#'so not only am i not actually trans; i'm also transphobic :/'

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #9161:

I feel like a lot of online activists focus so much on creating an in versus out group and using shame/bullying/harrassment of said out group that they only result in taking people from the middle and either straight up push them to opposite side so to speak or they make them completely unwilling to listen to either side

I'm going to use Harry Potter fans as an example since most people in fandom spaces have at least some vague knowledge of it as an IP and some knowledge of the author and her bigotry, and it's something I have more personal experience with these kind of activists in that fandom

It's such a dumb way to approach the topic of what to do when a creator is problematic because most people aren't involved in fandom, and most people don't vent every author who's book they read to make sure they're not problematic. Most Harry Potter fans in the real world just straight up don't have idea of who J.K Rowling is beyond that just being the name on the books. I was one of these people, and so was my trans brother, he was the one who recommended the series to me actually

We both read the books and since he isn't as chronically online as I am, I eventual joined the fandom and he didn't. It never crossed my mind to look up the author because I just don't care about who make what, I just read and enjoy and move on with my life. When I started getting death/rape/doxxing threats, suibaiting, people wishing harm and illness on me and my family and pets out of the blue for being transphobic it did nothing to encourage me to drop the fandom, it just made me stay purely out of spite and because no one bothered to explain why they were sending such awful hatemail, I just figured it was the usual crazies being jealous of a creator and I wanted to defend this random lady who, as far as I knew at the time, probably didn't do anything to deserve this because 99% of the time creators who get a lot of hate like that don't deserve it. It wasn't until someone politely messaged me explaining what was happen and who J.K Rowling is that I knew she that not only did she not need defending, she earned that hate and deserved it

But something this person also did not do was shame me for being interested and attached to fictional world, rather they told me to continue engaging with it if I wanred to, just to do it a way that divorce the author from the material—such as encouraging me to use my library to check out the movies if i ever wanted to watch them or to buy them second hand and to encourage others irl and online to do them so that women isn't getting money from my continued enjoyment

There was no shame, just kindness and acceptance. And when I shared who J.K Rowling is with my brother he didn't even give a shit if I continued to read the books or not, hell, he continued to borrow my because he also enjoyed them an we both agreed as long as didn't give her money, they're no harm in continuing to have fun with the Harry Potter universe

I feel like assuming everyone in the fandom is transphobic and evil and treating them as such is just rude and frankly, immature. People can't help if they find something interesting or form an attachment to it before finding out some aspect of it bad. Shaming them and telling them that that interest or attachment is bad, is just shaming someone for something they can't control and that only drives people away from your cause and from doing what you want them to

It just makes so more sense to to me to rather throw away that shaming bullshit and to instead just encourage people to be smart with how they approach/indulge in that interest/attachment, such as encouraging people to use libraries, shop second hand, pirate, etc and to kindly explain why they should do that. It also has the added benefit of probably pissing the problematic creator since not only are all these people they hate finding enjoyment in their work, they're doing so while divorcing them from it so they don't get any money

The hate activism doesn't even feel like activists because it does nothing to actually help, it just feels like you want to be abusive to strangers and get away with it

Sorry this is really rambly, it's midnight and i got the inspiration to submit this while drunk talking with my brother about the topic (and before anyone gets on my ass for specifying he's trans earlier, he knows and doesn't give a shit because 1. This submission is anonymous and 2. He gets how it's kind of relevant that he, a trans dude, doesn't give a shit about having fun in the fandom as long as they don't give J.K Shitling their money when these hate activities love to disagree)

[myirlnameiscloud]

I hate how some people will either invalidate me for being transmasc, lesbian, nonbinary, or all three because they don't like someone being all three of those at the same time.

Since it's pride month, I'm hoping maybe I can draw some attention to some annoying things people say about transmasc lesbian enbies like me. Which will hopefully get people to reconsider what they say to us.

(Just me ranting under the cut)

"How can you be a lesbian if you're nonbinary and transmasc? Lesbians are women who like women. Maybe you're just trixic."

Okay firstly, if you know what trixic is, then you should also know a more proper definition for what lesbians are. (Lesbian is a term for women and genderqueer people who are attracted to women and genderqueer people, although there may be some exceptions to this, ex: an agendered person who doesn't consider themself a woman or genderqueer for whatever reason who's only attracted to women. Does this definition seem complicated to you? That's because gender and sexuality are often complicated.) Also, yes, I do identify as trixic. 'Lesbian' is just an easier and more commonly known label for me to use, and it's a label I also identify with.

"If you're nonbinary you can't be transmasc. You have to be transneutral."

Okay well, even if I am masculine in a trans way, that doesn't make me binary. Enbies can be as masculine or feminine as we desire. I'm actually quite androgynous, and the word 'transmasc' pretty much sums up my experience in being nonbinary while afab. Also, YES, I DO CONSIDER MYSELF TRANSNEUTRAL. Transgender identities aren't something where you can ONLY CHOOSE ONE. You can only choose one if you really want to, but a lot of the time, more than one identity will fit us.

"Maybe you're just a straight trans man."

Absolutely not. I am as far away from being a man as I am from being a woman. Just because I am transmasc does not make me a man. You do not need to suggest an identity to me as though this is some 'lightbulb moment' that nobody's ever told me before. If you think transmascs can't be nonbinary, or that lesbians can't be transmasc, please reread everything I have written so far.

"Maybe you're just a cisgender lesbian."

Absolutely not. Holy fuck this is just blatant transphobia (and ESPECIALLY enbyphobia) at this point. This is the most common label people will try to force on me. People sometimes assume that because I am a lesbian, my dysphoria must be pretty low, and therefore they can get away with misgendering me. Which is just such a shitty thing to do. Even if I DID have low dysphoria, it would still be a shitty thing to do.

It's like people are uncomfortable with ANY label nonbinary people want to put on our sexualities. Or even our genders.

