#Cheap Gnome Garden

[rmspeltzfarm]

FAIRY HERD GARDEN

EASY FAIRY GARDEN TO MAKE

[saturna625]

You work at the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls.

It's no big deal, really. I mean, every once in a while, you realize that it's gotta be a front for something. A cult, the illuminati, or the mafia, you weren't really sure.

You weren't paid enough to care, honestly.

But the job was fun enough, and the customers were cool to screw with, and it paid the bills, plus your coworkers were pretty cool.

Your boss was.... an odd man, sure. A good con, a great sense of humor, and a mouth that could make a sailor blush, but you wouldn't say he's evil.

He's got a great nephew and niece, who come up every summer. They're chill, too. Mabel sends you home with at least two new stickers every day. Your binder is getting too full. But you didn't mind, the kid was sweet. You'd find a use for these stickers, later.

Gravity Falls was an odd town, but you didn't really seem to mind that either. A little town, barely even a dot on the state map, hidden behind back roads upon back roads in the great state of Oregon. It had its moments, and it's stories.

You were decently sure the lawn gnome in your garden moved on its own, and your attic was definitely haunted (you regret mentioning that to the kids– you've found that Dipper kid trying to look up where you lived), but it was cheap and homey, and a great place to live after scraping past college.

Then your boss– who was really your boss's brother? Who had taken up his name, when he disappeared, the ultimate con, you actually admired him for that– Stanley, and his twin, the original owner of the Shack, Stanford emerged from behind the vending machine, you knew that you were maybe in a little too deep. Mafia ties, for sure.

Then quite some events happen: ie, the sky splits open, you become a statue for a hot minute, and then... aren't, anymore (dude, the squirrel that you treat as your therapist is gonna go wild when he hears this) and you're back at the Shack.

The building is warmer now. Pointdexter– or Ford, the actual one, is a pretty good man. A little blunt, with not much common sense for the amount of books smarts he has, but good.

If you find anything weird, or out of place, it's his.

If you see him fighting an interdimensional squid, and then you're told there's seviche in the kitchen, you don't question it.

And you take some seviche to go.

The shack is a little louder since Ford's arrival. Stan seems happy. Dipper too. And Mabel, well, she still gives you stickers as you leave your shift.

You're on a walk, something you read that could help with coping, through the woods. The weather is nice today, and for once, it's not raining, and even better, the air is crisp and cool.

You decide to take a new trail. It leads into a bit of a clearing, you can see a rock piling, some flowers, and a creek. It's pretty.

You take your journal out, a small, leatherbound thing (the inside cover is coated with stickers. Mabel, please) and begin to sketch it, a hobby you've picked up in the last months.

You're not the best, but you're not the worst, either. As you're finishing up, you spot a weird shift in the rocks.

Weird is normal here.

So you get up to go investigate, holding your journal at the ready, like a defensive position.

The statue does not move.

It looks like the illuminati symbol. Like the top of the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill. It's overgrown with moss, but you do not recognize it. It's hand is held out, like it's ready to shake yours.

Heh. That would be pretty funny.

If you shook the statue's hand.

It's what it wants. Shake it's hand. Shake the hand.

You draw the statue. It's a shoddy deal, but you actually enjoyed how it turned out. It looks cool.

The hand is outstretched.

You leave one of Mabel's stickers on the statue. It looks a little less intimidating that way.

Your shift starts in twenty minutes, so you tuck your journal in your jacket, and you're off to it.

Maybe you'll come back later. There's a bit more you want to do with the drawing.

Shake the hand.

You've gotta fix the angle on it. You wonder how the sculptor got it to be that way.

You clock in, and pull your journal out again, as Dipper walks through the doors, followed by Ford.

The younger twin asks what your journal is about. He's got a few of his own.

"Kind of random." You tell him. "I draw things I see on my walks, or write down recipes, or stuff like that. Dude, wait until I show you this statue I found in the woods. It'll fit right in with those notebooks you keep..."

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

imagine the YV boys thrift shopping with their listeners

Thrifting with the boys!

I will be doing Charlie, Finn and Faust first! If you want more plz request so!

Charlie

You dragged him there to do silly things in the store.

Making a random outfit, playing with the weird toys and checking out the cool furniture.

Somehow you both found a shirt where it was a raccoon riding a skate board holding a pizza.

It was obvi you both bad to buy it. It would have been a crime NOT to.

The shirt is used for special occasions and bedtime to sleep in.

Finn

Was there to thrift some shoes. Went through every section and found things he needed.

Likes the small gardening section! He found a cute gardening gnome collection. Along with some trinkets for his trinket shelf (hc of mine)

Found some cute books while there too! Was happy to find a series he wanted to read for really cheap!

Did find a cute tea set and basket to use for a picnic date. It was a pretty floral theme! Even had a Sunflower on it.

The thrifting journey was good! Finn was so happy going with you as well. As you guys were walking put he was asking if you wanted to do this again sometime.

Faust

Faust I feel like would be a king at thrifting. Like finding hella rare shit from 2000's and being able to put together a amazing outfit.

Is very picky on what to get bc he knows if he's not he'll say fuck it and buy everything.

He finds things for you and him. He's the alt person you need to be scared if when thrifting. But he tries not to take everything bc he knows the struggle of finding something good.

