#sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too

[mars-ipan]

kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”

[weoris]

haiiii🦭! Ive been itching for something a bit sad and real caz im a depressive mf.. just jongseob stressing over his writing process for the now killin it verse ("my root came 2005") basically having a full breakdown because its a full length album and im pretty sure they did all the preparations while on tour (idk if my brain made that up but i swr i saw it somewhere). He was stressed and called you on face time hyperventilating leading to you flying out there just to be with him.. sighhh

.. u making me cry rn.

-BIGGEST FAN!

김종섭 drabble — burnt out idol boyfriend jongseob! 𐙚 𓈒 ݁ fem!reader slight angst reverse comfort au requested >< three hundred words cw. venting driving mentioned hugging not proofread clickhere!

jongseob, who was so beyond stressed from the tour, had too much on his plate. he was also constantly reminded of the fact that he still hadn’t finished his verse for the next comeback..

as the responsibilities came piling in more, he was exhausted.. he felt defeated. all he wanted to do was take a break.. a break in your embrace. “Hello? ..You okay?” you answered, smiling as you saw his contact name calling you.

all he did was sigh, flopping down on the bed after his shower. “Hmm..” he groaned, his face stuck in the pillow. You couldn’t see his tired state at all, but you were sure he was cute nonetheless..

“Well.. I guess that answers my question..” you chuckled and hummed. “Tired, huh?” He nodded.. even though you couldn’t see. “..hm.. I miss your voice..” jongseob mumbled, groaning a bit.

you smiled and giggled. “really? I missed you too.. face time?” jongseob chuckled at your offer and immediately sat up, turning on his camera. he giggled even more when he saw your face. “Mm.. seems I missed your face too..”

rolling your eyes, you pursed your lips and smiled. but you started to sigh when you saw his dark circles, and tired expression. “How is it.. is touring around the world fun?” You asked gently, but with a bit more playful tone in the end to not let everything get too depressing for him.

seob sighed and turned in the bed. “Fun.. ok. Seeing the fans.. performing, it’s all fun. But..” there it was..

“I’m just feeling so.. out of it. Every time we’re at practise.. or stage rehearsal or anything, everyone always reminds me that I need to be performing at me absolute best. And I’m.. trying! I’m trying really hard.. but I also have to keep on writing lyrics for the next comeback..”

burnt out bf! jongseob who vented to you the whole night, not even noticing you went on mute occasionally for the whole 3 hours. who ignored the background noise from your side and assumed it was just the wind in your apartment. who finally noticed your empty presence in the call. “Babe? Hello?”

ding dong!

bf! jongseob who furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but immediately chuckled in disbelief when he saw you at the door with a big bag of his favourite snacks. “Oh my gosh..”

you smiled and tilted your head to actually look at him, your vision being sort of hindered from the big bag you were carrying. he noticed your panting breath and sweat dripping from your forehead, even from the cold night outside. “Did you walk here?”

“No, are you crazy?” you said as you let yourself in, dropping the bags down with a sigh, your hand going to your hip as you breathed heavily and had that stupid grin on your face when you looked back at him. “I drove.. until I had to stop at the convenience store and forgot where I parked.. I ran the rest of the way here.” You said, wiping the sweat from your forehead. and he shook his head and chuckled, ruffling your hair.

flopping on the bed, he sat next to you and smiled. “You’re adorable..” he spoke, his fingers finding your own. “I know.. and a good driver, it takes like 4 hours to drive here and I got it in 3. Without a ticket!” you said with a tired laugh.

he flopped on the bed next to you, taking a chip packet and snacking on it as he looked at you from the side. seob put an arm behind your head as a pillow. “Congratulations.. and thank you.”

you smiled and leaned closer to him. “No problem.”

© weoris | tumblr.

4EMMA 🔖 seob sat in my drafts for way too long ..

ׂ  TAGLIST  ׅ @w3bqrl @boowoowho @ahnneyong @kynrki @ixomiyu @yunki4evr @flwoie @bubblytaetae @ja4hyvn @dimplewonie @xiaoderrrr @trsrina @adajoemaya @stepout-09-15 @ineedaherosavemeenow @lcv3lies @violetinferno @woncheecks @mijuuv @enhapocketz @star4rin @bubblytaetae @dimplewonie @isoobie @whoschr @jiaant11 @yeomha @mosssi @j-wyoung @artstaeh @spilled-coffee-cup @cowsmicwu

[goldentsum]

— delivery boy

PAIRING: shinsou x reader

GENRE: fluff, awkward scenes

WORDCOUNT: 2.3k

SUMMARY: a sleep-deprived college student just trying to get by the hellhole he’s in by getting a job as a delivery boy. shinsou hates what he does but if he can get a certain cutie, it might lessen his hatred for his job. 

