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#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing thatš)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tallš#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top āi know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATESā#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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Hi! I love your Naruto thoughts and meta posts with all my heart and I want to ask your thoughts on something that has been on my mind literally since I was 13: what do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura? I went from being a hardcore shipper when I was a teenager, to being against any romantic relationship in Naruto after finishing the anime when I was in my early twenties. Nowadays I'm very into platonic love and depictions of friendship and I think the anime's obsession with forcing the "romantic interest" curse upon the main female character robbed us of... so much. There are a few wonderful moments in the anime where Sasuke and Sakura acknowledge each other, but because she's always "the girl with the crush", her actions are so often interpret as irrational or selfish by the fandom.
Hi @riemmetric!Ā It's great to talk to you again! Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this; RL has been making demands of me lately and it took me way longer to finish writing this up than I wanted it to (then again, I knew from the minute I read your original ask that my reply was going to get long, so I suppose I should have predicted a delay XD)
It's funny, my sister once asked me to choose between Sasuke or Sakura for an āunpopular opinionā meme, and I ended up doing Sasuke solely because I think the negative fandom opinions about Sakura are so unhinged and divorced from the actual text that I wouldnāt even know where to start.Ā People are entitled to dislike whatever characters they want, obviously, but there are some fandom takes that are, for me, so obviously rooted in bad faith viewings/readings that thereās no urge in me to discuss them.Ā That said, since you asked, Iām happy to go into my own thoughts on this a bit, with the disclaimer for other potential readers that I only write about fandom things for my own personal enjoyment, not as a contribution to The Discourse. If you donāt like Sakura, great!Ā I have no interest in changing your mind. Please consider this a sincere invitation to scroll on by and go enjoy whatever parts of the fandom appeal to you.
In general terms: I love Sasuke and Sakuraās relationship as much as I love all of the relationships in Team 7.Ā If weāre talking about them specifically as a romantic couple, then I probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, because I do like them together in a post-canon (to be clear: non-Boruto) setting, after time has passed and theyāve continued to develop individually and reconnect with each other, but I also wouldnāt exactly call myself an intense āshipper,ā in the sense that I have no interest in pulling things out from the text and incorrectly citing them as evidence that Sasuke has hidden romantic feelings for her during the canon period. He cares about her in the canon period, just like he cares about Naruto and Kakashi.Ā Thatās not up for interpretation; itās the text.Ā But Sasuke during the canon time period does not demonstrate specifically romantic interest in anyone.Ā Ā
[A note before people who might ship Sasuke with Someone Else emerge to rail against this statement - please just scroll past and continue enjoying fandom in whatever way is most fun for you. It is cool to ship whatever fanon thing you want; I think thatās great!Ā But earnestly citing any loving or emotional thing Sasuke does re: various characters in this story (yes, Sakura included) as indicative of specifically romantic love isnāt supported by the text. I know there are always going to be enormous subsets of any fandom who insist that it is, and I'm certainly not going to barge into anyone else's space to complain about that (because other people having fun together is harmless and none of my business), but I'm not obligated to indulge it on my own blog, either.]
Anyway, that said - the reason why I love Sakura and Sasukeās relationship (from here on out Iāll use ārelationshipā in a general, non-romantic sense) is precisely because Sakura isnāt just āthe girl with the crush.ā Sakura has an arc when it comes to Sasuke, and its trajectory moves in the exact opposite direction of āirrationalā or āselfish.āĀ She specifically goes from āthe girl with the crushā to āthe girl who steels herself and tries to put her personal feelings for Sasuke aside for the greater goodā to āthe girl who knows she canāt put her feelings aside, but who also knows full well that Sasuke doesnāt reciprocate them, and who still wants to save him regardless, because he matters to her as a person and a friend.ā
[I'm putting the rest of this under a cut to save everyone's dash, and also to emphasize once again that this is a personal post on my personal blog which I wrote in response to a question from a personal acquaintance, the full content of which no one is obligated to read. I am not sending this post to random strangers and forcing them to look at it. I'm not even putting it in the character tags. I'm typing it up on my own blog and putting it under a cut. If you already know that you don't like Sakura, but you still click the link/read the post and then feel an urge to comment and complain, I am going to copy-paste this disclaimer and remind you that I specifically recommended that you scroll past and go have fun with fandom in your own way. Thanks in advance for responsibly curating your own fandom experience!]
So, from the top:
1. the girl with the crush
Sakura is, obviously, completely obsessed with Sasuke at the beginning of Part 1.Ā Sheās also deeply clueless about him and his history (bizarre though it is, the story seems to indicate that she initially doesnāt know what happened with his family, the same way young!Obito is initially clueless about Kakashiās father).Ā But what I like about Sakura and Sasukeās Part 1 relationship is how this changes over time.
The critical scene that kicks this off happens right at the beginning of the manga, when she and Sasuke are talking by that bench - she complains about Naruto and blames his behavior on him being all alone/having no family to scold him; and even says sheās jealous that he doesnāt have parents to nag him all the time.Ā This obviously triggers an outburst from Sasuke, who tells her she has no idea what loneliness means and that she āmakes him sickā/sheās āannoyingā (importantly, the exact same thing Sakura said to Naruto in anger earlier that day), which in turn prompts Sakura to reassess herself and wonder whether sheās been making Naruto feel this terrible all the time, too:
From that point on, itās a process of her putting little pieces together.Ā She still has a MAJOR crush, and she still acts like a twelve year-old, but as we approach the end of Part I, Sakura actually has a more accurate grasp on Sasukeās current state of mind than Naruto does.Ā Naruto is initially excited to fight Sasuke on top of the hospital, because he feels like Sasukeās finally acknowledging him, whereas Sakura is the one who immediately recognizes that something is wrong about this situation.Ā She is also the one who, after this fight, is concerned that Sasuke is really unwell and might do something drastic like run off in pursuit of the power Orochimaru promised him, but when she communicates this to Naruto, he assures her that this would NEVER happen:
(Sakura isn't convinced, though, because she goes to monitor the exit out of the village anyway.)
