#and orchestrating a revenge plot makes total sense to me

[raddestrose]

Bro Imma be for real, it didn’t click that Huaisang was the like THE guy, it took me like a few minutes

But forgive me for saying, he’s like totally innocent in my book

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️This Jake Stan Is Routing For Him To Take REVENGE☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 11 “Lights Out”

(EDIT after reaction, again. There's ONE POINT in this reaction where I just... BREAK, Get so bloody pissed. It's personal stuff I got triggered by. So... be aware when that comes. You might know what scene it is.)

Jake gets slay pass.

I don’t make the rules. Jake gets slay pass. And he better use it

🔥OPERATION GET REVENGE ON ELLIE IS A GO🔥

And at the end of last episode Jake said he wanted revenge, so YEAH. I'M SUPPORTING HIM WANTING THAT.

I don't hate Ellie, but what she did was screwed up. Gaslight your friend with their personal trauma and ruin their relationship with someone, all for your own personal benefit? Yeah. YOU BETTER BE SLEEPING WITH ONE EYE OPEN TONIGHT.

SHE BETTER PAY

Okay I'll specify. I don't THINK she's going, that would be way too obvious and easy. So it's a, "I don't necessarily have to win, I just have to make sure you lose" situation.

Jake doesn't have to get Ellie eliminated. He just needs to make sure revenge is served hot.

And don't go after Gabby. She did nothing wrong.

I will make it clear, cause last episode it might have been confusing how I worded it: Jake is NOT 100% 'the victim' here. He was stupid, he's the reason their evil plot even worked in the first place. Being traumatized is not an excuse for impulsive behavior. Being gay is not an excuse, either. I'M AWARE OF THAT. But did he do anything to DESERVE this prior?

Did he target you? No?

Did he personally go after YOUR relationship with your partner for the sake of the game, Ellie? No?

Did he ever treat you like shit? No?

SO WHAT THE HELL?

Oh god, I'm already fueled up with fire and my eyes are crusty cause I woke up an hour ago. It's morning where I'm at. I know. Weird for me.

So lets get into it and see some chaos unfold.

*I got an ad for an ice drink*

Okay even the episode itself is telling me, "GOLDEN, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN."

"I said I'm sorry."

Oh my god we're jumping right into this. Here we go.

"Do you have any idea what you did? You got Tom mad at me AND you voted him out!"

"Do you think I get some sick pleasure from this?"

"Maybe you do!"

"I feel terrible, Jake."

"Oh don't pull that crap with me!"

"You can't just say 'I'm sowwy' and expect me to forgive you for something that HURT ME THAT BADLY."

...

Flash back to every time Jake said sowwy and didn't get forgiven.

BUT despite the hypocrisy, I'm still on his side in this argument. I'm sorry. He has every right to be pissed.

"God will those two ever shut up?!"

YOU CAUSED THIS. YOU TOLD ELLIE TO DO THAT TO HIM.

YOU SHUT UP.

"And you two, why should I ever trust you again?!"

YOU SHOULDN'T.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THEM AFTER THE FIRST BETRAYAL.

"Wow, Ellie's mad that someone lied to her."

"Wow, what a damn hypocrite you both are. Who would've thought?"

They're BOTH stupid, okay?

Miriam's just walking by completely out of this XD

"Eh I'm chilling. Where's my coffee? Elders can drink coffee, right? I'm just chilling and making white noise out of this."

"Smell that? That's the smell of tension."

...I need to get a Febreze in my room.

"And none of it is targeted at me!"

...

HOW?!?!?!

HOW IS NO ONE AFTER YOU?!?!?!?!

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!

YOU SHOULD HAVE THE BIGGEST TARGET ON YOUR BACK!!!!!

YOU MADE THE PLAN. YOU BETRAYED SEVERAL PEOPLE. YOU CAUSED THIS FIGHT. YOU DECIEVED EVERYONE IN THAT ELIMINATION.

HOW IS NO ONE AFTER YOU?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

"Don't you get it Golden? I'm the villain! Therefore I'm completely excused for everything I've done!"

SURE. EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR OF THE ONE PERSON WHO ORCHESTRATED THE WHOLE THING.

SURE.

"You know this is your fault, right?"

THANK YOU, MIRIAM.

"I know."

I know too. She DOES feel guilty, I'll give her that.

"You know, at one point, I thought I could trust you, and maybe I was too quick to judge you. But you've proven you're just like Grett, Fiore, and Alec. You're a no good trouble maker. Anything to win money, right? Shows your character through and through."

👏

THANK YOU. CALL HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT.

THIS IS GOOD.

THIS IS GOOD CALLING OUT.

"Okay, I'm not about to be shamed for wanting to win. As if you don't?!"

Oh come on Ellie. You know she's right.

LISTEN TO MIRIAM. She's calling you out to try and HELP YOU BE BETTER.

She's not saying this to hurt you.

"Why would you vote with them in the first place? They betrayed you."

THANK YOU. FACTS.

"After we voted out Fiore and Alec, who would've been next?"

Depends. Depends what the challenge was and what the relationships were.

"Alright, fine, it would've been you."

"See why I did what I did?"

Yes.

But you could've done it WITHOUT HURTING PEOPLE.

"It doesn't bother me that you kicked Tom out. It's a game after all. But maybe you should've done things in a way where they wouldn't get hurt."

👏

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU COULD'VE JUST STOLE THE FUCKING IDOL.

"It was the only way, Miriam. I'm sorry."

NO IT WASN'T.

Are we SERIOUSLY going to say "But Ellie was just playing the game, so it doesn't count."

Was Jake and Tom's relationship 'just a game?' She didn't have to go the personal route. She could've just stolen that motherfucking idol and all her problems would've been solved.

Yes I'm still calling that out. Add that to the counter I did.

But look, I'm SO HAPPY that Ellie at least got called out on her bullshit... even if that got twisted in her favor.

There's slandering people and intentionally hurting them, and then there's calling them out when they did something wrong because they care about you and want you to be better.

MIRIAM WAS CLEARLY DOING THE LATTER.

SHE CARES. SHE WANTS TO HELP YOU NOT MAKE THESE MISTAKES AGAIN. LISTEN TO HER.

I hope this episode at least ends with Ellie taking what Miriam said to account and realizing she was right. That would be WONDERFUL.

I know you're better than this, Ellie!

PLEASE ELLIE. SEE THE LIGHT.🙏

"There is no light, so it's impossible to navigate without a flashlight."

That sounds like a safety hazard.

"Two of them contain drained flashlights."

Um... I count three, your honor.

That's an animation error.

"You will have to trust each other to share items as you make your way to the surface."

OH I KNOW WHERE THAT'S GOING...

It sucks cause I think both Jake AND Ellie need that immunity more than the others.

UM, THAT'S LIFE THREATENING. WHAT?!

IS THAT A SCORPION?!?!

*Gets a 'take your style quiz' ad*

No THAT's the monster. Gotcha.

Why am I getting so many ads today?

"Trust others? I can't name one person I trust here."

Okay, yeah, she has a point there.

"Two of them are backstabbers, one of them is pissed at me, and the grandma is a grandma."

YEP THAT'S A SCORPION

Oh, BYE ELLIE XD

Is this cause I gave Jake slay pass?

I know HE didn't do this, but uh...

"You know, Golden told me to get revenge on Ellie, well here you go."

I DIDN'T MEAN KILL HER.

Well shit. Let me guess, Ellie has the batteries.

"We can find the exit without a flashlight!"

What are you gonna use? The wall? Idk how helpful that is.

Oh, Ellie doesn't have batteries. Okay... how is that gonna work, then?

*SQUIRMING* THAT'S TERRIFYING...

IDK IF I SHOULD CHEER CAUSE ITS FIORE OR FEEL BAD FOR HER CAUSE ITS A KID-

"I'm not leaving you!"

AW WAIT, SHE CARES ABOUT HIM?! WHAT?!

"Why did I feel worried when Alec got attacked by the scorpion? It's like I... cared about his well being? Weird."

Well... I'll be damned.

I thought didn't care shit about Alec. Huh.

Villain found family.

MY GUY. YOU ARE A BEAST.

FIGHTING A BEAST.

"What's wrong? I heard screams around here."

XD

THE DEAD PANNED WAY SHE SAID THAT.

"Oh. You. See ya."

XD

OKAY, THAT'S DESERVED. HONESTLY.

"There's a scorpion here."

"More reason to dip."

"I'm gonna DIE."

"See you in hell."

...actually, it would be fucked up if you left him to DIE, so...

But ditch him afterwards.

"This way!"

*Doordash ad*

"LET'S GO GET DOORDASH!" XD

"Not another scorpion, please..."

OH IT'S WORSE THAN A SCORPION MY GUY XD

"...kinda wish it was now."

XD

"Give me your flashlight. I can guide you along the way."

Uh, how do I put this? NO.

"Do you think we're gonna trust you?"

"Cause uh, I think I learned something from last time!"

"I can't steal your flashlight! I'm small! If I try to run away with it you'll catch up to me quickly."

Uh, yeah no. Still not buying it.

"I hate to say it, but the girl's got a point, Jake. Give her your flashlight."

"But-"

"Just give it to her."

Oh my god Miriam...

LET ME GUESS, SHE'S GONNA DIP, AND THEY'RE GONNA SAY IT WAS JAKE'S FAULT

Even though JAKE was the one that was NOT trusting her, and MIRIAM was the one who agreed to it.

"It's obvious I'll do my best to leave them the first chance I get. They're the fools for trusting me again."

Yeah, they're... oh my god.

If it's entirely Jake's fault, MAKE IT ENTIRELY JAKE'S FAULT, is all I'm saying.

If you want to paint the narrative that Jake is a gullible moron who believes EVERYTHING he's told. Fine. Then swap the dialogue here and have Jake be the one to suggest giving the light to her. Then I'll believe it was entirely his fault. THAT'S NOT HARD.

If you want me to hate Jake, MAKE ME HATE JAKE.

OH HEY!

I thought you guys were eliminated! What are you doing here?

OH SHIT...

Um...

I didn't think we'd be dealing with MURDERERS...

Holy shit this just got a lot darker.

"When I found out at the hotel that Derek and Trevor were exterminating the animals in the forest, I was about to take justice into my own hands! But I remembered that the last time I tried, things didn't end well..."

"And how did you know it was them?"

"I may or may not have threatened the hotel receptionists so they would tell me the truth."

Oh my god Gabby, I love you XD

"I did all your spy work for you! You're welcome! Torture always works!"

(No it doesn't)

"I wanted to call the police! But with my record, I knew they wouldn't listen to me, so I remembered that you're a cop."

So Gabby's a delinquent...

Honestly I'm not surprised.

Also Tom was a spy, where'd you get this from?

"Then what are you? A ninja?"

XD

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS ENTIRE TIME.

"I saved your life. You should thank me."

Facts.

"I can't believe I'm forced to work with you again."

I know. It sucks. You really should ditch him.

"Calm down. You're acting like Jake."

OH SHUT UP. YOU DESERVE IT.

"Listen Ellie, I still think back to the early days, when we were the two outcasts of Team Purple-"

LA LA LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING.

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

YOU HAD YOUR SHOT ALEC.

YOU HAD THREE SHOTS, ALEC.

THREE STRIKES. YOU'RE OUT.

I'M NOT LISTENING.

"What do they teach you in school nowadays?"

Bunch of useless shit, let me tell ya

Ditch him. Ditch him. Ditch him.

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!

OH THAT'S SATISFYING!!

OH I LOVE THAT

Why is Ellie being such a girlboss this episode? XD

And after I swore revenge on her at the start too

"Bye Alec."

"Oh fuck you."

XD

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

YOU DESERVED THAT.

Ellie is seeing the light and I'm gonna be proud of her if she does!

"I think we should take the path to the left."

You guys can SEE the light, right?

Fiore can't really trick you with the light source, can she?

"Gays and boomers first."

AYO. THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

"You did put the batteries in, right? I can barely see a thing."

Again, Jake is the 'moron' quote on quote, but he's the one questioning this shit.

NO JAKE

Oh please tell me he didn't DIE from that.

Fuck you, Fiore.

I don't care that you're a kid. Fuck you.

"You meant for this to happen, didn't you, you brat?!"

Is Miriam gonna beat her ass? PLEASE.

XD

YES! GET. HER. ASS. MIRIAM.

GET HER ASS!!

"I should call child protective services on you, you know?!"

Is that directed at Miriam or me cause I'm routing for Miriam to hurt you?

Would love to see that in court.

"Did you attempt murder on Mr. Jake... whatever his last name is?"

"Um, I'm a kid your honor."

"I'm going to take that as a yes."

OH. HELLO.

THIS IS CONVENIENT.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"Like you care."

And here we go.

He's still mad at you. For good reason.

"No thanks, I'd rather be in the dark than-"

*Ad on a hurricane*

He'd rather be in the dark than in a hurricane. Honestly, fair.

Okay she saved him.

See, she ain't gonna leave you for dead.

Aw, Alec being so worried about Fiore though...

Damn. They actually have a bond. Who would've thought?

"Go for immunity! We can't let Ellie or Jake win."

I hope Jake DOES get immunity. HE NEEDS IT.

"And don't even get me started on what annoys me the most about you..."

Ellie looks so done.

"UGH, consequences for my actions SUCK."

"Bruh? Why you pissed? I only took advantage of you, triggered some PTSD, betrayed your trust, lied to you, and ruined your relationship for my own personal benefit to win money. You ask me, you being pissed at me IS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR."

"I WAS THE PLAYING THE GAME. THEREFORE, IT DOESN'T COUNT."

I imagine they were there for hours of Jake just nonstop ranting.

"I hope you know, Ellie, I am PISSED at you. And Golden told me that she wants me to give you karma. Well here it is! I WILL NOT SHUT UP FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP."

"Tom warned me about you, and I decided 'Huh, you know what? Ellie isn't such a bad person.' Of course Tom was right. He's always right. And now, because of you, he won't ever talk to me again! You were never hurt like I was. You don't know what it feels like to be cheated on!"

Honestly, EVERYTHING he said there was just FACTS.

Ellie, you screwed him up beyond repair. That needs to be made clear to her.

Though I will say this: Trauma and being gay is not an excuse XD

He IS wrong on that front.

Oh they made it. Cool.

Who gets the immunity though?

Talk it out? Please?

"Only one of us can win..."

"If you give this to me, maybe I'll forgive you."

Yeah, he does need it.

The opportunity is open, Ellie! Redeem yourself!

COME HOME. COME TO THE LIGHT. GET YOUR FRIENDS BACK.

"You know what? You can eat shit and die."

WHAT?!?!?! ELLIE NOOOO

NO YOU WERE DOING GOOD

WHY?!?!?!?!

"And 'BOO HOO, AWWW, I GOT CHEATED ON'. GROW THE HELL UP JAKE."

WHAT THE FUCK?! 😠

"You say you're a victim, but you're really just a sponge for drama. You feed off the smallest setbacks, acting as if the world's against you."

😠

"Tom probably saw it too."

DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO HIM.

"You have no right to shame me."

YOU HURT HIM. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!

"After you voted out Gabby, I never pulled this on you, cause I have some sense to not be a dick."

BULL. SHIT. 😡 THAT WAS FIORE AND ALEC.

"Maybe if you weren't so annoying, your boyfriend wouldn't have cheated on you."

*Paused the Episode on this frame*

...

So, this is being written TEN MINUTES after I paused the episode in that frame.

What happened in between that ten minutes was that I PAUSED the episode, got out of my seat paced around my room in rage, SCREAMED THE F WORD, I'm lucky my family isn't home at the moment so they can't hear me, and I left the room and paced around in my kitchen to calm down because I felt SICK, HURT, TRIGGERED, and ATTACKED.

Not the writer's fault. They don't know. But... OMG

YOU. YOOOOOUUUUUU

YOU CANNOT DO THAT

I am VERY EMOTIONAL in this segment if you can't tell.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

Maybe in a separate post, when I cooled my head, I'll talk about WHY this scene hurt me so much.

But my reason is not actually based off the characters. Roles swapped, I think I'd still react this way.

Bottom line is, remember when I said earlier that Miriam was calling Ellie out to help her?

THIS ISN'T THAT. THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE CALLING JAKE OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT', THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE GIRLBOSS MOMENT'. THIS IS SHAMING.

This is SHAMING someone with serious mental problems that need help.

This is not 'Oh, Ellie's ROASTING Jake right now, what a powerful moment for her! Hell ya, he deserved it!'

THIS TRIGGERED ME.

I actually KNEW this scene existed before I watched the show. But I had no context, didn't know what episode it was, didn't know when it showed up, and I didn't remember the exact dialogue. But it was in a clip of a reaction that was cheering for Ellie doing this.

I won't give names, I won't throw hands, that's not their fault if they see it that way. This is just VERY PERSONAL FOR ME.

I won't give massive details, because it's so personal, but why it triggered me? I HAVE BEEN THERE IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE BEEN THERE YEARS AGO, MULTIPLE TIMES, WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE DOING THIS SHIT TO ME. Acting JUST LIKE how Ellie does here, towards me.

It caused me a lot of problems growing up. My family AGREED with the people doing that, so that was not fun. They said 'I needed to hear this. I deserved it.'

So I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. This shit does no favors to the person you're 'roasting'. If anything, this makes the behavior you're calling out WORSE. They act even MORE like this whiny bratty type as a way to cope with the thought that everyone hates them!

ELLIE. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

THAT HURTS PEOPLE.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S JAKE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE JAKE. THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

I'm not saying Jake is innocent and doesn't deserve calling out. BUT, THAT'S NOW HOW YOU DO IT

EVERYTHING Ellie said in that was just... ANGERED ME. IT ANGERED ME.

I gotta calm down. I'm sorry. I gotta calm down. Peace.

(That time card isn't an exaggeration)

I'm calm. I'm okay. I went for a walk. I got some lunch. I'm good.

