#(idk where my brain is lately but it does not appear to be inside my skull)

[coquelicoq]

i fucking love prereading. getting documents about what's going to be discussed in a meeting and reading them and then going to the meeting and having context for all the things that are happening. if i could do this in all areas of life i would. send me a list of the words i'm going to need the definition of in order to understand what you will be talking about. give me a rundown of what topics might come up during this social encounter. provide detailed documentation of what to expect in a new setting. i will read the fuck out of that shit.

[orshii]

Will I ever see you again? CHAPTER 2: Slow Down

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Warning: cursing, violence, alcohol consumption, drug use

Word count: 5 k

Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?

Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?

A/N: Chapter 2 is here finally, sorry for updating so late, I just needed to figure out some things in the story. More secrets are coming to the surface and their connection gets a little...hotter. Poor Wooyoungie tho. Idk about you but I love this possessive Hj haha, and it'll get more interesting. Thank you for reading, byee!

Taglist: @bvidzsoo @vixensss @deltamoon666 @scarfac3 @chatsgotmytongue @xiang-zalea (taglist is open if interested)

The four men stared at me like they were the hunters and I was their prey.

"Now that fucker, Yunho, will give back the money he owns us, for sure." The tallest man said, stepping closer to me.

I slowly stood up; they were only inches apart from me. I inhaled deeply, trying to get myself together. There was no point in panicking. No one was here to save me, I needed to save myself. I looked around, two men were standing on my right side and the other two were on my left side. They were blocking my car, the takeaway food was splashed on the dirty ground, and my bag with my keys was meters away from me, getting to my car wasn't a choice now; I needed to run.

"What money?" I asked and slowly, very carefully stepped back, trying to appear confident.

"Your brother robbed us, and took all of our money, so he will pay now." Again, the tallest man stepped closer to me as I stepped back. I guessed he was their leader.

He grabbed my chin and lifted it aggressively, "We should play a little with this slut." His mouth was barely inches away from my face. I felt disgusted.

Fuck, this isn't good. I needed to think, very quickly. Suddenly, Hongjoong’s words were echoing in my brain.

If your timing is perfect, your enemy will be on the floor in seconds.

 I remembered what Hongjoong taught me. Four against one isn't fair. I can't just knock them all out. A stupid plan started to form in my mind as I took in my surroundings carefully, analyzing where I could run, and I knew— It was now or never baby. The man was trying to say something when I suddenly shouted.

"Look, what is that?!" I said as the four men looked behind themselves. I quickly punched the man in front of me, right in his solar plexus, and he was on the floor in seconds. But I had no time to wander around. I started to run, run for my fucking life. I ran opposite my car, into the dark streets. I looked behind me and the three men were running after me, the fourth a little behind. I was breathing heavily, I wasn't used to running, it was ridiculous, this predicament was a joke. Adrenaline crawled through my body as I was still running, and looking behind my back, I saw the four men slowing down. I guess they weren’t used to running, fuckers. I knew this town just like the back of my hand, so I knew a place where I could hide, I just needed to get there.

I ran down short and narrow streets, turning left, then right. I don't fucking know what kept me going, but the adrenaline pumping through my body gave me some kind of superpower. I even climbed over fences; I was running like the Flash. I didn't recognize myself, it was as if someone kept me going, giving me the power to go, to not stop. Then I let myself look behind me again, and I saw no one.

However, I didn't stop running until I reached an old building where we always played with Yunho when we were little. The memories suddenly hit me at once: numerous times when we’d snuck out with Yunho to play here because somehow, we felt happy and safe here. That is why I came to this place, it always gave us security, making me believe that I would be safe this time too. When I finally went into the building and sat down, I held my breath for a short minute, just to make sure no one was following me, and that was when I finally started to panic. Suddenly, everything hit me like I was a punching bag. I took quick breaths, trying to understand what the hell happened mere minutes ago.

 Did they try to kill me? Who knows what the hell they wanted to do to me…

What the fuck did Yunho get into? What money were they talking about?

My body was shaking from running and from the overwhelming emotions that flew through my system. I started sobbing, lifting my knees to my chest, grabbing my hair with my hands. Then I started to laugh, at this whole situation, at the fact that my stupid plan worked. I needed to cry because I did not know what all of this was, I was so confused about what just happened. My heart was beating fast, it felt like it might explode at some point. After ten minutes, somehow, I got myself together, and after breathing in and out a few times, I pulled my phone out to text Yunho.

ME: Someone fucking attacked me, and they talked about some money you owe them. What the fuck Yunho?

For a moment, quiet overtook the abandoned house, and then suddenly, my phone's screen lit up. Yunho was calling me.

"Where the fuck are you?" I heard Yunho's voice immediately as I picked up.

"At the old abandoned house." I told him.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes, I ran away." I said quietly.

"Stay there, don't go out until we arrive!" He said, his voice furious, and hung up quickly.

I waited in the dark, it swallowed me like I was one with it. I just stared at the white wall in front of me, which seemed almost black from the lack of lightning as it barely lit up the abandoned house due to the streetlights being faulty.

I didn’t even realize how much time had gone by when I finally heard a car quickly stopping with its tires screeching and two doors slamming shut. I stood up and looked out the window, and saw Yunho and Hongjoong. Of course, Hongjoong just couldn’t stay out of this. I stepped out of the building and was met with two pairs of worried eyes. Yunho quickly ran towards me and hugged me.

"Fuck, are you okay?" He grabbed my face to check if I was hurt.

"Yes, I'm okay." I pushed his hands away.

"What the fuck happened?" Hongjoong asked, stepping closer to me and checking my body, trying to find an injury.

"I was at Granny's ordering some food and when I went out to my car, suddenly four men appeared and they pushed me onto the ground—and they were talking about some fucking money and Yunho—I somehow ran away, I was lucky, I guess—I don't get it, what the hell—who are they?" I quickly told them what happened, stammering as I felt overwhelmed again.

"Fuck, this is because you couldn't shut your mouth, Yunho!" Hongjoong said, angrily looking at him.

"What the fuck, Hong?! It was necessary for our plan, what else could I do, do tell me, please!" Yunho shouted at Hongjoong.

"They fucking attacked Y/N! Who knows what the hell they are going to do next time." Hongjoong pointed at me. "Your plan is shit; we can't do this anymore." Hongjoong stepped closer to Yunho, staring at him with sharp eyes.

Again. Like I was not even fucking there.

"What plan? Oh, my God, tell me something for fuck's sake!" I shouted at them.

They looked at me like they were surprised I was there too.

"It's none of your business, we will take care of it, don't worry." Yunho said, trying to hold my hand.

I scoffed and pushed him away. "Yeah, of course. Take me to my car." I went to Hongjoong's venom-green Mustang Shelby and sat in the backseat.

I was so fucking angry, I felt sick. The fact that they never tell me anything at all, made me feel again like I was just a fucking object, never truly acknowledged and cared for. I hated them. Yunho and Hongjoong.

As I got angrier, so did the familiar melody I heard playing in my head again…

≫The furious dragon sped through the clouds

Just to bring the storm to the people who deserve it≪

When we reached my car, as soon as Hongjoong stopped, I got out of his car and went to collect my things that were still scattered around the dirty ground, and went right to my car, sitting in it. I locked the car so Yunho couldn't sit inside too, because I knew, that from now on, they were going to turn into my fucking babysitters. I turned the engine on and quickly drove away, not wishing to see them.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt like a zombie. I hadn't slept well because I had nightmares about dark figures trying to push me down to the ground, just until I drowned in the sudden water that appeared out of nowhere, hands that seemed like shadows pulling me deep down to the bottom of the ocean.  

I went down to the kitchen so that I could eat something before I attended my classes as yesterday night I had no appetite to eat anything. When I was close to the kitchen’s door, I overheard Yunho and Hongjoong talking.

"We have to find them before they find us." I heard Yunho say, his voice still raspy as I assumed he got up just a few minutes ago.

"Yes, but we don't know where they are. They are not the foolish type to stay in plain sight, this whole thing seems to run way deeper than it initially seemed to." Hongjoong said in a low voice.

"I easily fooled them still." I said stepping inside the kitchen, and they looked at me surprised.

"You just had luck." Hongjoong said with fierce eyes, looking at me only for a second before he returned to the table.

"Are you kidding me?! If I would've panicked, I wouldn't be fucking here." I scoffed at him, going to the counter to grab a glass and pour some water for myself.

"I'm glad you were smart and tricked those motherfuckers, I'm proud of you." Yunho came to stand next to me, pecked my temple, and ruffled my hair.

I wanted to slap him, but he slipped away chuckling before I could, "You coming to Mist tonight? There's going to be a party." Yunho asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know, I'll speak to Yeosang to see if he’s going."

"Alright. I'll grab my stuff and then we can go, Hong." Yunho said leaving the kitchen.

I poured water into my glass and turned around, leaning against the counter.

I looked straight into Hongjoong's eyes, "Will you tell me who those men were? I want to help you; who knows, maybe I can recognize the ones that attacked me." I said, lifting the glass to my mouth to drink, but Hongjoong stood up and came right in front of me and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from drinking it.

"Don't try and bump your nose into things you shouldn’t, just be a good girl and stay low. You saw what happened, so just stay the fuck out of this." His eyes burned me like I was a match waiting to be lit up, burn me down until I was nothing.

"You make it sound like this is my fucking fault. Is it my fault that four men tried to fucking kill me? Were you there? No. So stop telling me to ‘stay low’, when none of this is my fault." I yelled at him furiously. I was sick of this shit already. His face remained impassive and cold, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn't want to see him, so I went back to my room to get ready for my classes having lost my appetite.

The furious melody did not want to leave my mind again, playing it over and over, until my mind found the right words to match with.

≫The world sees you as a fool

Like you are the fault in the stars≪

My classes went by quickly, thank God. I was with Yeosang the whole day and we decided we'd go to the party. We really needed some partying before our exams started. It was a good excuse to let go of everything. I needed to catch a break from my thoughts because if not, I might drown in them.

Yeosang helped me choose my outfit for the party, which consisted of a tight black skirt, paired with a white crop top, alongside black high boots reaching up to my knees. My hair fell onto my shoulders naturally, and I put on some make-up and accessories. Yeosang wore black ripped jeans and a green blouse with a low cut, his collarbones exposed. He put on a necklace with a padlock on it. I figured he wanted to find someone that would have the key to open it. Well, anyways, that’s what I told him, making him laugh, until he suddenly turned serious and said,

‘True’. I was sure he’d find someone tonight because, damn, he looked so beautiful I got nothing on him.

When we arrived at Mist it was already crowded. It took us longer to arrive because on our way, we decided to buy Whiskey and then we secretly drank it on the bus, on our way towards the club. We laughed loudly during the ride, conversing animatedly, drawing attention to us, pissing the people off around us. So, by the time we had arrived, we were already tipsy enough to start dancing, joining the crowd. We became one with the dancing bodies, becoming one of them. This was what I needed—To get away from my thoughts.

I felt the rhythm of the music slowly engulf my being, spreading from my head to my toes. The strangers’ bodies hugged around us as I held Yeosang's hand while we jumped up and down happily to the strong rhythm of the music. The music was loud, the colorful lights blinding us as we danced like there was no tomorrow. After a while, we decided to drink something as we had started sobering up, and that wasn't the plan at all. So, we went to the bar.

"Two gin tonics and tequila shots, please." I shouted to the bartender, trying to speak over the loud music. I knew him, he was from Yunho's friend circle, Jung Wooyoung.

"Isn't that too much for a pretty girl like you?" Wooyoung looked at me with his sharp foxy eyes. He had two piercings near his eyebrows, making him look even more intimidating. He wore a simple black T-shirt paired with ripped jeans. He had a few earrings and rings too. I couldn’t lie; he was handsome as hell.

"It's not, and I'm here too." Yeosang stepped in, next to me, staring at Wooyoung pointedly.

Wooyoung chuckled as he started preparing our drinks. I looked around, but I didn't see Yunho anywhere. Maybe he was making out with a girl, somewhere deep in the crowd, or was trying to piss Mingi off. Suddenly, my eyes landed on someone. Someone who was smiling, and that someone was Kim Hongjoong. I promise to God, it was a rare sight to see his smile, let alone hear his laugh. A girl was next to him and as he leaned against the wall, he whispered something in her ear while holding her waist. It was quite obvious what he was doing, shamelessly flirting with her. It was weird seeing Hongjoong like this, he never really did things like that. At least not when I was around.

He was wearing jeans that were two colored, these colors the opposite of his hair black and white hair. The top part of his body was hugged by a white T-shirt and a denim jacket, black boots his choice of footing for the night. He had a good sense of fashion, that was obvious.

The longer I kept staring at him, the more I realized I should do what he was doing. I should let go and just feel free for one night, if possible. I turned back to face Wooyoung as he had finished mixing our drinks. Yeosang and I downed the tequila shots right away, and then, he suddenly leaned closer to me.

"Can I leave you here for a little bit? I might have found the one holding the key to my padlock." Yeosang winked at me.

"Yes, of course, go." I smiled at him, pushing him away playfully. I watched as he disappeared between the dancing bodies when suddenly an idea came to my mind. I turned towards Wooyoung again.

"Do you have something—stronger? You know…" I looked at him while trailing off, hoping he knew what I meant.

He slightly frowned at me, a small smirk present on his lips, "You mean, pills?"

