#*breaking down* | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

superhaught · 7 months ago

Text

Breaking Down (Chapter Three)

Pairing: Leighton Murray & Reader, Leighton Murray x Tatum (background)

Warning(s): description of panic attack and vomiting, slight reference to eating disorder, angst

Words: 1600, Part 3/?

Part 1 / Part 2

Leighton attends the fundraising party for the Women's Center and things go badly. Luckily, reader is there to help again.

You attended the Women’s Center Fundraiser party dressed in an outfit that you hoped was giving “Shane from the L Word’s leather ensemble.” Not that you really saw yourself as a “Shane,” you just wanted to look hot.

You were leaning against a wall, drinking a mocktail and talking with two of your friends, one dressed as Santana Lopez and the other in a “League of Their Own” style uniform, when Leighton Murray entered the door to the Women’s Center.

Her costume was unmistakable - Cate Blanchett in “Carol.” Absolutely classic. You smiled and tried to catch her eye, which felt foolish. You doubted that she would remember you. It had been a number of days since you met her mid-panic attack and she hadn’t texted you.

But Leighton saw you and her eyes lit up with recognition. She smiled and gave you a polite wave of her fingers, which you returned. She looked like she was going to approach you, but then her eyes darted elsewhere, your friend asked you a question, and you lost sight of Leighton in the crowd.

The night continued uneventfully. You kept catching glances of Leighton; first, talking to Alicia (dressed as Elton John, Leighton’s ex - you were informed), and later, on the arm of a blonde you didn’t know (notably not in costume, Leighton’s current girlfriend, not her doppleganger as her appearance would suggest. Tatum, junior - you were told).

Your friends caught your eyes following Leighton throughout the party and they teased you but indulged you anyways, supplying you with the context about who Leighton was with, likely to alert you to the fact that the girl who you were so clearly crushing on was not available.

Your group was on your third round of drinks (just orange and cranberry juice for you, bottom shelf vodka with about as much juice as found in a LaCroix for them) and dancing along to the party music. But no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t keep your eyes off the blonde.

Leighton and Tatum were examining the table of auction items. Leighton was smiling and reading the description of every item. Tatum was making a disgusted face as she picked up a handmade pinch-pot.

You couldn’t hear what went down, but visually, the couple clearly got into an argument. After a moment of the heated exchange, Tatum stormed out of the building and slammed the door behind her. Leighton was frozen in place for a second before Alicia swooped in to talk to her.

You grimaced at the scene. Your friend gently touched your arm, “she’s like… the epicenter of lesbian drama, you really should let her go.”

You frowned, “yeah… maybe you’re right.”

Alicia left Leighton in peace and Leighton quickly darted to where drinks were being served. She angrily threw back two shots of vodka in rapid succession and then began counting in her head while waiting for the bartender to pour her a third.

Leighton felt like the room was spinning. She wasn’t that drunk already, was she? Over the next few minutes, she became a victim to an onslaught of sensations: her throat tightened, her mouth filled with weirdly warm saliva, her ribs hurt, her hands tremored and all she could hear was her own racing heart pounding in her ears.

Leighton beelined for the bathroom and barely got the door locked before she was retching into the toilet, this time, completely involuntarily.

She started sobbing as she flushed the toilet and the sobbing quickly evolved into hyperventilating. Leighton crouched on the floor and hugged her knees to her chest while spiraling down into the worst panic attack she’d ever had.

Almost an hour passed and you hadn’t seen Leighton reappear after she had spoken with Alicia.

“I’ll be right back,” you told your friends as you walked away and approached the brunette, “hey, Alicia, do you know where Leighton is?”

“Oh, um, I think she was going to grab a drink? Why?”

“I’m just looking for her, thanks.”

You started to squeeze between people at the party, heading toward the drinks.

When you passed the bathroom, you saw someone banging on the door and shouting, “come on, you’ve been in there for like thirty minutes! I gotta piss!”

There was no answer from inside the bathroom. The yelling party guest tried the door handle again and it was locked.

You slid past the shouting person and knocked on the door, “hey, uh, Leighton? Is that you in there? It’s… it’s your genie…”

You heard a gasp and a sniffle from inside the bathroom and then the door unlocked. You grabbed the handle and opened the door.

“Hey what the fuck? No cutting the line!”

“Find somewhere else to piss!” You responded before closing and locking the door again and finding yourself standing over the form of Leighton Murray crouching on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down her face.

Leighton could barely speak while hyperventilating, she choked out words between gasps for air, “it’s… happ- happening… again!”

You knelt down beside her and wrapped your arms around her, “Leighton it’s okay… you’re safe. You’re going to be alright.”