TAGS: college au, just fluff with soft and awkward shinsou, sleep-deprived! shinsou as always, cursing, crack

AUTHOR’S NOTE: quarantine made me do it. sighhh, can’t i have a cute delivery boy everytime i order shit? also, shinsou is me pls. D:<

shinsou hates his job. he doesn’t like it one bit. the way some orders are too long that he was using his big brain juice all the time or when someone cancels their order when he already bought the fucking food, he absolutely hates it. his faith in humanity is decreasing at a rapid speed with his job, not like it exists to begin with anyway.

the purple-haired male is proud of his 4.0 gpa despite him slowly losing his sanity as he lose sleep over it but there was this asshole of a teacher in literature 3 was making it difficult to maintain it just because the old geezer has his head stuck in his ass and he won’t even give them the ppt slides, that asshole. 

shinsou rubbed his tired eyes while his one hand typed on his computer, listening to the asshole professor in front. the male craned his neck and massaged his neck then took a quick sip of coffee, closing his eyes as he did so. when he opened his eyes the slide in front was already different, making him put down his drink in surprise and tried to copy the notes in a hurry, cursing quietly when he noticed that the last sentence in his notes was cut off.

he fussed over his notes because it was the only thing that’s keeping him from failing the class. the professor was an asshole and liked to pick on his students and shinsou absolutely hates him. he swears when he graduates, he’ll curse the professor off and flip him off as he walks away from this hellhole. 

when the class finished, shinsou looked at his notes in horror. it was cut off in a lot of places and so incoherent that when he tried to read it, he thought he gave himself an aneurysm because of it. 

his tired eyes stared blankly at his screen while his internal monologue went on about how he’ll just find a sugar mommy and live his best life while the other students went out the room. his thoughts were then cut off when he heard an oh so familiar voice echoing out to him like a siren in the sea. 

purple eyes turned to the side and saw you with your friends who were waiting outside the classroom door as you walked away from his sight. shinsou’s not gonna admit it but he finds you really pretty. you’re just so soft and small compared to him. your sweet smile was always present every morning unlike his dead eyes and resting bitch face. annoyingly, you always distract him from the lessons which freaks him out. 

no one has ever fazed him but then you came along with your annoyingly pretty face and aesthetic outfits. always sitting beside him, you smelled really sweet too as creepy as that sounds, and you always greet him with such softness that it made him wanna vomit rainbows and sparkles. no one has ever caught his attention so how the hell can you distract him without even doing anything? 

also, why do you write your notes in a notebook and still make it look really good and clean? every time he looks over to your side, he sees your notes and his eyes bulge out when your pretty handwriting, the cute and small illustrations, and pretty colors of your notes fill his sight. 

that’s also one of the things shinsou liked admired about you. you’re probably the only person in your whole batch who writes their notes on a notebook, not that it’s a bad thing but how can your notes still be so pretty and organized even with professor asshole’s hellish pace of changing the slides? 

shinsou sighed and ran a hand through his messy tresses then fixed his things up to get away from the hellhole and come home to his lovely bed. It must've been at least 24 hours since he last slept because he was up all night the other day to fix and perfect every assignment in the devil’s class. 

when he finally got to his dorm, a huge sigh of relief left him as the tall male practically collapsed on his bed. his fatigue overcame him in an instant as his eyes closed in instinct, finally sleeping after stressing so much and intaking coffee, lots of coffee. thank god that it was friday and he didn’t have to wake up early because he finally passed his requirements to every class for the semester.

it was already the next afternoon when shinsou woke up, his body ached but at least he wasn’t running on caffeine to keep him from falling over and dying on the spot. 

loud clanking was heard from his kitchen as he perked up in confusion for a moment then groaned in dread when he realized who it was. shinsou let his head hit the pillow once again, staring at his ceiling and he felt a headache coming in already.

fucking kaminari is in his dorm again. he didn’t get the blond’s actions but the latter always told him that he was “making sure he wasn’t dead yet” but shinsou knows that kaminari only wants free food but he appreciates the effort, he guesses but can’t kaminari check if he wasn’t dead a little quieter? 

he sighed in annoyance and grabbed his phone, going out after stretching and feeling his bone pop satisfyingly. shinsou was greeted with the sight of kaminari fighting with the sizzling oil on the pan in his kitchen. 

“what the fuck are you doing?” shinsou’s bored voice reached the blond male who looked at him and smiled, “morning dude. i noticed you had bacon so i’m gonna cook it.” 

shinsou was about to reply but the sharp yelp kaminari let out cut him off and he watched the shorter male curse at the pan, rubbing the spot where the hot oil hit him. 

he scoffed at the scene and shook his head as he sat on the couch and opened the tv. he was scrolling idly through the channels and when he didn’t find anything entertaining, he stopped on the news. 

opening his phone to check his social media feed as he let the tv and kaminari’s curses and screams become background noises. shinsou just wants to see what type of shit people are in these days and it wasn’t because he’s gonna stalk your account. definitely not that. 

shinsou scrolled through your pictures on ig, admiring the aesthetic ones combined with chaotic energy in your profile. he smiled a bit when he noticed you unarchived an old pic in your ig. you had shorter hair in the picture and wore some funky shades. 

