#AND MANY THINGS WE CANNOT SEE AND OTHER THINGS WE CANNOT KNOW. IS THERE NO SHAPE FOR WONDER IN THIS WORLD

[aninipanin1]

How about Young manager with ADHD (continuously gets lost within Blue Lock, interrupts Ego using the PA system (accidentally) about trivial things, misplaces objects, rather naive etc),,, lol

LOST SHEEP

Notes: I personally do not have ADHD and my knowledge about it is quite small, so please forgive me if I misrepresent it here! I do not have any intentions of doing so, and if I do make some mistakes, please let me know! I am genuinely interested in being much more knowledgeable about this topic. Thank you!

"Y/n-chan...? What are you doing there..?"

Hiori asked, blinking at the rather bizarre scene in front of him. The midfielder just finished his daily training routines when he stepped inside of the laundry room to place his laundry basket.

But when he did walk in, he found their precious manager crouched down, hugging your legs as your eyes focused intensely at the small window of the washing machine, eyes boring at the spinning clothes inside the contraption.

In fact, you were too focused to even notice or hear the music of the other machines that alerted the room about how the process was done. You were just sitting there, staring, eyes blinking rarely, as if the rotation of the washing machine was a rare circus show to your eyes.

Everyone in the facility knew of your...tendencies and are more than understanding and ready to help you return your attention to whatever you were currently doing. Hiori was no different as he approached your crouched figure and lightly held your shoulder to take your attention back, but he made sure to be gentle enough to not scare you.

"Y/n-chan, earth to Y/n-chan. Are you okay?" He said in the softest voice he can muster, his hands supporting your crouched figure that almost lost its balance. You looked a bit dazed still from your previous episode, blinking at the sudden interruption. Turning to the blue-haired player, you tilted your head.

"Hiori-kun? What are we doing here...? What's happening?"

"Everything is fine, Y/n-chan. You just got a bit distracted with the washing machine." He explained, raising one of his hands to your hair, softly patting it in a comforting manner. He guided you up from your position and helped with the laundry that had long been done.

"Oh, I didnt notice that the rest were done..." you said in realization, looking at the washing machine with wide eyes. Hiori, who could not help himself, pinched one of your cheeks.

"Its fine, let's just get the rest of the laundry and hang it up, yeah?"

'Geez, she's too cute to be even real...' he inwardly gushed.

"What do you mean you can't find her?" Ego said, glaring at a worried Anri the moment he received the news. Apparently, you have been missing for more than an hour now, with no one from any stratum knowing where you were or even seeing you pass by.

"I'm a little worried. We all know how she gets when she's super distracted."

Ego sighed, rubbing his temple and not even adjusting his glasses that fell off the bridge of his nose. Out of everyone in there, he knew, especially how you can get. Being the one you always worked alongside with, there were times when you would be too focused on something trivial like a moving object or a rather miniscule detail that you would end up forgetting everything you were currently and supposed to be doing.

Now, most of the time, he encourages this. Ego cannot count how many times you ended up helping him and the players as a whole because your fixations on even the most minute of details always ended up being the root cause of a problem.

Hence, why, starting then, he always trusted your mini hyperfixations, no matter how dumb it may sound. You were naive, yes, but you are also a genius, something most people around you know of. So, early on, Ego trusted these said instincts and fixations and revolving them into something that would benefit everybody.

However, there are times like these where those hyperfixations end up disadvantageous. Somehow, you always get lost in the worst times in the worst places possible. Once, the whole facility literally had to work together in order to find you, only for Niko to find you crawling around the storage room near the cafeteria, chasing a ladybug that got your attention while you tried to find your way around the facility again.

There was no time for that kind of thing, however, seeing as to how the day after tomorrow was the last games for the Neo Egoist League, and the staff desperately needed to arrange everything and anything under the sun to make sure the games and livestream are all smooth sailing.

And, they definitely needed you, the overall manager of the teams, there.

"What do we do, Ego-san?"

"I'll look around in my cameras. Try to find her in the usual spot and rooms she crawls and runs on, or those rooms that have a lot of things she can fidget with." He sighed, feeling so done with everything that happened that day.

"Okay. I'll ask help from the rest of the staff."

Just as they were about to start looking for you though, the PA system was suspiciously turned on.

"Huh? It's not even 12 in the noon yet."

Anri said, confused, but all their questioning were answered when they heard the loud feedback of the mic before hearing small scratches and fidgeting noises in the mix. There were even times when they heard some buttons being pushed about. Ego sighed again, but it felt more like a breath of relief.

"That's her. Get that problem child and bring her here." Ego said, spinning his chair to face the cameras. And would you know it, when he went back through the CCTV cameras' previous footages, he saw you in the PA room, fidgeting with the buttons of the system. If he were to be honest, he felt a huge sigh of relief that you were not doing anything that may have harmed you of sort.

After a few minutes, Anri opened the door to his office but alongside her was Don Lorenzo who was smirking as he held you by the scruff of your jacket. Carrying you like a lost kitten, while you only blinked at the predicament you were in, constantly asking Anri about what you were supposed to do again and just babbling stories to Lorenzo and Anri.

"The lost sheep is here." He said, bringing you on the ground as carefully as he could, nodding along to whatever you said about how microphones actually worked and how you were just curious and wanted to experiment if your knowledge and hypothesis were actually real or whatever your mind was thinking about currently.

"Y/n." Ego said a bit sternly, making you stop talking as you looked at the man.

"Try to bring someone with you when you go on your little adventures sometimes." He said before turning his swivel chair once again to face the many monitors, turning his back to you.

"Okay, Ego-san!" You cheered happily, not even bothered about what had just transpired as you went back to your notebook to continue writing and working.

'This girl is going to be the death of me. This is why I don't want kids.' Ego thought, shaking his head.

"Rin-kun. Have you seen Mr. Boba?"

"Hah?"

Rin said, his usual frown in his face. But, this was more of a frown of confusion. He knew you had the habit of naming normal objects with names you found either fitting or adorable, by your standards of course. So, when you approached the striker about a supposed 'Mr. Boba,' he had no idea what the hell you were even looking for.

"Mr. Boba! He has tons of dots that's why he's Mr. Boba." You insisted, your face in a frown because you can't find what you were looking for at all and it was starting to thin your patience a bit.

"Look, I don't know what your Mr. Boba is. What even is it? Is it a hairpin of a boba, or a keychain?" Rin asked. He really did want to help you find Mr. Boba, but you were not exactly helping your case as you kept insisting Mr. Boba was Mr. Boba.

That was until Karasu and Shidou entered the field that helped him and you.

"Y/n-chan! Hi! Why are you sad?!" Shidou asked as he jumped to hug you, before frowning himself, not liking that you were clearly upset by the look at the frown on your face.

"What's wrong, Y/n-chan?" Karasu added, patting your hair.

"Did Rinrin over here make you sad? I'll beat him up for you if you want, Y/n-cha-"

"Shut the fuck up, lukewarm idiot. I didn't do crap." Rin intercepted Shidou, feeling the veins on his head pop.

"No, no, Shidou-san. I just can't find Mr. Boba. What do I do? I need him." The frown on your face deepened into a pout. Karasu was confused as hell who was this Mr. Boba you were talking about. He turned to Rin, who only glared at him.

"I dont know who the hell her Mr. Boba is."

But, Shidou seemed to understand who your Mr. Boba was as the grin on his face widened and he pulled your phone out from your jacket pocket and extended it to your hand.

"Mr. Boba!" You cheered happily at the phone.

"Silly Y/n-chan. It was in your pocket all along!" Shidou said as he pinched your cheeks and stretching it. Meanwhile, Karasu and Rin were just left confused to the side, wondering how the hell was a phone comparable to a boba.

"That's Mr. Boba? What the hell. I don't see it." Karasu commented, but Shidou only stuck his tongue out at both of them.

"You all are blind losers. Can't you see the phonecase design? It has black circles in the bottom and since its a clear case, you can see the (f/c) of the phone! So its like boba." Shidou explained, pointing out the small design of the phone that somehow made it look like a boba in both your and his eyes.

"Yeah! Like Shidou-san said!" You cheered as you hugged the male, thanking him sweetly for helping you find your Mr. Boba.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Rin said, facepalming as Karasu just laughed.

"Shut the hell up, Rin-rin! You can't say that to Y/n-chan!!!"

"Who said I was also talking about her?"

ADDITIONAL TIME!

Since everyone in the Blue Lock facility found out about your disorder, they became much more protective of you overall.

You are waiting in line for food? No, youre not. Everyone is letting you get your food first.

You have bad time management? They'd help with that. They'll be your personal alarm clock.

You are feeling so bored and want to fidget with something? They'd let you play with their hands while they listened to Ego's damn lectures.

It's all about maintaining your attention span yet enabling you to become a better person as a whole. To improve your mental health and also make you feel that you are more than your disorder.

But, of course, they can't help but spoil you every once in a while. No biggie!

Blue Lock is WRITTEN by Kaneshiro Muneyuki and ILLUSTRATED by Nomura Yusuke. All credits to the both of them.

[angelart67]

OK... So I don't have Instagram, which is probably because it is META owned & if I gave up my FakeBook, it makes no sense why I would just jump to another platform owned by the same entity... YES, I DO KNOW THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS... Only wrote it cause this makes me wish I could ONLY SEE the stuff that is WORTH IT on those platforms... LIKE THIS... Soooooo, that said, THANK GOD, you posted this on Tumblr as well... TY TY TY TY TY

MANY more ppl need to see n read this. BECAUSE, whatever rights or options or do-overs you think you have due you, this fact is MEDICALLY PROVEN...

Abortion STOPS A BEATING 💓🙏💔😇PLEASE don't murder God's Miracles...

OH WAIT... Before someone out there goes off on me because they just ASSume I have no stake in this, don't know what I'm talking about, or think I'm trying to kidnap their uterus... LISTEN UP... PLEASE, & I am NOT calling anyone out of their name, so let's see if we can possibly just stay on track with facts, for once, & not behave like bullies...

I do TY in advance for that...

I gave birth to 4 children, 2 were full term, 1 was "overbaked" family funny there, & 1 was extremely premature (especially for it being the 80's when they knew far less about premature infants) I also have suffered thru multiple miscarriages, & yep BIG DIFF between that happening to a woman & calling for an appt to end things on purpose... Every miscarriage I went thru made ME feel the same way I'd have felt, had I lost any of my living children (like stillbirth), they were ALL DEVASTATING LOSSES... Of my 4 who were born & lived, they are on this earth because my mama raised me to believe, once I am pregnant, planned OR unplanned, it is (in my heart & belief system) God's will, God's miracle, God's choice & MY DUTY... I don't wish to get into ANY debate with ANYONE over religion. Please NOOOO I've still not recovered from my recent political trauma, so have some mercy... So there I was in 4 different situations, at various times between 17 & 30 years old, in my doctors office, being given the news... This part pretty much kills me emotionally, because if only you could step into MY BELIEF SYSTEM for one little minute, please try, IF you were brought up that way, & fully believed that, to have a medical doctor (well 4 actually) not SUGGEST, but almost INSIST you go kill your unborn child you just found out about !!!!!

See... I happened to be born with a rare congenital disorder, which can transfer from mama to baby, BUT rather than even ASK ME about any CHOICE I might want to make, they was ready to pack me off to what I CONSIDER paid killers... If they had bothered to ask me, I could easily have shared that I believe in God, that for whatever reason, (I cannot know in this lifetime) allowed me to be born with this congenital disorder... so MY MIND & HEART reasons this way... out of my mom's 4 kids, only me & 1 brother had/have it, other brother & sister, nary a sign, just fine... Now God allowed me to have it, BUT HE also allowed me to get pregnant with my child... can't you just suppose (pretend again if you must) but if this ALL KNOWING GREATER POWER, I call God allowed BOTH of those occurrences to take place, MAYBE it was so I NEEDED to place my faith in Him? That is what was required, that is what was in my prayers, "Please Father God, just take care of my baby & help me be strong, whatever Your will." When I was a little kiddo, by the way, there was no medical test for my congenital disorder... back then, you got diagnosed by certain characteristics of the anatomy, having to do with skeletal system, cardiac system, vision, & muscular systems. So that is how my brother & I were diagnosed... nobody knows before my dear mom who else may have had it, because really nothing was specifically known 2 generations prior... Yes, my mom died when I was 17, as a direct result of this condition, in fact it was literally ONE WEEK before I discovered I was pregnant, so think again (as me) I am a teenager, just lost my mom last week, then found out I am pregnant, & a medical doctor (who knew those facts by the way) is suggesting I go murder what became my beautiful daughter, not to mention the mama of my ONLY grandchild... My daughter became my shining beam of sunlight & life, thru the death of my mom, helping me have good reason to get thru some of the most difficult days of loss I ever felt... So, anyone out there wanna clue me in about MY CHOICE... Well, that's OK, I only had ONE choice because my Bible instructs me, "Thou shalt not kill", & I assure you there is no clause or addendum attached to that COMMANDMENT that says

A. Unless this is inconvenient for you... B. Unless you have no faith in Me to care... C. Unless you are concerned about money...

Naaaaa... no such deals, not for me, & not for billions of other people raised with similar beliefs, in a menagerie of various religious belief systems... so is it that hard to believe that while there are SOME OUT THERE, I'm sure who simply don't believe in God, but are ONLY bent on stealing your RIGHTS... Don't you think there's a LOT who simply feel it is our God given duty to try & stop what we view as one of the worst crimes against humanity? Is it possible? Cause I'm nice, I swear, I'm not out to get anyone... but when I've spent 30 odd years working in the health industry, & I am so beyond aware of the medical facts, & ALL OF THEM in my eyes, PROVE LIFE FROM CONCEPTION but when I first learned about things like "partial birth abortion" I am HORRIFIED !!! & no, I'm not just saying everyone is going to carry almost to term, or to term in some instances, & then grab the long surgical scissors, (I mean the BRAIN SCRAMBLER) & by the way, that IS DEFINATELY NOT why we are born with a soft spot... but to me, if it's 6 weeks, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, months, no matter, it is the KILLING of a human who is completely unable to defend itself, NOBODY is giving these kids a choice, they call em slimeblobs, to be able to live with it IMO...

