#FUCK LAWYERS

[nando161mando]

[artielu]

Listen up.

The current Supreme Court is a 6-3 conservative majority.

Justice Thomas, that corrupt fascist fucker, is 75.

Justice Alito, that biased fascist fucker, is 74.

Each is married to a fascist ultra right wing woman. Ginny Thomas was actively involved in Trump's efforts to overturn the 2020 election. Martha Ann Alito is the alleged source of the ultra right wing flags on the Alito homes.

If Trump is elected in 2024, Thomas and Alito will retire, just like Kennedy did in 2018. Trump will get to appoint two more justices in their 50s.

Like sexual assaulter and liar Kavanaugh. Or handmaid's tale Coney Barrett. And the conservative majority will be on lock for thirty years. Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Coney Barrett are in their 50s.

Add two more ultraconservative justices in their 50s and you have a five seat conservative majority for 30 years if they live natural lifetimes.

If Trump is elected in 2024, we've not only lost the Court for at least a decade (now) but another thirty years.

What other civil rights would you like to lose? Because YOU WILL. We ALL will.

Can we fucking not? CAN WE FUCKING NOT?

Vote for Biden.

Vote for Democrats for the Senate.

[franziskamylove]

narumitsu fics from edgeworth’s pov are so funny because its mostly just him screaming punching the air wanting to kill himself over a guy who literally ate glass in college and constantly fucks up in court and then just goes "oopsies.. sorry judge. let me try that one again!!" and then pulls the wildest theory out his ass thats somehow correct every time.

[wyrmswears]

??lego ninjas

[thetimelordbatgirl]

JK Rowling: "Give me examples of me being a hateful bigot!"

Scott Frerichs' from Team Four Star: "Okay here." *makes a whole ass thread with photos and everything ranging from her holocaust denialism to her being allies with terf's who are pro-taking away abortion rights*

JK Rowling: *suddenly fucking quiet and not responding*

[ckerouac]

Fun Fact: Tim Walz is the first member of a Democratic ticket NOT to have attended law school since Jimmy Carter in 1980.

[stormjay0]

I haven’t belly laughed at a YouTube video in a long time but CHRIST was the Cleo/Doc case hilarious

[seamistgale]

Of @ghostreblogging, Where Danny has the same tax evasion skills as his parents. Kind of a coffee shop AU, but well, its gotham.

[noyzinerd]

Sterek Rival Lawyers AU

It's A (Court) Date

Imagine, high-class, Ivy League, hot-shot, attorney Derek comes back from New York to the family firm to take over as partners with his sister after his parents decide to step down. He may not be on the level of his mother yet, but he's cut his teeth against Wall Street wolves and ruthless white-collar sharks. Derek's more than proved himself, so he just can't fathom these small criminal court cases his family is making him take "before he's truly ready" to be a part of the family business.

Enter in his first case. Right out the gate, the state assigned defense is, not only late to court, but also arrives in a flurry of limbs and papers, tripping all over himself, and profusely apologizing to the room as a whole. "Sorry! Sorry! Car trouble!"

The guy is out of breath, tie crooked and hair a mess. It makes Derek wrinkle his nose at the unprofessionalism and the blatant disrespect to everyone's valuable time.

The presiding judge, the Honorable Ms. Lydia Martin, only sighs a heavy sigh, as if this sight is nothing new, and says "Mr. Stilinski, I suggest you don't let it happen again."

Derek is honestly getting annoyed by how easy this is going to be. He could've been doing literally anything else right about now rather than being here going against a common rent-a-lawyer with some Podunk community-college degree. The opening statement for the defense is laughably inept. Full of nervous stuttering, backtracking, running tangents, and babbling. He's still apologizing, trying to assure the jury that he's just having an off-day today.

It's embarrassing to watch.

Nonetheless, Derek goes through the motions, practiced and poised. Examines all the evidence, presenting times and dates, prior arrest records, the works.

During this time, Mr. Stilinski is frantically (and VERY LOUDLY) flitting through a cartoonishly large stack of papers and whispering to his client. Derek has to fight to grit his teeth through his presentation.

Finally, it's time for Mr. Stilinski to cross-examine Derek's client and, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of Derek's long, long spiral of madness for the rest of his career.

