook is also a prideful man, rising from the streets to become the king of underworld and he doesn't like when other people meddle in his business. He hustled the life of a ring fighter, it was his own kind of school for all the illegal business he runs. He learned how to stay invisible even he's standing in front of his opponent. How to make himself small enough to the point they dismiss him till he can take a leap and devour them.
From his fighting days if one thing that he has hold on to till this day is his disciplines. He has a certain rhythm set for things and he prefers to stay attune to them, he likes his control like that. So whenever someone or something tends to disturb it, he's rather ruthless taking care of it. Bloods are shed. Again, he's not unnecessarily violent. Even his violence are measured, calculated. He thinks it gives out the message more effectively.
He's now on his way to meet the intruder that recently caused the disharmony in his otherwise disciplined life. He doesn't even know the name of the person yet. You see Jungkook lays his plans out where he can see them clear as a vision, like scenes unfolding in opera. He designs the prologue himself. Knows how the next scene unfolds, where to draw the climax in and when to drop the curtains. So when did Song Ta-hee become part of that vision? When Jungkook drew and laid out the outline for his next victory.
Jungkook met Tae-hee at a strip club named Tokyo, formerly owned by the Ha-Jongs, given out to Bangtan as a token of appreciation later, more like a courting gift to show that they are willingly to give out part of their territory because they want somewhat of a more permanent alliance.
Song Tae-hee was one of many illegitimate offsprings of the Lord, Ha-Jongs gnarly and ruthless leader Yi Kang-Hwan. Now Ha-Jongs were very proud of their roots, traditional even. Although Tae-hee and her mother never got the legal recognition nor legitimacy through marriage, because it was against their tradition to take more than one wife legally. Kang-hwan still wanted to acknowledge them by making them take the family name. It wasn't an option for discussion, it was a decision. And Yis' don't take so kindly to rejections. It goes beyond saying what it would implicate if one of them to actually reject that decision, it's an direct insult to the Yis' and by default, to the Ha-jongs.
So Tae-hee being the perfect bull-headed daughter of Kang-hwan did the first only thing she could to piss her father off. She declined to take up the family name and ran off to Seoul to become a stripper. As ruthless as the Ha-Jongs were, they weren't uncouth. They were very traditional the way they carried their family, legitimate or not. Everyone associated with the YI's are to abide by their family tradition where woman stays within certain boundaries.
So when Kang-hwan decided to break her mother's heart, she decided to strike back the way she knee, she could.
Jungkook needed to have access to Samcheok port to smuggle his supplies in uninterrupted without constantly thinking of anomalies. The only alternative to that was the northern part of the regime but that's under military supervision.
It's more hustle than he would like handle, not to mention taxing to his resources. Samcheok port falls heavily under the area controlled by the Ha-Jongs, they were the farm believers of, if you control the sea, you control the country. So there's no way to bypass them without brewing unnecessary wars. So Jungkook got creative and decided to write his own verse to the family drama.
And the curtain rises.
"You look seemingly lost with a touch of pissed, Miss" Jungkook lazily drawls, inspecting his surroundings. The club could use a makeover and set of new sound system. His head is pounding. This gets her attention.
"And you look like you got no business being here. What, your stripper dumped your goody two shoes ass for someone more loaded?" Hye-Jin doesn't back down when it comes to snide remarks. Jungkook smiles at that.
"How did you guess? Don't you look like the sympathetic one? What got you in this part of the town? Daddy issues?"
That wipes all the smugness off Hye-Jin's face. Now all she feels is anger brewing in the pit of her stomach.
"Are you one of his dogs? Did my pathetic excuse of a father send you sniffing around me? Well you can go ahead tell him he can't do shit in this side of the town and he can fuck himself. Bangtan pulls all the shit here now."
"Now that's no way to talk about your own father, is it Princess?" she scoffs at the nickname.
"You don't know shit about him so if you wanna go lick his boots, go kill some mutts for him or fondle one of his whores so she can put on some good words for you." At this point Jungkook has seemingly grown bored of the conversation. Same old, same old. She's wasting time.