"Yeah." I said, trying to sound and look convincing.

"I do have some." He kept his sharp eyes on me while he wiped a wet glass dry, "Do you want some, pretty girl?"

"I do, actually." I looked at him, batting my eyelashes at him with a sweet smile on my lips.

I wasn’t really sure if he knew whose sister I was, and so, I wanted to take advantage of that.

He leaned over the counter, face close to mine, "If you dance with me, I'll give you some." He whispered so close to my lips that they almost touched mine.

I looked down at his lips, then up into his sharp eyes, “Don't you need to work?"

"My shift is over, pretty one." He said smiling charmingly, never taking his eyes off me.

"Okay." I agreed in the end, I could use some fun too.

He smirked and moved away from me to get the pill, and then walked around the counter. He stepped closer to me as he held something in his hand. Then he slowly poked his tongue out and placed the pill on it, his eyes never leaving mine. He raised one of his eyebrows as if he meant to say, 'Take it if you want it', while leaning towards me. My heart started racing. Fuck, he looked so hot like this, why wouldn't I take this one-time opportunity? I slowly leaned down, closer to his face, feeling his hot breathing puffing against my lips. But he didn’t wait until I was close enough to kiss him. Wooyoung eagerly closed the distance between our lips, crashing them together like there wasn't a pill slipping past our entangled tongues. I felt when the pill finally was passed onto my tongue, into my mouth, but we didn’t pull away straight away. His lips moved against mine, rushed, his tongue discovering my mouth as I moved mine along his. My arms slowly crawled around his neck as he pulled me closer to him by my waist. That is until I felt a strong hand grabbing my left shoulder, yanking me away from Wooyoung. He bit my bottom lip painfully due to the sudden motion. I could taste blood, mingled with Wooyoung’s saliva.

I turned to look stunned at the one who yanked me off, it being none other than Hongjoong. He looked so furious I was afraid he might kill someone. And I wasn't joking as he grabbed Wooyoung's shirt and pulled him close aggressively, his T-shirt threatening to tear apart at any second.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Wooyoung?" Hongjoong said in a low tone, he was shaking as he held Wooyoung.

"Dude, chill, what the fuck did I do?!" Wooyoung asked, looking confused.

"Did you give her pills? Are you insane?" Hongjoong pushed Wooyoung a bit, still not letting him go.

"Yes, because she asked. Now let go of me, you fucker." Wooyoung pushed Hongjoong's hands off himself. As Hongjoong released him, Wooyoung tried to straighten his T-shirt.

"She’s Yunho's sister; you should be grateful I was the one who found you two like this." Hongjoong said, looking at me for a second, making me feel little under his sharp gaze.

"So what? It should bother Yunho, not you. What?” Wooyoung asked, lifting his pierced eyebrow, “Are you fucking her behind his back?"

It truly was the worst idea to provoke Hongjoong, because as he heard the things Wooyoung uttered, he lost his morality. He didn’t care that the guy in front of him was one of his best friends. He punched Wooyoung with the force of a boxer, obviously, and it made Wooyoung fall to the ground immediately. Luckily, Hongjoong didn’t knock him out, I guess he still had that very little sanity in himself still. I gasped, however, hardly believing my eyes. Did Hongjoong just hit Wooyoung?!

"What the fuck, Hongjoong, are you out of your mind?!" I shouted at him, my body trembling from the sudden anger I felt.

He suddenly turned around, coming towards me. He grabbed my chin and lifted it up to look straight into my eyes. "Spit it out!" He commanded like I didn’t have a choice at all.

I poked out my tongue, just to show him that there wasn’t anything on it anymore, "Fuck off, you are not my brother Hongjoong! You are acting ridiculous." I said to him, pushing him away and turning my back to him. I wanted to go back and dance, lose myself to the music and the people around me.

But suddenly, Hongjoong pulled me back by my wrist. "I'm going to take you home, right now." He said with a face void of emotion, making me unable to read what he thought and felt, it was fucking annoying.

"I'm not going anywhere!" I shouted at him, trying to free my wrist from his hold.

He stepped even closer, holding my wrist harsher. I was sure his grasp was going to leave black and blue marks, "Yes, you are!"

But I couldn't really do anything as he dragged me out of the buzzing place, towards his venom-green Mustang, still squeezing my wrist painfully. He opened the passenger side door and pushed me inside. I didn’t recognize this Hongjoong, he was someone else, some kind of demon had taken over him, fighting for who would be in control. I was shaking as I felt terrified of the thought that he might hurt me; he could do anything to me if he wanted to. He probably saw me shake because he broke the silence as he started driving.

"I won't hurt you, Y/N. I would never." He said quietly, looking forward as his hands clenched around the steering wheel.

Still, I looked down at my wrists, where some faint red bruises started to appear. I just leaned my head against the window, to gaze out at our moving surroundings. Tears started appearing in my eyes as I suddenly felt so many emotions all at once that I couldn't handle. I started feeling dizzy, remembering the pill I took. It finally kicked in, making me feel numb, as if my soul left my body. This was the feeling I craved for, but not in this setting, I’d rather be anywhere but here. I cradled my wrist to my chest, 'Yes, you would never…'

The long-forgotten melody crept into my mind, trying to break through my thoughts, break my walls down, to save me from there. I let go as words broke through my walls.

≫The moon has two sides as well, a dark and a bright side

Who knows which one will light the dark at night≪

“Why did you kiss him?” Hongjoong suddenly broke the deafening silence.

I looked at him with a frown, “Because I wanted to?” Words barely came out of my mouth as everything felt blurry.  

He suddenly stepped on the gas pedal, speeding down the way home, “And do you want him?” His voice got lower as he clenched the steering wheel, his knuckles white.

“What are you talking about?” I was looking at his side profile, watching as he got angrier than he was before. He floored the gas pedal and we were flying down the silent streets. 

“Do. You. Want. Him?” He glanced my way, a dangerous glint in his eyes. I held onto the door as I was pushed back into my seat by the sudden force.

“For fuck’s sake Hongjoong, slow down! Are you crazy?!” I shouted frightened as he continued speeding.

“Answer my question!” His voice got even louder now, and he had to shout over the sound of the loud engine of his Mustang.

My heart was thumping like crazy, breathing heavily. I felt overwhelmed and overstimulated from the drug and the alcohol, and now the adrenaline too, the sudden speed making me feel like I was about to collapse any time.

“No!” I shouted, “I don’t want him! Just please slow down.” My voice cracked as I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore.

Then, as if his sanity finally returned, he slowed down, not daring to look at me. When he pulled up in front of our house, it was quiet. It was quiet, but at the same time, it was the loudest as my brain was full of loud noises.  I looked at his side profile, I could only see the black side of his hair, his dark side as he looked like he was still battling with his inner torment, biting his lower lip. I didn't dare move; I was scared if I did, he’d do something brash again.

He then slowly looked at me, "Are you shaking?" He looked panicked.

I couldn't control my body, there was too much happening at once. The alcohol mixed with the pill, I couldn't even think—of course, I was shaking.

I just looked down at my hands, as the world spun around me.

"Fuck, Y/N!" He took my hand, my wrist now bruised.

I looked up, just to see him looking worried. He seemed like he couldn't even believe he was the one to harm me. Yet now, he held my hand in the most delicate way possible, holding it as if it were a treasure.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N, please forgive me." He looked into my eyes with his own teary ones. He was finally allowing me to see the real him, he lowered his walls.

He raised my hand towards his lips and left little kisses on the bruises, whispering little apologies against my skin, as if he could heal it like that.

I watched him, still struggling to process what was happening, "Please, just take me to my room, I don't feel good." I closed my eyes and it was a mistake because I felt like I was on a roller-coaster. He snatched his head up quickly and opened his door when he saw my face. He ran around the car to open the passenger door.

"I got you, sugar." He whispered, leaning down to slowly help me out of the car and hold me up bridal style, holding me close to his chest so that he wouldn't drop me. I hid my face in his neck, his scent hugging me around. It was dark, yet still sweet like honey.

I felt us going up the stairs after Hongjoong had managed to unlock the front door and walk inside the dark house, finally reaching my room. He slowly, and very carefully placed me down on my soft bed. I closed my eyes as he pulled my boots down.

"Do you need water or something else?" He leaned down, holding himself up by his right hand placed next to my head, his two-colored hair falling into his eyes. His other hand caressed my cheekbones. I couldn't speak, so I just shook my head no.

Suddenly, we were staring at each other as if we were like two magnets, not even blinking.

"Kiss me." I suddenly whispered, surprising myself too, having suddenly found my voice.

"I can't, and you know that." Hongjoong whispered, leaning down closer to me, even though he had stated just the opposite of his actions.

"It's just a fucking kiss, don't be a scared little cat, Joong." I whispered against his lips, brushing my thumb over his soft lips, trying to tease him. He would break eventually. And I liked playing games.

I don't know what came over me, but I just needed to kiss him desperately. Even though he treated me like shit, and shouted at me, I was still lost in his eyes, which stared into mine with a flaring desire. He continued looking at me as if he was fighting with himself, trying not to make a bad decision.

"Please." I whispered, looking up at him pleadingly.

"Fuck." Then he suddenly crashed his lips against mine. He tasted sweet, like strawberry cake. The kiss wasn't hurried, it was slow as our lips moved together passionately. I moved my hands slowly up, to bury them in his hair, pulling him even closer to myself. He kissed me even more animatedly, possessive almost as if he were an addict and I was his drug. But the moment didn’t last for long, emotion dissipating just as fast as it came, as we suddenly heard the front door slamming shut. Hongjoong immediately jumped away, standing up to his full height.

"Shit." He ran his fingers through his messy hair. "This never happened." He looked at me with eyes ablaze as I continued lying in my bed.

I pushed myself up onto my elbows to look at him better, "Yeah, I just knew you couldn't resist me." I grinned at him.

Hongjoong scoffed, "You’re crazy." And then he left me there, in the dark, as I still felt his lips on mine.

 ≫Two sins met each other

Just to collapse together like magnets≪

As they were just outside my room, I heard Hongjoong telling Yunho that he drove me home because I wasn't feeling well, and then Yunho thanked him footsteps fading.

Not knowing that Hongjoong had kissed his little sister merely a few minutes ago.

<Previous Part Next Part>

[gallusrostromegalus]

The plot starts off with a hybrid of Cinderella and the Taming Of The Shrew where a woman with her own daughter marries a Duke who has an older daughter, and then the Duke dies under "Mysterious circumstances".

But he leaves in his will that his fortune won't be disbursed until his daughter (the elder one) marries.

The elder daughter (like, 20ish?) is refusing to get married because her step-mother is trying to set her step-sister (age 12) with IDK A Medieval Italian supreme court judge?? (Age 65) , but the marriage can't go through until the Duke's fortune disburses and the mother can pay the dowry.

Other thing about the Eldest Daughter: She Always Speaks The Truth. Not only does she refuse to lie, but kind of like a retroactive Cassandra, everything she says is True. As you can imagine, this is not terribly popular In Fantasy Medieval Italian High Society.

The mother, big mad about being stuck with this stubborn, awkward girl, gets a Lawyer and a Bishop and a bunch of other authority figures to modify the will so that "Should the plague take my eldest, we will not be bereft *wink*" AKA if the eldest just dies or disappears without getting married, the mother will get the money anyway. (They all know she's going to kill the girl, but they're getting a cut.) The Step-Mother then, in true operatic fashion of Going Way Too Hard tortures the Elder daughter, and locks her in the basement to bleed out and die.

There, in the darkness, abandoned by God and the Law and Family etc. the daughter turns to the last thing she has left.

BLACK MAGIC

(Come on, it's Opera. Everybody knows Black Magic)

So she summons a Demon As One Does.

He appears to her in the darkness- And is immediately terrified and transfixed because even though it's totally dark, she's looking right at, and through him, and Can See Him Exactly As He Is.

Which is Spooky, because he's been having some serious self-esteem issues lately- Demon has his own problems, you see- He's a Prince of Hell and thus he's the victim of Hellish Politics and beset by all his fellow demons. And he's Terrible at machinations and scheming because he too feels an attachment to The Truth and it's making him feel Demonically Inadequate, even if he's got the Wrath and Violence part down pat. ...So He's been lurking on the material plane to get away from it all and been watching her suffering, because he too feels the kinship of being betrayed and hunted by all that ought love him and telling The Truth no matter how easy it would be to lie.

So now, here he is in the darkness, and his crush is looking RIGHT AT HIM and he's genuinely frightened because he's never cared about someone's opinion of him before.

His aria about this is pretty great, but THEN:

She reaches out to him and says

"There is something wrong with you There is something wrong with you that is also wrong with me What is this kinship I feel with you? The affliction grants you Grace and Beauty, and leaves me a Hobbling wretch Yet I believe we share some kinship- I know the fear in your eyes, for I see it in every mirror"

(I know the first two lines are from a poem in Mirror Traps by Hera Lindsay Bird, but this is what my eye-pain-delerium brain supplied me with)

He goes down on one knee in front of her and promises to do anything she wishes- He's seen how she suffers and If he cannot have his own recompense, he will have hers- -For what price? You are wise, and I am weary- I am a Demon and there is but one currency we trade in. Give me your soul, and I will give you everything you desire. She thinks about it for a bit, and he makes every offer he can- I will torture your stepmother as she tortured you! The Judge lusting after your sister? I'll make his dick explode! That bishop that has his head up his ass- I'll make him shove it up there so far he turns inside-out!

