#i just wish i could sleeo again

[xxlelaxx]

Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard

[indigayghost]

It's 22h and I cant sleeo because I'm kinda anxious my classes begin tomorrow but I won't be with my friends and I'm scared of meeting new people and I really really need a job also and things are getting to me harder because I saw people from my class when I was in film school getting their degrees and it triggered my ptsd and I didn't noticed that until now and welp guess I'm going to obsses over these things again shit fuck I hate it I hate it so fucking much I wish I could just get over it and forget about those years but noooooo my brain can't make it my brain has to make it harder

[kichoukotori]

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[littleroxy13]

I can't sleep. Not with her still angry with me. Honestly I don't think I've slept through the entire night ever since it happened. I get up, toss and turn, violent nightmares that I'm glad to forget. I miss her concern. I miss her asking how I am doig and cuddling me to make it better. I'm trying. God I am trying so hard. Taking care of myself so she doesn't have to think of me and dwell on it. I want her to feel comfortable and be happy. I want to take that pain and anger in anyway I can, even if I am the cause of it. And I'm burning inside with need. Are you okay? How are you still feeling? I'll give you the time you need. I love and miss you. I think of you everyday, every waking moment. I want to say how sorry I am, though I know you hate it. I want to swear I will tell you the truth like I have even before, besides that. I want to make it up to you, give you whatever you want and need. A mintue doesn't pass by where I don't think about how badly I messed up by hurting you and I would do anything to make it better for you. There is so many things I want to say, but I'm so scared of breaking the silence if that is what you need. I really don't want to anger you further. I'm just a idiot that doesn't know how to do that right now, because I've never made you this angry before. We've had our fights but... never this... tortuous? Bad? I've never hurt you like this, least I hope not. And I've never had to... step back so long. Honestly I am dying on the inside but... if it's what you need I'll do anything for you. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, even if my actions didn't show that. And I'm sorry... I know some things were shared. I am, truely, especially if you weren't ready. I feel downright horrible about it, even if I am truthful and say... I was glad at the time. I want to be honest. You are my entire world. More like you are my sun and I revolve only around you. I can't sleeo if your upset, I can't function correctly without you fuck I can't even think of anything else but you, hapoy or not. I love you is so simple but it has so much weight. I can't just say it once but a hundred times to even get a amount of it of what it deserves. And with this, I want to be everything you deserve and need. If there is something about me you hate or don't like, I wanna know. I wanna know what you think of me as selfish as it is because your opinion is the one that matters most. I want to see if I make you happy or cry at night. You should wear that dazzling breath taking smile whenever you want and I never wanna damper that, even if I have now. I just... I wanna always know what's on that gorgoeus mind. I love hearing you talk, more than any sound in the world. Or even text. You are always the one I hope to hear, feel my heart race every time I hear your tone. I run to the phone to read whatever I can from you. God I miss you. I honestly hate myself. I want to send this to you but... how? I'm too scared, too nervous to make things worse. In some ways I still feel like I don't deserve to. That's the only thing that comes with all that love. It's my own fear of loosing it. You've fallen victim of that fear, especially with what I did. It was the main reason I was terrified to tell you, even if I knew in the end, the truth is what you deserved. And you don't deserve that, to fall victim to my fear after showing me before thst I have nothing to worry. And with you it did get better, I can swear that. All the things you did settled it thought I know I still had my small ticks. I'm working to fix them, to make a better part of me so I can treat you like you should be treated. Maybe it's the perfectionist talking in me, wanting to be everything for you and be basically perfect, even if I know it's not possible. For you... I would try. She's the only one keeping my head above water. Telling me what you are doing and ensuring me you are okay, like eating and sleeping. She's been dealing with me literally for days moping, begging and just... going crazy. Trying to keep me level headed. Honestly she is amazing and one of the best friends I could ask for. Someone that I've literally openee my soul up to in a way that is different than the way I have for you. For you, my heart, mind, soul and body literally belong to you. I'm probably sounding like some really cheesy romance movie at this point. I don't know what else to say. I can't st least think of anything else right now. I'm starting to feel tired again... life is exhausting without you here to charge my battery. At least you have her to helo you through this. I hope you're smiling and laughing. And in some stupid selfish need... I hope you miss me too. I love you.