#(I think they were doing it to try to mitigate the bullying I was going through)

[maxdibert]

James is not only the one who didn’t pay, he’s the only one who didn’t have any mitigating circumstances. Sirius is vicious, but he comes from a vicious family, and him deciding he was going to back James in everything makes perfect sense for a boy trying to break from his background and wishing he had parents more like James’. Remus is a coward, but him failing to stand up to his friends makes perfect sense from a boy whose condition meant he’d never been accepted before. Peter? Who cares, he’s a plot device.

But James? James had no excuse whatsoever. He was well loved, well cared for, well off financially. He wanted for nothing. He didn’t learn cruelty at the knees of his parents, they doted on him. Which means he’s just a sadist who enjoyed the rush of power he got from humiliating easy targets. And Lily is of questionable character for thinking him hot boyfriend material when he never displays any remorse.

It’s why I always say that, to me, James Potter is nothing more than a Draco Malfoy with “progresist” parents. He basically has the same abusive, classist, and violent attitude as Draco, except that, unlike Draco, James believes he is morally superior because he doesn’t share the typical pure-blood ideals. This makes him an absolute hypocrite, in addition to being a violent bully and a rich brat who takes advantage of his economic and social position to abuse those who are at a disadvantage.

It’s funny how people defend him with arguments like “he’s not a racist” because he accepts Muggle-borns. So, because he accepts Muggle-borns, are we going to ignore the fact that he’s a classist jerk who actively mocks people for having a lower socioeconomic status than him? Or that he uses his economic and social capital against those who don’t have it? Or that, knowing he has the upper hand, he torments those who don’t have the same resources? Like, why should I care that he boasts about a supposedly progressive ideology that’s entirely fake, and never really shows any understanding of, when his actions in the canon prove he’s just another member of the elite oppressing those below him, simply because he has the capital to do so?

He reminds me a lot of several guys I met during my time in political activism at university. I used to hang around leftist groups with Marxist tendencies, and there was always that typical rich kid raised in a bourgeois left-wing family, who was there because they were taught it was the right thing to do, but had no clue about the root of social problems or the reality of working-class life. In fact, their supposed political commitment stemmed from a sense of superiority, which manifested in incredibly patronising attitudes toward the working class. And yes, they’d date girls from humble families because it reinforced the persona they’d created, but in the end, they were the same rich jerks you’d find in right-wing groups. At least the rich jerks on the right didn’t have the audacity to give moralising speeches while still acting like pricks. They were just pricks, plain and simple.

That’s how I see James, but translated into the magical world. And god, how much I’ve hated, been disgusted by, and fought with guys like him. They’ve always made me sick. I’ve literally had better relationships with people whose politics are the polar opposite of mine than with guys like that, because I find them a cancer to any political group. But anyway, I digress. I don’t think there’s anything impressive about James joining the Order or dating a Muggle-born. It’s the bare minimum expected of someone who has had every single privilege, support, and education needed to choose the right path. I think it’s basic. Just like it would be basic to expect someone who’s had no problems in life and everything handed to them on a silver platter to be a decent person rather than a bully. But James Potter chooses to be a bully because his ego, as a rich heteropatriarchal man, can’t handle the fact that a poor kid with a non-normative appearance by masculine standards is friends with the girl he likes. And for that stupid reason, he decides to use all the power he has, and the other doesn’t, to bully him for 7 years. But hey, we should forgive him because, at the end of the day, he joined the Order. I mean, what? No, that’s not how it works.

I could say a lot about Lily too, but I’m just going to copy and paste something I said the other day because it basically sums up my opinion of her:

Honestly, I don’t know if Rowling didn’t think much about this, or if simply because she herself is a terrible person, she thought it was compatible to portray Lily as the epitome of goodness, a kind of perfect being like the Virgin Mary, while also having her marry her friend’s abuser—because, honestly, she’s not. To me, it seems like Lily was a person of questionable morals and ethics, which is ironic because her supposed moral superiority is what leads her to break off her relationship with Severus. What I find illogical is presenting a character who constantly talks about what’s morally right or wrong when her actions are quite contrary to her supposed value system.

I’ve had friendships throughout my life that have ended badly, for one reason or another, and that happens. But I would never, ever think of dating someone I’ve known for years as someone who abuses others, much less people who were my friends. Sometimes I think this is either a plot hole or that Lily was just your typical superficial “pick me” girl who wanted to “not be like other girls,” but deep down, she loved that a rich, popular guy like James was chasing after her. That’s the only explanation that gives her actions some sense—that deep down, her inferiority complex (being a Muggle-born and from a family that wasn’t even middle class) manifested in the need to be liked, be popular, and end up as the object of interest and admiration of rich and popular boys. That would actually be interesting because it would give her character some depth. The problem is that, in canon, all we see is a girl lecturing others on morality and then acting with ethical standards that leave much to be desired, with no explanation.

Because no, sorry, you don’t marry a bully. You might marry a bully if you meet them at 30 and you’re unaware of what they did as a teenager. But you don’t marry a bully you’ve seen harassing and abusing people for 7 years—like, what kind of sense does that make? And even less so do you do that and then give yourself the privilege of judging other people’s behavior and decisions. Lily Evans had no moral ground for that.

I could rant for hours about why she’s a terrible friend and a hypocrite, but I’ll settle for defining her as the typical basic girl who tries to act interesting. Unfortunately, many female characters in the series are like that: “pick me” girls. But then again, that’s nothing more than Rowling’s internalized misogyny coming to light, along with her insecurities projected into the need to be “one of the boys” and her unfounded hatred of women with traditionally feminine traits. And that’s another story.

[fablepaint]

Hey I hear you have chickens...

I would like some advice on them

So I have like 14 chickens and one of them is getting severely bullied by some of the others, I have tried separating them when we put them away at night and even tried putting the bullies away for a little bit during the day to try to have them calm down, but nothing seems to work... Do you have any suggestions?

I had this happening to a chicken of mine that turned out to be pretty poorly health-wise. You might want to double check if the hen herself is okay, in case that's what is triggering the other chickens. Chickens aren't very tolerant of sickly chickens around them.

If that's not the case, then it might just be a poor mix of personalities. Not all chickens get along and whoever is at the bottom of the pecking order is going to be the target for the other hens. If you have a lot of chickens with far more aggressive personalities, they're gonna have a go at hens that aren't.

I've tried to mitigate that possibility by focusing on docile breeds that even at their most aggressive, are still mellow birds. (this is why it became quickly apparently that the hen they were bullying was not well....also she was hyper sensitive in general to even a mean look and I think that irritated them).

There's a lot of suggested methods for handling the situation, but it sounds like you tried those out. I did too, it didn't work. Your options are to separate the bird more permanently. Congratulations on your new house-chicken, or rehome her for her benefit with a different flock. Alternatively, separate your flocks in two and see which birds get along with her and who doesn't. With 14 birds, I'm willing to bet you can find a new mix that could work. If there's two roosting spots, then she at least won't get bullied at night and gets a break from daytime interactions. But you basically gotta reshuffle the pecking order somehow to prevent her from being bullied to injury.

Any chicken Tumblr folks have suggestions? Or am I off-base? I'm not an expert, just sharing my thoughts and experiences.

[soulcialdent]

Day 4: يقبرني Ya'aburnee (Arabic)

A way to declare your hope that your loved one will outlive you, as it would be unbearable to Live without them.

(Continuation from Day 1: Saudade Entry)

That night after sending the paper plane Neji dreamed about her. There was few different scenes that flashed behind his eyes but there was one he remembered vividly. Probably because it was something that really happened. 

It was the day of the infamous Konohagakure Middle School Brawl. Tenten was known around town for being a hardass. Well, not really a hard ass but she liked to fight. After being bullied for years for being an outsider. She got fed up and slapped the shit out of one of her bullies.  From about 4th grade and on, this made her target. She ended up fighting all the time.

Her parents enrolled her into martial arts classes to help mitigate some of her anger. That’s where she and Neji meet. The winter between junior and senior year of elementary school. They became fast friends eventually attending middle school together. 

Fast forward to the third year in middle school. She had calmed down a bit and it helped that Neji and Lee were there to reign her in and keep her out of trouble-most of the time. Which was a tall task because a lot of people just didn't like her. 

On this day in particular. It just so happened to be a school festival day.  It was packed and raining on and off the entire time. Neji was in the student council office retrieving some supplies.  The door bursts open. 

“Neji Ni-san, it's Tenten. Lee needs to come right now. There out back by the tennis courts “ 

Neji dropped what he was doing. He brushed passed hinata and started running down the hall to head outside as fast as his feet would carry him. When finally did make it out back. The crowd was so thick that he knew he was gonna have a hard time getting thru. But moved as swiftly as he could. 

That's when he saw them. Lee held on to both her hands trying to keep her attention. Naruto stood right next to body blocking her.  Neji ran over to them out of breath. 

“Tenten, are you okay? What's going on” he checked to see if she was injured. 

“I'm fine. I just need to go talk to someone for a second. Lee won't let me go”

Neji was confused. 

“I'm pretty sure she didn't mention it but we've been having some issues with some of Technical Middle School kids. We found them beating up and robbing some freshmen. Turned out they were low level Anbu gang members.  They’ve been taunting us all day”  said Naruto 

“Okay then, let me take you home”  she looked at Lee  “Lee, can you let Iruka Sensei know that i’m taking Tenten home. If he asks, she's not feeling well. 

“Here, take my bike. It’ll be faster” Naruto tossed, his keys into Neji. “It's blue and orange with a frog lock. “Yelled the blonde as he and Lee rushed off to go find Iruka Sensei.

“Come on Tenten” Neji grab her hand and begin pulling her through the crowd. “Were you planning on telling me any of this”

“No, I didn't want you worrying about me” 

“I'm always worry about you. Especially when I’m not around. You do reckless things” 

Tenten scuffed 

“I’m sorry to disappoint you then if that's the case. But what was I supposed to do? Let the those kids get stomped out”

She had a point

“You did the right thing. But what's been happening today?” 

“They been trying to lure me into fighting all day. I'm not sure, how many members are here. But their leader Temari is definitely here. Her second in command I think, his name is Kankuro. He rolled up on me earlier. But Lee scared him off. 

“So what’s your plan?  Did you plan to fight them all by yourself”

“Yeah, if that's how it's gotta be then that's how it's gotta be”

Neji remembers how much that reveal hurt him.

“This is a suicide mission. Are you trying to die?” 

Tenten halted, standing her ground. But I didn't answer him.  And when she didn't answer he continued.

“I don't want you to die”

Tenten flinched, and fear flashed through her eyes and Neji let go. She took a deep breath and stood really tall. 

“Of course not. I just don't want to be scared anymore” 

He hadn't expecting those words out of her mouth. Tenten always seemed so fearless. She was the swing and ask questions later type. That's why Neji had vowed to always protect her.  He really didn't know who he was without her. 

“How does putting your life in danger fix that? I am seriously trying to understand” 

She pondered his words while looking around. 

“I'm not sure it does. If I give them what they want. They'll go away.  I can take solace in knowing that I'm not a coward” 

Tenten was one of the bravest and kindness people he knew. She was a lot of things but a coward, never.

“I understand but I'm still taking you home. We’ll come up with a better solution. "Neji reaches out, to grab her hand again so they continue moving.

But a loud scream echoed behind them. They both swiftly turned around. Somebody had punched Naruto in the back of his head. Two other people started running at him.

Neji went to grab her but missed. Tenten ran across the school yard and kicked one of the attackers right in their back. 

Neji found himself running right behind her and grabbing the second attacker by his shirt and judo flipping him. 

Tenten helped Naruto up and a group of guys and girls with bats, chains and started running at them.  All hell broke was about the brakes loose. The rain started picking up, making visibility almost impossible. 

Neji was sure that were going to die that day.  Neji made peace with it because at the very least they were together. He wants it any other way. Through some what Neji couldn't only assume was divine intervention, they all survived. 