I've been there, I HAVE lived it, 1 of my 4 was (possibly) the result of rape, because that happened to me, just around the time I got pregnant... we just did not know until after birth when it could be proven one way or the other, & yes, THANK GOD she ultimately wasn't the rapists child, but I promise you as God is my witness, had I known THEN, like I wasn't in my relationship, so I KNEW... I still could never have ended her life... medical facts DO PROVE life begins at conception, the medical field simply use various terms, to show what point things are at, so even if embryo or fetus sounds like blob to you, it's not, not at all, & if you only be selfless for a little while, my point is beyond proven... NOTHING that isn't alive has a heartbeat or organs forming more each day, & the scientific list goes on...

My brother, who was also born with my same congenital issues, passed away in his early 40s as a direct result of the condition... so does that mean he had nothing to offer this world in his 4 decades? Nowadays, they developed a blood test that gives a definitive yes/no answer about what I live with. There is no more figuring it out from aspects of your anatomy... I've now surpassed the age my brother & mother passed away at, about to be 58 in the spring... I don't know how or why my Father in heaven has kept me going this long, I assure you, I am far from healthy, but I like to think I contributed a LOT of good, in my time here, & I'm blessed my mom didn't just think, "Aww screw it, she might be born all messed up." & do me in... Had that happened, this world would also be (probably) without any of my 3 siblings, their children, grandchildren & and great-grandchildren, without my 4, & without my grandson... & By the way, my kids had the blood test that now exists, NONE of them have it... so I'd have also murdered them pointlessly, had I listened to the doctors...

I'm done, I pray I made an impact with SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE, I pray I at least make others think & reason things through...

God Bless & Keep You, & may He protect those who can't protect themselves, 🙏😇

[readychilledwine]

Call My Name

Nightmare Prompt Drabble -“How long have you been having nightmares like this?”

Summary - War leaves a last mark on all who see it.

Warnings - Mentions of loss and death, mentions of war, reader is spiraling in secret.

A/N - My heart is so sad because I got bumped while drafting this and accidentally deleted the anon 🥺

So, if this is familiar to you and you sent me this, losing someone you lose to cancer is one of the hardest things to live through. I am so sorry, Anon. I wanted this to be perfect and warm. I wanted it to be filled with comfort. I held onto it for a while because I was worried about it not filling that need, but as someone who can sympathize with that loss, it hits where I think it needs to in a very short and sweet way.

🦊Lucien Masterlist🦊Master Masterlist🦊

The feel and scent of blood was still so real as you calmed yourself and strong hands helped you sit up. It felt as if a weight was on your chest, closing in and seizing the very breath from your lungs.

“You're alright,” a voice deep with sleep stated. “Breathe. Take a deep breath. Breathe.” Lucien sat in front of you, his normally perfect hair a mess, his pajama pants wrinkled from moving as he slept.

“Lu?”

“You were screaming,” even in his sleepy state, his voice was like a silk that soothed your fears. “I could hear you from my room. I think we could all hear you, actually.”

Shame filled you. You normally could contain your nightmares to your own space, warding and shielding out the world from the visions that haunted your mind. “I apologize. I try to keep it in here,” you motioned to your room. “Rhysand taught me to shield, and it appears they failed me tonight.”

He shook his head. ��Never apologize to me for being afraid. You are young and have already lived through so much. You have seen far too many things,” his voice was soft with sympathy as he settled down in your bed, pulling you to lay beside him. “How long have you been having nightmares like this?”

That sentence, one no one else had bothered to ask, opened the floodgates. “Since the war. Since-” You could finish, couldn't allow your mind to slip into that haunted place.

“I understand,” he stopped you as if he did not want you to bear that pain. Soft hands moved to your face, stroking your cheek bones. “I know that feeling. That piece of you leaving this world yet lingering in your nightmares and dreams. It makes you feel trapped. Like you can't move on no matter how desperately you try, and the hardest thing is no one has real advice.” He made sure his eyes found yours, the soft moon highlighting his own jawline and cheeks. “Other fae will tell you time heals all wounds, but I've learned that isn't always true.”

“Wounds like this fester, my spark. They infect and slowly kill. They rob you of your joy, your safety and security, your light,” his voice broke. “I cannot stand the idea of you losing your light. Not so young. Not so fresh to the magic of our world."

He waited for you to breathe before he spoke again, "I know it is hard, but you need to talk to someone. Me, Rhysand, Nesta. Any of us. We may not be able to replace them, but we can help you as you reshape your world around this loss. We can help you find another kindling to keep your flame alive."

You could only give a whimper as tears began to fall freely. You had not felt so seen, so safe, in months. He pulled you closer, wrapping you in his warmth and scent. “You don't have to decide now, but we will speak again in the morning. Sleep, my dear, I'll keep you safe tonight.”

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

I will be the one to say it, wherever we like this side conclusion or not, she dug this pit herself and Iskall provided the shovel

I've heard speculations of their relationship being a much closer than it appears online, and her deleting her channel to hide any trace of her involvement or his involvement while still keeping the comment on Iskall's channel is the nail in the coffin

The only thing that she has on her Channel right now is 36 comments that the majority tie back to Iskall in some way.

And additionally, I'd personally say it's come to a point of devotion and compassion for each other rather than what a normal "relationship" should be

And I want you all to keep in mind that if Stress isn't Iskall's "long-term girlfriend", then there is a woman out there who found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with multiple of his employees and also possibly including his female best friend because of the amount of devotion they have to each other

But if Stress is the "long-term girlfriend", then this was a clear act of both devotion or she's been hit with trains worth of clarity and realization but I doubt this is the case because the comment is still up

And there was no single threat in her replies

YouTube's AI detection system will automatically delete replies with a threatening nature of that go against community guidelines before the person sees the reply.

Meaning that at the most cleverly worded insults have slipped through the hundreds of common worth of "You're so goated" and "Miss you too" and "We support you too" (update to make sure this was accurate I just checked it this than two minutes before this post and it is indeed compliments)

90% of her replies a positivity. And a couple months ago I even gave her the benefit of the doubt and said not to speculate on her situation because we didn't know any better. Aka even people who were skeptical like me and many others treats it her with integrity and dignity open till that reply was posted

I cannot speak on whether or not Iskall has gotten the threats he claims, but I always encouraged to not leave death threats, so I would imagine that it's a handful of people who do not have a life

But I could say with Confidence that if she got more than 8 threats, which is still not good but is a less considering the circumstances and general uncontrollable public, I would be mind-blown

So I'm very confident in the notion that she did this out of either realization to which I hope it is, and I hope for her community she seeks professional help because that level of devotion is unhealthy makes a steady bouncy back after some time OR it's another act of devotion

Because if he's in a legal case regarding this issue it is commonly advised to remove any incriminating evidence from social media so that it cannot be used against you; and it would be easy to argue their relationship based purely on her videos. Making the deletion of her channel an act of devotion rather than general clarity hitting her

Which is sad. I've never personally watched Many of Her videos only 30 at the most, but the general consensus of disappointment rather than anger putting her Direction leads me to conclude this is out of character behavior for her. And this would reinforce Iskall's repeated manipulation attempts.

It would mean his manipulation is effective and working.

The only possible way I could ever see people generally being outraged at her is if she was in on it too but that has already been confirmed by many of the victims they were unaware that she was also leaving, and were unaware of her general support.

This or will you find out that she's financially contributing to his legal case, to which I would argue the money would be better spent on therapy

But it just seems that she's digging herself into a pit or into a self destructive montage of being in support of someone who does not deserve it

[raayllum]

Immortality & Longevity in TDP

Because season 7 brought up some very interesting Threads to contrast with the series' previous sentiments on immortality / ridiculously long lifespans. So let's go.

Those Who Naturally Live Forever(-ish)

There are three main camps of characters who experience longevity in TDP.

Those who experience it naturally, but can still die (the Archdragons, some elves)

Those who acquire it through dark magic means

Those who cannot permanently die (the First Elves, Aaravos)

I want to talk about the Group Number One first, because it includes the most characters and was the basis for this meta. Besides Lujanne and Akiyu, we don't know too many elves who have lived for hundreds of plus years, although it wouldn't surprise me if Aditi did. Lujanne and Akiyu are both mages as well, with Lujanne living at the most powerful concentration of Moon magic in the world, so that could be part of the reason why she's lived so long, and Tidebound elves (as Finnegrin had Sea Legs' sister for 40+ years) just naturally live much longer than other types of elves (Moonshadow, Sunfire) as far as we know.

The Archdragons themselves also don't talk much about the length of their lives, since it's a species-shared trait and so second nature to them. However, whenever they do talk about it, we get a very clear picture:

It's not exactly... positive. Now, some of this is because of their mental states. Sol Regem lost his beloved mate a thousand years ago, lost his position as the king of the dragons, and been effectively cut off from Xadia's political sphere / the other archdragons for a long time. Rex Igneous is similarly isolated (though it seems more self-inflicted) and we know he had a previous falling out with Avizandum (presumably over Zubeia). We also see Zubeia grow increasingly listless both times she falls ill / almost loses her family (S3, 5x09) so it seems that despite being very rare and accordingly isolationist, Archdragons don't tend to do well alone and without families (understandably).

But the verdict seemingly from at least 2/4ish known archdragons is that

In this way, the Archdragons' view of their quasi-immortality isn't that different from how Aaravos views his literal one:

The stars have never smiled upon their creations. This world was made by cruel, unfeeling hands. It is an instrument of pain, of torment. To exist within this world is to suffer. Even death is no reprieve.

So what about the characters who disagree to the point of doing terrible things so that they can exist forever?

Kpp'ar and Kim'Dael (Crafted Immortality)

Although there's only two characters in the "dark magic induced immortality" category, they paint two such completely different pictures that, in many ways, it shows the full spectrum of just how one can achieve an unnatural immortality.

On the one hand, we have Kim'Dael, who takes dark magic's canonically to its long believed natural conclusion of cannibalism. Kim'Dael takes parts (blood) from magical creatures (in this case, elves) and consumes it to enhance her own abilities and her livelihood. This doesn't always mean fully killing and draining someone, but often can (Bloodmoon Huntress) with multiple individuals / sometimes whole families at a time as she must experience semi-regular rejuvenation; it is unknown if she needs to eat or consume anything else in her day-to-day life.

Her magic use was also confirmed to be a form of dark magic in this interview:

the way that she does, is beyond primal magic. She’s found ways through dark magic to extend her primal moon powers. It’s very evil how she is able to do what she does and extend her life

Despite the dragons who don't have to work to be immortal being far more despondent about their long, long lives, it's not hard to think of reasons why Kim'Dael would want to be immortal. Death is a scary unknown, she (like Finnegrin) is out of tune with her primal knowingness on a fundamental level, and she can do so without harm to herself. Like most dark mages we've seen, her dark magic use requires using and taking from the people around her more, accordingly, than it's taking from her. She takes from others to give herself power: dark magic 101.

Kpp'Ar's search for immortality is way fucking weirder, IMO. It's not necessarily that dark mages, or dark magic, never uses the caster's body for spells. It inherently saps energy (hence the white streaks, nosebleeds, collapsing, etc) and drains life from the body; each spell harms the caster in at least a small way. It's also not like we've never seen a dark mage use their own body parts for a spell; Claudia uses and drinks her own blood mixed into the pentapus ink in 5x09, and Viren mutilates his own heart in 6x08 rather than use someone else's.

It's just, that if Kim'Dael has a way to chase immortality that does mean using somebody else's body... why on earth would you use your own?

It seems that before his change of heart, Kpp'Ar was experimenting with one of the darkest of all magics. A way of extending life. Indefinitely. A horrible and strange kind of immortality. The ancient and disturbing practice of self-eating.

Now, some of this may come down to access or skillset. Presumably Kim'Dael could drink human blood and use it for her spells, since the arcanum of the elf she's drinking from doesn't seem to matter. However, even if you can use human blood, Kpp'Ar at this point was older and used a cane (if we assume this was a later in life pursuit, and not over decades); he likely wasn't going to be able to kidnap and haul back anyone but children back to Puzzle House, and while we know he's willing to sacrifice children (6x06) it's not canonically clear if he's willing to use them.

Either way, we know Kpp'Ar was pursuing immortality as well as the location of the Garden of Innocents concurrently. We don't know if this was interrelated, but we do know that unicorns are connected to the Star arcanum, which is presumably what makes First Elves immortal-ish so... maybe? It's not clear why Kpp'Ar would want immortality in general, especially that type of immortality, for himself, but clearly there will be a reason. It could be that he wanted to transfer it to someone else (Soren) and gave up, but that's not fundamentally different than what Kim'Dael does, so... again: why himself?

(Arc 3 come home to me)

Cannot Die

Last but not least, we have Aaravos + the other First Elves in the 'cannot die' category, except when they can (Leola). I've written more before about how... odd the info surrounding what the Cosmic Council can and cannot do and what we may be missing, for lack of a better term. Quick rundown:

The Cosmic Council can execute Startouch elves. Aaravos did not have enough power to stop them. (*At the time of Leola's death, as things may have changed since then)

Aaravos seems to be utterly unconcerned that the Cosmic Council conceivably could, if they became aware of his actions, execute him in the same manner. Aaravos does not seem to care if they notice, given that he asks, "Are you watching?" in 7x08.

When Aaravos' mortal form (like the one Leola had/used on earth) is destroyed in 7x09, there are noticeable visual differences to the destruction of his daughter's.

Aaravos seems to want to bring the First Elves into "this world" as it is an instrument of pain that begets only suffering, and "I want them to suffer."

We also know that Aaravos believes the First Elves don't care about / love their creations at all, so destroying the earth can't be the endgame goal. We also know that something is keeping Aaravos from accessing/attacking them, otherwise he would've done so before being imprisoned.

Presumably, something in the interim has changed with either 1) Aaravos is no longer able to die or 2) He has found a way to be able to kill the other First Elves if they went after him, rather than the other way around. Potentially dark magic is the road to get there, or a form of ancient magic the First Elves tried to keep hidden that became the basis for dark magic.