Fuck you, Ellie.

I can finish the episode.

Oh.

I thought Ellie was gonna get immunity. Guess not.

Wow, actually, thinking about it, she would've gotten immunity, something good for her game, if she DIDN'T waste time saying all that shit to Jake.

She could've just said "lol nope", shoved him, and then LEFT.

And she would've gotten immunity.

But no. She had to psychologically damage Jake instead. That was more important.

'For the game' my ass.

"Once again, Ellie proved what a backstabber she is. But at least this time, she didn't get away with it."

I don't want to say 'for no reason', cause you WERE being a bitch to her. But at the end of the day, you vote her off...

Unless she sides with the villains again...

Shit...

Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhh shit.

I think this is it for Jake.

"Am I nervous about tonight's vote? Yes. I feel like I have no control. It all depends on Fiore and Alec."

That's true. They could vote Miriam. Or you.

Cause you and Jake are sure not as hell voting together after you both pull that shit on each other.

"In just a few short days, me and Fiore went from enemy number one to being the ones in control."

I know. That's crazy.

You guys orchestrated the whole thing, confessed that, and no one went after you. That's crazy.

Oooooooohh god...

I'm actually feeling kinda hopeless.

I think I know who it is.

'JAKE'

Yeah...

'ELLIE'

Should've went for the gold.

'ELLIE'

'JAKE'

Aaaaaaaannnnnd I know Fiore's handwriting at this point.

It's over.

*Long Depressed Sigh*

...I knew it.

We didn't get revenge. Goddammit.

"Whatever. I don't care."

"Spoken like a man who cares."

"Miriam, I'm so sorry to be leaving you. Maybe if I had taken things differently, none of this would've happened."

Yeah...

"Thank you so much for supporting me. Everything from my grandmother to Tom..."

Oh come on, don't make this sad for me.

"Don't fret, kid. I thought I wouldn't open up to anyone here. But you were patient with me, and taught me that I shouldn't judge people so quickly."

Yeah. He's chaotic like that.

"You may be down, but you're not out. Play your butt off Miriam. We'll see each other when this is all over, okay?"

Yes. Win for them, Miriam.

Awwwwwwww💗

...damn. I'm gonna miss that trainwreck.

"These people voted out Tom and Jake. They've fooled me time and time again. They think my days are numbered, but they don't realize who they're messing with. No more Mrs. Nice Gran."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

GRANDMA'S GONNA SLAY!!!!

Aaaaaaannnnnddd that's it.

Welp, all my favs are gone.

That's usually how it is, so I don't really care about that sort of thing.

Damn, Jake got a bad ending.

Either bro gets therapy, or he's coming back more hostile and broken and distrusting of everyone around him than ever before.

In that sense, I think Jake left the show with the worst outcome 😢

Part of that IS his fault, I admit. If he had just cooled off for two seconds and listened to Ellie, he would’ve survived and gotten a friend back. But no.

So as much as I hate the scene, I admit I DO LIKE the idea of Jake getting called out for his bullshit. In any other circumstance, HE WOULD DESERVE IT.

BUT HOLY SHIT ELLIE, IF THAT WAS YOUR INTENT THAT WAS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.

I can totally imagine that Jake comes back in a future season and he’s this bitter, hostile, whiny, “Don’t trust anyone. Everybody is out to get me. Everybody is an enemy who wants to hurt me.” And being even MORE unpleasant for his peers than he is in this season. (Except with Miriam) And a deeper layer being him acting that way because of self loathing. “Ellie was right. I am a dick. I don’t deserve to be loved at all. I’m going to be alone in the end.”

I would hate it, that would probably be obnoxious depending on execution, but I think that would be a consistent writing transition. (Again, kinda like Teruko)

So… I didn’t think I was gonna like Jake as much as I did. I mentioned before but I saw some out of context clips, some of them being only about hatred towards Jake and that calling out scene. So I thought, cause I didn’t know context, “Oh, he’s probably this massive dickhole of a person.”

And then I watch it for myself and look where we are. I love this trainwreck.

Not in the sense of “Cinnamon roll baby girl did nothing wrong and his trauma excuses him of all his actions” Cause uh… hell no.

It was just very refreshing for me to have a character whose experiences and issues actually make them hard to deal with and messy and ‘annoying’. Especially for someone like me who didn’t have exact experiences but also acted like that years ago until I got help.

There’s a GREAT VIDEO that really fits this topic, I’ll put it here. It’s about flawed characters and the discourse surrounding them.

(This also works for Ellie, and other characters in this show too.)

I defended him when no one else did. Till the end. I did it. I did the impossible. Hello. I’m a Stan.

Fuck you, Ellie. Fuck. You.

Okay I have two different takes, objective and subjective.

Subjectively I think I hate her now. Just cause of that scene being WRONG on so many levels.

But objectively I see her POV in the sense of “She’s too far gone”. And Jake was giving her shit. And she didn’t want to listen to Miriam. I said this last time. This is a cool concept for a character and I’m down for it.

But yeah, she’s too far gone.

Right now, if I was being subjective she’d be an F tier just for that scene alone.

/j. CALM DOWN.

But she is one of the more interesting and intriguing characters left, and I do think she has a chance to win still.

In Total Drama, they usually DON’T let villain/morally grey characters win just because that’s an ‘unpleasant ending’. Unless it’s Heather, but even then that’s… debatable cause of the season.

But you know, this is an indie show. They can do whatever they want. So who knows.

Miriam’s gotta get revenge on her though. She’s our only hope.

Jake passed on the slay pass to Grandma Miriam, and trust me. SHES COMING FOR YOU ALL.

If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know.

[carmenxjulia]

I put together a transcript of the 2 hour Q&A Interview the Carmen Sandiego Discord did with Showrunner Duane Capizzi. All of the questions were submitted by server members. You can read everything below the break!

Duane Capizzi:

Hi there!

Am I in? Is this thing on?

PizzaHorse:

Hi, welcome!

Yep, you're in the right place!

Duane Capizzi:

Sorry I'm late, I was wandering around some empty Discord hallways looking for the right room haha

PizzaHorse:

No worries. Let's get started!

Who is your favorite character?

Duane Capizzi:

Moose Boy!

KIDDING!

Alright, how to NOT get myself in trouble if my answer isn't "Carmen" haha.

But really, they are ALL my babies.

So I know it's going to sound like a cop out to some that I can't pick just one. But hmm, some for instances...

I love that she's so morally evolved at such a young age; her ability to always take the high road and never lower herself; her drive and conviction and dedication. Her ability to kick serious booty and look good while doing it. Her progressive values, her fashion sense. I could go on and on. But then there's Shadowsan and his arc; Chase and his. Julia, who's every bit as strong as Carmen but shows it in different ways. The Cleaners don't get enough love.

I'll close that question with an anecdote about The Cleaners ...

I love that all our characters are embraced and that everyone seems to have favorites. Our sound engineer Marcel is a pretty serious guy: he has a serious job that takes high levels of focus and attention. He's always deeply focused and not prone to small talk. Anyway, we were in the middle of our first or second sound mix, and he suddenly stops in the middle and turns around to face us. I'm thinking, "uh oh, we're giving too many notes." That's when I notice he's freeze framed the Cleaners. He says "I really like these guys." Then he turns around, hits play and gets back to work.

PizzaHorse:

What was the biggest challenge for coming up with new stories and plot for the reboot?

Duane Capizzi:

THE biggest? Sigh. I'm not sure I could come up with just one. Plotting is always challenging and we had the brain trust of the room, our trusty white board, and writer assistant to keep the threads of the ongoing storyline together. I think the single biggest ONGOING challenge was tracking which character knew what at any given time.

The caper part was challenging - coming up with new capers and keeping them interesting and fresh. But, it was the characters and their interactions that kept things fresh and interesting. Another museum heist? That's okay - Chase is on the case and he gets to interact with "X" this time (for instance).

There were also some episodes - Duke of Vermeer and Crackle Goes Kiwi come to mind - where there was SO MUCH SET UP needed to get the payoffs to work. I was really worried about too much talk/too much detail. Very "Swiss watch!" It took a lot of work to make sure it all clicked and was clear - hopefully it seems effortless on screen but I can't say there wasn't some sweat and the occasional tear (mostly from me - I'm a big cry baby

But really, what made it fun was that we had so many buckets to draw from: sometimes a story germ initially began with a character idea; sometimes it was inspired by global location; sometimes it was a clever way to update or reimagine an idea from old Carmen lore. Usually, it was some combination of all of the above!

PizzaHorse:

What was your favorite scene to write?

Duane Capizzi:

I think we have a theme here! "How can I pick just one ...?"

As a film buff, I got to indulge in some serious fan nerdery on this show: I got to write spy movies, yakuza movies, spaghetti neo-westerns (though turning it on its head: spaghetti westerns usually involve REVENGE and because of Carmen's character make up, this was sort of anti-revenge).

Is writing coming up with the idea or typing it? Haha. An "if a tree falls in the forest" question. The writing team and I had so many cathartic "that's how it goes" in the room. But on my own, writing the Pilot, was a very inspiring time for me: I remember laughing out loud the moment I thought of Chase falling on his own car (in part because of doing my spin on "that trope" that we've seen in so many hard boiled movies recently). But also how emotional I got when I imagined the simple but potent image of Black Sheep deciding to take her destiny into her own hands and walk that long corridor to the Faculty who we were about to meet for the first time.

I think I've cited this in another interview, but there was a period where I was completely immersed in Chase's arc and the scene where he would crack the location of VILE island ... by listening to Julia in a dream ... was a big one for me. It revealed he was finally open to admitting he needed Julia more than he would ever admit - yet, it was his own subconscious speaking.

The next morning, after cracking that scene, I bumped into Raf Petardi (voice of Chase) ... at the supermarket! It was very strange and hilarious

PizzaHorse:

Did you scrap any lengthy or funny scenes that you would be able to share?

Duane Capizzi:

With few exceptions, most scene cuts are done at the script stage so that the story board team doesn't waste effort over boarding. A variety of trims to any script are common, but they are usually for the better

The easier question to answer might be scenes were part of our "wish list" at writer room stage, but never made it to story or script. I hesitate to go too deep here (in the event that we might ever do more Carmen episodes in this canon - I'm not giving up hope). And there were cases where things we wanted to do earlier in the series wound up getting nixed or not fitting for whatever reason, but we got them in later - USUALLY FOR THE BETTER. So there's sort of a reverse Murphy's Law/rule of good fortune somehow in these things. But some fun things that didn't make it into the show, that leap to mind were: a Bollywood dance sequence (!). A Vegas caper involving Brunt wanting to steal an Elvis jumpsuit against the backdrop of an Elvis impersonator convention. We also thought it would be neat to get Maelstrom imprisoned so that Julia could interrogate him and he would play mind games with her - very Lector/Clarice!

PizzaHorse:

Were there any different treatments of Carmen you pitched before settling on the one we ended up with?

Duane Capizzi:

I was one of several "pitches" that I'm sure HMH heard before running with my version. But I can honestly say I've never pitched anything as fully formed: the take on Carmen felt so right to me, and clearly HMH and by extension Netflix agreed

I'll answer your question with an anecdote: I had the entire Pilot pretty well worked out, and pitched it in the first meeting. But one key thing that changed (much for the better!), simply because it wouldn't have fit without slogging things down ...

In my Pilot pitch, Black Sheep's escape on the boat was off screen: we see Shadowsan corner her, then we cut away. The rest of the Faculty show up to find SS's broken sword on the rocks, and are led to believe BS killed him (!). In the present, Crackle points his weapon at Carmen and prepares to pull the trigger. We know that Chase is on the way and may rescue her. The compartment door opens to reveal - not Chase - but Shadowsan! Big surprise! Then we cut back to BS's escape and find out what really transpired etc etc.

Crazy, right? SS would have been hanging out with the gang in season 1; we might not have gotten to 203 with his back story, since his sword was broken and he couldn't return it. Just one of those magical things where "things work out" the way they are supposed to. THAT SAID, it made for a heckuva pitch

PizzaHorse:

Are there any characters that ended up taking a direction you didn't initially anticipate?

Duane Capizzi:

GRAY.

I didn't know we'd make him amnesiac when I wrote the Pilot, that was something we came up with in our first week Writer Room.

And even then, when it became clear he'd be a key piece of the bigger puzzle, we didn't know how exactly (mostly the Season 4 stuff).

We did get very deep with a version where 404 ended with his protective streak for Carmen kicking into high gear, and they would be fighting off Vile Guards back to back in perfect tandem. Then, having chosen Carmen over VILE, it was Carmen who actually orchestrates Gray going "off grid" so that VILE can never find him again. Funny, I know that is arguably the version of Gray's arc that many fans might have preferred seeing. But in the tradition of spy thrillers and film noir, and for a lone wolf character like Carmen who is focused on her life mission and not romance, we stand behind where we went with him. We felt it was so much more compelling ... and truly more emotional that he totally has a get out of jail free card when he sacrifices everything (including his life, potentially) to save Carmen.

when she needs him most!

I know I made some controversial comments about Gray "not being good enough for Carmen" and I'd like to clarify that I meant, until that final episode. What he did was so selfless and heroic. Is there hope for them in the future? Who knows?! But I do hope we get to explore that one day

I'm sure Gray is living off the grid somewhere now, inspired by Carmen's selfless good and thinking of her from time to time.

PizzaHorse:

You mentioned in the interview with Alicyn that Carmen is a love story, but you were cut off before you could finish discussing. Could you elaborate on your answer now?

Duane Capizzi:

Ugh, yes! Sorry about that. I actually answered that privately for someone so will cut and paste that response here. Let's see if it works.

Something we never said in the show, but something I imparted to the creative team was: Carmen Sandiego is (among other things) a LOVE STORY, where every character in our ensemble is in love with Carmen in one way or another. Even if they don't know it! That love can take different forms: we see how spurned by Carmen Coach Brunt feels and why she retaliates so excessively. Chase eventually comes to realize that he too loves Carmen, even if he wasn't initially aware of it haha. One of the most moving things to me about the series is how all of the different factions come to Carmen's rescue at the end when she's not "in her right mind," without knowing the others are there too. It's a massive group effort to bring back the Carmen they love. But we weren't looking for a fairy tale ending for Carmen with ANYone - Carmen's a classic lone wolf anti-hero, that goes with the territory. At least at this stage in her journey.

PizzaHorse:

Were there other locations that you wanted to feature in the show that didn't make it?

Duane Capizzi:

I think we managed to cover a lot of ground and "cadence" between different countries/cultures/continents was important to us. Many "iconic" locations of course, and it would have been nice to explore some lesser known locations if we had more episodes.

One that we almost did was Niagara Falls, Canada - actually literally going to the Falls and doing a big hydro-electric caper, where Player could actually get into the field with Carmen and the team.

But ultimately, we wound up bringing Player into the fold the way we did and wound up stronger as a result. It made his "first face to face" with Carmen even more impactful, IMO.

PizzaHorse:

Were there any changes in production between the first half and the second half of the series?

Duane Capizzi:

Well, there was that Covid thing

But while it was no doubt a colossal undertaking to get the entire staff transitioned to work from home (animators! and their equipment!), we managed to make up for lost time WITHOUT a dip in animation quality. My fedora's off to our amazing team at Wildbrain for pulling it off!

We did lose some staff between orders, but that is a natural part of production unfortunately. Namely, one of our episodic directors Kenny Park, our first storyboard artist Dennis Crawford, and our story editor May Chan were among those who moved on to other shows during the break. But, as hard as their shoes were to fill, fill them we did!

PizzaHorse:

What is your favorite season?

Duane Capizzi:

Easy. Hands down, Season 3.

(crickets)

KIDDING!

Again, another "they're all my babies" answer (and yes, I love Season 3 equally

It's hard, because really when you step back I'm sure you'll agree it's a series, with stand alone capers; but it's really all ONE BIG MOVIE.

Season 3 is like the scherzo of a symphony: the shortest movement of four, and the one that tees up the big finale.

That's my hoity toity answer but I'm going to put to rest all of the various theories on what happened with season 3. It was a combination of two things: Netflix's desire to experiment with different ways of "dropping" seasons, and their desire to do a holiday themed drop (in this case Halloween, naturally). It became our challenge to come up with a theme (easy enough: masks), and the bigger challenge to serve their need while not interrupting our ongoing narrative. A challenge to be sure, but a challenge met. I think the biggest bump was perception: it was a short season and I know that was disappointing to many. But, by design.

So, Season 3 = an essential part of the whole. I don't think there's a wasted episode, and it gets everyone into position for the big finish. I can't pick a favorite season - you can't make me

PizzaHorse:

Were there any characters you had wanted to give more time to but couldn't due to time/plot restraints?

Duane Capizzi:

Well, there's the "what was on the white board" answer but hopefully some of those ideas will see the light of day in some way, shape or form some day. I think if we had more episodes, we would have shaken up the internal dynamic of VILE a bit more (as hinted at Brunt's displeasure with Maelstrom for leaving her hanging out to dry at end of 405 - a seed we planted "just in case," as some have noted). And we had more scenes in mind with Chase's partnering with Carmen for the first time that we had to cut to the bone because of what little room we had in that otherwise packed episode (worry not: it's mostly more gags, more embellishment, more twists and turns - but the important stuff is there). Mostly, and I don't think it would have been right for Season 4 but I hope to tell in the future, I think there's an interesting history between Shadowsan and Lady Dokuso - possibly tragic - that I would love to explore one day. (She was a cameo in Duke of Vermeer at the dinner party BTW, I'm not sure if anyone noticed. And we built a bigger role for her out of that)

PizzaHorse:

What are some pre-2000/nostalgic Carmen references you snuck into the show? Do you have a favorite reference that was included?

Duane Capizzi:

Doing that was so much fun! I'd say roughly 60% of the characters were from previous iterations of Carmen, though often in name only. We had fun reimagining most everyone to make them more relevant or updated or giving them a more colorful personality for starters.