 Lee’s broke one of his legs. Naruto broke his hand and a few broken ribs. Tenten tore her.  A Achilles tendon and few broken ribs. Loving her had brought really hard lessons and Neji the scars to prove it.  But he wouldn't have had it any other way. 

Ya'aburnee

[justatalkingface]

Can I vent one thing? I kind hate the hipocrisy of some (a big number here) fans on regards Izu and Endeavour.

Like it goes more or less like this:

Fans:😒look at Izu defending Endeavour even through Dabi told how abusive he is.

Me: what you want Izu to do punch Endeavour and praise Dabi? A fucking villain who killed and has no remorse?

The hipocrisy here is how they blame Izu for "siding with an abuser" but Shot befriend BK is cute.

Following that logic, they should hate Shoto too as he is Bk's friends...somehow. BK for all his many flaws, I say this, he is honest in his hate for Izu. Never tried to mask.

As for the other ask I sent and yoy answer. Look, Hori just hates Izu and at this point is just easier to say he is a bad writer (feels lazy but I swear this is the easiest and real explanation here) we dont know why Izu wants to be a hero or anything about his family. His complex of martyr makes no sense (does AM have the same thing? It also makes no sense ....bc we know 0 about AM)

There is so much cognitive dissonance baked into Bakugou and how much people love him, there really is; he hits Izuku and there are Bakugou fans that basiclly say Izuku should thank him for the privilege.

Relatedly, a lot of people apparently find him attractive which... I don't get. But hot people do get away with a lot more than unattractive people, so I could see some unconscious biases on the fact that they think he looks hot, and is therefore more tolerable than if he looked like Mineta but acted like he does in canon.

To be fair, a lot of it is ultimately on Hori himself and the writing; no matter how bad I find his character arc at times, Endeavour's abuse and behaviour was never treated like a joke. Brushed over, sure, but it was never funny. Meanwhile, we passed a point in the story, long before Endeavour's redemption kicked in, and suddenly every abusive thing that Bakugou had been doing, bad things which were Serious Problems he was supposed to deal with, was nothing but a joke, even while Endeavour was still on and off being given shit for being an abuser; it's annoying, but I don't find it surprising people don't take Bakugou's behavior seriously if the story itself doesn't.

Meanwhile, while people's interest in Izuku has died to some extent because of how bad his writing got, I've seen people saying (and I'm not completely disagreeing with them) that Dabi has been carrying a lot of Post War, with all the focus on him and his tragic backstory being something that's actually interesting, and how much character he's allowed to have compared to everyone else, which, ironically enough, is probably enough to make him a more sympathetic victim to a lot of people over Izuku, who isn't even allowed to think about his past abuse with how much his traumatic backstory is being suppressed by the writing.

Granted, it feels like a lot of that was altered to make Endeavour (and Dabi) more tolerable to the readers, and while Dabi is supposed to be a villain with sympathetic origins, some people forget he's very much an unsympathetic person at this point, by his own design, and that would probably be insulted by some of the nicer takes on him.

Ultimately, what Endeavour did was worse than Bakugou, yeah, and I see people say that for why Bakugou is more defensible, but it's not a matter of degree; Endeavour doing shitty things doesn't excuse Bakugou doing shitty things, though there's also the fact that abusive fathers are more universally loathed than bullies, especially with all the extra stuff going on with Bakugou to try and mitigate him.

On the other thing....

Izuku is easy. Izuku wants to be a hero because: societal brainwashing about the heroic system as a whole making the system popular to the people, wanting to help people, and wanting acceptance from others. Being a hero, for him, is wrapped up with all three of those causes.

On All Might... Well. It's been awhile, but back when All Might was allowed to be a character, it was pointed out multiple times that Izuku is, in fact, exactly like All Might (seriously, if we look at what we know about Young!All Might, and it sounds like he's basically taller, more muscular, and to some degree more confident Izuku from the start of the story. He's basiclly Izuku if Izuku never had Bakugou in his life, constantly knocking him down, and maybe had an extra foot or two in height), and while Izuku liked being like his idol, everyone else in the know was worried because All Might went exactly down this road Izuku's going down.

That is to say, All Might is now a lonely old man, scarred and broken, without a life of his own, and the fact he's still alive means this is the good ending for him, compared to him getting himself killed.

(looks at the newer manga chapters meaningfully)

The Izuku and All Might self-destruction parallels is something that came up within the first couple of chapters; it was a very deliberate choice, and it seemed clear, at some point, that All Might was supposed to help Izuku be better than him, temper his natural martyr tendencies, and not get himself killed or horribly maimed, a process that would help the both of them grow past these tendencies.

And yes, we know little about All Might, but after a certain point his development stopped and... in all honesty, as much as Hori seems to hate Izuku, he seems to hate All Might just as much, if not more (or at least All Might isn't mandated to be strong and victorious, anyways, in ways that give Izuku some protections). All Might took this scrawny little boy to the beach and over the course of a summer bulked him up to the point where he could host OFA; he's not this horribly incompetent person that the later parts of the story seem to want us to see him as.

And yet, the more he's developed the more Hori just adds flaw upon flaw to the poor man, starting with being completely incapable of helping Izuku in pretty much any way all of a sudden ('clench your butt' my ass) and turning more and more pathetic over time as his powers waned, and he never got to grow as a character to filled the void in his characterization.

Presumably, mixed with the part where he was meant to teach Izuku... literally anything, All Might's backstory (beyond being basiclly tall Izuku, anyways) was probably going to be organically expanded on over time as their mentor and mentee based relationship developed, but that never happened, and so we have a character whose defining traits are largely having super powers, who no longer has those super powers.

[ltleflrt]

can i ask - what are you thoughts on the current anti-shipping phenomenon in fandom? I've recently gotten into SPN fandom and fallen in love with your fics, but the state of the fandom puzzles me a bit.

Anti-shipping is not a SPN fandom phenomenon, and maybe it seems to be a bigger deal to you because it's a bigger fandom? Wincest and Destiel shippers have been at war since episode 04x01 aired lol...we even have derogatory names for each other: Wincels and Hellers.

(Jokes on the Wincels, because Heller is a fucking awesome name.)

(Wincestiel shippers are fandom unicorns, and they deserve love and respect.)

I've only been involved in fandom since 2011, so most of what I know about anti-shippers comes from piles and piles of posts talking about fandom history, but the gist of it is that this is not current, it is ongoing since the dawn of fandoms, we just have names for it now. Think about Spirk back in the 60s...there were lots of rabid fangirls who saw nothing romantic between them too. We just don't hear as much about them, because they lost their fandom war lol

It's just really loud right now with the rise of conservatism, fascism, and terfs. And social media amplifies all of the above.

Anyway, my thoughts on anti-shippers is that they need to grow up and mind their own business. I am a pro-shipper, which means I believe that anyone has the right to love any ship, no matter how problematic, no matter how much it squicks me out. I believe everyone should be allowed to read whatever vile smut they want, because thought crimes are not real.

Unless a real person is being hurt, have fun.

Antis claim that problematic ships and kinks hurt people, but I think it's important to understand that there's a big difference between accidental and deliberate harm. And harm mitigation is highly important in a world with 7+ billion people and 7+ billion different lived experiences.

If an anti-shipper is hurt by a ship they don't like, they need to learn how to block and filter content so they don't see it, and on the opposite side of that, the vile shippers/kinksters need to tag their nonsense so that they're not accidentally burning someone's eyes out. Which most people ARE kind enough to do. They sit around in their little ficcing circles and cackle over the evil things they're putting their blorbos through, and they put up warning signs, but the antis come barging in to bug them anyway.

In my opinion, many antis are big fucking bullies and do a lot more harm than they claim to try and prevent, and they can all go fuck themselves with something hard and sandpapery.

So uh... yeah, that's how I feel about it 😁

(okay actually I'm not done, there's a lot of anti-shipping discourse about age gaps and what counts as incest that are just... really fucking stupid, and I honestly believe that shit started out because people were grasping for straws to justify why their ship is better than the ship they don't like. unfortunately, the youngins have been soaking up that moral purity language as Objective Truth because they're little sponges. i hope they outgrow that bullshit eventually. i will forgive and forget if they leave behind their purity police badges.)

[vmures]

Thinking once again about takes from various character defense squads (the rabid ones that like to harass and bully people for daring to portray their favorite as anything less than perfect). The one thing that really stands out to me is that they so often point to the fact that their unicorn is a victim as if that alone means they cannot also be a shitty person.

But the reality is that almost all abusers were once abused. Not everyone who is abused becomes an abuser, but it's disingenuous to say that someone who has endured trauma cannot turn around and hurt others. It's also unrealistic. I generally try to live by live by tenants of kindness and compassion, but I am human and thus I know I have hurt others. We all have our moments of pettiness and our moments of rage where we lash out. It's how we act after that really speaks about our behavior, at least in my opinion. Did the person acknowledge their mistakes and try to do better? Or did they stand by their actions and continue showing the same pattern of behavior?

Characters, like the beings they portray, are all flawed. They all make mistakes. Yes, there are things that mitigate their actions and behaviors, but that doesn't mean they are immune to consequences of said behaviors.

I suspect that the crux of the issue is that these folks feel they have to justify their bullying of others, so they pick things like "but x is a victim, how dare you say they're a bad person" or "you are a [insert some accusation of an -ism here]" if you don't write their favorite as a shiny example of purity and light. But ultimately it's just an excuse to be mean to others on the internet and may not have anything to do with the character at all.

It's possible that they identify so strongly with a character that they feel like it is a personal attack, but that isn't an excuse to harass and bully others either. Just means that they probably need to get some help learning to distinguish fiction and reality again.

What's particularly interesting to me is that the only reason I even know about these takes is having seen the harassment the defense squads launch at those they disagree with (usually in ao3 comments), or because someone being harassed addresses it on their tumblr. Which means that they have to go looking for the things that they hate. And I do not get why people do that. Aren't there better ways to spend one's time? If I come across something that infuriates me, I might blog about it separately but without naming names or tagging anyone. Mostly I just vent to friends. But I try not to go and seek those takes out. I block people and filter tags and try not to let my curiosity get the better of me (meaning I try to avoid checking those things after I've put them in place) because it's not healthy and not worth my time.

[the-haunted-office]

I think I have an idea that I like that will allow for me to implement more Stanley Parable-esque responses to certain asks, and that will hopefully mitigate any possible offense that might be taken to them. Or, well, might cover any accusations of any nefariousness - and actually, if you guys will allow me to explain about that, please? Briefly.

There were some incidents from quite a while back, the finer details of which I won't go into, but basically my muses were much more Stanley Parable in that they would criticize elements in threads in the style and spirit of The Stanley Parable, and some of my writing partners took it to heart and took offense to it. Like, for instance their Narrator character would be narrating a story for one of my muses, and my muse would criticize something about the story their Narrator was saying. Or their muse would do something in-universe that my muse felt was a cliche, and so they would say as much. These partners of mine were into The Stanley Parable, and so I (wrongly) thought it was okay to do. I thought it would be a funny way to implement the spirit of the game into my characters and threads, and I didn't realize it would offend certain people. Well, it did. And I was accused of directly bullying people's muses or criticizing people's ideas, rather than my muses doing it, and needless to say, some people weren't as amused by the idea as I was.

I have since dropped that idea and don't do it in threads any longer. My muses no longer utilize this element of their Stanley Parable base, which is sad because that's part of their origin. But I also recognize now that this can be misinterpreted as actual criticism by others and it's never my intention to be hurtful, especially since this is a hobby where we're all supposed to have fun.

