#And I like that idea a lot tbh
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I know a lot of ppl are hating Eloise´s character right now but I think she is in the middle of her self discovery (also why I think Benedict's season will come before hers), as life is turning all she has known as she has become part of society, along with her siblings. She was free in Daphne's season because she still wasn't in the mart and was considered more of a child, as well as everyone putting attention on her sister rather than her. Then she entered society and she felt like all the freedom she had as a child was gone because suddenly she was a "woman" and they set standars to her, that´s why she felt like reveling. But with whistledown she gets reminded that her freedom was an illusion as she can now taint her family with her actions. She is sort of humbled, as she realises what her part in her family and society really is. And she gets maaaad.
That's why I think she is trying to integrate herself in society in this season. Trying to keep up but she is failing, because she just can't understand and leave her ideals behind, but she knows she has to, so she is in the middle of coming into terms with what she wants and what she has to do.
Yes, she is very privileged but that doesn't belittle her search of herself. And Yes, that also doesn´t mean she is free of guilt for threating Penelope badly or every other bad thing she has done. If anything, I think her season will be the most divergent from the book. At least I wish. So that we get to see Eloise finding that balance (in terms of what she wants vs what society expects of her) and maybe Phillip giving her the space or attention she needs to sort it out and be herself.
Anyway, whenever I try to understand Eloise, I think a lot of this analysis of Jo March and find it really relatable to her.
#I had this in my mind for a while but could turn in into words till now#I just feel like she isnt fullfledge just yet#she is cooking i swear or at least i hope#Also its been a while since i saw the first two seasons so i might be skipping details of her character but i still feel like they are goin#this route with her#Also#because they changed sir phillips story in the show is that i think her story might diverged a lot from the book#And I like that idea a lot tbh#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton s3#eloise bridgerton#philoise#to sir philip with love
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's in the eye of the beholder
#comic#birds#my art#I've had this idea for a while#after a lecture that talked about how traits we consider cute are traits found in babies#I feel like birds would have a very different definition of cute from us#anyway after making the bird tutorial I feel the pressure to draw perfect bird anatomy#but tbh I still just wing it a lot of the time!!#hehe “wing it”
59K notes
·
View notes
Text
life of regret
#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford#gravity falls#my art#no way . i had all of these tags written out on mobile ab stanford and fiddleford post fallout and it CRASHEDDDD#THEYRE GONEEEWW (slipping thru my fingers like sand)#whag freaking ever . i was just talking about how i always forget theres a pocket of time between their split and fords disappearance#and how crazy it is that i had no idea fidds used the gun on ford until last month#it just unlocked smt in my brain thats all.👐 and then i said i was smashing my head w a rock. maybe even 20❤️#tbh i was neutral on fidds back then but i rly rly like him now T_T .. power of other fidd enjoyers lifting me up#i had a lot of fun coloring this one but i didnt know what exactly i wanted to do w it . i had fidds and the gun all finished#but i was like uhhh.. >added the wrapped light#and then i added a whole bunch of scribbled soc of the blind eye symbols but it was waay too crowded/busy#i wish i couldve found a way to keep them😧 u know when HAHAHAHAH u know those ugly like#math prints of just random equations . thats what it started looking like n i had 2 tap out#editing 2 say i posted this and i had that panic NOOO WAIT ITS JOT FINISHED but I Will be Okay.<say it w me#if i spend too much time on it ill just overwork it and then never share so -__-
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
Michael is very subtle about his daddy issues in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#henry emily#mike schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf pizzeria simulator#fnaf fanart#HENRY AND MICHAEL INTERACTION 🔥🔥#I know a couple of folks have been asking for this!#so I’m glad I finally got around to it#Michael introduces Mike to his ‘dad’s friend’#TBH I do like the idea a lot that Michael considers Henry like a father figure#cause I always assumed the Aftons and Emilys were close#so Henry was the Afton’s kids uncle in a sense#and the idea Michael much preferred Henry over his own father just checks out#Henry is a failure of a father and Michael is a failure of a son#so truly they’d match on at least trauma bonding#definitely have to draw some pizza sim content of em working there#Mike can’t even really judge Michael here cause not like his daddy issues is any better
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Cryptic visions of space and time...
