#its just platitudes and so you get a ton of people who want to have high quality art

[chewwytwee]

people conflate being nice with not being critical. Being nice to people doesnt mean never presenting them with any kind of negative information or feedback it means don't be a prick while doing it

[emblemxeno]

Tbh I don’t quite understand the sentiment that Engage doesn’t have good or any worldbuilding at all, like tf is up with that. First instinct would be “them 3H fans again!!!” but other long time FE fans also consider it lackluster and idk I don’t agree. 

Each of the four nations all have surface level distinctions, but in-depth internal layers, such as...

Firene values peace, gratitude, and its harvests, tea, and medicine. It’s the kingdom that would usually be taken advantage of, but the reason it maintains its peace is through aggressive policy done by its leaders, currently by Eve and very notably followed up by Celine. Medicine and health is taken seriously cuz the last king died from an illness, the same illness which the current and well loved prince is suffering from. The Firene retainers are all nobles sans Louis, who is noted to have gotten his role because of his domestic skill in tandem with his martial prowess; this implies a sort of status quo, one that’s maintained to keep things peaceful, though not overly enforced to the point of oppression. 

Brodia is wealthy and martially strong, yet prideful. The nobility is noted to take advantage of the constant wars on Elusia, as it fuels economy, which in turn fuels more wars. The wars against Elusia themselves are partly an extension of Brodia’s pride: aggressive expansion done in the name of “keeping a wicked nation in check” and to further Brodian way of life. Because strength is valued, the Brodian retainers are all common folk who proved themselves, sans Citrinne, who develops a complex about her strength because of it. Mining is the primary income source after warfare, something that Diamant wants to shift towards to the dismay of war benefitting nobles.

Elusia is the kingdom of knowledge, and as such, is the only nation noted to have a major place of education. The arts and the leisure seems to be highly valued here, due to an author, an artist, and a native to a hot spring centered village being recruited. Retainers, like in Brodia, are decided by strength or capability; after all, you don’t often have a Crown Princess’s servants be a former assassin and a former prince without skill and knowledge being paramount in the decision making. Hyacinth has too much love to go around, and so has a wife as well as many mistresses, and many children as a result. Knowledge begets avenues of possibility, which means one can use said knowledge to selfishly get ahead (such as the Elusian court where backstabbing and fake platitudes to appeal to the King and Queen were common place) or to benefit the world around you (Hortensia using her intellect and talent to help war victims, and Ivy utilizing Elusia’s creativity and innovative practices to better the public’s wellbeing). Seeking knowledge, however, can entrench one in dark practices, which is why the worship of the Fell Dragon went from notable to beligerent and dangerous.

Solm values freedom, and is notable for being a strict matriarchy. Only women take the throne, Merrin’s village is only ran by women, and Panette and Pandreo’s family church was headed by their mother. While open minded and easy going on the surface, Solm having its own elite vigilante group and having spies throughout the continent means that the queendom takes measures to ensure freedom very seriously; these actions are similar to Firene, which is brought up in Celine and Fogado’s support, and the two themselves are indicative of each of their nations cultures. Unlike the other nations, there’s no strict basis for who becomes a retainer, since you have a chef, a priest, and two runaways. The people of Solm live their lives how they want, and its culture is more open to entertainment and large gatherings than other nations.

And this is just what I whipped together from memory. I’ve no doubt that there’s tons of other minute details that, when pieced together, form more descriptions of the nations as a whole. This, to me, is on part with how the GBA games and Echoes built their worlds. Very solid in depth readings, with surface level broad strokes to entice the player in should they choose to put more hours into learning the ins and outs. And that isn’t even getting into the artistic directions of each nation and the characters (like outfits, seasonal representations, food/ingredients, etc.). Hell, the entirety of Elyos is shaped like a ring for crying out loud! It’s screaming “yeah the rings are this central to this world, enjoy your stay.”

I like that. Engage knows what it is and what it wants to present. No more, no less.

[hiccupmistress]

Trying to Make Peace With Strange New Worlds’ Controversial New Episode

Warning: This post will contain major spoilers for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, season 2 episode 8, “Under the Cloak of War”, and will refer to the episode with the assumption that readers have already watched it.

 This week’s episode of SNW has already proved very divisive. Some people are calling it the best episode yet, others are calling it the worst. It tackles a difficult subject and doesn’t pull its punches. I’ve seen people crying “character assassination”, and others suggesting that its “character development”. And in all honesty, both parties are right. We’re used to seeing main characters in Trek be virtuous paragons, especially medical practitioner characters, and we’ve had fifty-five years to build up our own headcanons and ideals about Dr. M’Benga. But at the same time, in terms of actual canon content, M’Benga got nothing substantial in his Original Series episode and only one aspect of his character was focused on in season 1 of Strange New Worlds; you can’t contradict a character that hasn’t been developed yet. And I’m saying this as someone who was on the “character assassination” side when I first watched the episode!

It reminds me of M*A*S*H, and bear with me, because its probably not for the reasons you’re thinking, although this episode of SNW has a lot of scenes set in a popup medical camp in a warzone, that’s not it; there’s a specific episode of M*A*S*H its reminding me of. For the uninitiated, M*A*S*H was a show that ran from 1972-1983, following up from a movie in 1970. Set in a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during the Korean War, M*A*S*H started out as a sitcom. As the years passed though, it became a lot more sombre, dealing with heavier subjects, even though it never fully lost its comedic origins.

In season 7, there’s an episode (“Preventative Medicine”), where the hospital is flooded with tons of new patients, apparently a Colonel by the name of Lacy has been getting reckless and wilfully endangering his troops. Lacy even drops by the 4077 MASH unit to give his men purple hearts and hollow platitudes, neither of which his men want from him. The worst part is that Lacy isn’t even done. Once his men are recovered, he plans on sending them on a mission with a projected casualty rate of 30%, equating to one-hundred soldiers. And all for a hill with no strategic importance other than bragging rights. Nobody in the 4077 likes Lacy, but our main character, Captain “Hawkeye” Pierce decides to take it into his own hands. With the help of his buddy Captain BeeJay Hunnicut, he spikes Lacy’s drink to trick him into thinking he needs his appendix out, with the intention of actually removing his appendix so that he’d be unable to send his troops on that suicidal hill mission; he’d pulled a similar trick back in a season 3 episode (“White Gold”) with Hunnicut’s predecessor, Captain “Trapper” McIntyre. This time though, Trapper’s long gone, and Hunnicut’s having none of it. He lambasts Pierce, telling him:

“That man is crazy, but that doesn’t make this right. Some things are wrong and they’re always wrong.”

But Pierce can only see the troops he’ll be saving and goes ahead with deliberate malpractice anyway. Afterwards, wounded keep coming in. There’s a war on, after all. Colonel Lacy being out of the picture doesn’t stop the rest of the war.

The bottom line there is that Hawkeye did a very bad thing, and the episode doesn’t have any last-minute resolution or remedy for that. The audience are just left to contemplate that maybe the funny, charismatic Pierce isn’t the hero he makes himself out to be. And that’s kind of what “Under the Cloak of War” is doing for Strange New Worlds. Doctor M’Benga does a very bad thing, and the episode smartly ends on that note, leaving the audience to contemplate. The difference is, back in the M*A*S*H days, the landscape of TV was different - Continuity was rare. Whilst SNW isn’t as serialised as the other modern Star Trek shows, there’s still though-lines and ongoing stories for the main characters. Even if there were no immediate consequences at the end of this episode, that’s not to say M’Benga will never face consequences.

Its not a perfect episode. There’s certainly a number of things I’d do differently. And yes, that ending was absolutely a shock, one that makes us perceive one of the main characters differently, but that’s the point. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to agree with what M’Benga did – on the contrary, if you you’re disgusted at what M’Benga seemingly got away with, the episode did its job. That’s not to say you have to like or agree with Ambassador Rah either. Like with “Preventative Medicine”, “Under the Cloak of War” is (in my opinion,) very much about the risk that in our attempts to stop heinous people, we can allow ourselves to sink to their levels. Colonel Lacy and Ambassador Rah were both very nasty people in their own ways. But that doesn’t mean medical malpractice or murder are okay, and sometimes, on rare occasions, we need to see heroes become villains for a story to send its message.

I hated “Under the Cloak of War” when I first watched it on Thursday. I watched it again in preparation for writing this. I still don’t “like” the episode, but I can make peace with what I think it was trying to do, and I look forward to seeing how it shapes M’Benga’s character arc going forward.

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Day 21: Fire

I know I said yesterday’s was Part 1 of 2, but....I lied. Today’s is Part 2 of 3. Probably. Unless I get more ideas, and then the chapter count is going to go up again. I cannot be stopped. Anyway, enjoy part 2!

Part 1 is here, if you need it. 

TW: we’re still talking about suicide. 

They sat on the patio of Steve’s rented house, sipping beers and not talking. Steve felt wrung out from all of the emotions of the day, and Billy kept glancing at him and then away. The sun had set long ago, and Steve had lit a fire in the fire pit just so he had something to do with his hands. 

“Want to see something?” Billy finally asked. Steve just stared at him. Billy leaned in and Steve couldn’t stop himself from surging forward when Billy reached a hand out, too close to the fire. Billy cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Relax, Harrington. It’s fine. I’m not the one who tried to step off a cliff today.” Steve flushed and looked away. “Just…watch.” Billy reached slowly toward the flames. He got close, far too close, but his skin didn’t turn red and blister like it should have. He kept reaching until his hand was buried in the center of the flames. He held it there for a long moment, and then pulled it out and held it up. It was completely untouched, skin its usual gold, fine hairs still running up his arm. 

“What the fuck?” Steve breathed. Billy shrugged. 

“Fuck if I know. Some side effect from something they used to keep me alive, maybe? I guess I could have asked the creepy government scientists about it, but I didn’t feel like giving them a reason to keep me in that goddamn facility for the rest of my life, so I kept my  mouth shut.” He grinned wolfishly at Steve. “Pretty cool, though, right?” Steve was suddenly and completely just…done. The day had been too much.  

Billy’s smile vanished as Steve carefully set down his beer, and then stood up and walked into the house. He didn’t pause as Billy called his name, just headed straight up the stairs and into the master bathroom. He closed the door carefully behind him, and then climbed into the bathtub and pulled the curtain. Steve knew better than anyone that safety was a myth, but the small space helped, when he felt like this, to create the illusion of it. He sat down, pulling his knees to his chest and dropping his face into them. He concentrated on breathing. 

It didn’t take long for Billy to find him. He was, after all, the only person in the world who had a pretty good idea where to start looking. Billy knew what to do next, too. He climbed into the tub and maneuvered Steve until he was curled into a tight ball in the vee of Billy’s legs, Billy’s arms draped over his own around his knees. It felt familiar and grounding, and for a moment Steve hated Billy so much that he could hardly breathe. He had been doing this by himself for almost two years, and Billy had been alive that entire time. Billy had left him alone, and Steve was choking on it. He wanted to shove Billy away, to tell him to fuck off, scream that Steve was doing just fine on his own, but, well. That ship had sailed when Billy had yanked him back from the edge of a cliff earlier. He shuddered as he realized how close he had come to leaving a world that somehow, improbably, still had Billy Hargrove in it.  

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that it took him a minute to realize that Billy was talking. His forehead was resting on the back of Steve’s neck, and he was murmuring “sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” into Steve’s back over and over again. Steve took a deep breath. 

“What the fuck, Billy?” For a few long moments, Billy just breathed, every exhale stirring the long hair at the back of Steve’s neck. 

“You were supposed to move on,” he said quietly. Steve laughed bitterly at that.

“Yeah, well I’m obviously thriving. So. You can go back to whatever you were doing.” He managed to leave off the without me at the end of the sentence, but he was pretty sure Billy heard it anyway. Billy’s arms tightened around his. 

“Mostly sitting around my apartment, thinking about everything I’ve managed to royally fuck up in my short life.”

“Is it at least a shitty apartment?” Steve asked after a pause. Billy laughed, startled. 

“No, it’s a pretty nice apartment. It turns out the government is willing to pay quite a bit of money to make sure that I never talk about dying or being possessed or the existence of monsters.” His voice was quieter when he continued. “They were also willing to pay quite a bit of money to make sure that I never contacted anyone from Hawkins again, under any circumstances.” Steve turned his head to meet Billy’s eyes. 

“I signed a truly staggering amount of paperwork promising just that,” he said, eyes steady on Steve’s. 

“So that’s why?” Steve asked. It didn’t seem like a good enough reason. Billy sighed and shook his head. 

“It’s not the only reason.” Billy didn’t continue, and Steve let the silence stretch out around them. “I never brought anything good into any of your lives,” Billy finally said quietly. Steve took that in, and then turned around so that he sat facing Billy in the tub. It put a little space between them, which was probably a good thing, at least for Steve’s ability to stay angry. 

“You don’t believe that,” he said. Billy glanced at him and then away, unwilling to maintain eye contact. Steve was right and he knew it. He knew that Billy knew it too, that they were both picturing the same things. The days when Billy’s steady presence at his side was the only thing that kept him from shaking out of his skin right in front of the nerds. The nights when he actually slept, soothed by the warm body wrapped around his. The easy line of Steve’s shoulders, some days, and the way his laugh used to reach his entire face, for a while. 

“Fine,” Billy finally said, “but you still deserved better.” He glanced up again, briefly, and then away. “You deserve better. You deserve someone who isn’t completely fucked up. Someone who isn’t tied up with all this crazy shit. You deserve to move on with your life.” Steve laughed, dropping his face into his hands. He wanted to cry, but if he started, he wasn’t going to stop. 

“That’s not how it works, Billy,” he said without looking up. He could feel Billy getting ready to protest, but Steve continued before he could say anything. “I still have nightmares,” he admitted, still looking down at the bottom of the bathtub. “I’m still too keyed up all the time, because I feel like I have to be ready in case it happens again. And I’ve spent the past two years grieving you in secret. I haven’t moved on at all. And I’m so tired,” he whispered finally. Billy reached toward him and then stopped. 

“I’m really, really sorry. I wouldn’t have…” He trailed off, and when he continued his voice was flat. “It was bad for a really long time, Steve,” he said quietly. “I’m doing better now, but I was in some secret government facility for a while, learning how to walk again and use my hands again and fucking…breathe on my own.” Steve sucked in a breath. “And then they kept me there after that because the first time they gave me a butter knife, I tried to open up my wrists with it.” Steve’s heart ached, and despite himself, he felt tears trickling down his cheeks.

“Why?” he asked, although Billy had all the same reasons he did, and then some. Billy shrugged, but his hands were shaking again. 

“I killed a lot of people. I’m doing better now, but at the time, I didn’t think I deserved to survive it.” Steve skipped the platitudes; it wasn’t like he had a ton of credibility at the moment on the topic of choosing not to die. But he hated to picture Billy going through that on his own. 

“I could have been there,” he whispered. Billy shook his head. 

“I didn’t want that for you,” he said firmly. There was a long silence. Steve thought about arguing, but he was too tired to fight about the past anymore.  

“Now what?” he finally asked. Billy looked at him, and his smile was sad. He made a helpless gesture with his hands. 

“I don’t fucking know, pretty boy. I didn’t get my shit together that long ago. I’m still working on just…getting through the day every day, you know?” Steve nodded because he did know. He had done that for a long time, until even that became too difficult. “What about you?” Billy finally asked. Steve shrugged and tried to smile. 

“Didn’t really have much planned after today,” he said, and Billy flinched a little. 

“Maybe we could…” Billy started and then trailed off. He took a breath and squared his shoulders and started again. “Maybe we could figure it out together? Not, like, together together, if you don’t want to, but just…” he trailed off again. Steve stared at him. 

“I’m still so mad at you,” he whispered. “You left me.” Billy’s shoulders slumped and his face crumbled a little at that. He nodded, looking down. 

“I get it,” he said. 

“But I feel like I could be mad at you just as well from here as I could from Hawkins,” Steve continued slowly, and Billy’s head snapped up, eyes cautious. 

“Yeah?” he asked tentatively. 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. “I mean, I should probably stick around at least until we get that worked out, right?” Billy picked up his second meaning immediately. 

“So no more trips to the cliffs?” Billy asked softly, holding Steve’s gaze. Steve shrugged. 

“Not immediately, anyway.” Billy’s smile was small, but genuine. 

“I can work with that,” he said.   

