junkissed

[junkissed]

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

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[junkissed]

@onlymingyus

have you ever noticed that some tumblr users come in sets

like they never stop talking to/about the other person so you may as well follow them too

it’s like buy one, get one free

[junkissed]

goodnight n go

★ | member — fwb!vernon x f reader ★ | genre — smut, angst, non-idol au, happy ending, fwb to lovers ★ | word count — 10.2k

★ | synopsis — you keep coming back for more, but every night ends the same. maybe this time things will be different.

★ | warnings — guitarist!vernon, rock band!hhu, mentions of alcohol, vernon has commitment issues (but he gets over it) ★ | smut warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, consensual drunk sex, car sex, oral (reader receiving), fingering, piv, making out, multiple orgasms, pussy drunk vernon (he's down baddd), some aftercare ★ | notes — thanks to @onlymingyus for always being the best and to @wonustars for proofreading !! i did not intend for this fic to be this long but i'm actually really proud of how it turned out so i hope you like it!! also i often make playlists for my fics but i never share them, but i've been listening to this one for months while i've been writing this fic so i'll link it so you can listen too. if you enjoy this fic, please reblog and let me know in the tags!! reblogs are super important to tumblr and they help motivate me to keep writing more like this :)

check out the playlist! featuring — goodnight n go - ariana grande ; black eye - vernon ; uh oh - tate mcrae ; sunset - caroline polachek ; romanticise this - james marriott ; entertainer - zayn ; & more

“hey, you wanna get drinks tonight?”

as usual, that’s how it starts.

you probably should have said no. you’d played this game before. you knew exactly what hansol meant when he offered to hang out after band practice, because it was never just “hanging out”.

you don’t even know why you still go to practices anymore. for a long time you’d avoided them; it wasn’t really your style, and you were never interested in being a groupie for their local gigs. your roommate seungcheol always invited you to every practice and every time you declined with the excuse of homework or other plans, but cheol finally convinced you to come just one time.

at first, it had been because he wanted you to hear a new song they were working on and he’d wanted to know how you liked it before they played it at an upcoming show. but then he’d introduced you to the rest of his bandmates, and after that there was no going back.

you couldn’t help the way your eyes always gravitated towards hansol, who insisted that you call him his real name instead of his stage name that everyone else called him. from the very first practice, you were captivated by him: the way his long fingers seem to dance along the neck of his guitar so effortlessly, the way his voice rasps when he sings, the way your breath catches in your throat when he grips the microphone stand and rolls his head back, lips parted in ecstasy.

he’s addictive, and it’s exactly the reason why you find yourself in the backseat of his car over and over again.

every time, it was easy to pretend that things would be different. you’d walk into the bar together and sit at the table in the back, order a few drinks, chat for a while about nothing. did you like the new stuff we played tonight? yeah, i know cheol is really excited to perform it saturday. you been doing any writing lately? mmm, a little. i’ve been feeling inspired. we could go back to my place and i could show you. except he never does.

hansol wasn’t a bad guy. he always paid for your drinks no matter how many times you offered to pick up the tab, he was polite, he listened to what you had to say. he just didn’t want more than that, and that’s where it all fell apart. you’d screw around for a while, then you’d part ways and wouldn’t speak to each other until next week. you never went to see them play shows, he never texted, you never called, never went on a real date besides meeting in the same bar down the street every thursday night after practice.

he seemed fine with that. you weren’t. and yet every time, you ended up back in his arms.

he groans into your mouth, pushing his hips into you and pinning you harder against the faded leather seats of his old honda. his lips are sloppy but eager, messily pressing his mouth into yours as his fingers tangle in the hair at the base of your neck. you can taste the beer and smoke on his breath, but for some reason it doesn’t bother you. maybe you’re used to it, or maybe it’s just because it’s him. you don’t want to know which reason is the truth.

he kisses you until you’re dizzy, and you can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or from the thrill of kissing him once again. it’s a high you’re convinced you’ll never get tired of, although you’re not quite sure yet if it’s one that he will.

hansol always lets you set the pace, but tonight he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. both of your shirts met the floor of his car what seems like hours ago, leaving you in just your bra and pants as he makes out with you as if it’s the first and last time he’ll get that chance. his fingers breeze over your waist the same way they breeze over his guitar strings when he plays: careful yet greedy, each touch intentional yet impulsive as he grips your waist.

he drags his fingers higher and it sends a shiver down your spine, arching your hips up against him and rolling your head back against the seat’s headrest. if there’s only one upside to this relationship, it’s that he’s good at this. really good. if he weren’t, then you wouldn’t have spent so many nights letting him fuck you in the parking lot of your shitty local bar. it does something for your confidence knowing that he must feel the same about you, or else he wouldn’t keep inviting you out. at the very least, this arrangement is mutual, even if you wish it wasn’t.

his hips rock against your crotch again, and even through both of your clothes you can feel how hard he is. your mind is clouded, everything’s a haze, and all you can think about is how badly you want him. the warmth of his skin, the gentle scratch of his nails on the back of your neck, his long eyelashes that flutter against your cheek as he kisses you.

you feel your hands slide haphazardly down his bare chest, fumbling over his hips as you tug on the waistband of his jeans. none of it feels graceful, not like the way he handles his music. it’s sloppy, desperate, clumsy, and it’s everything you need right now.

he manages to lean back from you enough to undo his pants and push them down to his knees, but his mouth is back on yours in an instant. somehow you end up on your back across the seats, gazing up at him with slack lips as his thin silver chain dangles over your face. you might not remember a lot of what happens on these nights when you’re with him, but you’ll always remember this moment. him hovering above you with heavily lidded eyes, biting his lip and cursing as he pushes into you, is etched into your mind in a way you simultaneously love and hate. love because it feels so good, hate because it never lasts.

the last half of those nights never stands out in your memory. you remember feeling good, you remember trembling in his arms and gasping and moaning and crying in pleasure, but the images are too fuzzy to make out. you don’t really need to reflect on them anyway; you know he’ll just bring you out next week and do it all over again.

hansol kisses you once more after you’re both finally spent, but the kisses afterwards are always different. more… hesitant, more uncertain. none of the passion and desperation that you’ve come to crave from him. not what you really want.

“i can drive you home,” he offers once he’s finished cleaning you up. for once you think he might genuinely mean it, but you can never be sure enough to take that chance. you want him to drive you home. god, you want him to so bad. to have him come over with you and stay the night, stay another night and another until your apartment isn’t just yours anymore, that’s what you’ve wanted all this time. and it’s what you’ll never have.

“i’ll call an uber,” you answer.

“i’ll wait with you, then.”

the silence that settles over his car is heavy as you climb back into the front passenger seat. you want to tell him to get in the uber with you, stay more than just a couple hours with you in the furthest back corner of the bar parking lot that’s too far to be illuminated by streetlights. you want to argue that he’s too drunk even to drive himself, that he needs to come home with you and sleep it off together in the comfort of your bed, but you know it’s not true and it won’t work. this is a conversation you’ve had many times before. every night you’ve spent with him blurs into the next, always the same. 

sometimes you want to laugh at how naive you are, for thinking he’d eventually come to his senses and realize there’s more to you than a good lay before a gig. sometimes you want to grab him and shake him by the shoulders and tell him to grow the fuck up, give him an ultimatum and make him tell you what he wants from you or else put an end to it all. sometimes you just want to cry, to mourn your wasted time when you’re fully aware it’s never going to lead to something more, no matter how badly you want it and how hard you try.

no matter how many times you get your hopes up, no matter how many times you pray and beg and plead with god and the universe and every other higher power to get him to realize this can’t keep going on the way it is forever, nothing ever changes. you’re never going to stop running to him when he calls, and he’s never going to stop calling.

finally another car pulls into the lot, and you manage to pull yourself out of his car. you hear your name behind you and you stumble, swaying on your feet as he rolls down his window.

maybe this time will be different.

he says his usual goodbyes and goodnights, flashing you a loose grin and a wave as his engine sputters to life, and he asks if you’re planning on coming to practice next week. 

and you find yourself nodding.

you’re left standing there, your head and your heart pounding, watching his headlights fade as he drives away, until you’ve stood there for so long that your ride starts honking and calling for you to get in the car so you can leave.

maybe next time will be different.

this is going to be the last time, you swear.

you exhale as you stand inside the lobby of the venue, repeating the words to yourself. there’s a chill in the air tonight. the wind blows smoke in your direction from the couple standing by the door, abandoned cigarettes clutched between their fingers as they make out sloppily.

you grimace and turn away, studying the faded graffiti and half-ripped posters and advertisements that litter the walls around you. you mean it this time, seriously. the only reason you came tonight was because it’s the last time. a goodbye, of sorts.

you have to admit, you were a little shocked when hansol texted you after your weekly meet-up after practice. not only did he want to make sure you got home safe after you left, but he’d asked if you’d come to their next performance.

you stare down at your phone in your hand, rereading the texts for what feels like the thousandth time in the past few days just to make sure you haven’t imagined them. but no, there they are, bright pixels staring right back up at you from the screen.

hansol: hey just wanted to make sure you made it back home

hansol: btw we’re playing at the phoenix on saturday and i was wondering if you had plans? i wanna see you

hansol: maybe we could get dinner after or somethin if youre down idk

hansol: hoping youll be there

you’d been tempted to refuse him, out of bitterness or resentment or something else, but you can’t say you weren’t shocked by his offer. he’d suggested every once in a while that you should come see them play sometime, but it was always clear to both of you that it was out of small talk rather than genuine interest in you being there. but this time he’d said he wanted you there.

it was nice to feel wanted, for once. maybe you hadn’t been going crazy. maybe things really were different this time.

you glance at your phone once more to check the time before you slip it into your pocket, taking a deep breath as you walk through the second set of doors into the main room. you can hear the deep sound of wonwoo’s drums warming up, but the stage is obscured behind a ratty set of faded red curtains.

there’s still a few minutes before their set, but the room is already crowded with people so you push your way to the side wall near the back. you don’t really want anyone to see you here, anyway. you don’t want anyone to see that your resolve is paper-thin when it comes to hansol.

you hadn’t told him that you were coming tonight, just sending him a vague response and telling him you’d have to see if your schedule is free. even that felt too generous, after the anguish he’s put you through the past few weeks. he doesn’t need to know that you’re here, just like he doesn’t need to know the real reason you’ve been avoiding ever coming to see him play. and it’s not because you always have other plans.

you’re hoping to just watch the performance quietly from the back, then sneak out without ever having to talk to him, and text him later that you’d enjoyed it. you already knew you were going to enjoy it. you’d heard every original song, cover, and riff they’d ever played together, and at this point you could probably recite their setlist by heart. anyone could see that they were talented together, so it isn’t surprising that the venue is packed tonight. honestly, it’d be for the better if you got lost in the crowd and never saw him face to face.

the house lights suddenly fade into darkness and the crowd starts to quiet, the curtains finally pulling back to reveal the band. seungcheol stands in front of a microphone in the center of the stage, with wonwoo in the back at his drum set and mingyu to his left holding a bass guitar. and then, of course, there’s hansol.

you hate the way your gaze immediately lands on him, standing in the same position he always does, with his guitar slung around his neck by a thick red strap. the crowd starts cheering, and distantly you recognize seungcheol’s voice introducing the group, but you can’t make out any of his words.

your mind flashes back to all the nights you’ve spent sitting on a folding chair in mingyu’s garage, watching them laugh and bicker and fool around. it’s different seeing them actually on a stage for once, the metal of their instruments glinting under the harsh, colorful stage lights.

it’s not a large stage by any means, just a few feet higher than the ground and barely wide enough for all four of them to fit. but their presence is captivating, and it makes the dingy local theater seem more special than it really is. but then again, hansol makes everything seem more special than it really is.

seungcheol finishes speaking and the crowd around you lets out whoops and cheers, but you stay silent. your eyes are still stuck on hansol, watching him scan the crowd as he twists the tuning pegs on his guitar.

even from the back of the room, you can tell he’s nervous. his fingers shake just a little, in a way you know they never do because you’ve watched him tune his guitar a thousand times under the dim interior lights in his car. you watch his eyes dart around the room, squinting to see into the crowd before turning his attention back to the fretboard in his hands.

he’s not the most outgoing guy in the world, but at the same time you know he’s not the kind of person to get stage fright. something is different this time. or, maybe it’s not. you’ve never actually seen him play in front of an audience. you don’t know him as well as you think you do, you have to constantly remind yourself every time your mind starts to wander and you let yourself daydream. after all, he doesn’t know anything about you, and he doesn’t seem to care enough to learn. neither should you.

the band opens with a song you’ve heard a thousand times, then another and another, pausing after every few songs to talk to the crowd. time seems to fly by around you, but everything moves in slow motion when you're looking at hansol. you study the way his hair falls in soft brown waves around his face, his head bobbing to the rhythm as he strums his guitar. it's one thing you've always enjoyed about watching him play; he always gets so lost in the music, and it's fascinating to watch. it's clearly on the list of things he's passionate about, and even if you aren't one of those things, at least you get to see him doing something he loves. 

you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts. you can't let yourself think like that. you're here to end things, not to reminisce. you shouldn't care if he likes music or not, that's not your problem anymore. he's not your problem anymore.

you zone out for a while, trying hard not to think about him but he's the only thing you can focus on. your eyes wander every once in a while, when you hear cheol's raspy voice in the mic or a particularly cool guitar riff from mingyu, but they always end up back at hansol.

they finish playing what you know is their last song, but the crowd is still bursting with electricity. it’s not long before everyone starts to chant, begging for one more song.

“encore?” seungcheol laughs into the mic, and flashes one of his signature dazzling smiles that sends the group of girls standing in front of you into hysterics. he glances over at hansol and nods. “mmm, yeah. i think we can do one more.”

you fold your arms over your chest. now is probably your best chance to leave. it’s not a very big venue, but from the amount of people here it’s obvious that there’ll be chaos once things are over as people start to file out. though most of them will probably be trying to fight their way to the front instead, giving wonwoo their phone numbers written on stained cocktail napkins and asking mingyu to sign their tits. but just as you’re about to start pushing your way back towards the exit, cheol’s deep voice makes you pause.

“we’re gonna play something real special tonight,” he says, making eye contact with hansol again. “something brand new, that we’ve never performed before. you guys wanna be the first to hear it?”

the room erupts into cheers again, and cheol grins. “yeah, i figured. so, i’m gonna let vernon explain this one. take it away, man.”

you stand still, arms crossed and curiosity piqued. maybe you can wait until after the last song. if this is going to be your last hurrah, then you might as well see it through til the end. just this once, and never again.

hansol clears his throat and looks out into the darkened theater. “this song is about a girl i’m in love with,” he starts. that gets a light laugh out of the crowd, a couple whistles and cheers, and he chuckles into the microphone before continuing. the words that have been brewing in your head for weeks seem to instantly melt on your tongue as his voice rings in your ears, echoing through your mind. that’s not you. that’s definitely not you.

“i hope she’s here tonight, but i wouldn’t blame her if she wasn’t. because i think i kind of fucked everything up.” he swallows, his eyes darting back and forth as he scans across the crowd, searching for something. searching for you? “so if she’s out there, i’m sorry. and i know this won’t make up for it, but i hope you like it anyway.”

the crowd cheers again, louder than they have all night, but the noise quickly dies down once hansol begins to play. the lights go dim, and the room fills with a soft melody from his guitar. the sound is unfamiliar, a song you haven’t heard before, and you realize he must’ve been working on it outside of the band’s usual practices. 

even if he isn’t talking about you, the song is beautiful. his guitar seems to sing every note that plays, and you can practically see the air around him shimmering with energy. the rest of the room seems to fade away, the audience that separates you suddenly disappearing. it’s like you’re the only two people around, sitting beside him as he plays just for you. 

he’s done that a few times, played you little snippets on his guitar. you can almost picture it now: it’s always right after he parks outside the bar, before you head inside together. he’ll unzip the case and pull his guitar from the backseat, positioning it on his lap. he comes up with a different reason every time; sometimes he’ll ask if the chords he’s been working on sound good together, sometimes he’ll tell you to listen to see if it needs tuning, sometimes he’ll say he just needs to practice this section a couple more times before giving up for the night and getting shitfaced with you off too many shots.

but you always see right through his flimsy excuses; obviously he’s doing it to show off, to impress you or something. but for the life of you, you’ve never been able to figure out why. why should he care about impressing you, if he doesn’t want to go any further with you?

and suddenly, as you stand in the back of the theater, watching his eyes sparkle under the lights and his fingers breeze over his guitar, looking more focused and frustrated and angry and sad and sorry than you’ve ever seen him look, now you finally have your answer.

you don’t want him to be talking about you. he shouldn’t be talking about you. you almost wish he would just be an asshole to you, give you a good reason to yell at him and cuss him out and tell him to fuck off, but he never does. sure, he’s a little dense to the not-so-subtle hints you’ve been trying to drop, but he’s always been good to you, even if it’s breaking your heart in the process. maybe you’ve been the dense one all along.

the show ends in a blur, and the lights come back on as people start to file out. there's cheers and more shouts for another encore, but it's clear the night is over. this is the part you've been dreading; even after days of convincing yourself, you're still not sure what you're going to do.

when the crowd finally clears out enough for you to move towards the stage, you can already see the group that’s formed around the members. cheol is off to one side, giving out autographs to whoever waves their napkins closest to him. mingyu’s helping wonwoo pack up his drum kit, smiling shyly at the girls calling his name and promising he’ll come back out to the lobby to meet them once he’s finished.

and then there’s hansol, looking flustered as people crowd around him, a deep blush in his cheeks as he waves his hands to try and get them to leave. you’re just far enough from his line of sight that you almost hesitate. it’s not too late to turn around. it’s not too late to leave before he can see you, to disappear from his life forever, but your heart won’t let you. 

you walk a little closer to the stage, hanging back behind the crowd of people, but he sees. his face lights up with relief, and even from a few feet away you can still see his eyes soften. he tells the people to move, more firmly with his words this time, and he hops down off the stage as they part to make room for him. when it’s clear his attention is no longer on them, they grumble and walk away, talking to their friends about the show and how hot all the members are and how they’re definitely planning on coming back the next time they perform.

hansol reaches you in a couple of strides, stopping just in front of you. he stays silent for a second, his eyes roaming over you almost gratefully.

“hi,” he says finally, offering you a lopsided smile. he wipes his palms on his jeans nervously. “you came.”

you bite your lip for a second before you nod. “i did.”

“so you’re— did you— were you here for the end of the show?” he asks, trying to hide the stutter in his words. it’s cute how shy he is all of a sudden. it’s not like him to be shy like this. but then again, the only times you’ve seen him are when he’s playing with the guys or fucking your brains out while he's drunk, so it’s not like you’ve really gotten to know him. maybe he’s always been this shy and you were just too caught up in him to notice.

you know what he’s trying to say without outright saying it. obviously you were there the whole time, a fact you aren’t the proudest of, but you aren’t about to let him know that. “i heard your song,” you finally settle on, cutting straight to the point.

his face goes through about a hundred emotions in the span of a second, from surprised to happy then right back to shy again. “yeah?”

even though most of the room has cleared out by now, he starts walking as he talks, pulling you through the side door into the quieter backstage area. you follow him around the corner until you reach a private room, a wrinkled sheet of paper taped to the door with his name written in sharpie. his guitar case that you've seen so many times lies open on the floor, his backpack slumped against one wall.

“i liked it.”

he exhales in relief as he turns back around to face you, and you can almost see his whole body relax. “i'm so fucking sorry,” he says, nearly stumbling over his words with how fast he tries to get them out. “i've been really, really stupid. the way i left you the other night… i shouldn't have let you go like that. i regretted it the second you left.”

you purse your lips as you listen. you can tell he really means it, and it's getting harder and harder to stay mad at him. but you can't let him off that easy, not after how long you've been going through this.

“i just don't understand what it is you want, hansol. you treat me like— i don't know, like nothing.” you pause and chew on the inside of your cheek for a second, letting your words sink in. “and then out of the blue you beg me to come to your show, and you play this really sweet, heartfelt song, so how the hell am i supposed to take that?”

he winces, but the wounded look on his face doesn't feel as satisfying as you'd hoped it would. “i know. i'm just… i'm bad with words. i'm better at music.” he sighs. “but that's not an excuse. i didn't ever wanna make you feel like that, not on purpose. i just got scared. but i shouldn't have.”

you stand silently, waiting. clearly, there's more on his mind. he stuffs his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, shifting from one foot to the other. 

“i love the way you laugh. i love the way you watch me when i'm playing and it makes me feel like the only person in the whole world. i love the way you smile when you're drunk and the way you kiss me. and it was stupid of me to ever think i didn't want that all the time.” he lifts his gaze to meet your eyes, the fear in his expression more obvious than anything you've ever seen before.

you let out a breath, your voice dropping almost to a whisper. “you should've just said that.”

“i should've,” he agrees.

you offer him a tight-lipped smile, trying to keep yourself together. this is not how you thought tonight would go. you didn't even think you'd talk to him, and if you did, you thought it would be a shouting match, screaming and cursing before angrily storming out of the venue, finally feeling vindicated after all this time. yet here you are, standing quietly in front of him and trying not to cry.

he waits for a second, trying to gauge your reaction before he continues. “you're, like, my best friend,” he says, adding a nervous little chuckle to lighten the mood. “i think about you every time i play or whenever i try to write something. it's always about you. you don't know how much i look forward to thursday practices and getting to see you.”

now it's your turn to laugh. “you literally could've just texted me and i probably would've dropped everything to be there, anytime.”

he grins, his smile a little wider this time. “yeah, i know. i tried, the other day when i invited you. that was scary as shit.”

he looks up at you again, his soft brown eyes and long eyelashes shining even under the dim flickering bulb overhead. “i'm really glad you came tonight, though. i wasn't expecting you to, but i really hoped you would.” he offers you another nervous smile. “will you let me try again?”

you don't answer right away, and the look of nervousness starts to seep back into his features. “i promise i—”

but you cut him off, pulling him in by his shoulders and pressing your lips against his. he falters for just a second but his arms immediately wrap around your waist, tilting his head to lean into the kiss, and somehow that one little action feels more natural than anything you've ever done together.

you slide your tongue against his lips, and he lets out a groan into your mouth before he pulls back to breathe. “is that a yes?”

you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes and laugh, but instead you just nod. “yes.”

you definitely didn't come here tonight expecting to get laid. in fact, the last thing you ever thought you'd do is sleep with hansol again. but all of that feels like a distant memory as you head out of the community theater together, his guitar case over his shoulder, walking hand in hand towards his car.

the routine is familiar, but nothing is the same. you're not drunk, you're not in the parking lot of a cheap bar, and you don't feel lonely anymore. 

he unlocks the doors and you start to climb into the backseat, but he lets out a little noise and shakes his head, and you look up at him in confusion. 