Either way, we know that the First Elves are able to end an otherwise truly immortal being's existence permanently (at least so far) and that it's a power at one point Aaravos did/does not have. I'll be curious to see what we learn about all of this and self-eating in the future.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

@zepskies

Okay I'm here and I am ready for the finale of this wonderful series!

“Was worried about you,” you whisper a confession against his lips. Dean briefly pauses, meeting your eyes. “Thanks for waiting up,” he says, with a hint of a smile.

I like this line, because it's what made Dean stop. In my head I feel like this version of Dean has pushed away so many people and the reader is the first person in a long time to genuinely say that she was "worried" about him, and it strikes something in his chest because he couldn't remember the last time it happened. That's the headcanon in my head anyway lol.

Also the spice was.... 😱🌶️🔥. I literally cannot write smut to save my life, but you always write it so well! I also liked that you didn't do it as intense as omegaverse usually is, because we both know how it can be 👀

“It’s too damn late,” he says, breaking the silence. “You realize that right?” You shoot him a frown. “Too late for what?” “For me to let you go,” he says. 

OH MY WORD DEAN SHUT UP! I promise it's okay! She loves you and she can see that you're not a bad person because you literally have been nursing her back to health with her broken ankle 😭 Not to mention you guys are fated! She's not going to let you go no matter what you do.

But again... on brand for Dean to hate himself and to think he's not good enough -sigh- just means that you get to spend more time wrapped up with him trying to convince him 😊😉. I also believe that Dean loves intimac, that he does crave that connection with someone, not to mention I still love what you do in your Midnight Espresso series with Dean being a little touch starved for non-sexual touch. I feel like you've also implied this here and it is marvelous!

His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling.  You thread your fingers with his, earning his attention.  “You can have that too, you know,” you say. “I mean, I don’t want to skip ahead, but I feel like things are going well here, despite the whole busted ankle thing.” 

“It’s beautiful, but my God, how old is this thing?” “She. She’s a she.” “Oh, pardon me,” you say in amusement. “Do I have some competition here?” Dean gives you a teasing smirk. “Well, technically, she’s been with me a lot longer than you.” 

I'm literally cackling. I can hear Dean saying this to his significant other. Meeting Baby for the first time holds the same place in his heart as meeting Sam for the first time 🤣 ALSO, I wasn't ready for the palm kiss. Palm kisses and forehead kisses DESTROY me.

I like that this was an alternate ending to the dumpster fire that was the end of Supernatural. That it's Dean and his girl out on the open road listening to a Led Zeppelin song holding hands in the front seat of Baby was just beautiful in the best way and a perfect ending to this mini-series my wonderful friend!! I am going to miss this couple so much, but it really was a fitting end for them 🥰

Against the Wind - Part 4

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x F. Omega!Reader 

Summary: You wake up in a strange alpha’s cabin in the middle of a snowstorm, all with a busted ankle. He holds shadows in his eyes, even though his hands are gentle. There are iron shutters around his heart, even though he saved you. You might just save him in return.

AN: The grand finale...

Song Inspo: “Against the Wind” by Bob Seger

Word Count: 3.4K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, knotting, claiming, fluff and feels.

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Part 4: Running to Live

His cold hands are warming on your skin as he slides them underneath your sweater. They move smoothly up your back, bunching up the material. You break from his kiss only to help him get the sweater off you, followed closely by his pants.

Your sweatpants slide down your legs with just a sharp tug, baring most of your body to his gaze. His eyes drag over your exposed neck and shoulders, your breasts cupped in your bra, down to your panties and bare thighs.

A shiver runs through you, both from his heated gaze, and from being exposed to the cooler air. Even with the fire going and the heater running in the cabin, the frigid air outside is unforgiving.

You have no problem with the way Dean guides you down from the chaise to take advantage of your nest on the floor, right in front of the fire. He draws you into a sensuous kiss, sucking your lower lip into his mouth and grazing with teeth.

“Were you nesting, Omega?” he teases, between the sinful meetings of his lips with yours. You hum your affirmation before his tongue swipes across your lower lip, seeking entrance.

You open yourself to him in more ways than one; you slip your hands across his naked shoulders and explore the smooth planes of muscle, the dips and softness in between. You encourage him to lower down, to cover you with the length and broadness of his frame. His weight is a welcome one between your thighs and against the softness of your body.

“Was worried about you,” you whisper a confession against his lips. Dean briefly pauses, meeting your eyes.

“Thanks for waiting up,” he says, with a hint of a smile.

Your lips curve upwards in return. You reach up to caress his cheek, feeling the prickling of his stubble. Your fingers thread into his hair, and you pull him back down for a devouring kiss.

Dean’s brows furrow as he holds you to him, wanting to feel every part of your skin against his. His calloused fingers map their way down your side, and across your back to unhook your bra. His lips veer away from yours to burn a wet, heated trail along your neck. His teeth come out to graze your skin, down your throat, down the lovely valley between your breasts.

“Dean,” you gasp, encouraging him when his hand cups one of your breasts. He explores the other with his mouth, teasing a pebbled nipple with his tongue. Your fingers tighten in his hair, your thighs rubbing together between the cage of his knees in the mess of blankets. Already you feel slick forming at the apex of your thighs and slipping down in between.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs against your skin. “Fucking beautiful, you know that?”

You can’t help but smile. Your face warms either from the fire dancing shadows across your bodies, or from him, his attention, his warmth, and the heat in his eyes when they meet your again. His hand slides down your body, over your hip and squeezing your thigh as he opens you up further for him.

“Tell me what you want, Omega.” While I still have control, his tone implies. His voice is gravel and sin while his hand moves swiftly and smoothly up the inside of your thigh.

“Touch me,” you breathe.

Nodding, he hooks his fingers around the hem of your panties and slides them down. You help him kick them off. Afterward, his thumb brushes over your mound, making you sharply inhale and squeeze his shoulders encouragingly. His fingers dip inside your wet heat, his brows raising with a smirk, as he feels the sheer amount of your slick already coating his digits.

“Fuck. This all for me, baby?” he remarks.

You hold onto the back of his neck with both hands as you nod, biting your lip. Your hips begin to cant against his hand on reflex, urging him to touch you.

“Alpha, please…” you implore, in a ragged whisper. He swallows your plea with a ravaging kiss, but he still gives you what you want. His thumb circles your clit, earning a moan from you into his mouth.

Soon, two of his fingers plunge slowly inside you, working you open, drawing more gasps and shudders of pleasure from your body. His length continues to strain hard against your thigh, but for him, it’s worth it to draw every sound, every time your body writhes and arches against him, craving release.

With a few more purposeful strokes, your inner walls clamp tight on his hand, and a flood of slick coats his knuckles even more. You gasp his name, your hands squeezing his arms just as tight as your pussy around his fingers.

Your skin is beginning to get dewy with sweat, and he kisses some of it off you when he trails down your chest. You stroke down his arms, down his back, whatever you can reach as you catch your breath. But then, his name falls from your lips with a firmer tone.

Dean raises his head, and you gently push at his chest. His brows furrow in confusion, only for it to be replaced with a smile of surprise when you curl a thigh over his hip and guide him onto his back. His head just manages to fall on one of your pillows, but he still utters a small grunt. You giggle down at him, bowing to meet him for a kiss.

He smirks and holds onto your hips, playfully squeezing your ass. “My wily omega.”

“Thought I was your cheeky omega,” you tease.

He snorts. “That too.”

You giggle some more as you treat him to the same path of open-mouthed kisses down his neck. Except this time, you hook a hand behind his neck, and you trail your tongue around his mating gland. You feel his jolt of surprise, as well as his instinctive growl of pleasure in response to his mate. Or at least, not yet…

His heart pounds in his chest.

“Omega,” he says, a warning not to tease as his grip tightens on your hips.

The command in his voice makes you shiver, but you smile and nuzzle his cheek in affection. You kiss your way down his body, playing special attention to his nipples, his stomach, the soft V and the happy trail of light brown fuzz leading you down between his hips.

Your fingers slide down his hardened desire through his underwear, earning a grunt from him, along with a shifting of his body against the blankets. Your lips curve as you nuzzle him there as well, letting your lips drag across his impressive length.

His fingers tangle in your hair when you hook your nails around the waistband and free his cock from its confines. His boxers join the rest of your clothes somewhere, and finally you get to see all of him, as much as he takes in all of you. Your hand wraps around his girth, your thumb circling around the sensitive, weeping head of it. Dean groans, a sound from deep in his chest.

You don’t know this, but it’s been a while since anyone but his own hand has touched him. That’s not the only reason his body has been calling to yours, but it plays a part in how fucking good it feels, and how much more he wants you.

He feels your intentions when your hand moves down his shaft in a teasing caress, your fingers tracing around his knot. A shudder rattles down his spine, makes his desire burn hotter in the pit of his stomach.

He can’t fucking take it anymore. He needs you, needs to be inside you. Needs to take you the way his instincts demand.

He grasps your shoulder before you put your mouth on him. You blink up at him, with a question forming on your lips, but he hefts you up onto his chest by your arms. He cages you there with a kiss filled with abject need.

“I can’t. Can’t wait anymore,” he says. He drags his fingers through your folds and earns another moan from your when he finds your clit. “You ready for me, Omega? Need my knot?”

“Yeah,” you nod, agreeing against his lips. “Need you, Alpha—”

No sooner had the words escaped your lips, when Dean rolls you back underneath him. But this time, he guides you onto your stomach, then raises up your hips, until you’re on your hands and knees. You catch your breath as you regain your bearings, shooting an incredulous smile over your shoulder at Dean. He smirks back at you, but his gaze is intense, his pupils darkened with the alpha inside him. 

Still, he soothes a hand down your back and steadies you with a hold on your hip. You feel him slot himself behind you, guiding his cock at your entrance. His chest presses hotly against your back.

“Last chance, Omega,” he says, his voice tight with restraint.

You look back at him again over your shoulder, your mouth threatening to frown. You reach back and sink your fingers into his hair with a sharp tug. “Do it.”

He sinks into you with one smooth plunge. It’s a relief for both of you, your mingled moans echoing in the near silence. All that’s left is the sound of your quickening breaths, of skin against sweat-slick skin as you move together.

Dean brushes your hair away from your neck. He kisses and licks his way along your bare shoulder, and finally the back of your neck. You’re trembling by the time his lips find the sensitive flesh of your mating gland. It echoes with the pulsing from your core as he continues to drive into you.

“Alpha,” you gasp on reflex. You squeeze his arm; he has it wrapped tight around your middle. Your pleasure builds ever closer to that crescendo, especially as his thrusts become ragged, at an angle that zips delicious tingles through your core. “Close…just…I need…”

Dean isn’t so far gone. He hears you, and helps you, reaching his hand around to strum his fingers insistently on your clit, along with his final thrusts.

Finally, it tumbles you over. Your inner walls become impossibly tight around him as he draws out your second release—one that triggers his own. Dean groans into your ear; his knot swells and locks into place, and he spends himself deep inside you. He pants hot against your neck, but even though he fastens his lips there, he hesitates, once again making you shudder. 

“Do it,” you repeat, in a coarse whisper. You’re close to tears. “Please. Want you, Alpha. Need you…”

Once again, he hears you.

His teeth sink into the back of your neck, making you cry out. But your pain is quickly overshadowed by a deepest pleasure, thrumming along with his.

 Afterward, Dean holds you in his arms. The warm glow of the fire paints your skin in its light, despite the utter darkness in the rest of the house. 

While you both wait for his knot to subside, you revel in the fact that you know he’s content. You can feel it through the newly formed bond. He traces random shapes in your skin, which still glistens with a fine sheen of sweat. The fire he stoked doesn’t help to cool you down, but you don’t care.

Nothing else matters but this. You turn your head toward him over your shoulder. He meets you there with a gentle kiss, much more gentle than any other you’ve shared before. It feels right. 

When he parts from you, he presses another kiss to your forehead. Then he leans back a little and sighs. You feel his thumb trace the raw flesh around the claiming mark on your neck. A small shiver runs through your body. Maybe on another day, you’ll mark him in return.

“It’s too damn late,” he says, breaking the silence. “You realize that right?”

You shoot him a frown. “Too late for what?”

“For me to let you go,” he says. 

His words both warm you and make you sad. Just how little does he think of himself?

“Dean,” you say, endeavoring to be patient. “You’re my true mate. Do you know how rare it is that we’ve actually found each other?”

Dean remains quiet.

“And after everything you’ve done for me,” you add, “how can I not think you’re a good man? How can I not think this is right?”

He seems to consider your question. His gaze briefly falls, then meets your eyes again.

“You don’t know me that well,” is his answer, with a wry turn of his lips. 

You reach back to caress his cheek. “Then tell me. Tell me about, um…tell me about how you became a hunter. From your dad’s journal, I got the sense that it’s a family thing.”

A vendetta, you wanted to say, but you keep that thought inside.

Dean chuckles, dropping another kiss onto your shoulder. You feel the pleasurable rasp of his stubble.

“Yeah, more like a family business,” he says. 

He tells you why John Winchester started writing in that journal in the first place. Dean explains it in his own words, of what his family was before and after a demon broke into his brother’s nursery. Your heart continues to break for him, over and over, the more story he tells. Your shock can only reach new heights when he tells you about angels and demons and everything in between. 

There are moments where he pauses, needing the time to find his words. He’s talked for so long that his knot finally softens, allowing you to withdraw from him, just to turn in his arms and be able to see his face. He bundles you in the blankets to keep you warm, but he also keeps you close, with a loose arm around your waist as he continues. 

You sense that he’s not telling you everything. How could he? A lifetime of blood and wins and incredible losses; family gained, and family lost, endless saves, and so many near misses. You listen with rapt attention (and a lot of shock) to everything he can share, but your heart twinges when you see how he struggles to talk about his mother’s most recent death. Then his best friend Cas. 

You realize that this man, for all his self-deprecation, is a hero. More so than you already knew.

“After the whole Chuck thing was done, I thought we’d just…go back to status quo. Me and Sam against the world, you know?” Dean says. He gives a rueful smile. “Then Sammy tells me he knocked up his mate.”