“ohh~ who’s that? she’s cute” kaminari popped out behind him, looking at shinsou’s phone over his shoulders. shinsou jumped at his friend’s presence, letting go off his phone accidentally as he tried to grab it to not let it smack against the hard floor. 

when shinsou saved his phone, he whipped his head and glared at kaminari, “what the fuck, denki!” 

“geez, sorry man” the latter nervously chuckled and walked back to the kitchen with fear coursing in his body when the taller male’s glare didn’t falter. shinsou rolled his eyes at him and looked at his phone. his usual dead eyes widened whilst horror filled his system. 

on his phone, it showed your old picture from a year ago and on the bottom left, the heart was filled. shinsou quickly unliked the picture and threw the phone beside him on the couch as if it burned him. 

“what the fuck what the fuck no no no no--” he mumbled in distress, his heart beating a mile per second. he paled when he imagined seeing you again in class on monday. 

“i’m gonna puke,” shinsou muttered and held his head, eyes wavering in fear. kaminari poked his head from the kitchen and saw his distressed figure. 

“um? shinsou? are you okay, dude?” 

when he heard kaminari’s voice, his head whipped to him in a snap. shinsou smiled at him as a shiver ran down kaminari’s spine. “do i look okay, denki?” 

a loud scream echoed in shinsou’s dorm and that was the last time anyone has ever seen kaminari denki. rip. 

shinsou was stressing the fuck out, he even felt tears prick his eyes with how stressed out he is. nothing could compare to the stress he’s feeling right now well maybe his first finals was also this stressful but that’s not the point. kaminari tried to cheer him up with some bacon and eggs but the male was so snappy though he ate the food after denki left. 

after sulking in his dorm, he shook it off and tried to take his mind off it. he showered, worked out a bit in his room, and made some shake but the embarrassment was always looming in the back of his mind. you might think he’s a creep or something. you two barely talked to each other with only good mornings and pleasantries exchanged for the whole semester so what the hell is he gonna do?! 

before he knew it, he was accepting some orders in his phone to let out some steam and keep him busy. for the first 2 orders everything was fine but he suddenly got tired and the shame he left at his apartment was still in his system. so he accepted the last order for today before going back to his dorm to do his last resort of screaming into the void. he then went to the boba shop to get the orders. 

getting the order, he went straight to a nearby dorm in his campus that’s being shown in his phone to get the money and yeet himself out afterwards. shinsou rubbed his neck, mentally and physically tired after going around and delivering people their food and from getting a harsh life-changing embarrassment happen to him. he’s never gonna stalk you or anyone for that matter again and if he ever sees you again, he’s gonna jump through the nearest fucking window, he doesn’t even care anymore. 

as he rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door and get the heavy milk teas off his hand, he was already thinking of going to another school and just live a whole new second life. dramatic as that sounds but it was tempting at this point.

but life was not having it. life wants to see him suffer thoroughly. before he thought he just had some bad luck but now, he knows that life was fucking him over and laughing at his misery. 

the door opened and in came to view the last person he wants to see right now, you, and it’s not fair, why are you answering the door with an oversized shirt and some shorts with messy hair, looking like a goddamn cutie! you want to kill him, don’t you? 

your (e/c) eyes gleam with familiarity when you see the awkward tall male from your class and saw the precious boba in one of his hands.

“shinsou, right? i didn’t know you did delivery?” you smiled at him making the purple-headed male scream internally. he cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded, “y-yeah, the pay isn’t that much but it helps...” he replied so painfully awkward that if anyone sees you two, they’ll cringe. it was that bad.

but being the angel that you are, you giggled and nodded as if you weren’t affected by his awkwardness. he’s thankful for that. 

“wait a second, okay? i’ll get the payment” you chimed and he nodded as you run inside the dorm. shinsou’s mind was running a mile per second, did you not receive the notification of his shameful actions? or were you being an angel and sparing him the embarrassment? 

he wants to hibernate and never leave him bed after this. shinsou snapped out of his thoughts when he saw you jogging towards him with the same beautiful smile you wear everyday and he unconsciously straightened up. 

“here you go! thank you, shinsou!” you giggled and got the milk teas of his hands while you gave the money to him. 

“thank you, (y/n)... um, are you gonna drink all of that?” he asked, cursing his mouth when he just blurted it out. your eyebrows quirk playfully and chuckled, shaking your head no. 

“no, silly. my friends are inside” shinsou nodded stiffly and looked around making you two just stand in silence. a painfully awkward silence. shinsou saw you were about to say something but a loud voice from inside the room called out.

“(y/n), where the fuck are you?! the boba! ..shit-! i saw that, you cheater!” you looked back and rolled your eyes then looked back at him. you waved your hand at him with a smile, “well bye, shinsou. thanks again” and closed the door. 

shinsou exhaled a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding, looking at the closed door. he then walked away though his eyes were going to the door again and again until he couldn’t see it anymore. he looked at his hand and saw a piece of paper inside the bundle of money. 

with furrowed brows, he opened the folded paper and he was floored! 

hi shinsou! call me sometime! :)

xxx-xxxxxxx

-(y/n) 

okay, maybe being a delivery boy isn’t so bad after all. he got your number didn’t he? talk about lucky! 

extra crack ending: when you and shinsou are finally dating

(y/n): so... are we really not gonna talk about the post that you liked in my ig?

shinsou: you knew?! 