“we're going back to my place. or yours, if you want.” he reaches down to offer his hand and help you out of the car. “i said i was gonna do it right this time, didn't i?”

by the time you get back to your apartment, your stomach is in knots in the very best way. your hands shake as you fumble with your keys, and if you weren’t so on edge it would have almost made you laugh, the way hansol looks away and pretends not to notice. you're more alike than you thought, and suddenly you're overcome with a feeling of excitement. now you get to discover all these little things about him: things you didn't allow yourself to see before, things he wants to show you and tell you and share with you. 

you try not to let the awkwardness seep back in, but you pause outside your bedroom door, almost as if you're waiting for hansol to tell you what to do. in just one night he's turned your life on its head, and now you're at a loss.

so he takes it as a sign and kisses you, his hands finding your waist and slowly trailing up your body until he's cupping your chin. it's different from all the other times he's kissed you. it's not just the fiery passion you're used to when you can tell he's worked up, but there's a hint of uncertainty in it, more similar to the kisses he gives you afterwards when you're trying to figure out whether to ask for a ride home or not. and then, the pieces finally settle into place and you realize he wasn't kissing you like that because he didn't want you; he was kissing you like that because he did.

you pull away and he freezes a little, and you can tell from the worried look in his eyes that he thinks he's gone too far. “relax,” you laugh softly, your forearms still resting on his shoulders. 

he complies, but his eyes still dart across your face in nervousness. despite how badly he wants you, how badly he needs to prove himself to you, there's clearly still so much that needs to be discussed before you can move forward, things that've been left unsaid for far too long.

you inhale and look up into his eyes, trying to find what emotion is hidden there. “what do you want, hansol?”  

“want you to be my girlfriend,” he breathes out without hesitating. if it were any other time and place you might've thought he was joking, but you can tell he's dead serious.

“i—” whatever words you had ready instantly die in your throat, not expecting such a genuine answer. “yes. but i meant, like, right now. what do you want, right now.”

his expression shifts in understanding and he grins, though it's still shy. “oh. well…” he pauses again to think. “what do you want me to do?”

you watch his eyes carefully for a moment before you reply. you've wanted him to do a lot of things. you wanted him to be better, you wanted him to be worse. you wanted him to do anything besides being stuck in this weird limbo of friend-zoned friends with benefits. but now that the choice is up to you… you don't want any of that.

“i want you to be honest,” you start softly, almost shy to say it, but you know it needs to be said. “i want you to tell me how you feel. because i can't lie, you really fucked up. i shouldn't have given you so many chances.” he winces at that, but you brush your thumb along his cheek and pull his attention back to you. “but i did. so you need to earn my trust again. and i just want you to not be so afraid anymore.”

he stays silent for a long moment before he nods, as if he's seriously considering your words. “i know,” he says finally. his voice is quieter now, barely above a whisper. “i'm sorry. you're gonna get so fucking sick of hearing me say how sorry i am, but i'm not gonna stop saying it.”

you want to laugh, but his tone is so serious that you know you shouldn't, so you keep a straight face and ask him again. “so… what do you want?”

he lets out a sigh, still holding you face in his hands. “shit, everything. but, first— i really wanna taste you. can… can i?”

you take a step backwards into the bedroom and he follows, tearing off clothes one by one in a hurry until you're both left with just underwear. with the limited space in his car you've never actually been fully naked together before, and the thought of him seeing you is both terrifying and exhilarating. 

he leans you down onto the bed and you pull him down with you. he falls beside you, pausing to kiss you once more before rolling off the bed and onto his knees, holding your legs in front of him as he stares up at you.

it's the kind of image that could drive a woman mad. you didn't think he was capable of being this patient, but it seems he's full of surprises tonight. “yes,” you breathe out and finally give him an answer. your eyes are locked onto his, a silent conversation happening between you in the span of a second.

he clears his throat and slowly pries your legs apart, pulling his gaze away from your face to stare between your thighs instead.

“god, this pussy…” he groans in delight as he settles your legs over his shoulders, his gaze transfixed on the wet spot at the seat of your panties.

he slides his palms up your thighs, and for his sake you pretend not to notice the way his fingers are shaking just a little. you lift your hips to encourage him, and he slips his long fingers beneath the hem of your panties before pulling them down, taking his time to slide them off and toss them on the floor behind him.

his hands immediately come back up to your thighs, using his thumbs to press your legs apart to give him a better view.

“so fucking gorgeous,” he mumbles to no one but himself. it's like he's in a trance, admiring the dripping mess between your legs like it's about to be his last meal. if he hadn't been so enthusiastic, you might've been embarrassed at the electric shiver that runs through you from his praise. but when there's a man this hot in front of you, kneeling and staring up at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life, it's hard to feel embarrassed for long.

he leans in and presses a soft, open-mouthed kiss to your clit, and you nearly jump out of your skin at the feeling. he's never been incredibly rough with you before, but he’s never been this gentle, either. he's touching you so delicately, like a statue at a museum that he's not sure yet if he's allowed to touch or not.

your reaction spurs him on, and he leans in further to flatten his tongue against your entrance and gives a long, slow lick. your hips lift automatically, trying to push him closer and add more pressure.

he curls his tongue through your folds before pulling away, his hands coming up to rest on your hip bones and hold you down. “even better than i imagined,” he groans, looking up at you from his spot on the floor, and the image of him down there makes you so dizzy that you have to lay back down against the bed again.

“more,” you whimper desperately. in the back of your mind there's a distant feeling of shyness at how demanding you're being, but you don't think twice about it. after everything he put you through, he still needs to prove himself to you, that he's not going to break your heart again. but he's doing a damn good job so far. “vernon— ah, fuck!”

“mm, anything.” he presses a kiss against the soft skin on inside of your thigh. “anything you want, baby.”

you don't even have time to process the nickname before he's diving back in, his lips wrapped around your clit as he sucks at you. you let out a strangled noise of surprise, your hand instantly flying down to hold his head.

your fingers tangle in his hair, his tongue so deep in your pussy that you're already gasping and writhing under his touch. you can't tell which one of you has been more stupid for not letting this happen sooner, because it almost seems like he's enjoying this more than you are.

the coil in your stomach already feels like it's about to burst, pent up with white-hot energy that feels hotter than the sun. it hardly takes a few more pointed laps of his tongue before you fall apart into his mouth, whimpering and groaning and begging shamelessly for him. 

“you called me vernon,” he says when you finally manage to push his head away, shivering with overwhelming sensitivity. he lifts one hand to wipe at his chin, way too nonchalant after everything he just did.

you're still fighting through the haze of your orgasm but his words bring you back down to earth, and your face fills with heat. “huh? sorry, i—”

“everybody calls me vernon,” he says as he shakes his head, quickly cutting you off. he stands up and moves onto the bed, flopping down beside you. “i liked that you always called me hansol. made it feel special.”

your eyes follow his movements, still laying on your back as you catch your breath. “but…?”

he grins, and you swear there's a hint of blush in his cheeks. “but that was really sexy when you called me vernon. it sounds way cooler when it's coming from you.”

all you can do is laugh, letting your eyes close as you rest your hands on your stomach. “noted,” you giggle. “so should i do it more, then?”

he hums in thought, rolling over onto his side so that he's closer to you. “you can do whatever you want, baby.”

that nickname again. he's already started leaning in to kiss you again, but you grab his shoulders and pull him down to meet him halfway. there's a bitterness on his tongue that you'd almost forgotten about, but you're quickly reminded once you feel his hand sliding across your stomach and down back between your legs. you let out a surprised but happy moan into his mouth, one of your hands moving to the back of his head to kiss him harder.

your legs part, accepting the warmth of his palm as he gently presses it against your sensitive clit. he holds his hand there for just a moment, pausing his movements as he kisses you, eagerly swallowing the whimpers and sounds you give him in return.

after a minute he shifts his hand, carefully pressing his index and middle finger into you. you're right up at the edge again already, clenching down hard around his fingers as he sets a slow pace, pulling them out halfway before thrusting them in deeper than before. you're seeing stars, releasing a constant stream of muffled moans into his lips as he curls his fingers inside you. he follows the rhythm of your hips as you rut against his palm, letting the movement force his fingers even deeper.

his fingers are dripping with your juices, down his knuckles and pooling in his palm, but it only makes him want to fuck you even more. it's not like this is the first time he's fingered you. the guys at the auto shop down the street know him all too well, from the amount of times he's had to take his car in to get the seats cleaned. he always claims that it's because he's a messy eater, and while that's true in some ways, he knows those guys don't buy it for a fucking second.

his fingers are completely buried inside you but he never stops kissing you, breathing almost as heavily as you are. he stops thrusting his fingers and adjusts his hand once more, pressing his thumb against your clit to rub lazy circles over it. 

“ver—vern— fuck, hansol!” you finally manage to pull away from his lips, nearly gasping for air as another orgasm rips through you. his other hand slides down your body and it feels like the first time you've ever been touched, his palm so warm and tender against your skin that it somehow makes your high even better. you're shaking in his arms, lips parted in a soundless moan as you clench wildly around his fingers, but he just holds you tighter against his body and keeps pressing kisses along your jaw.

his lips are wet with both spit and slick as he watches you, his eyes filled with stars. usually when you're together, in the dark backseat of his car illuminated only by the moonlight and nearby streetlamps, it's hard to make out the details. it's dark, and everything is fuzzy from both the alcohol and the late hour. but now, he's realizing how stupid he was for never letting this happen sooner. he could've ended up going his whole life without ever seeing you like this, laying completely fucked out under the soft light in your bedroom, your pupils wide and eyes watery and so, so beautiful.

he waits until you've calmed down again, leaning away to give you a little space, but your hand shoots out to grab his wrist and keep him close to you and he can't help but smile. when you open your eyes you're expecting to find a cocky smirk, to see how proud of himself he is for having you in the palm of his hand so easily, but it's not there. just that soft smile.

“now. what do you want?” he says. “i should be asking you that way more often.”

“want you inside,” you pant out. “now. please? i— i missed you.” you shouldn't have said the last part out loud, but at this point you don't care anymore. all your cards are out on the table.

his eyes widen a little at your boldness, but he bites his lip and nods. he can't lie and say he wasn't secretly hoping you'd say that, but he'd be just as happy to sit here on the floor and eat you out over and over and over again. he'd do anything you want at this point, and not just because he feels like he owes you. he does, but it's deeper than that. it's a different kind of feeling, one that makes him want to do cheesy shit like lay his jacket over puddles for you and buy an airplane to write your name in the sky.

as he starts to position himself between your legs on the bed, you watch his face. his expression is outwardly neutral, but little by little you've started to recognize the signs of his happiness. it looks good on him.

but your brain isn't content with that, not just yet. you swallow as a thought crosses your mind, and you can't push it down any longer.

“wait,” you say quietly, forcing the word out before you can reconsider. he stops immediately, his eyes searching your face for anything he can find, any sign that you've changed your mind about this.

“yeah?” he replies, his voice just as quiet, as if he's afraid to speak too loudly and break the tension of this moment.

you clear your throat as best you can manage, though it's kind of starting to get sore from how much and how loudly you've been moaning all night. “just curious,” you start, nervousness suddenly starting to creep in. but tonight is for being honest, and you can handle the truth. probably.

“before, while we were together— well, it doesn't really count as being ‘together’ but you know what i mean.” you pause again, chewing your lip. “did you ever… y'know. was there ever anybody else?”

hansol exhales, still hovering over you. “no. unless you count lotion and my hand, ‘cause there was a lot of that.” your eyes soften and you visibly relax at his words, and he mentally kicks himself for ever making you even think that was the case. that there would ever be anyone else for him but you. “i know i was stupid, but i'm not that stupid.”

“okay.” you pause again, trying to figure out how to get back on track. “sorry, i just wanted to know. i don't care.”

he scoffs, but his tone is more melancholy than angry. he shifts on top of you so he can rest on his elbows, getting closer and brushing his hand over your hair. “you should care. if i had, i would've given you full permission to lay into me, cuss me out, whatever. i would've deserved it. you don't deserve that.”

“i wanted to, trust me.” you sigh. “but you're too nice to me. i thought…” you chew on your lip, eyes searching his as you try to figure out what to say. “…i don't know what i was thinking.”

“i don't think i'm anywhere near ‘too nice’,” hansol laughs. the sincerity in his expression almost makes you feel better. “i'm the luckiest dude on the planet that you didn't decide to, like, slash the tires on my car and egg my house or something instead. i really wouldn't have blamed you if you did.”

“maybe i should then, next time,” you say, a smile creeping onto your face.

he shakes his head. “there won't be a next time.”

the room goes quiet and you stare at each other for a second, letting his words sink in. you can tell he's being lighthearted, but he's not even trying to hide the sincerity behind his words.

“you can… continue now,” you say after a tense moment, breaking the silence. the tension in the room is thick but it's not uncomfortable, slowly but surely melting into a lust that's deeper than any of the times you've been drunk and horny in his car.

he nods, and he reaches down to brush your hair back behind your ear before his hands slide down your body. he seems so hesitant to let go of you, but finally he lifts one hand to grip his cock and position himself at your entrance. he braces his other hand against your hip, shivering as he brushes the tip of his cock up through your folds. fuck, he's not gonna last. 

after steeling his nerves as best he can and trying to convince himself not to bust the second he's inside you, he angles himself between your legs and starts to push in.

by some miracle he manages not to cum immediately, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to think about literally anything else but how fucking beautiful you are lying beneath him, but what actually happens instead might be worse.

hansol groans once he's fully inside, slowly splitting you open bit by bit until he bottoms out with his hips flush against yours. there are so many words on his tongue begging to spill out, but he can't think straight. holy shit, he can't even think about anything right now. why did he never say anything sooner? why did he waste so much time content with putting in the least amount of effort when he could've been having you like this all along?

“i love you,” he blurts out, and for a split second you think maybe this is all a dream and somehow you passed out at the show and hit your head so hard you started hallucinating this. but then his eyes widen and he winces in that way you've started to recognize, and you almost laugh because now you know it's real.

“shit, i don't know why i said that. i'm sorry. fuck, i'm sorry,” he groans and hangs his head, but despite his embarrassment you can still feel every inch of his dick twitching inside you and it feels way too good to ignore. “you don't have to say it back. i know it's way too soon—”

“did you mean it?”

“what?”

“did you mean it?” you repeat. his attention pulls back to you, a confused yet hopeful look in his eyes that makes your heart warm.

he clears his throat, obviously trying to hide the pink spreading across his cheeks. “yeah. i think i did. and not just because you have the best pussy ever.”

“are you sure? because that's what it sounds like to me,” you tease and try to roll your eyes, but his words make you clench involuntarily around him and he curses under his breath.

“fuck— yes, i’m very sure, i meant it and i'll keep saying it forever if you'll let me.” he lets out a groan, both hands now firmly planted on your waist. “but, god, please let me fuck you now. i'm trying so goddamn hard to hold back and i'll gladly go for another round later but i'm trying to make it up to you right now and it's gonna completely ruin it if i cum in, like, five seconds.”

you can't help your laughter in that moment so all you can do is nod, lifting your hips a little to try and get him going. and he takes the hint, pulling halfway out of you before slamming back in, a loud, deep string of groans leaving his lips.

his pace starts out frantic but he quickly calms himself down, stabilizing himself through his grip on your waist and pulling you to meet his thrusts. he snaps his hips into you at a smooth pace, his cock dragging against your walls with each stroke in a way that has you clawing at his wrists for support as he holds onto you.

hansol may be bad at relationships, but he's never been bad at sex. even on a good day it really doesn't take much to have you seeing stars, but this is different. this is desperate, determined, thankful, and hopeful all wrapped into one movement, sliding in and out of you with a passion you've only ever seen when he's playing guitar. 

“ha— ngh— hansol!” despite your efforts to keep it steady, your voice still comes out broken, his name escaping your lips as easily as breathing. you roll your head back against the pillow, and you're suddenly even more grateful that you're at home in your bed instead of alone in a parking lot. this is so much better, better than you could've dreamed.

“fuck, you always take my cock so good,” hansol groans as he leans forward and buries his face in your chest. “i should’ve been telling you that every single time, how good you are. so fucking good.”

the way he fucks you is strangely tender, in a way you're not sure you've ever felt before. it's rough, but somehow in a gentle way. he's taking you apart piece by piece and putting you back together with his hands, his kisses, his touch. none of the times before have ever come close to this. 

maybe it's the feeling of a mattress beneath your back instead of a hard plastic seat, or maybe it's the promises hanging in the air between you that makes this time feel brand new. maybe you're just too caught up in the moment to think straight, but for the first time it finally feels like a fresh start. this time is different.

“baby, please, one more for me,” he moans into your skin as his hips begin to grow weary, his breath hot against your chest. “‘m not gonna last much longer— fuck, cum for me one more time, baby. god, you're so perfect. please, let me make you cum.”

at this point he's rambling, almost as far gone as you are, but it's like he doesn't even need to ask. as soon as the words leave his mouth you feel the familiar sensation starting to build again, burning hotter and quicker than before. you almost start to panic because you can't even tell if you have another one left in you, but you look up and meet his eyes one last time and suddenly a wave of calm washes over you at the sight of his soft brown eyes filled with way more love than you're expecting to find there.

you don't even have time to tell him when it hits you one more time, you just grab him and hang on tight as your high tears through you. you struggle to lift your legs and wrap them around his back, pulling him in even closer to you as your walls flutter uncontrollably around him. he invades your senses and you can feel him everywhere, and you can only hope he feels the way you do.

but it's obvious that he does, because “ah, shit—” is the last thing you hear before he pulls out, barely managing to get back in time before he spills all over your stomach, your thighs, your pussy, the sheets. it's everywhere, and neither of you care. his hands are still on you gripping your waist tightly like he can't bear to let go, his cock pulsing limply as it rests against your stomach. rope after rope of thick white floods over your skin, and yet it's like he barely even notices because he's so busy repeating your name, praising you again and again in between swears and shaky moans.

you're panting, your hands shaking as you reach for him, but he's already right there. he's breathing heavily himself as he drops down on the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and burying his head in the crook of your neck. 

his weight half leaning against you is grounding, and eventually you feel your heart starting to return to normal as you become aware of the sticky puddle of sweat and cum that you're both laying in. but you just close your eyes and rest, focusing on his body warmth and his palm holding your side and the tickle of air coming from his nose as he breathes against you, and you realize nothing, no feeling in the world, has ever felt better than this.

when he reluctantly pulls himself away from your body to go look for a towel, you already know there's no question about whether or not he's staying over tonight.

once he's done cleaning you off he lifts you up into his arms, laughing and nuzzling his nose into your neck as he sets you down at your desk chair to start stripping the mess of sheets off your bed, and in that moment you can't help but think how lucky you are. he keeps saying that he's the lucky one for letting him have a second chance, but you're lucky in a lot of ways, too. lucky that it turned out he wasn't as much of an idiot as you’d thought. lucky that your heart wouldn't let you give up on him, no matter how hard you tried. lucky that after everything, hope still works sometimes.

after stumbling around your room, tossing blankets and sheets around and looking the happiest you've ever seen him, you're finally settled down together and you're back where you've always belonged, laying in his arms. it's so late that the sun is probably coming up soon and you're exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of a night, but you couldn't care less about what happens next because everything finally feels right.

hansol sighs, his arm curled a little awkwardly around your shoulders as he twirls a lock of your hair between his fingers. “can… we not do this anymore?” he asks finally. 

his voice is quiet; not shy or uncertain, just quiet. it's different than what you're used to with him. usually when you're around him everything is loud, it's fast and messy and jumbled, a whirlwind of a night followed by heartache and a pounding headache in the morning. but now he's just… quiet. all the thoughts that normally rush through your head are gone, leaving nothing but silence.

you swallow, confused. although you've already talked out all your worries, you can't help the uncertain feeling that starts to return. “what do you mean? like, right now?”

he exhales like he's thinking, and his fingers pause in your hair. “like… i don't know. i want things to be good between us. whatever we were doing before— anything but that. no more not talking about stuff. no more tension. y'know? i promise.”

“mmm.” you hum, letting his words sink in for a while. you drum your fingers absently against his chest, almost trying to make sure he's still there. “yeah. i think… i think things are good between us now.” you giggle, leaning your head against his chest. “as long as you don't pull that shit again.”

he laughs, reaching up to grab your hand off his chest and hold it there. “oh, yeah, i know. you're way too good to me for even giving me another chance. i'm so sorry i almost fucked it all up.”

“you don't have to say that anymore.”

“well like i said, babe, i'm going to—”

“you can just keep saying ‘i love you’ instead.” you interrupt, squeezing his hand in yours.

he stops short in the middle of his sentence, caught in surprise, but as soon as your words register a grin slowly begins to make its way across his face. “cool. then… i love you.”

© junkissed 2024. do not repost or translate. ── ⊹ ˙ . 𖥻 want to be notified when i post new fics? join my taglist!

