#[tumblr] being a mess as always

[thasorns-moved]

Next year... will I be the only one with feelings? Amane. Sorry! Forget what I just said. I didn't mean to rush you. Forget it. I won't forget. Today I want to answer you about the other day. I had something I wanted you to eat, but I didn't know how to reach out to you. So I didn't contact you. I want to see you.

KIMI TO NARA KOI WO SHITE MITE MO (2023) 君となら恋をしてみても, dir. Matsumoto Hana

[fried-manto]

A scene from something I wrote:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50389594

[crowdeerdire]

So far, and yet so close.

a/n: This is purely for my own enjoyment and because this scene has been playing over and over in my head lately… I just… need to write it down.

Cove is from OL:BA and Kel is my MC\OC. This would take sometime after step 3 when Kel is away in another state (or country - not sure yet) for college.

Warning: Depition of social anixiety Words: 2018

The voices were too loud. There were too many people. It was crowded and hot and everything smelled like sweat and body order. Even the music was echoing through your chest, making everything ache, right down to the bones. It felt like you couldn’t even breathe.

This party was supposed to be 'fun'. It was supposed to be a way to get to know the other students on campus - to expand one's horizons and put yourself out there! To really enjoy college life how it was supposed to be enjoyed! Or at least how the movies told you it was supposed to be enjoyed! But really? All of this so far was so suffocating…

Your friends had promised to keep close to you. They knew how anxious you got in crowds, and yet somehow you had all gotten separated. It wasn’t really surprising, to be totally honest. A large frat house filled to the brim with young adults, most of whom were drunk, high or both? It was bound to happen, especially since you had a habit of slipping away when things got too overwhelming for you.

The corner where you hid with the other socially awkward people or couples that were making out felt no longer safe. Anxiety had been rumbling under your skin for a long time, but now it was starting to hit a boiling point and becoming a full blown panic attack.Your gaze flickered around the room, trying to make heads or tails of the situation in the hazy darkness before you could spot your exit.

You ran.

Honestly? It was not the slightest bit graceful as you stumbled around people, nearly tripping on a rather lanky male as you moved around him. You pleaded with your body to keep it together before you could burst out the front door, joining those who braved the cold autumn air and the starry speckled sky. Smokers stood to one corner with their addictions, couples stood in another with their own addiction, and the people who waited to greet or say goodbye to their friends stood near the street. Quickly you took stock of the front yard before choosing a slightly more isolated side, befriending the mailbox since you didn’t want to actually leave the party fully. If you left your friends would surely be worried! At least this way you didn’t fully leave and were still, technically, attending, despite having a full blown panic attack.

You just… you needed a moment.

Haphazardly you reached into your pocket, pulling out your phone and unlocking the device. Your gaze flickered over the first few contacts, momentarily considering contacting your friends to let them know what was going on. That would have been the logical move, anyways, but your eyes had caught another name high on the list. One name that always calmed you down in overwhelming and over stimulating situations. The one, and really the only person who knew how to bring you back down after spiraling with anxiety and fear.

“Cove…”

Even his name brought you some solace.

Eying the time on your phone, you wince as you realize the late hour. 12:32am… Cove would most likely be in bed already. He was always the type to be early to bed, early to rise, but… Would it be ok to call him anyways?

Your worries became muddled as panic rose with another wave. Your chest tightens and chills run down your spine, making your stomach churn and threaten to spill out on the nicely mowed lawn. No, Cove would understand. You just needed to talk to him for a moment and then everything would be fine, right? Just one call. One quick call.

In a haze you had clicked his name and the call button before bringing the phone to your ear. The sound behind you died out somewhat as you concentrated on the rings, doubt filling the silence in between.

One ring… He was probably asleep.

Two rings… Maybe you could hang up now and pretend you didn't call?

Three rings… But he had a caller ID didn't he? Cove would know you tried to call and --

"…. Hello…?"

Your turbulent thoughts halted as a sleepy and deep rumble of a voice came from the other end. Cove…  Just hearing his voice for that half of a second made your stomach flip (in a good way this time) and your heart dance in your chest. Cove was your closest and bestest friend since forever. You two had known each other for over ten years! So why did his voice do that to you? Why, even after going to college and putting distance between you, did he still make your heart skip and your pulse race? You were his friend! You couldn’t muddle everything up and –

"Hello…?"

Cove's voice came through again, snapping you out of the mini daze you got from simply hearing him for the first time this week. You called often but work had been busy for the ocean boy, as well as his volunteer work with ORCA. You felt a surge of guilt for calling him so late when you remembered why it had been so long since the last time you spoke.

