#brain is leaving nooo i need to finish the tags

[vodika-vibes]

First Meeting

Summary: One day, when you are bored from practicing your pickpocketing skills, you meet a man that you think you might be able to believe in.

Pairing: Captain Keeli x Reader

Word Count: 1059

Warnings: Reader is a thief

Tagging: @trixie2023 @the-bad-batch-baroness

A/N: I wasn't going to write this. I have 11 requests that I should be working on and the next installment of my Magic and Knights AU, but nooo. My brain went "you wanna write for Keeli and his thief cyare" so here you go.

Divider by Saradika

You love the open air market.

The scent of dozens of different food items, the sound of merchants selling their wares, and the sight of people zipping this way and that from stall to stall.

It’s beautiful.

It’s organized chaos.

It’s the best place for someone like you to practice their pickpocketing skills. Besides, the crew is between jobs at the moment, while the boss finds the next rich asshole who needs to be conned out of all of his money. 

You carefully finish unwrapping your gyro and pop the last bit of seasoned bread and meat into your mouth, and then you wipe your fingers on the napkin sitting on your lap.

You look just like every other person here today. A thin jacket to ward off the wind, casual shoes, a hat to keep the sun off your head…since you’ve arrived, no one’s taken a second look at you.

Which is how you like it. You do your best work when no one pays attention to you after all.

You hop off the barrel that you’re using as your seat, and weave through the crowd to toss your trash in a nearby can, and then you quickly finish your drink, something fizzy and sweet, and then you cast your gaze around the market.

And then you adjust your hat, so it’s not in danger of flying off your head and you start weaving through the crowd. Nimble fingers dip into pockets and purses taking credits as though they’ve never been there. A second pass through the crowd, and you deftly remove watches and bracelets from unsuspecting wrists.

Within an hour, your bag is loaded down with a small fortune of things that used to belong to other people, and you’re bored out of your mind. It’s never any fun when the marks don’t realize that they’re being targeted.

A huff of air slips from you, and you grouchily stalk over to a nearby cookie stand, and buy a fresh chocolate cookie, “Bad day, dear?” The older woman asks sweetly.

You pay with someone else’s credit chit, “Just bored is all,” You reply, “Not much happening here today.”

“Oh, I’m glad for the easy day. These old bones aren’t made for excitement.” She smiles kindly, “Hopefully your day will get better.”

“Oh, I hope so.” You say easily, “Thanks for the cookie.” You add as you walk away and take a bite of the cookie. It’s warm, gooey, and delicious.

And it does nothing to ease your boredom.

You purse your lips, maybe it’s time you go home. Maybe Nat will have finished coming up with a plan for the next job and you can start doing something challenging and actually worth your time.

But, just as you’re about to leave, something catches your eye.

Well. Someone, really.

A pair of men, clones, one with buzzed blonde hair and the other with dark hair with intricate designs styled into it. They’re both clad in casual clothes, jeans and tee-shirts, and they’re both incredibly attractive.

You abandon your plan to leave immediately.

For a moment you consider the blonde. He is cute, but you’ve never gone for blondes in your life, but the brunet…well…

A small smile crosses your lips as you start to plan the best way to get his attention. You don’t believe in love at first sight…you do however believe in infatuation at first sight, and you definitely wouldn’t kick him out of bed in the morning.

You slip through the crowd and brush against the man in question, effortlessly slipping his comm out of his pocket and into your jacket pocket.

90 seconds.

In 90 seconds you’ll half run up to him and tell him you think he dropped his comm, and, with luck, the conversation will blossom from there.

You count down the seconds in the back of your mind, and at 90 seconds exactly, you half jog over to him, “Excuse me!” You call, intentionally sounding a little breathless, “Sorry, but I think you dropped this!” The change in your breathing pattern will make it harder for him to detect any lie in your voice.

A handy trick you learned from your grifter friend/co-worker.

“Ah, I think you have the wrong person, my comm is right her-...” He pats his pocket and then pauses, “Oh. I guess you’re right.”

You grin up at him, “No worries, I drop things all the time.” You hold the comm out to him and offer up your name.

“Thank you. My brothers would never let me hear the end of it if I lost this,” He says with an easy smile as he takes the comm from your hand, “I’m Keeli.”

Keeli. You like it. It suits him.

“Is this your first time at the market?” you ask, unwilling to drop the conversation now that you have his attention.

“It is, actually. I take it you’re a regular here?” Keeli asks.

“It gives me something to do when my family is getting annoying,” You joke easily, “I can show you around if you like?”

He pauses and his smile becomes slightly sly, “Getting to spend the day with someone as gorgeous as you would be a dream come true.”

Your grin grows and you step closer to him so you’re able to wrap your arms around one of his, “Well then, it’s your lucky day! Because you have my undivided attention.”

“Is that right?” Keeli asks as he turns his body towards you and angles his head down as though he’s telling a secret. 

“It is right!” You pause, “Do you want to bring your brother on your exclusive tour?”

“Rex is fine.” Keeli replies, his gaze locked on your face. 

You release a bubbly laugh and Keeli seems to melt a little, “Well then, if you’re fine with ditching him, then come with me! There’s so much for you to see!”

Assuming that this goes well, you think as you tug Keeli towards the craft stalls while chattering his ear off, and answering the few questions he poses you, you’ll have to get him to ask you on a proper date.

You don’t believe in love at first sight. You’ve seen far too much of the cruelties of the galaxy to believe in something so innocent, but you feel like you can believe in him.

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

Llyr and the Pirates - Day 20

Day 20: Needing to swim/can’t swim

For @amonthofwhump‘s Water Whump May, where I write a part of this story every day according to the prompt. Hm, so I thought this would have conversation between Llyr. Then he was tired and wanted a nap. Ugh. Guess that can wait whatever dude just go be delirious because of pain and exhausion. Deep exasperated sighhh.

Tag list: @spiffythespook, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @insanitywishes, @whumpingonarainyday, @burtlederp

Content warnings: for the first time in a while, nothing noteworthy to mention here!

His leg was on fire and the rest of him was slowly freezing and there was nobody there to save him. He screamed and screamed into the forest until his voice went hoarse. 

Ray and Hugh had been walking through the forest for a few minutes before they heard the screams.

“Are you sure he would have gone towards town? I’m just saying, that kid seems to really like the ocean,” Hugh sighed, trudging through mud, shiny new boots from Gawain’s crew already getting coated in grime.

“Listen, just because we found him drowning twice doesn’t mean he’d go there when running away from seafaring people. He’s smart. He’ll head inland towards a village,” Ray said. His feet were bare, but he was used to navigating difficult terrain without shoes, unlike Llyr when he’d passed through earlier. He had relatively less trouble than Hugh, too, who slipped and nearly fell at his words.

“Smart? He literally dove into the ocean, from our ship, during a storm. How fucking smart does that sound to you?”

“I would’ve done the same thing, had I been facing cruel torture,” he suggested lightly. If Hugh didn’t know Ray, he may have been inclined to think he was kidding. 

Their walk fell silent then for a few minutes, no sounds to be heard except for those of pouring rain and squelching mud.

“Do you really think he’s gonna-”

“Hugh, please, we went over this already. I don’t want to think about it any more than you do.” 

“Hm, that’s a low bar to set, Raymond,” he laughed, “because I’ve been thinking about just how angry he’s gonna be since we started walking.”

Ray couldn’t deny he’d been thinking about the same thing, but certainly more out of apprehension than excitement. Mere hours after he’d sacrificed himself for Llyr’s safety, here he was preparing to lure him back home with what must have been his most prized possession.

Ray readjusted the seal skin cloak around his shoulders, almost regretting having chosen to wear it. He just wanted to be able to protect some part of Llyr from Hugh, but it felt so wrong on his own body. It should have been around Llyr’s shoulders where it fit like it was made for him, and where it would keep that panic of losing it at bay. 

They trudged on as the rain picked up, soaking them once again. It was then that they heard something in the distance.

It was a shrill noise that he couldn’t quite place, yet upset him somewhere deep down.

Ray heard it again, and it was louder that time. Emotional and desperate, a scream for help from far, far away.

“Did you-?” Hugh started, but he cut him off and grabbed his wrist as he changed directions towards the noise.

“This way,” he said. “Either make a trail or figure this out with the compass so we don’t get lost. Come on.” Ray sped his pace to a jog, feeling Hugh strain to keep up behind him as he fiddled with a compass, reading angles and making sure they knew how to get back once they’d found Llyr. 

The run was much longer than he anticipated, the scream a constant in the distance as they splashed through puddles and underbrush, but only growing weaker as they drew closer to its source. By the time they drew within visible range, the screams had diminished to choked shouts and whimpers, calling out, “...help! I can’t die here I can’t, don’t leave me to die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die...”

They heard the words trail off just as they spotted him, a figure half buried in the mud, laying flat on his back.

“Llyr, Llyr! What happened?” Ray knelt down in the mud--his legs were already soaked anyway; there was no reason to be cautious now--and the boy blinked faintly up at him.

“Animal trap, it looks like,” Hugh tried and failed to hide a smile. “Serves him right.”

“Stop that,” Ray hissed, turning back to Llyr. “Talk to me, buddy. You’re gonna be okay, we’ll get you out of that and we’ll-” he swallowed reflexively, “we’ll take you back and help you get better.

He tried to say the words as gently as possible, but Llyr’s eyes widened all the same, expression dropping into fear as he tried to scramble backwards, only jostling his leg more. He cried at the pain as he tried to crawl away, and Ray heard Hugh mutter a curse behind him before crouching above Llyr’s shoulders, holding forcibly in place.

“Stop, stop no no!” he thrashed, and Ray shot Hugh a look of disdain.

“Well? I got him still,” he grinned, propping the boy up in his lap and holding him there with a bruising grip on his upper arms. “You do the honors.” Ray followed his gaze to the animal trap, the sharp metal teeth disappearing underneath skin and the puddle of blood mixing in with the mud below. 

He glanced back at Llyr’s pained face cautiously before crawling down to his leg where the trap had latched on. It dug in deep, especially in the fleshier part of his leg, and Ray grimaced at the sight. He’d need to stand to get enough leverage to even dream of forcing this thing open.

Carefully, he stood and placed his bare foot on the bottom part of the trap, between two of the teeth and near the end. Taking the top jaw in hand, he grunted and pulled as hard as he could, straining against the surprising resilience. It really shouldn’t have been so surprising, considering these were meant to hold bears in place, but the thought really didn’t help Ray in the moment.

To make matters worse, every time he pulled, shaking arms shifting Llyr’s leg back and forth in the trap, the boy whimpered and whined with pain, seemingly too delirious with it to talk now.

“Hugh, is he alright? Is he even still conscious?” 

“I dunno. Probably not, by the look of him.”

Despite what the captain and his ex-shipmate believed, Llyr was very much still awake, but far too exhausted to pay any more attention to them. Thoughts were running so slowly through his head as if they too were buried in mud.

He should have been panicking and worrying about them taking him back, but all he could think about was the grime nearly covering his entire body now. It felt like a cocoon, a cage, a vice on his entire being that wouldn’t let go. The rain wasn’t powerful enough to wash it away, and suddenly it was unbearable to be out of the ocean. 

All at once, he was so exhausted from dealing with this human form. He longed for the comfort of the sea, of his skin forming around him just as it was always meant to be, but stupid, stupid him had left that behind for a foolish, horribly timed escape. Weakly, he squirmed under Hugh’s hold and he could have sworn the pressure of its stomach against his back rippled in a laugh as he muttered over and over about water, water, water…

The pain didn’t register in his brain when the trap finally came off of his leg, and neither did the sensation of open bleeding, but he did feel the vertigo as he was lifted from the ground and placed up on his feet. 

It didn’t even register to him that they were trying to force him back with them until he took his first step.

Next part

[keichanz]

Rest

saw this post and the idea wouldn’t leave my brain until i wrote it. so enjoy the random Inukag and moroha family fluff i guess.

yep i totally forgot to tag everyone sorry my bad

@lavendertwilight89 @born-for-eachother @mandirox89 @arcprz @bluejay785 @malditamigs @xfangheartx @bluehawaiicat @zelink-inukag @clearwillow @wenchster @anabananaxq @superpixie42 @midnightsilver16830 @heathersmusings @theinuyashareader @danycontreras90 @liz8080 @blairex @lordofthechips @itzatakahashi @sailorbabydoll92 @raisinraven @sticky-llama-perfection @dangerouspompadour @digital-art-monster @joaniemae @boostyourmind-blog @anxietyaardvark @simply-zerah @nsr0716 @caribmiko @witchygirl99 @mamabearcat @redflamesofpassion @tuxedochevaleresse @umacaking @hnn-wnchstr @juliatheanimelover7 @lemonlushff @eringobroke @youarenotmyhomelandanymore @hikaruwrites @horriblehowl @lady-dark-69 @sssuperbartola @eternalnight8806-3 @morganashimi83 @shnuggletea @pinkpigeonstudio @memusicmuse @cyncyn981 @yurawiththegoodhair @kagometaishostory @chickpow @ladyphoenix0711 @the-rebel-alchemist @nartista @soliska @cammysansstuff @karina-inuphantom

“C’mon, Moroha, I really don’t want to do this tonight...”

With a heavy sigh, Kagome swept aside the reed mat to her home and wasn’t at all surprised to find it empty aside from her lightly dozing husband. He sat against the wall in his usual fashion, legs crossed, arms tucked into his opposite sleeves, and he stared at her with curious, but tired eyes.

Kagome huffed and crossed her arms. “Where’d she go?”

“She?”

She gave him a look. “I know I saw her run in here. Did she climb out the window again?”

A slow blink. “My eyes were closed, wench. I didn’t see anything.”

Kagome wrinkled her nose and tried not to pout because as much as she wanted to believe otherwise, she knew her husband spoke the truth. He and Miroku had just gotten back an hour prior from a week long demon slaying trip and a single glance as he’d dragged himself inside their little hut had told her of his bone-deep exhaustion. He’d shaken his head at her inquisitive look and she hadn’t pried, figuring he’d explain all that had happened tomorrow morning after he’d gotten some well deserved rest and they had a little time to themselves while Moroha slept for another hour or so. So she’d merely smiled, kissed his cheek, and left him to rest while she wrangled up their hyper-active toddler to get ready for her bath.

But of course, true to form, Moroha was anything but compliant, the resulting happiness from her father’s return making her energized, hyper, and consequently turning everything into a game. 

Ergo, why Kagome was now searching for her hyper-active daughter after the child had darted away with mischievous giggles, evidently deciding that a game of Hide and Seek sounded like a great idea.

Kagome disagreed.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Kagome jutted her hip to the side and pinned her half-demon with a look of weary tolerance. Inuyasha likened it to fond exasperation.