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, please reblog or leave a comment or an ask! it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! i put a lot of time, love, and effort into writing this, so feedback is really appreciated :) thanks for reading!!

taglist — located in the replies

[junkissed]

screams i just remembered about this wip i double quadruple pinky promise it's not cancelled ! the google doc for this one is still alive and well

OMG I just saw that you saw my request for actor Jun… I’m screaming just thinking about it!!! (Also, could I be 🍪 anon?) Love ur blog SO MUCH, I literally re-read ur posts like 7 times! ❤️🙊

yes ofc!!!! thank you omg i'm glad you like them 🥹🥹 usually i don't answer requests right away i try to get thru my older wips first but that one stood out to me WHEW its so hot. it might take me a bit but it's definitely happening hehe

[junkissed]

Hi! 🍪 Anon here <3. I wanted to check on you and ask how everything is going. Also, as I was reading some of your older asks (particularly one from April 11th) I saw that you considered returning during summer. While it's completely ok if you decide not to (it's your decision and nobody should tell you what to do <3), I'll tell you that if you end up writing again I'll absolutely binge read whatever you write cause you are literally so good at it <3. I got so happy right when I read about the mere possibility of you writing again hehe. Anyways, whatever you decide to do, will be ok and understandable <3. Have a nice day <3!

hiiii 🍪 omg i missed you so glad to see you here again!! i know i've been gone for a while (mostly school but other things too) but since i've been home for summer my life batter has been recharging lolol i've slowly been getting my motivation back and i am definitely planning on being more active around here again :)

[junkissed]

the Chan frat fic is the best thing I have ever read - literally it has not left my mind since I first read it MONTHS ago - if you ever write more frat Chan istg I will bow to u

the chan frat fic

ahhhh thank you so much i'm so glad you liked it!! that one sat in my drafts for SO long but i loved it so much i couldnt stand to leave it unfinished 🥹 honestly it turned out to be one of my favorite fics i've ever written so it really makes me so happy that it's still being enjoyed! thanks for letting me know!! 🫶🫶

[junkissed]

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

[junkissed]

me: i don’t want to see jellyfish so i will blacklist the tag #jellyfish

people with no common sense: je11yf1sh, je11¥fi5h, j*llyf*sh, je//ÿf!sh, j3ï||yf¡sh, gel lee fisk

result: cannot account for the sheer amount of possible ways to alter the word jellyfish

conclusion: i have to see jellyfish now.

Once again, tumblr is not tiktok, tag properly.

[junkissed]

You cannot tell me that reblogs aren’t powerful. With the right person sharing your stuff, you can blow up overnight. Never think that sharing a writer’s stories won’t have an impact because you have a handful of followers.

Tumblr doesn’t have an algorithm like TikTok and IG, so stories won’t just magically come to you here. Those posts that you love so much showing up on your dashboard? That’s the people you follow sharing the things they love.

I received a message from someone that humbled me. I teared up because my one little reblog kept them from quitting. I will never gate keep someone else’s stories if I enjoy them. That’s the point of this blog—to share the things I love.

I said all that to say…reblog the things you like, please. You have just as much of an impact on fandom culture and its circulation as creatives do.

[junkissed]

hi btw if you spam like without reblogging or following you're gonna get blocked 👍🏻 the very least you can do after going thru my ENTIRE masterlist is throw me a follow because clearly you liked it enough to keep reading ??

[junkissed]

Drive It Like You Stole It

pairing; yoon jeonghan x f reader (x kim mingyu)

genre; smut (minor dni), TOXIC, heavy angst, university au, 00's au

summary; A girl in a red dress sees me. A girl in a red dress swoons. I’m not done tonight. What do you make of it? I got a little red Corvette parked outside with your name.

content warnings; mental and verbal abuse, shaming, jealousy, jeonghan isn't your knight in shining armor, alcohol, eating/drinking, smoking, reckless driving, degrading names, fighting/arguing, crying, depression, stress/anxiety, mention of parents/arguing with parents, fuckboy mentality, lovebombing, yandere!jeonghan

smut warnings; unprotected sex, outdoor sex, car sex, virgin!reader, oral (f & m giving/receiving), fingering, dirty talk, degrading/praising, pet names, crying, impact play

w/c; 27k and some change (569 patreon bonus)

a/n; thank you to @junkissed for proofreading. you know i am always grateful, but i know this one was heavy. please read all the warnings and know this is the most toxic fic i've ever written. it might not be your cup of tea. but if you do read, I hope you enjoy it!

before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here

That brief moment between spring and summer was Jeonghan’s favorite part about his hometown being a college town. Not that he was a student at the hoity-toity university, but it had its perks just being in the vicinity. 

“No, you look, like, super cute.” 

“It’s not too short?” 

Smirking to himself, Jeonghan shifts the lollipop in his mouth to his cheek as he rests his elbows on the counter in front of him. He used to hate working a soul-sucking job at the mall, but then he started opening his eyes. The weather would get warmer and the girls from the university needed something to do between classes or, even better, during spring break. What better way to rot their brains than to spend hours on end in the only mall within 100 miles?  

“Oh my god! No. You look so fucking cute!” Looking around for reinforcements, the pretty brunette meets Jeonghan’s eyes before grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the ice cream shop he was supposed to be managing. “Hi! Totally random, but like, could you tell my bestie how cute she looks? She’s worried the dress she just bought is too short.” 

Your cheeks were on fire as you tugged at your best friend’s arm, trying to get her not to talk to the random, incredibly attractive man just trying to do his job. Shaking your head, you laugh before tugging at your new summer dress in an attempt to hide your thighs as Jeonghan’s eyes move over your frame with a curious but amused look on his face. “You can just ignore her. Megan is feeling overly sociable today. I’m super sorry.” 

Shaking his head, Jeonghan pushes his hands from the counter and removes the lollipop from his mouth, feeling your eyes watching his tongue as he licks his lips. You were gorgeous and he could almost feel the embarrassment coming off you in waves—God, he loved this time of year. “You’re not bothering me at all. What? You think you’re chasing off all my customers?” Gesturing around to the empty shop, he smirks when you and your friend laugh sweetly at his joke. “But, seriously, nice to do something other than stare at the Hot Topic sign for a change and you look cute as fuck.” Tilting his head, Jeonghan watches how you shift from one foot to the other, your best friend at your side giggling as you get attention. “Perfect length on you, gorgeous.” 

Squealing under her breath, Megan grabs your hand and turns towards you to hide most of her reaction to Jeonghan’s blatant flirting. “Holy shit, Y/N. He’s so hot.” 

You weren’t reacting the same; you seemed more bashful and taken aback by it. Pushing your hair behind your ear, you laugh softly and nod gratefully, avoiding Jeonghan’s eyes, finding his gaze too intense. “Thanks…” 

“No reason to thank me. Again, you two brightened my day.” Tapping the counter with his fingertips, Jeonghan drops his lollipop in the trash before gesturing towards the ice cream freezer next to his register. “You guys want anything?” Seeing you start to shake your head, he grins, letting his teeth catch his bottom lip. “My treat. My name’s Jeonghan, by the way. Yoon Jeonghan.” 

Megan was not one to pass on free things, especially ones provided by incredibly attractive boys, so she is quick to tug you forward with a smile on her face. “I was seriously just thinking about how much I wanted something sweet.” Looking into the freezer quickly before meeting Jeonghan’s eyes again, she laughs as cutely as possible. “I’m Megan and this is Y/N. We go to the university.” 

As if that wasn't obvious, but Jeonghan pretends to be surprised, tilting his head and gasping. “Really? What are you two majoring in?” Opening the back of the freezer facing him, Jeonghan smirks to himself when Megan squeals again, tugging you closer to the counter. “You can have anything. My favorite is the raspberry cheesecake, but I’m a sucker for something overly sweet.” With his words, Jeonghan meets your eyes, watching how you shyly look away, your lips pulling up in a smile as you look down into the freezer. 

“Well, I’m getting my B.A in art history and Y/N—” 

“I’m pre-med.” 

Cute, shy, and smart as fuck. Giving you a genuinely impressed nod, Jeonghan nods along with Megan’s words as she picks the chocolate chip ice cream in a cone. “Two smart, pretty girls. Damn…” Handing off the cone to Megan, Jeonghan barely meets her eyes as he focuses on you, seeing you shy away from him again. He wanted to get past that innocent shell of yours and see if it was just an act or not, but he already had a feeling it wasn’t. “What do you want, Y/N? Vanilla?” 

Almost as if sensing the underlying meaning behind his words, you furrow your brows and clear your throat, looking back down at the ice cream as Jeonghan waits. Were you that obvious? Sure, you let Megan talk for you often, but she was more extroverted than you. You also weren’t used to a guy looking at you like Jeonghan was. You aren’t sure if its defiance, wanting to prove him wrong or your stupidity in that moment, but you shake your head and point down at the raspberry cheesecake. “You said it was good. I’ll trust you.” 

Smiling a bit brighter, Jeonghan lifts his brows as he scoops two scoops of the ice cream into a bowl, knowing you are watching him. You were trusting him. That was already a good sign. He needed to get to know you better. It had been a long time, at least a few months, since he had a good prospect when it came to girls—and you were perfect, just his type. Offering you the bowl of ice cream, Jeonghan lets his fingers slide over yours obviously on purpose as you thank him, your voice wavering. “Of course, gorgeous.” 

Megan was already snacking on her ice cream as she watched you with Jeonghan. She had enjoyed his attention, but she wasn’t stupid. He was not interested in her; his eyes had not left you. It was almost tragic how shy you were being around someone as hot as Jeonghan when he was practically begging for your attention. You were too timid for your own good, but luckily you had been blessed with the best of best friends. “You are so friggin’ sweet, Jeonghan. Like, for real! We are so lucky we ran into you.” Gasping as if she just had an idea, though it had been running through her head for a few minutes now. “Oh my god! Are you busy this weekend? There’s a party at our friends house and you should totally come. You know, if you want.” 

Jeonghan was starting to like Megan more and more. He had been trying to figure out how he was going to meet up with you again. Was he going to have to just ask you out right then? But no, bestie Megan came through with a brilliant idea. “A party, huh? And you two don’t already have dates?” 

“I mean!” Laughing as she links her arm with yours, Megan glances towards you, watching you take a small bite of your ice cream. She could see the look in your eyes, the one that said you wanted to run away as fast as possible. You had already told her you probably wouldn’t come out to the party, and now she was trying to start something. “I totally have one, but Y/N—” 

Furrowing your brows, you start to speak but the words get caught in your throat. Who the fuck was Megan’s date to the party? She hadn’t said anything about having a date anywhere and now all of a sudden she had a mystery date? Widening your eyes and begging for mercy from her, you shake your head but she just sighs happily, looking back at Jeonghan, who leans back on the counter, taking out his BlackBerry and pursing his lips. 

“I’d love to come. Here, put your number in and that way I can get the details later.” 

A soft, surprised sound escapes from your lips when Megan pushes you towards the counter and Jeonghan. Setting your ice cream down, you clear your throat and pick up his phone, carefully putting your name and number in as he smirks at you, reaching for a fresh spoon, taking a small bite from your ice cream, and humming happily. 

“It really is delicious, right?” 

Your cheeks had already been on fire, but now, watching Jeonghan pull the spoon through his lips as he enjoyed the ice cream, you were choking on thoughts instead of words. Nodding, you hand him back his phone and lick your lips, forcing yourself to speak. “It is. I really like it.” 

Turning his phone back towards him, Jeonghan glances over your contact information like it's an award in front of him before he grins at you again. “I’m already figuring you out, Y/N. See you for our date this weekend.” 

Laughing awkwardly, you push your lips together to stop the sound, taking a step backwards towards Megan. “Uh huh. Bu—bye. See you later.” It was easier said than done leaving the ice cream shop, even as Megan took your arm, guiding you out. One glance back at Jeonghan getting a wink from him had you tripping over your feet and stumbling slightly. “Shit…” 

“Oh my god… Girl, chillax!” Megan was doing her best to make you look good, but you were making it difficult, tripping over your own two feet. Luckily for you, with one glance back into the ice cream shop to wave at Jeonghan, Megan found him watching you like you were nothing but perfection. “By the way, you’re welcome. I’m putting world’s best wingwoman on my fucking resume from now on.” 

You were a good student: honor roll, Dean’s list, and in far too many clubs where you were president. To say that you were busy was an understatement. Spring break was never really a break for you. While others, like Megan, embraced the full meaning of the word break, you found yourself trying to get ahead on reading or planning for various club events when classes would start back in just a week. 

Furrowing your brows at the book in front of you, it doesn’t dawn on you that Megan is speaking to you, much less that she’s in the room, until the book is taken out of your hands and closed. “Hey! I was studying…” 

“Lame… It’s spring break, biatch. It’s time to sleep in late and stay up all night, not read—” Pursing her lips, Megan narrows her eyes at your book and reads the title like it leaves a sour taste in her mouth. “The Fundamentals of Clinical Microbiology. Seriously? Let’s do something fun!” Tossing your book onto the desk, Megan whines your name, sliding onto your bed and pulling you close to her, practically cuddling, finally getting a smile and laugh out of you. 

“Ugh, fine. Like what? Do you wanna go see a movie?” You were hoping for something as simple as that, but knowing your best friend, it wouldn’t be. She already had a mischievous glint in her eye as she reached for your phone, flipping it open and scrolling through your texts. 

“No, maybe. I don’t know. There isn’t really anything good out.” Kicking her feet against your bed, Megan stops on the text from Jeonghan that you had left unanswered. 

Jeonghan: Hey gorgeous it’s Jeonghan. Let me know the deets for this weekend. xx 

“Y/N! Why haven’t you answered him? Are you crazy?” Turning her body away from you as you reach for the pink Razr in her hand, Megan giggles under her breath before letting out a dreamy sigh, replying for you. 

Y/N: hi! omg I’m such a ditz sometimes! can’t believe i let this sit in my txts for so long. the party is on friday at 10. you can just pick me up and take me if you want. xo 

Smirking as she hands you back your phone, text sent, Megan sighs happily at the look on your face. She had once again saved your life. She was, in fact, the single best wingwoman on the fucking planet. 

“Why would you do that, Megan…” Whining as you shift on your bed to tug your legs up towards your stomach, you snap your phone closed, hoping that it will stop the inevitable from happening. Jeonghan made you nervous. He was obviously older than you and there was just something about him that seemed dangerous. Not in a serial killer kind of way, but in a this isn’t a boy you take home to Momma kind of way. 

“Because you are being stupid! He likes you and he’s really fucking hot.” Your change in behavior had Megan pouting at you. Why couldn’t you be happy that she was helping you? Show a little bit of gratitude that your best friend was saving you from yourself. “You are going to the party, Y/N. Now you have a reason besides hanging out with me. Seriously, you sit in this stupid room all the time with your nose in your books; have some fun, babe.” 

You want to keep arguing with Megan. You want to tell her that you don’t want to go to the party, but the look on her face has you folding. “Fine…” Your voice is quiet, causing her to lean towards you so you will repeat yourself. “I said, ‘Fine! I—I’ll go. I don’t even know if Jeonghan will—” You had started to say that you weren’t sure if he would answer your—Megan’s—text, but the moment you started to say it, a ding from your side had your stomach in your throat. 

Jeonghan: It’s alright bbz. I’d love to pick you up. What are you doing today? xx 

Smiling around her thumbnail, Megan kicks her legs again before sliding off your bed and stretching in front of you. “I’m gonna go to Jamba Juice and get something. You want?” 

How were you supposed to answer Jeonghan? Shaking your head to answer Megan, you glance up at her as she swipes her purse off the dresser and walks backwards towards the door. “You’re really leaving me? Now? What am I supposed to say to him?” Holding your phone up like it’s a bomb, you show Megan the text as she opens the door and grins at you. “Meg! You started this!” 

“And you can finish it, baby! Love you!” 

Tapping his fingers against the counter, Jeonghan sighs as he waits for you to answer him. He had to admit, your text didn’t really sound like how he expected you to text. It was too perky, but then again, he had only met you for a few minutes. 

“Dude… If you don’t stock the freezer, I swear to God I will shove this mop up your ass. I promise you won’t like it.” 

“How do you know?” Avoiding an empty bottle of cleaner, Jeonghan laughs as he pops back up over the counter to meet Joshua Hong’s eyes. He enjoyed the days his schedule overlapped with his best friend's. They had met in middle school, decided to share a desk, become best friends, and ruin their homeroom teacher’s morning all on the same day. 

“I’m not kidding. I want to get out of here and get to Mina’s.” 

That was code for I want to get my dick wet and that Jeonghan could respect. Holding up his hands, Jeonghan leaves his phone on the counter as he moves to the walk-in freezer, dragging out a few of the large containers of ice cream that needed to be replaced. Joshua was right anyway; the quicker this was done, the faster they both could get out of here and on to something bigger and better. 

Seeing Jeonghan’s phone light up, Joshua lifts his brows, letting his curiosity get the better of him while Jeonghan switches out the tubs of ice cream. “Who’s Y/N? Is this the college girl you’re trying to fuck?” 

You had texted him back. Dropping the ice cream without much care, Jeonghan smirks, swiping his phone out of Joshua’s hand so he can read your text. 

Y/N: Just in my room. Not really doing anything. Might take a walk in a bit. WBU?

Now this sounded more like what Jeonghan expected you to text like. Lifting his brows, he nods to Joshua’s question, resting his hip against the counter as his thumbs move quickly along the keys on his phone. “Yeah, she’s cute as hell. Just my type…” 

Jeonghan: Sounds cute. Want company? I’m finishing up at work xx 

Joshua knew what that meant—just Jeonghan’s type. Rolling his eyes, Joshua wrings out the mop one last time as Jeonghan finishes his text, that stupid smirk on his lips. “So she’s helpless and probably dumber than a box of rocks. Could you be any more deranged?” 

Shooting Joshua a dirty look, Jeonghan puts his phone back down on the counter with an annoyed sigh. “No. I mean, not all of that. She’s not dumb. In fact, she’s a pre-med student. So take that and shove it up your ass, Hong.” He couldn’t fight Joshua on the point that you were helpless. You had looked like you were made of glass and just the right amount of pressure might cause you to crack. Jeonghan couldn’t wait to see how much pressure that was. 

Y/N: You want to go on a walk with me? Is that boring?

“Ooo, pre-med. She could still be stupid. I mean, fuck… She’s talking to you.” 

“Fuck you. I’m a catch and you know it. Finish your mopping and go stick your dick in Mina. You are mean when you’re horny, Shua.” 

Not hiding his amusement as Jeonghan sulks at his phone, Joshua shakes his head. “And you are a sensitive pussy when you aren’t getting any. Hope she puts out.” Dodging a pen being launched at his head by Jeonghan, Joshua laughs as he pushes his mop and bucket towards the back. 

“Asshole…” Joshua wasn’t wrong. Jeonghan was on edge. He had put all of his eggs in one basket this week, that basket being you. He didn’t have anything else lined up; there was only you and a hope that you’d be worth his time. Were you already playing hard to get or was this confused routine you were playing at over text real? 

Jeonghan: Not boring. I’ll finish up here in like 20 mins and head towards the campus. See you soon bbz xx 

You were panicking. This had not been the plan. You always took a walk in the evening. That had been your reasoning behind telling Jeonghan about it, not so that he would take it as an invitation to join you. Why would he even want to do that? 

Quickly sliding off your bed, you whine under your breath, standing in front of your floor-length mirror attached to the back of your dorm door. You were not in the condition to be hanging out with anyone, much less someone like Jeonghan. You didn’t even know this guy and he already made you so nervous your hands wouldn’t stop trembling. 

It took the entire twenty minutes and then some for you to get dressed and to slap on a fresh coat of makeup that made you look decent without seeming like you were trying too hard. It was just a walk; literally nothing special about that at all and yet you now had clothes scattered across your bed from the amount of outfits you had deemed not good enough before settling on a pair of jean shorts and a light sweater. 

By the time that you stand in front of the mirror again, fussing over the details, you hear your ringtone obnoxiously blaring as your phone vibrates loudly on your desk. Clearing your throat, you look down at Jeonghan’s name on the phone in your hand before flipping it open and putting it to your ear and smiling so that you sound more confident than you feel. “Hello?” 

“Hi, gorgeous. Where the hell am I going? There are too many dorms and I don’t wanna look like a creeper driving around the campus in circles…” 

Jeonghan’s voice causes your stomach to tighten and heat up. You felt like you should ask him to stop calling you pet names, but at the same time, did you really want that? You were enjoying it too much. “Um—” Laughing softly into the phone, you grab your keys and lock your door behind you. “So I’m at Elkstone Hall…” 

Leaning to look at the signs, Jeonghan mutters the names mostly to himself before nodding. “Elkstone, got it. Be there in like two seconds…” 

“‘Kay, um, hey… You can park in 287. That—that’s my spot. I don’t actually have a car, but they gave me a spot anyway.” 

Smirking to himself, Jeonghan glances towards the building in front of him before turning into the parking lot, searching the spots by the numbers on the ground. “Gotcha. 270—Oh, got it. Nice spot… Must have cost Mommy and Daddy out the ass to get.” 

You aren’t sure why Jeonghan’s comment makes you slow your steps, but yet you still laugh, awkwardly tilting your head. “Um, yeah. Wasn’t cheap, but it was required. You know, in case I get a car or something. Plus my parents use it when they visit… So not a complete waste of money.” 

This was a good judge of your character already. You were timid about something as simple as how much a parking spot cost—interesting. Jeonghan could hear a bit of shame in your voice when you talked about it. Your family probably had money, but you didn’t brag about it and didn’t show off. So sweet and pure. Smirking to himself, Jeonghan locks his car and glances towards the building, seeing you waiting on the sidewalk, your phone pressed up against your cheek. Sweet, pure, fucking adorable, and his. 

“Nah, makes sense, Gorgeous. I’m here, by the way.” Lifting his hand to get your attention, Jeonghan takes his phone away from his ear and hits end when you finally do meet his eyes. “You always look this fucking cute when you take a walk?” He was still a few feet away, but Jeonghan could almost see the embarrassment coming off you in waves as you tugged at the sleeves of your sweater.  

“I—what? No, I don’t look cute.” You couldn’t look at Jeonghan, not directly at least. He was standing right in front of you now; you could feel his eyes on you, but it was akin to feeling the sun on your skin. “Just, you know, pulled on something.” 

Jeonghan doubted that very much. He could see the bit of makeup you must have put on, though he doubted that you needed it. You had put in some effort to come outside because he was going to be here. It was cute and you were so shy that his head was going to explode. Reaching up to push his index finger under your chin, Jeonghan bites his bottom lip as he meets your eyes. “You’re perfect and you look cute. Come on, I’m here for an evening stroll.” 

Looking down at Jeonghan’s hand, his palm facing up as he waits for you to take it, you feel your hands start to shake slightly. Guys never made you this nervous. Not that you took much time to date. There had been a guy or two here and there, but nothing that ever lasted for long. You were too busy and, worst of all, in their opinion, wouldn’t give it up. You weren’t a virgin, just not heavily experienced like the guys at university expected you to be. You weren’t getting on your knees at the sight of a cute guy wanting to look at his probably very ugly dick. So why now was this guy you had met a single time making you feel weak? 