"Ah - Cove! I'm sorry for calling you so late! Did-did I wake you up?" You answered, your voice trembling despite your effort in trying to sound more confident and relaxed when you spoke to him."I-if so I can --"

Cove interrupted, knowing you were one to ramble and this clearly looked like a situation where you would continue if you weren’t stopped.

“Kel? No, no, it’s okay. I mean - I was - but it’s ok.” Cove quickly reassured, his voice becoming clearer the more he woke up. You could hear the shuffling of his sheets as he must have moved to a sitting position, wanting to give you clear attention and not doze off randomly in the middle of the call.

“Is everything ok?”

Is everything ok? That simple question felt like a knife to your gut. Your first urge was to lie, but this was Cove you were talking to. Cove knew you. Like really knew you. No matter how often you said he was easy to read, the same was the case for Cove with you. He could tell by the shake of your voice that something was wrong and knowing him he wouldn’t drop it until you told him the truth.

“I…” You began as you crouched down close to the mailbox, wrapping your free arm around yourself in a pitiful attempt of a hug. “No. I’m at a party, Cove. A college party.”

You could hear his intake of breath, an obvious wince at the statement. For as long as he had known you, Cove knew you weren’t good with crowds. Even at a young age you tended to cling to him when you had to go somewhere busy, using him as a way to ground yourself in the flood of people.

“Kel, my first instinct is to ask ‘why?’.” Cove began, earning him a weak and dry chuckle from yourself. “But that doesn’t matter. Are you okay? Are you having a panic attack right now?”

The concern was palpable through the phone. You curled into yourself even more, using the sound of his voice as a life ring in the ocean of emotions you were feeling. Hearing him had helped you calm down a smidge, but after that question every emotion began to hit you twice as hard. You felt hot tears prick at your eyes and your breathing became stilted. You wanted to voice that you weren’t okay - not at all - but you couldn’t even begin to speak. You were being smothered.

“Okay, okay.” Cove’s voice was sweet and soothing. It reached out to you as he began to speak, pulling you back to him before you could spin out of control, “Kel? Listen to me. You’re alright and you’re safe. I’m here with you.” -If only he really was-. “Let’s breathe together, okay?”

Meekly you nodded despite knowing he couldn’t see it. Cove talked you through breathing with him, his tone ever gentle. Slowly the panic began to release its hold on you. You felt your shoulders relax and the tears dry up. Your breathing became easier as you listened to Cove, allowing yourself to feel safe and simply concentrate on his voice.

“There… That’s it.” Cove cooed, noting that you sounded calmer, “Do you feel a bit better Kel?”

“Yeah… Thank you Cove.” You whispered, your voice stronger now that the panic attack was starting to subside. “Sorry for calling you suddenly.”

“Kel.” Cove’s tone switched from gentle to firm in an instant, “Don’t apologize. You can call me whenever. I’ll always answer.”

‘I’ll always answer’ That line gave you goosebumps. You knew the two of you promised to always be there for each other, no matter the distance, but hearing him say it so firmly made your heart swell. You felt a blush bloom over your cheek like a wildfire before you speak again.

“O-oh… thank you. Seriously… thank you.”

“Always.” Cove reaffirmed as he became his gentle and sweet self once more. “But, uh… now that you’ve calmed down, I gotta ask. Why? Why are you at a party?”

That earned a belly laugh from you as you uncurled yourself from your crouching position, using the mailbox as leverage to stand up once more. “C’mon Cove, what do you mean?” You smirk weakly, “I’m the biggest party animal there is!”

“Kel…” Cove snorted and you could just picture the roll of his beautiful blue eyes. “C’mon.”

“Okay, okay.” You chuckled before shrugging your tight shoulders, feeling them protest at the movement after being wound up so tight. You were gonna ache tomorrow after a panic attack like that. “You caught me Holden. I… I went with some friends. They said it would be fun and promised to stay by my side. I wanted to try something new and to be brave for once!” You let out another laugh, but this time it was more self deprecating then the last one. “We just got separated and then I panicked, as you know, and well… You were the only thing I could think of to calm me down… I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Kel…”

Ah fuck - you hadn’t meant to let out something so cheesy! You began to speak when another voice caught your attention, making you spin. There, coming out the front of the house and down the yard were your friends, looking worried and very apologetic.

“Kel! There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you! Are you alright?”

You weakly smiled at them, giving them a small nod before lifting your phone slightly to indicate you were talking to someone.

“Yeah, just… just a second -” You said to them before addressing Cove on the other side of the device.

