#Because My Plans Are Fucked i cant fucking get them anything
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ennuidays · 1 year ago
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IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF
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thomstrainers · 17 days ago
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actually crashing out, vent in tags
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godblooded · 5 months ago
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sometimes it’s just… ‘oh had so much fun on vacation!’ ‘went to a cool concert!’ ‘had a fun day out with my friends!’ cool??? don’t remember what the fuck that’s like since i’m constantly the one forced to be in charge of everything ever.
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ichigosoju · 7 months ago
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☔️
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shewantsitall · 2 years ago
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It's angst on a new level tbh
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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blye-flower · 1 year ago
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#my thing is always gonna be this#how are you upset with me because im trying to have a boundary???#how are you upset with ME that YOURE ALWAYS OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDARIES#like yes i babysitter im a babysitter but you cant expect me to babysit just cause you need a babysitter!?? like what??!#“oh we needed to go to another church and the kids didnt wanna go” okay?? so you just dropped them off without saying anything to me??!#you didnt even ask if i could you just assumed i would cause im home??? like i dont deserve a moment???#like im not a parent#i dont have any kids and i definitely dont fucking plan on it so why tf do i feel like a single mother in my day to day??#why do i never have any free time to myself why is my free time volunteered to making sure children are supervised??!#“well since you decided this im just gonna come get the kids” yeah im within my fucking right so why are you phrasing it like im wrong#god ive never been this frustrated that im fucking crying like can i have some fuckinf breathing space AWAY from other ppls kids#blymi rants#update:: my sister did in fact come and get them#and told the kids “yall cant stay home cause auntie doesnt feel like watching yall”#definitely feels like shes putting the blame on me cool cool cool#just peachy.#love that for me lets make it MY fault whatever#god i really cannot catch a fucking break#and trust and believe im gonna have to hear some stupid ass better than thou speech about how i need to help out my sister#“because shes a student a mother AND working” as if any of those choices are my fucking concern yep wonderful#especially for a sister. that while i love her. feels entitled to peoples help because shes “going through so much”#and now i cant even fucking relax or draw or write because im so fucking pissed#which is why i wanted the afternoon to myself ANYWAYS so no matter what the fucking days a goddamn bust for me regardless
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s0urte3th · 2 years ago
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mom is bitching at me how i need to wear short sleeves TOMORROW, and just get over it
#‘you NEED to wear them tomorrow’ or what.#youre gonna take my phone away? im just AnXioUs and need to get the fuck over it?#woman youre lucky i dont fucking take my car and leave. youre lucky i don’t disappear without a trace.#‘we love you and dont care and dont judge!’ i understand that. i do.#but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise!#i cant just get over this hump. i dont know how to explain it to you but i just cant. its not that simple.#i cant just.. get up and get moving like you want me to. i dont know how to tell you that im absolutely fucking exhausted.#‘youve been taking a break for 6 weeks now’ and? i worked my ASS OFF. FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. I DESERVE A BREAK!#IVE EARNED A GODDAMN BREAK. IVE EARNED A FUCKING SUMMER OFF. THIS IS MY FIRST SUMMER OFF IN 5 GODDAMN YEARS WOMAN#i dont care if you think im being lazy. im sorry i dont work the same fucking way you do! but thats a you issue!#‘you need to get your life together’ WELL I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO RIGHT NOW! I WANNA BE A STUPID COUCH BUM!#i basically just learned that EVERYTHING. I WORKED FOR! IS USELESS! i pushed myself to the edge a constant amount of times over the past 5-#years for NOTHING. because i am incapable of doing anything without someone telling me to or holding my hand.#how do you expect me to know what to do with my fucking life when the life i thought i always had was just shattered?#ive trailed off my planned path! i didnt plan for this! i never thought it could happen! i thought id be PERFECT!#imagine being told your entire life how smart and capable you are only to fail right as someone isnt holding your hand anymore.#just#whatever man. if i dont wanna wear short sleeves i wont. if i dont wanna go outside i wont.#i didnt want to interact with the world anyways. especially after finding out that i dont fit in whatsoever.
