#Bruce Wayne : I'm sorry...

[t00thpasteface]

"i've just been working on a... celebrity impression. it's for a sting operation of sorts i've been putting together. yes as a matter of fact it WILL keep me busy tonight—"

[violent138]

Alfred totally brags about the kids in public, simultaneously shading Bruce who cannot defend himself using Batman:

Alfred: "Master Duke was a Gotham Genius Grant finalist at 12, and Miss Gordon holds multiple degrees." *side eyes Bruce*

Bruce:

Or

"Oh, Master Dick restored the car himself, he's got a phenomenal skill with automobiles, much like the late Dr.Wayne himself."

Outsider: "Too bad it skipped you, huh Bruce? Can't even change a spare tire."

Bruce: *seething quietly* "I wonder where he gets it."

And

A visitor to Wayne Manor: "These are lovely portraits."

Alfred: "The work of Master Damian, he's practically a prodigy. It's a relief that someone in the family is appreciative of the arts."

Bruce: "I appreciate art--"

Alfred: "Twelve years of piano lessons and nothing to show for it."

Later in the Cave

Bruce: "I appreciate art."

Alfred: "Apologies Master Bruce, it's a little hard to see things around here as you seem to think black is the last remaining colour in the world."

Bruce:

[starvinginbelair]

the best explanation of the pre-flashpoint batfamily i think i've ever seen

[frownyalfred]

I love the headcanon that none of the Bats are supers, but over time? Gotham is slowly messing them up, one by one.

Bruce smiles at Clark one day in the Cave, and his eyes reflect the light back like a wolf's

Jason suddenly has tiny fangs, but nobody has the nerve to mention it

Alfred literally doesn't die

Dick can jump higher and faster than ever before, but barely notices it

Tim is awake for three days straight and doesn't blink

They're all subtly, but noticeably different. Gotham-blessed, or cursed, or something in between.

[emotional-piece-of-meat]

Tim is surprised every time Bruce being a dad. Not even a good one, which he is, but genuinely just a dad.

Like, what do you mean, he asks how was your day and carefully listened to your answer instead of interrupt you on the second sentence and talk about himself?

What do you mean, he cares about you every day and not only when he wants to look like a good dad™ at gala?

What do you mean, he tries to understand your interests instead of saying that it's useless and you have to quit?

What do you mean, he carries you to bed instead of waking you up?

What do you mean, he actually remembers things that you told him?

What do you mean, he stays with you, because you are scared and you asked him to?

What do you mean, you don't need to ask?

And for the first time in his life, Tim thinks that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't a bad child. His father was a bad person.

[g1rlr0b1n]

They are in the thick of it, lives are most likely at stake, lots of them! and Jon's just, "sorry to all the people who die today but my boyfriend isn't picking up his phone."

[cairoscene]

a day on gotham twitter

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[emin-folly]

Yeah I'm sorry but I seriously don't buy the whole "Batman can sneak up on Kryptonians and other superpowered aliens/people cause he's ~Batman~" BS

Personally what I think would be much more in character and frankly way funnier is if just about every superhero can see/detect Batman, they all just choose to humor him cause of his fragile ego lmao 

 Low effort comic cause I tired aha

[black-lone-knight]

It's been two days since Dick’s arrival at the Wayne Manor. Currently Dick is holding a magazine with a picture of him and Bruce on its cover.

Dick: What's a DILF?

Bruce, chocks on his tea: What?!

Dick, shows the cover: Here, it says you're a DILF.

Bruce: Ah, it means...

Bruce: ...

Bruce: a Dad who Is Loving and Fantastic.

...

Months later.

Superman: Batman has told me a lot about you.

Dick as Robin, enthusiastic: He has?

Superman: Yes, your Dad loves you so much.

Robin: Holy hotdogs! He's a real DILF.

Superman:

Superman:

Superman: Oh yeah... He certainly is.

[dragonpyre]

Anyone who knew Jason before he died can only ever see him as baby. Sorry, I don't make the rules

Commission info ko-fi

[t00thpasteface]

he's silly

[violent138]

On a very stupid note, can you imagine how embarrassing it is for Bruce Wayne, the most paranoid and secretive man on earth, that whenever there's drama in his family it inevitably reaches a significant portion of the superhero community?

And he can't even go after any one person, because Alfred would tell Dick (who tells Wally and Donna, especially if it was really stupid), Steph would tell Kara (who would tell Clark, who would tell Diana, who already knew via Donna), and Tim would tell Kon, Damian would tell Jon and Connor, Duke tells Jason about it, and because Wally told Barry Hal now knows (and other Lanterns), J'onn knew because Bruce was fuming and Clark was trying to figure out how to bring it up, Cass told Dinah and Barbara so now the entirety of the Arrowfam and Birds of Prey know too and so on.

[shrub-jay]

Wes Weston: IRS.

Wes Weston is used to billionaires having sketchy finances. An offshore account here, and offshore account there-- A second home in a tax haven. He's never seen books like Wayne Enterprise's before.

"What even is BASE jumping? Why do they have a whole Applied Sciences department with only one guy working in it?" Wesley Weston had questions for Bruce Wayne. Questions he would get answered, if the billionaire was ever actually in his office. This was why he found himself rumbling up to the Wayne's well manicured, monoculture lawn in an only slightly questionable Uber.

"Wes Weston, IRS," he whispers, practicing under his breath before knocking on the door. "Wes Weston. IRS," he says more confidently, fumbling to get his badge out of his pocket. The door swung open, and he jumped. Goddamn rich people with their motion detecting doorbells.

"Dick Grayson, Blüdhaven P.D."

---

Wes Weston stood back from his cork board as rain pelted his hotel room window.

"Holy ghost. Bruce Wayne is the fucking Batman."

[frownyalfred]

Bruce Wayne, playboy billionaire: oh yeah I'm so chill all the time, it's all about having fun you know!

Bruce Wayne when a reporter gets within .1 inches of one of his kids:

[idyllcy]

secret of us (deluxe) event

HAPPY SECRET OF US DELUXE DROP :333333333 to celebrate (bc that's so true ruined my life) we're doing a mini event!! Drop a character + song/number in the inbox and I'll write a little short smth based on the character n song!! Happy requesting <3

Track List

Felt Good About You - Tim Drake

Risk - Cass Cain

Blowing Smoke - Simon Riley

I Love You, I’m Sorry - Damian Wayne

us. - Carlos Oliveria

Let It Happen - Jason Todd

Tough Love - Ada Wong

I Knew It, I Know You - Tim Drake

Gave You I Gave You I - Hajime Hinata

Normal Thing - Konig

Good Luck Charlie - Dick Grayson

Free Now - Jason Todd

Close to You - Bruce Wayne

Cool - Dick Grayson

That’s So True - Jason Todd

I Told You Things - Leon Kennedy

Packing It Up - Saiki Kusuo

posting starts Oct 28th!! Ty for requesting <3