#essek#essek thelyss#critical role#mighty nein#caleb widogast#this works on its own but it's actually part of a bigger fancomic idea i have#but i still have to figure out if i even want to invest so much time into something like that lmao.. prob not#i already made a concept document for fun and its way too long.. unfortunately i rly like it#i rly believe in the idea tbh i just dont know if its physically possible because i work fulltime LMAO#its a lot of fun tho#here i am 3 years late idk why the essek thoughts bubble out NOW ignore me
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
473 notes
·
View notes
Text
🌱🌱🌱 doodles
#trainer leaf#pokemon#pokemon frlg#Headcanon post#Replaying a firered rom and this dialogue reminded me of why I came to think of leaf as the quiet gentle type haha#It's been years since I played frlg tbh#There's a lot of romhacks I wanna try!#Also I love the idea of leaf shaking her head to mean no...cute#She is silent and stoic but green can read her like a book haha#Kashart
337 notes
·
View notes
Text
would you download my online dating inbox override yes or no
270 notes
·
View notes
Text
Leo frowns at his phone.
Or more specifically, at the test on his phone.
Around him, he hears the sound of his brothers tapping their own devices, much faster than he is. Looking up just makes Leo feel worse about his own progress - or lack-thereof.
Mikey’s the fastest, speeding through the test like nobody’s business. He’d been the one to make them all do this stupid test in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s having a blast.
Raph’s slower than Mikey is, but he’s still clearly answering the questions at a steady pace. Sometimes he looks unsure, but he powers through anyway.
Donnie often looks frustrated, which relieves Leo somewhat because at least someone is struggling like him. But that “struggle” isn’t nearly as big as his own, considering that Donnie is answering about as fast as Raph is.
Leo turns his gaze back down to his own test. He’s still near the beginning, he thinks.
He’d put the same answer for the past seven questions - the middle of the road answer, neither a “yes” or a “no.” Then, whenever he does come across one that is more one direction than the other, he second guesses himself and restarts the test!
Sure, there are a few he could definitely give a yes or a no to, but…never the “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” that the test seemed to want from him.
He eyes his twin sitting nearby, the softshell absorbed in the test. Maybe Leo should copy what Donnie put for some of these…
“DONE!” Mikey’s shout makes Leo freeze in place just as he started to lean over.
“What?” Donnie squawks, “No way you’re already finished, you must’ve been cheating!”
“It’s a personality test, Dee!” Mikey stuck his tongue out, “You can’t cheat at those!”
…
Leo settles back into his seat.
Ignoring Donnie’s mutterings about how it was “just because it’s not an academic test” that he didn’t finish first, Raph smiles encouragingly at Mikey.
“Hey, good job! So what’d you get, Mike?”
Mikey looks back down at his test, reading aloud, “Says that I got the “Campaigner”!”
“What’s that mean?” Leo asks, his phone screen going dark.
“Apparently, I’m an “enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free-spirit”.” Mikey reads, smiling at them, “You think it fits?”
“Oh, to a T, bro!” Leo laughs, giving Mikey a thumbs up, making Mikey’s smile grow larger.
Inside, Leo was feeling a lot more mixed about this. He has no idea how Mikey knew himself so well. Maybe Donnie was right and Mikey did cheat, because how could he answer those questions so easily?
Leo’s phone burns in his hand. He keeps it locked.
“Wow, that really is you.” Raph says, his eyes flitting back and forth between his own test and Mikey, “Do you think it fits?”
“I guess? It’s fun to see at least!” Mikey shrugs with a grin.
“Hold on, I think…” Raph makes a noise of satisfaction, “Okay, done!”
“Sigh, now I’m relegated to the straggler group.” Donnie grumbles, his thumbs moving faster as he tries rushing through the questions.