“Why?” Clearing your throat, you shake your head gently, sliding your hand into Jeonghan’s and feeling him lace his fingers with yours. “I mean, why would you wanna come all the way out here to take a walk with me?” 

Jeonghan liked the feeling of your hand in his. He liked how you let him hold your hand properly. This wasn’t any of that middle school hand-holding; this was fingers laced, palms together hand-holding. This made girls know you were sincere about what you were saying—or at least seem like you were. “Well, baby doll, because I wanna get to know you. Isn’t it obvious that I like you?” 

Could he feel your heart beating hard? It felt like it was beating so hard and quick that it was radiating throughout your entire body. The smile that pulls at your lips has you feeling even more shy as you lower your head and turn slightly away from Jeonghan. This was insane. Jeonghan’s words had to feel like you were both drowning and flying at the same time. The butterflies in your stomach were fluttering around so quickly that you almost felt sick, but when he stopped walking and guided you back towards him, you whined. “No, I mean—this is crazy. You don’t even know me.” 

Your cheek is hot under Jeonghan’s thumb as he gently lifts your face back up so he can look at you again. “It’s not crazy. Crazy is not realizing you were in this stupid town all this time.” Laughing when you whine again, Jeonghan gives you a bit of mercy, moving his hand from your face and letting you walk beside him again. “I told you, I wanna get to know you. The good, the bad, the ugly...”

Sighing under your breath, you gently tug at Jeonghan’s fingers as you turn to walk backwards for a moment, looking at him to make sure he’s serious. The look on his face seems so sincere that it breaks your resolve. Moving back to his side, you let yourself linger closer to him, not seeing the smirk on his face as you give him exactly what he wants. “Okay. Um, then you should know that the first text today wasn’t from me.” Furrowing your brows, you timidly look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes afraid that you’ll see disappointment behind them, but instead you just see slight amusement. “Megan took my phone.”

“Ah… That makes more sense. I thought you seemed different from one text to another. Less—” Laughing into his words, Jeonghan sways a bit on his feet, playfully pulling you with him, enjoying how easy it is to make you laugh along with him. “Perky.”  

Jeonghan was making this easy. You were enjoying this. It felt natural. Nothing was expected of you. Just a girl taking a walk with a cute guy who could make her laugh. It almost felt too good to be true. “Mm, yeah. She’s like that, but she means well. She’s maybe overly excited about the possibility of—” The idea of saying anything about you and Jeonghan makes your nerves take over you in that moment. The bit of confidence you had gained in those few moments fades away just like your words, your eyes on the ground. 

“Possibility of?” Bumping his arm into yours, Jeonghan smiles at your sudden mood change. You were interesting. Not just a beautiful face and a body he’d love to ravish, but a mind he’d love to explore for at least a little while. Jeonghan could see himself getting addicted to you quickly. “Possibility of this? Me and you, baby? Why are you scared of it? I’m not gonna bite you.” 

He had a point. Jeonghan hadn’t done a single thing wrong. In fact, he had only done a hundred things right so far. You hadn’t known him long and maybe all the pet names this quick was a little bit of a shock, but they kind of felt nice to hear. You didn’t mind being Jeonghan’s baby, his baby doll, or being called gorgeous. “I don’t know. Haven’t had the best track record with guys—” 

“Fuck ‘em. They aren't me, Y/N.” Taking a step backward, Jeonghan guides you with him until he reaches the retaining wall. “I’m not some burnout, college dipshit, who’s just wasting his daddy’s money...” Jeonghan doesn’t hide his smirk when you gasp at the feeling of him picking you up and sitting you on the short retaining wall so he can stand between your thighs, getting eye level with you. He liked having you like this. He knew that if he touched your cheeks again, they’d be hot like you’d been standing next to an oven. Standing like this, Jeonghan could slide his hands over your knees, testing the waters and keeping his fingers from going any higher. “You know that, right, baby doll?” 

Nodding quickly, feeling chill bumps erupting along your skin under Jeonghan’s fingers, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Uh huh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” 

“Shh, I know. Just—fuck.” Glancing down at your legs, Jeonghan carefully slides his hands along your thighs, squeezing gently at the meatiest part and hearing you gasp only to swallow the sound. You were fucking perfect. Everything about you. From the way you looked to the way you reacted to him. “Making me have to remind myself to behave.” Putting on a smooth, sweet smile, Jeonghan meets your eyes once again, noticing how your lips are parted just slightly as if you were on the edge of a moan. God, what he wouldn’t give to pull it out of you. Patience. He had to be patient. “You know none of the guys on this stupid, fucking campus deserve you, right? You know that, gorgeous?” 

Jeonghan’s fingers glide over your skin, staying closer to your knees, but you can still feel him higher on your legs. You feel the shame bubbling inside you because you want him to touch you like that again. Swallowing hard, you nod, agreeing with Jeonghan quickly even if you don’t actually agree with him. Why were you doing that? Did it even matter? 

“That’s right. You know it. My smart girl.” Brushing this thumb over your cheek, Jeonghan coos softly as your lips part once again, your eyes falling to his lips before, quick as lightning, looking away. You wanted to kiss him. The feeling was mutual. “It’s getting late and I wouldn’t dare risk you being out here after dark without me. Not with these shorts on, angel.” 

Starting to speak to tell Jeonghan you’ve worn these shorts hundreds of times and nothing has ever happened to you, you stop when his thumb brushes over your bottom lip. The action not only stuns you but also does wonders to keep you agreeable. “Uh huh… okay, Jeonghan.” 

Like clay in his hands already. You were speaking so sweetly, almost lazily, against his thumb. Jeonghan bet he could get you to do almost anything he wanted right now, but that would ruin the fun of this and the point of it. You were pumping through his veins now. He had thought he could get addicted… He just didn’t know how fast. 

With you walking back at his side, your fingers laced with his, Jeonghan smiles, feeling your head lean towards his shoulder. It was almost night and day compared to the walk to the end of the road to coming back to the large, ugly building you were calling home. Jeonghan hated it already. It looked too much like a prison and like somewhere he couldn’t get into on a whim. “What do you have left to do tonight, baby?” 

God, you loved that. Baby. You shouldn’t. You weren’t anything to Jeonghan. Not yet. You couldn’t be—that was impossible—and yet you felt like getting down on your knees and begging him to give it a label already—but you had more pride than that still. “Um, I was working on—” Smiling at the idea of what you had been doing, you shake your head and lean your head back, feeling embarrassed. “God, it’s stupid. I was getting a head start on my reading for my classes next week.” 

A little overachiever. That’s adorable. Smirking to himself as the thoughts cross his mind, Jeonghan nods along with you, letting your fingers slide to the end of his as you start to walk backwards toward the building. “Can’t even let yourself enjoy a break properly, huh? Good thing you got me to take you to a party and keep you distracted for a night, right? What am I going to do with you, sweetheart?” 

Swallowing hard when Jeonghan takes a step towards you so that he can slide his arm around your waist, you press your lips together and shake your head. “I—I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” Carefully moving his fingers along your back, Jeonghan bunches your sweater into his hand, letting out a soft sigh into his words. “Gotta get you to relax somehow.” 

Your eyes migrate down to Jeonghan’s lips one more time, but this time they linger before you watch them pull up into a smile. “I—I can relax. ‘M relaxed…” 

You were practically begging for it. You were looking at Jeonghan’s lips like they were made of candy. Licking his lips, Jeonghan nods along with your stumbled words as he rocks you in his arms once, just back and forth, testing how stiff you are. “Don’t seem very relaxed. Seem focused on something. You wanna ask for something, baby doll?” 

Why was he making you ask for it? Didn’t guys just usually do what they wanted anyway? No guy that you had never gone on a date with had asked you or made you ask for a kiss. You’d get back to the door or, god forbid, their apartment, and they’d just kiss you or try to make a move. Jeonghan was clearly so different. Whining under your breath, you furrow your brows, starting to turn your head away, only for Jeonghan to gently hold your head in place with his thumb and forefinger on your chin. 

“Ask me or I won’t kiss you. Say please, baby.” 

It felt degrading and yet your knees were weak, making you rely on Jeonghan to keep you upright. “I—please, Jeonghan.” Seeing him nod once as if to tell you to keep going, you blink a few times and lick your lips, trying to gain the confidence to speak up. “Please kiss me?” 

Perfect. Pliable. His. 

Cooing at your request, Jeonghan pouts slightly, running his fingers behind your ear before sighing. “You are beautiful and you asked so sweetly. I don’t know if I should…” 

Just when you think Jeonghan isn’t going to give you what you had asked for, that he’s going to make you ask him again, beg for it, he smiles and presses his lips against yours, taking your breath away. You feel boneless for a moment, no air in your lungs; it’s like your heart paused for just a couple of seconds to let you live in that moment until Jeonghan’s lips are off yours. The second that happens, your chest practically aches. Your brows furrow tightly, your fingers digging into the sides of Jeonghan’s shirt to keep him close to you as he laughs softly under his breath, giving into you and brushing his lips against yours for just a second more. 

“Time for you to go inside and get ready for bed, baby. I wanna see you get through that door before I leave. Make sure nothing touches my girl.” 

His girl. Sighing almost as if you were swooning over Jeonghan, because if you were honest with yourself, you were swooning, you nod to his words. “Mmkay. You’ll text me?” 

You were his. What a silly question for you to ask, and yet that question made Jeonghan pleased. You were just as hooked as he was. “Of course I will. Now—” Sliding his hand from yours, Jeonghan kisses your cheek, letting his hand that had been on your back slide over your ass before he takes a step back from you. “Get your cute little ass inside. Be a good girl.” 

Maybe Jeonghan hadn’t meant to let his hand go that low, but your face was on fire again. Biting at your thumbnail, you just nod and walk backwards for a couple of steps before finally turning to walk normally. Every couple of steps, you look over your shoulder to see if Jeonghan is doing what he said to find him with his hands resting in his jacket pockets as he watches you make your way to the door. 

Jeonghan waits until the door shuts before he grins and turns back towards the parking lot. Taking the keys from his pocket, he shakes his head and lifts his brows, feeling the rush of adrenaline pulsing through him. This had gone better than he could have imagined it going. Sliding behind the wheel of his Corvette, Jeonghan takes out his cellphone and smirks. He could wait and send you a message later but why when you were already wrapped around his finger? 

Jeonghan: You are already running circles in my mind, baby girl. I can’t wait to see you on Friday. xx <3 

You could see the annoyance written on Megan’s face as she attempted to help you with your makeup despite your leg bouncing up and down. You were nervous. How could you not be? You and Jeonghan had been texting back and forth for a couple of days now, but tonight was the party and it felt like a huge deal. 

“Stop.” Pushing down on your knee, Megan meets your eyes, giving you a serious look. “I’m trying to do this eyeliner, but if you keep vibrating like that, I’ll poke your eye out.” 

Forcing yourself to stay still, you pout up at Megan before looking up at the ceiling, letting her continue what she had been working on. “Sorry… ‘M just—do you really have a date? Can’t you just go with me and Jeonghan?” 

It hadn’t been the first time over the last couple of days that Megan had heard this plight. Sighing, she tilts your head down and furrows her brows. “Eyes closed. One, yes, I have a date. I’m going with Jun from my dance class and two, I will not get in the way of young love.” 

It was even harder now to stay still. The eyeliner pencil was making your skin itch and your stomach was in knots. “I didn’t even know that you and Jun talked—” 

“Well, surprise, we do. Okay, open.” Smiling at her work as if she’s looking at a canvas in front of her that she’s spent hours painstakingly painting, Megan nods. “So fucking pretty. Like, seriously, it’s unfair that you are smart and have that face.” 

You watch as Megan turns and plops down on your bed, bouncing once before she starts to put away her makeup. “You’re being silly…” Your words are quieter than you mean them to be, but they still cause Megan to smirk, her eyes finding yours briefly as you shift uncomfortably, turning to look into the mirror propped up on the desk. You did look pretty. Megan had done a great job with your makeup, even if it was a bit more intense than you usually wore. “Thanks for helping me.” 

Shrugging, Megan watches you turn your head from side to side, looking at yourself in the mirror. “Wasn’t even a big deal. My bestie should look as hot as possible on her first date with her boy toy.” 

The idea of that had you groaning under your breath and pushing the chair away from the desk. “I—he’s not—I don’t know what—-” 

“You kissed, right?” Nodding along with you, Megan smiles mostly to herself as you carefully tug your shirt over your head, avoiding your makeup. She had helped you decide what to wear too. That had been a painstaking, hour-long debate. You had wanted to cover up as much as possible, but per usual, she had won out and now you were slipping on your new summer dress. “He called you baby? Y/N… Be so for real right now. He is your boyfriend, or he will be by the end of the night.” 

You didn’t want to admit that Megan was right. The conversations between you and Jeonghan told you exactly the same. Even if you weren’t sure, he seemed pretty convinced. Tugging at the end of your dress at your thighs, you shift your weight from one foot to the other, pouting at Megan in the mirror. “Maybe…” 

“You’re disgusting.” 

Laughing at Joshua’s complaint, Jeonghan shifts his shoulder to push his phone closer to his ear as he drives. “Whatever. You can still come to the party if you want. I seriously fucking doubt they are going to care. Plus I’m sure Megan will be looking for a dick to bounce—” 

“Again, you’re disgusting! No, I’m not coming.” Rolling his eyes as he opens the door of his own car, Joshua feigns annoyance with his best friend while slipping into the driver's seat. “I have plans anyway.” 

“Oh yeah? Gonna see Mina again? God, she’s got you whipped. The pussy must be great.” 

Jeonghan was always good at pushing buttons. That went for anyone, but especially Joshua’s. The difference was Joshua knew when Jeonghan was just looking for a reaction. They had been friends for too long and he knew this routine. “Yeah, it’s great, man. What’s your deal? You act like Y/N doesn’t have you crawling after her. You’ve been stalking her MySpace like a creeper all fucking week.” 

That wasn’t a lie. You liked to post pictures. You took the time to make little albums and make your page perfectly you. How could Jeonghan not spend an hour or so just enjoying what you had offered up to the world? “Mm, my gorgeous little doll. Tonight will be interesting for sure. Another reason I’m shocked you don’t wanna come with.” 

“There’s nothing there for me. Besides, you’ll tell me all about it later.” Making a face like he’s tasted something sour, Joshua shakes his head. “In too much detail, I’m sure.” 

Turning into the parking lot of your dorm, Jeonghan smirks, tilting his head slightly. “Maybe… Probably. Anyway, I’m here so…” Jeonghan had already pulled into the spot that you had told him about the last time he was here. He had only been here once and he was already feeling like he belonged, even if he couldn’t just walk into the building like he wanted to. 

“Whatever. I’d say not to do anything I wouldn’t do, but—” 

“I’m going to do everything you wouldn’t do.” 

Joshua laughs, knowing that Jeonghan isn’t even close to lying. He had been through all of the stages with Jeonghan, but this one was different. He was hyperfixated on you. Any of the other girls that Jeonghan had set his sights on, Joshua knew they would be a quick one and done, but he had a feeling that wasn’t how this was going to go. “Alright, sure. Later.” 

Ending the call, Jeonghan smirks at the screen, quickly moving to his texts with you glancing over the last view. Things had been going well—very well. You would text him the moment you woke up and the texts would come at least hourly throughout the entire day until you’d send a sweet little goodnight message. If he could get even more from you, that would be the cherry on top of the cake. He couldn’t be exactly faulted for wanting you as obsessed with him as he was with you. Fair was fair. 

Jeonghan: I’m here baby doll xx 

There really was no hiding your reaction to Jeonghan’s text. You were doing everything but twirling your hair as you read it and Megan was observant. It didn’t matter if she was putting the finishing touches on her own makeup; she knew swooning when she saw it. She had seen that look on your face more than a dozen times over the past few days. “Tell Jeonghan I said hi. I’ll see you guys at the party, babe.” 

The butterflies in your stomach were swarming at the idea of seeing Jeonghan again. Biting your bottom lip, you whine under your breath, glancing quickly towards Megan before swiping your bag from your bed. “Uh huh…” The moment you start to turn towards the door, you stop and clutch your phone against your chest tightly, meeting her eyes once more. “You sure I look okay?” 

“More than okay. You look hot.” Megan could almost see the heat radiating off your face from across the room. She knew you were her most innocent friend and she loved you for it, but innocence had an expiration date. ”Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Scoffing as you open your door, you find yourself stumbling over your own feet as you try to keep your cool. “I—okay. You’d do anything and everything so—”

“Exactly! I don’t plan on making it home tonight and if you do, I’ll be so fucking disappointed.” Laughing under her breath when you slam the door behind you, Megan turns her attention back to the mirror in front of her. There was a good chance you’d still come before midnight, but she could hope that Jeonghan was the one who would bring you out of your goody-two-shoes shell and help you have some fun. 

Just when Jeonghan was starting to become restless waiting for you, his lips pulled up in a smirk around the lollipop resting between his teeth. You were so fucking gorgeous and his brain was pulling in two different directions just watching you walk towards him. On one hand he couldn’t wait to take you to this party and have you on his arm, and on the other he wanted to skip the fucking party and keep all eyes off of you. Did you even realize how pretty you were? Could you feel how short your dress was or how the wind was picking up the end of it around your thighs? God, Jeonghan’s mouth was watering at just the sight of you. 

“Hi, Jeonghan. Sorry, I was trying to hurry but—” A surprised sound slips from your lips only to be muffled when Jeonghan pulls you towards him as he leans against the side of his car. His lips meet yours and you taste the strawberry lollipop he had in his mouth on his tongue. You hadn’t expected such a sudden kiss, but he had your stomach tightening and your head spinning—you weren’t complaining. 

Resting the hand against your hip, Jeonghan keeps his fingers away from your dress so that his lollipop doesn’t touch you as his other hand cups your jaw, keeping you close. You were better than candy and the soft little noises you were making had his jeans threatening to get tighter. Sighing against your lips, Jeonghan lets you lean back as he licks his lips and smiles at you, bringing his lollipop back up and offering it to you, watching you open your mouth shyly but obediently. “Hold on to that for me, baby doll. God, you look like an angel. How am I gonna keep my hands off you tonight?” 

Strawberry candy quickly coats your tongue, and you have to swallow hard to keep yourself from drooling at the thought of Jeonghan’s hands on you. You weren’t like this, so attention-starved, but Jeonghan really brought something out in you that scared you and excited you. Moving the lollipop to your cheek, you smile softly and tilt your head. “I dunno. You look really good. You—mmm, you ready to go? It’s a bit of a drive to Chan’s house.” 

Jeonghan was ready to go, but hearing the name of the friend’s house in question had him rolling his eyes even as he opened the passenger’s side door for you. “Chan, huh? Chan who?” Scratching his eyebrow, he watches closely as you slide into the leather seat, your fingers under your soft thighs enjoying the feeling of the material under your skin. “How close are you and Chan?” 

You hadn’t realized how nice of a car Jeonghan drove until you were inside of it. Glancing around, you bite your lip at the idea of the soft top and how nice it would be to put it down. All of the thoughts slowly leave your head at the tone of Jeonghan’s voice and the questions about Chan. Blinking up at him, you take the lollipop from your lips and suck on your bottom lip to clean the sticky candy from it before shaking your head. “I—just Lee Chan. He’s a year or so younger than me and Megan. We aren’t, like, super close. He’s in Megan’s dance club.” Trying to judge Jeonghan’s reaction, you tilt your head and smile at him in an attempt to ease the tension. “He just throws a lot of parties, Jeonghan.” 

Nodding along with you, Jeonghan smiles when you do before reaching for the lollipop, bringing it back to his lips to suck on it between speaking. “Just curious, baby. Buckle your seatbelt.” Not giving you time to speak, Jeonghan closes your door and moves around to the other side, sliding into his seat as you adjust your seatbelt over your chest with a sigh, once again looking around the car and towards the roof. “You want the top back? Just gotta ask me for things. Can’t give you what you want if you don’t.” 

Something in how Jeonghan speaks makes your stomach tighten. You look down and laugh softly, uncomfortably, before shrugging. He wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t like he could read your mind… “Um—yeah. I’ve never been in a convertible before.” Your lips push together as you gather the courage to lift your eyes, meeting Jeonghan’s, finding him watching you curiously, his fingers turning the keys in the ignition, bringing the car to life. “It’s a really nice car, Jeonghan.” 

It was a nice car. Jeonghan knew that all too well. It was his pride and joy. Glancing around the car, he grins before reaching up to press a button, watching the top start to move back slowly. “Thanks, baby. My dad doesn’t know how to say I love you so he bought me a car instead. I’m not complaining.” 

Even as you begin to feel the breeze start to move through your hair, you can’t seem to find your smile after Jeonghan explains his car. That made more sense. You had felt bad for wondering how he could afford something so nice working at the mall, but clearly there was more to this story. “Oh… I—we haven’t really talked about our families, so I didn’t—” 

“Aw, baby. Don’t worry so much.” Putting his car in drive, Jeonghan grins at you before tossing the last of his lollipop out the window. With his hands free, he sighs and slides his palm along your knee, feeling you tense slightly under his touch. “My family is two ways to fucked, but it has its benefits.” Gesturing his fingers from the steering wheel, Jeonghan sighs, leaning his head back against the headrest. “My mom should’a left my dad a long time ago, but she’s just as spoiled as me, and people don’t get divorced around here.”  

Swallowing hard, you glance from Jeonghan’s fingers kneading into your thigh back up to him as he takes a left when prompted to. “No, I guess it’s the same way where I’m from. I’ve been lucky, though. My parents are really happy, and I—well, Megan says I have a charmed life.” 

Jeonghan could already see that was the case. He had seen the parking spot, your clothes, your bracelet, and even the purse you were carrying. It wasn’t like he was much different in terms of money; his dad was a hedge fund manager, but when Jeonghan decided to drop out of college and play around, that’s when his dad stopped lining his pockets so easily. 

“It’s cute. How you clearly don’t have to try for anything.” 

Furrowing your brows, you look out the window to hide the way that Jeonghan’s words tug at your self-esteem. It didn’t feel that way to you. If anything, you felt like you had to try harder. More was expected of you. It wasn’t like you woke up one day and announced you wanted to be a doctor by choice. You were following in your mother’s footsteps. “Take another left.” 

