#4x02 missing scene

[ramblingdisaster73]

This will most likely be posted today, but here is a piece of

The Monsters in my Head are Screaming so Damn Loud

He looked over to the couch, watched Carlos leaf through a magazine from the coffee table. Studied the relaxed pose, the soft smile at whatever he was reading, and wondered how the control freak in him was so calm. Absolutely nothing inside TK was calm right now. If he stood in this room much longer, he might scream. He might scream anyway.

He walked over to the back of the couch, leaning over to drop a kiss on Carlos’ head. “I am going to take a shower then go to bed.” before moving quickly to the bathroom.

He shut the door, turned on the water, removed his clothes. As he stepped into the shower, he tried to let the water wash away his trepidations, wanted to watch them go down the drain. He tried to remind himself to have faith, not to take things personally. Even if they felt incredibly personal.

[geronimomo-spd]

and there we go! the full Confidential Archive!

here are all the episodes, according to tardis wiki list, including all of the mini specials and chrismas specials and most if not all in good quality! the full list of everything is under the cut because yeah, its a longgg list!

all in order, including some youtube videos and dvd rips hehe, all according the the tardis wiki list

SERIES 1 -

1x00 - A New Dimension (a prolog to season one, narrated by David Tennant)

1x01 - (rose)

1x03 - (the unquiet dead)

1x04 - (aliens of london)

1x05 - (world war 3)

1x06 - (dalek)

1x07 - (the long game)

1x08 - (father's day)

1x09 - (the empty child)

1x10 - (the doctor dances)

1x11 - (boom town)

1x12 - (bad wolf)

1x13.1 - The Ultimate Guide (another little documentary right before

parting of the ways, about key aspects about filming the season)

1x13.2 - (parting of the ways)

1x14 - Backstage at Christmas (the nine minutes they gave us from some of behind the scenes of The Christmas Invasion)

SEIRES 2 -

2x00 - One Year On (a general preview for season 2, including the series 2 press launch, a lot more behind the scenes of The Christmas Invasion and some Torchwood stuff)

2x01 - (new earth)

2x02 - (tooth and claw)

2x03 - (school reunion)

2x04 - (the girl in the fireplace)

2x05 - (rise of the cyberman)

2x06 - (the age of steel)

2x07 - (the idiot's lantern)

2x08 - (the impossible planet)

2x09 - (the satan pit)

2x10 - (love & monsters) - (featuring the winning of the contest of designing a monster)

2x11 - (fear her)

2x12 - (army of ghosts)

2x13 - (doomsday)

2x14 - Music and Monsters (the behind the scenes of doctor who's first music show, including some behind the scenes stuff of The Runaway Bride)

SERIES 3 -

3x01 - (smith and jones)

3x02 - (the shakespear code)

3x03 - (gridlock)

3x04 - (daleks in manhattan)

3x05 - (evolution of the daleks)

3x06 - (the lazarus experiment)

3x05 - (42)

3x06 - (human nature)

3x07 - (the family of blood)

3x08 - (blink)

3x11 - (utopia)

3x12 - (the sound of drums)

3x13.1 - (last of the time lords)

3x13.2 - Children in Need Special (the behind the scenes of the special where 10 meets 5, really cute stuff)

3x14.1 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 1 - the full version in less of a good quality i found on youtube, bless this youtube channel honestly)

3x14.2 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 2 - the shorter version that was up on iplayer)

3x14.3 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 3 - the version i edited to include the low quality parts that were missing with the good quality shorter version)

SERIES 4 (INCLUDING THE SPECIALS) -

4x01 - (partners in crime)

4x02 - (the fiers of pompaii)

4x03 - (planet of the ood)

4x04 - (the sontaran stratagem)

4x05 - (the doctor's daughter)

4x06 - (the posion sky)

4x07 - (the unicorn and the wasp)

4x08 - (silence in the library)

4x09 - (forest of the dead)

4x10 - (midnight)

4x11 - (turn left)

4x12 - (the stolen earth)

4x13 - (journey's end)

4x14.1 - The Journey (So Far) (a documentary about the entire show so far)

4x14.2 - Confidential Christmas 2008 (behind the scenes of The Next Doctor christmas special)

4x14.3 - Doctor Who: Top 5 Christmas Moments (a sort of confidential behind the scenes clip show of all of the episodes set at christmas)

4x15.1 - At the Proms 2008 (behind the scenes of doctor who at the proms 2008)

4x15.2 - The Eleventh Doctor (the special they used to announce Matt Smith as the new doctor who)

4x15.3 - Desert Storm (behind the scenes of Planet Of The Dead)

4x16 - Is There Life on Mars? (behind the scenes of The Waters Of Mars)

4x17 - Lords and Masters (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part One)

4x18 - Allons-y! (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part Two. version 1 - full dvd version)

4x18 - Allons-y! (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part Two. version 2 - shortend higher quality version from iplayer, this version has a song in the soundtrack that is diffrent from the dvd version, this is the most accurate version to what aired on tv at the time)

SERIES 5-

5x01 - (the eleventh hour)

5x02 - (the beast below)

5x03 - (victory of the daleks)

5x04 - (the time of angels)

5x05 - (flesh and stone)

5x06 - (the vampires of venice)

5x07 - (amy's choice)

5x08 - (the hungry earth)

5x09 - (cold blood)

5x10.1 - (vincent and the doctor)

5x10.2 Monster Files: The Daleks (a little documentary about victory of the daleks/daleks in general)

5x11 - (the lodger)

5x12 - (the pandorica opens)

5x13 - (the big bang)

5x14.1 - Monster Files: The Weeping Angels (a little documentary about the weeping angels episodes this season)

5x14.2 - Monster Files: The Silurians (a little documentary about the silurian episodes)

5x14.3.1 - Monster Files: The Alliance (a little documentary about the alliance of monsters from the pandoica opens)

5x14.3.2 - Backstage at the Doctor Who Prom 2010 (behind the scenes of doctor who at the proms 2010)

5x14.4.1 - Charlie McDonnell - Runner (the first Charlle behind the scenes videos, pretty quiet - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5.14.4.2 - Charlie McDonnell - TARDIS (another Charlie video, she explores the tardis set this time -Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.4.3 - Charlie McDonnell - Decorating Bus (another Charlie video, she decorates the food place with christmas decorations, i liked them Charlie - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.4.4 - Charlie McDonnell - Christmas Presents (badger) (the famus Charlie video where she brings the cast and crew presents! this is where Matt gets his badger puppet - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.5 - Christmas Special 2010 (behind the scenes of A Christmas Carol)

SERIES 6 -

6x01.1 - (the impossible astronaut)

6x01.2 - My Sarah Jane: A Tribute to Elisabeth Sladen (a special memorial for the late Elisabth Sladen 😭😭)

6x02 - (day of the moon)

6x03 - (the curse of the black spot)

6x04 - (the doctor's wife)

6x05 - (the rebel flesh)

6x06 - (the almost people)