"Suhara" was Carmen's Japanese mentor when she worked at the ACME Agency in a flashback episode in the 90's series, for instance. I don't think I need to spell out how we turned that one inside out

And Tigress was also one episode only: she was a "rival thief" to Carmen, but revealed to be an ACME agent in disguise - a persona created solely to bait Carmen. It was really cool of course, but it seemed like untapped potential so we made her an ACTUAL Vile Thief.

My own internal rule was to make sure the references/easter eggs wouldn't confuse anyone - they were there for those who were in the loop and window dressing. The one and only time i broke that rule was Dark Carmen's line from 407: "I do it for the mental gymnastics." It was one of the most absurd lines from the 90's series (IMO) and i was determined to have it come out of Dark Carmen's mouth. I'm sure it left some 7 year olds scratching their heads

aside from that, the key references were the music: I still tingle at how we worked the Rockapella theme into the Interactive Special; and the 90's main title theme (composed by Mozart!), in our Vienna episode ("They're playing my song"). If you wanted Rockapella or Carmen as a bad guy, well ... be careful what you wish for!

PizzaHorse:

Was there any improvised content from recording sessions that made it into any episodes?

Duane Capizzi:

Yes! Not much, because a lot of it would have pushed us into TV-MA haha

Mostly Mary Elizabeth - Coach Brunt has a POTTY MOUTH!

Mikey and Abby usually riffed their banter WAY beyond what was on the written page and had us in stitches. Some bits definitely made it in! But mostly there was too much or it would get off point (hmmm, much like my interview answers maybe? haha)

Sharon Muthu did rise to Pun Goddess status with "Mask and you shall receive." And Raf pitched me "Chasse means hunt in French" after one session and I said: "I'm going to write that in." I don't think he believed me. You can't say I'm not a straight shooter.

PizzaHorse:

If you could get more season, would you do it, and what type of story would you tell?

Duane Capizzi:

Well if that hasn't been clear so far, ABSOLUTELY

There have been discussions of course. It's up to the powers that be at this point. I will say this: the beauty and tradition so far has been that every iteration has been its own thing. I definitely think there are more "different canon" versions of Carmen that can be had and be a part of this wonderful tradition. After all, there were many naysayers for our version when it was first announced.

I will also say that if we don't get to tell any more stories in this canon with these characters, we've left a perfect gem that will stand the test of time. I would rather go out on a high note than overstay our welcome.

All that said, we worked within the allotted episodes given, ended it as we wished, but left the door open for other stories. I'd love to do an expansion and a deepening: pick up where we left off; find out what happened in those two years; and proceed to do the equivalent of Godfather II or Better Call Saul as related to the amazing originals they followed.

Let's hope! Keep putting good vibes out there!

PizzaHorse:

If you could pick a character on Carmen Sandiego who'd you switch places with for a day (you get to control their life and they get to control yours) who would you pick, and why?

Duane Capizzi:

Okay, THIS is difficult. So you're going Freaky Friday on me?

on a Sunday?

Hmmm, I know Ivy would get along with my cat ... but then I'd have to hang out with Zack!

That's the trick: I can't pick my favorites cuz I couldn't hang out with them!

(not that I have favorites - they're all my babies haha)

Okay, I have one: ROUNDABOUT. I could fill Shadowsan's seat - how cool is that? Then, I could enact all my evil fantasies - but still have a get out of jail free card cuz he'd be sitting at my desk!

(cut to Duane being brain wiped - D'oh!)

PizzaHorse:

Who are two characters who don't really interact in the show that you think could be good friends or work really well together?

Duane Capizzi:

Hmmmm. Okay, now I'm going to give you quick and sassy answers. Gray and Julia! They'd be so cute banding together to rescue captive Carmen (for instance). And they could also duke it out and maybe settle things between themselves re: shipping controversies instead of dragging me into it

PizzaHorse:

The FINAL QUESTION. Have you learned anything super impactful while working on the show?

Duane Capizzi:

Aside from Iceland's terrifically low crime rate?

I think I have learned to never underestimate how meaningful characters can be to fans. Social media has obviously brought us a lot closer to our fan base in more immediate ways: it's been really gratifying to hear/see/read feedback and not be writing things in a vacuum. It's been gratifying to see that ideas that were meaningful to myself and the creative team on Carmen that were crafted with care, have also resonated with our fan base. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who has traveled on this journey with us - for embracing Carmen's world view, and her friends and foes alike. Take care everyone! Stay safe! This has been fun, thanks for having me!

PizzaHorse:

HUGE thank you to Duane Capizzi: for being here today.

Thank you everyone for watching and reacting!

Duane Capizzi:

Okay, gotta run - just gotta find the door

Anyway, really: THIS HAS BEEN AMAZING. I speak for everyone involved in the creation and production of Carmen: it has been an amazing and inspiring series and we're elated to see it connect with such a CREATIVE, TALENTED and INTELLIGENT fan base. Take care everyone! Until next crime...

[thedinanshiral]

My personal DA4 wishlist + thoughts

I’ve been teasing this post for a couple of weeks over at Twitter, i’m the worst! But anyway, since game journalism has decided to confirm, once again, that the next Dragon Age game will be set in Tevinter like that’s breaking news, now’s as good a time as ever to write all this down.

Locations: Tevinter, clearly. It’s been pretty much a given since the end of Trespasser in 2015, with that scene where the Inquisitor stabs a map on a table directly on Tevinter as they promise to go after Solas to stop him. But also concept art and several stories from Tevinter Nights heavily imply Antiva, Nevarra, the Anderfells, and maybe Rivain. For those of you who don’t know your Thedosian Geography 101, that’s basically Northern Thedas. And it makes sense, since so far for three games straight we’ve been first stuck in Ferelden, then the coast of the Free Marches, and later the rest of Southern Thedas. We’ve never been North, only heard of it. So in DA4 i’m sure we will finally be able to visit.

Characters: If we’re going to Tevinter, we must meet Dorian again, maybe meet Maevaris Tilani as well (previously only seen in comics), judging from the latest comics series, i’m hoping for Fenris too. And going by the latest teaser trailer, we might see Varric again. As for characters that so far we have no news of, i’d like to see Cole, the Iron Bull, and if by any chance BioWare feels like blessing us with a Hawke/Fenris reunion i might just die happy.  I’d also very much like to see the Inquisitor, but more on that later.

Companions: considering concept art and the latest teaser trailer, plus Tevinter Nights stories and new characters, we have an interesting repertoire of new potential companions. A Tevinter mage, an ancient elf (like a temple guardian) or a dalish elf (like Strife), a Nevarran mortalitasi or spirit, Antivan Crows, Lords of Fortune (new faction, kind of like treasure hunters), Qunari lady, maybe an alchemist or shapeshifter, Grey Wardens (possibly a dwarf), a liberated or escaped slave, a Siccari (Tevinter spies/assassins)..even past agents of the Inquisition could return. 

Plot: We know Solas wants to take down the Veil. We know there’s two archdemons left, and Grey Wardens are regaining some spotlight in concept art lately. We might have to fight on multiple fronts simultaneously and be strategic about it. Solas might even unleash a double Blight just to keep us distracted while he focus on his own goal, who knows. But many other things are happenig in the margins and all over the place. The Qunari Antaam is having a crisis with some of its members supposedly going rogue, the order they’re so proud of is breaking up, and the whole of Northern Thedas is facing an imminent threat of invasion. Tevinter is still dealing with remnants of the Venatori and might soon be dealing with a slaves rebellion and/or a political and social reform (Magisters Dorian and Maeveris have been working wirh the Lucerni, a group aiming to restore and redeem Tevinter). The Antivan Crows -the de facto rulers of Antiva - may be dealing with a succession crisis, as their First Talon, a powerful feared and respected but old lady, might not be around for much longer and seems her chosen heir has died before his time. Meanwhile in the Anderfells nobody’s heard anything from the Grey Wardens’ HQ at Weisshaupt since the end of Inquisition, and as told in the novel Last Flight, the sudden reappearance of griffons may have had something to do with that radio silence. So you see, get ready for another +100 hours long game because BW has plenty of stuff to keep us busy with. But in short, DA4 seems will be about primarily searching, finding, and dealing with Solas. Regardless of what you decided at the Exalted Council in Trespasser, the Inquisition or what’s left of it is most likely the group orchestrating that mission. As it was so clearly stated then, they need new people Solas doesn’t know so he can’t foresee their actions, so it’s possible the DA4 protagonist is a new agent or a third party hired to do what the Inner circle can’t due to their familiarity with Solas in the past. But at the same time -and this is assuming we get to find Solas in this game - i definitely think the Inquisitor could easily show up again. No, losing an arm doens’t mean they’ve retired forever, prosthetics do exist in Thedas, a world where you can combine dwarven craftmanship with enchantments, seriously, i don’t ever want to hear “but they lost an arm” ever again as an excuse to write them out. And no, marrying Cullen or joining the Red Jennys is no impediment to join the “Stop Solas” Squad; the end of Trespasser means something, mainly that this is personal. Be it they loved them as lovers, as friends or ended up hating his guts for using and betraying them, the Inquisitor’s relationship with Solas makes this very personal, and so having any other character do that face off would cheapen all of it, all that bittersweet angsty development and expectations of either revenge or closure. That moment should happen between those two. It adds a ton of motivation due to their past historyas well, something a new protagonist would lack entirely.  My personal best hope is for a sort of dual protagonist thing, say we play new protagonist for most of the game but a selected missions or scenes where we play as the Inquisitor once again and take over for key and heart-wrenching dialogue options. My second best hope is for the Inquisitor to show up as playable for the moment we catch up with Solas. My third and final best hope is for the inquisitor to be a sort of advisor but more like new protagonist’s boss/employer to whom they report back to and get new missions from. The Inquisitor can be stuck in meetings for the most part of it, i just want to know they’re there, behind a door, super busy but there. A cameo like Hawke’s in Inquisition is the bare miminum i can take, anyhting less than that like a mention in a sidequest description or a footnote in a codex entry would be a total  injustice. 

Romances: I’m open for pretty much anything, as any good BW fan would be. But i’d like romances to feel more alive in the sense that they don’t abruptly get stuck once you exhaust all related quests and dialogue options. As much as my Adaar liked that spank from the Iron Bull, that it was the only thing they could share after their romance was locked was a bit..meh. I liked Dorian’s tho, because his gave one the option to talk a bit, go for a walk, gossip, and sure, it all happened off-screen, and there were limited possibilities, but it was nice and made their relationship feel a bit more real, like they had more to it than kissing and stuff. It happens in most games, once you secure a romanceable companion suddenly you run out of things to do and share with them, and you get stuck with the same 3 lines of dialogue over and over again. There should be a way of solving that.

Side quests: i’m ok with fetch quests initially as it is a good way of forcing the player to go out and explore huge maps, but i’d also like the fetching to have some meaning other than checking things off a list. I want to explore many ruins, and -can’t believe i’m actually saying this- i want a Fade quest. Wait! I know what you’re thinking but don’t kill me just yet, here’s my idea: what if we could visit the Fade at certain locations to witness memories or meet with spirits and recollect information on Solas, his past, his present? Both to understand him better (keep in mind we’ll most likely get a new protagonist who isn’t familiar with him like we are as players) and try to locate him or predict his next move. It would be i think i great way of having visions of Arlathan in its golden age, maybe seeing some of the other Evanuris, how they interacted with each other and with the elves in their service, what really happened ...i just want that sweet, sweet lore, i need it.

Technical stuff: ok, graphics will be amazing for sure, but i also would really really like: better, more varied and longer hairstyles, PLEASE. Body sliders, it’s damn time we get them. Mounts that actually make a difference! Let staves blades make damage in combat, I’M BEGGING HERE. Combined classes, MAGICAL ROGUES! A homebase we can fix up/build on/redecorate as fully as possible (Skyhold was great and i love it to pieces but why were those walls NEVER repaired????) . More casual outfit options, idk i love to dress up my characters, maybe some transmog? A day/night cycle and please i would love to see Thedas’ second moon, also weather variations depending on the region. Yes, i’m ambitious.

Gameplay: i’d like more AI options for companions, but not quite like in DAO, that was too much and i rarely used it. I’m curious how they’ll do combat this time but i know for sure i don’t want the kind of combat that has me going almost frame by frame pausing at every second, it’s annoying for me. I want large areas like in DAI but with a bit more stuff to see and do although one of my favourite maps is the Hissing Wastes so i won’t complain if we get a literal desert but i’d also like it to have secrets hidden around, make me work to find and solve them, i love exploring, i jump and click on EVERYTHING like i’m still a kid playing Monkey Island. A companion in concept art seems to be holding what looks like some form of rifle, so i’m curious how they’d incorporate that in the game. I know Tevinter has the magics and dwarves have the skill, a firearm is totally within the possibilities in-game without breaking any lore; also super curious what sort of skill trees Crows or Lords of Fortune could have, are they rogues, or warriors, or both??

So far, that’s what i got in my head.Well, most of it anyways, i may have missed something but this post has to end somewhere lol

What’s in your head? Feel free to share! Have you been thinking on how you’ll create your next protagonist? All i can think of is magical rogues and that  glowing bow was all the hype i needed.

[hotdadslade]

Deathstroke: Knights and Dragons Impression

For those who haven’t heard, CW Seed (their streaming platform) has finally put out Deathstroke: Knights and Dragons.

Originally conceived as a series of 5 minute long shorts and announced in early 2019, the series released it’s first (approximately 40 minute long) episode in early 2020.

And then... nothing. No second episode came, and while the reviews were fairly positive, nothing came of Knight and Dragons until a few weeks ago, when it was announced that Deathstroke: Knights and Dragons was going to be released as a direct-to-DVD-and-digital video.

The 90 minute film is effectively what the full original series was intended to be, and about 50% of its content is the free part one that came out back in January, with a few added segment and an actual conclusive ending.

I really enjoyed part one, so I was hugely excited for the movie. Having watched it in full... well, the movie has some major issues.

First, the good: the animation, voice acting, humor, and fights in the movie are all particularly good. Overall its much higher quality then I expected a five minute long straight to streaming CW project to be, and if I was rating purely on aesthetics, the movie would have gotten top marks.

Unfortunately, there’s an actual plot to go along with the cool visuals, and that’s where the movie falls apart.

I’m going to be fairly light on the spoilers here, but there will be at least some. None of these should be surprising for anyone who already watched part one.

The simple explanation of the movie is that Deathstroke is not Deathstroke as you know him. This Deathstroke isn’t a villain, and is firmly in the anti-hero category. While he kills, and the movie repeatedly mentions that he’s a mercenary, we’re shown repeatedly that this Slade has a firm sense of morals. He kills bad people, even mentioning at one point that he’d take a job ‘for free’ because the person he’s killing is involved in human trafficking. There’s even a sequence early in the movie where Slade takes off his mask to comfort some traumatized women.

The same lack of familiarity permeates the other characters. Joey is rendered mute as he is in canon, but simply speaks via telepathy for the remainder of the movie. At no point does anyone act surprised, or really acknowledge this, despite the fact this is apparently something new that only just happened.

Adeline is perhaps the most confusingly portrayed character for me. Neither I nor the friends who I watched with were clear on if she was supposed to be sympathetic or not, and her depiction seemed to bounce between New Earth and Rebirth depictions.

I’m going to talk a bit more about the plot, but that’s heavily into spoiler territory, so under the cut we go.

The biggest issue with this is the fact that the plot and characterization is, in a word, all over the place.

While the first part was relatively solid, the second part is where things really unravel, and at no point in the second half did I have a clear understanding of what characters were after or why they were doing things. Sure, the characters would say why they were doing things (This movie has a lot of telling but very little showing), but those explanations didn’t make any sense with their actions.

A good example is Joey: Joey, we learn midway through, has teamed up with Rose to... kill Slade? Take over the world? Definitely something bad. He’s doing this because he feels abandoned by his parents: Slade left after Joey nearly died and Adeline ordered him to leave, and Adeline... sent him to boarding school.

Yeah.

90% of Joey’s motivation comes from the fact that his mother sent him to an elite boarding school over in Europe, and he felt lonely. That’s the reason he tries to (and nearly does) kill Slade. It’s the reason he betrays Adeline for Rose. And, quite frankly, it doesn’t make any fucking sense. He was still in contact with Adeline! She didn’t abandon him!

Even if you take it entirely at face value, what he’s doing makes no sense. It’s established that even before the HIVE Queen kidnaps him he’d met Rose telepathically, was fully aware of what she was doing, and had agreed to go along. So the entire section where Joey is behind glass, asking Slade for help... entirely an act.

But why does that even happen at all? Why does Rose specifically alert Slade to the fact that she has Joey so that he can find her? Why have him as a hostage, totally at her mercy, and then... lure him along to kill him?

There’s a similar problem with Jackal: according to a line at the very end of the movie, the reason behind Jackal’s actions was to get revenge for his... something (I thought daughter, a friend thought significant other). Only when she actually died, he really wasn’t particularly bothered, and went ahead and tried to recruit Slade anyway. So if he was so upset with the fact that Slade killed someone that Jackal sent to kill him, why did he brush the death off and try to recruit Slade for HIVE again?

Some other details that probably deserve more time than I’m willing to give them: Joey and Rose appear to be... apparently soul mates? It’s hard not to draw parallels to the whole star wars force dyad concept, considering they’re ‘two halves of a whole’. Multiple people over on reddit described it as ‘weirdly incestuous’, and they’re not wrong.

Jackal’s master plan involves orchestrating three massive terrorist attacks, including hijacking a plane to crash into the Golden Gate Bridge, an armed terrorist cell attacking Times Square, and the capitol building being bombed. These kill hundreds of people, and all of this is to... allow them to get Joey close to the president so he could mind control him.