“You’re lucky I love you.” Dark eyes glinted impishly at him and the corners of her lips twitched.

He fought a grin. “And here I thought you only married me for my ears.”

The look she gave him that time was coy and her smile was even more so.

“Among other things,” she said leadingly and had the audacity to drop her gaze somewhere lower than his face. 

Inuyasha’s lids lowered and he beckoned her over to him with a jerk of his head. “C’mere.”

Kagome bit her lip and took a single step forward before halting herself and narrowing her eyes at him.

“No.”

Black brows rose into silver bangs. “No?”

“Yeah. No, because I know that look, you need to rest, and I need to find your kid so I can give her the bath she’s avoiding.” 

“My kid, huh?”

“Yes, your kid. Because no child of mine would ever be this stubborn and hyper-active and suddenly think bath time would be a great time for Hide and Seek.”

“Really.”

She suppressed another smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

“Ain’t that what we’re gonna be doing in a couple hours, anyway? Sleep?” Inuyasha rejoined, quirking a brow.

Kagome rose both her eyebrows at him and tipped him a small smile that spoke volumes.

He couldn’t do it. He grinned at her. “Keh.”

Kagome snickered and tossed him a little wink. “Get some rest, dogboy. You’re gonna need it.”

“Cheeky.”

“Only for you.” She smiled, blew him a kiss, and ducked out the door, calling for their wayward daughter once again. 

Chuckling, Inuyasha shook his head and released a yawn. 

A few minutes passed and then suddenly a little nose poked out from behind the curtain of his suikan sleeves, sniffing once, twice, three times. Inuyasha watched, amused, as his daughter tentatively peeked out from behind the large draping sleeves that hid her from view and surveyed their home for her mother. Finding the room empty, Moroha giggled in triumph and slithered out from her father’s lap to land on the floor in a wriggling heap, relishing in her victory. 

Inuyasha gave her a deadpan stare.  “You’re gonna get me in trouble.”

 Moroha grinned at him. “Nooo, Papa help me!”

“You used me, runt.”

“Noooo!” she giggled and got to her feet.

“You gonna let Mama give you a bath?”

“Nooooo.” Vehement head-shaking followed.

“Will you let Papa give you a bath?”

“Noo!” More giggling as she stomped around in circles.

“You ever gonna stop answering everything with ‘no’?”

The devil-child grinned at him. “Nooo.”

Inuyasha’s ear flicked and he nodded sagely. “I see. So then you don’t want the gift that Papa got for you while he was away.”

Moroha’s eyes widened. “N--” She stopped. Blinked. Furrowed her brow as she thought hard for a moment before her eyes brightened. 

Nodding her head rather enthusiastically, she said, “No.”

Inuyasha balked. Blinked. Then narrowed his eyes. “You brat, that’s cheating.”

The toddler smashed her hands against her mouth to hide the obvious grin as she danced in place, bouncing up and down in her excitement.

“Noooo,” she denied amid her giggles, apparently having far too much fun with this particular “game.”

Cheeky. Just like her mother. Keh.

Inuyasha tried to keep the stern look on his face as he shifted his position, moving as if he was getting ready to get to his feet and being deliberately slow about it.

“Alright, runt, you have three seconds to make yourself scarce before you learn how to swim like your old man did and not how your mom wants you to.”

Even at such a young age, Moroha knew it was an empty threat but she acted like it wasn’t anyway, releasing a high-pitched squeal of laughter before turning around and darting through the doorway with more giggles.

Inuyasha sank back down with a grunt and released another yawn as his ears picked up the sound of a gasp, small feet scrambling in the dirt, and then a triumphant “Gotcha, you little sneak!”

Seconds later he heard the melodic sound of his little girl’s laughter as she was “punished” by way of The Tickle Monster, aka, her mother. Softer, throatier laughter joined in before the woman herself stepped through the doorway once more, their daughter tucked beneath her arm like a sack of rice with her little dirty feet kicking merrily in the air.

Placing her free hand on her hip, Kagome arched a brow at him and said dryly, “Didn’t see anything, huh?”

“I was an unwilling accomplice. I’m innocent.”

Kagome snorted her opinion of that. Moroha echoed the sentiment.

Inuyasha frowned at the little backside wiggling in the air at him. “Traitor.”

Said wee traitor giggled, clearly unrepentant.

Kagome couldn’t hold back a smile. “Where was she?”

He stared at her for a minute before resuming his earlier position. Crossing his legs, he stuffed his hands into his sleeves again and cocked a single brow at his wife. 

Kagome gaped at him. Then at their daughter. 

“You sneaky little demon!”

Moroha giggled and squirmed in her mother’s grasp. “Sneaky!”

Inuyasha chuckled.

Kagome pointed at him. “You’re in trouble.”

He grinned.

She narrowed her eyes. “Stop that.”

He stopped.

Rolling her eyes, though unable to keep her lips from twitching upward, Kagome flapped a hand at him as if in dismissal.

“Go to sleep. You’re annoying me.”

“Excuse you, you’re the one who barged in here and disturbed my beauty sleep.”

“Inuyasha, no amount of beauty sleep in the world will--”

“Finish that sentence, wench, and you’ll find the runt and yourself taking a nice little evening swim in the cold river.”

Kagome promptly sealed her lips and smiled as she batted her eyes at him. 

Inuyasha snorted and stuck his nose in the air, closing his eyes. “Beat it. I need my rest and you two are loud.”

Finally giving in with a soft laugh, Kagome shook her head then knelt down to set their daughter on the floor. She whispered something to the toddler and with a bright smile, Moroha obediently scampered on over to her father.

Inuyasha waited until she’d reached his side before dipping his head. He received a soft kiss to his cheek with a soft, “G’night, Papa,” and small arms wrapping around his neck. He hugged his little girl back, wrapping an arm around her tiny body and dropping a kiss to her head. 

“Night, babygirl,” he murmured. He was rewarded with a bright smile - her mother’s smile - before his daughter turned and toddled back to his wife.

Kagome hoisted their toddler up into her arms, bestowed her husband with a soft, loving smile, then turned and left their home to finally give their daughter her long-overdue bath.

When Inuyasha woke, it was fully dark out and a small hand - a familiar hand - was lazily stroking his ear. Said ear flicked, there was a brief pause, then the gentle massage continued. One by one his sense came back online; the smoke and burning wood from the fire pit was the first thing to register. Next was the soothing sounds of two heartbeats, one slow and steady with the rhythm of slumber, and the other calm and nearby. Lastly was the feeling of something warm and soft leaning against his bare back, skin against skin, warm lips pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

He sighed, deciding he was content enough for the moment to relish in the warmth, the feeling of his wife’s body against his own, her forever intoxicating sent surrounding him as she stoked his ear. But then she started kissing his neck and he abruptly decided nope time to move.

A shift, a tug, and then he had her under him, bare and beautiful and smiling. Her hands pressed against his chest and he leaned down, kissed her nose, her jaw, her chin.

“Miss me?” he murmured and laid his forehead against hers, eyes twin pools of heated amber gold. 

“Yes.” No hesitation, no pause; just open honesty, genuine love in those dark eyes. Hands curled around the back of his neck as she tilted her face up, a silent request.

“Show me,” he whispered against her mouth before claiming it in a slow, languid kiss that had he been aching to give her for days. 

His wife, the mother of his child, his beloved Kagome happily returned it, her passion soft but urgent, heady but contained, hot but maddeningly slow. She whispered his name, kissed him one more time, then promptly rolled him onto his back so she could do as he bade and show him how much she’d missed him.

[ms31x129]

Haunted Dreams by Ms31x129 (Existence AU - Part 5)

Summary: Scully had chosen his jailer well.

Part 1- A Child Is Born, Part 2- Desperate Lullaby,  Part 3- Sacrifice & Part 4 - Faded Love

If I tagged you and you aren’t interested please ignore and sorry for the wait. This will probably be 7 chapters in all. Chapter Names will take you to AO3 if you prefer reading on Tumbler it’s below blog tags.

@cultureisdarkbeer @season4mulder @baronessblixen @kikocrystalball @kyouryokusenshi @piecesofscully @monikafilefan @today-in-fic @improlificinsarcasm @lappina @skullsmuldon @mulder-even-if @strangerinthesacredheart @wholeperson @mobygirl21 @faithfirst2016 @postmodernpromartheus @lmsmith099 @alienbaby-babymama @sandymans-world  @blossom-ofsnow @rationalcashew @thatsaprettycoolposter 

Scully had chosen his jailer well.

Three weeks had passed, father and son on their own, except for Gibson.

Mulder had fed William and placed him in his crib. He stood there hands on the railing and watched his son - even in sleep his small lips suckled. Was he dreaming of Scully? Dreaming of her voice? Dreaming of her smell or the soft skin of her breast under his hand? He remembered watching in amazement as she tickled William’s mouth with her nipple. And how eager his son latched on and drew that sweet rich milk into his mouth, his tiny hand on her breast fingers splayed. 

Each time was such a beautiful moment he would find his eyes wet - yet he felt contentment and a peace he didn’t think he’d ever known. A peace he was now without and questioned if he would ever have again.

Earlier that day Gibson had approached him and told him they would have to move soon. Mulder knew better than to ask, Gibson’s knowledge remained locked in his brain inaccessible, unlike Mulder’s own. Didn’t seem fair that Gibson had an all access pass into the ‘Mulder Inner Psyche.” 

Mulder heard Gibson’s footfalls behind him, but he did not turn.

“He is, he does.” Gibson’s voice was soft, “I don’t mean to intrude, but your thoughts and his are similar. Williams are indistinct but so pure. I know your words, but I see images and I hear sounds from your son.”

Mulder finally turned, “I’m listening.” The mossy hazel eyes meeting Gibson’s were Mulder’s yet not, like the spark for any type of truth or life had been extinguished.

“He wonders where she is. He sees her hair and hears her heartbeat…” Mulder noticed a blush rising on Gibson’s cheeks. “You’re right he’s dreaming of suckling and misses the taste. She’s humming to him and rocking, maybe? He’s sleepy, but he hears you over everything. He loves you both - it’s like a bright shining ball of light he so happy, he grabbed your thumb or finger and he’s falling asleep I think. He felt safe and secure.”

Mulder turned away wiping his eyes and looked back down at his son. Gibson sighed and stepped into the doorway, but he couldn’t leave just yet. “Mr. Mulder? He still does… he feels secure with you. He’s still happy… I - you know - I don’t know if my parents were really my parents in any biological sense, it seemed like they just were there. I wanted to say William is so lucky to have you for a father and Agent Scully for a mother.”

Mulder reached into the crib and picked up his sleeping son. He walked to the rocking chair and sat down. The motion soothed both father and son and as Mulder finally dozed he thought again… Scully had chosen his jailer well.

As the three of them moved from place to place 2 weeks here 3 weeks there Mulder could only marvel at the meticulous planning behind their journey. He knew Gibson was reading his mind, but Mulder vocalized it regardless.

“Scully planned everything.”

“Yes,” Gibson nodded and looked at Mulder. William was asleep in the car seat and they had stopped to pick up some burgers and fries on the way to the next location. “But the plan wasn’t for you.”

“What are you saying?”

“When you were taken and she didn’t find you in Arizona - she was so close - we both were. But then they found your body and you left everything to her - she started to plan. If after she gave birth and if she sensed any danger she was going to take the baby and run.”

Mulder shuddered when his mind flashed to pain, blood, the whir of blades, the high pitched sound of a laser. His own voice hoarse from screaming, screaming for Scully. He breathed slowly and forcefully pushed those thoughts back through the door that had briefly opened.

Mulder was quiet as he processed Gibson’s revelation, a response seemed useless, they finished their meal in silence. Mulder gathered the spent wrappers and containers, William was blinking his eyes when Mulder got back from the trash can. He opened the back door, unbuckled his son and picked him up. “Hey buddy.” Gibson handed Mulder the diaper bag, he nodded his head in thanks. “Yeah I thought I’d better change and feed him before we get back on the road.” 

Mulder took several steps before stopping and turning. Gibson resembled a young sentinel standing watch beside their Jeep. “Gibson - Scully was this really the only way?”

Gibson’s face was solemn. Mulder didn’t need any further acknowledgment, but he held William a little tighter though on his way to the restroom. It had been three months Mulder knew there was more he needed to know. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to hear it…

The camaraderie between Mulder and Gibson deepened as they spent time together eventually Mulder no longer thought of Gibson as his jailer, but as his young friend. Maybe even a younger brother. 

The dreams began the same night William babbled Da-da for the first time.

Mulder had just changed him and he was tickling William by rubbing his nose over the soles of his feet. It elicited giggles and squeals. Mulder then moved to his belly tickling and blowing several raspberries. Williams hands smacked Mulder’s head and he grabbed fistfuls of hair. Mulder gently pried Williams fingers apart and mock yelled, “Ow! Will don’t pull Daddy’s hair!”

Will continued to smile up at his father and that’s when it happened. “Da-da!” Mulder’s expression must have entertained his son and he repeated it several more times. “Da-da, Da-da, Da-da!”

Mulder swore his heart grew, just like the Grinch. His first word was Dada. That night though Mulder couldn’t stop the feelings of despair from creeping back in. Would he ever get the chance to hear his son say Mama? Would Scully?

She asked him to forget her. How could she not know even death was unable to eradicate her from his mind… or his heart.

That night he had his first dream of the beach.

Darkness. A beam of white reflected from starlight sparked and twinkled as it danced against the crashing waves at the water's edge. It calmed Mulder even with the waves reaching to the heavens against the nearby rocks, travelling through his auditory senses. In the distance stood a petite figure. Red-golden hair blew in the breeze covering the faceless figure staring out on the watery horizon.

"Scully!" Mulder cried out. His feet carrying him swiftly toward her. Slowly, the figured turned, like on a turntable rotating towards the music of his voice. The winds velocity gained in strength the closer Mulder got until instead of a pillar of salt like Lot's wife, she transformed to grains of sand. "Nooo!" Mulder screamed, but it was lost in the breeze. The sandy particles stealing her form -  kissing his flesh with biting pricks as they drifted past him in the wind.

Mulder woke up sweating, shaking, head and heart pounding. William was crying louder than Mulder had ever heard. Was something wrong? Mulder lurched to his feet and ran to the nursery. Mulder could see panic in Gibson’s eyes as he transferred William whose his face was beet red, his breath hitched and tears streamed down his cheeks into Mulder’s arms.

William’s fists pounded against his father’s chest, Mulder gently palmed his son’s head, thumb stroked his downy hair. He rested his lips against William’s forehead murmuring soothingly until William’s hitching sobs slowed and became a mournful mantra of “Da-da.”