[thebladeblaster]

Pokémon: the Dark Circuit (aka Vanguard Descends season 2)

Chapter 8 Prelude To The Circuit Part 1

Aichi’s current team

Level 81 Wingal (Lycanroc (dusk)) rock

Moves:

Stealth rock

Crunch

Stone edge

Play rough

Level 79 Llew (Golisopod) water/bug

Moves:

Sucker punch

Blizzard

Liquidation

First impression

Level 80 Gancelot (Lucario) fighting/steel

Moves:

Focus blast

Stone edge

Meteor mash

Dragon pulse

Level 86 Soul Saver (Haxorus) dragon

Moves:

Outrage

Iron tail

Dragon dance

Scale shot

Level 100 Alfred (Aegislash) ghost/steel

Moves:

Sacred sword

King’s shield

Iron head

Shadow Claw

There is only an endless void around.

“Some people thought of you as the devil.”

A child Oliver sits on the ground looking over to someone.

“However I knew better.”

The person he was looking at was a younger Aichi with his back turned. His face was hidden though tears trailing down his cheeks were visible.

“I knew that in reality you were kinder than anyone.”

The young Oliver got up and approached Aichi.

“You simply wouldn’t let your enemies see it.”

The young Aichi briefly looked over to Olivier acknowledging his presence. Olivier put a comforting hand on Aichi’s shoulder.

“You had the burden of a great destiny. One that far exceeded me or anyone else. However I wasn’t envious in the slightest. I knew it was tough for you extremely tough especially with your kind heart.”

The young Aichi walks forward as he does; he seems to grow older. His clothes changed from his attire as a kid. He now wore a long black general-like coat lined with red. The side of the shoulders had a yellow part hanging off. Underneath was some sort of white zipped up top. He wore grey pants and long white boots. He had a belt similar to his father’s with a red A.

“I decided I wanted to be by your side. I wanted to protect you and aid you .”

The young Oliver followed Aichi, also growing older and wearing the same clothes as his current self.

“Conquering others. Subjugating nations. Bringing the world to your feet. Guiding the world. That is what it means to be the messiah. The world may consider you a devil. But I consider you as what you truly are. You will do what needs to be done even if the world curses you as a demon. You are the true messiah who brought peace to the world.”

Olivier vision got blurry and he swayed. He held out his hand desperately out to Aichi as he got further away.

“So why…?”

“Why?”

“Why have you betrayed Team Asteroid? You were more loyal to Team Asteroid than anyone else?!”

Oliver blinks looking around feeling confused. His vision started to become clearer as it did he noticed the pungent scent of smoke everywhere. He noticed his feet were moving as despite his state as if he wasn’t really there and simply reliving a memory. He walked by the side of Aichi in the same attire he was wearing before. The land around them was scarred and billowing with smoke. Once radiant gold buildings had been tarnished in the destruction. The once magnificent structures were now nothing more than rubble. Even the grandiose statue of Arceus was not unscathed. He could make out a stronghold which they seemed to be heading to. You could tell that the building was a bit worse for wear.

Oliver wanted to reach out and speak to Aichi beside him like when he had finally reunited with him. Aichi’s eyes were trained forward as straight as an arrow towards the stronghold. He felt completely different then from when he met him before or even when they were kids. No trace of weakness shown in his expression. He was completely focused on the objective in front of him like a good soldier.

Various elemental attacks shot at them. He felt like jumping, but his body didn’t move. Aichi didn’t seem alarmed in the slightest. They continued to walk forward unfettered to his shock. He noticed a psychic barrier had formed around them. Tons of smoke blocked his vision as they were continuously bombarded with attacks. After a few minutes the attacks ceased.

“Haha! We did it”, one of the people in the stronghold said.

“Those demons must be dead, not even a legendary can survive such an attack!”, another gloated.

Underneath the cover of smoke Oliver saw Aichi’s expression shift to amusement. Aichi continued to walk forward before in an instant he seemed to vanish. The smoke cleared from his vision and the barrier still remained. Aichi stood behind the soldiers holding their general in one hand casually. The general was sweating rivers of sweat and shaked. The soldiers gasped, turning to Aichi and their Pokémon faced him. The general seemed to be struggling to breathe possibly due to the effects of Aichi’s aura like what happened in Hammerlocke caste.

“Guess who?”, Aichi said with amusement.

You could see the general’s hair turning white from all of the stress. His heart beating loudly against his chest and sweating rivers of sweat.

“P-put h-him down!”, a soldier demanded.

Aichi just scoffed, having a very confident look.

“Honestly...you dare tell your god what to do.”, Aichi finally said...no it didn’t seem like exactly the Aichi he met or even the 003v he knew.

The soldier flinched and he backed away unconsciously and noticed their Pokémon had moved back far away from Aichi quivering in fear. These weren’t wimpy Pokémon either, these were: Charizards, Tyranitars, Aggrons, Nidokings, Gyaradoses, Electivires, Hydriegons, Garchomps, Druddigons, and far more.

“You aren’t in the position to make demands anyway.”, Aichi said as he raised up his hand to the general’s neck.

“H-hey what a-are you waiting f-for attack him!?!?!?”, a soldier ordered the Pokémon pointing at Aichi who wore a smug smile.

Tyranitar is a Pokémon that lives for a battle, a Pokémon that actively seeks out challengers and is said to have unbreakable armor. It nervously shuffled back like it was a Pachirisu or something. The Pokémon looked over Aichi cautiously full of fear. Aichi outstretched a hand to the Pokémon with a smile on his face.

“Do you want to come with me? Do you want to get back at them for how they have been treating you?”, Aichi asked.

The Pokémon shuffled nervously looking at each other. A shiny Lycanroc looked down at its damaged paw. You could tell that it had been whipped and beaten a lot; the signs were all over a few of the Pokémon to varying degrees.

“You really think our Pokémon would betray us?! We have raised most of them since they were babies!”, a soldier said.

The Lycanroc looked over to Aichi feeling almost lured in. The aura he gave off while to enemies it can choke the will out of them to others it can feel extremely warm and inviting. It was an aura that naturally made those exposed to it want to give up everything for him. Some Pokémon tensed closer towards Aichi. The soldiers expression shifted to disbelief in horror as the Pokémon started walking over to Aichi’s side. A soldier raised a gun to shoot the Pokémon however Aichi used his psychic powers to jam the gun.

“Good choice. Now...”, Aichi said as he turned to the frightened soldiers.

He walked over to Aichi’s side raising a Poké ball. Aichi raised up one as well as the soldiers cowered.

“Go, Morgana!”, Aichi called out, throwing out a Inteleon.

“Go, Percival!”, Oliver called out, throwing out his Cinderace.

“Morgana use snipe shot!”, Aichi ordered.

“Percival use pyro ball!”, Oliver ordered.

Their attacks hit the soldiers and the other Pokémon joined in.

“W-why?!”, a soldier questioned.

“You shouldn’t be surprised. Considering how you have been treating these Pokémon. It’s ironic this place used to be a preserve but the moment the rare Pokémon that it was supposed to be protecting became useful to them of course as you humans tend to do...you exploited them.”, Aichi said, frowning.

Aichi turned away walking as Oliver followed. The soldiers screamed as they were attacked by their former Pokémon till eventually they went silent.

“It was just platitudes. They didn’t care at all…”, Aichi said, his voice more quiet now.

Oliver put his hand on his shoulder as they walked through the former preserve. He noticed a flicker of sadness in Aichi’s eyes. Many were beaten pretty badly which was likely intentional considering they can easily be healed by the healing stations all over the faculty.

“Olivier can you call for some grunt to pick them up?”, Aichi asked.

“Yeah...It’s fine 003v they be fine now.”, Oliver replied as he pulled out a communicator.

As Oliver made the call he noticed two employees of the company standing in front of an injured Haxorus. It seemed they had been rushing, likely hearing that they had arrived. The Haxorus growled at them stubbornly grabbing one of the whips the employees had with its teeth.

“Darn it you stupid reptile! Just give it to us! Before that-“, one of the employees was saying before he froze.

He desperately tried to move and panicked as he realized he couldn’t move his body. Both of them screamed as Aichi walked between them. Aichi looked down at the injured Haxorus and it seemed to be protecting something. It held an egg close to its chest. The Haxorus backed away nervously as Aichi approached with eyes full of paranoia and roared at Aichi.

“Hey, it’s alright. I won’t let them hurt you anymore.”, Aichi assured.

The Haxorus growled at him and Aichi looked taken aback. Unlike him Olivier couldn’t understand Pokémon. The Haxorus staggered and swayed as Aichi reached out for the Haxorus.

“W-wait!”, Aichi pleaded, before the Haxorus started to fall.

He caught the Haxorus with his psychic powers before it fell. Aichi lowered his head, closing his eyes.

“She’s dead...you…”, Aichi said with venom in his voice and glared at the two employees who tried to cower but couldn’t move.

Aichi was surrounded in a dark blue aura.

“All of that for an egg! You killed her for her egg!”, Aichi said, his voice full of rage.

“W-wait we can explain?!”, the employee stampered.

“Explain it to Giratina after you see him in the Distortion World.”, Aichi replied as the two panicked more.

As Oliver finished the call the employees bodies crumpled to the ground dead. Aichi held the Haxorus’s egg securely.

“You gave everything to protect this egg. I won’t let it be in vain.”, Aichi said.

Olivier felt a sad smile form on his face. Aichi lowered down the Haxorus’s body gently and closed her eyes. Aichi’s eyes were shadowed as he did so.

“003v. It’s alright.”, Olivier assured patting his shoulder as Aichi stubbornly looked away.

“It’s alright for you to feel. No one else is here.”, Olivier continued.

Olivier could see him holding back his tears before finally letting them fall.

“W-why...can’t I just be emotionless?”, Aichi questioned, putting his hand over his heart.

He may be able to trick their enemies but he couldn’t trick him. Oliver gave him a small hug.

In reality Olivier rushes to Aichi and the others before they leave.

“It’s a long story but after I completed the Millennium Puzzle a spirit came from it.”, Yugi explained, gesturing his necklace.

“Alright.”, Aichi accepted nodding like that was perfectly normal.

The others sweat dropped at this. To be fair considering how weird Aichi’s own existence was it was no surprise he wasn’t bothered by something so ridiculous. Then suddenly Aichi froze and a worried expression appeared on his face.

“Wait...Oh...Arceus...my mom is going to kill me...”, Aichi realized, looking very pale.

Kai and Misaki sweat dropped at this and Kamui looked fearful knowing very well how Aichi’s mother could be.

“Your mom? Is something wrong?”, Tea asked.

“I-I’ve got to go back to Kakusa as soon as possible! I’ll just have to train there and make sure she does not find out.”, Aichi replied, looking very panicked and fearful.

“I don’t get what the deal is. It’s just your mom.”, Jonouchi replied cluelessly.

“Aichi’s mom is a scary woman…”, Kamui replied shaking.

“And she’s overprotective of him.”, Misaki added.

“Ooh…”, Jonouchi replied as Aichi quickly looked around for a way back to Kakusa.

“Well our boat got blown up so you would have to fly back.”, Yugi said.

“I...I don’t have any flying Pokémon. I’ll just have to…”, Aichi pondered.

Flying there with his Psyqualia crossed his mind though he was still a bit worried about losing control again. Still...he knew he would have to use it again eventually versus Leon. So, whether he likes it or not he must use it.

“I guess...I’ll fly myself.”, Aichi said, before his feet started to hover above the ground and the Kantonians jumped in shock.

“Wait...but Olivier...this might be my one chance to talk to him.”, Aichi thought.

“I have to do something here first.”, Aichi said.

“Well, your not going alone.”, Misaki said, and Aichi reluctantly nodded in response.

“Alright.”, Aichi agreed, knowing how much he had already made them worry.

Aichi sees Oliver approaching him from a distance. The others look a bit cautiously as he comes near. Aichi starts approaching Oliver much to their confusion.

“Hey bro what are you doing?!”, Kamui questioned incredulously.

“I need to talk to him.”, Aichi replied simply.

“Why? He could have been sent down here by Gin.”, Misaki asked.

Aichi said nothing looking towards Oliver who was now there. Jonouchi sneered at Oliver and Honda readied to hold him back if he needed to. Yugi looked at Aichi with confusion and curiosity as to why he was doing this.

“Oliver we need to talk before I leave.”, Aichi said.

“Wait...did...did he ever introduce himself?”, Anzu pondered.

“No, he didn’t.”, Misaki replied.

“How do you know him bro?”, Kamui questioned.

“Oliver is the son of Arthur Gaillard, my father’s brother. Making us cousins.”, Aichi revealed as the others gasped in shock.

The others gasped in shock besides Kai who just looked shocked but didn’t vocalize it.

“Your cousin?!”, Kamui questioned.

“I spent a lot of my early life with him. Just give me a few minutes. Please.”, Aichi said.

“...Alright. Fine, but me and Kamui will be there to make sure there’s no funny business.”, Misaki replied.

[tanadrin]

Was listening to “What a Hell of a Way to Die,” a podcast about war and the U.S. military, which has an interesting episode on pacifism and how it’s usually understood politically and culturally. Along with anarchism, staunch support for the concept of pacifism is one of the pillars of my worldview that’s definitely become more... complicated as I get older. It’s hard to argue, in the face of certain historical (or even contemporary!) events, that pacifism especially in more absolutist forms is always the most moral course of action, and there’s this common retort to people articulating a pacifist position, or even who are suspected of holding such a position, that involves weaving a counterfactual in which you have no choice but to commit violence.

But, as their guest points out, that’s true of any ethically monstrous act. It’s always possible to come up with a sufficiently contorted thought experiment that will get you to the answer you want--that doesn’t mean the thought experiment is in fact correct, or even useful. And what starting from a position of committed pacifism does is it forces the consideration of options other than violence. Because once it’s available as a solution, violence is a really tempting tool. But that it is so tempting, so emotionally satisfying to articulate, should make it suspect--besides the fact that it so rarely turns out as neatly and cleanly in your favor as one would expect--and maybe it’s good that the episode I listened to right before this was about Afghanistan, and how the current moral dilemma there is “prolong a government whose existence is being propped up by the US, and thus the civil war against that government, which is killing tons of people, mostly native Afghans, or withdraw and probably let the Taliban take over again.” Like, there’s no good option there--but what is the solution? To keep killing people and hope a good option eventually appears that makes all those deaths worth it?

Violence is baked deeply into the human psyche, and deeply into the American political psyche more than anything. A generation of action movies and Tough Guys Who Get Things Done and a narrative of American supremacy under which perceived national humiliation was intolerables, I am convinced, a major reason why the response to 9/11 was to invade Afghanistan in the first place (with the fig leaf of an absurd ultimatum beforehand). It has made admitting that the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq (by any reasonable measures boondoggles and failures and astonishing wastes of resources and human life) were mistakes essentially impossible. Even if in theory a moral case can be made for violence under highly contingent circumstances (just as it can be for murder or cannibalism or burning the Mona Lisa) doesn’t mean we should have anything like the rapid recourse to it that we do in our political discourse. And maybe the only way to make that case is to articulate a vision of what is possible if you do start from the heuristic of strong pacifism.

The classic argument is, as the podcast discusses, well, what about the Nazis? What about Hitler? What about World War 2? Was pacifism a good or moral idea in 1941? Essentially, they point out, you ought to reject the premise--because while pacifism might have been of very little use in 1941, Hitler did not appear ex nihilo that year, and there are absolutely points in 1939, in 1933, in 1923, or earlier, when an approach other than “threaten our enemies with violence” might have resulted in a very different outcome for Germany in the 1940s.

This is, I think, something it’s super popular, even (especially?) on the left right now to ding liberals and centrists for. “They don’t even think it’s OK to punch Nazis! What a bunch of apologists for fascism!” The common centrist defenses of nonviolence--”civility” and “marketplace of ideas” and “not liking what someone says, but they have a right to say it” get sneered at, and yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I find the platitudes wear pretty thin pretty fast. But that doesn’t mean they’re wrong, it doesn’t mean that the observation that a quick recourse to violence, while emotionally satisfying, is never as effective as its proponents would like you to think. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t other ways to respond to violence and hatred and authoritarianism that are impossible to consider so long as physical violence is considered an appropriate and easy reply. And this goes doubly for international relations, where the temptation of a quick drone strike or a missile strike versus the political considerations of sending in troops versus the political cost of doing nothing makes the choice even more stark.

I guess all that is a preamble to me shrugging and saying--yeah, I don’t know if pacifism is always the morally correct stance. I think pacifists can reasonably and correctly make a choice not to answer violence with violence in defense of themselves--but I don’t know if they can demand others do that, too, or passively permit violence against other people. That doesn’t sit well with me. But I do think that as a moral heuristic, pacifism is probably a very good one, one that does not get nearly enough credit, and I do think the failure to give it serious weight, to refuse to consider any pacifist a Truly Serious Person, the eager willingness to bite the bullet (ha ho) of violence (despite that being the default political position of 99.9% of humanity throughout its entire history, and so not much of a bullet!) usually means violence becomes the first option rather than the last, and we cannot begin to understand just how much we impoverish our politics and our world by refusing to reject true compassion as a “realistic” option.

