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triaelf9 · 1 month ago

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Just a lil post about Taash and how I'm feeling about how ppl are reacting to them as someone who relates to them very strongly not only on the gender journey front, but also on the mom-issues front.

Cut for length b/c of course this won't actually be a "little" post lol

So I hear a lot of "Taash is too young" "Taash acts like a child" "Taash is too brash" "Taash has wildly binary views of the world" "Taash is thinks their reality is the world's reality" etc etc etc

And I'm here to say that as someone who realized that non-binary was a thing later in life, grew up trying to be them, but society was not only unwelcoming to that, but openly hostile at points, with a mom who had totally different interests, who very much wanted to protect them from the outside world to a point where it left them unprepared to deal with nuances of the world, etc, a mom who thought they were "just doing their best" but was never meant to be a mom, and never wanted to be a mom, didn't have the tools for mom-hood, who wanted to protect their child, but had no real idea how, and how every comment turned into the mom trying to steer her kid the right way, but just came out as a dig or a "you're not good enough" remark, AND looking after your mom in a world that is wholly unsuited to her, that she can't really adapt to and fit into, and kinda becoming her mom to a point so that your life completely revolves around her until you leave home?

Yeah. I get Taash. It's actually kinda freaky how, fantasy elements aside, I get Taash on a frightening level. (aside from the dragon stuff, we're both the same with that HELL YEAH DRAGONS)

Taash doesn't read young to me because I've always read young because of how I was raised. I didn't get the chance to figure myself out until I left home. I also had the benefit of being able to leave for college at a younger age, and got a chance to experience things away from my mom earlier. But seeing things in such a binary way, that's how it is when you're protected like that.

You don't want to admit how similar you are to how your mom sees the world, b/c she sees it in one way, and as you go through life, you get to learn differently. You come out of this situation INCREDIBLY judgmental at first. Why aren't THESE things conforming to MY reality. You come across as brash and childish. And when you get treated as such, it's triggering b/c that's how your mom treats you.

You hate how you look, you think you look like a freak b/c your mom is constantly commenting on your appearance. She does it out of love (she wants you to be healthy & not mocked by your peers) but she doesn't consider that constantly telling you not to look a certain way does damage. My self confidence only recovered in my thirties. I'm 4 days from my 38th birthday, and it took getting pregnant to finally be like "you know what, I don't hate myself & my body" which is MASSIVE for me.

So where do we get our self confidence? In things we enjoy, in hyperfocuses that we're good at. For me that's comics, naginata, fantasy & DA lore lol XD For Taash it's dragons, fighting, and working out. And when we falter there, it's devastating b/c it's the only way we can feel good about ourselves b/c our SELVES are disconnected and tucked away b/c they make us feel bad.

So I totally get how Taash reads to people. The autism aspects are more like my wife (who is autistic & has issues with social cues, while I'm HYPER AWARE of social stuff which fuels my anxiety b/c of the type of person my mom was and how I had to look after her), but I get it.

But it makes me sad when I hear people dunk on Taash as "bad writing" and "unrealistic" and "annoying" and it's like...is that how you see people like that? Is that how you see me and people like my wife? I feel like people aren't willing to look deeper so often (an issue with all the companions tbh & some day I'll have to get into my Davrin feels b/c BOY do I have them. Neve too, WHOOF) but I feel like if you do that in a game, I hope you don't do that irl.

anyway TLDR this is a Taash defense post b/c while they have a lot of issues, stuff they need to work out & have wrong opinions on stuff, they're growing, they're learning & they have to do it later than most. They're an incredibly complicated character with tons of nuance, and I can't wait to get deeper into their story and banter with companions in round 2 of my playthroughs, and then again in round 3

Sorry this is too long, and I'm sure not all of this was intended when they were written, but this is how it all clicked with me as someone who has lived a large portion of that stuff. Like, again, I'm nearly fucking FOURTY and I don't feel like I should be there yet b/c I started so far back. It ALSO doesn't help that ADHD wild child I was, I was held back in preschool b/c neurodivergence also makes a kid read younger, AND the choice to have me be the youngest in the class would have been a very bad one. So I'm older than most of my peers BUT I've always read younger, felt younger, and have had a sore spot when it comes to all that.

