#…they sexually desire their opposite sex parent’ LIKE. GIRL WHAT. WHO ARE YOU WHAT THE FUCK.

[sharkieboi]

rereading through other Fairy Tales writing assignments that I did and i forgot how much i fucking hated Bettelheim lol

[ghostja]

The Misunderstanding of Mori(BSD)

I have realized Mori is a misunderstood character in BSD due to his abilities name, Vita Sexualis.  I recently finished reading the book, and the title is misleading.  I assumed it was an erotic book; I could not have been more wrong.  It’s a story about Kanai(MC), who is writing about his sexual experiences intended for his son to be provided as a means of sexual education.  It is not inappropriate whatsoever, and the act of sex is never described in detail.  

Throughout the story, you come to understand Kanai and how he has a lack of sexual desire.  The story starts when he is a child, and adults tease him for his innocence.  It was disgusting seeing adults toy with his innocence, especially since the story starts when he is six.  

Later in the story, when Kanai is close to graduating from university, his parents think it would be best for him to marry.  A meeting is set up for Kanai to meet a girl whom he finds nice.  But he debates the difference between this girl and all other nice girls.  He also questions if most men settle for a nice girl due to their sexual desire.  Since Kanai has a low sex drive, he believes this is the reason he can’t settle.  I believe he is bringing up the difference between love and sexual desire. Also, how sexual desire can act like love.  

Here is a quote about Kanai's thoughts on marriage,

 "I suspected that some probably decided under the stimulus of sexual desire. Because I was deficient in this area, I guessed that even if I felt the young lady was quite nice, the deficiency was probably why I didn't want to marry her."

There is an incredible tetralogy called The Sea of Fertility by Yukio Mishima, which discusses the downsides of sexual desire. In the first book, Spring Snow, Kiyoaki(MC) becomes infatuated with Satoko. He lets his desires control him and wishes Satoko to marry him, but she is engaged. Instead of putting her happiness first, Kiyoaki lets sexual possession take control of him, leading to his demise.

In the third book, Temple of Dawn, Imanishi created his own story, "The Land of the Pomegranate." It's about how sexual love leads to possession.  As soon as the people in this world reach peak desire, they are discarded.  This stops sexual possession from taking over.

I bring up these books to further show the difference between love and sexual desire. And how controlling this feeling can be with it acting like love.  

I believe the author(Ogai Mori) is trying to tell the readers you are most capable of love when young because you have no experience. Sexual desire can be extremely passionate to the point where it controls you. In the story, Kanai reflects how once a month, his roommate Koga would let his sexual desires loose. While he personally found no importance in those activities. I find it vital to state even though he doesn't care for sex, it doesn't mean he wants to be alone. In the story, he says,

"Yet even though I had a longing for love and affection, I didn't feel, as one normally would have expected, any real sexual drive."

Now to connect this back to BSD, I believe Elise is a child to represent innocence. Maybe Mori himself is like Kanai and does not care for sexual relations. And what is the opposite of that? A child who knows nothing of sex and does not care for it. They do not have sexual desires, and it has nothing to do with their type of love. Elise might simply be someone for Mori to love and receive the same type of love back. Or she represents his innocence and the type of love he craves.

I believe she could also represent his hidden innocence because when you are older you wouldn't want to be called innocent or pure. It's embarrassing to be labeled a virgin or not understand a sexual joke. But not everyone cares for these things, and some yearn for a different type of love, one that is not sexual.

Hopefully, people will stop labeling this character as a pedo and look for the meaning behind his ability instead.

[ykscarlett]

headcanons || valeria garza || pt.1

warning: this is only my opinion about her!!, minors dni, a slight mention of smut, lesbian relationship, a little bit angst ig, grammar, if I missed something, please write to me about it.

a/n: the first post. I'm really looking forward to your opinions and reblogs.

copying, translation, and use hc without my permission is prohibited & ykscarlett only on tumblr

with love, scarlett

My headcanons about Valeria (without mentioning revealing her as ‘el sin nombre’ and meeting with Ale) + bonus "if you are finally in a relationship with Valeria."

A former officer of the Mexican Special Forces, and now the leader of a criminal cartel, can show feelings? Can she be gentle to someone? Seriously?

Or maybe to lo– no, not to love, but rather, it's very good to improvise that she feels something for her partner, because she is very good at pretending. Too good, I'd say.

Love is something unknown to her.

Something that she failed to feel both as a child and in adulthood.

Something forbidden.

Something that she is deprived of and that she will never feel.

Let's be honest, she won't be able to love someone.

But I'm not saying she doesn't need love.

She didn't read the romantic books that all her girls-classmates flowed from. (and yes, her parents forced her to get a good education first, and then go into the military)

She didn't date anyone from school, while other girls switched boyfriends.

She realized that she was attracted to girls only at sixteen, when a pretty stranger in a club kissed her.

And she always used girls only to satisfy her pleasure. Of course, there are hints of sadism in her, after all, she personally tortures all her prisoners, but sexually there is a difference.

She will never cause real pain.

It can humiliate you, it can turn you into a wet, whimpering mess, it can make you faint from the pace and overexcitation, but it will never hurt if we engage in intimacy with you.

Well. In her opinion, love is overrated. This feeling is nothing more than a facade of a person's emotional weakness. And Valeria cannot allow herself to be weak in something, and especially towards someone.

But if you ask her "What is love for you?", I think she will answer something like this: "It's hard to explain.. it can mean something different to everybody. It's a feeling, a connection between people. A desire to protect someone more than yourself, and to be there for each other, no matter what. And it can be an incredibly powerful force, one that can change the world and bring people together in unexpected ways. For some, love is simply a chemical reaction, a biological instinct driven to perpetuate and propagate our species. And for others, it's a mystical concept that transcends time, space and logic."

She was definitely not in a real healthy relationship, I guarantee you that. And there's not much time for love when your life is constantly under threat. She had many affairs with girls and women, several with men (there were only two of them, the first was a trial, the second was proof that the opposite sex had no chance with her; and no, she did not date Alejandro, if they were together, Mexico would be on fire)

She's in the drug trade, man. This is unacceptable to me, drugs are evil, but in the case of Valeria... I do not know how to justify this, it is unacceptable to me.

She's a first-class manipulator. She can achieve absolutely anything she wants, only if she really wants to. Single–mindedness is another important character trait of hers. She will use any goals and any connections, any ways and break any rules to get what she has in mind... Or who.

But Val is not as bad as you think, I'm describing her. I think she just won't let herself fall in love. She's afraid of hurting someone she loves...to whom she will get attached because of her activities. She is engaged in criminal cases and every night she falls asleep (if suddenly, thank God, she gets the opportunity) with the thought "will I survive tomorrow?".

She's being hunted. Many. She runs a huge drug cartel, makes big deals, runs criminal gangs... Another reason to be alone and sometimes ask an assistant to order a little fucktoy.

But what if you win her heart so that she practically forgets about all her principles?

Bonus.

How you got to her, decide for yourself, whether it's captivity, recruitment or your own decision. There are many options.

At first, she will deny feeling for you.

Literally.

She will try to avoid you everywhere and in everything, she will start talking even colder, but she will surreptitiously watch you and with her own hands she will take care of that bully who is part of her cartel to show him that it is better not to even talk to you, let alone touch your waist. I don't think I need to say that the next day, and in fact, he will never appear in this building.

Initially, she will be a 'secret' lover. She will show signs of attention, but as imperceptibly as possible and goddamn you will understand that this is her, this is a woman who has not been trained in anything.

You will hook her, most likely, not with beauty, but simply with yourself. Time is important for Valeria, if it does not concern one-night stands. Time to take a closer look, time to realize, time to fall in love, time to come up with a way to confess, time to try to forget you, time to realize what really is...fuck..fell in love.

She notices the little things.

She is very attentive and sometimes it's even creepy. She notices if you have eaten before she sends you to transfer the goods, if you have not eaten, then she will send one of her assigned ones along with a package of typical goodies. She notices you drawing little drawings in the margins of your notebook while she talks about upcoming deals. She notices that a patch has appeared on your index finger, apparently you accidentally cut yourself with a knife again, imagining yourself *some famous chef* and be sure that there will be a pack of patches and one flower on your bedside table.

Valeria has never liked flowers. But for your sake, she became addicted to the colors of red. Red...as blood...and even here she went crazy. In my opinion, she would always give a long red rose with uncut, sharp thorns.

Without noticing it, she becomes softer towards you than towards her other 'employees'.

Since she is a woman with money, she can pamper you with gifts that you have been dreaming about for a long time, and the cartel's personal courier will say that it is from an old relative/aunt/former classmate/fourth cousin on dad's sister's side.

Okay, let's move away from the period of easy falling in love and move on to some of the facts that await you in a relationship with her.

Her gentle nature may or may not reveal itself. She can gently kiss your lips and easily cover your entire neck with bruises, which is why you get sidelong glances from your teammates and an arrogant look from V. She can gently and slowly play with your pussy, treating it like a crystal vase, or she can spank your pussy, bite your hips until red stripes appear and fuck hard with a strap-on.

Speaking of the latter, she doesn't have many. One is standard, one that you can safely accept and enjoy it, the second is an ordinary dildo with protruding parts and the third is a long one if you've done something and she can't wait to vent her disappointment on you.

Before entering into an intimate relationship with you, she will definitely discuss what is acceptable for you, what is not and what is categorically not. This is another manifestation of love on her part.

If you return wounded after the mission, she will swear at everyone and take you to her office, where, cursing menacingly, she will begin to treat your wounds, after which she will gently kiss each one, as if taking all the pain for himself.

Another bonus.

A few days ago, she asked you to sleep with her. Of course, you agreed, and a few minutes after her proposal, you were lying on her chest in her big bed, in which she practically does not sleep, because sitting on a chair is more familiar to sleep and she stroked your hair. She can't help but wonder why she's showing such tenderness to you. Her brain tries in every possible way to reason with her, to return her to her usual cold and inaccessible lifestyle, to her comfort zone. But she moves away from these thoughts to thoughts of you, who is peacefully snuffling on her chest like a child.

Grinning at the comparison of you with a child, she pretended not to think about how just yesterday you sucked on her tits, sucking them to such an extent that your drool flowed between her large and soft breasts, continuing to stroke your head and occasionally kissing your forehead.

///

But she was gone for a long time last night. She's back in her office. You knew that for sure. Before your relationship, you often ran to her about assignments and even late at night she was always there.

So you got out of bed, wrapped yourself in a blanket, put on your slippers and went to her office. You knocked.

"Busy." Her menacing voice rang out.

She's unhappy about something, you thought, and whispered. "Valeria? May I?"

When she heard your voice, she froze in place and only after a few seconds shouted, "Come in, cariño."

You went inside and sure enough, Garza's desk was filled with papers, empty coffee cups and wrappers from her favorite candies. I'm sure she has a sweet tooth. It sounds silly, but I think it's almost the only thing that will make her smile out of pleasure, not disgust or something like that.

"Can't you sleep without me?" She replied sarcastically.

"Yes." You answered quite seriously and she understood it.

She patted her knees and said meekly, "Come here, dulzura."

When you sat down and put your arms around her neck, resting your head on her shoulder, she leaned her ear against the top of your head and put one arm around your waist, continuing to work with documents.

"Sit here for now. I'll be done soon and we'll go to bed, I'll take you to bed. Sleep well...mi pequeña princesa."

covers: https://pin.it/5K9iR3NJ7

the meanings of some words in Spanish:

cariño - darling

dulzura - sweetness

mi pequeña princesa - my little princess

[the-essence-of-a-complex-soul]

Delena has more fandom love due to audience and appeal

The main premise of their relationship was lust and sex. It seemed like they didn't have a genuine bond or connection personality wise as it would always lead to them fucking the next second. or it consisted of them repeatedly fighting followed by an epic "I hate the person you are but I love you" speech. Stelena on the other hand, although lacking a more developmental build up, actually had a real RELATIONSHIP that consisted of them healing each other and working through each other's flaws, instead of enabling them by fucking and fighting and partying like Delena did. Stelena's build up was founded on a genuine connection between their personalities and morals; they connected with each other. They knew each other the best and had a romantic connection that consisted of personality and healing, instead of just lust. and stefan would have always been good for her, it amazes me how nonsensical they made Elena's character change so drastically in s4, it disgusts me that julie plague even took over the show (I fucking hate her).

Stelena was also passionate, in s2 they joked with each other, were more sexual, Stefan was more intimate and forthcoming with her, and they still had a romantic personal connection as well. I don't know why dullena stans and idiots on tiktok seem to think that romance only spans the lust that Delena had, and why they made Elena's entire character post-vampire as someone who was consumed by this constant need for sex versus someone who had morals, values, and wanted a genuine, real connection with their partner. Delena hardly even had a relationship, they had their honeymoon phase in s5 where Damon essentially lied to her entire summer. Then they broke up multiple times, Damon hurt jeremy and killed aaron. What did they to solve the problem? They fucked. They didn't even resolve the conflict without Damon actually changing and Elena genuinely forgiving Damon, it was mainly that they couldn't be without each other so that's why they reconciled (again, a sex based appeal).

Additionally, the narrative that julie plague put out was the Stefan only loved human Elena. I heavily disagree with this, as Stefan loved her regardless in s4 even after she dumped him (last episode of s4, he says she is the love of his life). I understand that post vampire Elena wanted more than just falling back on her morals in a relationship which obviously made sense for Delena to happen, but the extent of how her character changed in the process was just absurd. Human Elena was still a fun party girl but she also had morals, Damon definitely brought out her fun side but also made compromised her morals and character. Stefan would have always been good for her, even though he isn't as extroverted as Elena, he would have definitely been able to work through her flaws instead of enabling them. Delena should have definitely been explored in this aspect, in which Damon brought out her extroverted fun side, but not at the expense of her morals and character as it goes against vampirism.

