#2 am thoughts ig
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I bet sunny is so fucking good at jump rope.
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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#something i've just now come to realize is that. i think i've been pulling away from stepping out of my comfort zone and making new friends#specifically online not only because i'm still healing from a fuckton of shit sdkfjgh but also because i find myself worrying about whether#or not i'm Worth It for them. like. interacting w people that alr have other friends or irl friends. it's like.. do you want to be Friends w#me? like... fr? sdfkjghfd or are you just talking with me for a bit. i don't mind either but it just makes navigating interactions harder#for me bc it's like. i don't want to share a lot of myself with someone that doesn't care y'know. or doesn't plan to whether it be#subconsciously or not. i want nice connections w people and i wanna make friends and have nice things!! but!!#that takes time and effort and i can't stand to continue being the only party to put all that in!! it's this reoccurring thing that sucks#and i'm not trying to say blah blah people suck nothing is worth it i don't wanna get hurt again raa or edgy shit like that ksdjfhg#and i'm not trying to undermine brief interactions bc those are important too it's just not what i'm lookin for y'know.#not rn. but idk just rn i'm kinda wrestling with#being. careful w myself... if that makes sense.#unstoppable force (my deep yearning for rich loving connections with others) meets immovable object (self preservation)#sap says#2 am thoughts ig
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The Chariot and his entourage
[I] [II] [III] [IV] [V] [VI] [VII]
#life series#wild life smp#trafficblr#smallishbeans#grian#rendog#in case it wasnt clear the plan is to eventually have 1 of these for every winner#but anyways! shes finally finished#i wanted to have this done within a reasonable time of the season finishing but ig that didnt work out lol#a couple thoughts before i go:#1. i am now a member of the we should just do tarot cards club. chariot joel ftw#2. maybe this is a hot take but i think analyzing All of the top 3 together can paint an interesting picture on the story of a season#3. if the death injuries seem inaccurate to you dont worry thats on purpose. canon doesnt matter when its cooler-#-if martren was split down the middle clean. i also just dont know how to draw ''doomed to fall''#but i digress. enjoy!#my art
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fanart of chapter 18 of The Thief by @wintergrew which is literally the best fanfic I have ever read in my life https://archiveofourown.org/works/14432472/chapters/51578533#workskin
technicalllllyyy tweek is wearing a shirt in this scene but I wanted the drawing to be a bit ambiguous without context
#this fic CHANGED MY LIFE#I READ IT 2 MONTHS AGO AND I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY I REREAD IT EVERY DAY AND IT CONSUMES ALL MY WAKING THOUGHTS#the author is sososo talented and the story is just TOO good for a south park fic#the story is just so multifaceted and beautiful and human#GO. READ IT !!! NOW!!#I looked up renaissance/medieval music playlists on spotify and had that playing the whole time for ambiance it was great#oh yeah this fic also sparked my interest in the Middle Ages#anyway now I’m gonna put normal tags ig 🙄#creek#creek fanart#Craig tucker#tweek tweak#south park#south park fanart#sp#the stick of truth#stick of truth#fish art#never drawn kissing before this was a learning experience
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NICO: WE SHARED THE LIFT THIS MORNING! I WAS GOING TO THE POOL TRAMPOLINE WITH MY TWO DAUGHTERS AND HE WAS GOING TO THE RACETRACK. PINKHAM: VERY DIFFERENT LIVES YOU'RE CURRENTLY LEADING.
#that line from nico is like /the/ modern brocedes thesis to me#like this is their happy ending!!! it is not the one they dreamed of all those years ago in greece but is a happy ending.#it's not multiple shared championships or racing against each other for years or anything their 13 year-old-selves would've dreamed up but#it is them achieving their dreams. lewis has 7 wdcs and is aiming for an 8th. nico has a loving wife and 2 daughters he'd die for. they are#both doing the things they love. would it have been nice if those dreams included each other? yeah. would it have been nice that when ppl#mention their names it would be to talk about what great friends they are instead of how they tore each other apart? absolutely! but they#were doomed from the start. so maybe it doesn't matter that they didn't get their traditional 'happy ending'. at least they had a happy#start and a semi-happy middle. at least they have the lift to see each other. at least nico's daughters get to keep lewis in their lives in#a way nico will never get to again. they will never share a bowl of frosties again but at least their roots are so thoroughly tangled#together that they can never look back without haunting each other. at least they still have that.#anyway for all the non-americans who reblog or like this. the poem is 'the road not taken' by robert frost. very famous in america#every middle/high schooler has to analyze/read this poem at some point. i don't know how popular he is outside of america so i thought id#leave a note ig.#anyway. i am going crazy and i need to lie down. that 2nd line was sooo hard to find a photo for. wth does 'hence' even mean???#brocedes edit#brocedes#f1 web weaving#f1#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#f1 edit#nr6#lh44#web weaving
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venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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see, i think one of the core issues with loki is that to make sylvie as a character, the writes combined loki's ex-girfriend (the enchantress) with loki. that was a recipe for disaster.