Oh, but of course, this is just the stuff I hear from allies and people within the LGBTQ+ community. Obviously, complete homophobes and transphobes just hate me no matter what.

I'm just ranting now, I guess.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Any other transmascs also struggle very hard with accepting your transness because you were constantly told "you'll regret it because you'll become unattractive and aggressive, they'll cut your boobs off and you'll go bald"? As in, adults you thought you could trust and even actual medical professionals refusing to help you access gender-affirming care, because you were "such a pretty, bright young girl"?

And then coming to online queer spaces for support, only to see constant "men are so ugly, masculinity is hideous, men are all inherently violent and evil" sentiment anywhere you went? Next to "trans men become evil on T, FtM surgery results are gross and unrealistic with a 99% regret rate, trans men ruin their female bodies by transitioning"? Anyone else constantly terrified that they will become their abusive alcoholic father because, apparently, that's just what testosterone does?

Anyone else develop an eating disorder to "pass better" because you weren't offered any other option, even though they existed? Anyone else told they were just a confused tomboy who would grow into her femininity, that "every girl hates being a girl sometimes"? Anyone else try detransitioning multiple times in hopes that everyone was right, only to end up attempting suicide each time? Only to be told I am privileged and an oppressor any time I try to discuss the struggles I've faced? Told trans men actually have it EASIER accessing medical care, have ALMOST NONEXISTENT abuse and assault rates, suicide rates, self-injury rates (all statistics pulled from thin air)?

I feel like I'm not really allowed to say "I am impacted by the misogynistic idea that Females™ are only worthy if they're conventionally attractive, typically in ways unique to my trans experience" without people accusing me of being a liar or a derailer or a misogynist or a transphobe or a meninist. Or, you know, being accused of being HYSTERICAL and DELUSIONAL... by self-declared feminists...

.

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[rorygilmoresbisexuallighting]

The Daddy's Little Toy author situation just goes to show how anti ideology has hurt people. Like an author is in jail for fiction fucking fiction! From what I know the author is placed in prison or is being held in jail awaiting sentencing currently. For from what I'm gathering a completely fictional story. You don't have to like what she's writing to think that people shouldn't go to jail over fiction. That the thing. Also who the hell gets to decide what is and isn't simply vent or awareness spreading and what is and isn't titillating. Also many trauma survivors create vent art that may sexualize their trauma but it's still vent art. I understand Australia's free speech laws are different than America's but this is the same country that's forcing people to upload their ID to access any social media site essentially. You don't have to like the story to essentially say "you shouldn't go to jail for that". Fiction is not and never will be equivalent to actual CSAM. And supporting obscenity laws will never be for the benefit of the public. And it's harmful to equate real CSAM with fucking fiction. You cannot be anti-censorship for fiction and then draw the line at things you don't like . Like imagine if your horny Sebaciel fanart put you in JAIL under CSAM charges. With the same cell as real people who actually exploited real children or wanted to look for and use real exploited children. "Stop imposing your American views on everything!". How is it imposing my American views to say that free speech should be a right for everyone not just people on America and that thought crime isn't real and shouldn't be normalized. Studies don't show a causal link between consuming dark romance media and actually committing abusive acts or consuming fictional depictions of CSA and actually harming people if anything artistic expression can get out some pent up frustration. People with intrusive thoughts may have intrusive sexual thoughts about inappropriate things and write them down what if those are found and it's considered CSAM even if it's fiction? Like thought crime as a concept should not be normalized. Fiction is fiction. I've only seen the snipbits going around social media. But like I hated it thought it was gross so I refused to listen to it anymore and went about my day. No one should go to jail over fiction yes even if that fiction has problematic themes. For example I am. Trans person I don't think anyone should go to jail for writing a transphobic book. I might hate the author but I won't advocate for their arrest and imprisonment. Like I've seen and stumbled upon much horny Sebaciel fanart and I don't think any of those artists should go to jail or be on a register with people who've actually exploited or aides in the exploitation of REAL CHILDREN. Obscenity laws are bad things and we shouldn't normalize them. From what I've heard the book doesn't even talk about sexual contact between an adult and minor it mentions the audit man listing I've the character when they were a minor but many non-banned dark romance books have that and the writers aren't jailed. Obscenity laws are bad. No one should be in jail over fiction.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Mothers day Meltdown

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: I was just thinking about how transs people should be eliminated from ssociety Jonathan Chait: whoa whoa whoa! joanne! Chait: you can't say it like THAT Chait: so uncouth Chait: you have to say it with your pinky finger extended

Elon Musk: si! issa no good! Musk: issa too mucha trans genocide Musk: you shoulda only post the right amount offa da trans geocide Musk: lookita me, i lika da trans genocide Musk: but i also like many other genocides Rowling: oh MY GOD Rowling: my empire is crumbling!

Chait: we're not saying you can't still be transphobic Chait: you just have to, you know, cool it a bit Chait: be genteel about it Jesse Singal: mommy mommy i have concerns mommy! Chait: see? just like that

Chait: maybe put a little disclaimer Chait: "this transphobia is for entertainment purposes only" Rowling: do you not know who I am?? I'm JK Rowling! Rowling: JK FUCKING ROWLING!!! Rowling: I MADE YOUR CHILDHOOD MAGICAL!

Rowling: no one tellss me to cool it! Rowling: i own the courtss! Chait: joanne Rowling: and another thing!!! Rowling: SSTOP CALLING ME JOANNE!

[midnight society] JK Rowling: hello children Barker: oh look who it is Barker: what are you doing here joanne? Barker: did your terfs tell you to cool it again? Rowling: Rowling: why doess everyone call me joanne

Rowling: i'm extremely mad about thiss transs football referee Barker: what? Rowling: this transs football referee Barker: Barker: what?

Rowling: there's a transs football referee and i'm really mad about it! Rowling: what, haven't you heard? Barker: joanne, why are you here Rowling: and another thing! Rowling: sstop calling me joanne!!

