#azer_posts

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tdick (informal)

Terrence Richard (official)

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Fuck the rules. *guilt-trips the bus window*

Image ID: A photo of a window in a bus with a sign that says, "Passengers are FORBIDDEN from manipulating the windows." in Czech.

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Okay. Maybe tonight is my turn to be a bully. Prepare yourselves. Here goes my bully take!

Struggling to gender people correctly because

a) you've known them for a long time pre-transition

b) they don't pass

is a skill issue in either case. Even if you love them and want to be an ally, even if you wouldn't misgender them on purpose – in that case it's not a failing of your morals, it's a failing of your literal skills and habit-forming patterns.

Hone those skills. Break whatever it is in your brain that ties them to their post-birth name/pronouns so strongly. Unlearn the rigid image of what "men" and "women" can and cannot look like. Carve the existence of people who don't fall into either (or fall to both) into your worldview.

Your trans loved ones will appreciate it so much.

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I know, I know, the audacity I have barging into Czech Tumblr speaking English... (I have lost the ability to express myself comfortably in my native language) BUT this might come in handy to someone!

It'sssss... ✨ DOCTOR REVIEW ✨ time! (The trans kind. Of the sexologist sort.)

The subject of this review is MuDr R. Mužný (must be one of the top names for someone who can prescribe you T) of Fakultní nemocnice Ostrava. He's a sexologist currently accepting new patients.

My experience: I have only visited him once so far, so I have a concrete idea of his requirements to let you transition and his general attitude, but if something to add comes up in the future, I'll update and reblog the new version. It's also important to mention that I'm an adult transmasc, transfems or minors might have different experiences.

Attitude: The doctor's very young and seems laid-back and very friendly. He was affirming to me, and apologetic for some of the more sexual questions. He assured me that he didn't want to complicate my transition.

He didn't have any comments, derisive or supportive, when I mentioned having identified as non-binary in the past.

He thinks that even non-intersex people can transition. (yes, I was also surprised to learn about sexologists who don't)

He accepted a vague response to his question about sexuality. No need to pretend you're hetero if you aren't with this one.

He didn't seem to be against my ability to transition even though he was made aware I was autistic and had OCD.

Requirements: When making my first appointment, I mentioned to the nurse that I had spoken with a clinical psychologist about transsexuality before, and it led to them wanting a gender-related report from a different professional. I don't know to what extent is that a necessity, or if you can just come without any "recommendation" whatsoever.

Now here's the kicker: Dr. Mužný asks you for an essay (he calls it "��ivotopis") in which you describe your relationship to your gender identity throughout your life, minimal length 3 A4s, written by hand. On top of that, it should include a written testimony from your PARENT. He also offered to invite the parent to come with me next time instead. I reiterate that I am not a minor, I'm in my mid twenties. The parental voice having to basically fact-check you if what you're writing about your childhood is true is, in my opinion, more than demeaning and terrifying. I voiced my disapproval and concern to him, to which he assured me that if the parent seems dismissive, unaccepting or simply transphobic, he won't give their words much weight. So at least there's that.

As for something positive, he doesn't do any violating, archaic physical examinations. (no physical examinations at all, actually) I was not asked to strip down.

The length of the real life test with him is 1 year. When he was answering this question of mine, he seemed to pause and ponder my case, since I came already fully socially transitioned (and had been for more than half a year), so there's a chance that it could be even shorter, if it turns out he takes your initiative into account.

The other doctors he sends you to are, as expected, an endocrinologist, a gynecologist (transmasc special, I don't know if transfems get sent for a "your genitals seem fine health-wise" paper somewhere, too, I'm sorry), but also a geneticist. (He told me that it was to complete a general patient anamnesis, but also to determine whether I was intersex. When I asked whether the result impacted my ability to transition, he said no.)

You may notice I didn't mention a psychiatrist. Neither did he. Whether that was because I already came armed with a paper saying that a clinical psychologist finds me sane enough to make medical decisions, or because he just doesn't do that (or forgot to tell me), I have no idea.

Oh yeah, and be prepared for the auto[insertgender]philia question. He will ask you whether transitioning turns you on and you will say no, because [even if you low-key think being trans is hot], your sexologist is not your friend and could only use it against you.

