#Anti-psychotic

[smylenol]

(It was raining. I could be in a neck brace. Waiting until the fed-up overworked nurses and shrinks command me to shut up.)

I’m having some amusement, I suppose. I have one more alter project to set up, and then .. Kablang. Or in this case, doom! The Injustice Doom Society ;}

There’s going to be a lot of hot under 25s! I should be excited, but really, I don’t want to bother, they shouldn’t have to ask, and I’m at this city’s service when I’m strong enough. Batsy would clean litter from the streets I think, if they were in a corner and simply wanted to prove how much they care about things going on.

Within the next year? I should set up OneWhoLaughs. If that’s still available. Then I’ll be on the Instagram feed, and I won’t mind the swimsuits and tuchuses so much. I’ve been awake.. all night, walking with what appears to be a spot of trench foot and nails cutting into other toes. The nails were cut. I, uhm er ahh.. drinka duh cawfii.

(Second to the head meds! Under your thumb I’m .. somewhat rather proud to be.)

I may have to explain to everybody that there’s no guarantee that my blood is clean, and that we likely shouldn’t .. mix sticks? The fuh I meant mix hips you bungling cephalopod crusty nobster .. j.. juhohngsun? Hold on. Chuh chuh chuh? Death maracas. Shiggasquigga.

Playdate? Hah, perhaps for a few scant moments along a footfall in this city I’m allowed to live in. I have so much to explain and account for, and the big if, if I have to, it’ll be okay, I can be broken down. Evil? Nuu. Ebil. Ebil smol bawz.

[schizoetic]

Being permanently mentally ill doesn't mean you'll be permanently unhappy

[chipinsolace]

So called “mental health advocates”: Mental health matters! You are loved!

People who have a psychotic disorder: oh thanks-

Same “mental health advocates”: LOL! Delulu is the solulu! I wanna dye my hair so bad THE VOICES are LITERALLY TALKING TO ME! Ugh I hate you I’m in your walls/j! It’s giving schizoposting! No girl this is spiritual psychosis, Hope this helps! I hate this guy he’s so psychotic.

:(

[gor3sigil]

I’m Trans and Insane and I’m doing fine.

[TW Psychosis, transphobia, psychophobia, medication, psych ward]

“Are you sure ?” she asked.

I remember looking back at her in disbelief, because that was certainly a question I never asked her when she came out.

“Why do you ask ?” I say.

“Dude, I’ve seen you go into depersonalization so hard you even thought you were a human soul in a robot vessel and now, you want me to trust you when you say that you, too, are trans ?”

That’s the memory that comes back to me as I fold and put in my bag my psychiatrist’s note attesting that I suffer from gender dysphoria, NOT LINKED to any psychotic symptoms. Here it goes in my folder with my prescription note, an increase - again - of my anti depressants and Xan, and my endocrinologist’s HRT prescription, increased too - finally.

I go to two separate pharmacies to pick up each prescription for two reasons:

There is only one in this godforsaken town that always had testosterone in stock.

I can’t explain to you with words the look you can get when you give back to back, to someone who, despite not being a doctor, works in healthcare, a note for trans HRT and then a note for psychiatric meds.

And I’m lucky, because I’m not taking antipsychotics anymore. Contrarily to what you could think, it doesn’t magically makes the voices and the shadowy people disappear, but it can make a mess of your head pretty bad and my doctor and I both agreed that I didn’t need more damage up here than what I already had. And no, it doesn’t make your delusions vanish magically too: in fact, I was still pretty certain that I was talking to my soul family out here in Argentine telepathically about my mission on Earth, the meds just made it more difficult to understand their voices, but the belief was still solid.

Anyways, I’m back home with the Hoy Grail I fought tooth and nails to get: a letter from the Sacred Council of Mental Sanity also known as Psychiatry that I was, indeed, a bit delulu, but also trans, and that both things didn’t play into each other. My transness wasn’t a delusion, my delusions didn’t have anything to do with being trans.

Or did it ?

Chicken or egg, you know the drill. Did I have my selves fractured before and one of the piece that shattered my brain happened to make me trans or was I just trans with a shitload of traumas in the back that made me insane ?

But don’t worry, at least, trans people when we’re together, we have each other’s back ! Right ?

“Transidentity ISN’T a mental illness !! We don’t DESERVE to be FORCIBLY LOCKED UP and MEDICATED and MADE TO CONFORM FOR OTHER’S SENSE OF SECURITY !!”

Neither do I, RIGHT ?