“Cove? My friends are here now.” You informed him, “I should let you get back to sleep. Probably leave this party too,” You laughed, “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Call me when you get home. So I know you’re alright and safe.”

It was such a simple request but the love you felt from that statement from Cove filled you up and warmed you in the cool night air. You couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on your lips and you gave a nod. A part of you knew you shouldn’t be so happy about another call, especially with how late it was and how much Cove had been working, but… you couldn’t help it.

“Sure, Cove. Then… I’ll talk to you later… tonight?”

“Later tonight.” Cove reaffirmed. “Bye Kel.”

“Bye Cove.”

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you finally hung up and returned your attention to your friends. Even though they began asking how you were, checking in on you and apologizing for abandoning you, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to Cove.

No matter how far away you were, Cove was always there for you.

That’s what friends did, right? Just… friends.

a/n: This is totally self indulgent and there will be mistakes. Mistakes everywhere. I haven't written in AGES. I just felt the urge even tho I should be doing anything but this!

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

Op… you make a lot of interesting claims in this post. To get the facts straight before I go on a rant… 1) George claims that Rhaegar was a love struck prince 2) the books don’t mention anything about any marriages being annulled/anyone being set aside 3) seems like Dorne has no issue with Rhaegar and 4) Ned literally never thinks anything bad about Rhaegar… but thinks ill of Robert.

First off, a man trapped in a duty bound marriage and finding love outside that marriage is completely different from a whoremonger shouting about his love while visiting brothels whenever he could. And guess what… Ned straight up thinks that Rhaegar didn’t seem like someone who’d visit brothels. Robert and Rhaegar couldn’t be any more different.

And when did Lyanna want to be wild and free? When is it ever said that Rhaegar locked her in the tower of joy and that Lyanna was a prisoner?

Ned never even alludes to there being any truth in any of these claims. What we do know is that Lyanna greatly resembles Arya in looks and personality… and Arya wants to be a high septon and kings counselor, meaning Arya wants to have a position of power and not be reduced to a baby making machine. Going off of that… it seems like Lyanna didn’t want to be “wild and free,” she just wanted to be treated with respect. The only reason Arya is even treated like she’s wild is because she doesn’t conform to the Westerosi standards for highborn women.

And of course she’d feel miserable when she heard Aerys killed her brother and father. Aerys. Not Rhaegar. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she felt guilt about what happened, but in the end it was Aerys who brutally killed them. And then Rhaegar goes to protect his family and dies, and then Rhaegar’s family is brutally killed and then Lyanna dies. George did claim that the greatest love stories are the tragedies (i may be misremembering but i know he said something along the lines of that lmao).

Op, you claim that Rhaelyas love would’ve died after getting news of the Starks deaths, and then you try to suggest that Rhaegar may have been keeping Lyanna isolated from news in Dorne… like please pick a story to go with! And Rhaelyas love dying or Lyanna not being kept updated on what was going on outside of Dorne just doesn’t seem to be true. When reading Neds chapters, it seems like Lyanna was fully aware of what happened to Rhaegar’s children and Elia… as Lyanna pleaded with Ned like how Sansa pleaded with Ned to not kill Lady (hope i’m not misremembering here lol). And Rhaegar dying with a woman’s name on his lips (likely Lyanna’s name) and Lyanna clutching a winter rose (this may just be symbolism for baby Jon tbh) until she passed away seems to contradict your belief that their love died.

Also, where are you getting the “Rhaegar would suggest to set aside his kids and wife to marry Lyanna” from? The show? You mention how Lyanna would not be okay with this, and I agree that Lyanna would never be fine with setting Elia and Elia’s children aside. But even thinking that Rhaegar would ever even suggest setting aside Elia and his children is bonkers. Like seriously… there was so much tension between Aerys and Rhaegar that the Royal court was said to have begun looking like the situation before the Dance of the Dragons. And Dorne was Rhaegar’s greatest support! Why would it make any sense for him to annul his marriage with Elia? And please remember that during the sack Rhaenys hid under her fathers bed. The text supports him loving his kids/his child who wasn’t a baby seeking to be protected by him so why would he endanger them and their positions? (and no, disappearing with Lyanna for awhile isn’t him endangering his family. Aerys was the one who endangered his family (hot take brandon was the one who endangered the starks like wth was he thinking???). and tbh it seems like Aerys knew exactly where to find Rhaegar so did Rhaegar and Lyanna even disappear? or were they just keeping their location a secret from the rebels? the rebels who ended up killing Rhaegar’s family?)

