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#...and not feel the same thing as everyone else or nothing at all...randomly had this thought and it stayed with me ever since
innitmarvellous · 4 months
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So, after satisfying my educational needs by reading a bunch of books about asexuality (with mixed success, as some weren't very helpful) and trying to connect with the community on Tumblr (with no success, probably won't try again because memes about garlic bread and subjugating whole countries aren't very funny to me) I can finally go back to ignore and repress this issue in peace, haha.
I still greatly dislike it and yeah, I would give a lot to change it if I could - especially since people told me before that I'm unable to love (in an insulting way, not just as a fact) and I desperately wanted to prove them wrong. But alas, I can't change it. No one can, and sometimes you just have to swallow it and face the facts. So I guess I'll just have to learn how to feel like just having myself is good enough and get used to a life of solitude. I still dread the thought even now, but I consider myself a practical person...so if there's no way around it there's also no need to cry about it any longer, right? (And who am I kidding, I wouldn't have found a partner anyway :D) Still, that comes with the knowledge that a part of me will always be unhappy, which is not that nice, but there's nothing to be done about that either :/
Anyway, the people who followed me for other things will probably be happy to hear this...I must have been such an annoyance, lol. There might be one or two related posts in my queue (can't remember rn, but it's possible), but that's it. Time to go back to more important things, aka fandom stuff!
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junkissed · 26 days
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goodnight n go
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member — fwb!vernon x reader genre — smut, angst, non-idol au word count — 1.7k synopsis — you keep coming back for more, but every night ends the same. maybe this time things will be different. warnings — mentions of alcohol, drunk sex, car sex, guitarist!vernon, rock band!hhu, no physical descriptions of reader, vernon is afraid of commitment, sad ending for this part but there will be a part 2 with a happy ending !! notes — before you ask, yes this is based on the ariana song lol but also inspired by black eye because it's been stuck in my head the past few days. as always, thanks to @onlymingyus for reading over this for me <3 i'm still on hiatus and requests are closed but i randomly had inspiration to write something for vernon so i hope you enjoy! i am planning on writing more for this story, but i'm back at uni and my time is already quite limited, so i'll try to write more when i can! reblogs, comments, and asks are super appreciated, it means a lot and helps me keep writing so please lmk if you liked it :)
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“hey, you wanna get drinks tonight?”
as usual, that’s how it starts.
you probably should have said no. you’d played this game before. you knew exactly what hansol meant when he offered to hang out after band practice, because it was never just “hanging out”.
you don’t even know why you still go to practices anymore. for a long time you’d avoided them; it wasn’t really your style, and you were never interested in being a groupie for their local gigs. your roommate seungcheol always invited you to every practice, and every time you declined with the excuse of homework or other plans, but cheol finally convinced you to come just one time.
at first, it had been because he wanted you to hear a new song they were working on and he’d wanted to know how you liked it before they played it at an upcoming show. but then he’d introduced you to the rest of his bandmates, and after that there was no going back.
you couldn’t help the way your eyes always gravitated towards hansol, who insisted that you call him his real name instead of his stage name that everyone else called him. from the very first practice, you were captivated by him: the way his long fingers seem to dance along the neck of his guitar so effortlessly, the way his voice rasps when he sings, the way your breath catches in your throat when he grips the microphone stand and rolls his head back, lips parted in ecstasy.
he’s addictive, and it’s exactly the reason why you find yourself in the backseat of his car over and over again.
every time, it was easy to pretend that things would be different. you’d walk into the bar together and sit at the table in the back, order a few drinks, chat for a while about nothing. did you like the new stuff we played tonight? yeah, i know cheol is really excited to perform it saturday. you been doing any writing lately? mmm, a little. i’ve been feeling inspired. we could go back to my place and i could show you. except he never does.
hansol wasn’t a bad guy. he always paid for your drinks no matter how many times you offered to pick up the tab, he was polite, he listened to what you had to say. he just didn’t want more than that, and that’s where it all fell apart. you’d screw around for a while, then you’d part ways and wouldn’t speak to each other until next week. you never went to see them play shows, he never texted, you never called, never went on a real date besides meeting in the same bar down the street every thursday night after practice.
he seemed fine with that. you weren’t. and yet every time, you ended up back in his arms.
he groans into your mouth, pushing his hips into you and pinning you harder against the faded leather seats of his old honda. his lips are sloppy but eager, messily pressing his mouth into yours as his fingers tangle in the hair at the base of your neck. you can taste the beer and smoke on his breath, but for some reason it doesn’t bother you. maybe you’re used to it, or maybe it’s just because it’s him. you don’t want to know which reason is the truth.
he kisses you until you’re dizzy, and you can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or from the thrill of kissing him once again. it’s a high you’re convinced you’ll never get tired of, although you’re not quite sure yet if it’s one that he will.
hansol always lets you set the pace, but tonight he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. both of your shirts met the floor of his car what seems like hours ago, leaving you in just your pants as he makes out with you as if it’s the first and last time he’ll get that chance. his fingers breeze over your waist the same way they breeze over his guitar strings when he plays: careful yet greedy, each touch intentional yet impulsive as he grips your waist.
he drags his fingers higher and it sends a shiver down your spine, arching your hips up against him and rolling your head back against the seat’s headrest. if there’s only one upside to this relationship, it’s that he’s good at this. really good. if he weren’t, then you wouldn’t have spent so many nights letting him fuck you in the parking lot of your shitty local bar. it does something for your confidence knowing that he must feel the same about you, or else he wouldn’t keep inviting you out. at the very least, this arrangement is mutual, even if you wish it wasn’t.
his hips rock against your crotch again, and even through both of your clothes you can feel how hard he is. your mind is clouded, everything’s a haze, and all you can think about is how badly you want him. the warmth of his skin, the gentle scratch of his nails on the back of your neck, his long eyelashes that flutter against your cheek as he kisses you.
you feel your hands slide haphazardly down his bare chest, fumbling over his hips as you tug on the waistband of his jeans. none of it feels graceful, not like the way he handles his music. it’s sloppy, desperate, clumsy, and it’s everything you need right now.
he manages to lean back from you enough to undo his pants and push them down to his knees, but his mouth is back on yours in an instant. somehow you end up on your back across the seats, gazing up at him with slack lips as his thin silver chain dangles over your face. you might not remember a lot of what happens on these nights when you’re with him, but you’ll always remember this moment. him hovering above you with heavily lidded eyes, biting his lip and cursing as he pushes into you, is etched into your mind in a way you simultaneously love and hate. love because it feels so good, hate because it never lasts.
the rest of those nights never stands out in your memory. you remember feeling good, you remember trembling in his arms and gasping and moaning and crying in pleasure, but the images are too fuzzy to make out. you don’t really need to reflect on them anyway; you know he’ll just bring you out next week and do it all over again.
hansol kisses you once more after you’re both finally spent, but the kisses afterwards are always different. more… hesitant, more uncertain. none of the passion and desperation that you’ve come to crave from him. not what you really want.
“i can drive you home,” he offers once he’s finished cleaning you up. for once you think he might genuinely mean it, but you can never be sure enough to take that chance. you want him to drive you home. god, you want him to so bad. to have him come over with you and stay the night, stay another night and another until your apartment isn’t just yours anymore, that’s what you’ve wanted all this time. and it’s what you’ll never have.
“i’ll call an uber,” you answer.
“i’ll wait with you, then.”
the silence that settles over his car is heavy as you climb back into the front passenger seat. you want to tell him to get in the uber with you, stay more than just a couple hours with you in the furthest back corner of the bar parking lot that’s too far to be illuminated by streetlights. you want to argue that he’s too drunk even to drive himself, that he needs to come home with you and sleep it off together in the comfort of your bed, but you know it’s not true and it won’t work. this is a conversation you’ve had many times before. every night you’ve spent with him blurs into the next, always the same. 
sometimes you want to laugh at how naive you are, for thinking he’d eventually come to his senses and realize there’s more to you than a good lay before a gig. sometimes you want to grab him and shake him by the shoulders and tell him to grow the fuck up, give him an ultimatum and make him tell you what he wants from you or else put an end to it all. sometimes you just want to cry, to mourn your wasted time when you’re fully aware it’s never going to lead to something more, no matter how badly you want it and how hard you try.
no matter how many times you get your hopes up, no matter how many times you pray and beg and plead with god and the universe and every other higher power to get him to realize this can’t keep going on the way it is forever, nothing ever changes. you’re never going to stop running to him when he calls, and he’s never going to stop calling.
finally another car pulls into the lot, and you manage to pull yourself out of his car. you hear your name behind you and you stumble, swaying on your feet as he rolls down his window.
maybe this time will be different.
he says his usual goodbyes and goodnights, flashing you a loose grin and a wave as his engine sputters to life, and he asks if you’re planning on coming to practice next week. 
and you find yourself nodding.
you’re left standing there, your head and your heart pounding, watching his headlights fade as he drives away, until you’ve stood there for so long that your ride starts honking and calling for you to get in the car so you can leave.
maybe next time will be different.
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i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!
if you want to be notified when i post a new fic, you can join my taglist here!
taglist — located in the replies
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malereadermaniac · 3 months
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Boyfriend(s) ~ Bakugo x Male Reader
Both you and Bakugo are in the same class at UA - aged up to be in your 20's Inspired by boyfriend - Ariana Grande word count: 1.4k m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI Mostly sfw with reference to nsfw
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'Cause I know we be so complicated, But we be so smitten, it's crazy...
It was obvious to everyone that the two of you were literally wrapped around each other's pinky fingers, but no-one understood why you two wouldn't just get together already!
Katsuki was very evidently nicer to you than to others, holding himself back from insulting you and preferring to tease you instead. He'd also clearly go out of his way to ensure that the two of your 'randomly' ended up spending time together; whether that be by making sure you two were partnered up for training or by hanging out in room you like to spend time in
He really likes you. Katsuki can't put a finger on why, maybe it's the way you manage to keep up with him in training, or the way that you hold his face so softly to look up at you as you clean his face with a damp cloth after he gets roughed-up; either way, the man lives to be near to you
On the other hand, you were also clearly infatuated with the blonde, 'sneaking' looks at him whenever you could and always rambling about your aggressive classmate to your friends
The clear infatuation with each other didn't entirely make your relationship perfect though, as Katsuki's way of dealing with his emotions is anything but healthy; which has resulted in pleanty of little fights between the two of you, but none that weren't fixed with a little hate-sex
Your relationship with the man is complicated to say the least, but fuck you two can't deny that even just being in each other's presence doesn't up your heart rates
You ain't my boyfriend, And I ain't your boyfriend...
What people didn't know though, was that you and Katsuki were already acting on those obvious feelings - just not all the way!
As already mentioned the two of you go crazy in the sheets after an argument, but also just after spending more than half an hour together (usually because your touches on Bakugo resulting in him popping a boner)
But it doesn't go any further than that.
Sure, you and the blonde would spend entire nights - staying up past Katsuki's strict sleep schedule - just to make out in each other's arms, or fuck feverishly as you mark each other and kiss; but that was as far as your relationship really went
The muscular man hadn't sorted through his feelings enough to ask you out, and you were too scared to in case you and the explosive man were nothing more than sex for each other
But the two of you were happy for now, sleeping with your limbs intertwined, sharing passionate kisses and spending time together whenever you could really
all that was missing was the label of 'boyfriends', and you could live with that
But god damn did Katsuki catch himself fantasising a little too much about taking you out on dates, PDA with you, or even marrying you! He was absolutely smitten, you were the first thing he'd think about after waking up and the last thing he thought about as he went to sleep
And even though you two weren't dating, you could still feel the blonde try
Random gifts turning up on your desk with vaguely familiar handwriting, his muscular arm just a little tighter around your waist as his spoons you to sleep, and hand-holding when he was absolutely sure no-one was watching
But you don't want me to see nobody else, And I don't want you to see nobody
Now, while the two of you were missing the label, that doesn't mean that Katsuki didn't treat your relationship as exclusive... Which, knowing the blonde's temper, has lead to plenty of jealousy issues and ugly scenarios
It really didn't help that you were one of the most good looking guys at UA; you had the eyes of many guys and girls from all years on you!
Anytime the blonde would see someone try to chat you up or even confess to you, he would light up - literally, the man would start to sweat and his palms would start to combust
But figuratively, Katsuki would explode in anger; which would either lead to some really great angry sex, or the man would storm up to the person you're talking to, which never ended well...
The man has been lectured by so many teachers for starting quirk-fights in the middle of the day just for seeing a guy talk to you - his argument saying that he could 'see them undress you in their mind'
But when Katsuki feels less challenged by whoever is hitting on you (which is usually either a girl or Deku), he will just interrupt with an arm slinged round your shoulder and an evil lookin smirk on his sexy face
What makes up for the muscular blonde's jealous outbursts is how he talks to you after; getting you up against a wall or below him on the bed, your cheek in his rough palm as Katsuki either looks down at you or kisses your neck whilst mumbling about how 'your his' and how 'they don't deserve you' - damn it he was so sexy like this!
Oh and just because Katsuki gets jealous that doesn't mean that you don't too!
Anytime you'd see a girl hit on the hero you would sour in your mood; resulting in Katsuki having to pry out why you were mad at him, which ends up giving the blonde an ego boost when he hears you got jealous
Or sometimes you do intervene, sliding an arm around the man's slutty, muscular waist and interrupting whoever was talking with an 'Katsuuu... I'm bored, wanna go back to my room?' - that usually shuts up whoever was talking to him
You're also quite fond of marking your attractive classmate, leaving hickey's on his neck, lovebites on his huge shoulder's and plenty of scratch marks down his muscular back
And that goes for Bakugo too, the man gets so turned on when he sees the pretty purple marks which litter your neck and body - his possessive side getting stroked so nicely
Even though you ain't mine, I promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love
Back to your kinda common fights with the man, they're usually triggered by one of two things: Katsuki being a dick, or you not giving him enough attention (Katsuki being a dick)
If you catch the blonde giving anyone a hard time (especially Deku) you will tell him to shut up and then go OFF on him once the two of you are alone
This always ends up in a shouting match between you two, Katsuki's argument usually being 'oh so you give a shit about them??' and your counter argument being 'yes i have basic empathy'
These arguments almost always end up in make-up sex after Katsuki crawls back to you with an apology - and you have seen improvements in his behaviour! Less snide comments to others and more playful banter, almost as if Bakugo cares about your opinions and views
It's hard to distinguish those fights from the other kind - as both usually result from Bakugo being a dick
But, if Katsuki is being a dick to you, that's when you know that he's upset at you for not 'being with him enough'
The blonde wants to seem as anything BUT clingy, but in reality, if he could morph his body into yours to constantly feel you, he would.