Leighton trembled in your arms and continued to sob. Her breathing was ragged and high in her throat. She gripped your forearm tightly and nearly carved crescent moons into your skin with her nails but you didn’t mind.

You slid the fur coat she was wearing off her shoulders and untied the costume scarf around her head, “is this okay?”

She nodded, so you took the pins out of her updo and ran your fingers through her hair to ease it out of the tight style and let it fall down her back.

Slowly but surely, Leighton calmed. Enough, at least, to speak, “I hate this… I wish this wouldn’t keep happening… I’m falling apart…”

“Oh, Leighton…” you hugged her as tight as you could and rubbed her back.

She buried her face into the crook of your neck while her crying slowed and her breathing continued to steady. Leighton sniffled, pulled away slightly and wiped her nose on her sleeve, “I’m… I’m such a fucking mess…”

You wiped the streaks of tears off of her cheek with the back of your hand. You didn’t have the faintest idea of what to say at this moment so you just remained quiet, giving her the option to fill the silence if she wanted to.

“Why… Why do you keep rescuing me?”

“I don’t know, Leighton… it just seems like you need it right now."

She stared at you for a moment with wide eyes, wet and red from crying, “what do I do?”

“Let's just focus on getting you out of here, kay?”

Leighton nodded.

You took her hands and slowly stood with her, “there, take it slow, that’s it. I’ve got you.”

You led Leighton out of the party with your arm around her shoulder and the other hand holding hers.

Leighton interlaced her fingers with yours and squeezed you so tight that it almost hurt. Once you were outside of the building, she took a deep breath of chilly air and closed her eyes for a moment.

When she was ready, you started along the path to her dorm, which you knew now.

“Can I make a strange request?” she asked softly.

“What’s up?”

“Could… could I maybe crash at yours? Just for tonight, of course… I don’t… I don’t want to go back to my room…”

“You’re sure that’s what you want?”

Leighton nodded nervously.

“Then, yes, of course. You can come to my dorm.”

You instructed Leighton to sit on your bed while you grabbed a pajama shirt and sweatshorts of yours for her to sleep in.

Handing her the folded clothes, you said, “the bathroom is just through there. Do you need anything else? I think I have a backup toothbrush around here somewhere…”

“I… that would be nice… are you sure this is okay?”

“It’s totally okay, I promise.”

You found an unopened toothbrush and gave it to her and Leighton went into the bathroom to change.

She came back out a few minutes later while you were laying a blanket and pillow on your futon couch and opening it up to it’s flat position.

“Thank you,” Leighton began, “you’re really a godsend.”

You smiled, “you’re welcome, but it’s nothing really. I’m happy to help. The bed is all yours, I’ll sleep here tonight.”

“What? No, no! I’m the one crashing let me take the couch-”

“No, Leighton. Please, take the bed. I want you to.”

“That’s… really sweet.”

“Are you ready for bed now, or do you want to do something to wind down first? We could watch something, or whatever you want really.”

Leighton smiled softly, “I’d like that. I should also text my roommates so they know I’m not dead.”

“Good idea,” you sat down and opened up your laptop, loading Netflix, “ooh do you want popcorn?”

Leighton’s eyes lit up, “you have popcorn?!”

“Yeah, just the microwave kind. Is that okay?”

“That sounds incredible right now.”

Leighton texted her suitemates that she was okay while you popped popcorn in the dorm kitchen on your floor and then you found yourselves sitting beside each other on your bed with your laptop in your lap. You ate popcorn and watched the pilot of The Good Place and laughed until Leighton was fast asleep on your shoulder.

You turned the show off and carefully slid out from beneath Leighton’s head while laying her down on the pillow. She stirred while you put the blankets over her and cracked an eye open.

“Hey, you fell asleep…”

“Mmmkay… g’night…” she mumbled.

You giggled, “night, Leighton. See you in the morning.”

“Mmhmm…” Leighton closed her eyes again and was out like a light.

#leighton murray #leighton murray fanfiction #leighton murray & reader #the sex lives of college girls #tslocg #reneé rapp #my fanfiction #my writing #original writing #breaking down

134 notes · View notes

superhaught · 8 months ago

Text

Breaking Down (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Leighton X Tatum

Warnings: eating disorder, description of vomiting, angst, smut (brief/not super explicit)

Word Count: 2000, Part 2/?

Part 1 / Part 3

Leighton's anxiety continues to have aftershocks. She feels insecure about herself and in her relationship with Tatum.

Leighton tossed her heels on the ground and crashed onto the couch in the common area of her suite when she got inside. She groaned and scrolled through her phone for a bit, wanting to decompress before going to bed.