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krispiecake · 2 years ago
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okay. what is so hard about giving your autistic service user a simple heads up if theres gonna be strangers in their shared living space like. I’m not even asking for timings, names, or an introduction. I literally just wanna know if im gonna be seeing strangers while i try to do my washing or if someone is moving in that day and i will be seeing them from now on. i do not get why that is so difficult and unreasonable and crazy. i feel insane because i get why NT people might not care but i just feel like i shouldnt have to repeatedly explain to everyone why it DOES matter to me and have everyone act like i just need to get over it. screams of agony and so on.
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6mayhem · 3 months ago
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but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture
#sighhh i miss when my biggest worry was my crush liking me back#i was such a typical teenager in hindsight bc of that#it seems a lifetime ago but it was only 4 years#2 years since we broke up thats crazy. everything changed i built my own life from nothing#im a completely different person#figuratively and literally though i will not use that to excuse my past actions haha#discord was like my whole damn world my center of the universe talking to my friends on there the highlight of my day#we had plans we had goals we had all thse big ideas and things we could do in our free time#now we go days without really talking to each other#in 2020 i said 3 more years and then we meet irl now 2023 is over and i am sure i will never see you. i wouldnt want to see you#i guess adulthood caught up to all of us. okay. most of us#i am just so sentimental#things had purpose back then and i wasnt this afraid#and i loved them#and i had someone who loved me#its fucked up how you dont even realize it wont last forever until its over#i wish it had ended differently. the whole friend group.#sometimes i wish we wouldve stayed friends. but thats just hopeful thinking because in my heart i know there is no way#were too different and theyre too committed to fucking up everything they have always#it makes me sad. makes me think they truly dont feel like they deserve happiness. i am kind of that way too#but i dont complain about losing the people i push away. so thats how were different lol#and i also dont suibait my mentally ill followers every other day because of some drama that only 15 year olds care about#so in that regard thank fuck i grew up. but also. thinking of them reminds me of simpler times#when this petty shit mattered to me. it really doesnt matter to me anymore and i cant get myself to care about anything that happens online#maybe its time for me to leave the internet behind for good. i dont know what its doing for me anymore.#i dont have anything im excited about on my laptop anymore lmao i have to desperately cling for straws for things i could do#to avoid sleep and being alone with my thoughts
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badcountryofficial · 5 months ago
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Like it was never about me or what was best for me...I have to laugh because of how absolutely ABSURD it is
#and i let it HAPPEN#i genuinely dont know how else to react like.#stepping away and seeing it all for what it is in the light of day...with sober eyes...like wow. goddamn#like i just?? dont understand#'i told my friends about what you did to me' 'that's ur right' and then not even 2 weeks later 'i cant believe u told them..'#because i did it 'to make them hate you' like 1. then why did u do it. why did u do it then?#2. all i said was what you did.#then my friends said 'hey you deserve someone who listens to your boundaries that's not okay'#i shpuld be able to tell ppl how my partner treats me it shouldnt be smth i hide from them.#telling them was for me. but that didnt matter. your image did#well now they know. and now you know your actions have consequences.#it's just so infuriating. the amount i poured and poured and looking back it's like.#now i see so clearly it was all a fucking mirage it was never fucking real.#it's so unfair. i dont understand how it went on that long#not that he cares he gets to move on because he never really put in anything. no steps were taken no real truth was given#meanwhile i opened my life and bore my soul so.#like good for him ig he can just move on and get what he wants from someone new#and good for me because now i know more#but i still have to deal w this bullshit future i planned w someone who i now realized never wanted it really#like fuck. fuck#goddammit#so whatever i guess#and i hid SO MUCH because i KNEW how it would look#but to ME who had all the 'context' i didnt want them to just see what i told them#but i now realize the 'context' was all bullshit and i should not have been trying to protect someone who didnt even care enough to listen#to me saying no. god. i wasnt even asking for that much either.#i wasnt crazy. i wasnt acting like my dad. i was being a normal adult. it just crushes me.#because if i was in his place and i truly believed i was with my soul mate i would have simply done the hard shit.#but he didnt believe that ig so! now i know!!#yippee!!!!!