I do think one of the key elements of the Stanley Parable is the way the game pokes fun at tropes and elements of storytelling, though! I try to utilize this as much as I can in my own writing. I think it would be fun to utilize this in other ways, since the game itself directs a lot of this at the player, and it is a huge reason why the game is as fun as it is. Since you are playing as Stanley and the Narrator is trying his darndest to please you, he takes every bit of criticism to heart, and any time he gets any slightest bit of critique from Stanley (who is YOU, the player!), he goes WAYYYYYY over the top to overcompensate for it, even to the most sarcastic, smartass degree, even if it's to his own detriment, even to the GAME'S detriment. It just goes to show how much damage criticism can do if you focus too much on it rather than creating things for their own merits.

Anyway, what I'd like to do is implement some of that Stanley Parableness back into my blog, but do it in a way that doesn't directly criticize anybody's muses or works. What I'd like to do is open the door for Anons to receive these critiques from the Author or the Narrator or from other Haunted Office folks, 100% in the spirit of the Stanley Parable, and not at all meant in a hateful manner or meant to harm. It will all be meant in good fun. And not all Anons will be subject to this kind of interaction, but any who are will be clearly tagged with a special tag to indicate as much. I'll also put up a disclaimer in my rules and pinned post. I think this could be a lot of fun and a good way to for me to put more Stanley Parable back into my Stanley Parable blog!

This is my proposal, and if you've read down this far, you get an Achievement. 🌟 x)

[fictionkinfessions]

Hey, it's that anon from earlier complaining about the tagging mistakes... I just wanted to apologize for blowing up at you like I did.

I really wasn't thinking about what I was saying, and I've just been going through it recently, so pretty much anything was about to set me off. I know that's no excuse to take it out on you, and I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone. In my head at the time, I was giving valid criticism, but I see that I made a big mistake going about that the way I did. I was a complete and total asshole. I understand that you're only one person running this blog, so of course you won't be able to catch every mistake, and I'm ashamed of my ignorance and the way I acted.

Everyone else, please stop dogpiling me over this. I learned my lesson, I apologized, it's done, it's over with. I get it, I made a huge mistake. It wouldn't be the first time.

Either way, I hope you can forgive me. I'm a little embarrassed that not only did I have the audacity to say all of that stuff, but that it's now just on the internet for the world to see. Not that it's anyone's fault but mine. Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry once again. /gen

I don't know if you'll even see this but I'll try posting it anyways. Sorry it took so long, I wanted to think about what to say since I'd only get one chance.

This accidentally got long so there's a summary at the bottom. I know huge blocks of text can be difficult to parse. And a read more. Tada!

I accept your apology and understand you really did mean well. I know I fuck up tags fairly often and there are ways to mitigate that on my part. Like you suggested, double checking with a search is not impossible of me. Like I mentioned in a reblog of that post, I will make an effort in the future to search names and try to get it right the first time around. You were right to have sent that message. If you noticed and got irritated, I'm sure others have as well. I'm glad you went through the effort of sending a message about it. The point of tags is to ensure people can find their confessions. They can't do that if it's in the wrong place. I would disagree a bit, regarding memorizing sources and names. Yes I can recognize most names and sources, both stated and through confession context. I have done this long enough that it's usually accurate. But there are countless sources, names, and AU / fan created sources. I don't believe it's possible to memorize all of them. I think your suggestion of double checking with a search is reasonable and I will do so in the future. You seem very kind and compassionate, and I think you could understand where I'm coming from, regarding this.

[side note. You're not wrong about memorizing custom tags. I did have a little text document with custom tags and pre-typed names and sources. But at some point I stopped adding to it when it got overwhelmingly long and out of date when people stopped using their custom tags. Johnny Americanidiot, where you go? It also had reminders for what sources needed blacklist tagss. That didn't help the huge swathes of text that my eyes kept skipping over.... Anyways]

I am sorry you got dogpiled. I can understand where they are coming from, and I think they meant well too. I am glad to see people defending me. But I think at some point it went from blunt correction to outright bullying. Considering we get shit on by everyone who thinks kin people eat real gemstones because they're dragonkin, it really sucks to do that to each other. I hope we can all keep that in mind, going forward from here.

I will admit, and I don't mean this in a guilt trip way, that yeah that message did make me step back for a few days. I was more hurt over the tone than the correction. It made me wonder if doing this for so long made people take this blog for granted. You know what I mean? I've been here since 2016, on the first fictionkinfessions blog. Hell, I was a mod on the first @/kinfessions blog for a short while. I do this for fun, as far as typing tags and posting things others sent in can be considered fun. I always thought that if it was more trouble than it's worth, I'd just quit. Someone else can handle it until they felt it was time to pass it on. I don't think I've reached that point yet. I still like reading what people have to say and seeing people reach out, make connections through ask responses or reblogs or replies. It's endearing that they have a chance to do so.

[Not to get philosophical, but has anyone considered how lucky we are to exist simultaneously in this time and place? We get to live together and connect to each other, millions of miles apart. I think that's neat. Otherwise we'd all be that one Oddball in the Village who says they were once King Arthur /joking]

Anyways. I'm ok now. There was hurt and now it's gone. We're ok.

I promise I do take it seriously and make the effort. If I tag incorrectly or fail to tag a content warning, it's never on purpose. [excluding, you know, silly tags like 'ohio cw' or 'capitalism cw'. I think that's clearly intended as humorous and not sincere trigger warnings.]

The confessions are tagged, I don't delete confessions I personally don't like, the queue is always running, the followers list cleaned of spam bots, the activity page monitored for the very rare peer abuse [bullying], ask responses and such non-confessions usually get queued up asap, etc. Sometimes I think other people might be better suited for this just because they may not had adhd rearing its head. [Also not a guilt trip, I don't talk about my medical history much and I don't expect anyone to remember this tidbit. Also not an excuse, just a explanation as to why my memory does not work sometimes. Zest la vee.]

I don't know how to end this. Here is the summary.

In Summary

I accept your apology. Thank you for coming back and talking this out. I am sorry you were dogpiled and don't entirely agree with the amount of negative attention. I think it went past a reasonable limit of common courtesy at some point. I understand where you were coming from and I agree with what you said. I was hurt by your tone but I'm not any more. I will make the effort to double check names and sources. I hope whatever you were / are going through passes quickly. We'll be ok one day! I must believe!

Connie / mod party cat!

[apoapsis]

@healingbrews // [x]

               He finds it funny– the way he can instigate such upset in others, whether it be due to the malaise of his ANOMALY’S influence, or due to his incorrigible demeanor. In some ways, SIEBREN quite enjoyed his ability to offset the atmosphere of a room with little more than a couple of choice words. 

He liked to see others squirm when pressure is applied, whether they become confrontational or not.

               The downside to this, is the emotional exhaustion that follows; a limited emotional spectrum offers very little emotional range– he doesn’t appreciate having them dumped onto him so ceremoniously. The argument in question is slightly one-sided in retrospect, Hinoka having not taken kindly to the notion that SIEBREN, despite either his or SIGMA’S attachments to her, still has zero intention of remaining on Earth for any longer than necessary. Her fault for insisting on asking what he, hypothetically, would want to do, should his research be completed. In a way, it was almost cute– the notion that any one would insist on him remaining behind. Then again, his fault for not considering the illogical nature of the inhabitants here– how much is there to blame upon naturalistic behavior when he should have circumvented the question altogether? Even hyperintelligence seemed to have oversights of its own, unfortunately!

He might have been more appreciative of the sentiment, or perhaps, slightly more receptive to it, were it not delivered so brashly. “-- You know, I will never understand you…. Emotional sorts,” SIEBREN conjectures flatly, rolling his eyes in muted annoyance as his arms cross over his broad chest. “-- The way you… feel the need to project it at the worst of times– SIGMA is just as awful about it. You’re both so… embarrassing– letting your emotions get the better of you.” However, rather than sounding frustrated by it, he remains neutral–  as if discussing the weather, rather than ethics. The feigned nonchalance of a childhood bully, awkwardly attempting to mitigate the consequences of an unintentionally razor-edged tongue. 

               “-- What if I were to insist that you leave the Earth as well? Or go anywhere, for that matter? Just because, say… SIGMA loves you? Obviously I likely would not, as I have no interest in further displacement of any other individuals in my mission, but doesn’t it sound a little dramatic…? Demanding things only because of your personal attachment– do you truly think SIGMA or I belong on this planet anymore?”

“-- Besides… how much can you really mean it if you only say it in response to our eventual departure?”

               “... It isn’t even that annoying– I suppose I am just… confused by the platitudes I keep encountering in regards to socializing with other life forms again.” SIEBREN pauses, looking thoughtful as an index finger traces the edge of his jawline. “... I guess I cannot blame you for it; it would be only logical for humans to crave the comfort of surface life planetside, but what, then, am I expected to do? The more I see take place upon this planet, the less I want to stay– it is nothing personal. Would it genuinely feel that much better to have the truth omitted...? I thought you wanted me to be honest with you-- I am trying to understand.”

[nokingsonlyfooles]

I still have the first HP book, in paperback, because I bought it to read on the train when I took a trip to meet my then-internet-friend, and now-spouse for the first time. We met in a public place to go to a movie - it was a weird time, we were all very worried about internet murderers in the aughties. We saw Chicken Run. I wanted something from the concessions stand (I think it was an Icee) and he went and got it for me and let me keep reading, when a more NT person would've snubbed me for being rude with my nose in a book.

I should've married his ass in the theatre right after the movie!

But he'd already read it, and he knew it was good, and he kept asking where I was, and what plot twist I was up to, and he did not spoil anything. By the time #4 came out, we were living together and buying the new books as soon as they hit the US market.

We were old, though, is what I'm saying. It seems pretty damn young now, but we never expected a Hogwarts letter. And, reading this, I suddenly realize how many weird kids must've broken down in tears because they just weren't weird enough to get rescued from their situations like Harry. Sorry, kiddo. No one's coming to tell your bullies and abusers to fuck off, and you won't get to go to a better place where all your weird traits are actually normal and fine and awesome. And that's because of traits you weren't born with that you can't ever change.

Jesus, that's terrible! Later, she even tried to mitigate it by coming out with the WOMBATs, and the idea that you can live in magical society if you're not the right magic race, but you will be disabled and marginalized. (She can't go back and change how squibs and muggles and even muggle-borns are treated, if you've read the books you know how you'd be treated by the Wizarding World.) But, fundamentally, this is a lesson in bioessentialism and knowing your place. The actual story was so engaging that we didn't see all of this stuff until she started saying it unfiltered, with no fictional universe to hide behind.

Thank god we're post-Potter, and there are new magical places where if you weren't born to it, you can still do it anyway. I'm thinking of The Owl House in particular, they were stellar, with a cast full of people with different levels of ability. My fellow freaks and queers, how much did you need to hear as a kid, "OK, because of how you are, your experiences are going to be different. You might need to slow down for me, or I might need to slow down for you. You might go through some shit because you do things differently or need accommodations, and some people will try to say you don't belong here, but you do. You belong here and the good guys are gonna make sure you get to stay." And that holds true for Earth and the Boiling Isles.

(I also made magic all-access in my magical world, which I really should plug more. It's not very popular. And due to upheavals in WordPress, the site's pretty broken now.)

Fuck the letters. Don't ask permission. You're here and you deserve to be here. It's on the rest of us help make sure you can stay, so fuck Fate too. Do it because it needs doing. And if GOD HIMSELF tells you to knock it off, spit in his holy Eye.

I wrote a 12 page epilogue to my 2019 comic "Harry Potter and The Problematic Author" because I found, in 2023, that I had more to say. You can also find this comic on my website, and I have PDF copies available on etsy. I may sell print copies at some point in the future.

instagram / patreon / portfolio / etsy / my book / redbubble

Full transcript below the cut.

PAGE 1

Part one: Ruddy Owls!

I was in fourth grade when the first Harry Potter Book was released in the US.

Panel 1: Sometimes our teacher would read it aloud in class. “Mr and Mrs Dursley of number 4 Privat Drive were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…”

Panel 2: I was 11 years old when Harry Potter finally broke through my dyslexia and turned me into a reader.