Oh

Or do I ?

Remember what she said, my girlfriend, right at the beginning ?

How I can’t be trusted about myself when sometimes I don’t even have a sense of self anymore or I have too much selves who fight against each other ?

And what do we say to that ?

Get treatment. Get in-patient. Take medication. And for the love of God, shut the fuck up about it, you’re giving us a bad name.

Because being trans and crazy can’t exist. It’s absurd. You have to fix one of these two things. Choose which jacket I’ll wear, and they call it a straitjacket for a reason it seems, so am I queer or am I insane ?

All I know today is there isn’t a universe in which I’m a trans without any mental illnesses, or mentally ill without being trans. And yet, I can’t tell you how many time I got asked “do you think you’d be trans if you never got through [x trauma] ?”. I. Don’t. Know. I’ll never know. And I deserve just as much agency as you get despite being mentally ill. If you don’t believe in that, don’t come yapping about “liberation for all of us”, but “if one of us is crazy they’ll all think I am too and that can’t happen”.

No LGBTQIAA+ person deserves to be told they need to be put away, to be cured, to be allowed out in the open only if they’re deemed “acceptable” by society’s standards. And no mentally ill people deserve to either.

No trans person should be going through years of counseling to have the access to HRT.

And I shouldn’t have had to threaten my own mother’s life to avoid being locked in an adult psych ward at 14.

If you ever think, for one second, that these two things have nothing to do with one another, you are far removed from history.

To hear queer people say “yeah but some mentally ill people are dangerous !” feels like you don’t even know where you come from.

And if I want to say, that me being trans is linked to me being mentally ill, or at least, that both are connected in a way, all hell breaks fucking loose.

So I’ll explain very carefully.

See, when I was young, my mind got shattered into a thousand of pieces I had to try to glue back on. All these pieces of myself broke further more down the line because I couldn’t catch a fucking break. And now, it happens that the final puzzle does not have the same face it had before. It happens that its shape changed over time, for reasons over the control of all of us who tried to build ourselves back. Now there’s a bigger picture, less pieces, a few other shadows, and me. Built from the shatters. With my own needs and afflictions.

And whoever you are, whatever your agenda might be, I will not let anyone take any agency away from me under the false pretext that I can’t know anything for myself. They say that about children, they say that about minorities, about physically disabled people, about the people they want OUT. And my trans siblings, you know that.

I came out for the first time 7 years ago, to my then girlfriend, who was the one asking the question that is the first sentence of this text. I came out a second time 3 years ago. Been on HRT, had top surgery, had psychotic breaks, got my meds changed, switch therapist.

Because I am trans and crazy. And yet, all these choices I made, I made myself. It didn’t have to be that hard to get the basic care I needed. It didn’t need to be. But it WAS. And I’m part of the lucky crowd of people who had access to out-patient treatment, who never have been locked up in ward, who managed to stay alive through meds withdrawals without medical assistance when I had no therapist.

Be very careful of when you start to put conditions on the rights you think you deserve. Be very, very careful about your definition of sanity and of how it warps the way you see people. When you start to say “I have access to that, but there’s people like X or Y who shouldn’t BECAUSE”, pause and ask yourself what led you to think this way. More often than not, you’ll find yourself playing the same mind games as the ones you swore to fight against, and when it gives them the upper hand, they won’t hesitate to come for you after that.

[shitswiftiessay]

swifties are angry at joe alwyn for posting about gaza on taylor’s birthday, calling him “pathetic,” “manipulative,” and “evil.”

I wish I could tell you that this was all a joke, that these are all parody accounts, but they’re dead serious. and of course we get the conspiracy theory about HIS TEAM trying to make him look good, because anyone who comes online and says anything critical about taylor MUST be a member of joe alwyn’s PR team. 🙄

but yeah, swifties are convinced that joe was trying to SHADE taylor by posting about gaza on her birthday, because s hasn’t said or done shit regarding this issue. also, they literally cannot fathom that there is anything happening in the world that is MORE IMPORTANT than a billionaire’s birthday.

and these swifties really need to ask themselves: WHY does joe alwyn posting about gaza make them SO ANGRY? is it because they’re reminded that taylor has not done or said JACK SHIT about palestine because she’s too afraid to lose money by being too “controversial?”