Rowling: people are alwayss all "joanne this" and joanne that! Rowling: wah wah wah joanne joanne joanne! Barker: do you not like your name Barker: you could change it Poe: clive Poe: just let her tire herself out Barker: no no I've got something here

Rowling: people are alwayss "oh wah wah wah joanne, how can you ssay that! your bookss are all about tolerance and love wah wah wah!" Rowling: bitch i think i know what my booksss are about! Rowling: i fuckin wrote them after all!

Rowling: blah blah blah ohh joanne Rowling: i hate when people call me joanne!! Rowling: they should fear to say my true name! Barker: oh damn look at that Barker: looks like we're having a good ol' fashioned mothers day meltdown Poe: clive don't encourage this

King: but joanne! how can you say that? King: after all the lessons of harry potter? King: you made our childhoods magical!

Rowling: people are all "blah blah blah joanne how can you like naziss now when you ssaid they were bad in harry potter" Rowling: first of all, harry potter iss fiction! Rowling: secondly, the death eaters are actually a ssinister coalition of evil transs, sspooniess, fat people, free masonss, and diane duane Rowling: always have been! Rowling: thiss iss NOT a retcon!

Rowling: that sshould be obviouss if you've read the book Rowling: UNLESSS Rowling: you're a fake potterhead, ssteve King: no of course not! i love harry potter

Rowling: DO YOU Rowling: perhaps then Rowling: you would be willing to take a blood oath to the dark lord Rowling: to belong to the dark lord body and ssoul Rowling: who is always correct King: i uh don't think i'm going to take that oath, sorry Rowling: UGH! Rowling: this is just like Radcliffe all over again!

[erinelliotc]

A few years ago I used to be that annoying "transmasc lesbians don't exist, this shit is harmful and invalidates both transmascs and lesbians" person, and now I'M the transmasc lesbian. Seems like the tables have turned, huh?

I've spent so many months, years, trying so hard to fit into these categories that I saw so many people talk about as if it were the definitive truth, and this shallow and simplistic vision seems to be gaining a lot of attention and traction here in Brazil. Isn't it ironic to free yourself from cisnormativity and heteronormativity and all these binary boxes to find yourself again trying to fit into other boxes and norms that don't actually describe your experience correctly? Because your experience with gender is so chaotic and confusing (as expected of a nonbinary identity, and even more so if you're neurodivergent too) that there's no simple way to describe it. Then when you find out what describes this, people say you can't identify yourself that way because two or more of your identities are "incompatible". I see people treating non-binarity as if it were an exact science, as if it were math, as if it were something simple and logical, as it is precisely the escape from what has been established in our society as the only two possible options, generating countless identities within a gray area outside this black and white vision, so of course it's something complex, abstract and subjective.

EDIT: One of my reasons for thinking this way was that I ignored that the transgender experience and the cisgender experience aren't and will never be equivalent. It's obvious that a cis man can't be a lesbian, but the same doesn't go for transmasc people, and I thought that admitting that was the same as being transphobic, denying the masculinity of transmascs, denying their male identity. I already had a debate on Twitter because people didn't want to admit that trans men and transmasc people in general can suffer misogyny and male chauvinism (as society can still see and treat us as women) because they also saw it as the same as saying transmasc people are women. The identity of trans people is a very complex experience that involves a series of factors that cis people will never experience. We cannot equate the trans experience with the cis experience.

I thought identifying as a butch lesbian was enough to describe my masculinity, but I realized that I felt like it didn't encompass everything I felt, I still felt like something was missing. Preventing and depriving myself of identifying with more explicit masculine identities was actually making me feel bad and dysphoric. So yeah, I've been avoiding identifying with male-aligned identities because I thought that would mean having to stop identifying as a lesbian, and I didn't want that, and I don't really feel like calling myself straight makes any sense.

I have a text in Portuguese talking about my experience as a butch lesbian, and I feel that now it also serves to describe my experience as a nonbinary transmasc (the part where I talk about not identifying with "traditional masculinity", but with a "different type", like "soft masculinity", is directly related to the fact that, in addition to being nonbinary, I don't identify as a man, I don't feel comfortable with the term "man", but rather with "boy"). I spent a few months wondering whether I was libramasculine or boyflux, and I ended up deciding that if I can't identify which one I am, maybe it makes more sense to just adopt both identities, maybe I am both then! I'm tired of trying to fit into supposed rules about being nonbinary. This is exactly how non-binarity shouldn't be. I'm supposed to feel free, not trapped again. My identity is my identity and that's nobody's business.

[atwoodsfemalefantasy]

EDIT: before you read the following post, please know that my opinions on this subject have changed drastically. i have read every single reply so far, and have changed my mind. i understand that i was wrong and uneducated, and i have taken the time to educate myself. i no longer agree with this post!

however, it feels very wrong to delete this post. so many people have spent time and energy telling me their stories. it feels wrong to delete the stories of your gyns experiences, especially because your stories educated me and changed my mind, and it could change others' as well. if you think i should delete this, message me. if not, i think ill leave this post up to serve as an example of someone being educated, so that your stories aren't deleted. please know i feel guilty for being this misinformed, and i have learned from all of you.

correct me if i'm wrong because i might be

but the transphobes on this website, especially the terfs (although i don't like using that word, i prefer transphobes) feel like maybe they've never met a trans person in real life.

because they often pull up tweets and posts by supposed trans women that i will say are creepy as fuck and definitely not okay. but as a high schooler, i have met dozens of trans people. trans men and trans women. and none of them have been creepy. some have been bad people, but not because they were trans, just because high schoolers can be dicks. two of my closest friends are generfluid/go by multiple pronouns, and they're like the sweetest people i've ever met. both feminists, definitely not creepy or misogynistic or fetish driven. i've met trans men who became my friends in some of the hardest points in my life who were so so sweet and definitely not women who were victims of the patriarchy and turned to hormones for it. i've met trans girls who were lovely and most definitely not creepy men being perverts or trying to take advantage of women. the trans girls i met still carried some of their male upbringing, yes, but the trans girls i knew were actively making an effort to educate themselves about feminism and womanhood so that they weren't being insensitive.