6x07.1 - Charlie McDonnell interviews Neil Gaiman (Charlie interviews Neil Gaiman, appewrently causing some ruckes on Charlie's blog at the time hehe - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

6x07.2 - (a good man goes to war)

6x07.3 - The Monster Files: The Silence (a little documentary on the silence, thank god because i needed that)

6x07.4 - The Monster Files: The Gangers (a little documentary on the gangers, my beloveds)

6x07.5 - Charlie McDonnell Becomes A Dalek (the last Charlie video, released late because it had the 1-4 tardis set, also she gets to ride a dalek in this one - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

6x08 - (lets kill hitler)

6x09 - (night terrors)

6x10 - (the girl who waited)

6x11 - (the god complex)

6x12 - (closing time)

6x13.1 - (the wedding of river song)

6x13.2 - The Monster Files: The Antibodies (a little documentary on the antibodies from lets kill hitler)

6x13.3 - The Monster Files: The Cybermats (a little documentary on the little adorable cybermates because awww)

6x14 - The Nights' Tale (a little documentary on on the nights mini episodes! the last confidential stuff ever made rip)

[melcavills]

i might be totally wrong but they said ben died to free big alice and they didn’t have any breach suits on board for the manual override, but… ben had to go on the other side, on snowpiercer, in order to free big alice, i think he even discussed the issue of crossing into enemy territory in the scene with till, and he is actually on the other side when she runs to him, and… they do have breach suits on snowpiercer? i guess they would, as was shown in 4x02 and also considering they’re still spending a month on the tracks between stops at the silo and could need them, especially if they’re retrofitting the train.

so what the fuck? was he just too lazy to bother looking for one or particularly eager to die?

please tell me i missed something and they didn’t sacrifice for shock value a good character, one half of the long-standing main most stable ship of the show and the possibility of a family dynamic with mel and alex that actually sees the three of them in the same environment and scene for more than 15 seconds (+ the ending of mel’s heartbreak and loss for just one second of her already very slim screentime)

[howtobecomeadragon]

friendly reminder that mike and el's reunion was WEIRD. like think of all the other shows and movies depicting a reunion after a long distance separation.

el expressed a lot in her letters about missing mike but we specifically didn't get to see if mike said anything similar in his letters to el, we didn't see either saying anything about missing each other or even implying that they missed each other in 4x02, and there were no big moments of relief to be back together again after five months apart.

el could've moved to lenora last week and that reunion would've looked the same. mike brought her flowers and el chats about this cool place she found that sells breakfast burritos and takes him to the local roller skating rink. literally no dialogue between them implies there was any of the yearning that comes with being in love long distance. the ONLY element that suggests the passage of time is el's lying and el's isolation.

YET we did get an intimate scene of mike talking about how he felt like he lost will and how his home wasn't the same without will. THAT'S what you expect from seeing someone yearning for someone they're in love with who moved across the country five months ago.

[pirateswhore]

Stay for me - 4x02 missing scene

as promised, I reworked the old scrap I found in my notes. Set right after the end of the episode - no one can convince me that Killian DIDN'T stay with Emma that night. This is how I imagine it went.

words - 1.4k

feedback is always welcome !

"Stay for me."

Her voice was low and weak as she whispered, cautiously, nervously, as if she was going to scare him away with the statement (question? request?). Or maybe even scare herself - she'd never openly asked a man to stay. They never did follow through with any of their promises, so why bother?

"He is different." a little voice in her head told her. "He won't go back on his promise, you can trust him."

She lifted her head up to look at him, chin resting on his chest. He's deep in thought, eyes fixated on the floor. Having noticed her staring at him, he turned to her and smiled.

"Did you say something, love?"

"Stay for me," she said it louder that time, squeezing his hand and holding her breath.

His smile widened as he kissed the top of her head. "Aye love, as you wish. I wasn't planning on going anywhere."

Emma calls out for Snow to prepare an extra pillow and one of her father's pyjamas for Killian, before turning back to him. She leaned into his embrace, nuzzling her head in the crook of his neck, letting the warmth of his presence wash over her. The leather of his vest was soft and she could smell rum and sea salt on him. It felt so good, being held by him, and she'd never felt safer in her life.

That scared her.

She never did let herself get comfortable with anyone. Never let herself put her armour down, never let herself be content and vulnerable around anyone, men especially. It scared her just how open and raw she was with him, how easy it was to open up, to talk and to get closer to him. He could see through her, reading her like an open book, he said. They understood each other and that came with a certain level of intimacy - that was something she had a hard time coming to terms with.

They stayed like that for a while, happy to simply be close to one another. Slowly, the rest of the apartment retired for the night - Henry had gone upstairs to his bed a while ago and David helped Elsa pull the couch down for the night before joining his wife in their bed. Emma reached out with her hand, cupping Killian's cheek, bringing his head down. Their foreheads touch for a moment and then her lips brushed against his jawline as she murmured "I'm sleepy, take me upstairs."

He pulled back, looking down at her. It took him a few seconds to read her expression and all he could see was complete adoration, she was looking at him as if he hung the stars in the sky every night for her. But he also sensed something else - fear, uncertainty, anxiety. She wanted him to reassure her, to show her that he did mean what he had said - that he won't leave, that he won't ever hurt her.

He scooped her up bridal style, blankets and all, his hand holding her by the shoulder, the other arm hooked under her knees, and did just as she asked. Her arms snaked around his neck and she pulled herself closer to him. His only response was to squeeze her tighter, pressing her body to him as much as possible.

She's surprised at how skillfully and quietly he manoeuvred around the apartment and up the stairs. He laid her down on the bed effortlessly, starting to pull away when she tightened her arms around him. His head turned to her, a perplexed look on his face.

"You said you weren't going anywhere," she whispered. He nudged her cheek with his nose, pressing a peck on it.

"I'm not, just wanted to give you privacy to change, love."

"Can you help me?"

His mouth opened slightly as he blinked.

"I trust you. And I'm really tired. Please?" Her hand stroked down his cheek, trailing his scruff.

He nodded, moving to undress her. Boots were first, he settled them next to the railing. He looked back at her for confirmation before unzipping her pants. She smiled, lifting her hips up and he removed those too. He pushed the jacket off her shoulders and pulled her shirt off, folding them all neatly on a nearby chair. His breath hitched in bis throat a little when he saw her almost nude before him, only in plain cotton undies and some mini corset. She sat up and motioned for the orange plaid pyjamas thrown carelessly on the same chair, which he handed to her promptly. It took him only a minute to strip himself too, his clothes and boots joining hers on the chair and by the banister. He slipped into the pyjamas lady Snow prepared for him - they were slightly big on him, the pants hanging low on his hips, and he couldn't be bothered with all of the buttons.

He turned to see already under the bedsheets, one side pulled back for him. He crawled in, his arms wrapping around her waist instinctively, pulling her close to him. She sighed, scooting herself closer, melting into his embrace, arms wrapped around his waist as well, their legs tangled together.

