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#i just dont want anything! is that wrong? i just want to be treated like my own person and asked things!
snekdood · 2 years
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There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you've found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.
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deoidesign · 4 months
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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wormchaser · 9 days
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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kazumasougi · 1 month
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im gonna be real for a second. if fantasy can only be enjoyable to you when removed from any and all real world implications then is it even good
#mileposting#sorry if this seems like its targeting anything i literally just started thinking abt it for no reason#like this is not a vague LMAO but i think its smth ive thought about for a long time and i finally have the words for it#because like. okay for one all stories are based on the human experience whether its About the Human Experience or not#so i think when approaching a work of fiction and seeing something that has implications in real life#a lot of people have the kneejerk reaction of ‘its fantasy/its made up/its not real’#but where did it come from? who was it written by? what are the writer’s personal feelings on the matter and does their bias affect the work#this is just a me thing i guess but i dont find it any fun to see those connections and immediately disregard them#its because of those structures and systems that we can find a fantasy work so compelling#i understand the want to just turn off ur brain sometimes and be like fuckkkk cool dragon#like i fucking love a good dragon or whatever dont get me wrong#i have a world of my own thats literally just Ooh cool shit#but i would not call that compelling. fun maybe. but a lot of the appeal is lost for me#fantasy worlds are mostly just. our history but with fantastical elements to it#they typically are not fantastical worlds with our elements Removed from it#so the way specifically societal structures are treated differently in that aspect is interesting!#idk this is kind of a nothing post also you can tell i got distracted like five times in the middle of writing the tags. smile
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many-gay-magpies · 4 months
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i am becoming increasingly sure as time goes on that my gender is Not Cis but its like. not enough for me to do anything like god forbid tell my parents. not bc they wouldn't be ACCEPTING but because i don't feel like they'd UNDERSTAND and trying to explain it to them would be too much work when i A) barely even know how to describe it to MYSELF and B) feel comfortable enough being described as a woman/girl/female/whatever. like if im fine enough being called a girl and im comfortable in my body and don't yet feel a need to use pronouns other than she/her then what's the point of trying to explain to my mom that i find the concept of gender pretty much inapplicable to myself/kind of confining and i feel more like an amorphous forest creature than a Girl and i wouldnt mind being perceived more masculine sometimes by society at large and gender questions on forms make me uncomfortable because i'm never totally sure what to answer.
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basslinegrave · 2 months
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anyway i need more monarch a trois fics. sigh. wish i could write, i gotta draw them more at least
#the thing is i dont even know what abour if i were to request or write myself#but im thinking about a post movie setting with the monarch healing and perhaps with also some comfort about the new situation#also Spoilers but id assume the arching would be more complicated with the ventures in colorado#so its just a waiting time. time to be domestic? or speed it up by killinger helping monarch heal up and the ventures getting back to NY#orrr the monarch gets a new cocoon finally or a jet. anything he can fly in to get to the ventures#i wonder how they would continue this. theres still a lot to be told story wise. but in this case#lotsa time for feelings and getting together properly#im also thinking about how seemingly gary doesnt think about sheila That much now and it seemed to be pretty awkward between them so#id love to see them get closer. him and monarch are very close but its time for sheila#aaand id also love to explore monarchs feelings. theres gotta be a Lot of them right now - but specifically the changes about him and how#he views others and how he respects and cares about both sheila and gary and perhaps explore what could be internalized homophobia#his past remarks vs now i know its the show as a whole maturing but its also nice to just view it as his personal character growth and#feelings realization on his side...#the thing is hes a villain and they wanted to push this whole 'he says shitty things cause hes a dick. hes a villain.' thing but#they fleshed him out so much that i cant not look at him as a not that bad guy and feel for him and pity him and such#siiiigh i wanna know more. i wanna know how hed treat more henchmen now. i wanna know about his childhood after the plane crash#i wanna know if he does or doesnt feel bad about kidnapping gary. assuming monarch just went straight to henching at a young age#perhaps its so normal to him - and its so normal to gary imo. thats why they dont see anything wrong in training kids as henchmen lol#also while im at it. the monarch being the reason 24 died and the biography 21 helped write and monarchs cat that he killed#are they over that. are the last 2 things light retcons? i wannt them discussing that#maybe theres fics about it but if its not shippy i havent found it yet#me when the rarepair/trio is rare 😥😩#and i havent seen 2024 fics. where are they hiding#everything is like 2018 latest so pre movie or during or pre s7
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hauntedwoman · 5 months
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as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
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martyrbat · 1 year
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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chewwytwee · 3 months
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people conflate being nice with not being critical. Being nice to people doesnt mean never presenting them with any kind of negative information or feedback it means don't be a prick while doing it
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caffeinatedopossum · 8 months
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Haha what if all the overwhelming rage I'm suddenly feeling is actually just 21 years of accumulated injustices that I'm only now starting to feel because my self esteem is improving. But then because it's so overwhelming that it feels genuinely unsafe to both myself and those around me for me to express it, I have to repress it further and the only way I know how to do that is to lower my self esteem again so that I don't feel angry cause I no longer feel like I ever deserved better
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desperatecheesecubes · 3 months
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Every time I see a post making fun of people being afraid to get into comics I think about how when I was first getting into comics I thought it would be fun to read Infinite Crisis because it was a HUGE event and it would give me an idea of what a whole slew of runs and characters were like. I made a post about some panel pretty early into the event (I think it was a build up comic that wasn't even officially part of the Road To Infinite Crisis so EARLY early) and some blog I didn't know made fun of me for not knowing the greater context of the panel I was commenting on. And while I was naively typing up a quick little 'ah sorry I'm new to comics and didn't know that. Thanks for the context!' they had gone through my blog and started doing the same for a bunch of other comics I'd read, and then mocked me for reading IC when I clearly new so little about comics.