(y/n): duh bitch.

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

Llyr and the Pirates - Day 20

Day 20: Needing to swim/can’t swim

For @amonthofwhump‘s Water Whump May, where I write a part of this story every day according to the prompt. Hm, so I thought this would have conversation between Llyr. Then he was tired and wanted a nap. Ugh. Guess that can wait whatever dude just go be delirious because of pain and exhausion. Deep exasperated sighhh.

Tag list: @spiffythespook, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @insanitywishes, @whumpingonarainyday, @burtlederp

Content warnings: for the first time in a while, nothing noteworthy to mention here!

His leg was on fire and the rest of him was slowly freezing and there was nobody there to save him. He screamed and screamed into the forest until his voice went hoarse. 

Ray and Hugh had been walking through the forest for a few minutes before they heard the screams.

“Are you sure he would have gone towards town? I’m just saying, that kid seems to really like the ocean,” Hugh sighed, trudging through mud, shiny new boots from Gawain’s crew already getting coated in grime.

“Listen, just because we found him drowning twice doesn’t mean he’d go there when running away from seafaring people. He’s smart. He’ll head inland towards a village,” Ray said. His feet were bare, but he was used to navigating difficult terrain without shoes, unlike Llyr when he’d passed through earlier. He had relatively less trouble than Hugh, too, who slipped and nearly fell at his words.

“Smart? He literally dove into the ocean, from our ship, during a storm. How fucking smart does that sound to you?”

“I would’ve done the same thing, had I been facing cruel torture,” he suggested lightly. If Hugh didn’t know Ray, he may have been inclined to think he was kidding. 

Their walk fell silent then for a few minutes, no sounds to be heard except for those of pouring rain and squelching mud.

“Do you really think he’s gonna-”

“Hugh, please, we went over this already. I don’t want to think about it any more than you do.” 

“Hm, that’s a low bar to set, Raymond,” he laughed, “because I’ve been thinking about just how angry he’s gonna be since we started walking.”

Ray couldn’t deny he’d been thinking about the same thing, but certainly more out of apprehension than excitement. Mere hours after he’d sacrificed himself for Llyr’s safety, here he was preparing to lure him back home with what must have been his most prized possession.

Ray readjusted the seal skin cloak around his shoulders, almost regretting having chosen to wear it. He just wanted to be able to protect some part of Llyr from Hugh, but it felt so wrong on his own body. It should have been around Llyr’s shoulders where it fit like it was made for him, and where it would keep that panic of losing it at bay. 

They trudged on as the rain picked up, soaking them once again. It was then that they heard something in the distance.

It was a shrill noise that he couldn’t quite place, yet upset him somewhere deep down.

Ray heard it again, and it was louder that time. Emotional and desperate, a scream for help from far, far away.

“Did you-?” Hugh started, but he cut him off and grabbed his wrist as he changed directions towards the noise.

“This way,” he said. “Either make a trail or figure this out with the compass so we don’t get lost. Come on.” Ray sped his pace to a jog, feeling Hugh strain to keep up behind him as he fiddled with a compass, reading angles and making sure they knew how to get back once they’d found Llyr. 

The run was much longer than he anticipated, the scream a constant in the distance as they splashed through puddles and underbrush, but only growing weaker as they drew closer to its source. By the time they drew within visible range, the screams had diminished to choked shouts and whimpers, calling out, “...help! I can’t die here I can’t, don’t leave me to die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die...”

They heard the words trail off just as they spotted him, a figure half buried in the mud, laying flat on his back.

“Llyr, Llyr! What happened?” Ray knelt down in the mud--his legs were already soaked anyway; there was no reason to be cautious now--and the boy blinked faintly up at him.

“Animal trap, it looks like,” Hugh tried and failed to hide a smile. “Serves him right.”

“Stop that,” Ray hissed, turning back to Llyr. “Talk to me, buddy. You’re gonna be okay, we’ll get you out of that and we’ll-” he swallowed reflexively, “we’ll take you back and help you get better.

He tried to say the words as gently as possible, but Llyr’s eyes widened all the same, expression dropping into fear as he tried to scramble backwards, only jostling his leg more. He cried at the pain as he tried to crawl away, and Ray heard Hugh mutter a curse behind him before crouching above Llyr’s shoulders, holding forcibly in place.

“Stop, stop no no!” he thrashed, and Ray shot Hugh a look of disdain.

“Well? I got him still,” he grinned, propping the boy up in his lap and holding him there with a bruising grip on his upper arms. “You do the honors.” Ray followed his gaze to the animal trap, the sharp metal teeth disappearing underneath skin and the puddle of blood mixing in with the mud below. 

He glanced back at Llyr’s pained face cautiously before crawling down to his leg where the trap had latched on. It dug in deep, especially in the fleshier part of his leg, and Ray grimaced at the sight. He’d need to stand to get enough leverage to even dream of forcing this thing open.