also i know that if sylvie was a dude everyone would be screaming about how loki and sylvie were like brothers and how gross it is. but yknow. to each their own.
#this is very passive aggressive#massive aggressive more like#sry sylkie shippers but uh#dni ig bc i am upset and angry and fundamentally disagree with you#and i will NOT listen to ppl say loki is a narcissist#loki by definition is the opposite of a narcissist#ive got some strong feelings#dm me if ur interested ig#bc i have many thoughts#loki#lokius#loki season 2#loki series#hot takes#disney#my enemy
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people: you need to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist!!!
psychiatrists: *misdiagnosed me with different things like +4 times and filled me with unnecessary medicine*
#i don't remember which diagnoses they actually formally gave me and which they suspected or medicated me for without a formal label#like i don't trust 99% of all doctors now lol#my first psych appointment was when i was 14 and im 28 now#like i've been at so many clinics#with both private psychiatrists and public ones#with psychologists and therapists too#i've been hospitalised at the psych ward#and i've just been misdiagnosed like.. as in the last thing they said to me is that my formal diagnosis is wrong#but they didn't want to rediagnose me with something else#they just said im not bipolar and it's uhh dissociation from trauma#and they mentioned cptsd and that i have alters ig#and the alters are dissociation and not psychosis as they first thought oof#but like... can i trust them that im not psychotic? like i don't think that i am#but bro i have no faith in danish psychiatrists or psychologists lol#my posts#personal#also this is a vent post#i am psych critical and i think there's a lack in trauma informed psychiatrists/therapists in my country#but like im still trying to find a new psychiatrist lol it's just hard bc the waiting lists here at +2 years for just a general psychiatris#and i need someone who knows about complex childhood trauma#so idk how long i'm gonna have to wait yet
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OCtober day 31 - costume 🐶🤕🧟🧛
i've drawn my hellebores a lot this event so i figured i'd end on them too‼️around halloween time tip and jerza don't even need to disguise themselves, but i made them dress up anyway c:
3 days late but i did it!!! i've completed all the mandatory days and now halloween can officially end 😈🎃 ty for the fun event everyone, i've rlly enjoyed seeing everyone's characters 🫶
#2024#bweirdOCtober2024#bweirdOCtober#oc-tober#day 31#art#original#my art#my ocs#hellebore#teo#(<- he/they)#isaac#isa#(<- he/him)#tomatip#tip#jerza#(<- both she/her)#i am once again sorry for my tags being so long i just like organising things ok dkfj#isa and tip being known mostly by their nicknames doesn't help either bc it means i gtta put both down lmao#i rlly didn't intend for this to b submitted so late ndndj#ig it took longer than i thought bc i usually draw 2 ocs max#it doesn't look that complicated but i had to correct a lot of lil details too 😵#oh well i'm free now!#oc art for the year has been completed and i can go back to completing the pokedex again gehehe#first time drawing jerza properly too#she will always b drawn at that angle btw bc. i do not know how to draw her any other way 🥴🥴
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ngl i want lxl to double down on the whole “we’re lovers” thing that they have going on in meoto and continue acting as lovers in their future songs. they’ve given their fans enough love, now it’s time for them to love each other on main!!! and hey, maybe they’ll finally be canon—
#i want them to act as lovers in a whole variety of settings though~~~~~~#i’d love to see them pay homage to yujiro’s kabuki background and portray the story of a kabuki play in a song maybe~?#the possibilities are endless with these two bc they’re stupid dense lol#you could ask them to act as lovers and they’ll still walk away from the experience without realising their feelings for each other#though on the topic of songs im sure either white day kiss or last stage (or both) are the most likely songs to get mvs for the next 2 weeks#b u t i really reallyyyyyy want it to be meoto lmao#though ig at this point motto ichigo au lait is more likely to get an mv first than meoto (solely based off the songs’ ages)#i hope we get a new mona mv soon though~~~~~~~~~~~~~#im sorry it’s almost 5 in the am im running on low sleep and residual fumes of rage and thus my thoughts are a messsss#染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—
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And here is the bull himself >:)
+ lore notes
I was like, ah I should make the shadow something interesting, and then I'm like GIVE HIM BULL HORNS???? OKAY SURE !!!!! I'm glad such thoughts can strike at 7 in the morning....thanks brain. But hehehe I'm glad bcs now this matches up super well with the Nando one!