I don’t want to sound like the movie was complete trash, because it wasn’t. There were a lot of individual scenes that were good (Rose’s backstory stands out to me), Wintergreen was excellently done, and a lot of early humor holds up as well. However, a lot of the stuff I enjoyed in part one has become retroactively worse once I had all the details. With how it is overall... My suggestion to anyone interested would be to watch part one (linked above) for free, and then imagine your own ending.

It’ll probably be better than what came out, and since almost every good part is in the first half, you’ll get the best part of the experience.

[thiswasinevitableid]

What about #1 with induck? :3

I decided to make this part of three of “oh no I called the hero and I like him” and “where’s the hero when I need a hug.” But you can also read it as a stand alone.

1: How to make a plot villainous enough to attract they attention but tame enough they won’t get hurt 

Indrid stares at the screens, flipping between images and notes, dismissing them one after another. 

The scheme needs to hit just the right balance. 

It’s been a month and a half since The Green Knight, alias Duck Newton, snuck into his hideout to comfort him after his body and mind betrayed him by making him sad.

They’ve spoken not a word about it to each other. And Duck has once again reverted to only fighting Indrid with another member of the Pine Guard present. Duck kissed his forehead when he left that night, Indrid would bet his entire fortune on it. But Duck won’t even banter with him during battles. 

He’ll barely even look at him.

Does he revile Indrid so greatly that any affection between them must be made up for by a double measure of disinterest and mild disgust?

Indrid has thrown everything he can think of at him; if Duck sees him as a villain, then he will be a villain. He will fight, he will scheme, he will swear revenge. No matter how often he thinks of the way Duck fit against him, a puzzle piece in strange picture of this life. How his fingers itch to call him each night.

Even as he runs through his inner monologue he knows he's oversimplifying the matter.

You see, it’s not strictly true Duck hasn’t spoken to him. There have been no face to face talks or phone calls, that is a fact. But if one were to look at Indrid’s personal phone, one would find a text chain that is mainly images. Birds, trees, sunsets, a cat. 

The most he gets for context is:

Thought you might like this

Made me think of you. Don’t know why.

And, on the ones of moths

Look, it’s a cousin. 

And an even more recent one of an ice cream cone

Tried that Gelato place you liked. You’re right, it’s fucking baller.

Indrid replied blue moon, excellent choice.

He did not add that the flavor is mellow, sweet, and a bit strange, just like the man himself. 

He’d considered orchestrating a run-in at that shop, since Aubrey Little’s Instagram suggests Duck has been going there often with his friends. But Indrid has no doubt Mrs. Nyguen would ban him if he started a fight in her shop. 

Instead, he’s narrowed down his plot options to two: an art heist, or breaking into the mayor’s mansion. 

He has had his eye on that one Gauguin….

------------------------------

Indrid limbers up in the entryway of the museum. Between his powers and technological abilities, the main security was easy to disable. And there is a route to the post-impressionist gallery that will keep him clear of the more heavily secured rooms.

He pads across the tiles to the entrance of the traveling Monet exhibit. 

And sticks his foot into the path of the motion sensor he knows is there, setting off an alarm. 

He continues forward, setting off more alarms as he goes. Its when he’s in the modernist exhibit that the wisps of unease floating through his system coalesce into a form.

No security guards have appeared. He planned to disarm them and knock them out, and they should be here by now.

A glimpse at the futures gives him just enough time to turn and see a shape stepping into the arched doorway behind him.

“I was wondering if you’d turn up.” A clipped, cold voice muses as the figure produces a small remote, clicking it once to shut off the alarms. He recognizes the reflective white glasses when the figure grins at him. 

“The Flame. I, it can’t be, how did I-”

“Not see me coming? I don’t know, little brother. But at a guess it’s because you’ve lost your touch. Which would be of little concern to me, had your carelessness not just alerted our enemies to our presence here. So I will be need to be certain you cannot cause such issues in the future. Not to mention, one fewer villain in the city means one less person to stop me from taking  total control of the underworld.”

Indrid narrowly avoids a blast of white light, diving into the annex to his right. He doesn’t retaliate, activates his wings and shoots straight up through the skylight instead.

He’s not ready to fight the Flame. He’s never been ready. Not when they were children, training together. Not when they were sparring partners. Not when he’d finally had enough, when he saw just how much The Flame enjoyed hurting people. 

That’s why he ran from him in the first place. 

Landing on the roof, he considers his escape routes. Where is his nearest hideout, where is is his defensive equipment, where-

A small, clear orb hits the toe of his shoe. Even as he throws his arms around his eyes, he knows it won’t be enough. The light is blinding, bleaching his eyes as he crumples to the bricks beneath him. The next phase of the disorienter kicks in, high pitched tones drowning out his ability to hear anything, save for The Flame’s voice.

“You’ve become such a disappointment, little brother. First you abandon the life we trained for, your constitution too weak to handle the realities of our profession.”

“You, you speak as though I haven’t spent the last several years a prominent villain in my own right.”

“You’ve thrown in with some two-bit thieves and blackmailers, perhaps an eco-terrorist or an anarchist superhero when the mood struck. And you’re soft. The Indrid I knew would never hesitate to kill his rival by any means necessary. You’ve spared the Green Knight so many times I lost count.”

“You spied on me.”

“Of course. I, unlike some people, know how to scope the hero/villain layout of a town before making my debut. Good god, brother, you must have used your powers to determine your enemy’s name and true identity by now.”

“What I do with my powers is no business of yours.” He kicks a leg out in the direction of The Flame’s voice. The fear flooding his mind, scanning the futures for escape, means he fails to see the weapon before it connects with his shoulders. 

The scream of pain as electricity courses through him goes unheeded. The Flame does it a second time, and Indrid collapses, limp, on the ground. 

“Goodbye, little brother. So nice of you to lend my grand entrance into the city’s awareness an extra victim.”

Indrid loses consciousness to the sound of sparks. 

---------------------------------------------

“Ned, can you get us closer?” Aubrey yells from her position on the wing of the hovercraft, “I need to be more in a closer range to control something this big!”

“I will do my best, but if the wings begin melting I reserve the right to get us the hell out of here!”

“There any way I can help, Lady Flame?” Duck leans over the passenger side of the craft, looking down at the blazing rooftop for the origin of the fire. 

“Grab me if I lose my balance?”

“Will do--oh, fuck! There’s someone down there. Aubrey, can you clear me a patch, right there, so I can jump down?”

“I can” the first half of the fire dies out when Aubrey makes a fist, “but that roof can’t be stable at this point.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

Aubrey circles his arm twice, and a landing pad appears around the figure. He leaps from the craft, hits his mark right by the body’s feet. The smoke is still thick, even with Aubrey’s intervention, so he squints as he gathers the figure into his arms. 

“Don’t worry, we’re getting you out of here--ah! Oh come the fuck on!” He yells to no one in particular as the roof gives out beneath him. 

Landing on his knees, he’s relieved to find the fire never made it inside , though smoke did. In the flickering orange and spinning red and blue from the nearby emergency vehicles, he shifts the body in his arms, looks down with clear eyes for the first time. 

“.....Indrid?”

Nothing.

Indrid’s chest is corpse-cold in spite of the fire when Duck puts his ear against it. There’s a heartbeat there, a faint flutter that’s the most beautiful noise to ever grace his ears. 

Duck turns to the portraits on the walls, “what the fuck do I do now?”

-----------------------

The first thought in Indrid’s mind is: pine?

As he noses the soft pillowcase, still half-dreaming of coastal woods and a campfire, his eyes blink open. 

The room is dark, unfamiliar. Thick curtains cover the windows, thicker blankets coat the bed in which he’s laying. 

Cautiously, he pushes the covers aside and eases his feet onto the ground. His glasses are waiting for him on the bedside table, and his reflection in the closet mirror shows his thin frame covered in black sweatpants and a large shirt that reads “Devils Lake State Park.”

Hell has a sense of humor, it seems. A sense of humor and a very rustic decorating style. 

He opens the bedroom door, poking his head out into the dark hallway. Moves slowly, half from the stiffness between his shoulder blades from where The Flame hit him, and half from apprehension of what’s at the other end of the hall. 

The answer turns out to be anticlimactic; a living room, with a kitchen off to one side. 

Maybe the flames and sulfur are waiting for him outside the front door.

Or maybe he’s not dead, maybe someone rescued him. 

No, that second option is ridiculous. 

“Mew?”

“AH!” He jumps as a black, scruffy cat bumps into his shin. 

“H-hello there, little friend, do you happen to know where I am?”

“Mew.” The cat hops onto the back of a nearby chair, and he pets it hesitantly. 

“My, you’re soft. Soft and familiar. Where have I seen you bef-, oh, oh my, it can’t be. He wouldn’t.”

The front door opens and Indrid grabs the cat protectively, spinning to face whatever comes through it. 

“Mornin.”

“It, it is your house.” Indrid stares at Duck, the cat wiggling free of his hold and bounding over to greet her owner.

“Uh, yeah.” Duck slips off his canvas sneakers, grocery bags slipping on his arms as he bends to pet the cat, “where else would it be?”

Indrid looks at the room around him more carefully; the poster for the Monongahela forest, photos on a shelf showing Duck with family and friends, the ranger had hung by the front door. 

“In retrospect, it was a tad obvious. But in my defense, I assumed I was dead and in hell.”

“Geez, my decoratin ain’t that bad.”

“Nono, I’m sorry, I mean-” he stops when a grin cracks Duck’s face, and is managing a smile in return when his back spasms and he grips the chair to keep from falling.

“Shit, you okay?” Duck sets the bags down and hurries over to him. 

“Yes. I, the weapon the Flame used, the side effects can be felt for over a week. It also scrambles the futures in my mind for several days, which tends to make me dizzy.”

“Fuck, that sucks. Uh, I got some Tylenol and other medicine and shit while I was out, wasn’t sure what you’d need, and, uh, don’t usually have it in the house on account of bein super tough. You should probably eat before you take anythin though.”

“Yes, good idea. I, uh, I don’t want to impose, I, I can get something on my way home.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh.” Duck scratches his arm, ashamed, “no, you can’t. You ain’t in any shape to travel, or to be on your own for longer than a few hours. I brought you here so I could look after you somewhere safe, where whoever hurt you couldn’t find you.”

“That’s very kind, Duck, but all the same I should go back to my hideout.”

“Also you’re under house arrest.”

“Excuse me?!” Indrid leaps up, then immediately sits back down, dizzy. 

“Look, when the police saw who I rescued, they kept clamorin for me to turn you over, or to send you to a hospital who would do the same as soon as you opened your eyes. I just...couldn’t do it. So Ned talked ‘em into a deal. You’d stay under house arrest with the Pine Guard, and we’d look after you while also makin sure you couldn’t start nothin.”

“So I’m going to live here. With you.” Indrid tries to sound resigned instead of excited.

“Yep. But, uh, if you need a break or change of scene, or we ain’t gettin along, even though it sees like we been doin a better job of that lately, you can stay with someone else. Aubrey’s place has a real nice garden, and Mama’s is real fortified and cozy-”

“Duck, I want to stay here. I am sure the others are lovely once you get to know them but, well, I trust you. I, you have seen me in vulnerable moments and did not harm me. You didn’t even mock me. I feel safe with you. Also, your cat likes me.” He points to where said cat is now kneading his leg, purring happily. 

“That is a point in your favor. Here, I’m gonna go put away groceries and get some pizza bagels heatin up. You just take it easy right here, okay?”

“I can manage that. But, before you do, please answer me one thing?”

“Shoot.”

“Why did you stop fighting me one on one?”

Duck sighs, sitting down so the cat is between them, “I wish I could say it was some strategy or because I wanted to be better at keepin the city safe. Real reason is, I was gettin fonder and fonder of you. I didn’t know what I’d do if we were alone, and not knowin scared the fuck out of me.”

“I see. Was it so alarming to feel affection for me?”

“Wha-no, no, what I meant was that I was afraid I wouldn’t want to hurt you but you’d still want to hurt me, or I’d want to do things with you that you didn’t want but felt like you couldn’t stop me, or, just, any combo of things where conflictin feelins lead to trouble.” 

“Oh.”

Duck stares at him for a moment, waiting for him to say more. But nothing comes. Indrid wants to confess, but he can’t figure out what, exactly, the confession would be. The shorter man’s face falls for an instant, before he smiles again. 

“Guess we’re roommates now.”

“Roommates. Yes.” Indrid wracks his brain for what he knows about how two people live in a space, something he has not done since he ran all those years ago.

When that fails, he draws on his nights in front of the T.V for clues.

“Do I need to label my food? Or hang a sock on the door?”

“What?” Duck giggles

“Those are roommate things!”

“You’re right, you’re right” Duck holds up his hands in surrender, still giggling, “You don’t gotta label food, and no need to hang a sock if you need privacy; that room you’re in is the spare bedroom. Mine’s just across the hall. We can figure out chores and things as we go; might make you clean the bathrooms to make up for all the punchin.”

“That is more than fair.” Indrid smiles.

“There it is.” Duck murmurs.

Indrid cocks his head.

“That smile. You’re happy one, not your evil one. Make’s you look so fuckin stunnin.”

He disappears into the kitchen before Indrid can decide on being flattered or flustered. Settles on both, rolls onto his back on the couch, pulling a large, plaid blanket down onto himself, fuzzes with the pillows to find a position that doesn’t hurt. 

The smell of processed cheese and cheap marinara fills the house as Duck walks in with something hidden behind his back. 

“You might need this while you’re nestin up on the couch.”

He produces the mothman pillow from Indrid’s hide-out, which the villain grabs, wrapping his arms around it.

“Kinda had to give away your hideout. Sorry. They’re gonna bring more of your stuff over later, but they let me put together a box of things you might need right away. Grabbed your toothbrush and such too.”

“Thank you.” Indrid’s replies, muffled against the pillow. “Duck, I, I don’t know how, what am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to repay you?”

“You don’t got to. Yeah, there’s some things you could do that’d make both our lives a whole fuck of a lot easier. But Indrid?” He kneels down so they’re face to face, cups the back of Indrid’s head, and it’s tender and warm and Indrid presses into the gesture, desperate for more. 

“Long and short of it is I’m so fuckin glad you’re alive.” 

The chapped lips on his cheek can’t be written off as a dream this time. Duck turns his face gently by his chin to kiss the other and Indrid whimpers.

The timer dings.

“That’s lunch ready. I’ll go grab it, we gotta some calories into you, you been out for nearly whole fuckin day.” He stands, pauses, then reaches forward to trail a thumb on Indrid’s left cheek and down to his lips.

“Don’t you go anywhere.”

Indrid kisses the pad of the thumb before nipping it once, “Not a chance. You are stuck with me, Duck Newton.”

Duck grins, “Think I can handle that”

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, REY! You’ve been accepted for the role of LAMPRIUS. Admin Julie: when I was writing Lucien there was a part of me desperate to see how his desire to revenge could culminate in a greater way, and Rey, you nailed it to a T. Reading this application word-for-word, piece-by-piece, really showed me just how much you understand Lucien and who he is in the ways that matter. From his profession, to his general attitude towards life, to how he uses his own name as a mask and the lengths he’ll go to ensure that mask stays in place? Ugh, just, like, kill me now. It was a wonderful read, and with the plots you’ve provided, I cannot wait for you to absolutely wreak havoc with him on the dashboard. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER IN CHARACTER

Alias | Rey

Age | 25+

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I am able to log in at least once a day! On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say 7. 

Timezone | PST

How did you find the rp?  | Current player referral! 

Current/Past RP Accounts | https://revoluticn.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Lamprius - or Lucien. 

These days, you have your husband’s last name, Ivarsson but it’s hard to remember what your family name was before that. Or more like, you have willfully forgotten it. You aren’t of a bloodline or a people, but of a city - and that is Verona. Your pain created you, the streets molded you, and the Witches defined you. This city is as much you as you are it. When you think of yourself, you first think not of the name your mother gave you (Lucien) but the name you were given and have subsequently chosen: Lamprius. Everyday when you wake up , you have the opportunity to mold yourself into whatever this city needs you to be in order to keep the balance; you have the opportunity to rename yourself and recreate yourself, and every day you wake up and you choose Lamprius. The soothsayer. There’s power in the truth and you know it’s what this city needs more than anything else. 

What drew you to this character? | 

Revenge, a dish best served cold, also happens to be my favorite meal. Time and time again I find myself drawn to characters that are driven or motivated by revenge. Over the course of his skeleton, Lamprius’s personal journey with his revenge goes through its own metamorphosis and I’ve fallen in love with that journey. 

After the unjust death of his father, it is Lamprius’ drive for revenge that causes the Witches to notice him and deem him worthy enough to recruit. But Lamprius stands out from your average vendetta-boi because he is a character that must quell the impulse to act on his personal vendettas for the sake of the greater good (which, in this case, means for the sake of the city.) Unlike other literary characters that have similar motivators, ones who will eventually transcend their need for revenge or be consumed by it, Lamprius learns to live with the dissatisfaction that he’ll never really get what he really wants… and he must learn to be okay with that. The Witches have instilled in him a greater sense of purpose, they’ve given him the resources and the tools to keep Verona in line. After the passing of his mother, the three of them even give him a family. For the longest time, Lamprius is a character who attempts to rise above their own personal need for vengeance and is instead trying to focus on giving Verona what it needs: balance. He finds acceptance in that. 

And then the Witches die. 

Suddenly, that taste for vegengence he’s held at arm's length for so long becomes the very way he is going to protect the Witches' legacy.  Suddenly, Lamprius feels justified in his want to burn the Montagues and the Capulets from the inside out. Now, in Lamprius’ eyes, purging the city of the Montagues and Capulets is the best way to bring back that balance to the city. I think of him like Adrian Veidt from Watchmen, willing to go to absurd extremes for the sake of humanity. 

