#but now it’s different
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It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)
But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.
And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.
Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ‘bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay
#ngl I think the biggest ‘culture shock’ ig about being in fandom is that tagging systems have changed so much or something bc I’m used to#walking in a tag and that’s where you find everything#but now it’s different#things are tagged wayyy differently and it means missing things or setting aside time to go down a list to check every blog#I dunno#I always feel a little weird about main tagging sb stuff now bc I’ll check the tag and it’s like oh? things are slowing down#but it’s like nooo bc of tagging and different lanes entirely I’m just missing stuff#idk what this is I’m just talking but it’s strange#I think I’m bad at fandom and that defeats the purpose of it bc it’s recreational#it’s supposed to be fun.#it’s /supposed/ to be fun#I saw a post the other day of someone that’s in this purely for Jace and having similar feelings of being out of the loop and it got me#thinking bc on some part I’ve contributed to it and I’ve probably clogged tags#but the lizard part of my brain that gets the dopamine boost from getting a note is like if I don’t main tag it won’t be seen#but truly either way I am mostly talking to myself lmao#so yah know? idk it should be fun#idk what this is and idk if I’ll fully ever commit to a different/quieter tagging system#bc tumblr is the place I got to scream and be annoying without being told it’s too much and some how I’ve convinced myself that on my own#blog and fandom spaces I enjoy that I’m just annoying#and I don’t wanna think that#I think I’m tired. like hyperfixation hasn’t died but the part of me that’s hungry for being completely consumed by it is tired#my one fear is that I’ll be so annoying that my fic will finish and no one will care#which isn’t true bc I’ll care until the bitter end lmao#idk I’ve talked so much that I’m like oh I’ve done the thing again I should shut up#also this is too like- self focused way too self focused#which just makes it worse bc then I’m like that’s what got me in this mess#but goddamn there’s just so much shit I’m missing out on and interactions I’d like to have but about things that I’m out of my depths on#so it made fandom a little lonely and a little secular#feeling like a kid on the outs#I want that feeling to die especially about the things I love
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Well I like it but it’s not very well written. Also it’s a visual mess. The plot doesnt make any sense and the creators suck and its politics oscillate from mildly problematic to frankly baffling. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. However. the character
#warlock wartalks#too many to name..goodbye world#now that this is getting notes I would like to officially state I was thinking abt Torchwood and several comic properties when making this#also great cities which yall know is close to my heart but I have an entirely different set of issues w its politics#mostly that nkj can do better
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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the curse of adhd:
i will remember with absolute clarity, when the thought strikes me that i have a text to send someone, that this is the fourth time in three days i've attempted to send this specific text
i will forget, in the time it takes me to pick up my phone, that i picked it up intending to send a text
#every time#managed to actually send it today!#but also i have been reminded to post this by the fact that i just had a task to do in two different rooms just now#so i turned the light on in the room i was getting to second because my brain would go 'oh why is the light on that's weird'#and check the room and it would remind me to do the second task#in the less than five seconds between turning the light on and exiting the room#my brain went 'oh the light's on better turn that off before i leave'#and i had to manually catch myself#PLS.#adhd
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Handposting
#the 2nd and 3rd works were supposed to be in the same style as my bad dog hands#however they went in completely different directions#obviously.#figured I’d still post them all together#learning to go with the flow of how a work ends up turning out rather than getting mad it’s not following the idea I had in my head is good#saved me from scrapping a fuck load of works#still wanna do more bad dog hands. idk why it’s impossible for me now#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#art masterpost#surreal art#digital painting