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lunarsapphism · 10 months ago
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#i am actually so unbelievably livid right now#like i do not know what to do with the anger that is being held in my body at the moment#ive just tested positive for covid after being sick for a few days#i just tested negative on saturday before i went to a concert and before i saw my partner#so i thought i was fine#but no! actually if i have plans or want to take a fucking break literally ever someone gets sick (me this time) and the plans are ruined#i am legitimately struggling so badly with my mental health right now this might genuinely be a breaking point for me#i am fully at risk#yknow?#anyway#i feel fucking awful because i saw everyone and was doing normal stuff and i just have an immense amount of guilt about it#like#several people have said its fine but i dont believe them at all#ive asked my partner twice if theyre upset with me and theyve said no but i dont think thats the case#i dont know#i was supposed to go on a trip with them this weekend and weve had it planned for a month#and now im sick and we wont be able to go unless shes sick too or i test negative before saturday#and i have a fucking final on thursday and im feeling like im going to fucking **** ******#maybe im blowing it out of proportion! i dont know#but seriously this just happened like last month as well with another family member#we were all supposed to go on a trip to the beach and my brother got sick so only three of the seven of us went and it was kinda miserable#i swear to god i cant have anything good#i cant handle anything anymore#i dont want to live in this house and i dont want to speak with my family and i dont want to do school or work or anything else ever#the burden of being alive is immeasurable and i cant keep living with the responsibilities that come with it
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ourladyoftheflytrap · 11 months ago
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Also I may be cranky but I find it insanely frustrating that day 2 of getting billy, I told my parents how to take care of her and then they totally ignored me once I was out of the house.
And Then today I started feeding dust in the hall outside of her room to start the Jackson galaxy introduction method, and my mom came out of her room 10 minutes later to be like "I don't think it's a good idea to put his food there, you should have them eat separate" (NOT how the JG method, which I explained to her, works) because her room is within eyesight of Billy's door, so now when the dogs try to steal dusts food, she can actually See them doing that and feels obligated to stop them.
Even though no matter where I put his bowl, if either dog can reach it, they will steal from it. and they Do that every day. And I'm the only one who gets onto them. Like it's an ongoing issue but it doesn't bother her that her dogs steal food, it bothers her that She has to intervene to stop it now.
#i told her i cant really feasibly move billy to any other room in the house (i could keep her in mine except my mom wont accept that#bc if i keep my door closed at night then dust will scream and that annoys her)#and she was like 'im not saying you should move billy im just saying you should feed dust somewhere else'#like literally 20 minutes before this i walked her through the JG steps to introducing cats#and then her very next request was ''can you do the complete opposite of this plan now''#its so fucking annoying like she will take 0 responsibility for her animals bad behavior and try to be like#'its all my husbands fault cuz he spoils them'' and she is totally full of shit cuz she will actively enable bad animal behavior#and especially with cats like she has never owned a cat before in her life before getting dust for me#she has No Idea how to socialize a cat (part of why dust doesnt like her very much) but for some reason she won't defer to Anybody elses#opinion on how to do it. she is like Surely these creatures that i have never understood or gotten along with will respond well#to trial by fire and blatant disrespect for their boundaries :)#whats the most annoying is i didnt even ask her to do Anything aside from feed billy when im out of the house#she doesnt have to clean the litter boxes or give her medicine or even help hold her down while i do those things#and all she fucking had to do to stop the dogs from stealing was close her own bedroom door#but noooooo she would much rather insert herself into this situation that she has no idea how to navigate#because she knows SHE doesnt have to deal with the consequences of a poorly socialized cat#i told her i was going to cut off visual contact between billy and dust and she was like 'that seems like too much'#GIRL I GOT PEED ON 3 TIMES LAST NIGHT. DID YOU???#like who the fuck does she think she is? first ignore my instructions outright and then refuse to accommodate my new plan after her idea#clearly failed