Your voice had gotten so much quieter. You were meek to begin with, but now you were almost crawling inside yourself. Smirking to himself, Jeonghan rolls his eyes at your attitude change, knowing he struck a nerve. “Alright, baby. You mad at me? Was I bad?” Stroking your inner thigh lightly, Jeonghan glances over at you, offering you a soft pout when you do finally meet his eyes. He could see the way your eyes searched his. You were hurt; you probably wanted to be angry, but you were too sweet so instead you just shook your head. “No? I’m not a bad boyfriend, am I?” 

Boyfriend. God, you still weren’t used to that term. When had it even been decided? You weren’t sure if it had been that first night when Jeonghan had kissed you or perhaps during the text conversations afterwards—but the word made your stomach tighten. “No, Jeonghan.” You didn’t have enough context to tell him he was a bad anything yet and you wouldn’t want to. How could you look at this handsome guy and tell him that he wasn’t perfect? That would be insane. 

Sliding his hand from your thigh into your hand, Jeonghan smiles, feeling you lace your fingers with his. “I’d be so upset if you were mad at me. Hate seeing anything but a smile on my beautiful girl’s face.” As if on cue, Jeonghan glances over to see a smile pull at your lips, giving him what he wants. “There it is. God… I’m lucky, aren’t I?” 

You weren’t so sure how lucky Jeonghan could be with just you, but he made you feel like a diamond when he treated you like this. You were special and his. Biting at your bottom lip, you hum out a happy sound as Jeonghan’s fingers tighten against yours before he lets go completely in place of having both hands on the wheel. The traffic around the party was a bit busier. You could instantly see the frustration wash over Jeonghan’s face as he furrows his brows and mutters under his breath, pulling into the yard. This wasn’t an ideal parking spot, but it would do and there were already plenty of people taking notice of not just how nice Jeonghan’s car was, but who was getting out of it. 

“Holy shit… Who is that?” There were plenty of other whispered conversations that started just like that as Jeonghan moved around to wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. People wanted to know if he was a senior or why they couldn’t remember seeing him or his car on campus before—but mostly he could see the lust in so many eyes. There was desire not only for him or you, but to be him or you. That was intoxicating and infuriating. He loved being the topic of conversation. Loved having the arm candy, but you were his candy and he didn’t share. 

“You never told me I was dating the popular girl on campus, baby doll.” 

Jeonghan speaks right against the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. Between the warmth of his breath and the breeze against you, you feel goosebumps erupt over your skin. Turning to look at him, you laugh softly under your breath, feeling shy under Jeonghan’s close gaze, but also at his words. “I—no. What? I’m not.” 

It was almost too amusing how you tried to make yourself smaller as Jeonghan pressed his fingers into your waist, keeping you close to him. “No? Funny, everyone seems to be paying attention to you.” Swiping a drink from the counter, Jeonghan brings it to his lips, taking a sip of the alcohol and enjoying the slight burn in the back of his throat as you seem to take in his words. He could almost see the way your eyes studied the crowd, a smile pulling at your pretty lips when a few people waved at you, earning themselves back a shy wave in return. 

“It’s just—they’re just people from some of the classes I’m in. They barely talk to me. I doubt they remember—” 

“Hey! Y/N, you came!” 

Pressing your lips together, you see Jeonghan’s brows lift to the excited voice as he lets you turn in his arm to face who it belongs to. You weren’t sure why it made you feel so self-conscious and almost guilty to be next to Jeonghan as one of your friends fawned over you, but your cheeks were on fire. Smiling at Chan, you nod along with him, leaning into his hug, feeling Jeonghan’s fingers slide from your stomach to give you space. “Yeah! Yeah, I wouldn’t have missed this. You throw the best parties…” 

Chan laughs, his brows lifting as he gives you a confused look before he glances over to the man whose eyes haven’t left him. “Uh, well—I mean, hell yeah. I have a reputation to uphold. Can’t let anyone think that my title is up for grabs, know what I mean?” 

“What title is that?” Jeonghan was tired of watching this guy hold on to you and get your attention. You were smiling a bit too sweetly for his liking, and Chan’s fingers were still on your arm. Who the fuck did he think he was? Who the fuck did he think that Jeonghan was? Couldn’t he see who you belonged to? 

“Oh! Channie is like the “Party King” or something.” Rolling your eyes playfully, you laugh quietly, but it dies off just as quickly when you meet Jeonghan’s eyes only for him to turn his attention back to Chan. 

“And I wear my crown proudly. It’s made of beer cans. Soonyoung literally made me—” 

“You want a drink, baby? Maybe the Party King, planned snacks.” 

Furrowing your brows tightly at how Jeonghan cuts Chan off, you swallow hard and shake your head before quickly nodding when Jeonghan nods at you. “I’d—yeah. I’d like a drink, Jeonghan.” You think that maybe Jeonghan will go get you a drink and bring you one back, but instead his fingers lace with yours and he starts to guide you away from Chan, who looks taken aback. 

“Uh—” Gesturing towards the kitchen, Chan shakes his head, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened as Jeonghan smirks at him. “There’s shit in there. I—I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.” 

You don’t have much time to say anything, Jeonghan guiding you along with him as you nod to Chan, offering him an apologetic smile. You could feel your stomach twisting with anxiety even when you stepped into the kitchen and Jeonghan sighed your name. Your eyes follow his hands as he uses the ladle to pour some of the punch into a red Solo cup before offering it to you. 

“There you go. Is it good?” Concern was written on your face, but Jeongan just smiles at you fondly, watching you tip the cup back before nodding. You were so sweet and innocent, even now with a drink in your hand, that he felt like he had to guide you—protect you. Lifting his hand to swipe a bit of the drink from your lip, Jeonghan hums softly, bringing his thumb to his own mouth and sucking it clean. “Messy baby. Here, eat this.” 

You weren’t really hungry, but when Jeonghan puts the bag of chips in your hand, you take it anyway. How could you tell him no when he was just trying to take care of you and looking so perfect while doing it? Letting him guide you back towards the living room, you stay quiet at first. It’s easier to let him guide the conversations and talk for you. All you have to do is smile and nod as you lean against him. It isn’t until he presses a kiss to your cheek and tells you that he’ll be back that you feel a layer of pressure lift from you along with anxiety taking its place. 

This wasn’t your scene—not normally. You’d come to a party of two a year, but there had been a good reason Chan had been so surprised to see you show up. You rarely actually accepted the invitations. There were more important things to do. You were always covered up with homework or some task that could be taken care of instead of doing what you were doing now: dulling your senses with the rest of your drink. Frowning at the empty cup in your hand, you look around for Jeonghan before moving back to your feet and into the kitchen on your own. 

“That shit is dangerous, you know.” 

Turning your head towards the familiar voice, you smile and shake your head, returning the ladle to the bowl before turning to face Kim Mingyu. You didn’t know him well, but he was also pre-med and incredibly handsome. He was hard to miss. “Oh? Tastes fine.” 

Mingyu grins at you, his eyes not so subtly moving over your face and down the front of your body before he sighs, picking up his own cup to get a drink. “I know it does, but what you don’t know is that it’s 40 percent juice and 60 percent fuel. I’d take it slow, you know, if I were you.” 

Watching Mingyu tip back his own drink as he manages to empty it in seconds, you laugh and sip at your own much slower. “Guess you’re glad you aren’t me then, huh?” Your eyes move over Mingyu’s handsome face before you clear your throat, remembering who and where you are as you start to look for Jeonghan. 

“I don’t know. Being smart and beautiful doesn’t sound too bad.” Feeling a pang of disappointment when your attention is pulled from him, Mingyu purses his lips and rests his hip against the counter. You were really one of the prettiest girls not just at the party but at the university, and this was a rare occasion that he saw you out and your nose wasn’t buried in a book. “You missing somebody?” 

Nodding along with Mingyu, you lick your lips and quickly shake your head, feeling a little confused as you try to think how to answer his question. “I—um, kinda. My—” What did you call Jeonghan? Yes, he was your boyfriend, but it felt so weird saying it now. Just as you start to open your mouth to explain, seeing the look on Mingyu’s face, you feel a hand slide over your ass and up to your hip as Jeonghan pulls you back towards him, away from Mingyu. 

“There you are, baby doll.” Nuzzling his nose against the spot where your shoulder and neck meet, Jeonghan smirks at Mingyu, seeing the wheels turning in the man’s head. “You weren’t where I left you. Who’s this?” 

Shivering to the feeling of Jeonghan’s nose against your skin, you whisper his name, feeling embarrassed by the very public display of affection in front of a friend. “Thi—This is Mingyu, um, Kim Mingyu. He’s the same major as me.” Meeting Mingyu’s eyes, you watch his brows furrow so you add. “He’s my friend.” 

Jeonghan hated him already. Friends didn’t look at one another the way that Mingyu had been looking at you. He was looking at you like he wanted to take you to the closest surface and bury his cock in you—that wouldn’t be happening for him. “I see. Hi, friend.” Sliding his hand from your hip, Jeonghan offers it to Mingyu as he stays behind you, staking his claim with his eyes. “I’m Yoon Jeonghan.” Grinning into his words, Jeonghan turns his head to press a kiss to your head before adding on. “This gorgeous angel’s boyfriend.” 

Mingyu knew what Jeonghan was doing. He was looking to get a rise out of him with his overplayed possessive act, but instead of showing how he truly felt about it, he took the man’s hand instead. “Nice to meet you, Jeonghan.” Tightening his hand around Jeonghan’s more slender fingers, he watches how his brows tighten slightly before he lets go and sighs happily, as if nothing could possibly be wrong in the world. “Didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Y/N.” 

“Well, I—”

“Surprise. Here I am.” Whining into his words as he cuts you off. Jeonghan slides his hand back around your stomach, pulling you against him. “Baby, this party is a fuckin’ bore. Can we get outta here?” 

Meeting Mingyu’s eyes, you take another sip of your drink, feeling your cheeks burning under his and Jeonghan’s attention. You know you should take it slow, maybe even put your drink down; instead, you tip it back, causing Mingyu’s brows to furrow not only at your actions but also at Jeonghan’s when he chuckles your name.  

“Slow down, angel. It’s too strong for a sweet girl like you. Or didn’t your friend already say that…” 

So he had been listening longer than Mingyu realized. Sighing into a laugh, Mingyu tilts his head as Jeonghan takes the cup from you, putting it down on the counter. “I did tell her that, in not so many words…” 

“Well, don’t you worry your little head, Mingyu; I’ll take care of her.” Linking his fingers with yours, Jeonghan smirks at Mingyu, then turns his attention back to you, cooing softly when he sees the slightly hazed look in your eyes as the alcohol starts to turn through your body. “Let’s get some air.” 

You lift your hand, waving at Mingyu, your eyes staying with him for a moment longer before Jeonghan ushers you out the door. The moment the breeze hits you, you shiver, wishing you had worn something longer or at least something that covered your arms. “Oh—it’s cold, Jeonghan.” 

Scoffing softly at your words, Jeonghan nods before shrugging his leather jacket off and putting it around your shoulders. “Of course it is, doll. The sun went down and you have your pretty little ass hanging out of your dress.” Seeing you start to speak, a questioning look on your face, Jeonghan smiles at you and hugs you closer as he leads you towards the front yard. “It’s all good, baby. We can get in my car and I’ll turn on the heat for you. Would you like that?” 

The idea that your butt is exposed still lingers in your mind, causing you to look over your shoulder until Jeonghan speaks to you so sweetly. “Mm, I’d like that. I like your car. It’s so pretty.” Leaning into Jeonghan, you smile as he starts to open the passenger’s side door, a smirk pulling at his lips before he guides you around to the driver’s side. “What—” 

“Go on, baby. Sit down.” 

Looking at the empty driver’s seat, you furrow your brows and let out a soft but awkward laugh before shaking your head. “I—why? I’ve been drinking and—” 

“So have I. We’re fine; we didn’t have enough to matter. I wanna see you behind the wheel.” Urging you towards the car, Jeonghan bites his lip when you finally do slide into the leather seat. “You thought it was a pretty car before. Now it’s fuckin’ gorgeous with you sitting in it.” Hanging you the keys, Jeonghan laughs at the surprised look on your face before he moves around to the passenger’s side, closing the door hard. “You know how to drive, don’t you, baby doll?” 

Your eyes move around the dashboard of the car before you meet Jeonghan’s eyes again, his hand guiding yours to the wheel before he takes the keys and starts the car himself. The loud purr of the engine brings you back to reality as you furrow your brows, adjusting the seat so you can reach the pedals and nodding to answer Jeonghan’s question before speaking. “Just don’t wanna fuck up your car, Han…” 

His name, shortened on your lips, causes Jeonghan to take in a sharp breath. A pleased smirk takes the place of his grin as he nods along with you, reaching over to slide his hand along your thigh towards your knee. “I know, gorgeous. You won’t. ‘Sides, that’s half the fun. The rush of it, right?” Jeonghan’s eyes follow your hands as you slide them over the wheel before gripping it tightly and swallowing hard. “Drive it like you stole it, baby.” 

You start to argue again, any reason you shouldn’t be behind the wheel on your lips, when Jeonghan squeezes your thigh and urges you to put the car in drive. You find yourself driving so carefully that your hands are sweaty as you grip the steering wheel too tightly and never take your eyes off the road. It isn’t until Jeonghan sighs your name and slides his hand back towards your knee that you glance over at him even briefly. “I don’t wanna go too fast and—” 

“Told you to drive it like you stole it, baby. Let me help.” Putting pressure down on your knee, Jeonghan laughs under his breath when you whine his name, your foot pressing down harder on the gas. “There we go. Feel that engine, huh? She purrs so good you can feel it through your entire body, right?” 

He wasn’t wrong, as the car picked up speed, the engine putting in more work, you could feel the rev of the engine running through you. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. “Oh my god!” Squealing softly, you ease your foot off the gas, hearing Jeonghan chuckle when you realize how fast you had been going. “You’re crazy, Yoon Jeonghan. What if I scratch your car?” 

Leaning his head back against the headrest, Jeonghan grins at you and shrugs. “Just paint, baby. Turn up here. I wanna spend more time with you.” Easing his hand up more on your thigh again, Jeonghan watches you take a deep breath as you turn off the road and towards the lake. It had been a little bit since he had come out here with anyone, but you were just the right person to revisit one of his favorite spots with. Gesturing to a set of trees near the lake, Jeonghan lightly presses his fingers into your thigh and nods. “Good girl. Nice and quiet here, right? You still cold?” 

You knew about this place; it was a local hangout spot—or rather, makeout spot—but you had never been there before with anyone else. Shyly shaking your head to answer Jeonghan’s question, you turn off the car and bite at your lips. “Not really. Wh—” Smiling softly, you look away from Jeonghan’s intense gaze, knowing the answer even before you get the question out fully. “What are we doing here?” 

“Ah…” Looking out at the lake, the moon reflecting off its surface, Jeonghan doesn’t try to hide the slight grin on his lips. You were perfect—so innocent and sweet. Were you really asking that question expecting a genuine answer or were you playing hard to get? In the end it didn’t matter to Jeonghan. “Well, this is such a beautiful place. I wanna enjoy it together. Come on, baby.” 

The breeze was possibly even chillier by the lake, but you found yourself following Jeonghan out of the car anyway as you tug his jacket tighter around you. He was right; it really was a beautiful place and you could see the appeal for every single reason people brought someone else here. 

Resting against the hood of the car, you sigh softly, enjoying the silence. You could hear traffic off in the distance but somehow here it was overshadowed by the sound of the breeze moving the leaves, the frogs chirping in the lake, and a quiet hum of insects going about their night. “Pretty…” 

Yes, you were. God, Jeonghan couldn’t take his eyes off of you. All you were doing was existing, and yet he felt like he was going to go insane. “Baby?” Watching you lift your brows, your head turning to face him, Jeonghan smiles when you do. “I wanna kiss you so damn bad. I’ve wanted to all night. Can I? That alright?” 

It wasn’t like Jeonghan hadn’t kissed you before, but it felt different now with him asking. The look in his eye was different; it made you feel like you were melting into a puddle beside him. Nodding, you bite your bottom lip and let out a quiet laugh when he moves to stand in front of you, his hands sliding along your waist and down to your hips. You really wanted this—to be kissed by him, wanted by him. It was addictive to have Jeonghan look at you like this, as if you were the only girl in the world. 

Moving one of his hands back up to your neck, Jeonghan smiles just a few centimeters from your lips, hearing you let out the sweetest whine. You wanted him; there was no doubt about it. It was empowering to hold such an innocent flower in his hands and try not to ruin it all at once. “So fuckin’ beautiful. Can’t believe you’re mine.” Jeonghan sighs into his words, brushing his lips against yours as he steps closer, pushing you up against the front of the car. “You are, right?” 

You already felt breathless and all that had happened was Jeonghan’s lips touching yours. Holding on to his bicep tightly, you furrow your brows and whine his name. It seemed like such a silly question. You were with him, weren’t you? Whose else would you be? Nodding almost frantically, afraid that Jeonghan won’t kiss you, you let him help you slide back on the hood so he can step between your thighs, finally pressing his lips firmly against yours. 

While Jeonghan would have preferred to hear you say it out loud, your actions were enough for now. It was warm standing between your legs, and your lips were soft—Jeonghan was in heaven. He could feel your soft moans going straight to his cock, and he wasn’t going to hide that from you. Groaning your name under his breath, Jeonghan pulls your hips closer to his, letting you feel him, hard in his jeans against your thinly covered pussy. “Fuck, the things you do to me, angel. Want you so bad…” 

Gasping softly on Jeonghan’s lips, you close your eyes tightly, trying to stop the moan caught in your throat. One more rock of Jeonghan’s hips against yours has you not only clinging to him but also unable to stay as quiet as you’d like to. “I—shit. I’ve never—” 

This was even better than Jeonghan had anticipated. You were hot to the touch, not only between your legs but also on your cheek under his thumb, but the best part about it was that you were just as innocent as you seemed. “Never? Fuck…” Resting his forehead against yours, Jeonghan slides his hands along your thighs, enjoying your reaction. You were covered in goosebumps again, and you weren’t telling him to stop. “Never done anything, baby doll?” 

Shaking your head, you take in a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself down but fail when you let it out on an even shakier one. “I—no. I mean, I have done stuff. Just not—” 

Jeonghan’s eyes widen slightly, as does his smirk at your response. You had him wrapped around your finger without even realizing it. “Yeah? What stuff?” Sliding his fingers under the end of your dress, Jeonghan grins when you whine his name, your cheeks burning even hotter. You were adorably embarrassed and it had his cock straining to be freed. 

You close your eyes and cling to Jeonghan, afraid to answer while also being afraid not to answer. If you answered, would he be ashamed of you? If you didn’t answer, would he be upset? Gasping at the feeling of Jeonghan between your legs, you lean your head back and whine once more as his lips brush against your throat. “Just… You know the normal stuff. I—I haven’t dated much.” 

Chuckling against your throat, Jeonghan nods alone with you before pulling back to look at you and how you avoid his eyes. “Normal stuff, huh? Why are you so shy to say it?” You were crumbling in his hands. Jeonghan knew he could and maybe should let it go at that, but you were too fucking adorable. “Touched a cock? Had your pussy played with? Hm? Or did it go further? Did someone get their mouth on these pretty tits? Did you let someone fuck your mouth?” 

God, you were dying inside. Shaking your head, you practically sob Jeonghan’s name, feeling his thumb press over your nipple. You had never wanted to do much with anyone else, but Jeonghan made your stomach tighten with arousal in a way you hadn’t experienced before. “Just touched—ah! Jeonghan, please…” Meeting his eyes finally, you struggle to catch a full breath as his thumbnail drags across your nipple, causing it to harden under his touch. “Hannie…” 

How could anyone resist you? How was Jeonghan supposed to be a gentleman when you were panting like a cat in heat and calling him Hannie? “Fuck, baby. I’ll give it to you. Lift your hips for me.” 

Pushing your hips up and forward, you gasp at the feeling of air hitting your skin when Jeonghan carefully tugs your panties down to your thighs. The hood of the car is cold against your ass, making you want to keep your hips up, only for them to be guided back down onto the cold metal. “Hannie… it’s not comfortable.” You were visibly shivering now, but Jeonghan simply bit at his bottom lip, pocketing your panties.

“You can be a good girl, can’t you?”  

Hadn’t you been doing that this entire time? Nodding quickly, you settle back on the cold hood before gasping under your breath when Jeonghan guides you to lie down. Warm lips ghost over your inner thigh and you lift your head only to whine once again when you see Jeonghan’s head between your legs.

One hand keeps your dress up at your stomach, as his other hand kneads into your hip, enjoying the way you were already trembling. “Shh, angel. God, you’re gorgeous…” Sliding his hand from your hip to the center of your legs, Jeonghan groans quietly, using his thumb to spread your soaked folds. “Wanna taste you so bad…” 

It wasn’t a question from Jeonghan; you knew that, and yet you were still nodding and whining out yes so he knew it was okay. The first swipe of his tongue between your folds is jarring. This wasn’t something you had done before. You weren’t such a prude that you hadn’t seen porn, but seeing something you had watched on a screen happening to you was completely different. The warmth of Jeonghan’s tongue was intoxicating and every pass of it over your clit had you shifting your hips closer to his mouth. 

You tasted just as good as Jeonghan thought you might. Your skin was soft and you were soaked, practically dripping on to his tongue. It was obvious to Jeonghan how much you wanted this—how much you needed this. “Shit, baby…” Shaking his head, Jeonghan marvels at you for a moment before burying his face back against you, his lips wrapped around your clit and sucked lightly. 

The pressure that had been building up in your stomach becomes unbearable. Arching your back from the hood, you moan Jeonghan’s name and thread your fingers into his soft hair. It’s like a dam breaking the moment that your orgasm rips through you. You try to stay calm, but Jeonghan only becomes more feral, his groans vibrating through you, making you lose all control as he greedily laps at your cum. “Ah—oh my god! Jeong—Hannie!” 

Feeling your thighs shaking on either side of his head, Jeonghan groans and nips at your soft folds before finally giving you a break. He didn’t want to move, but he also didn’t want to overstimulate you so much that you’d be in pain—though the thought was so tempting. You were already crying; it was almost impossible not to look at those streaks on your cheeks and not want to see more. “Fuckin’ perfect. Baby?” Now Jeonghan was whining, his lips skirting over your lower stomach, feeling you suck in a deep breath as you continue to shake. “Wanna be inside of you. I’m so damn hard. You’re killing me.” 