You smile. “You’re happy for him though.”

“Course I am,” Dean nods. “He never thought he’d get to have all that. A badass chick who can keep him on his toes, a house, the kid, the whole damn thing. He’s downright respectable again.”

His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling. 

You thread your fingers with his, earning his attention. 

“You can have that too, you know,” you say. “I mean, I don’t want to skip ahead, but I feel like things are going well here, despite the whole busted ankle thing.” 

Dean slowly smiles, shaking his head. He brings your hand up to his lips. 

“Okay, enough about my Hallmark movie life. What about you?” he asks. 

So you tell him. 

You two continue to share and explore, both in words and with your bodies, until morning comes. 

It’s another week in the cabin before Dean insists on helping you down the mountain. Your ankle has gotten a little better, but at this point, you need to see a doctor. It takes a couple of days, going as slow as you need to. He ends up carrying you for most of the way anyway. You tell him over and over that he doesn’t have to, but your alpha is stubborn. 

Once he gets you back to the city, you two take a shuttle to the nearest hospital. X-rays are taken, and you get a new cast for your officially fractured ankle. At the very least, you don’t need surgery. You’re able to call your mom from there and let her know where you’ve been, that you’re all right, and best of all…that you’ve found your mate. 

You cry along with her on the phone, this time for a good reason. The best reason. 

When you’re eventually released from the hospital, Dean picks you up in a sleek, black Chevy that has your eyes wide. 

He grins at the look on your face. “Hey, sweetheart. Come meet my Baby.” 

He parks the car and keeps the heater running while he comes around to you in swift strides. He takes your crutches and slides them into the backseat, then helps you into the passenger seat. 

“It’s beautiful, but my God, how old is this thing?”

“She. She’s a she.”

“Oh, pardon me,” you say in amusement. “Do I have some competition here?”

Dean gives you a teasing smirk. “Well, technically, she’s been with me a lot longer than you.” 

You scoff incredulously. He laughs and takes your hand, pressing a kiss into your palm. You discreetly study him and marvel at how much lighter he seems. You don’t know how much is because of this, what your hand in his symbolizes, and how much is because he’s reunited with something important to him. 

“It’s okay, Omega mine,” he says, with a measure of desire in his eyes. “From now on, you’re my priority.”

Your spine prickles with the same arousal you can feel from him through the bond. You lean across the way and share a thorough kiss. 

Until a horn honks loudly from behind. You both jolt, but Dean’s face falls into annoyance. He shoots up a choice finger at the car behind him in the rearview mirror. You laugh as he begins to peel out of the curved pick-up and drop-off zone in front of the hospital. 

“Where are we going, Dean?” you ask, still smiling in amusement. 

“Wherever we damn well please.” He turns to you with a hint of a smile reforming on his lips. “Want me to take you back home? We can sort out the logistics on, uh…well, this.”

You think about it. He poses a good idea, but at the same time, you’re not quite ready for this part of the adventure to end. 

“How long has it been since you’ve seen Sam?” you ask.

Dean blinks at your question. He whistles lowly. “About a year. Jesus, since my nephew was born.”

You smile and reach over, resting your hand on his thigh. 

“Let’s go see him, then,” you say. “I want to meet your family. Then you can meet mine.”

After that, you two can figure out the rest, like where to live, and how you’ll live. 

Dean raises a brow. “Really? That’s like, a thirteen-hour drive.”

You shrug. “I’ve always wanted to go on a real road trip. Can we get some food first though? I’m starving.” 

He laughs and nods as he stops the car at a red light.

“What do you know? A woman after my own heart,” he says. His amusement eases into a gentler smile the longer he stares at you. You smile back, and you give into the urge to lean in again, meeting your lips with his. He brushes your cheek tenderly with his thumb. 

“I know what this needs,” he says lowly. Your brows draw together in a silent question. 

He pulls away to reach into the side compartment along the driver door. He fishes out a cassette tape labelled Zeppelin IV. You bite your lip and try not to say anything smartassed.

Damn, this man is old school. 

He skips ahead until he finds Track 7, just as the light turns green. A melodious guitar riff fills the car as he turns onto the main road with your hand wrapped in his. 

Made up my mind to make a new start.

Going to California with an aching in my heart…

AN: And that's all, folks! 🥹 I truly hope you enjoyed Against the Wind!

Like I said in a recent update, I have more stories in store for you guys. January 3 will be Part 1 of Outlander -- sequel to The Honorable Choice -- a Western AU with Dean as our resident cowboy! I'll post a sneak peek on that one soon.~

But in the meantime, I hope you'll let me know what you thought of ATW! 💜💜

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A Sister's Love: Jinx & Vi

**Spoilers For Arcane**

A while back I had a short but pleasant discussion with someone on one of their posts about Jinx's treatment of Vi, and how it can feel like Jinx doesn't seem to care about Vi in many instances. In hopes of further discussion, I posted in the community where many of you wonderful folks shared your thoughts on the subject and I got a lot of really good insight into this as well. I was thinking about that this morning and it got me thinking about Jinx in general, and more specifically the times when even if it's not as clear, her love for Vi shines through.

I've said this many times but it bears repeating. I am aware that I have been quite harsh on Jinx. The unfortunate reason for most of that is that a significant amount of Jinx fans have an obsession with comparing her to Caitlyn or Vi that borders on the fanatical. But my issue has never been, and will never be with the character herself. I think she is absolutely amazing as a character and loved watching her story unfold.

*I do this every-time but I think it's important. Especially because some of you have shared with me that your own mental health is what has made you connect with Jinx so strongly. I understand and recognize that her mental health plays an immensely important role in her character's journey. I am in no way, shape or form a qualified mental healthcare professional. So any disrespect or lack of sensitivity is not my intention*

Jinx & Vi:

The journey of these sisters is heartbreaking and inspiring in equal measure. It is many people's favorite part of the story and for good reason. They are so close when the show begins and ripped apart by the darkness in their world. Only to fight their way back to one another through love and sacrifice.

But their story is not without conflict. In fact at their lowest point they almost kill one another. There is much that can be said about Vi's love for Jinx, the times she fails her, and those important moments, but I want to focus on Jinx right now.

I don’t have exact quotes on hand, but someone in the community made an excellent point during our discussion. Even when Vi and Jinx are at odds, and Jinx’s hallucinations try to convince her that Vi no longer loves her—that she’s been replaced by Caitlyn—Jinx fights back. She defends who she knows her sister to be, even if she can’t always silence those voices. It’s only pain, fear, or manipulation that pushes her too far, making her lose her grip on what she knows to be true.

During the horrifying sequence when Jinx is being saved by Singed, she hallucinates. And who does she hallucinate in that terrifying moment when she is in terrible pain and in such need of comfort? Vi. Even though she just tried to kill Vi on that bridge. The vision is only corrupted when Caitlyn appears, which all stems from Silco and Sevika feeding Jinx's paranoia.

Okay. I know what some of you are thinking seeing me post ANYTHING about the dinner party on a Jinx positive post. Hear me out. There is no question that Jinx does ALL sorts of fucked up shit here. But we are talking about her love for Vi. What does she want here? She wants things to be like they used to be. She wants her sister. She is in such a dark and twisted state that she cannot see how terrible her actions are, but at her core, she wants her older sister to love her like she used to. She doesn't hurt Vi (I mean aside from the bonk). Additionally, and again- I AM NOT SAYING SHE DIDN"T DO TERRIBLE THINGS HERE- Even with all she did to Caitlyn, she knows Vi cares for Caitlyn, she views Caitlyn as the one who was taking Vi from her, and yet she doesn't kill Caitlyn and she easily could have. This is not about justifying anything she does. It's about looking for what lies beneath the darkness in her to see the person she has the potential to be again.

Here at their lowest moment, when Vi and Jinx have almost killed each-other, and Jinx is glad Vi is the one who is going to finish her, Jinx screams "NO!" when Isha does this. She doesn't want Vi to die.

Vi is at her worst during her pitfighter arc. I'm not going super in-depth on this because this post is about Jinx but Vi is in a self-destructive spiral and totally alone. It's quite clear in one moment that Jinx is there in the crowd but if you slow down the whole sequence you actually see her there a few times. This was primarily what I was discussing with some other people and I believe Jinx was watching over Vi in the best way she could process. I'm sure there was some degree of pleasure in seeing Vi cast out by Caitlyn at first, but with all other signs pointing to Jinx caring for Vi I don't think Jinx was here laughing at her sisters pain. More trying to be there and watch over Vi but with no idea how to approach her with all that happened.

*I fully recognize there is a degree of speculation on my part for this point but I think it's reasonable, feel free to let me know if you disagree!*

With everything that has happened between them, the fact that Jinx comes to collect Vi when she finds out about Vander speaks volumes. There is still much to be worked out between them but she wants their family to together again including Vi. And although I couldn't find the GIF for it, when jinx is in the dark with her lighter after Vi and Vander fight is such a heart wrenching moment. She is clearly so afraid that she has caused the death of her sister, her dad, or both. She cares so much for those that she has left.

Jinx and Caitlyn's history is the furthest thing from simple. But in this moment, Caitlyn cast Vi out, hit her, became the commander and placed Zaun under martial law all because she wanted Jinx (this is not a who is right and who is wrong I'm just making a point), Jinx would HATE Caitlyn. But she knows what she means to Vi. And she just saw Caitlyn save Vander. Jinx easily could have let Rictus finish Caitlyn then jumped in if it was just about saving Vander but she still jumps headfirst into the fight.

In the aftermath of Isha and Vander's death, Jinx could easily have escaped Caitlyn. But Caitlyn tells Vi that all Jinx wanted was to make sure Vi was safe after Vi sacrificed herself to protect her.

Jinx's mindset in this moment is a complicated topic. But I want to focus her feelings about Vi. Vi has come and broken her out of jail, risked everything for her again. And Jinx realizes Vi will never give up on her. Even at great cost to herself. So Jinx punches her and leaves her, and almost begs her to start living for herself. Because she knows Vi cannot give herself that permission. She wants Vi to choose her own life, and to choose love.

Free and clear, obviously Jinx was going to do something horrible but thankfully Ekko talked her down. Even still, she could have done anything. But what does she choose to do? She chooses to ride to war with her people, honoring Vi's faith in her.

And of course, the absolutely devastating final sacrifice (I know she's alive but you get it) of Jinx saving Vi's life when the pain and grief finally overwhelm the fearsome brawler. I have mentioned it many times, but Jinx's core belief is that everyone who gets close to her dies. She thinks she is a curse on all who love her. But in her last action, she saves the life of the older sister she knows will always love her, and who never gave up on her.

I have touched on most of this before but it was just on my mind this morning. I hope I didn't bore anyone. I know there are LOTS of strong feelings about Jinx and like I have said over and over nothing here is about justifying the wrong she did. It's just about looking at those moments that showed her true colors even when she herself couldn't see them. Hope you enjoyed, take care!

[lord-emerson]

As you step into Caligula's Coffee House that afternoon, there is a single thought on your mind — where exactly did all this pink fabric even come from?

It is impressive, truly. The cushions, the tablecloths, the hanging decorations are all rosier than an urchin's cheeks following a rooftop race. Lord Emerson himself rushes to greet you at the door, pink cape billowing behind him as he walks.

"Ah, you made it! Good, good. You'll see there are plenty of seats available; take whichever, you'll spend the rest of the afternoon switching around anyway. Mind the garlands connecting the tables — they help our Rattus Faber and scaled friends navigate the space better. There's refreshments too, of course, just talk to- oh, I don't know. Anyone who looks like a waiter. That wouldn't be me, would it now, darling? Lovely. Oh, more guests! Please, if you'll excuse me, my dear..."

ʙᴀɴɴᴇʀ ᴀʀᴛ ʙʏ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀs-ᴏғ-ғɪʀᴇ

Happy Feast of the Exceptional Rose, everyone! And to those who signed up, welcome to Lord Emerson's Lonely Hearts Club. By the end of today, you will have received the name and contact information of your first roleplaying partner. For the next ten days, you will have the opportunity to chat about your characters, establish what brought them to the event and hopefully send each other a couple in-game letters, too!

Here are some things to keep in mind.

You will be paired up with 3 different partners for each character you signed up with: one announced today, one on February 10th and one on February 20th. The event will officially end on March 1st.

Other than these announcement dates, there are no strict deadlines for roleplaying. Everyone is encouraged to follow along at their own pace.

The official tag of the event is #lelhc! I will be checking it regularly and reblogging any quotes, writing snippets and art pieces posted in there. In conversation, I will simply be referring to the event as Lonelyhearts.

And how lonely those hearts are! This is your reminder that despite the "speed dating" nature of the setting, this event is open to all types of characters, many of whom do not seek a romantic connection at all. Always make sure to check in with your RP partner about what kind of stories they are interested in telling together.

Hopefully it will not come to this, but for any interpersonal conflicts, I encourage players to discuss the matter between themselves first. If it cannot be resolved and you feel deeply uncomfortable with your current RP partner, you can turn to me and we will sort something out together!

Lastly, please remember to respect the dress code. For any innocent fools who forgot to incorporate the colour pink into their wardrobe, I will be distributing rosy boutonnières and corsages at the entrance. Thank you, darlings.

Your humble Cupid,

Lord Oswald J. Emerson

[art by @letters-of-fire]

[king571]

Arcane Analysis: Season 2 Episode 8 

The Symbolism behind the famous Jail Cell and how Jinx, Caitlyn and Vi “break the cycle."

Hi all, this is a long post, so thank you everyone in advance for taking the time to read this. Over the past few weeks, I have seen many well done analyses for the love scene between Caitlyn and Vi. I am not here to break down that again, but I would like to focus on the events that lead up to that and the symbolism behind Silco’s speech and the famous jail cell. 