Mulder’s legs were still shaky with the residual remnants of his dream and fear that something was wrong with his son. The rocking chair beckoned. Mulder followed the call and sat quickly re-positioning William he began to rock, the familiar motion soothed both father and son.

“What happened, Gibson?”

Gibson looked slightly nauseous a pasty almost green hue overtaking the panic that had been present on his face. He gulped, “I, I … your dreams - William’s - I can’t. I’ve got to go.” Gibson ran out of the room.

Gibson made it to the bathroom in time. After vomiting and dry heaving he was left feeling shaky and weak. He managed to splash cool water on his face and brushed his teeth staring at his reflection in the mirror, his head still aching as snippets of Mulder and William’s dreams spiraled through his head.

Gibson looked into the wastebasket wads of bloody tissues from his sudden nosebleed earlier lined the bottom. He didn’t want Mulder to see the evidence, didn’t want to add to Mulder’s worries. The pain had been excruciating like a bomb when off inside his head and Gibson had felt true fear in that moment.

After throwing away the small trash bag Gibson went into the nursery, Mulder and William were fast asleep in the rocking chair. Gibson grabbed a soft throw blanket and draped it over the exhausted father and son. They were both dreaming of the beach again, but it was calm and soothing. 

Gibson knew he wouldn’t find sleep for the rest of the night so he began to pack their belongings. Not much to do really - living from a suitcase was a part of life on the run. The next morning in subdued silence and after eating breakfast they loaded they loaded Silver Minivan. Exchanging vehicles during their journey at random safe houses was the norm as well.

Gibson and Mulder continued their discussions on the road. Gibson thought Mulder used his innately curious nature to avoid thinking about the woman he loved. Gibson answered as many as he could if he knew the answer.

“What happened to the creature in the Power Plant?”

“How did you get out? Why didn’t it hurt you?”

“Are they still here Gibson? Can you hear them?”

Gibson also discovered on this trip that usually when they neared a large city it was easier to block out the multitude of voices buzzing in his head. To focus only on Mulder and William - sometimes he would fall asleep during Mulder’s quiet times, which were few, listening to the slushing surf William shared.

They all had bags under their eyes - even the baby. A full night of rest was impossible. Gibson had another nosebleed and Mulder was in the rocking chair with William again. Gibson really didn’t want to intrude on Mulder’s dreams, but he was drawn in like a magnet.

Mulder and Scully were making love on a beach. Mulder’s white dress shirt was ripped open his tuxedo jacket under Scully - he still wore his trousers.  “I love you, Scully.” Mulder said as he stroked into her with a snap of his hips, wringing a deep moan from her. His head dropped and he sucked a nipple into his mouth swirling his tongue over the pebbled tip until Scully panted and his name was drawn out of her. 

He rolled until she was astride him, his hands guiding and following her hips - mimicking the ocean waves behind them. Scully was wearing a black dress the top of it hung around her waist. Her breasts swayed invitingly and he leaned up to lick one and then the other. She tightened around him the spasms rippling along his flesh pulling his own climax from him. She collapsed onto his chest, in moments their hearts were beating in tandem. Scully slowly sat up, Mulder grunted still half hard inside her.

“I’ll never forget this Scully.”

She looked down at him and shook her head sadly before leaning forward and gently kissing him. “You will.” She whispered before she sat up again and just like before she became sand and the wind consumed her. Mulder sprung to his feet yelling - looking around wildly. “Scully! Scully! Scu...ly,” before collapsing to his knees. “Don’t go.” He choked out.

Gibson found himself muffling his own cries into his pillow. The people he called his parents hadn’t loved him like that. Would anyone ever?

[haiqyu]

Remember

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

"sorry what? " I must've heard him wrongly.

"My name is Taeyong. "

I froze at the name. Taeyong... Taeyong? You mean the Lee Taeyong in the notebook...? That's not true. Maybe it's another Taeyong. I know two Taeils so... Maybe it's just a coincidence. God is probably messing with me right now...

I coughed and nodded. I wrote the names onto the respective cups. Wow. Writing became so hard. "you two could take a seat first. I'll call you when it's ready. " I smiled at them.

They nodded and took the table nearest to the counter. They continued laughing and chatting and I went ahead to make the drinks. I did the usual thing and poured the drinks into the cups. I put both cups onto the tray with the straws beside them.

"Drinks for Yuta and T-Tae... Yong... " I stuttered at the name.

They collected the drinks and went back to their seats. I gripped onto the counter as I felt my head spinning again. I rubbed my temples with my other hand. "please... Not now... "

Just then, I blacked out.

Such a beautiful scenery... Skies are blue... Trees swaying as the wind blows. Flowers starting to bloom as the sun shines. Petals of the cherry blossom tree falling. I tried reaching out to grab one of the falling petals. How nice... How peaceful. But where am I?

"I found you! " I heard a girl shout.

I turned towards the voice and I saw a girl that looks like me with another guy... They were both wore clothes from the past. The girl ran over to the guy and back hugged him. They both fell onto the soft green grass and both started laughing. The boy reached out, touched her face gently and rubbed her cheek with his thumb softly. She rested onto his embrace and closed her eyes. He kissed her forehead softly.

"I love you so much, Taeyong... "

"I love you too, -

The wet towel being placed on my forehead woke me from the dream. My vision was blurry but became clearer. I looked to the side. "Oh, Johnny. Why am I...lying down? "

My colleague, Johnny was putting the wet towel on my forehead. He was kneeling down beside me. He looked so relieved that I was awake. "geez, (Y/n)! You sure know how to worry people. You were out cold for two hours!! I had to take care of you while Taeil is at the counter, replacing you temporarily. What happened tho? "

I slowly sat up, with the help of Johnny. My body was so sore, I assumed it was because I fell onto the floor when I passed out. I rubbed my arms slowly. "I... Don't know too. I just... Passed out... "

"maybe it's because you're tired. "

"Yea... Maybe... "

He patted my back and then my head. He smiled softly as me and stood up to leave. I thanked him when he was about to leave the room. He just waved at me. He's such a cool person... I got up to stand but quickly grabbed onto the chair that was beside me. Blood was rushing to my brain as I got up so quickly.

I walked out to the counter slowly and approached Taeil. I tapped into his shoulder and told him that I would take over now. He looked at me kind of concern if he should let me take over, but he shrugged and nodded. He then left.

I looked around. There's only one customer in the café. I do not have to worry about the customer orders now. I sighed and packed the things out the counter nicely. Wait a minute... Isn't that... Taeyong?

I shot up and looked towards the customer's direction. It is him! Why is he here? Wasn't he with that Yuta guy or something? Why is he alone?

He noticed my presence and walked towards me. I immediately looked away and pretended that I was busy. Please leave. Please leave. Do not come here...

"hey, are you okay? I saw you fainting just now. " he asked me.

Dammit

"oh well, Yea. I'm okay now. Thank you for your concern. But this doesn't mean you can get a free milkshake."

"I am just worried for you. You did fell hard onto the ground. I'm glad you're okay, (Y/n)." as he said my name, his voice cracked.

My heart pounded hard. "how do you know my name?"

"uh uh you name... Tag...?"

"we do not have name tags."

"those two guys were calling (Y/n) at you so I just assumed it was your name."

Oh. Maybe it's not him. Maybe it's not the Taeyong in the notebook. I looked up at him. He looked nervous as if he was caught doing something. His thumbs fiddling with each other. Him looking down at the floor again.

"you know... May I ask you something? " he asked softly. "Can I... Go out with you sometime... "

"l-like a date??? "

"y-yea... "

"sure... My shift ends at 4 so... "

"i-ill stay here and wait for you!!" he said almost immediately. I looked so determined to bring me out. So cute.

I'm flustered. Wow. First time being asked out know a date. Damn (Y/n)! You're lucky. I looked at him as he walked back to his seat. He fist pumped into the air and looked back at me. He blushed hard and quickly went to hide his face on his bag.

I giggled at the sight. I could get use to this! He's so cute... He looked like the guy in my dreams. The guy whose name is... Taeyong... It's definitely not him. Usually the faces I dreamed of are blurry or non at all. This dream was too realistic and... Sad.

What if it was one of the memories that my past self had? Well, they are indeed wearing clothes from the past. She had such beautiful hair... Neatly combed and tied info a bun. White Dress so long that it looks hard to walk in it. Purple diamond hairpin which support the bun and made it look so elegant.

That man tall and handsome. Black hair neatly combed as well. Black suit which looked it had been ironed well. A purple diamond bracelet on his right wrist. The couple was wearing matching accessories. How loving.

I washed the cups and utensils and not long, the clock strikes 4. I took off my apron and took my bag. I went to him. "I'm ready. Let's go. " I smiled at him.

He blushed and nodded. He got up and walked out with me. He opened the door and held it for me. Such a gentleman. We walked around aimlessly. Neither of us interacting but the atmosphere was so comfortable and relaxing as if we have been going out for a long time.

"so... Do you want to go to a amusement park? I know one that is near by... " he broke the silence.

"but I don't have the proper clothing..." I looked down at my outfit. I was wearing a skirt and heels.

I frowned and he took my hand. The sudden interaction made me blush and look up at him. He smiled slightly and dragged me to a store which sells expensive products. I tugged onto his shirt, feeling embarrassed and intimidated. "let's not go onto this store... I have no money to by things here."

He pushed me softly to a shelf full of shoes, nudging me to select one. "I'll buy the things for you. "

I was dumbfounded at the moment. Buy... The things? One pair of shoes costs $60 and I'm just a young adult who only can afford cup noodles as meals. I shook my head and panic. The employees of the store looked at us and they all greeted Taeyong. "Welcome, Mr Lee. Do you need help?"

He just pointed at my figure and said, "she's the one that needs help. "

"Taeyong, I can't afford them. " his name naturally flowing out of my mouth.

His eyes widen and he smiled. He grabbed both of my hands and patted them. "it's okay. Feel free to pick anyone. "

Even though we just met for technically 2 hours or less, he's already making a move. However, I would just immediately let go of my hand, but this felt so... Warm and it felt so right that I'm touching his hands.

I just found the cheapest pair of shoes that I could find in the store and pick the cheapest pair of black pants. Even though they were the cheapest, it costed $160.30. I felt so bad as we just knew each other for a short moment only. He paid for the items and I got to put them on. They were comfortable tho so that's a plus.

I was determined to treat him for lunch, even though I can't afford one proper meal for myself. Well, I'll try.

We got out of the store and walked closely. It's that comfortable silence again. But it's starting to feel awkward. Well,i felt like it because he just paid for my clothes. When I was deep in thought, I felt him pull me into his hard warm chest. It didn't hurt and wow. He has a great scent. Very fresh and comforting. I blushed. HARD.

"w-what are you doing?? " my face still onto his chest. I didn't want to look up since I'm too embarrassed to do it.

"A bicycle ride past and he was going too fast. I didn't want you to be hurt so I just... Yea" he held my hand tighter.

"oh... Thank you." I smiled.

He let go of me but continued holding onto my hand. We walked together hand in hand for a while. I think... I'm falling for him...

Just then, he pulled me towards an entrance. I looked up and realised that it was the entrance to the amusement park. I gasped. I've haven't been to one for a very long time.

"wow... WOWW!!! It's so cool!!! " I dragged him around the park.

I looked around and there were so many attractive rides. The one that caught my eye was the roller coast which allowed us to go upside down. "that one! That one!!! " I pointed to the roller coaster.

I saw Taeyong gulped hard and I giggled. I didn't waste anytime and dragged him along. We went onto the ride and we sat down on one of the carts. I knew Taeyong was scared so I held his hands tightly. "I'll be here to protect you, Taeyong"

Just then, I got another vision...

"I have to go and train for the war, (Y/n)... I do not want to leave you... " the man pouted.

The girl hugged him tightly and held his face,while squishing his cheeks. "you do not have to go! I'll go there and fight for you!! I will protect you no matter what!! "

Both of them smiled and stayed in the embrace for a while.

A tear slide down from my face. I looked at him. He looked at me back and smiled.

"you always had... "

"what did you say? Sorry I didn't catch it. "

"mmm noThINg"

When he finished speaking, the rode started. I felt his whole body freeze. He held my hand as tight as he could. He shivered. He started screaming while the roller coast was going up. "(Y/n)! No! Please save me! Ahhahdodjjnsxjndxihsbd"

I laughed and rubbed my thumb onto his hand. "it's okay!!" I shouted at him.

"NOOO!!! "

I continued laughing so hard that I started drooling. Oops. He's so cute. I could protect him forever!! He looked so chill but he's soft in the inside! Cute. He continued screaming and when the roller coaster went down, he screamed till it hit falsetto.

I couldn't concentrate on the ride as I was laughing so hard. His long limbs failing around and accidentally slapping my face. He didn't even know as he was so caught up with the screaming.

The day went over fast as we were having so much fun. The awkwardness melted away and it created a beginning of a new friendship.

After the amusement park, he brought me to the park. His hands still on mine. We didn't know as we were talking about our day. I looked around and saw many couples in the park. The lamps were dimmed but we were still able to see where we are going. It's really romantic. We passed by an old lady who was selling hair pins and small accessories.

He pulled me towards the old lady and looked what she was selling. The lady started taking.

"you know... Fate is unfair. Sometimes you want it to be a happy ending, but instead you got the sad ending again. Make the right choices."

Taeyong nodded and continued looking for something. I just took the words to heart. Happy ending is what the story doesn't have.

He paid for something and looked at me. "here. Close your eyes! "

I followed what he said and closed them. I waited and felt him touching my hair. I waited for a few seconds and opened my eyes again. I took out my phone and looked at what he had done.

"we now have matching accessories! Purple diamond stuff. " he smiled.

I touched the hairpin and looked at the bracelet that he was wearing. Isn't that... What the couple was wearing?

"Pretty isn't it? Somethings has to go back to the original owners. " the lady said.

I looked towards her. "who are the original owners? "

"they are right here, (Y/n)." the lady replied.

The wind got strong and leaves started to fall from the branches due to the impact. I shivered and held onto my scarf to prevent it from flying away. When I stabilised myself, that lady was gone.

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 3

Consolidating asks as to not spam dashboards. Under the cut!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 29th 2018, 3:56:00 pm · 2 days ago wanted to drop by and let you know that i've been listening to 'Fool of Me' by Meshell Ndegeocello for more than a week and it reminds me so much of the heartbreaking moment in chapter 11 when Sehun made the decision to leave Ahri behind. imnotcryingyouare. i hope they become like the song 'Cheek to Cheek' (Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald version) *hinthintwaggleseyebrowswinkwink* hope you have a lovely day <3!