-Love me. She says. The suffering of others will do nothing to ease my own, though some bitter part of my would thrill to see it. Love me, Truly love me as neither of us have been but deserved, and my soul will be yours.

…If I were to Truly Love you, then my soul would be yours.

-Would that be such a terrible thing? …It would not. He says, and promptly spirits her off to his palace in hell, and explains his situation as he tends to her.

[At this point my brain extensively hallucinated some real smutty hurt/comfort, because I am hurting and need the comfort]

Once they understand each other, they decide to do a strangers on a train-

He goes to Earth where the mother is planning to marry the younger daughter off to the creepy old judge and tricks everyone into betraying everyone else in disguise as a simple manservant, and spirits the younger daughter away back to Hell to play with Hellhound puppies all while making sure he Never Tells A Single Lie, because it's not a sin for a demon to be honest- it's a demonstration of his Mastery that he doesn't NEED to.

Meanwhile, She goes to the royal court of Hell and goes around to all the Demons and tells them The Truth about themselves, which they can't stand as all their power is based on a sense of self-importance and secret rules that don't actually have anything to do with reality. After losing most of their power to The Divine Wrath Of Autsim, they scamper off to Earth to get more power from their humans, who are all in a tizzy because there's some kind of political thing going on, and the Elder Daughter and the Demon play off each other's work to get everyone ready to fuck up each other's shit.

(This part of the dream got muddy because Actual Plot is something I have to do while conscious and I'm not doing more than I have to until my eye stops trying to to persuade me to gouge it out with a spoon)

ANYWAY, The Final Act is the Big Wedding where all the Humans are plotting to murder each other and the Demons are all shriveled up little creatures and The Daughter and The Demon Prince turn up and reveal it was them all along and that ALL of you suck and have also ruined each other- the Judge has gotten the lawyer disbarred, the Lawyer had gotten the Bishop caught committing fraud, the Bishop has gotten the judge excommunicated and ALL the mother's friends and allies are broke and their careers are dead and now that they have no social agency, they can't hurt anyone anymore.

And then the caterer steps forward and reveals that He's Actual For Real God, and he is SO PROUD of the daughter and the demon for stopping this corrupt fracas without violence or lying! The shriveled demons are Human Souls that had been cast into hell to atone but weren't learning the lesson, and the humans are headed that way unless they really get their shit together.

The demon prince remarks that it's odd that God would be pleased with the work of a demon.

What Demon? Says the Daughter, who always says the truth.

Yeah what Demon? Laughs God. You're one of my Best Angels, who oversees the rehabilitation of the wicked. You looked like you were getting overwhelmed though, so I found this Paragon of Truth for you. And you Paragon looked like you were in need of help so I found this Angel for you! Now, is someone getting married today or are we just gonna let this cake go to waste?

God marries them, there's a big party and The All Live Happily Ever After as the King and Queen of Hell, and her sister gets big into Demonic Dog Breeding.

and then I explicitly dreamed the voice of some art historian saying "-And then it got banned EVERYWHERE."

My friend's kid gave me pinkeye and I have been on a particularly fuckt up sleep schedule about it and dreamed an entire Italian Opera on the themes of heaven and hell and the power of love and recognition of the self in other and the tragedy of loving the idea of something rather than the thing itself and the dream ended with the phrase "-And then it was banned EVERYWHERE."

[freshqueendelusion]

Library - CH1

pairing: yoon jeonghan x OC(Areum) genre: romance, fluff, sarcasm (idk), set in like 4 years in the past warnings: sarcasm, themes of rejection, jeonghan, themes of misandry (I do not condone it), there might be cursing, self deprication, food mentions and mental illnesses updates: Will be irregular

'Areum's pov' I enjoy solitude.

This is what a normal person would have thought after seeing me at the corner of the library, surrounded by textbooks and notes, directly under the NO TALKING sign. But Yoon Jeonghan is not normal.

April 4th 2018 Ari had gotten herself an internship at Pledis entertainment but she was scared to take it as it would mean that she had to end work late and could be followed by earth's most despicable creatures. Men, if you're wondering.

I ,being the great best friend I am, offered her my car as long as she dropped me at the library nearby. When you go to the best university in Asia it is difficult to say the least, to find a day where the library isn't crowded with people and I despise human interaction. Therefore, I had become desperate for a place with lots of books and no people and this was my best option.

However, I hadn't expected to find myself in the situation I currently am in.

April 8th 2018- Present day Studying. The general and honest definition of it is the act of texting, eating and watching Tv with an open textbook nearby and then panicking later when exam season nears which leads to cramming and anxiety.

However, I had unfortunately been born a perfectionist and a gifted child which fast forward has led me into prioritizing good grades above my physical and mental health and anxiety issues. Thus, ever since Ari had started the internship 3 days ago I studied in this library from 2:45 pm- 9:30 pm occasionally taking a break to feed my hungry self.

So here I am following my daily routine when he appears. Yoon Jeonghan. Oh and he doesn't just appear, he sits down in front of me ,putting aside a tray which had an interesting amount of cafe drinks on it , puts an arm under his chin and stares at me.

Now I know I said that he wasn't normal, but I realized that I too am not normal. No, if normal people noticed that their bias from their favourite group was staring at them while looking unfairly handsome (like he always does I am anti romantic not blind) they would freak out and do god knows what. Not me though, Nope. Nopitttttty no.

I don't know what came over me but I chose to GLARE at him. No hi, hello, can I have your autograph?. Nope. A glare.

Well done Areum. Well done you fucking idiot.

Being too embarrassed to look at him after the glare I chose to concentrate on my work. Hopefully he would mistake it for anger and leave me to crawl into a hole and die thinking I was rude and despicable.

"Do you like Boba? " an angelic voice asked.

NOPE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. DON'T TALK TO ME. I AM REALLY REALLY HORRIBLE AT HUMAN INTERACTION. I EMBARRASS MYSELF ALL THE TIME AND SAY THINGS WITHOUT MEANING TO SAY THEM OUT LOUD. I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS.

I paused for a minute. Well I guess I can't exactly call it a pause. Don't get me wrong I had every intention to reply but me being me had to stare at my textbook for a solid 2 minutes to rack my brain for an answer. And all I could think of was Yes. Some gifted child. Since it took me so long to think and come up with and answer that was not more than 3 letters I chose to remain silent and complete my notes. Great going Areum now he probably thinks that you're an insufferable snob. Don't say that. He's a nice person he'll probably think that you're having a bad day given the scowl on your face.

Those were the devil and angel inside my head. You'll get them a lot.

Yoon Jeonghan does not give up. " What's your name?" " Do you have an exam soon?" " Are you sick? Do you have laryngitis?" He kept on inoccently asking and asking and asking.

Meanwhile, my mind was going hysterical. The most accurate way to represent it is: Stats: Peace of mind- 0% Panicking- 97% Anxiety- 101% Vocabulary- has miraculously decreased

I COULD NOT FORM WORDS. I can just imagine my ancestors looking down on me and saying: Really? Her? She is our descendant?. I really don't blame them.

In a state of panic my mind used emergency measures. My emergency measure is glaring if you're wondering. I glared at him. Again. Insult me all you want. I too want to do it.

THANKFULLY before I could embarrass myself further he left. I didn't know if I was terribly relieved or unexplainably embarrassed or just sad I lost the chance to talk to my bias forever. There might be a gray area in between so I guess you could place my emotions into that.

At least he won't talk to me again.

AN: This is my first ever ff so sorry if the writing is bad. Updates will be very irregular sometimes the chapters will be long sometimes short. Sometimes 2 a day sometimes one a week. Anyways I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to reblog my work but pls don't plagarise it. Signing off -V( first letter of my name)

[fragmentwitch]

Pondering Eua and Re:Unanswered Questions

Me after finishing Gou:

I have several questions but I will spend most of this post trying to answer just one.

If a new rule allows Rika and Satoko to transfer to the same new fragment after dying, did she really keep track of which Rika since that was made only after the Chandelier death?

Is Gou Rika Matsuribayashi Rika? Or Chandelier Rika? If the Rika she gets in her happy ending isn't her actual original Rika, could this be the cost Eua might have vaguely warned about and not actually the loops bleeding into people's memories?

Is Satoko a piece of Lambdadelta along with Vier/LD3105/Mitsuyo and Eua a piece of Featherine's? And not actually Lambdatoko? Or is Ryukishi just trolling with having Eua babble nonsense (Thinking Emoji)

Where/when will the Logic Error occur?

I used to believe the error was in the original series going off the VERY VAGUE statement about the beginning and end being connected. Never has there ever been a perfectly airtight idea of what the real Logic Error is though, and the new mechanics shown by Gou really makes my brain hurt.

Are Hanyuu and Eua the same person? Are Eua and FEATHERINE the same person?

I continue to have hope Hanyuu doesn't get retconned into being a Big Bad Evil Demon Lady named Eua, despite mounting implications that suggest otherwise. I had originally been led to believe Hanyuu was a piece that was left to roam the game board by her Game Master: given that she's been part of the Hinamizawa world for 1k years I wondered for a bit if she was a Witch that somehow lost her memory. Kotohogushi is a bit dubious on the canonicity so I have to remind myself the translation about Hanyuu coming from a line of 'alien' like people transferring their consciousness from another dimension with a grain of salt.

But Eua looks so much like Featherine I've been rewatching her scenes lately and thinking... this line I really keep thinking about:

What did Eua mean by this? She phrases it like there is someone/something of a higher power than even herself.

In terms of ranking, Lambda described Aurora higher than Voyagers/Witches. She was one step below THE Creator (supposedly there is a typo where there is actually just One Creator and Aurora is merely a Witch with a comparable power to a creator but idk Japanese so cant verify this).

From the way she worded things, she isn't talking to Satoko exclusively: she's talking about Vier, LD3105, and Mitsuyo. Referencing that it took hundreds of millions of loops for Eua and Satoko to meet 'once more'. Surely this can't mean Rika's looping merely referring to Hanyuu and Satoko; that sort of looping sounds beyond 100 years' worth.

Could it be that Eua is a self-aware god piece referring to all the various Expies in the WTCverse as being the same person at the heart of things? Possibly... but let's remember that Featherine lost her memory when her device was damaged; Lambda described it as one severe enough to alter her memory, appearance, and personality. It happened once, and Featherine would likely be extremely guarded against letting it happen again. How it happened is one more mystery.

Back to Eua: when Satoko asks her to 'alter' the rules of the game, and she acts like it's no biggie, then this carries heavy implications of being the Game Master/Territory Lord. If she was merely a piece, no amount of self-awareness would make her capable of altering the actual rules on a whim would it?

There's also this line she spoke to Satoko in episode 18ish: "The horn that granted the cat power was damaged, but mine is not."

Note that she says horn singular. Not plural. She doesn't say "mine are not" and confirms Rika was given the looping ability by something external. Yet she doesn't assign it a name (Hanyuu), just refers to it as an object. Which might be a hint as to how Featherine might create piece Witches: her device might be a way of transferring loop power with more permanence that gets around a 'sponsorship' which can be withdrawn at the Witch's discretion.

Also recall that when Satoko touches the Oyashiro statue (whose arm is intact but has a hollow head), it shatters on the upper part and only one horn falls out onto the floor. Not a horseshoe shaped device like Featherine's. It's also black, while Eua's is all white. Yet Hanyuu's horns are still with one chunk missing and colored black. Eua also mentions she isn't supposed to even have a name, in fact, her meeting with Satoko seems almost by 'chance' (she speaks like Satoko summoned her to the fragment in this manner). Hanyuu's full real name is given in a chapter that is dubiously semi-canon, so Ryukishi might elect to leave it out of Gou, but her husband Riku Furude gave her the nickname 'Hanyuu'. (Which still contains the character for Feather)

These observations are making me consider the possibility that Hanyuu and Eua are separate personas of a singular entity: The smooth horn belongs to Eua while the broken one belongs to Hanyuu. Black and White; a contrast between the kind demon mother who feels Rika's pain and lived on the gameboard & the demon who relishes in tormenting humans, too above to be part of the gameboard herself.

So, that leads us to the million dollar question: who is the entity if we put both horns together? Do we get Featherine Augustus Aurora? Or the Oyashiro living in this reverse-world Hinamizawa and hiding inside the actual statue? (Seriously is there a corpse in there? Wtf)

Or are these two halves of a GM making a tug of war for control over the Higurashi Catbox via their loopers? Now THAT is a mindblower if true.

We got our answer that Takano forfeited her villain role before Gou actually began so that may explain why the legend of Oyashiro is told deceptively 'wrong', but how does one account for the unbroken statue with a removeable head... could we potentially get a fragment in Sotsu where Satoko doesn't break the arm off it as a child and thus it affects all the loops afterwards? Hmm.

Either way we haven't actually caught up to GOU chronologically speaking, so until Sotsu comes out, there's no way to tell for sure if Eua and Hanyuu are one and the same or if they are actually two halves of a whole. But I will be a happy camper if this crackpot theory turns out to be right. Usually I'm wrong though. Lol

But now I'll definitely see about cooking up a diagram or something if we can actually make a branching map of the different Rikas to figure out which one is Gou Rika.