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It's always so weird to come down from the biology heavens to see what the average person believes about animals, plants, ecosystems, just the world around them. I don't even mean things that one simply doesn't know because they've never been told or things that are confusing, I'm talking about people who genuinely do not see insects as animals. What are you saying. Every time I see a crawling or fluttering little guy I know that little guy has motivations and drive to fulfill those motivations. There are gears turning in their head! They are perceiving this world and they are drawing conclusions, they are conscious. And yet it's still a whole thing if various bugs of the world feel pain or if they are simply Instinct Machines that are Not Truly Aware of Anything At All????? Help!!!!!! How can you look at a little guy and think he is just the macroscopic animal version of a virus
#yesterday i made a complainy post about a whale edit having people confused about whale sharks and orcas' dolphin and whale identity#but honestly i cant even hold these things against someone. its confusing that whale sharks are called with two different animal names!#and if you only know about the whale dolphin porpoise divide then you may not know that dolphins and porpoises and others are toothed whale#i dont think anyone is actually stupid for not having this information preinstalled in their brains#if anything it makes me happy to get to explain things because i love explaining things that i know :D#however... this#it just makes me sad :(#its so weird when this whole thing is subjected towards OTHER VERTEBRATES too like fish or reptiles or amphibians#like man.... you are a fish. your ancestors were buddy buddy (or actually probably enemy enemy) with the ancestors of these guys#fish are like a whole other class of animal to a lot of people dont even get me started#they never get the same protections as mammals or birds do even if they are just as or more endangered#mmmmm i wont rant now#biology
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This is what the dynamic was like
#my art#sketchy sketch#arcane#silco#vander#silco arcane#vander arcane#zaundads#vanco#sadihasdias I can't stop#i am not that into turning this duo into a trio#and downplaying some of the themes and dynamics established earlier on#the political and freedomfighter stuff. Now it's a promise to a keep etc not a fight between two different views on how to handle#a difficult thing as breaking away from oppression and becoming independent and free#and not in individual level but as a whole community/city#and neither of them did it 100% right but both did some things right#anyway haha lol gay
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the jojamart mockumentary that constantly plays in my mind
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#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#sdv sam#sdv shane#stardew valley sam#stardew valley shane#jojamart mockumentary#my art#so the first time i really watched the office was earlier this month#when i was on a nine hour flight and the third season was available in the in-seat entertainment#and like#i get it now#and if you see a continuity error on shane’s hat#uhhhhhhhh they’re two different hats 🤫#and also#i didn’t realize i made sam’s hair that dark#ngl i just eye dropped from my halloween drawing of him#and totally forgot i darkened it there for the vibe
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The tech guy in movies
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#gravity falls#stan pines#stanford pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#ford pines#Some notes: I don't think Stanford swears before getting thrown into the portal.#And then in the multiverse he was introduced to a multitude of different curse words and started cursing left and right LOL#When he came back#due to proximity with family he stopped cursing for the most part#but then one time on the Stan o War when he was really really stressed ... This happened HEODNAK#Ford stubbing his toe near the kids (now teens): FFFFFFUUUUiiiddleford Mcgucket . My pal from college.#Haha yes that was what I was going to say definitelyDipper: it's okay Grunkle Ford we know the fuck word#Mabel: (dramatic gasp) dipper you can't say that!!!!!!!!!
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– Noor Unnahar, Instagram account "noor_unnahar"
[TEXT ID: / [Lemons] / My father's mother loved lemons. Years after her passing, / we run out of everything, but never / lemons. / Nothing else shelters grief / better than memory. / It's my father way of saying, / even in your absence, you will be / cared by me. / END ID]
#reminds me of my mom who now watch english movies even though english is not her first language and struggles to understands too but she do#all this because of my brother who loved to watch different movies while growing up but now move to another countryy#so she remembers him while watching that#now we all should cry together#light academia#dark academia#excerpts#fragments#poetry#words#literature#noor unnahar#spilled poem#short peoms#grief poem#grief#on grief#spilled thoughts#peots on tumblr#spilled ink
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Dick: You use to be so cute and tiny..
Jason: And you use to be cool. We both changed.
Dick: Wha-?! I'm still cool!!
Jason: Okay, 'officer Grayson'. Cops aren't cool.
Dick: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
Jason: STILL FRESH IN MY MIND, PIG!
Dick: LET IT GO!
Jason: NO. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID FUCK THE POLICE! THOSE WERE WORDS I LIVED BY!