If you haven't flashed the muscular man a smile within the first five minuets of seeing him, or if you haven't bushed the back of your hand against his that day, or you haven't looked away and giggled when his eyes catch yours - Katsuki takes that as you loosing interest in him, which he doesn't take lightly
In turn, the blonde will start to throw insults he saves for others your way instead! Or he'd choose to ignore you (which would fail horrendously as Katsuki can't keep his damn eyes off of you)
Either way, it would end in a small argument between the two of you, where the blonde would absolutely refuse to admit that he felt you weren't giving him enough attention
Steamy make-outs and sex always followed though, after you assure the insecure man that you were thinking about him and always want to be near him
Sure doesn't sound like two guys who "AREN'T DATING" if you ask me!
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danandfuckingjonlmao · 2 months
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something that has bothered me about tua seasons 2-4 is the inconsistency of the relationships between the siblings.
starting with klaus, in season 1 ben and diego were his people. ben and klaus were always shown together in the flashbacks to them as kids and obviously every second of the show because klaus was the only one who could see him. but like… they were CLOSE. SO FUCKING CLOSE. they were the most SIBLINGS of all the siblings.
that continued into season 2. ben was randomly a bit colder towards klaus but they were still so fucking close.
and then ben left, and klaus for the first time was alone without his person. everyone else lost a brother when they were 17, except klaus. so he had to grieve ben for the first time. that didn’t happen, though. there were many nods to them being close, and then of course steve blackman pulled a steve blackman which means weird unnecessary incest implications, but it wasn’t clear just how close klaus and brellie ben were even though it had to be hard to be around someone who looked like ben and was kind of ben but also wasn’t ben.
and with diego, it also seemed like he and klaus were incredibly close. diego older-brothered klaus constantly s1 and they gave off the impression that they ran into each other a lot in the city during the years since leaving the academy.
then they completely disregarded it for the rest of the seasons. in s2 and s3 there a few interactions that could lend credence to this but for the most part it seemed like they threw it out the window.
allison and klaus had no clear relationship in season 1. they had some incredibly minor sibling interactions but nothing that indicated they were anywhere near as close as they imply in season 4. season 2 they were close and then season 3 not a lot of interaction. but s4 makes it seem like they have always been incredibly close which doesn’t make sense!!
five and viktor have a relatively consistent friendship, although s4 doesn’t really give viktor any relationship development with his siblings. same with five, if anything he just gets his relationships destroyed but that’s a different post!!
allison and viktor also are pretty consistently close. the implication is that they weren’t as kids but that they really try to be as adults, and i do like their relationship overall.
luther and allison nasty ew kill it with fire. like i thought we established in s2 that incest is weird actually and that we weren’t doing that and then season 3 came along and whatever whatever shut up.
diego and luther’s relationship is fun. they go from adversaries to himbo besties and it’s relatively consistent.
luther and viktor have similar growth. luther goes from piece of shit basically causing the apocalypse s1 because of how shitty he was to viktor towards really wanting to make things right and being the big brother he always should have been. they didn’t really have a relationship s4 but WHATEVER.
i feel like five and luther were together a lot the first two seasons and that very much changed. i’m not even that upset as i think five having character arcs with each sibling is good since he missed so many years with them (other than him and viktor they were always close and should have remained that way).
i think allison and diego and viktor and diego having relationship development would have been cool. in the comics viktor and diego have a band so we know they’re friends. and in the show allison and diego don’t have too many interactions but the ones they do have are SOOOO SIBLING and i adore that.
ben and viktor have some closeness s3-4 (and the end of s2) but it’s not really something we see, more so we’re just told. and then random flashback to them hanging out as kids before the mission which was confusing.
i think five and klaus were done the dirtiest with the relationship inconsistency. i understand wanting different characters to have arcs with different people, but when you sacrifice the established relationships and basically put your characters on shuffle then you also sacrifice character consistency, development, growth, etc.
i think a big problem is how many characters they brought on last season. there wasn’t time for consistent relationships among the brellies when they had to use a shit ton of time building new characters and relationships (and immediately killing them all off which was A Choice).
anyway just wanted to write out thoughts about this. would love to know other people’s thoughts (or headcanons about the siblings).
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luvsturniolo · 11 months
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I have this cute idea for Chris. Maybe yall have been friends for a long time and he really wants something more but his commitment issues are getting in the way because he’s been hurt before but then say something bad happens and his brothers are out and can’t help and he calls you and needs you and you come right away even faster than he expected and he’s like you came so fast? And you’re like yeah, you called? and he just realizes in that moment you’re not whose hurt him in the past and he kisses you
ー ★ !! commitment
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pairing : chris x fem!reader
synopsis : explained in the req :)
a/n : this idea is so cute but also so sad ?? i’m hoping to channel both of those emotions into this fic
wc : 2.5k
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you’ve been friends with the triplets for as long as you can remember. especially with chris. you’d never admit it, but something about him drew you in — yearning for more.
nothing about your love for chris was lustful or anything vulgar like that. you genuinely admired and respected him as your best friend.
he was always a shoulder to cry on. he always found a way to make you laugh when he could tell you were upset. he always brightened your mood even when you weren’t feeling great. and you tried to provide that same systematic support for him. you made an effort to let him know you would be there for him no matter what.
to everyone else, the two of you were inseparable. you grew up together and nobody could get between your guys’ little duo.
but recently, he hasn’t been acting himself.
you know chris well enough to tell when an issue that’s bothering him and there’s definitely something going on. you can tell that he’s conflicted about it and the topic is serious. but you’ve got no idea what it could be.
he’s been trying to hide it, but you know that’s only hurting him more.
not to mention, he never hides anything from you. he’s never kept secrets or refused to open up. despite your efforts to try and make him explain, he won’t. and since you don’t want to pry, you dropped the topic.
it’s been a two weeks since his demeanor randomly changed. and you’ve tried to ignore the behavior, but your mind just won’t stop coming back to that same topic.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
meanwhile, chris is going through quite the crisis. you're his best friend. like, dude, you're literally his favorite person to be around. in the whole world.
but recently, he's been having too much time alone with this thoughts. this thinking time has caused him to overthink your guys' relationship as a whole. every time he thinks about you, his heart feels heavier and his stomach twirls.
the thing is, he's felt like this ever since you guys first became friends when you were kids, so he didn't think it was weird. he thought it was a normal effect that you had on people.
but when chris casually mentioned this feeling to matt, he acted like it was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.
"bro no way." matt said two weeks ago — which was when chris leisurely explained the effect you have on him. "that's not fucking normal. you need to google that because i'm pretty sure you have a crush or something."
at first, chris thought nothing of matt's advice. he assumed he was just being a weirdo ( like usual ). but the more he thought about it, the more chris realized that his brother might not be a total idiot.
after all, matt is the mental health expert of the family. who would chris be to dismiss his diagnosis?
as time went on, chris got more and more obsessed with this idea. not because he's happy about it. but because there's no fucking way he like likes you. you're his best friend. that's it. his friend. you always have been and you always will be. your guys' relationship can't change just because of some silly feelings he's not even sure he has.
but it's been two weeks and chris still can't seem to rest his mind.
he knows you're worried about him, but he can't open up to you about his possible crush. this is the only topic in the whole world he isn't comfortable sharing with you.
"so what you're saying is you're in love with her!?" nick exclaimed loudly over the phone, making chris jump at his loud voice. "like her!? your best friend of thirteen years! that one!?"
"yes!" chris yelled back into the tiny speakers of his phone. "can you quit fucking screaming now!? you're gonna make my damn ears bleed!"
"sorry that i'm taken aback by the fact that you're in love with your best friend!" nick apologized, his voice equally as loud as it was the first time he yelled.
chris sighed, flopping back on his mattress. he set his phone on the pillow beside him and stared up at the ceiling above. his eyes traced the bumps under the white paint of his roof.
nick and matt are currently in the van, driving to pick up an order of mcdonalds for dinner. chris didn't feel like going, but he always feels a bit empty without his brothers. so he decided to call them. the topic of their call moved from chris giving nick his order to chris explaining his emotions to nick simply because it's the only thing he could think about.
"did you know!?" nice shouts at matt — who's more focused on driving to their restaurant than on chris's relationship crisis. "i feel like you knew! did you know!?"
"shut the fuck up, nick!" matt says back, keeping his eyes on the road. "you know i get stressed driving at night. plus it's raining. i don't need your fuckin' yapping to distract me!"
nick groans, but apologizes anyway before leaning back in his seat and staring at his phone. he quickly notices that chris's camera is now pointed up at the ceiling rather than at his face.
"what're you doing, kid?" nick asks chris.
chris averts his attention away from his dotted ceiling and picks up his phone, holding it above his face to look at nick. "i was thinking-"
"that's never a good sign." nick jokes.
"can i fucking speak?" chris asks, clearly annoyed. nick takes the hint and shuts up, making a lock motion across his mouth to depict his silence. chris rolls his eyes before continuing, "as i was saying, i think i found out why i'm so distraught by the fact that i might like her."
"yeah, no shit." nick replies. "anyone would be freaked out at the thought of being in love with their best friend."
"not funny."
"i'm not trying to be funny." nick says, genuinely. "i'm being serious. you shouldn't feel the need to search for a reason behind your emotions, chris. if you like her, you like her. there's no point in hiding it because you know damn well she'll figure it out anyway. y'all are shit at keeping secrets from each other."
"that's true." matt chimes in from the driver's seat. nick moves the phone forward and holds it by matt's face so chris can hear him better. "she already knows there's something up with you. it's only a matter of time before she finds out what is causing you to act so strangely."
"i guess you have a point." chris agrees. "but what about after i confess and everything?"
"what about it?" nick asks. "after you confess, you'll most likely be dating. which means any issue you guys face will be one for the two of you to figure out together."
"dude, i can't date her!"
nick groans loudly, his voice nearly sounding more like a screech than a noise of complaint. matt yells at him again to shut up and nick apologizes before returning his attention back to chris.
"why the fuck not?" nick asks. "if you guys both end up liking each other, there's no reason not to date."
"yeah there is." chris says, placing his phone on his pillow again to look up at the ceiling that he's grown so fond of. the blank white color is comforting in a sense. it's something consistent that won't change or leave him unless he choses for it to do so. sometimes he wishes emotions and people were more like that. consistent.
"then explain, you dumb shit." nick urges.
"you know how my past relationships went." chris says. "none of them were healthy and i got hurt in the end of every single one. why would i willingly put myself back in that situation? i don't want to form a hatred against y/n."
nick pauses and thinks for a moment, trying to articulate what he wants to say next. but his mind is blank. how the hell is he supposed to comfort chris like this? nick hasn't been in this position.
suddenly, matt reaches behind the seat and snatches nick's phone out of his grip. matt holds it in his left hand, still driving with his right. he keeps his eyes on the road but his attention on chris.
"you guys have been friends for over a fucking decade, christopher. there's no way some silly feelings are gonna end that for you." matt says. "i've watched you guys interact for years — not in a creepy way — and trust me when i say that the feeling is mutual. i'm not gonna speak on her behalf because that's shitty. but there's nothing to worry about when it comes to her. you should know that better than anyone."
"but what is you're wrong?"
"if i'm wrong then you can punch me in the face and i'll give you a million bucks." matt says. "but more importantly, if she ends up rejecting you, i'm 100% sure that you guys will talk it out and find a way to move on past this. and even if she doesn't like you back, confessing your feelings will never be something you'll regret."
chris continues to stare at the ceiling.
the consistency of the patter slowly becomes something abstract and without any pattern. chris tilts his head back, thinking he's going crazy. because why is his ceiling changing?
but he quickly realizes that he's not going crazy. he's simply been overlooking the details of the paint for so long that everything he liked about it is becoming raw and real rather than a vision in his head that he wanted to perceive.
maybe that's what's going on with you. he's been friends with you for so long that he's finally noticing all the little details he overlooked. you're not just his best friend he wanted to see you as. you're someone who has always been by his side and someone he wants to live the rest of his life with.
"k, thanks." chris says quickly as he picks up his phone. "bye."
he hears nick and matt protest against him hanging up, but it's too late. he's already pressed the little red x in the corner. he swipes out of nick's contact and scrolls to find yours. when he sees your name, his stomach twists. despite the butterflies in his gut, chris presses the call icon and puts the phone to his ear.
you pick up on the second ring, "what's up?"
"can you come over?" chris asks, feeling his entire body go stiff at the thought of admitting his feelings to you. but he knows this is something he has to do.
"right now? it's nearly midnight, and it's raining." you point out. "is something wrong?"
chris sighs, "no you're right, never mind. i'll tell you some other time, it's not important anyway."
"too bad." you reply with a laugh. "i'll be there in five."
you guys say goodbye before you hang up and chris feels his heart sink to his ass. he runs through everything he plans to say to you, but nothing sounds as sincere as he wants it to. before long, he hears a knock on the front door and his heart sinks even lower — if that's even possible.
he exits his room and wanders down the hall, wanting to take his sweet time just so he doesn't have to face the truth.
when he opens the door and sees you drenched in rain water on their porch, he feels bad for purposely taking longer than necessary to open the door.
you smile at him before taking off your coat and hanging it on the rack you always hang it on. you come over so much that it's nearly second nature to be here. when you guys were kids, you lived at the triplets house more than your own.
"hi chris!" you say, pulling him into a hug solely for the purpose of getting him wet with your dripping hair and damp shirt.
the thing is, you hugged him as a joke because you guys always try to annoy the other. but the moment your arms wrapped around his neck, chris felt his cheeks heat up and his heart speed.
"hey!" chris said as he pushed you off of him like he normally would, hoping you don't think anything of it.
you smile at him, "why'd you call me over here? also, where are nick and matt? i didn't see the van in the driveway."
"you came so quickly." chris said, trying to avoid the topic of why he called you here.
"yeah?" you reply, curiously. "you called."
something about those words settle into his mind and ease his nerves. you're not like the girls he dated before — and he doesn't mean that in a 'you're not like most girls' way. but you're genuinely different. the way you treat him is so much more authentic than how they treated him.
when chris looks at you, he's not looking at the girl he has a crush on. he's also not looking at the friend he grew up with. you're just you.
you're the woman he wants to marry. the woman he wants to buy a house and start a life with. the woman he wants to have pets and kids with. the woman he wants to grow old with and ask to buy him more vitamins so he doesn't get constipated.
"i just wanted to talk to you about something." chris said, his voice quiet so maybe what he's saying won't be real. maybe it'll just fade into the thick air between you and you won't even ask about it.
"about what?" you ask. and there goes chris's idea of whispering.
he sucks in a breath before starting, "i've been thinking and i think the feelings i have for you aren't just in a friendly way. well, not like sexually or anything like that. that's fuckin' weird. i just like genuinely like being around you. i want to fall in love with you- well, more than i already am. also, i really and i mean really don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable. like if you don't feel the same, don't be afraid to tell me. you can say you don't like me. don't feel obligated to agree to be with me if you're not comfy. i'm not gonna be that one weirdo guy who forces you into a relationship. like, i really like you. you're so pretty, funny, sarcastic, and just my favorite person to be around. but like i said, if you don't like me-"
as much as you find his rambling adorable, you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. he's surprised, but ultimately returns the kiss and grabs your waist to pull you closer.
you smile against his lips before muttering, "i like you too."
he grins like a happy toddle before scooping you up and engulfing you into a huge bear hug. you shriek, telling him to put you down. but he doesn't. he just hold you and peppers kisses across your skin — your face, your shoulders, your neck, your arms, wherever.
he's just happy to have you by his side, knowing he's never gonna let you go. he's yours and you're his.