"You scared me, Swan," he kissed her forehead, hand stroking the ends of her hair. His voice was barely above a whisper, partly because Henry was sound asleep just mere meters away, partly because the thought hurt him too much. He couldn't lose her, not now, not after everything he'd done to be next to her.

Her only response was to push herself deeper into him.

"I can't... I'm not losing you, Emma. But you can't run into danger head first like that. There are people who care about you now, who love you, who would despair if you ever left our lives," his voice cracked at the last sentence as he tried to push the memories of Milah and her death back. He loved her and it broke him when she was killed, but his feelings for Emma were so. Much. More. Her death wouldn't break him, it would destroy him.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to." She craned her neck back, meeting his glassy blue eyes, offering a small smile. "But you saved me," she continued, "you and my dad. I'm safe because of you."

"Aye, and I'll make bloody well sure it remains that way." His face was buried in her hair, nose pressing against the side of her cheek. Her breaths, slow and steady, washed warmly over the skin of his neck and he shuddered.

They laid there in silence, holding onto each other, before he spoke again.

"Warming up?"

"Mhm," she murmured in response, "I have my own pirate heater with me." He chuckled, the rumble in his chest vibrating through her whole body. He was so incredibly warm and she loved it, his flushed skin felt good against her. She readjusted herself in his hold, the top od her pyjamas must have ridden up bc she suddenly felt something cold and hard press into the skin of her midriff and she yelped.

"I'm sorry love, I forgot my hook does not share the same warmth as the rest of me."

"You can take it off, you know. I won't mind," she stroked his upper arm, "plus it'll be more comfortable for both of us."

He pondered for about a moment before pulling back and undoing the straps on his brace. She didn't linger too much at the sight of his scarred arm - she knew it was a conversation for another day. He lowered himself back down onto the bed, more on his back this time, and she climbed over so she was laying half on top of him, head resting on his chest. She threw one leg over his hips, arm under his head, fingers tangling in his hair. The other rested on his chest where lazily she drew circles into his exposed chest hair. His left arm was wrapped around her, holding her close, while the hand of his other arm rested on her thigh thown over him.

"Comfy?"

"Mhm... very comfy, she replied, kissing his neck.

She was very comfy indeed, never before having felt so warm and safe. She could hear him murmuring sweet nonsense into her hair - "My princess, so sweet, so beautiful, I'll take care of you, I'm not going anywhere" - but it barely registered, her mind slowly drifting to dreamland.

It was probably the best sleep she'd ever had, and waking up next to her pirate the following morning was even better.

[queseraone]

what's something you saw in the earlier seasons that you'd like them to either bring back or call back to?

Oh what a fun question!

One thing in general I really miss was the overall dynamic. I understand that they can't be rookies forever, and it's been great to see almost everyone move on in their careers (ahem... #PromoteLucyChen2024), but you can't deny that that changed the show. We tend to have more elaborate whole episode-stretching "cases" (makes sense with detectives and Metro in the mix now) and I often find myself missing the sprinkling of various calls (at different stages of progress) throughout the episodes.

But I know that's not quite what you're asking here, so let's see...

If when Lucy makes detective, I want to see Tim bursting with excitement for her, the same way she did when he passed his sergeant's exam (2x14) and on his first day standing up front with Grey (4x02). Their relationship has always been about being each other's person, lifting each other up, etc., so this would be a great mirror to those scenes. I just want to see Tim being as proud of Lucy as she has been of him in the past.

Can I say Tim and Lucy in the morning with Kojo in Tim's bedroom (like we saw with him and Rachel)? I know that's not really a call back, but it's a course correction I need, okay?

Something happening to Tim and Lucy going to the ends of the earth to save him like he did with her in 2x11 (okay, so I don't want something to happen to Tim, but you get what I'm saying here, yes?)

I've said it before, I'll say it again, but I would love a callback to LA CLEAR and Tim's answers.

'Daddy Cop' needs to make another reappearance

The Bradford Special

I'm sure there are some glaring omissions here, what did I forget?

[nicedeviledhamrightthere]

to build a dream on

Summary: Peter drags Neal down to the beach for a heart to heart.

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: gunshot wound reference (canon - 4x02 Most Wanted)

Notes: This fulfills two squares on my White Collar bingo card: missing scene and on the run. I wrote this in about a half hour, it's not poetry but it was a lot of dialogue stuck in my head and I needed it in the wild. (You can also read on AO3 here!)

==============================================

“Give it to me straight suit – is he gonna be okay in New York?”

“Neal? Yeah.” Peter paused, watching Neal dozing in a lounge chair with a bag of ice draped over his leg. “Yeah. He’ll...I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“Because you told him to run,” Mozzie continued as if Peter hadn’t spoken a word. “You told him to go.”

“Yeah, I did...and you, Mozzie, you stole the treasure. Don’t forget your hand in all of this.”

Mozzie huffed out something under his breath about pointing fingers while he poured the remainder of a bottle of wine into his not quite empty glass. They’d already been through this once or twice, it was just that time was ticking and Mozzie was getting nervous. He couldn’t let Neal go if he wasn’t absolutely sure that Peter was going to take care of him. If anything happened to Neal, he would never forgive himself and he had to believe without a doubt that Peter felt the same. He’d already been shot on their watch, and he really wanted it to end there.

“You promise you’ll keep him safe?”

“I promise I’ll do everything I can.”

Peter sighed and began cleaning up the mess of bottles still sitting out on top of their makeshift bar. He wasn’t feeling overly confident in this plan, in any part of it, and he couldn’t figure out how to change that. He’d spent the day mixing and pouring drinks until he knew everything by heart and yet still something eluded him – perhaps it was the same thing that was eating at Mozzie.

Neal.

Their plan was going to be a success, they were going to get on that plane and they were going to head back to New York and then what? How did he keep Neal in New York? How did he keep Kramer from turning him into the FBI’s pet for life? The idea of it made him sick to his stomach. He stood on those steps and he made damn sure Neal ran, and then he searched for him like a fool and led them right here. He wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping Neal safe so far and had some doubts as to whether he could at all.

Mozzie settled in with a book and his wine, planning on ignoring Peter probably for the better part of the night by the looks of it. They’d had their fill of one another, Mozzie was a solitary creature and needed time to be alone with his thoughts. He was, after all, about to be alone in the wind. Neal was returning but he was not.

“Neal,” Peter said, approaching the half-asleep man. “Walk with me.”

Without opening his eyes, Neal groaned. “In case you forgot, walking isn’t really my thing at the moment…”

“Come on. I’ll carry you, princess. Let’s go down to the beach.”

“You can’t carry me, you would throw your back out.”

“Then walk. Come on Neal, I want to talk.”

Neal sat himself up and slid his legs carefully off of the lounge chair, reaching for Peter’s outstretched hand when it came time to get upright. His knee was stiff, his entire leg swollen and painful, but Peter ducked under his arm and supported the majority of his weight while they made their way down to the beach with little trouble. Neal couldn’t talk, his concentration so intensely focused on keeping himself moving forward that a sheen of sweat broke out on his brow. It was worse at night, he would argue, but maybe that was just in his head.

