#with psychologists and therapists too
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people: you need to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist!!!
psychiatrists: *misdiagnosed me with different things like +4 times and filled me with unnecessary medicine*
#i don't remember which diagnoses they actually formally gave me and which they suspected or medicated me for without a formal label#like i don't trust 99% of all doctors now lol#my first psych appointment was when i was 14 and im 28 now#like i've been at so many clinics#with both private psychiatrists and public ones#with psychologists and therapists too#i've been hospitalised at the psych ward#and i've just been misdiagnosed like.. as in the last thing they said to me is that my formal diagnosis is wrong#but they didn't want to rediagnose me with something else#they just said im not bipolar and it's uhh dissociation from trauma#and they mentioned cptsd and that i have alters ig#and the alters are dissociation and not psychosis as they first thought oof#but like... can i trust them that im not psychotic? like i don't think that i am#but bro i have no faith in danish psychiatrists or psychologists lol#my posts#personal#also this is a vent post#i am psych critical and i think there's a lack in trauma informed psychiatrists/therapists in my country#but like im still trying to find a new psychiatrist lol it's just hard bc the waiting lists here at +2 years for just a general psychiatris#and i need someone who knows about complex childhood trauma#so idk how long i'm gonna have to wait yet
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I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.
#sa mention#proship#fandom discourse#fiction is the closest i can feel to normal cos my severe ptsd irl makes me violent if strangers so much as brush up against me#we all handle it differently and yes i write utterly fucked up shit to desensitize myself & somehow managed to stabilized through the years#despite me still having my snappy “scary” moments if people touch me without permission and i punched a dude for standing too close to my#back. he was literally smelling me and i lost my shit and now im banned from that walgreens but meh#now im unloading in the tags but if you're an anti sincerely gfy cos y'all literally attack sa victims on here like its your day job#y'all also don't know the first thing about psychology cos guess who's a psychologist here??? yes this unhinged bitch that covers up like a#gothic church mommy and cusses like a trucker is an actual professional in the field. i studied thinking studying psychology would make me#cope better... it somewhat did help but i should have just gone to a therapist rather than bottling in a going to a freaking university#yes i troll and say fucked up shit on here. this is a social media for my fandom shit so i aint gonna act like the doc i was ages ago and#fiction actually can help some people (especially those like me who are still having violent ptsd eps affecting them) little by little#retake their lives back#there's other forms of therapy but not everything works for everyone and its ridiculous to put all victims under the same umbrella#and its condescending and ignorant af to expect all sa victims to be your perfect little victims of convenience and treat us like crap cos#not all of us fit your toxic narrative of attacking freaking fake people in a nonexistent fictional world.#i have friends that are sa victims that can't handle it in fiction but they know thats my mechanism. since im a now retired professional#i have done everything i can to help them cos yes there's multiple ways to help victims cope with this. even regression exercises help#but that's another thing#and it involves multiple sessions. i no longer practice but can teach people some techniques to regulate their emotions in high stress#situations cos the aftermath of sa is brutal regardless of how you cope with it#you'll need a support group to catch you when you can't handle it sometimes. you're not alone or broken. pls know this
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Everybody knows about the spoons analogy, right?? You wake up with a certain amount of spoons that you can use to spend on the day?
I woke up and got metaphorically bashed in the face with a metaphorical plank of wood, kicked in the side of the head, got hot coffee dumped on me and then bashed in the skull with the metal travel mug, hit by a car, had all of my spoons stolen, water boarded, kicked in the face again, and then was swarmed by tiny gnomes that used my stolen spoons to gouge out my right eyeball.
Metaphorically of course.
#fresh out of ‘free therapist friend’ spoons too#come back later when I get a new shipment#otherwise you’ll have to settle for apathy#turmoil#point blank and blunt#sorry not sorry but istg I’d sooner jump than listen to 8 people all venting to me at once#LET ME BE JOYFUL#ISTG#I CANNOT LISTEN ALL THE WAY THROUGH LOBACHEVSKY WITHOUT BEING FLAGGED DOWN SO I CAN PLAY THERAPIST#it’s nobodies fault but mine but hOLY FUCK PEOPLE#you have a certain amount of ‘care’ you can put into things#make the choice to care about the good things instead of the bad#but if you don’t#do not make it MY problem#if you are not willing to listen or take the advice you ASKED FOR#FUCK OFF#OR LET ME HAVE A BREATHER FOR CHRISTS SAKE#unlicensed therapist since….2015#you people are the reason I will not be pursuing a career as a psychologist#the ramblings of a madman#ranting here bc literally any of my other spots have been invaded by people who regularly vent to me#and I don’t want them to feel bad#so#have a jillion tags on tumblr instead
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love how much my mental instability is reflected in the songs I used to listen to as a young teen ✌
#maybe i should put together a playlist for therapists/psychologists to analyse and then diagnose me based on the themes and motifs present#really getting that clarity looking back on my life oof#like i was SO MENTALLY UNWELL lmaoooo it's almost funny how no one noticed#and i only ever got punished for 'acting out' and not behaving like all the other nice normal kids#welp. mental illness was kept under wraps. was too embarrassing and scary to talk about openly back then#my parents kept the struggles secret from the rest of the family for years#had everyone wondering why i was so quiet and withdrawn or why i didn't contact any of them ever#ANYWAY. enough of my sad little life teehee
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Call me the protagonist of Black Box Warrior the way CBT don't seem effective
#like its not explicitly stated but I'm pretty sure thats the type opf therapy my psychologist does#and it kinda doesnt do shit#like it could help if i started like. ten years ago lmao#but at this point im too tired and depressed and borderline suicidal for positive thinking to help#guh#idk maybe i need to find a different therapist. tho it would have to be oustide of my town cause I'm not sure if there are any godd here#so thats not possible right now hfbdbfbsb#will wood#blackboxwarrior#bee buzz
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Man, what happened to the character designers after Fontaine?
