#And I think it'll be interesting
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Me: ah I have a day off tomorrow, I can use it to relax and do something easy for a bit
My brain: hey real quick before you go to bed [elaborate interesting idea that will involve several comics of multiple pages]
#Charlie Stuff#Absolute hell brain when can I know peace#To be fair nobody is making me do that#(That's not true it's me I'm making me do this I wanna draw this so bad)#It'll probably be a bit before I finish even one but#I spent half of last night and some of this morning thinking about this as a potential lil series#And I think it'll be interesting#A lil exploration of the boys' minds :3c#Anyway I need to sleep now for real#The clocks go forward where I live tonight so I get 1 hour less sleep rip
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8 October 2024
The sky this morning was absolutely spectacular. My new professors seem great. It makes me really happy - even if also introvertedly tired - to see my course mates every day. Being in my final year of bachelor's feels so absurd but it's actually happening and I still can't believe it! One last year before everything changes forever
#my friends worry it's going to be a very difficult year#maybe so#i think it'll be very interesting#but also it's the last one of its kind and it's so weird#mine#op#studyblr#chemblr#studyspo#chemistry#stemblr#study motivation#study
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WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PROTAGONIST???
#svsss#tgcf#mdzs#wei wuxian#shen qingqiu#xie lian#sqq#wwx#mxtx#sqq is feeling a little stressed about the mxtx power scaling across series u.u#don't worry buddy they're friendly it'll be fiiiiiine#as long as jealous love interest are kept at a distance i'm not sure anyone could survive that#i think xie lian and wei wuxian would hit it off pretty quickly#i think shen qingqiu would stress himself into a hole about it#my art
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Presenting: An Absurdly, Stupidly Long and Wordy Warrior of Light-based Questionnaire, or as my bestie dubbed it:
30 WoL Think Thonkers
Less an ask prompt, more of a daily prompt, (though you can use it as an ask prompt if you prefer!) Answer the questions however you want: straight-forward, with stories or screens, or a mix of all.
Get any of your little brainworms out. Wax poetic, ramble off into several digressions, challenge yourself to answer in the least amount of words possible, whatever you're vibing with! (If you want to tag them #wolthinkthonkers feel free!)
This is very Warrior of Light and MSQ based. It's set from a Post-Endwalker mindframe, so there are some minor/vaguely worded spoilers.
----------------------- WARM-UP QUESTIONS
I. Where is your Warrior of Light from? What was their home like growing up and what set them out on their journey?
2. What city-state did your WoL start in? How did they feel about it then, and how do they feel about it now? (ie, did their experiences sour their perception, or make them appreciate it more?)
3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)
4. What do they do in their down time? Do they have any hobbies outside of Primal-slaying and world-saving? Are these lifelong hobbies or recent interests?
5. How do they feel now that "it's all over" (the story of Hydaelyn and Zodiark)? What do they plan to do next? Or is their story finished - and if you're retiring them, what does retirement look like for them? Do you have someone else taking the stage going forward?
6. Who was their Azem? What were they like, and were they different from your WoL? Who were their family, friends? Or, if you don't care for the Azem angle or went in your own direction for their past self, how so? How does your WoL feel about their Ancient identity?
----------------------- CHANGES
7. Have they gone through any physical changes? What scars have they collected, and how do they feel about them? Did they sprout horns or other features as a result of spells or pacts gone wrong? How did light corruption impact them? Or have they walked away miraculously unscathed? Are they more peculiar for how eerily unmarred they are?
8. What is one of their biggest regrets? Has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?
9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)
10. What does home look like for them now? Do they still return to the home where they started, and if so has it changed at all? Or have they found or forged a new home? Who do they live with, if anyone? What sort of things do they keep in their personal space?
11. Despite everything, is it still you? Has the core of who they are as a person remained true through everything, or have they been changed by what they've experienced and learned, for better or worse?