Elena also did not know who she truly was around Damon aside from being his puppet. It came across as though she wanted "more" than Stefan who was just a good guy who she instantly fell for because she already knew the type of person she was. Hence, this reinforces the appeal that Delena has, which Stelena lacks. However, Elena absolutely lost her own when she was with Damon, she constantly compromised her own morals, and she enabled his flaws instead of holding him accountable. Her post vampirism shift and being with Damon actually had the opposite effect in which she lost her old sense of self, but indulged in her darkest desires, and somewhat became more like the fun, party girl that she was before her parents died. But even then, the old version of Elena was still presented as someone who upheld the same values and morals that she and Stefan shared. When it came to Damon, she lost her sense of self around him because she gave him so many freebies and became an absolute hypocrite. The fact that she also became more self centered and just more unlikeable as most fans agree that vampire Elena was just not a good person overall compared to the old pre-parent death Elena (not saying she is evil, but she is rather unlikeable). This goes to disprove the whole "oh but Elena knew what her morals were, she didn't need to fall back to Stefan anymore to rely on them." Because in fact she completely lost that sense of morality when it came to Damon, and became a bitch to all her friends, and became the absolute worst version of herself. This shows that the audience of TVD rather fall for appeal and poor writing than the reality of the situation, and this is likely due to the bad boy trope combined with the sexualization of Delena that Stelena lacked. additionally, in a fictional show no one cares as much to look beyond a surface level appeal and are more inclined to favor toxic ships based on a bs narrative that was provided by a shitty writer.

Stelena also was not just based around them upholding similar morals, they worked in basically every dynamic: domestic, marriage, healing, going out, etc., aside from Stefan being more introverted than Elena. Surface level viewers which basically encapsulated a large chunk of the TVD audience don't look at the reality of the situation beyond the bs that plague wanted people to think, that Damon loved her regardless. Stefan loved her either way, but instead of enabling them like Damon, he worked through them with her and they healed on a healthy basis and UPHELD HER CHARACTER, aka the Elena Gilbert that we all once knew and loved. It made no sense for Elena's character to completely change post vampirism, fundamentally according to the rules of vampirism itself, and her character was literally sacrificed at the expense of Damon, whether people want to believe it or not. The writing, rules, and characters of the show were sacrificed in order to push a bullshit agenda out, which a large chunk of teenage viewers believed because of how respectful Stefan was of Delena, in which he moved on and settled for Caroline again, because of fucking Julie Plague.

The fact that Stelena was literally supposed to be endgame if Nina hadn't left the show disproves this bs narrative that a huge chunk of the young TVD fans believe about why Delena is better than Stelena. Although this narrative made sense somewhat in the time being, in terms of Elena's long term character and her real desires in regards to having a relationship as a human, growing old, building a family (beyond sex and partying), this narrative made absolutely no sense. Even Delena's conversation about family was about sex. Their last dance was about sex. Although they were slightly healthier in s6, which Elena actually making Damon realize why he is unlovable beyond just sex, Elena even said it, Damon was bad for her as a human. She literally became a human in s6. Delena seems like the couple to marry and divorce and remarry at least 3 times, because that is literally what their entire premise was s5-s6. Although s6 painted a better light on their relationship, they were still extremely rocky and given Damon's impulsivity and reckless nature, just imagine how bad they would be as humans, espeically since Damon only "changed" for Elena. They would reconcile based on unhealthy sex and codependency, have long periods of passionate sex, and fight and fall out again because they enabled each other's flaws instead of working through them. Damon only changed to BE with Elena, he didn't actually change much as a person aside from his friendship with Bonnie, which even then he made numerous selfish moves and was a poor friend to her. Obviiously this would help reinstate some healthy qualitiies to Delena, but Damon would inevitably fall back into his old routine with Elena in which she enabled his flaws, whereas Bonnie held him accountable.

Of course, the TVD audience, especially fanatical Delena shippers ignore the fundamental reality of this poor writing and Nina leaving the show. I understand the psychological appeal as well, because this is a show about vampires that tailors to a young audience, and I want to make it clear that I am not 100% against Delena. Delena definitely has likeable qualities, and I know this post is rather painting them in a negative light even though they definitely should have been explored. but it made no sense logically for them to be endgame and for Stefan/Stelena to have been treated the way it did. it was solely due to fan service that was hyped because of a invalid, temporary narrative that only made sense in s4, in which Elena only fell out of love with Stefan because she was sexually attracted to Damon, even though he went against a lot of what she believed in. Plague made it out to be that Elena liked Damon's personality, which made no sense long term again as he went against everything she believed in and only made her feel good in the moment as a vampire. Again, this shows the inconsistency in Elena's post vampirism arc, fundamentally going against what they show initially portrayed as a person's natural qualities being HEIGHTENED. Even when they were "together" in s5-6, Damon still violated her and went against a lot of what human Elena valued, but it was presented that he "changed" even though he really just behaved in a certain way just to stay with her. This is shown in s7-8 by the selfish and impulsive decisions that Damon still makes, which I know he would fall back into when he is human with Elena, as she doesn't hold him accountable (only a little in s6). Also, Elena's character went downhill and she lost several of her old CHARACTER qualities (aside from being a fun party girl) during this time again to appease Damon's character.

I hope I made my point clear, that this show post s3 is just shitty writing overall, and several TVD fans (especially a huge portion being younger viewers) aren't willing to look beyond an incorrect narrative that was perpetuated by shitty writing, along with this being a fictional show in which bad boys are preferred. I also think people are attracted to some parts of Delena, including their passionate sex, iconic moments, epic speeches, and build up which Stelena overall lacked in comparison to Delena, and again fall for the nonsensical agenda that was pushed by Plague instead of analyzing the situation as completely incorrect, invalid, and just contradictory writing to make Delena happen and to make Stefan go through hell and back. The fact that this whole agenda is incorrect further shows how awful human Delena would be together, and how insanely toxic they would still be, which people ignore I guess because this wasn't shown on the show and due to this bullshit narrative presented in s4-5. In s6, although Elena was harder on Damon and was more resistant to be with him, she still fell for him again as he made HER feel good, instead of actually changing (as seen in s7-8). She literally hated his personality and fought with him until he made her feel special again (because he only acted a certain way to be around her) and until they fucked and reinstated their lustful connection. THEN she remembered why she loved him despite his personality being shit even when he was with her.

Anyways that's my rant.

[ariainstars]

Heartstopper - When Sexuality is Set in Stone

I admit I like Heartstopper, although I guess it’s not for my age group. It’s a bit too ideal a world, with everybody being good friends, problems being solved easily, no financial distress, and young people living in a strong support system. All in all, it’s a smooth ride.

But something struck me as odd, while I was watching Season 3.

Remember the scene when Imogen tells Nick that she never liked a boy “that way” and that she only had boyfriends because she wanted to look like a cool girl?

Now of course everybody is assuming she’s a lesbian, or at least that she’s finally questioning her “heteronormative” behaviour.

On the other side we have Isaac, who has come out as asexual and aromantic. Nick, who realizes he’s bisexual. Charlie, who came out as gay before he met him. There’s non-binary Darcy. Lesbian Tara. Elle, who transitioned years earlier. Tao is heterosexual (I guess), in any case his love interest is trans.

Average heterosexual characters hardly appear, and when they do they are usually shown off as narrow-minded and difficult to deal with like Charlie’s parents. I get it that queer young people want to feel represented on screen; but to ignore them the way it was until a few years ago was as unrealistic as it is now, IMHO, to portray societies where no one falls in love with the opposite sex any more.

The absurdity is that while “heteronormative” is frowned upon, the characters are just as certain that their choice is set in stone.

It’s repeatedly said and shown that one must find out about one’s sexual orientation and desires instead of submitting to what society expects. So, heterosexuality is out, because it - allegedly - presupposes that everybody is either male or female, everybody wants love and sex, and everybody must only feel attracted to members of the opposite sex, which is seen as restrictive and biased.

Really.

The show’s characters are all around 16 years old and by now the protagonists have all come out and “found themselves”. Some of them already did before the show even started, which means at age 14 or 15. They are firmly convinced of what their respective attitude towards gender and sexuality is, and having come out, this basically means they’re convinced that this is what they are and will be for the rest of their lives.

Same for their relationships. At 16, who is in love in this show is shown as being so happy that you can’t imagine them being with anyone else for the rest of their lives.

If Nick and Charlie will always be together, Nick will never have sex with a female, but apparently, he will be "bisexual" all his life. Isaac has never been in love at age 16 and so he takes it for granted that he is not capable of romantic or erotic feelings. Elle transitioned years earlier, before her body was even fully developed. But everybody is already convinced that this is who they are and always will be.

Excuse me, it doesn't make sense. I know from experience that at 16 your love life and your identity are still pretty much a mess. I realize that this is a piece of media, but it is beloved by a large fanbase who now will naively believe that this portrayal of young people nowadays is realistic.

In former times, there seemed to be only one way to be. Now you’re expected to come out as some thing or another by the time you’re 16. A boy or a girl can’t simply not have met the right person yet or have other priorities in life: they’re either asexual or struggling with heteronormativity. Or who knows what else.

And this is not restrictive? Come on. 😊 Apparently, being queer is just as normative as being straight.

Except everybody chooses the corset they want to be in by themselves.

[titleleaf]

'director's commentary' on any sex scene you've written that you consider particularly fraught/controversial?

You did not come to play tonight, my friend, and for that I thank you.

This is tough though because I write enough overtly terrible stuff — everything I write that’s more gnarly than like, gentle marital lovemaking is pretty dire — but what can be controversial in fandom is a wide net, so I’m going to go with most fraught/most upsetting for me, personally.

So: DVD commentary for “somebody’s sins but not mine” (Stranger Things, Billy Hargrove/Max Mayfield noncon) .

Content warning on the rest of this post for discussion of sexual assault/sexual abuse/sibling incest, underage (older teen/very young teen), physical abuse, misogyny. The fic is explicit (heed the warnings, seriously) but the discussion here is more general.

Obvious things up top — the title comes from the Patti Smith version of “Gloria”, ‘Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine’. There’s legitimate line by line commentary on the song that digs into Smith’s thoughts and intentions with the lyric, which you can find here.

So much of Max’s s4 plotline is about shame, guilt, and being the opposite of free — grieving someone who hurt her very badly. She has so much to unpack by then.

The big throughline that jumps out at me here is all the very gendered bullying and verbal cruelty Billy uses toward Max — he uses the ancient abuser rhetoric of “teaching” her sexually, but he also frames it as teaching her to be a woman, to be sexually accessible and under his power. He really wants to break her down from any possible angle, and that makes this especially raw. From Billy’s side of things he’s very violently putting his attraction to her into terms he can understand, turning what should be a very fleeting confused thought in a confusing situation into something infinitely worse, but he’s also exorcising his anger at her independence and his own sense of powerlessness. Billy’s also young here, though certainly beyond old enough to be responsible for himself and to have there be a serious dynamic of power — to characters the Party’s age, he might as well be a full grown adult, but relative to actual adults he’s a shitty kid. I wanted to show how his aggressive embrace of a harsh and toxic model of 1980s masculinity is an overreaction to cover up his own experiences of abuse, being derided as weak and feminized, and to reframe the confusing experience of being desirable and desired even to adults in terms of his power over women. It’s not coincidental to me imo that his Big Moment of armor-piercing, monster-defeating humanity is in the context of his relationship with his mom and who he could have been if he’d escaped that trap of violent machismo/who he might be able to claw his way back to being again if he wasn’t getting fatally possessed by a Mind Flayer.

Billy’s a hot villain but I can’t get into fanworks that elide his bigotry and scariness. He’s pitiful but he’s also really fucking scary in a way that supernatural/otherworldly baddies can’t be to me.

Max’s confusion and resistance to being forced into this role of sexualized object is complicated by her own age-appropriate attraction to girls and similarly pretty normal interest around sex — those recollections and feelings are getting muddled together here and it was important to me to have that layer present. I love bi Max and her relationship to Eleven is so sweet and liberatory, so it’s important to me that her joyful presentation of “girly” stuff like fashion is so focused on self expression and being your own boss, which Eleven desperately needs both as a former institutional prisoner and a kid chafing to grow up under a pretty controlling father figure. (I really hated the whole “Hopper freaks out about Eleven doing teen stuff” plotline, and in addition to that her whole “escaped government captive” thing means that even his absolute best parenting has to be pretty restricted by circumstances.)

I had to do a bunch of reading about the interior of Billy’s stupid car — big ups to all the car nerds who have meticulously documented every car ever depicted on film — for another much more fun explicit fic and revisiting that for this one was a real “what the hell am I doing… I could be writing this same character getting railed on the hood of his Camaro by a consenting douchebag adult instead of viciously furthering the cycle of male violence by abusing his kid sister…”

I write a lot of villain/heroine dynamics but I don’t write a lot of sibling incest pairings and the sibling factor here makes everything sooooo much worse.

This fic is a fucking bummer! That’s my final word. Out of all the grim shit I’ve written this might be the grimmest.

[theeternalwombtarot]

Broken femininity as generational trauma and karma that is passed down through women in the family is most times if not always very difficult to overcome. Aspects of a broken/unhealed/wounded divine feminine may include things like ..

shame and embarrassment when it comes to sexuality, to emotional vulnerability or parts and aspects of oneself that are usually very natural. You may see things like this when we’re discussing purity culture or looking at people who grew up in very strict households or even religious households that hid and made aspects of woman hood and self expression out to be something that should be shunned, hidden from others, or something to be embarrassed of. Lots of women who have this issue may take to mocking (femininity, emotions, etc.) , policing women’s bodies, etc. may struggle with tapping into a sensual energy, or may struggle to model herself in ways that are confident.

Insecurities or feelings of unworthiness. This could be someone who may not be able to accept and appreciate good things within their lives. Compliments, good people (romantic or platonic), or opportunities.

Manipulative, controlling, aggressive, avoidant or guarded and maybe even emotionally repressive or unstable. This happens when someone doesn’t feel like they can get the things they desire or want in life or from others by being genuine. This could stem from a fear of abandonment or even a feeling of inadequacy. It’s almost as if this person is saying, “someway, somehow, I’m going to get what I want when people refuse to choose me, or when I’m faced with an issue where I don’t feel like I’m enough for someone.”