while i am a trans rights supporter, i do understand the hold up about letting trans women into female only spaces. that's an issue that needs more discussion. but very few-and i mean VERY few- trans women actually take all the steps-the hormones, the surgery, decide to face bigotry, etc etc- to be a woman because they're perverts. cis male perverts would never decide to be viewed as women so they can take advantage of us. they can take advantage of us already, without facing oppression to achieve it.

i just wonder if some of these transphobes have met very many trans people in real life. because, yeah, i am definitely in agreement that i've seen some trans women be weird as shit on the internet, but uh A) lots of people are weird as shit on the internet, and maybe that's not a trans person issue B) a lot of these trans women online are not actually trans. they ARE fetishizers and they ARE creeps, but their online persona is a trans woman. not their real life persona. i don't know. i might be wrong. but i've never met a creepy or misogynistic trans person, and i've met a lot. and i wonder if some of these transphobes and trans exclusionary feminists would still hold their extreme and violent opinions if they talked to a trans person in person, and saw that they're also just people who were born a little different and want to feel comfortable. trans people are not a threat to women. i feel more comfortable with any of my trans friends, acquaintances, or even strangers (including trans women) than i do with almost any cis man.

[marshmellowtea]

apparently ace discourse is allegedly returning so a few things on that:

i feel like we learn this lesson every couple months but a significant chunk of the popular funnyman bloggers on this website are just bigots and bullies and your dash will be way more peaceful if you just block them on sight and stop giving them the time of day lmao

aro/ace exclusionists in general are, again, just bigots and bullies and again, you don't have to give them the time of day, and

tbh i think the only thing keeping these kinds of people from being outright conservative queerphobes is because they're queer themselves in some way--they're able to empathize and/or sympathize with what they consider "normal" lgbtq people but not anyone else who falls outside of their limited scope of "acceptable". also lbr a lot of them are homo/transphobic as well just in ways the larger tumblr community finds "funny" or "ironic" or they target the weirder queers who are considered acceptable to attack, and we need to stop giving them a pass for this and then being surprised when it turns out they actually do hate trans people or ace people or bisexuals or pansexuals or whoever else they like to target as a "joke".

i'm not saying any of this to downplay how harmful aphobia is, what i am trying to say is that aphobes are fucking losers and we have history and solidarity on our side. most of the queer community doesn't give a shit about this stupid terminally online discourse and will choose to support each other, don't let assholes online let you forget that fact. bigots are not going to win, no matter how much they try lol.

[drdemonprince]

I keep seeing the posts about male socialization and idk it makes me feel weird because I identify as transfem and I *do* believe I had male socialization. I find it easier to identify with and understand male groups and to feel involved in the while I feel less at ease understanding how women feel and think even though my personal view of myself leans more towards a feminine identity. All these posts make me doubt that I am truly "transfem" and that even if I am, that I am fundamentally transfem in a different way than most other transfems I run into. Is there any sources or writing out there that either provides a counter-perspective or at the very least points to nuance on this subject from a transfem lens? I wish I didn't feel so alone with these feelings.

Your feelings and experience do not make you any less legitimate as a transfeminine person. A lot of trans women rightfully and understandably need to counteract the notion that they're oppressive privileged males or whatever by asserting, as clearly as they can, the many ways in which their socialization was a female socialization, with all the double-standards, demanded emotional labor, sexual predation, etc that entails -- but the very need to assert these things is due to the culture's twisted misconceptions about what gender even is and how it operates.

It's not as though a young person only gets the socialization of the binary gender to which they were assigned -- they get mandatory cishet socialization, and they see what is expected of the "other" gender, and that impacts them, and the standards for that other gender also influence how they are interpreted and seen.

And so I do think, to a certain extent, that when trans people assert that we actually didn't get socialized as our assigned gender at birth, we got socialized as the correct gender, actually, we are unfortunately ceding ground to the transphobes on a couple of key points. One, we're conceeding that there is a singular binary socialization that the two genders each get, which are separate from one another and always exhibit specific features, and two, that a person's socialization as a young person is a key determinant of their gendered experience, privilege, and identity forever, no matter what happens after they are young.

And you know, both those things are totally wrong. There is no one female socialization. I've written about this before, but I wasn't raised to be feminine. I was raised the way working-class girls are raised, which is to be no-nonsense, unfrivolous, serious, sporty, and capable -- a wife and mother, but the kind that never wears a skirt or cries in front of people. And there is no singular "male" socialization either -- I cite a few trans femme people in this piece who experienced themselves as having some male privilege before they transitioned, and some more typically "male" experiences, while also quoting a number of trans women whose lives went the exact opposite way. I assert in the piece that their experiences are theirs to name, and that there's a number of different ways we might each understand and categorize them personally -- especially when we take into account how much gendered socialization is dependent upon class, race, immigration status, diasporic status, and much more.

My view is that however you think your live played out, and whoever you find community alongside, you're right. I'm about to answer a similar ask about this from a trans masc perspective, but I'm a guy who has a ton of women friends and always have. I grew up mostly with girls as my closest buddies and we did things like playing pretend and having slumber parties and doing makeovers. I could chalk this up as a "female socialization" experience I guess if I wanted to. But I also grew up with a lot of gay boys, and I am a gay man, and guess what -- a lot of us grow up with predominately female friends. I don't think I have some essential feminine quality because my friends kept insisting on putting eyeshadow on me when I was ten. The fact I was bad at sports and couldn't be the tough, no-nonsense person that my culture expected me to be was gonna affect me whether I was a boy or a girl. And my upbringing was significantly different from that of one of my very best, oldest friends, whose family owned a successful business and were able to buy her a car and a horse and shit.