Lamprius’ history with the Witches has really piqued my interest as well. His connection to them reminds me so much of Arya Stark’s “a girl has no name” arc from Game of Thrones (the tv show. I’ll admit, I could never get past GRRM’s writing to finish the books.) In many ways it doesn’t matter who Lamprius was before he was with the Witches, because a big part of his story is the erasure of his old self and the ascension into something new thanks to their tutelage. Who are the Witches then? An enigma, even in their death (perhaps more so in their death.) Lamprius’ connection to this clandestine trio feels like it is fraught with opportunity to create some really interesting lore that draws from other secret societies or underground networks of spies that have a code of morals or a higher goal. 

Even in his day to day interactions, Lamprius feels like such a fun character to write. He’s cunning and quiet and he becomes a pillar of Verona’s community maybe because of his perceived kindness - or maybe because he is a very good puppeteer. His quiet and kind persona is a wonderful mask for something far more layered underneath. As seen with his connection to Loretta, he has the ability to get people to trust him, hence his unending list of contacts. It’s too easy to call Lamprius ‘good’ because of his quiet nature, peel back his skin and you will see he is one of the rare characters that is a true neutral. He has a greater loyalty to the city as a whole than any specific group of people. Lamprius has the ability to be as dark as he is light, as viscous as he is soft. I imagine him a chameleon, not necessarily one with malicious intent, simply one who can weaponize their empathy. Over the years, the Witches have taught him plenty, including how to see through the eyes of many. Lamprius is the soothsayer who doesn’t shy away from deceit; he understands one’s lies can reveal greater truths about themselves. Rarely does one get to play characters that are truly this fluid. 

I’m really excited to explore where Lamprius goes from here and I’ve outlined some of my thoughts on it below: 

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | 

I. “SOME RISE BY SIN, AND SOME BY VIRTUE FALL.” 

You are a Witch and, like all the Witches that came before you, Verona is your city to watch over. For years Hecate, Circe, and Medea placated your need for revenge by reaffirming a higher call. They gave you family when you needed it most. They not only gave you the tools for a better city, but they gave you purpose and hope as well. Verona is a city torn up by war, your life has been altered by it first hand, and in you they saw a chance to take that pain and shape it into a force for good. 

And then the Witches, in all their goodness, were strung up by the very city they were trying to save. 

It has set you on a single-minded path of revenge. Your teachers are dead and you are a student who, for the first time, must decide on their own. And your decision is this: the gangs of this city will rot Verona from the inside out if you don’t do something. You are a Witch and Verona is your city to watch over. For the first time, there is no one to stop you from stepping onto this single-minded path. 

[ Revenge. Lamprius is actively looking to bring about the end of the Capulets and the Montagues. He plans on doing this through  finding and aligning himself with people who have also been wronged by this war. It takes one to know one, and Lamprius can tell when someone has the same steady heart for vengeance as him. He intends to harness other’s need for revenge to fuel this movement. He’s already shown Harley a card from his hand and he thinks Loretta has what it takes to be a player. Armand, however, might be a mistake….but only time will tell. While his skeleton particularly calls out how he sees this in Harley, Loretta, and Armand, I imagine this could be a broader plot too as he interacts with as many citizens of Verona as he can. At the end of the day, anyone who thinks the way he thinks, who believes what he believes, is welcome to help… though Lamprius is not foolish enough to think that all alliances come without price. Not only would I love to see Lamprius rack up alliances, I would love to see him rack up promises and debts associated with those alliances.] 

II. “GOD HAS GIVEN YOU ONE FACE, AND YOU MAKE YOURSELF ANOTHER.” 

You were always skilled at slipping into people’s lives without putting on too much of a show. They’d blink and suddenly you’d be there, as certain and unwavering as the truth, as integral to their livelihood as the foundation of any home. You can physically only be in one place at one time, but the Witches taught you how to transcend your limitations by using the eyes and ears of others. 

Trust is earned and you earn it through careful orchestration. You play coincidence like a symphony. A broken in-apartment, and you are the one there to help the scared tenant. An ailing mother, and you are the visitor whose own mother is dying in the hospital room next door. “I know where you’re coming from, believe me,” are words that have left your mouth so many times, they may as well be the air that fills your lungs. 

You are a therapist as your day job; respected as a doctor, trusted as a friend. People burden you with their innermost truths and you play whatever part they need you to be in order to make them feel like you’ve fixed them. There’s never a dry eye on your office couch by the end of a session and all of these people, some who have only known you for a grand total of one hour, think of you as their closest confidante. As well as they know, they are the same to you. A small suggestion here, a gentle prod there, and suddenly they are set off on a new path of your own devices. You’re both a ghost and a shadow, simultaneously ever present and constantly shifting. Your empathy is fluid, just like the rest of you.

You find yourself setting up a chessboard, as you seek out allies in all these people that you meet. You know the importance of a long game -your patience is unparalleled- but you are not afraid to knock a piece off the board if you must. You are the Soothsayer who gets to the truth of things through lies. 

[ One of my favorite implications of the skeleton is that Lamprius is a puppeteer. He creates these Rube Goldbergian schemes that utilize the natural way of the city to bring about an allyship with someone. He is the butterfly that flaps its wings and creates a tornado, and nothing is ever a coincidence. I really want to lean into this with his plots. As mentioned, his friendship with Loretta Delluci shows that he’s not beneath orchestrating an introduction. But, as also seen in the case of Loretta, it’s clear that if Lamprius sees this whole thing as a game of chess, there are some people that are pieces while there are others that are players. He’s too good to let this perspective slip past his lips uncensored, but even if it did, his job as a therapist is an easy explanation for his tendency to psychoanalyze. Are there moments when he borderline feels like Hannibal Lector from the show Hannibal? Absolutely. I’d love him to actually be the therapist for some of the other characters and I would like every new person he “meets'' to never be a coincidence. Or, when a true coincidence occurs, I want it to genuinely surprise him. One of Lamprius’ traits is that he has a lot of resources and while a lot of those are inherited from the Witches, he’s obtained plenty from the connections he forms as well.

Also: Ya boi’s a therapist. Verona really needs therapy. ]

III. “BY THE PRICKING OF MY THUMBS, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES” 

You’ve seen what it’s like to be a God to men who don’t even believe in higher powers. There are men in Verona who refuse to pray at a pew, but still think twice before speaking ill of a Witch. This is the way things should be - but it doesn't take long for men to see themselves as God-Killers. 

How do they not see how they’ve damned their city! The Witches, in all their mystery, were not esoteric about their love for Verona. Yes, your time with them has instilled a great need to avenge them, but it has similarly inspired a need to see them reborn stronger than ever. 

Verona needs a new set of Witches. It’s a truth that you, Lamprius the Soothsayer, cannot deny. 

[ Time to form a new coven! As Lamprius goes about enacting his revenge, I also want him to seek out other truly neutral characters in the hopes of creating a new set of Witches to watch over Verona. I would love to set it up like a secret society - Verona’s very own Illuminati. A clandestine organization that has the same intentions of Watchman's Ozymandias. Lamprius would be just as vigorous as Hecate, Circe, and Medea to make sure he chose right. I am also eager to see what changes to the Witches’ creed comes with this new version.] 

IV. “VENGEANCE IS IN MY HEART, DEATH IN MY HAND, BLOOD AND REVENGE ARE HAMMERING IN MY HEAD.”

Everyday you try to become something a little more than human. There’s a merciless level of selflessness that comes with avenging the Witches and each day you work hard to climb up to that pedestal. 

But then there’s Ronan - he doesn’t know the name Lamprius. He calls you Lucien and when he does, you almost want it to be your only name. He grounds you with his gravity and makes you feel a warmth in your cheeks. You have been living with your pain for years, so long that you have stopped noticing it. In fact, you’ve stopped noticing your heart existed in your chest at all. Instead, you’ve learned how to empty yourself out. You invent emotion, you choose how to feel. Your heart has become a machine, through which you feed a very precise and particular code. But then he calls you Lucien and your heart gives a single, mighty beat, and it’s all flesh and blood again. 

[ Reestablishing the Witches? Destroying the Montagues and the Capulets? These are lofty goals that may require nothing short of a God to accomplish - and as much as he likes to pretend otherwise, Lamprius is just a man. I don’t want his path to his goals to be easy, and for a man who loves to carefully orchestrate everything, I’m always looking for wrenches to throw in his plans. Give me people like Ronan who inspire doubt in himself, or give me people who catch on to what he’s doing and are outright trying to stop him. ] 

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes!

IN DEPTH

What is your favorite place in Verona? | 

(An acquaintance.) 

He knows his answer, but like most things he tries to see if he can find the answer she most wants to hear. It can feel like a game at times, and for Lamprius it can be just as fun. But there’s a method to this madness. He gives her a warm look over the edge of his champagne glass and manages to elegantly swipe another for her from a passing tray. Around them, the crowd of the gala mills about like smoke. 

She’s religious if he remembers overhearing her other conversation correctly. Catholic, but lapsed. Yes, that’s it. Even at this Christmas party, she’s mentioned it two too many times to be something she isn’t agonizing over and he can see the guilt of it in her eyes. His true answer is far from the one he gives her: 

“The Cathedral. My mother and I used to walk through it together every Christmas morning. Before sunrise, before the crowds got there. We could hear our steps echo through the chamber. When the sunrise hit the paintings on the ceiling, I thought it was magic.”

There it is, he sees her eyes widen with recognition of herself in his story. 

“I used to go there every year with my mother too.” 

His warm grin widens. I know, he thinks, but he raises his glass in an informal toast. “Well how about that?” 

What does your typical day look like?  | 

(A friend.) 

Lucien is in the midst of rolling up the sleeves to his sweater, when he gets asked what his typical day looks like. He raises an eyebrow at the question posed by his friend. Maybe it’s a trick of the light, but it almost looks as if the corners of his lips are quirked up in the slightest smile. 

“Don’t tell me our conversation has gotten so boring that you’re now asking about my day to day. I know I’m quiet, but I thought I was doing better than that.”

His words tease. Besides, they don’t even know what they’re asking. His day to days are simply veneer. Wake up, go to work, show face at an event. All of it clockwork. It’s his nights that show the true him, that’s when he descends into the shadows of the city and plays its people like a harp. 

“Is this your way of avoiding my question about how your day went? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” 

What has been your biggest mistake thus far? | 

(A patient.) 

He sits in his office, full attention on the young man in the seat across from him. It’s his last appointment for the day, or rather, his last appointment was two hours ago, but Lamprius is holding himself  to the decision that this will be the last one. He’s in his element here, and the air settles calm around him. Outside evening blankets the city. “Would you like some tea?” He asks. 

To which his patient blurts out “What has been your biggest mistake thus far?” unofficially starting the session. Lamprius examines the other down the length of his nose and realizes that they’re still having the conversation they had during the last time they met. 

Lamprius doesn’t think Asher would very much understand his biggest mistake thus far. Inaction. He closes his eyes and imagines the swinging bodies of those that meant so much to him; he feels the weight of that loss for the city as a whole, it sits in his chest and in his throat and on his shoulders. His body betrays him in the slightest as he pushes his pen down into the notepad. An ink bleed spreads from where he’s stabbed it with such force. 

But Lamprius opens his eyes immediately, the pause is as quick as a blink, and the therapist knows what he has to say to his patient. 

“I didn’t say goodbye to my mother when I had the chance.” 

He didn’t, but that’s another kind of hurt entirely, from a different lifetime. Lamprius taps his pen and then leans back into his seat; allowing his eyes to wander up to the ceiling in a show of vulnerability before saying: 

“All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us.” 

He offers up a small smile, like a faintest ray of sunlight filtering through a window. His gaze turns back on his patient. 

“Thanks, Gandalf, “ Asher mutters, but Lamprius clocks the way he relaxes his shoulders, the way he settles into his seat and allows himself to seem small and fragile in it. He sees this and knows he’s doing his job. Lamprius gives him a moment before softly clearing his throat. 

“How about we begin with you telling me about your day, Asher. Did you visit the hospital?” 

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?  | 

(His husband.) 

He’s by the kitchen table that Saturday morning when the question is asked of him. His neck is crooked at a certain angle, as his left hand props open the pages to the Epic of Gilgamesh. His right hand is equally occupied preparing a piece of toast - though right now he’s paused mid-motion, butter knife hovering over the butter. Lamprius unintentionally does this a few times - gets close enough to butter his toast, and then stops to flip the page. His husband’s question cracks the stillness of the air; the suddenness of it spilling like yolk. It almost makes Lamprius grip the butter knife like a proper knife. He is oh so rarely met with genuine surprise but his husband’s question holds a level of intimacy the two haven’t shared in years. For a second Lamprius’ mask almost slips and it’s good he has the words of Gilgamesh to hide behind. 

 He feels a tug that he was almost certain was forgotten. For a moment he is truly Lucien.

Finally, like an alligator emerging from the water, he peeks up over the top of his book so only his eyes show. He contemplates his words. Measures and cuts them so that they are a perfect fit. He doesn’t ask why Ronan is asking him such things on this halcyon Saturday morning, he simply answers. 

“Knowing there wasn’t anything I could do for my mother, “ His biological one, but also the three that came to raise him, “but watch the clock run out of time.” 

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?  | 

(A stranger.) 

They must be the only two people in the city that still read a physical print newspaper. Lamprius likes the feel of the pages; likes how easily it can become a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He visits this stand often, it’s the perfect distance between where he parks his car and the front door of his office. 

The man next to him, the one in the long dark coat, is a familiar face. It’s a judge, from the local courthouse. This makes sense seeing as they’re only a few blocks away from the building. Lamprius wouldn’t call him a regular of this newspaper stand. On this morning, the stranger points to the latest headline. Another fight has broken out in the city and Lamprius feels immediate abhorrence - but what he despises even more is how this judge has the audacity to ask ‘What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?’ The question sets off a blizzard in Lamprius, though he doesn’t show it. His lips threaten to curl back into a snarl. ‘How do you, a man of the law, know their names and still not know where you stand on the matter?’ Lamprius thinks coldly. 

He looks at this man and decides he doesn’t deserve the conversation. Some will always be willfully blind. If he’s a judge in this city and he still doesn’t know how he feels about this war, it isn’t Lamprius’ job to impart that caring onto him. He folds his newly purchased newspaper into a neat rectangle and tucks it under his arm before looking at the man, nothing but the perfect imitation of curiosity and confusion shining in his eye:

“What war?”

Extras: 

“In nature’s infinite book of secrecy, a little I can read.” - Lamprius, the Soothsayer 

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[toomanyfeelings5]

the definitive ranking of pulp! the classics covers and summaries, from worst to best

(Note: Pride and Prejudice was not included in this list, as there were only poster and greeting card options for the work, and not an actual book or summary. Had a book and summary been provided, it would have ranked lowest for unoriginality. It’s literally just 1995 Colin Firth staring moodily at you. The caption is “Lock Up Your Daughters...Darcy’s in Town!” which is just unfortunate, frankly, and honestly laughable.) 

16. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte 

You take a novel that’s positively overflowing with drama and give it THIS cover? THIS summary? Absolutely uninspired. 

Here’s looking at you Cathy...

Childhood sweethearts turned star-crossed lovers, fuelled by bitter jealousy and dark revenge. She’s pretty and posh, he’s a moody brooding bastard. Heartbreak, alcoholism and plenty of illegitimate kids – it’s a perfect Northern drama.

Where is the feeling? The screaming violins playing as we read? The moors? The time skips? A hint of the positively bonkers plot that only a Bronte could compose?

15. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde 

 Oh, the heterosexuality of it all. On an Oscar Wilde novel, no less. 

Hey girl...I’d sell my soul for you!” 

Dorian Gray might be as pretty as a picture, but he's paid a devilishly high price for it. He'll stay drop-dead gorgeous, but there's something nasty festering in the attic...

Pretty as a picture and still lusting after ladies? Please. Pulp! Classics, you can do better. 

14. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Again, we must speak the ancient chant: Oh, the heterosexuality of it all. 

When it came to loving...He knew which Daisy to pick! 

Sorry old sport, but Gatsby has a bigger house than you, prettier friends than you and a Rolls Royce to cart them all round in. To a backdrop of popping champagne corks and orchestral jazz, our hero bids to buyout his old adversary, perennial jock, Tom Buchanan and reclaim Daisy, his favourite bit of High Society totty.

Nick Carraway gets not one mention, which is odd given that he’s the narrator, the protagonist, and Gatsby’s most ardent love interest. Also strange is the cover’s insistence that Jordan Baker, known lesbian, would swoon over Gatsby. Doubly strange is how tiny the women are in comparison to Gatsby’s massive frame. What is, again, bamboozling, is how the slogan on the cover seems to imply that Gatsby knows how to pick a woman. He doesn’t know how to choose anyone, let alone love them. All Gatsby truly knows is the desperate pursuit of a fruitless dream. 

13. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare 

Romeo looks like he could be Juliet’s father. Juliet looks like an Upper East Side Widow, not at all like the tween girl she really is.

Too wild to live...too young to die!

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou…. Oh wait, he’s hanging around in the garden again. Will young Romeo and his Juliet ever be able to express their raging hormones? Or will their feuding families make this romance blossom into a poisoned flower? Either way, both their houses are totally plagued!

“Wherefore” means “why,” not “where,” though I do have to award points to the summary for placing the blame squarely on the feud and not on these doomed young lovers. Though again, young isn’t the operative word I’d use to describe this version of Romeo and Juliet. 

12. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe 

This is what one would expect upon seeing a pulp cover of a classic novel. Not much originality or flair is present, but at least some sense of the story is conveyed. 

Solitude was driving him nuts!

Cannibals! Captives! Coconuts!

One man’s love of the sea leaves him stranded on a desert island with nothing but a few goats, a bible and a parrot for company.

Will he ever escape? Will his new pal Friday learn to efficiently press a goatskin jerkin? Or will solitude send him totally barmy?

WILL Friday learn to efficiently press a goatskin jerkin? One must read to find out, I suppose...

11. Tess of the D'urbervilles 

Marilyn Monroe?????

She’s...no angel.

The original Wessex girl!