13. Is there a canon moment you've drastically (or not-so-drastically) rewritten? A character death, or something that just really did not fit your WoL's character. Or just some alterations and personal touches you've added? Has that had any long-term changes on the wider story?
----------------------- STORY
12. Which canon moments shaped your Warrior of Light and impacted them the most?
14. Do you have any headcanons for what happened post-Ultima Thule? What kind of injuries did they suffer, or did they walk it off like a boss? Did they take a lengthy vacation, did you shove a time skip in there before 6.1 hit? Or was it quickly off to the next adventure?
15. What were their thoughts and feelings on the events of Myths of the Realm? How did they regard the Twelve prior, and how did the revelations impact them? Was meeting their patron particularly special to them, or not really?
16. What were their thoughts and feelings delving into Pandaemonium? How did they feel working alongside Themis and Lahabrea, after all their history? What did they think about how things ended?
17. Taking a step away from "canon", do you have any wholly unique side quests and adventures your Warrior of Light has gotten caught up in? Did they chase down ghosts of their own past, get married, open a bakery, or fix an ancient blood curse on their family line? Have they reunited with loved ones or buried old hatchets? If there's some unique story behind your character, how does it show up and how did it play out?
----------------------- COMBAT & ABILITIES
18. How do they feel about the work they do? As the Warrior of Light they're tasked with quite a lot of violence, is it something that comes naturally to them or do they resist it? Are they merciless, do they try to spare as many lives as they can, or do they fall somewhere in between?
19. While many fights are dramatic or have high stakes, are there any especially memorable or difficult fights they encountered? Outside scripted battles, were there conflicts that you thought felt better if they were tweaked for narrative or lore-based reasons, ie their first time fighting a primal? Or perhaps a more meta "You the player had a hard time so it translated into headcanon for them".
20. Are there any unique abilities that they possess outside of what's in-game? Are they actually a dragon, or do they see visions of the future? Or, is there a special way that their Echo manifests?
21. Jobs! What job is your character and why is that the route they chose? Is your WoL a Jack-of-all-Trades, or just have one (or a few) specialties? Did they start with one job and change to another? Have you 'homebrewed' their job at all, adding any unique twists or details to it?
----------------------- RELATIONSHIPS & THE WORLD
22. What are their feelings on the Scions? Who are some of their closest allies and dearest friends? Are they more of a loner, or closer to people outside the Scions? Have they kindled any romances or partnerships?
23. How do they feel about getting pulled into politics? Are they adept at navigating political intricacies, or does it go over their head? Do they appreciate getting asked to do more than punch their enemies, or would they really rather just punch their enemies? Are there any areas they like to be particularly involved in?
24. How do they feel about Hydaelyn? What was their perception of the Mothercrystal in the beginning, and how did that change by the end, if at all?
25. Do they have any particular enemies that stand out to them? Someone who inspired a lasting grudge? Our beloved and beloathed antagonists give us plenty of reasons to despise them, but are there any that particularly rubbed your WoL the wrong way? On the other hand, are there villains they can't help but sympathize with, even if it's at odds with the narrative or their allies?
26. What are their thoughts on the Ancients, their way of life, and the world they lived in? Did they sympathize at all with the Ascians, or did learning the truth not influence them in that way?
27. How well known are they? Does everyone know their name as the Warrior of Light, or have they managed to maintain some level of anonymity? Do they prefer it that way, and do they have any struggles resulting from it? (Getting stopped on street corners VS awkwardly avoiding questions.)
----------------------- WHAT'S NEXT
28. What's something they look forward to? Exploring the stars, more of a place we've already been, or somewhere we haven't? Or do they look forward to retirement, starting a business with their craft of choice, or any other little old thing?
29. How do they feel heading into Dawntrail? Excited? Exhausted? What do they think of the promises of adventure to come, and their role to play? If you're using a new character, do you have any idea how they'll end up on this path, and where is their headspace starting out?