Before I get into my humble analysis, I would like to emphasize that Arcane is an artistic piece of media that constantly makes these bold and unexpected creative decisions to communicate something deeper in its story, whether this is through character designs, their actions, animation, or the music. And symbolism is part of that. It is a storytelling device that connects characters and plot points for us to see a larger theme. Not everything in Arcane is meant to “make sense” to you in the way you expect; it’s meant to “intrigue” you, to push you to ask questions and find the answers yourself. That’s part of the process of analyzing and understanding the media. Therefore, most of the “criticisms” made for this episode do not seem constructive to me, as it destroys the essence of the artistic storytelling of this show by applying some personal logic, morals, and expectations on these characters. The love scene between Caitlyn and Vi did not “come out of nowhere.” It was thought through for the story the writers wanted to tell and well-animated. Whatever you felt about this scene personally simply does not change these facts from the professional media perspective. After that little rambling, let’s get into the real deal: 

Recap:

Although I believe the symbolisms that I am going to explore in this post may apply to the other characters of Arcane since they are the main themes of the show, I will solely focus on what they mean to Jinx, Caitlyn, and Vi. Therefore, I will only focus on the set of events that happen around these characters. 

Episode 8 kicks off with Vi waking up from her recovery and going straight to Caitlyn to confront her about Jinx. Their argument is centered around their lack of trust in each other, something that they built in season 1 and lost in the following events. Those of you who think Vi does not hold Caitlyn accountable simply need to rewatch, I do not know what to tell you. Vi lets her anger out on Caitlyn in this scene and corners her because of her alliance with Ambessa. She gets a powerful reaction from her: “I KNOW!”.

This delivery portrays Caitlyn’s anger with herself. She continues by explaining that Jinx was the one who surrendered, and Caitlyn didn’t know what to do. She was simply waiting for Vi to recover. These are the footsteps that show her growing willingness to listen and allow Vi to take the lead. Caitlyn’s response calms Vi down, and Vi shares that Jinx has changed. Caitlyn’s reply essentially says that even though Vi might be right, it doesn’t matter. What's done is done: "We can't erase our mistakes, none of us,". She includes herself in this, aware of her own faults. In contrast, Vi responds by asking, “Who decides who gets a second chance?”

This exchange is important because it illustrates their different perspectives on forgiveness. Caitlyn thinks that no matter what they do, they cannot fix their mistakes. Vi, on the other hand, believes in second chances and believes that Jinx has changed. Yes, this is such a Vi thing to believe and say. We leave the scene with Caitlyn contemplating that. Vi’s insistence on seeing the good in people she loves is important for Caitlyn to move forward.

After her conversation with Vi, Caitlyn makes her way down to face another confrontation. At this point, it's important to remember that both Jinx's and Caitlyn’s perspective on each other has shifted after episode 6. Jinx saw how Caitlyn betrayed Ambessa to help save Vander and Vi. Caitlyn saw how Jinx acted around Isha and her family. Their small reunion before the chaos ensued humanized Jinx in Caitlyn’s eyes. This is why instead of taking actions against her, she decides to wait for Vi to recover.

The way Caitlyn and Jinx address each other in this conversation shows that they see each other as equals now ("Both you and I know…") and they are aware of the destructive paths they took (No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes). They are both honest with each other. The scene ends with Caitlyn admitting to the person she has been desperately trying to catch that she hated herself for everything she did, showcasing her vulnerability, remorse, and regret. Jinx replies with the only thing she knows, that she did not know her mother was there when she attacked the council. It was not personal; it was not her intention. It is not a "sorry", but the only thing that she can share with her to make her understand the situation. The zoomed frame on Caitlyn’s ear shows me that Caitlyn does not only hear her but also listens to her with attention. This exchange is not for them to build any kind of relationship, but it is enough for them to let each other go. Caitlyn walks away and starts the process of breaking the cycle for all of them.

Now let’s get to the real stuff. 

Jinx and Silco: 

There are two important monologues in this season that really summarize the whole concept of Arcane for me. The first one is Viktor’s speech about humanity and human emotions being two sides of the same coin. And the second one will be this scene. Silco reminds us about 'the cycle of violence.' It is so interesting that there is an element of hallucination in this scene but Jinx is not manic or fully psychotic here. In fact, she is more aware than ever, which makes her suicidal thoughts more dangerous and real than ever as well. The speech that Silco gives her is both symbolic to her and symbolic to the viewers. After Caitlyn’s visit, she is stuck in her head about what is next, and it's so normal that her thoughts come to her in the shape of Silco, her adoptive father. The only person that guided her as Jinx and supported her during her path to destruction. Let’s remind ourselves of the conversation and break it down:

Silco: Oh, it's a hell of a place. It says something about the late Marcus that he found imprisoning your sister to be a greater mercy than killing her. 

Jinx: Killing isn't mercy.  

For Silco, killing and violence were always justified as long as it had a “good” cause and purpose, they were necessary for him. Jinx finally goes against that mindset that says no killing is not a merciful act. Nothing  “good” comes out of it.   

Silco chuckles: A spark of rebellion still burns inside that husk, I see. No. Killing is a cycle. One that started long before Vander and me. And it will continue long after the two of you. 

Jinx: I'm done running in circles. 

Just like Caitlyn, Jinx does not have the will or energy to keep contributing to this cycle anymore. Once again in this conversation she is turning her back to it.  

We build our own prisons. Bars forged of oaths, codes, commitments. Walls of self-doubt and accepted limitations. We inhabit these cells, these identities, and call them "us." I thought I could break free by eliminating those I deemed my jailors. But... Jinx... I think the cycle only ends when you find the will to walk away.

This is the symbolism that I will be paying attention to later. But for now, let’s look at it for Jinx. Similar to Silco, Jinx’s method of coping with her walls of trauma and self-doubt was unleashing violence on the ones who she deemed as her jailors. Vi, Caitlyn, the topside.. And after all that destruction, she gained nothing from it and all of that violence just contributed to more violence. She finally comes to the realization that in order to make a change, she has to break the cycle and walk away. 

Unfortunately, in this state of mind Jinx sees herself and her existence equal to “violence” and “destruction”. I don't think Jinx wants to die particularly, but she has been ready to die this season because she thinks she needs to.. to stop the violence and suffering, to break the cycle. There is a difference between her wanting to die and simply thinking she needs to. It is a very difficult mindset to get out of on your own. That’s why I believe Ekko’s role will be important for her later. I know that it is not confirmed whether she is alive or not at the end of the show, but if she is, this also explains why she fakes her death. She still has a will to live but she wants to remove her existence from Piltover, break the cycle, and also let Vi be happy. 

Jinx’s dialogue with Silco ends with Vi’s entrance to the scene. I love Vi, but she has never been good with connecting and understanding Jinx’s mental state (not her fault obviously). Her point about Jinx using all her potential to be good, makes Jinx realize that no matter what she does, Vi will continue to love her and see the “good” in her.

Except.. Jinx does not think there is any good in her, she knows that letting Vi stick with her will only lead her to unhappiness. Knowing that Vi cannot give up on her by herself, she locks her in the cell and tells her explicitly that she deserves to be with Caitlyn. The sisters' dynamic has been shifting this season ever since Vi saw her with Isha. Remember what Vi said to her in the mines: 'Why did you come get me? You actually don’t need my help. You haven’t for a long time.' Vi knows that Jinx is a grown up now and can take care of herself. During their time in Viktor's commute, Vi has started to see Jinx as more like an equal and asked for her input from time to time. Jinx simply knows that Vi would never leave her if she does not lock her up. 

Their dynamic flips this season from Vi being the protector of her to Jinx being the protector of Vi and her happiness (as we see and compare the intros of both seasons as well.) And that's change and growth, people. Therefore, anybody saying that Vi should have followed Jinx, they just want to continue Vi’s role as a sacrificial sister and have everything continue to revolve around Jinx. It is a bad faith comment for this story and ruins their character arcs. Jinx does break the cycle here, removes herself from Vi’s life to pave the way for her happiness.

Although this scene between the sisters is important for us viewers, what it really does to Vi is put her back into a spiral. No, she does not know Jinx is going to try to take her life (another bad faith comment), she thinks Jinx left her again, that she made the wrong choice, and now she is going to lose Caitlyn again, too. She deals with her frustration of being trapped again (both mentally and physically) with her punches. And that is the state Caitlyn finds her.

Caitlyn and Vi and the Jail Cell:

Let’s rewind back to understand the symbolism of what Silco said and what that means to our characters.  

 “ We build our own prisons. Bars forged of oaths, codes, commitments. Walls of self-doubt and accepted limitations. We inhabit these cells, these identities, and call them ‘us.’ ” 

So what is Caitlyn’s prison?  

We see the cycle of violence taking shape in the context of the two cities, but we also see it in character dynamics with Jinx and Caitlyn. Jinx spent the entirety of season 1 suffering from attacks on her, ended up losing her mom to this violence, and then took a similar path down and contributed to the cycle of violence herself. Caitlyn’s prison is her hate and vengeance. Her identity as a Kiramman, the expectations and responsibilities she carries by that name. Her sense of justice.

How does she break the cycle: 

Caitlyn’s will to break free from her entrapment is both Vi and herself. She abandons her strict sense of justice she had built in her mind, choosing to see the bigger picture and her mistakes. She finally finds the strength to forgive Jinx and shifts all the guards to the Hexgates, clearing the path for Vi to free her. Aware that she may never see Vi again, she lets them go. Like Jinx, this is a selfless act, driven by the belief that it is the right thing to do and that it will make Vi happy. In the final episode, I believe Caitlyn stops being the Kiramman that everyone expected her to be and becomes the person she truly wants to be. Caitlyn and Jinx’s breaking the cycle moment mirror each other. While Jinx locks Vi up to stop it, Caitlyn frees her both physically and mentally.

What is Vi’s prison?

It's her responsibility to her family. She is stuck between her loved ones, Jinx and Caitlyn, and failing to choose one over the other. Her self-blame for making the wrong choice all the time. Her lack of self-love and always prioritizing what others need from her.

How does she break the cycle: 

Vi breaks the cycle by doing the opposite of what she has been doing and makes a choice for herself. She has had enough. I LOVE how Caitlyn walks into the cell and literally joins her in her spiral, revealing that she let all of this happen because she sees her now, she knows her heart, and accepts her for who she is (“sorry to say, you have grown a bit predictable”). For the first time, someone joins Vi in this fight and stands by her unconditionally. She feels unburdened, free, and encouraged. She is overwhelmed by her emotions that she kisses Caitlyn and decides to be with her. I don't care what everybody else thinks, but this act from Caitlyn and what it means to Vi is much better than a cheap “sorry”. After holding back for such a long time, this is an impulsive “screw this” moment for Vi. She wants to leave the past behind, her imprisonment, and move on. She says it herself with the “I don't f*cking care” line. And Caitlyn, being receptive, gently lets Vi take the lead and have whatever she wants.

Making love in that cell, their joy, happiness, and giggles create a juxtaposition to all the messed up stuff that they had been through and reflect their state of mind. They are rewriting their story. From a psychological perspective, it still makes sense as there are techniques similar to that to work on your traumas. But Arcane is an art piece, the creators are not here to scientifically prove something or break down how to overcome trauma with realistic therapy sessions. They are here to tell us a story, and they are doing exactly that.

This is why this scene shows and symbolizes the culmination of Caitlyn and Vi character arcs. They are coming full circle at the place they met. This scene shows two lovers “breaking free” from their prisons and running to each other. Finally choosing each other although they don't add up on paper. Running away from their personal worlds and commitments to be together. I do not know what is more romantic than that. This is a story that I will cherish forever.

If you have read this far, thanks again. It means a lot. If you have any questions, drop down below. I am happy to discuss it. (Excluding haters and antis, I don't tolerate them anymore.) Also, thanks to my best friend who helped me co-write this. She is a psychologist working in the field. Her specialty is forensic psychology, and her experience really makes her a great source to analyze a complex character like Jinx. A lot of you and your analyses encouraged me to put this out here, so thanks for that too. Arcane means a lot to me, especially season 2. And I will never, ever stop loving or talking about it.

[rockyrants]

Adding information about the Mafia because if you know anything about me you’ll know Mafia history between 1929-1963 is my special interest! Also I just cannot shut up about how Viv accidentally created the most time period appropriate character with Angel Dust.

- Before 1931 The Mafia as we know it today was extremely different. It was better aligned with gangsters than the very structured format we are familiar with today. In 1930 a faction based war broke out called the Castellammarese War broke out. This was a fight headed by two factions: one by Joe Masseria and one by Salvatore Maranzano. Those who backed Masseria were in favor of keeping with tradition of Italy, those in favor of Maranzano wanted to modernize the mob. The War ended when Charles “Lucky” Luciano took out Maranzano (After Maranzano killed Masseria) and established The Commission.

- The Commission specifically is a subset of The Mafia that refers to The Five Families. It treated crime as a business rather than something to be used personally where all dealings had to be approved by at the very least a Capo (see structure diagram above). This format was created to help deter vendettas and other infighting that only caused internal issues. This allowed the mob to reach new heights of control in America. The resulting organizations would take on the name The Commission and was comprised of five families: Luciano, Gagliano, Bonnano, Profaci, and Mangano. Today they are known as Genovese, Lucchese, Bonnano, Columbo, and Gambino.

- There ARE crime families outside of The Commission that are Mafia. So all Italian crime families are considered Mafia but not all Mafia are The Commission. For example Al Capone’s syndicate that ran out of Chicago is called The Chicago Outfit but was never formally apart of The Commission, though the two did work together.

- The Italian mafia ran the majority of the gay clubs in New York from Prohibition up through the Stonewall Riots. The Genovese Crime Family even owned the Stonewall Inn. These clubs acted as drop points for drug operations, getting directly to buyers in the same way that the mob provided booze during prohibition. Anna Genovese, wife of family head Vito Genovese, was FAMOUSLY queer and ran most of these clubs herself. Before she owned queer clubs she actually worked in many of them playing in some of the house bands.

- The Mafia in the United States is VERY DIFFERENT from the Mafia in Italy and has been since the 1930s. The Mafia in Italy is VERY based on blood family and has a lot of Vendetta problems. The Mafia here in the states is more structured like a business. It’s actually very VERY rare for fathers to bring their sons into the business, with many mafia members having gone on record that they were apart of this life to provide better for their families. Not to say that it isn’t/wasn’t done, for example look at modern Mafioso Michael Franzese, but it’s certainly not like The Godfather would have you believe. Even if you were brought in by family, it doesn’t afford you any ability to fast track success. You would fly or fail by your own.