Panel 3: Every night in the summer before sixth grade I waited for the owl carrying my Hogwarts Letter. I cried when it didn’t come. “I have to go to Muggle school!”

PAGE 2

Part Two: Hats

I dedicated myself to being a fan.

Panel 1: I began collecting Harry Potter News article.

Panel 2: I asked my relatives to mail me ones from their local papers. I filled a thick binder with clippings.

Panel 3: I wrote my own trivia quiz

Panel 4: and participated in the one held annually at the county fair. “Next contestant!”

Panel 5: I usually got into one of. the top five spots. I won boxes of candy, posters, stationary, and once a baseball cap. (Hat reads: I survived the battle of Hogwarts).

Panel 6: In high school I sewed a black velvet cape and knitted many stripped scarves.

PAGE 3

Part Three: Double Trouble

Watching the last film in 2011 felt like the final note of my childhood. 

Panel 1: I remember driving home from the midnight showing thinking about the end of 13 years of waiting; wondering what would define the next chapter of my life. 

Panel 2: That same month I heard of something called Pottermore. “Okay, so there’s a sorting quiz… I already know my house! Patronus assignment? Mine’s a barn owl. Duh!" 

Panel 3: You can read the books again but with GIFs? Why? 

Panel 4: I lived in a place with very slow and limited internet at the time. Pottermore sounded inaccessible, but also boring. I never joined. 

Panel 5: "I’ll just read the actual books again, thanks." 

PAGE 4

Part Four: Sweets

In 2016, a series of short stories titled "History of Magic in North America” were released on Pottermore to pave the way for the first Fantastic Beasts Film. These stories display an extreme ignorance of American history, culture, and geography, but the worst parts are the casual misuse of indigenous beliefs and stories. Fans and critics immediately spoke up against this appropriation. Some of the most quoted voices included Nambe Pueblo scholar Dr. Debbie Reese who runs the site “American Indians In Children’s Literature”; Navajo writer Brian Young; Johnnie Jae (Otoe-Missouria and Choctaw), founder of A Tribe Called Geek; Dr Adrienne Keene (Cherokee Nation), a Professor at Brown University who runs the blog “Native Appropriations”, and writers N.K. Jemison and Paula Young Lee.

PAGE 5

Rowling is famous for responding to fans directly on twitter, yet she did not respond to anyone calling out the damaging aspects of “Magic in North America.” Her representatives refused to comment for March 9 2016 article in the Guardian. She has never apologized. All of this, plus the casting of Johnny Depp and the specific declarations of support by JKR, Warner Brothers, and director David Yates left a sour taste in my mouth.

For further thoughts on the new films read The Crimes of Grindelwald is a Mess by Alanna Bennett for Buzzfeed News, November 16, 2018.

PAGE 6

Excerpt from Colonialism in Wizarding American: JK Rowling’s History of Magic in North America Through an Indigenous Lens by Allison Mills, MFA, MAS/MLIS (Cree and Settler French Canadian)

Although Rowling is certainly not the first white author to misstep in her treatment of Indigenous cultures, she has an unprecedented level of visibility and fame, […] One of the most glaring problems with Rowling’s story is her treatment of the many Indigenous nations in North America as one monolithic group. […It] flattens out the diversity of languages, belief systems, and cultures that exist in Indigenous communities, allowing stereotyping to persist. […] It continues a long history of colonial texts which ignore that Indigenous peoples still exist. […] In the Wizarding world, as in the real world, Indigenous histories have been over-written and our cultures erased.

from The Looking Glass: New Perspectives in Children’s Literature Volumn 19, Issue 1

PAGE 7

Part 5: Music

Panel 1: Also in 2016 I discovered two podcasts which radically altered my experience of being an HP fan. The first was Witch Please created by two Canadian feminist literary scholars Hannah McGregor and Marcelle Kosman.

Panel 2: “If it’s not in the text it doesn’t count!” “Close reading ONLY!”

Panel 3: They talk about Harry Potter at the level you’d expect in a college class with particular focus on gender, race, class, and the troubling fatphobia, fear of othered and queer coded bodies, violence against women, white feminism, gaslighting and failed pedagogy in the books. They bring up these issues not because they hate the series, but because they LOVE it.

PAGE 8

These passionate, joyful conversations went off like fireworks in my mind. I had never taken a feminist class before. I gained a whole new vocabulary to talk about the books- and the world.

PAGE 9

Panel 1: The second podcast I started that year was Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, created by two graduates of the Harvard Divinity School, Vanessa Zoltan and Casper Ter Kuile.

Panel 2: They read one chapter per episode through a theme such as love, control, curiosity, shame, responsibility, hospitality, destruction, or mystery. Like Witch Please, they are interested only in the information on the page, not thoughts from the author. The delights and failures of the text are examined in the context of the present day, and new meanings constantly arise.

PAGE 10

What does it mean to treat a text as sacred?

Trusting that the more time we give to it, the more blessings it has to give us.

Reading the text repeatedly with concentrated attention. Our effort is part of what makes it sacred. The text is not in and of itself sacred, but is made so by rigorously engaging in the ritual of reading.

Experiencing it in community.

“To me, the goal of treating the text as sacred is that we learn to treat each other as sacred.” -Vanessa Zoltan

PAGE 11

Part 6: Tooth and Claw

In October 2017, Rowling liked a tweet linking to an article arguing that trans women should be kept out of women’s bathrooms because of cisgender women’s fears. In March 2018, she liked a tweet about the problem of misogyny in the UK Labour Party which included the line “Men in dresses get brosocialist solidarity I never had.” The author of the tweet had previously posted many blatantly anti-trans statements.

Rowlings publicist claimed she had liked the posted by accident in a “clumsy and middle-aged moment.” Yet, in September 2018 she liked a link posted by Janice Turner to her column in the Times UK titled “Trans Rapists Are A Danger In Women’s Jails.”

Screencaps of these tweets can be found in the article “The Mysterious Case of JK Rowling and her Transphobic Twitter History”, January 10 2019 by Gwendolyn Smith (a trans journalist), LGBTQNation.com

PAGE 12

Excerpt from: Is JK Rowling Transphobic? A Trans Woman Investigates by Katelyn Burns

Ultimately, the answer is yes, she is transphobic […] I think it’s fair that she receives criticism from trans people, especially given her advocacy on behalf of queer people in general, but also because she has a huge platform. Many people look up to her for creating a singular piece of popular culture that holds deep meaning for fans from different walks of life, and she has a responsibility to handle that platform wisely. (Published on them.us March 28, 2018)

PAGE 13

Part 7: Home

At age 30, I’m still not over Harry Potter.

Panel 1: I’ve recently found a local bar that does HP trivia nights. “Poppy or Pomona?” “Poppy!”

Panel 2: I currently own an annual pass to Universal Studios so I can visit Hogsmeade.

Panel 3: I love talking to kids who are reading the books for the first time. “Who’s your favorite character?” “Ginny!”

Panel 4: And I’m planning a relisten to the audio books to next year to help me get through the election cycle. “Jim Dale, I’m going to need you more than ever…”

Spoiler from 2023: I did not do this. By mid-2020 JKR had posted her transphobic essay; we were in covid; I never visited Universal Studios again.

PAGE 14

But I do want to learn from her mistakes. I never want to repeat “Magic in North America.” As I write, I will do my research. I will consult experts and compensate them. If a reader from a different culture/background than me speaks up about my work, I will listen and apologize. I KNOW I WILL MAKE MISTAKES. But I will own up to them and I will do better.

PAGE 15

Excerpt from Diversity Is Not Enough: Race, Power and Publishing by Daniel José Older

We can love a thing and still critique it. In fact, that’s the only way to really love a thing. Let’s be critical lovers and loving critics and open ourselves to the truth about where we are and where we’ve been. Instead of holding tight to the same old, failed patriarchies, let’s walk a new road, speak new languages. Today, let’s imagine a literature, a literary world, that carries this struggle for equity in its very essence, so that tomorrow it can cease to be necessary, and disappear. (Buzzfeed, April 14, 2017) 

PAGE 16

Harry Potter is flawed, & JK Rowling is problematic. But the books helped me learn a lot: 

*One of the greatest dangers facing the modern world is the rise of fascism 

*The government cannot be trusted 

*Read and think critically

*Question the news: who paid the journalist? Who owns the paper? 

*Trust and support your friends through good times and bad

*Organize for resistance

*Educate and share resources with peers

*The revolution must be diverse and intersectional

* We are only as strong as we are united

*The weapon we have is love 

MK 2019

PAGE 17

PART 8: EPILOGUE

In 2021 I removed a Harry Potter patch I sewed to my book bag over a decade ago. I took 15 pieces of Harry Potter fanart off my walls. I got rid of my paperback book set, 2 board games, and 8 t-shirt. [images: a Hogwarts a patch with loose threads, a pair of scissors and a seam ripper]

Panel 1: Maia holding up a shirt with the Deathly Hallows logo on it. Maia thinks: “Damn, this really used to be my entire personality.”

Panel 2: The t-shirt gets thrown into the Goodwill box.

PAGE 18

I wrote my zine wrestling with JKR’s legacy in 2019, after her dismissive and racist reaction to indigenous fans and critics of “Magic in North America” and after she had liked a couple transphobic tweets. Since then, she has gotten so much worse.

A Brief Timeline (mostly from this Vox article)

June 2020- JKR posts a 3600 word essay making her anti-trans position clear

August 2020- The Robert F Kennedy Human Rights Org issues a statement about her transphobia, JKR doubles down on her position and returns an award they gave her

December 2020- JKR claims 90% of HP fans secretly agree with her anti-trans views

December 2021- JKR mocks Scottish Police for recognizing transgender identities

March 2022- JKR criticizes gender-inclusive language and legislation

December 2022- JKR retweets trans youtuber Jessie Earl’s critical review of Hogwarts Legacy, starting an onslaught of transphobic harassment towards Earl

December 2022- JKR removes her support from an Edinburgh center for survivors of sexual violence with a trans-inclusive policy and funds her own center which explicitly excludes trans sexual assault survivors

January 2023- JKR tweets “Deeply amused by those telling me I’ve lost their admiration due to disrespect I show violent, duplicitous rapists.” It got nearly 300K likes

March 2023- One the podcast “The Witch Trials of JK Rowling”, hosted by a former Westboro Baptist Church Member, JKR compares the trans rights movement to Death Eaters.

PAGE 19

What are The Witch Trials of JK Rowling?

Panel 1: Maia speaking. “It’s a 7 episode documentary style podcast hosted by Megan Phelps-Roper. Nearly every episode contains interviews with JKR as well as critics, journalists, historians, protestors and fans.

Panel 2: Maia speaking. “In episode 1, JKR speaks more candidly than she has previously about being in an abusive marriage. Her ex-husband hit her, stalked her, broke into her house overlapping with the time she was writing the first three HP books.”

Panel 3: Maia speaking. “What she went through genuinely sounds horrific. I have a lot of sympathy for the kind of life-long traumas those experiences leave.”

PAGE 20

HOWEVER.

It is clear from reading the June 2020 essay on her blog and listening to the podcast, that JKR still to this day feels unsafe. Despite her wealth and privilege she moves through the world with the mindset of a victim. And the group of people she finds most threatening are trans women.

Or rather, she is afraid that allowing trans women in women’s spaces invites the possibility of male predators entering those spaces.

Here’s a direct quote: The problem is male violence. All a predator wants is access and to open the doors of changing rooms, rape centers, domestic violence centers [...] to any male who says “I’m a woman and I have a right to be here” will constitute a risk to women and girls. - from The Witch Trials episode 4 as transcribed by therowlinglibrary.com, March 2023

Image: A stem of Belladonna with flowers and berries.