"Judge Martin, I would like to move to have this case thrown out."

"Oh?" asks Judge Martin. For some reason, there's an amused smirk, almost fond, tugging at her lips "On what grounds?"

A giddy, almost manic, grin takes over the defense attorney's face just then. "On the grounds that the prosecution's client is full of bullshit."

The judge rolls her eyes and an exasperated "Stiles," slips from her lips, seemingly against her will. (Derek's not really surprised by the familiarity between the two of them. With how often state-assigned lawyers are called to the courtroom on small cases, it wouldn't be too big of a leap to suggest they might be chummy.)

"Respectfully, of course." Mr. Stilinski--er Stiles?--winks back at her.

"Objection. Your honor, this is ridiculous."

"Overruled. Make your point, Stilinski."

"Mr. Davis says he saw my client at 12:30 P.M., on August 4th, attempting to take his back-right hubcap outside his apartment. Mr. Davis' apartment complex at that time, on that particular day, would have cast a huge shadow over the back lot as evidenced by the gaudy sundial-art-installation outside the courthouse. Meanwhile, my client's picture, when taken in for questioning, has a sunburn on the entire right side of his face. This would corroborate Mr. Lyle's story of walking home alone, down the upper, unshaded side of Elmore Street, during one of the hottest days of the year, for an hour straight. Also, the fact that Mr. Davis has no realistic idea how long it would actually take a person to steal a hubcap should be evidence enough."

"Uh-huh. And this wouldn't happen to be something you've ever had any expertise in, would it, counsel?"

"I plead the 5th."

And just like that, Derek's case is thrown out so quick, he's still reeling about it all the way home.

For the next two years, this becomes Derek's life. This man, this Stiles Stilinski, keeps showing up like a whirlwind and absolutely puts him in his paces.

Stiles, as he insists Derek call him, is a powerhouse. Relentless and unstoppable. That mouth can filibuster for literal hours (which, for those unfamiliar, is when someone legally cannot be forced to give up their time on the floor as long as they can keep talking), that brain quick as a whip, with a hunger for research, a mastery of the English language svelte enough to trip up even the most well-rehearsed lie, and an attention to detail like nothing Derek has ever witnessed before. It's like he knows every law inside and out. Lives it. Breathes it. It's like he had been raised on the law his whole life. Not only that, it's like Stiles enjoys it. Every case is a new game to get excited about.

All of it makes Derek's blood boil.

However, it's not always about losing to Stiles all the time, because, honestly, that might be less humiliating.

In truth, when faced against Stiles, Derek's bound to win about 60% of the time. Out of that 60%, only 5% of those wins actually feel earned. As for the other 55%?

He knows Stiles is letting him win.

Derek can't prove it, but he knows the asshole is holding back on purpose nearly half the time. Knowing that Stiles could have beaten him if he wanted to, but didn't, is somehow more frustrating than just losing.

He hates Stiles.

He hates that the guy is so chipper and playful all the damn time. He hates that Stiles could probably work at any firm he wanted, could make enough money to get a decent car that doesn't shit out all the time, could buy a proper-fitting suit, but instead CHOOSES to stay here "watching out for the little guy", as he so put it.

He hates that facing Stiles in court is the most challenged, the most motivated he's ever felt in his entire life. He hates that Stiles brings out in him the spark of passion and drive Derek had long thought had died. He hates that Stiles always tries to banter with him during recess or whenever they have to exchange evidence.

He hates finding out that Stiles only loses cases on purpose when his endless amounts of research points to the defendant actually being guilty of horrendous crimes, because Stiles is a good fucking person.

He hates Stiles' constant teasing and he hates that Stiles is somehow able to bring Derek down to his childish level to tease back. He hates how much he looks forward to court-dates with Stiles now. He hates being invited out by Stiles over and over to grab a bite together after a long day, as if Stiles hasn't been wiping the floor with him on this case for the last month. He hates it even more that he always accepts and that now they have their own designated booth at the diner across the street. Derek's so unbelievably frustrated, it makes him want to bite Stiles at the neck just to hear that smartass mouth squeal.

"Hey, I ever tell you I was thinking of quitting before you arrived?" Stiles asks one night as they're walking to their cars.

Derek's head immediately snaps to him at that. "What?"