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tags : @kasqnxx @lvrsparadise @prettysturniolo @strniolo @urmyslxt @cupidsturniolo @opheliaofficial07 @thetriplets3 @sturn1olo-ffics @uhnanix @deadxrx @kitaysworld @slaysturniolo @wilmalovegood @ladylokilaufeyson5
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armpirate · 1 year
Text
Is it the water or is it me? || JJK
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pairing: Jungkook x fem!reader
w.c.: 2.3k
Warnings: Smut, public sex, unprotected sex, fingering, handjob.
Summary: You and Jungkook have been working together for quite some time, which ended up with him growing a crush on you that was one sided. Or so he thought.
There you were again, walking around with that radiant smile that made everyone instantly smile at you, as if you brought with you a ray of sunshine in your pocket. Jungkook wasn’t sure about the rest, but he for sure thought his morning would get better only with the idea of seeing you there.
He wasn’t sure of when his crush on you started, but he knew that something clicked in his brain when you first stepped in the office, starting your practices there. And he remembered how hard it was for him to focus on something else when his boss assigned him to be your mentor. He tried to keep his focus on the screen, but his eyes kept running over your body, tracing the subtle way your curves formed under your floral dress.
And while he thought it was a temporary attraction because you were the new thing, it only kept evolving as you grew closer together.
As time went by, you two became the type of coworkers that would be constantly together in the workplace, and that would get more touchy than you should -sometimes his hand would reach to your nape, under your hair, to give it a playful and soft squeeze; sometimes it was you the one who touched his arm or playfully laid your head on your shoulder as you laughed together. Not to mention those “colleagues dates” you would have randomly, out of the office, just to catch up with rumors and gossip when you weren’t on the same shift. And more than once, Jungkook finished the day feeling guilty for not taking the chance on you. He wasn’t sure whether you’d feel comfortable or not. He could easily be misinterpreting your too friendly behavior. Maybe you were like that with everyone you were close to -although he didn’t see you acting that way with anyone else from the company, whether it was a man or a woman.
You both were attending the annual company dinner your boss prepared at the end of the year, but even then he knew nothing would change. And chances of him leaving earlier were high. Confirming that idea when you showed up with a tight black dress that lifted higher on your thigh when you sat next to him. His hand wanted to reach to your skin, and the amount of times he had to stop himself from doing it was insane.
His mind tried to concentrate on other things, as he desperately engaged in conversations with the others, until you laid your hand on his thigh, supporting your body when you leaned closer, pressing your breasts on his arms when you tried to reply to the man who was sitting next to him. If he didn’t know you, he’d have thought you were doing it on purpose.
Well, it seemed like he didn’t know you indeed, because your intention was pretty obvious. And it might have been for a few months already. Always meeting up with him, trying to finish your hang out with a kiss even. Yet you always came back disappointed when he left after giving you a friendly hug.
You went back to your seat, earning a sigh of relief from the person on your left as he moved uncomfortably, noticing one of his hands was trying to place his pants properly, before he tried to completely hide the lower part of his body under the table.
The rest of the dinner went by as a rough challenge for him, trying to test his limits before he jumped on you in front of everyone. Although all that control would only last until you all moved your party to a club near the restaurant you were at. Having to see you dancing with random guys all night wasn’t what he was planning at all, and he blamed himself for staying longer than he was intending to only because you insisted on him going.
During one of those glances he aimed at you, he was sure he caught you looking at him over the guy’s shoulder, and he swore your eyes squinted because of the smile you were hiding when his jaw clenched.
You were playing with him that night. And that annoyed him just as much as it turned him on.
Looking around him, making sure neither of your colleagues would mind your business -either because they were already too drunk or because they were somewhere else-, he started walking in your direction.
“Y/n, I’m going home” he screamed over the music.
He didn’t have to tell you, he could’ve sent you a text as he left… Yet he walked over to you, in a little hope you’d leave with him.
You frowned your eyes, finally stepping back from the blond guy that was still having his hands on you “Already?” you frowned confused “It hasn’t even been an hour since we came”.
One hour of seeing you flirt and be surrounded by men constantly, while he stared from afar hoping he had as much confidence as they did. “I don’t feel well” he lied.
Convinced you’d just shrug your shoulders and turn again, he was surprised when you held his wrist and dragged him to the restrooms, leaving behind the man you’d been dancing with for the past fifteen minutes. His feet battled to keep up with the speed of your steps, being surprised by how you were walking that fast so neatly while wearing heels.
You entered the ladies restroom, being welcomed by a few surprised looks from the women that were retouching their makeup. He was waiting for you to speak, but you had no intentions to. You knew he was feeling fine, and what bothered him was the fact that you paid no attention to him all night. You were acting bittersweet on purpose, just to get a reaction from him. Getting some water on your hands, only making them humid enough, you spreaded the tiny drops on his forehead, drenching his locks a bit when you pushed his bangs back. Your fingers felt so good when you lowered them on his cheeks, and dangerously close to his lips.
“Feeling better?” Jungkook nodded, eyes closing under your touch “Is it the water or is it me?”.
Your question made him open his eyes wide, surprised by the suggestive tone you were using. Although he didn’t know that smirk would make it way worse. “Y/n…” he whispered. “Because if it’s me, I think there are better ways to make you feel good” your doe eyes, feeling so innocent in contrast with your voice was making it difficult for his brain to work properly.
He wasn’t sure if alcohol was speaking on your behalf, but he discarded that idea when your breath smelled fruity from the only drink you’ve gotten ever since dinner started.
This time he was the one dragging your body to one of the cubicles, pressing your body to the door he had just locked. Both of his hands on both sides of your head, as he leaned over you to know what was up with your attitude that night “You’re making it so difficult for me to hold back”, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.
It was ironic he was the one saying that, when he reached out to you in the middle of the dance floor to make sure you wouldn’t leave the place with that other guy.
“Who says you should hold back?” you raised an eyebrow, getting back control on the conversation.
His neck flinched when one of your hands reached his nape, digging inside his locks, at the same time your warm breath was gently caressing his throat. His cock grew bigger inside his pants as his skin welcomed the humidity of your tongue, tracing his jaw. “I want this just as much as you do, Kook” you whispered when you reached his ear.
Your voice sent dangerous alarms into his brain, something that he wasn’t able to control before he was cupping your face in his hands to lean into a sloppy and messy kiss. Feeling the taste of your saliva, mixed with the pineapple flavor of your drink, on his tongue was driving him crazy. Your hands tugging his blue shirt, and digging under it was rotting his brain with full images of everything he wanted to do to you. You didn’t know what you started.
His tongue twirled around yours, while your lips sucked on his like your life depended on it. You both had wanted this for so long, and you were finally giving in to all your wishes.
Jungkook barely gave you time to process the kiss, before he was already attacking your neck with wet open mouth kisses. Hands sneaking down your back to squeeze your ass and keep you in place. You still had room to move though, letting the thin strips of your dress fall off your shoulders, just to get your arms out of them and be able to lower your dress, exposing your tits.
Attracted to them like a magnet, his lips closed around one of your hard nipples, while his tattooed hand pinched and pulled your other button. He kept switching, making sure he’d get enough taste of the both of them.
Even if you were drunk in pleasure and excitement, too absorbed in how your clit throbbed for attention, you went to his pants instead, unzipping it and lowering them just enough to let his hard cock jump free. His teeth digged in your sensitive button as soon as your thumb started circling around his tip, getting it wet with his own precum. His cock only escaping from your fingers momentarily when he took your panties off, and circled his wrist with them.
Jungkook made sure to get his fingers wet and ready before they slid through your folds, deviously caressing you until they reached your needy clit. He felt how tight you were when he dug them deeper down your entrance, and he could only think of how it was better than he ever had imagined. You held back your moan, finally feeling being stretched by him, your walls hugging him tight and perfectly, while your brain could only picture the way he was so deep inside you that only the character on his knuckles would be the only thing visible. “You’re so tight, baby” he whispered, slowly moving his fingers in and out.
“Just imagine how tight I’ll feel around your cock” you replied back with a smirk, hearing him groan when your fingers started working on his cock again. Both of you kept moving in sync, as if it were a little heads up for what was to come.
Jungkook started walking backwards, with his fingers still stretching your pussy as much as he was able to. He dragged you on his lap when he sat on the toilet, making you straddle him. He was eager to feel you, and it was written all over his face when you dropped his cock.
Lips parted, holding back the moan that came out as a gap when you felt full again, feeling every inch of his cock invade you and stretch you out so perfectly. Both of you groaning low when your pubes finally touched, while you gave each other time to adjust to that new sensation.
Although, not even a few seconds later, Jungkook was urging you to move, fingers digging in your flesh as he pushed you upwards. Every move of your body was making him like he was in heaven, as your insides kept hugging him. Your hands held onto his shoulders, trying to get used to that new sensation that made little stars float in front of your eyes.
You felt his hips raise, trying to get deeper into you, trying to hit that right spot that would make your knees weak and barely possible to hold back your moans. Your lower lip hid under your teeth, which were biting hard on your skin, trying to keep any moan from escaping while Jungkook kept groaning against your neck and throat. Far from making you stop, though, it only encouraged you to go faster, making the tank behind him move constantly, hitting the wall and joining the sounds of your flesh clapping against each other.
“You feel so fucking good” he said, “Way better than I could ever have imagined” his lips let out a groan, and seemed like he was more careless about being heard than you were. “Fuck, keep riding my cock that way” Jungkook kept moving his hips up against you “You like it?”.
“Fuck, yes” you finally moaned lowly, moving even faster when your pussy started clenching around his cock.
That ticklish feeling in your belly was going hard on you, just a few more moves and you’d feel it showering over you, from head to toe. “Cum, baby. Cum with me” he managed your hips, controlling your movements with both of his hands, until you both exploded together.
You hugged him tight, hiding your face in his neck, biting it hard just to keep your moan from sounding louder than it already is, when you felt that sticky liquid fill your loads just as fast.
“Fuck, baby” he sighed, trying to get his breathing back to normal “Shit” he threw his head back. “I can’t believe I’ve missed on this for so long”.
You smiled against his neck, feeling exactly the same way he was “Well, I think we should make up for the wasted time tonight”.
“Let’s get out of here”
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chaostroberry1 · 3 months
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Can I get a hcs of Loki, Beelzebub and Hermes knowing that only one human (us) is their worshipper in the modern days? These Gods are not worshipped as much as back then so what would be their reaction to that? (Platonic/romantic is up to you! I'm fine with any of them)
Tyy <3
Ofc!!! I'll do my best. 😌
⚠️Just a disclaimer, I did some research on how the gods were worshipped by their different believers, so please forgive me if I get anything wrong‼️⚠️
Ror characters reacting to only one worshipper
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Loki
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- Loki was known for being a trickster, and it's not uncommon to dislike him. he plays tricks, pranks, and is just over all annoying.
- He sure is aware of people's distaste for him and his little games, but it never did bother the man one little bit. Why should he care anyway? He was only in it for the fun, nothing else.
- that was how his mindset worked until he found a certain little mortal wandering out and about, making an offering to him. Now that? That REALLY sparked his interest.
- you wouldn't imagine that evil little grin of mischief on his face. I mean, he was never worshipped before, this was an entirely new feeling to him!
- Even knowing the horrible deeds he's done, or what type of person he is...you didn't care. You did your thing anyway, showing your respect to him. That little tint of hope on your face, completely determined to worship him...
- That was one hell of a turn on.
- He was so so so so soooo excited. overjoyed and overwhelmed with emotions, is this what respected gods get to experience? And HE, out of everyone, was missing out on the fun???
- After that day, the gods were always left with someone lacking in a meeting. Or perhaps, the room just wasn't as full of sly comments or remarks. It was eerily peaceful to say the least. But it's better than putting up with some green headed jerk, right?
- Loki on the other hand, would always be seen watching over you with lovestruck eyes. Sometimes going into the mortal realm and turning into little insects, spying on you.
- Mans was lovestruck as hell.
- Like forget playing pranks on people, he had a new form of entertainment. Probably giving little clues in your surroundings whenever you ask for signs that he was listening.
- he'd learn your name, and get incredibly upset whenever your attention was not on him. You were his worshipper, so you had too act like it, no arguments needed.
- I just imagine one time the gods are in a meeting, he'd randomly brag about his dear loyal worshipper, making comments like "oh, my dear beloved (y/n) also has a thing like that in the mortal world~" when Thor was literally in the middle of talking about a brutal slaughter that occured somewhere around the place. 💀
- it even weirds out the deities thinking about how much he knew about you.
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Beelzebub
- now, beel here is different. He's been known to be evil itself, and all the works written about him is just all the brutal and horrible things he's done.
- He was also aware that many disliked him, but what could he do? He was rumoured to be Satan himself. it wasn't his fault, but all the fingers were pointing at him.
- then he found you, a very determined worshipper with sworn loyalty to him. You believed that he was innocent, and it wasn't his fault. Catching him off guard for once.
- that of course, made him feel a little nice inside. But he had to stop himself. You were just a pitiful mortal with hope, and hope doesn't last very long.
- it made him nervous. What if he repeated the same mistake he had committed before? What of he kills another innocent life who wanted nothing but to worship him?
- he'd try to send signals to you, a sign that you should stop. Trying to get you off his back. But you never did, you didn't care.
- it made him warm, and nice. For the first time in ages, he experienced a nice feeling. And now that he's more controlled with his emotions, he could atleast try. Maybe give it a little chance.
- he found out what your name was, and it brought him peace whenever that same name took up some space in his thoughts.
- Maybe here and there, he'll help you out a bit, Getting rid of those who've done wrong to you. Maybe even showing vulnerability in some occasions.
- and on very very rare occasions, he'd get a little jealous. A little jealous when you show care towards another. He actually did enjoy your love towards him, and had gotten used to it.
- even if he was cold and unapproachable, He had a little soft spot for you in his heart.
- He wanted to cherish this feeling, just for a little while.
Hermes
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- mf literally goes around spying on people's private affairs. You know when Poseidon 'killed' adamas? Bro was literally eavesdropping, but got caught anyway. Not even afraid of admitting that he was a rotten scoundrel/cause for a few problems.
- that's why the gods keep an eye out for him, knowing that if word ever got out about anything, it may as well end in chaos.
- he's pretty chill, unless you try him. Finding out that he had a worshipper did quite amuse him in a way. Not to the point where he'd be like Loki..*cough*
- maybe a word would slip out of his mouth, a little "oh my.." possibly.
- I have a little headcanon that since he's pretty handsome, he has a few share of admirers. Maybe nymphs and so on. That's why a worshipper wouldn't really come off as too much of a surprise. I could be wrong.