Iām not criticizing Naruto for his response here.Ā I ADORE hearing him say that Sasuke is too strong to need Orochimaru, with such perfect confidence - I love seeing how much respect and admiration he has for Sasuke underneath all their fighting, because thatās the whole reason heās always baiting Sasuke and yelling at him and claiming āyou're not so great!ā He looks up to Sasuke; he wants to be like Sasuke; he thinks Sasuke is awesome! (Itās that Obito @ Kakashi behavior, you know?) But the fact remains that he is clueless about whatās actually going on with Sasuke in Part 1, and he remains clueless(ly optimistic) for a long time.Ā Ā
(Eg, when he catches up to Sasuke during the retrieval arc and Sasuke climbs out of that cursed seal coffin, Naruto waves at him and calls "Come on, let's go!" as if Sasuke has been successfully rescued and is now going to come running home.Ā Even in Part II, when Naruto hears that Sasuke killed Orochimaru, he beams and immediately says, āSo he must be on his way back to the Leaf Village!āĀ And everyone else in the room is like, ā....,ā because they know better.Ā Naruto doesnāt yet fully understand [or doesn't want to accept] the extent to which Sasuke has willingly chosen this path, and itās not until after Jiraiyaās death/the Pain attack/the Five Kage Summit that Naruto really starts to understand Sasuke more clearly, which is something he himself admits.)
Sakura, in Part 1, has access to more information about Sasuke - sheās there for his first dissociative monologue during the bells test, sheās there for the curse markās placement, sheās there for his first violent transformation in the Forest of Death - she is, in fact, the unwitting catalyst for it (āSakuraā¦who did this to you?ā), and her compassion is the reason Sasuke is later able to overcome the curse markās influence - so she has a more accurate/complete picture of āhow heās doing,ā for lack of a better phrase, whereas Naruto, who doesnāt know about the curse mark in the first place, is still in the dark.Ā This means that Sakura is able to accurately discern that Sasuke is struggling more than Naruto realizes, and specifically to predict that heās going to run away.Ā Ā
(This dynamic is then interestingly flipped in the back half of Part II, since at any point after the Five Kage Summit, Sakura doesnāt have access to extremely relevant [if currently questionable and unproven] details that would in any other circumstance inform her behavior).
Of course, just because she has more info in Part 1 doesnāt mean she has some kind of miraculous insight into Sasukeās every thought and feeling.Ā There are parts of her attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village that are as clueless as any of Narutoās assumptions, and they showcase the kind of magical thinking common to childhood - like when she says that if he stayed with her, she could give him happiness, sheād do anything for him, even help him get his revenge - this idea that she herself can do something to make him feel better, that she can love him powerfully enough to defeat his pain - obviously none of that is rooted in realism.
Is this part of her approach irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered?Ā Of course it is!Ā But itās no more irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered than Narutoās stated plan to drag Sasuke back to the village even if he has to ābreak every bone in [his] body!āĀ
Hating on Sakura for her Part 1 attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village while simultaneously lauding Naruto for his feels like a bad faith misread of what is, to me, pretty clear narrative intention.Ā The story doesnāt at any point intend for us to see her begging him to stay as a selfish or conniving attempt to get something she wants.Ā Sheās begging him to stay for the same underlying reason that Naruto is: she cares about him.Ā She thinks heās making a mistake that will only cause him more pain in the end (sheās right) and she wants to make it so he feels less pain right now (she canāt.Ā But she doesnāt understand that/isnāt able to admit that, and sheās willing to try ANYTHING that might help).Ā Ā
Itās critical that this farewell scene is set in front of that same bench from their first important confrontation - she references that day and how angry he got at her, and this time she tells him that she understands his reaction.Ā Sheās learned things and she recognizes how insensitive she was being back then (āI know what happened to your clan, Sasukeā), even though she still canāt fully grasp all the complexities of the situation. She tells him that him blowing up at her back then helped her understand what loneliness actually meant (as opposed to her previous shallow understanding of it), and she challenges him about his choice right now: "So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path?" And when she tells him that she'll be very lonely if he leaves, we're immediately shown a panel of Sasuke thinking of both his friends, with the very clear implication that if he goes through with this, he will be lonely without them, too - that he's still struggling with the idea of leaving them, no matter how hard he tries to pretend:
Sakura at this point knows that Sasuke isnāt interested in her the way she is in him, but she still wants to give him happiness, however fantastical and immature her ideas sound to us (and, Iām sure, to him).Ā āIāll do anything, even help you get your revenge/we'll have fun every day, and...and you'll be happy! I'll make sure of it!ā - of course, itās completely childish.Ā Itās irrational.Ā Itās ridiculous to think that any of this would ever be effective, but no more ridiculous than Narutoās belief that he can simply break every bone in Sasukeās body and keep him in the Leaf by force.
Both Naruto and Sakura are children who have a deeply oversimplified understanding of Sasukeās situation.Ā They both still think they can fix him themselves.Ā They both think they can save him themselves.Ā They both think they can convince (or force) him to do what they want, what they think is in his best interests.Ā Both of them donāt yet understand that he has to want to come back, if itās ever going to mean anything.Ā Their attempts to keep him in the village are immature and unrealistic, yes.Ā What they arenāt, however, is selfish, because neither Sakura nor Naruto are doing any of this with the intention of advancing their own interests.Ā Theyāre only thinking about Sasuke - how to keep Sasuke safe, how to make Sasuke happy - even when neither of them are taking an approach that will actually work.
Naruto and Sakura are children.Ā Theyāre afraid of losing somebody they care about.Ā Their attempts to prevent that from happening are desperate and messy and ultimately ineffective, but they are also genuinely felt and rooted in a true desire to rescue Sasuke from his pain, which - and this is the single most important thing that should impact our viewing of Part 1 - is something that Sasuke RECOGNIZES.Ā He doesnāt spend that agonizingly long moment bowed over Narutoās defeated body so we can pretend he doesnāt understand that Naruto was just trying to help him.Ā He doesnāt take the time to murmur, āSakuraā¦thank you,ā before laying her out carefully on a bench, just so we can discount it and pretend that he doesnāt recognize and appreciate her genuine intention to make things better for him, however clumsy that attempt might have been.