My conclusion so far: You could probably do worse with a sexologist, just make sure you have a functioning relationship with at least one parent and hope. My opinion might be object to change.

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So, I was curious... Czech trans people (or trans people from anywhere who medically transitioned in Czechia), let's all bind together in the name of curiosity and find out how many of us got a writing task from their sexologist!

Putting your answer and the name of the doctor in the notes is also appreciated.

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An Experiment With Machine Translation/AI

Hello there, my friends! Usually, I'm posting about trans stuff. Today, I'm going to switch it up for translation.

So you see, I'm a student and translation studies are one of the degrees I'm desperately vying for. This week, one of my classes had an interesting assignment: We got an excerpt from a book (The Map of Us by Jules Preston) and our goal was not only to translate it but also create a second version, using a machine translation or ChatGPT. A lot of translation work nowadays is being more or less AI's factchecker and editor, so like it or not (and you can believe me that I don't like it), it's a skill to have.

And I thought I would share the comparisons! They're not surprising. They all show that unedited AI or MT is not by any means ready to replace human translators, the least of all in art. However, the ways they fail are quite interesting!

I was also fully prepared for ChatGPT, being, you know, a language model, to blow poor Google Translate out of the water. And while it was definitely the more creative of the two, it also performed... worse overall...? You can be the judge of that!

And of course, this post is best enjoyed if you're a Czech speaker, but if you happen not to speak Czech or Slovak, don't hesitate to read on anyway, I'll provide additional translation back into English for the fails.

And... if you happen to be a human with a penchant for translation and you're cringing at my solutions, trembling with the need to correct me, you will make me cry, but go ahead.

Example 1:

ENG: She did not ask his opinion, for he had already shown himself to be difficult and ill-tempered when it came to making a choice.

HT (human translator): Na jeho názor se ani neptala, protože už věděla, jak protivný dokázal být, když se musel rozhodovat.

GT (Google Translate): Neptala se ho na názor, protože se už ukázal jako obtížný a špatně naladěný, když došlo na volby.

[She did not ask his opinion, because he has already shown himself to be hard to do and ill-tempered when it came to elections.]

AI (ChatGPT): Neptala se na jeho názor, protože už ukázal, že je těžko rozhodnutelný a náladový, pokud šlo o výběr.

[She did not ask his opinion, because he has already shown himself to be hard to decide and moody in the matter of selection.]

In this one, I think the bots reached a tie in being wrong. Machine translation is notoriously wonky on composite sentences, however ChatGPT genuinely surprised me with somehow managing to "think" a little forward and already connecting "difficult" (těžko) with "making a choice" (rozhodnout se) and laboriously birthing "těžko rozhodnutelný" which would mean "difficult to decide/judge" but in the context of e.g. a competition being tight and it being difficult for the judges to choose the winner. It's not used with sentient beings at all. In my version, I've decided to merge the descriptors "difficult and ill-tempered" into one word "protivný" which is a little more general in meaning, so it encompasses both and drives home the idea of being a neutral way to call out somebody's mean and problem-generating behavior.

Example 2:

ENG: Every time she would have to press a small button and the top of the Royal Quiet Deluxe typewriter would pop open automatically, making the interior of the machine accessible.

HT: Pokaždé, když se to stalo, musela zmáčknout čudlík, aby se horní část jejího psacího stroje Royal Quiet Deluxe automaticky odklopila a ona mohla sáhnout dovnitř.

GT: Pokaždé by musela stisknout malé tlačítko a horní část psacího stroje Royal Quiet Deluxe se automaticky otevřela, čímž se zpřístupnil vnitřek stroje.

(no fail here as far as I can tell)

AI: Každýkrát musela stisknout malé tlačítko a víko psacího stroje Royal Quiet Deluxe se automaticky otevřelo, což umožnilo přístup k vnitřku stroje.

[Everyonetimes she had to press a small button and the top of the Royal Quiet Deluxe typewriter would pop open automatically, making it possible to access the interior of the machine.]