A disconnect from her inner self and/or her intuition (or faith depending on your own personal beliefs) she doesn’t trust her intuition, she doesn’t listen to or value her needs and what her own feelings, body, or mind is telling her at all. Someone not knowing what they want, what they’ll tolerate, what they need from others can create a lot of issues. She doesn’t know what to accept and what not to, she doesn’t know how to move in ways that are conducive and healthy and safe for her. There’s no acknowledgment of one’s inner self and therefore no knowledge on how to put herself first or do what’s best for herself. We see this all the time especially in the types of people someone of the women in our lives choose to spend their time around or devote themselves to. She may have bad choices in men or partners, in friends, bad or unsafe choices in life, etc.

Seeking external validation & deeply rooted misogyny. We see this a lot, we call these people pick me’s, these are typically those who are extremely disconnected from their inner feminine and you may see them stick to people who make them feel seen, you may see them have certain behaviors where they try to differentiate themselves from others as well. “She’s not a girls girl.” Or this person could be male identified or make take to bullying, belittling or trying to invalidate or women in her life or their practices, hobbies, or feminine attributes and it comes from a place of lack. It’s as if she’s saying, “nobody told me I was beautiful, that I was enough, or that I was worthy, or that it was safe to exist in my feminine energy and so when I see security or an awakened feminine in others it triggers me or could make me irritated or upset.”

There are so many ways these things happen and a lot of the time it’s taught. Especially if someone is raised in a household that it predominately the opposite sex and grow up being taught that men/women are bad or horrible, etc. they may grow up to have similar ideas and carry themselves in ways that make them feel as if they are different from other girls/boys because all children seek approval and validation from parental figures or important adults within their lives. I grew up with a parental figure who was out of touch with her femininity and around many other women who were out of touch with femininity as well. And very often, these things are much deeper than we perceive them to be, sometimes they’re cultural, sometimes they stem from years of oppression and abuse, outside of and inside of the home.

[theculturedmarxist]

Sorry, when you say from her experiences, you mean her being sexualized? Her piece titled “Stand Up” has a line of men drawn but a woman as the only one in the sheer military uniform. Which shows me more of that message. My initial reaction may have blinded me from the underlying/original messaging of her art

I encourage you to read her profile. Hu Ming was a member of the PLA, a librarian, and a nurse, and the impression that I get is that these pieces are reflections of her time spent in the PLA as well as the wider context of the Cultural Revolution in which it takes place. For example:

However it was one day in that library that she found a book that would change her life forever, it was an life drawing book by Michelangelo a book of human anatomy, the figures were of men, and it was the first time for the now 16year old to see the nude. She was in a mental turmoil as she was both absolutely fascinated, yet petrified, as to be found with this would be serious. However despite the danger she took the book back to her room to study and copy the drawings, so she might be able to draw the human body so well. She kept the book in her pillow, along with her underwear and bra's as it was just a convient place to keep them, though one day she discovered to her horror that both the book and her underwear were gone. Ming was in shock; she knew the consequences and wondered who it could have been. She instanting thought of the only man to have a key to her room, and she also knew that there were men around that deliberately stole women's underwear. Then one day her commander called her into his office, in a voice, that could not be mistaken, she sits down and he places the book in front of her and demands to know where she got this! "From the library" replied Ming. "Ming he said there are naked male images in this book, they are wearing no clothes! And you have copied these images as well! Why to you like this kind of material"? {This kind of book was considered pornographic at this time} Ming was very scared and started to cry, and she also started to believe that she had a problem, she thought to her self that maybe everyone was right "I'm not mentally well" but she retorted "please do not tell my parents" The commander never reported the incident, however the book was never seen again and the underwear was stolen by another person, whom Ming was sure to be her immediate boss ( an ex-pilot ) as he had one of two key's to her room. From that time on she kept her underwear inside her pillow. The cultural revolution required men and women to be homogeneous, women were not to display their femineity or to wear face cream that contained any perfume, Ming did not see shampoo until the mid 1980's , hence the womanliness of her army girls in her painting.

So you have a situation where sexuality and physical desire are suppressed, but where she's nevertheless still preyed upon by men with power over her.

The way that I interpret Stand Up is that it's from Ming's perspective. Her gaze is drawn towards the single woman in a lineup of men. She can't literally see through this woman's clothes, but she's naturally aware of what's under it. This might not even be an expression of prurient interest in the woman's body so much as an awareness of it, intensified by how outnumbered she is by the opposite sex, and in spite of the attempt at "homogenization."

In short they're works that are rich in the potential for interpretation beyond just the cheesecake they initially appear as.

[mayamidnightmelody]

Christina Ricci isn't your typical Hollywood babe. Forget the size zero mold, this chick's got curves and she's not afraid to flaunt 'em! Since she was a kid, Ricci's been captivating audiences with her talent and, let's be real, her undeniable hotness. We're talking about a woman who's rocked red carpets with confidence and slayed on screen with an aura of sensuality that's both mysterious and inviting.

Remember Wednesday Addams? Totally crushing on her dark, enigmatic vibe, right? Well, that little girl grew up into a full-fledged grown woman who's down to explore her sexuality. From edgy indie flicks to mainstream rom-coms, Ricci hasn't shied away from baring some skin, always on her own terms. This isn't about gratuitous nudity; it's about using her body to tell a story, to portray a character's vulnerability and strength.

Take "The Opposite of Sex" for example. Ricci's portrayal of a troubled teenager oozes raw sexuality. It's messy, it's awkward (but in a hot way!), and it feels authentically teenage. It's like we're peeking into a coming-of-age story that's equal parts cringe and fire. Ricci doesn't shy away from depicting the awkward explorations of young adulthood, the confusion, the desire. This ain't your parents' teen movie!

But Ricci's not all about edgy characters. She's also brought a playful sensuality to roles in films like "Now and Then." Remember that pool scene? Pure summer heat captured perfectly! ☀️ Ricci isn't afraid to show off her toned bod and have fun with her image. ‍♀️

There's something undeniably cool about a woman who's comfortable in her own skin, no matter what that skin looks like. In a world obsessed with airbrushed perfection, Ricci's a breath of fresh air. She's a reminder that real bodies are hot, that curves are sexy, and that confidence is the ultimate accessory.

Let's not forget the way Ricci uses her entire physique to embody her characters. Take "Black Snake Moan," a film that explores themes of desire and control. Ricci portrays a young woman yearning for intimacy, and her bare breasts become a symbol of that raw vulnerability. There's no shyness, no coy covering up; it's a full, unfiltered display of female sensuality. In another film, "Penelope," Ricci takes things a step further. She bares all, quite literally, for a scene where her character sheds her inhibitions and embraces her true self. It's a powerful moment that transcends mere nudity, showcasing Ricci's willingness to go all-in for her craft.

Of course, Ricci's on-screen sensuality extends beyond simply showing skin. There's a certain magnetism in the way she moves, the way she looks at another character. A few well-placed glances can be more electrifying than any graphic scene. While there have been some films where she engages in more explicit love scenes, the focus is always on the emotional connection between the characters. It's about the intimacy of the moment, the building tension, not just the physical act itself. This nuanced approach leaves a far more lasting impression, one that lingers long after the credits roll.

So next time you see Christina Ricci rocking a red carpet or gracing the silver screen, remember: this is a woman who's carved her own path in Hollywood. She's used her body as a tool for storytelling, for portraying the complexities of female experience. And that, my friends, is what makes her truly fire.

But let's be real, there's a certain electricity that comes with pushing boundaries. In a handful of films, Ricci hasn't shied away from depicting the raw intensity of desire. Imagine tangled sheets, whispered nothings, hands reaching everywhere, exploring every inch of each other's bodies. Think frantic fumbling, the frantic search for that perfect spot, fingers slipping between trembling legs, finding that heat, that hidden treasure beneath layers of lace and cotton. It's a messy, beautiful dance, a full-body exploration of pleasure, and Ricci brings an authenticity to these scenes that's both captivating and undeniably hot. So yeah, Christina Ricci might not be your typical Hollywood sex symbol, but she's definitely one who knows how to own her fire, both on and off screen.

[psychreviews2]

Sexuality Pt. 3: Homosexuality - Sigmund Freud & Beyond

Social unacceptability

Mental health practitioners were treated as a last chance for many patients at the time of Sigmund Freud. Going to meet a complete stranger to talk about what you wouldn't even tell your family members, has to rate up there in anxiety with other unpleasant experiences, like waiting for a court verdict or preparing for surgery. Psychologists were viewed by the public, in Freud's time, as not being quite as professional as medical doctors. But when a person was desperate, then all that was left was hope for someone in the professional class to solve what no one else could. In 1920, Freud had met such a man. He was a father who was very troubled by the condition of his daughter. "There was something about his daughter's homosexuality that aroused the deepest bitterness in him, and he was determined to combat it with all the means in his power; the depreciation of psycho-analysis so widespread in Vienna did not prevent him from turning to it for help. If this way failed he still had in reserve the strongest countermeasure; a speedy marriage was to awaken the natural instincts of the girl and stifle her unnatural tendencies."

His daughter had fallen in love with a woman a ten years older than herself. The love interest had a reputation for promiscuity with both men and women. She loved her so powerfully, and disappointingly for her parents, to the detriment of her further education and social functions. "[Her parents] had never remarked in their daughter any interest in young men, nor any pleasure at their attentions, and on the other hand, they were quite sure that her present attachment for a woman was only a continuation in a marked degree of the feeling she had displayed of recent years for other members of her own sex..."

The young lady hated pretense, and without care for her reputation, she continued to be seen in public with the desired woman. One day her father walked passed her, and saw his daughter was in the company of the detested woman. "He passed them by with an angry glance which boded no good. Immediately after the girl rushed off and flung herself over a neighboring wall on to the railway line." The suicide attempt came to nothing and she recovered from the fall. After the attempt both parents backed off their criticisms, and being moved by the girl's passion, her love interest became more friendly.

Homosexuality

The difficulty with patients, such as these for Freud, was their clear and undisguised desires. "The doctor who was to undertake the psycho-analytic treatment of the girl had several reasons for feeling uncomfortable. The situation he had to deal with was not one such as analysis demands and where alone it can demonstrate its effectiveness. The ideal situation is when someone, otherwise master of himself, is suffering from an inner conflict which he is unable to resolve alone, so that he brings his trouble to the analyst and begs for his help...Further unfavourable features in the present case were the facts that the girl was not exactly a 'patient' - her suffering had no inner source, nor did she complain of her condition...The removal of homosexuality is in my experience never an easy matter."

Freud saw that psycho-analysis could only help patients release a desire that was already there. "I have found that success is possible only under specially favourable circumstances, and even then that it essentially consists in being able to open to the restricted homosexuals the way to the opposite sex, till then barred, thus restoring their full bisexual functions. After that it lay with themselves to choose whether they wished to abandon the other way, banned by society, and in individual cases they have done so. One must remember that in normal sexuality also there is a limitation in the choice of object; in general to undertake to convert a fully developed homosexual into a heterosexual is not much more promising than to do the reverse, only for good practical reasons that latter is never attempted."

Freud found that inauthentic choices, coerced by social threats, were not sufficient to provide any long-term satisfaction. "It is only where the homosexual fixation has not yet become strong enough, or where there are considerable rudiments and remains of the heterosexual choice of object, i.e., in a still oscillating or in a definitely bisexual organization, that one may make a more favourable prognosis for the psycho-analytic therapy."

When working with the girl, she had no such conflicts with her sexuality, but she did feel grief over how she made her parents feel. Freud thought to himself: "Did this homosexual girl show [bodily] characteristics plainly belonging to the opposite sex, and did the case prove to be one of congenital or of acquired (later developed) homosexuality?" Despite the typical stereotype of masculine looking women and feminine looking men, Freud still kept the analysis in the psychical realm because bodily features didn't always explain the outcome. "What is certainly of greater import is that in her behaviour towards her love-object she had approximated throughout to the masculine type: that is to say, she manifested the humility and the tremendous over-estimation of the sexual object so characteristic of the male lover, she renounced all narcissistic satisfaction, and she preferred to be the lover rather than the beloved. She had thus not only chosen a female love object, but had also developed a masculine attitude towards the object."

As Freud continued with the sessions he could see numerous problems with current beliefs in the general population, and even in doctors, about homosexuality. He found that...

Masculine or feminine looks don't necessarily predict sexual orientation.

Intellectual prowess or emotional dominance didn't predict sexual orientation.

Many homosexuals have heterosexual libido at differing levels.

Some people are bisexual.

For people who have more fluidity, it was possible for abuse or obstacles towards one sex to motivate the brain to unconsciously look for same sex replacements.

The behaviour of wanting to pursue or wanting to be pursued can be found in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

Early templates and disappointments can influence later choices.

To be or to have: The sex of those who we compete with, for the sex we want, tells us that wanting to be someone can be a rivalrous imitation that reduces sexual desire towards the rival, and their sex, and increases sexual desire for who is sought for. For example, when Freud released this patient, it was after seeing how she ultimately didn't like her father and transferred that attitude towards him, another male. By suggesting a female psychoanalyst, Freud must have believed his presence was only increasing her desire for women and nothing he could do would change that.

The patient suggested to Freud that she could obtain a false marriage as a solution to her problem. Of course a secret life could only produce the illusion of a conversion, and would be unfulfilling for both partners.

Authenticity

Freud eventually came to the conclusion that all these external influences, as powerful as they can be, are too weak to displace a very strong internal authentic desire. "Even supposing we thoroughly know the etiological factors that decide a given result, still we know them only qualitatively, not as to their relative strength. Some of them are so weak as to become suppressed by others, and therefore do not affect the final result....There must have been present in the girl special factors that turned the scale, factors apart from trauma, probably of an internal nature."

Freud was already seeing, what he encountered in 1921 with his malpractice on Horace Frink, that the influence of the therapist in personal sexual choices can easily lead to resistance, revenge, failure, embarrassment and stress for the patient. Since psychoanalysis is about freeing repressed desires, there has to be a strong heterosexual desire that is inhibited in some way that needs freeing. Otherwise, any treatments to forcibly increase heterosexual desires would necessarily be just another repression, leading to the same neuroses that Freud was trying to cure in the first place.