Makes you a whole new outfit in any aesthetic you want. Is basically a fashion wizard. He's holding a ice coffee in one hand while checking the rackets w another.

Has like 6 bags while leaving. He got shoes, tops, bottoms, cute bags, jewlery and is wearing the new pair of sunglasses. (He cleaned them dw) is 100% doing it again w you.

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Bunker Babe: The First Fourteen Days

I'm combining Weeks One & Two since Week Two was all about giving the GREMLINS trait to the lot for the HANDINESS grind, and days blended together verrrrry easily. But Lilac survived. Ish.

See?

On Day One, our plucky heroine started with a CHAIR, a TRASH CAN and a TOILET - and some fruitcake that she'd snatched from Leslie Holland and the rest of the 'welcoming' committee.

Turns out that fruitcake is a 'like,' which is fortunate as guess what we'll be eating exclusively for the next four days? Looks like three things have the capacity to survive MOTHER: cockroaches, Lilac... and fruitcake.

Many terrible selfies later, Lilac was able to afford a KNITTING BASKET. While wearable items can only be sold over Plopsy, the animal clothing (some of which you can start crafting right from Level 1) can be sold directly from your inventory. And Lilac needed those simoleons - stat.

Level Three KNITTING and ART LOVER self-discovery? Acquired. Considering how she'll be making most of her simoleons, that's one of the more useful traits she could have.

Oh, and one of MOTHER'S children said hello.

By Day Two Lilac's hygiene needs were already in the amber, but the Watcher thought that loneliness could eventually get her first. So the new objects acquired? A BED aaand a MINI-GOAT.

We named her Gouda Girl.

On the third day in hiding the Watcher gave to me... one MINI FRIDGE and a Vladdy visit for freeeee...

(Actually the Watcher had nothing to do with Vlad.)

While Lilac was asleep, I got his usual creepwalk message but thought nothing more of it - at least until the fastforward sleep speed slowed back down to regular time and I heard the usual sounds of sizzling and screaming.

S'up Grim.

Since Lilac had no interaction with him at all and didn't even register his demise (maybe he can't find your Sim if they're in the basement), there were no sad moodlets and she simply continued knitting and keeping up her social bar with Gouda Girl.

Gouda Girl can also be milked for 45 simoleons each day, and thus will pay for herself in no time. Beyond her companionship, which of course is priceless.

Day Four and this was around the time where the Watcher discovered that Lilac's energy bar was refilling way too slowly. Yes, her mattress was cheap but she was sleeping for 10 hours at a time and still only recovering about a third of her bar. The Watcher sold the old bed, cheated her a better one - and yet the problem persisted.

It could be the LAZY trait, but I've never had that issue with other LAZY Sims before - or Lilac other times that I've played her.

Since bunker life is already boring enough without watching a Sim sleep for 20 hours, I simply resolved to use the 'make happy' cheat every other day until her HANDINESS would be at a high enough level to upgrade the mattress (thus Week Two Gremlins).

And it was on this day that Lilac consumed the last of the fruitcake.

By then she was getting major moodlets for too many fast meals, but Gouda Girl made everything better.

The two big gets of the day were a ROCKING CHAIR and a KITCHEN BENCH, so Lilac was finally able to prep some proper food. Ish.

Ah, the bliss of low poly salad...

Oh, and on Day Three I think Lilac acquired a SINK. No shower yet, but queuing the 'wash hands' interaction did restore a lot of her hygiene bar.

Day Five and well - what a great whim for this challenge.

She's like 'yes, see this here? I'm the smartest Sim you ever had...'

More knitting, while Mei Prescott kindly came by to mourn Vlad, much to the delight of the garden gnomes.

The bat came back, the very next day...

He came, he haunted his own urn, he cried. Lilac kept on knitting and skill grinding.

Since Lilac was getting major embarrassed moodlets from purchasing all of her low poly salad ingredients due to the FREEGAN trait, the Watcher bought two of those VERTICAL PLANTERS from Eco Lifestyle. Sure, the regular pots would have been cheaper, but soon we will be crunched for space.

Oh, and on Day Seven we acquired a WORKBENCH.

Skills: Week One

LEVEL 8: Knitting LEVEL 3: Programming (acquired from the Watcher needing to unless MOTHER) LEVEL 2: Photography, Handiness, Cooking LEVEL 1: Gardening, Logic (likewise acquired for MOTHER)

Items Acquired

KNITTING BASKET, BED, MINI GOAT, MINI FRIDGE, SINK, ROCKING CHAIR, KITCHEN BENCH, VERTICAL PLANTERS (x2), STRAWBERRY, BASIL AND SOY PLANTS

Week Two was the exciting addition of a SHOWER - less so once Lilac realised that the Watcher had likely purchased it just to give her more things to repair once the witching hour struck.

I couldn't spare Lilac or myself from the grind, but I may as well spare you. Let's get on with it, then.

Because Lilac's energy bar was refilling so slowly, in spite of my use of cheats this week was just a vicious cycle of sleep, repair, repeat. Even with a decent mattress that was fully upgraded, it was taking her eight hours to refill her energy bar from halfway - in comparison to the three hours that Andie Mae and Paolo Rocca in another save need for a cheaper upgraded mattress.