- But all that aside, seeing your desication and loyalty to him was a nice feeling. especially since nowadays, there weren't many who bothered worshipping deities they couldn't even see. Some growing detached from their own beliefs, and giving up.
- The world is a big place, yet you were the one to catch his eye the most. And maybe he might've grown a little fond of you.
- in his spare time, he'd be composing beautiful melodies dedicated to you. Ehem, as a way of showing his appreciation of course. Don't have your mind wandering off any further than that.
- There were probably also deities out there who hated his guts, not that it mattered to him. He has no more interest in that. he was more busy and happy to give his attention towards you and your little beliefs.
- Maybe at night, you might hear the faint sound of a violin, a beautiful melody that puts you to sleep. Waking up to believe that it was just a dream..or so you thought.
- that's right, just close your eyes and let him take care of you.
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m-y-fandoms · 9 months
Text
Commission: DRV3 Boys x Female Reader - Seven Minutes in Heaven
Details: Takes place during the killing game, timeline switched around, creative license taken to imply everyone is alive and has known each other for at least a few weeks and has had time to get to know each other a bit. The threat of the killing game is still there though. Monokuma has announced it, just nobody has been killed yet. It’s also implied that the reader has a crush on the boy in each section however whether or not the boy is oblivious to that fact or feels the same varies.
Word Count: 5K Words
Warnings: SFW - fluff, maybe mild angst, possible V3 spoilers
Everyone needed something to divert their attention and obsessive thoughts away from the killing game. Though nothing had happened yet, the group of Ultimates got more and more antsy by the day. Every dark corner or empty stairwell seemed like a threat, and mistrust grew and loomed over them all like a black mold growing on the walls.
No one seemed to feel safe, though it had been weeks since the menacing-looking monochrome bear informed them that they were to kill each other for sport so they could return home to their regular school life and families. There was no concrete proof that this wasn't an extensive, well-planned practical joke or social experiment, some prank that would result in cameramen and producers springing out of the woodwork once all was said and done, and that was the only thing holding them together mentally. This could all be fake.
Nevertheless, something needed to change. They all had their little subgroups, individual trusted cliques or closest allies, but there was no denying the entire group needed to come together, to get to know each other a bit better and let off some steam. Unity meant potential lasting peace and no fatalities.
Someone suggested they play a frivolous little game that could keep everyone's attention for a while. Even though most of the group hadn't played it since middle school and some never at all, the rules were straightforward and simple enough. In addition to passing the time, it might even spark a little drama or romance. Any emotion was preferable to the fear of death and the sense of impending disaster.
Seven Minutes in Heaven: a game where two people go into a small room or cramped closet alone and have seven minutes to do anything they want to each other. Usually, the goal was the get handsy, to kiss or hug, to confess to someone, to make each other nervous, or to engage in casual romantic activities. It was supposed to be steamy and awkward, to put pressure on the two people. They would all randomly pick straws, and the two people who got the shortest straws would have to go in together while everyone else sat outside and timed their seven minutes. Knowing your peers were mere feet away outside the door only added to the tension.
The location was set: a small, cramped closet on the first floor next to the spare classroom and just before the steps down to the basement. It was dimly lit by an ancient overhead lightbulb hanging on by a thread and had just enough room for two people once the abandoned supplies, tools, and cobwebs were scooted to the edges. The Hotel Kumasutra was suggested first, but was shot down for being perhaps a little too intense, dramatic, and high-pressure for such a simple game. Nobody felt comfortable enough to enter the daunting building as of yet, despite its proximity to the popular casino.
And so, the game began.
Rantarou Amami
Waiting anxiously to see who you'll be paired up with, you pace the meager few steps you can manage in the tiny closet - back and forth, back and forth - working up a sweat that's more nerves than physical exertion. When the door swings casually open and you immediately see a fluffy full head of green hair, a shiver runs down your spine. It's a shiver that is half excitement and half humiliation. Of all fifteen other classmates, of course your crush, Rantarou Amami, was the one destined to draw the other straw and be trapped in here with you for seven excruciating minutes. Anyone else, literally anyone else, and you could've stalled, talked your way through those seven minutes, felt indifferent, and at most a little awkward. Rantarou made your heart flutter, froze you in place nearly every time he interacted with you. You stuttered, felt like you never said the right thing. He was just so handsome, with a smooth voice and a mysterious yet kind personality. You were quite sure, even with the memory loss you'd all suffered, that you hadn't had a crush this intense in quite a while. Certainly not one that turned you into a foolish mess.
Rantarou entered with his head bowed, shoulders shrugged forward. You'd never seen him - a dude who was usually quite confident and smooth - looking so uncomfortable. When he spun to look at you, the door now shutting you two in alone, he was almost wincing, facial expression squeezed into wrinkles and furrowed brows. It was as if his face was trying to say: "I'm sorry about this..."
"Heeeeey, (Y/N)," Rantarou spoke in a sing-songy voice that, again, was out of character for him, yet you felt your body stiffen up all the same. You hugged your body instinctively, feeling vulnerable as your heart beat wildly in your chest. You took a step back to create more space between you and the object of your infatuation and nearly tripped over a cardboard box on the ground behind you. "Yeah, this is about what I expected," he chuckled, his eyes wrinkling closed into kind little lines. He held his hands out in a sign of passive surrender. "So sorry about this, (Y/N). I swear, there was nothing I could do! It was all random." He rubbed the back of his neck, a small dust of pink over his cheeks. You felt your stomach drop. Did he think you disliked him? Was he perceiving your involuntary reaction as disgust rather than flustered? You suddenly felt super guilty. You were just now realizing he probably had taken note of this same adverse reaction every single time you were in the room with him. The logical thought process would probably be that your body language showed disdain.
"Oh, oh no, I hope you don't think I'm upset about being paired with you! I didn't realize my-" you tried to relax your shoulders, not wanting to let your own feelings affect him negatively.
"No, I don't think that at all, actually..." he cut you off, not wanting to let you get too far into this incorrect notion. He paused, thinking over how to word things delicately. "It's quite the opposite. I'm not as dense as you might think, actually. I pick up on things pretty well," he chuckled again, trying to ease the tense atmosphere, "and I... I kinda know you like me. You always get like this... when I talk to you. I'm... a bit more perceptive and empathetic than people think. I just wanted you to know, it's okay! You don't have to feel that way! I was worried about your reaction when I stepped in here. I knew you'd freak out." So subtly - almost seeming practiced and experienced - he gently clasped his rough hands into yours. They felt calloused, perhaps from the travels and adventures he'd vaguely mentioned when you sat there like a statue listening to him talk around the academy. The many bracelets settling on his wrists shook you back to reality, and your face heated up at the skin-to-skin contact. "I mean, I'm not trying to boast because I really don't think I'm such a catch, but I see the way you look at me, I've heard Miu talking about you having a crush as well..."
"I... I don't know what to say," you release a breath you didn't know you'd been holding, "This is a bit embarrassing..." you grumble, looking at the ground.
"You don't need to feel embarrassed. Honestly, I think you're a really cool person as well. I would love to get to know you more, but you always seem to run away after we talk for a little. The others are always around. It would be cool to spend some time hanging out alone, now that... I'm kinda confessing that I'm interested in you too?" He gives you a crooked smile. "Woah... your hands are like shaking."
Was this a dream? Was Monokuma replacing your classmates with clones to prank and humiliate you? There's no way Rantarou, the most attractive and fascinating guy here, was into you...
"I... I would really like that. Yeah, I'm sorry about my... less than pleasant reaction. I really didn't mean to come off as weird or make you uncomfortable."
"Hey, no worries. Well, you know, I played this game a ton in middle school. It was always silly, and stupid, but I have no issue playing it again, especially with you. What do you say? After all, I've played games way worse than this."
Ryoma Hoshi
The athlete strolled leisurely into the closet, hands in his pockets and the stick of a lollipop hanging carelessly out of his mouth. He always had something hanging out his lip, be it a candy cigarette, a toothpick, or something in between. You wondered if it soothed him. You'd gathered from conversations with him that his life had been pretty traumatic, at least in your opinion. His eyes were half-lidded as always, lazy and donning dark bags underneath. He sighed, stepping into the dim lighting provided by the single, dingy bulb above.
"Yeah, so I didn't really have anything better to do. Everyone else was sayin' they'd play and I was in the room at the time so I got roped in. Can't be much worse than anything else I've been through. Figured it might be good for morale, for these people to loosen up and play a game or two together. Lotta mistrust brewing." He looked around, seemingly disinterested and boasting an incredibly calm demeanor. You were wondering how someone could feel not even a little bit nervous playing a game with a premise like this.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want to!" You smiled softly, offering him an out. You liked Ryoma a lot. His chill attitude, mysterious and interesting past, deep voice, and cute face intrigued you enough to even form a little crush, but you didn't want him here out of coercion or peer pressure.
“It’s whatever. I’m down to play. It’s fine. However, I’m sure I wasn’t who you expected or were hoping for.” He shrugs, less self-deprecating and more as if stating a plain fact. It didn’t seem to bother him either way if you did in fact wish it was someone else who was chosen to be with you for this dumb little game.
“Nah, I’m not disappointed,” you smirk a bit deviously, trying to hide the excitement you truly felt. You see his eyebrows raise a tad, which is more expression than you usually get from him. “Someone like you is kind of an interesting partner for this game. I’m betting you have more life experience overall than me. In fact, I know you do, after listening to some of your stories. You probably have more experience in everything: street smarts, common sense, even romance.”
“Uh, let me stop you right there.” He lets out a tiny, brief, dry chuckle, something skeptical in his tone. “Actually, not true at all, that last part. Not much romance in my life. Funny, you and I actually talk more often than I do with the others… I thought you would’ve picked up on that.”
“Oh?” You challenge him playfully, trying to flirt him into a more open mood.
"Yeah, I'd think that would be obvious. Who wants to take a chance on a no-good criminal with a clouded, ominous past? I don't really tell people all the details, and I'm not going to, but then I can't be surprised if people don't want to get to know me or trust me. Also, I'm aware I'm not the ideal, looks-wise. Never bothered me, but-" Once again, you can tell he's not looking for sympathy, but just honestly sharing his thoughts about himself. Before he can talk himself down further, however, you cut him off.
Stopping his words in their tracks, you leaned down to his height, bending at the waist sensually. Without skipping a beat, you casually took the lollipop from his mouth, coaxing it out without much resistance on his part. Smiling impishly, you popped it into your own mouth.
You'd never seen Ryoma Hoshi blush before this moment. It seemed like something he was incapable of.
Korekiyo Shinguuji
The lean, dangerously mysterious anthropologist stood across from you, tall enough and so close that he blotted out the dim light from the single bulb above in the cramped closet. He appeared like a silhouette, like some spooky demon or spirit from the cultural legends he often told you about. He seemed to be giggling behind his mask, amused at your flustered reaction to his closeness before he began to speak in that mystifying voice of his that was like smoke hissing past your ear and tickling the outer shell:
"You know, (Y/N), I almost said no to playing... This seems like such a childish little game, maybe even a waste of my precious time when I could be studying up on literally any other topic. But... then I thought: I've done far more promiscuous things than this before, games and rituals alike, so what's the harm in some little kid’s game? Why not? After all, there's something to be learned from every experience, and this game seemed integral to the middle school lives of our classmates, therefore making it culturally significant... if I... broaden my definitions a little." He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, making you sweat as he moved even closer during his little monologue.
"I see you're being v-very open-minded," you chuckled nervously, trying to hide the loud pumping of your heart. "Yes, I would've thought you were far too mature for this game!" You were now flat against the wall, nearly caged in by his lithe form hovering over you.
"I thought it might even be exciting," his tone adopted a more predatory note, "to see who I get and explore the essence of who they are, find their inner beauty for myself, one-on-one and in private. When nobody else can hear or see, they might let down some walls, and expose a side of themselves in this killing game that nobody has seen yet. It could be a fascinating study of human behavior. I didn't really care who I got matched with, as everyone here - with such varied personalities and talents - could be an extremely interesting subject!"
"Subject?" Now he was starting to worry you. You had to admit, though, the way he was passionately speaking, the way he pinned you into the corner of this enclosed space... it was rather exciting.
"You seem nervous..." he tilts his head innocently. "There's nothing to be afraid of, little (Y/N). This game, as I take it from the rules, is to start a romantic or flirty interaction, to cause feelings to bubble up in each other - excitement, arousal. These emotions are so wonderfully and beautifully human. Is that what you want, to try this in earnest?" You see one of his hands reach over to its opposite and begin to unravel the layers of gauze bandaging. You nod enthusiastically, almost entranced by his words. He takes this consent as his opportunity to take control, and something in his golden eyes turns animalistic. 
"Good." He purrs.
Gonta Gokuhara
Almost comically shoved into this tiny closet and leaving little to no room for you was your chosen-at-random partner: Gonta Gokuhara, the gentle giant. He was desperately trying not to hit his head on the ceiling while also trying to remember to be considerate of you and your personal space. It was the gentlemanly thing to do, after all.
"Gonta wanted to play, because all of his friends were playing too! This game... sounds fun, but Gonta never played it before. Gonta a bit confused. Gonta love everyone here as a good friend, swear to protect them all, so why we not all play game together, in bigger, more comfortable place?" He asked genuine, thoughtful questions, and it appeared to you that he in fact did not know what he was getting himself into. You'd make sure he understood clearly before playing, as someone had obviously shoved him in here without a clear description of the rules or goals.
"Well, Gonta, this is a game where you're supposed to come in with one other person only and do flirty, cute, romantic stuff. Why did you agree to play without knowing what's going on?" You shook your head, snickering under your breath. You'd always found Gonta's endless positivity and determination to make others feel happy and protected adorable. He probably just wanted to be included, to make sure everyone had fun. And you had no doubt he was intelligent enough to understand the simple rules of this game, it was just very likely someone more mischievous - like Kokichi or Miu - purposely kept him out of the loop.
"Oh! O-okay!" He begins to blush, his mouth pressing into an uncomfortable, pursed line. "Gonta never done anything like that!" He was beginning to perspire on his brow.
"Well, do you want to try? You don't have to, keep that in mind! It's your choice, Gonta." You smiled in encouragement, making sure your body language wasn't applying any pressure to him even subconsciously.
"Ummm... Gonta would like to try if everyone else playing. Also!... Gonta trust (Y/N)." His words are shaking, and you decide you'll do the bare minimum, just a warm-up to see if he truly means his words. Him putting his trust in you was melting your heart.
Gently, as if you were approaching a bird that might fly away at any moment, you took a step closer to him and began to unbutton the tight brown suit jacket from his abs and waist.
Kokichi Ouma
Immediately upon being trapped in the closet with this gremlin, he started teasing you, trying to make you crack, or cry, whichever came first. All reactions were good reactions to him.
"Of all people, you got stuck in here with me. Sucks for you, don't it, (Y/N), you prude!" He swirls a finger in the air and presses it firmly into your chest, taunting you.
He spends the next few agonizingly drawn-out moments poking fun at you, at your flustered reactions, at the way your body responds to both his words and small touches.