[ladyshivs]

Edith

Fandom: Fallen Hero: Rebirth (all disclaimers to @fallenhero-rebirth )

Pairing: Flystep (Herald/Richard)

Tags: retribution spoilers, established relationship, mentions of chentega, community service, ish, self indulgent hehehe, safe for you know

Richard’s terrible with names.

-

Fear. Trembling and stuttering in jagged lines through his head.

Excitement. High anxiety. Delight. Joy. Fear fear. Love. Slamming into one another and jolting back, sending shivering ripples waving out.

The physical noises weren’t much better, but it wasn’t for long. Only for a few more brief moments and then out of there. Out into the blessed air and out of.

It didn’t stink. Well. No. It reeked, but not a foul smell. Just an organic one. An unmistakable animal fear and fluid one. Not bad but enough to let the sniffer know discomfort and trembling occurred here frequently. Loneliness. Heart squeezing in its simplistic sincerity.

Richard fought back the urge to run his hand through his hair and succeeded, but by a margin thinner than spider silk. Cages and needles and pain. Fear and fear and the urge to. Run. Bite. He breathed. Let his fingers curl over themselves and twist. Cracked his knuckles and winced at the faint echo. Couldn’t bounce his knee without pissing off his hip and so the nervous energy built in the hollow spaces on his bones until he.

He rose carefully from the plastic chair and did his best to look interested in the posters on the walls. Fiddled with the edge of one to give his fingers something to do.  

The girl behind the counter was finishing up her chat with Daniel—most of the real conversation had apparently happened over the phone. At other volunteering opportunities. Her name was. Samantha? Something like that. Sam probably. Nice kid. Getting volunteer hours for her college application. Overjoyed that the newly out Ranger and. And her eyes had shifted a little to the side and the corners of her mouth had pulled up in shielded delight. The tiny thrill of seeing people who were like her. Maybe. In just the way that it counted for a seventeen year old about to join the world for the first time. The newly out Ranger and his boyfriend were volunteering at the same place she did.

“Anyway, I know there are probably, uh, like, a ton of other places you could be helping, and uh,” Daniel cut her off. Kindly. A patient tone that Richard recognized.

“No place we’d rather be,”

Unfettered delight. She knew it was a platitude, but apparently it was enough to make her beam. “Great! I’ll just be right back, one sec,” and she darted back through the heavy door, letting a slip of bright excitement, wild, manic panic, and the sounds and smells and then the door closed behind her.

There was a small moment of stillness which, thank him to the ends of the earth, Daniel broke quietly.

“How you doing?”

“Fine,” and he flinched. More curt than he wanted it to sound but the bleed over was putting him on edge. “So. Dog walking? I didn’t think you’d run out of community service ideas so quickly,” Daniel snorted gently and floated to his side, bumping a playful elbow into his shoulder. Richard rubbed the spot in fake agony for a second, wincing sharply.

“I figured I wouldn’t make you teach pee wee basketball until you were feeling better,”

“Seriously? You weren’t joking about the,” ah, beans. There was a list floating around in Daniel’s head, amorphous and ever changing, but it kept slipping neatly out of fingers every time he went to peek at it. “You weren’t. Alright,” he made a noise not entirely like a sigh and earned himself another soft elbow to the bicep. The proximity was helping; bright and loud and. Daniel was in a very good mood about something and it made Richard have to bite his lower lip to keep from smiling about it.

“Besides, taking slow walks is supposed to be good for recovery,” for both of them. Hip and knee. Daniel’s own rehab had been. “And,” he paused for a moment and Richard caught a breeze of something he couldn’t quite identify. “A lot of the. They don’t get to have a good day very often. Plenty of people will say how they want to help and just don’t know how, you know?” Richard nodded, he did. “It’s small but it still matters,”

Taking shelter dogs for walks. Small, but it mattered.

The doors opened and through them came young Sam, flanked by two panting, wagging tailed dogs. Mutts, the both of them, with fur shaved almost down to the skin in some areas. They were both overjoyed at being out and about and able to sniff and. They were relatively the same size as one another, one sleek and short haired with white around his muzzle. The other was soft black and curled. Whatever she was, poodle had clearly played a part. She had little smears of orange above her eyes.

“Okay so, sit. Sit…Okay, good,” Sam fumbled with the leashes for a moment before handing the sleek dog’s lead to Daniel. “This is Rocky, he’s been adopted but the new owners weren’t able to pick him up until tomorrow, so we’re saying goodbye, aren’t we buddy?” The newly named Rocky wagged his tail. Eager. Impatient. Friendly and excited by the vision of his leash. He jumped slightly with his front legs, nails tip tip tapping on the tile floor. “And this little lady is one of our newer additions. She doesn’t have a name that we know of yet, but that’s okay isn’t girl? Isn’t it?” Sam cooed at the curly dog before holding out the leash for Richard to slip over his wrist.

While Danny and Sam began a discussion about the best routes to walk on, how long they could be gone, where to avoid, Richard crouched down slowly. Clenched his teeth against the ache in his hip. There was still too much stimulation coming from the back room. Too much shimmering darting unrestrained emotion to get a very good read on. The dog looked up Sam, looked over at Rocky and Danny, before gently padding over to sniff at the back of Richard’s hand.

A sniff or four and then a quick lick to his knuckles and she let him scratch lightly at the top of her head and.

Ah, beans.

-

It was a good day for it. Cool by Los Diablos’ standards and just breezy enough to keep it interesting. Rocky and the unnamed dog were clearly comfortable around each other, walking side by side without too much bumping into one another. Free of the pressure of the shelter knocking on every door, the dogs’ thoughts were easier to pick up on. Rocky was still plain excitement, joy at outside at noises at smells at sunshine at walk. Softer, more mellow, thoughts from the other dog. Happy to be out, yes, happy to sniff and inspect, but a little meekness played through. New people, new places, new sounds, new smells. It only took a small push from him to have her relax back. This was good and fine. This was nice.

Richard tried, he did, very seriously, not to feel a little flush of self-satisfaction as her tail started to wag. He failed spectacularly. The dog’s mind felt good. Pure and simple and unguarded. She was enjoying herself now and it was impossible to stop some of it from seeping into the cooler spaces in his chest.

Beside him, a fair bit below him as Daniel was actually walking the dog and not hovering behind it, something swirled and shifted.

“How are you doing?” Richard returned his earlier question. It wasn’t. It. Not anxiety, but something had unsettled him. Kept unsettling him. It took more self-control than Richard wanted to admit to not slip deeper into Daniel’s head and see for himself. Getting better at boundaries was slow progress but he wanted to make it work. The not-quite anxiety was tempered with something else that almost felt like excitement. Probably bleed over from the dogs. Had it been the way the girl at the shelter had watched them? Daniel was perceptive enough to have picked up that she was excited for more than just extra helping hands.

But Daniel was also used to being a symbol by now. What was one more group looking up going to matter to a man in the clouds?

“I’m good,” Daniel said, keeping his attention down on the dog in front of him. A mild lie. He wasn’t doing bad, but there was something weighing down his thoughts. The quiet simmering happiness from earlier still dominated.

“Yeah?” and he tried to keep the tone of his voice gentle. To not press too hard. It was an odd and rare thing to feel Daniel trying to keep something from him, but it was allowable. There was nothing there he. It didn’t need to bother him. It didn’t need to. “Let me know if there’s anything, okay?”

“Sure,” this time earnest. “But really, I’m good,” Nothing wrong enough to bring it forward. Nothing wrong enough to involve Richard. It didn’t make him feel any better. Another, equally unwelcome thought slipped in between his molars.

“Did you know Chen and Ricardo are together now?” out before he could stop it, but it did a marvelous job of jerking Daniel’s thoughts back into the open light. Startled enough to almost make Richard chuckle.  

“What? You mean like they’re hanging out today?” spoken slowly because surely he hadn’t heard that right? Surely that. What?

“Danny,”

“Together together? Sleeping together? Like,” his mouth didn’t get to say ‘you and me’ but his thoughts arrived loudly at that station. Richard shrugged and felt Daniel’s mood adjust itself. “I…no, I didn’t know that,” not as startled or hurt by it as Richard had been, to say the least.

“Chen told me a few days ago at the park,” Richard continued, coming to a stop so the unnamed dog could take some time sniffing at the base of a street sign. Rocky joined her, forcing Daniel to pause as well. A tumble of surprise as Daniel slotted that information into somewhere that made sense. “I told him we were moving in together and he said that he and Ortega were hooking up,” that earned him a snort at least.

“There is no way he said it like that,” he shook his head and Richard was treated to a spectacular mental imitation of Chen rolling his eyes and drawing out the syllables of ‘we’re hooking up,’.  

“More or less,” the grin took over his face.

Daniel grinned back. “Mhm, I’m sure. Still, that’s. Not something I saw coming,” he admitted, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of the leash in his hands. “I didn’t think Ortega was…,”

“You and me both,” Richard sighed and absently reached down to pet the nameless dog. She stopped her thorough inspection of the street sign to turn her attention to the hand on her back, tail wagging and tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth. Warmth and approval. Wanting more petting and attention and wanting his approval.

“She likes you,” Daniel said, voice lilting high and filled with. Oh. Oh, this was. This was what he had been anxious about.

“Did you suggest this to try and convince me that getting a dog is a good idea?” Richard felt his eyes narrowing. It had come up once or twice, usually after his sessions with Dr. Finch. Daniel was fan of the idea of emotional support animals and frequently brought up how Spoon was clearly helping Chen.

Richard’s mind squirmed at the idea. Dogs, any pet, really, required stability. Someone who was sure to come home every day and be able to walk and play and take care of them. Even if Richard didn’t. Even if. What happened if he got arrested as Mad Dog? Or the Farm found him? That was one more innocent life just waiting to be fucked up by him. And what happened if. No. Don’t think about that.  

Daniel floated up about an inch from the ground, hand on his chest to dramatically clutch at nonexistent pearls. “I would never,” he was beaming through the lie and it smacked into Richard’s head like headlights on a black night. “You are being punished right now. This. We’re doing a service for the community,” he landed again and flicked his hair back from his temples with a quick whip of his head. Unfairly handsome. The words started slowly. “But you know, things happen and,” and rapidly picked up speed, as if he could only manage to speak quickly enough, Richard wouldn’t be able to stop him. “If you happen to find a dog that happens to like you a lot like that one and you like her back I’m just saying that there’s no reason not to consider,”

“No,” Firm. Decisive. Useless, because the dog herself had turned completely around and was nuzzling at his hand, looking for more head scratches. He felt his hand moving without telling it to. Obligingly running the dull edges of his nails through the short curls. Blue eyes flickered downwards and ah, beans. How was it possible for him to smile wider? Split his stupid, prince charming face in half.

“No?” Daniel echoed, reaching out gently and taking one of Richard’s hands. “Why not Richie?” playing coy. Stroking his thumb over the back of his hand and oh, come on, that was cheating. “You like her don’t you?” practically sing song. Pumping pleasant thoughts and nice, warm, inviting.

It felt like having a molar pulled by a particularly rusty tool. “She seems like a good dog,” through gritted teeth. This was not happening. This couldn’t be happening. Daniel was not going to be able to convince him to get a dog, they had had this discussion before and Richard had been adamant that he was not the sort of person who deserved to have a dog. Couldn’t take care of himself let alone another living creature. No amount of radiant joy from his boyfriend or gentle stroking against his skin to keep him calm or. Just because she was licking his fingers and wagging her tail and.

Ah, shit.

“I don’t have anything at the apartment for her,” and didn’t they need a lot of. Everything? Food and water dishes and collars and tags and beds and crates and toys and treats and paperwork. She’d need shots and. A traitorous part of Richard’s mind did not point out that he had gone from imagining a nameless, amorphous, stand in filler ‘dog’ to this dog. The dog on the end of the leash who kept beating out gentle notes of happy and warm and licking his hand.

Daniel’s eyes lit up, sky bright and blinding. “Turns out there’s a pet supply shop just a block down from the shelter. They have a deal with them—discounts on bedding and food and toys and,”

“Daniel,”

“Richard,” firm and then softening quick—too quick, too quick, not good. Not. Daniel managed to slide his fingers around Richard’s palm and bring the hand up to his mouth for a quick kiss against his fingers. “Get a dog with me,” not a question. “Get this dog with me,” and he looked up with those eyes and pressed his lips against Richard’s hand again and.

Richard felt something in him resist, waver. Snap. Oh, it was his resolve. Fancy that. Cheater. Richard said as much. “You can be downright manipulative when you want to be,”

“Mhm,” Daniel agreed easily and the grin was back, full force. “You’ll have to pick out a name for her,”

[happymetalgirl]

Band T-Shirts

Okay, so this has been an ongoing matter of contention for quite awhile, and it’s not even a particularly complicated issue, but it seems to rear its head every now and then. And it had seemed to be a more frequently and hotly discussed topic over the past few years.

The topic is people wearing band t-shirts when they don’t necessarily listen to the band on the shirt they’re wearing, and it has become a more commonly spotted phenomenon, especially in the metal community as of late after fashion culture spurred a lot of this kind of thing going on. I don’t know exactly how it happened or who initiated it, but a few years ago wearing t-shirts of bands who played primarily metal music and bore such associated imagery picked up a mild trend within high fashion culture, and naturally metalheads had something to say about it.

The trendy whims of the fashion world don’t really tie much into the main subject here, but they did, in this case, kind of amplify a lot of sentiments that a lot of people involved in various music cultures feel about the intersection of music and fashion in band t-shirts. And the discussion mostly recently got re-ignited by a plain-ass picture of a dude in public holding up a cardboard sign reading something along the lines of “don’t wear t-shirts of bands you don’t listen to”. Just a picture of the most basic platitude in the discussion got people talking again, and it seems like the same talking points just get recycled again and again so I figured I’d sum up my perspective on what’s going on and why I don’t think this should be such a tense and frequently discussed topic. And I think that metal culture in particular, with its recognizable visual art and fashion aesthetics that are used to signify it, is kind of poster boy for this topic.

Granted, I am definitely biased in that I’m much more immersed in metal culture than any other musical culture and recognize more instances of it pertaining to metal, but I don’t see too many people regularly sporting clothing (t-shirts particularly) relating to hip hop, or jazz, or country, much less people getting contentious over it. Not that those genres don’t have fashion associated with them, but I don’t see people wearing cowboy stuff and getting questioned about their love of country music and Ronald Reagan. Nor do I see hip hop heads pointing much to particular fashion choices as signifiers of hip hop fandom and quizzing people wearing it on Aesop Rock trivia.

Maybe it does happen in those cultures and I don’t see it, but it definitely happens in metal culture, and despite the fact that I have never experienced it myself (I’ll get to why, later) I’ve heard enough testimony from people frustrated about getting questioned about the authenticity of their metal fandom and quizzed by people who seem to doubt how much they really listen to the band on their shirt.

So first of all, if this really is as common of an occurrence in that form as the many of testimonies I’ve heard suggest, I get it, that’s annoying, and that really shouldn’t have to be said. Coming from someone who certainly could rattle off tons of lyrics and trivia about any given band I like enough to get a shirt from, I would sure as hell get annoyed if someone felt compelled to give me an oral exam on whatever band I’m repping rather than just talking to me like a human being about a band we both clearly love. And that’s the thing though, given that someone isn’t giving signs they want to be left alone, it’s totally fine to ask about what they like about the band on their shirt, in good faith, not some kind of gatekeeper-y sentinel kind of way. People can wear whatever t-shirts they want, but anything you wear makes at least some kind of statement on its own, and being really deeply tied to metal culture, such band t-shirts tend to make pretty specific statements. I’m wearing a Gojira shirt right now in public, and anyone who knows of Gojira knows that I really like them.

That’s something that is deeply woven into the relatively quiet, but widespread, culture surrounding heavy metal, and if you’re annoyed that people keep asking you about Blood Incantation, requesting that metal culture stop using band t-shirts as a way for community members to identify each other and feel solidarity together is a much bigger ask than to not wear it if you don’t want new people you talk to to bring it up. Not that metal culture could never theoretically change or that because it’s an established culture, it gets the right of way on this kind of issue, but this is essentially an analog of the oft-public dialogue surrounding cultural appropriation of ethnic or national groups’ symbols by larger cultures. And the answer here is the same, which is to simply be responsible and respectful of the culture being borrowed from. And aside from the ways some people seem to tend to approach talking to someone about their band t-shirt (which I will get to in a minute), I can’t really think of anything particularly problematic about metal culture using band t-shirts as part of an identifier of one’s participation in metal culture and fandom of a certain band; so I can’t say I see any convincing reason for metal culture to give that up just to spare people outside the culture who want to appropriate something from it (which, again, isn’t automatically problematic) a question about that part of the culture they’re comfortable making their own use of for their own (likely mostly solely-minded) benefit.