30. What are they going to be doing while waiting for the ship to Tural?
#xiv prompts#ff14 prompts#again i have no idea what to tag it#wolthinkthonks#lol#a variety of questions i think about + more that were (sorta) endwalker-based#no idea if anyone would be interested in this (it's soooo wordy)#but i'm curious!!!!#i wanna know!!#anyway if i don't post it it'll sit in my drafts collecting the dust of indecision for who knows how long#if there are any major errors let me know!#i ripped it apart and reconfigured it a few times x“D
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Honestly, from the little that we know about Petronille's character, an initial rivalry between her and Mirabelle makes so much sense. If you play your cards right, you can craft a dynamic tailor made to play on their insecurities!
For example, Mirabelle has shown a lot of insecurity around her ability to complete basic tasks, like needing to be taught how to cut vegetables with a nursery rhyme presumably in her teens. How might she feel being faced with someone her age able to raise a child alone? And in the case of massive, important, life defining tasks - tasks as large as saving an entire country? Mira might think that someone like Nille probably could've saved Vaugarde alone, without dragging several other people down along with her to aid her in a doomed quest…
And in Nille's case, well, if one was going to have any type of grudge against a group of heroes for taking your younger sibling directly into royalty related danger, it would make sense that most of your ire would be focused on the capital H Hero herself. The Chosen One, handpicked by the crabbing Change God, beloved by all of Vaugarde and most importantly, the perfect replacement for Nille in Bonnie's life. After all, it was Mirabelle who was there for Bonnie when they needed an older sister the most - Nille might be worried that one day Bonnie will weigh their options and decide that Mirabelle is the better choice.
Now, obviously, this is all within the realm of speculation, but I think it's interesting. I know that Mira is sober for religious reasons, but their dynamic has the potential to be a perfect cocktail of insecurities, jealousy and imposter syndrome.
And buddy? I need a drink.
#isat#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#mirabelle chevalier#isat bonnie#isat petronille#isat nille#this is all speculation of course#but it's so interesting!#i know that we shouldn't sort the party into nuclear family roles#like that's the entire point of the game#but from this lens it's very interesting that of all the family members#Mirabelle is the one explicitly compared to Nille#by Bonnie themselves!#Obviously Mirabelle would never replace Nille in Bonnie's life#Nille is literally their entire motivation afterall#but this is Nille's worst case in scenario#and her flawed and limited perspective#I definitely think that once the initial friction dies down#they'll be amazing friends#with a friendship based on mutual respect and admiration#but it'll take a while#and I love exploring character conflict so here we are#isat analysis
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It is just so fucking funny. Four years ago biden was dragged out into the democratic presidential candidate spot as a last minute, last resort, hail mary type of strategy because of the collective panic of the possibility of a second trump term. At the time lots of people hesitated to vote for biden because they thought he was too old and didn't really like him or like/trust his policies but voted for him anyway because "vote blue no matter who" and "he's the only person who can save us from trump" and "kids in cages" and etc. So he won the election, and there was so much discussion of "whew! We're all saved!", "We'll pull him left!", "We'll hold him accountable!", and not only was he not pulled left or held accountable, but damn near everything is actively in a worse spot now than it was four years ago. There are very few things that biden did that actually helped the American people in the last four years. And the whole time, right up until that disastrous debate a week ago where biden showcased that this time he really is too old to run for president again, the narrative was still "well he's not perfect but we all need to vote blue no matter who!" Four years of a last resort president, and NO ONE used that time to plan and prepare to step up to replace "the last resort candidate" four years ago in the next election cycle. It's as if the dem party didn't even think about it until now. But now the dem party is scrambling to figure out what can be done to replace biden because it's pretty clear they're going to lose the election if they let the old bastard continue to run. And he's digging in his heels and refusing to drop out. And by the way, we're now less than four months away from voting day.
You just have to fucking laugh at this point. What an absolute shitshow.
#politics#i think im just processing......#it literally is so joever#it'll be interesting to see who they roll out as the last resort against the previous last resort candidate you know?