"Look,I get the anger, really. Mine was a bastard too. So what if I tell you I have a plan that will do a lot more than pissing of "Pathetic excuse of a father" of yours and doesn't involve getting strangers tongue getting shoved down your throat and flashing your assets to sweaty, deprived old man every night."
Hye-Jin contemplates the offer for a second before dismissing him, "As much charming as you are, I don't trust you. For all I know, you could be a trap and I don't plan to get fucked both ways soon. So unless you want a lap dance, I suggest you haul ass. Therapy's over, you are wasting business hours."
Jungkook looks down and chuckles at this," You know, for a girl who looks this elegant, you sure have a foul mouth. When I first heard you were in ballet and this close to become a Prima Ballerina, I thought there must be a strong reason as to why you decided to throw that away and chose to live the life that you are living. Now that I've met you I know why." Hye-Jin's mouth hangs open at that. Who exactly was he? Even her father didn't know that.
"And what is that? Not that I care about your opinion." She tries to wash down her nervousness with feint arrogance.
"Because you are outright stupid, Hye-Jin, is why. Anyway, now that you have wasted my time, I will see myself out. If that dead brain of yours miraculously starts working and you change your mind, give me a call. As you said, we are losing business hours." Jungkook carelessly threw his business card on the bar and walked away. Hye-Jin looks perplexed for a minute and contemplates her options. The pay was generous and she didn't have todo anything that was forced but this isn't remotely the life she wanted for herself. "Fuck it!" She groans and picks up the card and her eyes shot open. "Jeon Jungkook . . ." The new owner off Tokyo, the one who took over this club shortly after she become a stripper here. Intrigued is a understatement, she needs to know what is going on.
So when Jungkook's phone went of that night and he saw her number, he already knew he won. From there, the announcement, the engagement went pretty fast. What Hye-Jin was getting out of this? The satisfaction to watch the Ha-Jongs and her father come crumbling down as Jungkook laid out his plan to dismantle them from the inside out. What irked her though the plan required her to play the good daughter and a perfect fiance to Jeon Jungkook.
The later part was a lot bearable though. Jungkook was not ill-spoken like her father, in fact they barely talked. But he made sure she was well taken care off, respected and safe. She didn't mind the occasional intimacy as well in fact it was better than what she had in the past. He was a gentle lover, complied with her needs and at the same time could be rough when she wanted him to. He let her take the charge of her pleasure and he took care of her after they were done. Cleaning her, tucking her under the sheets, making sure she gets a warm bath drawn the next day and the breakfast delivered to her bed. She rarely met someone who cared about such small details without being explicit about it. And that led her to make her first mistake.
She became emotionally drawn to Jungkook. She started to crave more. But when she started to understand this strictly business for Jungkook and this is as far as she gets, it broke her.
She retorted her old ways to get the attention she craved from him. So when she declared she is going to work as a barista to the cafe she was recently frequenting just to spite him and he just nodded, not paying her attention she decided to deliver her final blow.
"I want to call off the engagement"
At this, Jungkook throws her a brief, almost a bored look. He dives back to his paperwork, "Back being a brat, aren't we?" Jungkook chuckles, sipping his coffee, "It's amusing how you think it's up to you to decide what you can bring to this arrangement we have and what not"
He puts down his mug and throws her one final look, "So, no Princess, you are not calling off the engagement. Your car will be ready in 15 min to take you to the cafe. Wouldn't wanna be late in your first day of work, would we?" At this Jungkook walks out of the study the close the door behind him.
Hye-Jin doesn't know what made the first drop of tear rolled down her cheeks, was it the frustration of being denied what she longed for or the anger towards the man she held some sort of adoration who didn't even take a minute to reduce her down to nothing. No, she didn't love Jungkook, but she could, she wanted to. Now she can't seem to even breathe around him.
Hye-Jin slowly came to terms with her situation, accepting it even. She would daily remind herself why was she here. There was no point in hiding, running, this was her life now. That Jungkook won once again, how his plans were flawless. Everything was on track, just how he painted.
Funny how sometimes a small shift can throw a wrench to a perfectly engineered plan and everything comes toppling down due to that one measley change. Jeon Jungkook's designed his plan to be precise, flawless and infallible but he did not plan for one thing.
You.
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