#AND I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rottentarsoul · 2 months

Text

If anyone tries to tell you PCOS isn't disabling, they're a bitchass liar!!!!

#[ ashley's words ]#tcoaal fictive #[ irl shenanigans ]#sui mention/:#HI IM NOT DEAD.#ALSO THE BODY HAS OFFICIALLY AGED AS OF YESTERDAY- THATS NOT THE POINT #WE'VE BEEN UP ALL FUCKING NIGHT WIHT NAUSEA AND INSOMNIA DUE TO OUR NEWLY DIAGNOSED PCOS #AND I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!#HOW IS THIS FAIR WE JUST TURNED 23 AND THIS SHIT STARTING ALREADY GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!#THERE IS NO VERSION OF THIS BULLSHIT THAT JUST DOESNT MAKE ME SO GODDAMN ANGRY!!!!#LET ME SLEEP BODY PLEASE!!!!!!#THIS IS A GODDAMN NIGHTMARE #GODDAMNIT I ALMOST SAID BLINDING- STUPID SIFFRIN--#Okay. Okay. I think it's out of my system.#Anyway. I'm. Going to try and get some sleep before we gotta wake up in like. 3 hours.#Someone do me a quick favor and blow our brains out in our sleep kay? Kay. /nsrs

1 note · View note

innalheid · 17 hours

Text

Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18

#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time #i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow #i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too #brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man #and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once #like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once #my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all #which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb #stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon #i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days #i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do #genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout #ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it #id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO #and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food #nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like #no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking #anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.

5 notes · View notes

arc-archernar · 8 months

Text

.

#vent #it feels awful #not knowing what the fuck to do #i WANT like a fucking gluttonous beast #i wanna be good at everything #i wanna be good at art and singing and worldbuilding and writing and editing and animating and academics #and i never feel satisfied #and no ones forcing me to do any of this #i just fucking want to for some reason and its destroying me #i just end up being not good at anything. im shit at studying and sleeping and keeping to deadlines #i want there to be enough time for me to explore everything #for me to learn everything at my own pace and perfect my skills #but it just feels like i have no time for myself anymore #everything i have i must dedicate to studying for a levels and its so tiring. i wanna draw and be creative too but theres so much course #content that its killing me. i want my free time back #and im forever thankful to my parents for moving with me all the way to the uk so i can learn about things that actually interest me but #even that doesnt really mean anything anymore thanks to the standardization of education and especially exams and exam boards #so my parents spent all that effort and money for nothing and i really just want to break down and cry and say sorry #but that would just hurt them even more and even i dont have the heart to do that so im stuck with this and im so goddamn tired #and of course by spreading my attention and efforts so thin everything i do is lackluster so of course my grades are shit #and i get sick often so my attendence record is also shit #it just feels like im a burden for existing like a malignant tumour #and i have to relearn how to cry. imagine that. a grown adult not knowing how to cry #i never knew there was supposed to be emotional relief when crying sometimes because whenever i cry when im overwhelmed...or anytime really #i get told to stop immediately so i got trained to hold everything in.and i get that its easy for the adults to deal with a not-crying child #but i kinda feel cheated #i want that emotional catharsis that comes with crying your feelings out and i have to teach myself how to do it #how pathetic is that #had to get this out there its just too much for me #arc 3am logs

4 notes · View notes

watch-out-it-bites · 10 months

Text

I believe I deserve a sweet little treat [He has done nothing important for the past week]

#i am so fucked #don't let them see this!#i could always go to the kitchen - Above the fridge ;-)#siiigh to have things i enjoy. the worst. ever.#i really dont wanna be god im so fucked but im so tired. and i dont want to be yelled at but i dont want to do anything #i feel like just. lying down and not getting back up. nap time. oreverrrr #i really wish i could live carefree doing whatever #guh. is it even worth it to try?#im just going to end up all. eugh.#sure. it was great last year. but uhghfhfhg so quiet and so hard and so. bluh.#i really dont wanna wake up on monday #so stressful all the time #im either stressed but enjoying and spending time with friends or stressed and alone but people are proud of me #maybe we should cut off interests for a while - it could fix hims stuff.#i wish i could focus #i dont know why so hard recently #uhhhghĥhhhhhhh #i dont think i deserve to sleep but im so tired but i need to work on things #god i want to kill myself - you can't!! youve taken too many vows to die now