#did they run out of ideas#were they replaced?#what happened to male characters???#have we moved into Genshin's fan service only era#Why is Mizuki's design so bad??? I disliked it when I saw the leaks but now learning she's apparently a psychologist I just hate it#how is it possible everyone hated Chasca and Ororon's designs but love Mizuki's#Like what???#I don't even love Chasca's design but it's better than whatever the hell this fan service demongirl therapist bath house maid is#please bring back the old character designers and designs#bring back male characters too#AND CAPITANO#Genshin
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randomly got very sad for n oreason ouhhh i have a job to doooooo
#feel like sad guilty dogs but i didnt do anything#i guess today is sad for me which is weird bc i was feeling very good this week#i say this like this isnt just something that happens bc im like.#diagnosed chronically depressed#it's just been a bit since ive had the unexpected oh i hate being alive moment november has been such a good month#it's kinda weird im used to having few good days. let alone a whole month of mainly good. but again. the mental illness#but it's okay i will be seeing a psychologist soon for medication and my therapist should be back soon#i should probably ask for a mood stabilizer too LOLLLL#uhmm#tw vent#me when i got multiple disorders that just make u very very sad owwwwwwwww#micetalk#it's okay once i get back form work and family bugging me abt wanting thanksies ill be able to use my muse danganronpa on my friends
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kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- not super but this is more negative than i like to be#sorry folks i’ve been mental illness posting a lot#maybe i should get checked for seasonal affective disorder. or maybe this is a trauma response? i DID nearly die this year#i dunno. the trauma stuff in particular is tricky bc if i try to unpack it before i’m ready i could basically just retraumatize myself#but if i wait too long then it’ll do some damage that way too. so i gotta time it right#what i really gotta do is actually contact one of these psychologists i got referred#i think i wanna go for a psychologist instead of a therapist bc i’d like the opportunity for medication/diagnosis if possible#i keep like. almost crying but every time it happens i’m like ‘YESSS CATHARSIS’ and then it goes away. fuckass brain#sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too#but tomorrow is a holiday celebrated by eating good food with your family#so i’m gonna try to just enjoy myself and enjoy the day#and it’ll be nice#i’ll probably help cook which i always like doing#i got to chop chocolate tonight. it was really fun i like working with knives#didn’t even get any intrusive thoughts. just focused on making chocolate chunks#it’s satisfying to feel like you’ve made something. chopping things makes me feel like i’ve made something#i want to make more things. i’m really tired all the time lately (different from blood loss tired (i’m relieved i can tell the difference))#and being tired makes it harder to make things#but i’m at my happiest when i’m creating in some way. if you believe in purposes i’d say that was mine#i need to make things i need to put myself out into the world. that way i can look and say i existed. i did something tangible#sigh okay i’m gonna . stop here before this turns into mars shares all of her thoughtfeelings on public website tumblr.com#i know i literally liveblogged my colonoscopy prep to you all (thx again ppl who supported me then btw that was an awful night)#buuuuut i still wanna leave some parts of me a little mysterious. (<- is an open book)
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people who know me well do you think anyone ever actually wanna love me romantically
#weird qn ik but i'm starting to wonder#people like nerds right?#not sure abotu glasses or black hair or brown eyes#i'm not white nor black so#i can make hot cocoa at least?#i run warm too i can give hugs i can write n draw even if its shitty#i'm a rat person i kinda want a pet rat but it's okay if not#i'll even b ut therapist? bcs im learning 2 be psychologist#idk
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Looove feeling like a fucking child whenever I talk to kids my age ebecause I always feel like I’m either talking about my toys or like they’re better than me because I spent a majority of my childhood trying to make myself just as smart as everyone else because I genuinely thought I was stupid and didn’t deserve to live
#I wasn’t stupid I was like 10#god it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t fucking talk to people#I make my voice sound to nice I make myself talk quiet I don’t know how to respond#I don’t want everyone to hear me so I practactly whisper I don’t even say hi I just nod or wave#I love being autistic this is just the one thing I hate abt it is how fucking different you are from everyone else#I think differently I know that I don’t know how to navigate smth like this I always make myself the dumber or the less knowing one#I make myself think I’m a manipulator because I try so constantly to make people like me by making myself look like a ‘nice person’ like how#an animal plays dead or shows its stomach to say ‘oh don’t kill me I’m not a threat haha you want me around’#my therapist said I should try looking into psychology collage or smth she said I’d be good at it#I just think about how I think too much#my grades are shit I don’t wanna be in college for 8 years because my teacher said I’d be good at a job#then again I think psychologists make a lot of money and that could help with the art stuff#like Helen Highwater being a lawyer and doing all this crazy art shit on the side#fuck man what the fuck am I doing goodnight