Tess is just a humble milkmaid when the local landowner has his wicked way. Her new beau, the smarmy Angel Clare, is none too pleased when he finds out she’s already been deflowered. What is a girl to do? Bloody revenge of course, and an ending to touch the hardest of hearts.

At least the summary blames the terrible men in Tess’s life rather than Tess herself, unlike the tagline on the cover. And while Marilyn Monroe seductively lounging about with a drink doesn’t recall the faintest essence of Hardy’s novel, one would like to imagine Tess relaxing in whatever clothes she pleased, a straw dangling out of her drink, a smile on her face as she answers to no one and spends her quiet evening in solitude. 

10. Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

An innocuous cover; the men’s faces hint at the comedic nature of this novel, and yet...something nags the brain upon looking at this.

To say nothing of the dog...

Incompetence, embarrassment and general disaster - no it’s not PMQs, it’s a trip down the Thames! Three hapless fellows and a world weary dog decide they need a holiday from their exhausting hypochondria. Hilarious mayhem ensues.

To say nothing of the dog indeed: Why does the dog on the cover have a human face?

9. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka 

All one can say upon viewing this cover is: Jeff Goldblum, is that you?

Change really BUGGED him! 

Poor old Gregor. One day he's depressed about his dreary travelling salesman gig, the next, he's roaching around the apartment and disgusting his family. All that's left is creeping the walls and eating garbage. How's his sis ever going to find a sugar daddy with her grotty bro in tow?

Gregor isn’t grotty, he’s our six-legged hero in this tragic tale. 

And yet in the end, the question that haunts us all echoes in our minds in an unceasing echo: is that Jeff Goldblum? 

8.  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

Alice as a hippie is eye-catching, but not particularly creative. 

This cupcake was off her head!

What HAS happened to little Alice? Taking 'shrooms, hanging out with hookah smoking ne'er-do-wells and being dragged to court. That's gonna be one hell of a hangover!

As much as I’m intrigued by Alice wearing heart-shaped sunglasses and a peace sign necklace, the summary and the cover consist of one joke and one joke only. 

7. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 

I just like how Dr. Jekyll in this cover looks equally as fucked up as Mr. Hyde. 

No more Mr. Nice Guy... There’s a sinister man about London town with something of the night about him. Mr Hyde is mad, bad and has a penchant for bumping off MPs and other kindly innocents. Will his friend Dr Jekyll be able to stop him? Or is there something more to their relationship than meets the eye…? Only the intrepid Utterson can get to the bottom of this mystery, but what will he find in Dr Jekyll’s lab?

Points to this summary for including Mr. Utterson, and for insinuating that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde may be clandestine lovers. 

6. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens 

Ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise, don’t we love it when a greedy rich man gets bludgeoned by a mace into being more generous and kindly towards others?

This cat was a drag....’til a midnight wake-up call...

Christmas?! What a load of Humbug. Mistletoe and Wine just don't do it for Scrooge; he's a workaholic miser with an attitude problem. If he doesn't change his ways, he'll end up with no friends and Tiny Tim won't last the year. Let's hope some spooky night-time visitors can put the jingle back in his bells!

Ring-a-ling-a-ling, Mr. Scrooge. The mace is raised and the bells are ringing.

5.  Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad 

The tag-line made me, as the youths say, laugh out loud. 

Whoops! Apocalypse....

The horror! The horror!

Kurtz might be the apple of every brutish imperialist’s eye, but his God complex is getting wildly out of hand in the depths of the jungle. What on earth will Marlow find when he finally gets downriver? Devil worship? Savages? Heads on sticks? Or just another nutty white man with his knickers in a twist?

Surprisingly anti-racist summary made this jump to the higher echelons of this esteemed list, though of course that doesn’t excuse this novel’s abhorrent and embarrassing fake-deep racism. It also must be noted that the tag-line should have been “Whoops! White supremacy!” and the text of the novel should have entirely consisted of Chinua Achebe’s essay on the work. 

4. The Hounds of Baskerville by Arthur Conan Doyle

The cover alone is a winner. A rabid chihuahua out for blood? Inspired. 

Murder...Mystery...Walkies!

A desolate moor, a diabolical dog in need of a muzzle and some inbred locals; Sherlock Holmes is really up against it. With the help of his trusty sidekick Dr. Watson, Holmes pieces together a mystery that has captured the imagination of readers across the decades. All whilst practising a serious coffee and cocaine habit.

The tag-line is fun and catchy, but sadly this summary must be admonished for insisting that Dr. Watson is merely a “trusty sidekick” to Sherlock Holmes. Heterosexuality strikes again, reducing the impact of the striking cover design. 

3. Dubliners by James Joyce 

Finally! Some style, some panache, some flair to accompany these short stories about being sad and horny in Ireland. 

Stuck in the Liffey with you...

Booze, Sex and Hot Floury Potatoes… Those Dubliners are at it again!

Liars, thieves, whores and priests… James Joyce sure knew how to throw a party! This relentlessly downbeat collection explores the very worst aspects of human nature, and doesn’t leave out the juicy bits. It might not be in the best possible taste, but who doesn’t want to get down and dirty in Dublin?

The summary and cover work in tandem to wholeheartedly convince me that Dubliners is an action-packed, slick collection of stories detailing the wild escapades of a motley cast of ragamuffins, and I gotta hand it to the folks over at Pulp! Classics for injecting some bonafide vintage cool into Joyce’s work.

2. Othello by William Shakespeare 

I have so many thoughts on this. Mr. T. as Othello is fascinating, as is the tagline, “Some kind of Bard...aaaaasss.” Is this a commentary on blaxploitation media? One can’t help but recall Mr. T.’s reasoning behind his mohawk, his gold chains, to honor his ancestors and assert his living, unshakable humanity in a racist society. Is this is a genuine effort on the part of Pulp! Classics to imply that a blaxploitation-influenced adaptation of Othello could reveal deeper truths to the play that we have had yet to glimpse? 

Some kind of Bard... aaaasss

He’s a bardass brother with the love of a fine woman. That is until some cloven hoofed honky starts talking crazy about variously hued sheep tupping the hell outta each other! You gotta pity the fool who gets shafted by the green eyed monster. Let’s hope Othello can work out who to trust before it’s too late…

The fast-paced alliterative language of the summary harkens to Shakespeare’s own wit-fueled dialogue and penchant for creative language. The summary also calls Iago a devil, which is apt, and implicitly criticizes his racism, hinting at the play’s greater tragedies to come. The cover and summary also work in tandem to emphasize Othello’s jealousy and destruction: the “green-eyed monster” is mentioned, and the cover itself is a putrid green. An excellent example of what a vintage cover and summary can achieve. 

1. Frankenstein by Mary Shelly 

You all knew this was coming. 

This kid was born on the wrong side of the lab...

Frankenstein’s monster is on the rampage; terrorising the locals, unleashing murderous hell… and reading novels in his spare time. Can his petrified creator stop this reign of horror before his girlfriend gets the chop?

A James Dean-inspired creature, thereby making them a queer icon? Masterful. The creature being “born on the wrong side of the lab?” A stroke of genius; that they’re called a kid puts the poignancy of the monster’s plight into even greater relief, while simultaneously emphasizing their tragic charm. The clear distinction between Frankenstein and the creature? Reader, I exhaled in a cathartic release of tension. The loving detail that the creature reads novels in their spare time, like any other leather-jacket wearing, motorcycle-riding ruffian with a heart of gold? Beautiful. 

Truly, the obvious queer energy of this cover and summary highlights an overlooked dimension of Shelly’s great work while also paying homage to what draws us to this Modern Prometheus time after time. Do we care about the petrified creator in this summary? Not at all. He’s not on the cover, appearing both rebellious and gentle. We are here for the creature, in their leather jacket, on their motorcycle, novel sticking out of a back pocket on their jeans, ready to whisk us away to a place where even monsters like us can find solace, and be at peace, and commune with each other. We need only take their outstretched hand, and be willing to leave the mundane world for something better, for the chance to no longer be alone. 

[horrorhousereview]

Carrie Franchise

Carrie, the heart warming tale of a high school girl who sets the world on fire with her mind. I knew little else about the original film, nor that it had a sequel and been remade twice. While the original movie proved to be better than I'd have imagined, attempts to recapture the essence of the 1976 version have sadly fallen flat.

1. Carrie (1976)

When I sat down to the original Carrie, my expectations were moderate. I knew that the movie was famous, and that the protagonist could set things on fire with her mind, but really nothing else. It sounded interesting but not earth shattering. I had no idea the wild ride the movie was about to take me on.

The opening scene, in classic seventies style, was a soft core porn in a high school girls locker room as they showered. The porn gave me whiplash when Carrie suddenly got her first period, and instead of handling it like a normal person screamed for help and grasped onto her teammates with bloody hands in a panic. The girls teased her in a sequence that can only make sense in movies, not real life, shouting for her to "plug it up" and pelting her with tampons and pads as she screamed and cried in a corner. Apparently, Carrie had literally never heard about how periods work before. This is attributed to her crazy, fundamentalist mother, but I would also like to raise questions about the state of sex ed. in schools in the seventies. I wasn't expecting much, but did they really not even go over reproductive organs for five minutes? Incredible.

The bulk of the movie is a slow burn wherein we follow Carrie, a girl who is relentlessly bullied by her peers. Not only that, but she is actually a little weird, due to her fundamentalist Christian mother who abuses her at home. Her mother says such gems as that Carrie wouldn't have gotten her period if she hadn't had sex, and that it was God's punishment. She then proceeded to lock her in a closet for several hours, telling Carrie to pray. Carrie's mother makes all of their clothes, and doesn't allow electric lights in the household, just to give the very briefest depiction of how weird it is there.

Through the movie we see that the gym teacher, and then a few others actually try to do right by Carrie. A boy asks her to the prom. They try to turn Carrie's sad life around.

Meanwhile, the head bitch of the school plots revenge on Carrie, whom she blames for her own teenaged angst. She's a terrible person.

Right in the last stretch of movie, Carrie wins the title of prom queen. Her dreams are coming true. Then the head bitch douses her in pigs blood, and a few people laugh, and Carrie totally snaps and kills everyone with her mind, including those who had tried to do right. She goes home, and her mother who believed she was possessed by the devil tries to kill her, but Carrie in turn kills her mother. The sole survivor of the night continues to have nightmares of Carrie attacking her from the grave, and it isn't clear to me whether that's delusion caused by trauma or whether Carrie continued to haunt even her from the beyond.

What a wild ride. I didn't see the ending coming at all, and the shock and chaos of it very much reminded me of Friday the 13th, and The Birds. To add to that, I'm still not certain who the true villain of the movie is. Carrie? Her mother? Her terrible classmates? All of them? None? And did Carrie's mother create her through the abuse, or was Carrie truly possessed by the devil the entire time? Her retribution, after all, was more than a bit excessive.

I enjoyed Carrie far more than I had expected to.

Final rating? 8/10

2. The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

When I started Carrie 2, I was curious how they'd go about a sequel. Carrie had died at the end of the first film. Would this be a sort of prequel to her life? Would she be a ghost? Would they find a way to resurrect her, as they did Jason Voorhees so many times? In fact, it was none of these. The story follows Rachel, Carrie's half sister. Apparently their father has a telekinesis gene that was passed on to both of them, because that makes sense.

We start the movie when Rachel is a little girl. She has a religious nutter mother, just like Carrie, who is trying to banish the devil from her, because she can move things with her mind. The mother gets taken away to a psych ward and is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Is she schizophrenic? Or justified? Perhaps both.

Rachel lives with terrible foster parents, and like Carrie is unpopular. Unlike in Carrie, however, the school atmosphere is completely unrealistic. There's absolute chaos, someone running around with a supersoaker, another guy filming girls' boobs. The cheerleaders are practicing on the school lawn before school starts. I'm always astounded by how unrealistic high school is depicted in some movies and shows, considering that the writers probably attended one.

Also unlike Carrie, Rachel isn't the single social pariah of the entire school. She's just one of many unpopular students, and even has an unpopular best friend. The friend sleeps with a jock (the eldest son from Home Improvement, weirdly), and then when he casts her aside she kills herself by jumping off the roof. This, I guess, is the catalyst for Rachel's telekinesis to start spiraling out of control.

One of the teachers at the school is the sole survivor from the Carrie incident twenty years ago. She wants to help Rachel before it's too late, but that never gains any traction. She also wants to sue Home Improvement boy for statutory rape, and while he and his friends are thoroughly disgusting that felt like a bit of a stretch to me. As a result, the jocks rally against Rachel, all except for Good Jock. Rachel and Good Jock start dating, and Good Jock temporarily friend-divorces the other jocks.

The story culminates in Rachel thinking that Good Jock used her due to the influence of his friends, and she has her Carrie moment where she tries to set everyone and everything on fire. Until this point the echoes of Carrie in Carrie 2 were stupid but boring. The carbon copy ending pushed the film into the realm of terrible.

In addition to the same end scene, they even had the original Carrie mother's voice repeating "they're all going to laugh at you" in the background of Rachel's mind, just as from the original Carrie ending. Why? How? What was it supposed to imply? As if that didn't ruin the scene enough, there was a hilariously bad performance of violent acts -- such as mentally flung CDs acting as shurikens. And Rachel's heart tattoo began to beat, and the barbed wire of it spread to mark her entire body. Again, why? How?

I finished this movie wondering why they'd bothered to make it at all, and also wondering how they failed so spectacularly in capturing whatever magic it was that had made Carrie so fantastic, while simultaneously copying as much from the original movie as possible.

Final rating: 3/10

3. Carrie (2002 made for TV film)

Like all good movies, it was perhaps inevitable that someone would do a remake of Carrie. I was skeptical of the 2002 made for TV movie, but I wanted so much for it to offer something unique. Some remakes actually do have artistic vision behind them. Unfortunately, it was as terrible as one might expect.

The main point to the remake, so far as I can tell, was to update Carrie to take place in a more modern setting. But what exactly was unrelatable about the 1976 film? The lack of sex education is the only real flaw so far as I could tell, and to be fair, the 2002 film does address it. Carrie opts out of sex ed. with a religious exemption. But she also lives in the world of the internet, and uses the web to research her secret powers instead of the library. Yet even with apparently websites helping her to learn them, no one else knows about telekinesis or believes what happened in the end. The modern setting, in my opinion, only built more plot holes rather than filling them in.

In Carrie 2002, the method of story telling is also different. We start off at a police station, after the main events of the film, as detectives interview students and teachers and try to piece together what had happened. I'm not sure what the point of the investigative narrative is, and in fact it threw me. In my experience, the point of having such a perspective is so that each time we're actually inside of the movie, the events we see are only told from the limited point of view of whoever is being interviewed. But that isn't so in Carrie 2002, because we frequently have perspectives from Carrie, who isn't interviewed at all, nor is she seen from the perspective of any of the interviewees.  As such, the investigative angle is a weakness, not a strength.

Like Carrie 2, Carrie 2002 features a somewhat unbelievable vision of high school. Every detail, to me at least, is not quite sold. In fact, "not quite" is the theme of the movie, as every key aspect of the original film seems diminished.

Carrie's mother is abusive, but not very. She's religious, but not nearly as much so. The girls at Carrie's school are mean to her, but only to a point. The head orchestrator of Carrie's torments is almost shy in comparison to her original counterpart, and has to be goaded on by the advice of her sociopathic boyfriend. It's quite the departure from the sociopathic girl of the original movie with the whipped boyfriend following in tow.

The gym teacher does care, but she doesn't care nearly as much. The kind boy who takes Carrie to prom seems nice enough, but mostly seems to take Carrie because of his girlfriend's wishes. In the original, there was at least some foreshadowing of his kindness when he spoke up for her slightly in class.

Even the final scene of the movie felt lesser. At points it almost felt goofy, and like Carrie 2, Carrie 2002's final scene felt over the top. She kept going well after the school was destroyed, and proclaimed not to have remembered what happened when she reached home. While Original Carrie seemed to be in shock, Remake Carrie seemed to instead be purely evil, all nuance lost. Rather than the knife battle with the mother, the mother tried to drown her, and Carrie's over-the-top powers manifested again in an ability to visualize and control the mother's heartbeat in her chest.

The coup de grace as far as terrible decisions in the remake is that Carrie actually lived in the end. Sue, the girl who'd gone out of her way to help Carrie get a date to prom, showed up for some reason at Carrie's house after the massacre, and found her drowned but resuscitated her. She helped Carrie escape to a new life in Florida and didn't tell the truth to the cops. Why? I have no earthly idea. I suppose that she felt sorry for Carrie, but with the luke-warm mother and the brick-to-the-face storytelling, this film failed to manifest any of the conflicting feelings in me as the original. A final shot of Carrie shows that she's still haunted by visions of her mother and of the head mean girl, but they seem to be PTSD with no possibility of a haunting. It's a sad, pale shadow of the Carrie-haunting of Sue at the end of the original.

In the end, I'm not really sure why they felt a need to remake Carrie in 2002. Or if they really felt they must, then I fail to see the artistic vision. In any good remake, there should be some element offered that is uniquely its own. In this case, the writers failed to deliver.

Final rating? 3/10

4. Carrie (2013)

Once again, they decided to remake Carrie. Would it be as creative as the original? Unfortunately not. Instead, they made many of the same mistakes that they had in 2002.

Like the 2002 movie, Carrie 2013 is set in modern times. They give the students the internet and cell phones to make things seem more current, then randomly put Carrie in pool volley ball because somehow that's more relatable than the volleyball of the original movie. Throughout this adventure I've wondered why they've felt the need to change the sport, and am always curious to see which one it will be next. First volley ball, then softball, now the pool.

The first major misstep of this film, right off the bat, is that Carrie is incredibly conventionally attractive. No one can beat the sort of awkward and strange look of the original actress, although the casting in 2002 wasn't too bad. But in 2013, for some reason we get a completely normal, or even above average looking girl who can have no makeover on prom night, as she already looks amazing. Not only is the aesthetic off, but she fails to deliver the awkward mannerisms that go hand in hand with the character of Carrie.