“Ooh, what’d you get Raph?” Mikey asks, practically bouncing in curiosity.
“Says, uh…I got something called the “Consul”?” He squints his eyes to read more, “Uh, “caring, social, and community-minded.””
“Sounds about right to me.” Leo nods. Can’t be more “community-minded” than being a hero.
“Yeah, no one’s more caring than you, Raphie!” Mikey says, moving to lean across Raph’s shell.
“You do put the community in mind, that’s for sure.” Donnie states, not looking up.
Raph chuckles, a bit embarrassed, “Aw, thanks. It’s just some test, but it feels kinda good to hear that.”
Just a test. Right.
Leo unlocks his screen.
The test stares back at him.
Right. Okay. He can do this. He can.
The screen ends up going dark again.
Frustration builds up in Leo. Was he even halfway done with the test? At this rate, soon even Donnie will-
“FINISHED.”
Leo unlocks his phone.
“What’d you get, DonTon?” Leo asks as his thumb taps the top right of the screen.
Donnie puffs up proudly, a self sure grin on his face, “I got the result “Logician” which states that I, obviously, am an “innovative inventor with a thirst for knowledge.” Truly could not have described me better, if I do say so myself.”
“It is pretty accurate.” Raph agrees with a nod, “Even calls you an inventor, so extra accurate.”
“Super accurate.” Mikey jumps in, eyes shining.
“Yes, yes, almost like reading my own character synopsis.” Donnie’s grin had not dwindled since the word “innovative” had left his mouth.
Leo just nods along, eyes on his own screen as he skims the words. “Yeah, kinda creepy how close it got. Could have called you a nerd for extra accuracy, though.”
Donnie turns to him, eyes narrowing, “Have you even finished your test? I can think of a few words that’d describe you fairly well.”
“Test-y, huh?”
Before Donnie can strangle Leo, Raph cuts in.
“Ok, ok, calm it down, guys.” He rolls his eyes before turning to Leo. “But really, you’re not done yet?”
“Leo’s taking this self reflection seriously.” Mikey sports a faux intellectual expression as he gives a jokingly serious nod. “Maybe we all should’ve taken our time.”
“Says the one who sped through the whole thing in a record time.” Donnie mutters.
Leo waves them all off, “Nah, I finished it ages ago.”
He grins when Donnie immediately shoots him a suspicious glare. “Oh, you did, did you? Then what could you have possibly gotten, Nardo?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Leo clears his throat, “Neon Leon just so happens to be an “Entertainer.””
“Ah. That confirms it. This test is meaningless.” Donnie drones.
“Hey-“
“What’s an Entertainer like?” Mikey asks with a tilt of his head, still hanging off of Raph’s shell.
“Glad you asked, Miguel!” Leo exclaims, “It says that “life is never boring” around yours truly~”
He emphasizes this “result” of his by waving his phone with said “result” on screen.
It’s just an image he found of his chosen personality result, but they don’t need to know that.
Raph nods slowly, “Well, I guess that’s true…”
“”Never boring” is one way to put it.” Donnie hums.
“You are pretty fun, Leo!” Mikey says emphatically, because he’s great like that.
“Thank you, thank you, life of the party, right here.” Leo grins, pointing both thumbs at himself.
He’s careful not to go too overboard with it, or else it might tip someone off.
Not that it…really matters. It’s just a test. Like Raph said.
As the topic around him shifts to something else, jumping away from this brief activity as fast as any other among them, Leo finds himself unlocking his phone and pulling up the test again.
Unanswered questions stare at him. He knows what answers Lou Jitsu would pick. He knows what answers Jupiter Jim would pick. Hell, he knows exactly what answers his brothers would pick.
He doesn’t know what answers Leonardo would pick.
Leo stares at the test for a second longer, before he exits the site and throws himself into the conversation happening around him.
It’s just a stupid test, nothing to worry about.