Another difficulty I saw with these early attempts at conversion therapy was how much potential there was for shame and bullying. The question moves it's target from the so called "patient" to the "therapist." What kind of person would want to do a job like that? At best a therapist can help to relieve self-blame, and validate any authentic choices a client makes. Any forced attempts at changing people could involve sadism and contempt by the therapist. Any compassionate therapists would find it painful to force an outcome, and they would be more interested in what good can still be done, and if nothing can be found, then they would naturally terminate the sessions. Very easily, one can see narcissists or psychopaths being interested in a job like this. To be in a power position and to manipulate people, who are confused about their sexuality, or anything else for that matter, is a great place to be for a psychological predator. They can get paid and enjoy hurting people at the same time.

Abuse of power

In the early part of the 20th century, Homosexuality was moving towards a medical model. This was both good and bad depending on the angle. Some people took it as an explanation as to why a person couldn't change orientations and should be accepted. Others took the theme of degeneration to the fullest extent to explain why homosexuality should not be accepted. Germany in the 1920s and 30s had both the acceptance and contempt co-existing. In A History of Homosexuality in Europe, Florence Tamagne described a freedom that was beginning where people could write accounts of how they felt, including early accounts of homosexual libido. "Reading these personal accounts, one can evaluate the degree to which each individual accepted his situation; of course, that varied enormously according to the personality and his education. Age, too, played a big part. Homosexuals of the first generation (born in the years 1870-1890) rarely felt serene about their inclinations, but that was less and less true for the following generation (born between 1900 and 1910). For many, the revelation of homosexuality came quite early, generally during childhood. Maurice Sachs says, 'I passionately wished to be a girl, and I was so unaware of how grand it was to be a man that I went so far as to piss sitting down. Even better! I refused to go to sleep before [my nanny] had sworn to me that I would wake up to find my sex had been changed…..As this occurred when I was about four years old, one would have to believe that since my earliest childhood I had inclinations which very especially predisposed me toward homosexuality.'"

As you can imagine, some people embraced their homosexuality and others didn't. Onlookers from the psychoanalytic point view probably watched with varying reactions. Imitation in psychoanalysis involves looking at people who are savouring, and then the brain imagines oneself in the shoes of the person enjoying themselves and assesses whether the identification would be worth savouring or not. People can be turned on or turned off. In psychoanalysis the question is, and no pun intended, "do you spit or swallow?" Projection and introjection can have an element of taking a picture of the savouring suggestion, feeding, chewing and swallowing or rejecting and spitting out. The mind samples the environment. Naturally some people will want to swallow the suggestion, others will want to spit it out, and some will swallow but be afraid of rejection from others if they found out that they like to swallow. Some of the feelings of being turned on or off would also have a variety of strengths, causing stronger or weaker reactions. Mixed reactions towards homosexuality would spread throughout society, and political choices around the subject would also polarize people. Because desire is political and involves an urge to imitate, there's also an urge to want to regulate and control desires in the general public to limit imitative influence. This is especially true in environments where the general public feel it's purely a choice, and a form of corruption.

The 'Wolfman' Pt. 3: https://rumble.com/v1gtqk5-sexuality-pt-3-homosexuality-sigmund-freud-and-beyond.html

These political splits also influenced Psychoanalysis. Henry Abelove described Freud's views of American sexuality, and he found that "...Americans were extraordinarily over-repressed. He found them sexually vapid, flavorless..." He felt that American Psychoanalysts had the tendency to see pathology "wherever they encountered what they believed to be immorality." Freud eventually signed a petition in 1930 to decriminalize homosexuality in Germany and Austria. After Freud died, psychoanalysis continued in America with the disease mentality towards homosexuals, which justified discrimination and abuse, until the later part of the 20th century.

Towards the end of Freud's life, persecution heated up in Germany against Jews, but also homosexuals who were grouped with political non-conformists. The modern world has a particular abuse pattern where science is used as an excuse for scapegoating behaviour. If I already hate a group of people, and there are scientific theories that justify my hatred, then it will be easier to dehumanize and act on those sadistic feelings. We will see this over and over again throughout the 20th century. The many deaths caused by Nazism and Communism are a painful lesson that whatever so called scientific discoveries cannot be used to justify abuse, murder, and political power-grabbing. Robert Franklin described this change in Germany in 1933. "The Nazi regime was focused on the economic and cultural revival of Germany, a Germany that under their rule became a twisted abomination marked by militaristic aggression and conquest, economic renewal and the imposition of Aryan superiority over all other races. It is the latter that the Nazis are best known for--this idea of superiority led the Nazis to try and exterminate what they considered undesirables: Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Gypsies, Slavs, and homosexuals...Heinrich Himmler, reserved a special hatred for homosexuals, and the Nazi party moved against them almost immediately after assuming power. While to the Nazis homosexuality was perceived as a threat to their male-dominated organization, it was also used as a tool: charges of homosexuality were often enough to send the perceived offender to jail or to a concentration camp. In the camps, homosexuals suffered abuse from not only the guards, but the other prisoners as well, and were segregated to keep them from forming into groups."

Male homosexuality was criminalized in Paragraph 175 of the German Penal Code. Because women were capable of having children "the text does not mention women; in fact lesbianism was never criminalized in Germany. The male dominated German society viewed lesbianism as a casual outgrowth of female bonding that manifested itself during adolescence and usually subsided as women joined or were forced into patriarchal households. During the Nazi controlled years lesbianism was not seen as a threat to the perpetuation of the German race as lesbians could be forced to have children." The obsession with procreation in Nazi Germany was partly the need to out breed opponents, and male homosexuals were targeted for their non-conformity. "The young Himmler’s diary mentions two influential books which are at the core of this hatred, The Priest and the Acolyte by John Francis Bloxam and The Role of Eroticism in Male Society by Hans Blüher. To Himmler the ideas presented...on homoerotic bonds between men and boys, and the focus of homoeroticism as the crucial element in men’s organizations...combined in his mind to produce an idea of homosexuality as pederasty, with young boys as the main victims. To the Nazis and Himmler the estimated two million homosexuals in Germany were a threat to the Nazi ideal of propelling the Aryan race to such an overwhelming degree that it could take over the world. Himmler viewed homosexuals as 'propagation blanks' that preyed on boys and subverted Himmler’s goal of a worldwide German master race...The Nazi regime can be seen as a 'Biocracy', subverting and twisting medical science to serve state policy."

As Paragraph 175 was intensified, mere accusations of homosexuality were enough to get one arrested and sent to a concentration camp. "Close to 100,000 men arrested for P175a convictions, around 5,000 to 15,000 were sent to concentration camps, mainly Mauthausen in southern Germany. Homosexual prisoners comprised one of the smallest groups sent to concentration camps; however they suffered the highest rate of death of all groups of prisoners at over sixty percent. Camp inmates had to wear a triangle on their coat and pants to distinguish their offense: homosexuals wore a pink triangle. Life in the camps was especially cruel for homosexuals; they were mistreated by both the guards and prisoners. Many guards took special pleasure in torturing homosexual prisoners. One account tells of a man who had his testicles held in boiling water until the skin peeled off, after this he was sodomized with a broken broomstick, while the assembled SS guards drank and engaged in mutual masturbation. Homosexual prisoners were also punished by other prisoners for homosexual actions by camp guards against other inmates in a twisted association between the two. Homosexuals were not assigned to blocks; they were spread out among the camp in order to prevent their organization. This lack of protection and social structure made them more vulnerable than other prisoners, contributing to their high death rate. Homosexuality was still prevalent among other prisoners; many young homosexuals were taken under the wings of 'Capos', prisoners selected by the SS to be in charge of cell blocks. Capo protection often meant extra rations and a lighter work detail and these could be the difference between life and death for homosexuals. Another survival method for homosexuals in the camps was to declare revulsion for homosexuality and accept castration. German prisoners who took this option were often put in a penal division and sent to the Russian front. While these units were deemed expendable and suffered high casualties, it was often preferred to life in the concentration camps."

Paragraph 175 continued on after the war in Germany until 1994. "Many homosexuals were afraid to speak out even after homosexuality was decriminalized. A lifetime of discrimination had taken its toll – of 1,000 known homosexual concentration camp prisoners alive in 1980 only 15 have spoken of their experience and all of them anonymously. Homosexuals were also not able to receive reparation payments until 1982, long after many had died from injuries they received in concentration camps."

Slow shift towards acceptance

By the 1970s, the American Psychiatric Association begin changing their ethical guidelines based on that "homosexuality is not a mental disorder." Because of this, the world of mental health had to adjust to a world that wasn't ready for the main insight that Freud found, that if there's no increase in pathology to society coming from homosexuality, then the reason for persecution is baseless. They simply were scapegoats, and many in authority were the ones with the pathology. It's possible for the inmates to take over the asylum and project their ideas of disease without observing reality. Many of the later "conversion therapies" betrayed that kind of bias where science took a backseat to philosophy and religion.

Freud even 100 years ago was able to see that any fluidity would require a person to have enough craving, or libido, to work with. Essentially they would have to be bisexual to some degree. Without that, you are reinforcing internalized bigotry, or self-hatred, which is the opposite of therapy. Therapy has to be done with a light enough touch so that what is authentic can be unrepressed. Low self-esteem is self-destructive, and for many people, satisfaction is what allows for the healing. Without satisfaction, people turn to self-harm and addictions. A former gay conversion therapist John Smid saw that treating homosexuality like treating an alcoholic was the wrong approach. "People who finally accepted their homosexuality, many, many times, they dealt with their alcoholism, they dealt with their chemical dependency, they dealt with unhealthiness. Many times they dealt even with emotional and psychological illnesses, because so many of those things were caused out of this huge load of shame, and suppression they had to live in, and when they finally found freedom to be who they were, they were able to remove the real cause of many of those dependencies."

Former gay conversion therapist says practice does not work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdzgqRGdzUY

Gay life - Being Gay in the Thirties: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzPzb3exfVc

What is key that opens the door to relationship happiness is again what Freud pointed out, and that was tenderness. Where people fight over what is a disease or what is healthy, they are leaving out the emotional aspect of sexuality. If sexuality is a cold monetary exchange, a short-term release followed by disregard, a way to regulate emotions like substances, or a form of engulfing and domination, it's not Love. You're treating people as a means to an end. The perfume of tenderness is what allows for a sense of caring for your partner. For Freud our tenderness examples start with family, and often we are attracted to people who have those same expressions of tenderness. To consciously look for those expressions of tenderness in others, and to return the favour of course, takes love beyond lust. When lust is satiated and bored, tenderness is the bridge across the desert of emptiness, that has the patience to wait for lust to regenerate.

Love - Freud & Beyond: https://youtu.be/tVxjMP83ajo

Spiritual Bypassing & Inner Bonding: https://youtu.be/JVrkwqUdKE8

Power differences

Since the time of Freud, the early complexities of relationship theories only grew more complex. With more tolerance, came a large variety of possible sexual and emotional combinations. With advances in research on the origins of homosexuality, the myriad possible causes still left people to decide for themselves what they really wanted to do. In Sexual Orientation and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Friedman and Downey found that despite all the biological indicators, they concluded that "at present there is no biological test that distinguishes people on the basis of sexual orientation." Stephen O. Murray in Homosexualities, also found many patterns and had to loosely categorized them. In particular, one category he lists is trending today: egalitarian defined relationships. Modern relationships in particular investigate the role of power differentials. Regardless of sexual orientation, power for modern people is increasingly something to consider before a person engages in a long-term relationship. For many, undesirable power positions are deal-breakers. Ilka Quindeau in Seduction and Desire: The Psychoanalytic Theory of Sexuality since Freud says that "traditional sexual morality has yielded to a negotiated morality, which presupposes partners more or less equally strong and neither emotionally nor economically dependent on one another. This new morality presupposes sensitivity to the wishes and limits of the other, and demands high reflective abilities which cannot be assumed to be self-evident...A democratization of sexual relationships is underway."

Freedom 90 - George Michael: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diYAc7gB-0A

As freedom increases, and people are able to explore what they like, there's an increased complexity of desires making an unpredictable self that conflicts with traditional social and economic power structures. "What is decisive for these diversifications is a market-like demand for greater flexibility in all areas of life, including in the sexual realm. Rigid social roles and psychological identities, as well as stable life-plans, are scarcely compatible with this general increase in flexibility. Instead, what is demanded is a 'modular self that functions like a tool-box whose parts can be taken out as needed, augmented and linked to one another.'"

This fluidity also has a chance to break some LGBT stereotypes. In my interview of narcissistic abuse of LGBTIQA victims, labels weren't always welcome. Individuals want to check how they feel and think before acting sexually, and they don't want to consult a chart or follow a random suggestion from somebody. Historian Jeffrey Weeks said "we've all become obsessed with sharp definitions of what people are. We begin to define people around their sexual activity. We begin to define people as normal or abnormal, around their sexual activity. I think lots of people are finding that these rigid definitions don't actually correspond to the range of desires, of wishes, of needs, that they actually have." Friedman and Downey concluded that "neither homosexuality nor heterosexuality nor bisexuality is a unitary entity." Ilka Quindeau notes that "[This increase in flexibility] is also evident in sexual orientation, for example, which often no longer remains the same throughout life, or by which individuals no longer wish to be defined. Thus, after having a family, a woman may opt for a lesbian relationship, or a man who has lived as a homosexual may indulge his wish to have children and marry a woman. In an earlier era, this might have been taken as evidence that these individuals had repressed their 'genuine' sexual orientation, but now it is seen as a sign of increasing liberation. Since previous boundaries are becoming increasingly permeable, and identities ever more fragile or even fluid, the conventional rigid division into homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual is losing its significance, too."

LGBTIQA victims of Narcissistic Abuse: http://psychreviews.org/lgbtiqa-victims-of-narcissistic-abuse/

Despite Freud's theories being a century old, his early analyses of sexual fluidity continued to be influential during this entire time. Ilka still preserves some of Freud's insights for today's world. "Freud’s pioneering work on sexuality, which decisively influenced the twentieth century, contains a number of significant insights that, despite all the criticism leveled against them, have lost none of their relevance. 1) the expanded notion of sexuality that is not only confined to [the genitals]; 2) a non-normative concept that allows for a fluid boundary between the normal and the perverse, and between what is healthy and what is diseased; and 3) the assumption of an [independent] infantile sexuality [that can influence throughout life]."