“Stupid suit,” Mozzie muttered under his breath as he watched Peter drag Neal down to the beach.

The sand was so bright that Peter couldn’t help feeling like he was walking on the surface of the moon with every hard fought step. He wanted to get closer to the water. It called him as it crashed against the shore and lapped at the sand like it was thirsty. “We can stop here,” Peter said finally, panting and tired from the short trek. Neal wasn’t able to bear much weight on his leg, perhaps the trip down to the beach wasn’t his brightest decision but it was so serene down here he thought it might be worth it in the end.

Slowly he helped Neal ease himself down into the soft sand and took a seat beside him.

“It’s been years since I’ve been on vacation,” he started, staring out at the horizon painted in inky black and stardust.

“This is a vacation?”

Peter laughed. “No. Vacations don’t usually involve my friends getting shot. I’m really sorry about that, by the way.”

“Why? You didn’t shoot me.”

A seagull landed in front of them, stark white and glowing in the moonlight, hunting through the sand for something to eat. They watched the bird for a moment as if in a trance, neither wanting to speak, to disturb it in its hunt, but the conversation picked up where it left off as soon as the bird flew away satisfied with its coverage of their small plot of land. As if they too were birds huddled around some treasure instead of two men trying to mend something that was broken. Peter spoke as if there had been no interruption.

“No, I didn’t shoot you, but we spent the night waiting for you, and there you were...we should have known something was wrong.”

Neal shrugged and rubbed mindlessly at his stiff knee joint. The pain from the wound itself was minimal, it was the angry swelling that radiated out from the wound that was causing the most trouble. An irritation, more or less. He couldn’t walk but he wasn’t going to die...unless Dobbs caught on to him and he couldn’t get away. As it stood, he was going to have to find a way to climb a tree which, at the moment, seemed about as impossible as sprouting wings and flying.

“Is that why you brought me down here? Because you wanted to tell me you felt guilty? You could have done that up there.”

“No. No, I just...wanted a few minutes alone. To talk to you. I’m the reason you’re in this mess, I never should have told you to run. It was a mistake.”

“So you think the right thing was for me to have my commutation denied so I could be Kramer’s pet criminal for the rest of my life? Because that’s where he wanted me, Peter.”

“No, of course I don’t...Neal I don’t know what the right answers are anymore. The lines are so blurry. Everything used to be so easy, so black and white, and then you came and you splashed gray on everything.”

“The world is gray, Peter. Nothing is black and white. Your rules aren’t always right, they’re just a way for people to try to control the chaos of life. Kramer thinks he’s righteous, he thinks he’s right because he’s upholding the law but he wants to keep me on a leash for life to make him look good. How can that be right?”

“That’s a little dramatic…”

“Is it?”

“He thinks he can have what we have, but he can’t Peter. He can’t because he’s not you. I do what I do for you because I…” Neal stopped, sucking in a quick breath. His chest had grown tight. “I do it because I love you Peter. You’re family. I don’t do it because I believe in the FBI, I do it because I believe in you.”

“You could believe in Kramer too.”

“No, I couldn’t, because he doesn’t treat me like I’m a person. You’re the only one at the FBI who doesn’t treat me like I’m a commodity or a criminal. You’re the only one who believes I can change.”

“And look where that got me.”

“Peter, I didn’t take the treasure. I had no intention of taking it. Sure, when I saw it I was tempted but wouldn’t you be? Just a little? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who sees beautiful things of high value and thinks...why them and not me?”

“Alright, you’re not wrong...there have been times. But I’ve never acted on it and you have.”

“So I’m always going to be defined by my past? Is there no hope for me?”

“I’m not saying that.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m just saying that once you cross that line, it’s harder to come back. Not impossible, I believe you are coming back, but I also believe that the temptation is always going to be there. It’s going to be a battle until the end of your days.”

Neal nodded and turned away before Peter could see the tears in his eyes, even in the dark he knew they would be pretty damn obvious.

“Neal,” Peter said, scooting closer and putting his arm around the man. “I know you’re trying, and this setback is my fault. I’m going to fix it.”

“Best case scenario, I get my anklet back.”

“No, Neal, best case scenario I get my partner back. Best case scenario my friend comes home. ”

[queerfables]

S04 part the first liveblog

It's kind of cute that Maddie and Chimney are living with each other's siblings during the pandemic

Who is Buck's new ~covid crush?

Honestly I love when this show does jumpscares that have me staring at my screen like :O. The bus coming through the window while they're fighting was great.

May's doing 911 dispatch?? That's so fun and I bet she'll be great at it

Gosh now I like everyone on the bus and I hope they're OK

I'm in love with CJ. Saves a man's life, makes a joke about how he's working on his eye contact

They're all OK!

4x02

Lmfao it's obvious neither Chimney or Buck have ever used a baby monitor before. I have absolutely forgotten to put the receiver down when going to pick up the baby and I knew immediately how to find that kid

Aw Buck's covid crush is actually a therapist!!

4x03

Yeah no there's no way these students' first experience with cadavers would involve them dissecting said cadavers. I took a year's worth of human anatomy in university and never touched a scalpel once.

Delighted by every Buck+Eddie+Christopher scene

Lmfao watching Hen negotiate with a toddler feels reaaaal familiar

Except that her toddler still responds to "swap?"

Omg Buck and Christopher pulling that prank on Eddie, adorable!!

I feel like I missed some kind of crossover event, should I look into that at some point?

4x04

Oh just like I said May is doing a great at this job. She really takes after her mother, I love it

Eddie and Buck are being DORKS at the crime scene it's CUTE

Ok the hell did Maddie tell Chimney about Buck?

Omg Albert just straight up running away so Chimney won't tell him the secret this is amazing

Wow Chimney really is bad at keeping secrets it's very funny

Oh that was a really good scene, the family dinner and Buck's break down. It was sad but really good

Ohhh secret brother!! I actually low-key guessed it was something like that

4x05

Oh Jesus, Buck was the baby they had to try and save their first baby, but he didn't. That explains a LOT.

Wow, this really does explain a buuuunch

Did they always plan this as Buck's backstory because I can't get over how well it clicks everything into place (and some stuff about Maddie too)

Oh Maddie, you should have gone with him

Oh man she nearly did, oh wow, that's crazy

This guy in the hand sanitiser place is hilarious "this [mask] is helping. The fire is not."

