icarus | 21 | genderfluid butch | bi dyke | he/she/they | yo i’m sap and i say stuff here! 🎨art only acc: sapsolace🎨
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they made being a butch with a big heart the hardest job in the whole wide world
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I made this drawing for new year, I forgot to put it here, lol.
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Alr yall heres some stuff ive made before xixiixi, ima just pile it up

#op i'm in looove w ur colors/rendering#the shape language w doll#soo good#insp#murder drones#fav#uzi doorman#serial designation n#serial designation v#doll murder drones#lizzy murder drones#cyn murder drones
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More bumbleby 🐝
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*through gritted teeth* the world is GOOD. people are kind. Humans are NOT inheritly selfish. you will make it through this year. recovery is possible. people you don't know yet will love you. You are going to do things you can't even imagine right now. You are going to read a rlly good book. You are going to eat some rlly good food. You are going to experience joy again. Things can get better. Situations can change. You can choose to be kinder. The world can change for the better.
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they should write about what it feels like when someone looks at you like something's wrong with you
#like a worm. or a mistake maybe. a walking reminder that yes. that happened. yes you did that.#no you can't forget it.#like you make them uncomfortable. make them squirm and shift and avert their eyes#but it's your fault of course. why'd you remind them? couldn't you just go away on your own? so they don't have to look at themself.#well.#sap says#i'm tired of this grandpa
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I'm going to *remembers suicide jokes are detrimental to my mental health* quit my job and start making shoes for American Girl Dolls
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Many are not familiar with what is called a diva moment. Youre about to learn
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they made being a butch with a big heart the hardest job in the whole wide world
#the grief dude#lord. shdkgjh#like wow i am able to find so much joy in the little things but this also means i find so much. ouch. yk shdkgj#butchposting#i need to lay down for a couple years#sap says#txt
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,
#i've had so many interesting experiences all at once as of late#like. i've experienced disrespect in friendships no matter how close we felt/how long we've known each other in 2 completely different#scenarios. i feel like i left myself behind a little bit. i've done a couple scary things by myself and continued on dispite so much#i've had real friends show up for me in ways i'll cherish forever. i've had people i'm upset with show up for me too and i'm still left#a little confused. there have been so many blows. but so many good little moments and everything just feels soo. much shkgjks#i accomplished something i'd been working towards for a year and it feels big but. i don't know how to celebrate it#it feels like something i'm holding but it doesn't fit perfectly in my hands and i look silly holding it so i should put it down#i think that's how i've felt a lot this year. even socially. i've been in situations where i didn't know how to respond and felt clumsy#so much has happened#i wrote this because i was thinking about how my dad took a shot of apple whiskey with me last night#my family doesn't like whiskey but my friend let me try. but i don't know if we'll be friends anymore but i know it's her favorite. she got#it because she asked which she should get and i said apple. i love the taste. it sits in my freezer heavier than it actually is#i don't know where i was going with this#*despite btw#sap says
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I love the salute emoji. Im your loyal something
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[staggering to my feet and wiping a single perfect drip of blood from my mouth] i have to get back on my bullshit. no matter the cost
#me right now#actually extremely helpful post i've been extremely emotionally outta wack the past week#staggering to my feet.#mecore#txt#fav
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happy pride. do not abandon freaks-- freaks of all stripes. uplift freaks. welcome freaks. go to brunch with the sadomasochists. ask a rigger to help you put up your pride flag display. kiss your polyamorous lover. cherish your friends who are submissives, dominants, or both. embrace the expression of sexuality, historic and new, mainstream and unusual, within the queer community and beyond. be in community with people whose sexuality/gender is different, not just a select few types we've made words for.
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#started writing this at 11:11. i'd never heard about the whole making a wish thing till a couple years ago#and i scrambled to think of something i really hoped for. and i came up with hoping for the love i put out into the world#to find its way back to me someday. and then my day made its way back into my head. and i remember holding a shy hand 10 times smaller than#my own. and i remembered smiles and laughs and jokes. and i remembered making a whole room of sad bored preteens crowd around me playfully#arguing over game results. and smiling and looking so alive even though we'd only known each other for a day or two.#and i remembered sitting and eating lunch with my friends/coworkers. being waited on and called for and thought about#and maybe i've been too busy to speak with my closest friends all week. maybe i've yearned a bit or overthought a little and sometimes#that gets to me around 11:11.#but then sometimes i spend 10 minutes thinking about all the wonderful lovely rhings that've happened to me. all of the ways love has found#me again. when i am shown care and trust. when my loved ones go out of their way to drive me. text and call me when they're exhausted#shoot me 15 bucks for a hot meal. bike an hour to see me. so many mountains big and small moved just for me#i am so so tired. and a little stressed and that's okay#but sometimes i crave a specific kind of love to a point where i forget it's already all around me#and i remember i've already got my wish :]#sap says
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I love messy femmes. Sleazy, gas station femmes. Chronically underdressed femmes who sleep far too much or too little, who answer my texts at odd hours. Femmes with ripped jeans and scuffed shoes. Irresponsible, impulsive femmes with long, unstyled hair. The messiness so hot to me I can’t explain it
#UGHHHHHHHH#ha. yeah#sorry my bad something primal happened there#i have a type and this is certainly one of them#txt#butchposting
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artist in denial of being depressed: omg this 2 month long art block has been crazy... sorry i haven't updated any of my fics in a long while! it's just been super difficult to daydream! so weird that i've lost a little bit of passion for my current comfort character and ocs... this couldn't possibly have any implications or alternative explanations
#this is the longest art block i've ever had#it's been like well over a year now#i've been very busy w. life. and i have found other creative mediums here and there/rekindled old hobbies like reading#but. it still makes me sad to have no energy/time or even drive to draw#i dunno#txt
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