Instead of social structures dictating what should be desired, individuals are increasingly changing the social structures to allow their authentic desires. If inauthentic relationships naturally crumble, due to an empty foundation lacking desire, then people are free to create the structures they want to live in using authentic desire as a foundation. Both traditional and modern relationships can co-exist, with people changing only when they really feel like it, and not because of suggestion or coercion.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Psychogenesis of a case of female homosexuality - Sigmund Freud: https://www.lacan.com/The.Psychogenesis.of.a.case.of.female.Homosexuality.pdf

A History of Homosexuality in Europe, 1919-1939 - Florence Tamagne: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780875863559/

Seduction and Desire: The Psychoanalytic Theory of Sexuality since Freud - Ilka Quindeau: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781780490892/

Sexual Orientation and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy: Sexual Science and Clinical Practice - Professor Richard C. Friedman M.D., Professor Jennifer I. Downey M.D.: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780231504898/

Homosexualities - Stephen O. Murray: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780226551951/

Cheuvront JP. Henry Abelove’s “Freud, Male Homosexuality, and the Americans.” Studies in Gender & Sexuality. 2016;17(2):80-85.

Drescher, J. Queer Diagnoses: Parallels and Contrasts in the History of Homosexuality, Gender Variance, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual . Arch Sex Behav 39, 427–460 (2010).

Warm Brothers in the Boomtowns of Hell: The Persecution of Homosexuals in Nazi Germany Robert Franklin: https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/Vol09x08WarmBrothersintheBoomtownsofHell.pdf

Resolution on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation: https://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/resolution97_text.html

Psychology: http://psychreviews.org/category/psychology01/

[ari-the-rockstar]

I've realized a few weeks ago that the reason I only am romantically interested in girls is because of the way men have been shown to me by my father.

I'm female, and have had tons and tons of female friends--and my mother was never really sexually weird with me until after I was about ten. But my father always had some sick joy and fun out of making me very obviously uncomfortable from sexual depictions, teaching me sex words (when I was four I asked him what "c*ck" meant because he was yelling at my mom to s*ck her dad's c*ck--ew, btw--and he told me what it meant, accusing me of liking it when I giggled (if you've ever been near children, you know how they find anything "private" hilarious)) and more. He would keep shower doors wide open without telling me, so when I went to use the bathroom I'd see him naked and get yelled at for it.

It's not very easy to speak about, because I've always been afraid of people treating me with disgust, despite always trying my best to avoid it. Even to this day, he'll make uncomfortable sexual jokes, talk about my and my peers' bodies, and comment on whether their chests are big enough or not. Multiple times, he's told me I wasn't a "real girl" because I didn't have big hips and a huge chest (I am naturally a rectangle, and also not fully developed).

He'd talk about the objectifying ways he viewed women, telling me I was just like my mother, etcetera etcetera.

This is quite difficult to even acknowledge, so I'll try and explain it in the most vague way I can. My mom tasked my dad with showering me when I was four, and I remember my privates hurting and feeling incredibly painful after that. I won't go into more detail

Ever since then, boys have always been quite gross to me. Not even in the "ewww the opposite gender ewww" I mean I have literally considering self-immolation because of them. I do not like them looking at me at all, I do not like being near them, I cannot handle men in the same comfortable way I would a woman.

Despite all this, I still wish I had a father figure so badly, but not my dad. I wish I had someone who could wipe this from my mind and (I guess) make me perfect and straight again, someone to bless me and correct my disgusting "desires."

I hate being attracted to other women. I hate not being straight.

I hate all of this. All I had to do was be a conservative Christian and marry a man, have some kids, obey my parents wills, never get vaccinated ever, become a doctor/computer engineer, homeschool said kids, keep internet away as much as I could, live in Florida or Russia or India or my home state, get rid of all my scars completely, remove any and all mental illness, and then I'd be the perfect daughter. Typing this out, obviously this cannot be done by anyone.

I cannot believe in conspiracy theories such as the JFK thing or that 9/11 was faked, I cannot never get vaccinated again, I cannot submit myself to a man.

If I could just go back and not act like this. This is all my fault, every last bit of it.

I deserve this. I deserve to be in a stupid country who hates me for everything that I am, I deserve to suffer endlessly for not being good enough, and I deserve to never have any friends or anyone in my life. I am an evil, irredeemable, satanic person, who is just disgusting, and I cannot fathom ever being someone worthy of love.

[psychewritesbs]

Chapter 176: Sendai Colony, No. 2: The Femme Fatale, or how I love female characters that are not afraid of their sexuality

Happy JJK-Sunday!

Everyone: writes about how much they love Yuta.

Me and my stupid unpopular opinions: this naked chick right here I like.

If it isn’t cockroaches I’m writing about, it’s about how a naked chick inspired me. 

This isn’t just about me not being entirely straight and thinking Uro is sexy af... as a woman, I am a sucker for the art of seduction, an art I absolutely suck at, might I add, because I am very androgynous--I’ve been called a “very sexy boy” before... I took it as a compliment.

...So this is defo not a rant about Uro being sexualized but, oddly enough, an appreciation rant about her nakedness.

I don’t know... I’m weird like that. Sue me.

I honestly wasn’t going to write anything this week.

And then I had coffee and...

Also... how lucky that there was a coffee gif featuring Marilyn Monroe, one of the greatest sex symbols of all time who also happened to be an incredibly smart woman. 

I’ve read/heard speculations about how she could not reconcile this projection cast upon her as the sex symbol when there was much more to her beyond that projection, and that this is what ultimately broke her. 

And we can also say two of the contemporary sex symbols in the US, Britney Spears and Megan Fox, suffered from a similar fate.

The femme fatale is a toxic trope

I think I was going down the #jungian psychology tag the other day when I ran into a post in which someone wrote about how the femme fatale is a projection of a man’s fear of woman’s sexuality as “neurotic and devouring”, and I could not agree more!

Read it here: Thoughts on femme fatale.

Actually, the formal definition of the femme fatale is that she is someone who uses her charm and her beauty to ensnare men and bring misfortune to them. 

A definition that is, in all honestly, quite misogynistic if you ask me because it focuses on woman’s sexuality as inherently evil, or something to be avoided at all costs. That’s the Judeo-Christian religion’s disdain for the body and the patriarchy working their magic for you. Basically, if you are not a Madonna, you are a Whore.

A sexually empowered woman is, in other words, something to fear. 

For men, she is the epitome of “one night stand material” but never “the girl you bring home to your parents”. For women, she is a threat for multiple reasons--one of them being that we are scared of our own sexuality and see men as nothing but pigs who only care about sex (which is in turn, a very misandrist perspective in itself).

If you’ve read/seen Soul Eater then you know that the point of these panels in the first chapter is to show that while Soul is physically attracted to Blair (hence the nose bleeds), he appreciates and prioritizes depth.

In fact, Atsushi Okubo’s manga walks a fine line in that he relies heavily on fan service as a trope, and yet, his message is always quite the opposite--it’s what is inside that matters.

Along the same lines, Gege showed us that while Yuji likes the big bootay, what has left a lasting impression on him has been feminine internal qualities like elegance.

Unfortunately, it seems to me like we live in a world that can’t quite comprehend the nuance that can be found in holding the tension of opposites. 

Why can’t a woman be a sexually empowered being AND a feminist?

Is it possible to decide for yourself that you are a beautiful and desirable woman for the mere fact that you’ve decided that for yourself and at the same time not be defined by these traits?

In other words, is it possible to acknowledge that we, as human beings, are animals with sexual instincts who have the conscious capacity to transform sexuality into something of beauty? #sex positivity.

Like... say an appreciation of elegance like in Yuji’s case. 

And yes, even an appreciation of the female body and its beauty.

Smileys added for emphasis and because Tumblr.

Like this!

Why does the femme fatale need to only represent toxic femininity?

As a self-abscribed “witch,” my best guess is that we are scared of how powerful female sexuality is.

I’m not saying Remi’s approach is something to look up to... but all the girl had to do was bat her eyelashes at non-sorcerer Reggie and she was able to lean back into her femininity and let someone else rescue her. 

She wanted a Knight in Megumi for a reason... Remi is someone who is perfectly happy playing the role of damsel in distress because she lacks the mental capacity to empower herself and take accountability for her life.

And I love that Gege is exploring themes like these because he’s kind of letting the readers know “this is what I think about this situation” through jjk. Consider that Gege might be aware of how big a platform he has, of how big an audience he has, and how he can use his platform to share his view of the world.

This is not to say that the sexualization of women isn’t real. 

My god Marin’s boobs sure are bouncy... I would not know what that feels like.

But... is it possible that there are mangaka who can appreciate jiggly boobs AND depth of character + character development + strength?

For me, precisely because of the fan service in the anime, Sono bisque doru wa koi wo suru captures that essence. 

But what about other titles? What about JJK which has always been all about “not sexualizing its female cast”?

Takako Uro in the sky with no clothes on 

Ok, first, this is my personal opinion! My personal opinion is not fact.

But one of the things I LOVE about JJK is Gege’s characterization. Like my other favorite, Furudate Haruichi, Gege is really good at giving depth to his characters through story-telling--even if the character is a minor one.

We saw it with a lot of the characters that were introduced for the Culling Game arc: Hakari, Kirara, Higuruma, Takaba, Remi, and now I am hoping that Uro suffers the same fate since it is not a farfetched idea to think that she could side with Yuta given his ancestor historically opposed the Fujiwara clan.

And this is what we know about Uro right now:

She can manipulate the sky, she is a sorcerer from the past with regrets about her first lifetime, and she’s naked.

Like... who does that? Who fights in battles to death naked?

Who goes around killing people naked? Uro, that’s who. 

I don’t know about you but those dreams where I am naked in front of a crowd are unnerving, let alone a fight to death. 

So to me, Uro is a character who is comfortable enough in her body suit to where she’s happy to flaunt her beauty so freely. What’s more, the fact that Gege chose to draw a naked woman makes me wonder about what he’s trying to say about her and her story. 

Will he write a shit story without depth for her? Maybe. But so far, Gege has always given all of his characters some sort of depth (except for Tsumiki--and I am hoping that there is a grander reason for it).

Not to mention this whole idea about getting a second chance at life through reincarnation in order to have the opportunity to right one’s regrets from the past is something I am very curious to see Gege explore.

Not to mention that as Gege fleshes out the idea that Cursed Techniques are somewhat related to the user’s personality, I kind of have to wonder about Uro’s ability to manipulate the sky as if it were a surface.

So yeah... naked lady in the sky... that’s where my mind was this week for no other reason than because I headcanon Gege was looking at some sexy chick for reference when he drew the first panel in this chapter.

Like... this photograph:

Which looks to have been inspired by this movie’s poster (that happens to be a cult classic):

And to me, this doesn’t scream “sexualization” but rather “appreciation” of female beauty.

While he clearly has a way to go, to me, to see Gege choosing to draw Uro in such a risqué way, it tells me how Gege is at the forefront of how Shonen manga portrays female characters--he likes and can appreciate the female body in all of its glory (instead of demonizing it or fetishizing it), but in the end, he’s clear in getting his point across that the inside matters too. 

One is not more important than the other. In JJK the body = the soul.

But more importantly, to draw a diverse cast of female characters who have very a wide range of attitudes about femininity and what it means to be a woman in a man’s world (because Japan is a man’s world) is something I really dig about JJK.

...if anyone reads this post, thank you for joining me in my weird tangent of a ramble this week. 

Happy JJK-Sunday.

[pekkhum]

TW: Transphobia, Suicide

John Money also, accidentally, provided the only evidence that we have (because a proper experiment would be horrifically unethical [despite Dr Cass recommending forcing every trans child in the UK into such an experiment], just like Money's actions) that you can't "turn a kid trans." David Reimer was given hormones and operations to appear and develop as a girl and not told about his initial birth as a boy. Can you guess what happened?... Anyone?

The poor boy exhibited symptoms of gender dysphoria, with him reporting that he always felt he should have been a boy to his father by age 14. He had to undergo transition at this point, just like any trans man, except that he wouldn't have needed to without the prior medical intervention.

Given that doctors at the time still were not sure if gender is learned or innate, you might wonder why I called this experiment unethical: the psychologist who oversaw this not only didn't tell the parents that theory of learned gender was unproven, but he allowed his desire for the theory to be proven correct to impact his handling of the case and ultimately went on to lie about the results.

David's identical twin brother did not undergo any of this and at no point expressed symptoms of gender dysphoria (though there are cases of this differing between identical twins). In case you think this spared the brother from harm, you can go read about Money having the children rehearse sexual acts at age 6 on each other under his supervision, with the hope that such acts would allow the reinforcement of the learned gender. If you are interested in what other horrifying things are done to children to force them into a certain gender, look up what kind of processes are used in conversion therapy. Reading accounts from survivors (most deaths are by suicide) is preferable, if you are worried about biased researchers, but most reputable research has concluded that it results in PTSD, depression, and suicidal tendencies, much like other psychological torture practices. David made it two years past his brother's death, by overdose of antidepressants, before he finally died by suicide.

David is just one experimental data point, but in this case it seems that trying to "trans" a cis kid will result in the same symptoms as forcing a trans kid to be cis. A proper double blind study would be needed to fully confirm, but it would be ethically inappropriate to forcibly transition or to forcibly enroll children in what has been proven to torture and kill them (conversion therapy), so we settle for statistical population studies that show us better mental health and reduced negative outcomes (suicide, depression, drug addiction, homelessness, anxiety, etc.) from gender confirmation (social and/or medical transition).

It is almost as if a lot of thought and research, as well as trying MANY forms of conversion therapy on generations of trans kids and watching them kill themselves went into the decision of nearly the entire medical and psychological community to reject conversion therapy. It is almost like the new "medical organizations" founded to write papers that claim the opposite (and are generally neither peer reviewed nor published in reputable journals) are created for some purpose OTHER than sharing factual information.