2. the greater good
If Stage 1 Sakura is "the girl with the crush," then Stage 2 Sakura is a progression to āthe girl who decides to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to protect innocent people, including (but certainly not limited to) Naruto.āĀ Sheās driven to this decision by interactions with Shikamaru, who all too recently had to grow up fast himself (āWe're not kids anymore...we can't allow a war to break out between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Cloud because of Sasuke") and Sai, who risks his new friendship with Sakura and Team 7 in order to speak some hard truths and deliver one of my favorite lines in the whole story: āI donāt know what promise Naruto made to you, but itās really no different than what was done to me.Ā Itās like a curse mark.ā
(INCREDIBLE.Ā How can anybody be complaining about a season where Sai gets to say something that goes THIS HARD and Sakura LISTENS and takes DRAMATIC ACTION that actually propels the story forward in a meaningful way - )
[Okay, yeah, brief personal opinion interlude - it is just bonkers wild to me that there are people who complain about Sakura in the Five Kage Summit arc. That entire season is the greatest character arc she ever has.Ā Literally she has never been more interesting and dynamic than in Season 10; itās the first time she ever gets to be as deep and fascinating as the boys; what is everybody so worked up about?Ā Oh, āshe lied to Naruto that one timeā - Sasuke joined infant-kidnapping baby-murdering human experimentation machine Orochimaru when he was twelve years old in order to (dare I say it????) selfishly pursue his personal goals and yet, somehow, we are still able to root for him.Ā He abandoned his friends/allies to imprisonment and death (Suigetsu and JÅ«go) or outright stabbed them in the chest himself (Karin) in order to (SELFISHLY) get what he wanted, and yet, somehow, we are still able to love him, understand him, and be on his side.Ā Naruto is canonically not upset with Sakura about her lie after receiving context for the situation and I think we can probably take our cues from him without feeling the need to bring her up on war crimes; please calm down]
[Sorry, I just really love most of Season 10 and think itās one of the best examples of how good this story can be when every single character gets to do something that matters (as opposed to things being all Naruto, all the time) so I get a little bit worked up over people complaining about some of the best writing Sakura ever gets.Ā I donāt understand what certain elements of fandom want from her. People complain about her being āuselessā and not doing anything that contributes to the story, but then they complain just as much when she does finally get to act decisively and have just as complex/dynamic an inner world as the boys.Ā Sheās āweakā for being unreasonably in love with Sasuke, but when she tries to be āstrongā and put her love for him aside and eliminate him in order to protect Naruto and the rest of the world, sheās evil, because she should have been more understanding of his situation (despite the fact that she doesnāt KNOW anything about his situation).Ā But then when she canāt go through with killing him after all because she cares about him too much despite the things heās done, sheās not "compassionate" or "kind" or "a good friend," sheās āweakā again. Nothing Sakura does in S10 is more wrongheaded or rash than any of the batshit, buckwild things Naruto and Sasuke have done in the past (and will continue to do in the future), but when Naruto and Sasuke have big feelings or take bold action, it makes them interesting characters, whereas Sakura canāt breathe in anyoneās direction without being minutely scrutinized for moral impurities.]Ā Ā
Anyway. Back to a more measured response.Ā Ā
Every single piece of development Sakura has with regard to Sasuke in this season satisfies me so much.Ā Her initial shock and disbelief at hearing that Sasuke had joined the Akatsuki?Ā Good, appropriate.Ā The fact that she starts to acknowledge the reality of what Sasukeās done sooner than Naruto does?Ā Also extremely appropriate, very in-character for both of them.Ā Her taking Saiās words to heart and deciding that the promise she asked Naruto to make when they were children is causing him to suffer and she has to relieve him of that burden?Ā Juicy!Ā AND thematically significant (promises!!!!Ā the burden that a promise places on a person, especially when it can't be kept - we've seen that before in this story and we'll see it again).Ā Her anguished pivot from wanting to protect Sasuke to realizing that she has a responsibility to protect the countless innocents who will die because of the war heās trying to start?Ā HELLO THIS IS INCREDIBLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.Ā Her knocking out the classmates who agreed to help her so they donāt have to share in her burden (and so the only person Naruto will hate when itās over is her)?Ā BRUH.Ā Her being so committed and focused on her goal of saving innocents and protecting Naruto (not just from being harmed by Sasuke/the Akatsuki, but by the possibility that Naruto will someday have to hurt Sasuke himself) that she tries to take everything on by herself and walks into a confrontation that she absolutely cannot win??Ā INCREDIBLE.Ā (Literally the first time I watched this, I said, āFinally!!!Ā Itās Sakuraās turn to go off the rails!āĀ I laughed with my sister about how Kakashi isnāt even mad, because Naruto and Sasuke have been pulling stunts like this for years and Sakura was way overdue for her own meltdown.)Ā And then, after Kakashi intervenes in the fight - Sakura barreling back into the battle when she realizes heās going to take on the burden of killing Sasuke himself in order to spare her and Naruto the horror - āI canāt let Kakashi-sensei bear this burden!āĀ I love her for that.Ā Ā
And then, of course, in the end - her not being able to do hurt Sasuke after all.Ā Despite committing herself to the act, despite forcing herself to put her feelings for him aside, despite resolving to stop him from starting a war and killing innocent people, she canāt harm him.Ā She cares about him too much.Ā This, too, is thematically significant - think about Itachiās āyou donāt have enough hatredā - she doesnāt have enough hatred to kill someone she cares about, even if it seems like he deserves it, even if would be the right thing to do to protect others.Ā She canāt do it, and Sasuke almost kills her for her compassion.Ā Ā
I love the dynamic this sets up between her and Sasuke, for a few reasons:
1) Personally, I think Sasuke respects Sakura much more for trying to kill him than he would have if sheād just tried to talk him out of his behavior or beg him to come home (a la their original confrontation in Part 1).Ā This is the first significant interaction heās had with Sakura in years, and the fact that she does something SO contrary to his memory of her is an important demonstration of the fact that sheās not the same girl she used to be.Ā Sasuke spends a lot of time after his defection declaring to his old team āIāve changed; Iām not that person anymore,ā but this is one of the moments where heās forced to acknowledge that his teammates have changed, too.Ā Time didnāt just stop for them when he left.Ā While he was turning into someone new, so were they.Ā They grew up without him, and his old memories of them canāt encompass the whole picture of who they are now.Ā Ā
(This is a little tangential, but in general, I love the spectrum of reactions that Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi have in this sequence, and the way that all of them are ultimately messages Sasuke needs to hear.Ā Sasuke - who we know textually regrets what he did here, who apologizes to Sakura for it later - for āeverything,ā in fact - needs Narutoās aggressively optimistic open-arms policy, yes, needs that potential, that unconditional possibility of return.Ā He also needs Sakuraās refusal to let him hurt her friends and start a war that will kill thousands of people, needs her surprisingly ruthless attempt to take him down; needs just as much her failure to do so, because it shows him that she still loves him too much to kill him even as she condemns him.Ā And he needs Kakashiās grim line in the sand, needs someone who very possibly won't hesitate like Sakura (despite the horrifying personal cost), someone who will try to reach him but also won't let him escape and become the next generationās Orochimaru, who won't let him cause untold suffering to untold numbers of people just because a teacher loved him too much to stop him when he had the chance.Ā
(And then even Kakashi chooses not to deliver a killing blow when he has the opportunity -)
(I know that in fandom people are more likely to be all, āoh, Naruto Good, everybody else Bad,ā but I donāt think the narrative frames Sakura or Kakashi as āworseā than Naruto in any way.Ā The story goes out of its way to make it clear how desperately they donāt want to hurt Sasuke and how much they care about him.Ā And [this is just my interpretation, so obviously I wonāt claim it as fact], I personally think that Sasuke - Sasuke, who, looking back, can see how lost he was then and how tortured he would have been if heād gone through with many of his plans - would be grateful to Sakura and Kakashi for making an attempt to stop him when he couldnāt stop himself.)