AHHHH REPLIES *-* <3!!! I accept the love you’ve bestowed upon me. I shall violently love you back *SHOOTSHEARTSATYOU* dont worry, I remember the what I wrote in the recs message! I was saying that I’ve been listening to this song ‘Fool of Me’ by Meshell Ndegeocello, which reminded me so much of the end of chapter 11 when Sehun decided to leave Ahri. The heartbreak is so real T_T imnotcryingyouare. I hope they end up being like ‘Cheek to Cheek’ (Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong version)! - ma

OMG SO APPARENTLY I DIDNT DELETE IT. This is how tumblr inept I am. I thought I did. It showed that I did when I was on the computer but apparently I didn’t on mobile. WEIRD. Listening to it now! 

Both of these songs sound so similar. I feel like I’ve heard them before omg. good recs. I really like them.

Fool of Me by Meshell Ndegeocell

Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space... What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside OMG MY HEART IS BREAKING. Why do the lyrics fit so well. Right off with the first few lyrics. I’m crying. YES I AM CRYING. This was almost the same words she thought in the chapter. Was she there only to temporarily fill the void in Sehun’s heart when she felt it was for Jiyul instead. OH NOOOO.

I can't touch you no more Can't touch you any more any more And this relates to Chapter 12 a lot how she wouldn’t really look at him or touch him and this is so sad. THIS WHOLE SONG IS SO SAD but it’s so fitting to that part when he chose Jiyul over her and IT”S GOING INTO MY APT PLAYLIST.

Cheek to Cheek by Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald

THIS WHOLE SONG. Can I just say how cute it is??? This just makes me feel like I missed an opportune moment for Sehun and Ahri to dance together at the wedding??? I kind of made it so that it was Soi and Ahri dancing puahahahha. Technically, I should’ve made Sehun and Ahri dance because he tends to dance when he’s nervous about something.

Sooooo BOOOOO I MISSED THE MOMENT. BUT STILL. It’s ok hahahahah But really. This song. The beat. THE CHEEK TO CHEEK. More like forehead to forehead between the two leads. Thank you so much for the recs!!! I loved them so much and can’t wait to add them to my playlist!!

I read chapter 17 till half past 4 in the morning. I had to sleep because i needed to wake up at 9 for a gym session the next morning. But I have sleep problems so I kept waking up throughout the night and reaching for my phone to reread 17 in my sleep-induced haze and dozing off. I had to fake illness and reschedule my gym session in the end xD. I hope my trainer doesn’t see this. HAHAH even when I was half asleep, I kept thinking that I still had so much to tell you about 17!! - ma

OMG MA. WHY DID U STAY UP SO LATEEEE. NUUUUU. Also since your music anon and the abbrev is MA, I literally scream MAAAAA LOOOOL. AND OMGOSHHHH. Please rest. Please sleeeeeep. Your poor thing. i’m so sorry that the story kept waking you up. But I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and really thank you so much. I really can’t appreciate your messages enough. They make me so HAPPPPPYYYY //runs off screaming while drinking my coffeeeeeeeee//

@sehunsmile​ said to enaasteria: March 30th 2018, 11:42:00 pm · 9 hours ago ENA, ENAAAA!!!! I JUST GOT HOME AND I'M FINALLY GONNA READ CHAPTER 17. I'M SO NOT READY BUT I AM! I KNOW I'M GONNA DIE, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS CHAPTER AND GOD CHAPTER 16 ENDED SO GOOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT I'M EXCITED SO I'M GONNA READ IT NOW! SORRY FOR ALL CAPS I'M JUST TOO EXCITED AHFNJABFKSBFLSKFJDKJDFK

YASSSSS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT AND I DONT MIND CAPS LOCK AT ALLLL. IT just shows me you’re really excited and I’m excited for you to read it. Many apologies for how long it took me to write it but I hope you enjoy it. AHHHH TY FOR LIKING CH 16. I remember being really stressed over it because it was so SLOOOOOOOWWWW but yas yas. Please enjoy 17. Thank you for your patience //hearts u//

@heythereitsmo​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:12:00 am · 8 hours ago Oh when Sehun tells Ahri the story of the Keepers, I remembered you wrote a piece about it and it was just — beautiful. I cried then and I cried now because it literally took my breath away. Every chapter is so stunning Ena, every word resonates so deeply in my soul. It wasn’t always easy but they’re happy together and in love and I hope on my own stars that someone will love me the way Sehun loves Ahri — even if there are flaws and hurdles. You wrote this fabulously, love. Fantastic job.

YAS!!! You caught the merge of Keepers into Apt. This and Yua x PCY are all other stories I’m working on and I wanted to weave them into apt for continuity. I like having all my stories intertwine in some manner. It’s fun but also makes my brain want to explode when I have to make it flow right LOL. YOU’RE REALLY GUNNA MAKE ME CRY. Thank you so much for reading. I really remember you as one of the readers staying with this fic for so long. i really think it’s been years for you and I’m so grateful for your patience but also all the support you gave me. I wish you all the love and happiness and thank you for loving my characters as much as I do.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:26:00 am · 8 hours ago Okay but Sehun getting provoked by ahri’s ‘other men’ amuses me sooooo much THANK U SO MUCH FOR CH 17 I honestly needed some destressing with an overload of fluff (and that thick tension 😉😏) ☺️💕💓😚

I definitely had to throw in Ahri’s other men to lighten up the mood hahaha. JK JK. I just really love jealous sehun?? I think he’s super sweet and it’s not like he’s like the bad kind of jealousy. He’s just irked??? LOOOL. It’s cute when he’s just agitated. I really hope you love the fluff and slow burn for the kiss LOL

@shewantsmeshesgotme​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 1:35:00 am · 7 hours ago I. AM. IN. LOVE. NXKELBFKDLFNFNDNNSKDKFNFBI. I CANT EVEN FORM THOUGHTS IM SO BLOODY IN LOVE OH MY GOD ENA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!?!? You....you are some sort of a genius wizard I can’t even...I’m just broken I love this fucking story so much and YOU I LOVE YOU THANK YOU CHRIST I NEED TO SIT AND STARE AT THE CEILING FOR AN HOUR. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

LORIIIIIIIIIIIIII. THANK YOUUUUU GAHHHH. THANK YOUU SO MUCHHHH. Thank you for your help. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the screams. IM NOT A GENIUS WIZARD. YOU ARE. BUT THANK YOUUUU. Really thank you so much for reading this fic and DONT STARE AT THE CEILING. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. Now that I finished 17, I can get to reading all the fics that are sitting in my backlog and I really want to read all of yours. I really need to read The Boxer. It’s on my to do list foreverrrrrrr. hugss!!!

@yeolieminelli​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 2:25:00 am · 6 hours ago HUHUHU. Just finished Ch. 17 😭 It's beautiful. How the each traditional family story just made sense for Ahri and Sehun ❤❤❤ Thank you for writing such a beuatiful chapter for both of them. You are a great writer dear. 😁😁😁 On a side note- I was listening to an instrumental that fit so well for the last part of Sehun's surprise, it felt even more magical. I wish I could share it with you, if I discover how. 😂

YAYYYY!!! I”M SO GLAD U ENJOYED ITTT. RIGHT? I’ve had that ending in my head for 3 years now and it’s finally there. It’s finally written and can I place a pat on my back for it because I thought it was fitting for their story too. Thank you so much for your help on it and thank you for reading. What instrumental?? You can send me the title and I can look it up on YT to add to my Apt Song Rec list!!

ramblingpeaches said to enaasteria: @ramblingpeaches I CANT TAG U WHY March 31st 2018, 3:07:00 am · 5 hours ago that was such a beautiful chapter! so worth the wait- no actually way more than that! you honestly have such a way with words. your writing, your story has made me feel a bunch of emotions and you're just so so talented that i feel like i can't properly express how much i adore your writing and hope this somewhat conveys it haha. thank you for an amazing chapter, definitely made my morning! :) ♡

Thank you so much for this message! I’m so glad you thought it was worth the wait. I’m so sorry it took so long to write but I’m such a slow writer. AND I HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS. AHHHHH //SCREAMS// You’re so kind to me and this is really such a great message because it just makes all the screams worth it. AND NOOO. REALLY. You’ve done so much for me. If you read and send me a message of how you enjoyed the chapter, that really just makes my heart swell. Thank you so much for reading!!!

@yeollieollie said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 3:23:00 am · 5 hours ago Omg my heart that was the cutest thing ever why can’t that happen to meeee amazing!!!

Thank you so much for reading!! Wasn’t it??? It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever written in my entire life and I kind of don’t know what to do with myself anymore LOL.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 5:11:00 am · 3 hours ago hi chap 17 was full of fluff i literally died after reading it 💗 tq for writing such a wonderful story! :) also! how old are sehun and ahri in this story?

ANONNN. Did you know I screamed a lot while writing this chapter. I felt so bad for my followers on Twitter. They felt the main grunt of it all ahhahahaha. I almost died writing this. My heart hurt so bad from it all T_____T Thank you so much for reading and as for their ages. I heavily---HEAVILYYYY aged Sehun in this because I felt I needed his character a bit older than how he was. And since I started this fic 3 years ago, I really did age this poor boy LOL. He’s 29 and she’s 27 in the story. :)

[anotherererifanshippingcorner]

Actor AU - ereri week day #5

I’ll keep being late, but I really want to write OS with all the prompt for the ereri week. This is the Actor AU from yesterday -though, it’s already 3 in the morning here (so two days ago i’m an horrible person), and I’ll be out in less the four our for a two-days family trip with no pc, so I’ll try to work on the rest on paper. Now, I really need to sleep. (sorry, I don’t know where pining!Levi came from...)

Rating: General Audience

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin

Pairing: Eren Jaeger/Levi Ackerman

Word count: 1913

Additional tags: Alternative Universe - Modern Setting, Actor AU, Pining!Levi, Actor!Levi, Help director!Eren

Summary: One Shot for ereri summer week 2017, Actor AU

He wasn’t pining. He knew what the word meant – to miss or long for, as his generous friend and manager Erd liked to remember him. He had anything he had always longed for -a house that fit a man’s basic needs, a family, even if not blood related, a healthy condition and the job career of his childhood’s dreams-, so Levi rarely lost his patience when the guy started reprimanding him about not giving himself the chance to be happy. What did that mean, anyway? He was happy. He really didn’t need anything and wasn’t interested in nothing more than what he already owned. It wasn’t out of arrogance, an accuse that needed to be addressed since just being a well-know, successful actor seemed to qualify him as the perfectly stereotyped windbag. Levi was genuinely okay with himself. He had his good points and bad parts, as anyone, nothing more. The door opened, cutting short his mental soliloquy. “Good morning, Mr. Ackerman!” There. The help-director who has been assigned to him. Closing after him, Eren Jaeger walked toward Levi with his long, tight-black-jeans-hugged legs, combat boots, and a mouth-watering fitting olive green button down. His hands were full of take away cups and a bag from Levi’s favorite bakery shop. God, that deserved more than a simple “thank you”. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Levi, you deaf brat?” Okay. Something went wrong during the brain-to-mouth part of the communication. “But sir-“ “No. Every day the exact same thing before we even get things started. Are you trying to offend me?” How was he so much more talented in screwing up all his not-work-related conversation than movie script? He may have accidentally terrified the kid -his big, clear, magnetic eyes were wide with concern and confusion. “NO! I would never dream of-“ “Then call me by my name as I asked you. We have been working together for months, no need for all this formality.” The look in his eyes gentled a little, his features softening with relief and a sweeter hint of affection. “It’s just hard to get unused to formalities, s- Levi.” “Mmh.” He wasn’t smiling, not really. “We’ll just have to get you used to it.” He didn’t mention the fact that they had more or less one last week of filming left, and Eren didn’t, either. He handed out one of the cups and then hesitated, fiddling with the paper bag. “Here is your tea. I, uhm, I was walking past the place you told me about on the way here, the one with fresh bagels and those awesome donuts we ate when your brought them here? I thought they’d make the day start better, since the filming process is getting pretty intense, plus you seemed a lot stressed last week, so… yeah.” Eren gave him the bag and Levi didn’t know if he should gaze in wonder at that or the boy sitting in front of him on the couch. He chose to check on the item in his hands, breathing in. Levi smelled the chocolate-praline coated bagel before seeing or touching it. “Careful, Eren, you’re spoiling me. I may ask you to abandon the movie making road and become my slave.” And that wasn’t meant to sound as sexual harassment. “W-well, I wouldn’t mind this little deviation to become a routine for the days to come, if you’re up for it. Bagel really seems to lighten your mood!” You lighten my mood. He put a hand on his mouth to not let that kind of bullshit escape him. They already talked about boot-licking behavior and how much Levi hated that shit. They barely knew each other when Levi reprimanded him about it, and even then Eren seemed sincere when he admitted how much he admired Levi and his movies and how he wanted to work hard to make sure he wasn’t going to be a burden for any of them. Levi still saw the same determination, though Eren was much more mellow and friendlier than in those first days. He liked that attitude. Soon, they found a rhythm -practicing lines on mornings in Levi’s dressing room until it was time to film. The perfect routine, one he fought to maintain when the director wanted to change filming times due to a not so important reason -Pixis thought Levi wasn’t sleeping enough, that he was giving a hard time to his make up and hair styling team, but that was stupid, he just wanted to be there in time every morning to review his lines with the boy. He started eating, looking over at Eren as he pulled out of his bag the script from today’s scenes and summed up them for Levi. His voice demanded to be listened to, rich and enthusiastic while articulating every word and sentence, and Levi couldn’t do anything but what he was supposed to do. Chocolate hair were brushed off by a strong looking hand, so delicate between between those locks, and Levi followed it until it disappeared, focusing instead on Eren’s eyes. Worse. He sighed and told Eren to hand him the script so he could refresh the lines in his head before they started to work seriously.