And ALL of that is just within binary sex and gender thinking and before you consider parents and doctors "choosing" the sex of intersex infants, without even letting them grow old enough to understand the question or share their opinion, or non-binary folk, just existing.

To disclose my own bias: this environment of information hiding and outright lying lead me to 37 years of pain and confusion. It took many years for the facts about myself and medical research to convince me to stop hating trans people and accept the parts of my self that these liars taught me to hate. These lies that they are pushing, just to justify their own confusion over someone being different from themselves, are hurting and killing people (including the harm that they did to me) and I want kids to stop dying because a group of adults can't grow up and accept that the way they feel doesn't match the facts.

[yasminbenoit]

“A Romantic Partner Won’t Complete Me, Because I Was Born Complete”: How Identifying As Asexual & Aromantic Brought Me True Freedom & Happiness | Yasmin Benoit for British Vogue

There is a phase in our lives where everyone seems asexual and almost everyone seems aromantic. It wasn't until puberty kicked in that platonic relationships seemed to take a backseat. My peers stopped wanting to play together and started wanting to 'date' each other. That was when I started to realise that there was something different about me. I didn’t seem to be experiencing the same urges as those I was around. I chose to go to an all girls school in the hopes that – in the absence of boys – everyone would stop caring about sex and dating. It actually had the opposite effect. There was a sense of deprivation in the air and the heightened desire to project their sexuality onto anything and everything.  

Therefore, my lack of interest became even more obvious, and it became a not-so-fun game to work out the source of what should be troubling me, but hadn’t been until that point. Having a sexual orientation isn’t just natural, it’s essential. It’s part of being a fully-functional human being. And to be romantically love and be loved by another is the ultimate goal. It’s part of being normal, which made me both abnormal and puzzling. When your asexual, people think there’s something wrong with your body. When you’re aromantic, they think there’s something wrong with your soul. Even for a teenage girl who internalised all of Disney Channel’s “be yourself” messages, it’s never nice to have people publicly debate your supposed physical and psychological flaws.  

My nickname in school was “hollow and emotionless.” I was a joker with a decent amount of friends, but I was lacking something crucial, the kind of love that really mattered and the kind of lust that made life exciting...so I was practically Lord Voldemort with braids. I sat through the regular DIY sexuality tests, having my peers show me graphic sexual imagery, have very sexual conversations in my presence, and ask me inappropriately intimate questions to gauge how far gone I truly was. These tests lead to the development of theories, most centred around me having some kind of mental problem. After a while, you start to wonder if everyone knows something you don’t.

When they said that I must have been molested as a child and “broken” by the trauma, I wondered if I had somehow forgotten about sexual abuse that actually hadn’t happened. I looked at some of my own relatives with suspicion, the same people who would later ask me if I didn’t experience sexual attraction because I was a pedophile. It was suggested that I was “suffering” from my “issues” because I was socially anxious and insecure. The suggestion that my ‘issue’ was pathological stayed with me for a long time, but not as much as the widely accepted theory that I was mentally slow. Unfortunately, that one stuck. I was referred to as “stupid” and I started to believe that was the case. It would impact my experience in education for the next eight years, long after I realised that there was a word for what I was.

Asexual.

I first heard the word during one of the near-daily sexuality tests that I was subjected to. I was asked if I was gay, to which I said that I wasn’t interested in anybody like that – men or women. At fifteen, I was asked, “Maybe you’re asexual or something?” but it wasn’t quite a lightbulb moment. How could it be when I had never heard the word outside of biology class? After an evening of Google searching, I realised that there were many people with my exact same experience, complete strangers whose stories sounded so strangely similar to mine. I also stumbled across the word ‘aromantic,’ but at the time, I didn’t understand the need for it. "Wouldn't all asexual people be aromantic? A romantic relationship without sex is just friendship with rules,” I thought.

Either way, my discoveries showed me that I wasn’t alone, but that only half helpful. I now had an identity that no one had heard of or understood. Most didn’t believe that being asexual or aromantic was a real thing, and I doubted it to. I had been taught to after years of armchair pathologisation. If asexuality was real, why did no one tell you that being sexually attracted to nobody was an option? What if it was just an internet identity made up to comfort people with all of the issues that had been attributed to me? I didn’t have to go far down the rabbit hole to realise that asexuality, like many non-heteronormative identities, had been medicalised. What I had experienced as just the tip of the iceberg. As someone who hadn’t been prescribed drugs I didn’t need or subjected to unnecessary hormone tests, I was one of the lucky ones.

My activism would be my gateway to the community. Despite being the ugly friend at school, I ended up becoming a model while in university. I decided to use the platform I had gained through my career to raise awareness for asexuality and aromanticism. It gave me the opportunity to encounter a range of asexual and aromantic offline, it was then that I learned the significance of having an aromantic identity. There are many asexual people who still feel romantic attraction, as well as aromantic people who still feel sexual attraction. They have their own range of experiences, their own culture, their own flag, and like the asexual community, I was relieved to see that they are just normal people. These intersecting communities are not stereotypes. They weren’t just thirteen year old, pink haired kids making up identities on Tumblr to feel special. They were parents, lawyers, academics, husbands, girlfriends, artists, black, white, young, old, with differing feelings towards the many complex elements of sexuality and intimacy. Most importantly, they were happy.

I am proud to be part of both, and I know that while being asexual and aromantic, I am a complete person and I can live a perfectly fulfilling life. Since meeting members of my communities, I’ve become more open about my identities in real life, and a reaction I’m often met with is sympathy. “You must feel like you’re missing out,” “I can’t imagine being like that,” “It must be hard for your family,” “Do you worry no one will want you?” “How do you handle being so lonely?” “You’re so brave and strong,” “What will you do with your life now?” Even in 2021, a woman who isn’t romantically loved or sexually desired by their “special someone” is perceived as being afflicted with some kind of life-limiting condition.  

Asexuality doesn't make undesirable or unable to desire others. It is a unique experience of sexuality, not a deprivation from it. Even if it was, there is so much more to life than what turns us on and what we do about it. Romantic love is just one form of love, neither superior nor inferior to any other. Being aromantic doesn't mean that you can't love or be loved, it does not mean you are void of other emotions or capabilities. I am not lonely with my friends, family, co-workers and supporters. I feel confident not when someone wants to date me but when I meet my goals and form worthwhile connections with others. My success isn't determined by whether someone will want to marry me someday. What we want out of life is our decision alone, our sources of happiness should not be defined by our ever-changing, culturally relative social standards. The love of a romantic partner won't complete me because I was born complete. Feeling sexual attraction to others won't liberate me because my liberation is not dependent on other people.

Valentine's Day is on the horizon. It's an occasion that amps up the focus on (and the pressure to achieve) a very specific type of love and sexual expression, one that is actually alienating for people inside and outside of the asexual community. During a pandemic where many relationships have been strained, tested, formed or distanced, it's important to keep the diversity of romantic and sexual feelings in mind. Many expect me to feel annoyed or lonely during this time of year, but I actually feel empowered and excited by the way sex, romance and love are discussed more deeply around this time. These conversations are constantly expanding to become more inclusive for everyone, and that's what we need to see all year round.

https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/asexuality-and-aromanticism

[erin-bo-berin]

Prove It

MASTERLIST

This was an anon request of Spencer getting mad at being teased and being motivated enough to prove he’s not vanilla. This took forever from the time it was first requested for me to write and post it, so I’m so sorry to the anon who requested it. It feels like it’s been FOREVER since I’ve posted a smut too, so enjoy some smutty Spencer to start your week. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: M (smut, rough sex)

Word Count: 4,246

“I will never understand it.”

“Understand what?” you asked.

You sat down in one of the chairs in the jet, across from coworker and teammate Derek Morgan.

You and the team you were a part of, the Behavioral Analysis Unit—BAU for short—of the FBI had just solved another case and were on the way home.

You’d seen plenty of sickos before, so another one didn’t seem to surprise you. Of course, it was disgusting and aggravating, horrifying and awful, but you never pretended to understand unsubs in the first place. So you were quite curious about what Morgan was thinking out loud about.

Spencer Reid plopped down in the chair next to you with his cup of coffee.

How the man managed to live off coffee and actually go to sleep was a mystery to you. At this point it would benefit him to just have his coffee injected into him through IV, that’s how much he consumed.

“This S&M stuff,” Morgan waved his hand, “It’s insane.”

The case they’d just recently closed had involved a guy who had taken his violent sexual desires a step too far and found himself turned on by actually murdering women. Whether it was by choking or gagging, somehow he’d discovered he got a sexual release from killing his female partners.

What started as auto erotic asphyxiation—something that was incredibly dangerous to begin with—had turned to something more sinister and even more deadly.

“When done right, it’s actually not as bad as some of these unsubs make us believe,” Spencer said.

“I’m sure you know all about it, don’t you kid?” Morgan replied, sarcastically.

“Anyway,” he continued, before Spencer could cut in again, “I’m not judging people who do it, it just seems like even when it’s done right, it’s too dangerous to even be exciting. It’d be a mood killer for me.”

“Oh don’t tell me you don’t bring out your dominant side every once and awhile,” you smirked, teasing him.

“Hey, I’m all for some good rough sex. I’m not as vanilla as pretty boy here, but I’m not about to emotionally and physically scar Savannah.”

“Hey! What’s that’s supposed to mean?!” Spencer protested.

Savannah was Morgan’s wife, now of three years. They had a son together, Hank. Being a parent according to Morgan, you didn’t get much “mommy and daddy time”, but even then, it didn’t stop him from shamelessly sharing details about his sex life. You got used to it; it was just a Derek thing anyway.

“Sure, I’ve done some tying up and spanking, but that’s mild compared to some practices in BDSM. I once asked Reid about it and unfortunately learned more than I ever wanted to about it.”

“Excuse me,” Spencer broke in, “What’s the vanilla remark supposed to mean?”

Both yours and Derek’s heads turned to see Spencer’s brows furrowed.

“Kid, vanilla ice cream is spicier than you,” Morgan teased.

“Oh come on, that’s not true!” Spencer retorted, exasperated.

“I’m sorry Reid, I just can’t imagine you being kinky. I mean do you just spout facts during sex or what?”

You held back a snicker although you heard the rest of the team chuckling.

“No, I don’t,” Spencer flushed.

You averted your eyes from his gaze.

You and Spencer had been dating for a little while, the team none the wiser to your relationship. You couldn’t quite defend him without giving it away.

It wasn’t really a secret per se, you just mutually decided not to say anything until it became more serious. You had only slept together a few times anyway, so it wasn’t like you were familiar with his sexual proclivities.

“You’re more vanilla than Vanilla Ice,” Morgan joked, making you choke on your sip of water, laughing.

“How would you know anyway?” Spencer crossed his arms, his face now a deep red, “I could be kinkier than you know.”

“Dude, when’s the last time you even slept with a girl?” Morgan asked with a raised brow, “Wasn’t it that bartender Austin from a case 11 years ago?”

Spencer pressed his lips together tightly. He wasn’t going to say anything and you knew it because it would give away yours and his personal business.

“That’s what I thought. Vanilla,” Derek laughed, standing to refill his tumbler with more whiskey, “Don’t worry Pretty Ricky, not everyone has to be an animal in bed.”

He patted Spencer’s shoulder as he walked by to head to the back of the jet—and the whiskey decanter.

You could tell by Spencer’s pursed lips that he was annoyed.

You promised yourself that when the jet landed, you would apologize.

•

You had been wrong.

Spencer wasn’t annoyed.

He was pissed.

“Spencer, I’m sorry,” you repeated for the hundredth time.

Once the jet had landed, everyone went their separate ways, so no one was the wiser when you’d climbed into Spencer’s car. You had spent more time at his place lately than your own, so you were heading back to his apartment with him.

The entire drive was filled with tense silence. His jaw stayed clenched all the way home.

“Spence, please talk to me. If I hurt your feelings, that wasn’t my intention.”

You followed him into his apartment, watching as he sat down his go bag and satchel by the door. You sat your own things near his, as well.

You didn’t miss how tense he was, indicating his anger.

“Spence-” you began, but got cut off by his sharp tone.

“Go into the bedroom, take off all your clothes and get on the bed,” he snapped.

You were taken back, unsure if you’d heard him right the first time.

“What?”

“I said, go into the bedroom, take off all your clothes and get on the bed. I won’t repeat myself. And don’t make me do it myself cause you will regret it.”

You stood frozen in place for a second, your mouth opening and closing. By the look on his face, you could tell he was serious. 

“O-Okay,” you stammered, walking backwards to the bedroom.

You had no idea what he had planned, but deep down, you could feel the tingle of excitement beginning to work its way to the surface. Maybe some rough sex would ease his anger.

You were out of your shirt and pants before you reached the bed. You pulled off your bra, letting it fall from your fingertips and then rid your underwear before climbing onto the bed like you were asked to do, laying back.

It was at least a good ten minutes before Spencer came into the room, with something in each hand.

“What’s that?”

He didn’t answer you. 

He sat what appeared to be a glass of ice on the nightstand and grabbed one of your wrists, starting to tie it to the bedpost with what you now realized was one of his ties.

You watched as he tied the opposite one before you spoke.

“Spence, I-”

“Quiet. I don’t want to hear another word from you unless I say to speak,” he growled, climbing onto the bed, hovering over you.

His face lingered above yours, his lips not far from your own. He didn’t kiss you yet, but you could feel his warm breath fanning over your face, the anticipation of his lips finally being on yours making you anxious. 

His nose nudged yours gently as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes lidded, although they occasionally flicked up toward yours. He knew how much you wanted him to kiss you and he was using that to his advantage.

Finally, it came, feather light. It was like kissing a cloud, the faint touch not nearly enough to satiate your needs. You tried to lean upwards to meet his lips again, taking what you wanted, what you needed, but he pulled out of your reach, a wicked smirk on his face.

“Oh so this is how it’s going to be?” you mock pouted.

“My bed, my rules,” he answered.

The anticipation of this kiss made your heart race and your breath hitch. If he was willing enough to deprive you this easily and this early on, what else was he capable of?

When his lips finally met yours, it was in a surprisingly gentle manner, considering you were currently tied to his bedposts. His mouth glided along with yours, the intensity picking up rather quickly. 