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tittysuckersworld · 1 year ago
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vent thingy
#im so sick of everything- is it so wrong that i just want someone to directly ask me shit?#or like directly ask what i might want and let me have any agency???? this month i just keep consistently having others constantly making#choises and decisions for me when i can do that myself! i just want to actually have a fucking say in anything! fuck#like i know friends care for me and brother cares for me but fuck if i just want them to actually ask what i want??????#thats all i want. thats it. i want them to actually just fucking ask insted of assuming and choosing for me.#i hate hate just everyone constantly trying to choose stuff for me on whats my best interest#i dont want to be pressured to not go to collage one year and then be pressured to go the next#i dont wanna have random things i dont even like gotten for me because people think i might like them#i just dont want anything! is that wrong? i just want to be treated like my own person and asked things!#if you wanna do smth for me ask! i will try to fucking find something! i just want to be a part of it if its for me! i dont want fucking#suprizes i hate suprizes i like when things are actually asked and planned when everyone fucking consents im sick of all of this#i dont even want the yogurt pretzles anymore even just thinking of them makes me want to hurl now cause i didnt! get! any! say!!!!#and fuck i just dont want any food! i dont want any in the house! i dont care i dont care if i starve at this point i dont fucking care any#more i cant keep fucking doing this i cant both bend over backwards to try and comfort others and be under this fucking much#fuck i havent even been able to tell my partner becaude theres been too much happening in his life- and i dont want it to worry or dote over#me i dont want anyone doing any worrying for me anymore its god#i dont know i feel bad for being ungrateful but im not in a mental state for this stuff#i just want to have a say in anything. anything at all that could actually affect me in a way bigger than the smallest shit
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miupow · 4 months ago
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★ ── LE SEXE, JE VEUX DIRE !
what happens when you give the hyung line an aphrodisiac 。 。 。?
꒰୨୧ ꒱ pairing。stray kids hyung line x fem!reader genre。 pure smut , pwp warnings。 aphrodisiacs , sex while intoxicated , breeding kink , primal play , vaginal fingering , oral (m. rec) , deepthroat , unprotected sex , creampies , masturbation (m. rec) , phone sex , diy porn , sex while filming
a/n ⸝⸝ requested skz version of my txt drabble! i’m lowkey not a big fan of this… but here it is anyway lol. [ 0. 7k words ] ⸝⸝ [ m. list ]
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𝔅ANGCHAN
chris is completely sure the aphrodisiac candies you purchased wouldn't do a thing, just a silly marketing gimmick printed all over the foil packaging he turned over in his hands. but you had gotten them as a surprise, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt your feelings– so he casts aside his doubts and eats his share with a smile, ready to put on his best show of pretending to be affected. he wouldn't even be really acting, since you can get him going no matter what... yet to his complete shock reduced to a mess within minutes, panting and squirming above you, his hips canting up to press the swell of his clothed cock against the curve of your ass. his control slips when you grind back against him, pussy drunk and unable to think of anything other than fuck, claim, breed as he flips you over and mounts you like an animal. he’s definitely having you get more of these.
𝔐INHO
minho’s immediate response to you showing him the chocolates was to scold you for wasting money on worthless placebos. there was no way you believed that they would actually do anything, right? but he eats them with you anyway, because you’re very persuasive when you’re pouting. he’ll tell you they did nothing for him at all, as he’s knuckle deep in your pussy, your hot little mouth swallowing his cock to the hilt. he didn’t feel a thing, as he’s lining up his weeping tip to your entrance. he’s completely unaffected, watching with dark hazy eyes as his thick cum leaks out of your hole. those stupid chocolates had nothing to do with how he fucked you until the sun came up. and you let him believe it, because it gives you an excuse to try it again.