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the thing about imogen saying that "if getting rid of delilah means getting rid of [launda] too, it's not worth it" is that it doesn't really change anything, does it? yes it provides laudna with reassurance that she is loved regardless of what lives in her head, but it doesn't mean that imogen doesn't still have negative feelings about delilah being there. "I love you more than I hate delilah" doesn't mean she isn't still disgusted by delilah. I get the sense that this is not an important distinction for imogen--she's said her piece, she's told laudna that she matters more, and that's the end of it for her. laudna matters more. her meaning is crystal clear: I love you and I'm choosing you.
but laudna has been obsessed with imogen saying she was disgusted by delilah watching them. she said herself she can't stop thinking about it, and marisha has said she can't stop thinking about it either, out of game. as far as they know currently, delilah's soul is twined in and around laudna's to the point where they are indistinguishable. the only way to get rid of delilah is to lose laudna. laudna doesn't know where she ends and delilah begins. imogen loves her, but imogen is disgusted by delilah. how does that work if they are one and the same? how does laudna cope with the fact that an inextinguishable part of herself is both genuinely evil and hated by the person she loves the most? at what point does being disgusted by delilah become being disgusted by a piece of laudna herself?
#it's WILD and fascinating and very difficult#I think it's a super interesting dynamic and I really want to see where this leads#because unless they find a way to get rid of delilah without killing laudna#how DO you have a long-term relationship with this hanging between you two?#and again I think it's a thing where Imogen just assumes they'll ''deal with it'' in some unspecified manner and it'll be fine#because love triumphs all right? that's how it has to be#but i'm not sure laudna thinks that#then again we'll see! who knows! it's interesting though!#cr spoilers#anyway i WILL maintag this one because i really like this one#critical role
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IDK who needs to hear this, but Egon and Ray aren't the only autistic og ghostbusters
Peter is too
Your telling me this man with two PhDs related to psychology, who always has the exact right thing to say to manipulate a situation to his favour (when it's a planned/known situation), but cocks up massively when it's an unknown situation, who has a massive reaction to getting slimed (more so than the others), who would rather joke all the time than take a situation seriously because wtf should he say
you're telling me this man is neurotypical?
nah
Winston's the only NT in this group (idk how he deals with these weirdos (affectionate))
#rambles#ghostbusters#the real ghostbusters#to be specific i guess#peter venkman#egon spengler#ray stantz#winston zeddemore#i've encountered a few autistic people like peter#it's mainly the focus on business and the intense interest in studying people and behaviour and the mind#but he gets so irritated and angry when he gets slimed#the same way i feel when oil or glue gets stuck on my skin#“but he's so good at social situations-” but that's just it!#he is!#because he studies people - studies their reactions - their interactions#a business chat always goes the same way so he can plan what to say to get the best thing out of it#when he flirts with women it seems to be the same way each time - like he's planned it - because he thinks it'll get a reaction he wants#and i dare say that Peter masks a lot more than Ray and Egon. i mean he was a probably more of a cool slacker type at uni and got on well#with more popular students (sorority house students? idk im not american) and yknow it was the 70s! couldnt exactly be fully himself#idk where im going with this - ive lost my train of thought#but yeah#peter is autistic as well and i'll die on this hill
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I did this in the TAZ fandom a while ago but with the quangle still on my mind i gotta ask here too:
(If you think it's unfair that Ally and Lou are down a character, feel free to add Lord Squak from ACOFAF for Lou and Lars from mice amd murder for Ally)
#dimension 20#fantasy high#the unsleeping city#a crown of candy#neverafter#a starstruck odyssey#brennan lee mulligan#ally beardsley#brian murphy#emily axford#lou wilson#zac oyama#siobhan thompson#d20#here's my personal thoughts#i think murphs team would have a lot of potential if not for cody and potentially gerard#theres some power but there's also some cringefail losers in there#i think the chaos of team emily may do really well#but idk if they'd work well as a team#lou has a lot of leaders and i think it woukd be a similar issue of poor teamwork#on the other hand allys characters would all vibe but i think they'd get their asses beat#Its a close game i think really#it'll be interesting to see what people think
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Oh my god I woke up this morning and my Stardew Valley meta post had almost 150 notes????? Hello?????????? Anyways I started writing this last night because @moon-is-pretty-tonight left nice tags on the original so thank you so much!!