Thank you for coming to my Taash Talk, I'll be here all week to think about more stuff, including how their body makes them read as lady, and they're not sure how to feel about that, but they don't want to CHANGE it, but is it right?

ANYWHO this is why Taash is a fascinating character & deserves better than to be regulated to "annoying kid"

#dragon age #taash #datv spoilers #my spoiler tag #dragon age the veilguard #da companion deep dive #warning for Elaine childhood discussion too lol #mom trauma #this post is more of a vent place than anything #but if you like the digging into “why person like that” stuff on characters #you might like this too #also for anyone pulling a “find me one person who actually is like Taash b/c it's soooo unrealistic” it's me you found the one person #there are other ppl too of course but here I am

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dyemelikeasunset · 1 year ago

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(jfc 3K word count blurb about my babygirls I GUESS. This takes place between the end of you&i and t he beginning of dom&mor)

---

After all of that was taken care of, but before they moved in together, Morgan and Dom spent several months working on themselves.

Mor was doing her best not to UHaul like she did with her past relationships. Part of her was hoping Dominique didn't even know what it meant, part of her also hoped Dom would ask first. But she was patient, she had to be patient. Domi was doing physical therapy and getting back in touch with her agency, getting her life back together.

Morgan was too-- she was still juggling her mental health and work, and she knew they both had to take it slow-- but the nights alone were getting harder and harder. On the best nights, Mor would get restless and not be able to stop thinking about Domi, wondering how she was doing, if she was eating, if she was lonely, if she missed Mor the same way.

On the worst nights alone, she kept remembering everything that happened and still felt anxiety being in her apartment by herself. It was gone now-- that's what Domi told her every time she visited, and Whisper didn't hiss at the closet anymore-- but the bad memories always swirled together into an unease and emptiness that made the apartment linger with an aura.

But it was too soon to think about how they would progress their relationship. Too soon to start thinking about moving in. Truthfully, Mor didn't even know if Dom wanted to live together. She tried not to think about that possibility.

---

It took a full month after Domi's physical therapy ended before she invited Mor to come to her place. She promised she'd gotten more furniture. "There's, um, I have a couch now," Dom had told Morgan shyly on the phone. Mor couldn't help but laugh incredulously, but gently. She was proud of her and agreed to visit.

Mor hadn't been to Dom's apartment since everything had happened. It wasn't until she was pulling up to the highrise complex that she realized it was actually her first time driving there. She texted Dom if she could park in her designated parking spot. Dom texted back that she forgot she had one, and then, "Of course you can park there. You know I don't have a car, you can always park there from now on." Mor could practically hear that shy little smile in Dom's voice from her text. Before that moment, Morgan didn't know parking could feel romantic.

Domi had ordered in dinner and had it all set out on the table by the time Mor came through the door. The apartment was still abysmally empty, but there was a couch, as promised. Mor knew she was working on it, on having things to call her own, but kept trying to tell herself it was Dom's minimalist aesthetic to keep herself from worrying.

They ate, talked, updated each other on how life was going. Mor found herself rambling about her latest project while tangled up in Domi's long legs on the new couch. Dom was watching her with that fascinated and warm look in her eyes, that look that made Morgan feel incredibly shy and peter off. Dom asked her some questions to prompt her back into talking, but Mor was feeling so warm under her gaze that she couldn't find it in her anymore. She leaned in and kissed her instead, realizing she hadn't kissed Domi in months. Mor tried to pull back before she got too desperate, but Dom's eyes smiled at her in that lovedrunk way that Morgan couldn't look away from. She cupped Mor's face and lulled her into a second kiss, and a third, and the count melted together after that.