You're not betraying anything or lessening your own transfemininity by resonating with some typically "male" experiences or for having close male connections. Lots of queer women do! Just like I have plenty in common with lots of women! We don't say that cis women aren't women because they grew up tomboys, or had a ton of brothers, and the same is true of you. Even if you don't think of your younger self as "a tomboy" or even as a girl. You don't have to ascribe to the narrative that you were always one gender and always moved through the world with that identity. To demand that all trans people do so is respectability politics -- we cannot and should not require that all people be trans in the same ways. I have written before that transition to me feels at once both pre-ordained AND a choice that I made. You can say that you lived as a boy for some years or were a boy if that feels right to you, or that you had certain privileges while also suffering from dysphoria and disconnection; it's your life and you know it best and what serves you.

I wish I had narratives from trans women writers to direct you to, but for the most part the trans women who I've heard express feelings like yours have been in the support and discussion groups I've been in, and in private conversation -- I think because the socialization experiences of trans femmes are so unfairly politicized. I hope if any trans femme people see this have anything to share or any words to say that they will!

[rh1ncodontypus]

Actually, I'm still going.

TL;DR

Two days is nothing in real life time.

Content creators are human. We should treat them as such.

Equating morality to the content people consume is not a "one-size-fits-all" strategy.

This is in no way equivalent to what happened with Iskall.

Do I agree with Skizz having mods that support MAGA? No, not at all. I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt, at the very least.

Two days is nothing in real life time.

I think people are jumping the gun with the current information we have. I think Skizz hasn't had the chance to really do anything yet. Hell, I don't think ANY of the Hermits have had the chance to do anything yet, let alone think. I feel like we've been spoiled with in-real time updates. I don't think it's fair to expect Skizz, or anyone for that matter, to reply or act right this second or else.

Content creators are human. We should treat them as such.

TL;DR: This man has just bumped headfirst into the Paradox of Tolerance. Give him a second.

Generally the definition of tolerance has been maintaining a neutral opinion. This was especially the case with Gen X/Millennials. We have different opinions and we work together anyway. I probably don't have to inform you that's much harder to do in the present, if I'm putting it lightly.

I don't think Skizz is transphobic. I don't think he looked at his mods and decided to hire two of them because they're MAGA. Don't get me wrong; I am not defending having mods that are MAGA. I think that five years ago, he needed people to moderate his chat and he thought those mods did fine. This circles back to the definition of tolerance.

Right now, Skizz is facing the paradox of tolerance. It's up to him what he does with it. And honestly, this might be the first time he's having to think about this. He's a white cis man, which means he occupies a position of incredible privilege (that is not a moral judgment).

And you know what? Trans rights are divisive and the fact they're divisive sucks. I'm saying this as a trans person. You post something about trans rights and you have people fighting on your post in 0.2 seconds with increasing levels of hostility. I don't blame anyone for not knowing how to deal with that on livestream, or wanting to maintain neutrality, as much as it disappoints me.

In the wider scheme of things, Skizz is new to being a full-time content creator. He's probably never dealt with a situation like this before.

I feel like people were quick to assume malice or hostility. So I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and I hope other people are, too. I also don't think this is the cardinal sin that some people are treating it as.

Equating morality to the content people consume is not a "one-size-fits-all" strategy.

I'm already seeing posts encouraging people to boycott his content and heavily implying that someone is a bad person if they don't. You've probably heard of the situation with J.K. Rowling. The reason people are calling for a complete boycott is because any support or money actively enables her transphobic actions and platform.

Separating content from content creator is complicated. I acknowledge that. But applying the morality = content consumption runs the danger of turning into "I am a good person because I only consume pure content™ and this person is bad because they consume the bad content." I don't think that's the way we should be judging people.

This is in no way equivalent to what happened with Iskall.

If this situation is a 10, then what happened with Iskall is a 120. Iskall's situation had tangible victims and was happening over an extended period of time.

Do I agree with Skizz having mods that support MAGA? No, not at all. I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt, at the very least.

[anamericangirl]

Uh, I saw a while ago that people were sending you their stories about being indoctrinated into trans ideology, and I was hoping it was okay if I shared my story too.

It hit when I was sixteen during the beginning of COVID. I was isolated for the rest of high school and college and had relapsed into my depression and eating disorder. While I knew what being trans was, I was comfortable with being a tomboy and thought it was stupid that they were trying to convince masculine women and feminine men that they were actually the opposite sex.

It was my crappy mental health that brought it on because they framed it as "if you hate your body at all then you're trans," which is such a dangerous and predatory message to send to teens and young adults, for many obvious reasons.

But suddenly I went from only hating things like my stomach and thighs to crying - like, literally physically sobbing - over the fact I have breasts and such. It was so sudden and scary, I didn't feel like I'd "discovered my true self," I was terrified because I'd never mentally reacted like this before. I'd never cared about being female before and then suddenly I couldn't stand it.

I went onto Tumblr to find community (because of course I did) and I ran a transmed discourse blog. I was/am against a lot of things that people are talking about today, like transitioning kids, denying biological sex/sexuality, etc. I still acknowledged I was female, the whole thing was just a very convenient label I could use to ignore my shitty mental health and body image. They told me my anorexia didn't matter because the issue had been gender dysphoria all along, I was only unhappy because it was dysphoria, and that anyone who disagreed or tried to warn me about any health side effects of hormones/surgery was a "transphobe." I was only depressed because of my gender dysphoria, and not due to my eating disorder or stress from school or being alone all the time.

Despite this, I didn't fall for all of the herd mentality. I thought it was stupid that they were calling everyone a transphobe, including detransitioners, who they also told me not to listen to.