We know from the starting scenes of the game that the farmer's grandfather loved Stardew Valley. So why did he leave? Pelican Town is a good place to grow old; George and Evelyn are just fine. It's a fine place to raise a kid, but maybe he just wanted to raise his child closer to real schools and other children.
Or maybe, just maybe, he understood.
Was there a day when he was in his thirties where he looked at his friends and realized they weren't like him? That he could run faster than them, work longer, explore deeper into the hidden places of the valley?
Was there a day when he went to the wizard to ask him for help, for knowledge if nothing else? Did he learn then that his family was different? Special? Chosen? And how did he react? He couldn't possibly raise a child in the valley if they would be as strange and fey as him. He had to leave. There was no other way.
But years later, on his deathbed, did he regret that choice?
Is that why he gave the farmer the letter?
Is that why they went back home?
When the farmer steps off the bus that first day, the valley is still on the cusp of winter, just barely tipping over into spring. The flowers are starting to bloom, but a chill still hangs in the air. As soon as the farmer's boots touch the soil there's a change. The air gets warmer. The trees get greener. Not by too much, not all at once, but it changes.
The junimos watch the farmer as they do their work. They're new to farming, but take to it with frightening speed; their first batch of crops is perfect. None of the townsfolk tell them that parsnips don't normally grow in less than a week, that cauliflowers don't grow to be ten feet tall, that fairies don't visit when the sun goes down and grow potatoes and beans and tulips overnight. The junimos talk amongst themselves in their strange, wild language, and agree: this is the one. They're back. The valley recognizes its own, even when they've left for a generation. The farmers have come home.
Things change fast in the valley. The community center, empty and decrepit for so many years, is rejuvenated. (Lewis says it was abandoned only a few weeks after the farmer's grandfather left. Strange coincidence, he says, that it both came and went with the farmer's family.) The mines and the quarry, similarly abandoned, are explored for the first time in ages. The town becomes cleaner, brighter, more vibrant, happier.
And it is happier. Not just the environment, but the people. It's the talk of the town for weeks when Haley does her first closet purge. Leah's art show in the town square is a huge success. Shane's smiling for the first time since he moved to the valley. All of them, when asked, say it's all thanks to the farmer.
People love to ask why Lewis didn't fix the community center on his own. Why Willy never repaired the boat to ginger island. Why Abigail or Marlon never went down to fix the elevator in the mines, or why Clint didn't fix the minecarts.
But isn't it so much more interesting to ask how those things were there in the first place? How they got so broken down? If the stories the townspeople tell are true, the valley was once a beautiful place, flourishing and full of life; why did that change? When did it change?
Was it when the farmer's grandfather, the locus of the valley, its chosen representative, left town?
And if so, what happens when the farmer comes back?
#lich says shit#stardew valley#stardew farmer#sdv#my writing#Hope y'all enjoyed!#I'm thinking about developing this into. Like. An actual Fan Fiction. Still sort of short-form but like with more detail?#LMK if you'd be interested to see that! Also if you want to be tagged in future installations of this please just let me know :)#I'm super into this version of the farmer as like. Blessed and cryptic child of the valley with all the strange behavior that entails#If i DO write a more in-depth version of this it'll be from the perspective of someone in town#maybe Leah? She seems like she'd be the one to notice the farmer being Odd. Either that or I'll do it from the perspective of multiple--#--different people to get their unique insights and stuff#I'd also want to dig into like#The family history of the farmer. And what that's like.#Because like why did grandpa leave?#He clearly loved the valley#So why didn't he stay?#Why did he give the deed to his grandchild and not his literal child?#And is it a coincidence that everything in the valley went downhill when he left?#I don't think so.
