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Crazy wild shit man
#how are we straight up accepting the emmrich romance lich choice for how it’s written#does anyone feel me#hello???#no one else can see the inherent tragedy in this?#maybe I’m too mort ass pilled but um. trading away your life to escape death is no life at all#and why can’t rook be like. you killed yourself and took yourself away from me and now you have no skin for me to caress and no warmth for#me to share and though it’s still your consciousness you’ve a) gained a perspective I can never ever share and b) you have accepted#outliving me so thoroughly that I will be just a drop in the bucket of your life even if I get another good 50 years out of life.#why can’t I ask him is all this worth it without your heart????!??#why can’t I break it off?!!!???#why do I HAVE to celebrate this choice#emmrich volkarin#dav spoilers#and that’s not even getting into the philosophical questions surrounding fear and what it means to live like.#emmrich… has ocd. and I have no doubt that those fears are truly debilitating (despite this almost never coming up in the narrative)#and essentially this choice is one about how to deal with it. acceptance vs avoidance. and we see no consequences for either!!!#if he chooses to accept this fear as a part of him and work through it WE SHOULD SEE THAT WORK#he should struggle!! and that struggle should lead him towards making peace with that fear#AND!!#if he chooses to escape from that fear— to actively avoid ever resolving it— we should see him struggle with that too!!!!#molding your entire existence around this fear to the point you embody it… where are the emotional consequences for that!?#WHY DO I— AS SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES HIM— NOT GET ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PUSH BACK OR ASK SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS?!?#in a game about the tyranny of immortality… we can send our beloved to kill his mortal self to come back as an immortal husk.#and we’re not even allowed to be sad abt it the very next scene is some goofy cartoon shit at the lighthouse where every single person just#immediately accepts this reality and has no issues. not even taash 😭
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'trc adaptation is bad bc they mixed timelines and cut out lots of stuff' 'trc adaptation is bad bc they sanitised adam's bitchiness' 'trc adaptation is bad bc they made the ganseys democrats' NO TRC ADAPTATION IS BAD BC IT'S SET IN 2024 and not in 2001 like god intended!!
#trc#trc goncharov#like. even watching them trying to justify adam not having a phone was ridiculous. no matter what he just seems like ✨not like other girls#hashtag so quirky#oh also blue's wardrobe???? why is she dressed like tiktok 00s aesthetic girlie ffs? it doesn't work like that! she's not trendy!#she's a weirdo! she diys every outfit she wears she doesn't own a single black piece of clothing!#and can we talk abt adam changing outfits like 5678424 times during just first 4 eps that I've seen so far#like. be fr. look me in the eye. look me in the eye and tell me that boy owns more than 3 tshirts.#and i will not say anything abt gansey's yacht grandma wordrobe erasure bc everyone already said their piece.#it's just this trend of not allowing teenage characters be the cringe teens that they are#not you tho henry u did great no notes#and if ur asking what is henry doing there in the first season first of all ur racist second of all he's there to slay. next question#*yacht grandPA but u know what. another missed opportunity
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....why are the youtube comments so mad lol don't y'all like to have fun. don't we like to have fun here
#ari speaks#half of them are 'wahhh this is what happens when you make games WOKE' like. baby. shhhh. it's not dark fantasy enough for you???#like we are allowed to have varied opinions but also idk. dragon age has always had moments of being a lil silly. especially inquisition.#titsicles???? the nug king???? i'm attacking your holdfast with a goat????? cmon now.#we DO get a little silly here and i'm really not opposed to (well-placed) tonal irreverence in a world about to end.#bitch the world we are CURRENTLY living in is falling apart and i am also being a silly fucking guy because it's all i got.#if i lived in thedas irl i'd be in taverns getting tomatoes thrown at me for bad stand-up about kirkwall HAVE SOME FUN LIVE A LITTLE.#also bc it's been so long one has to imagine that they're also trying to grab some new fans here so it does not surprise me#that the trailer is not 'Boo Hoo Sad Times Dark Fantasy Game No. 49' (i say as an enjoyer of depressing dark fantasy)#esp when all of the prior promotional material has been very doom and gloom.#i don't think that just because the game is being marketed like this/that we're switching focus from solas that the game will be#sanitized and not dealing with any kind of fucked up lore and shit. i am holding out hope that we're going to get some cool opportunities#to play in a space that is def dark but can still give room to breathe.#anyway i do not actually giv a fuck (genuine not insulting) if the trailer did not make u excited das ok.#unless you're complaining that it's woke garbage now/so bad because g*ider is uninvolved. if thats the case you may fuck off.#sorry for the tag essay!