"Oh, come on, (Y/N), this is baby shit! I barely even touched you! With my title as Supreme Leader, I've had to seduce hundreds of marks into giving up information or giving me what I want, and you can't even handle this? You wouldn't last two minutes in an interrogation by my organization, let alone seven. Pathetic!" He starts laughing, amused by your humiliation so much that his eyes begin to water.
You're sure his claims of seducing and interrogating victims before are lies, but regardless, your heart was beating out of your chest. Why did he have this effect on you? He had you right where he wanted you, and you were falling into his trap. Every time he ran his chilled fingers up your exposed arm or touched your chest and collarbones, you felt a shiver of desire and fright, a shockwave of panic and delight in tandem.
In truth, the others were worried about you. Most of them, the kinder portion of the group, felt bad about sending you in there alone with Kokichi. They didn't think such a kind, unassuming person deserved this kind of treatment.
With an underlying gentleness that almost betrayed his performative vitriol for you, he pushed your shoulders back, like a bully on a playground. He took note of your clumsiness, of the lack of coordination you must have if such a petite young man like him could nearly topple you over. He seemed to be taking into account his lack of time. Seven minutes wasn't much to work with. He'd had his fun, and was ready for the climax.
You stumble back against the wall, and instantly he pounced on you, cornering you in. Before you had time to adjust, to correct yourself to an upright position, he grabbed both sides of your face, pulling you in for a sloppy, deep kiss that lacked any care or gentleness. Your eyelids flew open as the taste of sweet candies and grape sodas flooded your mouth.
Kaito Momota
Kaito stood with his arms crossed defiantly in the middle of the closet. His taller frame and masculine figure took up most of the space as he stood firm, stubbornly biting the inside of his cheek. His brow was furrowed angrily, but not with an anger directed at you. After all, you must've been a victim in this just as much as he.
"Now, I didn't really wanna do this... it's beneath someone who sees fit to call themselves the Luminary of the Stars. I didn't earn this title through kiddy games after all, but..." he looked frustrated, maybe even with himself, "but they tried to say I'm too scared to play! As if!" He paced once in a circle in the tight confines, then huffed. "I'm realizing just now that I probably fell for it and this was their plan all along." He sighed deeply. "I gotta stop letting these assholes get to me." He conceded, his pride hurt. You had to admit, his reaction to the game was disappointing you, as you couldn't think of a better person to get stuck in here with. You smiled sheepishly, letting the uncomfortable silence mellow out in the air. You only had seven minutes, after all. "Man, it's cold and awkward in here..." Ah, yes. Kaito wasn't the type to let things just be silent. You decided it was your turn to speak now.
"So... you don't want to play with me, at all?" You speak shyly, a bit embarrassed at your own words.
"What, you do?" He counters, a single brow raised as you piqued his curiosity,
"Well... I mean, haha," you thought through how to word this so as to not weird him out or scare him off, or really just embarrass yourself in the process, "I felt really lucky to get stuck in here with you, out of everyone. If I may speak openly and honestly, I've been crushing on you for a while..." You felt your blood running hot.
"You have?" He's flushed pink, pulling his jacket in closer for security.
"Yeah, of course! You're handsome, charismatic, and you make me laugh when we are just hanging out casually. I think your determined spirit is admirable... but if you don't feel the same-"
"No!" He cut you off a little too eagerly before he could remind himself he was supposed to be playing it cool. He cleared his throat, calming down his tone a bit, "No, I mean I think you're great, too. And you're beautiful! Out of all these idiots, I'm glad it's you, too." Your heart swells. "Not that... not that I've been dwelling on this thought for too long." Though it feels like your heart is pumping fast enough to warm the entire room, Kaito was right, it was quite drafty in there. Seeing you shiver at the temperature, Kaito removes his large galaxy jacket and wraps it around your shoulders. It smells of him, of hair products and fresh deodorant. Simple and subtle. "We should hang out some more on our own, when we want to, not when these assholes force us into some stupid game with expectations and shit." He shows you a beaming, celebrity-like grin. "I would be an idiot to not want to get to know you more, especially with your talent!"
Shuichi Saihara
Poor Shuichi. The reserved, introverted detective had found himself shoved into this closet against his will. He'd merely come to observe the game from the farthest corner of the room - bored, and too wary of the threat of the killing game to be alone. Being alone was just the worst option right now: either his own thoughts would consume him or a potential killer might.
So now here he was, paying the consequences of wanting to hang out with a group of his peers. They'd put his name into the lottery without his permission, thinking it a cute and funny little prank, and when he was chosen, it only took two or three of them to shove him inside while he attempted to jump and claw his way out. Now he was a sweating, blushing mess, pawing at the door like a cat trapped in a bedroom. The same students that pushed him in snickered and howled in laughter on the other side, leaning their weight into the door so he couldn't escape. After a while, someone as smart as him knows when an effort becomes futile. He sighs, turning to face you with a warm flush of red over his entire body that contrasts wildly with the blues and blacks of his hair and uniform tones.
"Ugh, I'm so sorry, (Y/N)," he groans, his voice cracking under his nerves. "I told them I didn't wanna play, but..." were you really that bad to be stuck in here with? His reaction seemed... over the top. Your shoulders sank downward, humbled by his response to your existence in the same space as him. He sees your crestfallen expression and panics, guilt overcoming him. "Please, no it's not you! I mean no offense. I didn't wanna come in here with anyone." He takes note of how your mood doesn't pick up in the slightest, and lets his head fall into his hands. "This is so embarrassing. I actually do really like you, this is just so awkward."
"You do?" Your ears perk up at that. Maybe you were mistaken in your earlier judgment.
"Yeah! You've always been kind to me, and you're quite interesting and fun to hang out with in this hellhole. Talking to you... really gets my mind off things..." he admits, clearly self-conscious. "I... well sometimes, I hear you talking about how you think you'll be the first victim of the killing game, talking down about yourself. I don’t think you should count yourself out... we all have our own strengths, though I know I ought to take my own advice sometime." He chuckles in such a gentle, exhausted way that it might as well have been merely an exhale.
Neither of you even noticed that during his little speech of praise toward you, he'd reached out and taken your hands gently in his own. It was a reflexive, instinctive, and intimate move. Rather than pull away, now feeling a bit more stable, and comfortable in sharing his thoughts as you hadn't reacted adversely, he pushes a bit further. He rubs his thumb across the back of your hand, and for seven minutes, that's enough for him.
Kiibo / K1-B0
The almost-human robot is standing across from you, arms flat by his side. He looks far more relaxed than you were, passive and maybe in some kind of rest mode, if he had one.
"Now what?" He asks plainly.
"Nobody told you what to do?" You replied, a bit stunned and wondering why he was even here.
"Vaguely. It sounded like a complete waste of time, though. If it's what humans do, it's certainly not in my programming. Therefore, I might as well learn from this experience as not to be embarrassed later on should the topic come up again." He sounded so practical, so... bored with the current situation.
"Well... I don't know how much you were told but this game is about emotions, feelings... touching and flirting, making the other person nervous and flustered, seeing how far you two are willing to go with each other… in a romantic kind of way. It's uniquely human... it may not be productive for you if you can't comprehend-"
"I have plenty of emotions and feelings! I can understand it perfectly fine!" He retorted, offended and seemingly embarrassed. You didn't know he could get embarrassed. Maybe he could in fact enjoy this game to its fullest. You intended to get something out of this experience. This could be fun. You had to admit, you'd been curious about the extent of Kiibo's understanding of human interactions and emotions for a while now. You wondered how much he could feel, emotionally and physically. If you pulled his hair, would he cry out? If you scratched his thigh, would it bleed simulated blood? There could be a lot of room for exciting discovery that awaited you.
"Well then, I'm curious..." you reach a single, cautious hand outward and stroke his hair. It's stunningly soft. It feels shockingly real, not like some cheap synthetic wig or some type of rubber or metal shaped to mimic hair. Kiibo did something like a vibration or shudder, a chill running down his spine. You wondered if this was a programmed response, all artificial and planned, or if Kiibo's free will really extended that far. How real did his creator intend for him to be? For what purpose was he truly built? What did a scientist stand to gain from making a feeling, loving, human-like young man? You could see a war machine or an endless knowledge bank easily being worth the time, but Kiibo didn't seem to excel in pretty much... anything. "How does that feel?"
"I... I don't know. It's making me... relax? I think that's how you'd describe it. I feel like I am running on low power and sluggish, but in a good way? On purpose..." he speaks softly.
"And this?" You run a hand down his pale cheek, and it's warmer than expected, though below a real human’s body temperature for sure. You're so focused on touching the simulated, soft, supple skin, that you don't even notice Kiibo's eyes blown wide open as if scanning you, entranced and staring almost through you. It was safe to say he might have been touched-starved, unused to the sensation.
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actuallyjustabiscuit · 4 months
Text
The Fear of Being Forgotten
Ok, it’s time I talk about Pomni.
That’s right I’m doing another character analysis! Really it’s more of an analysis of episode 2 from her perspective, but I have a lot feelings about how they are handling her character so far.
I know we’re only on episode 2 and I don’t want to get ahead of myself so I’m gonna be keeping my speculations about this character to a minimum and focus only on what the show and Gooseworx has given us so far.
So I think everyone and their cat knows by now that Pomni’s name roughly translates to "Remember". Of course the irony being that it’s a name that was randomly given to her in the Pilot to replace the one she doesn’t remember.
So in a very meta sense, Pomni’s name is a joke, one that’s given at her expense.
Now, her entire motivation in the Pilot was centered around escaping this new reality that she suddenly finds herself in. And for the first half she’s kinda in denial, using the “dream” excuse as a flimsy way to rationalize everything, but still remains vigilant in finding a way out of this “dream”. So when Caine asks her what she wants to be called she tells him “I don’t care just pick anything.”, because she’s still convinced that what’s happening to her is reversible in some way. So what does it matter what she’s called in this new fictional place?
But in the end, it dawns on her that she is, in fact, trapped. No waking up, and no getting out. The Circus is her new home. And "Pomni" is now her new name. Whether she likes it or not, this is her life.
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It really adds to the identity crisis of these characters that they know who they were but they just don’t know who they are. They don’t have full on amnesia when they enter the Circus, they just lose their identities (their names AND their physical appearance). And since it’s just their names that they completely forgot, that makes this scene
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far more eerie.
Because just imagine how weird it is to suddenly find yourself looking at a face that is not yours. You know what you’re supposed to look like but your reflection is not showing that. Brain cannot compute.
(Actually I’m sure there are lots who relate to that specific feeling.)
So we know that these characters cannot “die”. They can get squashed, stretched, stabbed and suffer all other manners of bodily harms via cartoony physics without any lasting consequence because their bodies aren’t real. Their minds are the only part of themselves that is. Which is why Abstraction is the only major threat to be feared in the Circus . It’s the threat, because at that point, they lose what little else is left.
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I love the different abstracted designs that fans have come up with, but this makes a lot more sense. You are no longer you when you abstract. And it’s irreparable. A broken mind creating a broken body. Caine, being an A.I., treats the abstracted like they’re just a whoopsie, sweeping them away in his cellar to be ignored. They are no longer considered characters. They’re arguably not human anymore either.
After they abstract, they’re nothing.
So the opening for episode 2 establishes Pomni’s fear of this right out the gate.
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She’s not just trapped, she’s in danger of completely losing herself in this place. But this little scene does so much more than that. Because the choice in dialogue here is sooo interesting.
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Pomni’s dream/ nightmare interpretation of Ragatha is someone who is mocking her for not being able to handle living in the Circus for more than a single day. Ragatha has managed to at least maintain this facade of cheerfulness, and everyone else has survived for years in spite of it all, yet here Pomni imagines that her mental health is so fragile that she couldn’t even last very long before suffering the same fate as Kaufmo.
And then we have NightmareJax chiming in about how he can’t even be bothered to remember her name, the new fake name that she’s had for only a few hours.
So this tells us two very important things about Pomni already. 1: She has very very little faith in herself and 2: She’s terrified of being completely forgotten. Both pretty reasonable and relatable fears.
Of course, we know this is just a dream cuz Ragatha wouldn’t be this callous. And we see this not a minute later after Pomni wakes up when she personally comes to check up on her immediately the next morning. With none of the quiet awkward tension from the day before, just normal awkwardness because Ragatha is too gay to function still trying too hard to make Pomni feel at home.
Now, I love Ragatha very much. I love her because she’s such a sweet person while being absolutely TERRIBLE about consoling people.
She speaks to Pomni but she doesn’t talk to her about what happened the other day. And this distinction is very important because what happened the other day was awful in many ways for both of them, and one of the first things she says to Pomni is
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You can’t do this. You can’t undermine a traumatic event by calling it something like this. Pomni lost her home, her name, and her hopes of escape all in one day. Not to mention she has witnessed someone becoming a monster, getting seriously hurt, and being shoved down a hole with no regards to who they used to be. Nobody has really addressed her directly about all of that until now. And it was all condensed in one silly little word. (I love how this frame shows how Ragatha is fully aware that what she just said was BS)
And when someone tries telling you that what happened wasn’t so bad (when it obviously was) it makes you feel…shitty. More specifically, it makes it look like you were not personally capable of handling the bad thing that happened.
“You’re feeling bad not because the situation was bad, but because you are lesser for letting the situation affect you the way it did”
We already know Pomni thinks very little of herself for believing that abstraction will happen easily for her compared to the others, so hearing this definitely didn’t help.
To Ragatha’s credit, she tries to reassure her that there is no ill will between them by affirming that Pomni’s thought process for abandoning her was “understandable”. But it unfortunately comes off as a little passive aggressive. We know Ragatha is being sincere, because we as the audience have the benefit of hindsight, but Pomni doesn’t. “Understandable” does not mean “acceptable”. Jax’s destructive behavior towards the others and everything else in the Circus is “understandable”.
Abandoning Ragatha a second time after promising to come back to help her was not ok. Did it make sense in the moment, yeah. Was it still kind of a dick move, yup. And Pomni is very well aware of this. So it’s likely she doesn’t 100% believe Ragatha when she says shit like “there’s no hard feelings” nor can she think of her as a friend (yet) because she’s still not ok with her situation. She’s not terrified anymore and she’s past the bargaining phase that there’s still a chance for escape, now she’s just more or less resigned to it (and only after one day which is remarkable).
What also doesn’t help is that for the majority of the episode Ragatha’s attitude comes off as a bit patronizing.
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So. Yeah. She wouldn’t appreciate this level of infantilization from someone she had previously dreamed was making fun of her.
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What’s sad is that Ragatha’s not acting like this to be deliberately condescending towards Pomni. She really is just this into the adventures.
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Bless her heart
Unfortunately, Pomni’s not having any of it because it’s gotta be kinda disheartening to know that your new eternal life just amounts to playing make believe with a bunch of maladjusted adults.
One of my favorite scenes that I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about is this one
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Because I caught how she didn’t start looking away all irritated until Ragatha said “some way you could help”. Now I interpreted her reaction in two ways: Either she really doesn’t feel like getting involved in the adventure and is frustrated that Ragatha is still trying to push her to participate or (my personal favorite read on it) she thinks Ragatha is subtly rubbing it in her face how useless she was at trying to help her the day before.