- Not all Mafia members were “made”. Being a made man, a fully initiated member of the Mafia, was reserved for those to be highly trusted. It allowed for a level of protection too from things like hits as one would have to obtain permission from all five family heads to have a hit taken out against you (John Gotti and his whole Tom foolery business as well as what happened to Frank Costello not withstanding because power grabs and yaddayadda). So in theory in provided smoother practices. Made Men could ONLY be Italian, but there have been members of The Commission who were not made men who were not Italian, Meyer Lansky, Bugsy Siegel, and Henry Hill to name just a few.

- Most involved in the Mafia don’t call it that. The most common name they use is “La Cosa Nostra” which translates to “Our Thing”.

- Up until the trial of Joe Valachi in 1963, the public had absolutely no confirmation that The Mafia even EXISTED! His testimony would lay the groundwork for the public’s basic understanding of how The Mafia works

I CAN GO ON IF PEOPLE WANT ME TO!!! I will never shut up about the life that Angel and his Family probably had. Not for a goddamn minute.

ALSO IF YOU WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE MOB YOURSELF PLEASE CHECK OUT RESOURCES FROM THE MOB MUSEUM IN LAS VEGAS THEYRE GREAT!

Heavenbound AU

Masterpost

Angel Dust "Angie"

So I can avoid confusion between Angel and angels, his stage name is Angel Dust but he goes by Angie casually.

Side note: I'm too ace for this guy, yikes. Don't mind me clutching my pearls.

Spider family:

More notes under the cut to reduce clutter. There's info about the whole Spider family and some info about the Mafia as well.

Angie's redesign took me a while to nail down. I looked at other people's designs for inspiration, but nothing felt right. I wanted to give his head shape more structure, but it's too iconic to significantly change. Many people added spider fangs but I think they always look too cluttered and ugly. I also wanted the right balance of masculine and feminine for his outfit.

I am not a fan of heterochromia in character design, unless there is a reason or it's used sparingly. Angie's design is complicated enough with the gold tooth, extra eyes and arms, and body patterns that the heterochromia would just be too much.

Instead of giving him fangs that jut out like a real spider, I chose to just give him a main pair of fang-like teeth, while the rest are smaller.

It didn't make sense to me why he's able to retract his tertiary set of arms, beyond simplifying for animation, but I also do not want to manage all of them all the time, so I'm keeping that little ability. I'm justifying it with the idea that he was only ever somewhat interested in the family business, so he had less of a hand in it than his Pop or Arackniss(both of which cannot retract their extra limbs at all). I also wanted the sets of arms to have a hierarchy in how he uses them. Also didn't like the shoulders canon gives his secondary arms. They look weird to me.

The main set has 5 fingers on each hand and are relatively normal, because they're the equivalent of his human arms. The secondary set is a little smaller and a little more bug-like, with 4 fingers. The tertiary/retractable set are smaller and have 3 fingers.

I tried giving him a spider butt, but I couldn't wrap my head around how he would wear any type of pants. Not that he would be opposed to going around nude, but I just wasn't interested in that.

Casual:

I remember reading somewhere that Angel likes to dress more comfy rather than provocatively outside of work. So I decided his work outfits are the skimpy, sexy stuff. His main outfit is his typicall out-in-the-town fashionable stuff, which tends to cover him up more(gotta pay for those goods). And lounging clothes are just purely for comfort.

Main outfit-

I really wanted something that alluded to his mobster background. He may not really be involved of all that now, but it's still a part of him and that would linger. For as much as he modernizes, he's still a product of his time. Anyway, that's why I gave him pinstripe pants and a blazer.

I didn't want to lean too far into either masculine or feminine styles. He is undoubtedly feminine, but he was raised in an environment where suits and violence was the fashion. I actually searched for 40s gangster costumes for women, counting on the fact I'd find the silly sexy costumes so I could get ideas for a more feminine spin of the classic mobster.

I tried a boob window shirt for awhile, but it didn't let me show enough chest fluff. So I traded it for a V neck, which can work for both masculine and feminine styles.

Eventually I settled on a crop top blazer, since it gives a sort of suit jacket vibe while being feminine. I preferred the short gloves from the pilot, at least on his main arms, and used the longer style from the show for his secondary arms.

In canon, his "skin" color and the white of his clothes just don't have enough contrast. So I used more pink, and had the color of his fluff be a different hue than his shirt. I liked the stripes on his jacket before, but I didn't want to add any more complexity, especially when I already committed to the pinstriped pants.

Overall, I like this outfit for him. Maybe that has something to do with my personal tastes, but I think it suits him.

Body markings:

He wasn't a star until Val came around in the 70s, so he wouldn't have been quite so glam before that. He still had more mobster habits. I used his older, pre-pilot, Zoophobia design as inspiration, which used a low saturated purplish color. I thought it struck a nice balance between his mobster roots, and his later glam style.

I wanted to make the pattern something easy for me to remember. The heart design got pushed lower down because I needed more room for his chest fluff. His hands don't have anything because I didn't like how it looked with his lounge clothes. The stripes on his arms reference the stripes on his canon, pilot, and pre-pilot jackets. The stripes on his legs represent garters(suspenders that hold up socks or stockings).

Human- Anthony "Tony"

Many human versions of him that I've seen make him look too modern. I think they would absolutely work for a modern human au, but not for the 1940s. So this is my take on what he would have looked like while he was alive. Hair coloring in the 40s was always done professionally, and primarily used by women, and they usually didn't want it to be obvious. Bleached hair on a man(especially with naturally dark hair) would be far too much to maintain discreetly. He hadn't publicly embraced his feminine side while he was alive. His family was Catholic, and being gay was a no-no. But murder was okay for some reason. Don't question the mobster logic.

His brother and sister knew he was gay, parents did not. Arackniss was too tired to care, and Molly was supportive. She would take him to be her "bodyguard" when she would go out and do fun things, but it was partly an excuse she provided for him to do gay things.

Angie had mixed feelings about his participation in the mob. Sometimes it was fun, other times he'd really rather be partying. But he was a made man and swore an oath of loyalty. He can't just back out.

He spent his free time with drugs, guns, and hot guys. Then died of drug overdose in his early-mid 30s in 1947.

He wasn't publicly out as gay until Hell. His parents hated it and basically disowned him when they found out. But why should Angie care at this point? He's already in Hell. So he just parted ways with them(technically the oath of loyalty ends at death. It's not like the Mafia can really kill him for leaving now, since they all just regenerate anyway) and has kept in sporadic contact with his siblings. They aren't close anymore.

Spider Family:

Ma and Pops were mostly because I wanted to play with character design. And since they have no official designs, I had more room to play with it.

The whole family became spiders because they were involved with the "web of crime" that is The Mafia. Family relation does not automatically mean sinners will look similar. They usually don't.

Pops (real name Enrico, the Italian version of Henry. Nickname "Big Cig". Almost every mobster listed on wikipedia had a nickname) inherited the position of mob boss from a relative. I'm not thinking hard about historically accurate crime families, so this is a fictional family that we will pretend had a significant presence. He died not long after Anthony, in the early 1950s in his mid 60s via gang violence. He never managed to get to the same level of power after his death. He's a minor Overlord at best, but does hold some influence.

In Zoophobia, Angel and Arackniss had a dad named Henroin. A play on "heroin". So when considering a real name for him, I searched for a variant of Henry that sounded more Italian. I designed him before I knew he had a design, but I wasn't exactly impressed by Henroin's design, so I totally ignored it anyway.

Design-wise, I wanted to go for a stereotypical mob boss vibe, and it lends itself well to the more bulky, crustacean look. The resemblance to Mr. Waternoose was unintentional. He cannot retract any extra limbs.

Spider traits- I wanted to give everyone varying degrees of spider traits, partially determined by their level of Mob involvement and how dangerous they are. Pa is venomous(through his clawed hands), has super strength(because spiders are proportionally strong compared to their size), can super jump(cuz jumping spiders is the theme), and can summon a couple of guns. He's too large to crawl on walls and can't spin webs.

Ma was always at Pop's side, helping with the less violent aspects like finances. She did her share of poison murders as well. Ma died alongside Pop and is still at his side. She's arguably the more dangerous of the two at this point. She looks easy to take advantage of, but it turns out she has potent venom.

I didn't have anything canon to go off of, so she's technically an OC. I haven't put a ton of thought into her name, but I think I'll just go with Maria. Molly is named after her, I guess.

Design- Had to go with a femme fetale mob wife. The hourglass motif is because of her venomous nature, and not for any husband-killing. She can retract her extra limbs, because she is more dangerous than she initially seems.

Spider traits- she's more venomous than Pa(through her extra limbs), can wall crawl and super jump with her extra limbs, and spin webs(to ensnare prey. I think it might come from her hair bun and/or mouth, but I don't want to think too hard about it.). She's actually the more dangerous of the two, partially because she appears less threatening, and partially because the way her extra limbs are set up gives her more reach and agility. She cannot summon guns, and she doesn't have super strength.

Arackniss (real name is Giovanni, Italian version of John. Goes by Jon. Nicknamed "Little Cig", "Don Jon") worked as the underboss until Pa died, then took over as mob boss, making sure Molly was taken care of. He died in a shootout with police in the 1960s. He was around 50ish. He is on speaking terms with their parents, and sometimes works with them. He's tired and very addicted to coffee and cigarettes.

Apparently an old QnA revealed his real name to be Jonathan. Not sure if it's still true, but I didn't find anything more reliable. I found no examples of any historical mobster named Jonathan, despite there being many many Johns/Giovannis.)

Design- I wanted him to be unable to retract limbs, unlike Angie, but also wanted to avoid drawing all of them. So I used his overcoat to cover them, and he habitually keeps his hands in his pockets. Again, he can't retract any limbs because he was heavily involved with the mob. I changed his eyes from red to yellow, because I felt the yellow suited him better and reduces the overuse of red in general.

Spider traits- He can wall crawl, has super strength(which most don't expect because he's pretty scrawny), has super jump, and can summon guns. He cannot spin webs, and his venom is non-lethal and inflicted via bite(which isn't super useful to him).

Anthony/Tony "Wild Tony" was a soldier in the Mafia. He could have been a Capo(caporegime) if he was more committed. But he had a tendency to party and goof off. Technically, membership of the mob ends through death. Being the first to die, he was separated from the mob and didn't care to recommit. Angie partied hard and enjoyed gun violence, until Valentino came along. Valentino swept him off his feet with promises of fame, fortune, and love, convincing Angie to sell his soul.

Design- already covered most notes, but for organization: he can retract one set of extra limbs because he was involved with the mafia, but he was lower level.

Spider traits- He has less than the previous three. So he can super jump, spin webs(via mouth...he can make it kinky), and summon guns. He technically can wall crawl, but not for very long, and he usually uses it for things like pole dancing. He is not venomous at all, and does not have super strength.

In canon, Molly is in heaven, but I don't find it likely because of how the Mafia works, so she's in Hell now. (Real name is Marietta, which is an Italian version of Mary, and Molly is a nickname)She was the spoiled daughter and knew about the family's criminal activity. She knew, profited, and didn't care. She's guilty by association. Anyway, I'm gonna say she died about 10 years after Anthony, approx 1957, around the age of 40. Haven't thought too hard about how she died. Then she probably went and found some powerful, hot guy to sell her soul to. Not sure.

Design- I was going to give her an extra set of legs, but I couldn't wrap my head around the anatomy of it and just decided to stick with extra arms. She can retract all her limbs because she was "hands off" with the mafia.

Spider traits- she has the fewest because she was the least involved with the mafia. Aside from the obvious physical traits, she can only spin webs(because it is symbolically more domestic. Also via ponytail and/or mouth, but I don't want to think hard about it). She cannot wall crawl, or super jump, has no venom or super strength.

The Mob:

The Mafia is very patriarchal, so all members are men, as women were never formally initiated. But women were still significantly involved in a variety of ways. Most often by instilling mafia culture to the kids, drug trafficking, finances, or economics. Some helped as launderers, couriers, shills(con artist), drug traffickers, informants, and other typically non-violent roles. Some acted as proxies for their husbands in prison(which is becoming increasingly common in modern times).

Quick chart for Mafia organization, via the FBI.

Simple rundown of terminology because I didn't know the difference between Mob and Mafia, and I've now done too much research to not write it down in a relevant place:

mob- a group of people, usually disorderly

gang- crime group, ranging from loosely organized street gangs to structured syndicates.

syndicate- group of individuals or organizations that unite for a common goal. Can be legal or illegal.

cartel- (type of syndicate) a group of individuals or organizations that collude to control a business market via supply and demand. Can be legal or illegal.

The Mafia- originated in Sicily. Ethnically Italian gangs, referred to as "families" that may or may not have actual familial relationships. Characterized by a distinct hierarchal structure.

The Mob- the American extension of The Mafia. (ie. it's the same thing)

The Commission- the alliance of the various Mafia/Mob families. Older generation members, called "Mustache Petes", only worked with fellow Italians, sometimes even only Sicilians.

The National Crime Syndicate- multi-ethnic alliance of various criminal organizations. Most prominent being The Mafia/The Commission and Jewish syndicates.

All somewhat organized crime groups are gangs. Crime syndicates have a higher level of organization, and cartels deal in specific businesses. Eventually the terms mafia and mob were applied to other ethnic gangs that operated similarly. Such as the "Jewish Mob" and "Russian Mafia". But THE Mafia and THE Mob refers to Italian gangs.

(Jan 28, 2025- fixed the tags)

[zshiftsrealities]

PERCIEVENCE AND EXPECTATIONS

your expectations are directly linked to your manifestations and them becoming a reality. and how you percieve things around you is a reflection of what your expectations are. just like how they say every misunderstanding is a confession of your view on something, your reaction to the 3d and your percievence of it is a confession of what you actually believe in. because if you believe what you want will show up, you won't be getting angry about “not seeing it” because you know that it will show up.

what you focus on, you see more of it. if today I start focusing on seeing red cars around me, i'm gonna start seeing red cars around me, and then i'll have a thought like “woah, didn't know there were so many red cars”, because there weren't until I decided to start seeing them. so instead of focusing on how your desire “isn't showing up”, focus on the knowing of “it will show up, sooner or later”.