Stiles smiles distantly at the thought. "Oh, yeah. Things had started feeling like being trapped in a cubicle, y'know? There wasn't any challenge in it anymore."

"What made you stay?"

"Well...you did. You were the first, serious competition I'd faced in a while. It wasn't a matter of winning just to win, anymore. Going against you always reminded me of the reason why it was important for me to win. It gave me stakes, because now there was an actual chance I could lose and an innocent person could go to jail. You, I don't know, kinda reignited my passion for fighting the good fight, I guess."

Derek can feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. He wants to say 'You did the same for me!' He wants to tell Stiles that he didn't think his life could ever be this fun or happy or messy or chaotic or exhilarating or challenging or fulfilling before coming to Beacon Hills.

But just as Derek goes to open his mouth to sing Stiles' praises, he instead finds himself roughly shoving him up against the Camaro and biting hungrily at that mouth and tongue that's been the bane of his existence. There's a surprised little squeak that Derek quickly swallows up, but it isn't long before they're both tearing at each others' clothes and fucking each other dirty in the backseat of Derek's car.

What's crazy is, after they get together, nothing in their careers really changes. The only difference is now they get to fuck each others' brains out after an intense battle in court (and the sound Stiles makes when Derek bites him is exactly what he always imagined it would sound like). They still face against each other on opposite sides in court. They still give it everything they got, no conceding even if they are dating now. Not to mention, Derek wouldn't dream of tempting Stiles over to his firm. Not when he knows Stiles is at his best staying where he's at.

The day Derek's family finally decides it's time for him to take over the firm with Laura is the best day of his and Stiles' lives.

Not only does Derek tell them he's declining, he hires Stiles as his attorney to negotiate terms against his entire family of well-seasoned lawyers.

The entire month-long negotiation results in Derek, not saying a single word, but absolutely beaming as he watches his boyfriend run circles around his mother, his father, his uncle, and both of his sisters on contracts. It's so unbelievably hot, they're banging on whatever flat surface they can get their hands on every time they leave the boardroom. There's even one very memorable blowjob in the empty hall outside the boardroom when Stiles somehow manages to get Peter to agree to a (most likely illegal) clause dictating the firm will pay Stiles a finder's fee for any pro-bono case Stiles takes on outside of Beacon Hills that strikes his fancy.

And, no one says it, but they all know Derek definitely, 100%, dragged his own firm through this negotiation just to show off how incredible Stiles is to his family and preen about it.

--

Fast-forward, Derek is going to be in the audience for the first time for one of Stiles' cases.

While waiting in the hall, Derek sees a familiar face from his New York days. The prosecution has hired the eighth best lawyer money can get, Jackson Whittemore. He's sporting a Rolex, sunglasses indoors, and the face of someone who thinks he's above literally every other person in town.

Well, at least until he sees Derek.

For some reason, Jackson seems to think Derek is all the way out in the middle of nowhere to 'watch a master at work' (which...well...is technically true...).

As Derek goes to sit in the audience, Jackson tells him in passing, "This'll be over so fast, probably won't even get a chance to learn the other guy's name."

Derek chuckles and says back, "Ooh, buddy, you have no idea."

Before Jackson can think more on that, a whirlwind of limbs and papers suddenly hurls through the doors.

Derek sits back, gets comfy, and waits eagerly for the show to begin.

My first moodboard. Hope you enjoy. AU based on a discussion with @casually-eat-my-soul (I suggest checking out their version). This was kind of like a divergence from that (the brain juices just started flowing).

[e-vasong]

Interview With the Vampire (2022-) is one of the best adaptations of anything ever because it is clearly made with so much love for the original text but it also is very open about critiquing the books while also existing in perfect, constant conversation with it. every change made is a strong writing choice on its own, but it is also made 10x stronger when viewed not just as an alteration of the original but an evolution.

louis being black and a brothel owner rather than a plantation owner is a really fucking smart idea all by itself. but it also directly furthers the differences in worldview between louis and lestat from the books. daniel being older, smarter, keener - much more obsessed with the truth - is an excellent conceit on its own, but its even better when we know that this is round 2 of the interview. he's learned from the awful way the interview went in the books, and now hes here for the truth. devils minion being a dance that arguably stretches decades (even if there wasnt a chase arc in the 70s!) only heightens their game of cat and mouse. armand being an adult physically and also being a POC is fucking inspired, both for how it places him in contrast to louis, and also because it allows them to avoid casting a minor in a very sexual role while still keeping the same dynamic (i.e. the frequent infantilization/fetishization of POC, especially asians).