Next, we come to the iconic opening scene, which as in the 2002 remake remained mostly intact. However, in Carrie 2002 the only truly redeemable thing was that Carrie's lack of sexual education had been explained by a religious exemption. For some reason, in 2013, we no longer have any excuse or idea how she has no idea what a period is. In the modern day setting, this is all the more difficult to swallow.

The writers seemed to want to correct a few of the 2002 mistakes: the head bad girl was more cacklingly evil, the good jock was once again good in his own right and had a little foreshadowing. But they kept some of the mistakes as well -- the bad girl's boyfriend being a criminal, and most notably Carrie's overpowered telekinesis. In 2013, it's probably more overt than ever before, as Carrie deliberately practices floating books around her, though perhaps it's not as spectacular as the random meteorites striking inexplicably in either Carrie 2 or 2002, I can't remember which.

Much like in its 2002 predecessor, Carrie 2013's mother has been reduced. She's not nearly so abusive as the original 1976 mother, instead turning much of her abuse inward, as she's seen slapping herself, and banging her head against a wall. She's also not as extreme in her rejection of electricity as in 1976. All of this -- the more pathetic mother, the stronger Carrie, serve to lose all the nuance of the original film. I'm not left thinking that everyone -- the school bullies, Carrie, and her mother -- are terrible. Instead, it read a bit like a '90s slasher film in the end scene, as Carrie spread her arms into the air like a caricature of a witch while she mentally flung things to and fro. Gone was the echo of the mother's voice in her head, and instead it was a rather boring scene, with none of the detached horror that I've come to associate with Carrie.

In fact, when Carrie arrived home after the devastation, she was visibly upset, bursting into tears and calling for her mother. That's a far cry from the original Carrie that had arrived at her home in a kind of stupor, washing herself methodically as if in shock or perhaps still possessed.

One improvement over the 2002 film was that they did kill Carrie as in the original. But one misstep? They still needed Sue Snell to make a final appearance in the final destruction. To what purpose? So that Carrie could tell her with preternatural ability, that she was pregnant. Why add this to Carrie's powers? Why have this scene at all? And instead of Carrie simply haunting Sue's thoughts as in the 1976 original, now she seems to be possibly, somehow, haunting Sue's baby. It's a ridiculous decision and I have no idea why they made it.

Final rating? 2/10

[eternityengine]

okay so I wrote a “review” (really just my thoughts in a disorganized way) of Sonic Forces about a year and a half ago and never got around to posting it, but I still have it so I’m posting it now because I have opinions

Main Game

Green Hill. Again. Argh. I mean at least they tried to change it up a little by throwing sand over it but that didn't really make any sense. (sega plz)

Look, I like Chemical Plant alright (for some godforsaken reason), but it's already been in Gens and Mania. Just give us Mystic Cave Zone or Mushroom Zone or something! Hell, use both! We could have Mushroom Zone instead of Green Hill Zone!

I gotta say the goop waterfalls in Network Terminal are really flow-breaking, you just come to a dead stop if you touch them and have to stop half the time to avoid hitting them, and you can't reliably avoid them very well. You can't even boost through them!

Luminous Forest is pretty and all but uuuuuggghhhhh casino levels suck

Infinite is delightfully edgy and I thoroughly enjoyed him, but they didn't utilize him very well.

Infinite's battle themes reflect his boss battle quality!

First battle: total banger of a song, pretty good boss fight (runnin’ on a SNAKE)

Second battle: excellent song, decent boss fight (best use of his nightmare zone powers, at least in the first half)

Third battle: okay song, boring reskin of the Metal Sonic boss fight

Why did they not give us a Chaos boss fight :( lame

Also why did Infinite use Chaos 0 instead of literally any other version, all of which are stronger? Like, would Perfect Chaos use too much energy or something?? He made giant snake versions of himself just fine...

Actually, why couldn't those have been Chaos??

Metal Sonic fight was okay but way too similar to Silver's in Gens

Also why is Metal Sonic a copy?? Just use actual Metal, come on, Eggman

There was no resolution to Infinite's plot and I am disappoint

Why does Infinite just flip the Avatar around with the Phantom Ruby in Metropolis? I feel like he should be at least shooting cubes at you or something instead of just occasionally passing by to frick with your gravity in suspiciously convenient ways

If Sonic was tortured for six months why is there no indication of this? He doesn't look or act any different than usual. Even without being tortured (as in the JP script), he should at least have some ill effects from being imprisoned for half a year.

I'm okay with Knuckles being the commander of the Resistance but who thought it was a good idea to let him come up with strategies? He's mostly a traps and punching guy on that front. I realize Tails was gone and all but I feel like most of the other characters could have strategized better.

Classic Sonic does basically nothing of note and has the worst levels and gameplay. Why is he even here if they weren't going to use him properly?

Caveat: I'm mostly going off of other people's statements re: his gameplay, I suck at Classic games overall and would probably dislike his levels regardless

Why does destroying the Phantom Ruby send Classic back to his dimension? I wouldn't think the Ruby would need to actively hold him there...

First of all, I feel like Tails should have been able to fix Omega. Secondly, why did they leave him there for six months?? Thirdly, HOW DID HE GET FIXED????? (Loved that he was here, though.)

I want to see the fight between Silver and Infinite, it was probably super awesome

Okay, so I can kind of excuse the giant snake given the giant worms of Lost Hex, but why would it try to eat Sonic. He'd be a tiny snack. What does it even normally eat? Other giant snakes?? (Is it an illusion??)

Why are both of Classic Sonic's boss fights just bomb tennis

Why is the final boss called a Death Egg Robot? The only similarities are in the first form's head (when protracted) and its primary (shoulder) arms. The rest is tentacle snake nonsense. And the second form is a straight-up tentacle robot, and somewhat similar to the Nega-Wisp Armour. And it's not even on the Death Egg!

Final boss was really ominous though, I liked it. First, dramatic orchestral music. Then, it murders you repeatedly by barely telegraphing its attacks to a first-timer. (Stop killing the floor!!) Then you "beat" it and a chestburster tentacle robot explodes out and dumps you in null space. The actual tentacle bot fight was kind of a letdown though, it was basically just the Nega Wisp Armour from Colours instead of something new... (also I was bad at timing my laser dodges so some salt there)

How is Classic Sonic doing Homing Attacks in the Death Egg Robot's third phase? He literally can't do them yet, wtf. (I choose to believe Modern Sonic and/or the Avatar is throwing him at it :P)

The water slides in Aqua Road are neat and fun the first few times, but when you're trying to S-rank the level they are such a pain. The RNG with the Motobug bouncing is the woooooorst. (Getting unavoidably knocked into spike balls sucks.)

Also why were a) spike balls there to begin with, it's enough of a challenge not falling out, and b) the spike balls moving slower than everything else in the slides? And then slow you down to their speed if you hit them, so when your invincibility runs out you're still glued to them and die?

Avatar gameplay is really fun, but I'm not a fan of how many automatic grapple points there are. Just let me do it!! It's not hard!!!! (Plus some of them are really unnecessary)

No boss fight with fake Shadow either, but that's less disappointing than Chaos for whatever reason (maybe because he's around more?)

Gotta say though I liked a much larger portion of the music in this game than usual, it's really good

However, the music for Classic's Green Hill stage is screechy garbage.

A good chunk of the stuff conveyed with the overworld dialogue would have been better presented as actual cutscenes (esp. the ones that use sound effects :/)

There is literally an area called "City" are you freaking kidding me

Okay, so Eggman decides to drop the sun on the Resistance...but he's also there?? I assume he's like, just not included in the illusion and is just laughing at their stupid faces, but it would have been nice to have some indication of that.

Why even make Zavok copies?? He sucks and no one likes him. Also he's kind of part of a set, where are the other Zeti copies?

I realize this is a video game, but why does Infinite make such easily dodgeable cube obstacles/attacks? "Ah yes let me make some long rectangles with big gaps to go through at each end, this will never fail"

I would like to thank Sonic Team for not making Imperial Tower a timed mission, that shit was hard enough as it is

I would also like to thank Sonic Team for making Imperial Tower so easy to cheese with Hover Wispons

I really wish the Null Space level had more...Null Space. You're in it for like 30 seconds, and it's a waste of a really pretty level design. AND it's just a straight shot that's 80% Double Boost.

Why is Double Boost a thing? The Avatar is just some random civilian, they shouldn't have weird team-up super speed powers.

I love that basically all of Sonic's friends are here doing stuff again, it is glorious. (Even though they were kind of epic fails until the Avatar joined/they got Sonic back...)

However, it would have been nice to see them occasionally doing stuff in the levels (like beating up robots in the background or something), rather than just in cutscenes.

Classic Sonic doesn't get an Infinite fight. :(

Which is weird, since he's the only playable character with Phantom Ruby experience/story.

In Final Judgement, the radio chatter includes them going "so this is where Eggman built Infinite" and...there are several things wrong with that. First of all, "built"? He's organic, it would be better to say something like "created" - even putting aside that that would be more metaphorical, as Eggman didn't straight-up create Infinite the person, just his current identity (not that they have any reason to know that - but they have no reason to think he made him either). Secondly, how are they coming to this conclusion? There's no tubes or assembly machines around until the end tubes with Phantom Ruby prototypes(?) in them, and those are part of the reactor. Plus an early cutscene has Infinite in a tube in a completely different area, though it could have been contained in the same superstructure. I mean I guess you could argue that the level looks like a factory?? Thirdly, how can they even see inside? They're not there.

Episode Shadow

Why is this so goddamn short. Only three levels? Really??

Why is the last cutscene just the first one from the main game?? They should be explaining where tf Shadow's been during the main game! So lazy.

Aqua Road is like 80% waterslides whyyyyyy

Infinite is really bad at getting revenge, holy shit. He just...illusions him for a bit until he gets away?? With some cube attacks tbf but STILL...

Also this shit never comes up in the main game why exactly? (I know the answer is probably they came up with this later like FOOLS, but argh)

ALSO also why do Infinite's attacks not send Shadow into the nightmare realm like they do in the main game?

Why do they go to such lengths to hide Infinite's face if they just straight up show it in his comic??

Honestly the way Shadow treats Infinite in this feels kinda out of character. I feel like he wouldn't be quite that harsh. (Definitely in character if it was Boom!Shadow, though...)

I am disappointed that Shadow is just a Sonic reskin. Let me use Chaos Spear! >:(

Also disappointed that Shadow can only be played on Modern Sonic stages; why not also Tag stages??

Misc

Infinite's theme is hilariously edgy and I love it (could do without the rap tho)

Kinda disappointed that this game has no fancy CGI cutscenes. I always look forward to those...

I think they had way too much nostalgia-baiting in this game. Classic Sonic, four previous Sonic villains (mostly Chaos and Metal Sonic though), Death Egg Robots, Green Hill and Chemical Plant and Death Egg...it just smacks of desperation. Not sure if it's "Generations was popular let's do that again" or just general trying to get fans back, but it's silly. You expect this sort of thing for Generations bc it was an anniversary game, but this one decidedly isn't and it feels like they're grasping at straws trying to get/keep players.

Also this is a Modern Sonic game, why is 50% of the content not playing him. Why is Classic even heeeeeeere

[rebeccaheyman]

reading + listening 10.05.20

We Can Only Save Ourselves (Alison Wisdom), eBook, ARC (pub date February 2021). The comp titles cited in the market copy are totally on-point (Little Fires Everwhere/The Girls/The Virgin Suicides), but I’d also say readers who loved ASK AGAIN, YES and/or BIG LITTLE LIES should have this title on their radar. My four-star review on NetGalley:

Alison Wisdom's tension-filled, haunting debut, WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES, exposes the dark underbelly of sunny, safe suburbia. When Alice, a native daughter of wholesome Anywhere, USA, decides to follow a mysterious stranger to a decidedly less-wholesome bungalow filled with lost girls, she leaps feet-first into a version of the wider world that puts her very identity at risk.

WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES is narrated in first person plural, a la The Virgin Suicides or Then We Came To The End. The neighborhood's mothers keep one foot on their front lawns, even as they follow Alice beyond the confines of the old familiar places; the results are as enigmatic as they are specific -- propulsive, even as the distance between "us" and "her" grows. Like all parents, the narrative chorus has eyes everywhere -- "a superpower we gained as we transformed from women into mothers."

The novel drew me along with stunning prose, deftly drawn characters, and a looming sense of impending dread that made it impossible to look away. For all the qualities that sustain it, WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES reserves one of its finest features for last: it ends perfectly, and in the perfect place. It's so rare to find a novel that says everything that needs saying, but also leaves unsaid a single extraneous word, but this one does it -- and beautifully.

[I received an ARC of this novel from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.]

A Deadly Education (Naomi Novik), aBook (narr. Anisha Dadia). It’s not a stretch to say I am o b s e s s e d with UPROOTED -- so I’ve had this newest title from Naomi Novik on my radar for some time. Friends, it does not disappoint. NINTH HOUSE meets The Winternight Trilogy meets THE HUNGER GAMES in a vividly realized, voice-driven story that will have you pining, probably not for the first time, for the chance to abandon life as you know it and go to wizard school. 

Our heroine, Galadriel, is destined to be a Dark Queen and prophesied to reap destruction within the magical community, but she’s fighting her baser instincts to walk a path more aligned with her mother’s more inclusive, love-and-light mentality. This struggle makes life at the Scholomance even harder for El than it usually is -- and it’s usually deadly.

I don’t like to get mired in plot specific in these reviews, but suffice it to say A DEADLY EDUCATION boasts all the thoughtful, detail-rich world-building you’ll find in Novik’s other works, along with a powerful, snarky, savvy heroine; a well-drawn secondary cast; compelling conflict in both episodic mini-arcs and myth-building arcs that will carry through the remainder of the trilogy; and a school that is literally trying to kill its students. It was a fantastic romp from start to finish and I’m already looking forward to a relisten/reread when book 2 comes out. 

Anisha Dadia, who I’ve not had the pleasure of listening to previously, knocked this out of the park. Her tone and style remind me a lot of Priya Ayyar, which is high praise in my book.

Angel in the Devil’s Arms (Palace of Rogues, book 2) (Julie Anne Long), eBook. I discovered the first book in this series when Libro.fm featured it in their September Kiss Club recommendations, and the second installment does not disappoint! Julie Anne Long’s style is in line with Tessa Dare or Courtney Milan, in the sense that she gives equal weight and detail to the external, non-romantic elements of the plot as she does to internal/emotional/romance-driven elements. ANGEL takes us back to the Grand Palace on the Thames, where the mysterious return of Lord Bolt sends Angelique’s world into a tizzy. The prodigal viscount is back in London for revenge, but his plans go sideways once love is in the mix. Crossing my fingers that the third book-in-series, due in May 2021, shows up on NetGalley sooner over later.

One to Watch (Kate Stayman-London), eBook. I’ve been trying to up my intake of body-positive fiction lately (and if you are too, please add IT’S BEEN A PLEASURE, NONI BLAKE and ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN to your TBR immediately), so ONE TO WATCH was naturally on my radar. The premise here is that a Bachelorette-style reality TV program casts a plus-size fashion blogger, Bea Schumacher, in the starring role. Stayman-London moves far beyond this premise, though, by integrating public and private media responses to the program itself within the text; blog posts, blog comments, tweets, text threads, Slack chats -- the intertextual input is strong throughout, but the meta-commentary never feels forced or frivolous. I’ve been pushing my authors to utilize intertext more thoughtfully in the past couple years, so I was especially glad to see it done beautifully here.

There’s so much to love about ONE TO WATCH: the portrayal of dynamic female friendships; fat rep, yes, but also authentic-feeling racial, asexual/aromantic, and nonbinary rep; deep exploration of the mental and emotional impact of cultural fatphobia; thoughtful exploration of what it means to find love after the emotional trauma of failed romance; and so much more. I confess that I’ve never been able to stomach Bachelor/Bachelorette-style shows, which I find hopelessly awkward and dull, so I was a tad skeptical about this book -- but ONE TO WATCH moves far beyond its core premise, and is 1000% more interesting than the shows it uses as a reference point. I’m already looking forward to Stayman-London’s next book [insert cheeky “she’s one to watch” pun].

The Perils of Pleasure: Pennyroyal Green book 1 (Julie Anne Long), aBook (narr. Justine Eyre). I wanted to dive into Julie Anne Long’s backlist after enjoying the Palace of Rogues titles so much. Her 11-part Pennyroyal Green series seemed like the right place to start. Once again, Long provides a juicy, twisty non-romance plot to bolster the slow-burn romance between our leads -- who meet when Madeline orchestrates an eleventh-hour rescue from the gallows for the falsely-accused Colin. This was satisfying enough, but things got rushed in Act III, and ultimately the resolution of the external plot relied overmuch on one character monologuing at length to reveal all. I’ll keep listening eventually, though I don’t feel compelled to inhale the series all in one go; skeptics like myself will recall that Kleypas’s Ravenels series starts with a middling book 1, but delivers some seriously satisfying plot (and romance) as the series progresses. I’ve got other titles queued up for listening next week, but I’ll circle back to Pennyroyal Green in the near future.