Carefully, he stood and placed his bare foot on the bottom part of the trap, between two of the teeth and near the end. Taking the top jaw in hand, he grunted and pulled as hard as he could, straining against the surprising resilience. It really shouldn’t have been so surprising, considering these were meant to hold bears in place, but the thought really didn’t help Ray in the moment.

To make matters worse, every time he pulled, shaking arms shifting Llyr’s leg back and forth in the trap, the boy whimpered and whined with pain, seemingly too delirious with it to talk now.

“Hugh, is he alright? Is he even still conscious?” 

“I dunno. Probably not, by the look of him.”

Despite what the captain and his ex-shipmate believed, Llyr was very much still awake, but far too exhausted to pay any more attention to them. Thoughts were running so slowly through his head as if they too were buried in mud.

He should have been panicking and worrying about them taking him back, but all he could think about was the grime nearly covering his entire body now. It felt like a cocoon, a cage, a vice on his entire being that wouldn’t let go. The rain wasn’t powerful enough to wash it away, and suddenly it was unbearable to be out of the ocean. 

All at once, he was so exhausted from dealing with this human form. He longed for the comfort of the sea, of his skin forming around him just as it was always meant to be, but stupid, stupid him had left that behind for a foolish, horribly timed escape. Weakly, he squirmed under Hugh’s hold and he could have sworn the pressure of its stomach against his back rippled in a laugh as he muttered over and over about water, water, water…

The pain didn’t register in his brain when the trap finally came off of his leg, and neither did the sensation of open bleeding, but he did feel the vertigo as he was lifted from the ground and placed up on his feet. 

It didn’t even register to him that they were trying to force him back with them until he took his first step.

Next part

[sawthefaeriequeen]

Some relatable Moods from Goyo Ang Batang Heneral (2018):

-Gregorio “Anxiety attack? Guess I’ll drown. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” del Pilar

-Alejandrino and his ever-present judgy “gtfo colonizers, and while you’re at it, take the President with you” scowl

-Those three swoony ladies at the piyesta, who are basically all of us lololol

-Joven looking all kinds of Tired after the events of Heneral Luna but still writing his way through it all

-always that slight dash of sibling jokeyness every time Julian calls Goyo ‘Agila’ (“Ahhhgila!” kuya gonna kuya)

-Felicidad snubbing Goyo’s ass because she felt his values were going sour, yesss, you go Feli

-Joven politely refusing to take a swim and just resting on the shore watching cute dudes stripping \o/

-Mabini shading everyone in charge through his pen, basically

--Gregorio “There’s a war going on or something, but my hormones!” del Pilar

-Remedios and all her “Goyo, you absolute ass, I know you’ve said that to other girls before (but sighhh you sure are pretty, gdi I hate you…)”

-Hilaria, despite being sickly and exhausted, ordering ol’ flat-top not to surrender, because she has her priorities better sorted than the President of the whole damn country

-Vicente storming out pissed because screw you, Goyo, I’m good at my job too; I know what that noise is

-Gregorio “Enemy approaching? Time out, I gotta daydream OH SHIT” del Pilar

-Garcia trying to troll the Americans, realizing they didn’t understand him, and then getting an English-speaking soldier to troll them for him

-Vicente screaming bloody murder at the first sign of abandonment

-Joven rolling down a wholeass mountain because fuck this shit, I’m outta here

and! finally!

-Rusca showing up at Tirad Pass fifteen minutes late with Starbucks tubo

[slice-of-cake]

i woke up at 8am feeling like shit. i was so overwhelmed and normally i would try to sleep for another hour, have something to eat... try not to let “the shit” affect me and go to work as usual but today i can’t take it no more. i just can’t... i cried and my head hurt so much.. i just sleep past 1pm.. 

i worked so hard for the past few weeks.. because i was trying to forget the pain... i’m so mentally tired that i really feel like giving up... for once i didn’t push myself to work because it’s really dangerous with my situation, i should rest and calm down and i did.. i didn’t have anything to eat the whole day except 5 pieces of cracker and ice tea and went for a 5.6km walk that i signed up a few weeks ago. 

i’m glad that i completed it.. i didn’t feel too good because i wasn’t eating and feeling well too.. i tried to enjoy the walk but in my mind was images of you. i wish you weren’t too busy and we can do the walk together. i told you and you kind of agreed? and i fail to try and convince you. i failed in everything.. 

i have eaten. i couldn’t finish them.. i feel like sleeping again.. sighhh. 

[blackvail22]

15 february 2021 (end of the day side note - there’s a lot of writing for today. sorry)

12:49am - i forgot i have a therapy appointment today. it’s at 1pm though so i shouldnt have to set an alarm. im supposed to bring something up, but i’m simply too scared to do so. i know i should probably just get it dont and over with though. im not feeling too well emotionally, but thats just how a regular night goes.

i’m almost done with an anime ive been watching, and i can say confidently that its my favorite one ive watched so far.