The fact that some people are mad about its adaptation style boggles my mind, because I honestly think this set a new fucking standard for what adaptations should be. I'm insane about it. If they aren't changing the game like IWTV 2022 who even cares anymore.

[loomize]

klapollo from an apollo sketch page im working on

[feralforbeanix]

Wrightworth is not "Sunshine x Grumpy"

They are "Visibly Traumatized x Repressed Trauma", they are bitch for bitch, they are so many more interesting things than that overused dynamic.

Miles is not some sad boy who needs to be coddled, he is a grown ass adult who sent many people to jail. Some of which could have possibly been innocent. He's done some shitty things that are influenced yes--but not excused by his trauma. He can and SHOULD be called out on things he did, stop blaming all his bad actions on Manfred or Gant.

Phoenix is not a golden retriever boyfriend. Maybe he was in college when he was "Feenie" but that shit ended the day Dahlia was arrested (Hot take Feenie feels more ooc to the Phoenix we knew in the trilogy than Beanix ever did to me). Phoenix is a snarky bitch almost all the time, even thinking/saying downright mean things to/about people he cares about like Maya. He has massive big brother energy but not always in the "I'll take care of you" way but often in the "I'm gonna disgust/upset/annoy you on purpose because I think it's funny" way. (Like if you choose the fishing pole in Turnabout Goodbyes, he teases Maya by suggesting they use Missile as bait, which Maya takes as well as you'd expect).

Miles is not a princess who waited every day for Phoenix to save him. Miles was perfectly content to forget his past entirely as is his coping mechanism, and Phoenix has a savior complex that no one asked him to have. Miles never asked for Phoenix to reappear in his life, Phoenix just realized Miles was gonna ignore him, so he became a lawyer himself so that would no longer be an option for Miles.

This isn't to say Wrightworth is a bad ship by any means. This is to say that their characterization and relationship are so often blatantly misunderstood by the fandom. So often watered down to fit a basic mold. Which is a shame because their actual relationship is so much more interesting to me.

Sooo many fanfics get both of their characters wrong to either fit a dynamic they never were or because they want to give them less accountability than they deserve.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Just a normal evening

Sirius: i think we should get a divorce

James: what are you doing?

Sirius: just practicing

James: why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

Sirius: i don't know. i'm getting old, i think i'm having a mid-life crisis

James: you don't even have a boyfriend

Sirius: hypothetically divorce me

James: okay, then i'm hypothetically taking half your assets

Sirius: well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup

Sirius, to Remus: it's called a prenup, right?

Remus: yeah, it's a prenup, and you DID hypothetically sign one

James: who the fuck is this guy?

Remus: i'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case

James: well, then, i'm taking the hypothetical kids

James, to Regulus: right? we can get those, right?

Regulus: yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it

Sirius: who the fuck is this hypothetical fucking idiot? a hella fucking nerd idiot

Regulus: wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. i need to keep these on for continuity because i look like the other lawyer

James: this is MY hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other

Sirius: how could you hypothetically do this to me?!

James: because you hypothetically are an alcoholic! Sooo

[muri-ne]

i got drunk playing splatoon last night and then drew some gay lawyers afterwards + my persona in there kdjfh and it all started with these 2 that i drew on my phone:

[thetimelordbatgirl]

We need to give Imane Khelif another gold medal for getting JK Rowling to shut the fuck up finally, because holy shit to it being a week now since she tweeted.

[soft5ku11]

i know this isnt what i usually post, "shut up fat kink blog" i dont fucking care sit the hell down and listen.

You're aware of the Huion New Year AIGI Tweet, right?

LEST WE FORGET, back in november last year:

If you want to buy a Wacom, Huion or Gaumon device, I'd recommend either looking into an alternative or buying secondhand/refurbished from 3rd party sellers on Ebay or something. Avoid Amazon for all the obvious reasons.

This is fucking disgusting. This is embarrassing. This is unacceptable.

most importantly,

They won't stop.