New ship dynamic: who's the bull and who's the matador :)
I think, in this AU, Fernando is generally pretty fond of Seb when he first meets him. Like "ah yes my very own protégé, very nice, I shall mold him in my image." But then Seb starts veering off that course. Bullfighting is all about being dramatic, but Seb maybe has a bit too much(🤏) flair for the dramatic. This escalation starts while he's still Fernando's assistant but he keeps it generally at bay. But god when he becomes a matador himself, he's just off the rails insane.
Bullfighting, to me, is a sport about reckless endangerment of one's self in the pursuit of drama and performance(its literally described as a tragedy in three acts.) But Fernando thinks Seb endangers himself *too* much, not because he cares or anything, but he's making a mockery of the sport!! Especially when Seb starts doing that bull hand symbol(seen above), Fernando just keeps become more enraged with him, not anything to do with the fact that Seb is threatening his records and threatening his own wellbeing, nah of course not.
Seb's gesture is making a mockery of the sport, he's disrespecting the culture, the very nature of it, blah blah blah. Jenson once asks Fernando, after noticing him seething while watching Seb do his gesture, "Which bull are you really trying to defeat?" One could also describe Fernando and Seb's relationship as a "tragedy with three acts."
Anyways Fernando gets very tied up with this rivalry. Even after suffering a severe injury(I have yet to decide, but y'know mchonda electrocution core), he quickly returns to the sport, loath to let Seb get any more headway. And then Seb gets injured, poor little sweet Seb, and neither of them can handle it. Though I already covered this in my prev lore post 🤭 and I think I put it pretty viscerally there so!! I digress.
They're both matadors, but the bull itself is not the only bull Fernando wants to conquer. Conquer as in death? Hm.
#i love matador au all my homies love matador au#<- its a lot of fun for me to draw and easy to have ref for :) so its like my little comfort drawings#even tho i want to sob every time i write any of the lore down bcs it is so </3#ah i just like how visceral it is ig#f1 is a dangerous sport but bullfighting is just. such another level of maniacs 😭#ive talked abt this a lot w cofi lmao its just super interesting to me. just the whole mentality and display and culture of it#also just: trajes de luces go brrrrrrr#ah one day ill draw both of them in green suits 🤭🤭#i had a chibi art of this au i was working on bcs i didnt have mental energy for a full thing#or at least i THOUGHT so#ive had the refs for this since 2 wks and im like YOU WILL FINISH THIS bcs i rly liked the pose 😭#so then i just drew for like 5 hours straight. yknow as one does#and wrote this post at uh. 8 am. normal time for one to be drawing and writing. as one does.#WELL ANYWAYS PLEASE ENJOY MATADOR SEB#this au grips me the throat 😭 i rly enjoy it 😭#i have a lot of thoughts ab the au lore itself but also drawing these is very no thoughts head empty <3#also god side note. pink stockinks. i hated the idea of them at first. but now im like hehe hot pink time 🥰🥰#its crazy how it doesnt clash that much??? i thought it would ruin the outfit but ah they suit everything p well#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#catie.art.#matador au
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giving myself a solid B+ grade overall for this month's apprentice tattooing event...... i did more last-minute appointments this time so instead of my scheduled 15, i ended up doing about 18 tattoos in total over three afternoons, and i only started getting clumsy and really mean to myself during the last three appointments on the last day. so that's pretty good i think????