“not to mention it’s a screenshot and it’s not even a donation link like…”

it’s a LINK TO AN ARTICLE and it’s still more than TAYLOR has ever posted?? y’all think he was trying to “shade” taylor on her birthday (even if he was, so what? she + her team + her stupid friends have been shading him SINCE APRIL) by bringing to attention her lack of care about palestine or really any issue that doesn’t directly affect her (or her “home state.”). and the fact is, taylor could VERY QUICKLY AND EASILY shut up the critics who say she hasn’t said or done enough regarding palestine, but she won’t. miss americana, the goth punk billionaire, who spent a whole documentary crying about how she wasn’t allowed to speak up on important issues, has suddenly become ALLERGIC to saying anything remotely political or controversial. and at some point you’re gonna have to ask yourself why.

[mauricemylittlemeowmeow]

wow happy christmas. christmas huh. this is just like act 3 of pentiment where everyone gathered to celebrate christmas at the inn and alexander and kazimierz played music and sang a christmas song for everyone haha omg christmas. just like in the scene of my favourite characters from hit game pentiment by obsidian entertainment 50% off on steam via the winter sale that did i mention, features my favourite musician/meistersinger duo kazimierz wierzbięta and alexander rappolt wow i cant believe it's christmas in the flesh

[deludedcrayon]

realizing it’s not normal to be in my room with my door closed and still not able to fully relax because i’m scared someone’s going to walk in on me even if im not doing anything wrong i’m just terrified

[whereserpentswalk]

Reblog if you think people going off their meds are valid.

Reblog if you think people shouldn't have to justify their decisions to anyone else.

Reblog if you support unmedicated ND people.

Reblog if you support people trying to get off their meds.

Reblog if you support giving unmedicated people hugs and cuddles and all the affection we so often don't get from the community.

[psychotic-tbh]

Huh, I don’t think I ever posted about the color-related coping mechanism I use

Basically I give myself three options for colors, one bright (orange, red, etc.), one easily found in nature (green, brown, etc.), and one neutral (white, black, grey). It’s okay if you need someone to help you choose!

Once I pick a color I look around wherever I am in that moment and try to list off things of the color I chose

You don’t have to count unless you want to, and it works almost anywhere!

If it doesn’t work the first time, that’s okay! You can do it a few more times (assuming it proves helpful for you. Everyone is different so it’s possible it won’t work for all)

I find it most helpful for anxiety, dissociation, and hallucinations

I also found this on my own, and outside of therapy

Sorry for the wall of text, I hope you’re all well!

[innerangeltoadlover]

IDEOLOGY : LIFE IN SCHIZOPHRENIA

1. I was inspired to write this because I believe a diagnosis of schizophrenia silences those who suffer from the illness. I wrongly believed after my sister took me to Court in an effort to make me homeless that I would never have to fight for my truth to be heard again. Poor outcomes for patients are linked to expedient treatments - ones which may ignore salient indicators of abuse in order to place mental illness as the cause of behaviour and the only valid truth. There is probably nothing more demeaning and disheartening than telling your therapist about abuse and having it received as a fairytale. My story will show the consequences of skepticism and disbelief in the treatment of schizophrenia which allows for the generalisation of experiences without differentiation. We are better than this.

Sometimes , well often, when we read a memoir there’s an assumption that the person writing has overcome some insurmountable hardship. It motivates us to think that we can do the same – and at some point we , like the author, will walk into the sunset with clarity, humour and perhaps in hand with another. These are the kinds of books I usually stop reading after the first chapter because life , and in particular my life, has not been like this. I want to write about the ugly side of mental illness and the reason why there are so many of us who exist without that longed for happy ending. For those of us who don’t crawl out of the mire our lives are not improved by the application of lipstick or the urging of those who have. Despite our travels through a social media polluted with inspiring memes and motivational scenarios real hardship is present and remains unchanged despite its synonymous pairing with choice.

So my story isn’t going to be particularly uplifting -there has been no victory here – I write because I have to – not because I want to. I’m hoping in writing that I might gain some internal peace over the war my mind wages with me, particularly at night when the lack of distraction makes sleep elusive. I think publishing is a bit of a minefield for people like me. I’m wary of writing anything that resembles some clueless manifesto but at the same time I think it’s important for people with this illness to write something real that isn’t Instagramable and also at nearly 60 I’ve come to view my illness as a valid part of my individuality and I wish to defend it rather than have this unique part of me trampled into submission by doctors who view me like a bacteria in a Petri dish. The truth is this illness is crap but the treatment is crappier and you are trapped in it , well I have been anyway. However the older I get the more I’ve realised that much of the prejudice and stigma linked to this illness has much of its origins in treatment. I used to have a social conscience and was concerned about the plight of my fellow sufferers but it has been chipped away. When my Shrink tells me of advances in care it sort of hangs in the air like a fog in a windowless room. These days I say very little when these professionals say this nonsense which I’ve heard so many times– I’m nearly old but I was young once and I wasn’t born in the Dark Ages- I was hopeful , though that hope has disintegrated. The old mantra “you can’t reason with a schizophrenic” is alive and well in most psychiatrists offices however it is often only the benefit of hindsight that allows us to see the stark relief against the empty rhetoric. It also painfully exhibits that in my case my treatment was inhibited by doctors who could not tell fact from fiction and who had ultimately decided that some lives are worth more than others.