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Obviously I’ve been queerbaited before, like, a genuinely incalculable number of times, and maybe thinking Buddie might actually go canon is a ‘fool me sixteen times, shame on me’ scenario, but I think one big thing that’s keeping my hope alive is this thought: If you genuinely believe that Buddie isn’t going to go canon, 100% zero possibility and absolutely no intention of trying... Then you also have to believe the people who create the show we’re all fans of are purposefully cruel dicks.
Because we have SEEN what it looks like when the showrunner of 911 knows there is no possibility of it happening, has no plans of it, and is generally trying to avoid accusations of queerbaiting.
It looks like S5 & S6. Little bits here and there, the odd important scene to throw breadcrumbs… but a lot of keeping the two characters apart, being circumspect in interviews, PR shut downs on the actors, etc. The show has proven they are capable and willing to exactly that!
So indulge me, and imagine for a second. They had the conversation with the new network, and the execs told them they wanted to continue with the status quo, to write as if Buddie is never going to go canon, BUT were willing to bend so far as to make one of them queer, to keep the fans happy.
What would that look like?
I don't know, call me foolish.... But I think it would look like keeping the same dynamic from The Drought Seasons. Having them be friends and important to each other but still fairly disconnected, not having as much screen-time, etc, It would look like having Buck’s coming out arc be a SEPARATE, individual narrative. If they just wanted to write Tommy and Buck, and that's it, they could have done things differently.
There are just so many conceivable ways they could have written Buck’s coming out arc, to almost completely separate it from Eddie and have it be made clear, in no uncertain terms, that Buck is bi but that doesn’t mean he cares about Eddie like that, that Eddie is a hetero McHetero.
Buck’s coming out arc could have included him being jealous because he’s suddenly faced with Tommy in the flesh and is insecure about how he was technically ‘Tommy’s replacement’ at the 911, with Eddie not relevant to it at all, or have Maddie and Chimney be the ones to interrupt The Date, or literally any other scenario that didn’t make it all about Eddie.
They could have had one short scene where Eddie and Buck talk about it, and then the rest would be like, Buck talking to Hen about being queer, Buck interacting just with Tommy and getting to know him, Buck doing a research binge about bisexuality and info-dumping at an inappropriate time during a call, etc etc etc.
That’s how you tell that story and only be writing it for the proverbial ‘general audience’.
But they didn't. They purposefully reversed direction. They chose for Buck’s coming out arc to... highlight his nigh-feral jealousy over Eddie forming a homosocial bond with another guy, having said guy repeat with genuine surprise and shock that it was him and not Eddie that Buck was interested in, have Eddie interrupt their date, have Buck be more worried about lying to Eddie than the fact that he’s queer at all, have Maddie say what she did to Buck about telling Eddie in specifically ambiguous terms…
In a season that also included the Fire Extinguisher Incident, and Buck saying he ‘wishes he could help’ with Eddie’s sexual frustration, and a big increase in social media engagement, and having Buck being Eddie’s rock in the last few episodes while he had a bizarrely platonic affair with his dead wife's doppleganger…
If they did that while KNOWING the plan was actually for Buck/Tommy endgame and Eddie riding off in the sunset with a hot female firefighter who has a cool motorcycle or whatever the fuck, or them both dying in a freak car-washing accident, or….
If they GENUINELY planned that? If the entire Buck jealousy plotline was intended to be nothing more than a deliberate queerbait-and-switch? Then they’re fucking assholes, sorry. They would have to know full well exactly what they were doing, how many people’s hopes and emotional investment they were toying with... If they were actually planning to keep dragging it along for seasons more of baiting and dangling things in front of us, while knowing categorically that they had no plans to deliver? That would be genuinely GOD TIER levels of specific, intentional queerbaiting.