If you had been nervous about Jeonghan’s mouth on you, this was another dimension completely. Swallowing hard, you meet Jeonghan’s eyes with nervous ones of your own. “What—what? Here? Like this?” Glancing around, you feel the wind blow against your skin as it moves through the trees above you. “What if someone—” 

“They’d be so fuckin’ jealous they couldn’t have you.” Smirking against your skin as he leans to nip at your stomach, Jeonghan hums softly into his words. “We can get in the car, gorgeous. Is that better? Or—I mean if you don’t want me to love you—” 

“No!” Panic rips through you when Jeonghan even threatens for a second not to love you, though you can’t separate the idea of him loving you from wanting to fuck you. You were his girl, and he was in pain. How could he not be, with his tight jeans holding his cock prisoner? “We can get in the car, Hannie.” 

Offering you his hand, Jeonghan helps you slide from the hood as he glances around the lake, checking for anyone else around. Nothing but silence, at least for now. Resting his hip against the car, he grins at you, opening the door before letting the passenger seat fall forward so you can climb in before him. “Fuck—” Rubbing his hand over his lips as you have to lean over, your dress pulling up enough that he can see the swell of your ass, Jeonghan tilts his head and groans. 

The leather seat of the car wasn’t much better than being outside, but the heat running through your body at how Jeonghan was staring at you made up the difference. Sliding to the other side of the car, you shyly wait for him to join you in the back of the car and for the door to shut. Your eyes stay fixed on him as he settles into the seat, near the middle. He was so calm in comparison to you and in some ways that made you feel better and yet in others it was making your heart beat out of your chest. 

“Come here, baby…” Smoothing his hands over his thighs, Jeonghan waits for you to move. The moment you do, his hands are on your waist, guiding you over his thighs as he groans happily under you. “I’m so fuckin’ lucky. You know that, right? Not just that we are here and doing this… but that I have you at all.”

Feeling your heart tighten as you almost swoon over Jeonghan’s words, you pout as you rest your hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating steadily. You feel yourself start to calm down, the pressure of the moment lifting from you before you lean down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. You were still nervous, your body trembling occasionally, but it felt right. Jeonghan cared about you and he was the perfect person to take care of you when you felt so vulnerable. 

Jeonghan groans gently against your lips, his own capturing yours, enjoying how soft and sweet you are. You felt perfect in his lap and he had been struggling to keep his hands to himself, but the moment you relaxed under his hands, he moved them, slipping your dress back up your stomach. “So pretty…” Muttering under his breath, Jeonghan watches you shrug his jacket off, leaving him with more access to your skin. With each new inch of it exposed to him, his fingers working your dress over your chest and finally over your head, Jeonghan feels his mouth watering. 

You shiver once again when your clothes are on the floorboard. Lowering your lashes, you carefully tug at Jeonghan’s shirt, urging him to take it off. “Please?” It didn’t seem to take much to get Jeonghan moving. His hands carefully move yours, letting him tug his shirt over his head. He pats your thighs and watches you crawl back over to the seat as he pushes his jeans down with his boxers, all the while knowing your eyes were on him.

Jeonghan was perfect in almost every sense of the word. You had found him devastatingly handsome before, but undressed he was ethereal. He wasn’t like some of the guys at university. Jeonghan clearly worked out, but it wasn’t all muscle that told you that, but how fit he was in general. His abs were softer, but as you moved back into his lap, you could feel each ridge under your fingertips. 

You had felt soft before, but with your skin against his, Jeonghan was struggling not to throw you down on the seat and bury his aching cock inside of you. Sliding his fingers along your ribcage, he groans when he feels your soft breasts against his thumbs. You weren’t some picture-perfect model and that’s what made you even more stunning. There were tiny scars and blemishes in various places on your skin, but seeing them and feeling them under his fingers made Jeonghan want to spend hours exploring you. “Move to your knees, doll…” 

Keeping your legs on either side of Jeonghan’s, you whine a bit in distress when you feel his cock rest against your thigh. This was something you had never done before, though a few guys had tried to get this far with you. You had never felt ready before, but with Jeonghan, you just knew he would take care of you—he would be gentle. 

“Such a good girl. You are so wet…” Again Jeonghan was speaking to you but not meaning for you to answer. He was transfixed on the feeling of you against him and the way you were leaking onto his fingers. Carefully easing the first finger in, Jeonghan groans into his words, finally meeting your eyes again when you gasp his name. “Fuck, you’re tight. I’ll be so good to you, I swear to god. Lean on me.” 

Doing as you are told, you lean forward and rest your cheek against Jeonghan’s shoulder as he slips a second finger in beside the first. You had felt this before. Your first boyfriend had asked to touch you a few times, but even if the feeling was familiar—remembering his fingers or your own—nothing compared to how good Jeonghan was making it feel. 

“My good girl. Push your hips back on my fingers. Just like that—” Swallowing the last of his words, Jeonghan leans his head back, feeling your lips press to the side of his neck. His fingers were slowly stretching you, almost begging you to be ready before he blew his load just from the feeling of your pussy around his fingers alone. “One more. Oh—” Groaning as you whine out a moan so sweet, he has to bite down on his lip before he’s finally able to speak, pushing his fingers into you deep. “Fuck, you sound perfect. Sucking my fingers right back in, aren’t you? Hmm… Is that how you’re gonna treat my cock too?” 

You had never been good at dirty talk. You weren’t sure how to answer Jeonghan so instead you just moaned and pushed back on his fingers, enjoying the feeling and that bubbling pressure rebuilding in your stomach. You are right there, your orgasm teetering on the edge when Jeonghan groans into a chuckle and slips his fingers from you. “Wa—Hannie? Please?” 

Brushing your hair back, Jeonghan coos at you with faux sympathy as he uses his other hand to line his cock up with your dripping entrance. “Please, what? Please, this?” Helping you slowly sit down over him, he watches with his lips parted in a silent groan as tears slip from your eyes and down your cheeks like before. You felt so fucking good around him and from the look on your face, you were enjoying it too. 

Full—you felt so fucking full by the time that you sat down fully. Burying your face against Jeonghan’s neck, you whimper, feeling a stinging pain rush through you, but as quickly as you felt it, the sensation fades away. Tears were covering your cheeks. You felt overwhelmed by so many feelings but desire takes over most of them the moment that Jeonghan rocks his hips up towards yours. 

You were clenching around him like a vise. Jeonghan had been with his share of girls. He had fucked a handful of what he had thought were tight pussies, but they didn’t compare to you. Nothing compared to fucking you for the first time—for your first time. You were so responsive. Every single thrust, no matter how shallow and gentle, had your thighs shaking like you were right on the edge of covering his cock with cum. “So, so good, baby. You feel good? Huh? You like it?” 

Jeonghan’s praise makes you feel like you are floating. You want to be good for him. You want to be as good for him as he’s making you feel. Nodding, you whisper his name and roll your hips down over him, earning yourself a choked groan. With that groan, Jeonghan tightens his hands on your hips and thrusts up deep and hard. “Ah! I—oh my god, Hannie.” 

You were ready for him to stop babying you if you were ready to try to fuck yourself on his cock. He’d give you exactly what you wanted. Shifting in the seat to put you on your back, Jeonghan rests his forehead against yours as he pushes his cock back into you and rocks his hips forward as far as he can go. It causes him to see white for a moment with how good you feel around him. You were so perfect, warm, and wet. It was taking everything in Jeonghan not to cum in you right now. 

Scratching at Jeonghan’s biceps, you manage to get out a moan between breaths as he thrusts into you harder, deeper, and faster. Pushing your head back against the seat, you squeeze your eyes shut, causing more tears to flow back towards your temples when your orgasm rips through you. 

All the patience that Jeonghan had dissolves when you cum for him. Groaning your name, he reaches up with one hand to hold on to the seat when you lift your hips upwards to meet his thrusts, causing him to fall over the edge with you. He is seconds away from cumming inside of you before Jeonghan manages to slip from you and his cum paints your lower stomach white and leaves you feeling sticky. 

“Shit…” Collapsing onto you, Jeonghan smiles when you whine his name, obviously a bit uncomfortable between his weight and the feeling of cum on your skin. “Give me a minute, baby doll. Fuck, you about milked me dry.” Groaning as he pushes himself up, Jeonghan looks between the two of you with a smirk before leaning to open his center console to take out some napkins. It wasn’t perfect; he’d rather clean you up with a warm washcloth, but this would have to do. 

Your eyes follow Jeonghan’s hand as he painstakingly works to clean your skin completely. The sticky feeling remains, but you find yourself not as grossed out once most of his cum is off you. Moving to sit up, you wince at the strain in your hips while Jeonghan quickly uses the rest of the napkins to clean himself up. You weren’t sure how to do this—the after part. Jeonghan seems to sense your discomfort and leans to pick up your dress, gesturing his head for you to lift your arms. 

“You feel okay? I don’t want you to get too cold. Once we’re dressed I can start the car and get the heater going, alright?”

Nodding along with Jeonghan’s words, you smile softly, your bottom lip getting caught between your teeth as you sit back, letting him dress himself. “Can—you have my panties in your pocket, Hannie…” 

Jeonghan simply grins, glancing towards you before picking up his jacket and offering it back to you. “I know where they are. They’re mine now. You don’t need them tonight, do you?”

Heat rushes through your cheeks as you smooth your dress down over your bare thighs, feeling a bit uncomfortable with your lower half so naked. You want to say you do need them; ask him again to give them back, but the lust-ridden look in his eyes has you giving in. “You can keep them.” 

That was more like it. Jeonghan was sitting a little bit away from you now and he could still just about feel the heat on your cheeks. Biting at his bottom lip, he smirks before sliding out of the car and offering you his hand once again. Pulling you towards him once you are on your feet, Jeonghan chuckles softly against your lips before kissing you deeply, feeling you rest against him for strength. The look on your face when he pulls back makes everything worth it. You were his. He could say, ‘Let’s jump in the lake,’ and you’d go along willingly. 

Settling back into the passenger seat, you let out a deep breath and close your legs tightly the moment that Jeonghan closes your door to move around to the other side. This wasn’t how you thought you’d feel after losing your V-card, but you weren’t complaining. Your heart was beating hard in your chest and every look at Jeonghan had you swooning. You were falling hard and fast, and him being your first was only helping you think that you were falling in love. 

The drive to your dorm is mostly quiet. There are a lot of hushed giggles under the music from you as Jeonghan laces his fingers with yours and brings the back of your hand up to his lips. He was exactly what you wanted. He was so sweet and made you feel so warm. It isn’t until he pulls up to your building that you start to pout. 

“Aw, gorgeous. Smile for me.” Pulling down on your bottom lip, Jeonghan grins when you do as he asks and give him a smile. “I’ll text you when I get home, baby. Don’t be sad. If I could stay here with you, you know I would.” Laughing into his smile when you whine his name, Jeonghan leans to kiss you again softly before speaking between kisses. “I’d curl right up in that bed with you and hold you all fuckin’ night. God…” His words seem to fail him when Jeonghan brushes his thumb over your cheek and stares at you like you are priceless. “I—fuck, I love you.” 

The words make you feel like you are going to pass out. It’s too soon for him to say that to you—you know that logically, but it doesn’t stop your stomach and chest from tightening out of joy. Kissing Jeonghan slowly and sweetly, you hold tightly to his shirt and whimper before leaning back to meet his eyes. “I—” The words feel almost impossible, but Jeonghan tilts his head and you wouldn’t dare hurt him. “I love you too.” 

His. The fucking boys you see every day should be here to hear you say that to him. He pictures Mingyu's idiot face hearing you say it and Jeonghan just grins brighter. “Shit, babe… You sure you wanna go back inside? I could bring you home with me instead…” 

You didn’t want to go inside. You didn’t want to leave Jeonghan, but this was one of the last few days of “freedom” you had left and all you could picture were the books in your room. “I have to, Hannie. I have class in a couple days…” 

Fuck classes and fuck this school. God, you were too perfect in every way and some of it was already annoying Jeonghan, but he wouldn’t let you see it. He wanted you to pick him over your stupid-ass homework, but he wouldn’t say that to you. You were too good of a girl not to finish your work. “Of course, doll. Get upstairs and wait for me to text. I want a goodnight from you so I can sleep.” 

Nodding quickly, you kiss Jeonghan one more time before sliding out of the car. You find yourself looking back at him as many times as possible before the doors to the building shut, leaving him alone outside. 

Jeonghan glares at the oppressive building and knocks his head back against the headrest. You had been out of his hand for less than two minutes and he was already feeling stir-crazy. 

Jeonghan: morning gorgeous 

Y/N: good morning hannie 

That is how every day starts now. You smile at your phone, seeing a text from Jeonghan before you head off to class. Classes had been back in session for just over a week and you were already feeling the pressure of finals sneaking up on you. Jeonghan was a welcome distraction—or that was what you kept telling yourself. 

Jeonghan: baby do you want me to pick you up for lunch?

You adored him—hell, you loved him—but you were trying to get used to someone texting you regularly throughout your busy day. Sometimes you would get to the text right away and other times you’d be in class and not notice the texts until it was evident Jeonghan was annoyed. 

Jeonghan: guess not 

Jeonghan: i can just get something by myself :( 

Sighing at your phone, you adjust your bag on your shoulder as you leave your class and head towards another. There was a reason that you rarely went to parties during the year. You always overscheduled yourself with classes. You found yourself running from one side of the campus to the other in order to just make it on time. Now you were terrified to hurt Jeonghan’s feelings while also trying to stay on top of things. 

Y/N: i’m sorry 

Y/N: I was in class. next time. I promise babe 

Now you were making promises you’d be hard-pressed to keep. Shoving your phone into your pocket just as it vibrates again, you whine and keep your eyes forward, walking faster in order to make it to your next class right on time. Sliding into the seat, you lean your head back as the professor shoots you a look before starting the conversation for the day. 

Beside you, Mingyu’s brows lift at the state of you. Normally you were so well put together, but it seemed after break that you were constantly frazzled. Shifting to sit up and lean his forearms on the desk, he clears his throat quietly, getting your attention. The look on his face is clearly one of concern, asking, ‘Are you okay?’ without a single word. 

“‘M fine…” You shake your head and turn your attention back to the front of the class as Mingyu settles in beside you, doing the same. You were fine. This was all fine. You were fighting the urge to check your phone, feeling it go off again. The vibration felt like a phone call; it was either that or Jeonghan was sending texts back-to-back too quickly. 

“Y/N.” 

Hearing your name come from the front of the room, you sit up more and hold your hand down on your pocket as the vibration finally stops. “Ye–yes, sir?” 

Narrowing his eyes at you, your professor sighs and gestures down at the book on his desk. It was the same book that you had in front of you, but yours was still closed. “Could you please read the next section?” 

Panic makes its way across your face as you look down at the front of the book, unsure where the next section is. You start to speak up and apologize when Mingyu pushes his book towards you and taps the paragraph. 

Clearing your throat, you shift forward and muddle through the paragraph as best you can. 

“In addition to simple alkynes with one triple bond, research is also being carried out on polyynes—linear carbon chains of alternating single and triple bands.” Hearing others in the room shift, a small laugh on each of their lips, you shake your head and try again. “Sorry… triple bonds.” Mingyu nods along with you, reading silently in his book in front of you as you try to continue. “Poly–polyynes with up to eight triple bonds are thought to be present in interstellar space, and evidence has been presented for the existence of carbyne, an allo—”

“Yes, thank you, Y/N. Let’s all make sure we have our books open to the correct section. Chapter 9, Section 1: Naming Alkynes.”  

Your head drops forward apologetically as you scoot Mingyu’s book back towards him and open your own book to the right place. You were always a good student. You had just had a rough start back from break. You would get through this just fine. 

After an hour of following along in the book, you mutter thank you along with the rest of the class as your professor wraps up the day. Now you could check your phone. The stress of the moment was off your shoulders and you could take a deep breath. 

[2 missed calls from Jeonghan] 

Jeonghan: :( 

Jeonghan: it’s not like you to avoid my calls

Jeonghan: are you mad at me? 

“Seems like someone was trying to get in touch with you pretty badly. Everything alright?” Mingyu wasn’t trying to snoop, but you were sitting right there pouting at your phone. “Are you alright, Y/N? You seem dis—” 

“I’m okay. Swear. Just a little out of it today.” Sliding from your chair, you pack up your things and smile at Mingyu trying to convince him as much as yourself. “I’m just tired.” 

That sounded about right. You looked exhausted; it was a little unnerving compared to how you were before break had started. “Alright, cool. Just checking.” Following behind you, Mingyu catches up enough to walk beside you as you look at your phone again, typing out a quick message. “So… There’s a party thi—” 

“Uh, no. I mean, no thanks.” Gesturing at your bag, you fake another smile and let it fade into a small pout. “You know I don’t really do the party thing. Classes are kicking my ass, Mingyu.” 

Your phone was vibrating again and it had Mingyu curious if it was the same person. “You gonna take that?” Watching you turn your phone over, he sees Jeonghan’s name and fights the urge to roll his eyes. “He’s persistent, isn’t he? He knows you’re in class, right?” 

Managing one last strained smile, you nod and flip open your phone, putting it to your ear. “Hannie—” 

“I’m waiting for you near the sidewalk. I’ll take you back to your dorm.” 

At his words, you look towards the parking lot, furrowing your brows when you do see Jeonghan’s car idling. “Oh! I—well, okay. I could have walked ba—” 

“Come on, baby doll. Or are you too busy for your boyfriend?” Jeonghan couldn’t make out your expression from where he was, but what he could see was that tall idiot from the party lingering near you. It had his blood boiling as you so clearly smiled at him before turning in the direction of where you were asked to go. 

“Later, Y/N! Let me know if you change your mind about the party.” 

Cringing, you wave back at Mingyu before putting your head down and picking up your pace to make it to Jeonghan’s car just as he hangs up his phone. You force another deep breath before opening the door and sliding into the leather seat, your bag resting between your feet on the floorboard. “Hi, Hannie. Sorry I didn’t ans—” 

“What party? The fuck was he talking about?” Jeonghan’s eyes weren’t on you; they were still on Mingyu as he grinned and laughed with his friends in front of the building. “You know, first you don’t answer my phone calls. I don’t know if you are even alive and then—” Gesturing back towards Mingyu so you look at him only to watch you wince and look down at your hands. “Then you are lookin’ awfully cozy with that punk. Did he ask you out?” 

Panic was once again rippling through your veins with every hard beat of your heart. “No! Hannie… he’s just my friend. I told him I wasn’t going to any parties; that’s seriously all that—” 

“And you think I believe that shit? Look at him, Y/N.” When you don’t look back towards Mingyu, Jeonghan holds your chin firmly and turns your head for you. “He’s probably telling all his little friends how easy you are. He’s making us both look like idiots, baby.” 

You could see how Mingyu was laughing at something someone else said. As if feeling your eyes on him, he looks towards the car and lifts his hand to wave at you, not getting the same response back. “‘M not easy. I—he’s not—” Tears were sitting on the rims of your eyes as Jeonghan scoffed at you and pulled his hand away almost harshly, like he couldn’t stand touching you anymore. “‘M sorry, Hannie! I didn’t mean to make him think I’d do anything with him. I just—I only wanna do things with you.” 

It wasn’t like the sound of you crying didn’t affect Jeonghan; it just did it in a way that you probably wouldn’t expect. Lifting his brows, he watches the first tear roll down your cheek and lets you sit in your shame for a moment longer before he tenderly lifts your head back up. “I know, Angel. Just—” Hissing out a breath, Jeonghan caresses your cheek as you blink away your tears, still muttering that you are sorry. “I just missed you, that’s all, and then that punk.” Looking past you towards Mingyu, he smirks at the other man. For a moment he isn’t sure that Mingyu sees it, but then Mingyu’s expression changes into something darker—something similar to anger. 

“I’m really sorry. I won’t miss your calls like that again and I—” Swallowing your sob, you look up just as Jeonghan’s eyes find your face again. “I promise I won’t let Mingyu think that I’m—” You weren’t even sure how to say what Jeonghan wanted to hear. 

“Baby, you’ll tell him to fuck off. Tell him that you have a boyfriend.” Lowering his head to meet your gaze, Jeonghan nods along with you before wiping away more of your tears. “Don’t cry, gorgeous. Gonna make me feel bad—” 

Shaking your head quickly, you turn your face towards Jeonghan’s palm, brushing your lips over it. You couldn’t stand the idea that he felt bad over something you did wrong. “No… I’m sorry. I’ll stop; I’m just—” Closing your eyes tightly, you force back your tears and nod. “I was stupid. Won’t let that happen again. I love you so much.” 

Cooing softly at your words, Jeonghan leans forward to brush his lips against yours, tasting the salty tears on your lips. “I know, angel. I love you too. I love you more than anything.” You were crying again, fresh tears slipping down your cheeks but Jeonghan knew it was out of relief. He wasn’t breaking up with you. Why would he when you were so perfect? “Let’s get you home…” 

“Y/N!” Rushing back from the bathroom to tug on her shoes, Megan sighs at the sight of you sleeping on top of your books at your desk again. Shaking you gently, she waits for you to look up at her confused before she even says your name again. You looked like shit. You were exhausted and she knew for a fact that you were behind on your homework. “I—fuck. Have you ate?” 

Trying to remember what you had done today, you shake your head and turn your attention back to your books before gasping as you pick up your phone. Jeonghan had called and you had missed it. You were so fucking stupid. You had tried so hard to stay awake and answer every call or text, all while doing your late work, but your body had other plans.  

“Jesus, Y/N. It’s just a phone call. He can deal.” Megan moves to close one of your books, hoping you will pay attention to her, but you whine at your phone, quickly typing out a text. “I’m—look, I’m headed to dance. Don’t you have the networking club meeting like—” Looking at the time on her watch, Megan sighs at you. “Now?” 

Normally you’d fuss at Megan for messing with your textbooks or anything on your desk, but right now you couldn’t care less. You had made Jeonghan upset again. God, could you do a single fucking thing right? “Uh—no. No, I’m not in networking anymore. They—” Sighing as Megan pushes your phone down to make you look at her, you continue. “I was asked to step down as president. So if I’m not doing that anymore, why the fuck should I go?” 