4 notes · View notes

suntraitor · 6 months

Text

im sorry mom and dad, i know i messed up bad

#scp 166 #dr clef #50th fucking drawing of me in jacks necklace bc guess what #im sad about it again!!!#i remember 035 being pissed when he saw us after what i did and i remember kondraki trying to talk to us and i remember how much-#shame jack felt #im sorry jack #im sorry dad #i did what i had to do #lyrics are from parents by anna clending #vent #sorry to vent on main and in the scp tag guys #i will do it again #PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS ME//RI I HATE BEING CALLED THAT NAME SO FUCKING MUCH #i honestly just need to cry it out but i wanted to draw #someone talk to me about my memories i promise its not all traumatic #like fr one minute im making flower crowns for my friends and the next im killing myself for the ''greater good''#fuck the foundation #and fuck you too jack but i forgive you #epon.txt #traitor art #or whatever the fuck our art tag is #might post more vent art later but t b h i just wanna sleep i oddly miss my cell. i miss cain and able #i miss my brothers ^

4 notes · View notes

sensitivegoblin · 9 months

Text

The depression is really really really bad so I'm sorry if I super ghost y'all

I'm just having a hard time wanting to do anything but rot in bed

#all I wanna do is lay down n sleep :(#5 days until Christmas and my sister still hasn't talked to me :)🔫#I fucking hate the holidays I'm such a fucking grinchy Scrooge now #Christmas used to be my favorite now it's just a reminder of the family I don't have #I wanna die so badly I keep crying out but nobody's listening #my dad is completely incapable of comforting me emotionally #when someone you depended on most of your life changes....it's the definition of shell shocked #now I'm alone with no one to take care of me I need someone to take care of me #I'm just a stupid lil kid stuck in a growing body and nobody cares about me anymore cus I'm a stupid adult #I wish I wasn't so afraid of death and hell so I could just kill myself #I am convinced that I was supposed to die in highschool cus that's when people would've cared #if I kill my self now it's just a mess and a burden to my family #...I just sent an email to my mother who I haven't talked to since I cut her off #I might get arrested for what I said but if the cops come I'll just spook them so they shoot me #dammit I guess she doesn't have that email anymore i really wanted to lay into her

4 notes · View notes

chrisbangs · 1 year

Text

.

#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like #i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like #👎👎👎#there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately #and like no one else lol #i just feel so fucking out of my head #why is everything so fucking bad #i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep #and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in #because fucking classes start on tuesday #i wanna kms so bad lol #like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn #it's so fucking bad for me lmfao #i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy #i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like #the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but #the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student #waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...#my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately #i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao...#i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for #this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die..#i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year #he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol #last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and #i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant #fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass #weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work #is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this #for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...

3 notes · View notes

zanderism · 1 year

Text

wish i had a truck so i could drive and drive and drive and drive and

#personal #me #shut the fuck up zander #i don’t wanna leave. i just don’t want to be here #the way id be the first to get myself killed flying around the wrong corner angrily #sleeping in an old grocery store parking lot in Oceana just to be away #i want a cigarette so fucking bad right now

2 notes · View notes

magnoliamyrrh · 2 years

Text

.

#i so desperately wish i would just die without killing myself #just not wake up tomorrow morning dear god #i dont know what im living for anyone. i really dont i really dont #im too tired too sick and not motivated enough to make it through life #i barely want or care about anything anymore #i just wanna die. i just wanna sleep i just wanna rest i cant fucking do this #theres barely anyone that i should stay alive for. my absence would be forgotten in weeks to months anyway #im too much of a fuckup to help anyone which is one of the few things i even care about anymore #i cant do any of this. i dont want any of this #im so tired of the pain im so tired of the god awful fucking pain all the time the physical pain the emotional pain #its been my whole life. my whole life #im tired of being lonely. ive gone through most of the horrid shit in this life alon3 #its too much. its too much. its too fucjin mich im tired of failing over and over again im tired of crying #im not good enough for anything. im not good room for absolutely fuckin anything or anyone #god just take me already #life has already been so cruel i dont understand why you must prolonged my suffering #i wasnt even fucking 2 yet when this shit started. god. god fucking damn it god this pain has been my whole fucking life i just want it to #end #.#id throw myslef infront of a car if it was certain death and wouldnt traumatize anyone else #god fucking damn it why is it so hard to die. why. why why why fucking why am i still breathing god just let me fucking go