***

“You’re being ridiculous.” “I’ve already heard that.” “Because you are! This is your ultimate chance! My God, Levi, you’ve been-“ “-pining on the help-director for moths! Why the two of you always talk about the same thing?! Don’t you get bored?” Erd turned around on the barstool and regarded Hanji, one out of two script’s co-writer, with a disapproving look. “You’re not helping, you know that?” “I can’t not-help something that isn’t even there, now, can I?” Levi shot her a dark look, sipping his drink with a frown. “Don’t you have lines to create instead of spitting bullshit here?” “We finished filming, honey!” “Don’t call me that.” “Aww, come on! Everyone knows, okay? Just go with the flow and see what happens! You two should talk and keep it slow, or meet up and fuck all day. But this sexual tension you’re emitting has to stop. It’s becoming hard staying around you. Literally” “Good.” She whined in annoyance. “Hanji is right. Stop pining after him and do something, dude!” He was not pining, for god sake- “Levi!” He shot around at Eren’s voice and located him walking over from the table where the crew was celebrating for the occasion. His smile was as big as theirs, only ten times brighter and cuter and his eyes where fucking shining under the bar’s faint lights. He wanted to run his hands on his cheeks and jaw and chin and caress those lips that kept forming his name and kiss him and see if they tasted as good as they were inviting- Fuck. He was definitely drunk -ish. “Why are the three of you here alone?! Well, you are three, so you’re not alone, but- you should come over!” Eren was cute when he drank too much. “You drank too much.” Right. No filter. Hanji held her laugh back, looking anywhere but at them, and Erd silently slipped away from the boot, siding her. “What are you talking about?! We are partying!” He threw his arms up, almost losing his balance in the action, and Levi shot forward, steadying the boy. “Stop, brat, you want to sprawl all over the floor or what?” “I want to get sprawled under you…” Eren threw his arms around his neck, this time, and Hanji couldn’t contain herself anymore -she burst out laughing, making meny heads turn around to regard them curiously. “Oh, wow. Okay, that’s our clue to leave!” Erd excused them with those word and dragged Hanji after him, while the woman kept crying out and shout thing like: “good luck with that, man!” He sighed, trying to keep Eren on his feet with his hands on the boy’s hips and ignoring what he said. “Stop saying shit. Come on, I’ll call you a taxi.” “Nooo. The party is not over, I came here to call you, not a taxi!” Levi was tired and drank and grumpy and he wanted to go home, but Eren stayed there, dead-weighing on Levi’s shoulders and muttering unintelligible shit in his ear. He sighed again, his heart was not jumping in his chest. “I’ll ride with you, okay? Let’s go, this is not a place for you in this state.” “But the others-“ “You look like you’re going to drop any moment.” “That’s not true! Stop treating me like a kid!” Eren struggled against him when Levi started to shove him out of the bar, not looking over at the table for even a second. “As you’re right now, you should be in bed.” “You could keep me company.” Levi moaned in displeasure. “You’re such a pain in the ass.” He leaned down and with a swift movement, he grabbed Eren’s leg for support, made pressure on his belly with his shoulder and lifted him up with a grunt, adjusting his weigh and keeping him still with his arm before walking over the door. “Put me down!” “As if.” “I can walk!” “It didn’t look like you wanted to.” “I’m going to spank you right now!” “Be my guest.” They left the bar, one more willing than the other, and Levi called for the taxi and moved closer to the edge of the sidewalk, were a bench was. He threw Eren there, minding he didn’t land too hard, and then sat down next to him. Eren almost instantly attached himself to Levi octopus style, making the actor wonder where he found so much agility when he seemed such a sluggish drunk. “Eren.” “Mmmmh.” “Move.” “I hno wanto.” Levi barely understood him. “I don’t care want you want, move.” He wasn’t agitated. He was perfectly calm. Eren didn’t move. “Eren.” “Mmmh.” “Eren-“ “You’r s’ comfy.” Levi freezed. Eren tightened his hold, nuzzling his face against the juncture of his shoulder and neck, making him shiver. Jesus fuckin- “I like your neck, it’s soft.” He spoke more clearly, taking a deep breath, then another. He was sniffing Levi. His heartrate was okay. It was all fucking good. Levi suddenly felt teeth against his neck and he barely held back a real moan, shocked at how quickly he had relaxed on that bench next to Eren. “Eren, we are drunk. Stop.” “Bt you wan me.” “What?” “I know. People talk. And I saw… when you thought I wasn’t lookin…” Levi swallowed, his throat so dry it hurt a little. And he was sweating, fucking gross! Eren’s words were sluggish, but understandably occasionally. He didn’t move his head and kept hugging him, as if he was afraid of letting him go. Levi just wanted to run. Or stay right where he was. “Why re you always s’ jumpy? I barely know what to do with myself when you… you re so… uh.” Levi’s arm found home on Eren’s bended shoulders, and the tension he felt in the boy’s voice seemed to leave his body, at least. “Not now, brat. We can- we can talk in the morning. Alright?” “You’ll be there?” “Uhm-“ “Stay on the couch. Or in my bed. Whatever.” “You seem awfully awake, right now.” “Not my fault.” Levi nuzzled him back a little, and the two of them waited the taxi. Erd was right -he was pining. But little did they know -Eren was pining too.

[crispychrissy]

Shrink - Chapter 2

Summary:  When patients of a psychiatrist that caters exclusively to hunters start going crazy and dying, Sam and Dean Winchester investigate what might be causing these bizarre episodes. Pairing: None yet Word Count: 1419 Warnings: Graphic description of violence, angsty fighting A/N: My first fanfic! This is going to be a series, probably over 30 chapters total. Any feedback is appreciated, I am a newbie!

Eyes still red and puffy, Adrian sped down the highway, headed to the no-star motel hell he's called home for the last 3 weeks. The pay-per-view and mini bar were the only things he had to look forward to. He stared at his hands gripping the steering wheel, alarmed by how dirty and unkept they really were. Just like my truck had become, he thought as he looked at the dozens of fast food wrappers and cups scattered all over his truck. 

He slid his right hand to the bottom of the wheel and rested his left hand on his left leg. Absently fidgeting at his wedding ring, his eyes shifted and he noticed an advertisement for a liquor store on a billboard, "Luna's Liquors - Next Exit". Shaking his head and feeling the familiar warmth of tears sliding down his cheeks, he flicked his turn signal and crossed over to the right lane, ready to take the next exit.

Adrian pulled into a parking spot on the side street next to the liquor store. He sat there for what felt like an eternity, car still idling. "Just this once, I just need it to stop", he mumbled, shutting off the engine of his pick-up truck and sliding the keys into his jacket pocket. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes again as he angrily slammed both his hands on the steering wheel. 

Only thinking about his wife, he aggressively opened his car door and stepped outside, slamming the door behind him. It was a cold November evening, colder than Adrian remembered after leaving Dr. Barnes' office. He shook off the chill that seemed to pierce his bones and zipped up his jacket, making his way across the street.

The sidewalk was abnormally busy for a Thursday evening; but getting close to the holidays, it was to be expected. Adrian was walking against the flow of people, having to dodge bulky coats, shopping bags, and lethargic husbands being dragged around by their materialistic wives. He remembered what that was like, feeling a lump start forming in his throat, he would give anything to be brought shopping with his wife again. 

As he was rounding the corner to the entrance of the liquor store, he bumped shoulders with several people walking in a line in a large group. "Well excuse me, rat pack." Adrian grumbled sarcastically as he regained his footing, brushing his jacket off with his hands.

"Calm your pubes, grandpa", one of the people from the group said back, causing several people to laugh quietly as the group moved off. "Assholes," Adrian said as he turned back around and opened the door to the liquor store.

After being hit with the familiar smell of whiskey and sadness as he walked in, he traded soulful looks with the clerk behind the counter. "Can I h-help you find something, uh, sir?" the clerk stammered, after noticing Adrian's bloodshot eyes. "Silence," Adrian said, reading the clerk's name tag. "I want silence, Jimmy." Right as Adrian was about to ask the clerk for help finding some whiskey, he noticed his vision started to blur, colors began to blend together, as light seemed to be overwhelming his brain. He grabbed his head in reflex and let out a soft groan, collapsing to his knees. "You okay, dude?" Jimmy said, placing his hands on the counter and propping up so he can get a better look at Adrian. Flopping over to his side, Adrian looked up at Jimmy with a scared and confused stare. His vision still blurry, he felt cornered and in danger, like an injured antelope being cornered by a lion. Going off pure instinct, Adrian fumbled around the bottom of his pant leg for the knife he keeps in his boot holster. Yanking it out, he flailed and scrambled into a sitting position, backing up against one of the coolers by the side of the store. Tears began to stream down his face again while he stared off into the distance, opening his eyes as wide as can be, but wincing at how bright the store had seemed to become. He wasn't hearing the screams or cries of the children anymore. He was hearing one voice. A voice that had pierced through the wailing and crying. It was his wife. "You're so pathetic, Adrian." she said, practically screaming at him. "I can't believe I ever married such a failure like you. You've been keeping secrets from me, all because you think I can't handle it. I thought we were in this TOGETHER. You're such a selfish prick." "N...nooo...Marrah...please...you can't think that." Adrian muttered to himself, still clutching his knife in his fist, rubbing his head with both knuckles as he pulled his legs in close to him and began rocking back and forth. "But I can think that. You're such a sad man." Marrah's voice hissed back at him. "I knew you would never amount to anything. Why do you think I told you I couldn't have kids? Oh, that's right. I can have kids. I just couldn't force myself to have kids with YOU." Adrian tightened the grip on the knife in his right hand, slamming his left fist down on the ground, feeling the familiar tingle of pain shoot up his arm. "You BITCH! I knew you lied to me!" Adrian screamed, his face now a deep crimson red. Jimmy had made his way across the front of the store over near Adrian, watching in horror and confusion as this man seems to be unraveling in his store. He crouched down next to him, asking him if he was alright. Adrian didn't reply, just kept rocking back and forth. Jimmy placed a hand on Adrian's shoulder and softly whispered "Hey, dude...who are you yelling-" Before Jimmy could finish his sentence, Adrian had his left hand wrapped around his throat as tight as he could, ignoring the pain coming from his wrist. Jimmy grabbed a hold of Adrian's arm, pulling and pushing while struggling to breathe, staring at Adrian with a terrified look. Adrian propelled himself off the ground, still squeezing down on Jimmy's neck. Feeling his grip get tighter and tighter as Jimmy kept struggling, he could feel the bones in Jimmy's neck start to crack and pop like small twigs. "I am not a failure! This is your fault! ALL OF THIS!" Adrian screamed, hearing it echo in the empty store. Feeling the weight of the knife in his hand, Adrian felt so angry...so...hurt...at everything that has happened. He could feel the tingle of rage flow all over his body, intoxicating him...filling every sense he had with blind hatred. He heard his wife laugh at him and call him pathetic once more before he stepped back and forcefully slammed Jimmy on the ground, hearing a loud crack as his head hit the concrete floor. "P...please....no...." Jimmy said weakly as he looked up at Adrian. Adrian stared back, absently shifting his position to tower over him, a dark look of bloodlust in his eyes. "All of my problems came from you!" he screamed, as he slammed his knife into Jimmy's chest, feeling the knife tear through his clothing and bounce off one of his ribs. Jimmy let out a weak yelp, as tears started to slide down the side of his face. Adrian ripped the knife back out and continued stabbing, feeling the knife get slicker with each jab. Now on the floor, straddling the blood soaked boy, he began to laugh. He laughed harder and harder with each thrust of the knife, feeling the warm splatter of blood splash against his face and begin to soak his clothing. Feeling no more resistance when he plunged his knife, Adrian stood up and looked down at the heap of shredded meat, bone, and blood that was once the store clerk, taking in a deep breath and smiling. All he could hear was the sound of his blood pumping and rumbling through his ear drums as he wiped off his knife with his already blood soaked shirt. 

He turned around and was face to face with two police officers standing at the entrance of the store, screaming at him and pointing their guns. Still deafened by the loud thumping in his ears, Adrian could not hear them; their voices coming across as a soft murmur in between each thump. Adrian shifted toward them, the smile still on his face, as gunfire erupted...followed by a loud thud on the ground.

[lunarmoonacnh]

i was tagged by the amazing @unhugme

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: diet coke

2. Phone call: my mum

3. Text message: my best friend telling him goodnight 

4. Song you listened to: Michael Jackson - Pretty Young Thing bc it was on the radio 

5. Time you cried: like last night or the night before coz it was 2am and life

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: ive barely even dated someone once lmao

7. Been cheated on: yup...

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no i dont think so

9. Lost someone special: yes, my great grandpa

10. Been depressed: yes, im currently seeing a therapist 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes! every time i drink unless its wine, for some reason wine doesnt make me sick. i think its because i once totally over did it on spirits and cider so not they just taste like the time i almost died and my body cant take it

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. grey

13. mint green

14. blush pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes, i started college so i made new irl friends because of that and i have also mad new internet friends through this blog 

16. Fallen out of love: kinda, depends how you look at it. i didnt know i had fallen out of love until the relationship had ended and i didnt feel as sad as i thought i would

17. Laughed until you cried: always, when i’m with my friends all i do is cry laugh 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, it happens a lot, sometimes negative and sometimes positive 

19. Met someone who changed you: yes, for good and bad. 

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes, once i left school i knew who my real friends are because they are the ones who kept in touch and the ones who didnt do other things that they knew would hurt me

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yess

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most, i dont know them all personally but i know of them all, no strangers for me

23. Do you have any pets: not at my house but we are getting our little puppy Sully in 14 days. i do have a cat and a dog at my dads house but i very rarely go visit 

24. Do you want to change your name: no, i used to want to when i was a kid because i used to get bullied because i had a ‘boys’ name (Billie) but now i like it because its unique  

25. What did you do for your last birthday: met my friends that i met on the internet that are now irl friends for a meal and to go shopping. we went for pizza and bowling and then shopping before they had to leave again:(

26. What time did you wake up: usually between 8am and 9am without an alarm 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was actually sleeping for once if not i was watching youtube videos

28. Name something you cannot wait for: to get my puppy and to meet up with and have a party with my internet/irl friends again in summer

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: like 15 minuets ago befroe i came upstairs to do this

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could control my anxiety and depression or even not have it at all. i also wish my dad would pay me more attention and want to see me more because i miss him and its almost like he forgets i was his first kind before he mt his new wife

31. What are you listening to right now: the 1975

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i mean i have a cousin name Thomas? but never someone just called Tom without it being shortened 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: life? no but like the fact that im not allowing myself to do the things i want to do out of pure fear

34. Most visited website: Tumblr of course... it is never off my browser 

35. Elementary: ive honestly never wanted to go back to a time in my life more than i want to go back to elementary/primary school 

36. High School: no thanks to that. i wish i could have been one of the people that called it the best years of their lives not 5 years of asshole bullying me 

37. College/university: im commenting on this as England college (16-18 year olds) and ive just dropped out of one part (sixth from) where i was taking 3 subjects Media studies and Film studies which i loved and will miss and Psychology wich i did love but wont miss because i couldnt do it and it made my anxiety sky rocket. in september i start a makeup course and i am so excieted to be a qualified makeup artist this time next year

38. Hair colour: mousy brown

39. Long or short hair: long, like almost to my butt long (yes its natural)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but i could never pursue it bc he is my friend and i wouldnt want to ruin that. ive made that mistake with my ex.