By the time they finished kissing, Mor was laying fully on top of her, face cradled in Dom's neck. Dom pet her hair gently, always careful to not tangle her fingers through it, holding her close, safely. Mor let the rise and fall of Dom's chest comfort her as she traced the scar on her neck.

Going home that night was one of the most painful things Morgan ever had to do.

---

The next time, Mor was the one who popped the question. During the last visit, she had seen how empty and weirdly clean Dom's refrigerator was while they tidied after dinner. Mor couldn't stop worrying so she texted Dom if she could come over to make her dinner. Domi was surprised but agreed enthusiastically. Morgan fed Whisper extra well that afternoon before driving over with her mountain of tupperware. She was determined to make enough to have leftovers to last Dom a week at the least.

Parking in Dom's spot again made her smile. "Mor, you're being an idiot," she hissed at herself before grabbing her bag and making her way inside.

When Dom answered the door, Mor could tell from the slightly damp hair that fell in her face that Domi had just finished getting ready. Morgan couldn't stop the huge smile that spread on her face. It was always so cute to see Dom get excited, and even though Mor tried and tried to convince herself she wasn't that special, even her bad self-esteem had to make concessions when Dom acted so obviously eager to see her. Maybe it was Dom's lack of dating experience-- lack of even understanding romantic feelings before now-- that made her so easy to read. Like she didn't even know hiding your feelings was part of the dating game. She was honest and innocent and it was somehow touching.

As Mor set up in the kitchen, Domi kept hovering, being accommodating and asking if she could help. Mor finally caved. It was hard to say no when Dom was being so sweet and fussy. Morgan found out that Domi is actually very good at cutting vegetables, but that she didn't know the difference between boiling and braising.

Mor did manage to make a pile of leftovers. As she was explaining how to best store and reheat them, she noticed Dom writing the instructions down diligently. She tried but failed not to laugh at Domi's sincerity.

After dinner, Dom showed Mor her new closet, bed and headboard-- the whole thing was really fancy actually. Mor worried about Dom's savings, but Domi insisted everything was going well.

They sat on the bed and talked about the latest novel they were both reading, and as the hours dragged on, Mor found herself tangled in Dom's legs again, found herself laying on Domi and kissing her again, found herself feeling less satisfied than last time. She stared, lost, in Domi's expressions, before realizing it was past midnight. Mor panicked and sat up abruptly, but Domi blurted out that she should stay the night. Morgan argued weakly that she didn't bring a toothbrush or change of clothes-- she didn't bring her bonnet either but she wasn't sure if she was ready to let Dom see that side of her. Domi desperately held onto Morgan's wrist and stuttered "You can wear my clothes, and-- and there's a 24/7 CVS on the corner."

"Domi, you want to buy a toothbrush at this hour? It'll be so," Mor couldn't stop her giggle, "it'd be so obvious--"

"What's wrong with that..?"

Mor stopped giggling and she let her eyes focus on Dom, taking in the quiet desperation in her eyes. It never struck her that Domi would be feeling lonely too, even though she knew Dom was a really lonely person. Mor felt a squeeze in her chest.

"Okay Baby, let's go."

It was only by a year, but when Dom smiled like that, Morgan remembered she was younger and would be overwhelmed with the desire to dote on her.

They threw their shoes on and ran downstairs into the now 2am night. Mor was shocked to see how fast Dom could run in 4-inch heels. Why didn't she put on sneakers? Dom laughed at the question and admitted between gasps of air that she doesn't own sneakers. The CVS employee stared at them tired but knowingly, just as Mor feared but somehow couldn't bring herself to care anymore. Domi's excitement melted away all her anxiety. It wasn't until they were running back to the apartment that Mor realized Dom had also bought a box of ice cream. Her breath made little white puffs in the night air as she laughed. It reminded her of the time they were almost caught by the security guard for playing on the roped-off mall piano.