Oh, Buck. This is a bad time for you to lose one

oh no everyone's there and helping T_____T

Oh no I'm gonna cry over Maddie and Buck and Buck asking her to tell him about Daniel and Buckley siblings oh no

4x06

Okay one more and then I'll sleep

Lmfao this episode is off to a very entertaining start I love dumb superstition episodes

Eddie stop flirting while you're supposed to be working (jk she's cute)

I was right this episode is GREAT

Plus I greatly enjoy Eddie the skeptic

"Is it a curse or a jinx?" I'm crying at how seriously they're taking it

Who the hell is this guy from the 147

Oh it's a whole thing I see

So glad we got a hijinks episode, delightful

[raayllum]

In preparation for season 5 coming out in July, could I be directed to one or multiple (however many is fine with me lol) of your analysis on Callum's arc being shown and not told in season 4? I remember back when that season came out that you were planning on writing an analysis about that but I think I missed it in the grand scheme of things, though I'm still curious all these months later! Thank you in advance! (And also my apologies if you have like, a specific tag for this already that would have been easy to me to look up and I just didn't know about it)

I know I for sure had something like that planned, but it might've been part 2 of my "Why S4 is Good, Actually" series that would've focused on both Callum (individually) and Rayla (as a couple) and we'll see if I get around to it. Part 1 about Rayla here.

But there's basically three layers stacked on top of each other when it comes to Callum's arc being shown > spelled out. Not that prior seasons do spell things out (or that spelling things out is bad) but that S4 definitely, understandably, relies on the fact that we have characterization context and therefore contrast with the previous three seasons to help us along. So let's talk about it

1) Previous characterization

In previous seasons, Callum hardly ever has to be prodded to open up. If anything, he gives heartfelt speeches or talks about how he's feeling quite often with very little prompting or even sometimes segue. He's goofy and more excited and deeply curious. Now, some of his changes in S4 is due to age and maturity (re: how much more mellowed out he is in Xadia compared to the googly-eyed amazement in most of S3, even in the new regions they travel to in S4). We also see that he's far less impatient, far more irritable regarding a lack of answers (1x06 with Rayla in a high stakes situation vs 4x01 with Soren in a possibly high stakes situation) and that a lack of answers is specifically triggering to him (4x02's book outburst). Callum's triggers - being unable to speak (1x02) / breathe (2x08-2x09) / choking (3x09) - are also important to keep in mind as to why the possession scene, which leaves him gasping for breath like he's being choked and then being literally deprived of his voice, affects him quite so deeply (beyond the obvious).

He is also, as previously noted, a lot more emotionally shut down about Rayla, but also just in general. He's still feeling like an awkward fit in his position at court, but this time it's as high mage rather than as prince ( "All that high mage stuff is so stuffy-" "Let's go talk about it in the high mage's office, that is, my office"). All of this is compounded particularly in the way he cannot say either Viren or Rayla's names until, well, she shows up:

2) Viren parallels

Now, I think there are two layers to the Viren parallels (many of which I am still dissecting and wanting to dissect). There are the more overt ones when it comes to magic and their dynamics with Aaravos: being obsessed with the mirror, Viren asking to be allowed to let go / die while Callum asks for Rayla to kill him, with both Claudia and Rayla refusing. (More on that hot mess of a squad's dynamic in S4 here.)

Then there are their more personality / dynamic parallels. Viren and Callum both asking someone to kill Callum (and Ezran in S1) while knowing it's the last thing they'd want to do. The aforementioned Claudia and Rayla parallel. However, it goes deeper than that, I think, with Viren showing what Callum could become if Rayla hadn't shown back up, and to a certain degree, what Callum has become in order to try and cope.

But Rayla does come back (literally pulling him away from Aaravos) and so Callum is forced to confront what he's feeling or not feeling ("I know it's silly, but I'm not sure how to feel about Rayla, either").

Yet the Callum-Viren parallels persist until the very final moments of the season, and seemingly even into S5.

Why?

S4 emphasizes quite heavily the lengths Claudia and Viren are willing to go to for their family, and to save/protect them. Viren fears being unable to protect Claudia from Aaravos and his own failures (4x01, 4x07) and Claudia is desperate to save her father. They are two instruments (4x04) of Aaravos' Song of Love and Loss (4x03). Thus, Callum is quite overtly the third. Rayla's "Dear Callum" letter also specifically highlights protection as a key undercurrent of the show's dark and light theme:

They said that, sometimes, we make sacrifices so that the ones we love don’t have to. It’s part of protecting them—part of protecting you. Taking on hard choices and going to dark places is an act of love. It’s a gift. So, please let me give you this gift, Callum. Stay safe, and stay in the light.

This would already be noteworthy even if the show didn't take the, until S4, subtle light and darkness theme with Rayla and Callum and make it into an overt part of Callum's (and her adjacent) arc to the max. In darkness, gaze upon a fallen star. What if I'm on a path of darkness? and she shows up haloed in moonlight? Come on.

Basically: I think the Callum and Viren parallels are there to help get the audience on the page of being horrified/saddened, maybe, but not surprised at Callum doing something risky and batshit in the next couple of seasons to protect the people he loves. "However vile, however dangerous," Viren says. "In the name of love..." With S5 looking like this point for Viren will be emphasized further in his history with Soren, and Callum and Terry both poised to see what they're willing to do to protect Rayla and Claudia as they attempt to save their loved ones (Viren and Callum as mages; Viren and Runaan and co. as parents/fathers) and what they're not.

But yeah, I think the Viren-Callum stuff is definitely a show not tell, continually highlighting their growing list of similarities (and differences) in more overt ways than prior seasons, because the thematic reasoning for that foil dynamic is going to steadily come more and more to a head. To me, it's a great example of "show don't tell" in regards to both the ways Viren could get better, and Callum could get worse, tbh.

3) Magic crutch

Callum uses magical objects as a crutch in which to avoid looking at (aka confronting his feelings for) Rayla throughout the season.

It's widely implied that Callum has only thrown himself into magic so heavily in show because he needed a distraction from Rayla, and he continues using magic as a distraction even once she's returned. He uses the staff to literally look away when he lets her walk away from him (again) in 4x05 even though he's also clearly upset by it, and can't bring himself to even watch her leave. Then we have it being his gift of sacrifice in 4x08 - "It was given to me, in spite of everything wrong humans have done with magic. It means a lot" - only for him to drop it an episode later in order to pick up her sword, because his walls are crumbling at the possibility of her being dead. So he abandons the staff, cradles her sword to his chest like it's precious to him (and it is, as his last piece of her), and then tosses that away too in order to run to her. More on this scene and its importance specifically here <3

There is also Callum's (and the show's in general, but specifically his and specifically in S4) looking away motif, which I do have a tag but have not written a proper meta for, so hopefully sometime within the next couple of weeks I'll finally get to that <3

And I think that's the bulk of it, at least for now! Thank you for asking & I hope you enjoy all the messy Callum thoughts

[messymindofmine]

 I have so many thoughts about 4x12 and I still don’t know if they’re completely coherent. I absolutely loved it. I loved the communication between TK and Carlos and the growth we got.