7 notes · View notes

thecherrygod · 2 years

Text

... once im done with this final i hope i stop drinking coffee

#my posts #look. i like it a lot #its a gamble with my mental health also #and i kept making it stronger until i went 'dude calm the fuck down' so its.... still strong but its not too strong #but i keep feeling i need it so maybe it is time to stop lmao #not today i just made myself what i would call a cold latte bc its hot and im dying and iced coffee makes me nauseous but #but yeah i want to just calm down and sleep and just relax and do nothing for some days siguhdsuig help #i wanna kill time like it doesnt matter. you know. you know yeah

5 notes · View notes

nebulainatree · 2 years

Text

My superpower is that I get so obsessed with something that I cannot stop thinking about it long enough to sleep. It's also not a superpower and actually is a curse

#This rp server I spectate in has irreversibly changed my brain. And my sleep schedule. I need mental help #Nebbie posts #Nebbie text posting #Send fucking post #it is four thirty am here and I have to bike to school tomorrow. I'm gonna be sick #Wanna hear my ideas? My fucking Ideas? I've got Ideas wanna fucking hear?#First my oc VK who I've talked about once and never made a ref sheet for has a full name now. She's not just initials anymore #Did you know? In a post apocalyptic setting VK would grab a fucking musical instrument and learn to play it and start singing to cope #Little buddy is there for moral support and is also the only other thing that keeps her going aside from badly singing Turquoise October #One and Disc are. Actively becoming the worst power couple in the world. Awful awful people who would kill you for sport #At least One has trans swag though. He's still obsessed with makeup and fashion and turf wars even when the world ends #No ideas for the inkling guy who's unnamed or any other minor splat ocs I've got. Woo #Driving me actively insane. This rp server is driving me crazy insane in a positive way. If only I had the guts to actually tell anyone #I need to scream somewhere about it. Praying no one from that server looks at my blog ever. Or just specifically this post #I told them I read every single rp message in the server (5k+) and like. That I really liked it but #How do you tell someone that something they do has like. Chemically changed you to an extreme extent. How can I ever say that #They're like STRANGERS I've said like FIVE words to them. It's like I walked in on a FAMOUS person #The parasocial is. I want to actually be friends with these people they're so cool but I've put myself into a parasocial thing #They've already got an established friend group and like. I've never been able to join an established friend group #I did it ONCE in middle school by fucking LUCK and it's never happened again. Spect 7 was my magnum opus #I tried to join a friend group one time in the Hollow Knight community and then it just crashed and burned so.#I guess I've just got a doomsday sort of view of interacting with people now. I've never had it work out before #God damn. Earlier I was thinking that past 3am is my poor decision making time and it's so true. Fuck. God damn #Whatever. I need a 3am emotional rambling tag.#It's 4am but whatever #To clarify ig. You can reblog this because the actual post is funny (to midnight me at least) just pretend these tags don't exist lol

2 notes · View notes

burningcomputerpersona · 19 days

Text

how the fuck are ppl having actual social lives with this amount of courseload. i lose all my hobbies during the semester bc i don't have time for anything besides schoolwork but there are ppl out there hanging out with friends every day and having parties on the weekend. how.

#like. i knew my executive dysfunction was pretty bad but I've never realized just how disabling my disability was until now lol #my schedule has just been school homework and sleep with no time for hobbies and I'm still barely keeping up #also the lack of sleep has been fucking me up and i can't even concentrate in class anymore even with my meds #it's only the third week of the semester now and im so fucking exhausted #i was exhausted last semester and the semester before that too and i didn't even get to rest during the breaks #idk i can't even think abt what to do to improve this i just wanna kill myself so i don't have to deal with anything ever again #godddd it really has been years since I've been low like this huh lol #ngl i think it was easier back when i knew i was gonna die. like it sucked absolute ass but i also didn't have to do anything #now i gotta fucking. make my mind up or actually Do Shit so i don't end up getting kicked out #urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ykw i think this is the perfect time to start a drug addiction #i just want some teeny little positive emotion or motivation i can use to kickstart my executive function and start actually doing shit #rn i don't even have the energy to actually kill myself either which is just. the fucking worst.#mine #vent #nightblogging #suicide tw

1 note · View note

nightmare8-420 · 1 month

Text

im so fucking done why am i a fucking mistake

#j’s a bloody mess #my phone couldnt bother to notify me of the one person i desperately want to talk to THREE SEPARATE TIMES #i wanna fucking kill myself im a mistake #i hate myselfni cant do thus why why why they already probably hate me im lucky they even bother to talk to me and now im just fucking that #-up great! great!#i wanna not sleep so yhis shit doesnt happen again imnso tired of it #god i wish id just kill myself already

0 notes

1roentgen · 2 months

Text

.