I often have this thought of “yeah I guess it's somewhat true that our mind controls the reality we see. but there are so many instances where stuff happened and I didn't even think of it, or what I thought of didn't happen. so did the law not work then?”, and then i'm annoyed because I seriously can't be pissing myself off right now 😭 like be fr, which side are you on?

but on a serious note, I realized why that would be the case, and it has everything to do with your self concept and your percievence of things around you. because yeah, I did want something to happen and the the opposite of it did. why? because I was so deep in this mindset of “everything was happening for the worst” and “I don't deserve good things” blah blah blah. so obviously (🙄), that's exactly what happened. what I believed in was what showed up.

I just today read one of Neville's books online and as I was getting ready to take a nap, I was dissecting everything I read and this thought appeared.

“see what you want to see, to see what you want to see.”

— zshiftsrealities, 2025 (lol)

you have to see it in imagination to see it in reality. and if you continue seeing the opposite of it, then don't be upset if that shows up because — as much as it sucks to hear it — that's your own doing. because what you expect is what will be. you will never see something show up for you unless you expect it to do so first, whether consciously or subconsciously. and the irony of it all is, you don't even have to be too specific with this expectation. you can just today start expecting only good things happening to you, and whatever you consider as “good” will start happening. same with the bad, and same with the “unimaginable”.

everything that happens to you, happens for your own good, never against you— unless you think it does. and then it will. because nothing has any meaning attached to it other than the meaning you give it. you choose to perceive something the way you percieve it, so percieve it in a way you want it to appear and show up for you.

it's not a matter of it being possible or not, nor of whether it can be manifested or not— it's the matter of if you think you deserve it or not. because if you think you don't deserve something, you simply cannot have it. similarly, if you think you deserve it, then it doesn't matter how impossible it seems— you will have it.

so just be “crazy” and believe everything is working in your favor 24/7, because it is. believe that what you see as a bad circumstance is actually just all in your head, and is actually somehow in your very favor, because it is. believe that nothing can ever work against you, because it simply can't. the point of existence of everything is to be working in your favor, and if it was to not do that, then it simply wouldn't exist anymore.

your enemy isn't your thoughts or your mind, it's that little voice in your head that disguises itself as you and fills your mind with bullshit thoughts. and it's only there because you think it's you. it's not! anything that is affirming something that's against what you want is not you. because you know, you wouldn't do something like that. so identify this little monster and pick it apart until nothing's left of it. until it doesn't have a voice anymore, or any place in your mind.

also, read these two points, and had a huge “eureka!” moment.

“you do not command things to appear by your words or loud affirmations. such vain repetition is more often than not confirmation of the opposite.”

— Neville Goddard, At Your Command

because I get the point, repeat affirmations to make your mind believe them. works wonders, I know. but some minds are just so awfully stubborn that the more you affirm, the more they clap back and try to shut you out instead.

the more you focus on your “desire” by repeated affirming, or by affirming every single detail about it, the more it starts to create doubts about it actually coming to pass.

“commands, to be effective, must be short and to the point.”

— Neville Goddard, At Your Command

so, make it short, just like I said before— just expect good to happen. be specific and be general about it at the same time. that's it. how hard is it? try saying it to yourself, “from now on, only good will happen to me”. do you hear your mind going “nuh uh”? no, because why would it? (if you do, your mind needs some serious beating, i'm not even kidding).

but the point is, when you start expecting something, you start thinking of it actually appearing, and the feeling of it already being here naturally comes with it. like, say you post something (on any platform), and now you're expecting for other people to see it and like it. your mind would “naturally” be visualizing this happening without you even wanting it to (or atleast is the case with me). try it even. it's actually that easy. that's what they mean when they say it's easy. because it's easy. don't try to reason with this and make it difficult. accept it is easy and move on and actually get what you want.

[neuroticbookworm]

Rose's Day of Asks

What are some of the shows where your hyperfixation really thrived? (I have no idea if this sentence makes sense but I hope you get what I mean)

Have a great Day💜

I opened a blank doc and put this list together 3 minutes after I received this ask 10 (yes you read that right, ten) months ago, and then I let it sit in my drafts for no reason other than making myself miserable. Anyway, I woke up today and decided to release this into the wild, for.. reasons *wink wink*

Over the years of consuming media, I've observed that there are a few key factors of said media that heavily contribute to my hyperfixation brainrot:

Smart and snappy writing

Good romance arc that convinces me to believe in the couple

Treating the miscommunication trope as the plague that it is

And with that handy lil list, let’s get into it.

The Untamed / Mo Dao Zu Shi

I binge-read Mo Dao Zu Shi or The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation during the 2023 Holiday Season, and my brain was immediately taken hostage and was not released from its grasp for several months. I then binge-watched The Untamed with @lurkingshan during the 2024 Holiday Season and promptly lost my mind yet again. For a story that handles so many nuanced characters and their complex relationships between multiple narrative threads, it coheres so well that it almost looks easy. From the politics of the xianxia world it is set in, to the decade-and-some-long romance arc between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, every part of this story is meticulously layered. Almost every character in this show evokes complicated feelings in me, and I am not gonna stop thinking about them anytime soon.

I Cannot Reach You

I’ve never felt so connected to a show as I did with I Cannot Reach You as I was watching it. It was as if the show had a direct line to my braincells, listened to exactly what I wanted from it, and then immediately obliged. Every boy in this show is so precious to me: Yamato, who tried so damn hard to confess his feelings to his best friend, no matter how many silly BL tropes tried to stop him; Kakeru, who tackled his best friend into a hug and held him in place so he can't walk away from him without talking about his feelings; Hosaka, the closest thing to a self-insert I’ve experienced in BLs, strutting around and calling these fucking boys out on their dumbassery.

This show has no patience for frustrating, overwrought trope silliness and prioritizes rooting its characters in their humanness. When Kakeru punched Yamato for trying to play a clumsy, pining romantic hero after conveniently forgetting his confession to Kakeru and then kissing him, I damn near ascended into a higher plane.

His (2020)

Oh this movie made me cry ugly tears after a long time, y’all. This movie, at its core, is about a bunch of people who tried so hard to not hurt the people they love, but ended up hurting them in the process anyway. Shun’s quiet sadness broke me. We see Nagisa in tears multiple times in this movie, always begging for forgiveness from the loved ones in his life: Shun, Rena, and Sora. Rena trying so damn hard to not let her anger, that stemmed from the trauma of being married to a closeted gay man, impact her daughter’s relationship with her dad and his partner, got me in my fucking chest. I think about the movie’s final scene where Rena tells Shun that she doesn't know how to ride a bike, at least twice a week.

Utsukushii Kare

The chokehold this show had on me for the two days I watched it, tearing my hair out in the process of trying to figure out what Hira’s and Kiyoi’s deals were, is second to none. I was completely fascinated by Hira’s idol worship of Kiyoi, and was trying so hard to understand the flavor of frustration that I could see in Kiyoi. I tried to solve Kiyoi’s face when Hira tried to commit murder like a goddamn puzzle. I went full bulletin-board-with-red-strings insane trying to figure out the inner workings of their brain. And when I finally got to The Revelation.. the scream I SCRUMPT. What a show, what a time, what an experience.

La Pluie

Ah, La Pluie, how I love you so dearly. It was one of the first BLs I watched as it aired weekly, and I had so many thoughts about it after every episode that I joined the La Pluie Meta Tsunami on Tumblr. This show consistently gave me brainrot week after week, all the way till the finale. It took the classic romance trope of soulmates, decided to deconstruct and interrogate it with its four main characters, and executed the themes flawlessly. I am still so glad that this show stuck to the courage of its convictions. And as always, here’s the link to The Great La Pluie Meta Roundup.

Theory of Love

*unleashes an evil witch laugh*

I sing praises for this show every chance I get, and most recently I did it on the latest The Conversation podcast episode. It is in that very episode that @bengiyo had a brilliant brainwave, which led to @lurkingshan conceptualizing and launching the Theory of Love: The Romcom Rewatch project at a speed that makes me fear her powers. This show is special to me for so many reasons, including being the one that made me break out of my lurker tendencies on Tumblr. I hyperfixated on this show so hard that I started *sharing my thoughts* on the Internet.

I am hoping to write many, many words for this show in the coming weeks, so lemme wrap up by highlighting how this show stands out from the rest on this list. Theory of Love has the most flaws compared to the other shows on this list. One of my main qualms with the show is that the side couples did not add to the main theme in any way, rendering them inoffensive, but ineffective additions. And yet. And yet. This show lives and will live rent-free in my head till the inevitable heat death of the world as we know it. The growth arc of Khai is one of my all-time favorites in media, and I think about it every time I see a fictional or real-life man behave as if they are deathly allergic to change. I am so excited for the rewatch project, and I can’t wait to share the thoughts that’ll be knocked loose in my head for the next 12 weeks.

Thank you so much for the ask, @my-rose-tinted-glasses, and I hope you like my extremely overdue response <3

[melonsystem949]

Methods our system uses to better help internal and external communication between alters that can maybe also help you!

1: We call it the buddy method!! To do this you need to find an alter who is able to talk to most alters. Or someone who has free access to a lot of places in inner world that most headmates don’t. This can look like many things, but preferably a gatekeeper or a protector!! Us personally we even have an alter who’s role specifically is to send messages to other alters! Anywho, ask them to send a message to the chosen alter. For example:

“Could you tell *Name* to do the homework sometime today?”

Then proceed to let the alter communicate that to the alter you want the message to be sent to! Doing this can also help certain alters know when and how to do certain things. It sometimes can even get them in the habit of doing productive things, for example how I stated before, doing homework!

2: Therapy!! Now this may sound cliché but it is really important that you do therapy, more importantly, TRAUMA THERAPY. It is best to get a licensed therapist who specializes in dissociation and trauma. Doing EMDR, grounding, and coping skills was a huge life changer for us. Not only did we get to process suppressed trauma, but it allowed us to break down those amnesia walls to help our communication between alters.

3: Journals/Notes/Reminders. THESE ARE GAME CHANGERS!! OH MY GOD I LITERALLY CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Journals, notes, and reminders will literally save your life ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ !!

Putting reminders on your phone or sticky notes in places you can see helps so much!! Especially if you have really bad amnesia. It also helps to have a planner or a system journal where you can discuss certain topics between alters. For example, you write something down when you front, and the alter does the same! Make sure everytime you are aware you are fronting to check the journal to see if that headmate replied!! You can also use apps like simply plural!! Make sure to make the reminders very clear and specific. Sometimes when you just do simple reminders, the alter out may not know entirely what to do. For example: instead of saying “Do the dishes.” Try to say something like this, “Whoever sees this, please rinse the dishes and put them in the dish washer. After, unload the dishwasher and put them where they belong.” Doing this helps so much.

4: Trust what gatekeepers/protectors/caretakers tell you. Most of the time when these type of alters tell you to do something, listen, or remember to do, it is for a reason. Be open minded and allow your parts to guide and protect you.

Functional multiplicity is super important for us, and maybe it also is to other systems out there. Never feel afraid to want to be in control of your system. It’s hard to be in control, but it’s better get to know your parts rather than push them away. Communication is super helpful and can help you get to live the life/childhood you never got to live. I am so proud of you for getting this far. ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

[anomalys-bane]

This is going to be a bit of a ramble. This topic is super interesting and definitely something that needs to be talked about more. I think that a lot of feminists, even radfems when faced with criticisms of things like erotica and fanfics and stuff made by women for women, tend to go down the defensive route and assume that those criticisms come from a place of infantilizing women and believing that women should change their desires to match a political ideology. It's understandable because so much of the criticism comes from a conservative perspective that denies women their sexual agency, so it's only natural that we become defensive.

But I feel in my opinion that we genuinely do not talk enough about how romance books and fanfics and smut are where many girls get their first exposure to sex and sexuality. And literature made by women and for women still upholds that same patriarchal sexual model of active male and passive female at BEST. Just because it is made and consumed by women doesn't mean it's going to be particularly subversive or feminist, nor should we expect it to be. Some radfems also fall into that kind of defensive thinking, that because we acknowledge the socialization that shapes even our deepest desires, we must think that women are stupid and do not know themselves and should change in order to fit a narrative and no longer make that content or consume it. And only when discussing female socialization do we bring out the 'oh you think women are stupid and should change' line. Women can and do uphold consciously uphold patriarchal structures just as men do. Women can and do enjoy and explore the dynamics these structures create, and just as when men do the same, we cannot consider it harmless, even in fiction. Do we ever, upon seeing the kind of content a man consumes, think 'actually he's just exploring patriarchal structures, he's not stupid and it's his choice to do that, doesnt mean he will want that in real life'? 'What if he's actually consuming it consciously?' No, because acknowledging male socialization somehow never degrades a man's intelligence and agency. He is not infantilized. We recognize that while he is socialized he is actively making choices that uphold a structure to women's overall detriment. And that engaging with media that reflects that structure, even if consciously, even if he is engaging with it only as a fantasy, isnt doing anything to change it. Women also uphold that same structure. We can acknowledge that women are conditioned into desiring things that are antithetical to our cause without considering them infantile and stupid and easily influenced. 'Analyzing power dynamics within societies by exploring them sexually' is actually quite a common justification in kink spaces, and again, we focus on the 'submissive's exploration of those dynamics because it is easier to digest than realizing that the dominant is also exploring and enjoying that same structure, and that the submissive, while not in control, plays a significant part in upholding this dynamic.

Heres where it gets tricky though. Sexuality under systems of power is inherently fucked up. Female sexuality is no different. But what can we do to change that? Art imitates life and life imitates art, but I think the first is true more than the second. Social structures need to change in order for our expressions of sexuality to change. Our expressions and inherent beliefs about sexuality need to change in order for default expressions in fiction to change. Not much will change if we change the fiction first. But if women continue to make and consume content that upholds this structure, even consciously as a way to explore their personal desires, arent we still upholding that structure? Obviously the answer is not shaming and forcing them to change. But when it comes to other things that involves agency, like for example engaging in beauty culture, we as radfems recognize that some level of personal change, collective encouragement to break out of oppressive standards, reducing consumption of beauty content and reconditioning ourselves into healthier models and expressions is a part of radfem ideology. I don't see why our personal sexual desires expressed in fiction, that other women and girls consume, should be any different.