I know that a lot of people were upset with the promo bc we see Carlos resorting to his old tactics of deflecting and avoiding important conversations. It’s ok to be upset about that. The truth is we have seen Carlos regress in a way this season. As much as I love the development we have seen for him this season, I think people are allowed to be frustrated with him at certain points. In fact, this season is actually the first time I have ever seen people be truly upset with Carlos over anything. I’ve said this before but I really do think that Tarlos needed to have a conflict where Carlos was the one who was unequivocally in the wrong in order for a lot of people to understand that Carlos has always had flaws. What we see in Carlos this season has always been there. But just bc people get upset with him at certain points does not mean that they don’t want to see his character develop or that they only want him as a support for TK or whatever. People are allowed to be frustrated and say that TK deserves a partner who is honest with him and willing to have important discussions. Carlos kept his marriage secret from TK for their entire relationship and we never even see that being acknowledged as wrong. People were understandably upset about that. But then they were satisfied after 4x02 bc we got to see them talk and we saw Carlos open up to TK in a way we’ve never seen him before. But then we see him become all cold and distant towards TK after Iris goes missing and we see TK drowning in guilt that he doesn’t even deserve with nobody to tell him that he did nothing wrong. In the end of the episode, Carlos straight up lies to TK about spending the night with TK even as TK is sitting at home feeling terrible. Carlos did hurt TK with his behavior. We should be able to point that out. Yet we never see that being acknowledged either. So people were upset about that as well. But then we had TK and Gabriel team up and rescue Carlos and people were happy again. The thing is though that we never see TK’s feelings being acknowledged at all during that time and I think that fed into the frustration over that scene in the beginning of 4x12 for a lot of ppl when we saw the promo. In that scene, it was like Carlos was still resorting to his usual avoidance tactics even after everything that happened earlier this season and I can understand why that would be frustrating for people. Especially since any time we have seen a conflict between Tarlos in the past, there was usually equal blame to share yet TK was the one who bore the brunt of it. This goes all the way back to 1x02. Carlos is the one who crossed a boundary and refuses to acknowledge that even as TK tries to (albeit not in the best way) explain that. Yet people were raging at TK then. This continued throughout s2. And then we had the breakup in s3. People were raging at TK even before we knew what had actually happened. And then the fact that Carlos had bought a home for them without talking to TK about it was almost completely overlooked. But Carlos gets to express his hurt without any acknowledgement of his own role and we see TK express his regret while we don’t see any of that this season with the marriage or with Carlos’s behavior in 4x03. It didn’t help that even the writers refused to acknowledge that Carlos had done something wrong by keeping his marriage a secret for so long. I suspect that this latent frustration also fed into the frustration with Carlos in the promo scene. Fortunately, the frustration towards Carlos seems to be pretty fleeting and calms down quite quickly. The hate against TK just doesn’t seem to go away. And I don’t think we can just write it off as TK stans only wanting Carlos to be perfect and not caring about his development. If that were the case then where are all the comments about TK not being good enough for Carlos coming from? Or how TK is so selfish? Or how Carlos should have made TK work to earn forgiveness after the breakup? Presumably that’s not coming from TK stans. I do think that there are people who are upset that Carlos’s flaws are being dug into this season but there have always been people who bristle at even the vaguest criticism towards Carlos. I’ve seen people express their discomfort over Carlos being a police officer get attacked. It honestly feels like Carlos is one character that we are just never allowed to criticize at all and I truly don’t think you can just write it off as TK stans wanting Carlos to be perfect. That being said, I am really tired of people trying to pit TK and Carlos against each other. A relationship is not a competition and TK and Carlos have no desire to compete with each other so it makes zero sense for fans to be doing that.

I absolutely love how we got to dig into Carlos’s insecurities more this episode. It’s important to remember that even though Carlos is a very important character, he isn’t really a *main” character in the way that TK and the other 126 members are since the show is ultimately about the 126. That’s why it’s taken a bit longer to really delve into his character. Although, they did start doing that in 2x04 and have continued throughout s2 and s3. But this season is where we are really getting into it. Really they could’ve just as easily made TK be the one not wanting kids and I suspect people would’ve been just as (if not more so considering how people are already so quick to lash out at him) upset with him but I like that they had Carlos be the one not wanting kids bc it actually does make sense. I suspected that his hesitancy to be a parent had something to do with his relationship with his father and that’s exactly what we see. I think it’s very poignant that Carlos says he’s never actually spoken aloud about this subject when he was talking to Andrea. This is what happens when someone spends their whole life feeling like they’re not allowed to express their emotions. Carlos clearly grew up in an environment where heavy topics were not talked about and talking about feelings were not encouraged for him. For someone who is quite a sensitive person, this would be a very painful thing to grow up with and it has clearly left a very deep mark on Carlos. And realistically speaking, it may not be something that ever really goes away. He may always struggle with opening himself up and talking about uncomfortable topics. But that’s ok as long as he’s at least willing to try bc a relationship can’t work if one person just refuses to even try to communicate properly. In the promo scene, TK does try to talk about it. He’s shocked that they haven’t had this discussion and is trying to get Carlos to talk about why he doesn’t want kids but Carlos just keeps deflecting. TK is also reacting to his own insecurities in this scene and that made it even more difficult. Even the reasons Carlos listed for not having kids were blatant excuses since he doesn’t even like to sleep in or travel and this likely fed into TK’s insecurities. Even Andrea called him out on this in the end. Both were struggling to communicate properly in that scene and that’s a totally normal thing. Even the most well-adjusted individuals are going to behave in less than ideal ways sometimes and even the strongest of couples are going to have moments of miscommunication and disagreements. Sometimes it’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. Both TK and Carlos are completely valid in this case, they just weren’t able to communicate their feelings properly in that moment. But then they decide to take a break and seek out help from others. This is particularly a moment of growth for Carlos bc he seems to have sought out Andrea for help. This is the same person who didn’t even tell his parents he had a boyfriend not that long ago and has grown up feeling like asking for help was a sign of weakness. And I think this is actually the first time we see Carlos’s tendency to avoid being blatantly pointed out. Carlos does try to deny it but Andrea doesn’t let him. And we see Carlos finally admitting something he has never even spoken out loud before. I can see how seeing Owen and TK would make Carlos reflect on his own relationship with his father. However imperfect of a parent Owen is, there has never been a time where TK hasn’t felt like he couldn’t go to his dad for help. Nor has there ever been a time where TK hasn’t felt safe in expressing his emotions to Owen. And when Owen is present in TK’s life, he’s actually a pretty great dad. Neither Owen nor TK are at all afraid to be affectionate with each other even if they’re in public. Owen also gave Carlos the support and approval that he has always yearned for from Gabriel. Carlos specifically says that he didn’t even have a relationship with his dad until 2 years ago so while he may feel better about where he and Gabriel are at now, it doesn’t just erase the hurt and the distance between them that existed for so long before that. And it’s not very realistic to expect Gabriel to change completely now. Realistically, he will probably never be able to get to a point where he’s comfortable expressing his own feelings and being affectionate in the way that Carlos wishes and that really sucks. Even if Carlos does get to express his pain about how Gabriel’s behavior after he came out affected him and Gabriel apologizes, thing may not automatically be fixed between them. However, that does not mean that Gabriel can’t still let his son know that he’s proud of him. After all, he did it in 2x08 and in 2x12. And Carlos may never get to a point where he is completely comfortable opening up but the fact that we see him trying in this episode shows that he is capable of growth. If he can at least stop avoiding important conversations then that will be tremendous growth. He opened up to his mother in this episode and realized that he needs to be honest with TK about why he’s so hesitant to have kids. And he does just that. And TK immediately accepts it and him bc TK loves him no matter what. TK knows Carlos’s heart, all he needs is to see that Carlos is at least trying to be open with him. And as soon as Carlos does, TK happily accepts it. You can see the way it looks like Carlos had had a heavy load lifted off his shoulders at the end as they embrace bc he finally feels like he can let that pain go a little and still be loved and accepted by TK. And he even offers up a compromise. As funny as the whole lizard thing is, it says a lot about how Carlos who was so against the idea of having a lizard in the home initially actually went and got a lizard for TK. I’m actually glad that this conversation was left open-ended and not necessarily resolved. Carlos may well change his mind at some point or he may not. Either way it’s fine bc he knows that he’ll have TK by his side no matter what. And TK knows that Carlos not wanting children isn’t a reflection on how Carlos views him. That was the actual root of his feelings in this episode. He took Carlos’s behavior at the beginning as Carlos thinking that TK would make a bad father. And then we see him expressing his fear to Owen that Carlos doesn’t think TK would be a good father bc he’s an addict. This is a perfectly legitimate fear bc it’s something people deal with IRL. There are lots of people out there who fear that won’t be good enough partners or good enough parents bc of their addiction. I’m glad that this was brought up. I also like that Carlos’s parents apparently know about it and are supportive. I especially like that we get to see Carlos say that he believes in TK’s recovery with all his heart. That is so important bc no matter how much TK may doubt his own strength and his own abilities at times, Carlos has never had any doubts whatsoever. 