[azozzoni]

idk what this is. I just felt like writing something.

*

Jens couldn’t help smiling to himself as he watched Lucas stumble off his skateboard, not at all as graceful as he usually appeared. Mid-afternoon sun shone through the shifting leaves as Jens watched Lucas retrieve his board from where it had rolled away, a chill breeze heralding the end of fall whipping past the back of his neck.

“I thought you said your boyfriend could skate,” Moyo said from beside Jens on the wall.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jens replied, for what had to be the third time in the past week. He knew it had been a mistake to get drunk and tell the guys he wouldn’t mind making out with a guy, that he could understand what Robbe saw in Sander. Maybe it had also been a mistake to befriend the new guy with beautiful blue eyes that Jens found himself thinking about far too often to be platonic.

“You sure?” Moyo asked, making annoying kissing noises in Jens’ ear as Lucas glanced over.

Jens shoved Moyo away, rolling his eyes. So maybe he hadn’t just invited Lucas to be nice. After all, it wasn’t like Lucas had any other friends here, and maybe when Lucas laughed, it made Jens’ stomach flip-flop in a completely ridiculous way.

Fuck. He wasn’t a ten year old girl.

Or maybe he was as he watched Lucas head down a ramp, coming up the other side, catching his eye at the top, a giddy feeling flooding his chest. The board under Lucas’ feet seemed to move on its own, shooting out from underneath him a second later and Lucas went down hard—Jens could hear the smack of the concrete even from his spot on the wall.

“Oh!” He heard Moyo from beside him, the sharp intake of breath from Aaron.

As Moyo laughed, Jens hesitated. A part of him wanted to rush over to Lucas to make sure he was okay. The other part knew exactly what the guys would say if he did.

It was Lucas’ shaky arms pushing himself up that made Jens slide off the wall, sliding down into the pit and reaching for Lucas’ arm.

“You okay?”

Jens swallowed as Lucas looked up at him, blood smeared over his chin, lip split as Lucas ran his tongue tentatively over it.

“I think so,” he said slowly, rubbing his elbow, grimacing.

Hesitating, Jens reached up with his thumb, wiping away some of the blood on Lucas’ chin. He told himself it was to check it was just a scrape, that he hadn’t accidentally knocked out a tooth, but he couldn’t help feeling nervous as Lucas let him, watching him carefully.

Jens didn’t know why he felt this way, why he suddenly cared about touching another guy. If it had been one of his other friends, he would have just propped them upright and gave them a slap on the back.

“Thought you said you skated,” Jens said, pulling his hand back when it was more than clear that it was just a scrape on his chin, and Lucas frowned.

“Sure, on flat surfaces.”

Laughing, Jens shook his head. “What? Were you trying to impress me or something?”

Lucas didn’t reply to that, clearing his throat instead, still rubbing his elbow, not meeting Jens’ gaze. Something swooped into Jens’ stomach, unexpected. Had he been right? Lucas wanted to impress him?

“I think I’m done for today.”

Jens nodded instead of pushing, though he couldn’t stop thinking about it as they returned to Moyo and Aaron perched on the wall.

“You sure your elbow’s okay?” he asked as Lucas held onto it.

“It’s fine. I’ve had worse.” Lucas shrugged, dropping his hand as they reached the guys.

“That was impressive, man!” Moyo said, reaching out to slap Lucas’ shoulder. “I haven’t seen anyone go down that hard since Aaron was last on a board.”

Lucas merely forced a smile, as though he wasn’t quite as amused. “I try.” He dug his phone out from his pocket a second later, though. “Shit, I gotta get home before my dad does.”

As Lucas took a step back, Jens didn’t want him to leave, a strange urge to follow him rising.

“I forgot, I told my mom I’d watch my little sister,” he said quickly, grabbing his board off the ground. “I’ll walk with you, Luc.”

Jens didn’t miss the kissy faces Moyo made as he turned away, glad Lucas was already heading for the edge of the park. He caught up to him easily, falling into step and glancing at the blood already drying on his face.

“Will your dad be pissed?” Jens asked as they turned a corner and the park vanished behind them. Lucas, who had been keeping his gaze on the sidewalk, lifted his head finally.

“That I’m late?”

“About the—” Jens nodded at Lucas’ face. He was still pretty, even with a split lip and scrapes all over his chin, and Jens caught himself thinking it, looking away sharply instead. He wasn’t sure what his brain thought was going to happen here—he’d only known Lucas a few weeks, and even if he’d thought about guys in the abstract, the idea of really kissing one hadn’t seemed important until just now.

“Probably not,” Lucas said, shaking his head, touching his lip gingerly. “He’ll just want to know what I was doing, where I was.” He sighed and kicked aside a leaf on the ground as they walked.

“Parents can be so annoying,” Jens agreed. His own mother had long given up on knowing where he was at all times. She still had his sister to corral and that kept her busy.

“Yeah,” Lucas muttered. “It’s just ever since we moved here, he’s, like, trying to make up for everything somehow? Always wants to know what I’m doing, if I’m okay. It’s exhausting.”

Jens didn’t ask what his dad was trying to make up for. He knew Lucas had left his mom in the Netherlands, but they hadn’t talked much about it.

“Just tell him you got in a fight,” he said, more following Lucas than heading for his own house, watching the way Lucas tucked his hands in the pockets of his jean jacket, how he smiled at the suggestion.

“I guess that’s less embarrassing than what really happened.”

“It’s not embarrassing,” Jens assured him. “I’ve fallen plenty of times. We all have.”

“Yeah, but probably not in front of a guy who—” Lucas cut himself off sharply, swallowing visibly, glancing up at the street signs. “Isn’t your house the other way?”

“A guy who what?” Jens asked instead of answering the question, his heart thudding against his ribcage as Lucas hesitated, frowning, running his tongue over the cut in his lip.

“Guys you want to be friends with,” Lucas muttered finally, shrugging, looking away, and Jens got the distinct feeling that hadn’t been what he’d been about to say.

The corner was quiet, a shop across the street, and Lucas was right. Jens’ house was to the left, but Jens didn’t actually have to watch his sister. He’d only said that so he could leave with Lucas, which seemed stupid in retrospect as they stood there, and Jens knew he should at least pretend to go home.

“I could take the long way,” Jens heard himself say, catching a slight smile at the edge of Lucas’ lips as he did.

“What about your sister?”

“She’ll be fine if I’m a few minutes late.”

“Babysitter of the year,” Lucas joked as Jens joined him crossing the street. He did glance over as they reached the other side, though. “You know, you don’t have to walk me all the way home. I’m really fine. I didn’t hit my head or anything. I know where I’m going.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” Jens said before he could stop himself, watching the way Lucas’ eyebrows furrowed. Fuck. “I mean, you have only been here a couple weeks. You could still get lost, concussion or no.”

For a second, Lucas frowned, as if unsure whether or not to believe Jens. It was a terrible excuse—the real reason even more ridiculous—that Jens just hadn’t wanted to part ways so soon back at the skate park, that he just wanted a few minutes alone with Lucas. The last few weeks, it seemed as if the guys were always around when Lucas was, that he couldn’t find even a minute to just talk to Lucas without it needing some really weird excuse.

“Do you walk all the new kids home?” Lucas asked finally, turning from Jens and heading forward.

“Nah, you’re special,” Jens said, grimacing to himself as the words came out, and he nudged Lucas with his elbow instead, relieved to see Lucas smile slightly.

God, he was an idiot, he thought as they turned another corner onto a block filled with apartment buildings. He hadn’t been this bad at flirting since Jana, and that had partially been because he was dating her best friend at the time. Not exactly his best moment.

But he was free and clear now. Free and clear and had no idea what he was even trying to do with Lucas.

Lost in his own thoughts, Jens was surprised when they stopped, at least until Lucas nodded at the door to the building.

“This is me,” he said with a shrug. “I should probably at least try to get cleaned up before my dad gets home.”

“Yeah,” Jens agreed, glancing up at the building, shifting his weight, casting for the right thing to say.

“Yeah,” Lucas echoed after a second, not making any moves to head inside.

A cold breeze swept leaves past them on the street as they stood there, and Jens felt himself reaching for Lucas, thumb brushing under the cut on his lip.

“I’m sure it looks worse than it is,” he said, raising his gaze to Lucas’, an unfamiliar intensity in the irises as Jens licked his own lips, nervous, unsure, swallowing down the butterflies crammed in his throat.

“I’m sure,” Lucas said, practically whispered, and Jens was close enough to hear, close enough not to stop himself as he leaned in, fingers sliding up to Lucas’ ear as their lips met.

The bubble in his chest burst, a wave of relief as Lucas kissed him back, opened his mouth to the slide of his lips, taste a little coppery from the dried blood, but Jens didn’t even care. This was what he’d been waiting for since that day Lucas had stepped into their classroom and the teacher had sat him right in front of Jens.

They broke away slowly, and Jens opened his eyes, smiling at the blush on Lucas’ cheeks.

“Next time we go to the skate park, you can just watch, yeah?”

A smile spread across Lucas’ face as nodded. “I can do that.”

Nodding, Jens let his hand fall from Lucas’ cheek. “Tell your dad I got you home safe.”

Lucas laughed, stepping away reluctantly, and it made Jens smile. “I think I won’t tell him about this,” he said, stepping up to the door and pausing. “It’s just mine for now.”

Jens couldn’t help grinning as Lucas stepped through the door and it shut behind him. It was just theirs for now, and that was good enough for him.

[albino-whumpee]

The hatchling

@brutal-nemesis  Welp, here you have the super late little drabble for Plant day. Somehow could finish it today :)

It´s actually part of my larger, older project Power Doesn´t Make You Immortal (renamed Tears of Ash from now on! :3) and it´s actual lore. There´s an illustration at the end too! ^^

CW// body horror, scifi whump, loss of autonomy, mind control, alien, nonhuman whumper and whumpee, whumping of a minor, death, used as a nutrient, horror, alien whump. honestly idk how to tag this alksjdflkj

They hadn’t known the rift surrounding Zone 0, the closest to the meteor crater, had changed its flora and fauna that drastically.

The little one who had slipped through the contention center’s bars and ran all the way to Zone 0 with the stolen food in their arms had sighed in relief when the soldiers stopped behind the wire fence. Not willing to adventure further than that to chase them.

They had thought themself lucky. They would run back home later, right after they discovered what type of plant walked on its vines over the water.

After the crash, everything stopped. So of course, schools had stopped teaching, there were many like them that only knew to follow orders someone who could read would yell for the general population. They didn’t know the signs at the fence stated very clearly why the soldiers had walked away. Why the place was filled with plants that didn’t belong to this world. Yet, for a kid that had never known outside, it was just the same level of unknown.

They didn’t know how wrong it was to follow the bioluminescence on the ground, lighting up each of their steps as they jumped, it was too much fun, and they felt so light suddenly.

They spinned and fell made a giggling mess right next to the walking vine.

Both stopped moving, staring at each other. It was then, the boy noticed the vine had eyes.

They wanted to run away when the vine changed their course and began inching their green roots towards them. In vain, they tried to lift themself up. How could they know Zone 0´s air was composed almost entirely of carbon dioxide?

Their limbs failed to lift them to safety and they could only take shallow breaths as the vine´s eyes drilled them to the ground in fear.

Looking closely, the vine didn´t look like it was a plant at all, its eyes didn´t look like actual eyes either. They were more like a net of threads that moved like a hyperfast congested highway. It was only when the vine lifted one of it´s leafed threads to their forehead, that the little boy knew its touch burnt.

The sudden freezing numbness was quickly replaced with the agony of being burnt. The boy began crying, but the scream trapped on his chest wouldn´t come out.

He was completely silent when the vine forced them to stand on stiff, shaky legs that made his tears roll down even harder despite their ten thousand yards stare.

At each step, blisters popped up on the boy´s forehead and the blood went down in rivulets, tainting red the glowing flora that lit up below their feet. Lighting the way down a cave.

The boy´s mind was beyond the pain now, completely entranced in the agony of the sensation of fire running through their veins. With their mind and senses gone, they couldn´t see the chamber filled with hardened cocoons. Couldn´t hear the steps of something crawling near by, watching the vine walk the unfortunate boy to an empty cocoon, opening it´s fleshy threads as if arms opened for a hug.

As they stepped forward, all veins in their body popped out and chocking in their own drool, the cocoon enclosed them, fine wires wrapped their body as they stood inside the sealing cocoon and when they tigtened, all their bones crushed.

The light of their eyes vanished as the cocoon began to fill with a thick liquid. From outside, the remaining air and poisoned gas was exhaled from the orifice in the top, where the vine had climbed to and then dropped into the pool of goo with the boy before a large tube connected the cocoon to another, sealing it away.

The chamber was silent once again. The fumes dissipating into the air the creature repting swooshed with their tail. It would take days, a few weeks, before it fed completely the third chamber, a one similar to the one they had been born from.

But it wouldn´t worry about their loneliness. Not yet. Its sprouts walked the entirety of the Zone 0´s 8 kilometers, waiting for another pair of biped creature to wander inside their territory.

A few weeks later, when the two coccons had lost all color and some recovering ones laid open and wethered, steam was expulsed ferociously. The vines threading the cocoon began to untie themselves to slowly reveal the creature waking to existance.