Which could be the case! I won't deny that. Shows have done it before, plenty of times. Tim et al could be callous bastards deliberately instructing the actors to wink it up in interviews and share suggestive Tiktoks, and writing Buck’s coming out arc as being entirely focused around Eddie and throwing out hints... All while laughing behind Buddie fans' backs about our gullibility, how we’re keeping the show trending on the force of our delusions, etc. Maybe that's it! Maybe they just genuinely enjoying fucking with people. Or maybe they were just shitty enough writers that they didn't know what they were doing, and it was all a total accident, somehow, the proverbial monkeys pounding at keyboards and accidentally spelling out B U D D I...
But you know what? Call it naive, but I prefer to think they’re not huge assholes, or hugely incompetent.
That there might actually be a point to all this, somewhere down the line.
I guess we'll find out.
#911 abc#buddie#911 show#buck x eddie#help i accidentally word vomited#i didn't mean to get this emotionally invested in#a procedural soap opera on network television#but it's just so fascinating i want to poke it with a stick#i might be wrong but you know what? i think it'll be interesting to see what happens#gonna tag this#anti-bucktommy#just to be on the same side and not upset anyone#but I'm genuinely just looking at the narrative and the PR choices as they exist
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honestly I think the Buck-Gerrard storyline could be great if they use it to show Buck getting off the hamster wheel even further by actually learning to dissociate his job and his family, in contrast to the lawsuit arc
His father figure is no longer his captain at work, but this doesn't change their relationship because he can still visit Bobby and Athena on his own time
The vibe is different with Eddie, Hen and Chimney because they're all trying to survive a bigot, but Gerrard can only control the firehouse, not the outside
And the experience of being a newly out bisexual man working under a homophobe will also be interesting to watch him go through
#like i definitely think it'll be interesting to watch bucktommy navigate the situation#evan buckley#vincent gerrard#bucktommy#911 abc#911
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Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.
Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.
Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i specify transmasculine and transmaleness because it can be really overt that transphobes often interact with us with the idea that we...#...killed our 'female beauty'. i definitely don't think it's exclusive to us but it's something i take note of because i'm a trans man#it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine'#or they'd mock my broad shoulers and the fact that i'm asocial and awkward. like it is very transparent#i read a friend who was saying that their beauty was used against them in an abusive way and it's something relatable...#...but it's Complicated at least for me. on one hand - i absolutely get that. on the other - i don't know what it'll be like to be Desirable#or Desirable like that. i find that even though i am desirable after transition people still interact with me in certain ways#part of me appreciates that but part of me is embittered that this is something i just can't ever shake#i think these conversations are interesting and sometimes important which is why i talk about it#i've just been thinking about this since reading what my friend went through (and my heart goes out to them - it was harrowing to read)
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How’s your review of the Uglies movie going?
it's with my editor rn! I've had a rough go of things and it took longer. It's an hour long and wound up being a discussion of it as an adaptation, and the deeper themes of the series. I just can't talk about Uglies normally
Ideally will be out within the week.