His hunger and anger seemed to meld into one as he kissed you roughly, pulling back enough to capture your lower lip between his, his teeth softly scraping over it. A small, satisfied sigh emitted from you, against his lips.

Your mouth parted as you continued to enjoy the feel of his mouth on yours, his tongue being both graceful and teasing at the same time, it moving swiftly over your bottom lip.

You were already struggling with your restraints, wanting to touch him as he kissed you. Normally, your touch was everywhere on him when you kissed. From his face to his shoulders and chest and in his curls, you ravished being able to touch him. But you didn’t have that luxury right now and it was absolutely killing you.

He pulled away, lips hovering over your jaw as he kissed it just slightly, ready to move on to other areas.

“By the time I’m done with you, you’ll have more than enough proof that I’m anything but vanilla,” he whispered huskily, placing a kiss against your throat.

Your thighs clamped inadvertently as you suddenly became even more turned on than you had been previously. He reached over you, towards the ice, grabbing a cube.

You watched him intently, gasping sharply when the shock of cold touched your skin, just along your collarbone.

“You gonna be a good girl and do what I say?” he asked, sliding the ice cube along your chest.

You nodded eagerly, biting down on your lip as he moved the ice over the swell of your breast and across your nipple making them tighten, both from the cold and your arousal. His lips followed the trail of ice over your breasts, tongue moving out to encircle your nipple and flick it. He repeated it on the opposite side and you gave a moan of approval at his explorations.

A trail of water was left behind on your skin as he continued on, gliding the ice down the middle of your chest towards your stomach. You felt goosebumps prickle your skin at the continuous icy cold sensation.

“You’re so hot, you’re making the ice melt quickly,” he purred.

His touch left you as he reached back towards the nightstand to grab another cube. Apparently he’d been right, as the first cube had melted completely. 

Once the coolness touched your skin again you found yourself gasping. As tantalizing as this teasing was, you were extremely turned on by it. You could feel the heat within your body, your core already starting to pulsate with arousal.

“I really hate that I can’t touch you,” you groaned, tugging on your restraints.

“But that’s what makes it fun, sweetheart,” he grinned, placing a kiss on your stomach.

The ice cube moved down one of your sides, over your hip, where he gave it a playful squeeze. Then the cold hit the top of your thighs, his other hand gliding to the top of the opposite one.

You were desperate at the point and automatically widened the space between your legs. If anything, you were going to let him get a good view of just how wet you were.

His eyes flickered downwards then back up towards your face, a satisfied smirk on his lips. You squirmed, anxious for him to do anything.

“Problem, love?” he cooed.

You glared, arching your hips in an attempt to get some sort of contact.

He chuckled, spreading your legs further. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but the ice moving over your outer lips definitely wasn’t it.

You hissed at the sudden cold, but you didn’t hate it at all. Not like you hated these fucking restraints. You cursed when he pressed it against your clit.

“Fuck, that feels good,” you moaned.

He hummed, looking up at you through his lashes. You groaned in frustration, throwing your head back against the pillow, tugging at your bound wrists again.

You wanted to push his head or his hands to your throbbing core; maybe both at this rate.

“Spencer, please,” you whimpered.

“Okay,” he relented, sitting back on his heels, “You’ve been a good girl so far.”

He reached over you, pulling the knotted ties loose from around your wrists. It was like sweet freedom to you. 

Before you could even touch him, he’d taken a hold of you, rolling you over so you were straddling his stomach.

“Ooh, I’m in control? I like,” you grinned, leaning down to kiss him.

You didn’t quite make it to his lips.

“Think again.”

He grabbed the back of your thighs, roughly pulling you up to sit on his face. This, you hadn’t suspected.

“Oh god,” you moaned lowly as his tongue slid up your outer lips.

His hands held your thighs tightly and he wasted no time diving right in. His tongue flicked your clit and you had to grab a hold of the headboard just to make sure you didn’t collapse on top of him.

Of course oral sex had been a part of your sex life with Spencer prior to this, but never in this way. He was usually more timid about it. But right now, he went for it in a very enthusiastic manner.

“Fuck, Spence.”

You groaned, his lips circling your clit to suck on it briefly before releasing it with a tiny pop of his mouth. His tongue flicked over it again, alternating in speed and pressure.

You had thought it couldn’t get any better until you felt a finger slide into you. You could’ve sworn you almost lost your mind at that point. His finger slowly pumped in and out of you, matching the now slower speed of his tongue that seemed to be licking everywhere but your clit.

“Dammit Spencer,” you groaned, slightly grinding against his mouth for some friction.

You jerked a bit, a surprised squeal coming from you when his hand came down on your ass. It wasn’t a bad reaction though, it had just excited you even more.

“Did you just spank me?!” you asked incredulously.

He hummed, sending a delicious vibration against your clit as his hand came down again on your ass making you moan loudly.

You had no idea there was this side to him.

“Fuck, Spencer, yes baby,” you whined, your hips moving back and forth over his face as his fingers and tongue drove you crazy.

The faster his fingers went, the harder his tongue moved. You were gripping the headboard so tight, your knuckles were white.

“Ah!” you squealed, at an additional spank.

It wasn’t hard enough to be too rough and painful, just hard enough to be incredibly sexy, sending a charge directly to your currently, extremely stimulated clit.

It was also incredibly appealing to you to feel the slight scratch of his facial hair against your nether regions as he ravished you. 

You could feel your entire body tensing, preparing for the rush of adrenaline and ecstasy. Apparently, Spencer could too.

He worked you until you came shattering apart above him. His name mixed with a loud moan and curses sprinkled in.

When the high had ebbed a bit, he moved you back to sit on his stomach, a wolfish grin on his face. You still felt a bit dazed since there was still a bit of buzz left tingling within you.

You noticed then that your boyfriend was way overdressed.

“It’s time to do something about these,” you mumbled, unbuttoning his dress shirt, “You’ve got too many clothes on.”

He allowed you to pull his shirt off, but his hand grabbed yours just as they reached for his belt.

“I am going to fuck you bent over my desk and only bent over my desk.”

He gave you no time to react as he’d already lifted you in his arms and stood from the bed, heading to the living room.

“Spencer, what? I-”

The words died on your lips as he entered the living room and his desk came into view. Normally, it was stacked neatly with his books, files, paperwork that he needed to complete, pens, pencils, a couple of coffee mugs, the works. But now, it was completely clear, showing off its deep, dark brown, glossy desktop.

Heat pooled in your stomach when you realized he’d planned ahead for this. He’d imagined bending you over his desk, having his way with you. You swallowed back a moan, already eager for him to be buried inside of you.

Instead of immediately pushing you over the edge of the desk, he sat you on top of it, facing him.

You bit your lip, quite literally looking up through your lashes at him. His tongue moved over his lips, his hunger for you apparent as his hands traced every inch of you.

From your breasts, down your stomach, to your thighs and around towards your bottom, squeezing it gently, his hands traveled every part of you before capturing your mouth in another kiss.

It was no innocent kiss. It was fiery and filled with the mutual hunger for one another. He was still kissing you when he slid you off the desktop, your feet touching the floor once again.

He turned you and had you bent over the edge of his desk in a matter of seconds. You heard the clink and whir of his belt as he unbuckled it, the sound alone sending a charge through you.

You shifted impatiently, much to his notice. He smirked, running a hand between your legs teasingly, as he pushed his suit pants out of the way with the other hand.

He wasted no time on gentle and loving movements. He entered you roughly and quite honestly, when you weren’t expecting it.

You whimpered. The feeling of your most intimate parts stretching just enough to accommodate him was one of the best feelings in the world to you. 

By this point, you’d lost the ability to be quiet. He’d already brought you to one earth shattering orgasm and that was after the tantalizing ice foreplay that had turned you on beyond belief.

Your constant moans filled the room as your hands gripped the edges of the desk.

Your hips were tight in his grip as he thrust into you fast and hard, your own body bouncing off his in the opposite direction. He, for one, was much louder than he normally was. Grunts, groans, mumbled curses and pants came from behind you as he had his way with you.

His lips hovered over your neck, his appraising moans ringing in your ears.

“Fucking shit, fuuuck, Y/N,” he groaned before attaching his lips to your neck.

He sucked harshly, hard enough to know that hickies would be present for the next few days.

You inhaled sharply, feeling the slight sting of his teeth bearing down into your shoulder, but coupled with your current pleasure, it was actually hot.

Your back arched as he focused on what he’d learned—quite quickly, you might add—was one of your absolute sweet spots, his hips aiding in thrusting deeply within you.

Spencer’s hand snaked up your spine, tangling in your hair, his fingers wrapping around a few strands. It surprised you when he pulled on it, firm enough to pull your head to the side. You moaned at the sensation, ready for him to do anything at this point. You were so turned on, you were a moaning, whimpering mess underneath him.

“Still. Think. I’m. Vanilla?”

Each of his words were clipped, growled into your ear and enunciated with a forceful thrust.

“No,” you rasped, quickly losing control of yourself and becoming delirious from the ecstasy he was providing you with.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he grunted, halting his movements completely.

You about sobbed in agony, wanting the feel of him back. Your hips automatically moved backwards to get some more friction, but Spencer held them still.

“Tell me,” he groaned, the slight strain in his voice indicating he was struggling with keeping still, himself.

You cursed, craving the delicious sensation of him deep within you again especially since you were on the brink of shattering like broken glass.

“Who’s not vanilla?” Spencer taunted.

He began moving once again, his motions slow and teasing. He slid in and out of you with long, lackadaisical thrusts although he made sure each move was deep enough so you could feel every inch of him within you. 

“Dammit Spencer, please,” you mewled, encircling your hips in small movements.

His low groan that came from above you was telling enough that he was trying and failing to keep his cool.

“Answer me,” he murmured huskily, his lips traveling up your back, hands reaching forward to massage your breasts in his hands.

“Answer me,” he repeated, “And I’ll fuck you like you deserved to be fucked.”

Your mouth dropped, a haggard moan escaping your throat. You weren’t used to hearing Spencer dirty talk and you’d realized that you instantly loved it.

His facial hair scratched your cheek as his mouth moved in the vicinity of it, sucking on your jaw.

“Be a good girl and answer me and I promise I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll see stars, baby girl,” his low whisper came, one hand gliding between your legs, finger ghosting your clit.

“I’ll make you cum harder than you even imagined. Until you’re dripping all over my cock. I wanna fuck my girl, good, Spencer purred.

“Oh my god,” you cried, the overstimulation of his words and his touch finally getting you to lose absolute control of your conscious mind.

“You, Spencer, you,” you moaned.

The only sounds that filled his living room were the mixed moans and the sound of your bodies moving together as he fulfilled his promise and resumed his earlier pace though more erratic this time.

Your inadvertent clenching around him with every move was making him lose control quickly. 

“Fuck, fuuuuck,” you whined, clenching the edges of the desk so hard you knew your hands would be sore later.

In the back of your mind, a small part of you registered that you most likely sounded akin to a pornstar right now, though you didn’t spend much time on the thought. The fire in your veins was igniting the growing pressure in your stomach, like a furnace growing too hot.

It took less than a few moves before you went tumbling over the cliff of ecstasy. Your eyes screwed shut, your vision going completely white behind your closed eyes as you managed out a satisfied, bliss filled cry.

It was like lightning had struck your body except the electricity had come straight from the pit of your belly. Spencer had been right, it was the most intense orgasm you’d ever experienced.

It was the body shaking, breathtaking, best kind of high ever, type of intense.

His own had soon followed as you’d tumbled down the rabbit hole of your own delirium. His hands gripped your sides and his body shuddered behind yours.

“Y/N, Y/N,” he groaned repeatedly, still moving with you, wringing every last drop of pleasure out of both of your orgasms.

His face was buried in the crook of your neck as you arched back into him, reaching behind him to grip his hair as you rode out the waves of pleasure.

It took a few moments before both of you stilled, your breathing hard, heart beating wildly. 

When your senses had somewhat turned to normal and the rushing of your blood in your ears had calmed down, you noticed your legs shaking—a definite sign of a good fucking.

You felt his breath on your neck, his breathlessness matching your own. Your body felt slick against his from all of the exertion, but it had been totally worth it. 

Spencer pushed your hair to one side of your neck, burying his face into your neck sweetly before leaving a gentle kiss there.

“My god, Spencer,” you half laughed, trying to focus the tiny bit of energy you had left on attempting to stand.

Disconnecting himself from you, he turned you to face him. He lifted you back on to the desktop to sit, not caring that your thighs were currently slick with the product of his own orgasm. Your quivering legs were thankful for the momentary reprieve though.

“I know,” he smirked, “Didn’t know I had it in me, huh?”

“Definitely not,” you smirked, lifting your face up towards his.

Your lips met his lazily. You spent a few minutes enjoying one other, mouths parting and meeting over and over, enjoying the post coital consequential kisses before getting cleaned up.

His hands splayed over the tops of your thighs, stroking gently. He may have been rough with you earlier, but you knew his gentle touch was him wordlessly assuring himself you were okay.

You were actually more than okay—you had definitely been well fucked.

“Spencer?” you mumbled against his lips.

“Hmm?”

He pulled away from you, his eyes opening, his dreamy, currently hazy, hazel eyes meeting yours. 

“Remind me to never listen to Morgan ever again.”

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Love and Love Making Among the Vikings

Below is an infodump post which focuses on these topics:

Courtship: The Viking Way

Good Personal Hygiene

Sex Before Marriage

Homosexuality being Acceptable (with limits)

Some Viking Marriage Customs That Survive Today

Viking Sexual Euphemisms

Acceptance of Adultery in the Viking Age

Viking Women Divorcing Their Husbands

Vikings in popular culture are often viewed as the brutes of the Dark Ages, robbing, raping and pillaging people and goods. However, an analysis of their personal lives shows a much different side. Family life was important to Norse men, and every proper, upstanding Viking aimed to marry and have children. And although their parents arranged their marriages, Norsemen liked to court their ladies- and made a special effort to impress them with their appearance.