Skills: Week Two

LEVEL 9: Knitting LEVEL 8: Handiness LEVEL 4: Gardening LEVEL 3: Cooking, Programming LEVEL 2: Photography, Singing LEVEL 1: Logic, Fitness

Items Acquired

SHOWER, LAPTOP (she swiped the basic one from upstairs), VERTICAL PLANTER (3 in total), TABLE TOP LIGHT, WALL LIGHT, FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF DEATH, GHOST!VLADDY

With this being the only save that's currently playable, I'm running through Week Three fairly quickly, so see you soon.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Deity: Litirenn, He who Guides the Vine

Days of bread and wine, are only by design/ Every petal worked, every spirit corked, every silver shined/ Every furnace lit, every lamb and spit, every silver shined/ -Only by Design, From Devil's Carnival: Alleluia!

It is hard work averting famine, a toil through seasons of gruelling weather to ensure the next harvest fares a little better than the last. To turn a scattering of seeds from errant prairie grasses into life sustaining bread is a generations long labour, but it is holy and there is no god that holds it more holy than Litirenn, Steward of Tilled Earth.

Born from a union between a god of growing things and a god of craft, Litirenn's sphere of influence has expanded over time from simple cultivation to any who wish to understand and then improve on nature's designs: Herbalists, natural philosophers, alchemists, biomancers, and those that would remake themselves seeking an inner truth.

Few temples are kept for him, but one can often find the Steward's marks worked in over the doorways of granaries, mills, and wine cellars, or sketched in the margins of a hand bound folio of research notes.

Adventure Hooks:

The grain harvest is coming in, which means the local brigands will be circling like buzzards and the village needs the party to act as bodyguards to ensure their livelihood seven samurai style. The brigands in question however are not outlaws but soldiers of the local warlord, who is currently in dispute with the village over how much grain they owe him for protection.

The village witch is in quite a fix after cultivating a new verity of foreign flower looking to make inadvertently attracting all sorts of weird magical insects to his cottage. The infestation has deprived him of his house, the town of herbal remedies, and the party of cheap healing potions. Something must be done about it.

Seeking to catalogue, preserve, and most of all taste every variety of apple ever grown on the material plane, an eccentric gnomish orchardist has broken into the elfqueen's private gardens and stolen a fruit from a silver tree placed there by the Archheart themselves. The queen's agents would like this handled delicately, not only because the gnome managed her infiltration by seducing the queen (who's quite broken up about it) but also disruption of the tree may juuuuuust have triggered a calamitous prophecy.

Signs: Plants fruiting out of season with abundant growth and fantastical properties, visions of how things came to be made. The appearance of frogs, butterflies, and other creatures that go through a metamorphosis.

Symbols: A vine laden trellis, though alchemical aspects often use the symbol of a snake coiled among grapes.

Titles: Steward of Tilled Earth, He who Guides the Vine, The Cultivator,

[weepingfoxfury]

The Sunday man on the radio's gentle tones are easy on the ears. He says that weatherwise it seems that outside has yet to decide. Starts his set with Down on the Corner by Creedence Clearwater Revival, followed by Dean Martin who's Standing on the Corner watching all the girls go by.

Today's groaner: small men like to wear pointy red hats ... true or false? ... True ... it's a little gnome fact ;-D badoom tish ... here all week!!

My Clematis is seemingly very tasty to the slugs. Come on birds ... eat a few more of these slippery slidey little snacks! Just hoping the plant will manage to get established and not simply end up being decimated. Saved it from the garden centre cheap trolley without knowing what colour the flowers would be. Beautiful purple as it turns out ... a favourite of mine.

One and only marble spinning a little better this morning, aided (of course) by the usual pot of coffee. Will carry on attempting to find the surface of the kitchen table later on once all the hairies have been fed ...

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The Low Low Price Job

Ok so based on the name, we're either dealing with As Seen On TV products that are made so cheap as to endanger people, general "store discounts that are only affordable because its made in a sweatshop in china" shenanigans, or a Big box chain using an up front loss to drive the locals out of business and become a de-facto local monopoly before type of story. (did I mention that capitalism sucks yet?) --- Ok government inspector is looking round a store and is pulling lies out of their ass. --- I agree with Elliot, Composting is good but should not be done in a kitchen. That is a health inspectors nightmare. --- Oh its about the a big box store, thats bribing the inspector (and zoning comittee) into shutting down competition. Why is she talking about it as if its a small town? Since when is Portland a small town? Thats a major American city right? --- I stand corrected, just because she's currently in portland to talk to Leverage Inc, does not mean she's from Portland. She's from a (presumeably fictitious) small US town called Apple Springs (home of America's largest garden gnome) --- Ok it seems we're not even going to try and make the villain act like a human person. Just openly gloating to her intern about how she's gonna destroy the town. --- And once again Nate makes the point: The Food Industry is only thing scarier then Sterling. I like the premise of them going for a "smaller" target (a single store rather then the megacorp attached), but its sort of a suck that this episode promises to end with a "the real villain got away with it all in the end" sort of deal. (maybe the sequel series can do a call-back episode where they go after Corporate) --- Sophie starts listing Cadmium Poisoning symptoms. To a woman whose hotel room we have seen Parker and Nate break into already. This can only mean 1 thing: Its chemical warfare time! --- Oh so thats how corporate plays? Forging crimes onto Sophies Forged identity? Guess we might see Nate take the gloves off and take down corporate after all. (cause lets be clear, if this is a thing they know how to do it means they do it on the regular for non con-artists) --- I dont think Elliot is lying about his old man running a hardware store, like this could be an attempt to make the guy more sympathetic to his cause to aid the union, but this feels genuine.