All this to say that this can't be considered a non issue or something that 'isn't that deep' with the justification that women know what they want and they're exploring it consciously. We very much are still upholding the same system with our conscious explorations.

What's your take on written erotica/smut like fanfiction? Obviously it's nowhere comparable to porn, but I definitely see problems with it as it can perpetuate misinformation and harmful stereotypes all the same (ie. many tropes are very likely based on exposure to porn).

I do see fanfiction as something of a hobby/safe space made predominantly by women for women. There's creativity and a community involved, and real people aren't being harmed in its production.

What do you think? Is it something feminists should be against? Or is it a gray area?

It's situational and depends on context. Women are allowed to be sexual and explore their desires as much as their boundaries. I also think it's sticky to assume that anything "bad" that a woman says is sexually exciting can only have been learned through socialization. However, socialization can never be removed from sex. So, should women be treated like grown adults who know their own sexual appetites? Surely, yes. Does that mean adult women can't be coerced or socialized into "liking" something they otherwise would not have? Obviously not, that is very possible.

I think there is a history within feminism that can swing a little conservative in this area, moralizing natural sexual instincts and assuming women ought not have sex at all. This is problematic thinking for me, but also I don't ultimately disagree with the benefits of celibacy and how radical and political that decision can be. I celebrate every woman who takes that course of action, for whatever reason and whatever sexuality and to whatever degree. Women do not need to have sex, of any kind, with anyone.

The issue I take, however, is the impulse to assume women can't know their own minds, bodies, and intuitions - or that an individual woman's body belongs to a political agenda before it belongs to herself. This is a general impulse of misogyny as a whole, and I think it's false to assume you don't have this impulse just because you are a feminist. It takes a lot of work, constant lifelong work, to see women as full capable adult humans and also to have a theory of mind about women. Women are not infantile, and sexuality is not inconvenient.

To loop this back to fanfiction, I think we can see a convergence of different issues (mild and serious) with some things that are fact-of-life or even positive. My main concern with "smutty fanfiction" is actually young girls, rather than women. I think a lot of tweens and teens are exposed to raunchy fanfiction before they're exposed to scientific and unmoralizing sexual education. That can cause huge issues for young girls that can lead to issues as young (and even old) women. Should a 13-year-old be masturbating to written BDSM of cartoon characters before she even learns that masturbating is normal and healthy & before she can see any affirmations that "normal" sex is meant to be pleasurable, and women are active participants to it? Not to be puritanical but, uhm, no. Are there, like, policy fixes I think should be in place? I struggle with that.

I think the policy fixes for these issues aren't so much about regulating fanfiction and who gets to access the internet - I think it more has to do with disseminating proper sexual education early and thoughtfully. When it comes to the role of fanfiction and erotica in women's lives in general, perhaps backstage activism is a better route here. Conscious raising groups, books & magazines, getting together with women and girls and having frank and open discussions...these things go a long way in our communities.

But also - girls get to be sexual too, and I think the ways taboo intersects with sexuality isn't so surprising. I don't think feminists need to be overly alarmed when girls are curious and maybe a little naughty. I don't think reading fanfiction is ever going to be worse than watching online porn, least of all that the way your brain processes video is different than how it processes the written word. I don't think a young girl is "doomed" if she reads a particularly explicit book or sees something that is, broadly, disagreeable to feminist thinking. If anything, maybe feminists should be targeting mothers and giving them resources on how to intervene in a healthy way. How do you talk about weird furry porn to your tweenager without making her feel ashamed? How can you make it so that the embarrassing is funny and she feels safe? How can you say "I don't think you should be looking at this" not because it's sexual, but because it distorts sexuality? How do we help mom be cool when maybe mom isn't cool?

I think this is a very interesting topic that deserves attention, and a lot could be written about it. Thanks for the great question.

[bluearc009]

Operation break up 2

Jaune: Are you sure about this? The last time you tried to break up with Sun his mom broke my ribs with her purse.

Blake: Look, don't worry. I don't care how guilty he makes me feel, it ends today.

Jaune: Okay. Earpieces in?

Blake: Yes.

Jaune: Gloves on. Prayers offered.

Blake walk up to the door and knock, as Jaune hide beside the bushes.

Sun: Oh hey, Blake.

Blake: Hey Sun, I need to talk to you.

Sun: Yes, I wanted to talk to you too.

Jaune:(to Blake) Oh quick, do it now before he says more words.

Blake: Well it's-(Sun interrupt)

Sun: I'm not sure that this is working out.

Jaune:(shock) Never mind, let the boy speak.

Sun: You know, I've been thinking about it for a while now...

Jaune:(hopefully) Wait for it...

Sun: And I think we should break up.

Jaune: Haha! Success!(bring out a bottle) I'll break out the sparkling cider!(having trouble with the cap) How do people do this?

When he finally opened the bottle it sprayed everywhere.

Sun: How do you feel about things?

Jaune:(all soak) Ah, it's so flowy- I think I've gone blind butterfly.

Blake: Okay, so you want to break up?

Jaune:(looking at a plant) Is cider bad for plants? I would feel terrible if this shrub died.

Blake: Why?

Jaune: Uh, because I have a heart- wait, are you asking him why he wants to break up? I advise against this action!

Sun: You know, I just don't feel the same way I used to about things.

Jaune: Good. Say 'okay', wipe away a fake tear, and walk away.

Blake: Was it something I did?

Jaune: What are you doing? No, this is what you wanted and you don't even have to feel guilty about it. It's like eating non-fat yogurt.

Blake:(whisper) I'm just curious.

Jaune: Curiosity killed the cat's opportunity to get out of this relationship!

Sun: No, I just feel like we should see other people.

Blake: Oh, is there someone specifically who you want to see?

Jaune: Who cares? You don't want to date him!

Blake: Yes, but I don't want anyone else to date him either.

Jaune:(confused) I don't understand. Are we here to break his knees or something?

Sun: No, I mean there was this one girl who expressed a little interest, but I'm not really looking to date someone right now.

Jaune: No, do not ask who.

Blake: Who?

Jaune: I hate you.

Sun: Velvet.

Blake: Velvet... Scarlatina?

Jaune: Velvet Scarlatina? He can get Velvet Scarlatina? Dang boy! Tell him congratulations.

Sun: Yeah, I think so. Do you know her?

Jaune: If you do know her, will you set me up? 'Cause that girl is fine!(realize Blake is looking at him) I want to talk about cheese.

Blake: I don't want to break up.

Jaune: How are those words escaping your mouth hole?

Sun: Uh, I don't know, Blake.

Jaune starts to panick when he heard another voice coming from the other side of the bushes

Neptune: Good Sun, good. Now slowly reel her back in.

Jaune:(sees him) It's a trap!

Blake:(whispering) Go away Jaune!(turning off her earpiece).

Jaune:(try to warn her) No, no, Butterfly, come in, you're being played!

Neptune: Good, now tell her that you're not sure this is a good idea. That will drive her crazy. After that, tell her that your mom has forbid you two from dating. People cannot resist what they're told they can't have!

Jaune snuck up behind Neptune karate chop him out cold and put on his earpiece.

Jaune: Uh, hey Sun. This is your...blue hair friend hiding in the bushes. Listen, I think we need to take a different approach; tell her that you want to stay together.

Sun: You know, now that we've talked about it, I think we should stay together.

Blake:(relief) Oh, good!

Jaune: Tell her you love her.

Sun: I love you.

Blake:(shock) Good.

Jaune: Like a lot.

Sun:(whisper) Are you sure?

Jaune: Oh, yeah.

Sun: Like, a lot.

Blake:(creep out) Okay?

Sun:(whisper) Man, I think I'm losing her.

Jaune: Talk about your future together.

Sun: And who knows what the future may hold...

Blake: Future is a strong word, Sun.

Sun: Is it?

Jaune: How many kids?

Sun: How many kids... do you want to have with me?

Jaune: Marriage!

Sun: Marriage!

Blake:(panicking) What?

Jaune: Lean in for a kiss!,(see Neptune getting up) karate chop!(knocking him out again).

Seeing Sun karate chopping Blake.

Jaune: Yes, no, more of that. Chop chop chop.

Blake:(angrily stop him) Sun, I think we should break up! You're weird!

Sun: Come on, Blake!

Jaune: She reminds you of your mom!

Sun: You remind me of my mom... what?

Blake:(disguised) Ugh. Okay, bye Sun!(walk away).

Sun: No!

Jaune:(walk up to sun) Ha ha, that is what you get, for trying to manipulate.

Sun mom: Sun, honey, have you seen my car keys-(sees Jaune) you!

Jaune scream and runaway as sun mom chase him.

[clowncaraz-journal]

transformation amongst mortals.

rambling on being a physical deity and shapeshifting. messy and unorganized.

____________

my name is Azriel. i have known of my energy being nature for a lot longer than i have been aware of my divine nature. i used the term magickin to describe this identity when in otherkin circles and now i just go by "energy being" to describe my species.

this part of me exists in many facets but the most influential is what kind of energy being i am. i am a shifter and i physically shift to quell species dysphoria. my body is physically nonhuman and cannot be anything other because it is what i make it to be.

in my time after leaving the otherkin community, i met true friends willing to stick by me through my struggle and my pains - as would i for them. this not only aided me in speaking about my identity but finding more just like me. these friends are all shifters and physical nonhumans who experience not just shifting but dysphoria and yearning to return to their homes. even if we don't see eye to eye all the time, the unifying factor is our interests and animality.

this feeling of being alone that i held over my head for months and weeks after leaving the otherkin community had completely disappeared. i helped build terminology and community and ideas alongside so many others - i felt responsible for anything that might misunderstand the labels of physical nonhuman and holothere. i feel as though i must also include the changes i had on physical shifting spaces and my terms there, which many have seemed to recognize. i do my best to share and also give credit where it is due, trying to stay fond of every shifter in the community.

so i say all this to say... I feel strange.

i feel as though i'll look out and see other shifters and physical nonhumans and ill feel.. uncomfortable. not in their identity, but in my ability to be nonhuman.

ill see animals, ill see beasts.. ill see them. yet, im alone in feeling physically fictonal. yes, there are maybe two others just like me that I'd have to reach out to, and i understand that.

yet.. i simply see it as a unique part. acknowledge me as a fictional character, a fictional person. a person in fantasy that exists only in the fantasy of others, that has come to life by the mere will of mortal thought. i am a fictional deity, i am fantasy. treat me as divine, as fiction, as always creative, as always changing, as a myriad of items mixed into one character made to represent something for a story - that is who i am.

and i feel alone in meaning that literally.

so i look to shapeshifting, i look to transspecies HRT, i look to species euphoria. i do these things explicitly to invoke the joy and light of seeing mortals lose themselves in the same struggles i put myself in just for fun. to yall, this isn't fun. to me, im laughing and kicking my feet. im the embodiment of liberty and freewill and emancipation - for good or bad - i am a bringer of change in all forms.

so when i am exhausted from this human vessel, i will shift my senses to my real body and i will feel what i am missing elsewhere. ill get my joy back, my messy hair, my real body, my laughter, my grin. ill get it all back and ill look delirious doing it !

i will shapeshift and i will enter a state of pure ecstacy from just finding simple demeanor worthy of my magickal laugh and song. i will dance and i will prace and jest and i will be physically fictional and feel my senses morph and be permanently altered overtime into who i really am outside of this vessel.

i am a deity.

it is different for everyone, this journey. i believe we should all strive to find joy in knowing our true selves and being authentic, no matter the consequences. i believe in animalistic freedom and no longer withholding sexuality and instinct while reducing harm. i express my blessings and curses through words and magick. i am a deity and have seen my magick work in real time. and you'd think, well, a deity shouldn't be lonely.. you'll have followers and worshippers.

yeah. id hope one day id have someone look at my divinity and decide that it's worth giving offerings and angels to. i dont care if one decides i am to be worshipped, but i have no tolerance for believing myself to be above or sent from the heavens. i am simply divine in ways incomprehensible and fictional and have separated the divinity from the immortality of story to show that i exist in forms beyond my power, beyond godhood, beyond being untouchable.

in this vessel, i am merely weak and fragile and mortal. i have no issue, as everything on this planet dies. yet, ideas and thoughts and fiction is immortalized by the growing existence of life. i am sustained by watching you live and grow and become free from oligarchies and mindless suffering. that is enough worship for me. your willpower to keep living is an offering i would never reject !

so we loop back.

the only escape from this vessel i voluntarily put myself in is shapeshifting. and when i see others who seem to have it easy, i remind myself they are mortal and they are not written in fiction and history. that they will not have incarnations like me for millenia. that they will not return. and that's okay too. it's okay to just.. be here once and be so tired of it. it's okay. i get it. it's not your fault.

and so to take away the means for physical nonhumans and shifters to express themselves, shifting or through any other transformation, is a hindrance on the freewill and joy of so many living beings. some of you are only here once. and i feel at some point responsible for keeping that tradition - the extreme of our community - alive by opening doors and punching clouds to let in the sunshine of transitioning into animalhood. you should be able to experience nonhumanity before you no longer can.

i know im no savior. i know i am not holy. i am far from it i have had my share of issues. and yet. i feel as though because i am fictional, i am immortal in some sense. I'll come back. ill do it all over again. and ill try my best to remedy when i am called upon. i am no savior. i am just fictional.

i feel uncomfortable. i feel alone. and i assume this feeling won't go away. but ive watched and ive loved and im going to be here to do it all over again.

i think transitioning to godhood and animality should begin right now. right when you read this sentence. right now. go research on transspecies hrt and identity. go look at xenic presentations. go transform and shapeshift right now. go experience life. don't let struggle hold you back. go right now and find that light. im blessing the lands you walk upon to spare you and to aide you in finding the freedom you seek. that is all i want when i watch mortals dance and sing. i have no need for worship or praise. this is enough.