2) On the other side of this, the fact that Sakura wasnāt able to deliver the killing blow means a lot. Sasuke was incapacitated under that bridge; he was completely at her mercy - but she stopped with the kunai an inch from his back.Ā She couldnāt kill him, even though she knew that he was completely willing to kill her (because he'd attempted to Chidori-assassinate her from behind just a few minutes ago).Ā Thatās huge!Ā Sasuke is too out of his head right now to process this or understand it, but later, it's going to matter.Ā She stayed her hand.Ā She spared his life.Ā She loved him too much to hurt him, even when heād given her every reason to take him down.Ā She hesitated, and he almost killed her for it, but her inability to strike him ultimately gave him yet another chance to come home, another chance to get better, another chance to have a life outside of his pain.Ā Despite everything, some part of her still hadnāt really given up on him, and that knowledge will matter later, when heās finally able to acknowledge it.Ā Ā
The point of all this is to say that I really have no complaints about Sakura and Sasukeās dynamic in their S10 confrontation.Ā This season is the point where Sakura fully grows past her āgirl with a crushā stage and into her āshinobi must make very harsh decisionsā adulthood, but it never means that she doesnāt care about the person sheās trying to take down.Ā Her ultimate inability to deliver the killing blow remains a dangling lifeline for her relationship with Sasuke, an open door that Sasuke is able to walk through at the end of the story (literally, in fact, when Sakura opens that portal for him and saves him from Kaguyaās desert prison, and figuratively, too, when Sasuke apologizes to her).
3. she only wants to save you
The last stage in their relationship is what Sakura settles into during the war arc.Ā She started off Part 1 being just a girl with a crush, then tried to harden her heart and put her feelings for Sasuke aside in service of the greater good, but she was unable to actually follow through and kill him, and because of that, what sheās come to accept by the war arc is actually two things: that 1) Sasuke truly is willing to let her die if it furthers his goals, and 2) she wants to save him anyway.Ā Ā
She has no intention of pursuing Sasuke romantically.Ā She knows full well that Sasuke isnāt interested in her.Ā She even knows that Sasuke isnāt really on their side (thereās a great scene where Sai questions Sakura about Sasukeās return, and she reassures him that everything is fine, and Sai sadly thinks to himself āeven I can tell your smile is fakeā).Ā Sheās well-aware that Sasuke didnāt try to help her when Madara stabbed her.Ā Sheās well-aware that he left her to die in the lava pit.Ā Sheās also well-aware that none of this is enough to make her stop loving him.Ā He doesnāt have to care about her - she still cares about him.Ā She still wants to help him.Ā She still wants to save him.
This is not hidden, hard-to-parse character development.Ā Itās explicitly articulated on the page:
Sakuraās not trying or wanting to make you hers!Ā She only wants to save you.
Iām not sure if people look at this last confrontation and unquestioningly take Sasuke at his word (as if we havenāt just read 71 volumes/watched 700 episodes showing us how how painfully distorted his thinking is), or if they stop reading/watching before the end of the scene, or if they donāt understand that Sasuke saying something doesnāt make that statement an accurate representation of reality.Ā The entire point of this scene is to show us how deeply mistaken Sasuke is about Sakura (and, by extension, the rest of Team 7).Ā Heās locked into a false pattern of thinking.Ā His single-minded focus on revenge and destruction has blinded him to the unconditional love his friends feel for him; heās become so accustomed to using others and being used that he canāt understand or accept that someone would care about him without needing a reason, without needing him to love them back, without needing to receive something from him in exchange.
Sakuraās not trying or wanting to make you hers!Ā She only wants to save you.
Sasuke matters to Sakura as more than a love interest.Ā He always has.Ā She does love him romantically, yes, but she doesnāt only love him romantically, and her desire to help him is not and has never been contingent on him returning her feelings, romantically or otherwise.Ā Sasuke isnāt able to acknowledge that in this scene, but that doesnāt mean weāre supposed to just sit back and agree with his warped perspective.Ā Kakashi is the one whoās explicitly positioned as the voice of the narrative here.Ā We, as the audience, are supposed to recognize that Kakashi is the one telling us the truth.
[tangential thing 1: You donāt have to love Sakura's last plea to Sasuke here. Itās not my favorite, either - the best part, other than Kakashiās speech at the end, is the moment after Kakashi collapses when Sakuraās expression changes from pained uncertainty to pure rage, when she grits her teeth together - when I first saw that, I almost leapt out of my seat like āOh my god.Ā Sheās finally going to let him have it.Ā Itās finally happening - āĀ I wanted that so badly, and I still think it would have been a more effective writing choice for Sakuraās last words to lean more into her anger at the suffering Sasuke is causing all of them (himself included!) and less into yet another of Kishimotoās ālet me have Sakura articulate what a shame it is that she canāt do as much as Naruto despite the fact that I literally just went through a major reveal sequence in the war to show that sheās caught up to the boys; I canāt make up my mind about whether I want her to progress or notā - itās extremely frustrating (and it's something he does at the very end of the S10 Team 7 reunion, too, which is the ONLY moment of S10 that falls flat for me).Ā But at the same time, even if there are ways this sequence could be more satisfying, it doesnāt change the fact that her plea to him is not remotely motivated by a desire to be with him romantically and not anything to condemn her for.]
[tangential thing 2: I do like how she remembers that moment when Sasuke says āThank you.āĀ That panel precedes her saying āIf thereās even a tiny corner of your heart that thinks about meā¦ā (which Iām sure is one of the things that people like to criticize about this scene, aka āoh sheās sooooo self-centeredā etc), but that particular line of dialogue is preceded by that particular flashback panel for a reason: Sakura knows that Sasuke DOES think about her.Ā He thinks about all of them.Ā Sakura remembers that āthank you,ā and it reminds her that despite everything Sasuke has done and said since, despite all evidence to the contrary, she knows in her bones that his expression of gratitude back then was genuine.Ā He cared about her once.Ā He cared about all of them.Ā Sheās trying to reach the part of him that still does, if it exists.]