I will say that how op first started to characterize Lyanna is something I agree with, her being principled, noble, honorable, and just with a sensitive side seems to be true, but then op goes on to continue to claim that Lyanna was wild and that she had little regard as to how other people perceived her. There’s no reason for us to believe that she didn’t care about what others thought of her or that she was wild and wanted freedom more than anything, it just seems like she dared to tread away from what was expected of Westerosi highborn women and that she didn’t want to be married to Robert. And guess what… Robert ended up being an abuser! *gasp* Lyanna dear… you clocked Robert right away.

And seriously… how does any of what op mentioned back up their claim that Lyanna would never resign herself to the position of a mistress? Is being a mistress/paramour really that bad? Does it truly seem like Lyanna would look down on those women? Her mini me Arya doesn’t look down on the courtesans of Braavos who occupy a similar position as mistresses in society. And it seems like plenty of noblewomen have been mistresses in the past and they are still as respected as a woman can be in Westerosi society. Missy Blackwood and Elaena Targaryen are right there. And Op, if Lyanna was Rhaegar’s mistress, why would you think that Lyanna couldn’t have been happy? Are we going to doubt Ellarias happiness and her love of Oberyn because they weren’t married? Should I doubt Rhaenyra and Harwins happiness because Rhaenyra was married to Laenor? Rhaegar and Elias marriage was not a love match. And if Rhaegar and Lyanna did marry… ever wonder if polygamy was introduced as a Valyrian practice by George to hint at Rhaegar taking a second wife? Should I now doubt Rhaenys and Aegons happiness and love because Rhaenys was Aegons second wife?

Now can we please stop acting like two people married due to duty have any reason to love each other? Nedcat seems to be an exception in Westeros. Lyanna and Rhaegar falling in love isn’t ruining Elia and Rhaegar’s marriage when love wasn’t there in the first place.

haha my whole post is a bit messy i just wanted to get my thoughts out :)

fuckkkk i want to tag more (my tags are a mess lmao no i’ve not gone through them and no they will not make any sense)

[kirby-the-gorb]

[caguaydreams]

Hm... never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm or however that goes and stuff, but sometimes I do be pondering what I do on the regular and it gets to me, the silliest things

[asteraegis]

haha was in a... silly kind of mood. howlen in warriors orochi naotora li's deity outfit, hien ass up, and uh *reading smudged handwriting* oh zenos torture porn whoops.

thanks howlen for censoring. two versions of the zenos thing in case you understandably are a normal person and dont want your baby girl beat up. alt text available, may be helpful to read before enhancing on the last image.

[whoblewboobear]

It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)

But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.

And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.

Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ���bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay

[electricea]

for all its issues, i really fell in love with tumblr's format for rp - it just feels so compatible and smooth for roleplaying and writing and it just feels so unique and like no other experience out there. i don't think i could ever go back to forum or chat room role-playing if tumblr ever went down. something about tumblr just feels so cozy and comfortable for rp.

[yuukei-yikes]

haruka and takane are literally said to be experimented on but we never know what exactly happens to them and rly they didnt Have to get experimented on to get to where they end up on, just killed. but also its so much more fun to imagine they do get experimented on. my hc is since their red eyes case is kinda unique the experimenting bit also plays a part in the way saeru cheats the system to get 2 snakes out in 1 day. cuz technically ONE snake should be out by killing two people. for 2 snakes to get out you’d need 4 people!!

also something i never got is HOW is ayano able to open the daze by herself and keep one snake when it’s supposed to be when 2 people die. all 3 of their cases are a little ridiculous or i just personally dont get it. i take pride in understanding kagepro but ayano’s thing is something i never quite got lol. HOW DO ALL 3 GET A SNAKE IF THEY DIE ALONE(?) i thought maybe the daze opens for ayano bc haruka and takane’s deaths already opened it that day?? we dont rly know if ayano dies before or after haruka and takane after all. erm. 1 million thoughts in tags like always

[tchaikovskym]

I think I can officially call my art blog a public archive since it's not getting any blog action

[seaofreverie]

Wanted to start working on projects for my part-time school this weekend but instead all I have the energy to do is lay in bed and play mario kart or lay in bed and listen to music

[piplupod]

sometimes i worry myself sick over thinking i might have a victim complex because i (understandably) often struggle with being a functioning human person due to lifelong abuse, and then I come onto tumblr dot com and see the way some of the people on here act and I realize "ah. no i'm okay actually."

[frogwithastrawberry]

*spends hours on a drawing*

Wow! I'm really proud of this!

*shows it to someone*

'Why did you mess up ____?'

(⁠✿⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)

(⁠ノ⁠ಥ⁠,⁠_⁠｣⁠ಥ⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

[goldpilot22]

Percival is an expert at completely ruining the moment