Old man has diabetes... that is ominous, I feel like Elliot might be about to get himself a surrogate dad only to lose him. --- And she's met Nate. (only Hardison and Parker remain un-compromised)

Eliiot's dad is real. --- Oh she tracked them back to Portland. Now that either means our heroes somehow tipped her off deliberately or that she's got GPS tracking on her employees.

Oh she said the F word, (which means she can F off) also shouldnt the poisoning be kicking in right now? sure she prevented Sophie from telling the town about the "cadmium" but thats no reason to make her think she's not dying of cadmium poisoning. Making her think the thing she covered up is a genuine threat awaiting re-discovery is a great way for our heroes to get her on the mental back-foot --- "its not like we can make bad luck". Nate, im sorry to say that you're an idiot. Making it look like an accident is literally crimes 101. --- Sophie's bringing in the army. (oh the Kaki's and overall flashmob. Classic)

Oh Elliot's surrogate Dad just died and/or got hospitalised. --- Record sales? Oh we're so framing her for theft arent we. (rigged the cash registers to claim they're taking 99.99 for the TV's while still taking the full 999.99) And she even bragged "the TV's were my idea" so when the citisens sue Value!More over their fraudulent cash-receipts her bosses will pull out a recording from their phone conversation proving her guilt by her own admission! --- Wait it wasn't part of Nate's plan? Our team just accidentally pulled a loss leader? Goddamn it. Well the HQ guy is coming for the BBQ now. Which is probably on the parking lot that she thinks is cadmium poison... So poison HQ guy with cadmium and get her superiors to shut her store down? --- Wait we're only renovating her hotel room now? In literally any other episode we would've seen Nate and Parker break into the store, and then had a greyed out flashback of the things they did while there to poison the ever loving heck out of this woman. --- I dont like that, now that we're finally getting to the "drugging her by putting chemicals in her make-up and sleepmask" sequence we took out her shower. (I get it, its to make her more anxious over meeting HQ guy for her promotion by not letting her take care of herself. But we literally had an entire Poison story right there with the Cadmium and this is breaking from that narrative, it feels like the broken shower is an unnecessary risk. Im not saying she deserves a shower it just distracts from the Cadmium Poisoning story) --- And we got ourselves the classic "broadcast their conversation over the intercom". Last shot of her seeing Leverage Inc lined up so she can connect the dots of her being played somehow. Strong end to a rather weak episode. --- Our heroes are turning the not-really poisoned big box store into a theatre. (nice place for Sophie to Own instead of Rent, plus a good back-up now that the Frame Up Job compromised their new Portland residency) --- there's something really weird about the way in which Elliot keeps getting in short-term relationships with female clients.

Elliot is off to reunite with dad, but it seems that time will do what time will do. (whomever owns the home now has excellent taste in windchimes though. Love the little dolphins) --- This episode was generally sub-par as far as A-plot goes, every twist and one-up by Caroline felt like it came from right up a writers behind, and the final conclusion of "our battle shut off the one store but Evil Incorporated continues to win the war" leaves this episode overall unsatisfying in its climax. The Elliot sub-plot was good though. Just not enough to fix a broken episode.

[pbandjesse]

Today went by very fast. I'm surprised it's so late. It was a pretty nice day though. I got to spend the day with my husband and that was just really nice. Even if I didn't feel incredible. It was a good day.

I slept really late. I slept alright but I slept really deeply. I woke up a few times. I felt a little uncomfy. I set my alarm for 930 but I must have turned it off and woke up a little after 10.

When I woke up James texted me that they couldn't come say good morning yet because Sweetp was sitting on them. That's alright. I pulled myself together and went to take a shower.

Which helped. I just felt like my body was falling apart. The shower at least made me feel normal. I got cleaned up and dressed. James said my new skirt made me look like a teddy bear in the best way. Made me feel nice.

James made me an omelet which was nice sweet of them. We sat together on the couch and discussed the day.

The plan was to go out to hunt valley to go to the garden store and get Christmas ornaments. Then we would go to the goodwill to look for pants for James. Then the grocery store. A very nice day.

It was surprisingly cold out. Brisk. I did not wear a jacket but I probably would have benefited from another layer. And once we got outside I realized I couldn't walk in the shoes k chose. I made it to the car and James would go back upstairs to get me boots instead. Best husband.

We drove out to the garden store and it was a nice drive. The store was pretty busy! The Christmas spirit was there for sure.

We didn't have a huge plan. I just wanted to find an ornament that reminded each other of the other. We went through the whole store. Eventually settling on a nature theme. I really love the food ones but then the bristle animals really spoke to me. The otter made me think about James. And then James picked a squirrel for me! We also found a peapod for Sweetp.

James accidently dropped an ornament and it broke. So we would buy that one too. I will glue it back together. I felt bad that that happened though.

I was having a lot of fun with James though. Looking at the Christmas stuff. The little displays. The trees. It was really sweet.

After we paid we would walk around their outside part where they had the trees and such. They had a huge tree dressed up like a gnome. I don't like gnomes but it was very cool still.