Even if you don’t like metal or whatever band is on the shirt, you can sport it respectfully and interact with the culture respectfully, and if that’s too hard for you and you can’t stand the band on your shirt being brought up in conversation, maybe save yourself and metalheads the annoyance and confusion by not wearing that band t-shirt.

Now those past few paragraphs might have made it seem like I’m painting metalheads as the pious, reasonable victims of outsiders trying to take from our culture only to reciprocate angry defensiveness about it. But metalheads are certainly not all off the hook for the tension surrounding this subject, and sometimes it’s metalheads being the assholes about someone else’s choice to wear a band t-shirt.

Like I said, I have never experienced a pop quiz based on the shirt I’m wearing, but it sure seems like a common enough occurrence that it’s not a negligible issue. But that’s because I probably look the part. I’m not a patch-jacket-rocking, long-haired stereotype of a metalhead by any means, but I look like your average, inconspicuous metalhead who has to look professional for grad school interviews. My fiancée on the other hand, has been given the pop quiz treatment for her Slayer shirt. And while she’s not nearly as immersed in metal culture as I am, she truly does love Slayer’s music; I can attest. However, that doesn’t mean she wants to be quizzed on Slayer history every time she wears her Slayer shirt. Like I said, I look the part, but why should not looking a certain way make their knowledge of about a band up for fair question, and what is looking the part?

Well, based on the numerous accounts of people getting questioned in bad faith about their band t-shirts, not looking the part seems to involve various combinations of being inconspicuous (not deviating from mainstream fashion too much to signal potential alternative tastes in music), being known or suspected to be likely to listen to (or creating) “opposing” genres of music, or being a woman. And aggressive interrogations about fan authenticity seem to tend to come from people skeptical based on the above factors looking to make sure whether or not what they doubt to be genuine is or isn’t, which sure isn’t fair for women or musicians in the pop world to have to put on more performativity to not have their credibility called into question. And apart from skeptics, this behavior also seems to come often enough from people being gatekeeping assholes, which I shouldn’t have to explain is stupid and not the proper method of maintaining and assessing cultural boundaries and grading cultural immersion. Like I said, women shouldn’t have to goth up their look around their Behemoth shirt to a gratuitous level to not be questioned about their knowledge of Nergal’s kvlty early days, and looking any certain way or making any other kind of music in the public eye shouldn’t spur a scene-cred pat-down.

I know I said that this wasn’t a particularly complex topic and then proceeded to go on an essay about it, but the bottom line of all of this is really not that difficult to comprehend. Just be respectful of people and graceful in interactions with someone who might not know the band on their shirt so well. It should be an opportunity to encourage and welcome them closer to metal culture rather than a dogma to police and push people away through enforcement of. And if you know your shirt is connected to a music culture you aren’t really a part of, it’s disingenuous and reductive to ignore it as part of that culture and demand that that culture’s memebers just cede it to you. The cultural appropriation aspect of this topic with respect to band t-shirts being used as signifiers and symbols of cultural solidarity is the only ground I haven’t really seen tread and retread repeatedly as this discussion pops its head up from time to time. But yeah, it’s pretty simple and I hope this sums the whole thing up in a way that people looking for clarity on the various viewpoints and motives can appreciate and help them make sense of why this contentious topic really should be so contentious.

That’s it.

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

“Because you don’t actually like me that much.”

The art on Ah! Megami-Sama - particularly the original comic and OVA, but the newer series ain’t bad - was certainly a huge contributor to the series’ success.

But right now I want to talk about its protagonist.

Because on the surface this guy looks a LOT like the standard blank-slate “nobody who gets everything” protagonist.

But, like...Is he? Really?

Keiichi Morisato is one of the more interesting protagonists out there. Ah My Goddess is very slice-of-lifey a lot of the time, and we end up learning a ton about who this guy is, with a specificity we see in almost no other protagonists.

We know he loves working on vehicles, sure, but we see what he loves about them. He’s the kind of person who can articulate that for us. We also see him reject women three times in the main series, and it’s always for the same reason (one which is very convenient for his position as Nice Guy of the Year), that being that he doesn’t think they’ll like being in a relationship with him.

And he brings the receipts to those conversations. Because Keiichi is a guy whose “cares about those around him” isn’t some platitude, but translates directly into paying really close attention to what people (or cars, or trees, or gods) need, and then trying his damnedest to provide that.

You kind of have to laugh when he does this for the third time. It’s a climax for the series, honestly, him completely undercutting a dark goddess’ plan to unmake huge swaths of reality by...refusing to be a superficial person. You have to laugh because you look at how powerful she is - she’s literally reconstructing time for her plan, rewriting herself into his history so she’s a person he’s always been together with - and yet she doesn’t realize how inevitable his reply is. This Is How He Do.

Because when he breaks it off and is like, “Because you don’t actually like me that much,” it’s...Well, like I said it’s already happened twice before. She thinks it’s a matter of familiarity and it’s not. She thinks it’s a matter of attraction and it’s not.

He is fundamentally clear that he wants to make people happy, and to that end he has ZERO interest in a relationship with a person - even one who he finds very attractive, or one he has “always known,” or one who’s out of his league but scumming to be with him anyway - if being in a relationship with him isn’t something she actually wants. And it turns out that’s really hard to fake, even if you’re a god.

He’s a guy who doesn’t see what he wants to be there. He just sees what’s there. And that makes him really hard to fool, when it comes to love.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X11 - Coming Home

Will Pan take over Storybrooke and turn it into PAN-archy?!

...I’m gonna miss this arc for more than PUN reason!

Anyways, let’s close out the fun and talk about feels and semi-smart things under the cut!

Press Release

In the Winter Finale episode, the race is on to stop Pan from enacting another curse on the residents of Storybrooke, which could kill every living soul in town.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

So this segment is made of mini segments, so I’m gonna give mini reviews for all of them!

Snow and Charming: Blue, for all of her asshole-y beauraucracy, can be so vague and platitude-y when she wants to be. It’s not too bad here. BUT just like David’s speech in that same scene, it’s kind of the point that it’s vague, but comforting all the same. David’s was definitely the better of the two speeches.

Killian, Smee, and Tink: Okay, so now we’re given a LOT more info on Killian’s stay in Neverland. It looks like he wanted to leave Neverland as soon his interactions with Bae were done. I wonder when he decided to incorporate the Dreamshade though. BUT, in terms of the snippet itself, it’s pretty serviceable as a “look how far we’ve come” counterpart for both Killian and Tink. They’re both mean enough and hopeless enough.

Henry and Mary Margaret: ...First off, I love how Henry gets out of explaining anything about his homework! XD Second and more seriously, I think that this was the most necessary of the segments. It comes back and shows a starting point for Henry, the catalyst for so many characters on the show. I ADORE Emma and love her as the Savior, but I do think that at times, Henry was more of this turning point for characters and seeing where he took off was so important.

Rumple and Belle: “My ending shall not be a happy one.” I didn’t like this line. Literally, the entire reason Rumple cast this curse was to find Bae and make his ending a happy one. And it’s not like Rumple ever lost faith in that happening, so what the hell? Like, this line was just a weird character contradiction (Different than a plot hole) and it makes the scene threaten to fall apart.

Emma’s Pregnancy: I loved the revisiting of this scene and its post-memory change revision. It’s so heartbreaking to see Emma believe that she can’t take care of Henry, but also beautiful that she wants to give him his best chance, no matter what.

Present

Tink’s take down of Pan’s shadow is so satisfying! The music that accompanies it and everyone believing in her is just beautiful! It’s also the only time where flying is truly framed as whimsical without something darker being below the surface and that’s something desperately needed in this pretty freakin’ dark episode.

Pan is fucking brutal. From his speech about how much of a leech he saw Rumple as to the cuff to “down boy,” he proves himself more here than anywhere else to not only be a psychological monster, but a full-on monster. His strip down of Rumple in their scene at the shop is horrifying, especially given that this is RUMPLE! Rumple, the biggest threat in the series until Pan, was left sniveling in a corner at the end of the scene.

Rumple’s the big dog in this episode. It’s his moment that’s given the most gravitas and serves as what amounts to the climax of the story (And at little over the halfway mark at that) and for good reason. His arrival at the conclusion of what has to happen in order to save everyone was ingeniously reached. I have a lot more to say about that, so we’ll get to it when we talk about arcs.

So, here’s something I want to point out about Rumple’s big scene -- something that harkens back to why I often make a point of saying “fuck plot holes:” From a plot and story perspective, it makes no fucking sense. Why could only the dagger kill Pan? Why did Rumple have to die for Pan to have to die? This shit is never explained. But here’s the thing and why it and the larger aspect of plot holes matter so little to me: IT DOESN’T MATTER. The important thing about this scene is the climax of Rumple’s emotional journey -- Rumple “definitively” choosing love over power. It’s a point of emotional culmination and as it stands, it’s one of the most powerful scenes in the entire show! Rumple stops being cryptic and communicates to those he loves about what has to happen. It’s a big display and it hits its mark perfectly!

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Okay, so weird contradiction in the press release. Pan says he’s not gonna kill everyone, but the press release says he will.

-“The Black Fairy’s wand.” I wonder, did Tinkerbell know they were related? Like, as soon as Rumple talks, Tink knows exactly what he needs.

-���I should pay my respect to Blue, after all.” Tink, honey. You are too pure.

-Dude...those freakin’ unicorns! They’re so cute, but also...OW because of all of the shit that went down with Maleficent!

-”It’s not a weapon...in the traditional sense.” Damn. That line hits hard given Killian’s alcoholism.

-”Is that the best you’ve got?” Killian, you cannot say that with such an adorable smile and not make me love you even harder!

-David! Saving his bro!!! Yasss!

-I love the adorable way Tink just plops the Shadow into the fire! It almost looks like an accident and it’s so cute! XD

-”It was for Emma.” So I’m not sure if I like this line because Killian’s crush on Emma is so freakin’ obvious OR if I’m critical because Tink hasn’t really seen Killian and Emma crushing on each other all that much.

-”I might have been overly strict.” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE MILLENIUM!

-Okay, Blue is such a bitch, but I like how she entrusts Fiona’s wand to the one person who will be super discerning over Rumple’s actions.

-”I haven’t forgotten about all that, by the way.” Dude, if Pan’s curse was never cast, then these guys should’ve gotten group therapy. Archie would’ve been rich af!

-”Unfinished family business.” *Underworld flashbacks ensue*

-*Henry puts away a family tree worksheet* ...You’re gonna need a bigger worksheet, Henry. XD

-I have a LOT of Regal Believer headcanons concerning how Henry became so unhappy prior to Season 1.

-”And what exactly do you think fairytales are?” THIS and the words that follow serve as what Jefferson’s speech to Emma in “Hat Trick should’ve been. A bit desperate, but actually communicating humanity rather than being an asshole-y smart aleck that has more in common with Sherlock than a father.

-”I’ve got his scent.” Good move using Granny for tracking!

-”That’s why is so easy for you to strut around and pose now, isn’t it?” Bitch, please. Rumple was strutting around and posing long before you had that cuff on! It’s his thing!

-”Pulling away my name.” BITCH! You gave him that shitty ass name!

-Rumple! Cut off your hand! Then you and Killian can be besties!

-What the fuck was up with that weird coma Regina had?

-Aww. Killian’s standing by himself. :(

-”The only way for you to die is if we BOTH die!” Why?

-”Do we need to start preparing our souls, ‘cause mine’s gonna take some time?” I’m stuck between raising an eyebrow at Killian’s quip when Rumple just fucking died and laughing out loud because it’s a really funny quip. XD

-I love that Neal/Henry hug!

-The memories line didn’t make any sense. Everyone remembered what happened to Pan on the Enchanted Forest side and Emma and Henry had their memories altered. So what was the point of this section?

-And the last goodbye is from Snow! Awww!!!

-Tbh, that opening shot of New York City is the least appealing shot of the city that I’ve ever seen.

-Damn, Emma. You get to wake up at 8:15 for work. I envy that.

-And the modern music has returned! And it cuts out right as Killian appears!

-Emma’s got such cute PJ’s!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - Our story concludes today! The pacing for this arc was just marvelous. I hate when people disparage the arc as being boring because holy hell, it isn’t! Every bit of this arc grew on itself in some way. Even episodes like “Good Form” and “Ariel,” which weren’t heavy in terms of plot progression were in terms of character growth. This arc was so nicely balanced and well handled, carefully put together like the lace of a wedding veil.

Emma Accepting Her Parents - “I like the unicorns.” Emma just says that line with not a hint of sarcasm, bitterness, or insincerity and it’s just beautiful! The scene that comes from this line is utterly beautiful and shows just how close Emma and Snow have gotten. They think about the same things in regards to their children. They’re able to bond without walls in the way. And then...of course, there’s the goodbye. It’s so heartbreaking that Emma fully accepts her parents, but is forced apart from them. Watching Emma try to cling to that hope of keeping them close is so brutal and sad.

Rumple’s Redemption - There is so much to say and so much to discuss -- a lot of it i already have -- but as of right now, I think that this was the strongest writing put forth for Rumple’s redemption arc. The buildup of not only seasons 1 and 2, but also an arc that was so largely Rumple-centric and heavy had this fantastic build of momentum that made the payoff of his sacrifice the powerful moment that it was. And look, I like the Rumple stuff that comes after...to varying degrees, but I wanted this rewatch to allow for more emotional honesty from myself and yeah...this was the pinnacle. Should he have remained dead? I’d probably say yes for the character and no for the series. Rumple was brought back for a reason and that’s because his character is ingrained on the series. He (Among others) make Once Upon a Time what it is and I don’t fault anyone for bringing him back and even writing his decline. I wish they were just a little more careful with it because of the strength of this moment.

Killian’s Redemption - “There’s only two things I’d risk my life for: love and revenge.” Killian’s redemption didn’t get a ton of focus here, but I do appreciate what it got. While I found it a little weird that Tink connected Killian’s brave act solely to Emma when she hasn’t seen them flirt all that much, I was willing to forgive it because the action was really cool.

Henry Wanting to Be a Hero - ”Your happy ending may not be what you expect.” This line is so important as it pertains to Henry. Knowing where his story ends and what he hoped to make of it, I feel like it was so nicely put as to give this storyline a bit of prominence, especially since his happy ending at the end of this episode arguably changes the most out of anyone else’s due to the memory change.

Regina’s Redemption - “Will you be okay?” “You will be.” Literally everything Regina does is so redemptive here! Her apology to Henry is the first big thing. She stops his doubts about whether or not he really did the right thing by telling him straight up that this was her fault and that is so important to her redemption. “You’re not a villain. You’re my mom.” This line also freakin’ gutted me. Regina’s progress this season from a thin-iced redeeming villain to someone with a role to play on the team and someone who can strongly bond with everyone was fantastic.

Favorite Dynamic

Rumple and Pan. Pan is a reflection of Rumple and one line tipped me off to this. ”Pwotect your wuved ones.” In season 1, very similar lines came out of Rumple’s mouth. Pan is a Rumple without love and this episode really highlights why. Look at Pan’s verbal takedown of him at the shop. Rumple is a harsh character. He’s beaten people up, extorted, murdered, and kidnapped. But no moment from him has been shot so brutally as Pan’s takedown of him. He cuts Rumple down to the bone with his words -- words so harsh and that fly into the face of the “best chance” sentiment even before Cora did! Like, that scene would be enough to justify these two as having the best dynamic, but then we get to the town line scene where the idea that Pan is a Rumple without love is further shown. Pan, like Cora, didn’t expect for Rumple to pose a challenge to him while backed by love, but he does. He stands up and moves past his desires for his life and loopholes in order to save Neal and Belle. And Pan, even to his death, doesn’t get it.

Writer

A&E close out our half season and fuck me, it’s perfect. The name of the game in this episode is payoff. It’s character payoff. It’s story payoff. It’s emotional payoff. And it’s all handled flawlessly. For a while, I wasn’t sure whether or not I liked the past segments, but as “look how far we’ve come glimpses” and by extension, part of the payoff, they work fantastically.