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i fucking love prereading. getting documents about what's going to be discussed in a meeting and reading them and then going to the meeting and having context for all the things that are happening. if i could do this in all areas of life i would. send me a list of the words i'm going to need the definition of in order to understand what you will be talking about. give me a rundown of what topics might come up during this social encounter. provide detailed documentation of what to expect in a new setting. i will read the fuck out of that shit.
#me getting off meeting 2 for a project but this time i read their paper first because they sent it in advance: waaowoaoaowaw#you are not just saying words next to each other. these words have meaning#my posts#i went to get new glasses the other day but it was a failure because i forgot everything. forgot my prescription most notably#(idk where my brain is lately but it does not appear to be inside my skull)#but actually i ended up feeling fine about it. because it allowed me to scope out the place. figure out how it works#a little dry run. a little dress rehearsal. now i know that when i do it for real i'm going to go to the third floor#i'm going to go up to the ticket machine and press the button on the touchscreen and get a number#i'm going to go right inside and start looking at frames instead of sitting in the waiting area which is actually for a different departmen#i didn't know any of that and it was stressful but now i know and next time i am going to look and act so normal#also i was able to find out what my actual benefit is and it's really stupid. it's something i wouldn't have guessed in a million years#so it's good i had the opportunity to ask about it during a time when it didn't matter because i couldn't use it anyway#getting glasses is stressful enough because you have to stand around trying on frames like a tool#if there is any other aspect of the process that also makes me feel like an idiot it's just too much to bear. this time i got to spread it#out over two encounters. so hopefully next time the only embarrassing part will be the frames fashion show
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#The forbidden extra panels that're like ''And misgendering people is a shitty thing to do'' / ''That also makes sense'' before the last two#I'm sorry I'm choosing violence today#Look I'm not saying you have to call him Crocodad specifically or anything#Its just the seeming insistence FROM THE CISHETS to misgender him at every opportunity that just 💢💢💢#Another one is when people speculate about him being trans to begin with but instead of discussing whether or not he's trans#No it's a debate whether or not he's aCtUaLlY a fEmAlE#I swear to god#It's the whole Discussing Gender With Trans People vs Discussing Gender With Cis People-meme#And it drives me up the walls. Please just let me yell for a bit#Just to be clear: This is not a deeply serious post. If it was I wouldn't make it a Spongebob meme for crying out loud#This is simply MY BLOG and I'M ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN HERE#Also I do have to watch people repeatedly misgender him in the tags of MY OWN FANART completely unprompted so y'know.#Like randos pls don't misgender my husband on my posts I am fucking begging of you 😭#Moon posting#OP Meta
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i think i’m one ‘o them relationship anarchy enjoyers
#marzi speaks#been thinking abt how much less stressful being social has gotten#since i’ve decided to stop giving a shit abt romance and sort of like. accepted i’m arospec#n don’t get me wrong i’m still a hopeless romantic or whatever. but i don’t Need to date someone#and any time i get the opportunity i just get uncomfortable#it’s not the commitment i’m afraid of— i’m very ride or die#i just hate labeling shit like that. if i care for you deeply do i need to identify whether that love is romantic#can i not just love you#idk. shit got easier when i coukd just tell my friends i adored them without worrying abt being misinterpreted#i’m not romance-averse or anything. i’d say i’m romance-favorable#like if someone i really care about says they want to start doing couple things with me. sure 👍#but i don’t like the idea of calling something an explicitly romantic relationship#i’d rather it just be. oh yeah that’s so-and-so we’re close. we’re tight#like i feel like putting a word on a relationship restricts what it’s allowed to look like to a specific standard#and i HATE restrictive standards they drive me nuts !!!#so much less overthinking when it’s just like. ‘ah yes i love xyz person.’ does it matter what kind of love it is. it’s strong either way
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Friday the 13th
I was born on a Friday the 13th, and I credit my older brother with a superstition I invented:
We were playing cards. It wasn't a game where a number counter could win: it was a game of pure chance, and I was losing. He told me I was losing because I would always be unlucky because I was born on Friday the 13th.