[tangential thing 3: The fact that Kakashi says āshe suffers from loving you,ā and it triggers Sasuke to remember his own family - thinking about how much he suffered (and still suffers) from loving them - āPerhapsā¦those are the ties to a failed pastā - the idea that itās not worth it to have bonds if it means you suffer this muchā¦that itās too difficult, itās too painful, and if Sakura and the rest of Team 7 were smarter they would just give it up (all Sasuke knows how to do now is sever potential bonds before they can hurt him; so why arenāt Sakura and the rest of his teammates doing that, why canāt they let it go, why are they making this so hard - ) << yeah, he clearly doesn't care about her/them at all.]
4. the shadow of my family
This has all been a really long way to answer the original question, but the short response to āWhat do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura?ā is āI really care about it,āĀ just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto, just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi. And I donāt think the story ever asks me to choose between them.
Iām not sure whether itās the impact of Boruto-era ācanonā that gets in the way of other people approaching things this way (I donāt consider sequel material when I evaluate the original story), or if itās Kishimotoās frequent disinterest in/disrespect towards female characters, which yes, does sometimes make it harder, or if it's a shipping thing (bane of my existence), or some combination of factors, but for me, taking one member of Team 7 out of the equation hobbles the rest of the story.Ā I canāt read/watch Naruto while hating one of the protagonists and loving the other three.Ā It doesnāt work like that for me.Ā The story wasnāt written that way, and thereās nothing in the text that would cause me to receive it that way.
That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with disliking one of the main foursome (or any character, for that matter) - obviously we're all going to have different preferences, and everyone is free to enjoy or reject whatever parts of a story they want, or to like or dislike whatever characters they want. I know that some people have more fun disregarding canon and doing their own thing, which is fine.Ā My own personal zone of enjoyment comes from receiving the story as closely to how I think it was intended to be read as I can, and personally, when I look at this particular story, what I see is that all the members of Team 7 clearly demonstrate their love for Sasuke in ways that he himself later recognizes and acknowledges. All of them are driven by their desire to save him and their unwillingness to hurt him. All of them make repeated choices to chase after him when he runs away, to trust him when he hasn't exactly earned it, to give him another chance when he doesn't appear to deserve it. ALL of them, not just Naruto, do these things multiple times throughout the story, and Sasuke owes his life (and thus his eventual recovery) to ALL of them, many times over. Kakashi disobeys Hokage-elect DanzÅ and breaks the law to negotiate for Sasuke's life with a foreign head of state. Sakura and Kakashi both have opportunities to kill Sasuke in the Land of Iron, and they choose to spare him instead. Kakashi stops Sasuke from killing his only friends at two different points in the story, which would have been a mistake Sasuke couldn't have recovered from. Sasuke would have died in Kaguya's desert dimension if Sakura hadn't saved him (Sakura, who knew that Sasuke wasn't even truly on her side yet, who knew he'd abandoned her for dead multiple times already that day). Kaguya's bone bullet would have killed Sasuke too, if Kakashi, with his intention to die in Sasuke's place, hadn't leapt in front of it (Kakashi, who also knew that Sasuke wasn't fully on their side yet, who also knew that Sasuke had abandoned him for dead earlier that day). Sasuke and Naruto would have BOTH died in the Final Valley if Sakura and a severely injured Kakashi hadn't chased after them to heal their injuries.
Remove any one member of Team 7, and Sasuke never makes it home. Without the combined efforts of all three of his teammates, he doesn't survive. Ā Thatās the way it should be, thematically, for a story whose first and most foundational premise was the importance of teamwork, and since Sakura was just as essential to that framework as everyone else, Iām just as invested in her relationship with Sasuke as I am in his relationship with everyone else.Ā You canāt remove one leg from a four-legged stool without damaging the integrity of the entire structure, and for me, discounting any single member of Team 7 irreparably damages the integrity of the entire story.Ā
TL;DR: I love all of the Team 7 relationships, including Sakura and Sasuke's, because despite what some segments of fandom seem to believe, the text of the story never gives me any reason not to.
#naruto#meta#replies#anyway that's that! hopefully that is a helpful answer#thank you for the question! i honestly don't think i would have ever gotten around to writing about this if i hadn't been directly asked#i love talking about the stories i enjoy (obviously; we all do; that's why we're here)#but i'm usually ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ about responding to takes that blatantly misread the narrative to justify hating a particular character or ship#mostly because a) it's whatever. as long as people mind their own business and leave me to enjoy myself they can do what they want#and b) some opinions are so divorced from the actual text that they're not worth discussing#like. what's the point of responding to random internet posts saying that sakura was selfishly pursuing sasuke as a lover the entire time#when that is textually and provably not the case?#if you're that committed to experiencing things in direct contradiction to what the narrative is asking of us then just go ahead#is it mildly annoying to me? sure. but so are lots of things and it's better to just let stuff go#like - i initially planned to take this piece of meta all the way up through sakura and sasuke's last scene together#the one where he tells her 'maybe next time' and finally reclaims and redefines itachi's forehead tap (INCREDIBLE. THIS SCENE.)#but ultimately i changed my mind because everything i wrote for that last section was coming out too harsh#i generally prefer to talk about fandom stuff in a chill/friendly approachable way#but i kept thinking about the most obscenely & disrespectfully inaccurate read of that scene i'd ever seen#and i couldn't figure out how to talk about it in a non-scathing way#that scene and the one where naruto gives sasuke's headband back are the ONLY well-written things about the finale of naruto#they are SO perfectly constructed and i can't respond to people slandering either one without feeling an urge to kill#so i just deleted it. partially because again - this is fandom; it's not that serious; people can do what they want#but also because i know i get extra frustrated about people picking over the text and plucking out isolated bits and pieces#to contort into blatantly misinterpreted mutant shapes that 'confirm' whatever pre-existing judgments or ships they had#instead of experiencing the story as a cohesive whole & keeping in mind the greater context of what it's always been trying to communicate#people on this website say 'we all interpret things differently :)' as if it means no one can ever be wrong about what a text is saying#newsflash: not all interpretations of a text are valid. things can't in fact mean whatever you want them to mean.#the ***story*** persists and exists even if the author is dead to you#if you choose to ignore that then that's fine; it's just fandom; who cares. but i'm not going to pretend you're 'analyzing' anything.#(ok now i'm really done. you can see why i deleted this section XD)
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My brother, a Warframe veteran, told me about how the veteran players tend to help out the new players, proving this himself by trading me some mods I had no way of getting myself yet. I thought "fair enough, more experienced players tend to be like that, especially if they get bored" and continued on.