PAGE 21

Let me introduce here the term: TRANSMISOGYNY. The intersection of transphobia and misogyny, this term was coined by Julia Serano in 2007. Scout Tran, on tiktok as Queersneverdie said: “Transmisogyny occurs in people who have been previously hurt by traditional misogyny. Who have been driven to hate men or at the very least to be scared of men. They will sometimes take out that rage on trans women. (March 2023)

JKR claims to care for trans women and understand they are extremely vulnerable to assault and violence. In her 2020 Essay she wrote: “I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe.”

So she cares about trans women… just less than cis women, and she’s willing to throw all trans women under the bus because of her unfounded, prejudice fears.

PAGE 22

Panel 1: Maia speaking. “JKR claims to have seen data that proves trans women have presented physical threats to other women in intimate spaces, but never cites sources. She also uses “producer of the large gametes” as a definition of “woman”.

What about transmen and nonbinary folks?

Panel 2: Maia leaning on a stack of all seven HP books, the first four Cormorant Strike books and The Casual Vacancy, gesturing to a series of quotes with a tired and disgusted expression.

I’m concerned about the huge explosion of young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning. * [...] If I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. -June 10 2020 essay

I don’t believe a 14 year old can truly understand what the loss of their fertility is.

-Witch Trials episode 4

I haven’t yet found a study that hasn’t found that the majority of young people experiencing gender dysphoria grow out of it*. -Witch Trials episode 7

*No sources cited

PAGE 23

It’s hard to over emphasize how fixated JKR has become on these topics. As of the date I’m writing this, 14 out of her 20 most recent tweets (70%) are in some way anti-trans. She tweets against Mermaids (a UK based trans youth charity), against trans athletes, against gender neutral bathrooms, and in support of LBG Alliance- a UK org that denies trans rights while upholding gay rights. Here are some gems from her archive:

“People who menstruate.” I’m sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud? -June 2020

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. The Penised Individual Who Raped You Is a Woman. - December 2021

And in response to someone asking “How do you sleep at night knowing you lost a whole audience?”

I read my most recent royalty cheques and find the pain goes away pretty quickly. -October 2022

PAGE 24

Hashtag Ruthless Productions a queer nerd podcast company created a great guide on ethical engagement with HP. Image: the two hosts of Hashtag Ruthless productions, Jessie (They/she) and Lark (he/him).

Stop buying all official HP Products: books, movies, games, toys, etc, Universal Studios tickets, food, merch.* Boycott any new TV series or movies. Instead: buy the books and DVDs used. If you still want to wear HP merch, buy fan-made. Engage only with fan content: fic, podcasts, fanart, wizard rock, etc. Show transphobia is bad for business. None of this will change JKR’s mind. But the Fantastic Beast series was canceled and after record Pottermore sales in 2020, they fell in 2022 by 40%.

*She gets a portion of ALL tickets. In 2019, this was her largest income source. Read the full guide: hashtagruthless.com/resourceguide

PAGE 25

As late as 2019, I was still reading JKR’s murder mystery series. But by the fourth book my experience began to sour.

Panel 1: Maia holding a copy of Lethal White. “The only gay character in this book is a government official who gropes his staff?”

Panel 2: “The only genderqueer character is misgendered and portrayed as a whiny faker?”

Panel 3: “The only Muslim character is disowned by his family over gay rumors?”

Panel 4: “Even the women aren’t portrayed very well…”

Panel 5: “Why is the main female character defined by the rape in her past?”

Panel 6: “Wait, what happens in the rest of this series…?” Maia scrolls on eir phone.

Panel 7: “Is the series heading towards an employee/boss relationship?”

Panel 8: “And has a man wearing women’s clothes to commit assault?”

Panel 9: “Yeah, I’m done. I’m never reading a new JKR book ever again.”

PAGE 26

And as for JKR herself?

As tempting as it might be to tweet your frustrations at her, I don’t recommend it. In 2021, she tweeted, “Hundreds of trans activists have threatened to beat, rape, assassinate and bomb me.” Getting hate online feeds her sense of victimhood and she waves it as proof of her moral high ground. Instead I suggest you block her on twitter, then delete twitter, go to the library and try to find a new book that feels magical.

Stack of books: In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan, The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, Gifts by Ursula K Le Guin, Deep Wizardry by Diane Duane, A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik and Gideon the Ninth by Tamsin Muir.

PAGE 27

In “Emergent Strategy” adrienne maree brown writes: You do not have the right to traumatize abusive people, to attack them, personally or publicly, or to sabotage anyone else’s health. The behaviors of abuse are also survival-based, learned behaviors rooted in pain. If you can look through the lens of compassion, you will find hurt and trauma there. If you are the abused party, healing that hurt is not your responsibility and exacerbating that pain is not your justified right.

PAGE 28

Seeing anyone over age 12 wearing HP merch now makes me uncomfortable. Are they ignorant or actively a TERF? I hate wondering how much money JKR has probably poured into anti-trans legislation… This zine is a culmination of my slow breakup with a story that once brought me joy. Now it just makes me angry, tired and sad.

Image: Candle in a fancy holder burned down to less than an inch.

Maia Kobabe, 2023

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of scapegoating lol. evergreen but like "seemingly more open & boundless misogyny from more men?? could this be women's fault" like prommy the message of "we should cater to how men feel & reassure them" is out there as well as "b/c this is the only way to stop the violence of patriarchy from being done to people" like this is also out there already, as well as in the broader form of like, a system where particular parties are "inferior" & vulnerable to "superior" parties? practical matters of how to disrupt & rupture this system entirely, don't know her, surely the priority is convincing the "superior" to cut it out only the people doing the convincing are seen as inferior & threats to their power already & the Not Wanting To be convinced is investment in that systemic power they have, & like what, Maybe some cases Some people decide they can be Some degree nicer about it after eons like, can't imagine aiming for anything else....entire kwame ture quote "if a white man wants to lynch me, that's his problem. if he's got the power to lynch me, that's my problem. racism is not a question of attitude; it's a question of power. racism gets its power from capitalism. thus, if you're anti-racist, whether you know it or not, you must be anti-capitalist. the power for racism, the power for sexism, comes from capitalism, not an attitude." like Having to assuage someone's feelings so they doesn't start enacting & perpetuating violence against others classed as inferiors socially/materially positioned as vulnerable to their violence? obviously already that issue of power vs if a man is sexist that's his problem. not a personal feelings conversation to be like trying to Redeem or Reform or Convert someone in the position to leverage abuse & interested in / already doing so, it's a negotiation or a compromise or a very specific limited strategic effort to mitigate damage, not like the guiding light of like How To Thwart Bigotry being like, sexism? this is women's fault. feminists are too mean

like, men have power in a patriarchy & so a lot of people benefitting from that (like, many men) are invested in maintaining that power, such as: being violently misogynist. being pissed off about those who should be subject to that power having more autonomy, i.e. the reduction of their power. wanting to reinforce & increase that power. not really a mystery what's going on there or why apparent threat to / reduction of patriarchal power gets a backlash of all the more overt hostility? like what "oh damn this man totally thought of women as people until too many women were all 'men are sexist & don't think of women as people' & then he was like okay i hate women, they're not people" like well don't think he was really so Not Misogynist was he lol. "ohh i was owned by the libs online too many times so now i, up till now your best ally, am a fascist >:( you made me do this" like abuse logic lmao the Would Be / Already Victims being responsible for gently carefully strategically convincing the beneficiaries & perpetrators of what victimizes them to perhaps maybe not do that as much? & like, misogyny is the norm b/c this is already a patriarchy. white supremacy & ableism & abuse is all already the norm. toddlers absorb things like they've been absorbing Absolutely Everything & already know oh white is better black is worse without anyone having to spell that out for them, later Everyone's The Same, Don't Bully People Or Anything being as light on context / specifics as it is, like, how's that go for bullying not being so normal it's guaranteed to happen & Fine Actually & totally goes away once people grow out of it. the idea that Kids Are Innocent or certainly must be Neutral enough if nobody spelled out bigotry to them (cue everyone who Did have that happen & the universal reaction isn't actually to embrace & enact it anyway) & that ah look at everyone getting their Normal Socialization if they're just getting to interact willy nilly, like lol well that's true but racism sexism etc is normal, so. people out here just rephrasing ABA & ableist language to frame the treatment of disabled people as objective & inevitable while blaming the Deficiency & Wrongness of disabled ppl for bringing the treatment on themselves & focusing on how disabled people can stop being at fault for their own abuse by better catering to those who are Doing Just Fine, Thanks, so they Must be good at social(tm) things, just as the nepo hire has all the career advice you could want, ooh sorry autistic people uhh you just have the wrong / worse / lack of feelings & wrong / worse / lack of "skills" & wrong / worse / lack of "intelligence" & are just sooo bad at Social Things haha. & now you're being annoying complaining about that treatment >:/ of Course i must treat you even worse. if you even care

like what, i was gonna be antiracist but then someone said white people are racist in this world where whiteness is defined by antiblackness, the creation of these classes to enforce & perpetuate chattel slavery, being white is about not being black, which is inferior, so now it's like grr i hate black people then? don't think you Were or Were Just About To Be that antiracist lol. & like your feelings are a personal individual matter. if you feel unpleasant about the idea of being considered racist then the one inevitable reaction isn't "i will become even more racist then," if you do then yeah you're gonna be more ostracized also i.e. into cultier nicher us/them groups & that's not really a fault of the [them] who didn't pull you back by welcoming you & your shit. you already learned & internalized racism / white supremacy as normative shit b/c effectively Everyone Already Did; if you're white you already benefit from that norm / are afforded a position of power within it. & many people want to hold on to that power or want more of it & many people will respond to some awareness of a threat to that by only getting more invested in it. meanwhile how much actual like antiracist antisexist antiableist antibigotry education does anyone get at home or in school? certainly much less than Guaranteed this; how does like the framing of treating other people as people as only about having the correct Feelings (well-meaning, but also anything short of feeling Deviously Malicious is alright) go for, you know, everyone being so invested in equality in principle & in practice rather than all these violences being completely normative & even the supposedly frivolous Popularity Contest Try Not To Get Bullied that is like, normal(tm) school socializing (and work(tm) after that) being so far from Neutral & totally not abuse culture where the way people are treated hinges on whether they're deemed like personally Appealing & Likeable & Nonannoying enough for the supposed baseline respect for people

like when gender is all rn in the context of defining & being defined by a patriarchy, who knows if there's some redeemed actually Neutral category of Men / Masculinity like can't really imagine i think anything ever that would be prescriptive is good, but if anything it's like, the Being A Man / Masculine that is gonna be an improvement is gonna be that which is already happening with women / femininity. women who are also men & vice versa, women who are masculine, men who are feminine, of course everything queer. what is there that "reaffirms" men in their being Not Women / Not Associated With Women that isn't reaffirming patriarchy. "ah it's equally important to have gay narratives And to tell men it's okay for them to be friends with other men without anyone ever thinking they could possibly be gay :)" like that's just reaffirming homophobia lol. if there's nothing wrong with being gay then what's the problem. if there's nothing wrong with being a woman then what's the problem. just as embracing misogyny plays into / supports / is investment in patriarchy & the power it affords men, rejecting misogyny is rejecting patriarchy is rejecting being a "real" man, is embracing association with women without enough of, if any, boundary between oneself & women as inferior Other. abandoning & Betraying what being A Man is supposed to mean, b/c it's supposed to mean The Superior Class & certainly having the power to enact that, b/c patriarchy isn't just an attitude & sure doesn't want to be, probably nobody with the bigoted attitudes of being superior doesn't want to have the power that affords