[the-alarm-system]

hate it when mfs get out of the psych ward all judgemental like "man people there were actually crazy n shit..talking to themselves and having hallucinations like at least im not that fucking insane" WHATS MORE INSANE THAN TRYING TO LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF?

[schizoetic]

Things you can do to help someone while they're in psychosis in a psych ward:

Bring them necessities like soap and clothing and good toothbrushes. After being forced into gowns for a while it's really nice to be able to wear something personal and comfy. It's also nice to take care of yourself when coming back to reality. When realizing you haven't washed in ages a good shower is beyond awesome

Bring things to distract them like books and magazines that suit their interests. Hospitals can be incredibly boring. They can also most certainly feel like jail. It's brutal sometimes. These places have the bare minimum and any little bit of this helps a lot

Visit to show moral support even when they can't communicate or keep their eyes open from sedation. Physical company helps a lot of the time

Accompany them for walks when permitted. Feeling the wind or seeing trees or stars after being unable to for a long time is priceless

Keep them company by calling them after visiting hours end

Gift them coffee or comfort food. They can be big sources of endorphins. Something yummy will always be yummy no matter how detached from the world you get... provided things like delusions don't get in the way

Remain calm if they lose their composure. It personally tended to help me ground myself or lessen the panic I was having. People who were reactionary to me in a negative way defeated the purpose of being around me at the time

Show good vibes. When living a mental nightmare this can help improve state of mind or even delusions and hallucinations. Like even a smile can help tons ngl

Keep patient and don't take things personally. I had my own mother and doctors yelling at me because I wasn't acting the way they liked and it made things so so much worse

Understand that someone unwell might have a long grueling road of recovery ahead of them. Best thing to do is accept them regardless of what occurs

Advocate for their personal needs such as dietary preferences

This of course is all dependent on what's allowed at the psych ward

[yellowyarn]

people will be all like "don't make jokes about mental illnesses!", "stop being weird about psychotic or manic people" and then turn around and make a post about a person they saw who was psychotic, manic, etc. and laugh at them and tell their friends about how craaazy of an experience it was.

[healingwgabs]

i've gained a total of 5-8 pounds since being put on medication. However, its hard to say if this is due to the anti-psychotic i was put on (It is a listed side-effect tho) since the anti-depressant i was prescribed "restores appetite"...

many people with depression lose weight (i lost 20-30 pounds) and struggle to have an appetite and or have the energy to prepare meals for themselves. for the first month or two of being put on medication i had a major increase in appetite where it was hard to feel satiated and full and all i could think about was food.

Now my appetite feels within the normal range and how I feel it should be.. so idk if it was just my medication working and restoring my appetite and helping me gain weight that i lost or an anti-psychotic side-effect that went away with time.

because the world gets to most of us (we internalize systems of oppression: sexism, eurocentric + unrealistic beauty standards, weight stigma/fatphobia) so many of us, as a result are weight conscious (its also valid to want to maintain a healthy weight). The weight gain happens from eating more than u should because ur appetite can increases quite a bit on these medications (anti-psychotics).. its hard to tell where it came from in my experience though

The side effects of taking risperidone, an atypical (older) anti psychotic are like milder side effects of smoking weed (indica) like increase appetite “the munchies” (weight gain if u eat based on ur appetite n eat unhealthy foods), fatigue, sleepiness, aids in falling asleep (I’m prescribed to take it at night)

The side effects of weed r similar n way more intense than the side effects (based on my experience) of being put on anti psychotics. I’m also on a “tolerable” dose of them tho

I hope in sharing my experience it makes taking anti psychotics less scary

[angelskisser]

me and my antipsychotics against the world

[samwinchestersgirl83]

Everytime I see a destiel post that talks about how obsessed Cas and Dean are with eachother, I have decided to start spamming their posts with “you spelled wincest wrong”