Culture

There’s a lot to reflect on when it comes to the cultural impact of this episode. Two big points come to mind for me: How this episode could conceivably be a series finale in a lot of way and Pan. I have a great deal to say on why I think Pan was such an amazing villain, so I’m actually going to make that its own post, so I’ll touch on my former point here.

This episode is considered by many to have been able to stand as a series finale, and to tell you the truth, I can see it. Everyone’s arcs are completed in completely satisfying ways. The destruction of Storybrooke is brutal but in the most jaw-dropping and beautiful way. Save for the literal last minute of the episode, one could have seen this as an ending to the show proper.

Now, what does that mean for me? Well, the last time around, I wasn’t paying as close attention to that aspect of my feelings, but this time, I felt it more. In fact, I felt it a LOT. And for as much as I love Seasons 3B-7, I feel weird jumping off of this episode onto the next. Maybe it’s the knowledge that there is admittedly a bit more of a decline in quality going forward (Albeit to varying degrees) or maybe I just like how a lot of the characters’ stories ended here, but I feel so weird knowing that there’s more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to hit up the Zelena arc, the Frozen Arc, and more, but this episode was so good and so...final. Like Pan, I don’t want to grow up.

Rating

Golden Apple. That wasn’t an episode. That was a masterpiece. This is honestly probably OUAT’s best work. I felt my soul go on a journey while watching it and it now ranks as one of my all-time favorites. Moments like “Coming Home” are what rewatches are for. I’ve never fallen out of love with the series, but seeing it is like renewing my vows. It’s emotional in all the best ways, it’s sincere in all the best ways, the character work is fulfilling, and the story leaves most with something to do. I’m so glad I watched it again.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Snowing - No one rocks platitudes like David does! His speech to Snow about unexpected turns is just beautiful, romantic, and just lovely!

Tink/Killian - There is some crazy sexual tension between these two! The way they whisper their words and practically dance around the jungle with Tink’s knife at Killian’s throat and then sip the rum together.

Swan Queen - Emma/Regina/Henry hugs never cease to make me smile! They’re so cute! Also, literally the first thing Regina says after waking from her weird coma was “Emma.” And dudes, Regina’s decision to give them new memories...that’s...that’s fucking beautiful. HOW WAS THERE NOT A HUG FOLLOWING THAT, AT THE VERY LEAST?

Rumbelle - Am I allowed to just put the entire middle of the episode here? Belle made him stronger and Rumple’s goodbye and gratitude for that is one of his most earnest and kindest moments in the entire series. It’s so genuine and beautiful. And Belle’s reaction as Rumple dies is heartbreaking. I know its a point of contention that no one goes to comfort her, but I think that it works just as a display of isolation and how gutted she feels from Rumple’s loss. Rumple was her future (Or at least a part of it) and now that future is no more. That hopelessness was more effective by being untouched. Anyway, Emiliee pulls off that crying scene flawlessly!

Captain Swan - “Good.” In that one little word, there’s that longing for a possible future that, as far as they know, they’ll never be able to explore. Also, I love in this sea of tears and sadness, Killian’s able to lighten her spirits, this time in a more tactful way than the “prepare our souls” moment from earlier.

Swan Fire - Neal’s goodbye to Emma and faith that they’ll meet again was just so nice and beautiful!

-----

Sorry. I tried to get in four reviews this week, but “Coming Home” had so much meat to it that I just couldn’t. Hell, I still don’t think I covered everything that I wanted to, but at least I still have the Pan post which should come out tomorrow. Going forward, I will try for the four reviews at some point, but in all likelihood, what’s going to happen is that I’ll just post three reviews on the week of the finale or the week before.

In any event, thank you for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales. Love you all!!!

Season 3 Total (106/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (29/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (27/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (20/40) Robert Hull (20/40) Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (20/30)

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives

[ohmytheon]

Hi! I really love all of your Kacchako's stories, you are amazing! May I ask you a Kacchako drabble with prompt number 1(If you had asked me to stay, I would've)? Thank you very much, you are the best!

Despite the serious level of angst in this, I didn’t put much thought into this. I’ve written a massive ass Villain Deku fic; I might as write a little Villain Bakugou since I’m in such a dark ass mood. There are a thousand plotholes in this that I don’t feel like filling up, but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. Sorry if this went in a completely different direction than you had in mind.

The only reason Uraraka hadn’t been crushed by rubble had been because she’d touched the wall at the last second. She’d been thrown back by the force of the massive explosion and her stomach did a quadruple flip when the extreme use of her quirk tugged on her, but she held it steady even after landing on the ground. Curled up in her a ball, her stomach in knots, she lifted her head and found literally tons of debris floating above her head. She’d pushed the weight limit of her quirk before, but never all at once.

“Now that’s impressive, Angel Face!” a familiar voice taunted.

Uraraka could only attempt to shield herself with a floating piece of concrete as he blasted his way through the rubble, cringing as her stomach rolled and demanded her to release her quick. Finally, it was too much and she had to use every ounce of willpower to bolt as far away as she could and release it. She still couldn’t get far enough and found herself being peppered with bits of concrete, steel, and shattered glass.

Another loud explosion behind her told her that he had more or less defended himself against the concrete shower, but it was only when she turned around and saw him striding through the smoke and dust did her heart drop into the bit of her stomach.

It looked like him. His outfit was different. The gauntlets were more streamlined. He wore goggles. It was somehow sharper, although she couldn’t pinpoint how. He had looked dangerous before in his pro hero outfit, but Katsuki Bakugou appeared downright demented now.

Uraraka didn’t know what had gone wrong, but something had. Maybe it had been something that he’d been struggling with for a long time. Bakugou wasn’t a villain. He couldn’t be. Back when he had been kidnapped in their first year, they had all known that he would fight until there was nothing left of him if no one could save him. That was who he was. Not this, never this. She couldn’t believe that it was him, even after all the destruction that he’d caused, pro heroes and civilians lying prone around them.

When Bakugou had walked away from the hero world a year ago after suffering a massive injury, he had cut himself off from everyone. They had all done what they could to bring him back, but eventually he shut them off completely. Uraraka could still remember going to his apartment with takeout, determined to help him no matter what he said, and finding him packing his things. It had been difficult with his injury, but he had reacted vehemently against her offer to help.

“Where are you going?” Uraraka had asked him quietly in the dark.

He hadn’t answered her then.

She should’ve pressed the matter further. Seeing as how she was the last one to see him, now that he was in front of her like this, it shattered her heart on a devastating level. Out of all the places she had imagined him running to, this had not been one of them. When she had pictured crossing paths with him again, it hadn’t been like this. Never like this. Bakugou wasn’t a villain.

“What’s the matter?” Bakugou asked as he flexed his right hand. It was a robotic prosthetic, but with gloves on, it was almost impossible to tell the difference. Who had given it to him? He might not be able to cause explosions with it, but his grip was ten times as strong. He’d broken Kaminari’s wrist just by grabbing and squeezing hard. “You don’t look happy to see me.”

Uraraka wiped her nose, streaking blood across her face. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought it might be broken. She’d taken a hit from Bakugou’s elbow while stopping him from making a direct blow to Kirishima’s face.

“You know you look your best like this,” Bakugou told her, sounding terribly earnest.

“Like what? Bloody and bruised?” Uraraka retorted furiously.

“Like you’re ready to take the world head on,” Bakugou said.

Uraraka hadn’t expected that and she felt thrown, as if she’d used her quirk on herself and was floating upside down in the air. Her throat constricted painfully as tears stung her eyes. She could tell that he wasn’t lying either. Not that Bakugou ever did that. He was so honest in everything he did. He didn’t fake things. It was why she knew, no matter how much it didn’t match with him, she knew that this was really him. (What had happened in the months that he was gone from their lives? Where had he gone?) She clenched her fists and readied herself to fight him again. It was all she could do until back up came. Where was Deku?

“Still determined to fight me?”

“I can’t let you hurt more people or get away,” Uraraka simply said.

Bakugou scoffed. “I don’t want to kill you, but if I have to go through you, I will.”

“Then you better fucking go through me,” Uraraka snarled.

A smirk lit up Bakugou’s face. “Man, I’d forgotten how much I loved it when you swore and got all intense like this.” If he was trying to unsettle her, it was admittedly working, but she didn’t blink or back down. He would go through her if he wanted, but she couldn’t let him go without putting up a fight. He knew her well enough to know that.

“Why are you doing this?” Uraraka demanded.

All he did was shrug his shoulders and say, “Because I want to,” which wasn’t an answer. There had to be more to it than that. Bakugou was a hero – had been a hero – would always be a hero to her and his friends. This didn’t make sense. How had they failed him in the months following his injury and fall from the pro heroes? What had they missed? What else could they have done?

“I don’t believe that.” Uraraka bit her lip. For a moment, she hesitated and then she forced herself to stand up straight, pulling out of the defensive position. Her sudden change in demeanor seemed to take Bakugou aback and he blinked and furrowed his brow. “Why did you leave?”

Bakugou stared at her with an unreadable look in his eyes. “Does it really matter now?”

“It matters to me,” Uraraka insisted.

At this, Bakugou’s eyes hardened into a narrow glare. “If it had really mattered, you wouldn’t have let me leave so easily.”

She hadn’t though. Up until that night, she had done everything she could to help him, along with everyone else. By the end of it, he’d even pushed Kirishima away. That night had been her last stitch effort when the others had told her it was no use. Just give him time, they said. He’ll come around on his own. But he hadn’t. He’d left and come back… He’d come back as a…

“If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve,” Bakugou told her. “For you, I would have.” An ugly look crossed his face, one filled with both pain and anger. “But you didn’t. You stayed quiet. You let me walk out that door and you said nothing.”

Uraraka felt as if he had slapped her in the face. Somehow, his words hurt her just as much as one of his explosions. It was different sort of hurt, the kind that made her sick to her stomach, made her knees tremble, made her want to break down. She trembled before him as she hoarsely said, “I tried so hard to help you. We all did. I thought…” She swallowed. “I thought maybe you needed time and space to yourself.”

Bakugou held out his hands. “Oh I did. Can’t you see how better I am?”

“This is not better and you know it,” Uraraka countered. She took a few steps towards him. There was a look of distrust on his face, but he didn’t step away or move to make an explosion. She knew that she was treading on thin ice, but she had to stall for time. Fighting him head on wouldn’t work. She had to be craftier than that. “Bakugou, please, I’m begging you to stop. Come back home. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“You think some flowery platitudes are going to convince me to stop?” Bakugou scoffed. He held up his left hand and she froze. “Step aside, Uraraka. I don’t want to kill you.”

Uraraka’s expression darkened. “You think a few threats are going to convince me to let you do this?”

A pleased and dangerous grin slowly worked its way onto Bakugou’s face. “Not if you’re the hero I loved.” He tilted his hand so that it was palm up and waved his fingers at her to come forward. “Don’t hold back, you hear me?”

“I never did,” Uraraka said honestly. And she wouldn’t. He deserved better than that. She would just have to show him exactly how much she meant it.

[theskygivesmelife]

"I am the master of my fate,"

How ironic that a poem about self control uses this very phrase, whilst ignoring the fact that fate, or destiny actually imply that there can never truly be any control, for all is predetermined from the beginning of time.

...

I'd say we don't. Nonexistence is a superior state of existence in my opinion.

...

First things first: you don't love me, so stop saying you do. Even if you genuinely believe you do, you'll understand what I mean.

With that said, for the love of God can you stop messaging me? Not on WhatsApp because I will have *deleted* it, and not on Android messages because I can't respond as I don't have any balance. I use my phone only for music or gaming mainly anyway. Speaking of which, I thought I did make it clear that I don't want to talk to you. When was the last time we did talk? Right, your birthday. I don't remember ever being that drained after talking to you. Honestly, it was a pain—was it for you too? I guess that's what happens as one becomes truly apathetic. Seriously, I don't know who you're still trying to contact, but that person's dead. Well, not literally unfortunately, but if you do want to talk to some tired, disillusioned soul I'm still here I guess. As I mentioned, your little I love yous at the end don't really hold, because, you know, you're really just refering to the wrong person. For the record, I've started to think that not only am I incapable of loving, but am also incapable of being loved.

Anyhow, lets just say that if I were Jekyll then I'm Hyde now. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm responding to you. The "fuck her, why give a damn?" voices have been quite loud for some time. Well, I don't think of you all the time, so "fuck the world" might seem more apt as a generalisation. Back to the point: some time ago I'd have actually cared, but I don't give a shit now about anything.

I'll say it now: I don't think it'll ever be a good enough reason for you. I don't think any reason ever will. You'll probably still try to convince me to maintain contact, even though it's so horribly one sided. Well, I just couldn't care less for the most part. It'd probably be good if you wouldn't waste your time on me though. I mean, let's be real. You're not going to get my number once out if this country. Even if you miraculously did, you'd certainly make some replacement friends in college without the downsides that I have, so it'd be pointless. I know you won't listen anyway, and I said that I don't care either. So why am I even trying? I don't know.

If you'll remember I've tried to shut you out multiple times. It's funny now, ~because I feel absolutely nothing now.~ Quite often in the past I'd feel quite regretful or guilty, but now? Heh, just an emotionless robot just moving along now. Going through the motions you know. Still, if there's one thing I should mention, it's that I never lied to you when I said some sentimental crap like caring about you and such. Whoever I was back then, he genuinely ment it. And now, it seems like my wick is shorter than I imagined. It's going to burn up quick. You know what that means? Garima, it means peace at last. So, let me have my time now. I still dream of that little cottage far away, secluded from society. No-one for company. Okay, a cat and a dog. They'll be nice. A drum kit. Video games maybe? What'll I do? Electrician perhaps? Mechanic? Just so long as it isn't a crappy 9-5 job, and actually pays my bills. No people. No friends—do I really have any? No girlfriend—I don't want one (not asexual, but I'm not as horny as you I guess), and I doubt I'm capable of forming a proper relationship anyway. No family—I never had one to begin with. Can you imagine it? All alone and blissful. Just let me be. Please. One way or another, I'm gone. I'm actually feeling sad now typing this, tears in my eyes and all (I haven't cried in forever) but you shouldn't be. You've got a long, long way to go; you'll do well anyway. I don't know what I really was to you, or what I've done to you. I know that I was a hard person to deal with. I can't really list out all the times I've failed you; I hope you will forgive me for them. Believe me when I say that if there was ever I person I really tried to keep happy as often as I could, it was you.

" *Bye, stay healthy and happy* "

I won't—I can't.

Bye.

PS. Nice songs. I still appreciate music I guess, unless it's a really bad day.

...

[8/18/2018, 12:03 AM] Prathik: It seems not. Oh well, I was hoping I could talk one last time. Silly of me; you're probably either sleeping or studying for tomorrow's — should I say today's? — test.

[8/18/2018, 12:57 AM] Prathik: You know, I've been thinking: what if I wanted to talk to you one day? Would you then be ready to hold conversation? I think you would, but that doesn't strike me as fair. I mean you say that you'll miss me, but that's something you'll just have to take in your stride. On the contrary, if I miss you, then I try contacting you, and in all likelihood you'll just respond. What do you think?

[8/18/2018, 1:44 AM] Prathik: Maybe you're free tonight? I just want to talk; I don't know what I'm even doing now. Ugh I can't even explain it without sounding like some self pitying shithead. Forget it. I'm sorry

[8/18/2018, 12:42 PM] Prathik: Seriously, the very dynamics of our interactions are messed up. Everything is based on my mood and how I'm feeling. Don't want to talk? No problem! I'll go silent. Depressive episode? No problem! I'll go silent. It's like I can literally choose what and when we get to converse. Tired of our conversations? No problem! I'll just stop talking to you. And all you say is that you'll miss me. Sure, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, but bloody hell — why didn't you ever call me out for my behaviour? Gee, we screwed up...so many flaws and nothing was even done about them.

Yes, I'm ranting. I'll say stupid things, and maybe hurtful things too. If I were completely aware of what it is that sounded like that, then I wouldn't be saying them. Not that it's an excuse for saying anything I shouldn't. You probably shouldn't take anything personally, because in all likelihood, I'll probably just be projecting.

[8/18/2018, 12:52 PM] Prathik: Oh shit, I really need psychological help don't I? Do you think that if I got better, I'd finally stop sabotaging all the relationships I have?

[8/19/2018, 12:19 AM] Prathik: Goodbye

[8/19/2018, 2:25 PM] Prathik: Okay, I'll just leave this here. Just one last thing. I honestly am doubting my mental stability: I'd wager that I'm fairly unstable in general and more so at this point. My mood seems to swing like a fucking pendulum, and for whatever reason, I have and possibly might keep spouting unnecessary shit. So please, just *IGNORE EVERYTHING* I say. *EVERYTHING.* Except this one last message. Please. It's all I ask.