This was the second club that you had been demoted in and then quit. Megan had never really understood your need to be the best, but now it didn’t seem like you cared either. “Okay… so what are you doing? You need to eat something, and— fuck!” Taking your phone out of your hand when you stop listening in place of reading the text back from Jeonghan, Megan feels her blood pressure rising. “I think you should tell Jeonghan that you need some space.” 

Megan’s words feel like a dagger being stabbed into your chest, but it’s even worse when she holds your phone above her head to keep it from you. “Stop! No, I’m not telling him anything stupid like that. Give me my phone back!” She only manages to keep your phone from you for a moment longer. You get to your feet and jerk it from her hand, causing her to stare at you like you are a different person. 

“He’s—Y/N, baby… You are tired all the time and always staring at your phone. I’m worri—” 

“Shut up, Megan! I’m fine and he’s perfect. Are you just that jealous?” 

That was enough to get Megan to react in a way that she had been trying to avoid. You had snapped at her more than once in the past week and over the month you had become unbearable. “You’re not fine and I’m not fucking jealous!” Staying close to you, Megan narrows her eyes at you and shakes her head. ”I don’t even know who you are right now. He’s too much. He’s intense and always keeps you on a leash. Y/N! Be serious… you know this isn’t right. If you don’t say something to him about how tired you are and how stressed you are, I fucking will!” 

Pushing Megan back, watching her eyes widen in surprise, you scream out of frustration and fear. “No! You won’t even talk to him.” Your head was busting and your heart was in your throat from anxiety. “Don’t fuck this up for me! Just leave me the hell alone!” 

Megan wants to say something, to pull you back down but the look in your eyes tells her she wouldn’t be able to. You were too far gone. “Y/N…” Her words come out more like a whisper as you push past her, tears running down your cheeks. She hated seeing you like this. You were her best friend and she felt responsible for how different your life was now. She had been the one to push the idea of talking to Jeonghan and dating him, and now she’d give up anything to go back to that day in the mall and avoid him. 

Words start to form on Megan’s lips when you suddenly suck back your tears and open your cellphone, putting on a happy voice. “Hi, baby! I miss you too. So so much…” Megan watches you grab your jacket and open the door with a happy gasp. “I’m coming down right now! No, no, of course I’m not too busy for you.” 

Looking over the paperwork on your desk, Megan rolls her eyes at your lie as the door shuts. You had at least three unfinished projects on your desk, but clearly your priorities were elsewhere now. 

It doesn’t take you long to jog down the steps and out the door to find Jeonghan waiting for you next to the sidewalk. He was like a breath of fresh air, just leaning against his car. You hadn’t realized just how much you missed him until he grinned at you, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head. Squealing happily, you wrap your arms around his neck and give in to his kiss as if it were the only thing keeping you alive in that moment. 

“You too busy to hang out? I tried to call but—” 

“‘M sorry, Hannie. I kinda fell asleep and—” 

Jeonghan narrows his eyes, his hands sliding along your sides as you apologize. “At your desk? Baby doll… You need a break. Come on, let’s get you away from this hellhole and get your mind on something else, hmm?” 

You know you should say no. You should go back upstairs and get back to work on one of the projects that you were neglecting, but instead you smile and slide into the car without question. 

“Hannie—” 

Licking your lips, you whine Jeonghan’s name as his lips move further down your body. Your fingers cling to the half-made bed under you. You hadn’t spent much time at Jeonghan’s apartment in the month that you had been dating him, but every time you did end up here, you ended up in his bed. 

It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy it. Jeonghan could make you breathless with a single kiss and his fingers left your body feeling like you were on fire. The only difference today was how exhausted you felt and you two had barely gotten started. At least he didn’t ask much from you—usually. You could lie in the middle of his bed and enjoy the feeling of him ravishing you. Normally you didn’t have to lift a finger, but it seemed that today Jeonghan had other plans. 

Groaning your name quietly, Jeonghan sits back on his knee, his other foot planted on the floor as he pushes his jeans down with his boxers. He loved your eyes on him. You’d watch his every single move and it was like he could read your mind—see every dirty thought you were thinking. “Baby doll, come here. God, I want your mouth on my cock so fuckin’ bad.” 

You’d give him anything if he’d keep looking at you like that. You’d do things you didn’t really enjoy for him to praise you like he was now. Closing your eyes, you brace yourself for the feeling of the tip of Jeonghan’s cock hitting the back of your mouth. He always got so close to your throat and loved the feeling of your choking on him. 

“Shit—oh fuck. Good girl, just like that. God, you keep sucking my cock like that and I’ll cum down your throat.” Jeonghan could see the goosebumps that were spreading along your skin. He could read you like a book. You wanted him to cum, but he wasn’t doing it in your mouth. Why the fuck would he choose your mouth when he could have your perfect pussy? “Fu—fuck! That’s enough, baby. Jesus Christ, you are getting so good at that.” 

The first time that you had tried to give Jeonghan head, he had to coach you through it. You were decent at it, but too timid. Now you knew how he liked it: wet and sloppy. Jeonghan’s dreams were plastered with spit and cum covering your pretty mouth as the mess started to run down your chin and throat. Patting your thigh, Jeonghan runs his other hand through his hair as he helps you get into the position he wants you in. He’d fuck you in any position, but there was something special about having you on your knees in front of him, your face against the bed. 

“Ah—don’t tease me, Hannie.” Whining under your breath, you scratch at the comforter under you when Jeonghan nudges his cock against your clit. This was a position you had been in for hours at a time. Jeonghan loved to tease and you were almost always at his will, but in this position even more so. 

Smirking, Jeonghan taps your clit one more time before adjusting his cock and easing into your welcoming hole. There was nothing in the entire world like this. Your warm, wet walls hugged him and pulled him in closer every single time. Your hips were already covered in fading bruises, but that didn’t stop Jeonghan from digging his fingers into your skin and pulling you back hard against him as he thrusts forward with a groan. “You’ve wanted this all damn day, haven’t you, angel?” 

There was no point in lying to Jeonghan; it was easier to just nod and moan as he filled you completely. Perhaps you hadn’t been thinking about getting fucked while you were at your dorm earlier, but did it matter now? You couldn’t think of a single reason why it would as the trusts got faster and harder. You had started to like this—the way that Jeonghan could render you speechless and dumb. There was no real expectation in his bed other than to make him feel good, but he did the same for you every single time. “Han—Hannie! There!” 

Your broken whines were almost as good as feeling you tighten around his cock. He knew what he was doing. He could and did play you like a fine-tuned instrument. He knew what made you tick and more importantly, he knew how to make you cum. Jeonghan had spent many a night with you learning every inch of it. He found out exactly how to curl his fingers to make you scream and squirt on his hand. He had almost died of desire, learning how hard he could fuck you before your legs would start shaking. “Yeah? That the spot, doll? You gonna cum on my cock like a good slut?” 

Closing your eyes tighter, you turn your face towards the bed before you shake your head. You didn’t like that part of this. Jeonghan liked to degrade you and call you names like slut, whore, and sometimes things that seemed even meaner. You knew he didn’t mean it. This was just part of sex with him, but it never failed to make your stomach tighten with how bad it made you feel in the instant it came out of his mouth. 

“No? So you don’t wanna cum?” Jeonghan tsks before bringing his palm down hard over your right ass cheek, feeling you tense under him. “That’s fine, little slut, I’ll use you then. Remind you that you’re mine.” Smirking once again, he groans your name when he feels you tightening around him. “Fuck—and maybe if you are lucky, I’ll let you cum for me.” 

You couldn’t stop yourself from begging. You were so close that it was almost painful. It was less of a want to cum and more of a need to. “Pl—please! Jeonghan…” Tears had begun to soak the bedding under you as you sob out of frustration when he slows his thrusts with a laugh. You push yourself back on him only to get spanked again, causing you to give him what he wanted to begin with. “Ah! I am! I’m a slut.” Speaking through whines, you plead with him. “Please let me cum. Please, baby. Need it so bad. I’m yours!” 

Truer words had never come out of your mouth. “That’s fuckin’ right you are. All of you is mine. Your pussy, this ass, your pretty tits…” Biting at his bottom lip, Jeonghan holds back a groan as he thrusts into you hard once again, making sure he angles himself just right this time. “This cum is mine, huh?” 

You try to nod, but with one more low, deep thrust of his cock, you fall flat on the bed. You felt exhausted; your legs were weak and shaking uncontrollably as Jeonghan laughed your name under his breath. This wasn’t stopping him from finishing; it was incredibly hot to feel how tight you were with your legs together between his as he pounded into your tight hole. 

“Good fuckin’ girl! Take it, baby…” 

Every time that Jeonghan came inside of you, it made your brain go fuzzy. He had fucked you well and left you full. It was like your body was finally satisfied and gave your brain the right to cut off completely. Catching your breath, you only furrow your brows when Jeonghan slips from you and slides off the bed. You could feel the pain in your chest of wanting to be held, but Jeonghan had a ritual after sex that you were starting to get used to. 

He would go to the bathroom and get himself cleaned up before finally coming back to you and collapsing on the bed next to you. Tonight wasn’t the exception. You didn’t have any real expectations, but it didn’t stop the lonely feeling that washed over you when you’d finally slide out of bed yourself and make your own way to the bathroom. 

“Baby, when you come back, bring me a bottle of water.” 

Stopping in your tracks, you glance back at the bed and furrow your brows as Jeonghan smiles at you, causing your heart to tighten. God, you loved him. You loved him as much as you hated the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Forcing a smile, you nod and turn into the bathroom to take care of yourself. 

Jeonghan is half asleep when you finally come back. He could tell you had taken a shower because you smelled like the shampoo that he had bought for you to keep at his place. There was so much he had done for you recently and yet it wasn’t enough. He could move the fucking world for you and still not get everything he wanted. “Mmm, c‘mere, baby doll.” 

Taking the bottle of water from you, Jeonghan tosses it to the side before pulling you into his arms and pressing his lips to yours. You had put back on clothes; granted, they weren’t the ones you had come here in. You had changed into one of Jeonghan’s old shirts. He loved when you’d wear his clothes. His shirts would always end at the swell of your ass, giving him access to your skin. Squeezing gently at the fullest part of your thigh, Jeonghan laughs under his breath when you whimper into his mouth. “Sorry. You drive me crazy. You know that?” 

You try to smile, simply nodding when Jeonghan’s fingers brush over your cheek and his brows furrow. Turning your head in his hand to avoid his eyes, you mutter his name under your breath. Your cheeks were wet with tears and Jeonghan’s mind was racing. You had seemed fine before the shower. He had fucked you good, just like he promised and yet here you were crying and hiding it from him. 

“Y/N… Baby, stop moving your damn head away from me. What’s wrong?” This was one thing about you that annoyed Jeonghan. How could you seem fine just five minutes ago and now you are trying to hold back sobs? Sitting up, he tugs you with him and holds your chin between his fingers, making you look at him. You didn’t look like you were in pain, at least not physical and in his mind there was nothing that had happened to cause this. “What’s wrong?” 

The shower had let you have too much time to yourself and your emotions were raging. You felt just as stupid as Jeonghan probably thought you were. God, why were you crying? The more you tried to figure it out and keep him from looking at you, the harder you cried. It took a few minutes of him coaxing the words out of you before you realized what was wrong. “I’m just—I’m so fucking tired, Jeonghan. I’m exhausted.” 

Exasperated, Jeonghan sighs at your words, looking away from you. He knew you were tired. That was part of the issue he had with your fucking class schedule. Of course you were going to be tired when you were always sitting in front of some tight-ass professor who gave you too much work to do. “I know, angel. Hey…shhh. Stop cryin’. Come here.” 

When Jeonghan shifts on the bed, you let him pull you with him and into his arms. Resting your cheek on his chest, you close your eyes tightly and try to do as you are told. It should be so easy to stop crying, and yet tears were still slipping down your cheeks and onto his skin. “”M sorry. I—fuck. I need to go home, Hannie. I have so much work that I still—” 

“Fuck that. Baby, you are crying in my arms. You think for a second I’m letting you leave right now?” Shaking his head, he scoffs at the idea of you leaving. Where did you think you’d go anyways after dark? You’d get your ass handed to you by the administration and then your parents if you were caught out this late during the week. “You see, this is why I keep telling you to just move in with me. How much easier would it be on you? I’d take you to—” 

“Hannie, you know I can’t. It’s not—you know it’s not that I wouldn’t like it.” 

Biting his lip hard enough to almost break the skin, Jeonghan shakes his head at your excuses. It always went like this. He’d offer you something good and you’d refuse it. He could feel the frustration building its way to anger as you tried to speak between your tears again. “Fine, then get up.” He could see the surprise in your eyes, but this was what you wanted, wasn’t it? “Don’t look at me like that. You’re ungrateful, Y/N. All the shit I do for you—” Sliding from you to pick up his boxers and pants, Jeonghan scoffs out a breath into his words. “Up, Y/N. Get dressed. You can’t go back to your dorm dressed like that.” 

You were moving slowly and Jeonghan could hear the pitiful whimpers as you kept your face down from him. He wasn’t going to let you trick him into being nice again right now. “I’ll wait for you downstairs. Once you decide to get your ass moving.” 

Jeonghan was pissed at you—you knew that. Even though you didn’t think it was fair for him to get upset over something like this, the shame that you felt for making him this angry was almost debilitating. He was right; you were so ungrateful. He had made you feel so good and held you while you cried; now you were getting what you deserved as you shuffled around the empty room putting on your clothes. 

Leaning against his car, Jeonghan inhales deeply, causing the end of his cigarette to burn brighter in the dark. He didn’t even like to smoke but since he had started dating you, it had become a more frequent habit. Why the fuck couldn’t you just do something that made sense? How easy would it be on you and him if you lived with him instead of on that stupid-ass campus? He wouldn’t have to worry about you getting hurt, you wouldn’t cry nearly as much, and there would be less opportunity for that prick Kim Mingyu to see you. Jeonghan wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Mingyu was still keeping his eyes on you and it pissed him off more than your mood swings. 

With your arms tightly wrapped around yourself, you sniff back the last of your tears as you move towards Jeonghan’s car and the smell of smoke. It was just dark enough that you would have to actively work to see every feature of what was around you, but when Jeonghan took another drag from his cigarette, you could see the annoyance written on his face. 

He doesn’t speak to you at first; he just opens the passenger’s side door and turns his head away from you to blow out the smoke. There is a moment's pause before he sighs under his breath and closes the door hard, causing you to tense up as you wait for him to make his way around to the other side and slide behind the wheel. 

You want to speak. You want to apologize to Jeonghan but it’s hard to find your words when every time you look at him, he looks angry and heartbroken. You had done that—again. You were good at this. You were good at ruining something good.

Jeonghan knew he didn’t have to speak to you. There was enough happening in the car that his words weren’t needed to get his point across. He could hear your soft sobs. He could see the way your body was shaking as you tried to hide each time you wiped the tears off your cheeks. It was heartbreaking as much as it was frustrating. 

Finally sighing once again, Jeonghan takes the final turn towards your dorm before he looks at you more fully and slides his hand along your leg to catch your hand. Your sleeves were wet, but instead of letting that annoy him more, Jeonghan furrows his brows out of concern. “Enough, baby. I—god, you just—you’re breaking my fuckin’ heart. I—I’m trying to do what you want. You said you couldn’t stay with me so I’m bringing you home…” 

Though you knew that wasn’t exactly how this had happened, you find yourself pouting into a nod as you link your fingers with Jeonghan. You were so happy to have his hand back on yours. You had felt punished and raw until he tightened his hand on yours. “I’m sorry. I—I’m so fucking stupid, Hannie. I know it’s my faul—” 

“It’s mine too. I pushed too hard. I just want what's best for you. You know that, don’t ya?” Watching you nod, Jeonghan pulls up next to the sidewalk and leans his head back on the headrest to look at you better. “I’m sorry, angel. I just—I got so damn mad because I love you so much. You get that, don’t you? You don’t even realize how painful it is to be away from you.” 

Jeonghan’s words are pretty and soothe you at the same time as making you feel horrible. You hated the idea of him missing you so much that it caused him pain. You understood the feeling more than he seemed to realize. “No, I know, Hannie. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” Sniffing back more tears, you turn in your seat and lift his hand in yours to your lips, kissing his knuckles gently between words. “I’d move in with you if I could. I’d love it so much, but—” There was always a but and the moment you say it, Jeonghan’s fingers strain against yours, causing you to panic. “Please! You know my parents would kill me! Try to understand…” 

Relaxing his hand in yours, Jeonghan sighs, though his jaw tightens. More excuses, but at least this time he knew you were right. The conversation had come up several times already and he had even been in the room when you had called your mom to broach the idea. He had heard her screaming at you and felt the anger rising in him as he did everything he could not to snap. “I know. I–I fuckin’ hate it, but I understand it. Don’t mean I gotta like it.” 

Frantically trying to keep him calm, you nod along with him and kiss his knuckles again as fresh tears slip down your cheeks. “I know, Hannie. I don’t like it either. I’ll try to talk to her again about it, I promise.” 

It was colder tonight. You were dressed to the nines and Mingyu knew he shouldn’t be looking, but it was hard when you were standing there looking so lost. “You lose your keys?” Watching you jump, having been lost in thought, Mingyu grins when he meets your eyes, seeing you slowly relax. 

“No, I—no.” Laughing softly, you shake your head and turn your attention back towards the parking lot, scanning it for Jeonghan’s car. You wished he would hurry. Mingyu wasn’t the first guy to talk to you tonight, but at least you felt more at ease with him nearby. “Just—I’m just waiting.” 

That was obvious. Shaking his head as he lets out another sigh, Mingyu glances in the direction you are looking before settling back on you. “Yeah? You going to the party?” When you nod, he does the same, his smile becoming brighter. “Cool. I mean, I figured with the outfit and everything, but yeah—who knows. You might be waiting on a date or something.” 

Those words cause your brows to furrow and for a strained laugh to slip between your lips. “I—I mean, yeah, I kinda am. I’m waiting for Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan. Trying to stop himself from rolling his eyes at his name, Mingyu leans his head back and nods. “Right, the boyfriend.” 

What did that mean? Crossing your arms in front of you tighter, you turn slightly towards Mingyu and lift your hand from your arm in question. 

“I—no, nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I was just hoping we could meet up at the party if you weren’t busy.” 

“Clearly I am, Gyu. I—I’m waiting for—” Biting your cheek, you watch Mingyu’s brows furrow tighter as he listens to you carefully. “He’s my boyfriend. It—It’s serious—” 

“I get it, Y/N. Sorry, I pushed.” Unable to stop himself from smiling at how ridiculous this all is, Mingyu lifts his hands up and laughs under his breath as you shake your head. How serious could it really be with some random townie with a piss-poor attitude? “I—you know I’m just gonna say it. I don’t like him. He looks at you like he owns you or something. It’s a little intense.” 

Sighing, feeling exasperated by Mingyu’s words, you roll your eyes and turn away from him slightly. “You—you don’t even know him. Don’t be a jerk…” 

Rolling his eyes in return, Mingyu runs his hand over his mouth, letting you have your way. There was clearly something you saw in Jeonghan that no one else did. He knew he wasn’t alone in being concerned for you, but he also wasn’t going to tell you what to do. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I am being an ass.” 

You couldn’t tell fully if Mingyu meant what he said, but the look in his eyes seemed sincere enough and yet his apology made your stomach feel queasy. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. For, you know, snapping at you.” 

God, you really were too sweet for all this shit. Shaking his head, Mingyu waves off your apology before looking back out at the parking lot. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me for something like that. We’re cool, Y/N.” 

It was times like this that Jeonghan wished he could read lips better. Tightening his hands on the steering wheel, he pushes his tongue against his cheek and narrows his eyes at the sight of Mingyu next to you. What makes it worse is the two of you smiling at each other as you talk about some bullshit. Jeonghan had been running late, but he had never expected to find you like this. His blood was boiling but he was going to keep himself in check for now. 

Gesturing out in front of him, Mingyu’s smile fades as he points out Jeonghan’s car to you. He could feel the heat off the other man’s eyes even as your smile brightens and you move close to the edge of the sidewalk as the car pulls up next to you. “I’ll see you later, Y/N…” 

You barely acknowledge Mingyu before pulling open the door and slipping into the seat next to Jeonghan. It had been a couple of days since you had the chance to see him in person. The sight of him was like a breath of fresh air until he looked at you with a tight smile and your heart sank into your stomach. “He—hi, Hannie. I missed you.” 

Had you really missed him? Scoffing under his breath, Jeonghan leans his head back against the headrest and nods. “And I missed you. Let’s go.” He didn’t give you much more time to talk. He could sense the shift in your mood. Your shoulders were tighter, a little higher, as you chewed at your lips while he sped down the road, taking curves just a bit too fast. 

“Hannie, are you okay?” 

Rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses, Jeonghan only sighs at your words, keeping his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel. If you were asking that question, you knew the answer. You weren’t as dumb as you pretended to be at times. You had to know what you had done wrong and he wasn’t going to justify that question with an answer—at least not yet. 

You felt the tension rising so instead of pushing, you simply looked down at your phone in your hands and stopped talking. This had to be your fault. You had done something or said something without realizing it; Jeonghan was giving you time to figure it out. Getting so lost in your thoughts, you don’t realize that the two of you have parked until Jeonghan sighs again, bringing you back to reality. 

“You coming or not?” 

Furrowing your brows, you watch Jeonghan get out of the car and move towards the house only to stop and wait for you. Most times he would open your door and take your hand immediately, but apparently today was going to be different. Sliding from the seat, you carefully close the door before moving towards Jeonghan and his outstretched hand. If he was letting you hold his hand, he couldn’t be that upset with you, could he? 

“Y/N!” 

You smile, but it quickly fades at Jeonghan’s raised brow. You were happy to see your friends, but the grip tightening on your hand told you that you needed to stay right where you were. “Hi! Oh my god, you look so pretty.” 

Jeonghan’s eyes were on a swivel as you greeted your friends at his side. He hated these people and how almost all of them looked at you. He had enjoyed it at first. Any attention you got made me proud to be the one on your hand, but now he was starting to feel the tension rising in his throat. It was almost becoming too much; one more hug and he was going to lose it—but to his luck, you excuse them both in search of drinks and a place to sit down. 