#and also the girl i'm dating(!?) thought i did a great job + really likes her tattoo + still wants to go out with me so thats a win#but i felt like i was getting corrected like every hour about something i did that wasn't Quite Doing Exactly As My Mentor Would Do It#so it felt a bit like i was fumbling everything the whole time :((#but everyone liked their very cheap small new tattoos and i did a very good job keeping everything clean#and my needle depth and line consistency was a lot better#its just that like... the lines did still seem amateurish !!!!!!!WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE I AM STILL AN AMATEUR!!!!!! but disappointing....#wdym i'm not tattooing on real skin like i have 15 years of experience after only 2 months of regular practice... that cant be right....🧐..#anyways. no one's gonna get a blown out / scabbed over / traumatized skin scar tissue tattoo OR contract hepatitis from my work#which is all you can really ask for with a dirt cheap apprentice tattoo. like its not Beautiful Art but its all clean and correct technique#so..... win some lose some ig#sorry im really rambling in the tags rn for no reason beyond i need to write this all down before i forget. you understand of course#🦇#🩸
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I CANT I CANTTTTTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE RJIKNHGKRSBKFUCKNHJHFBNJEA JFHBAEJHBFJHBHBHBHBHBBAZHJDBAJHDBAJKHBDJKNA????A//////!?!!!!!!!!??!!???!?!?!??!! I CANNOT I LITERALLY NOT THE CAN I CANTTTTTT RAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#⚠️WARNING⚠️TAGS R SUPER FUCKING LONG I NEEEEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT LOVE AND DEEPSPACE I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS#SUGGESTIVE ART? NSFW? LITERAL GODDAMN PORN? LIGHT WORK NO REACTION#POV ROMANTIC OTOME GAME SHIT WITH THE TINIEST HINT OF SPICE??? I CANNOT ITS TOO MCUH I ITS AUGHHH IM JNUHJHFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#IM LIKE FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME WITH A HAND COVERING MY EYES WHILE PEEKING ITS TOO MUCH#I AM LOOKING AWAY EVERY SECOND IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FUCKUNGBHGJGHJHGHGBJJH#I HATE HATE HATEEEEE (not rly) IT WHEN THEY GET NEAR U ITS AUGH ITS SO WEIRD I PUT MY PHONE FURTHER AWAY FROM ME OUT OF EMBARASSMENT#SOMETIMES I LOSE MY IMMERSION AND GET SELF AWARE AND THINK TO MYSELF THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD... THIS IS WHY I DONT PLAY OTOME GAMES DUDE#like no hate to otome games its just way too much for me i get way too embarassed abt playing them its def a me thing#ok first of all the combat is p ok actually it reminds me of pgr and hi3 altho i like pgr better :] (lee my beloved)#i did burst out laughing when i found out abt it cause i thought it would be like mysme and its just visual novel shit but its really okay#also i did a bit of thinking as to why i dont find the charas super appealing & its cause theyre obv manifactured to b 'the perfect guy'#like you know how pugs were bred to be cute but end up deformed and stuff? yea kinda like that#im not saying theyre deformed but thats the vibes im getting#deformed pug vibes#the jp vas are pulling thru though#ALSO I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GACHA pleaseee i alr play hsr + gi + /occasionally/ pgr and stopppp i hate the gamba aspect of the games#AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT BC I DIDNT GET THE CARD I WANT#.................. OKAY SO MAYBE I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT THE POINT STILL STANDS#i like them (reluctantly) all so far ? idk no one is rlly my fav yet tbf im still at ch. 2 so..#theyre all cute ig zayne is nice maybe i dunno i like his shoulders......? hes very cold tho cause haha ice powers#i call him elsa in my head#xaiver is also nice? hes cute? hes sleepy n shit#rafayel is kinda goofy? aloof? but in the 'she's so crazzzzzzzzzy! i love her!' way (look it up if u dont know) and im not super into that#hes the one whimpering though so it is what it is#overall i think ill keep playing until i get the card i want ill also prolly play it on my laptop instead cause its super laggy on my phone#idk how ill deal with the combat part tho but thats a problem for future me lolol#okay yea idk if anyone is still reading this but i dont want my irls to know that im playing this game so here we r#idk why im using the tags to ramble its way more fun like its more casual i think#OKAY YEA BYE#frambling...?
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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