[8/19/2018, 2:54 PM] Prathik: I'm also not going to be using WhatsApp anymore — no point now right? — so I guess you'll be spared if having to reply to anything.

...

[8/8/2018, 10:24 PM] Prathik: Bloody hell, always nice to me even though I don't deserve it. Can't just go study like you ought to or talk to anyone else? You've got tons of friends after all. Perhaps one day they'll give you a consolation prize saying "good effort; hard luck" and maybe then you'll see how you're just wasting your time. Whatever. It's not like I can control you or force you to behave in a certain manner. Stupid world. Just leave me be

[8/8/2018, 10:52 PM] Prathik: I don't even know why you don't give in. I mean, what am I to you? Some depressed idiot that makes you feel better about yourself? I don't think that's the narrative you've sold to me, so that's probably not the reason.

It's kinda like you're an ant running against the wind. Not any wind, though, just that which is being blown by some sadistic little kid. It keeps running into it. Over and over it tries and fails. The wind keeps pushing it back, but the ant doesn't see how futile it's attempts are. It doesn't see that despite the fact that it keeps trying, nothing's going to change. It has so many other avenues of exploration, ones that would certainly lead to a great reception from the colony, but oh no. The ant keeps running, hoping that the resistance will decrease. Eventually the boy just blows harder, and the ant flies away and lands on its back. (Good thing it has an exoskeleton.) Only then does it see how pointless its efforts were, and that they were better off invested somewhere else.

...

You know how people throw that fucking annoying platitude around? That things will get better? Doesn't happen. It's no different in its progression from a physical illness, and once you go beyond a certain stage you're only living on fumes at that point. Limited time. But it'll get better they say. Fucking hell, it can also get worse, but who's willing to actually concede that bleak truth?

...

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'm just getting worse mentally. I mean, I set the suicide date for when I'm 25. It's only kept dropping. I started considering pushing it to college years, and now I'm genuinely pondering whether I should just drop out of college like when I'm 19 or so and be done with it — at least I won't have to wonder about how you'll come meet me in USA lol. I'm also drawing more blanks in tests. It's not like I don't know, it's just making me more and more anxious. Like the psychology UT we had just some time ago. I left 12 marks because it seemed to easy to be true and I thought I was wrong. I got 17.5 . And meeting people, ugh. Worse than ever. Sure I'm introverted, but at this rate I'm practically going to become a hermit. My ability to function like a sane person is waning, and it's actually quite clear. It's makes me awe struck and horrified at the same time seeing how someone is so capable of self sabotage. Yeah, I don't think I was made for this world. Just one big mistake that hasn't been taken care of yet.

...

Oh, if you haven't listened to it already, you really should listen to Heroes by David Bowie. Please do, if you haven't yet. Just this one song.

...

[6/28/2018, 12:13 AM] Prathik: I love you.

[6/28/2018, 12:14 AM] Prathik: ^ I just felt like saying that.

...

You don't get it. I don't know for sure that you like talking to me. Yes, you've said so so many times that I've lost track. I'd be lying if I said that it were enough to convince me. It isn't; you can't do anything to change my perception of myself, and sometimes I'll project, being the idiot I am after all. There's never going to be a time when I can the voice that says you're you're just using me for some kicks or something to shut up. That doubt will never go, and every time you say something like that, I'll make sure to interpret it as evidence that even you don't care, that you just let your guard down. You can't ever really make me satisfied or happy, so don't throw away any more of your time actually trying to justify anything. If you know that what you've done is fine, then it's fine.

...

[6/12/2018, 8:51 PM] Prathik: Speaking of which, it's interesting that you brought up the fact that our relationship is dysfunctional. Not that I really addressed it well when you originally meantioned it. It does make me wonder, are the dynamics of the way we interact with each other actually healthy? Perhaps we're just fucking each other in the ass and not even realising it? While it's a possibility that I consider, you should know that I don't think the second one is too probable. All the same, it's bothersome enough to actually consider pondering over. Funny, though, how I've just turned a blind eye to it; best relationship you've had you say. Pretty much the same for me, I suppose that's why I've not considered anything that suggests contrary to that opinion.

You know, we never did our cliched apologies. I'm not sure what exactly to apologise for; however, I don't have any qualms admitting that I did fuck up. I'm not sure it makes any sense to apologise for going silent for a month. Honestly, while I did miss you, I'm not sure of how much I actually regret it. Heck, if I hadn't misunderstood your message and not responded... Moreover, what's the point of saying sorry for something I've done multiple times and might do again anyway? It probably does defeat the purpose of it. I do regret making you angry though. I'm not too proud of getting you pissed off, I honestly am sorry about that. That conversation just didn't go the way I'd have liked it to I guess...

[6/12/2018, 8:53 PM] Prathik: Also, is it just me or have things between us changed? I mean, the one month silence probably did more harm than good. It'd have probably been better had I never done anything, or had not stupidly misinterpreted what you said and stayed silent after all. I don't know, I'm not saying it has anything to do with you anyway. I know who's responsible if something is wrong after all.

[6/12/2018, 10:04 PM] Prathik: Oh, today I mixed NaOH with NH4Br, boiled it and inhaled it. I also had to do some speaking for a group activity in English, and I didn't really fuck it up at all or get shaky knees

Just saying. Anyway, which Tapasya acquaintances are you still in touch with?

[6/12/2018, 10:42 PM] Prathik: Oh look, they just killed off net neutrality in USA. Fucking Ajit Pai. As if he didn't have an incredibly punchable face to begin with.

...

[6/10/2018, 10:05 AM] Prathik: If you say so. Read at your own inconvenience.

Since I'm idiotic enough, I decided to read more of the dude's articles. Lost a ton of brain cells. Also, don't read the comments. Nutty, the lot of them.

[6/10/2018, 11:00 AM] Prathik: "The power of propaganda always surprises me. Only 30 years ago, homosexuality was almost universally condemned, and now it’s accepted in half the world and half the States. Clearly, the natural position worldwide is that homosexuality is a disorder, and should be condemned. The problem is, we lost the youth. Somehow, homosexual advocates were able to brainwash and indoctrinate them into accepting it. If you talk to anyone my age, they believe that homosexuality poses no health risks (homosexuals have a 5 times higher chance of getting HIV) and that they are born as homosexuals (despite no scientific evidence.) IMO this is a result of two things: homosexual propaganda (esp. through the internet) and the collapse of the traditional marriage model. The parents simply haven’t taught their children about Christianity and thus they are easy prey for the homosexual movement.

Honestly, I am very pessimistic and I feel that it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. More and more ‘Christians’ are accepting this behavior day by day and it’s heartbreaking."

Has to be the most ironic things I've ever read. Talks about propaganda and indoctrination, but completely turns a blind eye to how he's become what he is.

[6/10/2018, 6:29 PM] Prathik: And now, I've realised that I could have actually spent my time better by talking to you on the phone as you suggested. Not that I studied one bit as I planned to do.

...

[6/9/2018, 1:56 AM] Garima Joshi: Bye now, love you.

[6/9/2018, 1:57 AM] Prathik: Bye. Love you.

...

if I could really recover from the depressed, socially anxious, and suicidal person I am today, believe me I'd let you know immediately. I promise.

...

[3/20/2018, 3:01 AM] Garima Joshi: I know you said you were tired. Thanks for sticking around. Always great talking to you.

[3/20/2018, 3:02 AM] Prathik: It's always fun talking to you. So.. yeah. Do we say goodnight or goodmorning at this point?

[3/20/2018, 3:03 AM] Prathik: Yeah. Stay safe in Delhi will you? Bye.

[3/20/2018, 3:04 AM] Garima Joshi: I'll try, I'll try.

Have a good day (today)

Bye, love you.

[3/20/2018, 3:06 AM] Prathik: I thought you said cheesy stuff were grossing you out...

I'm sorry, did I sound a little overprotective?

[3/20/2018, 3:13 AM] Garima Joshi: Okay Patrick I love you v much but I'll find you a wife tomorrow, for now you need those 2 hours 58 minutes of beauty sleep to rope in all those women

[3/20/2018, 3:13 AM] Prathik: Lulz. Fine. Love you too.

[thetuningofviolins]

And the Sun Will Shine || Promptis Fanweek Day 4 || “Favorite Trope”

rating: g

word count: 1,556

note: The trope: amnesia. Some angst ahoy!

Days bleed together.

People tell him it’ll get better. Time heals all wounds, they say, and one day it’ll hurt less, one day you’ll wake up and he won’t be the first thing on your mind, one day you’ll heal.

One day.

One day.

Prompto has, his entire life, somewhat prided himself on his restraint— any outbursts he’d had were shallow, born of some mild phobia. He’d never lashed out in anger— even when he’d wanted to. So he still doesn’t. Even when he wants to.

He wants to scream down the platitudes, because how can they not understand? It’s the day that reminds him exactly of what he’d lost, what they’d all lost, every goddamned sunrise is a testament to Noctis’ sacrifice.

Sometimes, he’s not sure he understands the point of the world that Noctis had given his life to save. There have been half-hearted attempts to rebuild— but most of the survivors had stayed in Lestallum after all, still shifting about in trauma, trying to remember how to exist without the constant threat of annihilation. Insomnia remains in ruins, with only a handful of people inside it, moving like ghosts around piles of rubble and shattered pavement. A deeply cynical part of himself wonders if they’ll die out from apathy, in the sunlight that Noct had died for.

The last time Prompto had seen him— weeks ago, though the exact timing eludes him— Ignis had quietly asked him to return to Hammerhead. Go to Lestallum. Anywhere but here.

He’d told him, in no uncertain terms, that he has no intention of leaving.

But the one place he hasn’t managed to convince himself to return to—

He’s here now.

Prompto gazes up at the Citadel, still in remarkably good condition, all things considered. Frankly, he’s surprised that no one has really taken advantage of it, but he’s struck with the confusing realization that either way, he’s angry about it. He’s angry that it’s being treated as some sort of holy ground; already everyone is forgetting Noct, the person, remembering only Noctis, the True King, the Bringer of Light. But he’d be just as angry if people wandered inside and set up camp without understanding. Without knowing exactly where they were and what had happened there.

He might just be angry, in general.

His feet carry him up the long staircase, almost automatically. The last time he’d been here… his heart drops, aching. The service had been small, and makeshift at that— but a proper burial, with only those closest to Noct in attendance. He’d waited until everyone else had left before he’d cried. He’d never cried so hard before— and hadn’t since. The temptation is certainly there, all of a sudden; his throat feels tight, his chest burning, but he swallows it back with some effort.

The inside still looks good, with only some minor damage. Almost as though it’s just a weekend, and no one happens to be coming into work— a little smile tugs at one corner of Prompto’s mouth as fond memories of Noctis sneaking him in where he shouldn’t have been allowed to go pass over his mind’s eye, but it fades quickly as reality sets back in.

Someone is standing up ahead of him, facing away.

Prompto pauses, tensing. It’s ridiculous; it’s not like someone would come in here for some sort of nefarious purpose, there’s no reason to assume this person is a danger. Even so, instinct makes him flex his hand, ready to draw his gun out from the armiger with Noctis’ powers, despite knowing, knowing it isn’t going to work— and instinct makes him close his hand around the grip of the gun as it materializes.

It takes a second to register. Dimly surprised by the weight in his hand, he lifts it up and blinks blankly at the familiar firearm that… shouldn’t be there.

“Whoa, hey,” a voice says, the sound carried further by the acoustics of the room despite its gentle resonance, “Take it easy. I— uh, I come in peace?”

The gun… that voice…

Prompto finally focuses, looks up from his hand to the person standing further inside, who is now facing him with his palms outward in a placating gesture, a slightly nervous grin on his face.

His… familiar… face.

He feels like he’s been hit full-force in the chest by a ton of bricks; Prompto actually staggers back a step, dropping the gun (it vanishes in much the same way it arrived, as usual), unable to take a breath.

A walking impossibility, Noctis takes a step forward, one hand slightly extended in an offer of help, concern written on his face. “You okay?”

When his breath rushes back, Prompto nearly hyperventilates for a few seconds. He has to be dreaming, but he doesn’t dream much these days, and certainly not so vividly. But what he’s seeing… can’t be real. It can’t be.

Can it?

His mouth forms his name before his voice catches up, repeating, “Noct? Noct?” There’s no way, no way in the world that he can parse the absolute maelstrom of emotions flooding through his heart and mind, but his body reacts; Prompto runs, covering the distance between the two of them in just a few long bounds, throwing his arms around the other man with such force that it sends the two of them flying to the ground. He barely feels the impact. “Noct— Noct—“ He buries his face in Noctis’ chest, hands clutching tightly into the back of his shirt— his faint, deeply familiar scent washes through his senses and he feels like he’s drowning.

A hand comes up to rest gently on the back of Prompto’s head, tentatively. Noctis takes a slow breath, releasing it as though he’s wincing a bit. “Do you… know me?”

Prompto’s head snaps up, looking into Noctis’ face through a thin film of tears; the black streak of panic that he might have the wrong person after all and is simply going crazy is quelled by the second look; there’s no doubt about it. This is Noctis, almost exactly as he’d looked when he’d gone into the throne room for the last time.

Noctis pushes himself up a bit, onto one hand, though obviously not terribly offended by Prompto still sprawled out over him. Reading the anxiety in Prompto’s face, he frowns a little, guiltily. “Sorry— I woke up here a couple of days ago. I don’t… remember anything before that.” His palm slides forward, cupping Prompto’s cheek. “Really… I’m sorry. But…” Noctis brushes his thumb over a line of freckles, and his head tilts just slightly, in the vaguest sort of recognition. “… I… do know you, don’t I?”

“…Yeah,” Prompto manages to speak, voice strained, choked, by a million feelings he can’t at all work through. The confusion at the whole situation bashes up against the elation of Noct being here, which is washed over by the heartbreak of his apparent amnesia. “Yeah. You know me.”

Noctis nods a little, seeming slightly relieved with the confirmation. He smiles again, despite the guilt still tinting it. “…You look like you’ve missed me.”

A disbelieving half-laugh bubbles up from Prompto’s chest, and he brings a hand up to cover the one on his cheek, leaning into it slightly, allowing himself the indulgence even though he’s pretty sure it’s about as inappropriate as it gets at the moment. “You have no idea.”

——

Something about the way Noctis shields his eyes as he walks out into the sunlight makes Prompto want to cry all over again. Catharsis, maybe. But he holds it back, instead opting to walk next to the other man as they make their way down the long staircase to the promenade. “The view tapping any memories for you?” he asks, his tone more even, more to its old, cheerful cadence than it had been in years. (Not all the way. But closer.) The answering silence is enough to get the idea, and he nods. “Don’t worry about it. Maybe it’ll come back bit by bit. I’ll stick with you and we’ll see what happens, okay?”

Noctis makes an affirmative noise, before slowing a little, lingering behind Prompto for a step or two. “You haven’t told me your name again, you know,” he says, with an all-too-familiar undercurrent of amusement. Prompto can’t help the way it tugs the edges of his mouth upward.

“Give it some time. And no cheating, you don’t get to ask anyone else.”

A little snort of laughter is the reward for the joke, though Noctis folds his arms, tilting his head again at the other man, contemplatively. “I love you, don’t I.” It’s a statement, not a question.

Prompto freezes, flushing despite himself, the ruined mess of a heart in his chest suddenly crying out. He covers the aching spot with one hand, letting out a breath that’s not quite a laugh, not quite a sob. Years and years of… the deepest friendship he ever could have asked for, the almosts, the maybe-something-mores, the slightly too lingering touches and silent pining— all summed up in one casual, unintentional confession.

“And you love me too,” Noctis continues, as though he’s just confirming already well-known facts. God, maybe they are.

Prompto smiles genuinely, maybe for the first time in ten years. “…Yeah.”

[logh-icebergs]

Episode 12: Invasion of Imperial Territory

August 796/487. Yang, Sitolet, and Cazellnu get stuck in traffic. They run into Lebello and give him a lift in their handy military zip-helicopter. At the High Council meeting, Royal Sanford and Cornelia Windsor convince all council members except for Lebello, Huang, and Trunicht to vote in favor of the military’s proposed invasion of Imperial territory. With the operation approved by the government, Sitolet convenes a meeting at which he appoints Lobos to command the mission of eight fleets totaling 30,227,400 soldiers, with Greenhill his second in command. Andrew Fork, who crafted the invasion plan, accuses Yang of aiding the enemy. Meanwhile Rubinsky and von Remscheid go on a....date? No, okay, they’re probably just talking politics. Probably.