Remember, Pomni actually went to a lot of effort to find Caine before she saw the “Exit” door. We don’t know for sure how long she spent looking for help, but it was a valiant effort on her part to explore the Tent on her own, only to fail at the end. Both at helping and not finding a way to leave.
She is two for two on the girlfailure checklist. And I’d imagine her self esteem would continue to decline with every little reminder that anything she tries to help herself or anyone else is futile.
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Which is why her conversation with Gummigoo becomes such a turning point for her. It also shows how much better Pomni is at talking to others by allowing herself to be vulnerable.
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She doesn’t try to make what Gummigoo is going through a lesser deal than it is. I also think the purpose of Gummigoo as a character was to be a sort of parallel narrative to Pomni.
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The extreme wide shot of them sitting together under the map of his fake world makes them both look so small and inconsequential. And then it pulls back into a full shot of them with Pomni trying to convince Gummigoo that he does have value because he has people that he cares about and that care about him. (It won’t be until the very end where Pomni realizes that she’s in the same position as he is).
Gummigoo makes the argument of why should any of that matter when he, as an NPC, doesn’t have the luxury of having what little he has (his friends and his affection for them) when it will all go away as soon as the adventure ends. He was only designed for a single purpose, and that purpose ends with being forgotten.
Now we already know how Pomni feels about that, so she gives him what she’s been wanting: a way out.
She offers him a chance to be something more than what he was designed to do, where the fear of being forgotten doesn’t have to come into fruition (at least not in the way he would have to worry about)
And then he asks her the very fair question of why does she even bother helping him if he’s not even real, and her answer helps to further establish Pomni’s overall character. It’s not just a short term goal like wanting to find a way out of the Circus, it’s her defining motivation that will encompass her arc for the rest of the series.
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Even in the Pilot, she proved to be a compassionate person when she chose to help Ragatha (both in offering her hand the first time and choosing to go back for her later). So I imagine she will start to actively be there for the other cast members once she grows more comfortable with them. Pomni has the benefit of being the newest addition to the Circus so she’s able to look at the others more critically by just passively observing them. Then calling them out on their behavior, not out of malice, but out of altruistic concern. These people have issues, she may not be able to fix them, but she’ll be willing to listen.
(This might be nothing, but a little detail I noticed after Gummigoo agrees to go with her is that she asks him for his name (and it’s also the first time we ever hear it in the episode itself) but he doesn’t ask for hers. In fact, he doesn’t call Pomni by name at all in the episode. Which could have an indication of some serious death flags. Again, I could be wrong about this and I’m giving it way more significance than it deserves. Just a stray thought.)
Anyway, Gummigoo gives Pomni the lead to get them both out and it’s telling how little she believes in herself the way she keeps downplaying her own ideas.
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Because up until this point, Pomni has felt rather useless. So in her mind, the chances of something going right for once were slim. That’s why when her plan works as intended and manages to save not just herself but her new friend as well, she visibly starts to feel better. She’s actually smiling, she’s a lot friendlier towards Ragatha, and begins to act like living in the Circus might not be so bad.
…yeah…about that.
I think we are all in agreement that Pomni is a girlfailure. And she is, but not in the way we’ve come to understand it.
What I mean is that Pomni fails. A lot. Not because she’s an anxious mess or due to general incompetence, but because the narrative consistently prevents her from winning.
She tried to get Ragatha help -> Caine was nowhere to be found, abstracted Kaufmo was hot on her trail, and the door shows up to entice her to leave.
She goes through the “Exit” door believing it’s the way out -> She wastes an indeterminate amount of time going through countless doorways that lead to nowhere and is told in the end that the “Exit” was never real.
She tried to get Gummigoo to join the Circus -> Caine obliterates him Thanos style.
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That is the face of someone who thought she was doing something right for once, and was abruptly proven wrong. God really said “LOL nope” to this poor woman. (I also love how Pomni’s trauma response is laughter, really leans on the whole jester imagery she has)
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That she did, and it amounted to nothing. Pretty on brand for her really.
Yeah, it seemed like Pomni was not gonna catch a break. And once again Ragatha immediately tries to undermine what just happened, with Pomni going back to being paralyzed with shock at the utter insanity she had just witnessed. Homegirl is not ok. And she would have stayed that way if not for Ragatha actually being real for once by inviting her to grieve with them.
The ending of this episode truly caught me off guard.
Not poor Gummigoo’s “death”, that I actually expected, but it was still shocking to see.
No. much like Pomni, I wasn’t expecting the others to actually throw Kaufmo a funeral (and apparently this is a custom that they do regularly, which is bittersweet). And I wouldn’t have blamed Pomni for believing that they don’t really care about each other because all of them saw Kaufmo be thrown into the cellar and then the they all proceed to just eat dinner as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
I’ll be frank here, I didn’t get emotional from that scene because of Kaufmo. He never had a speaking part or even an actual on screen appearance; the man had no character outside of telling bad jokes and that had to be given through exposition, so there was no resonance in his “death”. But that is clearly intentional because they didn’t even bother making the other’s eulogies about him be audible. Pomni has never met Kaufmo, she never knew him, so her attending a funeral for someone she had no real connection with is odd.
And that’s because all Pomni needs and by extension what we need to know is to see that he clearly meant something to the characters we HAVE been spending time with. This funeral was less about mourning Kaufmo and more about putting Pomni’s fears to rest that even if she were to abstract, she would not be forgotten. And even more importantly, these people genuinely do care about each other (Jax is still up in the air, but 4/5 ain’t bad). So if anything could make Pomni more comfortable in her new home, it’s the affirmation that she’s not alone (Hence the title of the theme that closes the episode). So abstraction won’t come as easily as she previously thought.
It’s remarkable that the writers managed to make a FUNERAL feel like we were ending on a high note compared to the dread that the ending of the Episode 1 evokes. And I really like that because everything from the gentle music, to the visuals of everyone being sincerely doleful, to Pomni’s small smile at the end really stresses how this show isn’t trying to be nihilistic with its premise. That Pomni, in spite of everything, is going to be ok.
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evanoxvt · 5 months
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The struggles of disabled people without support at home.
I've been away from home for over a week. I have next to no expectations put on me here, but I still have my weekly physical therapy and both myself and Town Crier to take care of.
TC eats 3x a day and obviously, I need food too. My grandparents are cooking about one meal a day at a nearly consistent time, so I'm eating at least once a day consistently. At home, I was lucky if I ate a single meal a day.
I (sometimes) help with setting the table, which consists of paperplates, paper napkins, silverware, and glass cups. Since both me and my cousin help with this, I'm usually not doing any heavy lifting at all.
I spend part of the day downstairs and 'randomly' will go upstairs to lay down for awhile. Usually, after my mid day break upstairs, I bring my laptop downstairs and play some games until dinner and end there or resume playing until the end of the night.
No one critiques my daily routine. No one asks me to do more than I can. Everyone appreciates when I help out.
I was having trouble walking and standing yesterday because I did far too much the day prior, but because I spent the entire day resting I was able to contribute to cooking dinner and I cooked the pasta roni (~10 mins of intermittent standing required). I was able to play games and rest afterward without being yelled at for not doing more, and was even thanked for helping cook a portion of the dinner.
I have a funny sad thing to say about this: Somehow by being asked to do nothing, I've found I can do so much more than when I'm asked to do a tiny bit.
The shittiest part of this story, as random small bits put together as it is, is that I am more disabled when I'm asked to be functional, and less disabled when I can go at my own pace or back out if need be. At home I get asked to do things like empty the dishwasher (which is tons of light to heavy objects, Ina short period of time), vacuum (which is alot of heat, standing, walking, arm movement, a eight on my arm, back movement and back bending, navigation, balance, etc), cleaning things like the bathroom (which required detailed work for some parts plus moving all the things needed so they don't get in the way or touch the chemicals). I could go on and on and on but the point will get muddled if I write the entire list and every problem on every "basic chore" because the truth is that I need alot of breaks, a long period of time, and the option to back out of all of these things to be successful at it without seriously hurting myself. If I do too much today, it will affect me for multiple days. If I do too much for an entire week it will affect me for a month or more, etc. I sometimes feel really good like I did on Friday and accidentally over do it and need to be able to back down from most things for a period of time afterwards.
I normally can't make a box of pasta roni AND move anything heavy (like my laptop) on the same day at home because I'm always expected and forced to do so much more. I usually can't make cookies on days like today where I need to spend multiple hours at a time lying down in between short bursts of sitting or activity, but today I could because there's nothing else I have to do so spending potentially all of my energy is okay. Resting afterwards is okay. No one is upset because less than an hour after making cookies I had to lay down and still am. NO ONE said it's not okay. However if I go home cookies are a luxury therefore the logic goes that "if you can bake some cookies, you can do some dishes too". At home I wouldn't be able to make the cookies because it opens up the idea I'm able to do a ton of chores. I'm not okay right now, that's why I'm resting.
I feel like I'm ranting in circles at this point... but honestly I don't get why most people will see me do one "simple" (for them) thing and assume I'm okay to do things even they don't want to do because it takes up alot of energy... I really don't get it. My health sucks, it goes up and down all day long, all week long, and yet people want to pretend I'm making it up if I can do literally a single thing normal people can...
I hope my fellow disabled friends and people I haven't met yet find themselves in better social situations than me because this isn't okay in any way.
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ykiwrite · 2 years
Text
sorrow holidays
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desc: you give Wednesday a gift that brought all the memories back
words: 1,255
You've had this in store for quite a while now.
Ever since Wednesday opened up about the tragic loss of her pet scorpion Nero because of the bullies wrongdoing, you knew what to do.
Get Nero 2.0, obviously. Although surely the original Nero could never be replaced in Wednesday's mind, you thought it was worth a try.
Celebrate it or not, festive season is creeping right around the corner. Needless to say, your unenthusiastic girlfriend turned down the teachers offer to play this years Secret Santa.
Not even the fact it's a tradition helped you.
"Take a look around." You demanded with thin patience as teacher was getting closer and closer with a bag full of ripped paper names, expecting two of you to do the same as everyone. Pull out the paper and keep it to yourself.
Wednesday did what you said but with a grain of salt. Only you can make demands aimed at her and nobody else. She can't let you get away with this kind of things so easily just because you're together.
"I did."
"And?"
"I can see everybody participating. Good for them, i'm not doing it."
"But it will be your first time. It's fun, you don't know who you're about to get." You tried your best to win her over as you side-eyed the teacher getting closer to your table.
"Exactly, you don't know who are you getting and you have to pretend you're okay with the person you randomly picked. What if it's someone you hate? See, it's a waste of time."
Making her appearance known by shaking the paper bag, both of you looked up to meet your teachers joyful face, unlike Wednesdays.
"Go ahead, dig in and keep it discreet."
"I won't take part in this game," said Wednesday and you could tell by teachers expression no one has ever refused to play in centuries of Nevermore's existence.
Putting your hand on Wednesday's shoulder and making her sway for a bit which earned you a glare, you said "Ms. Edwards, Wednesday and i had this idea what if we pick eachother instead since we're both really close?"
Wednesday abruptly turning her head to look at you in disbelief, "We never made such agreement Ms. Edwards-"
"Oh, i'm glad you came up with it!" She whispered "I'm not supposed to do this but i've seen a few of your classmates returning the papers. I can only suppose it's Wednesday's name so i'm delighted now we all have pairs!"
And that's how you made her day better again.
Feeling pair of eyes shamelessly staring, you looked to the side. As expected, Wednesday was over and above crushed. It did cause you to panic for a split second. Swiftly taking her hand under the table you defended yourself "Don't worry, i already have something for you but you don't owe me, okay?"
"I against my will, do, unfortunately. It goes both ways and it would be unfair if i did not. How long were you even planning this?"
"Let's just say i had the speech prepared."
Library? Not good enough. Park? No, not that either. Rooftop? Not safe, Ms. Weems might spot you. Nevermore could not really provide a nice secluded spot for gift-giving occasion and it shows.
As every student was invited to join in decorating the academy one afternoon, you were pacing around the room thinking how to make it special. It was your first holiday after all. To Wednesday it might represent nothing but you wish from now on every holiday will be spent by her side. Even if it means having the most miserable and melancholy decorations.
With inside info (being Enid) your suspicions were confirmed. Wednesday predictably stayed locked, windows closed and blinds on in their dorms. Which made two of you the only ones left out from decorating.
You took one last glance at the coal black scorpion seemingly resting in transparent box before covering it for the sake of surprise. Size so small it fits in your palm since it's only about month old. The story of how you managed to sneak in a scorpion is a long one.
Knowing Wednesday should be here soon because you told Enid to send her off, you hid the box behind your stacked desk.
Door opening let the outside commotion slip past which made you spin around in your work chair. Arms and legs crossed like a scene from CEO's office. Seeing Wednesday in her usual dark attire with addition of warm black jacket, you told her "Well hello, the conqueror of my heart."
"You read one book i recommended and you think you can sweep me off my feet by quoting" she answered lightheartedly taking a seat on your bed.
Slightly hurt you put your hand over your chest dramatically. "You mean i don't have you off your feet since the day one?"
Giving you a huff for an answer, Wednesday continued "How come you don't decorate with everybody else?"
Leaving the chair behind only to make your way to her. With fidgeting hands behind your back, you stood in front of her somewhat nervous.
"Since it's our first holidays together and all i...want to spend it with you instead downstairs. And i also got the gift i promised."
Carefully moving the barricade away until you reached the covered box. Picking it up and placing it in the center of the table, you called Wednesday over who was observing with curiosity.
"So i sort of sneaked this in with some outside help and i think you're gonna like it."
Wednesday didn't show it but that intrigued her even more.
Mimicking your movements from before, she tenderly removed the cover to reveal dark creature curled up in the corner. Watching from the side, you could tell she never saw this coming.
"This is for me?" left her and if it weren't for the complete silence that made you anxious for her reaction, you would miss it.
Nodding you said "Yes, i remember your stories how Nero was the best company ever. You said you swore to never cry again-"
She, in fact, did let a tear escape. In front of you. In this very room. In front of this creature that made her reminisce about past.
Witnessing Wednesday cry was a big step in your relationship which you made a note of mentally.
With her hands fearlessly approaching, the scorpion climbed up on it like they knew eachother for decades. Bringing it closer to her face she observed every single detail of the small being.
"11 weeks, Heterometrus spinifer."
"Sorry?"
"It's about 11 weeks old, Heterometrus spinifer. You can see it clearly." She stated like she was speaking to a scorpion professional which you were not.
"Yeah, i totally can. So, do you like it?" Getting closer to her and sharing scorpion observation moment. Romantic.
"I do, a lot. It's just like what Nero once was. You got it all right." She looked at you with watery eyes and thanked you.
Returning it back to its box, Wednesday stared for a bit longer like she's checking if it's real what she got. "As for your gift, it's at my dorms."