As for the people who are upset about Carlos saying he doesn’t want kids bc they feel that it ruins their fantasy of dad!Tarlos, remember that the beauty of fanfic is that you can give yourself what canon isn’t giving you. There are plenty of wonderful dad!Tarlos fics out there already. Even if they end up never having kids on the show itself, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy the idea and write or read fics about it. 

I’ll be honest, I actually do agree with Carlos about them not having kids at least for now. After all, not having kids is a decision you can go back on if you so choose. You can’t go back on the decision to have kids. And if you do have kids before you felt ready, then that can lead to a whole bunch of other issues. And as we see, TK wasn’t even really upset about Carlos not wanting kids so much as he was about the fact that they never talked about it. He felt that it was a poor reflection on their relationship that they didn’t and that the reason they didn’t is bc Carlos thought TK would be a bad father. As I’ve said before, this is not a situation of who’s right and who’s wrong. Both Carlos and TK are completely valid. Also on a more personal note, I would much rather see them just be a married couple for at least a couple of seasons. They’re both very young and they have time. Now that the conversation has at least been opened up, they can always revisit it later on if they want. 

All of that said, the only thing that I want to say is that I hope people can take this episode as a reminder that just bc things look a certain way in the promos doesn’t mean that it’s the way things are actually going to transpire. We were told right from the start that all roads lead to the wedding so maybe we should just hold onto that instead of getting caught up in our knee-jerk reactions. Because the thing about knee-jerk reactions is that they are fleeting. The problem is when we start sharing those reactions online, other people see them and have knee-jerk reactions of their own. The next thing you know, everything snowballs and people end up getting their feelings hurt. Fandom is meant to be an escape, it should not be a source of stress. People are allowed to feel however they feel in the moment but it’s also a good idea to remember that how we feel in the moment may not be how we end up feeling later. And remember that the whole point of these promos is to incite a reaction so of course they’re going to give us the most dramatic stuff and not let us know about the resolution until the episode itself. I honestly do wish that they would stop releasing Tarlos promos all together at this point bc I actually get stressed out by them too. But since that’s probably not going to happen, the best advice I can give to everybody (no matter what your feelings are) is to just take a deep breathe and remember that we don’t know the full story. After this episode, I think it’s safe to say that we are getting meaningful development and we can trust the writers to provide us with good character growth even if the storytelling is questionable at times. After all, this episode was hyped as a top 5 Tarlos episode and people were so skeptical about that after the promo yet that’s exactly what we ended up with

[paperstorm]

Knowing what we know now due to this plotline, it makes TK saying “I freed some more space in your closet, Carlos” in 2x4 sting so much worse. It’s even more painful to watch that scene now. TK is being reactive and flippant but no wonder Carlos couldn’t speak or explain in the moment, or even after really. His shame isn’t just around being gay but attempting a marriage to a woman who is a missing/presumed dead best friend he'd drifted from majorly, and he just can’t say it.

I was watching that scene the other day and thinking about how beautiful his growth is between it and 4x02. In 2x04 he's so instantly defensive. He's pretended all the way home he doesn't know why TK's mad because he's hoping TK will just let it go, he makes jokes, tries to deflect, laughs even once it's become crystal clear that TK isn't just being bratty but is actually genuinely upset. He doesn't explain, doesn't tell TK the truth. As TK is storming out Carlos looks like he's about to say something else but then he doesn't. He truly just freezes. He doesn't know how to respond in a healthy way (and obviously neither does TK lol) so he just kind of shuts down. In 4x02 he stops joking the second he realizes TK is really upset and he marches his ass right over and literally corners TK on the couch and goes nope we are talking about this right now. Gets downright stern with him about it, tells TK he is not allowed to take this and make it a reason to feel bad about himself. Offers TK some vulnerability, so that TK doesn't have to feel alone in his big emotions. Kisses him. Reassures him. Makes him smile. It's such a stark evolution and I just love it.

[ramblingdisaster73]

After dinner with Iris goes differently than expected, TK tries to work through the thoughts and getting stuck in his head. Sometimes, Carlos is the only one that can get him back out.

[reyesstrand]

So I’m not someone who thinks Carlos’s character was “ruined” by season 4… but I do also think that if we’re going to talk about how the season added depth and nuance to his character it also needs to be addressed that it was done in a way in which he was given flaws and made mistakes while not growing or learning from them. He was still hiding things and lying in the very last episode of the season and he had no consequences for any of his mistakes this season (unless you want to count now having a lizard son as a peace offering after not communicating properly 😂). And my complaint about this is 100% aimed at the writing, not the character. I loved that they gave him plots and screen time and flaws and depth and friends outside of TK and more background with his family… but he didn’t show growth as a result of those flaws at all and that bothers me.