Later I had managed to slowly but surely gather up platinum (mostly by selling fish) and was so excited to go to the Market and buy the Feyarch skin for Oberon - I'd seen fanart of it before I learned Oberon does not by default look like it, and I had absolutely fallen in love with the skin. And I realised I was missing one platinum. One. I was so miffed, and ended up complaining to my Alliance's chat, but was resigned to wait till someone would again message me about those rare fish.
And then this one person sends a message to the Alliance chat: "yeah I could give you that." Huh? "I need [super common mod I have like 60 copies of, and I have no doubts that they had at least twice that amount]. Let's trade."
In short, I now have the Feyarch skin, and incredible amounts of gratefulness in my heart. Thank you, friend
#warframe#bun experiences warframe#i was befuddled in the moment and i think i said the words 'well i won't say no?' to their offer#thank you so much awawawa#hehe my first skin!#and it's so pretty!#but just mannn the fact that plat is something you can buy eith real actual money and them just being willing to give it to me like that#i am very touched#idk i hope this post won't come off the wrong way I'm just really happy and grateful#i am at exactly zero plat again haha but I'll work my way up! those warframe slots aren't gonna buy themselves#maybe if i level up my rank in cetus to be able to buy bait for even rarer fish...#it'll be fun to see eventually which fish are the most popular from a wider pool than my current selection#anyways enough about my fish-based economy#I'd attach a pic of the oberon here if i knew how to work the captura. eventually I'll get around to figuring it out!
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\ \ Nia Sohi
So while I edit the Reo post, I figured I'd share a sim I made back in January!! She's very dear to me and I'm sad I didn't share her sooner because any lore or story I had for her is long gone into the recesses of my brain... šš
#i lvoe her so much shes so gorgeous i literally#im dieded for her#this is not a coming back to ts4 post this is just me posting an old sim i made#i installed new hijab cc around that time and figured I'd make a sim with a hijab and well... here she is!#these are unedited since I'm editing rn and dont wanna tagteam edit š#ts4#ts4 simblr#sims 4#sims 4 simblr#the sims 4#simblr#ts4 cas#sims 4 cas
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self-indulgent because i'm having a Riotously terrible evening pain-wise but i'm very fond of hunter being a waify little chronic illness/pain boy post-canon and like. for a while, just. no one.... notices.....?
not even because he's actively Hiding it, like. he would 100% tell people he's in pain if they asked. it just. doesn't occur to him to share. he'll sometimes quietly withdraw and lay down in the dark to conserve his energy and the others very reasonably assume it's a grief thing.
so they'll sometimes like. knock gently on the door and ask if he wants company, to which sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's no. "no" when hunter is in a significant enough amount of pain that he really can't move much & "yes" when he wants to curl up with bad TV shows as a distraction
it could be anyone in the squad who figures out what's going on but i'm gonna go with my bias and say it's luz, on a day when she's having some bad depression/grief/survivor's guilt feelings herself. bc she's still coming to terms with her own death and the loss of her glyph magic and sometimes she is. Sad
hunter having one of those Catastrophic pain days where he's planning to be an unmoving lump under 7 blankets for the entire day. n luz coming in and softly asking if she can lay down with him. which is different from asking if he wants company. hunter would say no to company bc he can't really Perform Friendship right now but he doesn't mind luz being here.
luz climbing under the 7 blankets too. n snuggling up to hunter and wrapping an arm around him. and hunter just like. goes Stiff. like beyond "hm this is mild discomfort" stiffness, his muscles completely lock up and go rigid like he's just been Shot. he doesn't make any sound or protest or flinch away or anything, he just kind of. stops breathing
luz pulls away immediately bc she recognizes that Something Is Very Wrong, i'm guessing she assumes it's a panic response bc hunter has plenty of reason to have issues with physical touch. but then she sees the expression on his face and it clicks and she's like.
hunter. dude. hey. hey. hunter.
do your scars HURT??????
#hunter: [blankly] y.... yes??? of course???#luz: DDDD: !!!!!!!!111shiftone!!1eleven!!!!#luz is like BUT THAT'S 80% OF YOUR BODY and hunter's like well. yes that is true. what is the point being made here.#luz: theres PAIN MEDICINE theres HEALERS theres DOCTORS FOR NEUROPATHY#hunter: oh. i forgot tbh. i just kind of figured i'd live like this#this post brought to you by oh my fucking god my hip and side hurt SO bad right now.#and i can't currently speak aloud. despite being perfectly able to form sentences by typing.#my brain isnt without speech but my body is too busy devoting all its energy to quietly trying not to die#more characters who dont scream or cry or anything when theyre in pain. little dudes who just breathe quietly and stare blankly#autoimmune tag#toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#hunter toh#luz noceda
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Hi folks! It seems like people are discovering that there are people online who write some WEIRD! š stuff for Nevermoor. Some tips and tricks for dealing with that:
Don't engage. Don't read the fics. Don't even comment to say how much you hate it.
Don't spread it around. It's gross as hell, I know! But being like "ew, guys, I found this gross fic" just means you're causing more people to seek out said gross fic, and that's just not great. If you don't want to see it, no one else wants to either.
If you can: block, mute, or filter. I don't really use any fanfic sites to know if these functionalities exist, but I'm sure people online have found ways. Edit: here's a way to do it on Ao3.
TL;DR: Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. š
(PS: Same thing goes for when people send weird inappropriate anon messages. Just delete them from your inbox and don't subject others to them.)
This is unfortunately something that's been present for years in the fandom, on both Ao3 and Wattpad. This is also why I essentially don't read Nevermoor fics unless they're for Mogtober, and even then I'm cautious. I have seen some weird stuff written about my favorite characters that I wish I could pluck from my brain and set on fire, or worse! But when I stumble across that stuff, I just quickly close the tab and pivot to something else to get my mind off of it.
We should not entertain these types of people in a fandom full of minors about a middle grade series, so: just don't engage with them, ignore them, filter them out, and maybe even drown them out with some fics of your own.