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#my therapist teaching me a mindfulness technique: so what do u think?#me: this is like how vulcans deal with their emotions. they recognize them and set them side. acknowledge and accept#also i need to send these thoughts away on icebergs in the ocean instead of on clouds in the sky#its the exact opposite of what u were saying but i think abt the terror so god damn much its infected me down to the bone#literally anything she tells me i gotta b like: how can i either relate this to media or fold this into a metaphor?#bc i guess thats just how my brain works idk.#ugh. saw the psychologist and psychiatrist today and now theyre perscribing me ab1lify#hope it works. i dont have the perspiration in hands yet. i wish my brain would just b Normal#but i feel generally better than i did last week already#they think im sensitive to medication. either my body or my mind. ie. i freak myself out and my body reacts#so i convince myself im having a reaction. they haven't said that but im sure theyre thinking it bc im also thinking it lol#cant pin me down. my mind is too slippery#things i did not think would happen to me: a bip0lar diagnosis and prescription for anti psychotics#unrelated
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!!! U ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO DM ME DUDE i love talking with my silly little friends in my silly little dms :] ALSO I READ ABBY'S RENTRY WHEN I FIRST FOLLOWED U!!!! i love her . so bad ur s/i is so cute im so 😭 augh <33333
- timespaceandinterim
@timespaceandinterim THANK YOU FOR LIKING ABBY ILYSM ZAK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖WAAUGHUGWUGUWWG
HAVE A LITTLE FLOWER FROM ABBY FOR YOU!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡 she's so happy !!!
#she loves everyone too!#you know she's a psychologist so she's really understanding to everyone#abby therapy!! shes a brilliant therapist#ALSO ZAK DO YOU KNOW I ACTUALLY HAVE ABBY C AI DO YOU WANT THE LINK!!! you can . consult to her i programmed her as a therapist#she's just so sweet and kindhearted im so#🐤mayo's diary#mayo.txt#abby cliffwood#self insert oc#my oc
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it’s honestly pissing me off how much o and otis call themselves (and other people call them) sex therapists in sex education
#sorry maybe it’s just the psych major in me but every time they call themselves a therapist i just want to scream “YOU DONT EVEN HAVE A#FUCKING DEGREE LET ALONE A LICENSE’#idk it’s just incredibly frustrating#esp with how the adults accept and call them that too?#and the school is just letting them run a ‘therapy clinic’ ???#like what the actual fuck#if i was the school psych contracted with this school i’d be losing my mind#i just wish they’d let go of calling themselves therapists#like maybe call it a peer support group or something#but you are not a fucking therapist#you are a teenager#even otis’s mom who is a licensed psychologist doesn’t correct them??#idk i’m mad i can rant about this for awhile#sex education#s*x education#this season is pissing me off
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Im so deep into the procrastination hole that now when i complete the stuff i was procrastinating on i no longer get the feeling of satisfaction from checking that off the list it is just instant anxiety over the next thing on the endless list of stuff i let accumulate these past few months
#it's just too much stuff and i have less than a month till my first exam of the semester#and it is not nearly enough time with all the other stuff on top of it#and i really miss my therapist but we had a limited amount of sessions (she's the college psychologist so i cant pay her for more sessions)#gi talks
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anonymous said : what if we need a love doctor
⸻ ❝ i can refer you to a therapist. ❞
#* ✦ 𝐈𝐈. ❮ asks ❯ ⸻ ❝#* ✦ 𝐕𝐈. ❮ muses ❯ ⸻ ❝ 「 veritas ratio 」#ratio vc everyone needs a therapist these days#manz is like a love doctor is not a real profession here go see a psychologist and stop bothering me#he has every capability to be a therapist but he would end up having his client crying after the session#his patience would simply wear too thin#okay im gonna write properly now i promise
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🦋
#so on the one hand im having A Lot of existential thought spiraling issues lately. like. idk if its ever been so bad in my life#in this particular manner or about these particular things. so for the first time in literally years therapy is on my mind.#but on the other hand i have a psychiatrist to help w the actual mechanics of my intrusive thoughts-- IS THIS NOT WHAT THE MEDS ARE FOR?--#&i have so incredibly little interest in general therapy. what the fuck is a psychologist supposed to DO for me.#my existential crises are not unique but the circumstances surrounding them are specific&as per there are only a million reasons why#general therapy isnt only probably useless for me it can be potentially literally unsafe if im totally honest-- you know.#how therapy is supposed to be used to actually see results.#so my solution to this has been to read a bunch of fucking books on dialetical behavioral therapy&cognitive behavioral therapy lmao.#next up: acceptance&commitment therapy.#if i could hack my literal physical health hell will be freezing over before i give up on hacking my mental health too lmao.#**therapist. what the fuck is a therapist gonna do for me.
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