We took some pictures but my camera has been acting weird. But it was fine. I would get a little to cold and let James know so we headed out.

James picked a different goodwill then I expected. But it was actually a good one! James got two new pairs of pants. I found a new pack of corn cob holders. And best of all I found a table! It's a fold down table and it's great. It's a little scratched up but it was cheap and perfect. I'm thrilled. It has a drawer and the parts that keep up the folds are fitted onto the sides in a beautiful way. It is heavy and great. I'm very happy.

We carried the table together to the register. The cashier confused me when he was trying to say I almost had enough on my reward card to get money off but he phrased it so strangely and I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. I am sure he thought I was an idiot but I was truly confused. But we sorted it out and me and James carried the table to the car.

After we loaded the car up we drove down the street to go to Lidil. Which is like Aldi. And it was fun! James found a bunch of interesting seasonal ravioli. I got vanilla cream brioche. We got almost everything off of our list. It was an excellent trip.

Once we were done there James took me to Uber bagel. Which was in the same shopping center. And it was very good. I got a cinnamon sugar bagel with apple cinnamon raisin cream cheese. James got a BLT on an everything bagel. We didn't have to wait long and then we were off.

I had half the bagel in the car while we drove to get gas. And then to the organic market for fake meat products. And finally to the giant to get the final couple items. I didn't feel amazing and my eye wouldn't stop twitching. But i was having fun with my husband.

While we were out Harold our realtor let us know there are a few other offers on the house and they will decide tomorrow. So if we get the house that will be great, but if not the search continues. Its in the universe hands now.

We would get home and bring the table inside. Which was a struggle. But we got it and James went to get the groceries. I was a little woozy. Thankfully my eye stopped twitching. And I started to feel a little better. It helped that it was cozy and warm in here.

I would spend the afternoon cleaning the kitty litter, cleaning the fish tanks, hanging out with sweetp. James would go for a bike ride. I would hang out in bed. Our wedding book came and I was excited to look at it. It looks so good and I'm excited to share it with everyone.

When James got back they would work on bread making and painting their nails. While I had a veggie hot dog for dinner and continued to work on my camp schedule.

I had taken a break after it went to poorly last week. But after two hours I was able to figure it out!! I think I got it! I figured out what couldn't overlap, what could, it was a lot of sorting, I even tried to use chatgbT for the first time. Which did not work but it did encourage me to have a nice camp season. But around 730 I finally typed in the last block. I can't wait to show it to Heather. I will have to make all the specialty schedules still but the groups schedule is there! And I'm thrilled.

I would take a bath after all that computer work. And I feel a lot nicer now. Not amazing. But nicer. I'm cozy in bed again. Ready to sleep.

Tomorrow I have jury duty! I love jury duty. I hope I get to see a case. But more so I hope the day goes smoothly.

I hope you all have a good night. Sleep well and take care of yourself! Goodnight everyone!

[al-ma-48]

Story in caption. Week 4 - Saci Perere (#creatuanary2023 day 27)

This week I report on another fascinating R&D project by the leading supplier to all the nastiest dungeon keepers in Almaos. This one actually had made it to some test market dungeons! Market research had forecast a vast market for a mischievous but not too aggressive creature for entry-level dungeons. By magically hybridizing a dark gnome, a garden gnome and the infamous one-legged flamingo, R&D created the saci perere, adorable small creatures with one leg, never to be seen without their pipe and a magical red cap. Yet, these annoying tricksters manifested an unrestrained appetite for mischief! Saci would miss no opportunity to play a nasty trick. Initial feedback from the test dungeons promised a huge success - dungeon keepers loved them! That intellectual inhibitions did not restrain their passion for playing tricks was by design and key to their success. Yet, it also proved their undoing as heroes learned to flood the dungeon with cheap, knotted strings. The saci’s craving for pranks compelled to them undo any knot, keeping them too busy to upset the heroes anymore. R&D tried to salvage the project by creating a string devouring slug, but they also ate essential parts of the dungeon infrastructure. In the end, the project had to be abandoned.

For more images and stories see @al-ma-48

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[aldhar-ibn-beju]

A recipe for blackstone beer á la Thrór's curse

Greetings, lovers of fine beverages and many a good drop. Today we delve deep into the sick world of the mad dwarf king. Some claim Thorin Oakenshield's grandfather was possessed by dragon sickness, but the ancient writings of the sage Raldha of Ejub from Gelsum - also known as Mordor Minor - prove that the royal craziness possessed a miraculous correlation with the consumption of Morgul-Psilos. However, his drug-savvy majesty had even more fun in the head than with the miracle mushrooms and occasional lucid moments exclusively when drinking blackstone beer, which was reserved only for the noble members of Durin's gender.

As we all know, at the end of the Fourth Age, the dwarves went mad because a powerful sorcerer called Primus Amazonias Idioticus forced upon them a mind-numbing spectacle called 'The Rings of Power'. Eventually they made the most stupid and incompetent their leaders, destroyed their high-tech forges and, through all manner of folly, their prosperity. In the end, they stuck themselves in their mines to demonstrate against global warming under the earth and thus transferred themselves united into dwarf heaven.