Just a test…
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#could not ignore this idea that hit my brain haha#if you disagree with me on what personality types I gave the boys that’s fine tbh#picked mbti since it was the first one I thought of but again it like most of these tests isn’t super worth putting stock into#these tests are kinda dumb anyway but they’re fun to take#for some#anyway I love thinking about Leo struggling with his sense of identity#and in turn struggling with what is a persona and what is HIM#how much is a mask how much is built from taking traits from others how much is real how much is fake#even he doesn’t know#protagonist is probably a good choice for leo but I’m also tied to him secretly being the introverted type as well so#bit more of an ambivert maybe#he’s got aspects of a lot of them hence the difficulty answering questions#well most of his difficulty comes from an uncertainty of who he really is#again what is him and what is his mask#or masks#what even is his true self if his self is someone he’s never bothered to meet#a lot of the little details of his personality - the parts of him that we see peek out throughout the series and often on his own -#- they align with personality types that you would never think of when looking at him and his masks at face value#that’s not to say it’s all masks - he’s a goofy guy at his core - but he’s more than he lets on and we’re made privy to that in subtle ways#though fr protagonist is prob Leo’s most likely result
647 notes
·
View notes
Text
More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being “emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
and! barbarian!fig! its her
#fantasy high#dimension 20#figueroth faeth#fh class quangle#if u look at the junior year design and think tifa lockhart: yeag#I already thought the cleric!gorgug junior year design kinda is very aerith so. lol#but! I do feel like these designs maybe portray the clearest arc out of all of them so far. I like that#some of it came from a bit of necessity which is really fun that mirrors the actual play format thats cool#(necessity being freshman year riz is pretty much a huge block of red flannel lmao. kinda stole figs canon color coding for a bit)#(and he's got the owlbear jacket from taping the games in sophomore year... so I cant give fig the big red blocking until#junior year lmao. coincidentally this forced me to be a bit more dynamic with her concept which is great)#her second pair of shoes very sonic tho. I kinda enjoy that lol#tbh I really love that canon gorgug is like in a pair of chucks 24/7 that is SO funny for a barbarian I hope to keep the energy going#with class swap fig I think a barbarian who wears like collector sneakers is awesome. the foot support is so important to their work#the general idea of a hyperfem girlypop barbarian still ticks for me tbh. idk enough abt the zeitgeist to know if thats passé now or not#but doing Fashion on ur job of bodily tearing ur opponent apart with the least flourish possible is just a hit for me#her knee brace is from like an injury back in her cheer days that she got by overexercising in hope of being good enough that#the team couldn't let her go. the team then used that same injury as a pretext to let her go#I think abt her arc tbh... fig's thing in canon junior year abt the point of her rebelling. I feel like a lot of it can also apply to rage#both knocking things over and holding onto things don't like. make anything new. destruction without at least a glimpse of a vision#of the after is ultimately a cynical defeatist point of view... strategic barbarianism for fig babeyy#yay! once again its time for me to Fucking Sleep. but hopefully I can hammer out a proper ref for riz and gorgug both in the#following week inbetween doing my job. its that time of da year lads (<- fully seasonal worker)
233 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trad goth A.B.A design. Better look at her hair + makeup and the boots I wanted her to have under the cut!
Her hair + makeup ^
The boots I wanted her to have. ^
#A.B.A#A.B.A guilty gear#A.B.A gg#guilty gear#guilty gear strive#ggst#trad goth#goth#art#ikanebula art#i just reaaaaally like trad goth aesthetics#trying my best to dress goth ... using aba as my mannequin /j#i have a lot of fashion ideas tbh
332 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have seen a few DCxMarvel dimension travel fics, and quite a few of them are of them are Peter Parker post-blip. Which gives me a crack fic idea: everyone who got snapped ended up in the DC universe. Yes, all of them.
The current world population is around eight billion, so half of that would be 4 billion... Yeah that would cause so so so many problems. But the DC universe is used to crazy shit.
Obviously there would be a sudden influx of "new" heroes and villains but with absolutely no context it is hard to figure out who is who.