Dick: OH MY GOD. YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL REMEMBERS THAT!
Tim, walking into the living room: I remember it.
Duke, from another room: I heard about it! You've lost 1000 aura man!
Cassandra, poking her head in: I've also heard about it.
Dick: EVERYONE SHUT UP.
Jason: Just like a cop to order people around like that, shameless.
Dick, groans: Fuuuuck-!
Dick: All of you are going to make me age like milk!
Damian, popping up behind him: Is it wrong to say it's too late for that?
Dick, practically shaking: Damian..I swear to God.
#j.p speaks#another convo#batfamily#incorrect batfamily quotes#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#duke thomas#ugh theres so..many- fuck#its their privilege and right to piss Dick off#dick around others: *cool and collected*#dick around his family: *close to shipping them all to a different country (lovingly)*#imagine being an only child now all you have is siblings id crash out 😮💨
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#this made me scream#some of you are experiencing a different game than me like in what world 😭#now wyll on the other hand….
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Dick who climbed on anything as a child. Even in public, especially in public. The moment Bruce looks away, he is climbing something to get as high as possible. The first times, it gave Bruce an heart attack. Now, it's just a headache.
People pass by and ask if they should call the firefighters, and Bruce tiredly tell them "He is fine, he can get down on his own.", like people with cats.
Imagine, you're walking out of some building, only to see a 10 years old standing on top of a lamppost, having a discussion with his dad guardian at the bottom.
"Dick, get down."
"Make me."
"Get down or you're grounded."
#bruce wayne#dick grayson#batman#robin#dc comics#my ramblings#sometimes Bruce doesn't even know how Dick got where he is#he looked away for a second and now Dick is in the ceiling#of course Dick doesn’t get down because he knows the threat is empty Bruce is using his “tired dad” voice not his “disappointed dad” voice#really different for a Batkid you can still get away with a lot with the “tired dad”
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going to chb must be crazy like imagine sharing a camp with
-one of the strongest demigods ever who's saved the world like at least 3 times, fought multiple gods & titans and WON (and is a tartarus survivor)
-the literal main architect of OLYMPUS who's also saved the world multiple times (also tartarus survivor)
-THE lord of the wild who's also close friends with the first two (and has helped save the world multiple times)
-an emo kid from the 1930s who again helped save the world and is also a tartarus survivor (TWICE)
-a son of apollo who survived tartarus with nothing but cargo shorts and sheer will (pun intended)
-the main designer and builder for the argo II, also the first hephaestus kid to have fire powers since hundreds of years ago (did i mention killed gaea? no? yeah he did that too)
-a girl who somehow charmspeak-ed gaea into falling back asleep (also side note daughter of super famous actor because why not)
-pretty much everybody is a two-time war veteran
-THE GOD APOLLO who just sometimes comes down to visit in the form of a teenage boy
-did i mention dionysus, god of wine madness and theatre
-also chiron, trainer of pretty much every greek hero ever
#shit's crazy#theyre basically living history#percy is kinda the new hercules except less macho manly man#'oh who's killed this guy before' 'percy jackson'#like can you imagine playing capture the flag with rhese bastards#ur scaling the wall and you see these mfs make it up there in like 2 jumps#they arent allowed to be in the same team for any of the games because you KNOW theyd beat everyone else's asses#people are fighting to have percy on their team#not to mention the gods that just pop in for a visit every now and then#like at this point the fact that DIONYSUS is their camp counselor isnr even that surprising anymore#some scrawny teen dude shows up and will's just 'oh hey dad'#'YOU MEAN APOLLO????' 'yeah lol he just visits sometimes'#pretty much everyone there has survived at least one war#the background characters must feel hella overshadowed bcs what does it matter if u won a game when the guy in the cabin across has like#saved the world. 3 different times. like wtf#pjo books#leo valdez#trials of apollo#lester papadopoulos#pjo fandom#percy jackson#grover underwood#nico di angelo#annabeth chase#pjo hoo toa#heroes of olympus#piper mclean#chiron#camp half blood#pjo text post
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