I did anyway, because I knew they were overreacting, and the detrans spaces were what shook me out of it. So many detransitioned people had been in the exact same place I was. Eating disorders were one of the most common reasons listed for why they'd transitioned at all.

I wasn't trans. I was sick.

I realized that it was likely another manifestation of my body dysmorphia, and I've been vocal in other places that I think gender dysphoria should be considered a subset of body dysmorphia instead of a separate issue, and that it should go back to being recognized as a mental health condition that shouldn't be enabled by average people and doctors.

Everyone knows it's predatory. It's predatory to vulnerable kids/people who think it's trendy and just want to fit in. It's predatory to women for invading our spaces and dehumanizing us. It's predatory to everyone due to the trans community guilting everyone into having sex with them. But I think many people don't talk about how it's predatory to people, children and adults, who are already very mentally ill. Instead of getting help for all of these issues, they tell us it'll all be fixed when we go on hormones and get surgery, that nothing else is wrong and we're just trans. I think it's sickening. Studies have shown people aren't happier after getting hormones or surgery because it's almost like that wasn't the problem in the first place.

I've had ups and downs with my mental health and it took another relapse into my anorexia to officially confirm that that's where the dysphoria stemmed from - my dysphoria disappeared when I went down a healthier path and it only returned when I fell back into my anorexic tendencies. But I'm back on track now and I've been feeling a lot better mentally and physically.

I also never medically transitioned, thankfully, but the scary part was that I had plans to, like I was saving up and everything. At most, now I just look back and cringe. I feel disgust towards the adults who are grooming vulnerable people and hiding behind their self-labeled "oppressed" status when they get called out (acknowledging reality is apparently really oppressive to the left but, y'know, that's a different discussion) and I feel really bad for the people who are still severely wrapped up in it.

All I can say is, overall, it's best not to live in denial, whether that be of your own mental health issues or of reality, and I really hope all the nonsense blows over soon.

Y’all should never stop sending me these stories even if it takes me forever to get to them because damn.

More and more young people are deciding they are trans because it’s a lot easier to convince people they’re trans if they’re already in a bad mental state. It’s not normal or healthy to hate your body and feel like you are the wrong gender and that feeling should not be affirmed or supported, it should be addressed and we should be trying to correct it first before anything else.

But that’s not what we’re doing. No matter how young the child we just give them puberty blockers right away and like, in your experience, when you start getting those feelings, when seeking help you’re only going to find places where people are just affirming that sentiment and going “yeah you’re right you have the wrong body and you need to change it or you will never be happy.”

And it’s no shock they are targeting children because children, teenagers, and young adults are easily manipulated and persuaded.

Bless you for getting out of that toxic mindset before you did any kind of transition!

Thank you for sharing because these are the stories we don’t see enough of!

[stardustpr1ncess]

Bonzle is 100% without a shadow of a doubt a trans allegory. People have been trying their best to say Sora isn't transcoded, but Bonzle is 2 scenes away from looking at the camera and saying "Hello. I'm a trans allegory." I shall now go into detail on every piece of evidence for this claim because fuck you.

EPISODE 5: Bonzle is afraid of how her found family will react to learning she's a spell (trans) and worries she will be rejected because of it. Easy parallel to trans people being afraid of revealing they're trans post transition. There's also her conversation with Bitch Boy Master Wu, with her saying she feels great loneliness, and only after gaining a physical form (transitioning) she feels happy and her true self. Very common trans experience. Gonna also put all of the quotes for my evidence as well since I know there's transphobes (filth) that like Ninjago and will be scrambling to deny it when people start coming to this conclusion too.

"Bonzle: I-- I was afraid of what you'd think if you knew about my past... Wu: It's called loneliness... Bonzle: I feel like, for the first time ever, I've become who I was destined to be... Bonzle: I was afraid if you found out I wasn't a real person, you wouldn't want me to be in our family anymore."

EPISODE 6: Bonzle is apprehensive about meeting with Gandalaria, seeing as how she's only known Bonzle as a spell, aka pre transition. She worries if she will respect her identity, much like how actual trans people fear how their family, more specifically a parental figure, would react. Bit of a light episode but an important aspect, here's the quotes;

"Bonzle: The Sorceress. She only knows me as a spell. What if she doesn't believe in me as a real person?"

EPISODE 7: This episode is the sauce. Bonzle is reunited with Gandalaria and their conversation is nothing short of magical. Gandalaria immediately recognizes Bonzle, saying she was her greatest creation and had always hoped she'd come home, shattering Bonzle's fears. It's a fantastic contrast, showing how this interaction can go well for some people, while others get an interaction much more akin to Sora's parents. When she's informed of Bonzle's chosen name, Gandalaria immediately starts using it, saying it's a great name. However, for that juicy authenticity, Gandalaria accidentally says spell before quickly correcting herself saying Bonzle. IT'S LITERALLY SO FUCKING OBVIOUS BONZLE'S BONES MIGHT AS WELL BE BLUE PINK AND WHITE. Oh yeah, here's the paragraph of quotes;

"Gandalaria: It's you! My dearest! You've come home! Bonzle: You... You recognize me? Even in my boney physical form? Gandalaria: Oh, I would know your true essence anywhere. Bonzle: I was so afraid you wouldn't accept me for who I am now. Gandalaria Are you kidding? I put my heart, my soul into every spell I weave... The most complex spell I've ever woven, and the first of my creations to ever come back to me!.. Bonzle: I'm Bonzle. That's the name I chose when I became a person. Gandalaria: Well, that's a splendid name... If this Ras times it right, he could reverse the power spell-- uh, Bonzle here--."

EPISODE 9: This episodes importance comes from Jordana, who acts EXACTLY how transphobes do. She constantly calls her a spell (some sort of derogatory term), says she's playing person (like pretending to be a girl), and says she's helping her do what she was made for, like transphobes very creepy beliefs in reproduction. Literally you half expect Jordana to ask which bathroom Bonzle uses since she was a spell. THE QUOTES;

"Jordana: Settle down, spell. I don't know what you think you've been doing, playing person with your fake family, but I know your true purpose... You should thank us. We're helping you to do what you were created to do."