It didn’t seem like the other girls were home. Leighton felt weirdly lonely and she was still reeling from the earlier panic attack. She considered immediately texting the sweet person that she had just met but thought that would look really desperate so she didn’t.

She scrolled for a bit longer and then went into her room with the intention of getting ready for bed. She looked at herself in her floor-length mirror and frowned upon seeing how bloated she looked. She turned to look at her side profile and she sucked in her stomach but still just felt disgusting. She thought about everything she ate at dinner with Tatum and their dad and that feeling of anxiety she had been fighting all night came rushing right back.

Leighton went to the single stall bathroom on their floor and leaned over the toilet as she gagged herself and threw up everything that she ate.

There came a point where her brain just turned off and she focused on feeling empty. Empty of thought. Empty of feeling. Empty of food.

A few minutes later, she wiped her face with a paper towel and rinsed her mouth out with tap water and felt good as new. She went back to her room and was surprised to see Tatum standing outside of her suite door, waiting.

“Tatum?”

The other blonde looked up from her phone and smiled at Leighton, “hey you, I didn’t want to go to bed without saying goodnight, and I didn’t want to leave things the way we did at dinner.”

Leighton nodded and feigned a smile, “come on in, then.”

Leighton and Tatum went into the younger girl’s dorm and sat down on the couch in the common area together.

“Are you okay? You know, after telling your dad?”

Leighton genuinely thought for a moment about telling Tatum the truth about how she felt about the whole thing, but for some reason, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wanted Tatum to see her as perfect, She didn’t want Tatum to see the cracks that she kept hidden.

“I’m really fine, Tatum, and I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. What’s done is done.”

Tatum wasn’t stupid, she could tell that Leighton was being less than forthcoming, but she didn’t really want to push it either, “alright, Leighton. If you say so.”

Leighton felt satisfied, “now, do you think, you could maybe help me with something?”

“What’s that?”

“Can you make it so that I don’t have to think anymore tonight?”

Tatum raised an eyebrow and gave her girlfriend a cheeky grin.

The girls went into Leighton’s room and Tatum pressed Leighton up against the bedroom door and made out with her adoringly. Leighton blissfully let herself go and let the intimacy with the older blonde numb her mind. She grabbed Tatum’s ass and let her take her to the bed and give her the pleasure she so desperately needed.

The couple got under the covers together and Tatum slid her hand down Leighton’s body and gave Leighton her fingers until Leighton came undone, no longer tormented by any of her anxieties for a short while.

After that, Leighton quickly gave in to sleep, the exhaustion from the night forcing her body to quit. Tatum smiled and gave Leighton a soft kiss on the forehead before taking her leave, conveniently timed with Bela coming in for the night.

Leighton slept in considerably the following morning, feeling completely drained from the panic attack and everything that followed. Her suitemates didn’t want to wake her unnecessarily, so they just let her sleep through the Saturday morning. Kimberly saved her some pancakes and coffee from the dining hall before heading out for her shift at Sips. Bela left for the day to go work on some writing, and Whitney hunkered down in the common area to study.

At 1 PM, Leighton still hadn’t awoken. Whitney was starting to worry and was about to check in on Leighton when there was a polite knock on the door. She answered and was surprised to see Tatum and Leighton’s father, Henry, standing out in the hall.

The blonde glanced around then turned to Whitney, “is Leighton alright? She hasn’t answered my texts this morning…”

“She’s still asleep. You’re welcome to go in and check on her, we just didn’t want to bother her. Is everything alright?”

“That’s what we’re here to find out,” Tatum answered. Henry Murray came inside and sat down on the couch while Tatum went over to Leighton’s room, knocking gently before opening the door and quietly going inside. Tatum set her bag down on the floor and crawled into the bed with her sleeping girlfriend, wrapping her arms around Leighton and pressing soft kisses on the side of her neck to wake her.

Leighton stirred and cracked an eye open. Seeing Tatum, she smiled and closed her eyes again, “mmm hi baby…”

“Hi sleepyhead, it’s pretty late in the day… Are you okay?”

Leighton groaned, “why do you keep asking that?”

“Well, if I’m being honest, you worried me last night. And your dad, too.”

“What? My dad?”

“He’s out in the living room, we’d really like to talk to you if that’s okay.”

Leighton sat up straight, suddenly very alert, “what?” Leighton quickly got out of bed and side-stepped Tatum and went out into the living room. Whitney made eye contact with her roommate and left to give them all privacy to talk.

“Dad, what are you doing here? I thought you were heading back home.”

Henry stood up and faced his daughter, “Hi honey, I just wanted to check in with you one more time before leaving. I ran into Tatum and we both expressed that we were feeling worried about you.”

“I don’t understand… Why are you worried about me? I'm literally fine.”