so yeah like, i think a lot of this comes from the fact they made this the carlos season (no complaints sjfnskdn) and kind of overlayed tons of issues in one condensed season. but if you think about things like the deflection, the jokes, etc…these are all trauma responses that have been there since what? early season two? and do i think they should’ve shown him maybe having a chat with tk where he apologizes for lying? yeah. there were many moments where they could’ve shown them talking, but we’ve accepted that they have lives off-screen and talk off-screen as they have for the duration of the show. episode three alone, carlos says that they talked about giving iris time. we didn’t see that, but we go off that as the foundation for both of their reactions to iris going missing again. i also think the scenes we did get with them communicating (end of 4x02, 4x12, 4x16 etc etc) show that they’ve grown in that department, and even if it isn’t happening on screen……..it is happening. he’s initiated his fair share of the conversations. the process of growth is non-linear and we might have to sit with the uncomfortable humanness of it all. i really don’t know.

i can say that i have my own problems with the writing this season. i agree a lot of this happened all at once, and that the iris storyline was rushed, and even some non-tarlos storylines were a little sloppy, but i can also say that i enjoyed the way that grief on this show is not linear, recovery on this show is not linear, grappling with trauma is not linear. learning from past mistakes is not something that’s easily said and done. we see this in tk we see this in marjan we see this in paul we see this in judd we see this in tommy we see this in grace we see this in owen and we see this in carlos. we never on-screen saw carlos’ trauma as it happened pre-show, but we’re seeing it naturally come out as he’s grown comfortable in his life. but i still focus on the enjoyment the show brings me.

re the finale…..i think it does fit in character, and maybe that’s annoying!!! maybe that’s something they’ll deal with next season!!!! but him not telling tk because he’s literally become consumed by his grief over hearing his father die over the phone and his mother’s screams and finding out he’s been murdered….idk like he’s acting human. he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else further and sees himself as nothing but a vessel of anger and desire for revenge (again…something i think they could and should touch on next season). he acted similarly in 3x11 after he and grace were used as weapons. and tk being the one to see this in him and carlos coming home to him afterward and talking it through brings the humanity back. i agree with the points being made in general (not just you anon) about him acting violently in the finale but i also cannot blame him because he is so shrouded in grief and i think we can give him some leeway for distancing himself from tk and not wanting to talk about things. that’ll likely be touched on next season. maybe i’ll be proven wrong and it won’t be but….idk. it’s just how i could give tk some leeway for wanting to steal fentanyl from his workplace after his mom died and not telling carlos or his dad the truth until he and his dad are literally potentially facing death in a depressurized airplane. grief acts in mysterious ways and grief is such a singular, personal experience that i can’t find myself upset about a lack of growth when the whole season he was acting out of responses to pre-show trauma and the end of the season he’s faced with such a brutality. just let them all take a nap in season 5 ajdnskdns

[zalrb]

Speaking of the 50 shades dialogue... is there any dialogue that you really like in seduction scenes that don’t just come off as straight up corny lmao?

LOL me and initiumseries JUST had a conversation about this because I was saying one of the reasons why I just can't get super into romance novels is because the dialogue surrounding seduction or during a sex scene takes me right out of it and I end up rolling my eyes or laughing and I would rather just the steamy description in a book and the action onscreen, like if there is dialogue I respond to, it's not actually explicit dialogue, or seductive dialogue like, what was it in Bridgerton, "do you know all the ways a lady can be seduced?" ehhh, I respond to direct dialogue

or confident dialogue

like even when Stefan seduces Elena in 4x02, he's playing coy and being mischievous, the dialogue isn't all the things he's going to do or wants to do, it's him being like "Everything is heightened. Taste, smell, sight, touch" while he's doing this

and, like, even Olitz for instance who I hate and whose scenes bring up so many conflicting reactions in me, if I did ship them, I wouldn't care for the phone sex scene that they have but in 4x04 when he keeps going "Didn't you miss me?" I'd be like OK, sir, but again he's saying that while he's unbuttoning her blazer and feeling her up

so ... yeah, not big on the dialogue. Give me a scene.

[romulussy]

so i know this is weird timing considering we're getting a kenstewy hug tomorrow but some of the comments after 4x02 confused the fuck out of me because it was a lot of the dick cannot be this good (for stewy to text ken like 10 times in a row which honestly? i get it) and some people were like "it is canonically though" and just did jeremy strong do full frontal on this show and i somehow missed it or is this and inside joke? i am confused af

kendall roy full frontal 😭😭😭 can you imagine…

i always understood it as a ref to the kenrava sex scene in lifeboats though. or like him and the chick from willa’s play.

[gregorygerwitz]

I want to preface this with I respect your decision as a writer to have mouse not drink caffeine as a recovering addict.

But I would also like to say that some addicts turn to other "benign" addictive substances while in the recovery phase and then wean off of them, in turn, to help with withdrawals and to soothe the ache of having been addicted and missing the substance, it's a way to cope. So that may have been deliberate on the part of the writers, but even if it wasn't, it still makes sense from an addiction standpoint, particularly if the recovery is undertaken mostly on your own. A substitute is sometimes even recommended by professionals. Things like sugar (jelly beans) and caffeine, (energy drinks, coffee) are common for people in recovery to turn to!

I'm used to people pushing back against that headcanon because "tea has caffeine too!!!" (I know that, because I have to watch what tea I buy, personally, so I don't get anything that doesn't have a crazy caffeine content because I'm cutting back so much myself) so I was braced for that. This is a very pleasant surprise, and something I didn't personally consider because I can research and babble and talk myself in circles any day of the week, but I freely admit that I have very little relevant experience in the realm of addiction.

I did recognize that habit with the jellybeans! Although, I think that's a little bit easier to pick up on considering what little we know about Mouse's past substance abuse - the only real concrete detail is Jay's "popping pills" comment in 4x02, and as a lover of jellybeans (and someone who is on prescription medication), I know the shape and the mouthfeel. I realized he's snacking on jelly beans in 4x04 of Chicago Fire and immediately made the connection of "oh, that's potentially an open opportunity for angst! that might be a way of self-medicating his own self-medication!"

Alternatively, I know that some of the times we see Jay snacking or eating or drinking something on screen, it's just Jesse needing a snack on a long set day. So this could very feasibly be Sam just munching or grabbing something he thinks looks good or he planted in the fridge during the take.

Personally, I am very hesitant to think the writers did something like that on purpose, simply because the writing around Mouse, specifically was... not good. I have quite a few complaints about how underused he was even as a side character, the way the team treated him, all of that. I just feel like they didn't put enough thought into Mouse as a character to make a little decision with big meaning like that? Especially when we see him high and a little off the legal rails in 1x15, his first appearance, there's a short conversation about it when he appears again in 2x16, and then absolutely nothing else about him or his backstory outside of Jay in any capacity until 4x02 when he got his past addiction and felony record thrown in his face.

That being said, I could be wrong! I wasn't in the writers' room, and I don't know what they or Sam were thinking when those scenes were being written and filmed. It could have also been a directorial decision made on the spot when they were filming the scene!

I was going to put a gif of Mouse with the energy drink here but apparently I don't have one that actually shows the can??? Weird. I'll have to add that to my list of things to make after the move when I get settled in.

But thank you for the insight! I probably won't change how I write him, just because 90% of the time I ignore canon and write in AUs anyway, but it definitely adds some interesting depth to those scenes when I rewatch them! 💜