3:32am - when you’re tired how you really feel shows through (sometimes). i think i said that yesterday... anyway, not the point. i think that may be why nighttime is so painful for me. not only that but the silence, darkness... idkk. im thinking a lot tonight but im not gonna let it affrct me. im just gonna set some rest instead

3:45pm - i slept past my therapy appointment by 10 minutes :’) sighhh. it got rescheduled to next monday. kinda feel bad, not gonna lie.

6:00pm - i finished my animee. the ending was suchh a good one. there’s a reawakened version of it, so i’ll start that next.

8:36pm - in 2017 my family went to florida for a christmas vacation. we went to a few cities. in the first city, we stayed at a hotel that looked and was modeled like an apartment complex. i don’t know if this feeling like this is rational, but staying in that hotel made me feel like my family wasn’t struggling financially. it made me feel... some sort of middle class. the hotel was a few streets from the core of the city, too. it made me realize the life that i want in the future. i want to live in a nice apartment complex in the city. how am i going to get there? i have no fucking clue. i think i want to work in a book shop or some other store in a shopping mall. i thought about a library, but i have a fear of them when i get too far into the aisles. fast food is just... i think that it would make me overwhelmed way too easy; thinking about it gives me anxiety. a book store, the one in my town is never too busy and is nice to be in. i feel like a clothes store would be nice to work in too. i have a few options, but i will have to wait a few more months until i’m 16. i feel like starting a job during covid is kinda weird, too. i dont knowww. i want to start changing, y’know? i want to start becoming a person i want to be because i’m realizing that i want a future. i know that i can’t see it now, but i’ll be able to see it eventually. 

that’s what i’m going to live for, to see a future for myself and to see it (hopefully) come to life.

11:11pm - i asked my mom to help me get on track with my weight. i feel like working on this will help my motivation get better, and a higher motivation (to me) means i’ll be happier and more productive. of course, depression does cause demotivation, so i will have some days that will be difficult, but i plan to push through them. i want... i want to get out of this loop of self hatred. i know that my weight and stuff isnt the only thing that i need to focus on. for example, my grades arent looking good. actually, it’s only my math grade.

my math grade isnt well because 1. i dont watch the videos my teacher makes because of his voice. his voice reminds me of a teacher i had a few years ago that violated me. 2. i forget to do assignments and 3. i just dont understand math. i’ve had friends help me, and i understand while they help me, but i try to do it on my own and i dont remember what ive done. i’m not sure how to fix this. however, even though i dont know the material, while i do the homework, i (usually) teach myself how to do it. i also have test anxiety still, even though im doing it online.

okkay, i’m going to stop ranting now. i feel like today was a good day. i’m starting to help myself, and i’m going to start pushing forward even if i dont see the finishline.

[mochiinet]

2) “It reminded me of you.” - 100 Ways to Say I Love You

Characters: IKON’s Junhwe & OC

Word Count: 2437 words

Summary: It’s been at least ten years since you’d last seen each other and you come across each other as you’re heading home from a long day at work.  The person you bump into is your ex who you hadn’t talked to since you left for America ten years ago.  Once you guys start talking, you end up heading to your old hang outs and reminisce about your high school days…

It was an overcast day, the night stars were completely covered by the daunting rain clouds, and you were heading down your usual route back home from the subway station.  You passed by all of the newer buildings and bright and lively stores until you reached your more calm and quiet neighborhood.  Even though it was your everyday route, every so often you’d walk slower and reminisce your school days before you’d left to New York to study abroad for college.  Since you’d just finished up a large project at work, today was one of those days.  Your neighborhood was old fashioned, many of the buildings were over fifty years old, and people their neighbors.  And because of that, there was always something for the old ahjummas and teens to gossip about.  

You had gotten off early, but it was still already around 7pm, and you decided to head to your favorite restaurant to grab a quick meal since your apartment was a mess and your fridge was empty besides a few old soju bottles and energy drinks.  You didn’t spend much time at home during projects, except to sleep, but it somehow still managed to be a pig sty every time.  As you walked through the lamp-lit streets, your eyes followed the old fashioned, brightly shining restaurant and shop signs.  Groups of young girls and boys in uniforms passed by you, arms linked with snacks in their hands, and it reminded you of your school days.  Stopping for a second as a group of girls passed by you, you looked down at your clothes.  You compared the monotone blouse, blazer, slacks and wedges you were wearing, to their bright and colorful uniforms and backpacks.  *Sighhh, I miss being a kid…*  You shook your head a little and continued on to the restaurant.  

You were still looking at the students on the street as you turned a sharp corner, but instead of continuing, you bumped into someone and were pushed backwards.  “OOF,” You heard the person grunt as you made impact and you yelped a little yourself.  Something dropped on the floor and you quickly regained balance and squatted down to pick up what had fallen.  You picked it up and straightened yourself, looking at him.  It was a man, his face mostly covered by the shadow of his hood and he honestly scared you a little.  His stature was decently tall, and from the impact you could tell he was well built.  You moved back a little as he regained his balance and when he looked up, his hood fell back slightly and the street lamp light revealed his face.  He wore an irritated expression, but it faded in an instant when he saw you.  He looked familiar, but you couldn’t quite pin point why.  And then he spoke.  “____?” His voice rang in your ears and your eyes widened.  “Junhwe?” You asked.  He nodded and your mouth opened in surprise as you looked at him.  His voice was unique and you had heard it so often that you’d never forget it.  