[silver-soliloquy]

CoMC week 4 part 1

XXXI

o   I love that the timeskip and pov changes are drastic enough that we now have absolutely no idea what Edmond’s planning anymore!  General vengeance, sure, and we know the names of the people he’s going to be targeting, but with Morrel the reader could pretty much guess what the Mysterious Stranger’s angle was even if Dumas was playing coy about names. From here on we’re pretty much flying blind, and it’s super fun.  How much of what goes down in this section is he actually orchestrating, and how much can we mark down to Romantic Coincidence?  Was Franz’s role in all this part of the plan, or did he just stumble into it and Edmond made it work?  How is any of this actually going to get back to Villefort/Ferdinand?  Who knows!  Not Franz or me, that’s for sure!  Isn’t this exciting?

o   Also, Edmond has apparently done so much stuff over the timeskip, and none of it is…what he said he was going to do.  He hasn’t even tried to go after his enemies yet, apparently, but he’s completely transfigured himself so much that he’s unrecognizable even though we’re in the know about his ridiculous aliases.  Why were his priorities Orientalism and spending money and smoking hash?  I mean I guess he’s been building up his aliases and putting in place a network of money and influence that lets him do pretty much whatever he wants, but man, this is quite a shift.  Even without the pov shift, it’s pretty easy to start viewing Edmond as something unknown and dangerous instead of Our Hero.

o   (I’m still going to keep calling him Edmond though, because the more sinister he gets the funnier it is to me.)

o   As a sidenote though, I am totally delighted by the “wow, I wonder who this Mystery Person could be! we’ll just have to use the obviously fake name they give us, because we definitely don’t know what their real name is! NO PROTAGONISTS HERE, MOVE ALONG” game that the narrator’s playing. I loved it in Les Mis, I love it here! Somehow it never gets any less entertaining!

o   The thing where Edmond always somehow embodies the mannerisms/physical characteristics of whatever nationality he’s pretending to be kind of reminds me a lot of Fantomina, have any of you guys read that?  It’s an 18th century British novel about a lady who sets out to get revenge on her cheating boyfriend but ends up just getting really wrapped up in the theatre of costume and the multiple identities and ends up just having a really good time messing with him while he never notices that all these different women are, in fact, Fantomina.  I’d have to reread it for details and Fantomina does more playing with class than with nationality, but I feel like Edmond could kind of relate.

o   I don’t really have much to say about the Romanticism Bingo chapter except, wow, that happened I guess.  It is kind of worth mentioning that, for all that Edmond’s forced himself to become a different person, he still uses Monte Cristo as his home base and his name—it seems like both a tribute to Faria and a sign that there’s a part of him that still doesn’t want to let go of his beginnings, no I’m not crying it’s fine

o   Albert is adorable, and his willingness to go along with Mystery Man’s Thousand and One Nights roleplaying is hilarious.  Maybe he and Edmond could be lit nerd buddies if Edmond wasn’t so busy being CREEPY and HAVING NO FRIENDS EVER.

o   I think somebody in the tag mentioned the possibility that Edmond bribed Franz’s captain to take him to Monte Cristo, and I think that’s definitely what happened—the whole way the sidetrip unfolds is so weird!  “hey let’s stop by Monte Cristo for some quick hunting, it’s uninhabited it’s fine” “oh yeah also there might be smugglers, it’s still fine” “oh look, lots of smugglers and also bandits! we are also smugglers so it’s okay, we can talk to them! we’ll have to stay the night though, forget that this was supposed to be a quick visit” “uh their leader wants to hang out with you and also has a huge opulent mystery palace that we definitely knew about even though we said the island was uninhabited, THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL HAVE SOME DRUGS” LIKE.  THIS IS THE MOST SUSPICIOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD, HOW DID FRANZ GO ALONG WITH THIS.  Except I still can’t figure out what Edmond’s angle there was?  How does impressing Franz with his mysterious wealth and orientalism help with anything???

XXXII

o   Albert!  For a spoiled rich kid he is INCREDIBLY ENDEARING, and he and Franz are super cute together and oh my god it’s just so nice to have some characters who actually like each other!           I AM STARVED FOR FRIENDSHIP OKAY, EDMOND WHY DO YOU INSIST ON NOT HAVING ANY FRIENDS.  Franz’s knowledge of Albert’s quirks and general air of fond exasperation for his ridiculousness is just really sweet and made these chapters really enjoyable.  And I still want cute road trip adventures fic of them.

o   Signor Pastrini is the real hero of this book for putting up with all the rich people nonsense happening in his hotel, tbh

XXXIII

o   YIKES YIKES YIKES CAN I SKIP THIS CHAPTER

o   Okay no I do have a few notes—Luigi Vampa, the first mysterious sketchy stranger who isn’t secretly Edmond!  I totally cracked up when ~the Count of Monte Cristo~ showed up in the story ANYWAYS, because apparently what Edmond’s been doing during the timeskip is integrating himself into every urban legend and scrap of local gossip there is.

o   The Cucumetto story was AWFUL, OH GOD WHY, not to mention BASICALLY POINTLESS, but I guess the Luigi/Teresa story was kind of entertaining?  Maybe the point of the Cucumetto bit was to give Luigi Vampa the Not As Bad As You Could’ve Been award?  The fact that his idea for getting his girlfriend a nice dress was “BURN DOWN A WHOLE VILLA” was hilarious, anyways.

o   Also I feel like the Florian reference is just straight up Dumas calling me out for not finishing the second half of Estelle et Nemorin, which I AM WORKING ON OKAY, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU ROMANTICS AND MAKING ME READ CRACKED OUT PASTORAL NOVELS LET ME REST

XXXIV

o   All the fuss about taking Albert to see the colosseum in the most impressive amazing way possible still seems pretty romantic to me as well as Romantic, Franz knows how to plan a date I’m just saying

o   Did Edmond also plan for Franz to overhear the whole rendezvous in the coliseum?  It seems like that one might have been just Coincidence??  BUT WHO KNOWS WITH EDMOND

o   Honestly I spent the whole opera  section screaming internally about how NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO THE STAGE, AUGH

o   Franz and the Countess took a moonlight walk in the coliseum and talked about THE DEAD!  How very Romantic of you two, I can see why Byron likes this lady

o   Byron/Lord Ruthwen references galore!  I need to come back to this after I read the Vampyre, so I have no comments except that the Countess is dating Byron but also so freaked out by Edmond that she has to leave the theatre immediately?  Seriously???

o   I love how oblivious Albert is to the encroaching creepiness of the Plot!  HE JUST WANTS TO FIND A CARRIAGE AND HAVE A DRAMATIC ADVENTURE WITH A HOT ITALIAN LADY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S STUCK IN A REVENGE NOVEL

XXXV

o   Everything about the executions is pretty much horrifying, and I don’t have that much to say about it except to note how all deliberate Edmond has been about desensitizing himself to violence and death and how much he wants not only vengeance but to be a person who can be that casually cruel—his first victim was definitely himself, and he has to keep seeking out scenes of torture and revenge to keep himself from reverting to the kid he was in prison who just wanted someone to love.

o   His whole speech about how a man’s mask comes off when he’s faced with death seems like it goes back to Morrel’s almost-suicide, too—if Edmond hadn’t liked what he saw when Morrel was on the point of killing himself, would he have gone through with his reward?  That…doesn’t make me feel any better about how much he waited till the very last possible moment there, but it does make more sense.  It’s also foreshadowing Albert’s kidnapping adventure with the bandits, where I think even Edmond has to respect how chill he is about being possibly executed in the morning.

more notes tomorrow probably! :D

[thedramafilesblog-blog]

Appearing before the Dramacourt: Man to Man Ep 03

***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***

Issues:

Whether the reason that Cha Do Ha is a crazy fan girl for Woon Gwang is reasonable

Whether a chicken and beer session helps develop a friendship

Whether Woon Gwang is a big baby

Whether hate and revenge really motivate someone to do work

Whether Park Hae Jin is the king of the Stank Face.

The Rule(s):

Not really. We still don’t really get how Woon Gwang really saved her.

Yes! Friendship blossoms over food!

Totally!

It depends.

Yes!

Analysis:

Jubiemon J: I didn’t think this episode was super exciting because it seemed to be more of a build-up to the mission in Russia. This episode was still cute in some ways like how Woon Gwang makes Sulwoo rehearse with him and then Sulwoo gets too invested in his role as the sobbing actress. Although I did like how the writers tried to make us understand why Do Ha would really become this fan girl of Woon Gwang, I wasn’t very convinced at all. So the two did meet at their worst, yet I don’t really see how Woon Gwang really saved her. She was the one that found him drinking at the rooftop, about to commit suicide. Woon Gwang didn’t help pay off her debt or do anything else, at least in her flashback, so I really wasn’t that convinced that he’d lead her to fall for him like an intense stalker.

Trying to get into character like…

When you end up taking your job a little too seriously

Jubiemon J: I’m still enjoying how Sulwoo doesn’t seem to have fallen for Do Ha yet. When he was listening to her story about how Woon Gwang saved her and how Woon Gwang was still fixated over Mieun, Sulwoo only cared about how Mieun could be used to motivate Woo Gwang to work again. I did find it weird how Sulwoo said that Do Ha only cared about compliments after Woon Gwang was acting all playful after seeing Do Ha in the long, white gown at the Russian party. Sulwoo’s expression seemed to be disgusted with how cheesy Woon Gwang was acting, yet he mentioned that line about Do Ha only caring about compliments. I thought that was out of character; perhaps that could be a mistranslation from the English subs, but I’m not sure as I’m not fluent in Korean. I’m hoping that Sulwoo just focuses on the spy mission. No cheesy romances please.

Smexy ;)

When your coworker starts rambling about their personal drama and you have no choice but to listen

RedRosette J:  I agree with Jubiemon. I also found two thirds of this episode to be rather boring and uninteresting. But it was necessary to show both the build up to the Russia mission, but also for establishing the backstories of the characters. We were introduced to Woon Gwang’s painful story with Mi Eun, Do Ha’s family backstory, and Woon Gwang and Do Ha’s first meeting. I also appreciate the Sulwoo hasn’t fallen for Do Ha yet, but I think he’s starting to catch the feels. I think this is probably why he got all weird when Do Ha was in the dress and got annoyed by Do Ha and Woon Gwang were being all cringey. To me, Sulwoo saying that Do Ha only cared about compliments, seemed to be more of a slight tinge of jealousy at how she reacted to when Woon Gwang called her beautiful as opposed to her reaction when he said she looked pretty in the dress.

Obligatory makeover scene

RedRosette J: I am starting to find the political backstory a little bit more interesting because it seems to have to do more with secret ledgers hidden in wood carvings or something. It might also be because there was barely any of the political stuff in this episode. LOL! I am starting to also get interested in the Woon Gwang-Mi Eun-Seung Jae connection after we were told of their complicated backstory. From what I can tell, it seems like Mi Eun made a deal with the Intelligence dude that impacted her relationship with Woon Gwang. I kind of have a feeling that because Mi Eun was an actress, Seung Jae might have been obsessed with her and when he found out she was seeing Woon Gwang, he orchestrated this plot to have him killed in a stunt driving ‘accident’ and marry her instead. Maybe. I don’t know. My brain is jumping to all kinds of conclusions based on the little tidbits of information we were given in the flashbacks. The episode really picked up at the end with all the spy stuff coming on full force again with the Russia mission. Let’s be real, we are all here for Park Hae Jin basically playing James Bond, so give us more of that kthanksbye.

This is some cool shit

Girl, your crying isn’t going to solve anything

When things turn out worse than you expected

Trying to be concerned like…

When your demons haunt you at night

Apparently this happened

Having to sleep in a room full of pictures of your boss sounds like hell

This isn’t awkward at all…

This guy is not all stable

Issue 1: Whether the reason that Cha Do Ha is a crazy fan girl for Woon Gwang is reasonable

Jubiemon J: Nope. I really disliked how the drama used the overused scene where the lead girl gets drunk and then starts pouring all her feelings out to someone. Can we cut that out? Can we have different types of drunkards like the sort that just sleeps? I’m so sick of the type that spills out the beans in dramas. I feel like that’s a cheap way out for a character to share their feelings. Even when Do Ha explained how she met Woon Gwang and how she became so drawn to him, I just wasn’t persuaded. I’d get it if Woon Gwang ever explained how he saw her as an important friend because she was the one that persuaded him not to commit suicide. On the other hand, based on how she acted or how the scene was written, I really didn’t feel like there was much of a reason for her to turn into a massive fan girl of Woon Gwang. Perhaps the scene could have been extended more then I’d be more convinced that he was her saviour. At this point, he hasn’t done anything much than be a semi-respectful actor towards her.

RedRosette J: Oddly, I disagree with Jubiemon on this issue. To me, all of sudden Do Ha’s crazy fan girling made sense to me. It seems that Do Ha met Woon Gwang when she was at a desperate time in her life. From the morsels we were given about her past, it seems that she has spent her whole life picking up after her father and barely having a stable figure in her life to lean on. So to me, it seemed like Woon Gwang’s introduction to her life must be something she equates with stability and being able to rely on him (more so in a familial way rather than a romantic one). I think that she might be confusing those feelings for romantic love. She just seems to be someone who is very grateful for Woon Gwang coming into her life when she needed someone the most. From Woon Gwang’s perspective, it seems that he also needed Do Ha to be the person that he could rely on for a fresh start. He seems to care about her really like an older brother and dotes on her like any older brother would on a little sister. I don’t see any romantic intentions on his part either and when the two of them are together, it’s really about the familiarity that comes out. Albeit, this could have been done with far less cringe-inducing behaviour but I really think that comes about with the acting rather than the writing. I also appreciated that Do Ha met Woon Gwang before he became famous making her fan girling a little bit less weird. So, I think that the reasons why Do Ha is his fan girl are reasonable.

First impressions

Making friends like…

When friends become family

When dad calls

Serious brother-sister vibes yo

RedRosette J Aside: But I do agree with Jubiemon that the drunk talking trope really needs to be used less in dramas. There are a variety of interesting drunk behaviours that would serve as excellent comedy fodder!

Not everyone drunk talks

Issue 2: Whether a chicken and beer session helps develop a friendship

RedRosette J: Friendship = sharing food. I totally get how having a beer and eating fried chicken creates a lasting and a beautiful friendship. People talk and socialize over food and drink and this is really the epitome of “chilling with friends”. So, yes, it definitely helps develop friendships.

Jubiemon J: Yup. Anything over food is great for developing some sort of bond. It’s how a lot of businesses happen over the dinner table right? Haha. I did like how there was some bonding scene between them here.

The fast track to becoming bffls

Issue 3: Whether Woon Gwang is a big baby

RedRosette J: OMG this dude is such a freakin baby. Honestly, I don’t think I would last a day as his manager. I would literally lose my sanity over this type of childish behaviour. I think again, the drama is capitalizing on a trope where actors are perceived as difficult, highly emotive and dramatic people who need to be mollycoddled the entire time. It makes for excellent comedy but, I think in reality, this type of behaviour would not be tolerated!

Jubiemon J: Woo Gwang is a huge baby. I totally agree! He is always having some sort of fit. It’s hilarious how he barters with his crew and somehow gets his way. He totally acts irrationally whenever his ex gf is there. He’ll do anything for his pride and he’ll do anything to prove that he’s better than her. Somehow he can’t seem to forgive and forget; I get that she did hurt him but hating someone for all your life isn’t a healthy solution. You’ll probably just get more miserable over time.

Issue 4: Whether hate and revenge really motivate someone to do work

RedRosette J: While I do agree that hate and revenge are very strong motivators, I disagree that they are what entirely motivates people. Faith, hope and love are equally strong motivators. Hate and revenge have very specific motivations and although Sulwoo believes that Woon Gwang is motivated by his hate for Mi-Eun, I really think that he still loves and and that that is what really motivates him. It might be a warped version of love but its love regardless. I don’t think he hates her, I think he might be angry at her for leaving him and all that but hate might be a bit too strong of a word. I think that this also foreshadows how Sulwoo’s beliefs are going to change as the drama progresses. I think he’s going to go from someone who sees hate and revenge as strong motivators to seeing that faith, hope and love can be equally as relevant in getting people to do things.

Jubiemon J: I also agree that hate and revenge could motivate someone to work, but there is also what RedRosette mentioned: faith, hope, and love. I think Woon Gwang doesn’t want to admit that he still loves her, so he disguises his love as “hate”. There’s a thin line between love and hate sometimes and in this case, Woon Gwang still cares about her. For him to show so much disdain towards Mi-Eun proves how much she hurt him. I actually think Sulwoo knows that love can motivate someone too because we’ve seen him manipulate romance in his favour. It’s just at this time, Sulwoo is using Woo Gwang’s anger towards Mi-Eun to get him to attend the Russian party.

There has to be more to this backstory

Issue 5: Whether Park Hae Jin is the king of the Stank Face.

RedRosette J: OH MY GOD. I ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY LOVE PARK HAE JIN’S STANK FACE! People need to make memes of this asap! Internet trolls, I’m talking to you guys! (I would, but I seriously lack the tech skills to do it). At this point, no one in the dramaverse does the Stank Face better than Park Hae Jin. I hope he keeps doing this! He’s absolutely hilarious!

Jubiemon J: I didn’t notice his Stank Face until episode 4 actually! I won’t reveal spoilers of ep 4 here, but from the photos that RedRosette have provided here, I agree that his Stank Face is great. I remember cringing when he also cringed! Hehehe! Great job, Park Hae Jin! He’s totally living up to his role in Bad Guys!

When you don’t believe any of the shit your coworker is saying

When you have to deal with lame work jokes

When they suddenly mention you at a meeting

When you realize that you just got roped into doing something majorly boring

When you just can’t take your coworkers anymore

When your boss starts giving you compliments

When you try to object to your boss’s compliments

When you end up having to take your boss’s compliments

RedRosette J Aside: Also, I’ve decided to do a running count on how many costumes and disguises Jeong Man Shik’s character has in every episode going forward. In this episode, I counted a nurse, deliveryman, pilot and cable guy. This guy is comedy gold!

Conclusion: Appeal Allowed.

Rating: 4 = I’ll Give You A Cookie (Because Park Hae Jin’s Stank Face deserves a cookie. Or three)

Jubiemon dissent: I’d rate this a 3. Though I adore Park Hae Jin’s Stank Face, this episode was not as amazing as the previous two. The Cha Do Ha scenes were still a bore for me. Sorry.

    File No: Man-to-Man-Ep-03 Appearing before the Dramacourt: Man to Man Ep 03 ***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***