Now, the word "každýkrát" means "every time," however, in SLOVAK, not in Czech. Two completely different languages. In Czech? "Každý" means "everyone" and "krát" means "time(s)" (as in multiplying something), so "everyonetimes." I'm quite sure that passing the word as Czech counts as an anti-Slovak microaggression XD Google Translate slayed here, no mistakes, I would just word it differently because I've got that Human Touch TM and an insufferable superiority complex.

Example 3:

ENG: There was an 'e' in 'nose' and 'ear.'

HT: Nos i ucho měly 'o.'

This one is rigged against both GT and AI because what they do is gluing the most probable translation equivalents together, and they have no way of knowing that the letter the words "nose" (nos) and "ear" (ucho) share in Czech is "o" and not "e". GT performed as expected.

GT: V 'nosu' a 'uchu' bylo 'e'.

(besides making it sound a little like the letter was physically in someone's nose and ear, it's fine)

But ChatGPT? I wouldn't actually expect it to solve the problem and correctly switch the letters, but given that it is supposed to be much more advanced than GT, I had my hopes high and thought that it would show at least a trace of acknowledgment of the part being somehow difficult. AI: Bylo tam 'e' ve slovech 'nos' a 'ucho'.

[There was an 'e' in the words 'nos' and 'ucho'.] (liar)

Despite those words noticeably lacking in the "e" department, it's worth noting that while GT went out of its way to try to make it sound natural (too natural, in fact), its supposedly smarter cousin fully copied the English sentence structure, which is technically gramatically correct but sounds extremely reverse-Czenglish. (I guess if Czenglish is a Czech-speaking learner's English influenced by Czech, that makes an English-speaking learner's Czech... Ech. It sounds extremely Ech.)

Example 4:

ENG: Did it matter what an imaginary explorer's lips looked like or felt like?

HT: Záleželo vůbec na tom, jak vypadaly rty imaginárního dobrodruha, nebo jaké byly na dotek?

GT: Záleželo na tom, jak vypadaly nebo jak vypadaly rty imaginárního průzkumníka?

[Did it matter what an imaginary explorer's lips looked like or looked like?]

AI: Záleželo na tom, jak vypadají nebo jak se cítí rty imaginárního dobrodruha?

[Did it matter what an imaginary explorer's lips looked like or how they were feeling?]

Do facts care about the your (lips') feelings? As someone who likes to play around with GT quite a lot, I'm very familiar with the "when in doubt, just repeat whatever you've last said" strategy. If you fuck with it long enough, you can make the poor tool repeat one phrase so many times it fills the entire line. However, the mistake ChatGPT made perplexes me. It feels very humanizing. It's a mistake I can easily imagine an actual learner making, failing to distinguish between "to feel like" (comparison) and "to feel" (to experience a feeling). It's a mistake I would totally make several years ago, and fuck it, maybe even now if I'm trying to read fast on a very bad day. Good job at doing a bad job, GPT.

Anyway, these 4 were probably the funniest and most interesting of the whole excerpt. I must admit that analyzing them turned out to be a humbling experience because revisiting my work, I've noticed several mistakes I've made as well that I can't take back, because I've already turned the assignment in. Oh well. However, I did have fun!

I hope you had fun, too! Stay těžko rozhodnutelní!

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I was a girl

And I am one no longer.

"No, you were always a boy!"

Most likely, you're right - ontologically, dictated by the Choice I made once I finally had all the information about myself, once I knew myself, yes, I was a boy. I know myself as a man, therefore I had to be a boy when I was growing up.

But I still maintain that I was a girl, too.

Not in the existential sense. I didn't feel any intrinsic connection between myself and being a girl, after all.

When I say that I was one, I mean it in the exact same way as when I say I used to be a high school student. There was nothing in my being that would ontologically make me one. But I woke up every day and I played the role of a high school student, I put on clothes appropriate for the role, I went to the place I was supposed to go, I did the things I was supposed to do, and my surroundings classified me as one.

My identity as a girl functioned the same.

It did not shape me. It couldn't, it didn't have the power, it was skin deep.

But it did shape the way my surroundings interacted with me, which in turn, was one of the things that shaped me.

I am a man and I was a girl, yet I would hesitate to say I've experienced girlhood.