But enough of the history lesson, let's now get down to the preparation of the Blackstone Beer. We need the following ingredients from the shop of the Druid of Tingeltangel (today's offer is a free 'Dulldwarf' branded pointed cap only for a mega-small handling fee of a measly £99.99):

- 5 litres of beer (stout, porter or a mix of both)

- 1 litre of whiskey (the Druid recommends Laphroaig with a minimum age of 10 years)

- 0.5 litres of mulled wine (but please not the cheap stuff from Shiddl or similar food abusers)

- Peel of 2 lemons

- 200 g 'magic mushrooms' from your local chemist. Okay, if you're not keen on studying jailology and don't want to run a bit afoul of current law, you can also replace the magic mushrooms with the same amount of cranberries, but they should be soaked in 250 ml vodka (at least Smirnov) a day before.

- 1-2 teaspoons cardamom

- 2-3 cloves

- a pinch of black pepper

- 250 g obsidian

If you are too stingy to finance our needy and climate-loving druid's next Bali holiday, you can also buy the ingredients elsewhere.

First of all, let's dig out the magnificent jug of the great kings of the dwarf kingdom from the royal junk room. If this is unfortunately not available, the druid of Tingeltangel offers you the model 'Moria Deluxe' in his shop, which was produced completely climate neutrally by industrious Indian orphans for the fair price of 50 cents, for only a tiny £9999.99. If you do not want to support the selfless druid in his development work of his fortune, simply offer a suitable container with a capacity of at least 8 litres.

Normally, suitable courtiers would now supervise the production process of the delicious swill, but since they unfortunately live in the dwarf graveyard at the moment, as many garden gnomes as possible - if necessary, you can steal them from the stuffy neighbour, but please none that ride a wutz (Palatine for a truffle-loving proboscis animal) - should be distributed in the kitchen regarding the ambience.

Now fill the energetic gems (obsidian) and the whiskey into the jug. Stir according to an old custom in honour of the seven dwarf gods the mixture for 7 minutes with a suitable utensil - you don't have an original dwarf axe(?), you can also get it from the druid as the brand 'Gimli's Shame' for only £999.99. Now add the beer by the litre and stir the noble drink for 77 seconds each. Do not forget to make an appointment with your therapist or take your psychotropic drugs before continuing the process.

Then we send a suicide squad of volunteer heroes with a short life expectancy from the tribe of militaristic 'dimwits' into the mines of Moria to get Balin's Cauldron for the mad king. Let's leave the druid out of it this time, we don't want to make one-sided advertisements in an attitude journalistic manner. So we quickly get an ordinary saucepan and fill it with the mulled wine, which we now heat up on medium heat until it reaches a temperature of 77° C. Now we add cloves. Now we add cloves, cardamom and pepper and let the mixture simmer for 7 minutes.

While the mulled wine cools down afterwards, we use the time to cut the lemon peels into the smallest possible pieces - in memory of the ritual slaughter of hobbits by the mad dwarf king during the brewing process to appease the gods of the Morgul-Psilos. Then we put the cut-up hobbits (citron peels) with the miracle mushrooms (cranberries) into a mortar and pound them - well, how do you think?- for 7 minutes.

To crown it all, we combine all the components with the brew in the ceremonial jug and stir the mixture for seven minutes. Afterwards, the delicious potion should be kept in a cool, sinister dungeon for 77 minutes to refine the flavour, while his psychologically deviant majesty cruelly tortures recalcitrant high elves for pleasure. Less insane people can, of course, keep the blackstone beer in the fridge instead.

Cheers then

© 2023 Q.A.Juyub

[mybookof-you]

The garden was full of ornaments. They were rather sad, cheap ones—bunny rabbits with crazy grins, pottery deer with big eyes, gnomes with pointy red hats and expressions that suggested they were on bad medication.

Pratchett, Terry. A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld Book 32) (p. 86). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

[kimonotsuki]

Review - Zen Garden by Island Falls Home

Have you ever wanted to bring a little bit of Zen mindfulness into your home? Maybe as a way to focus on yourself for a few minutes during a long work day or to decompress after a marathon session of cleaning? Island Falls Home has got you covered.