...Okay, got all that? We’ve been focused on laying the groundwork of the main themes and relationships that we’ll be following throughout the series, which means that many of the little plot details and secondary characters that have flitted by so far haven’t figured heavily in our posts. Since this episode is less like an iceberg and more like an ice floe that’s mostly above the water, I’m gonna take this opportunity to formally introduce us to some of these (many, many, many) characters. 

Alex Cazellnu

Pictured here with his characteristic “I’m not quite sure what’s happening around me” expression, Cazellnu is Yang’s friend and former upperclassman from the military academy. Many mysteries surround this man, as we’ll talk much more about later. For example, how did he land such a smoking hot and kickass wife? (We’ll see her soon, don’t worry.) What made him think Yang was fit to be anyone’s legal guardian? (Yes, that was his brilliant idea.) And what the fuck kind of name is Cazellnu? (Actually my guess is that it’s based on the word caserne meaning military barracks, which is a bit on the nose honestly since his job has to do with supplies and housing…)

More seriously, Cazellnu plays an interesting and important role in the show: He personifies the heteronormative societal structures and assumptions both of the in-universe world and the world of the audience. Like so much in LoGH this has a dual purpose. For the characters around him, the normative crap he says applies concrete pressure on them to meet the expectations of their society. For the audience, he explicitly articulates some of the (incorrect) "surface readings" that help the show pass as way straighter than it is. We will of course be keeping an eye out for these moments as we get to know him better.

Another Cazellnu mystery: Why didn’t he bother to give his younger daughter a name? Did he use up all the female names he could think of on Charlotte Phyllis??

Sidney Sitolet

We’ve seen Fleet Admiral Sitolet (or Sithole, as it’s sometimes spelled, but come on, have some respect…) before, most recently when he was laying a major guilt trip on Yang about trying to resign from the military. In this episode he intensifies that guilt trip even further, telling Yang that he’s the literal only hope for preventing the whole military from falling into the hands of over-ambitious zealots eager to get everyone gloriously killed. Sheesh. I know that Sitolet is clearly demarcated as one of the Good Guys here—an older, more powerful, slightly sterner version of Yang who is also extremely practical about using his resources to try to minimize the damage caused by the continuing war. And Yang is one of those resources. I get it, but...this scene at the end of this episode just makes me want to write AU fanfic where Yang tells him to go to hell and moves to a nice mountain villa where he writes history books all day while Julian goes shopping at the local market for the best deals on high quality tea.

...What, a girl can dream, can’t she? (From episode 3.)

Anyway, platitudes about patriotism and duty to crush the Evil Empire etc. won’t keep Yang in the military, but Sitolet is the one who knows exactly the kind of logic Yang finds inescapable. As much as it obviously frustrates and saddens him, Yang feels the burden of Sitolet’s expectations. 

João Lebello

Or Joanne, sure, why not.

This is the first time we’re seeing Lebello, the current secretary of the treasury serving on the Alliance High Council. He’s a childhood friend of Sitolet’s, and their banter reminds me a bit of Yang and Cazellnu’s friendship. 

In the council’s deliberations, he’s the loudest voice speaking up against the invasion, on the grounds that their economy is already being stretched thin by the ongoing warfare and further military spending could lead to collapse. Unfortunately the counter of “eh we’ll just print more money” is persuasive to most of the council, who vote in favor of the invasion in hopes that a victory will improve their polling numbers. Let’s hear it for democracy! 

Huang Louis

Like Yang, his family name is first; his given name is ルイ in Japanese, and I’ve seen it rendered as Rui, Lewi, or Louis.

The only other council member to speak against the invasion plan. Huang is quietly awesome; I don’t have a ton to say about him yet other than that, and the fact that I totally ship him and Lebello. 

Huang/Lebello is pretty high up there on the LoGH Ships expanding brain meme.

Cornelia Windsor

The token woman on the council, Windsor does a great job smashing the sexist stereotype that women are less likely than men to warmonger and advocate the deaths of millions of citizens. And she does so while reminding me so strongly of Dolores Umbridge that I’ve been trying to convince myself that J.K. Rowling must have watched at least the first twelve episodes of this show somehow. 

I mean, just look at that giggle.

There are three philosophies put forward in the council discussion: Lebello and Huang making practical arguments about the toll the war is taking on the Alliance economically and socially; Sanford, the head of the council, arguing that inaction is less likely to get them re-elected than a potential victory; and Windsor making the ideological case that war against the Empire is so righteous that no cost is too great to pay.

I’ll go out on a limb and say this show hasn’t been very subtle from the beginning about its distaste for people making arguments in favor of war and destruction on purely ideological or dogma-driven grounds. This stance seems mostly uncomplicated for now—pragmatism: good; blind idealism: bad—but so far the stars have aligned so that the characters spewing the dogmatic rhetoric are using it to push for increased death. It’s easy to roll our eyes at ideals of honor and glory in war; what about ideals like “try not to kill people if you don’t have to”? What if those go against the pragmatic arguments? We’ve already seen this tension a bit between Yang and Jessica, with his willingness to work within the military clashing with her ideals of pacifism, even though their ultimate goals align. In those cases there’s much less of a clear cut answer.  

...But for now at least, we can all agree this Umbridge-wannabe person sucks.

Job Trunicht

(From episode 6.)

We’ve already heard plenty about Trunicht and we’ll hear plenty more, so I won’t dwell on him here. But a quick Fun Fact*: Yang, being generally a luddite, refused to even get a remote control for his TV (er sorry, SolidVision) for a long time, until Trunicht started appearing regularly on the news. Yang hated seeing Trunicht’s face for even a split second so much that he would bound up off the couch to turn it off as soon as Trunicht showed up. Of course Yang is incredibly lazy, and he finally realized that with a remote control he could remain on the couch and have to see Trunicht’s face for even less time, so he caved and bought one; and now he sits eagerly watching the news with the remote clutched in one hand, hoping he’ll have the chance to turn it off in disgust.

...Relatable.

*Source: Julian’s Iserlohn Diary, one of the side stories written by Tanaka. Yes yes our canon here is the anime not the books; but we get to pick and choose adorable details that we like, and I hereby make this one Official Icebergs Canon.

Andrew Fork

Speaking of characters spewing pompous platitudes about war, meet Andrew Fork, who I really really wish I could say was a hyperbolic caricature who could never exist or gain actual power in real life but………..*looks around* here we are I guess. Fork must be a historian who wrote his thesis on early 21st century Earth internet message boards, since he employs tactics like accusing anyone who questions the practical implementation of his ideas of Aiding the Other Side. I again can’t resist sharing a passage from the novel of another character describing Fork:

*thinking emoji* *thinking emoji* *thinking emoji* I dunno it sounds familiar but I can’t place it...

Alexander Bucock

As you can tell by him giving Fork shit, Bucock is one of the more level-headed of the admirals. We’ll get to know him better in the future, so for now I’ll just mention that he’s awesome and him telling Fork that he’s impolite makes me happy. And that you shouldn’t get him mixed up with Lobos just because they both have white/gray hair and a mustache, as I may have done through pretty much the whole first season...

Quick Aside: Names

Cazellnu/Caserne/Caselnes? João/Joanne Rebelo/Lebello? Sitolet/Sithole/Shithole? Rui/Lewi/Louis? Fork/Falk? Bucock/Bewcock? Mittermeyer/Mittermeier, Reuental/Reuenthal, Mintz/Minci, Lap/Lapp/Shithole…??? It might have come to your attention by now that there is complete consensus about the spelling of essentially zero LoGH names.

You’d think “Jessica Edwards” would at least be free from controversy, but….. (From episode 2.)

Given that there doesn’t seem to be one clearly “official” source, and that it’s 1600 years in the future, we’re not especially hung up on trying to be super authentic and picky with our spellings. Maybe Cazellnu’s distant ancestors who also managed military barracks were named Caserne, but the spelling got modified as humanity emigrated to the stars; it happens. Generally our policy is to spell things however we happen to feel like it, based on some combination of aesthetics and just what we’re used to, and to be as consistent as we can once we pick a spelling; but we’re not really in the business of trying to arbitrate which spellings are “correct.” There’s too much about LoGH that’s worth caring passionately about to spend that much energy on the names. 

...Except Minci is still wrong, sorry animation notes that came with the laserdiscs.

Okay now, where were we…

Lazzll Lobos

...What, really? Lazzll, that’s what the subbers went with? Is that even a name? *quick Google search* No, no it’s not. Well, apparently it’s more commonly spelled Lassalle, but y’know what, I’m sticking with Lazzll god dammit. I make the rules here.

I don’t have anything to say about him beyond his name and that he is different from Bucock apparently.

And last but not...well okay maybe also least?

Adrian Rubinsky

When we last mentioned Rubinsky he was musing about how to use Reinhard and Kircheis’s relationship to his advantage somehow; here we find him informing the Imperial High Commissioner to Phezzan about the Alliance’s impending invasion, which he learned about...somehow. His air is constantly that of one attempting to play puppet-master and sculpt the situation to his own advantage, although ostensibly he is only doing his duty here as an Imperial subject, Phezzan being officially a territory of the Empire. It’s on his information that the Imperial nobles set Reinhard’s fleet in motion to meet the Alliance invasion force, as Yang was afraid they would do.

We also very very briefly meet Dominique Saint-Pierré, a mistress of Rubinsky's, seen here pouring wine while both men leer at her; she has more power than this glimpse suggests, though, and the power struggles between her and Rubinsky are definitely the most interesting aspect of Rubinsky’s role in the story.

Phew! And with this we conclude the entry that will probably mention the highest number of canonically straight characters by name of any Icebergs post. I hope you got all that; yes this will be on the exam. 

Stray Tidbits

I love the four-hour traffic jam caused by some intern feeding a corrupt string into a computer. I’ve mentioned how realistic the self-driving car system on Heinessen feels, and having it break down only adds to the realism.

So much for Yang’s optimism that capturing Iserlohn would lead to peace negotiations rather than an escalation of the war. Cracks are starting to show in Yang’s admiration of this whole “let the people control the government” thing, and I don’t blame him; especially since the Alliance “democracy” seems to involve decisions made by simple majority vote by an eleven-person High Council?? Umm? 

The subs tried to make sense of this line by drawing a distinction that I don't think is there in the Japanese: Yang uses the same verb, "akusei o shite iru," for both governments, where akusei (悪政) is literally bad+government. My interpretation is that Yang is expressing frustration at the irony of people choosing to elect a government that nevertheless governs against their interest...but I guess I might be projecting.

I love this random shot of a Phezzani street. Most Obscure LoGH Love Triangle Award goes to the three teenagers on the right; I wonder which of them is the vertex?? This is the fanfiction the world demands. 

[onceandfuturekiki]

I’ll fight against the urge to lecture you on the importance of having at least a thorough working knowledge of film history to becoming a filmmaker and help you out. ;)

To start, what definition of “classic” are you operating under? Because there’s the more broadly used definition, like “that movie is an instant classic”, and there’s the classic era, which generally refers to the studio era, the birth of film to around the mid-late 1960s, when the studio system collapsed.

If you’re going with the former, the film adaptation of Cabaret is definitely relevant today. It’s set against the back drop of earl 1930s Germany, when the Nazi party was coming to power and their ideas and beliefs were spreading throughout the country. That setting is incredibly important to the plot and the story has a lot to say about the way that kind group can quickly sweep through and take over and what it means for the people living in that world. All the President’s Men demonstrates the importance of the press and how they’re necessary to hold politicians accountable.

Some lesser known films from the classic era that are relevant today:

The Mortal Storm: Much like Cabaret, this film explored Germany during the years that the Nazi party was coming to power and their influence was sweeping through the country, but it focuses on that story much more than Cabaret does. 

Gabriel over the White House: This is sort of a “what the fuck” oddity. It was partially backed by powerful businessmen like WR Hearst, and it’s a pretty good peek into the minds and motivations of people like Steve Bannon and the kind of the country they want. It’s about an ineffective, corrupt President who has a near death experience that motivates him to basically become a fascist dictator, and everything he does is portrayed as positive, as the kind of thing that needs to be done to save the country. In the early 1930s, in the midst of the Depression, there was a lot more positivity about the idea of fascism in the country.

Advise and Consent is a really interesting movie about partisan politics  and how political infighting motivates a great deal of what happens in Congress.

A Face in the Crowd is an important examination of the way politicians can manipulate people’s perceptions of them by using the media and saying things the people want to hear. While the character in question presents himself more as a hayseed yokel type, I think there are some really important parallels that can be drawn to the way Trump courted voters, the things he said to get votes, and his actual positions and goals.

Heroes for Sale takes place after WWI and into the Depression, and it’s about the way the government failed the disenfranchised, in particular suffering soldiers who returned from the war. It’s still relevant in this society where so many of our elected officials want to push aside the suffering and those in need and just let them die and fade away.

People Will Talk might, on the surface, look like it doesn’t belong on this list. But it’s still incredibly relevant in the way it examines people’s perceptions of women and the way society seeks to control women through shame, judgment, and witch-hunt mentalities, and the harm that can do to a woman on an individual level

Seven Days in May criticizes fanatical anti-Communism, but what it has to say about such things is relevant in a world where Islamophobia has reached a fever pitch. It also highlights the dangers of fear mongering and shows how politicians use it to manipulate voters.

King Vidor’s The Crowd deconstructs the myth of the American Dream and looks at a difficulties endured by the middle class and how hard it is to achieve upward mobility in a crowded society.

12 Angry Men  will probably ALWAYS be relevant in the way it shows the flaws in our justice system and the way prejudice can taint people’s perceptions so that certain people aren’t considered to be innocent until proven guilty.

Anatomy of a Murder is important in a similar way to 12 Angry Men in the way it shows the flaws in the justice system, but more importantly it explores how debilitating things like misogyny, toxic masculinity, and the perception of sex as shameful can be to the system, taking on ideas of victim-blaming, looking at the absurdity of the way rape and various clinical terms are avoided when they’re at the heart of a murder trial, and how those things cause massive weaknesses in the system.

Charles Chaplin made a lot of films that remain relevant. His little Tramp films often explored the massive gap between the classes and the way those living in poverty are often treated and their struggle. Modern Times is particularly relevant in the way it shows the cycle of the negative impact of poverty and how it’s not as easy to escape as the wealthy want people to believe with their platitudes of “pick yourself up by your bootstraps”

Pickup on South Street looks likes a flag-waving patriotic movie about how awful communists are and how people would be loyal to their country, but Samuel Fuller would never make something like that. While the surface story is about people choosing to be loyal to the country rather than pursuing their own interests, this film is incredibly relevant and subversive in regards to the characters and its heart. Skip and Candy are the undesirables of society. They’re poor, a common thief and a prostitute. They’re the people society, people like our President and the Speaker of the House want to write off and do away with, and in this film they’re the ones who end up being the patriots, they’re the ones who end up being the heroes.

The original To Be or Not to Be shows the importance of art, especially in times of social turmoil.

Triumph of the Will is incredibly important to watch when it comes to understanding how effective film can be as a tool for propaganda and how fascist regimes can use it to manipulate the masses (no, guys, it’s never “just a movie”)

Lots of the movies Sidney Poitier starred in are, sadly, still incredibly relevant today. In the Heat of the Night showcases several different ways racism is expressed and how it impacts minorities regardless of their socioeconomic situation, with Poitier’s character having difficulty gaining any respect in the town and at one point being arrested for basically existing while black, despite being a well-off detective. No Way Out also demonstrates the struggles minorities face, how much harder they have to work to achieve the same position as white people, and how even then prejudice and hatred impacts the way they’re treated.

That’s just a few off the top of my head. There are a ton of movies form the classic era that are still relevant. The more things change the more they stay the same.

[random-fandom-infinite]

My First™ Yuri on Ice Meta!

[Just a note – since I’m an English speaker I’ll be referring to the English subs in this Meta – my apologies if I miss any subtleties in the language.

Also this is pretty long and has a bunch of swears in it. Also it’s about Ep12, so spoilers. I also talk about anxiety, so if that bothers you, tread carefully. Also this is super long. Apologies if the “read more” doesn’t work.

Also, also, I don’t know how to take screen caps, so all I have are quotes. Sorry y’all.]

So I’ve been thinking about Yuri on Ice Episode 12, because there were a couple scenes that felt strange to me (and possibly others) – specifically, what Victor Said to Yuri right before he preformed his Free Skate.

I mean, the big thing everyone wanted to see in episode 12 was Victor and Yuri hash out their feelings – and basically what it comes down to, is most people expected Victor to say something along the lines of, “Yuri, I still love you. No matter what happens.” But we didn’t get that. Instead we got, “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” and a lot of people (me included) were like … “WHAT THE FUCK? VICTOR WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO YURI KATSUKI OF ALL PEOPLE!”