It´s yellow eyes with black scleras opened to an unknown world with a gasp for air. Sensation began to flood into them. Breathing was suffocating, painful and they couldn´t manage to keep it inside with their frenetic gaping. Noise drilled into their pointy ears which quickly glued to their skull in an effort to muffle it, they pressed the heels of their hands to their eyes splashing everywhere with the burning black goo.

In the desperation to run from the overwhelming sensations of the new world, they stepped outside their cocoon and fell into soft arms. They struggled for a second, but a pressure going up and down their back soothed them into the crook of their neck, long matted hair hid their eyes from the annoying buzzying light as the instinct to curl and hide away made their tail coil around the being rubbing their back.

They didn´t know how to speak. They didn´t have vocal cords either, as they didn´t need them.

They could hear the soothing voice of the sibling that held them in their arms inside their head, silencing the terrifying world that expanded beyond their comprehension.

After they had calmed down, the other exorted them to open their eyes, to look up at them.

With a low whine, they obeyed and lifted their face to look with wide doe eyes at the hairy creature that wasn´t bothered by the goo dripping on their skin. A set of yellow eyes locked with the wide of almost orange ones as they bared their teeth.

They tried to paddle away, but their sibling held them tight, preventing them from escaping.

“That´s called a smile. Humans don´t consider a threat” they told them as they slowly untightened their jaw.

A low rumble from their lower abdomen, made another smile appear on their pale face.

“Right, you must be so, so hungry” They lifted them up in their arms with ease, despite their size being barely half of that of the hatchling. “Usually, we just eat whatever we come across at first” they explained them as they took them to another part of the chamber, away of the cocoons. They walked for a while, leaving a track of blue lights on their wake.

That was until slowly and carefully, the other let down the hatchling. Who clinged an arm to the soft fabric that covered their body from the sudden freezing temperature.

Their tail straightened up as they threw a low snarl and began rubbing their clawed hands against their arms. Their sibling let out a short wheeze. It amused the hatchling that such a sound could be so beautiful. Nothing like the buzzying that surrounded them still.

The hatchling threw their gaze over the scattered  lumps on the ground. They didn´t have much time to wonder what was below them as their sibling uncovored it to find a variety of faces. The creatures looked similar to how their sibling looked like and some were sprinkled with blood, or what they assumed was that red goo

“But in this planet, there´s plenty to take from” they said as they invited them to get closer on shaking legs “Go ahead and choose”

The hatchling took a long look at the variety of options, unable to decide until their eyes trained on a little freckled boy with half lidded black eyes. They reached towards their face and their claws with only five fingers, spreaded naturally to double the number. They gripped their jaw and turned it as gently as they new born status allowed them to.

Their sibling watched from afar and didn´t even twitch when the recipient´s neck cracked with the force and they told the hatchling to be gentler.

“Stop rubbing it all over, there´s still many that may choose them”

“I want them” they replied, remembering the words and threading them as their brain learnt how to from the previous conversations.

The other hummed suprised and simply waved their hand and walked away.

“Walk outside when you´re finished. We have a mission to fulfill”

As their steps melted into the silence, the hatchling towered above the human boy´s stiff body. They looked at the boy´s face as their claws uncovered them fully.

The creature tilted their head in surprised amusement at not finding the corners that marked their mouth on the boy´s chest. As they opened their real mouth, the one that ran down their torso and opened up like a flower to a multitude of teeth, they concluded this so called “humans” had an strange way of feeding if they only had their fake mouths on their faces.

Once they swallowed the boy´s body, they would learn how they feeded themselves.

But for starters, the creature wailed as their tail retracted back into their spine and they began to burn their spotty skin to become the pale smooth type humans had. They stumbled and fell on their side with a cry as their horns fell off, burnt into nothing but a fume and replaced for the same shade of black the boy´s hair was.

With a pained crack, the shifter took the shape of the boy and fell dryly on the ground.

After a while, they stood up on their two legs. Their head bobbed to a side before they settled their small hands on either side of their head and cracked the bones on their neck back on place with a cry.

With only a few minutes from birth, the creature that took the boy´s body, walked outside to fulfill the mission they had been born for.

[ferie-anon]

(●’◡’●)ﾉ hey, I hope you could look at my signs and see which member in NCT (any sub unit) would you ship me with? My placements are: aries sun & mercury, aquarius moon, saggitarius rising, capricorn mars, and pisces venus:)) Thanks!💗

(Your moodboard)

Alrighty, aries sun with aquarius moon, so I see you are someone with strong opinions and stubborn of your own beliefs/views. Probably rlly active, physically and mentally, your thought process and randomness is always intriguing and inspiring for others. With aries mercury, you adhere genuine thoughts, honesty, and expect loyalty just as you are loyal and there for those you care about. With pisces venus, you are sweet, self-less in love, and it is quite balanced with your aries energy that you choose to give your all, and heart to those you trust. Also that emoji in your ask desc, is literally uwu your placements make for someone genuine/authentic, and you also desire/value those same things back. Your aquarius moon with sag rising, kinda makes you pretty easygoing/the impression, idk wut it is but you seem someone who is able to cheer up or bring light to others, aquarius moons are actually pretty funny imo, they rlly got this thing going on where ppl be loving them and they don’t even know who these ppl. With sag rising, I feel you may be pretty active irl in some aspect, maybe hanging out with friends? Or going somewhere/doing any activities. Your complexion/impression may be glowy/healthy, in the sense, or physically. Lastly, your capricorn mars pairs well with your pisces venus and everything imo, with capricorn mars you hold yourself to a certain set of work ethic of consistency, carry and are aware of the responsibility, and you also show through care of others by taking care of them in a way, capricorn mars are lowkey smoothly quiet when aiding someone. I appreciate capricorn mars grounding/consistent nature becuz you guys are always getting something done or mostly.

Your match in Nct is.... Johnny!

Johnny here has an aquarius sun with a gemini moon! Fun in many different ways and every type of moment with Johnny is quite not the typical norm, something that will always be unrestricting and free but mentally stimulating. (Well in Nct, not the norm seems often there lol) With double air in the big 3, his sun in aquarius makes him someone who is quietly resilient yet engaging and a bit distant from his true personal feelings to new ppl, as aquariuses open up once they feel like they’re comfortable with sharing their true emotions with someone they care and trust enough. After all, there’s many aspects and layers of Johnny from wut we have seen, his variety moments, then his serious and lowkey intimidating moments as he is one of the eldest, and him with his members, playing along with them and talking with them personally. Johnny has a lot of meme moments, or rather memes insert in many video compilation of nct, it’s either iconic or just very “johnny” of him in terms of thinking, but remains memorable in nct content which can show of aquarius innovation and making new statements(moments/events). His gemini moon makes him share his intellect of moving through his thoughts quickly, at times making him quite reflexive verbally and etc, and him being random at times becuz gemini moons are the type of brains that will go through so many ideas and thoughts that wut u see may be only a fraction or part of their wittiness and intellect. The first meeting of a scenario, would be the first day at campus/college or uni. Though you heard or thought you heard some screeches that were similar to a parrot, and spotted the noise coming from a tall boy who was chilling and fooling around with his friend group. 'Hmm wut was that lol', you chuckled to yourself as you rush to the entrance realizing you're nearly late.

(Johnny explaining the term “oh daddy” is iconic and so awkwardly hilarious in context)

Johnny's moon is in gemini, and these natives are logical, ends up attempting to rationalize emotions through why they feel this way, however they appear distant emotionally or rather not be upfront with taking of their emotions till someone close, as with their playful and spontaneous they are deep down emotionally vulnerable and caring of others but shown in a rather lighthearted and communicative way. Displayed, Johnny on camera and all doesn't seem to publically display or make known of his emotional moments and etc, and that despite being one of the oldest, they still care a lot and face other emotional conflicts innerly thought they don't display as much as they're seen as dependable and taking care of others as the oldest ones. With your aquarius moon, you both are similar in that your emotional needs and feelings aren’t directly channeled or displayed at first. With aqua moon, as they rather open up eventually to the one they find trust and closeness with, new ppl/acquaintances coming into the life may not get to fully grasp your emotional sense of thoughts and may only be able to get the notion of your somewhat detached nature/closed off to ones you have yet to trust or be close to. Both of you guys are inquisitive and observant, however aquarius moon are observant like self aware of the final outcome or contribute to the big picture of all the details they intake. While gemini moons notice detailed things and small tidbits and things that comes through their mind. You both will be able to grow more open and navigate through the emotional space and company of each other with the similarities and with some differences regarding your thinkings, it will be a good development of new perspectives for each other. The communication will be very expanded upon, both being active mentally-wise and bonding together will bring new topics/ease at expressing oneself.

His mercury is in aquarius. Aha, these ppl communicate in a very intriguing, funny/expressive way that isn’t typically boring in a way. Either fromt eh way they speak or present their explanation, there’s something that is expressively creative or genius-like in the out of norm examples or speech they draw out. Becuz they think from different approaches to explaining the issue or concept, they’re good at making “sense” in some form, and others being persuaded at times and seeing a different perspective with their logic. So combined with Johnny’s gemini moon, the creative juices of humor and words with his aquarius mercury makes him quite the fun and mentally stimulating conversationer, at one point he’s basically enlightening u with deep social issues topics and talking about thoughts, then springing up a new topic about ten being scared of fruits and coming up with theories and jokes (or he’s gonna switch the topic again lol). With your aries mercury, u would enjoy his active perspectives and logic, mostly u would challenge it with ur own opinion and perspective and u guys were talk extensively on it, tho it may lead to banter mainly u attempting to stand by ur point for some topics, and sometimes u both would be laughing it off during a convo becuz u both thought it was funny and agreed with each other. Spontaneity and intellect in the mix is an enjoyable rollercoaster ride lol.

He has venus in capricorn~ Cue Johnny explaining the term “oh daddy”, cuz he himself is lowkey one- jkjk on the pg rated side, there’s a sense of security and trust that comes with reliability of each other here, where Johnny would like to be able to provide that sense of secureness, whether emotionally, or “materially”, that ties with the bond and connection that is made and also initiates and desires stability. Johnny wouldn’t be very upfront regarding his affections and physical displayment of love or feelings, but it would be inherently noticed by you eventually, you may be a bit oblivious at first like “..? Oh he did something thoughtful becuz of me”. (Mark cheerleading in the audience: “oh dude he’s flirting”) Your pisces venus would give words of affirmations and selfless help and attentiveness at him, it may just be watching and wandering around him as you guys talk or eat. And he would also notice, tho similarly he may be a bit oblivious but probs realize quicker, ‘oh that’s why u said that-‘. I feel like you would initiate physical touch/skinship to express yourself, it may be subtle like hand holding or just playing around with his sleeve or hand. Johnny would be smiling softly inside, he would have a sliight lift of the corners of his lips in reaction to wut ur doing, cuz he wanna play it cool/he’s “totally not paying attention to wut ur doing”. Cute vibes yall.

Lastly, Johnny has mars in leo. Yuh, get into it, lol Johnny definitely is ambitious and also driven/puts it into action of it. The passion these placement exhibit and hold within their emotional desires and channel it through to get the success/outcome that they work for, Johnny is very talented in many aspects. Dancing and with a focus of the things they love, like for johnny being an idol, performing, interacting with fans international and in korea, and having a good time all through becuz that’s wut their heart is at. A focus/motivation that pushes through from their heart’s ambitious passion. (That probs didn’t make sense lol) Anyways paired with your capricorn mars, yall are power duo in this aspect of working till you meet ur goal/get that bag lol. In all seriousness, you both are ambitious, and where the amount of hard work lies is evident in both of yall. I would say leo mars are more reactive regarding their ambitions and dreams, linked to it in a firey manner or expression, like they’re charging through to it. Whereas your capricorn mars may be more pragmatic about the process but also charging through to meet ends of the goal. Though his leo mars does opposite your aquarius moon, the attraction drawn through each others difference in manners and execution is enough to create a expansion of new perspectives for each other as u guys spend more time. In the end u both will be able to understand each others own initiation and process of thinking and action, and the team work and work ethic together will be formidable to others ahaha.

Overall, it’s very interactive, fun, and a learning and experiencing relationship that is also calming in some aspects. The talkative couple, that would even say weird shit conversationally lol and everyone would not bat an eye becuz it’s “normal”. Goofing around and then being very close to each other that u both are comfortable in that aspect, so expressing your feelings to each other and dates would be cute and fun learning and experiencing from each other and hardships that you both face together to pull each other up for the better, very mutually caring. Yall are memey couple combined with intellectual sense of wisdom and care, and also power in focus of ur own passions and ambitions. The vibes you both exude together ->🍓✨🐠☀️🦭💅💞👯‍♀️📽 🍧 👜

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

Suga, Atsumu, Akaashi, and Sakusa saving their S/O from traffic

Hey anon! I normally only take 3 characters for headcanon requests, but I decided to just go ahead and do all four this time. Please make sure to read my rules before making requests 😊

Word count: ~2k

AN: I may have gone slightly overboard with Atsumu’s but y’know. This is my first time writing for Sakusa and Suga though! 

part 1: Tsukishima, Kuroo, Osamu saving their S/O from traffic

SUGAWARA

⭐ So, you and Suga have known each other for years 

⭐ After all, you were Asahi’s younger sister

⭐ Both Suga and Daichi were very familiar with you

⭐ It was not surprise that after knowing you for so long, Suga caught feels

⭐ Suga liked that you had the same gentle temperament as your brother BUT you weren’t as “cowardly”

⭐ He enjoyed whenever you let loose and indulged in your wild side

⭐ Of course, the only people in the group who realised Suga had a crush were Kiyoko and Daichi

⭐ You and Asahi were hella oblivious I swear LMAO

⭐ Anyways, eventually Asahi catches Daichi and Suga talking and he’s like OMG SUGA HAS A THING FOR (NAME)???