#good talk š#nevermoor#nevermoor fandom#nevermoor fanfic#why oh why does this fandom attract the occasional weirdo.#I'd be using stronger language when talking abt these types of folks but i'd prob get banned.#as an adult in this fandom I feel I have a responsibility to keep folks safe from weirdos š i've banned folks on discord + i'd do it again#years ago there was a weird af fic on ao3 that I noticed folks were kudos'ing and I had to be like. hey guys pls don't do that š#unfortunately ao3 moderation and rules are NONEXISTENT!!! so there's nothing ppl can do except the stuff above :/#and I wouldn't know abt wattpad bc I went on there once to see what mogtober stuff ppl wrote and was horrified and noped out of there š¬#anyways. all the more reason to participate in mogtober. so everyone's writing stuff in order to bury the gross stuff. creation for a cause#(and bc mogtober is fun and everyone should participate. lol)#soz for the psa folks but I deemed it necessary š¤· feel free to enjoy the art I just posted as well#just been on the internet toooo long and don't like the thought or reality of young folks being exposed in any way to this kind of stuff. š#couldn't figure out where to fit this emoji in so here: š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢. thats me and my constant feeling whenever this stuff pops up again. š
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frodo & sam edit | no matter where you are
#i do not control the hyperfixation#i have made Five full frodosam edits and Four small frodosam edits#in like the last week and a half#as well as buying and currently watching the entire extended edition trilogy#please send help#anyway this was blocked on youtube so i figured i'd just upload it straight to here!#my video edit#my post#frodosam#samfrodo#samfro#frodo x sam#lotr#lord of the rings
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You know how you sometimes say "I could write an essay on this" and you know you could, but could you really (and moreover: do you actually want to?) so you never end up doing it? Yeah. I said that and might have ended up taking myself a little bit too seriously. (Many many thanks to everyone who encouraged me <3)
Summary
Vulnerability and emotional moments: themes left far from underexplored in The Golden Girls. But how exactly do our four Girls handle these feelings -- and how do the show's writing and genre play into their individual relationships towards vulnerability? In this essay I will-
#i was initially planning on posting this to tumblr but then i discovered the option to link to specific sections of a work in ao3#and well. i'm not one to pass up on fun little tricks#this is honestly not as coherent or structured as i wanted it to be#but!! i figured i'd just post it now because this really is the type of thing you can keep editing and rephrasing endlessly#(and it's already nearly 8k lmao it was about time i posted this before i hit the 10k mark)#uh. enjoy? i guess?#i really did not expect to write and finish an essay on the golden girls of all things but here we are lmao#the golden girls#dorothy zbornak#blanche devereaux#sophia petrillo#rose nylund#meta#essay#media analysis#character analysis#my writing
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I really dislike the inherent main plots of TSATS and Chalice of the Gods as theyāre being explained to us currently, mostly just cause I feel like they take away from already established lore of the series and other plot points.
There is no way TSATS can go that doesnāt make either Tartarus feel cheap and/or the entire book just feel like Percabeth In Mark Of Athena: 2 Electric Boogaloo. Unless the twist is that they donāt go to Tartarus it is physically impossible. Because either they go to Tartarus and breeze through it, which makes Tartarus as a setting feel cheap and ruins all prior instances of it being used as a landscape of suffering, or they suffer Lots and Lots and it just feels like weāre rehashing the same exact plot over again purely for the sake of treating solangelo the same as percabeth, which doesnāt work because theyāre vastly different character dynamics and putting them in the same situation has nowhere near the same emotional weights. Also it makes Nicoās original foray into Tartarus feel null because it makes it feel like his trauma doesnāt have any actual meaning, because why would he jump right back into it? Even with Nicoās character being extremely self-sacrificial, weāre at a point where weāre being told heās improving on that and this is possibly the one circumstance he would think twice about. AND it makes Tartarus feel overused - Nico surviving Tartarus once? Okay, makes sense, heās the son of Hades, and itās cool that heās the first mortal to ever survive it. Percabeth too? Getting iffy (especially since we see their trip in detail and that inherently means itās lost a lot of potential oomph, because when youāre going for horrifying a lot of the time less is more) but okay, sure, Nico probably gave Percy some Tartarus Tips after being rescued and they had a literal dues ex machina or two helping them out, and they fell in accidentally so itās not like how Nico waltzed in there. Third time? And it being Nico AGAIN and Will Solace (who as far as we know has little to no quest experience and most of his experience is being a battlefield medic) and then purposefully going there? Nope. Itās just a poor set-up. Plus āthe major gay couple goes on vacation to superhellā is a... questionable plot set-up to begin with, especially when itās been heavily implied it will be traumatizing for them, and we have already been told explicitly that references are being made to things like Call Me By Your Name so there is a self-awareness about the themes there (also that alone raises questions about how weāre going to be taking the tone of things - again, thereās two ways it can go and both would be extremely difficult to get right). If Mark Oshiro were not co-authoring this Iād be a little horrified. Iām very glad Mark Oshiro is co-authoring this. I donāt believe it canāt be done tastefully, and yeah itās a situation ripe for symbolism, but it is definitely the kind of subject that would be difficult for a non-queer author to handle appropriately.
As for Chalice of the Gods, we know two things: A.) It takes place prior to TOA, and B.) The chalice Percy has to retrieve has the power to make anyone who drinks from it immortal. ..... so basically, without the book even being out, we are told āIf Percy had waited like 20 minutes, all of TOA would be null.ā Admittedly, this does give justification for Percy specifically to be doing this quest outside of ācollegeā reasons, and in my opinion, āThe gods asked Percy specifically because they have verified he adamantly does NOT want to be immortalā is hilarious. However, adding yet another universe mechanic to the repertoire that nullifies death is annoying as hell, because death as a consequence in the series has been completely ruined since HoO. The more avoiding death options there are, the more every death scene feels completely pointless and avoidable.