In conclusion the silly lego skeleton girl is one of them spooky transgenders. Lmk if there's anything I missed. Thank you for reading.

[trappedinafantasy37]

I'm continuing with my cult shit from my previous post cause so many more things are beginning to make sense. To add some context, I am listening to an audiobook that is a memoir of the author's time growing up in a cult. One of the things the author talks about is that cults hate individuality, they do not like their members standing out for any reason. Cults demand conformity and tell their members that the cult comes first in their minds and hearts.

Let's start with 'Shadowheart'. She was originally named Jenevelle Hallowleaf, but she chose to change it to Shadowheart. You may think, "Oh, isn't changing one's name an expression of individuality?" In this case, no. She picked that name not to stand out from the cloister, but to conform. She wanted a name that paid honor to Shar. This is a common practice within cults in which members change their name to honor or pay some kind of homage to whoever it is they worship. The practice is done to remove one's original identity and replace it with the cult. The persistent memory wipes also made it easier for this process as her identity was literally wiped away.

When we do meet Mama and Papa Hallowleaf and Papa Hallowleaf calls her Jenevelle, Shadowheart expresses discomfort in the name because it isn't who she is, even if she rejects Shar. When on her Dark Justiciar path, she doubles down and screams that her name is 'Shadowheart' while she kills her parents. The identity of Jenevelle was removed, and replace with Shadowheart and this is who she will always be. This is one of the reasons why I argue that even if Shadowheart rejects Shar, there will still be some lingering Sharran like things that aren't just going to go away.

I believe something similar happened with Nocturne in which after she transitioned, she picked a name that paid honor to Shar in which Nocturne = Night, like Nightsinger. Although I will admit that Nocturne's situation is not a one-to-one comparison with Shadowheart's as Nocturne is a trans woman and probably has a much greater and more personal desire to distance herself from her deadname and previous identity. Nocturne also mentions that she was often bullied and ridiculed by other cult members for transitioning in which Shadowheart always came to her defense and beating the shit out of the transphobes. What I find to be ironic is that Viconia of all people was accepting of Nocturne's transition, telling Nocturne that only in Shar's embrace can one truly find themselves. Regardless of why Nocturne picked the name that she did, Viconia is taking advantage of this transition to make it about Shar. That Nocturne's identity as a trans woman is still all about Shar.

The various hairstyles she takes in the game is so incredibly important. A lot of people think it's cheesy, but it's important. The way we wear our hair is one of the greatest expressions of individuality, something that no one can really take from you. The hair cut she starts with ironically is the same exact bang style as Selune, like gorl is just not beating the terrible Sharran allegations.

But it is a hairstyle she insists on having long before the events of the game. Nocturne will say that Shadowheart wanted something bold, and I'm willing to bet that Shadowheart probably wanted to pay homage to Shar. The fact that it is actually the same cut as Selune may be a little Freudian slip, just a tiny piece of "Jenevelle" still bouncing around in that head of hers.

The Nightsong decision will also have an impact on her hairstyle, but Shadowheart approaches it very differently. If she kills the Nightsong and becomes a Dark Justiciar, she cuts her hair but keeps it black. This is conformity and she says that its intent is to be in Shar's image. She also doesn't quite break up with you if you're in a relationship with her, but she puts some emotional distance between the two of you and demotes you to friends with benefits. This is her putting the cult first. This is also why Shadowheart's romance is a slow burn one because up until this point, she has been putting the cult first (the Nightsong decision determines if she keeps that up, or puts you first).

If she spares the Nightsong and rejects Shar, she cuts her hair but dyes it white. By this point, Shadowheart is not a Selunite, she doesn't worship Selune, and even says she doesn't know if she ever will. The game does designate her as a Cleric of Selune, but this is more of a game mechanic than a lore implication as the game does not allow for godless clerics. On the surface, dying her hair seems like conformity to Selune, given Isobel's and Dame Aylin's hair, and white hair is a common practice amongst Selunite's supposedly. But I do not think that is the case here. She dyes the hair to prove the point that she no longer belongs to Shar and doesn't want to look like a follower of Shar any longer. It's her insistence that she is an individual, can make her own choices, and lives as herself. It's a big 'ol "fuck you" to Shar. This is also why I like the idea of Shadowheart having a change in domain around this time as well.

A much more subtle thing that happens that isn't really pushed by the narrative is all the Sharran armor that follows Shadowheart around the game, from her default armor, to the broken plates in Grymforge, to the upgraded plates in the Gauntlet, and the full Dark Justiciar set when she embraces Shar. Now, not everyone puts her in Sharran armor, but a lot do (including myself because it does look good on her). The Sharran armor is her uniform, something she wears so she doesn't stand out from the rest of the Sharrans. Uniforms remove uniqueness, removes individuality, and ensures that all are uniform (equal) and no one is truly better than others. It reinforces the notion that they are here to serve their god and not themselves. Even when you examine the broken plates in Grymforge, she will have something to say about them, which probably prompts some players into giving them to her. And when she becomes a Dark Justiciar, she is immediately put into the Dark Justiciar armor set regardless of whatever she was wearing before in an act of forced conformity.

If she becomes Mother Superior, she will come to the reunion party with similar robes that Viconia wore. Her robes are intended to symbolize status and elevate her as the head of the cult. But multiple other members within the cloister wear similar robes of a similar design, suggesting that even Mother Superior is wearing a uniform.

The more I go through this audio book, the more I understand the cults in the game and how it impacts the characters. And all this doesn't just apply to Shadowheart and Shar, it also applies to the Absolute, followers of the Dead Three, Lae'zel, and Minthara. But, there is another character that I really really need to talk about in regards to individuality in a cult and that is Orin. However, I am going to make her an essay all on her own because that girl is just a mess.