As some of you already know, I live with anxiety and OCD, and I have a strong suspicion I'm also dealing with ADHD. Anything that helps me calm down and focus is a welcome addition to my life. I have a little bowl of fidget toys on my desk but I wanted something that took a bit more effort, and felt a little more mature. I'd been looking into small desktop-style zen gardens for a while but frankly all the ones I saw felt cheap or tacky. I've found ones with sand that was far too large, ones that included ridiculous little tchotchkes like garden gnomes, ones that were all plastic and flimsy-looking, and ones that had absolutely no sense of scale (giant maneki nekos next to a torii gate the size of your thumb...) But then I found Island Falls Home. They are a small family-owned business based in the UK, and all they do is sand gardens. This sort of focus allows them to source quality pieces and stay on theme with their products, and that attention to detail really shows. They currently offer two zen gardens (the Traditional kit, which I have here, and the Oasis of Calm which is beautiful and looks like a rippling pond) and one sand planetarium. I knew when I found their products that I wanted to share them with you all, so I reached out to the owners. James was lovely and through our interactions it was clear that he has a true passion for traditional Japanese arts and culture, and you can tell these kits are a labour of love. He was incredibly generous and offered to send me one to check out at my leisure. To save on overhead I arranged to have it sent here to California, and I've been testing it out for almost two weeks now, and love it. The attention to detail is obvious from the moment you receive the kits. The packaging feels elegant and sturdy, and everything is carefully and lovingly organised and protected. From the tissue wrapping to the bow on the tool box to the well-designed insert, no detail has been overlooked here. The presentation would also make these a fantastic gift. But what really matters is the garden itself, right? Thankfully that attention to detail is continued throughout. The kit comes with a wide variety of accessories. There are two sakura trees with bark bases to help them stand up properly, a cute little bridge, a torii gate, a lovely little pagoda, and a selection of stones and moss for a touch of nature. My only (very minor) issue is that the pagoda is ceramic and feels very high quality but the bridge and torii are plastic. They're still very well-made and nicely detailed, but I'd love to see all these pieces in ceramic to add to the luxe feeling of the kit. There's also a fantastic assortment of handcrafted bamboo rakes and tools, which allow you to meditatively create infinite designs in the sand. The sand itself is incredibly fine and smooth and clean, and clearly high quality. This is a place where a lot of kits cheap out, and it's obvious Island Falls Home did not. It's sourced from a company in Ontario, which as a Canadian is a nice little bonus. I do wish the kit had some sort of storage container for the sand if it needs to be put away for storage, travel, or moving, but a quart-sized food storage bag would work for the time being. I could take hundreds of photos of the permutations I've created with this kit, but I'd rather be a bit concise and focus on this set up I did trying to feature as many items as I could. The end result is cohesive and uncluttered, and allows for a lot of meditative motions. I also don't want to influence anyone who buys these kits, I'd rather you let your own moods and emotions guide you. Overall, if you've been looking for a desk zen garden, or even if you hadn't considered one before but now see the appeal, I highly recommend these! You can grab the Traditional Zen Garden kit on Amazon here, or the Oasis of Calm kit here. Prime day is coming up soon, which could be a great time to take advantage of free shipping if you're considering one of these. Read the full article

[juyub]

A recipe for blackstone beer á la Thrór's curse

Greetings, lovers of fine beverages and many a good drop. Today we delve deep into the sick world of the mad dwarf king. Some claim Thorin Oakenshield's grandfather was possessed by dragon sickness, but the ancient writings of the sage Raldha of Ejub from Gelsum - also known as Mordor Minor - prove that the royal craziness possessed a miraculous correlation with the consumption of Morgul-Psilos. However, his drug-savvy majesty had even more fun in the head than with the miracle mushrooms and occasional lucid moments exclusively when drinking blackstone beer, which was reserved only for the noble members of Durin's gender.

As we all know, at the end of the Fourth Age, the dwarves went mad because a powerful sorcerer called Primus Amazonias Idioticus forced upon them a mind-numbing spectacle called 'The Rings of Power'. Eventually they made the most stupid and incompetent their leaders, destroyed their high-tech forges and, through all manner of folly, their prosperity. In the end, they stuck themselves in their mines to demonstrate against global warming under the earth and thus transferred themselves united into dwarf heaven.

But enough of the history lesson, let's now get down to the preparation of the Blackstone Beer. We need the following ingredients from the shop of the Druid of Tingeltangel (today's offer is a free 'Dulldwarf' branded pointed cap only for a mega-small handling fee of a measly £99.99):

- 5 litres of beer (stout, porter or a mix of both)

- 1 litre of whiskey (the Druid recommends Laphroaig with a minimum age of 10 years)

- 0.5 litres of mulled wine (but please not the cheap stuff from Shiddl or similar food abusers)

- Peel of 2 lemons

- 200 g 'magic mushrooms' from your local chemist. Okay, if you're not keen on studying jailology and don't want to run a bit afoul of current law, you can also replace the magic mushrooms with the same amount of cranberries, but they should be soaked in 250 ml vodka (at least Smirnov) a day before.

- 1-2 teaspoons cardamom

- 2-3 cloves

- a pinch of black pepper

- 250 g obsidian

If you are too stingy to finance our needy and climate-loving druid's next Bali holiday, you can also buy the ingredients elsewhere.

First of all, let's dig out the magnificent jug of the great kings of the dwarf kingdom from the royal junk room. If this is unfortunately not available, the druid of Tingeltangel offers you the model 'Moria Deluxe' in his shop, which was produced completely climate neutrally by industrious Indian orphans for the fair price of 50 cents, for only a tiny £9999.99. If you do not want to support the selfless druid in his development work of his fortune, simply offer a suitable container with a capacity of at least 8 litres.

Normally, suitable courtiers would now supervise the production process of the delicious swill, but since they unfortunately live in the dwarf graveyard at the moment, as many garden gnomes as possible - if necessary, you can steal them from the stuffy neighbour, but please none that ride a wutz (Palatine for a truffle-loving proboscis animal) - should be distributed in the kitchen regarding the ambience.

Now fill the energetic gems (obsidian) and the whiskey into the jug. Stir according to an old custom in honour of the seven dwarf gods the mixture for 7 minutes with a suitable utensil - you don't have an original dwarf axe(?), you can also get it from the druid as the brand 'Gimli's Shame' for only £999.99. Now add the beer by the litre and stir the noble drink for 77 seconds each. Do not forget to make an appointment with your therapist or take your psychotropic drugs before continuing the process.