Morgan never knew brushing her teeth could be fun.

As they tangled up in bed, Morgan could still feel the silly exhilaration pulsing through her body. Her legs rubbed all over Dom as they both giggled and suddenly Mor felt the months of abstinence catching up to her. She stared at Dom in the dark, wondering, but trying to suppress it. They were having such a sweet night and they were just supposed to sleep and Dom was still figuring it out and, and-- Dom's pitch black eyes pierced through the dark and Mor tried to breathe but she couldn't. As the quiet settled between them, Morgan couldn't stop herself from squeezing her legs around Dom. She swore Dom could hear her swallow.

As if reading her mind, Dom quietly asked if she could take care of her. Morgan couldn't even try to hide it, but even in the dark, her eyes had acclimated enough to see the gentle smile that melted her insecurities away. There was something about the way Domi was straight-forward, the way her low voice whispered very gently but directly, lovingly, "Let's have sex," that made Morgan's head swim and chest swell. Feeling the bed shift as Dom moved on top of her sent an ache pulsing through her hips. She missed the feeling of holding onto Dom's broad, bare shoulders, feeling her shoulder blades tense and move under her fingernails as she dug in. She missed the smell of Dom's cologne mixing with her sweat, missed the way her soft voice got heavier as she started panting. She missed her wide hands and the way they held her possessively and sunk into her deeply, missed the way Dom looked down at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. She missed her, she missed her.

The next morning, Domi took Morgan out for breakfast at a nearby cafe before seeing her off. Mor went home in a daze and tried to supress the desire to UHaul for the hundredth time.

---

Another night, Domi texted Mor out of the blue saying she was nearby after a photoshoot. Mor immediately invited her over.

It'd been a while since Domi had been to her place, but Whisper still remembered her and still had the same strange, quiet obsession with her. Domi was learning how to play with her better, even though she was still adorably awkward. Morgan made them dinner and Domi excitedly told Mor about the jobs she was picking up. They kept talking on Mor's twin bed, tangled together out of necessity this time. Mor's apartment was so much smaller and so much more cluttered, but Dom always seemed to like it. She would ask Mor about all her little trinkets and wall art, always seeming to find a new interesting thing. It reminded her of the first time Dom asked about her tattoos. After her show and tell, Mor decided to gift Dom one of the little figures on her bookshelf. If it had been anyone else, Mor would have laughed, but seeing Dom reverently hold a Sanrio figurine in her big hand made Mor so unbelievably happy. "Yes, Baby, you can keep it. Please keep it." Dom looked ready to cry.

They ended up talking too long again, so Mor invited Dom to stay over this time. Domi smiled shyly and said she actually did have a toothbrush in her purse.

"So you were planning this?"

"Maybe..."

Mor laughed. She was so happy.

They cuddled all night. Morgan wanted to sleep like that for the next five thousand years.

---

Between the visits and overnight stays, Mor noticed that Domi would sometimes forget her clothes at Morgan's apartment. She asked for permission the first time, but soon started wearing Dom's shirts without asking. It was never her buttonups, they were too tight and better for hugging as she fell asleep, but Dom had some pullovers and tees that started making a permanent residence in Mor's closet. She always giggled at seeing the brand name tags. Mor would only give them back when the smell started to fade. She couldn't bring herself to confess to Dom that she had masturbated while wearing one of them once-- surrounded by the hints of her gentle musk-- even though she somehow knew Dom wouldn't mind, she was just too guilty. She didn't know that Dom would sometimes postpone washing them because she liked having Morgan's smell on them too.

Mor also started leaving things at Dom's place. The first time was an accident, but then she started doing it on purpose. It was simple things, like one of her oversized sweaters, a throw blanket, or sauces and spices so that she didn't have to take so many things back and forth when she wanted to cook for her. She started using them as an excuse to come over more. She wanted to feed her, wanted to help fill her void of an apartment, wanted to see if Dom would wear her clothes, wanted to make love until her sweet fashion model smelled more like pomegranate and shea butter than she did of Yves Saint Laurent cologne. Really, Morgan just wanted to be together all the time. She wanted to live together, but she was struggling to ask.