Batman immediately trying to make contingency plans for all these new heroes and villains as well as figure out their civilian identities but this is very difficult because literally no records exist yet.
Magic users from both worlds team up, but I think they were still unable to fix it, the infinity stones were just too powerful. Also I think Dr. Strange and Constantine can't stand each other.
While I am at it, Wonder Woman and Loki would probably hate each other too. DC is more Greek but it has had their own version of Norse mythology, so maybe they are the same and have beef?
They would struggle to feed and house that many new people, but getting them jobs and integrating them into society would be hard too. And good luck proving anything anyone says. "You swear you have a law degree from Harvard? Okay I guess."
Do doubles exist? Yeah a lot of people probably don't have an alternate universe double, but it stands to reason some do. How do you deal with having a new kind-of twin? Or a dead friend or relative coming back, but different? Or even someone you never knew/doesn't exist in this world insisting they are family.
Some au double ideas I have seen people toss around are: Dick Grayson as Richard Parker, Kara Danvers as Carol Danvers, Steve Trevor as Steve Rogers, and Slade Wilson as/being somehow related to Wade Wilson, but I am sure there are other fun ideas out there too.
The snap didn't just affect humans/earth! So other planets are having the same problems.
Then randomly, five years later, just when people were getting used to the change, they all disappear again without warning. This causes as many problems as the original appearance did.
#dc#dc comics#marvel#dc x marvel#marvel x dc#marvel dc crossover#dc marvel crossover#dc universe#marvel cinematic universe#dimension travel#batman#the snap#the blip#spiderman#dick grayson#wonder woman#loki#i confess i have a soft spot for dick as Peter's dad ever since i first saw the idea#i want matt and foggy to be one of the snapped purely so foggy can make a joke about batman and Matt's own batlike abilities#alternatively maybe the dc team up actually does manage to fix things early and Thanos is like 'the fuck???'#there is a lot of potential here for both angst and comedy depending on how you want to do it#i mostly imagine this as a comedy but honestly it would be a good drama#but tbh i am more interested in the ways these characters can be forced to interact for comedy purposes#do you understand my vision Internet?#you can tell i have no idea what to tag this as#i just love these types of fics and think this would be a fun crack au#does something similar exist yet? obviously lots of crossovers exist but usually it is just a few characters.#i want q bunch of them being forced to interact for an extended period of time#if such a fic exists please let me know lol
218 notes
·
View notes
Text
Transmasc Jason Todd who never had his period before dying because malnutrition+ generally being a late bloomer, getting his period somewhen in Lost Days/UTRH, getting really intense PMS and assuming it's Pit Rage because nobody told him pms was a thing so he's like "ah yes the violent mood swings, fatigue and feeling like any slight frustration will get me unreasonably upset and might send me over the edge. Probably a sign that I am cursed by the waters of evil and that I came back wrong."
#“you have no idea the curse you've inflicted upon the world” but the curse is me with pms#even funnier if talia clocked it tbh#like “oh you've decapitated these drug dealers huh well remember to eat a lot of protein and did you get the tea i sent you”#jason is clueless because he's so focused on his scheming#the rest of the bats are also clueless#because how are they gonna know the difference between the new rogue killing someone angrily and still killing but it's chill#jason todd#dc#red hood#batman#batman under the hood#under the red hood#dc comics#trans jason todd#transmasc jason todd
143 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think two of the most important things about Jack Harkness, two things that inform almost everything he does and the choices he makes, are this: that he is a soldier NOT a leader, and that his entire life since childhood has been awash in survivor's guilt (and his whole existence after becoming immortal is an even more extreme version of survivor's guilt).