𝓒HANGBIN
changbin always finds some way to derail your plans… you had hidden some aphrodisiac chocolates your had bought in hopes of surprising him with them later, but you were never the best at hiding things— your boyfriend finds them within the first day. mistaking them for regular candy, he eats them without a thought; and hours later he calls you desperately from the studio, hiding in the bathroom with his pants around his knees as he fists his aching cock. the lewd wet sounds echo against the tile and harmonize with his pretty low moans, all filtering directly into the phone’s speaker and making your pussy throb. “i need you so bad,” he whimpers, his hand speeding up, “need your pussy so bad…” detailing in a needy groan every nasty little thing he planned to do to you once he got home, the growl in his voice enough to make your legs shake. you hated to ruin the mood, but you just had to know; “binnie, did you eat those chocolates in the pantry?” “um… maybe?”
𝓗YUNJIN
the candies were his idea, actually— he figured they were a perfect addition to the films he liked to make. you couldn’t even call them sex tapes, with how careful and artistic hyunjin was in filming them… but he loved to film often, and was always coming up with new ways to keep things new and exciting. sharing candies between kisses on camera, hands wandering as you lay tangled together on the hotel bed. the both of you growing hotter and needier as time went on, gentle caresses turning into rough manhandling, tugging at each other’s clothes til you were both bare in eachother’s arms. hyunjin looks straight into the camera with a smirk as he flips you over onto your hands and knees, your face buried in the pillow to muffle your scream when he slides his thick long cock into your wet pussy with one firm thrust. he reaches over to pick the camera up off of it’s tripod, angles it down so it gets a clear view of your asscheeks bouncing against his abs from the force of his thrusts, his big hand pressing down on your arched back as his cock splits your creamy cunt open. neither of you last as long as usual, deeply affected by the aphrodisiac and desperate for release— he makes sure to get the best possible angle of him pulling out and cumming on your ass, pearly white ropes of cum decorating your flushed skin like a painting. you’re his favorite work of art, and he just can’t get enough of showing it off.
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depresseddepot · 2 years ago
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every day for the past week I have become inexplicably more and more interested in quilting
#listen im a stupid son of a bitch alright. i cant do math to save my life and complex issues confuse me unless i have 2+ years to process#however: me want make things with hands#also i cannot STAND crocheted things. im really sorry if you like to crochet/love them but i do not agree at all#the yarn (yarn??) used for crocheting is itchy and frizzy and it just fucking sucks. i will die on this hill#knitting is even on thin ice because some of the material is okay and good but all the so called ~high quality~ stuff is like#so stupid frizzy and STUPID. ITS STUPID#WHY DO YOU ALL KNIT WITH THINGS THAT ARE FRIZZY. THE TEXTURE IS AWFUL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING#however: super soft stuff also irritates me so this is probably a me thing#HOWEVER: quilts are not made of frizzy yarn. they are made of sheets of fabric#and the way quilts feel on my skin is such a pleasant sensory experience#the divets from the actual quilting and the heaviness of it and the way the surface gets chilled but not cold#i just LOVE IT OKAY#and i really want to try to make one but i also REALLY don't want to have to purchase a sewing machine#(yes i know there's cheaper ones but i don't want to spend anything over $50 girl and i dont even know how to use a sewing machine)#apparently you can hand sew them which sounds doable for me (im awful at mending but i can sew a straight line probably)#but. that will take AGES#maybe ill really take my time planning a simple quilt thats like. special interest themed???#that way i dont lose interest a few months in?#idk i just really want to make something that has tangible use and value afterwards#and i cannot afford the thousands of dollars of equipment needed to accurately create wooden furniture so. maybe ill do this#anyway how do you buy fabric /gen. they're all in rolls at the store so do i just like. tell them what size i need and they cut it for me??#hey google what happens to a quilt if you have really shitty and crooked stitches#anyway. if i reblog 400 quilting posts in a row im so sorry. this is (probably) a phase
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