& meanwhile people can reject that power they're supposedly granted, betray that class race gender [any other structures of supremacy], & be associated with the Other by betrayal of that theoretical boundary & oh you know Be Invested In & Practicing Living In A World where they & nobody else have the Power they're now supposedly entitled to, as white, man, abled, cishet, &c. or they can do the opposite & be holding on to white supremacy or their status in patriarchy or be billionaires all invested in reinforcing & exacerbating all the systems that make billionaires, What A Surprise, perhaps if people were nicer to them online? they wouldn't have gone "i didn't know you were richist >:( fine, Now i'm gonna be an asshole" & like i don't think The Answer is "how can we Convince billionaires to Really do the philanthropy & maybe stop with the exploitation & stuff" like their feelings are their personal problem & to hell with assuming a premise of "well, there'll be billionaires. how can we be nice & win them over to be less shitty to us" like why are there billionaires. why is there having to maybe, carefully, gently, strategically convince anyone to not embrace their Superior Power over you, b/c that's something they can just go ahead & do if they feel like it & you suffer the consequences even if you don't feel like it. what would interrupt / thwart the [i Can just seize this power i already have & am supposed to be all about it & More] what would interrupt / thwart the [people who just have to suffer the consequences of this] about the power not the attitude.

oh yeah & also free bingo space for anytime the idea of personal appeal to agents of systemic abuse to convince them to be nicer please / scapegoating victims of xyz for it happening to them or their failure to stop it already is framed as Just All That's Actually Realistic, oft with the bonus of being supposedly like groundbreakingly Too Edgy a concept. brave enough to say what everyone else is just too much of a pussy to face: e.g. needing to be nicer to misogynists :( like lmaooo as though catering to misogynists or the general concept of women needing to cater to men at all times / certainly not hurt their feelings or reject them is anything New that nobody's been exposed to & you're the only one brave enough to be like "ugh. the feminists are too mean to men" like i Think that concept has been floated lmaooo. as well as its logical extension that b/c of this men Must conclude women are not people & it Is the fault of bitches ruining their life lol like. it's not cutting edge Facing Facts. again, like. the US had its one foremost like representative of state power figurehead seat occupied by one black man & the response of white supremacist fascist being more open / prominent has sure been relevant ever since but like, what, that white supremacy wasn't there before? it's the fault of [the ostensible idea that a black president meant a "post racial" america lmaooo] like ooh even that obvious This Isn't Actually Game Over Racism was too far :( your fault :( like neither is that concomitantly all these other forms of bigotry shoring up this capitalist enterprise Which Were Already There & indeed already Normal, just more genteel, have become more open & elevated & yeah i'm sure people have More So become emotionally & materially invested in the systemic power they were already afforded but now feel is More Threatened. anyone & everyone being no less of a person than you threatens / denies / Betrays your power that would be supposedly guaranteed as a Superior. men who want to hold on to their superiority a) will get more invested in patriarchy & b) reward other men for doing so, always need that support & perpetuation, part of the whole point of it not really just being individual randos with that attitude problem.

anyway tl;dr not a mystery here & nobody has to turn the chair around to be like Real Talk, it's time for what nobody else is clearsighted enough to Understand & brave enough to argue: scapegoating. women being nice enough to men so men might treat them a bit more like people. trans people accepting they're being too demanding in this insistent "existing." uh oh The Left(tm) is being so antifascist that fascists hate it & are like "i'm about to fascism all over the place" so the lesson is don't say you or anyone ever are against fascism or you bring it upon yourself. & that's that on all of that always, gotta focus on personal attitudes, not the systems of power, in which case the personal attitudes of those in power matter as the only avenue to thwart that power, in which case all that those affected can do is try to make those in power feel as positively toward them as possible, in which case well let's all be as nonthreatening & compliant & nondisruptive as possible to that systemic power b/c otherwise they'll feel negatively toward us & we Must suffer whatever they choose to do with that (note also that indeed this edgy cleareyed bold & realistic strategy of attempting to comply & appeal & reassure will likely be viewed in retrospect as being a bad victim. supporting all protests except the current one)

like whoops that wasn't a tl;dr, can't make a short post. but i think if anyone's asking "damnn have we tried asking women to help men feel better :(" Yes. yeah. we have been doing that. "b/c they're responsible for how men feel & then act towards them, like [patriarchy-backed violence]" yep that has been posited i prommy

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, MHA 292, Replies Part 2

1) “The one thing standing between everyone here and absolute and certain death is one stubborn pair of denims”-Jeanest is single-handedly holding back a moving tide of destruction, all whilst the strain exacerbates his existing injuries from Kamino to the point of coughing blood. What a fashionable chad. (MHA ch 288) 2) “oh god now who the fuck- is it All Might? Who else was hurt before this fight broke out?”- Not this fight, but Jeanest is still recovering from losing a lung facing down AFO at Kamino, and even recuperating in the shadows hasn’t fully given him enough time to heal.

(MHA ch 288) 3) “No it can’t be All might, he would never be this rude to someone even when distressed. Oh god I can’t remember who else was left behind, I don’t remember a single person who was not in the best of health”- And at this point in time you’re complaining about his poor performance over on Vigilantes to boot. For shame.

4) “Yeah, I don’t think he cares anymore Shoto. He was trying to kill you as well so far, and sure, you were his least favorite, but even so, I don’t think “family” is something that bothers him anymore. I mean *gestures towards Twice’s body* you know?”- Yeah, stuff like this really hammers in Dabi’s two-faced nature for me. There are those out there who claim that he avoided getting close to the league because he didn’t see the point in getting chummy with people when he was going to die due to his own fires regardless, or that it was a self-defence mechanism after he got abandoned by Endeavour focusing on his other siblings to succeed him. But I just recall stuff like this and think he honestly never gave a crap at all, never saw them as anything but tools – after all, he was able to fake camaraderie well enough to get Twice to provide the moving final performance he wanted for his broadcast without so much as a twinge of regret, that’s not something you could casually do if you ever really cared about the other.

5) “…

I’m just… going to move on to the next panel, because Dabi is seriously pissing me off and I might end up shouting any second now.”- Oh good, glad to see we’re on the same page RE: how much of a jackass team player Dabi turned out to be. 6) “That we know Dabi. I mean, if the murders before joining the league and the thousands of civilian casualties after weren’t enough to point at that direction, well

*gestures towards Twice’s body again* 

you know?”- And yet there are still people who think he cared, or was secretly saddened by Twice’s death. It really does baffle me, because honestly, Dabi reads very much as a villain who’s embraced his cause over everything else that could possibly matter to him, even making new friends and allies. 7) “Shoto doesn’t have the same firepower, but his ice might be enough to mitigate your flames Dabi. You won’t kill him here, and neither will him allow you to die.”- Unfortunately, Dabi is superior to Shoto in one respect, and that’s the intensity by which he devoted himself to training his flames, regardless of his handicap. The sheer heat levels he can output far exceed what cold Shoto can, so there’s no cooling him down now. 8) “OH JESUS FUCK THEY ALREADY GOT HERE?

WHAT ABOUT BURNING?”- Probably catching Miro up on the current crisis. 9) “MIDORIYA IS DEFINITELY NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW, BUT NEITHER IS ANYONE HERE BESIDES DABI APPARENTLY.”- It’s important to note that, even with the ongoing chaos, the underlying theme of Midoira’s inner thoughts is not that he can’t do anything to help, but that he’s useless and pathetic for not doing more to help those in front of him, damaged limbs be dammed. The boy’s self-loathing and trauma from bullying in childhood still runs deep beneath the surface. 10) “WHAT THE FUCK IS MIRIO DOING HERE

AND WITH HIS QUIRK-

HOLY FUCK WAS THIS ERI’S DOING?

HOLY SHIT DUDE WHAT

WHAT”- And with that, Overhaul’s only lasting impact on the narrative past his debut arc (besides the Quirk-erasing bullets Tomura nicked for his own purposes) is undone. Dude’s grand ambitions and plans have officially gone down in smoke without any repercussions for the heroes, no matter what he thought he’d succeeded at.

(MHA ch 242)

11) “We also had the return of Eri, the slayer of sinners, now carrying her guts-like sword called only by the name of “The Nekoblade”, to honor the memory of her deceased uncle, the old Nekomancer of the clouds… She seems to be going alright, she’s adapting well to the happy life that she deserves, after Midoriya calmed her worries. But her horn is growing back, she’s gathering strength for her quirk, which means that Aizawa will need to keep a close eye to her… Oh boy, I hope this doesn’t become part of the oncoming shitstorm…”- Well, it did, but in a good way. This is what positively training a young girl in need of education can achieve, and now the untouchable man’s back on the scene, in so doing completely rendering all of Overhaul’s efforts for naught. Good thing too, as Miro’s the only guy would could probably safely attack Tomura right now without getting dusted, and the league’s proximity means that Tomura can’t unleash another AOE wave in hopes of killing ‘somebody’ that way.

(MHA ch 246)

12) “And continuing we have Todoroki’s sister, Phelps and Gran Torino together, Kurogiri in jail, Eri’s horn starting to spring back into action-“- It takes months to charge up, so it’s a good thing they used it to buff one of their strongest players in the war back into the hero business, but without Eri’s rewind as a fall-back, it’s not looking good for Izuku right now, given the state of his arms after smacking Tomura around like a paddleball at 100%

(MHA ch 256)

13) “Jesus that thing is ready to burst, we need to have her unleash it in a safe manner soon, otherwise we run the risk of having the incident that killed her parents repeating itself.”- Worry not, your prayers and hopes have been answered!...or rather, keep worrying, because this means that Eri’s rewind power is now off the time as a ‘heal this shit’ option until she’s had enough time to charge again, and now neither Aizawa nor Izuku can benefit from it, aka, the two most integral to holding Tomura back right now.

(MHA ch 256)

14) “Oh this is a bit worrisome, her power is about to get out of control again, but maybe this is also a good sign, now that we know that Shirakumo is still inside of Kurogiri, maybe her power could be able to revert him to a previous state.You know, not every piece of foreshadowing needs to be about a tragedy- shut up let me be hopeful here, okay?!”- Well, this foreshadowing was technically about a good thing, but right now, it’s arguable that it might have been a good idea to save the charge…. 15) "AND THAT’S THE END OF THE CHAPTER HOLY FUCK MIRIO IS BACK WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

WAIT, WAS HE THE ONE THAT SAVED BURNING BACK THERE? WAS THAT WHY WE ONLY SAW AN ARM?"- With all this downer vibes brought on by Dabi, we needed an upbeat hero to lighten the mood, and Izuku’s very much in no position or mind-set to achieve that. @thelreads

[shrapnelstars]

Ok, ok, it looks like Josh is going to finish Morrowind, then play New Vegas, and then Vampire the Masquerade is some time after that, if it isn't next on the docket.

I'm SO EXCITED for him to play VTM! Inb4 everyone agrees that Gary Golden is just Josh if he were a vampire. They are both absolute trolls, they both wear waistcoats, they're both suave, and they both have a background in theater.

And at some point, I hope we can bully him into playing Subnautica. He's terrified of the ocean, but I don't think he knows that the game, despite having having monsters that would completely scare him shitless, actually fosters genuine love for ocean life and can help him mitigate his fear.

Having said that, with how composed and debonair Josh always is, it's still hard for me to imagine him getting scared at anything, even when he admits that certain things do scare him. I think I've seen him shake from an accidental jumpscare once. Even when something is funny, he usually does his best to try to hold his composure and not laugh at it.

I guess that's part of why I want to see him play it so bad. It's usually pretty satisfying when a joke or a scare topples him.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

ACen debrief

I went into this feeling it's the Texas scene that's treated me so miserably, the Southern weeb community is generally reared with so much internalized conservatism that's clearly why I got ACen and not MomoCon, right? right? I don't necessarily need to romanticize being treated with less otherization, I just need to feel it.

But what makes me care for all the pathetically needy and unkempt creatures is the challenge working on them, the sense of accomplishment in knowing you pushed someone so well they started to fear just how much you could change them, in your view, for the better.