But then there was smiling, and crying, and hugging, and everyone kind of went, “Whaaaa?”

And looking back on it, I think Victor said EXACTLY the right thing.

And here’s why.

This is what we know about Yuri, and what he’s receptive to when he’s upset.

-        A girl once tired to hug him when his friend got hurt – he pushed her away because “[He] didn’t want her to think [he] was feeling unsettled” and “[He] felt like she was intruding on [his] feelings” ep4. He hates having people coddle him and treating him like a weakling.

-        His friends and family know how to support him without “crossing the line” ep4. “Minako-Sensei, Nishigori, Yuko-chan and my family never treated me like a weakling. They all had faith that I’d keep growing as a person” ep4.  

-        Yuri seems reserved, but is INCREDIBLY competitive. “He actually hates losing” ep2.

-        In episode 7, after “shattering” Yuri’s heart, Victor says, point-blank, that he doesn’t know what to do. So Yuri tells him EXACTYLY what he needs. “Just have more faith than I do that I’ll win! You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” ep7. This fits in with the previously established approach that Yuri’s friends and family use – namely, “They all HAD FAITH that [He’d] keep growing as a person”

So WHY is “I love you, no matter what happens,” the WRONG thing to say?

Because it leaves room for doubt.

Let me explain.

To a calm, confident, or otherwise non-anxious person, this phrase seems really innocuous. At its core, it means: “You always have my love, and you don’t need to worry about disappointing me – so go out there and just do your best!”  

But to someone with anxiety (or at the very least severe confidence issues), like Yuri, it sounds a little different.

Now, just clarify, this is my own interpretation, as some who also struggles with severe self-esteem issues and anxiety. (I realize everyone with anxiety is a bit different, so I can really only speak to my experiences).

To someone like Yuri, who NEEDS PEOPLE TO HAVE FAITH IN HIM, this is not a comforting phrase, because anxiety makes you miss the “I love you” part, and instead makes you focus on the “no matter what”, part.

The “no matter what” in this case, means “whether you win or lose” – which is reminder that that OH DEAR LORD THERE IS STILL THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOU WILL LOSE.

“I love you, no matter what” is a phrase people say when they’re preparing for the worst. It would be like Victor saying, “I hope you win, and I think you probably will. But if you don’t, then whatever, I guess”.

Which isn’t BAD per se, but it dismisses all of the work Yuri has put into this one moment. And it would make Yuri’s train of thought go a bit like this:

“Ok, Victor will love me, even if I lose,” – “I mean, he’s probably just saying that. I’m sure I’ll win … but what if I ACTUALLY lose though?” – “Wait, is he saying that because he THINKS I REALLY AM going to lose?” – “IS HE EXPECTING ME TO LOSE?” – “HOLY SHIT, HE THINKS I’M GOING TO LOSE!” – “NO, NO, NO, STOP IT. FUCK!” – “VICTOR HAS NO FAITH IN ME, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WIN NOW!?”

Remember, it’s been clearly stated that Victor’s Faith in Yuri is one of the keys to his success. Yuri wants to make Victor proud, and show the world that Victor taking time off to coach him has not been a waste. He wants to prove he deserves Victor – he wants to surpass Victor and be worthy of skating on the same ice as him.  If Yuri thinks, for even an instant, that Victor is not 100% with him, he is at risk of self-destructing. We see hints of this in Episode 11, when Victor is watching the other Short Programs.

Now, obviously, this is all in Yuri’s head. We as an audience know that Victor loves Yuri unconditionally. But that’s the thing – Yuri’s entire character arc is about him finding his confidence – successfully managing his anxiety, and growing as a person. Victor is the one who helps him achieve this.

Throughout the series, they’ve made it a point to avoid the “Love fixes everything” trope – which is AWESOME. Just because Victor and Yuri are in love doesn’t automatically make his anxiety go away.

Instead, throughout the series, Victor slowly learns how to manage Yuri’s anxiety, mostly by trial and error (and he fucks up – A LOT) but ALSO by having faith in him and working through his emotions with him, instead of brushing them off. “When I open up, he meets me where I am” ep4.

Sometimes Victor doesn’t even say anything at all, because he knows that’s not what Yuri needs. “You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” (YURI ep7) – compare that to episode 11 – after Yuri’s SP score is announced, Victor stays quiet, thinking, “What should I give Yuri now?”

So here’s the OTHER thing about “I love you, no matter what happens”.

It completely dismisses the very real, very intense emotions Yuri is feeling.

It’s the Grand Prix final, and as far as Yuri’s concerned at this point, it’s the LAST time he will skate competitively, AND he’s determined to win gold to make Victor proud and prove himself to the world. Not to be too hyperbolic, but to Yuri, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED.

He is under a SHIT TON is pressure – and I mean, that’s a SHIT TON of pressure for ANYONE – even someone without anxiety. And by throwing out a flippant “I love you, no matter what”, you’re basically saying, “Your emotions are invalid. The results are meaningless, don’t worry about it”. It’s like telling a person with Depression to just “cheer up” – that’s not how it fucking works. It doesn’t MATTER that this person “loves you” – because at this exact instant, Love is not the issue. Winning is the issue. Winning is where the focus is. There’s no time to think about anything else.

Sometimes anxiety will cause you to fixate – you worry about things until they become too massive to cope with. In the most basic of layman’s terms, your “fight or flight” reflex is sounding all kinds of alarms and there’s NOTHING you can do to turn them off. (Most therapists will work with you to develop coping strategies to help “turn them off” so you can function in the real world). For me, personally, the worst thing someone can do when I’m anxious or having a panic attack is trying to take my mind off it. Relaxing, soothing words mean nothing, because in my overwhelmed mind it’s like, “THERE IS A PROBLEM! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING THE PROBLEM? DON’T TELL ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT – HELP ME FIX IT!”

Plus, we KNOW Yuri doesn’t like being coddled – so gently cooing an indulgent “I Love You” is REALLY missing the mark. “Oh poor baby, I’ll love you even if you lose” is absolutely NOT the kind of thing that would motivate Yuri.

And besides, Yuri already KNOWS he has Victor’s love no matter what. They’re fucking ENGAGED – Victor is literally prepared to be with Yuri for the rest of their lives. To shed some light on this, in episode 7, we have this exchange:

“But this time I’m anxious because my mistakes would reflect on you, too! I’ve been wondering if you secretly want to quit!” (YURI ep7)

“Of course I don’t” (VICTOR ep7)

“I know!” (YURI ep7)

Catch that? Yuri says, “I KNOW”. He literally screams it.  He knows, logically, that Victor doesn’t want to leave – but he still worries about it, regardless.  

But, that’s the other fun thing about anxiety – logic has no place here. Logically, Yuri knows Victor is happy with him, he knows Victor was just trying to get through to him by testing him, he KNOWS Victor isn’t just going to fuck off somewhere. But then his anxiety whispers, “But what if he DOES …” and that’s all it takes.  

Yuri is overwhelmingly stressed – and emotions don’t just disappear because you want them to. There are no magic words to make it all better. So instead of a generic platitude, instead of trying to take his mind off how he’s feeling, Victor meets Yuri’s anxiety head-on, and says something truly meaningful instead.

So WHY is “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” the RIGHT thing to say?

Because it leaves ABSOLUTELY NO room for doubt.

Let me explain.

Let’s break down that moment in Episode 12. First, Victor says:

“Don’t worry, you can win Gold, Yuri. Believe in yourself”

Now, this is Coach Victor™ spouting off some generic platitudes. This is what literally every coach has ever said to every athlete ever in the history of the universe. This is Coach Victor™ not knowing what to say, and bumbling is way through another encounter with Anxious Yuri™.

And Yuri is having absolutely none of that shit. He says:

“Hey, Victor, you said before that you want to stay true to yourself, right? Don’t suddenly start trying to sound like a coach now.”

Yuri is 100% calling him out. There are more layers to this of course – that Yuri wants Victor to just be himself – to be the skater who inspired his whole career.  They’ve gotten this far because they’re Victor & Yuri™ and they have the Power of Love on their side – not because Victor is the world best coach.

 Yuri then goes on to say:

 “I want to smile for my last time on the ice.”

To me, this is a plea – Yuri wants to talk to Victor; Not Coach Victor™. He wants the Victor who meets him where he is. The Victor who said, “Tomorrow, show me the skating that you honestly liked the best” ep10. The Victor he loves. Yuri absolutely DOES NOT WANT the generic, “I love you, no matter what happens”. He wants Victor – brutally honest, genuine Victor.

So Victor flips his hair, rolls up his sleeves and spits some sick truth:

“Yuri, listen to me. I debated whether I should tell you this now, but … I took a break after becoming the 5 time world champion to coach you, so how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?”

And this is the part where we as fans (including me) collectively went, “HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?”

But wait … “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” doesn’t this sound familiar? Where have I heard this before?

 Oh, that’s right – Episode 3:

“How many times have you messed up during a competition? You have the skill to win. Why can’t you make it happen?” (VICTOR ep3)

“Well that’s probably because … I lack confidence” (YURI ep3)

 “Right. My job is to make you feel confident in yourself” (VICTOR ep3)

 All the way back in episode 3, at the start of the series, Victor reveals that HE PERSONALLY BELIEVES that Yuri has the skills to win a Gold Medal. He says it point-blank, right to Yuri’s face. He’s seen Yuri FLAWLESSLY REPLICATE his program for “Stay Close to Me” – an INCREDIBLY DIFFICUT, GOLD-MEDAL-WINNING PROGRAM.

It’s almost as if Victor has had faith in Yuri this entire time – but Yuri’s anxiety just wouldn’t let him accept that.

Oh wait. That’s EXACTLY what’s going on. And we all know that what Yuri needs most of all, especially when he’s overwhelmed, is for Victor to have FAITH in him. And to “Just stand by [him]!” ep7.

So with that in mind, the line reads less as, “Yuri you suck. Why can’t you win anything? Wasn’t my coaching good enough for you?” and it starts to read like this:

“Yuri, listen to me. I debated whether I should tell you this now, but … WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK? You are SO GODDAMN TALENTED that I LITERALLY CANNOT COMPREHEND how it is PHYSICALLY possible that you have not won a gold medal yet!!! I’m not even competing this year – you’re not stuck in my shadow! There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING standing in your way. I believe with all my heart and soul that you are the BEST skater here – so GO GET THAT GODDAMN MEDAL ALREADY BECAUSE WE WORKED SO HARD AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT”.  

Victor has SO MUCH FAITH in Yuri that he is LITERALLY BAFFLED by the fact that Yuri hasn’t won a Gold Medal. Notice how he says “How is it possible …” rather than, “You haven’t won anything yet” or “you have to win something”. IT’S A QUESTION. He KNOWS that Yuri is so talented and so dedicated, and the very idea that Yuri could lose because of this “confidence thing” is just absolutely unacceptable to Victor. He sees AMAZING things in Yuri – and he always has. Like he said in episode 3, he’s made it his job to bring Yuri’s confidence out.

So how does that fit in with Yuri’s anxiety? This seems like the kind of thing that would put even more pressure on him.

But let’s review what we know about Yuri.

-        He hates having people coddle him and treating him like a weakling.

-        His friends and family all had faith that he’d keep growing as a person. This is the same type of Faith he needs Victor to express – “Just have more faith than I do that I’ll win! You don’t have to say anything. Just stand by me!” ep7.

-        Yuri is INCREDIBLY competitive. “He actually hates losing” ep2.

So instead of being soft and sweet – wishy-washy, doubtful and coddling, Victor is brutally honest – he gives Yuri what he needs – which in this case, is a fucking wake-up call.

Next, Victor says:

“How much longer are you going to stay in warm-up mode?”

Here, he’s meeting Yuri where he is, by issuing this challenge – he phrases it in such a way that Yuri is certain to respond to it. He knows that Yuri is under HUGE amounts of pressure, and inside, he’s facing down a massive stream of negative nonsense – so he helps Yuri fight it by voicing his absolute, immoveable, unwavering Faith in him. Here, Victor is basically saying, “I know you’re good enough to win – and more importantly, YOU know you’re good enough to win, so what the fuck are you waiting for?”He has more faith that Yuri is going to win than Yuri does. And he’s making sure Yuri knows it.

He’s doing EXACTLY what Yuri told him to do in episode 7.

And finally, we have this little gem:

“I really want to kiss the gold medal”

Can you think of a more quintessentially “Victor Nikiforov” thing to say? Yuri wants Victor to stay true to himself – so Victor obliges. This statement is so perfectly, genuinely Victor – it’s flirty, and coy, and challenging and blunt and surprising. And the little whine in his voice when he says it? Like, literally slays me.

And again, he leaves no room for doubt. He doesn’t say “If you win the gold medal, I’ll kiss it”. He says, “I really want to kiss the gold medal”.

It’s not an “IF”. It’s a “WHEN”.

It’s definitely still a challenge – but he’s not issuing an ultimatum. He’s not saying, “prove your love with a gold medal” or, “we won’t get married until you win” he’s saying “DON’T YOU DARE SABOTAGE YOURSELF AGAIN. YOU ARE GOING TO WIN. NOW BRING ME THAT GOD DAMN MEDAL SO I CAN KISS IT”

There is ABSOLUTELY NO doubt in Victor’s mind that Yuri will win. He presents this as a fact of nature. It’s like – water is wet. The earth revolves around the sun. And Yuri Katsuki will win the Gold Medal at the Grand Prix Final.

And when he does, Victor Nikiforv is going to kiss it. And then he’s going to kiss Yuri. And then he’s going to take a selfie of them and the medal, and then he’s going to take a selfie of himself kissing the medal, and then he’s going to take a selfie of him and Yuri kissing while Yuri’s wearing the medal.  

He’s already planning for Yuri’s win.

So, in conclusion – why is “how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” better than “I love you, no matter what happens”?

Because there’s a HUGE difference between saying, “I love you” and “I believe in you”.

And we know that “I love you, no matter what happens” isn’t how Yuri wants to be loved and motivated – and it ALSO it isn’t how Victor would genuinely GIVE his love either.

In episode 4, Victor says, “Ok, I won’t let you off easy, then. That’s my way of showing my love”. And he never does let Yuri off easy – he doesn’t let Yuri hide his feelings, he doesn’t let Yuri back down from challenges, he doesn’t let Yuri slack off when he knows Yuri can do better. He has faith in him.

You can see it in the way he talks about Yuri throughout the series. He’s constantly pushing Yuri to be better. And he’s constantly telling people how much he believes in Yuri.

“You have the skill to win. Why can’t you make it happen?” (VICTOR ep3)

 “Yuri, you’re not weak. No one else thinks that either.” (VICTOR ep4)

“Hmm … since you weren’t under pressure, I thought you’d score in the hundreds” (VICTOR ep5)

“Of course, you’ll see Yuri be perfect” (VICTOR ep5)

“You can score even higher, so don’t feel down, ok Yuri?” (VICTOR ep5)

“Now that Yuri can do a quadruple flip, he’ll definitely win at the Rostelecom Cup and advance to the Grand Prix Final!” (VICTOR ep7)

“Right now I see a lot of potential in Katsuki Yuri’s skating” (VICTOR ep8)

“How is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” (VICTOR ep12)

It turns out that this moment in episode 12 really isn’t out of place at all.

In this moment, Yuri didn’t need to hear “I love you” he needed to hear “I believe in you”. And that’s exactly what Victor says. Victor is showing his love by “not letting Yuri off easy” – and it means so much more than “I love you, no matter what”.

So while it looked pretty harsh and weird to us as an audience – this moment between Victor and Yuri is actually so full of tenderness and understanding. Victor FINALLY says what Yuri needs to hear. Yuri FINALLY starts to realize the FULL extent of Victor’s adoration of him – on AND off the ice. They’re still in the middle of making major, life-changing decisions, but for this one beautiful moment it they’re in sync – there’s a sudden clarity, and everything else can wait.

I think, especially for western audiences, we’re so used to having everything spelled out for us (looking at you, Hollywood), that we sometimes feel cheated when things don’t go “according to plan”. Characters in love have to kiss. Characters in love have to say “Will You Marry Me?” Characters in love have to say “I love you no matter what”.  But it’s so much more raw and real to see a relationship play out with its own unique little quirks. Its more engaging to watch two actual people trying to figure out how another living, breathing human works – how their partner thinks and feels; How to figure out what their lover needs – and how to be selfless enough to give it to them.

Sometimes it’s more fun when things don’t go according to plan.