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?” Not really knowing what to do.  “We’re on tour right now, our show was at the stadium, and I thought I’d take a little look around the neighborhood and see how much it’d changed.” He said, running his hands through his hair, trying his best to avoiding eye contact as you unknowingly stared into his soul.  “Oh wow that's so crazy, what are the chances we'd see each other…” You said, still not taking your eyes off of him.  It felt like a weird dream, seeing him in front of you.  It’d been at least ten years since you’d last seen him and you’d both grown up so much.  “Yeah, it’s been so long, like almost ten years or something right?” He said, thinking.  “Yeah I think so.” You agreed.  “Oh, sorry for bumping into you, I wasn’t watching where I was going, here’s your phone.” You quickly handed him his phone and he mumbled a quick thank you.  

“Uh, are you busy?” You asked.  He raised an eyebrow, not yet giving an answer.  “I got off work early today and was going to head to Jun ahjussi’s restaurant to grab something to eat.” You explained.  He checked his phone and as it was still pretty early, he agreed.  The two of you headed back the way he’d come from, engaging in slightly awkward small talk.  “So what are you doing these days?” He asked.  “I work at a prosecution firm in the city.  We just finished a big case earlier today so I got off early.” You explained.  He nodded.  “How about you?  I don’t really have time to keep up with idol media these days.” You asked, a slightly playful tone in your voice.  He smiled.  “We’re on our seven year anniversary this year, can you believe that?” He said, looking at you to emphasize the large length of time.  You laughed.  “Time passed by so quickly don’t you think?” You said.  “Honestly though.” He agreed.  A slightly more comfortable silence enveloped the two of you as you continued down the street.  

You reached the restaurant and slid the door open.  “Welcome!” The familiar hostess at the cash register welcomed you guys and she smiled when she saw you.  “Get off work early?” She asked, grabbing two menus for you and Junhwe.  “Yeah we finished the case today.” You said with a tired smile.  She laughed and walked you to your usual table and Junhwe sat first.  The hostess was slightly older than you, and she was the owner’s daughter.  You’d had many conversations with her since you came so often, and she became a good friend of yours over the years.  She leaned over as you were taking your blazer off.  “I want all the details later.” She said, patting my back as she left to go to the kitchen.  You laughed and rolled your eyes as she walked away.  “Still come here often?” Junhwe asked, looking around at the extremely familiar scenery of the old fashioned restaurant.  

“Yeah, I probably come here at least twice a week.” You said as you sat down across from him.  “You still sit at the same table.” He pointed out.  “You remembered.” You said, smiling.  “The place looks exactly the same.” He said.  “I’m glad they’re still here, I don’t know what I’d do without them.  The city is starting to expand into the neighborhood and I’m getting worried.” You confessed.  He frowned and sighed.  “Well it seems like a lot of people still come here though.” He said looking around at all the full tables.  It was a bit noisy, but you were used to it and it made the atmosphere brighter.  “We used to come here all the time.” He said, looking at you.  You nodded, looking back at him.  Slightly flustered by the eye contact, you looked down at the menu, even though you already knew what you were going to get.  He smiled a little and looked down at his menu as well.  

You were a bit nervous, and it was because of him.  Ten years ago, the two of you had been dating in high school.  You were the secret “it” couple that only a few knew about.  You had been a good student, studies were something you’d excelled at and you were always at the top of your class.  Junhwe on the other hand slacked off a bit more and wanted to be a singer.  Because of your different work ethics, you never really had a chance to talk or even really see each other.  You were in the classroom or the library, while he was out on the field playing soccer or basketball.  Seeing him in class, you hadn’t thought much of him, he wasn’t any competition and he seemed unmotivated in school.  Until one day you’d been assigned to tutor him by your homeroom teacher since he was falling behind in math and ever since then the two of you instantly clicked.  You’d spend hours after school tutoring him, but also talking about yourselves to each other.  He’d told you about how he wanted to be a singer and he sang for you one day, and that’s when you fell for him.  

Your tutoring session turned into study dates and after studying, you’d go out and play at noraebangs, arcades, etc. and grab a bite to eat at Jun ahjussi’s when you got hungry.  However, you’d also told him how you wanted to study law in America, and your parents applied for you to study abroad halfway through high school.  Your relationship got cut short as you flew half way across the world to New York and he was accepted as a trainee at YG Entertainment.  The two of you hadn’t ended on horrible terms, but after you left, you didn’t keep in touch.  Occasionally you’d think about him and check out articles online, but you’d always felt he was “the one that got away” and you wondered what would’ve happened if he’d stayed.  