Looking at the drink in your hand, Jeonghan sighs before bringing his drink to his lips and speaking between sips. “Don’t drink too much.” 

You had never been much of a partier but Jeonghan knew that. He knew that you’d get drunk from one or more cups of alcohol, and he was good to keep an eye on you. Smiling, you nod, taking smaller sips, hoping to make him proud of you, yet his expression never changes. “Thanks for bringing me to the party today, babe.” 

“Mm. We aren’t staying long so enjoy it while it lasts.” 

The arrival of Mingyu doesn’t go unnoticed by many, but especially not by Jeonghan. The idiot was too well liked by all of these stupid-ass people and the moment he was seen, they called out his name in excitement. Of course he would show up. Jeonghan could feel his blood boiling as he remembered how Mingyu had smiled at you and how close he had been standing. He couldn’t keep his hands off something that wasn’t his—maybe he needed to be told. 

Sliding from the seat next to you, Jeonghan squeezes your thigh and gives you a tight smile. “I’ll be right back.” He gestures to where you are sitting and nods. “Don’t move… So I can find you easily when I get back, alright?” 

Confusion evident on your face, you just nod and settle down in your seat more. “Oh—okay, Hannie. I’ll be here.” Reaching out to take Jeonghan’s hand as he starts to turn away, you tilt your head and try to keep your voice low enough others might not hear. “Are—you sure you’re okay?” 

Instead of answering you, Jeonghan just nods and leans down to brush his lips against yours, finally making you smile. “Stay put.” Not looking back, he lets your fingers trail from his as he heads in the direction of the bathrooms before taking a right out onto the patio, where he had seen Mingyu go a few minutes before. 

Mingyu enjoyed parties. He was a university student and fairly popular; this was his realm but sometimes it was nice to get a break from the music and loud voices. Taking a deep breath, Mingyu lets the smoke slowly billow out from between his lips as he rests the hand with his cigarette on it on his knee. It was a pretty night. The stars were almost visible even with all the lights and it was just cool enough for him to enjoy the feeling of his hoodie wrapped around him. Besides the low sounds of muffled music coming from behind the patio door, Mingyu was draped in quiet until the door opened and closed behind him. 

Jeonghan isn’t surprised when Mingyu doesn’t check to see who came out behind him. He was cocky and overly certain of himself. Leaving his hands in his jacket pocket, Jeonghan watches Mingyu for a few more seconds before letting out a low sigh into his words. “I need you to do something for me.” 

Furrowing his brows at the familiar voice, Mingyu glances back as he moves the cigarette from his lips in surprise. He doesn’t necessarily mean to scoff, but that’s the sound that leaves his mouth when he lets out a breath of smoke. What could Yoon Jeonghan possibly need from him? Why the fuck was he even talking to him? It wasn’t a secret that neither man liked the other. “Yeah? What’s that?” Offering his pack of cigarettes towards Jeonghan, Mingyu waits for Jeonghan to move but when he doesn’t, he just sighs again. “Fine, I’ll keep ‘em then.” 

So fucking sure of himself. Gritting his teeth to keep himself from losing his temper right away, Jeonghan stays where he is, watching Mingyu rest the cigarette between his lips and move to his feet so he can face him. 

“What—” 

“Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend.” 

The words hang in the air for a moment before Mingyu can’t help but laugh. Was he serious? It didn’t seem too serious, or at least it hadn’t until the cigarette was knocked onto the ground and Mingyu felt the siding of the house against his back. Catching his breath, he meets Jeonghan’s eyes and his brows tighten with frustration and confusion. “Get the hell off’a me, man! I—I haven’t done anything with Y/N! She’s my friend—” 

“She’s not and you’re a damn liar. You are always on her fuckin’ back.” Pushing Mingyu harder against the wall even as the larger man struggles to get out of this without a fight, Jeonghan glares at him. “Always trying to take something that doesn’t belong to you. Spoiled little prick…” 

Mingyu wants to fight back. He could easily push Jeonghan off him and probably get in a punch or two before the older could react, but that wasn’t who he was. Mingyu had never been one to fight with his fists. He never lifted a hand in anger unless it was necessary, and the more that Jeonghan got in his face, the more it was beginning to feel necessary. The look in Jeonghan’s eyes was crazy — more than that, it looked dangerous. Mingyu finds himself becoming nervous not just for himself but for you. “I—” 

“Shut the fuck up. I’m tired of hearing you speak, so just fuckin’ nod if you understand.” Nodding along with Mingyu, Jeonghan’s lips pull up slightly into a smirk as he pushes him back against the side of the house one more time and steps back. “Good boy. If I see you around her again, you’ll regret it. And that’s a promise.” He had gotten his point across. Mingyu looked small and scared; that was exactly how Jeonghan wanted him. 

It had been around ten minutes since Jeonghan had left you, but you were still right where he had told you to stay. Pouting at your cup, most of the alcohol still in it, you consider downing the rest but remember what Jeonghan had told you. He would be disappointed in you if he came back to find you with an empty cup, knowing you had drank too fast again. So instead you sit still even as your friends say hi and try to pull you up to dance with them. You find reasons to decline: you are tired from classes, you are feeling too drunk, so many excuses… 

“Your drink that interesting, angel?” 

Jeonghan’s voice puts a smile on your face and seems to lighten your mood instantly. He had called you angel again. He seemed to be in such a better mood than he had before. You could smell a bit of smoke on him, but it didn’t matter as you moved to your feet and wrapped your arms around his neck, listening to him chuckle near your lips. “Missed you. Where did you go?” 

This was his. You were his. Everything that was happening right now was exactly as it should be. Sliding his hands along your sides to your hips, Jeonghan closes the distance between his lips and yours with a satisfied hum. “Just to the bathroom. You finish your drink?” 

When you shake your head no, Jeonghan just nods, taking your cup and putting it to your lips, tipping it back carefully. “It’s a party, baby doll. You can enjoy it. I know I can be an asshol—” 

Licking your lips clean, you quickly shake your head and shift so you can kiss Jeonghan’s cheek, silencing him. “No way. You aren’t an asshole. You are just looking out for me.” You feel Jeonghan’s smile get wider at your words, his cheeks getting fuller under your lips before you pull back to take your cup and enjoy a larger sip. “Mm, I can enjoy this with you knowing you’ll keep me safe.” 

That he would. Nothing or no one would ever do anything to you while Jeonghan was around. “Of course. I love you.” 

Brightly smiling, you swoon at Jeonghan’s confession. You had heard him say it hundreds of times over the past couple of months, but it never stopped making you feel warm and safe. “I love you more.” Humming into your drink, you pout when you realize it's gone. “You want another drink too, Hannie?” 

Jeonghan scans the room quickly and smiles at you, offering you his cup and letting you take care of him this time. There was less for him to worry about now. He hadn’t seen Mingyu since their little talk and you were hanging all over him. He could let you go to the kitchen alone while he settled back into his seat and took in the music. 

Weaving through the crowd, you bite your bottom lip lightly when you finally make it to the kitchen. It was less crowded in here. The music was still loud and there were cups and snacks all over the counters, but somehow this room felt less stressful than the living room full of people. You fill your cup and Jeonghan’s before you start to turn back towards the living room only to stop in your tracks when Mingyu meets your eyes and quickly averts them down to his own cup. 

“Hey, Mingyu! I was wondering if you were just kidding earlier or if you were really comin—” 

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” 

Your eyes follow Mingyu as he turns out of the room and leaves, cutting you off. Maybe he was upset at how the conversation had gone before the party. You didn’t think it had been that serious, but perhaps you had really hurt his feelings. With a look of confusion and disappointment on your face, you move back through the sea of people to find Jeonghan. 

Taking his drink, he smiles into the sip even as you look at your own drink, lost in thought. He had seen Mingyu rush away from you and the disappointment on your face. At least one person had learned where they belonged today. 

“C‘mere, baby doll.” Patting his lap with his free hand, Jeonghan ushers you down to sit on his thighs before resting his chin on your shoulder, smiling next to your ear. “You having fun?” 

You nod, but still can’t shake the uneasy feeling in your stomach as you scan the crowd, feeling completely out of place for the first time.

“We are just very disappointed, honey…” 

This had become the weekly routine. You used to look forward to calls from your parents, your mother in particular but after your grades started to slip, you found yourself dreading the call. 

“I know you are trying to enjoy university and the boyfriend…” 

There it was. The real reason that your mom was in a bad mood. She hadn’t even met Jeonghan and she didn’t like him. It wasn’t fair. They should trust you and your judgment. You loved him and they should too. 

“Stop it, Mom. It’s not even that big of a deal.” This was a conversation that looped over and over again. “I’m gonna pass.” 

“Barely! You—dammit, Y/N. You were on the dean’s list. You were set to graduate top of your class. People are looking at you. Don’t you even want to be offered residency at a top hospital?” 

You were listening, but you also knew this routine. You’d feel like shit and try to push yourself more at the beginning of the week, but then you’d be so exhausted that you’d end up collapsing. There had been too many days lately where you’d barely make it back to your bed after classes and spending time with Jeonghan. Some nights you’d find yourself crashing at his apartment and rushing to class the next day. 

“I’m only saying this because I love you and I’m so truly concerned, honey. I think—we think that it would be best to let the boyfriend go.” 

“What?” There had been hints at your parents wanting you to break up with Jeonghan, but your mother had never come right out and said it before. You hear her start to speak again, explaining her reasoning, but your heart sinks with your own words. “Stay the fuck out of my life! Seriously, Mom! I hate this shit!” 

“Don’t raise your voice at me, Y/N Y/L/N!” Though the conversations had been tense, they had never reached this level before. It felt like more and more of your friendships and family relationships had become strained lately. All of them are pushing you away from Jeonghan and, at the same time, pushing you away from them. “He’s not worth ruining your life! I wasn’t going to say this but I think it’s time you heard it! Straighten up your life or you’re coming home. It’s not up for discussion, Y/N!” 

Tears roll down your cheeks and you try to speak through sobs only to hear your mother scream at you more over the phone. When it becomes too much, you close your phone and hang up on her, trying to run away from your disappointment and pain. 

You were crying. Even from where Mingyu was standing, he could tell. You looked defeated and maybe that was the reason he didn’t avoid you like he had started to. Glancing around for any signs of Jeonghan, Mingyu groans under his breath and lets his feet follow the concern digging into his heart. “Y/N? Are—hey, you okay?” 

Turning your face from Mingyu, you feel more tension in your chest when he speaks to you. He had been avoiding you for weeks now. At first, after the party, you had given him a few days but then each time he had seen you during class or in the hallway, he would turn the other direction or find a seat further away from you. It was painful to have Megan be mad at you but she could only avoid you so much; Mingyu felt harsher. He had always been kind to you. He was like a bright part of your day during classes and his light had been ripped away from you. 

Watching you try to walk past him, Mingyu groans under his breath again and reaches out to stop you, feeling you shrug your shoulder to get his hand off. “I… listen to me. I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. You’re crying!” 

You scoff and still avoid his eyes, though your words are harsh and full of your own pain. “Like you even care.” 

Mingyu furrows his brows and shakes his head. Perhaps he deserved this a little bit, but he had only done what Jeonghan had told him to do. It didn’t seem fair for you to lash out at him when he was trying to respect you and heed Jeonghan’s threats. “Hey—that’s not… I do care! I’m not an asshole, Y/N.” 

Scoffing again, you finally meet Mingyu’s eyes. “Could’a fooled me.” 

You see the string snap in Mingyu even as you try to walk away again only to be pulled back by your wrist. “That’s not fair! I— dammit, Y/N. I— stop walking away.” Letting you jerk your hand from his, he sighs your name and stays still even as your eyes dig into him like daggers. “Something’s wrong with you. It’s been wrong for a while now and we both know what it is. It’s Jeonghan!” 

Oh, so him too. Of course he’d be like this. He avoided you for weeks and now he’s got so much to say. Your heart pounds in your chest as you glare at him and shake your head. “No! He’s fine. He’s— he loves me and I love him. Why is everyone being like th—”

“He’s a possessive asshole, Y/N! You are so blinded by him you don’t see it.” Taking a step forward, Mingyu knows he should just let this go but someone needs to try to make you see it. “He threatened me and told me to leave you alone. He said I’d regret it! You think I wanna act like this? Be for real, Y/N and open your eyes.” 

You start to speak, tears clouding your vision when you think back to the party and the moment that Mingyu had started avoiding you. Jeonghan’s behavior had changed so much from one moment to the next, but he’d never—

“Get in the fuckin’ car, Y/N!” 

The sound of tires against pavement near you and Jeonghan’s angry voice make you stop and you both look towards the red Corvette idling next to you on the road. You didn’t know that Jeonghan was coming to visit, but then again, it wasn’t like he asked or told you. He just did. Ignoring Mingyu’s quiet pleas for you not to get into the car, you shrug his hand from your arm one more time before sliding into the seat and slamming the door. 

Watching Mingyu in the rearview mirror, Jeonghan tightens his hands on the steering wheel hard, causing his knuckles to turn white. You were crying but he wasn’t in the mood to listen to it. “Stop whining…” 

You try to suck back your tears, wrapping your arms around you, feeling Jeonghan’s anger radiating towards you from his seat. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. Mingyu was just—” You start and stop when Jeonghan scoffs under his breath. “I’m just trying to tell you what was happening, Jeonghan.” 

“I know what was happening, Y/N! I’m not a fuckin’ moron.” Slamming on the brakes, Jeonghan puts the car into park and glares at you as you put your hand to your chest where your seatbelt caught you. “Why the fuck are you out here acting like a whore? Huh? Am I not good enough for you, Princess?” 

Jeonghan sees more confusion spread across your face, but he doesn’t give you time to speak. There was still plenty he needed and wanted to say. “You get some cock from me and suddenly you’re a slut? Gonna take any from anyone?” 

“No! What?! Hannie—” 

“Don’t Hannie me.” Putting the car back into drive, Jeonghan slams his foot down on the gas even as you whine his name and hold tightly to the handle above the door. 

“Stop. Please? I really didn’t do anything wrong.” Clearly that wasn’t what Jeonghan wanted to hear, as he takes a turn so fast that the tires squeal and make your stomach flip. “I’m scared, Jeonghan! I’m sorry! Please?!” 

With another turn taken too sharply, Jeonghan scoffs under his breath and only speeds up. He knew he was frightening you, but not even your pleas for forgiveness were making a difference right now. It isn’t until you scream his name and tell him to let you out of the car that he seems to come back to his senses, letting off the gas. 

“Wh—Y/N…” 

“Don’t! Let me out!” 

Panic starts to rise in Jeonghan as he pulls his car over to the side of the road and reaches out for your hands, only for you to pull them back. “Baby! I’m sorry! I just got so pissed off!” 

That was an understatement and after most of what you had seen with Jeonghan and experienced, you would easily accept his apology. This time, however, your stomach was in your throat. You had felt true fear waiting for him to take one turn just a hair wrong and for the car to collide with something else. Everything you had heard from Megan, your mother, and Mingyu flashes through your mind in just a few seconds when you meet Jeonghan’s eyes, barely hearing him plead for your forgiveness. 

“I’m an idiot! I don’t know what I was thinking! I just—I love you so fuckin’ much that it makes me a little crazy sometimes.” Trying to grab your hands again, Jeonghan feels tears prick at his eyes as you smack his away and reach for the door, pushing it open. “Where are you going? Baby, get back in the fuckin’ car! We are in the middle of nowhere! Least let me take you home…” 

“No! I’m done, Jeonghan!” You were having a hard time believing yourself, but you managed enough conviction in your voice to get your point across and to see the realization move over Jeonghan’s face. 

“No! What do you mean you’re done?!” Jeonghan watches in horror as you open your phone and put it to your ear, calling someone. You weren’t letting him take you home. You were refusing to get back in the car. Yes, he could get out and force you back in, but the realization of what he had just done sits on him like a pile of bricks. How had he let himself go that far? He could have killed you both because he was angry. “Baby! Who are you calling?” 

Ignoring Jeonghan even as he gets out of the car, leaning over the top to plead with you more, you hold your phone tighter to your ear, feeling relief wash over you when you hear a confused “hello?” “I need help. Can you come get me?” Walking away from Jeonghan’s car, you hear your name frantically called behind you even as you try to ignore it. 

“Yeah… Where are you? I’m leaving right now.” Mingyu could hear Jeonghan’s voice in the background and he sounded pissed. He had been terrified when you got into his car and watched the Corvette take off with reckless abandon. “Are you okay, Y/N? Do—should I call the police?” 

Running his hands over his face, your name dies on Jeonghan’s tongue as you continue to walk away from him. He had done it this time. Maybe if he let you get some time to yourself, you’d realize how bad of a decision this was—but even as the thought occurred to him, he knew that wouldn’t happen. He had fucked up this time. 

How truly fucked up he was didn’t hit him until he saw the black Impala pull up next to you and he watched you get into the passenger seat. He knew whose car that was and even though the man avoided his eyes, he knew you had called Kim Mingyu to come get you. This was worse than you breaking up with him. This was a stab to the gut as he watched Mingyu turn in the road and head back towards the university with you in tow. 

When you wake up, you are almost afraid to look at your phone. Every single day had been like living in limbo since you had broken up with Jeonghan. You always had dozens of missed calls and even more text messages for you to ignore. You had read them at first; they always ranged from devastated to furious, but you never answered them. You had made a promise that you wouldn’t. It wasn’t just a promise to friends, but also one to yourself. 

It had taken over a week for you to get rid of the instinct to run to Jeonghan to escape this painful feeling in your heart. You were broken, but you hadn’t realized how much until you were forcing yourself to stay away from him. 

At first you slept even less than you had before. You cried yourself to sleep and then finally you started to sleep too much. The depression hit you like waves no matter who was by your side trying to help you through it. You had thought that you had pushed away everyone. That had been the first thought you had after coming home, that no one would want to be around you like they were before—but instead you found yourself surrounded with even more love and care. 

“Y/N, babe… Let me block him. I know you don’t wanna do it, but I can—” 

“Not yet.”

Megan had been your biggest supporter. You had gotten out of Mingyu’s car and fell right into her arms. She had spent days making sure you were eating and keeping yourself clean. Your mind had let you think that she hated you and wanted you to fail, but like Jeonghan’s many pretty words, that was also a lie. 

“She’ll do it when she’s ready. Come on, try to sit up and eat.” 

Mingyu had been right there too. You wouldn’t have blamed him if he had rid you from his life completely after everything had happened, but instead he stayed. He didn’t push for anything; he only offered. All you felt when you looked at him now was regret for how you had treated him and how you had let Jeonghan treat him—though he’d never accept your apology for it. He just reminded you how it wasn’t your fault and he’d never think it was. 

It would take you a while to get past this. You still felt Jeonghan in your heart. You could still hear him tell you that he loved you—but as the days faded into one another, you started to question it more. Had he ever really loved you, or were you just a prize that he had wanted to keep?

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[junkissed]

i can’t believe i have to make this post, but if people could please read this and reblog to spread awareness to get this taken down i would appreciate it!!

‼️THIS POLY.AI USER IS USING MY FANFIC WITHOUT PERMISSION‼️

i am aware that my fics are posted publicly, and that they’re fanfiction, not my original characters. HOWEVER, this is my original writing that was copy and pasted word for word for someone else’s public use without my knowledge or permission, which i do not allow. i specifically state this in multiple places everywhere that i post my works.

you can take inspiration from my fics. I DON’T APPRECIATE taking my exact words and putting it into another application for your own benefit.

the user is @ guest_4cwin and the specific bot is “william bonney” with the CID 8N46M. the app is POLY.AI. my original fanfic is called “preacher’s daughter” — posted only on tumblr and wattpad by me, under @ petrichor-han.

they also seem to have a lot of other bots — from k-pop (i saw jungkook specifically) to sonic to manhwa characters — so i would check to see if that’s been taken from other fanfics as well.

no hate to this individual, i just want do not want my writing used in their bots.

tagging mutuals for reach: @dreamescapeswriting @redsaurrce @crowhyun @moonhoures @sunhoures @fallinforgyu @bruh-changbin @sweetiehyuka @sulfurcosmos @flowered-mp3 @noramoons @hoes4hoseok @parkerflix @ichorai @neo-shitty @decembermoonskz @sorikkung @nightlychans @planetdream @junkissed @agustdiv1ne @lotus-dly @sungbeam @end-hyphen @moonwqves @aeristudios @hannieween @seokgyuu @onlymingyus @chvnnie @diamonddaze01

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SCREAMMMNFNDJDNKDDKDKD

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a single tear rolled down my cheek

[junkissed]

JUNE WAKE UP BLOND JUN COMEBACK

WAIT REALLY 🧍‍♀️ i saw pics from a fansite i follow but i thought they were just posting old photos ndjfndja am i stupid

[junkissed]

not posting about this any more because unlike some of yall i have a life and job and i'm not harassing people online 💜

[junkissed]

okay so i know everyone is mad at the other anon for bringing up AI, but like… isn’t it kinda fair to say that once you publish a teaser or fic, and then don’t update it for months, it’s natural for readers to want closure in their own way? idk… i feel like that anon was being really polite with you. they even said it was just for personal use and like ai exists to make life easier?? so why is it such a crime to want to see the ending if the writer isn’t giving one? isn’t that the whole point of technology? you didn’t have to be that mad at them. you could’ve just said no without cursing and yelling. i’m sorry but it just feels a bit much. and tbh if they didn’t ask and used gpt anyway, you wouldn’t even know, so what’s the point of being so aggressive?

anyway i know people are gonna lunge at me for saying this but… not everyone who disagrees with you is a villain. just something to think about

i will start with the obvious. AI models 'learn' from the content fed into it. it regurgitates and steals content from human writers, whether it's our style/voice/tone or our actual words. our work is repurposed without our permission. "not everyone who disagrees with you is a villain," yes, but anyone who enables this system is.

"they even said it was just for personal use and like ai exists to make life easier??" at whose expense? mine? i write for enjoyment and community. i do not HAVE to make fanfiction. no one does. no writer owes you ANYTHING, even if they publish it online.

i am not about to apologize for "being so aggressive," or "screaming," or "yelling." this will be the last i say on this, so let me make my stance as crystal clear as possible. anon, and to anyone else who agrees with this anon: get off my fucking blog. shit, get off fandom spaces. do not interact with any of my work, or any fanfic writer's work, ever again.