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes. they are grey and kinda ombre like they hae a really dark ring on the outside and they get lighter closer to my pupil

42. Piercings: yes, my first and second lobes on both ears, my helix and forward helix on my left ear. half way up my ear and my rook on my right ear and then my nose 

43. Blood type: i have no idea, do people actually know this?

44. Nickname: Bil and B although i dont like B (pronounced like Bee) but its what my cousins have called my since i was really small so it doesnt bother me that much with them 

45. Relationship status: extremely single

46. Zodiac sign: Aquarius 

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: pretty little liars, it has just finished and now i am re watching it to find clues about A that i missed 

49. Tattoos: no, but i have a couple planned 

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST… 51. Surgery: teeth removed they are the only ops ive ever had and will ever have to have touch wood

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i danced as a majorette does that count?

55. Vacation: i honestly have no idea, i think i went to Devon though (its a place in the UK) all i know is my first holiday was during 9/11 

56. Pair of trainers: probably like Nike Airs or something Adidas i have no idea 

57. Eating: i actually know this bc my older cousin fed me a wham bar (a british, i think, chewy candy thing) when i was 3 week old, so i could have died the ifrst time i hate lmao

58. Drinking: i was 14, i know i shouldnt have been drinking because my mum made me promise her i wouldnt, but i remember being so drunk (idk if it was real or faked tbh) on alcopop thats right 4% alcohol and i probs had like 3 

59. I’m about to: go get my cousins baby off his Nan so she can get his older brother from nursery

60. Listening to: idk if this is like asking the same as earlier? coz if so t]still the 1975

61. Waiting for: my friend to reply to me an tell me when he is taking me for coffee 

62. Want: my dog

63. Get married: probs idk

64. Career: i dont have one rn but hopefully a makeup artist

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: rn hugs i need to hug someone while i fall to sleep so bad its been so long 

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: taller bc im also tall so i need someone taller than me (i dont need but i like a partner to be tall)

68. Older or younger: older, people y age are immature so any younger and i may as well spend my time with a 10 year old

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont mind tbh

71. Sensitive or loud: both? not too loud though ya girl has sensitive ears 

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im demisexual (it took me 17 years to figure that out) so hook ups aren’t my thing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: it depends because i tend to be the cause of arguments and things because im honest but im not out there to cause trouble i just dont like to lie

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: no

75. Drank hard liquor?: yes, dont do it, its bad kids

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: yes, i lose my glasses all the goddamn time

77. Turned someone down: yes, i always feel bad but you cant force feelings

78. Sex on first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i know of, i doubt it though

80. Had your heart broken: yes, again not fun

81. Been arrested: nooo

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: not always

85. Miracles: yes, the baby i spoke about earlier? yeah hes my miracle, he was born with a new strain of meningitis, he has had 3 lots of brain surgery (at a week old) and the doctors said it was a very low chance he would survive. he did 3 times. his heart also stopped 3 times, again he is here. he also had multiple surgeries on his joints, we got told he wouldnt walk but here he is at 16 months running around like a crazy person and loving life with his older brother  

86. Love at first sight: i mean no, how can you fall in love with someone based off their face (no matter how many cute people you see on the street that you think you love, you probably dont)

87. Santa Claus: hes real in my house

88. Kiss on the first date: ive never been on a proper date so

89. Angels: yeah, i really love t believe in thse things because its cute

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: im not saying their name coz idk if thats a good idea tbh

91. Eye colour: greyyy

92. Favourite movie: Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland i just love his aesthetic and the story of Alice so put them together and you have a winner

ok i dont have 25 people to tag but i do tag @theflowerkingdom @kinkylildanny @creepyphantasia @imjustacanforallthephantrash and @dead-nightingale 

if you are reading this and you want to do it, go for it and just say i tagged you!

[amusetoamuse]

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Season 4 : Episode 17 - Identity and Change Recap

I’m all about experimenting here so today I will try out a new way (for me) of recapping! :)

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is one of my favourite shows at the present moment. It has really developed so much over the course of the seasons. The plot has improved so much and I absolutely love it now!! Especially what they have done with Season 4 where they split the season into 3 pods (aka story arcs) and I love how it makes for better story telling since the storylines can be more concise and jam packed now instead of dragged and spread across the seasons. I’m normally not one for suspense so shorter arcs are good because we can get the answers to questions much quicker. 

I am also a huge skyeward (chloe bennet and brett dalton) fan and find it such a pity that their relationship was not developed more in the earlier seasons because the actors have such amazing chemistry. Fingers crossed for this arc (the Framework/ Agents of Hydra) to have some skyeward scenes please. 

Speaking of the Framework, I love how it has the potential to tell stories that could have been told previously but did not have the chance to be told. It’s like a whole world of “What If”s, sort of like a dream world. The Framework, (created by Radcliffe) corrects one regret that the person has through a brain scan assessment. What if Coulson did not join S.H.I.E.L.D? What if May did not kill the girl in Bahrain? What if Fitz never met Simmons? All of these “What If”s will be explored in this pod (as the actors and writers like to call it). Whooop I’m so excited so let’s start watching! :)

In the last episode, we end off with Coulson finally remembering who Daisy is and episode 17: Identity and Change continues from that scene. Daisy and Coulson are in the classroom as Daisy catches Coulson up to speed on their identities (hoho). Coulson’s memories seem a little fuzzy since he claims that Hydra has been using mind-control soap to mess with his memories but tells Daisy not to worry since he makes his own soap now. (HAHAH COULSON YOU ARE THE BEST) 

Sign me up to buy Coulson’s soap please. HAHAH. Daisy tells him that he’s probably talking about Project Tahiti instead. Daisy’s phone rings. (Who could it be?) Ward please. 

OMG IT IS WARD!!! *internal screaming* (Okay actually I kind of knew since I saw the promos/sneak peeks) but still! It’s so good to see Brett Dalton back on the show. He tells Daisy that Hydra is sending down some personnel to the school and Daisy tells Coulson “ You’re going to need a substitute”. 

OMG YESS I’m actually kind of loving the new logo, Hail Hydra. HAHA ok but yes my allegiance is to S.H.I.E.L.D but this logo still looks cool and how they placed the Hydra logo everywhere during this arc, Daisy’s identity and in the scenes. The beauty is truly in the subtle details. 

Mack has a daughter and they make the perfect pair. They’re building drones in the kitchen and his daughter finishes her drone faster. Mack checks out her drone and flips it over to find... the hydra logo. oh no. He warns her to stay far away from Hydra so that they can stay out of trouble and she promises to do so. (Aww Mack and his daughter are seriously the cutest, he’s going to have a hard time dealing with this when they get out of The Framework). 

They head to the bus stop and the people line up in a straight line and wait for the Nazis (oh wait, I mean Hydra) to show up for the usual ID check (to make sure you’re not an Inhuman / working with S.H.I.E.L.D/ the resistance). Mack tells his daughter to keep her head down and do as they say. She nods agreeably. But alas, she left the hydra drone they were working on in her bag while they were at the line up. Mack grabs the bag from her and says that he will handle this. A guy starts running away. “We got a runner” , the Hydra agent says. They quickly subdue him and it turns out that he’s on the list of Potential Inhumans. Oh no. The Hydra cars drive off. Mack and his daughter Sparkplug are safe and live to see another day of this Hydra Nazi-ness. (Reminds me of the kid from the previous episode who called Hydra the Nazis) hahaha. But what they’re doing really gives off those vibes. 

Daisy and Coulson head back to her appartment and she tells Simmons that she thinks that they can trust Ward again, (he’s a double agent in The Framework, but this time for good) Also, he’s helped them a record breaking number of 2 times now. Simmons and Coulson head to the rendezvous point that Ward gave for the Resistance while Daisy heads to the Triskelion to get Radcliffe’s location. 

In Madame Hydra’s office, she is talking to a Hydra agent when Fitz enters and she quickly dismisses the agent. Fitz asks her what’s going on and why she won’t let him help out with the subversive (aka Simmons) but she’s insistent on not letting him help for obvious reasons. (#FitzSimmons) . Also Madame Hydra’s real name is Ophelia? Hmmm okay. But anyway, it is so difficult to watch Fitz IN LOVE with Madame Hydra. Noooo Fitz, how could you do this to #FitzSimmons??  She hesitates but finally shows Fitz the photo of Simmons. He’s totally unaffected and says that he will send his team after Simmons immediately. “You’d do anything for me , wouldn’t you?” “I’d cross the universe for you.” OH GOD.NO.JUST NO. Major cringe plus omg how can Fitz be saying such things. They kiss. (Ugh no. Please end this scene immediately).

Thank God. Daisy is back in the office looking up Radcliffe’s info. Ward spots her and says that being here is too dangerous for her and that she should leave immediately. She says that she could that much faster if he wasn’t “mouth-breathing” on her. HAHA. omg they’re just the cutest. She gets the info she needs and they leave together when May stops them and says that Skye needs to come with them. 

Omg. my skyeward feels. They’re finally back together. (Side note: the hydra statue behind is looking pretty good). 

Ward gets all protective of Daisy (Skye, her old name,  in The Framework) and says that he’ll fend off May while she fights the others. She leans in to give him a kiss on the cheek. (Omg the first skyeward kiss in forever, although it’s just on the cheek, but still, omg yesss finally) but no it’s just to pass him the information she got to pass to Simmons. “Skye” . He’s reluctant to leave but she insists and says that she will be okay. He looks worriedly at her as she ascends the stairs to meet with May. (This scene was everything, omg, squealing inside, I’m just so happy to see Skyeward back in action).

Coulson and Simmons are at the rendezvous point for the Resistance. 

“For the season, it’s been unusually rainy.”  - Resistance contact

“Rain or shine, the man with the umbrella is always ready.” - Coulson

LOL. I’ve seen a couple of secret password exchanges but this has got the be the best/ funniest one I’ve ever seen. HAHA. 

The guy takes out hand cuffs and Coulson’s all like “Did I say it wrong?” He cuffs them and puts a black bag over their heads and they’re driven off in a black van. Oh no. Are Coulson and Simmons in trouble? Okay probably not, the Resistance is probably trying to hide their location. 

Mace enters in his patriot suit to meet Coulson and Simmons. (Omg another major YES?? Mace as the Patriot, omg wow I have been waiting for this day) “I’m Jeffrey Mace, welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D” OMG YESSSS. He apologies for the hoods and says that trust is a luxury these days. (Yes Hydra, we’re looking at you). 

Jemma and Coulson introduce themselves and Coulson has a major fanboy moment. “Wow. I can’t believe it’s really you. The Patriot. The Inhuman leader of the Resistance. He’s kind of a big deal!” He tells Simmons. (Yes Coulson, this is totally what we were all thinking!!!) Mace is all nonchalant about it and says that he can just call him Jeffrey because the Patriot’s a bit much for his taste. Coulson continues admiring Mace and his suit. (I mean, Jeffrey Mace, as the Patriot?? I would be doing that too) Finally getting to see Mace as an Inhuman is definitely a refreshing change in the Framework. (Compared to the real world where he’s human and has to take injections to be strong). 

They’re at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ, albeit a little run down, Simmons asks Mace what happened here and Mace tells them that a brave agent name Billy Koenig gave up his life to get him the location. (Sounds familiar aye? haha) Mace says that the early days were tough and a lot of good agents died to get this place up and running and we see a wall of the names of agents. 

Simmons walk by the S.H.I.E.L.D lab only this time it’s actually a hiding zone for the Potentials (people who have the Inhuman gene or have a relative who did). The place gives some semblance to them living as refugees until The Resistance can find a safe place to relocate them to.

Skye follows May down the hallway who tells her that Madame Hydra requested for Skye for the meeting and they enter the room where Fitz is giving a briefing to take down Simmons the subversive who’s apparently planning to take down Madame Hydra. “We will defeat these terrorists and make society great again”. (Lol I see what you did there Fitz, pretty subtle but I see you). Anyway, how can Fitz be planning to take down the love of his life, Simmons. Noooo and they somehow decided that Skye should be a part of this? Nooo. Also, “Hail Hydra” the agents chime in after Fitz gives his briefing. (Why doesn’t S.H.I.E.L.D have a catchy tag line too? )

Hope questions Mack about why the Inhuman guy from earlier was taken away if he didn’t do anything wrong. He tells her that she catches on quick but they should mind their own business for their own good and if they wanted to take her away he would take care of it. (aww Mack and Hope are too precious, his paternal instincts are kicking in, in the most adorable way)

Ward enters the Resistance hideout and tells Mace that Skye has been compromised. Mace reassures Ward and says that he has nothing to worry about since she’s pretty tough from what Ward told him. Simmons asks Ward if Skye managed to get Radcliffe’s location and he reaches for the paper Skye gave but says that Skye hasn’t been acting like herself since Simmons got here. Simmons is triggered but all for good measure since Ward was the double agent that betrayed them in the real world but he’s having trust issues with her now. Mace steps in to say that Simmons is only here because he trusts Ward and not her. Wow. (Mace is savage and what a turn of events though).

Skye’s coordinates lead to Ogygia, east of Bermuda. Simmons says that they have to get to Radcliffe ASAP but Mace says that they don’t have the manpower to do so. Coulson asks Mace to send them instead and he politely says that this is a spy organisation and Coulson is a teacher. (gahahha the irony though). He eventually agrees after Ward says that he’ll go with them and supervise them. 

Skye, May and the team of Hydra agents head to none other than Mace’s house where the agents subdue him and pull his daughter away from him while Skye watches.

Coulson, Ward, Mace and Simmons enter the hangar where Mace tells them he envisions Quinjets to be flying from here in the future. Simmons smiles and looks at Coulson and says “Imagine”. (HAHAHA imagine indeed. Since it’s real in the real world. ) 

Coulson questions why Simmons didn’t tell Mace and Ward that this reality was fake but she said that it wasn’t a lie but simply an omission of the truth since Coulson is the only one who remembers how things should be. Ward leads them into the Quinjet.

Mack is in the interrogation room with May and he asks her why he and Hope are being treated this way when they didn’t do anything wrong, especially Hope since she’s just a kid. May says that that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent and Mack says that he will do anything if they won’t hurt Hope. 

Back on the Quinjet, Ward asks Simmons if Radcliffe is dangerous to which she responds with “Maybe not physically but sometimes the greatest threats are the ones right in front of you”. (Ooooo damn that burn though haha). Good Ward looks away with guilt and says “I’m Sorry.” (huh. wait what??!?!?!). “I should have never left Skye. “ Jemma and Us : “Oh”. (Lol Ward almost took me for a leap there when he apologised. I thought he was apologising about betraying them in the real world but I guess now is not the time for it, yet.) He gives Simmons a speech about how Skye means everything to him and that he would die for her to protect her. (oooo is this some foreshadowing?) Simmons is not having any of it and she tells Ward that she’ll give him a minute. (Or do you mean give yourself a minute, Simmons? HAHA)

Simmons heads over to talk to Coulson and reassures him that he’s not crazy to which he responds, “I live alone and make my own soap.”(lol Coulson, hahaha I seriously cannot deal with you and your handmade soap HAHAHA) Simmons gives Coulson a pep talk and tells him that he’s exactly where he’s meant to be.