It's not that you thought she wouldn't do it but at the same time, you had concerns. "My gift? You actually did something about it?"
"Since you really outdid yourself with this one, you're getting the second one from me personally" she replied. Packing all the stuff ready to transport her favorite being besides you back to her dorm.
"I get two gifts?" The question echoing the halls while she led you down to her door.
"Yes, the latter under the condition of you being quiet."
notes: i know nothing about scorpions but for the first time in my life i googled them with purpose=the things i do for fanfics
-p.s. just in case; characters are aged up obviously
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moamidzyism · 7 months
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txt as ariana grande songs
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☆。.:*·゚wc 1153 fluff ౨ৎ // repost [masterlist • reblogs + feedback appreciated]
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yeonjun → boyfriend
i don’t know why i’m allergic to established relationship yeonjun but just think about fwb!yeonjun and it’s just a constant back and forth “will they? won’t they” thing but like all your friends already just function like you’re a couple anyways. and you guys are just like “no we’re not -_-”. but still you both always get jealous when you see the other talking to someone else.
i think this pairs well with frat bro!yj who invites you to one of the parties at his fraternity house but spends the entire night talking to what seems like everyone at this party but you. you decide to entertain yourself with one of his frat brothers who you’ve had some classes with. he drags you to play beer pong with him. from the corner of his eye, yeonjun catches you two laughing together and asks to play the next round against you. you don’t realize how good he is at beer pong. and like the gentleman he is, he urges his brother to drink for you because “you’re twice they’re size, are you really going to let them drink all that alcohol?” so your partner begins to lose his balance, and literally no one is surprised when yeonjun wins.
after the game, he finally gives you the attention that you wanted, when he pulls you to his room. “aww, were you jealous junie?” you tease him as he shuts the bedroom door.
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soobin → daydreamin’
soobin is soooo first love class crush coded. he’s just someone you could / would / should fall in love with the moment that you lay your eyes on him. i was originally thinking of a college!au lab partner thing but walk with me. maybe he’s your best friend’s cousin who is staying with their family for the summer and he has to tag along with the two of you everytime you hang out because he doesn’t know anyone in town and your friend’s parents want him to meet new people.
the first day you met him, you and your friend planned to go strawberry picking. they drove over to your house to pick you up and you see him in the front seat. your friend tells him to move over to the back so you can sit at the front. he gets out of the car and introduces himself to you and you feel all the blood in your body rush up to your face because he is the prettiest person you’ve ever seen. throughout the hour-long drive, you keep making eye contact in the rearview mirror and you feel your stomach doing flips and your organs turning to mush.
at the strawberry fields, he trails behind you and your friend but you try your best to include him in the conversation. your friend ends up walking in front of the two of you and he offers to carry your basket for you as you keep talking and getting to know about him.
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beomgyu → tattooed heart
okay okay okay this kinda sorta has nothing to do with the song but hear me out hear me out i was listening to this song and i randomly thought of tattoo artist!beomgyun. and he’s so creative and artistic and talented. i feel like he is the type of person that could literally do any medium of art and make a masterwork.
one day, you were walking around and you saw that a tattoo place was doing a flash sale and you had always wanted one so you decided to see if they had any that you liked. you were visibly nervous because it was your first tattoo and at first the artist that was doing yours seemed really quiet. but it turns out beomgyu was so sweet and he really did his best to make you feel comfortable throughout the entire experience. he was telling you stories and cracking jokes and everything. you didn’t even notice that he had already finished.
and after that you keep going back to the same place and working with him only and imagine him telling you that he designed a tattoo for you because he couldn’t get you out of his mind lol.
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taehyun → goodnight n go
i definitely was going to go the angsty route for this but i had wayyy to many songs from yours truly in this and i also think goodnight n go fits him so well. this song and tyun make me think of 13 going on 30 which is one of my favorite movies.
i’m thinking about childhood best friends that haven’t seen each other in a while. and one day you invite him over because he has been dying to see what your life in the city is like. you spend the entire afternoon catching up, laughing at inside jokes, and reminiscing about old times. and even though you haven’t seen each other in what feels like years, you still fall back into your old pattern and it feels like you never left. the time slips your mind and by the time either of you notice, it’s already dark outside and he missed the last train out of the city, so he has to spend the night.
of course he doesn’t want to be an imposition so he offers to sleep on the couch but you manage to convince him that “that is ridiculous, we used to share a bed as kids.”
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kai → main thing
the fact that this is the only established romantic relationship in this makes me giggle but i was originally going to do this song for yeonjun but i think it fits kai so much better. he would be such a doting partner i think. he’s so lovely and perfect and i definitely have very real romantic feelings for him but that’s beside the point.
you’ve had a horrible day and it literally feels like the entire world is crumbling around you. you text him to tell him that you just got home and you’re probably going to call it a night early. he can tell from your tone that something happened and in twenty minutes he’s at your door with takeout, your favorite ice cream, and a board game. you’re confused when you open the door and see him grinning at you with his hands full, but you’re eternally grateful that you have someone as thoughtful as you. he makes sure you eat as he runs you a bath and stays with you as you unload everything that happened to you that day.
i feel like kai is definitely the partner to play with your hair as you lay on the couch together watching a random show. he feels your breathing slow down and sees that you fell asleep. he only wakes you up so he can help you back to your bedroom to sleep properly.
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meyousing · 2 years
Text
𝙸𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚖𝚒, 𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝
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𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝: prompt 18 with illumi "why are you shaking, love? i was only joking."
𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: illumi threatens to hurt your loved ones if you refuse to give him what he wants. though it shouldn't have gotten to that point to begin with, should it?
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: mentions of depression, mentions of past kidnapping, nsfw, yandere, non-con/coercion, penetrative sex, implied needle usage, manipulation. all dark content will be below the cut :)
a part two is here! | part three
You sat before the vanity that Illumi had provided upon your request, lacing your fingers through your hair as you observed the dark bags puffed up beneath your eyes. 
It was funny. You had nothing to keep yourself busy in this mansion, nothing to do aside from taking rests or wandering the halls aimlessly, restricted to Illumi’s bedroom and a few spare rooms that were mostly barren. Any “rest” that you were able to get was not restful at all, though. You constantly felt on edge, never knowing when Illumi would come home, or what he would want from you when he did; his “perfect wife.” 
You were fully aware of what Illumi and his family did for work, if the dangerous training room that he had shown you during your first week here wasn’t enough of a clue. You, on the other hand, had only been working a stepping-stone part-time job before Illumi had taken you away. This perplexed you in the moments where you’d try to think of the reason behind your kidnapping; you’d further confuse yourself when asking him about how long until he planned for you to start training, like him and his fellow assassins did, so you could keep up. All he would say was anything along the lines of  “That won’t be necessary.” 
So then what was it? At this point, you thought that Illumi must have chosen you randomly. His entire family was active in their business, yet he didn’t seem interested in involving you any time soon. At dinner, you would prod at your food and keep your head down, remaining silent while everyone else presented their reports for the day; whether the elimination of their target went well, or if it was completed with difficulty and obstacles. This was the only time of day where you would be around Illumi’s family, your interactions brief when they would condescendingly ask you the same thing you had been asking Illumi. He would speak for you then, giving them the same “She won’t be training” response, which would prompt them to leave you alone. (You could still feel Kikyo’s scrutinizing visor trained on your every movement thereafter…like you were her next target). 
Thinking about this only ever amplified your emotions and gave you a migraine. Not only the puzzlement, but the sadness and longing to return to your actual home; the boring day job that you took for granted and the bothersome coworkers who you’d give anything to have come and bother you right now, like old times. You sighed softly, eyes panning down to a blank space on the vanity’s surface as your fingers stilled, becoming lost in your thoughts as you tended to do nowadays when left alone with them for too long. Gentle but firm fingers abruptly wrapped around your shoulder, and you jumped upon seeing Illumi in the mirror behind you. When did he get in here so quickly, and so quietly?
“Y/N? I called your name a few times. Are you feeling alright?”
No, you never felt alright anymore. But you nodded your head anyways, putting your hand over his in false reassurance so he wouldn’t read too much into your inattention.
“It’s time for bed.” he stated plainly, pulling his hand out from under yours and turning his back to you as he strode away. If you actually felt anything genuine for Illumi, the immediate cut in contact would have saddened you, but you simply didn’t care. Instead, you wordlessly followed him to the bed, traipsing over to your side to slip under the covers and face the wall. As you listened to the sound of Illumi switching the lights off, you let your eyes fall closed, glad to be concluding such a boring day. You dreaded the next one to come though, which would surely be the same.
“Y/N.” 
Of course, you couldn’t sleep just yet. 
“Yes?” the word was slightly muffled by your pillow. Your eyes opened disorientedly when Illumi pulled your shoulder down, forcing you to lay on your back. He was upright, and somehow in the darkness of the room you could still see his eyes peering down at you;  piercing through you. A chill slid down your spine at the sight, subtly wracking your body. 
“Have you been feeling excluded?” His head dipped to one side, inquisition evident in his tone. He could always read you; he would know if you were lying, it all depended upon the answer you gave. 
You pulled your body up, seating yourself against the pillows. Was this worth lying about, for the sake of trying to get the conversation over with so you could fall asleep sooner? At the very least, if he didn’t believe you (he wouldn’t), you’d have a short talk, something that would count as some of your only socialization of the day (the week, actually. Those dinner interrogations never counted as socializing to you, and Illumi had been keeping your interactions before bed very curt these last few days). 
“No, I’ve been fine.”
If you blinked, you’d have missed the miniscule shift in his otherwise blank expression. Was it perhaps vexation at your blatant lie? You realized that was not the case when he reached for your hand–affection? He had barely touched you since your arrival here. This was certainly out of place for him, and you did not like where things could be going if this was where he was deciding to start. 
“I know your potential, Y/N.” His thumb rubbed across your knuckles–your breath hitched. “Because of that, I think we can prioritize something else that is much more important than your training.”
You tried to ignore his odd intimacy, forcing yourself to focus on what he was saying instead.
“What could be more important than that?” you shrugged, clueless as to where he was headed. Genuinely…what else was more of a priority  for you right now than training to keep up with those you were surrounded by? 
“Creating an heir.”
Oh. You weren’t sure what to say to this, not knowing the extent of what he meant. Thankfully, he continued before you dwelled on it for too long, though perhaps dwelling would’ve been better than hearing the blunt truth moments later. 
“Training would only hone capabilities that you already have, and that would waste time in the grand scheme. It’s better to ensure that we produce a child who will inherit our capabilities as soon as possible, to start them early.” 
You blinked then, like a clueless student listening to their master who could ramble on about some topic that was generally lost on others. You wished that what he was saying was lost on you, but you understood exactly what he meant. What you hadn’t expected to happen next was the swiftness as he moved to hover above you, his lengthy hair falling to one side of his body like a curtain, shielding you from the muted moonlight that shone through the window. Instinctively you shoved your hands into his chest (which did nothing, his body was too solid to be moved by someone with your strength), trying to create distance after such brazen words had been spoken. Did he want to do all of that now? You certainly didn’t want to!
“I-I’d like to go to bed” you mumbled shakily, your fingers curling into weak fists as your efforts to push him away were becoming more and more futile. He grabbed your hands with one of his own, pressing them back down against your own chest.
“I’ve waited long enough for this” he uttered, not even allowing you a second to react before he leaned down, kissing you harshly; his hunger evident in the force of his motions. Your breath hitched once again, but now his smothering made it so that you couldn’t breathe at all. Your heart began to race, and you tore yourself away from him by desperately whipping your head to the side, gasping in as much air as you could once freed. Given the uncharacteristic brashness Illumi had exhibited up to this point, you fully expected him to grab you by the face or your neck, enforcing eye contact so he could continue what he was doing before. But he didn’t, he allowed you to regain your breath, simply observing as you did. 
When you seemed to have calmed back down, he advanced again–slower this time–releasing your hands in favour of placing his on either side of your head. You still weren’t reciprocating, sinking as far away into the mattress as you possibly could while he proceeded. He could see what you were doing, and he actually let out a huff, displaying his annoyance clear as day.
“What makes you think that you can disobey me?” 
Uh, everything? You didn’t ask for any of what he had done for you thus far. Kidnapping you, now trying to have a child with you. You had only been in the mansion for a few weeks, and this was where he decided to take things so soon? You didn’t even want to be here, you wanted to be with your real family! It was as if he could read your mind, because his next words made your blood run cold.
“If you continue to disobey, I’ll kill your other family.”
Your eyes widened as what he said truly sunk in. There was no way he wasn’t being serious, he never had sympathy to spare those he was hired to kill–why would he care about your relatives? The thought of him going after them, for such a stupid reason, made you submit immediately. 
“I’m sorry” you whispered, voice cracking softly as tears brimmed your lashes. 
“That’s better” he said simply, letting minimal time pass as he reached beneath your nightgown to tug your panties off. The sudden exposure made you whimper, anxiety flooding your veins as he removed his own pants and undergarments in record time. You tried to calm yourself down and avoid the inevitable, counting the seconds of each breath you took. 
You had not expected Illumi to push his cock into you immediately without any kind of warning, so when this happened you lost count entirely. You cried as your hands automatically flew up to grip his back, fingernails digging into his porcelain skin in some sort of attempt to alleviate the burning pain in your lower body. With the lack of prep on your part, you were shocked to look down and see that this one thrust was enough for him to be pushed inside of you to the hilt. You felt so full, he was surely in your guts. Your body began to tremble (whether this was from the pain or from fear, you couldn’t tell), and Illumi made no efforts to console you as he pulled out, pausing for maybe a second before pushing back in. You cried out once more, and Illumi let out a sigh.
“You need to relax. You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.” He brought his thumb down and pressed it into your clit, keeping his cock buried in you as he gave shorter, slower thrusts. His thumb moved in tandem, rubbing firm circles against your bud as the tip of his cock rocked into your cervix. It still hurt, each thrust made you whimper and hold onto the sheets beneath you for support, but he continued to do this until your muscles started to loosen. Whether he was just able to tell that you were starting to relax, or if your muscles were wound so tensely that he could feel them softening, you didn’t know. But when the searing pain below started to dissipate into something more tingly, more pleasurable, Illumi’s thrusts maintained their slower pace, but he began fucking into you a bit harder, more earnestly. Each press drove you deeper into the mattress, your whimpers transforming into desperate moans as delectation replaced the dread that once filled your veins. 
Illumi’s hands found yours as he continued this way, but the sudden hold surprised you and had you clenching around him, causing his hips to stutter for a moment. 
“It’s good that you’re enjoying yourself now,” he respired, his tone almost the same as usual if not for the newfound breathy quality to it. “I’d like you to come for me soon, I’m getting close as well.” 
He sped up his pace then, gripping your hands tighter and still pounding into you as strongly as before, though with the quick succession of his movements you felt your orgasm creeping up much faster than you had anticipated. His expectation for you to come was something that you felt was not going to happen so soon, since it was taking you so long to warm up to his advances. Yet the changes of his motions seemed to have struck something inside of your core, making you whine his name yearningly as a knot of rapture wound up within your abdomen. 