⭐ But at the end of the day, he’s like, well Suga’s a nice guy

⭐ Of course, you and your brother were super close too!

⭐ Later that night, you end up accidentally confiding in your brother that you also had a thing for Suga

⭐ Leading to Asahi confessing for Suga that very moment

⭐ The next day at school, you go out of your way to avoid Suga because omg my crush LIKES ME BACK?!

⭐ Suga’s super sad and is like, why are they doing this?

⭐ Asahi’s awkwardly scratching his neck and is like, I may have said something

⭐ SO, Suga finds you at your house later that night, asks you out, and you’ve been dating ever since

⭐ At the time of the incident !

⭐ You join the rest of the third-years in going to the shrine for new years

⭐ By now, you and Suga have already been going strong for over a year

⭐ As you reach the bottom of the steps, a biker is speeding past

⭐ They all react simultaneously

⭐ Asahi is frozen, his heart is beating so loud he swears everyone could hear it

⭐ Daichi is lunging forward, ready to use his defensive volleyball skills to do something (though idk what would have helped in this situation)

⭐ Kiyoko’s eyes are wide

⭐ But Suga!! man is moving at lightning speed

⭐ Like he is on a MISSION and that is to protect the love of his life!

⭐ He grabs you by the waist, hoisting you back up onto the steps and pressing you against him

⭐ You blink, confused until you hear the biker ringing his bell, shouting apologies as he speeds along the path

⭐ “Y’know, that would’ve sucked to start the new year off like that” you chuckle, looking up at Suga

⭐ He chuckles too, nodding as he brushes your hair back

⭐ Pulling you up, y’all face the third years as they unfreeze and make their way towards you

⭐ (Name)!” -Asahi

⭐ “Suga!” -Daichi

⭐ “Are you guys okay?” -the goddess Kiyoko

⭐ After breathing a sigh of relief, Asahi’s doing that little clap thing he does when Nishinoya receives his serves in the commercial break

⭐ Asahi’s giving him that look that says “i owe you everything. you have saved her life. i give you my permission to marry her”

⭐ Suga’s just laughing and is like “i would’ve done that with or without your permission 💝 ”

ATSUMU

⭐ Honestly, this was an enemies-to-lovers, slow-burn situation

⭐ You were in the same friend groups after playing at the club together as children

⭐ He was hella STINGY! he did not like that you were a setter AND that Osamu would ask you to set for him sometimes out of spite

⭐ Anyways, that rivalry continued up until high-school

⭐ Unfortunately, right before high-school starts, you suffer from a critical injury and had to quit volleyball

⭐ Atsumu felt bad about it

⭐ Like though he saw you as a rival, it just wasn’t fair that you had to quit so early

⭐ SO! He offers you the next best thing

⭐ Being his manager!

⭐ You laughed in his face the first few times he offered because you’re like, are you just being petty right now?

⭐ But after a while (and after he’s asked you like 20 times) you finally accept the offer

⭐ Now that you guys are no longer rivals, and you’re around each other all the time, Atsumu is like wait a second, you’re kinda attractive

⭐ AND the fact that you talk volleyball to him!

⭐ You were roped into his late practices more often than he’d care to admit

⭐ Of course, as manager (and ex-rival), you’d give him tips on how to improve his serves and setting

⭐ At first, he was kinda salty when you gave him advice and kicked him out of the gym

⭐ But eventually (aka, after Osamu kicked his ass), he realised that you were doing it out of care!

⭐ Thus, he spiraled into full-on affection for you

⭐ On your end, you didn’t really care about Atsumu

⭐ You thought the rivalry was stupid

⭐ And like, the boy bullied you!! Because his twin liked how you set!

⭐ But after you stopped playing, you realised that he was just a dummy who lived-and-breathed volleyball

⭐ Proven by the early mornings and late nights at the gym

⭐ Eventually, his passion sparked something inside of you

⭐ Like although you couldn’t play anymore, it was really nice seeing this passion and it made you care more about the team

⭐ This translated into more hangouts with the team, and eventually Atsumu just hits you up out of nowhere like “we’re always together”

⭐ You: Yes and?

⭐ Atsumu: We might as well date?

⭐ You: LOL! ...sure

⭐ And that’s how y’all start dating!

⭐ AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT

⭐ you’re on-campus ridiculously early, waiting for the bus that’ll take you to Tokyo for nationals

⭐ Mid-yawn, you’re complaining about how a POWER HOUSE school has to take the bus all the way there

⭐ “Like, we’re the favorites to win!”

⭐ (you just hate being awake before the sun is)

⭐ The bus is arriving, and you step down off the curb to walk around the bus and start loading your stuf

⭐ Of course, Atsumu is ALSO dead tired and his brain short-circuits, thinking the bus is about to hit you

⭐ SO, he’s sprinting at you, throwing his food onto the ground (osamu is screeching behind him)

⭐ You turn, confused when a muscular body slams into you

⭐ Y’all both tumble down onto the concrete and you’re just like, Atsumu I’m going to kill you

⭐ Osamu is just like, not if I kill him first!

⭐ Atsumu’s just like, but! The bus! Was about to hit you?

⭐ Kita’s face-palming and is just like, the bus literally stopped 30 feet away from them

⭐ Suna’s cackling while he records this mess

⭐ Your boyfriend’s blushing and is just like, “well maybe I just wanted to be a hero for my boo”

⭐ NGL, it would’ve been sweet EXCEPT he crushed the bag of snacks you’d packed so you were pretty peeved

⭐ Leading to a sulking Atsumu

⭐ Once y’all are on the bus, you lean over and give him a kiss

⭐ He short-circuits again. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

⭐ You shake your head, “a little, but I can’t just refuse to give my hero his reward, right?”

⭐ Atsumu’s heart swells and he’s promising himself to always be your hero

AKAASHI

⭐ Alright, so y’all weren’t dating yet!

⭐ Nah, you were just a Fukurodani manager-in-training

⭐ But TBH, Akaashi had the biggest crush on you

⭐ He liked how responsible you were, and how you weren’t really overbearing and obnoxious like the other managers (and his captain but y’know)

⭐ Since he was the vice captain, the other managers trusted him to show you the ropes

⭐ (they’d also noticed the way y’all looked at each other and was tryna make their ship sail!)

⭐ ANYWAYS

⭐ This happens during that first two-weeked Tokyo training camp where Kageyama and Hinata are running late

⭐ SO, Akaashi and you had gone outside to get some fresh air and just to get away from the chaos of the team

⭐ Bokuto and Kuroo were both tryna rope him into some shenanigans, so you benevolently bailed him out and brought him outside to help you fill the bottles

⭐ Cue side-eyes and winks from the other managers to you both

⭐ Just as you’re making small talk, a screeching sound interrupts the conversation

⭐ WHOOP THERE’S SAEKO!

⭐ She barely manages to brake in front of you

⭐ But sweet Akaashi had already pulled you back into him, his back facing the car just in case he wasn’t fast enough

⭐ “Are you ok?” he asks, leaning back to scan your features

⭐ You nod, sheepish

⭐ Akaashi turns back to the driver, eyebrows raised

⭐ Saeko gets out of the car, apologising intensively

⭐ Of course, Hinata literally pukes when he gets out because he’s overwhelmed with everything that’s happened

⭐ Kageyama is like, uhm, can I just go play volleyball now pls?

⭐ After numerous apologies, Akaashi points them towards the gym and spirits you away to a bench

⭐ He keeps giving you water, an unreadable expression on his face

⭐ “Uhm, Akaashi? Are you ok?”

⭐ Akaashi just SIGHS, nodding

⭐ He fixes you with a hard stare, a slight tremour in his voice. “I’m sorry, (Name). I just...I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you”

⭐ You tilt your head. “I mean, I doubt that I would’ve died from that”

⭐ Akaashi chuckles, shaking his head slightly as he slots your fingers together. He squeezes your hand. 

⭐ “Yeah, but my heart would have”

⭐ Y’all both get flusterd as heck!

⭐ Like, was that a CONFESSION?!

⭐ Turning back to ask, you get the answer in the form of him kissing your cheek

⭐ Akaashi short-circuits. You short-circuit. Did that really just happen?!

⭐ “So..does that mean we’re together or..”

⭐ And before Akaashi can respond, the rest of Fukurodani appears!

⭐ They heard what happened from Hinata (who cannot keep his mouth shut I swear)  

⭐ As you’re both swarmed, you peek at Akaashi

⭐ Over the noise, he gives you a small smile, nodding

⭐ Your hearts are warm! Like finally!!

SAKUSA

⭐ TBH, I feel like Sakusa wouldn’t really care to find a partner

⭐ UNLESS, it is someone he grew up with and is very familiar with

⭐ So! Enter, Komori’s best friend

⭐ Sakusa and Komori were always together

⭐ You and Komori were always together

⭐ This made it very easy for you to get close to Sakusa!

⭐ He liked that you respected his space and desire for cleanliness

⭐ You always went out of your way to carry around extra face masks, wipes, and santisier just in case people got too close to him (and you)

⭐ Sakusa wouldn’t have made the first move though

⭐ UNLESS! He realised he was about to lose you

⭐ Which almost happened

⭐ You ended up not hanging out with the duo as much because of a school assignment

⭐ Coincidentally, Sakusa overheard one of his teammates talking about you and the other dude

⭐ The other dude had the biggest crush on you, and was going to ask you out after y’all were finished with the project

⭐ Of course, Sakusa was just like absolutely not

⭐ Right after practice, Sakusa went to go look for you only to find you walknig towards the gym

⭐ “Oh hey Sakusa!”

⭐ “Call me Kiyoomi”

⭐ “Ok Kiyoo- wait what?!” 

⭐ Your eyes went wide

⭐ His heart stuttered, why were you so cute?!

⭐ “I mean, you would call your boyfriend by his first name, right?”

⭐ “B-boyfriend?!?!”

⭐ Komori appears, throwing his arm over your shoulder to Sakusa’s disgust. “I think this is how Sakusa’s tryna confess to you, (Name)”

⭐ Sakusa just nods stiffly, pulling out some wipes 

⭐ Heat sweeps over you as you awkwardly nod, “oh! Sure, Kiyoomi”

⭐ Sakusa was grateful that the mask covered his face because boy was BLUSHING

⭐ SO! At the time of the incident~

⭐ You had gone with Sakusa to the training center for the Tokyo Training Camp

⭐ Komori had already gone without y’all

⭐ You were from around the area, and were going to go visit your family for the week

⭐ (It was also a chance for you to introduce Sakusa to your family after he finished up with the training camp)

⭐ Anyways, you’d just dropped Sakusa off, waving goodbye to him as you turn to walk off

⭐ There was a loud honking noise

⭐ Some dude was trying to park and was being SO RUDE to you as you were walking through the lot

⭐ You turn to face the car, only to have your arm yanked out of its socket as someone leads you away

⭐ “Whah?!”

⭐ Your eyes follow the arm, finding Sakusa on the other end

⭐ “Weren’t you supposed to be warming up?!”

⭐ “You forgot something”

⭐ He finally stops as you reach the sidewalk

⭐ Your brows furrow. “What did I forget?”

⭐ Suddenly pulling his mask down, he presses a kiss to your forehead

⭐ “That”

⭐ Whirling around, Sakusa stalks back to the training center, blushing brightly as he realises what he had done

⭐ Your hand is touching the spot where he’d kissed you, your heart beating fast

⭐ “Holy cr*p” you whisper

⭐ “oh my god” Sakusa mutters

⭐ “Why are you blushing?”

⭐ “Shut up Komori”

general taglist: @scrappydaisies​ @newfriendjen​  @kyomihann

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[twiceblackvelvet]

Username: xNotYourJoyx

A/N; hi. i have no clue where this idea came from. i don’t know why my brain always tells me to start more red velvet series’ randomly. but here is the latest spawn from it. this will have more parts to it because i’m interested in expanding on the dynamics of this trio plus i signed up for things that have since blown up my emails for this because i’m dedicated like that. anyway! enjoy. or don’t. idk anymore. 

It was only a suggestion.  A quick mention, really. “There’s this site, Seungwan,” is how it started. Except for that brief conversation spiraled rapidly into a whirlwind of curiosity and excitement. Perhaps, discussing the lack of sex life and the frustration that comes with that whilst you’re supposed to be busy working on the latest financial development wasn’t the smartest move, and yet, the conversation ended in a better resolution than she imagined when Joohyun had managed to pry the information out of her about why she’s been so on edge lately. 

On edge being both literal and metaphorical. Getting to the high is easy, however, toppling over into the rush of being able to feel the full experience of pleasure has been evading her for the last few weeks now. Nothing seems to do the trick and though you may think it’d be fun to simply keep trying, it’s starting to become an issue with the more extreme methods she attempts. So, it desperately needs to be fixed, just not in front of all of her colleagues who are idly typing away the dull workday. 