I think I was convinced I need to remake the "wrong type of Asian" panel that was so jarring I was a part of back in the day with just how much contempt a straight, cisgendered male of my heritage is looked at when he dares step outside of his native community: the unchangeables I carry around with me at work, in my hobby spaces, and my future in-laws still treating me like a delinquent teenager sneaking behind their backs to see their daughter just because I haven't been enough to help her grow a spine. We demonize fetishization so much, but if all these white, black, and hispanic otaku looked at race equitably within the Asian demographic, not putting the orientalist physiological perception as a pivot point of masculine idealization, maybe I'd have a chance in hell for being treated as anything more than a sexless object whose only value resides in his capital production: the way even my own race sees me.

Being a South Asian Muslim, you receive every negative that comes Asian typecasting while receiving, at best, the fringiest benefits of the identity in that you're on the in-crowd with other Asians but they never see you as worthy of crossing boundaries for. My late aunt chaired our local Asian Cultural Society and Chamber of Commerce and lamented just how little she could do in mitigating the fixed forms of self-segregation Asian communities practice when creating our own spaces in the west.

Working to set things right with my sister was a far bigger priority than anything I am at conventions. For the first time in decades, it feels as if we're getting back to having each other's backs like we used to back when our parents were treating us equally, equally negligent and tigerish, but equal nonetheless. Maybe I'm finally being forgiven for being so different, so weird, something she had to explain and keep her friends away from. Or maybe she just has too much life to deal with now to bully me anymore, who knows.

Maybe my issues have nothing to do with internalized prejudices and methodologies of discriminatory human attraction, maybe I'm just too thoughtful for all the headcases I try to adopt. Performing the Peaches song feels like an easier way to get an eye through the door than delivering a real message. TikTok attention span? Trying not to be ageist but holy hell does it feel like the entire unmarried drinking-age population has at least 70% less of the attention span than the demographic did prior to the pandemic. Only things I've seen that hold attention like that are Overwatch, Roblox, and Minecraft ... I still think all three are kinda cringe to be obsessed with.

Leaving all that behind, how did my ACen really go? Well, it was an escape. How likely was I to really find a persevering connection just by not being in the social hellscape of what I call "cowboy logistics" when it takes a significant amount of time commitment to develop a sense of friendship but impermanently. Can't hold much credence to the concept, but there was a lot of upside. Not having a con charge and working around some cosplayer's schedule who couldn't give a rat's ass about me was a nice change of pace. Can't help but be reminded of how alone I felt around my 30th, though. Damned if I do, damned if I don't, I suppose. Could just be fantasy to be treated as valued, more than what I'm able to provide for someone, but there's always hope - no matter how hollow it ends up being.

The most fun moments in any big event for me are when I got to sit down and talk to people, a big reason why I started paneling because it used to prompt a lot of great narrative in the 00's North American convention culture. My excessive optimism had me hope there would be a flame to be made readily available, I get this terribly dumb tendency being hyperromantic of putting amorous connections above platonic ones, but dismissing some of the platonic ones for naught just because I didn't get flirted with is my misanthropy talking and I have to remember that. There was something nice about the lack of pressure, not that I'm treated as desirable with any regularity.

If there is opportunity for me outside of where I am, I need to put less stock in if I seek it out, it's bound to happen. The notion itself is true enough, but making it an objective devalues its capacity to permeate. What happened the last two times was clinging to a breath with how fleeting there was no choice for it to be. I was always going to be left behind when I prompt growth because I hadn't been either of their first choices and accepting I never could've made myself be will let me have the peace for myself I need. It's just tough having to play demiromantic when you're on the other end of the spectrum just because my nature is to gravitate towards those who need the most help, only advancing otherwise when clearly prompted by the other party. I'm sure I encountered a lot of could-be interests this past weekend, but I always keep safe distance until I get normatively obvious indication the feeling is mutual...admittedly a high bar, even for an empath.

I need to focus on myself. I need to stop trapping myself in the mindset of: if I'm not helping someone, I'm nothing of value. I need get back the ability to just exist without needing to produce an outcome. I think that's something I lost in the process of healing a decade ago, just being comfortable existing for myself alone since my pleasure has become inconsequential, more of my decision calculus being tied to the avoidance of pain and capability rather than hedonistic ideations in their own right. Heck, that's probably why I still won't have gone to Japan by the end of 30, too much of my social behavior being risk-averse.

There's a reason Haruhi Suzumiya hasn't been supplanted after all these years as the fictional character I feel the most in my soul. Life doesn't feel worth living vulnerably unless it's truly interesting. What's interesting about a person who's basically been stuck in Texas his whole life? What's interesting about a late millennial struggling to juggle finishing graduate school while getting enough hours out of work to live on? What's interesting about a competitor that never seems to find himself in the conversation of respected? What's interesting about the life I have now? Being 30 and no prospect for a marriage materializing in any reasonable timeline? Being touted as someone great to on the side of but easily discarded? Even just being a good person but constantly judged for his otherizing appearance? Something has to happening in my life for me to feel alive, something has to be changing, or I don't feel much desire to carry on for my own sake alone.

In a lot of respects, my behavior is a walking paradox. I'm hyperromantic so I restrain myself by treating everyone as demisexual; I'm a schizromantic so no sane mind could be anything other than a romantic to me; I'm a recipromantic because every time I gave more than was given to me, I got betrayed and gutted for whomever I trusted just to take without remorse. I look at humanity with disdain yet put all my principles into improving the human experience. I pride myself on never depending on anyone yet I'm considered a nuisance and the black sheep of my own family. I'm in an upbringing and position of privilege yet I barely have the faculties to feed myself most days.

Well, I have nothing of particular note happening until the end of the month. Play the cards I'm given, test if I can win with them. My ethical impulses force others' actions to be how I extract value out of the world, it's so dismal when not a soul acts towards you. I miss the feeling of receiving unfounded faith, maybe I never really had it at all.

Well hey, at least I know now Chicago can be a place of comfort as long as I use some discretion. Now to just make said comfort something inherently desirable to return to.

[flightfoot]

I don’t blame the class for not believing Adrien tbh. Adrien didn’t think Lila was all bad until recently. And he was so oblivious to Chloe’s abusive bullying to his classmates to the point where it was frustrating. He even made Marinette feel bad because the class celebrated the bully leaving, and I guess Adrien thought they were all jerks for doing that. Now as Marinette’s boyfriend he all of a sudden picks up on this? This is why I wish he and Marinette grew closer as friends before starting dating. Because at least they understand each other where the other is coming from

*sighs* Adrien hasn't been oblivious to Chloe's bullying. Seriously, where are you even getting that? Even back in Origins, he was trying to discourage her from doing that, and trying to minimize the impact, by scraping the gum off Marinette's seat. And back in Kung Food, when Marinette presumes that Chloe ruined her Uncle's soup, he agrees it's likely.

Alec: I'm sorry, Cheng Shifu, but I'm giving you a zero, too, which brings your score to 0.8/10 -- the lowest so far. Celestial Soup will therefore not be in the hotel's menu this year, and you will not be named "World's Greatest Chef"! (Adrien and Marinette are still feeling sorry for Wang Cheng Sifu)(The "World's Greatest Chef" logo flashes, and Marinette notices a flower petal fall from Chloé when she gets up) Marinette: This isn't right, and I'm certain Chloé's got something to do with it. Adrien: I'd like to say you're wrong, but I know her only too well.

He also tried to get her to at least attempt to be nicer to people in Despair Bear, and in Malediktator... well, this is the actual transcript.

Adrien: Hey, what’s going on here? What are we celebrating? Marinette: Chloé’s gone! She’s moving to New York! Adrien: Chloé left…? For good? Marinette:(still excited, not realizing that Adrien is not sharing everyone else’s enthusiasm) Yeah! Isn’t it great? Adrien: Uh… no. I think it’s terrible! How can you celebrate a thing like that? Marinette:(frowns) But, Chloé’s a total brat to everyone. She was useless anyway. Adrien: Nobody's useless, not even Chloé. When I was little and wasn't allowed out, she was the only friend I had. Marinette: Ow— well, uh… shoot. Adrien: She left angry and unhappy. I can't celebrate that. (walks off sadly)

Look. Adrien is really nice and sees the best in people, and generally functions off the philosophy of "try to talk to people to get them to change". He sees the best in people, and generally doesn't advocate or is okay with hurting someone if he sees any other option - and he did know Chloe when she was little, and they were friends. He doesn't like her attitude now, but that doesn't mean he's okay with just throwing her under the bus. He hasn't given up on her.

But he DOES still try to lecture her when she's being mean to others, like in Queen Banana. It just doesn't work.

If your qualification for "noticing bullying" is "gives up on the bully completely and treats them as only an enemy to be defeated", then yeah, by that definition, he's oblivious to her bullying. But that's a bad definition. Adrien isn't under the illusion that Chloe isn't a bully, he just doesn't think that means she's irredeemable, at least not yet. He's very compassionate, plus he has a history with her, so he's holding out hope for her to get better. In the meantime, he's not going to join in on purposely hurting her or celebrating something associated with her feeling hurt, but he also isn't under the illusion that she's some perfect angel - he knows how mean she is to the other kids and is frustrated by it, and generally tries to help mitigate her actions when he can.

[sunlessea]

he knew it'd be like this, no matter how much he'd tried to mitigate his own embarrassed by staring hard at the stars along the walls instead of looking up to it or the ones above. it recovers so quickly, where he is still left trying desperately to catch his breath, playing ignorant at the pleasant tickle across his skin in the places its cum still trails down, not to count even more that falls across his stomach how they're sitting now. he looks a mess, and if there's one thing he's certain of, it's that fires will be thrilled about it. that knowledge alone is humiliating, and if his cheeks weren't already so red, he'd be blushing up a storm.

he's not even surprised when it wraps around him, looms over him, and more or less takes away every bit of personal space he could've made a bid for by holding it close to its chest. its claws feel good on his hips, stinging from how it'd only barely torn them open. his blood is hot for thanks of the candle, but its fur feels cool against his skin, even though it's still lit for them both. he lets himself settle back against it, even though he can feel it looking over him in a way that is... extremely impolite. it's ... soft.

"shouldn't i be asking you that?" his voice is quiet and unintentionally husky, though that's to be expected after what it'd just put him through. it'd take him a second to recover, unlike it. its growl still makes him tense, though, shiver 'long his spine that he just knows it'll take to heart. "you started fantasizing about me the second i bought up the possibility. am i meant to think you were trying so hard to hide yourself for modesty's sake?" his scoff would be harsher if he weren't so occupied. of course, his bite dies with his bark any time it touches him : from the simple way its hands trail his sides, take his hips, to how it reaches around to catch the cum trailing still down the length of his cock. "everything about you feels good..." he swallows back a groan, but it still comes out as a wince ... and it certainly is not hurting him. the way it goes about it is so egregious, too, tongue 'long his shoulder. christ.

well, it might be making fun of him, but he wouldn't let it get off bullying him so easily. it knows it'll fluster him, but he's taking his own notes, and as it nuzzles itself against him, he reaches up one hand, tired as it is, to cup the opposing side of its face. he drags its muzzle closer to him and leans into it, peppering its fur with kisses, chaste all things considered. and that is the point, even while it's mocking him with such uncouth talk.