Now, obviously, that behavior is ridiculous, and I just blocked them, but it did stick with me. It was one of my earliest interactions with comic fandom and I never forgot it. Most of the people I've intereacted with have been lovely. Even when I have gotten comic cannon wrong corrections are normally very kind. But not all of them are, and the ones who aren't are so vocal about it.
So i actually don't think it's the comics themselves that make getting into comics an unappealing prospect.
#Think about how people have to defend their newness to comics when asking for clarification.#'Help I'm new to coimcs' you shouldn't have to defend that to get an answer actually#I think the people who act like you NEED to be an expert on a character before saying you're a fan are just wrong to be clear#I can be a fan of a character without having read every issue their in ever#You can write a fanfic for a character without knowing their entire history if you want. It's fanfic. The actual authors dont bother#And sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of that#Reading a fan comic with a scenerio that would never happen in canon isn't a sin if it's fun for the people involved.#I've said before that I really like post resurrection fics that focus on Jason and Bruce's relationship because it lets me live vicariously#through jason in having parents who accept me for who i am despite our differences and still loving me#That's pretty explicitly not the relationship they have in cannon and thats fine#I can still look at their relationship and go 'oh damn this has some ingredients to make this scenrio really emotionally satisfying'#Like yeah yeah the concept that comics themselves are gate kept is a little ridiculous when reading comics online is so easy#but how many times have you had a negative experience in a real comic shop#because I know that i have!#How many times have you seen a blog get aggresive about someone being perceived as a non comic reader like thats a slur#I love comics. Obviously because I run ablog where i talk about them all the time.#but I'm not gonna dox someone who only watches the movies or the shows#there are forms of media where I've only consumed the adaptations#So when people say 'you're gate keeping comcis' REALLY think about how you talk about people who haven't read many comics#Becauase as far as I'm concerned if you constantly treat people like shit unless their in your little pre approved circle of#'Actual Comic Readers' then yeah you are gate keeping comics and its fucking weird#mine#No way in hell I'm tagging this as anything lmfaooo#sorry for the rant in the tags I have many feelings about this#not me going off in the tags
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our-lady-of-mcr · 5 months
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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hauntingblue · 6 months
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Just saw some people say they don't like luffy and boa scenes??? Are they the funniest thing ever just to me?? It's literally sanji's gag done well what the hell
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good-beans · 1 year
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Does anyone have any fuuta fic recs 👀
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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Just out of curiosity, anyone else get like elevated mood, insane evergy, or like unhinged focus while on their period?
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transfemlogan · 1 year
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idk if you can see asks again yet BUT
i kinda wanna talk abt what that anon was saying with people adding non-side characters into fanworks and how that could be connected to other analyses of the fanbase (i haven’t been here as long as u have though so mb there’s some stuff idk abt)
for me it’s symptomatic of the way this fanbase treats the characters in general- they like. boil them down to one simple trait, one little personality thing that becomes how they’re viewed in fanon. so like patton is just sweet/innocent/stupid, but all other aspects of who he is, what he does, etc are kinda they out the window.
people add characters like picani and sleep even though they’ve had no canon overlap with the sides because their fanon personalities are simple enough to imagine with the sides. this fanbase ignores canon events so often that they can just like. add characters in and it feels the same to them
by making them into these one-note characters, it’s easy to imagine them interacting with one another as if they are from the same series because they’re so one dimensional and shallow in fanon. they can basically be made into whatever you want them to
i just think it kinda says something abt the way this fanbase warps it’s characters beyond recognition tht you can straight up just add these guys in and it doesn’t change the dynamic much, it doesn’t seem super out of place, and they’re just kinda. there
idk if that made any sense, im really tired, but my thoughts on this change all the time so i might look at this later and decide it’s bullshit lol who knows
I do agree that people boil down the sides into one specific trait & dont have any nuance to their character, however every fandom has crossover AUs. Every fandom boils characters down to their characters into one specific trait. I don't feel like there's anything to discuss there, because if I wanted to talk about how fandoms function as a whole, I'd just talk about that. But I don't want to. I want to talk specifically about the SaSi fandom and how it correlates to the series.
There's a difference between
"the series is about morally greyness and how there is no 'good' or 'bad' in the world, but the fanbase completely ignores that to treat the sides one-dimensionally" (and because of the lack of content and large stretches of time)
&
"the fanbase creates crossover AUs, like every other fanbase, and tends to make the characters one dimensional to fit them into the AU"
Every fandom has the same issues, but it's very interesting when it comes to SaSi specifically, because they are actively ignoring the lesson in Sanders Sides. It's the same with the Undertale fandom. People were actively ignoring the point of the story to make a child out to be the villain, because they couldn't comprehend, or want, the idea that it was them/the player who was fault
(also, it's less the one dimensional thing, & more that they are all creations of Thomas. People are adding in shorts characters and cartoon therapy characters because it's all by the same creator. I'm sure it's also because their fanon identities are so shallow it's easy to imagine them interacting, but that's not the main reason why it's done. It's done out of love for the other creations Thomas has.)
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