Girlhood is social. It's not about being a girl, it's about the way the world interacts with you, and it's about your place among other girls.

Growing up autistic, my childhood was too degendered to experience many of the milestones, the tell-tale signs of girlhood. I didn't qualify, because despite being socially recognized as a girl-child, however falsely, I was too alienated to cross the treshold.

I didn't have a boyhood either. I didn't qualify. Qualifying for a boyhood would've been possible, I believe, but it would've been harder in my case. I did not make it.

And I believe firmly that my transness plays a very little role in that. I believe that no matter your gender journey, you were technically eligible for girlhood or boyhood, and only your true lived experiences in your childhood, and your feelings about them, can determine whether you had it or not. Trans women could've had a girlhood. Trans men could've had a boyhood. Trans women could've had a boyhood. Trans men could've had a girlhood. Nonbinary people could've had either, both, or neither. Any binary trans person could've had neither, too.

I don't mourn not experiencing girlhood. I mourn not experiencing boyhood only a little, since it feels harder to be a man without ever getting to be a boy. But it's not a big deal to me. I don't think it should be that big deal to anyone, honestly. Boyhood is not a prerequisite for manhood, and girlhood is not a prerequisite for womanhood, just like the absence of either is not a prerequisite for being nonbinary. We are adults. We can build ourselves now.

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A long post with a fun poll at the bottom! Skip to the poll if you don't feel like reading!

One thing I keep thinking about is the fantasy genre and trans people. Granted, I do think about each of them separately way too much already, but sometimes I think about them together.

Does your favorite setting have trans people? Or, if you're a worldbuilder, does your setting have trans people?

Wait! Don't run, this is not a call-out! This is not a post to tell you that you're a bad person if your answer is no. (although, you might benefit creatively from adding some, if that's the case!)

But if your answer is yes; I have another question! How?

Let me propose that there are two ways how to do transness, transitioning and gender variety (and sex variety) in fantasy settings.

1. "The Sex-Switch Button"

It can be a potion. (looking at you, Pathfinder) It can be a belt. (looking at you, Forgotten Realms) It can be a ritual done by a host of naked she-elves dancing. (looking at you, Forgotten Realms for some reason twice) The "button" isn't an actual button.

Nevertheless, it gets pushed – and poof, transition done. A body cis in all but history is the result.

2. "The Realism Way"

I cannot point at any particular settings, because I haven't yet seen any character in fantasy media transition this way. I'm not saying that they don't exist! I'm just saying that I'm familiar with way too few things.

However, "realism" here is an earnest effort to take methods of transitioning and apply them to the fantasy setting. Be it through magic (characters taking "HRT" potions or getting surgeries through forbidden fleshgrafting sorcery,...) or mundane means (binding, tucking, making home-made breastforms or packers,...).

And here's the kicker of the post: Personally, I'm really uninterested in the Button method. I wanted to go as far as to say that I disliked it, but fuck it, who am I do that? If a fellow trans person loves the idea, who am I to go, "Uhm, akshully, I find your fantasy really PROBLEMATIQUE?"

Because there are reasons why someone might really enjoy it! I know that for some people, if they could push a button and switch all their sex characteristics to the cis perisex version of their gender, they would not think twice. I'm sorry that it's not an option in reality, at least not yet, and I don't think that it's problematic, wrong, or bad writing to want that option to exist at least in your favorite fantasy world.

I really do dislike it when cis people implement it as a way to be inclusive of trans people in their work, though. And you – yes, you! – just got tricked into reading my reasons why! (which is, as far as I am concerned, the most important part of this post)

The reason it grinds my gears so much is that it trivializes the trans existence. It makes it into a condition with only a temporary effect on one's life. It's sparkly transmedicalism for allies. It will always fail to represent people whose transition goals include mixed sexual characteristics. It will only account for intersex people as long as they want to erase their intersex features. Non-binary people break the system completely.

It's also so eager to embrace trans people that it erases... transness. There is no place for trans bodies in a world where gender dysphoria is solved with a "cis-ifies you!" spell. So eager to show trans readers/viewers/players they're accepted that it makes sure no character claiming to be like them will ever have a body that looks or works anything like theirs.