The hostess came back and took your orders and you sipped water quietly as he checked his phone.  People hadn’t recognized him yet, partially because they were too focused on the food, but also because he was pretty hidden, back to the rest of the restaurant while I could see everything from my seat in the corner of the room.  “Oh, we travelled to New York the other week.” He suddenly re-kindled the conversation.  “Really?? How was it?” You asked excitedly.  “We’d been there a couple times before, but we never got a chance to really look around.  But this time we got a chance to walk around and hang out.  We went all sorts of places…” He continued talking about New York and you nodded, picturing him in all the places he mentioned.  “I actually stopped by your college too.” He said.  “Oh my god really?! Why?!” You laughed at his confession.  “We had some extra time before we left on the last day and we passed by it on our way to eat lunch.  We passed by that large building at the front of the school, the all glass one where you can see everything inside.  It reminded me of you.” He said.  

You froze a little and you fought the smile creeping up on your face.  You laughed a little as you felt your face flush.  He laughed too and you could tell his ears were getting  a little red.  “It was so pretty, I could totally picture you studying in one of those rooms you know?  Not paying attention to the streets and people taking pictures, just your head stuck in a book.” He teased.  “Honestly that’s pretty spot on, I was there almost every day for hours on end.” You said, laughing.  You continued to talk and soon, Jun ahjussi walked out from the kitchen personally and served your food.  “Jinnie said you came here with a boy, and I just had to see this.  I had a feeling it would be you little rascal.” Jun ahjussi said, ruffling Junhwe’s hair in a fatherly playful way and you laughed.  “Does she come here with boys a lot?” Junhwe asked, 100% intrigued, looking at you.  Jun ahjussi laughed heartily.  “Nope, she’s always alone.  I was afraid she didn’t have any friends.  That’s why I had to see who she’d brought.” He said.  

“You’re still such a loner ____!” Junhwe laughed.  “Oh shut up…” You glared at him and crossed your arms in front of your chest.  Jun ahjussi laughed and pat your shoulder.  “Enjoy the food!” He said, heading back to the kitchen.  Junhwe was all smiles and you laughed.  You guys continued to catch up as you ate and when you were done, you took a quick picture together in front of the restaurant.  You took one for him by himself to upload on social media, and then you guys headed back onto the streets.  “Do you still live in the same apartment?” He asked, recognizing the familiar route you were leading him down.  “Yup, my parents moved out though so it’s just me.  Sometimes my sister stays with me when she’s in Korea.” You said.  He nodded.  You were almost back at your apartment and it started to rain.  “Do you have an umbrella?” He asked.  “No…” You covered your bag under your blazer as much as you could and he shed his jacket.  “Come on!” He said, draping it over the two of you as a cover.  You laughed as you jogged through the rain to the covered front steps of your apartment building.  

You helped him wipe the water off from his large coat and you looked at him as he shook his hair like a dog.  He was a lot better looking and he seemed a little bit more mature than he was in high school… only a little bit.  You laughed to yourself and he looked at you.  “I’m handsome right?  I saw you staring.” He teased.  You rolled your eyes.  You handed him his coat back and wiped yourself off.  “You didn’t disagree~” He sang playfully.  You smack his arm and he glared.  He teased you again and you were about to smack him again, but this time he caught your arm and looked at you.  “Yah…” You tried to pull your arm away, but he held on tight.  “I missed you.” He said quietly, trying his best to keep eye contact, but you kept looking away, but your eyes wen back to his.  “Everything reminded me of you.  Even after all these years.” He said, embarrassed, but truthful.  

“Me too.” You said.  “Walking these streets everyday, sitting alone at Jun’s… Everything.” You hadn’t wanted to admit it, but he was always at the back of your head.  He was slightly surprised, but you were too.  He smiled and pulled you into a hug.  You smiled a laughed a little, wrapping your arms around him.  “I’m so glad I decided to come here today.” He mumbled.  “Were you trying to run into me?” You asked, pushing away from him a little to look at his face, realizing the possibility.  He avoided eye contact, and you could see his slightly red ears.  “Maybe…” He confessed, making you laugh really hard.  “Yah!!” He pulled you back so he didn’t have to look at your face and you continued to laugh, getting short of breath.  “You’re crazy.” You said.  “I know.” He said, kissing your forehead.  

I’ve honestly had this scenario in my head for the past like year or something, but I never finished it, so today I revamped it and finally finished it LOL.  It’s not the best, but it’s definitely better than what I had from a year ago LMAOOO  Let me know if you liked it, if there are any mistakes I should fix, or whatever you want :) Please follow!! 

[cuteandtwisted]

THANK YOU for that chapter .. Isak telling Jonas what happened was ... nothing short of tearjerkingly beautiful! I frowned a bit at Isak breaking Baz, but eh, shit happens :-) Who knew Isak could be such a jealous bitch? *winks* hahaha I can't wait for the rest, and I hope you get better soon!! I caught a cold as well but am almost fully recovered by now

Thank you so much, love 💛 you’re too good to me I’ll never tire of saying it. Ilyy so much. I wanted to keep the talk between Isak and Jonas as simple as possible. I didn’t want Isak to cry even if it hurt. I’m proud of him 💛💛

Unfortunately I had the worst allergic reaction and had to go to the hospital. Yay life lol. I’m feeling better now but I wasted 3 days of my vacation sighhh.

Love youuuu 💛💛💛