Jack is not a natural leader. He can think on the fly and he's good at getting people to listen to him, but he's not good at control, or at being objective. He's a natural second in command, he's a soldier. He was brought up to do what other people told him to, and to improvise if he had to (Time Agency, etc). But I really don't think he wants to be the leader of Torchwood. Unfortunately, everything about him means that he has to be. He knows from experience that others having control over him is dangerous, others knowing about his immortality while he's a subordinate to them is dangerous, and he also knows that his own immortality gives him an advantage as a leader. But I don't think he's good at leading. He tries to be. But he's fumbling along, in a time period he's not native to and a planet he's not native to and an unfathomable lifespan, and as charming as he is I think he's often not good with people. He's detached where he should be personal and emotional where he should be detached (or at least more level-headed). He's often too extreme or not harsh enough when it comes to things like discipline or dealing with the problems/traumas/mistakes of his employees or even civilians. He can't handle his employees seeing him uncertain/vulnerable and it makes for huge problems over and over again.
But all of this does make sense because I think in the back of Jack's mind there's always this wheel spinning, these gears turning and turning and calculating the impact and trauma each of his actions or decisions or the events around him are going to have on his own emotions for far longer than normal humans tend to consider. Because the catalyst for any part of the life we see him leading is survivor's guilt. He lost his father and his brother on the same day, joined the military and lost his best friend, joined the Time Agency and lost his memories (and maybe thinks he did something terrible). Then he died, and when Rose brought him back, he was all alone on the satellite with nothing but the corpses of the people who had fought beside him and zero explanation as to why he survived, and he had lost Rose and the Doctor besides. And then all his life on earth since, he has lost coworkers and lovers and civilians he tried and failed to save and probably also aliens he tried and failed to save. And I think by the time he becomes reluctant leader of Torchwood, every action is, whether conscious or subconscious, taken with the intent of minimizing that kind of trauma and the impact of loss.
Except that I think that the survivor's guilt has another layer to it, which is that feeling of needing to sacrifice or absolve himself in some way. No one else is willing to make the difficult decisions, no one else will move forward with the painful and unpleasant actions, even if there's no other way, even though they will someday perish and no longer see the ripples of their actions. But Jack - who cannot die, who must live with the guilt or the pain or the trauma of those actions and decisions for the rest of his very very very long life - is the one who realizes that he must take on those painful responsibilities and must do certain things even though they're terrible, because it ends up being the sacrifice of one over the whole world. And every single time, he's guilty about it, and that makes him want even more to sacrifice his own hurt for the grief and loss of others.
So it's this strange cycle of wanting to protect himself from hurt and from loss and from the survivor's guilt, but being driven by guilt towards painful and/or self-sacrificing actions. Which then makes him fear being seen as vulnerable or uncertain, and he struggles to do things on a smaller scale or in a more level-headed way, because he's not supposed to be leading like this, it's not something that comes naturally, and if he makes emotional connections by being a leader, he'll end up trapped in survivor's guilt yet again each time one of his employees or friends or lovers dies.
It's just a terrible cycle and he's trapped in it for the rest of his existence. Although if he really is the Face Of Boe, then I imagine at some point he eventually finds peace with it all or something, but I think so long as he has a human-form he's stuck with this cycle of leadership and loss and sacrifice and mistakes.
I think it's really important that Jack is not good at his job as a leader. He makes a ton of mistakes, he fucks up so much and his employees or even civilians end up collateral damage, whether physically or just emotionally. He wants to be a good leader, I think, and he's trying, but he's fallible, and he's a stranger in literally every sense, and I think a really big part of his character is that he constantly is forced to live in this bizarre dichotomy where he has to be both very distant and cold and detached, and also very emotional and intense and personal. And any other person would collapse under the stress of repeating that over and over and over again for decades, but he has to figure out how to navigate this weight as an infinite existence that can't ever collapse or let it burn him up and kill him.
#torchwood#torchwood meta#jack harkness#it's 4am i'm just rambling tbh#don't even get me started on the whole being buried underground for thousands of years thing either#i'm writing a fic about this theme of jack's guilt/survivor's guilt (kind of) so this idea has been on my mind#but like i said it's very early in the morning so i don't know if this is very eloquent or makes much sense to anyone but me#but i generally have a lot of torchwood thoughts/feelings/opinions so sometimes they just need to be released into the world even half bake
105 notes
·
View notes