#pjo#riordanverse#tsats#the sun and the star#chalice of the gods#forgive me for complaining this was in my drafts and i figured since i was talking about plot changes i'd make yesterday#might as well post this then yknow#while we're on the topic#i'll find something lighter/sillier in my drafts to post later#also my hesitancy about the overarching plot does not say anything regarding my expectations for the actual quality of the book(s)#just putting that as a footnote#could the plots be total shit but the books themselves end up lovely? sure. totally.#i am just personally grumbly about Tartarus' use as a narrative device and how it keeps getting overused#and also the growing lack of consequence in the riordanverse which tends to make any stakes feel automatically low and cheap#mind you i would LOVE if the twist in TSATS is that they end up not going to Tartarus at all#im currently 50/50 on reading it but if it turns out they dont go to Tartarus at all i'd be sold immediately#and i do think Percy being saddled with a quest because he's the only one who wouldn't be tempted with immortality is hilarious#tbh if we had a third plot concept rolling here and we condensed all three ideas down we could just do another 3-short-story book#like Demigod Files and Demigod Diaries#we have options#heck. yknow. if we're talking particularly long short-stories here we could probably roll with two#if demigod files is for the first series and demigod diaries is for HoO we need a TOA one anyways#cause CHB:C and CJ:C and those ones are their own category they're different
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sketches for my other fic, this one's for rise of the tmnt :)
#rise of the tmnt#rise of the tmnt movie#rottmnt#rottmnt movie#rottmnt au#rottmnt casey jones#casey jones jr#(technically lmao)#rottmnt oc#oooo boi i never thought i'd use that tag ehehe (this isnt meant to be mean im just usually too shy to post fandom ocs or aus like this)#my arts#my fics#id in alt text#figured that since i shared art of one of my fics here i might as well share some of the other one ehehe#these are all from october/november while i was planning out some of the bigger points of the fic i just didnt post em cause.im shy lol^^;;#deja vu all over again au
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chat since when do I have 3k words on my inumaki wip (first chapter too????) I thought I had like 1,5 or 2k max wtf
#like please when did i write this much tf#all i remember is staring at the screen#or writing 5 words and then taking a break to watch my saved hakari edits#not kidding i took those edit breaks religiously#like pleaseeeee fuckin imagine you're writing a fic abt inumaki but all your mind can think about is his 3rd year senior hakari#hakari kinji#inumaki toge#jjk#lowkey still gotta figure some stuff out and if I'll ever post it here#like I'd love to share it#but i feel like I gotta change some aspects to raise the chances of ppl reading/enjoying it more#bc i started writing it before I turned to tumblr#and wattpad lowkey feels a little more open abt oc stuff#and so far its oc x inumaki#bc i like addressing names while writing 3rd person#and idk writing āYn sighedā doesnt feel as good and nice as e.g. āKiria sighedā yk????#could be wrong tho#lmk yalls thoughts on this pls#bc while I know I could also just not address yn/oc name there would be a lot more of āsheā in the text#and i already think i use she she she she too much lmao#urgh idk its difficult#help#like i also looked at other creators reader insert stories that write in 3rd person#to see if they use āsheā sm as well#and while yes#they do#it just doesnt feel that repetitive as it does with me???#theirs feels more smooth ahhhh idk
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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[cw vent: chronic illness, general world politics mention w no detail)
"man. i'm so tired. i feel like i can't do anything selfship related. is it because my energy's been sapped from family visiting and everyone wanting to do ~summer activities~ nonstop? am i so in my head about "getting ren's story right without stepping over any lines" that i've backed myself into a perfectionist corner? is the world just going to shit so hard that i can't have one (1) minute of escape on this blog before going back to working through the political hellscape we're in? god even trying to make this plushie pattern is killing me even though i want to hold my guy So Badly AUGH."
/finishes the plushie pattern after trying multiple body bases and literally buying a japanese ebook about plushie face and hair design/
"actually what if i lived forever and spent all of that time making an army of these fuckers to swim in? what then?"
#obviously tagging this as#vent -#lol. lmao. anyway.#when i say i spent all day on this... jumping from base to base trying to find one that worked well for what i wanted#and had the right face shape and the easiest way to map a face onto it and know it'll look Right when embroidered...#and then i just caved and bought a book i'd been looking at since i started making mini ren lol#(by p.iyo p.icco -- their y.outube videos influenced mini ren's design and i plan to give that credit once i post final pics#along with the person who made the 10cm doll base i used.)#and it took so much effort and i kept thinking about how Fucking Tired i am and how frustrating it is that playing cards w family#means i have to spend 2 days recovering bc sitting up + in a chair w no good support + mental games + being social = negative battery.#and then i keep going in circles about ren's backstory and the whole 'this is a story about conditions i have but for anyone#who doesn't know me it DEFINITELY reads like a gross story about a stigmatized condition i DON'T have so i have to tread#very carefully when writing about it... but i don't practice writing like i practice art so i'm simply not at the skill level#to navigate that and it makes me feel like i can't post any of that until i figure it out' Thing...#but i DID finish my plushie pattern. and i will start on it sometime this week? depending on Factors? and if i reeeeally like how it#turns out i might buy The Plushie Making Fabricā¢... i checked at a craft store and buying 1/4yd of both fabrics won't break the bank...#and then i could make all of his AU selves w different expressions š#anyway. recovery officially starts in a few days (doc appts and pest control coming over this week + dogsitting in a few days.#not great for recovery lol lmao.) so hopefully i'll be more Around here by this weekend. idk. don't hold me to that kjsndkjn#i might get sucked into plushie making again and disappear for 3 days straight kjsdnfkjsdnf ;;;#š [ my posts. ]#š [ my thoughts. ]
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oh GOD i just saw someone i'm subscribed to on youtube just released a video about the cats fandom....... i'm deathly curious and also shriveling up into a prune irl
#i think i'm most afraid of seeing myself in the video. i think i would have to quit the internet and move to the woods if that happened#somebody else watch it for me and report back lmao#the worst part is i came across the video by doing my ~monthly search for new uploads of productions#so i feel 10000% more called out than if it just appeared on my homepage#it's like a damn car crash though bc there's a part of me that really REALLY wants to watch it#the thumbnail is of 2019 characters as well which is not promising for how nice she will be#personally if i were going to make this type of video i'd pick the munkustare though#because there's nothing like father-figure disappointment to replicate the feeling of your tiny fandom being put under a magnifying glass#anyway if i never post on here again y'all know what happened lol
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like whats actually edating
#mind obviously went back to dnf like my mind always finds it here i'm in the dnf blog if i wanted to make another post i'd probably not be#doing it here Um anyway LIKE what is an internet relationship. the existance of a diferent medium means that what we understand by dating#is completely lost theres just not whatever courting or predating medium that kind of exist for people when they date? it obviously cant#develop naturally because the situation isnt natural but nature is dictated by what we're living#and dream more than george is peak new generation of chrnonically online tens#who have a difficult time adapting to social etiquete and well he also is unluckiest man alive but we're not talking about that. When we ar#forced to reinterpret what it means to be dating someone like the weird shift to not-friends we Theorize dnf Maybe coudl've had#makes total sense because its just not a common situation in the slightless. having a mayor key point of your life (figuring out youre#actually queer) be the talk of the month by a thousan people that Know making a joke at your expense will bring them attention is fucking#traumatizing#and that shit is just normalized by the context in which it is enacted????? AND WE JUST LET IT?????????AND NOBODY PAUSES AND THINKS WOW THI#IS KINDA FUCKED UP???????'#Dating is both a normative concept and a experience: we know what dating entailsbut we never actually#know how someoene else experiences it because theyre simply not us and thus we just dont know lol . anyway i lost the thread#dnf weirdest edaters ever i'll defend you forever
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the seaweed and urchins feed on your bones
#thoughts#š¬ post#our art#listened to Pop Song by STRFKR and this image popped into my head during the chorus#and since working on other stuff just wasn't going right I figured I'd try drawing it#and it went surprisingly well so here it is
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