The rest of the day drags along. Nothing particularly interesting happens which Seungwan is grateful for, she could do without the extra stress. Though, she’s sure the new sponsorship to promote a dead-end product that everyone had warned their boss about will cause a headache in the future, she ignores the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. Joohyun was kind enough to buy dinner for the both of them which her stomach is currently grateful for as she’s certain her fridge at home is empty. But, watching her friend and colleague suckle on the ice cream bar she purchased for herself should not have resulted in her needing to press her legs together on instinct. 

Joohyun didn’t notice, or if she did, she didn’t say anything and continued to lap her tongue across the cold strawberry flavored ice cream. Probably for the best. Nothing good ever comes from getting too involved with people you have to work alongside every day, even if that person does look like Aphrodite herself. The awkward looks between you both, everyone else knowing that the two of you have slept together but are now deciding on which color scheme to use for an advertisement, it just isn’t something that Seungwan wants to deal with. So, she and Joohyun will have to remain platonic. Unfortunately.

It’s late by the time she gets home. The hallway lights leading up to the apartment door flicker every few seconds and the apartment across the hall has the television turned up loud enough that Seungwan is sure they’re trying to let those in hell hear the latest episode of whichever show they’re currently watching. The keys in her hand rattle as she unlocks the stiff door that barely wants to open anymore. The loudness doesn’t disappear once she closes it behind her but it’s home and somewhere she can erase the feeling of being stuck, in more ways than one. 

The latest routine of ordering in unhealthy food that is slowly destroying her insides, a cold shower to wash away some of the exhaustion, and then listening to the same songs for about an hour feels almost robotic but it’s what she’s grown used to now. Once the darkness begins to creep in across the apartment, cold air making the hairs on her arm stand to attention and the neighbors suddenly growing quiet, it’s the small bed in the corner of the room that calls out and the only thing echoing inside her head. 

Well, it would be, had she not suddenly recalled Joohyun’s description of a site where many people frolic and entertain those who perhaps need a little extra help with their more sinful needs. She moves on auto-pilot toward the jacket hanging on the coat rack and reaches into the left side pocket for the small piece of paper where only the web address is scrawled upon it in Joohyun’s perfect handwriting. The laptop she bought years before and barely runs anymore rests on the dining table she never sits at, closed, and with a line of dust taking up home upon it. Grabbing it, she plops herself down onto the bed after removing her dressing gown and the towel around her hair which has long since dried and throwing it into a corner of the room to be cleaned up tomorrow. 

Her fingers trace the keyboard idly, never pressing in a single key, simply going back and forth over the letters whilst her brain tries to decipher if this is something she wants to try out. 

“Fuck it.” She thinks. Soon enough, the site is loading, slowly, and asking for her to confirm she is of legal age to enter it. 

The screen finally loads and brings up a bunch of profiles under the “popular” banner. To say that the sight of all the various people before her is overwhelming would be an understatement. A sidebar reveals that she can choose a category as well as filter out specific things that are not of her interest. Some of the categories are the standard you would expect, for example, she immediately filters to only see profiles of women. However, others are a little more out there and specific toward what Seungwan assumes are people’s fetishes. A lot of them are things that she would never consider a person could find interesting sexually, and yet, the option is right before her. She ignores the curious voice inside of her head telling her to click on some of them. 

A screen full of women now presents itself in front of her. All of them are beautiful and there’s a whole variety to choose from. The profile pictures range from selfies where they’re simply smiling to some of them being without clothing whatsoever. She scrolls for quite some time simply admiring all of the choices before her until one, in particular, captures her attention. 

Wide dark eyes with hair of the same shade of brown, plump lips that are sporting a small smirk that’s both enticing and teasing. Part of the girl’s neck is on display for Seungwan to imagine herself kissing and biting softly. Without hesitation, she hovers over the username and clicks onto the profile. 

“xNotYourJoyx” she repeats mentally a few times. 

The next page reveals a sign-up box that doesn’t allow Seungwan to venture any further. She’s quick to type in her email address, a username not as clever as she would like and the same password she uses for everything else. The next step is to add her bank details in order to be able to subscribe to various pages. She hesitates at this portion realizing that it’s probably very easy for people to fall too far down this rabbit hole. Thus she promises herself not to subscribe to anything until she’s 100% sure. 

After completing her profile, she’s brought back to the girl she assumes is named Joy or at least uses that name here. Her subscription rate is the first thing to appear. Her price is low Seungwan thinks, around $10 when she was expecting something far higher based on the type of content Joohyun had told her the people on the site create. The next part is an Amazon wishlist with various items in it ranging from hair extensions, expensive perfume, and medical equipment? She must be a nurse, Seungwan thinks. 

Further down the page reveals a VIP service which is more expensive than the standard subscription but allows for you to request specific pictures or videos. There are rules that come along with it which Seungwan reads multiple times over. 

Don’t ask me to say or tell you anything personal about me, we are not friends. You don’t know me like that. 

No, you can’t have my Instagram or any other social media so don’t ask. 

Don’t be a dick. 

My amazon wishlist is not for me. I am not a doctor. But I’m down to dress as one for you if you’re into that. 

“Well, that clears that up I guess.” She thinks. 

For the next ten minutes, Seungwan simply scrolls through the free content on offer from Joy. A few shots of her without clothes but covering her body up with her hands or a sheet, all of which look professionally done which is surprising.  She’s captivated and drawn in by this girl a lot quicker than she thought she would be, she can see why Joohyun would recommend such a thing to her now. The possibilities are endless and there are no strings attached. It’s an ideal situation for both parties. 

Despite making the promise to herself, she’s quick to subscribe to Joy’s feed but ignores the large “upgrade to VIP” logo that’s glistening in gold below the payment button. It would seem strange or suspicious surely to her if someone new to her profile was suddenly paying for the premium option Seungwan tries to logic with herself. 

A few seconds pass as the page reloads itself before finally Joy’s profile is unlocked for Seungwan’s eyes to devour. The same type of photos as previously, however, without anything covering herself up. The same natural reaction to jam her thighs together that she felt earlier with Joohyun ends up happening again except this time she positions her hand under the waistband of her bed shorts. 

The further she explores everything Joy has posted the more the need to be touched becomes overwhelming Before she knows it her fingers are gently caressing her soft skin slowly yet with desperation. Many of the images have comments from other people praising the effortless beauty that Joy manages to convey with ease. Seungwan thinks that Joy must be someone with great confidence to display herself so openly like this. She wishes she too were able to picture herself in the way that Joy likely does. 

Her body aches for some release but once more she’s not able to reach the peak as the page of images suddenly comes to an end. Once more, the gold button for premium appears and tells Seungwan she’s reached the limit of what she can see. A blurring effect does a good job of hiding what follows next, however,  what it doesn’t do is stop her from being enticed further when she spots that Joy has also uploaded videos of herself, they are simply hidden from those on the basic subscription as her. 

Almost sub-consciously she finds herself going against every warning sign inside of her mind telling her that paying to watch Joy rather than just look at her is a bad decision, one she will definitely come to regret or become too attached to doing, and yet, it’s too late once she’s confirmed the upgrade and clicked onto the first video that appears. 

White background, likely a wall in her home, Seungwan thinks, until finally the girl steps into the frame with yet another smirk on her lips.  

“Hello, welcome to premium. Thank you for subscribing. I hope you enjoy all of the videos and pictures that only a select few of you will ever get to see. If you’re feeling even more generous please be sure to check out my wishlist. Now, let’s have fun together.” 

Her voice is silky smooth, Seungwan thinks. She replays the simple video a few times just to hear her make this decision sound like she’s part of an exclusive club where only she is invited, though, she’s aware that isn’t true at all. Joy likely has a ton of people paying to see the most intimate parts of her. The comments on this simple welcoming video are at 59 which means at least that many people have also fallen into the trap, though if Joy is the prize, Seungwan wonders if be tricked into paying extra like this is worth it in the end. 

She decides to read through some of them just to get a sense of how people communicate with her here. 

ksgeees says: can’t wait for you to send me my video Joy😏

canudoit2609 says: so hot🔥

r4bb1tfr13nd says: damn i should have subbed earlier🥵🥵🥵

speedzoom0408 says: YOU CAN HAVE ALL MY MONEY

HYUNSKY says: most beautiful girl ever 

Strangely, the latter comment is the only one Joy has bothered to give a reply to. 

xNotYourJoyx says: @HYUNSKY wow, thank you😳

The compliment is definitely correct and deserving of a reply, yet, Seungwan wishes she were the one to tell Joy such things and have her respond solely to her. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster and though she probably shouldn’t be feeling it toward a complete stranger, she does. The sound of the keys as she types out her own comment with her free hand that hasn’t been teasing herself is the only thing she can hear now. Not even the wind outside is able to pierce her eardrums and break her from this spell that Joy has put her under. 

Wannie2102 says: you are so perfect, Joy.

It’s simple and Seungwan hates it, but she simply must tell this girl something, anything, in hopes that she sees it and feels happy to be complimented. 

Silence now, nothing but the screen before her for light inside the cold bedroom. The list of videos, 71 in total, tempting Seungwan, taunting almost. Her left hand numb now from just resting against her own body whilst her right-hand clicks onto the next one in the list after the welcoming video. 

The same white background, however, Joy is positioned in the video as soon as it starts this time. Laying down on a black crushed velvet sofa in only her underwear. Her right hand gently caressing her breasts as she grunts out a few low moans. Her left hand in a similar position to where Seungwan is resting her own. The tired and slow circles in which she moves her hand causes her eyes to roll into the back of her head as Seungwan changes her own pace to match that of Joy’s on the screen. 

Her bed creaks with every movement of Joy’s that she mimics, the headboard bashing against the wall behind her whenever Joy quickens her pace and then sounds like a light drumming whenever she slows. The neighbor next door has definitely been awakened by the rhythmic sound of Seungwan rocking her body against her fingers. 

“You’re enjoying this, huh?” The words surprise Seungwan out of her reverie as it’s as if Joy is present and asking her specifically and knowing that she too is pleasuring herself as she is doing. Without even thinking she manages to gasp out a yes in reply that only she can hear, yet gains a response from Joy almost like she can magically hear her. “I wish I could watch you touch yourself to me.” she pauses to lowly moan. “For me.” 

The pressure rises between her thighs once more except this time her body allows her to release every bit of tension she’s had to keep trying to get rid of for weeks. Her entire body collapses against itself as she indulges herself in what she’s convinced is the longest orgasm to ever exist. Her legs shaking wildly as her arm tenses up and flex to make sure she feels every bit of her undoing. The sound of Joy finishing up her own continues to play in the background for further motivation but the deed has already been done. 

She rests momentarily, staring up at the ceiling as gentle pants fill the room both from herself and the laptop. Nothing else in the world matters at this very moment. However, once more Joy manages to surprise Seungwan with her telepathic way of just knowing somehow when to speak to her viewer. 

“Thank you for that, I hope you come back soon for more.” and then the video ends. 

A dark screen replacing the beautiful image of Joy just as spent as Seungwan feels. But, now she’s left to think about everything that has just transpired between herself, the screen and a girl she doesn’t even know. Guilt wells up in her chest and she slams the screen shut almost shattering the glass. “Why did you do this?” is the only thing that repeats inside of her mind. No longer focused on the pulsating feeling against her hand as she pulls it out of her shorts too fast and whips herself with the waistband which will no doubt sting in the morning.

Her legs shakily drag her body to the bathroom almost tripping over various clothes that have sat there waiting to be cleaned for way too long now. She turns on the shower for the second time tonight and steps into it, almost falling immediately. The cold water shocks her body into feeling something other than the after-effects of pleasuring herself. Scrubbing every inch of her body intensely and repeating inside of her mind that she’ll cancel the subscription tomorrow and never do anything like this ever again. She can’t. Joy is a stranger and she shouldn’t be doing these things.

By the time she’s finished almost burning her skin with the washcloth to make sure she’s rid herself of her sins and changing her fair skin to a reddish shade, the clock on the bedside table shows that there are only three hours before she’s due to wake up for work. The bed seems tainted now, so she grabs the blanket and sleeps on the sofa that is far less comfortable. 

Joohyun is definitely going to ask her about whether or not she used the site, definitely going to notice the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep and will definitely draw up her own conclusion anyway no matter what her answer is. She tries her best not to think about any of this but there’s just a constant loop of the images of Joy, the sound of her voice, and the way she encouraged Seungwan to feel again. 

She dreams of dark hair and brown eyes that night and moans that could be the most heavenly sound in the world or a new addiction that Seungwan isn’t ready for but may not have a choice but to indulge in it. 

pt. ii

[dingdonghun]

Long Time No See (P1)

Genre: Fluff, Best friends to lovers (fight me)

Characters: Lee Donghun

Word count: 1.3k

Just the setup of a small idea I had for Donghun! A little too long to reasonably put into one fic! So maybe there will be two or three parts? Idk, I made it up as I go gfldhgfduh.

Summary: After college you and your friend group all went your separate ways, chasing your dreams and ambitions, living your lives. You, however, chose to open a bakery in your hometown. The days blended together and life seemed to race by undisturbed, unchanged, until today. Today, you got an unexpected call from your best friend Kay, and a shocking visit from the past.

The crisp Autumn air filled you lungs as you sucked in a deep breath, chilling you from the inside out. Even under three layers of clothing, it still felt like you were walking around in only a T-shirt and shorts. 