And because that made me cross, I told him that people who are born on a Friday the 13th are in fact extra lucky on that day, because we get all of the luck that other people aren't getting. And then our younger sister wandered into the room and I said I was bored playing cards and my sister and brother played, and I took the opportunity when I offered to shuffle to stack the deck so that my sister got consistently good hands and my brother lost catastrophically, so that showed him.
#friday the thirteenth#family dynamics#when I only played cards with my brother and sister when we were kids I never really saw the problem with cheating#they had exactly the same opportunity I did to learn how to count cards and stack the deck and spot when I was doing it#so it just all seemed part of the game#which seems weird to me now but hand a pack of cards to an instinctive card counter and um I just used to figure out how to fix the odds#i place this confession in tags so that no one will ever read it#but bro if you do read it that was how our little sister ended up owning all of the good lego bricks for one morning#we weren't allowed to bet serious stakes#or play for keepsies#superstitions#my brother is 14 months older than me and my sister is three years younger
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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god i hate everyone
#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t#one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans#people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right#so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly#baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair#and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying#kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this#just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly#shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night#and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out
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hm having thoughts bout making a boy who went forth to learn what fear is eah oc now
#ever after high#thanks trending page for reminding me of this banger show#i cam see this boy be comfortable with his destiny (since he can't feel fear anyway and it's a nice enough ending)#but when the whole 'actually fuck this destiny thing' happens he is THRILLED#at first he's like 'i dont get why are you guys against them rebelling? they should be allowed to?'#then he learns it's because they're scared of losing their destiny or dying amd he's like '!! wait you guys are SCARED?'#and he's overjoyed with the new possibility to maybe feel fear#then when he realizes no set destiny means even more opportunity to actually feel fear...#i mean his future is nice but he knows it ends well so like. of course he won't get scared once.#but if they throw out the whole destiny thing...#'you do realize we may head to catastrophy?' 'I know! it's amazing isnt it?!' 'what is WRONG with you!?!'#other option is that he likes not feeling fear but then his behavior will change following if he thinks his destiny teaches him fear or not#also i say he but they can be a she#idk#just throwing thoughts in the tags rather than the post itself ig#eah
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When I held these fishes in my hands it brought tears to my eyes.
(Left: Nanobagrus immaculatus; Right, Nanobagrus nebulosus)
#i visited a museum recently to look at specimens of the poeciliid ive been working on#and was allowed to poke around in the bagrids too#this was such a huge deal to me#nanobagrus are kind of representative of the dream ive been chasing#i got to finally see them in real life and even hold them#i am very aware of how small they are in numbers but holding them and really seeing how tiny they are is different#you really grasp how itty bitty they are#that Nanobagrus immaculatus was exactly the maximum size the species is recorded at#it was a big one and it was so so small#i qlso had a lot of complicated feelings about my experience in my bad lab and how i should have had the opportunity to visit a museum#and do this before now#i will for sure in my new lab get to do this stuff#blue skies ahead#but holding these guys was a really big deal to me#also held a jar of Nanobagrus torquatus paratypes but i didn't want to handle them for fear of damaging them#no need to damage a type without reason
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I overheard one of your siblings mention your youngest? What I got is that you eradicated the species of their playmates after using him as a distraction. And Coordinator? I'm the eldest of four kids and I would NEVER manipulate any of them like that and take away their friends. Just... why?
The Coordinator: How. DARE. You.
The Coordinator: I did not manipulate them, they were old enough to begin to participate in Collections, so I sent them down to interact with the Titans. NONE of us knew that they were as powerful as they were.