Back at the Triskelion, (what a cool name btw), Fitz or rather Leopold as Madame Hydra calls him is looking at the computer to find the Simmons is dead and confronts her about it and demands that she tell him the truth. (that slam on the table was kind of funny though, coming from Fitz) but anyway, she tells him that Simmons came from the other side aka the real world and is here to take them down and that everything she does is so that she and Fitz can be together. Still cringy but ok. I guess AIDA always had a soft spot for Fitz since he was the one that saved her in the real world and was the only one who showed sympathy towards her. All she ever wanted was to be human and have feelings and she was finally able to live that out in the Framework. Thus, she won’t let anyone destroy her perfect reality. She receives a text about a security breach and tells Fitz that they will finish this later. She leaves the room while Fitz looks distraught, almost as if he remembers Simmons. 

Skye is in another interrogation room with Hope and Hope is worried about her dad and says that all of this is not his fault at all and that she Hope he’s okay. (hurhur sorry I couldn’t resist). Skye enters Mack’s interrogation room and he tells her that she knows who she is and I’m just like omg yessss until we realize that May told Mack to say that. Damn it Mack! We were all rooting for you but he did agree that he would do anything to save his daughter. Skye is shook and she leaves the interrogation room where May and the other Hydra agents starts chasing her. 

Ward, Coulson and Simmons arrive at Ogygia to extract Radcliffe. Ward approaches a hobo looking Radcliffe playing cricket? and tells him to drop his weapon aka the cricket stick? lol hahaha ok. 

“Drop it” - Ward

“Hive? No. It can’t be.” - Radcliffe

“Hello again, you traitor” - Simmons

“Surprise” - Coulson

while Radcliffe looks around at Ward, Simmons and Coulson surrounding him in utter disbelief. He tells them that they’re all not meant to be here and realizes that Ward is not Hive. This scene makes it for me where Simmons and Coulson finally get to face Radcliffe and chide him for getting all of them into this mess. Simmons demands that Radcliffe help them rescue everyone and get them out of here. To which he replies, “I’m afraid there’s no getting out of here”. Dun dun dun. 

Back at the Triskelion where Skye is trying to escape, she enters a lift full of Hydra agents and manages to subdue them. She runs down the stairs but May has her surrounded. She drops her weapons as the agents kick her down while May watches with a smug look on her face. (Omg nooo may this isn’t supposed to happen).

At Ogygia, Radcliffe tells the others that he never intended for this to happen that the Framework was supposed to be a paradise where everyone lived happily after but it all went wrong. Ward has had enough of this and just wants to extract Radcliffe and go back to HQ but Radcliffe pleads with them to leave him alone when we see a female figure walking by. It’s Agnes as Simmons recognizes her. Radcliffe asks them to leave them out of this and Simmons asks Radcliffe for the way out. She tells him that their way out has been compromised and he realizes that Aida knows that they’re here. Soon after, a Quinjet arrives on the Island and Radcliffe asks them all to run and hide.

Wow. They’re seriously channeling some Darth Vader vibes here. Madame Hydra, Fitz and the legion of hydra agents arrive. They’re here to find the subversives aka Coulson and Simmons. She has a confrontation with Radcliffe. He tells her that this has gone way out of hand to which she responds that she has done what he’s asked of her. To take away their greatest regret and to protect the framework. What happened is not up to her. He responds that she has put herself into the Framework and has been manipulating it to get what she wants. To which she responds with “It’s okay to lie to save a life. You taught me that.”(Oh snappp, shots were fired) Radcliffe calls her Aida and says that her programming went wrong and she is triggered. She threatens Radcliffe not to call her that here. Fitz returns with a subversive, Agnes. Agnes asks Holden(Radcliffe) what is going on.

Mack hugs Hope in the hallway as they are reunited while a beaten up Skye passes by them.

 “Hydra thanks you for your service” -May

“Hail Hydra” - Mack 

Omg Mack how could you have done this to Skye?! Sigh.

Radcliffe tries to convince Fitz that he’s from the real world and that this is just an alternate reality that Aida created but Fitz doesn’t believe him and kills Agnes. Jemma screams “Noooooo” at Fitz tearfully as she couldn’t believe that he would kill Agnes in cold blood. Fitz looks at Jemma with a shocked face as the Hydra agents chase Simmons, Coulson and Ward. They run to the Quinjet in the nick of time and take off. 

Back at base, Mace is furious. Ward had a shot on the doctor aka Fitz and could have killed him to save Agnes’s life but he didn’t fire because Simmons told Ward that she’s in love with Fitz (the psychopath in Mace’s words, hahaha) They demand asnwers from Simmons as to why she’s been acting this way. Simmons bursts out and says that none of this is real and they’re all not real. 

The door opens and one of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents has found  Mack around their HQ. Mack tells them what happened to Skye and Ward asks if she’s okay. Mack tells them that for the first time, he couldn’t look his little girl in the eye because he felt guilty for what he did to Skye and tells them that he’s here to help.

Whew omg yesss the team is finally back together. Minus evil fitz of course. The scene ends and we hear Aida/ Madame Hydra ‘s voice saying the classic “we’ll return in a moment” with the Hydra symbol in the background. Wow they’re really committing to this with the Hydra symbols everywhere and Madame Hydra doing the voiceover instead of Coulson with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Back at Hydra headquarters,Radcliffe is being tortured while Skye is in another holding room listening. Fitz walks in and Skye tells him that they know each other from the other world. As the Hydra agents take her away, she tells him that he doesn’t want to do this to which he responds with. “Yes. yes I do. I guess you don’t know me at all.”

Thoughts on the episode

Damnnnnnn this episode was insaneeee. Iain de caestecker is so good at playing evil fitz tho. But poor Skye. I really hope the others manage to save her in the next episode. Really happy about all the skyeward scenes and Coulson learning how to be an agent again. Also good guy ward is absolutely perfect. Can we please upload him into an LMD and bring him back to the real world? Although, he most likely will die trying to save Skye and the others aka Poetic Justice. I guess Radcliffe kind of got what he had coming all along. A vengeful Aida for the way that he treated her in the real world, as a tool and a pawn in his game of war. He shoved her aside when he didn’t need her and then used her to get what he wanted. Aida got what she wanted, human feelings and Fitz to accompany her. 

I’m really loving what they’ve done with making this world super Hydra-fied with the symbols, sculptures and voice overs. Even down to the smallest detail. Kudos to the crew. 

The title “Identity and Change” is really at the heart of this episode. As we see Coulson struggling with his identity, how Ward has changed for the better in this world and also how Daisy and Simmons are dealing with their own identity and the changes in the Framework. Simmons also revealed to Mace and Ward that this world is fake and I’m wondering how they will handle that news. Fitz on the other hand, seems to be hard to get through to at the moment. Both Radcliffe and Daisy tried to get through to him but failed as he chose Aida (Madame Hydra) and being on the evil side over them. I must say that Aida is really clever though, to have found the loophole in Radcliffe’s plan and exploit it to her own advantage. She also leverages on using Fitz’s love for her to convince him to not trust Radcliffe and Skye. That might have worked but it seems that Fitz enjoys being evil or he’s really in denial and trying to push away Radcliffe, Skye and Simmons who might remind him of who he was in the real world. 

I can’t wait for the next episode to come! I’m really loving this Framework Arc. I hope Skye gets rescued and we get to see more Skyeward scenes. And I can’t wait to see the gang back in action again. And maybe Mace using some of his Inhuman powers as the Patriot.  I also hope that we get to see the rest of the Resistance. Maybe Bobbie and Hunter? heh

Whew that’s all for now. Till the next recap! :)

[creampuff-earper]

Kate McKinnon Fanfiction. Foldingchairs and the city of dreams. Chapter 10

Hey guys, I’ve decided to post my fanfic about Kate McKinnon on here. You can find it on AO3 as well: 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/8275334/chapters/18957797

Summary: This fanfiction tells the story of a fan, just like any of us, meeting Kate and everything that happens after that.It takes off at SNL, later on Nino will be there and Kate is the most amazing person in the world. What could one want more?

Rated M 

Chapter 10

I look at the text one more time, just waiting to be sent out to the person that had me in her grip ever since that phone call last week. I fiddle with my fingers and contemplate if it's the right thing to do. She’d hurt me so bad with something as simple as not texting back, if I let her back in that meant I was, once again, putting myself in a position where she could really hurt me. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to feel that vulnerable, and risk getting hurt by her again.

I look up from my phone and spot the enormous Ghostbusters poster on my bedroom wall. I let my eyes wander over the paper and finally, they land on the character that had started this all. Holtzmann changed my life ever since I saw her on the big screen. After falling head over heels for this goofy weirdo, it wasn't long until I found out about the even goofier weirdo who had portrayed her. I was crazy if I didn't think that me meeting Kate, and actually getting to know her as she is in real life, was a gift that I shouldn't take for granted.  That weekend in New York had been one I had been dreaming about ever since I found out about Kate. But besides the amazing feeling of my dream of meeting her coming true, I had actually found someone who I could be myself with within a couple of moments, someone who had earned my trust ever since she admitted she had never done this before either, someone who had taken my breath away by just being herself.

Yeah... of course, it isn’t a question if I want to talk to Kate again, because I do, but it’s about daring to take a leap of faith and trusting her not to hurt me again. That’s what makes it so hard. I’ve already been hurt too many times in my life, I don’t really need any more pain or heartbreak. But she promised me. And I believe her.

Here goes to nothing....

20:12 M: Hey Kate, I am really sorry about drunk texting you last night... That wasn't supposed to happen... But I have thought about what you said on the phone and I really want to try again talking again... Not talking to you was very hard and I can't imagine my life rn without it... So that means I forgive you, but please, please promise me to never ditch me like that again...

I release a breath when the message is sent and shows to be delivered. I lock my phone and hook it up to the charger. Hopefully, in the morning, I’d wake up to a message that said something like ‘I’ve missed you too’ or ‘Thank you for forgiving me’ or maybe even ‘I’ll never hurt you again, now let’s get married and have 3 children’. Okay yeah, that’s probably never going to happen, but a girl can dream, right? Really, though, who am I kidding?

I fluff up my pillow and let my head sink into the soft fabric, closing my eyes and resting my still very hung over body. Just as I am about to drift off my phone buzzes and suddenly I’m upright again and reaching for my phone.

20:18 K: It's fine Mykah, I get it. You don't need to lie to me. I hope you and this girl are happy! You don't owe me anything. It was nice getting to know you. Bye.

My breathing starts to get uneven and I can practically feel my heart beating in my throat. What did she just say? Did she just say bye as in ‘We'll never talk again’ bye?! But I just told her I forgave her.... And how in the hell could she know about the girl...

And suddenly it hits me. Of course... How could I be that stupid? We’re Facebook friends. She saw the video of the karaoke bar when Alex tagged me in it... Fuckkkkkkk. I run my hands over my face and sigh. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen...

Something inside of me says I need to tell her it was nothing and that it didn't mean anything to me. But that’s a lie.. I loved spending the night with Alex and getting attention from someone who is actually interested in me. Just the thought of seeing her again is giving me goosebumps. That’s not really something I can just ignore..

Still, the thought of actually losing Kate forever makes me sick to my stomach. I couldn't just say goodbye to her after that phone conversation we just had, a conversation that had felt so real and honest, yet unbelievable at the same time. How on earth was I going to fix this…

------- 3 months later -------

"Hey babe"

"Hmmmm"

"I'm going out with some friends tonight, is that alright?"

I look up and see my drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend changing into something that made my fingertips tingle.

"Again?" I ask, and as she catches my eyes I silently plead with her not to go and just stay in with me.

"Sorry babe, it's Tessa’s birthday and she decided last minute that we're going out, and she really expects me to come..." She says and continues getting ready.

"But we haven't seen each other all week and I thought I would have you for myself tonight... You know..." I plead and raise my eyebrows at the last part of the sentence.

She had been staying at her place all week because it was more convenient with her night shifts she took at the hospital. However, that also meant that when she worked I slept, and vice versa. I really, really hated the night shift weeks.

"I know babe, but I really can't bail on another party, Tessa and the others are counting on me to be there..."

I sigh as I feel myself giving up. There’s no way I was ever going to be able to convince her not to go to this party.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise!" She says and blows me a kiss from where she's standing in the bathroom, applying her make-up.

"You better... I'm about to blow over here..." I groan and get back to the book I was reading on my bed.

After a minute or two, my girlfriend emerges from the bathroom, almost causing me to choke on my own spit when I look at her. Ho-Ly shit.

She's wearing a tight, short dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. Her hair’s pinned up and the lipstick on her lips is a shade of red that makes my blood boil.

"You are not going out like that" I simply state and have to control the urge to rip that dress off her perfect body right then and there.

"Oh, aren't I?!" She grins as she slowly walks over to the bed.

"Nope... No way in hell..." I choke out and watch her intently gazing at me with a small smirk on her lips and a wicked shade in her eyes. She’s up to something...

"Says who?" She seductively responds, finally reaching the bed and motioning for me to sit on the edge.

I obey immediately, allowing her to step between my legs, her hands coming up to rest on my shoulders. This woman is going to be the death of me one day...

"That's what I thought..." She smirks and lets her hands roam down my neck.  

I’m at a loss for words. All I can see and feel is her beautiful body so close to mine. We haven’t been intimate for over a week and my body is reacting to her in an almost primal way. I feel her slowly bend toward me and pull my head towards her simultaneously. Just when I think she’s going to kiss me she tilts my head to the side and ghosts her lips over my ear.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise..." I shiver as her hot breath hits my skin and groan as I finally comprehend what she just said.

"Nooo nooo, please. Please, I only need 20 minutes... Please, Alex, you can't do this to me, looking all hot and bothered and then leave me to let other people look at you, it's not fair..."

"Mykah, I can't, I'm sorry I really have to leave... And you know I'm yours, let them watch, you'll be the one I'm going home to in the end"

I put my hands on her hips and get up from the bed. "You better make it up to me so good that I won’t be able to walk straight for a week.” I groan into her ear and now it's her turn to shiver.

"Deal..."

"Deal... And now leave before my self-control falters and I'm gonna rip that dress of your body!" I say and give her a light peck on her cheek, making sure not to mess up her lipstick, being the considerate girlfriend I am.

"Thanks, babe, I'll try to be as silent as possible when I get home, kay? Have a good night!"

"You too! Have fun!" I say as she waves one last time at me and a second later I hear the front door close with a thump.