After, I have a video on faceblindness (amd my experience with it)— I just filmed me doing a faceblind quiz my flatmate custom cooked up for me, which was super fun to do. She tricked me a few times including me entirely failing to recognise her at one point. That's for November, since most of November I'll be in the Lightlark 3 trenches (no promises how long that'll be but of course ideally before end of November)
#I really really wanted to do fnaf this month but oops nearly the end of it and couldn't#I am at war with myself constantly but look. I am just very chronically ill and so many days I Can't#Frustrates me too but I try.#Those are the two most along. I still really want to do a fl video but barely begun organising it#Sometimes theres asks#The Uglies movie I meant to do quick but it's been a month. But it's way less about the movie Just Sucking so I think it'll be interesting#I can finally watch Cindy and Amanda's video reviews lol. However. Can I stand staring at the movie any longer#Yewchube
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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okay its no secret i dont buy into marazhai being the persona he puts on. so as i've officially met him in game now, im making a list of all the in-game reasons i think he's a bit of an idiot [which i love btw. i find him far more compelling if he's a bit stupid/weird and he's trying so hard not to be but you just know nobody in commorragh is inviting him to parties]
the very first time you get a glance of him on a rooftop and. 'deal with this' "of course" proceeds to just walk off like 3 seconds after the other two
ambushes you. has you cornered. is in optimal position to kick your ass frankly, high ground and better weapons and utilising shock against you. ...he bitches at you for a while, gets insulted, then runs off into the forest with a maniacal cackle
heinrix fired a mild insult [considering what he's like to everyone else its barely an insult] and he took big enough issue with it to start saying how he'll break him and turn him into a pet. oh sure dude you're responding super well to this mild comment from the guy who accidentally insults everyone and their entire ancestral line at some point
i think it says something that he's learned to speak your language fluently too. that Has to be some kind of Yikes moment to admit publicly in drukhari culture. buried family secret great great grandfather drukhari-georg learned to speak mon keigh and now we claim he just spoke oddly because was shot in the head as a child to prevent the shame
he also knows the mon keigh lore that says youre a super special little guy as rogue trader and actually LISTENS to the fact you're the special little guy as rogue trader. and he does treat you as more equal/with more respect than the other characters. thats not just a drukhari culture yikes thats what gets you checked for a concussion or brain damage
literally socially atrocious enough its believed he's working with you [read: with you. not using you, not manipulating, cooperating. this is a big difference i feel] and only he himself doesnt believe it
ignore the fact he eventually DOES work with you which. is its own follow up statement
challenges you to fight him, to give chase then and there. i made him wait while i went through english government simulator where i queued for multiple days, did multiple day/week voidship trips back and forth, got distracted by accidentally starting jae's romance, pasqal telling me to servitorise her, getting blackout drunk with her, shipwide broadcast tm, giving her a voidship, her getting me a space cat, attacked by pirates, dealt with a plague, explored a few extra systems.......................
he destroys your palace. ...its rebuilt effectively within a week. most of the damage is in bodies which are just sent to the poor district to rot [almost feels worse than the damage done good job imperium]
the throne has claw marks. he could've blown it up or shot it or piled corpses on it but no he wanted to sit on the fancy chair and so turned into a common housecat mauling the sofa arm
how long was he just sitting there lounging on that chair? again see how long i kept him waiting. he was just sitting there trying to find a comfy position on this [for him] kinda small chair JUST so he could briefly taunt, break your window with his space motorbike, jump off the chair in a dramatic [but not gunna lie not that impressive] feat of gymnastics, then fly out. he doesnt even shoot at you as he leaves
i will continue my list as i see more that entertain me
#warhammer rogue trader#rogue trader marazhai#marazhai rogue trader#marazhai aezyrraesh#dont listen to how he tries to portray himself hes LAME and i thoroughly enjoy that about him#like. marazhai is a social outcast on so many levels and he is trying SO hard to compensate. it makes him incredibly interesting#ive seen some stuff of him later on but not all that much so im really curious how it'll go/how well i've grasped him#my current thoughts on him? he's just. fundamentally someone who desperately wants to be understood#but in all his long life he's never found it. and commorragh isnt a place for weakness like that. so he acts over it#he pretends to be some great evil mastermind with a lot of flair which is Intentional. because he doesnt know how to act like other drukhar#so concealing that is the best he's got. he doesnt realise the yawning gaps that show it for what it is and bring distain on him anyway#drukhari hate him because he's not like them. he's odd and dramatic and takes things to heart when he shouldnt but dismisses things he shou#he's tolerated for his blood connections and how it killing him could be an invitation for feud. he's also easy to get out of the way#send him to go chat to some mon keigh he'll be so fixated on setting the stage for the meeting he'll miss the important stuff#humans hate him bc he's drukhari. they believe the way he portrays himself because it fits propaganda#hell he may've even learned how to act drukhari from human stories. it'd fit tbh. ....i want to think more on this now#either way he loses. and tbh thats why i do like the idea of him with pasqal. theyre both freaks and social outcasts despite their ranks#robot rambles
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