As for Norse women, although they had to put up with their husband’s affairs with live-in mistresses, slaves and even other men, they had the right to divorce their partners for violence, neglect, and various sexually related issues. In fact, Norse customs of love, marriage, and sex set a high standard in their time- and some even survive to this day.

Courtship: The Viking Way

Courtship wasn’t strictly necessary in Norse culture as marriage was more about alliances than love. The prospective bride and groom’s families would command the negotiations, to create a match that would bind the two clans as allies – and sometimes end feuds. Many brides were promised as "peace pledges" to smooth troubled waters between rival families. Although the couple in question could voice an opinion, it was fair to say they had little choice but to go ahead with the match.

That didn’t mean there was no romance -but Norse men had to handle it carefully. If a potential groom was too slow in making advances to his prospective bride, the lady’s relatives could take this as a slight and seek blood vengeance. Eighteen courtships in the sagas ended in this messy fashion. On the other hand, it also didn’t pay to move too fast or stretch out the courtship too long. If the couple liked each other too much to wait for the wedding night, matters could become complicated by an unwanted pregnancy.

So attempts to cultivate what the Norse called ˜inn matki munr’ (‘the mighty passion’) were intricate and involved specific rituals. Meeting and talking was one way to forge a relationship. But some odd practices were also employed. For instance, if a girl wanted to show her man she liked him, she made him a shirt. As for Viking men, they would go out and handpick their lady a bunch of purple flowers- and then slap her around the face with it!

Love poetry, although a favorite of the Norse gods, was viewed with suspicion. In fact, Icelandic law forbade skalds to compose Mannsong, (‘maiden songs’) for women who were not married to them under the threat of outlawry or death. This suspicion came about because the Norse believed that the poems could act as spells to seduce and bind women. Worse still, such praises could suggest that the skald or his patron knew the lady more intimately than he should.

Even if they were not in love before the wedding, the couple would try and cultivate it afterward. Husbands would seat their wives next to them if they wanted to show affection. Couples could also express their closeness by sharing the same drinking horn. If a husband were feeling very affectionate, he would ˜put her on his lap’ where he and his wife could indulge in “kyssir hana’ – a kiss and a cuddle. Or he would put his head on her lap, and she would stroke his hair.

Good personal hygiene was a must

Central to making a good impression on a potential or actual partner was good personal hygiene and pride in one’s appearance. This practice applied to both men and women. Norse graves are packed with grooming essentials for the afterlife- regardless of whether they belonged to a man or a woman. Combs, toothpicks, tweezers and ear spoons were all familiar, demonstrating the Norse liked to be neat and tidy-and clean. The Arab, Ibn Fadlan may have felt horror at the Viking practice of sharing a communal wash bowl, but at least his Norse acquaintances washed their face and combed their hair daily.

In fact, the Norse were probably the cleanest people in the Dark Ages. According to the Saxon cleric, John of Wallingford, they bathed weekly, on a Saturday. Wallingford complained that this, and their habit of changing their clothes regularly, was to “ undermine the virtue of married women and even seduce the daughters of nobles to be their mistresses.” However, the Norse were not content merely to be neat and tidy. Ibn Fadlan also noted the Rus- Viking traders who occupied what is now modern Russia-favored bleaching their beards to a saffron yellow, using a strong lye soap.

This method was probably also used on the hair of men and women. Norse women would have been particularly keen on achieving the long, fair, shiny hair that was the feminine ideal, although the white skin that men also coveted was probably only managed by the wealthy. Men also favored long hair, as only slaves wore their hair close cropped. However, this did not mean they were unkept. Figurines show Viking men wearing their hair trimmed and their beards well groomed- either styled to a point or shaped as a goatee.

Finally, there was the question of clothing. When it came to making an impact, the Norse liked to dress to impress. As well as being clean, garments were brightly colored and adorned with the most costly array of jewelry you could afford. Cloak pins and arm rings all showed off status, impressing the object of your desire not only with your appearance but your wealth and prospects in life.

Sex before marriage was acceptable

It wasn’t always possible to marry the one you loved - or lusted after. The sagas make constant reference to “the illicit love visit.” In such cases, a young couple, forbidden from marrying would meet in secret. The sagas never mention sex occurring. However, it is highly unlikely the young man would risk a secret tryst simply to ˜talk’ to the object of his affections. The lovers, however, were said to ˜enjoy’ each other. A document detailing a wife’s dissatisfaction with her impotent husband because she couldn’t ˜enjoy‘ him suggests this is a term linked to sexual fulfilment.

Indeed, although female virginity was the ideal, it was just about acceptable for a woman to have had sexual relationships before her marriage-with certain provisos. First, she needed to have been discrete and not too prolific in her pre martial encounters. However, most importantly, she should not have had any children out of wedlock. This restriction was not for moral reasons. Illegitimate sons could become their father’s heirs- if he recognized them. Rather, society censured Illegitimacy because of the burden it placed on the maternal family, not because it was deemed wrong or shameful.

Illegitimate children were the responsibility of the mother’s family- and so a burden to it. It was they who ultimately supported the child. Even if the father acknowledged his child, he and his family were only obliged to provide two-thirds of its support. Worse yet, the mother probably lost all hope of marriage, as few men would want to take on the responsibility and expense of another man’s child. Thus her family would lose out further as she would gain no bride price and no family alliance. Thus chastity was often the safest bet.

For men, sex outside marriage posed no such strictures. They were free to indulge themselves however they pleased-as long as they submitted to marriage in the end. For to remain unmarried in Norse society was unacceptable. A man accused of shunning wedlock was said to be ˜fleeing from the vagina.’ Women who did the same were “fleeing from the penis.’ Such people risked becoming social outcasts because they were not fulfilling their ultimate role: the procreation of children for the survival of their families and society.

Homosexuality was acceptable- with limits

Pre Christian Norse views on homosexuality weren’t simple. On the face of it, Norse society accepted sexual relationships between men. However, there were restrictions. Firstly, such relationships could not interfere with any future or current marriage. So the man still had to marry- whatever his views on the opposite sex- and his wife and her family had to be prepared to ignore her husband’s male lover or lovers. It was most important that the man did not neglect his conjugal duties. He still needed to have sex with his wife.

More important was that no free Norse man was the passive partner in a homosexual relationship. Vikings would rape males and females when on raiding trips to shame, degrade and weaken them. To be penetrated was to be submissive. It was acceptable to gain pleasure from penetrating someone- but not from being penetrated yourself. One of the worst insults an enemy could hurl at a Norse man was “sordinn” (penetrated). Any man branded as such would fight to the death defend his honor. These conflicts led to Scandinavian law codes making such types of insult illegal because of the bloodshed, with the slanderer often outlawed- if the injured party didn’t kill him first!

However, if such abuse was believed or proven, it had grave consequences for the man in question. Although Norse myths tell of gods such as Loki and even Odin taking on a submissive role in sex, Norse mortal society did not tolerate passivity in men. The man in question would become a social outcast, branded "ergi” (unmanly). Such men were believed to lack the ability to be vital and virile members of society. They were deemed liable to be ineffectual as fathers and fighters- and as such of no use. Dominant homosexuals were quite another matter.

There is no mention of lesbianism in the tales. Nor are there any references in other Old Norse texts to female homosexual relationships, so we cannot gauge pre-Christian attitudes to female homosexuality. However, Icelandic Christian law suggests lesbianism did occur in Norse society. In the 12th century, Bishop Porlakr Porhallson decreed “if women satisfy each other they shall be ordered the same penance as men who perform the most hideous adultery between them or with a quadruped.”

The Eddas and some of the sagas also specifically mention Freja having sex with other women. In fact at a banquet Loki accused her of having slept all the other Aesir at one time or another, a claim which Freja never denied.

Some Viking Marriage customs survive today

The Norse held their weddings on a Friday, the day of Frigg, the goddess of marriage and fertility. The time of the year was also crucial. Late summer or autumn were the preferred times. This period of the year was harvest time, a time of abundance and plenty. A good supply of meat, fruit, and grain was essential to ensure an amply provisioned wedding feast.

One beverage was of particular importance. The ˜bridal ale’ was first consumed in a loving cup by the bride and groom at the marriage feast. The couple would use the mead-like brew to seal their union with a toast to Odin and Freya. The bridal ale was brewed with a good deal of honey, to ensure the fertility of the newlyweds. Their families gifted the couple with enough of this sweet beer to last them a month- a custom that gives us the modern term ˜honeymoon.’

Before the wedding, both bride and groom took a ritual steam bath. Although they did not wear special clothes for the wedding, both wore specific tokens on their special day. For the bride, this was a floral wreath upon her head. For the groom, it was a sword, purposely robbed from one of his family’s burial mounds (or an old family sword buried in a fake mound that he ritually disinterred.) This sword was presented to the bride at the exchange of vows, as a way of making her a custodian of his family line.

As is common today, the bride and groom exchanged rings- both finger rings and arm rings as they spoke their vows. Once the ceremony was complete, the “brud hlaup” occurred. This was a race run by both wedding parties to the feasting hall. Whoever arrived last served the ale. But before the bride could enter, she had to be escorted over the threshold by the groom. The Norse, like many pagan peoples, believed thresholds were dangerous places for in transition to a new stage in their life.

The groom would then thrust a new sword, a gift from his bride, into the central pillar of the house. The depth of the resulting cut was used to determine the success of their union. Then, after the feast, eight witnesses lighted the bridal couple to bed. The groom then removed the bridal wreath from the bride- a ritual deflowering before the real event.

Viking Sexual Euphemisms

The Vikings could be quite ˜direct’ about certain matters. However, they could also be rather coy about sex – or at least, so their stories suggest. The sagas had various ways to refer to sex that describe it in a rather round about way. A man about to have sex with a woman was said to ˜turn towards’ her, “laying his hand/arm/thigh ” on her. The rest was up to the audience’s imagination. However, what was clear was the man was in charge. He took the lead. His partner followed.

Once the action warmed up, the sagas implied the increased activity in similarly guarded terms. A couple in the throes of passion would ˜crowd together in bed” (hviluthrong) and ‘enjoy each other. ‘ If things were particularly raunchy, the tales would describe the man as enjoying a good old brolta a maga or ˜romp on her belly’ or describe the couple as ˜travelling together.” Once they had exhausted themselves, the couple spent the aftermath at ˜hvila meth henna ” (rest with her), or he would ˜amuse one’s self.’ This activity referred to him enjoying a quiet conversation or game of cards with his partner.

However, the everyday terms used by the Vikings were probably not quite so reserved, judging by sexual words they have bequeathed to modern times. The Old Norse ˜thviet’ for a cut or slit began life as a sexual euphemism for a particular part of the female anatomy. Gradually it evolved into the old English ˜thwat’ and later into the more familiar twat which is used today as a term of abuse. The same occurred with another Old Norse word for the female genitals “Kunta’.

However, not all euphemisms were this crude. In contrast to these rather basic sexual terms, the Old Norse for sexual desire was “munuth.” This word derives from the root word for love “mun‘ and that of thought or memory ˜hugr,’ making the sexual impulse a ˜love thought.’ So perhaps the Vikings could be romantic souls after all.

Adultery was acceptable for Viking men, but not their wives

Many Norse men adored their wives, judging by the last words of one man just before he was hung:

” Happy am I to have won the joy of such a consort; ” said the condemned man of his wife. “I shall not go down basely in loneliness to the gods of Tartarus. So let the encircling bonds grip my throat in the midst; the final anguish shall bring with it pleasure only, since the certain hope remains of renewed love, and death shall prove to have its own delights. Each world holds joy, and in the twin regions shall the repose of our united souls win fame, our equal faithfulness in love “(Saxo Grammaticus)

Sadly, however, not everyone practiced “faithfulness in love” The basic requirement of a Norse man was to produce children with his wife. He was not, however, obliged to be faithful. Norse men could keep concubines known as frilles – lower status women who they did not marry and who lived with the man and his wife. According to Adam of Breman, a man could keep as many frilles as he could afford. Society regarded any children from these liaisons as legitimate.

Norse men also kept bed slaves. These unfortunate women had little choice in whether or not they lay with their master. Nor was it a great advantage to be the master’s favorite. Ibn Fadlan described witnessing a Viking funeral where the favoured bed slave of the deceased man was killed to accompany him to the afterlife. However, the one taboo liaison for a Norseman was to lie with another man’s wife. For this, he could be fined or killed.

Wives, however, were expected to remain faithful, probably because of the possibility of falling pregnant with a child that was not her husband’s. It’s unlikely that every wife did remain constant. However, if anyone caught a woman being unfaithful, the penalties varied. At best, her hair would be cut off. At worst, she could be divorced or fined- or killed. Adam of Breman even states that she could be enslaved.

Viking women could divorce their husbands

Viking women may have had to put up with their spouse’s affairs. However, they didn’t have to put up with their husbands ‘until death‘. Although a Norse wife could not divorce her husband for being unfaithful, there were other circumstances where it was perfectly acceptable. If her husband hit her, a woman could fine him. If he abused her in front of witnesses, not only did the fine apply, but his wife could divorce him after the third blow.

There were also various sexual reasons why a wife could divorce a husband. Men who dressed in feminine clothing such as low cut shirts, for instance, could be cast off, as could those who were homosexual- even if they were the dominant partner. A wife could object to the lack of discretion in homosexual liaisons – or the attention they distracted from her relationship with her spouse. In each case, the now ex-wife could claim back her original dowry and any inheritances she received during the marriage.

Another, perhaps surprising reason for divorce was if a man did not satisfy his wife sexually. A man who had refused to have sex with his wife for three years could be set aside. Likewise, if he could not perform or was leaving his wife sexually unfulfilled, he was at risk of being divorced. For if a couple wasn’t having sex, they weren’t producing children. Also, an unhappy marriage bred bitterness and resentment that could boil over into violence and family feuds. So it was better for a sexually unsatisfied woman to look elsewhere for a partner.

Judging by the sagas, it was the women who generally instigated divorce. All that was required was for them to assemble witnesses, cite their reasons and declare themselves divorced. This had to occur three times: in their bedroom, in front of the house and before a public assembly. It was Norse women’s one significant freedom. For if they were to remain tied to one man, run his home and land and put up with his lovers, the least they could expect was satisfying sex life.