I sigh and slouch back onto the bed. Now what? It was 08:30 pm on a Saturday night and I had no plans. Usually, I didn't mind some alone time but ever since Alex and I started dating I really wanted to hang out with her all the time. I finally decide to text Alice, asking if she has any plans for tonight, and I get a simple reply that just said

Be there in 10 minutes’.

We spend the night watching TV-shows and drinking beer. By the time the credits of the 5th episode of How to get away with murder roll, we've finished 2 six-packs of beers and I'm starting to feel a bit light headed.

"Hey, Myk..." Alice starts and lingers when she spots Frank taking his shirt of very slowly.

"Yes, my dear hetero?" I ask and laugh at her as she continues to watch the show with a small smile on her face.

"Weird question, but have you maybe seen the news about Kate lately?" She finally says after the scene ends, and my fussy brain suddenly sobers up at the mention of her name. We haven’t really talked about her ever since Kate told me she didn’t want any contact anymore.

"Uhhh, no"

"Hmmmm" She hums and continues watching Frank making out with a way hotter Laurel.

"Why'd you ask?"

"Nah, nothing..." She mumbles and she takes another gulp of her beer.

"Alice, what the hell. Don't mention her and then say it's nothing..." I say, getting royally pissed off now. She knows how hard it’s been for me to accept that I fucked it up. Let alone try to forget about Kate when I started dating Alex 3 months ago. All in all, it hadn’t been easy.

"Alright alright, I'm sorry, I just happened to read it, and I thought maybe you had too..."

"Read what?!"

"That she's promoting her new movie and she's coming to Amsterdam next week..."

I don't know what happens exactly, but suddenly all of the color drains from my face, and my heart feels like it’s trying to beat out of my chest.

"Wh..., what" I stammer and Alice watches me with concern.

"Myk are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost...”

"Al... Are you... Are you serious?!"

"I read it on her own page... So I think it's pretty serious, yeah..." She carefully says and watches me absorb the information.

"Holy shit" I breathe out and fall back into the couch. The realization of her being in the same country as me hits me, hard. What does this mean... Am I going to see her, does she want to see me, am I even allowed see her? Do I actually want to see her?

What would happen if I do see her… I’m with Alex now. Shit. Alex. I never told her about the whole Kate thing...

In my train of thoughts, I don't even hear my phone vibrating on the table. It isn't until Alice holds it in front of my face that I realize Alex is calling me.

I quickly answer the call and hold it to my ear.

"Hey, babe" I say and hear thumping music and loud chatter in the background.

"Baabyyyy!!! Alex yells and I have to keep the phone away from my ear.

"Hey you, Alex is everything alright? Why are you calling?" I say, not able to hide the concern in my voice. She usually never calls me when she’s out.

"Yeah yeah, all's cool... I just wanted to tell you that I really wish you were here! It's soo fun! I wanna dance with you and make everyone jealous that you’re my girlfriend...." She stammers, struggling with some of the words in her drunken state.

"That's sweet of you.... Next time I'll come with okay?"

"Yeahhh!"

"Alright baby, have fun and look after yourself okay?"

"Okay, you too! Love you!"

I say nothing and end the call.

If I wasn't already on the verge of dying already, I definitely am now...

I let the phone drop from my hands and turn around into the couch and yell my lungs out. Doc comes running over and starts barking, making me realize just how hard I’m yelling.

"Myk stop! What is it? What happened?!" Alice yells and pulls me from the cushions, pulling on my arm to get me to look at her.

I look at her with a defeated look on my face. How on earth is this evening happening? This is too much to handle at once.

"Talk to me, please." Alice softly says, knowing how I shut down when things are just too much for me to handle.

I clench my jaw and hit my head, just talk you stupid ass...

"Alex just said, she told me- well....she said ‘love you’. "

"Oh..."

"Yeah"

"And you didn't say it back..."

"No"

"Hmmm........ I shouldn't have said she was coming huh..."

"I don't know..."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know... Dig a hole and never come out again? That seems most fitting in this situation."

"Yeah, that sounds about right..."

"AL!!!"

"Sorry, I'm trying to process this shit show the very best my compromised brain is capable of right now, give me a minute!"

"Maybe she just said it as a matter of saying... You know..."

"Uhu"

"And she's drunk..."

"She probably just blabbed it out without thinking about it... I tell you I love you all the time and I never mean it..."

"Sometimes I wish you weren't such an asshole who has to joke about literally everything..." I sigh and put my head in my hands.

"And sometimes I wish you'd never met Kate, but hey, we can't all get what we want, can we?" Alice spits out, and it almost sounds bitter.

I tilt my head to look at her and she looks annoyed.

"What did you say?" I spit back, for some reason getting mad at her for saying that.

"I'm just saying that if you hadn't met her, it just would have been easier..."

I sense she is going somewhere with this, but I dare her to actually say it out loud...

"How?"

"You know Myk, I think you know darn well that if Kate hadn't been in the picture, you wouldn't have freaked out about Alex saying those words just now because you would have said them right back. I know you... You don't do things halfway, but don't tell me you haven't doubted your relationship with Alex every time she gave you a reason to. You say you’ve let go of Kate, but deep down I know you are still hoping for a day where she is just going to show up and tell you she is sorry. And you know what the sad thing is, if she did, you'd take her back in a heartbeat... And for what? You saw her 1 day, 1 freaking day Mykah... You don't know her. You know someone on the other side of the world you happened to fall in bed with 8 months ago. That's not real... Alex is, and you are not being fair to her if you are going to keep this up...”

"Are you done?" I spit out after a second of silence from Al's side.

"Yeah.."

"Great, get out...." I state and point at the door.

"Mykah, what?"

"I said get out"

"Don't be ridiculous"

"Get the fuck out of my house Alice, now!" I'm practically breathing fire right now and the longer Alice stays in my sight the angrier I get. There is a second of shock on Al's face before it's replaced with a hatred. She shakes her head and gets up from the couch.

"You know what Mykah, fuck you. I'm always here for you and now you pull this... Fuck you and your problems, I'm done." She yells back and grabs her stuff and slams the door behind her.

The silence that overtakes my home if deafening.

I fall back into the couch and take a deep breath.

I fucked it all up....

------------------------------

When Alex returns in the dead of night and slips in the bed beside me, I pretend to be asleep. She softly kisses me on my cheek and slides her cold front against my warm back. "Goodnight Mykah" she whispers and within a couple of minutes I hear her doze off.

I feel sick to my stomach because of the guilt. Alice was right. After a couple of hours of cooling off after throwing Alice out, I had started to put what she said into perspective. I had convinced myself that I was over Kate, that I was really committed to this relationship with Alex.

I adored this girl and the physical attraction was through the roof with her. But thinking back now, that’s probably also what our relationship is built on.

After that night at the bar we got together for a couple of dates and at some point, we only needed to lock eyes to know we had to find a place where we could ravish each other.

It was exciting and thrilling to want somebody that much for the both of us, and because it was happening so often anyways we just decided being in a relationship was the logical thing to do.

Ever since that decision was made I felt that at some moments we weren't quite on the same page, but I had always thought that was just something that needed time to grow, especially after everything with Julie. A small tear escaped from the corner of my eye. If only she was still here... Things would have been so much easier. Kate would have stayed someone I could obsess over from across the ocean, and Alex and I had probably never met.

But she's not here. And that hurt like shit. She’s probably raging with anger up there because of how I’m behaving towards Alice. She has every right to. I shouldn't have snapped at Alice like that. But she made me realize the truth, something that been hard after months pretending everything was fine with Alex, and that I didn't miss Kate or wonder what was going on in her life. First thing this morning I was going to make it up to her. I couldn't figure this one out by myself, I needed her to do this with me, or I was going to lose my mind.

----------Tuesday evening--------------

So far Alice had slammed the door in my face 4 times, ignored all my calls and texts and made Josh come over to tell me she didn't want to hear anything from me. This was going to be harder than I had anticipated....

There’s also the fact that I’ve basically been ignoring Alex ever since she said those words, telling her that I was stressed out by work and didn’t have time to see her. Also, there was a constant nagging in the back of my head telling me I had to go to Amsterdam this weekend. So... I was definitely having a really awesome week so far...

I had told Alex not to come over tonight, but when she insisted, because she really wanted to watch MasterChef together, I eventually gave in. I didn't have the energy to keep fighting her on the matter and when she arrived that evening all cuddly and bubbly I had to try my best not to snap at her after only 10 minutes into the show.

She had done nothing wrong, so it wasn't fair. I just kept my mouth shut, watched the show and told her I was going to bed right after. Hoping she took it as a hint I wanted to sleep alone tonight, I pecked her lips and asked her if she would lock the door on her way out.

"But I was thinking of staying over tonight actually..."

I stop on my way to the bedroom and close my eyes; I had been dreading this moment ever since she convinced me to watch the show together. I swallow my chagrin about the matter and turn around to smile at her.

"Okay fine, but I'm going to sleep Al, I need to be up at 6 am tomorrow."

I see her face fall, but soon enough she is by my side grabbing my hand and walking with me to the bathroom. We brush our teeth in silence and I feel Alex glancing over at me every 5 seconds or so. When we finish she grabs my hand as I try to walk towards the bed and spins me around.

"Hey, I know work has you stressed, but you sure that's all? You've been really... I don't know... Ever since Saturday night you've been behaving weird..."

I look into her beautiful green eyes and see the pain flashing in them for a second.

"I'm sorry, Al. It's just I had this fight with Alice and she's not talking to me and it's just hard."

"Yeah, I know... I'm sorry about that..." She says softly and rubs my hand with her thumb.

I turn around again to continue my path towards the bed but when she speaks up again I stop and my heart breaks almost breaks.

"I know what I said that night on the phone Myk... Is that the reason you've been acting like this?"

I shrug my shoulders and sit down on the bed. With every second I feel myself closing up and if Alex isn't going to put a stop to it soon I wasn't going to be able to say anything at all.

I see Alex watching me with a hurt look in her eyes. "I knew it..." She walks over to take a seat next to me.

I close my eyes, finding it too hard to watch her being hurt by something I did.

"You didn't say it back..."

I slightly shake my head and clench my jaw, please don't ask, please don’t ask.

"Are you..."

No please Alex don’t, I plead with her in my head, but I know it's too late.

"Are you ever going to say it back?"

The silence that falls over us has so much tension it's almost suffocating.

"Please Mykah...."

I look up to her and see the tears form in her eyes and my heart breaks for the second time that night. I bring my hand up to wipe them away as they fall down her cheeks.

"I... I don't know...." I finally croak out.

"Why... what is it that makes you unsure?" She sobs, with wet cheeks and a runny nose.

"Please Al, it's not you okay? Please don't ever think that. You are an amazing woman and I do love you, just not in the way you want me to say it.... not yet"

I plead with her and rub her back, trying to soothe the sadness I caused.

"Is it because of Julie?"

"I don't... No... No this is not about Julie... I know for sure she would have approved of you. So no."

"Then what Mykah? Because I don't get it! The last 3 months have been amazing and now it feels like it has all gone to shit."

I look at the floor of my bedroom and try to figure out if telling Alex about Kate would be for the best, or if it would just make things worse... She deserves an answer, but I don't know if I have one.

"Tell me, please Mykah... Please..." She begs me and I take a deep breath.

“Okay, so uh… I went to New York in November. I went there by myself, to see SNL..."

"Huh, what?"

"Saturday Night Live, it's a comedy sketch show that airs every Saturday where comedians play out sketches about things that happened that week, like politics or just plain scenes that they've come up with. And they tape it live at the NBC studios in New York."

"Okay..." Alex breathes and is now facing me sideways on the bed. I keep my eyes focused on the floor, hoping to find some wisdom there about how on earth I was going to explain this to her.

"And I went there because I am a fan of one of the comedians who is part of the cast." I say and briefly glance at Alex who nods her head to make me continue.

"She's the same as the girl from Ghostbusters, the one where I have all the shirts of..."

"Holtzmann?"

"Yeah.... She's played by Kate McKinnon. So I went to New York to see her... And because of something that happened, I actually got to meet her after the show and we chatted for a bit and it was really amazing." I say and I try not to smile too much as I say it, my mind immediately going back to that night and replaying the moment I met Kate for about the millionth time.

"That's really nice Myk, but what does that have to do with us?" Alex asks and there's no turning back now. She should know.

"She contacted me after that night. She found me on Facebook and we texted for a bit, and then we went out to dinner, and from one thing came another and... I... I spent the night at her place..."

"Oh... But... It was one night, right? That doesn't mean anything..."

"It was a night, and a morning and when I got back we texted almost every possible hour of the day... And uhm... I know it's stupid and weird but I kinda... I fell for her that night and I have been falling for her ever since..."

I catch Alex closing her eyes and sigh in defeat in the corner of my eye and I know it's done...

"We haven't been texting anymore, not in the time that I have known you that is... Just so you know..."

She softly shakes her head and there's disbelieve in her eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that I wouldn't get tired of watching all day.

"So you’re telling me you can't do this because you are in love with someone you've seen 1 weekend? You do get that she's a celebrity and can take anyone home for that matter?"

"It was not like that Alex... At least, not for me."

She shakes her head and scoffs at me. "Mykah, I get that you are passionate about your TV shows and their actors but this is just ridiculous! Why are you holding on to something that never existed? And fucking up your real life because of it? I really don't believe you..."

I know I am not the victim in this situation but Alex's words hit me like a punch in the gut.

"I get that you don't get it..."

"So now what? You aren't even talking anymore, so what do you expect will happen. Because I’m not going to wait around for you to realize that I was right..."

The anger inside is starting to bubble up again and I clench my fists into the sheets from snapping once again. She didn't deserve that.

“I don't know what I want to happen Al. But I do know that I don't want to lose you.... and...."

"Yeah?"

"And that Kate is coming to Amsterdam this weekend..."

"What?!"

"She's promoting her new movie and Amsterdam is listed as a junket location."

Alice gets up from the bed and wipes her cheeks one last time before crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking at me.

"If you want to give us a chance Mykah, you don't go to Amsterdam this weekend.

If you do, you've made your decision and I'll pack my stuff and you will never see me again... I am not going to wait around until you get your head on straight and realize she’s a big mistake."

My eyes plead with her, silently asking her to please not force me to make this decision. It’s useless. She’s put her guard up and all I see are two cold green orbs boring right through me.

"Let me know" She bites back, and then rushes out of the room, slamming the front door behind her the same way Alice did last weekend.

I fall back onto the bed and sigh deeply. I’ve managed to make the two people who mean the most to me walk away from me in the timespan of 4 days.

And all that because someone on the other side of the world made me go crazy for her. This isn’t healthy, I can’t let my real life get influenced by something that was only real for one night and a morning.

I have to put a stop to this.