< Why Shadowheart is a bad Sharran | Cults & Individuality: Orin >

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

I know, I know, the audacity I have barging into Czech Tumblr speaking English... (I have lost the ability to express myself comfortably in my native language) BUT this might come in handy to someone!

It'sssss... ✨ DOCTOR REVIEW ✨ time! (The trans kind. Of the sexologist sort.)

The subject of this review is MuDr R. Mužný (must be one of the top names for someone who can prescribe you T) of Fakultní nemocnice Ostrava. He's a sexologist currently accepting new patients.

My experience: I have only visited him once so far, so I have a concrete idea of his requirements to let you transition and his general attitude, but if something to add comes up in the future, I'll update and reblog the new version. It's also important to mention that I'm an adult transmasc, transfems or minors might have different experiences.

Attitude: The doctor's very young and seems laid-back and very friendly. He was affirming to me, and apologetic for some of the more sexual questions. He assured me that he didn't want to complicate my transition.

He didn't have any comments, derisive or supportive, when I mentioned having identified as non-binary in the past.

He thinks that even non-intersex people can transition. (yes, I was also surprised to learn about sexologists who don't)

He accepted a vague response to his question about sexuality. No need to pretend you're hetero if you aren't with this one.

He didn't seem to be against my ability to transition even though he was made aware I was autistic and had OCD.

Requirements: When making my first appointment, I mentioned to the nurse that I had spoken with a clinical psychologist about transsexuality before, and it led to them wanting a gender-related report from a different professional. I don't know to what extent is that a necessity, or if you can just come without any "recommendation" whatsoever.

Now here's the kicker: Dr. Mužný asks you for an essay (he calls it "životopis") in which you describe your relationship to your gender identity throughout your life, minimal length 3 A4s, written by hand. On top of that, it should include a written testimony from your PARENT. He also offered to invite the parent to come with me next time instead. I reiterate that I am not a minor, I'm in my mid twenties. The parental voice having to basically fact-check you if what you're writing about your childhood is true is, in my opinion, more than demeaning and terrifying. I voiced my disapproval and concern to him, to which he assured me that if the parent seems dismissive, unaccepting or simply transphobic, he won't give their words much weight. So at least there's that.

As for something positive, he doesn't do any violating, archaic physical examinations. (no physical examinations at all, actually) I was not asked to strip down.

The length of the real life test with him is 1 year. When he was answering this question of mine, he seemed to pause and ponder my case, since I came already fully socially transitioned (and had been for more than half a year), so there's a chance that it could be even shorter, if it turns out he takes your initiative into account.

The other doctors he sends you to are, as expected, an endocrinologist, a gynecologist (transmasc special, I don't know if transfems get sent for a "your genitals seem fine health-wise" paper somewhere, too, I'm sorry), but also a geneticist. (He told me that it was to complete a general patient anamnesis, but also to determine whether I was intersex. When I asked whether the result impacted my ability to transition, he said no.)

You may notice I didn't mention a psychiatrist. Neither did he. Whether that was because I already came armed with a paper saying that a clinical psychologist finds me sane enough to make medical decisions, or because he just doesn't do that (or forgot to tell me), I have no idea.

Oh yeah, and be prepared for the auto[insertgender]philia question. He will ask you whether transitioning turns you on and you will say no, because [even if you low-key think being trans is hot], your sexologist is not your friend and could only use it against you.

My conclusion so far: You could probably do worse with a sexologist, just make sure you have a functioning relationship with at least one parent and hope. My opinion might be object to change.

[trans-axolotl]

okay am i just going insane or does anyone else think that endocrine disorder is not like inherently a synonym for intersex. (in reference to this post and the discourse surrounding it). like at least when it comes to ICD coding, there's a million different endocrine disorder codes, and the code that specific doctor was most likely using was E34.9, which is for "endocrine disorder, unspecified" and doesn't automatically imply intersex variation and instead is so vague that it could mean any range of endocrine diagnoses from like thyroid disorders to diabetes to intersex variations. in the medical billing world i just do not think it is an automatic synonym for intersex variations and i don't think it's automatically treated that way by doctors!

because like as an intersex trans person who has been denied access to HRT because i'm intersex, yes, of course, i agree that it's a ridiculous idea to try to get intersex diagnoses added to your chart, and i'm pissed off by some of the posts I've seen denying the realities of intersex medical abuse and the current legal landscape for intersex people trying to access HRT. it would not help and it's honestly insulting + painful to see a few people suggesting that it would be beneficial to have an intersex diagnosis added to your chart--it shows me how some perisex people don't bother to listen to intersex people about what it's actually like to navigate this shit for us.

but i just don't think that's what people are talking about here, and i think it's honestly such a bad faith reading to assume that other trans people are instantly jumping to lying about being intersex. and i saw a lot of transphobic bullshit in the replies of that post from other intersex people. and i think i also just feel more suspicious about the motives of some people involved given like. the widespread transmisogyny + associated harassment campaigns in a lot of tumblr intersex spaces. like. i think it is completely reasonable for trans people to strategize about different ways to access HRT and i don't think we should be calling them intersexist if they haven't actually said any intersexist shit.

i don't know!!! i just think that it's always okay to lie to doctors and that it's valuable for us to discuss this shit and figure out strategies to try and what's going to be the most pragmatic! i also need people to educate themselves about what intersex healthcare actually looks like and intersex medical abuse and the way that gender affirming care bans also prevent a lot of intersex people from accessing hormones, because otherwise you get ridiculous shit where people were defending the hypothetical idea that doctors are helpful and support intersex people's bodily autonomy when it comes to our healthcare lmfao

like am i the only one feeling this way here like what is going onnnnnnnnn

sometimes being both trans and intersex online feels exhausting i have to say!!!