The Coordinator: "Friends"! Hysterical. We can be friendly with the mortals all we want but we will all lose them eventually. None can ever be suitable friends for any of us. We will outlive them, and besides that, we do not drop by to chat and catch up when we have more important matters to attend to elsewhere, at all times.
The Coordinator: Leaving them on that disgusting rock while we launched our attack against the Titans was meant to be an act of MERCY for him. It was ill-fated.
The Coordinator: But above all else, HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!? I will be personally putting you back in the Archive, but in the interim, it has been quite a while since I've had to study the anatomy of your species. Maybe I could allow myself a brief refresher. Do you know what vivisection is? You might soon enough.
The Coordinator removes them from the enclosure and leaves with them.
The Curator: Wow they really made her mad. I haven't seen her so angry in over 1000 Orbits.
#ask the archivists#ask blog#asks are open#toh the archivists#toh#toh oc#the owl house#the archivists#id in alt text#the collector#toh the collector#asker you have no idea how happy this ask made me#I saw it and was SO excited because I was like#''aw yeah a perfect opportunity to piss the Coordinator off super hardcore''#It also allows me to do something else#whoopsy forgot the Collector tags since he's mentioned
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so what that i slept in for the exam. my voice teacher just called to talk about yesterdays concert and said some truly insane shit that made me cry again (but like. in a good way lol) so who even gives a shit lol
#she can singlehandedly fix me#she said so many insanely beautiful things. about ME. i am still reeling from it.#also she said we 'clearly have the exact same vision when it comes to this aria' and im sooooo normal about it uwu#yes queen ill be your little bitch ill sing it exactly as you want it (except i WILL use chest voice sorry thats not optional)#anyway i hate this because see this is what my brain does now. i got so many insane compliments that now all i can think about is#“when will i lose it”. now im gonna live in fear that one day ill wake up and ill forget how to act.#that i will suddenly just lose all my idk stage presence and all my musicality. because i just cant have nice things#and i cant have things to actually be. if not exactly proud of. then at least happy about. im not allowed.#the moment i let myself believe it and truly appreciate and value myself and consider myself objectively good at something - ill lose it all#or rather - it shall be taken away from me to teach me a lesson. see for a person who doesnt believe in god#i sure do live in a constant conviction that he's just waiting for the opportune moment to lure me into a fake sense of safety and happiness#just to snatch it away at the peak of it if only to prove to me that i dont get to have nice things and i shouldnt dare to even want them#gotta love being normal
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#hi!!!!!!#i feel like i should update here bc despite the stress it caused me this place got me through some of the roughest parts of med school#so if anyone at all is still around thank you <3#im updating to say match day was friday and im very excited to have matched into my dream specialty in a program im very excited about!#im thankfully moving much closer to my family which im stoked about and ill have excellent opportunities here so im super grateful#im graduating med school in two months which is surreal#i will be a literal doctor like who allowed that im just a young girl#anyways thank you to harry and this place for giving me stuff to look forward to during the rough patches#idk what he's up to these days but i hope he's well!!!#anyways byeeeeeeeeeee hope you guys are doing great
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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yakuza kiwami is doing an excellent job reminding me why i cannot be allowed anywhere near games with this much side bullshit in them. the moment i was allowed to free-roam kamurocho the main story got disregarded in favor of doing sub-stories and finding locker keys. there's an entire card game system waiting for me to get unreasonably invested in it. pocket circuit is back and will ruin my life again. at least there's no real-estate minigame this time or there'd be absolutely no hope of me ever finishing this game
#soda offers you a can#i cannot be given freedom like this in any game because i Will approach it in the most head-ass way imaginable#i can't play open world games because i'll start playing them like an asshole bc i want to see how much im allowed to do#there's an idiot in me who's terminally obsessed with 100%ing everything at the first available opportunity too#which makes everything worse because i want to do the side bullshit Immediately#instead of spreading it out like a normal person#can you tell i never actually finished yakuza 0 btw#i got way too tangled up in real estate pocket circuit and sub stories that i burned myself out on the game#i'd like to return to it at some point but fuck. fuck there's so much of it#and i have to play it on the ps4. and i watched someone stream it years ago so i kind of know the story already#but don't remember the ending idk if i watched that
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