It's the same logic with which some fans and authors justify their ableism. There's no place for disabled characters in a world with healing magic, and there's no place for trans characters in a world where magic allows you to shapeshift your sex.

And last but not least, in my humble opinion, the magic does nothing but removes the magic. The magic of being trans! There are as many different, nuanced feelings about transness as there are trans people in the world, but I think we can all agree that for a great many of us, it's not all just dysphoria and discrimination.

(you don't need dysphoria to be trans, btw)

There is love in seeing your presentation and your body itself slowly change. There is joy in building yourself from ashes. There is pride in feeling your scars, looking at those past pictures, and knowing your journey. There's beauty in traditionally trans features. Features, that we have learned to associate with being trans in any given direction. There is hardly any exclusive to trans people, no, everything you find on your body, a cis person somewhere has as well, but in us, they're a little more common, a little more likely. They mark the transformation. They're beautiful.

That's my case for preferring the Realism method! What do you prefer, and why? I'm asking with trans people in mind, however, if you're cis and feel passionate about the topic, go ahead, I'm not your father.

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It's kinda funny (in the makes you want to become a trout way) how much of your transition process depends on the personality of your doctors. The experiences I'm collecting are so antithetical to each other I feel like I'm in a bit.

My sexologist: Hey, please understand that I don't want to make this harder for you. I believe that you're what you say you are, and I wish you all the best. First of all I will need your complete family anamnesis. Go research what your great-great-grandfather died of and get back to me. Also, I need a paper about your orthopedic condition. It has no bearing on your gender, I just need it to ward off evil spirits. Anyway, you probably already know that you'll need a report from your gynecologist, endocrinologist and psychiatrist. But I will also require you to make an appointment with a geneticist to find out whether you're intersex. No, don't worry, it will have no impact on your transition, I'm just curious. Oh, and I've just remembered, and I know that you've already given me a report saying that you're stable and capable of making your own decisions, but I'm going to need another one, just to get a second expert's opinion. It might sound strange, but bear with me, please. I need you to write an in-depth report on your feelings about your gender identity throughout your life. But! Write it by hand. Why? Well, I need to inspect your grammar and make sure you know your way around those pesky commas before we can give you HRT. Also, here's a referral to the oro-nasal. (for a good measure)

My endocrinologist: Nah, I won't do the blood test. You're giving off hormonally healthy vibes. Carry on.

My sexologist, from behind the corner: And one more thing. Answer my riddles three, and then I'll tell you whether you'll have to wait for a year to get your hormones anyway.

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Me, an intellectual: There is actually no way to speak or act like a particular gender. It is but a mirage of societal conventions and cultural tropes. Men can express themselves in all kinds of ways. Women can express themselves in all kinds of ways. Non binary people can express themselves in all kinds of ways.

The humble dysphoria on my shoulder: They ALL see you type like girl. You speak the girl-speak. Post anything, type out a message and you'll be clocked!

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The expectation to be physically strong (or at the very least as strong as the average man) is getting my ass. Rationally I know that your physical prowess or fitness has nothing to do with your gender or even gender performance (and to claim otherwise is extremely ableist and sexist), however I would lie if I didn't say that struggling with carrying things, opening doors and bottles doesn't trigger my dysphoria and make me think that nobody will ever take me seriously as a man.

In other words, I tried to open a water bottle and the only thing I achieved was to grate some skin off my palm. The bottle stands unconquered.

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Me when I'm being flat and I'm committing flat crimes:

(he's forbidden from being on the table)

[ID: A fluffy tabby Maine Coon cat pancaking on a coffee table. Where he's not allowed.]

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My beautiful worm...

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I'm a simple dude with a simple blog. I mainly post about trans topics. Trans issues. Trans positivity. Trans discourse. My transition. Translation. Public transport.

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Me: Why is my backpack so full and heavy?

*cue me delving into its depths and pulling out a seemingly endless number of unopened Leo Express water bottles*

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Me: I think I'm a pretty agreeable person, and I can be sociable.

Place: *has music playing from the speakers*

Me: No, actually, I am evil and I will bite anyone who tries to talk to me.