"are you lecturing me on semantics right now? did you borrow one of pages' prose books?" he hums, then leans up a little more so he can gently bite its cheek — a direct response to its own teeth teasing along his neck. he wouldn't mind if it bit him like this, he thinks. he's certain it would hurt more, and it would have to be careful ... but he thinks it would be, if he let it try. "did you want me to say it's hot instead? i think i've embarrassed myself enough, and you'll have to do better than that. though, to tell you the truth..." he trails off, stops pressing his fangs against it in favor of sparing kisses once more. now he's dragging its face in closer, interrupting its own teases to forcibly spread the kisses further : across its whiskers, then its nose, where he licks it too. he doesn't end up finishing the thought he'd started voicing, before he lets it go and falls back against it again, breath stolen where its cock obediently pushes up between his thighs.

he is shy, but he's watching how it moves to accommodate his flirtations, shifting along with him. there's an ache that builds in his abdomen again watching it adjust to that its length is pressed comfortably between his thighs, giving them both perfect positioning for it to thrust inside of them. he keeps them pressed together as much as he can without causing it discomfort, his face equally flushed as he is breathless. it's right, though he hadn't admitted it outright. he wants this, and nothing illustrates that more than how he tangles his fingers into its fur with the hand that had been holding its cheek already, once it starts to properly thrust its cock against him. he's holding it close again, this time for less wholesome purpose whilst he pushes down his own whining.

he doesn't question when it keeps adjusting, having a pretty good idea, honestly, what it's trying to accomplish. he lets it move however it wants, going so far as to part his thighs just long enough for it to reposition when necessary. but once it's settled, he lets his head fall back onto its shoulder, pressing his thighs back together with no intent of stopping again. "hh—neculai..." its name comes out as a half swallowed moan once it thrusts up again, and this time, he feels its cock against his own. he trembles when he feels it, too, breath caught in his throat as he tries to press his eyes shut. it's almost a mistake, though, because having it both growling and moaning in his ear doesn't do much to allow him any relief.

"i don't know... what you're talking about," he murmurs, but rather than denying it outright as he normally would, it's clear he's just fucking with it. "i'm the very picture of purity. a prude, if you will." there's sarcastic cheek in his voice when he says it, but it's hard to take him seriously when he's openly moaning each time its cock thrusts along his own. his eyes open half-lidded again, and his soft panting for breath, though less hurried than it had been earlier, is notably erotic. when he speaks again, he's more subdued, and genuine, "you can bite me, you know... i don't mind if you want to try. i can tell you do."

not that he needed an excuse to be any more blatantly lewd during all this, really, but he can't help how obviously his body shudders each time it thrusts into him. and it isn't just that, either : it's the intimacy of how close they are, and how he can feel every single part of it that's touching him. its claws at his hips, how it presses its muzzle into his neck, any time its tongue lulls out when it teases him, the way its body engulfs his own as result of the difference in their size, all of it, and then its cock slick between his thighs and along his length on top of it all. in what world would he not be turned on? the sensation is odd, as per the differences in their bodies... but he'd be lying if he tried to tell it he didn't feel good. as if to expose him for it, too, he groans when it praises him, head lulling to the side where he only pants in response, doesn't even try to say anything to it, spit catching on his lip.

it's different for them, compared to what they're usually like. it's not that they didn't do foreplay before... but they didn't do this kind of foreplay, wherein it's slower, not rushed past, and more intimate, romantic, aside. because that's what it is, when it slows down its own thrusts, and starts purring deeply in his ear. he lets it, too, with no complaint or even teasing related to it. his fingers stay loosely tangled in its fur, holding onto its face whilst the other takes one of its hands, and laces his fingers through its own. he pulls its hand from one of his hips and instead splays its palm across his abdomen and leaves it there, holding it still from the back of its claws.

"a little fun," he repeats quietly, finally looking up at it with narrowed but soft eyes, lips pressing together only for a moment. even before today, there's never an instance where he would've indulged it saying this to him without quite the fight. granted, nothing they're doing right now is anything he would've done without fighting with it. now, he not only indulges it, but takes notice that if it leaned over him a little more, it could probably actually kiss him while they're like this, it's so damn tall. " ... yes, sir." he uses his hand against its cheek to tug at its fur, indicate that it should lean down. they've settled into this gentle pace, now, and he wouldn't dare ruin it. there's not much he can do in this particular tease where it has power over him, but he still helps it, moves his thighs along its cock where he can as it grinds against him, pressing a little harder when it seems particularly excited. "ha..ah..." its dick is hardening again, and each time it slides against his, so it his own. how slow its moving is tantalizing. he realizes, too, the reason his thighs are so slick must be from where its spit had been trailing down his body. everything is really... hot. he feels heated, and it shows in how reactive his body is, nipples hard, red flushed from the tip of his ears, down. but he is hardly the only one, at the very least.

"so that brings us back to what i asked earlier..." he wets his lips as he watches it, head tilted back, thinking, "what do you want from me, neculai? what, exactly, do you want me to do to convince you?"

a myriad possibilities from the moment it was first whisked away : stolen from its factory floors before it could disappear from them of its own volition by its most peculiar choice of partner—and never was he quite this brazen as to ask it out himself, so while its compliance was of little surprise, the events that followed, led it here, most certainly are. it would have guessed almost anything 'neath the false-stars before it had ever considered the possibility of both it laying itself literally bare for him to see upon such romantic request, and every moment since.

though it'd be lying to say its compliance wasn't in part due to its own curiosity : they are equals only in matters of love and the questioning mind, and each place those two intertwine. it'd been hesitant, at first, but between the eagerness of when he first climbed atop it to their repositioning ... any lingering anxiety melted away with the false heat that somehow left it shivering. it'd been hesitant, truthfully, for his size : a matter which while undoubtedly alluring and still a matter of some lesser concern while in human guise, became all the more stark with the added foot attached. he's small in stature, even put up against those of similar height ; and his frame is ... well, rather small, and always had been no matter how well-fed he'd been kept. it had only really experimented with those like it—other curators, other masters; those few willing to present at kine-height or close to—but it had no means of being able to guess what it might be like to sleep with kine or kindred proper, without similar ease of flexibility. he appeared fragile, as was its primary concern : but his excitement thus had been greater—and aside from the ease of which he adjusts, that is only the start.

it takes so little to wrap around him entirely. erotic enough on its own, but more than that, is how easily he overwhelms it for the opposite. his body quivers like its own, with how easily its claws wrap around the entirety of his thigh, and how when its spare hand curls around his cock, how mindful it has to be of its strokes where its palm curls so wholly 'round his length that it can feel every subtle twitch that leaves precum leaking 'tween the spaces between its fingers. his hands are delicate, but in its heightened sensitivity, they turn it on even more—in contrast to itself, he can barely keep hold on it at all ... the slick-wet length of its own erection, and the increasingly lewd sounds of its own wet arousal that cling to his own fingers the deeper he thrusts them into its pussy, itself over-eager and overly desperate.

but what it favors most—and ultimately, it's certain, what overwhelms it—is the heat of his tongue, and his hollowed cheeks, every way it can feel his jaw strain in determination to swallow it deeper where its thrusts do not push further despite. part of what it goads it on in its own rough excitement is his own : the lines of drool that it knows hang in strings off his chin where his head suddenly jerks up with a gasp—and it knows they're there, can imagine the sight well enough to swallow down a muffled groan, because of how his spit falls onto its length—or the extra pressure he applies when he pulls off of it entirely in favor of drawing his tongue instead along its shaft, right 'bove where his hand strokes it in increasing intensity.

and it can't voice a thing!

rather, it would be stifled no matter how it tried, broken through moan or action in like. that doesn't mean it isn't reactive, though ... its name is beautiful gasped out on his tongue, and in response, its grip 'round his trembling thigh tightens, and its growl is temporarily smothered in favor of a much deeper purr rumbling 'gainst its chest. its rewarded in time just the same for it, where with every pointed lap of its tongue as the tip unfurls to curl against the sensitive bud against his walls over and over again, his body reacts in kind, squeezing tighter around the length of it and encouraging it push even further still. by then, its body is trembling so intensely that it is not surprised when the pleasure pooling tight in its abdomen bursts soon after.

how it manages to ride out both his and its own orgasms in time is a miracle in and of itself ; it's almost gracious in the strokes it spares him with its hand and tongue. and even 'pon his release it still thrusts its tongue as deep inside him as it can manage for the moment, though it ceases pumping him entirely in favor of curling both hands instead around his thighs to keep them parted, hold him steady where it thinks he might be trembling more than it. though even that doesn't last : his cum spills over its chest, but its falls over it as much as it does him, the second time it peaks. it doesn't expect it at all! its body convulses despite itself, and its the second thrilling high that has it finally part from him, head falling back with haggard gasp—its cries are broken with pleas of his name between, where it can bear it, and curses 'pon a burning tongue, in a language it knows he wouldn't understand.

it thinks its claws draw blood accidentally, how they slide down his own shaking thighs when it finally starts to unravel in full, and all it can think in its lust-muddled haze is how much it longs to taste him even deeper. it is only a brief bout of exhaustion as its chest constricts, lungs defunct begging for air they have never needed and it cannot provide no matter how much it tries, that keeps it from bowing forward and curling its tongue 'round supple skin. truthfully, it still considers it, when it finally has the energy to sit upright just in time to catch him in his collapse. it doesn't think he'd mind it, either! alas.

" is it anything like you imagined? " contrasting, keeps the subtle growling edge to its voice ; not for frustration, but for the sake of savoring the shiver it feels course through him, where it holds him snug, secure. even so, it's no more than a whisper at best, made all the more erotic with how little it has to bow forward, nose bumping 'gainst his ear, lip curled in its own smug satisfaction. " ...or better than? "

it has ulterior motives for pulling him wholly flush against it, more than just security, and far more than just for the purpose of suggestive murmur. he might be too dazed to keep eye contact with it, but it can take him in like this : with eyes half-lidded, ear flicking curiously, its gaze follows 'long his body. slowly, carefully, yet adoringly despite the sight it's met with. it has made quite the mess of him, hasn't it? from the bridge of his nose, his cheeks, his lips, his chest ... with the brief repositioning, even his stomach now where its cum trails in slow lines over his body. it's a ridiculously attractive sight, in its defense, but that doesn't mean it doesn't stare longer than it politely should. its focus shifts anyway, in the time its taken its hands to follow along his sides, attention turned to his own half-hard length, the slick lines of his own release still clinging to his shaft, and perhaps it's cruel of it to curl an arm around his waist for the purpose of drawing its finger 'cross the underside of his dick to swipe up what all remains, but it takes great delight in swiping it over its tongue lolled out over his shoulder, swallowing in an instant with a satisfied huff.

" interesting? is that how you'd put it ... " it's recovering unsurprisingly well, given the shock it felt with one intense orgasm into the next. but that still isn't enough to totally exhaust it : and all the better for it, it can nuzzle up to the crook of his neck and press kisses and tease its teeth 'gainst his tender, flushed skin the same as it starts to adjust to him. his hips move, and it, as is becoming a rather popular trend with it tonight, is all too compliant. " tell me, was it merely interest that encouraged you? merely interest that left you salivating? " there's a bit of a bite to its voice, this time, almost like a sharp quip—and only because as he settles, urges it push its cock further between his thighs, it wriggles its hips too, biting back a groan at the friction where it thrusts its length between them.

it doesn't take much effort to work it back up, and it doubts either one of them are necessarily surprised. though it's thrusts are sporadic, this time, instead of falling into a comfortable pattern. it tries to adjust, and eventually succeeds, so no matter how short, slow, or harshly it thrusts its dick up between his thighs, it spares him friction too—both obviously between the snug space he makes for it, but against his own cock too. " i think your curiosity, little light, might be a mask. you wanted this more than you let on, am i right? " it isn't the only one excited. though it's voice breaks on occasion in favor of either shallow moan or ghost of its teeth 'gainst the soft line of his shoulder, their position allows it notice every time his breath catches, its hold on his hips making it obvious each time his body tenses, " look at you ... " ...and relaxes in a delightful shudder. " there we go. that's a good boy ... "

there's no rhyme or reason for the swell of pure affection that builds 'gainst its chest, nor the titillating warmth that follows, encouraging its purr deepen with every murmured praise. it loves him so terribly, no matter how much it teases, so it sees no harm in savoring the moment for however long they can steal it—each roll of its hips start to steady now, a slow, careful pace. somehow, it feels even better like this. " why don't you help me again? enlighten me. sho—hhn...—show me how much you want this— let's have a little fun. "