#(sad because shes expressed in the past that the worst possible thing she cannimagine is her child feeling uncomfortable in their own skin)
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i am becoming increasingly sure as time goes on that my gender is Not Cis but its like. not enough for me to do anything like god forbid tell my parents. not bc they wouldn't be ACCEPTING but because i don't feel like they'd UNDERSTAND and trying to explain it to them would be too much work when i A) barely even know how to describe it to MYSELF and B) feel comfortable enough being described as a woman/girl/female/whatever. like if im fine enough being called a girl and im comfortable in my body and don't yet feel a need to use pronouns other than she/her then what's the point of trying to explain to my mom that i find the concept of gender pretty much inapplicable to myself/kind of confining and i feel more like an amorphous forest creature than a Girl and i wouldnt mind being perceived more masculine sometimes by society at large and gender questions on forms make me uncomfortable because i'm never totally sure what to answer.
#the other day i was filling out a housing application with my parents and i noticed rhey had a TON of gender options (which rocks)#and i went back to check them out and said out loud 'i just wanted to see what they were since they had so many'#and my mom goes 'well it doesnt matter since you dont identify as anything else' (i picked woman)#and i just. felt so mildy uncomfortable. because like. shes not WRONG. i havent TOLD HER if i identify as anything else because i don't KNO#like. if i pick woman it feels a little weird and not entirely correct but if i think about picking genderqueer or something it ALSO feels#weird because it feels like im not not-woman enough to PICK something else#its just fucking weird man#and like. i know if i TRIED to explain she would hear me out and be accepting and loving and everything because she rocks#but i dont wanna make her SAD or make her feel like she needs to treat me any differently because she DOESNT#(sad because shes expressed in the past that the worst possible thing she cannimagine is her child feeling uncomfortable in their own skin)#(which i DONT i feel VERY COMFORTABLE in my skin. i LIKE my skin and my body and everything that comes with it.)#(but like. idk how to SAY THAT$#)#(and i dont feel any of this intensely enough for explaining it to be WORTH IT)#ugh.#UGH#magpie thoughts#gender tag
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