“Can you please sit down, sweetie?” Henry asked.

Leighton looked to Tatum who echoed Leighton’s dad, “Please, Leight, we just want to talk.”

Leighton’s eyes filled with panic but she sat down in a chair across from her dad and Tatum sat down, too.

Henry reached out and took Leighton’s hand in his, “honey, it’s just that, it’s only your second trimester at school and I feel like you’ve already been through so much. Too much for any one person to be able to handle alone.”

“I’m not alone! I have Tatum and my roommates-”

“You’re not confiding in me, and I don’t think you’re letting your roommates in, either.” Tatum says.

“I don’t want to see the same thing that happened with your friends from high school happen again, Leight. If you’re struggling, the people who love you want to help you.”

Leighton couldn’t believe what she was hearing from her dad. She dropped her head into her hands and started to shake.

Henry continued, “Tatum, do you think you could give us a minute?”

Leighton felt Tatum lightly rub her shoulder and then leave the suite.

“Leighton, I think I know what’s going on.”

“You have no idea, dad… you don’t…”

“Then tell me.”

Leighton took a deep breath and then finally spilled everything to her dad. She sobbed as she told him about all of her stresses and anxieties. She explained how hard it’s been to make friends outside of her roommates, how heartbroken she was (and is) over Alicia, how navigating being queer on campus has been a nightmare, how doing well in her classes has only intensified her crippling fear of failure, how she doesn’t have Nico’s guidance anymore, how scared she is of disappointing her family, and how desperate she is to look good and be thin.

Henry held her hand and listened to it all as Leighton bared her soul, revealing the panic attacks, the eating disorder, and the relationship drama.

They talked for a while, Leighton eventually ended up joining her father on the couch and curled up beside him like she would have when she was little. He validated her fears and reminded her how important it was that she take care of her health.

Leighton got a text on her phone so she looked at it for the first time that morning. The most recent text was from Tatum and it read, I had to go but I will check in later, okay? There were a few other texts from Tatum throughout the morning, but there was also a message from Alicia that was sent late the previous night: thinking about you, can we meet up soon? Leighton sighed and set her phone face down.

“How are things with Tatum? You seem like you really like her.”

“I do really like her. She’s really great, but I don’t know… sometimes I feel like we’re not the right fit for each other. Someone totally random helped me through my panic attack last night… and I felt more safe then to just exist as myself than I do with Tatum or did with Alicia… but I don’t know…”

“If you don’t feel like you can be yourself in a relationship, then that relationship isn’t a safe space for you. But, I can tell that Tatum does care for you. She was very concerned about you and could sense that you were hiding it from her.”

“I’m not trying to hurt her…”

“I know that, honey, and I think she does, too.”

Leighton and her dad sat quietly for a while and then Henry asked, “well, kiddo, what’s our next step? I think it would be best for me to broach the subject with your mother first, but maybe you should facetime your brother soon. And, you and I can talk about setting you up with a therapist to talk about the anxiety and the eating disorder. How does that sound?”

Leighton nodded, “yeah… that sounds good.”

Leighton’s dad gave her a kiss on her head and said, “no more trying to be someone else, just be the incredible woman that you already are.”

Later that afternoon, Henry left for his flight back to New York and Leighton showered and caught up with Tatum around dinnertime. When Leighton found her in the dining hall, she immediately ran up and wrapped Tatum in a hug. Tatum smiled and rubbed Leighton’s back and then pulled back to give her a kiss.

“You interventioned me and you didn’t even know the extent of what was going on…”

Tatum winced slightly, “I know, are you mad?”

Leighton shook her head, “No, I’m grateful. I really needed that with my dad, so thank you. And I’m sorry for not letting you in.”

“Look, Leighton, if there are things that you don’t want to share with me, I understand that. I just want to make sure you have someone, okay?”

Leighton nodded slowly, “I’m just worried that I might be a completely different person than the version of me that I’ve curated for you.”

Tatum furrowed her brows, “what do you mean? I think I know who you are pretty well, we’re like, cut from the same cloth.”

“Yeah… I guess.” Leighton considered Tatum’s words and knew that they worried her, but she really did like being with Tatum and she wanted to keep trying to make it work. “The Women’s Center is hosting a fundraising auction in a few days, will you come with me? I think you should meet some of my friends at the Women’s Center and see what it’s like there. It’s also a costume party!”

Tatum hesitated to answer at first but then said, “I will go with you, but you cannot make me wear a costume.”

Leighton grinned, “and you can’t keep me from trying!”

Next Chapter

#leighton murray #tslocg #the sex lives of college girls #leighton x tatum #leighton murray fanfiction #renee rapp #my fanfiction #my writing #breaking down

109 notes · View notes