Then we send a suicide squad of volunteer heroes with a short life expectancy from the tribe of militaristic 'dimwits' into the mines of Moria to get Balin's Cauldron for the mad king. Let's leave the druid out of it this time, we don't want to make one-sided advertisements in an attitude journalistic manner. So we quickly get an ordinary saucepan and fill it with the mulled wine, which we now heat up on medium heat until it reaches a temperature of 77° C. Now we add cloves. Now we add cloves, cardamom and pepper and let the mixture simmer for 7 minutes.

While the mulled wine cools down afterwards, we use the time to cut the lemon peels into the smallest possible pieces - in memory of the ritual slaughter of hobbits by the mad dwarf king during the brewing process to appease the gods of the Morgul-Psilos. Then we put the cut-up hobbits (citron peels) with the miracle mushrooms (cranberries) into a mortar and pound them - well, how do you think?- for 7 minutes.

To crown it all, we combine all the components with the brew in the ceremonial jug and stir the mixture for seven minutes. Afterwards, the delicious potion should be kept in a cool, sinister dungeon for 77 minutes to refine the flavour, while his psychologically deviant majesty cruelly tortures recalcitrant high elves for pleasure. Less insane people can, of course, keep the blackstone beer in the fridge instead.

Cheers then

© 2023 Q.A.Juyub

[mianavarro]

Estate sales were Mia's shit. Where else could she find kitschy treasures for dirt cheap and expand her already ridiculous collection of retro crap? Estate sales were like adult treasure hunts, except instead of gold doubloons, you’re scoring someone’s grandma’s garden gnome collection. Her house looked like a mid-century fever dream: lava lamps, tiny troll dolls, and that one very questionable Elvis Presley bust she scored for five bucks.

As she walked around the room, her eyes flicked straight to the blonde. “You look like you're about to make a life decision over there,” she snorted, digging her nails into the sleeves of her oversized hoodie. "Honestly," Mia kicked at some peeling linoleum with the toe of her beat-up Converse, "if she went out in her sleep, that's, like, the dream, right? No sandwich-related fatalities. But also... kinda creepy."

She stepped into the master bedroom, sitting on the mattress with zero regards for the whole dead person vibe in the room. A loud creak from the springs. Perfect. "You’re seriously gonna take this thing? Feels like it’s got ‘cursed by a Victorian ghost’ written all over it, but hey, whatever upgrades your crack-den."

Mia smirked, looking up at Nancy. “If it starts levitating, just promise me you will call.”

with: open to all location: an estate sale on pine street when: early afternoon on a sunday

Nancy feared that she'd missed out on all the good stuff, the creaky Victorian home already picked clean of vintage fashion and worthwhile jewelry. Dammit, she knew she should've sucked it up and not slept in for once in her life. Still, she wandered around, poking at random clutter with dull fascination (who wanted a dead woman's retro vacuum?), before finally spotting the one thing that could make this entire venture worthwhile: a bed. Well, she didn't really care about the tacky headboard plastered in velvet, but the mattress. Nancy circled around the bed, pressing down on the plastic-covered surface to test the springs. If she could replace the futon at her place... Her head cocked in the direction of someone entering the master bedroom, still eyeing the mattress while asking, "D'you think she croaked in her sleep?"

[theaspers]

i took a nap earlier and had the stupidest fkn dream ever i swear. i woke up terrified shdjd

[baegoalsandcreamcheese]

Drarry | 4.5k | General Audiences | Established Relationship, Fluff and Humour, Surprise Birthday Party, Magical Accidents

I wrote this fic for my love @mfingenius birthday last year, and it's finally making its way to the internet! Hopefully you enjoy this light-hearted fic two weeks ahead of Harry's birthday :))

Summary: All Draco Malfoy wants is to ensure that Harry Potter’s nineteenth birthday is the best he’s ever had. Considering the competition, it shouldn’t be too difficult. Right?

Excerpt:

Dear Draco,

I’m dreadfully sorry for the late notice, but I’m afraid the Burrow won’t be available for the festivities you’ve planned for today. This morning, Arthur and I woke up to a garden gnome banging our two largest pot lids together above our heads. Now that all the kids have left home, de-gnoming completely slipped my mind, and it appears the infestation has got a little out of control. They’re all over the kitchen, and one spilt all our Floo powder searching for worms. At any rate, I’m sad to say our house is in no condition for guests. Please accept my sincerest apologies and an open invitation for tea at our place. Just, not until next week. Best of luck and please wish Harry a happy birthday for both Arthur and me!

Molly Weasley

Draco read over the letter three times, the knot of panic in his chest growing all the while. He’d been planning Harry’s nineteenth birthday party even before they’d started dating last March. When Harry had let it slip that he’d never properly celebrated it over Christmas hols, half-sloshed on cheap elf wine on top of the Astronomy Tower, Draco had resolved to give him the best birthday imaginable. Over the months, he’d sneakily gathered information about Harry’s favourite foods and activities (although if he were honest with himself, he’d admit he’d known all of this since second year) and meticulously planned the perfect surprise party.

Except now, he’d need to change the venue. The day of.

“It’ll be all right,” he assured himself, readjusting his silk dressing gown before he padded to the kitchen. He could improvise. No true Slytherin would plan a party without a backup plan, after all.

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