He squeezed your hands hard, suddenly shoving himself into you as deeply as he could, stilling for a moment. When he did, your vision went white and your body froze as you felt a sharp, pricking pain in the back of your head. It lasted for only a second, because once that second passed, you came instantly, the only feeling you could register now being the burning-hot satisfaction from releasing the tension your orgasm had built up. You had forgotten about that piercing ache as soon as you felt it, your mind only repeating a mantra of telling yourself to “let go,” which had helped your climax along. Illumi came at the same time as you, and you hadn’t even noticed how he released inside; massaging his cum deeply into your womb with sensual rolls of his hips. 
He allowed himself to press down on top of you as his motions ceased and he came back from his high, his hot chest burning through the material of both your clothes, warm against your breasts. Your skin was oddly cold following such a physical activity, and rather than experiencing a pleasant euphoria following your orgasm, you felt… amnesic. And dizzy. Your body began to tremble from all of the unpleasant feelings, and Illumi caught on quickly. He lifted himself up, peering down at you inquisitively. 
“Why are you shaking, Y/N? I was only joking. Your relatives are safe, I wouldn’t do that to you. But your behaviour will need some work, you were being unruly. Go to sleep for now, we will talk more about our heir in the morning.” He then pulled his softened cock out of you, moving to lay back down and turning to face away from you. 
Oh… had he threatened something against your family before? You couldn’t recall, but at least he wasn’t being serious about it. You watched as he distanced himself from you (you could have sworn there was a trace of a smirk on his lips as he did), feeling empty inside. Empty, except for one feeling; subservient.  
“Okay. Goodnight” you whispered, rolling onto your own side of the bed and finally falling asleep for the night, excited to get rested up for whatever events had been planned for the next day; another day in your utopic life alongside your beloved husband Illumi. 
© meyousing 2023. do not share/export my work on to any other platforms. do not translate my work. 
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voltronisanobsession · 3 months
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Being Stiles Twin | Platonic Stiles Stilinksi x Reader
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Some headcanons cuz I was bored😜 this is definitely all over the place and messy but that’s fine, just ignore it👼
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Being Stiles’ twin is definitely a unique experience on its own
While you guys are different in many ways, there are times where your similarities really shine through
Since you’ve grown up with this dude, you both share the same sense of humor and sarcasm (something that everyone condemns)
When he makes a comment or joke, you’re probably the only one chuckling at it and vice versa
I feel like since Stiles is on the more extroverted side, reader is probably a bit more mellow compared to him
You usually let him take the lead on most stuff, enjoying just watching him blabber about who knows what
You might be a bit quieter without him but you never really minded much
When you’re with him though, yall are the capital of yap central. Especially if you guys are talking about something you’re both passionate about. Or, more often than not, when you’re arguing with each other
He’s the one always dragging you around everywhere and forcing you to go through his plans with him
This was a problem when you guys were younger since both of you were often caught by your dad💀
Being Stiles’ twin would include listening to similar music, sharing a lot of the same interests and geeking out on it together
It also includes bothering Scott whenever you can
Being childhood friends, Scott can never truly escape the Stilinski twins. If Stiles isn’t with him, you’re usually not too far away. Scott has labeled you both as the angel and devil on his shoulders lmao
Between the both of you, I think the reader would have a more flight response when in the face of danger. Stiles usually charges at things head first, the complete opposite of you
It’s not that your any more smarter than him, but that you have a higher self preservation than him
Of course if he ever asks (or forces), you would always stay beside your brother during dangerous situations
It’s either fight or flight with yall. Whoever wins rock paper scissors gets to make the choice💀💀
Moving on, I think maybe sometimes you feel a little less important to the group as compared to Stiles since you view him as more valuable to them.
He’s definitely more knowledgeable and smarter when thinking like the ‘bad guys’
Just a little insecurity you’ll never tell anyone😜
You both are y’all’s ride or dies
Without a doubt if one of you does something stupid, the other will 100% follow in suite
You both might even jump to the same idea and conclusion at the same time when having to make some decision or something
It usually doesn’t end well but at least you guys did it together💆
Even if you guys do dumb things together and by chance get separated, you both worry about each other a lot
Like the first thing Stiles will ask if he sees anyone after some hectic chase is if they know where you are
Being twins, you’ll always have top priority to each other. It’s nothing personal, but if yall had to choose between each other or someone else, after a bit of hesitation the choice will be obvious
Let’s move onto some lighthearted headcanons now👼
You both argue who gets to drive the jeep💀
Yall are forced to share the car, so this problem is usually settled with DUN DUUNNN
Rock paper scissors LMAO
You tend to steal Stiles’ sweater a lot, and despite how smart he is, you always manage to gaslight him into thinking it was yours to begin with
Little do you know he DOES know that ur lying to him, he just takes them back when ur not home, and then the cycle repeats itself
Despite you guys sharing similar interests, it’s always going to be a smidge different
Like it would fall under the same category but for some reason, yall can’t get into each others interests as ironic as it sounds
You guys have this creepy twin telepathy that Scott hates. You both will just randomly starting speaking singing at the same exact time, saying the exact same thing and not even bat an eye
He doesn’t know if it’s because you’re always around each other or if there’s some divine force behind it, but Scott will always side eye you guys whenever it happens
He loves you both but he just finds it freaky that you both know what the other is thinking at the same time. It’s cool but freaky regardless
You both are very close to each other, so when what happens in season three happens, it really damages your bond.
You both grow apart but that’s a post for another day😇
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AITA for not having a job despite having time for it?
🍏🥝🍏🥝 <- to keep track of this when it posts,
My family really loves talking about me(20) when they think I'm not listening. I've heard them on multiple occasions say that I need a job and that I should just start working part-time while I'm going to college. The issue with that is that while other people can do both pretty decently, I dont feel like I'm capable of doing both part time and college without one of them suffering a lot because of the other.
My family is pretty financially stable, and the fees I owe never go over 900 dollars and sometimes I even make my own money off of commissions to help pay for things. I actually did have an actual job during my classes for a while filing things and remote video editing work (for the same job) but one of my family members worked with me there as my boss and I decided to quit after they decided to ask if my mom would've rather died than had me after I told him she called trans people abominations (I am trans, I'm only out to that family member and my brother). I haven't found a consistent thing to do to earn money since but I've been trying really hard to advertise my commissions since then.
The part where I feel really guilty though is the fact that I've been going to a community college for almost 3 years now (with my family supporting me money wise) and know I'm only going to come out with a one year certificate because of how fucked my schedule got in my first year. I didn't meet some prerequisites , and despite the course I wanted being a 2 year degree it was worth almost 80 credits, which felt insane as I went into it. 5 classes a term, some 5 minutes after the other, all based on pouring hours and hours into artsy projects (video, audio, 3d modelling, painting, 2d animation, ect...). I broke down within my third term after I started failing some of my classes. I was still trying for my 2 year degree up until 2023 where I decided that getting a certificate that was similar and getting a job after would probably be better for me at this point rather than spending ANOTHER 2 years struggling OR straight up giving up and dropping out with nothing.
I'm also home a lot when I'm not in class (I'm only taking 2-3 classes a term now). I do little things sometimes like take out the trash and pull dishes from out the washer and so on but it's all only when no one is home because the place where things generally need to be cleaned up is all in our very small kitchen AND the fact that I'm scared of them poking fun at me for "finally doing something for once" because it makes me feel terrible when they do. I end up chilling out in my room completing work and desperately finding work arounds for projects to only ever really need done in my room or on campus- generally anywhere that's not going to worry my grandma too much.
I've told my family that their teasing doesn't make me feel good but it just gets responded with "that's just how we show love!" when I know it doesn't have to be that way! My boyfriend teases me pretty often but the difference is that he actually listens to me when I tell him something he said didn't feel very good to me and we talk it through, and then he doesn't make that joke again or i feel better after knowing the context of it!!! A lot of my family members will bicker until another one ends up crying and it's horrible to watch how petty and bitter everyone can be.
Don't really know what else to write, AITA guys? I know I could be doing a lot more around the house instead of working but I'm scared of being touched (my aunt randomly spanked me as hard as she could one time last year) and scared of more mean comments being thrown my way. I already have a plan to leave this home and have been open about it to them, but I don't want to rush it if I don't have to and want to spend a few years saving money up so that I'm not in a horrible situation if things go awry.
What are these acronyms?
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lillylvjy · 1 year
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wait- ghost?!
a/n- hey! Long time- um. Here’s the ghost au! I had no clue what to title this so, I may change it in a little bit! But this will be a series, I already have part 2 done! Hopefully people like this- but yeah! Enjoy!
Warnings// death, murder, ghost, knife (also being thrown), blood mentioned once, brief mention of reader being short (they just can’t reach something), Wilbur being a flirt, Tommy being Tommy, mentions of food and if there’s anything else, please tell me!
Edited- yes!
wc- 1.3k
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You were new to the neighborhood, so no wonder why people were looking out their windows when you arrived with a moving van. Or maybe it’s because someone actually wanted to live in the house that everyone avoided because of its past.
A couple years ago, a man in his early 20’s, along with his brother, got brutally murdered in the same exact house you were now standing in. And it was yours. Nothing seemed off, but you can definitely feel a sense of sadness and anger. ‘From what?’ people may ask, but you didn’t really know yourself. All you know is that the parents moved across the world after the incident, wanting to get far away from the place that caused them so much hurt. Which is understandable.
But here you were. In that house, standing in the middle of an empty, soon to be, living room. Smiling at the ideas running through your head as you started unboxing things.
You had drug all the furniture in and placed them randomly around the room for now until you got to decorating.
You quickly made work as you unboxed everything for the bathroom, your bedroom, and anything else you had for the time being. You saved the kitchen for last, knowing that’d take you the most time with how much stuff you have from your parents and other family members.
As you started to unpack all the kitchenware you had, you quickly were made aware of your surroundings.
“Well hello!” You jumped as you heard a deep, british voice come from behind you. Quickly grabbing a knife from the holder on the counter, you turned around to see a man, brown curly hair sitting on top of his head with a grey crewneck and black jeans on, probably somewhere in his early 20’s, smiling at you.
“Who- who are you?!” You asked, pointing the knife at him as to defend yourself. Yet all he did was laugh and shake his head.
“You don’t know who I am?! Also sweetheart, you can put that down. That won’t do anything for you.” The man said as he stood up from the chair he sat in, standing taller than you thought he would, pointing at the knife. Before he could take another steps forward, you threatened him once more.
“I swear- I’m not afraid to use this! Don’t come any further!” You shakingly told the tall man in front of you.
“Darling I promise that won’t do anything-“ as he started to take another step forward, you threw the knife at him. The knife ended up lodged into his stomach. He froze and looked at you with the most disappointed face you’ve ever seen.
“Ow? Seriously sweetheart, what do you want me to say?!” He questioned as he took the knife out of his stomach. It was clean. He was clean. No blood on the knife nor soaking up his shirt.
“What the hell-“ you said as you looked at him with wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows.
“Don’t look so scared! It’s not as bad as it looks, I promise.” The guy tried to joke but you just shook your head and rubbed your eyes, wanting to get out of this fucked up dream.
“This isn’t real, this isn’t real-“ you repeated as you turned towards the sink and splashed water on your face.
“What’s not real? Me?! Because let me tell me you darling-“ you quickly jumped back from the sink, now seeing the stranger sitting on the counter next to it. “Don’t be so jumpy love, I don’t bite- I mean, unless you want me too.”
You rolled your eyes and quickly shook your head to gather your thoughts. “Ok- you better explain what’s going on and fast.”
The man sighed and hoped down from the counter. “How about introductions first yeah? We got off at the wrong foot. I’m William Watson-Gold. You may call me Wilbur or Wil, either is fine.” Wilbur said as he stepped closer to you. You moved back, bumping into the island and grasping the counter as if it’d protect you from this super attractive man in front of you. “What’s your name sweetness?” He smirked as he leant down to meet your eyes.
“Y/n.” You replied with a monotoned voice, not wanting him to know the effect he had on you so fast.
Wilbur’s smirk turned into one of a smile in ways. His eyes stared into yours as almost to examine who you were and what your backstory was. Like he wanted to get to know you. But he quickly snapped out of his head and took a few steps back, the smirk being thrown back on his face as he looks in the living room.
“You can come out now Tom.” Wil yelled out as you quickly turned to the entrance of the kitchen.
“Fucking finally- you need to stop flirting with them! It’s very uncomfortable to watch!” The boy, Tom, complained as he hopped onto the island counter.
“Ok- what the fuck?!” You yelled as you waved your hands around, trying to figure out what was going on in your home.
“Wait- do they not know we’re-“
“Dead? No, I haven’t gotten there yet. Now continuing my explanation- Me and Tom here are the two unfortunate men that got murdered in this house. We’ve been stuck in this shit hole ever since with very little human interaction besides each other.” Wilbur explained as he leant against the refrigerator.
“Which is why he’s being so flirty with yo- ow!” Tom yelled out as Wilbur punched his arm and glared at him.
“So- you two are, dead?”
“As dead as dead gets.” Wilbur said as he picked up one of the apples you just placed in the fruit bowl and bit into it. “Fuck- I forget how good food taste sometimes!”
“Wait-“ you went up to Wilbur and grabbed his hands, feeling the coldness his body carried with him. You were thinking your hand would go right through him like the shows portray- but your hand stayed perfectly in his. Wilbur would never admit it, but it felt like your hand was meant to be in his. Like it was a puzzle piece that fit perfectly together. “Then how can I touch you? Isn’t my hand supposed to like- go through you or some shit?”
“Stupid movies. No. That shit isn’t real! But us- we are as real as it gets.” Tom said as he took a bite out of the apple Wil stole.
You nodded as you slowly let go of Wilbur’s hand, looking up at him to see his eyes furrowed and almost saddened at the thought of losing that warmth you provided him.
As you both continued to look at each other, not wanting to let the serene moment go, Tom noticed the silence and looks up at the two. Rolling his eyes, his hopped of the counter and stood in between the two and turned to look at Wilbur.
“I’m going to my room- it finally has a bed again and I need my beauty sleep. And for god sake Wil, STOP FLIRTING!” Tom yelled down the stairs. Wilbur scoffed as he looked down at the floor, hiding his face from as it turned red.
“Um- so you guys are just going to be here? With me?” You asked as you went back to unloading everything. Wilbur cleared his throat as he looked back up at you, seeing how you struggled to get the cup on the highest shelve. He smiled and went over to you, grabbing the cup and placing it for you. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, no problem. And yeah, unfortunately. But! We can be somewhat fun! At least you won’t be alone.” Wilbur stated as he moved out of the room and turned to look at you. “I’ll let you be for now darling. Just call my name if you need anything.” Wilbur nodded his head as he walked towards the stairs, disappearing once he passed the wall.
He did have a point. At least you won’t be alone. That was the one thing that worried you.
But , how the hell are you supposed to live with two-
Ghost.
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