Was it always this hard to ask?

---

The first time Dom spent a full weekend at Morgan's place, they ate, watched movies, and somehow ended up fucking every four hours. It always confused Mor how Dom seemed to enjoy servicing her every time-- or where she got the energy-- but she couldn't deny she felt so spoiled. It was hard to resist when Dom looked at her like that. Like she'd never seen a more beautiful woman, like she was at the mercy of her feelings spilling out of her at any moment.

Mor felt delirious from the way Dom would quietly and reverently praise how pretty her voice was, how soft her skin was, how good she felt. It made Mor feel submissive, but she knew Domi didn't mean it like that-- she knew she meant it adoring, worshipping. She never thought anyone could ever love her this way, but more than that, she never thought she could believe it.

Mor spent both nights of that weekend watching Dom sleep and wondering. When was the right time? How much longer could she take the separations and gaps? Was Dom pent up from their time apart? Even though she didn't want Domi to be lonely, there was a selfish part of her that wished she was sad when they were apart.

---

As a reward for finishing a big design project, Dom suggested that Mor bring Whisper over and spend a full week at her place. Mor agreed excitedly and made sure to get wash day out of the way before she went. She hoped she could make it through the week, but in exchange she felt she should try to protect her hair for bed around Dom this time. To her surprise, Dom didn't comment on it at all, and wrapped Mor in her arms as she fell asleep as usual. Mor couldn't quite explain how it made her feel, but it was undeniably warm.

Dom had odd work days, so Mor would be left alone in the apartment sometimes. But instead of feeling lonely, she felt a strange sense of belonging. Maybe it was the way Dom had casually given her a key, or how Mor's things had been slowly accumulating, or the fact Whisper settled in quite nicely, or that the kitchen was full of Mor's cooking.

In her mind, Morgan started redecorating the apartment and wondering where her things would go.

On the fourth day, Mor realized she forgot to refill her meds. Without thinking, she left Whisper with Dom and ran out. It wasn't until she was already back and unlocking the door that she realized the chaos she might've left Dom in. But to her relief, she opened the door to the sight of Dom playing with Whisper. Morgan wondered if this is what straight women felt when seeing their husbands taking care of their kids. She stood in the doorway and watched until Dom noticed and welcomed her home. Morgan wanted so badly to call this home.

The morning of the last day, Dom woke Morgan up with neck kisses and made love to her quietly, tangled up under the white sheets. They both lingered wordlessly, naked bodies wrapped up together. When Morgan realized she hadn't taken off her bonnet, she laughed, embarrassed, and asked why Dom hadn't removed it before having sex with her. Dom didn't understand what the problem was, and as Mor navigated out of her embarrassment, her bashful laughter faded. She stared at Dom and slipped out a hushed "I don't want to go home."

Morgan blinked several times in quick succession, realizing what she'd said and that she was already welling up from a mix of yearning and shame.

"I'm sorry, I--"

"Then stay. Move in with me."

It took a full minute for Morgan to take in what Dom had said. She finally looked up at her and was met with that same sincerity she knew Dom carried with her at all times.

"Morgan, I want to live together. I- I miss you all the time..."

Mor didn't know how much longer she could run from Domi's open, honest love. How much longer her doubt could convince her that this woman was not head over heels for her.

"Yes. Yes. of course I'll move in."

Morgan would never forget the way Dom smiled that morning.

#mild you&i spoilers?#also warnings for descriptions of s*x ig but i feel that's pretty par for the course for me atp LMAO o)-(#i'm trying to get better at writing-writing and not just comic writing but it's HARD i'm not confident in it but we move #anyway. this didn't satisfy brainrot but ig that's a good thing #dom and mor #hm blurbs?

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