“It feels more like Winter than it does Fall.” you grumbled to no one in particular as you walked down the sidewalk.

The path was littered with red, orange and yellow leaves, fallen from the tall trees above you. This was always your favorite time of year because of this alone. There were many reasons to love the season, but the scenery was always the only thing that really left you at a loss for words. 

The sound of your phone ringing pulled you from your inner monologue about the beauty and sadness that came with the colors of the dying leaves and you you pulled it out of your back pocket, checking the front screen.

You quickly answered your phone, unable to hide the joy in your voice. “Kay! Hey!” 

“Hey y/n! It’s been a while! Hey, uh, where are you?” 

You raised a brow, letting out a short laugh. Kay had been your best friend since the two of you were in third grade, and you knew here well enough to know the tone of voice she used when she was up to something.

“Where am I? We haven’t spoken in like, a month! What’s this about?” 

“Hey, I know we’ve both been busy, but-” her voice got quiet as if she turned away from the phone, followed by the sound of her hushing someone. “-but we have both been swamped with our jobs and responsibilities. We haven’t been able to hang out properly in over a year! I just want to see you!”

Although the second part of her remark made your heart warm, your curiosity was peaked by the previous shushing of whoever was in the room with her.

“Who was that?”

“Huh?”

“Who did you shush? I heard you tell someone to be quiet.”

“Oh, that was... my sister! She came into my room to ask for me to make her lunch.” 

“Really? Isn’t it a school day? It’s only twelve!” 

A few seconds of silence followed before she gave an answer, “Yeah, no, she’s got a cold and didn’t go to school today. Since I have the day off, I decided to stay home and take care of her.” quickly brushing that topic aside, she continued. “Mom is home now though, so I want to come meet up with you! So where are you?”

Yeah, she’s definitely up to something. But what? You decided to let it go... for now.

“Well I’m walking to the little Café we always visit! I thought it would be a really good day for a walk.”

On the other line, you heard the start of what sounded like a whine, before it was quickly hushed by Kay once more.

“You’re walking outside in this weather?? Y/n, it’s freezing outside!”

“Yeah I think I underestimated how cold it would be... but don’t worry, it’s not too far away! I’ll be at the Café in no time.”

“Alright well I am going to meet you there, okay? I want to see you again!”

A fond smile spread across your lips, excited at the thought that you’d finally get to see Kay in person after so long. “Alright! I’ll see you there! I love you!”

“I love you too,” Kay’s voice had a mischievous hint to it, but before you could question her, she quickly shouted a “see you soon!” and hung up.

What a weirdo.

Having at least a mile to go before you made it to the Café, you decided to waste the time by thinking of the good ol’ days with your old best friends. You hadn’t seen any of them in at least a year or two, Kay being the most recent. Ever since you all graduated college and got jobs, your lives all went in separate directions. The only one who stuck around in your hometown with you happened to be Kay, and even then, she had no time for you with her busy job as a Nurse at the local hospital. She worked all hours, neither of you ever knew when she’d be on call.

The other friends that had moved away to other cities, even countries, consisted of Annie, Yijin, Lia and... 

Donghun.

Your heart dropped.

Donghun had joined the friend group last, the two of you meeting in Freshman year. It had been three years since you’d seen him in person, and one year since you’d heard from him at all. You knew his job was important, but you had no idea what it was or why he couldn’t tell you. At some point, you’d stopped trying to contact him after he just stopped replying.

He had been the closest to you, and when he left, you had only just begun understanding what he really meant to you, before it all disappeared at the hands of his new mystery job.

With a pain in your chest, you brushed the thoughts of him away, choosing instead to focus on what Kay could possibly want at the last minute.

Sure, she said she missed you and wanted to hang out, but that wasn’t like her at all! Kay was usually a very meticulous and well-planned person. She always scheduled things ahead of time, and spur of the moment plans made her nervous. Then again, it has been a year since you’ve seen her in person. Maybe she’s finally loosened up a bit!

A soft chuckle escaped your lips and you looked down at your feet as you walked. The colorful leaves crunched pleasantly under your feet and lessened the heaviness in your heart. As your mind cleared, you finally noticed just how cold your hands were. You may have had enough foresight to put on three layers of clothes, but for some incredulous reason, the fact that you definitely needed gloves slipped your mind. Your hands were freezing and you could barely move your fingers!

Just as you were worrying about your own fingers, someone elses’ appeared from behind you and covered your eyes, but the person they belonged to said nothing. Normally, when people appear behind you and cover your eyes, they say something like “Guess who!” so that you could at least get an idea from their voice. And if they didn’t do that, they were probably a serial killer. 

For a moment, you thought maybe it was Kay, but her fingers were short and soft, these ones were longer and a bit slender. Despite the coldness in the air though, they were warm, a relieving reprieve from the icy blasts to the face that you’ve endured so far.

“Okay, don’t tell me, uhhh...” You picked your brain, trying to think of a single person you knew with long slender fingers. “Uhm... Jay??” 

Jay was your coworker and friend at the bakery you worked at. Lately he had been getting a little bold, trying to get closer to you. This seemed like something he would do, though you still thought he’d at least have said something as he covered your eyes.

After a moment of silence, a very familiar voice spoke right next to your ear, soft, calming, a hint of a smile in the tone. 

“Who’s Jay? Do I have competition?” 

You froze in place, heart skipping a beat. You knew that voice. Even if you hadn’t heard it in years, you knew that voice anywhere.

Spinning around so quickly that you almost fell over, you saw him, standing in front of you with the softest smile on his lips, as if no time at all had passed. As if he’d just seen you yesterday. Yet in his eyes you could see a glimpse of sadness.

“Donghun?...”

“Hey, chipmunk.” 

(To be continued)

[vonnyphant]

To Blog or Not to Blog?

“You should start a diary and write about your experiences. It may help people going through the same thing.”

Honestly? If there’s one thing I discovered about this diagnosis, it’s that it makes me pretty damn selfish. I don’t want to help other people (not just yet, anyway). But putting some thoughts down about this time in my life may be of some sort of therapeutic value, and I do want to help myself. 

(Maybe for once, saving the world can wait. Do you remember how, soon after the pandemic hit, people stopped avoiding plastic and single-use items? When your health is at risk, suddenly rainforests and polar bears and the planet are deprioritised- not that anyone will admit to this. But this is my diary and I can say what I want!* Writing for myself it is.)

Having established my less-than-Mother-Theresa-like reasons for this blog, my conscience cleared, it’s time to start. This is where the Lifetime movie shows me, in a half daze, mellowed out on drugs while they sew a mediport into my chest to start administering chemicals. A fast lane to my bloodstream. A docking station. The soundtrack? Hopefully ‘Across The Universe’ by the Beatles (possibly Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. If I get a say in it, I veto The Walrus) Time to pump this body full of drugs that’ll make my hair fall out. 

Wait, what?

Voice Over: “Yep. That’s me. You’re probably wondering what I am doing here…” //record scratch - freeze frame - fast rewind to the psychedelic outtro of A Day In The Life//

Two months ago, during rub-a-dub-in-the-tub (less naughty than it sounds, was just washing myself), my mind inexplicably went to an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, s1 (aired in 1992- yes, I am that old), where Brenda Walsh has a breast cancer scare. I say inexplicably, because my usual shower fantasies do not include Ms Shannon Doherty - if I was going to pick a shower lady, I’d opt for Charlize Theron, Kiera Knightly or Winona Ryder in their short-hair phases, but that is neither here nor there. 

Say what you want for 90s television- weird outfits and ponytails notwithstanding, in their AfterSchoolSpecial PSA way, they dedicated a whole scene to the girls giving themselves a breast exam, including how-to instructions**, and eventhough I was only 11 years old when I saw it, I remembered what to do, and for the last 30 years, every now and then I have randomly carried it out while wondering how I always preferred Brandon over Dylan and how my tastes have changed over time.

But this time - my hand actually found something.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down the same way I did after finding spots on my skin, lumps on my head and every time I sneezed since covid-19; by telling myself to fucking snap out of my hypochondria tendencies. One cannot go to the doctor every damn day after all. Breast tissue is pretty lumpy and I assumed it was just imaginary. I made an appointment to see a therapist, and  put it out of my mind until a few weeks later, when one of the kids came crashing down on me (literally) and faceplanted in my boob (as they do). 

Now this always hurts af, but it just hurt that little more that day, so that I grabbed the appendage in question and went “WHAT THE--!” And I felt it again- the lump, more defined than a few weeks before. 

Cue a lot more freaking out than the first time, and after a sleepless night, imagining what my funeral would look like (as one does), I decided to go to the gynocologist the same day or risk never to sleep again.

After a long wait and an ultrasound, my doctor assured me that while there really was a mass, it had every indication of being benign. We should keep an eye on it. If I was worried, I could schedule a second screening, but would not likely get an appointment before April. I scheduled one and tried to focus on preparing our first lockdown Christmas. 

But over the holidays, the lump started hurting, even when I wasn’t poking it or having a kid catapult themselves into my chest. I’d be Netflix and Chilling, and suddenly - ZAP - like someone stuck a hot needle into it. Repeatedly. My nipple would go numb or start tingling like a bodypart that fell asleep. It freaked me out, and in the new year, I realised I couldn’t wait until April - I had to get it checked out again or I may worry myself to death.

My gynocologist did another ultrasound and again, told me not to worry. I told her it was way too late for that as I had been worried for weeks, and I wanted the thing biopsied (they gave Brenda Walsh one too, after all! It’s the only way to be 100% sure). She referred me to the hospital. At the description of my symptoms, I could come directly, and the radiologist told me in no unclear terms: “I will not let you leave this room until we draw blood and take several biopsies.” Okay- not exactly what one wants to hear at that point, but at the same time, I figured knowing would be better than guessing by the shape of it.

Test results took a week. I went in, being prepared to be told (like Brenda) it was a harmless clump of random cells or a cyst we could have removed like a wart. Only it wasn’t. It was breast cancer, an aggressive, fast-growing kind, and had I waited until April, that could have had disastrous consequences.

While the doctor explained we now needed to determine the scope of the spread and take more tissue to determine what kind of chemo (if any) could be applied, all my 2020-PTSD brain could think was: 

“.............of course”. 

Didn’t hear much of what she said afterwards.

Another harrowing 4 days went by, with a CT screening with contrast solutions that gave me an intense stomach ache as well as a migraine, and finally, a fully rounded diagnosis and treatment advice could be made. 

Thankfully, all my organs as well as lymphnodes were clear, so it appears to be a localised tumor. And here we are - to fight this thing with chemicals and then cut out whatever is left. Genetics testing to see about the likelihood of a recurrency (and a possible double mastectomy if so - ‘pulling an Angelina Jolie’, ‘not saving the tatas’, insert ‘Think About It meme’...can’t have breast cancer if you don’t have breasts! THINK ABOUT IT***). 

Chances are good. I need to cling to that while I wait for this port and treatment to start. I have accepted the inevitable hair loss, have scheduled a ritual ‘crazy hair cutting party’ with my kids for this weekend (as I would rather shave it off in one go than clean up clumps and strands over the course of weeks and look like Gollum), and I have sewn several funny little hats for inside wear and ‘going out’ (though where will I be going in pandemic, idk). 

I was going to end this post on a light and happy note - but I must admit my confidence just took a really big hit in real time, as I googled how to spell Shannon’s last name for this blog entry and found out that she was treated for breast cancer in 2015, initially succesfully, but it reappeared metastasized in 2020 (again: ‘of course...when else’) and she is now in stage IV. Fuck 2020.

What are the odds that the woman whose character made me discover my own breast cancer is now, in fact, dying of the same disease? This will surely haunt me for a long time to come.

More tomorrow? Or soon? It may take a while. Until then: outro to It’s Getting Better.

*also for the record I would like to state that I’ve sewn my own masks from upcycled pillowcases and continued using fruit- and vegetable nets to avoid plastic; maybe that makes up for me being utterly selfish at the moment. Karma +1?

** https://youtu.be/pkgYXITkrfw (the scene from BH 90210)

***cis men / trans women without breasts can also get breast cancer (even though it’s rare) so this meme doesn’t really hold up, but that’s the whole point of the meme ;)

[thejustmaiden]

Why do you think Sunrise did that event in with Sesshomaru and Rin's VAs mirroring InuKag? They have already done that CD Drama, do you think they did that to give hope to the shippers? What if after so many hints, if they reveal in the anime that Sessrin isn't canon, aren't the shippers gonna be disapointed? This may be a dumb question and your answers are always smart and well-articulated, but i seriously don't understand their marketing strategy, do you care to explain for me?

Oh, hey there! I appreciate all the love you've been leaving on my blogs lately. I really hope I'm able to give you an answer you're satisfied with. Sorry it took some time to get back to you. I hope this makes up for it. 🙏

I'm not gonna lie, I'm up and down about how I feel about that livestream and what it means for the future of this ship. My brain has been on roller coaster mode since basically the moment the sequel was announced. We're in the home stretch now, and we better get the answers WE WANT the second that sequel comes out. Since it's evidently not going to happen anytime sooner- welp!

Before the livestream aired, I really thought us fans were on the verge of discovering the mom and that it was going to be Rin. We still had hope she wasn't, but at the same time most of us antis were "bracing for impact." lol

Then nothing happened.

We were pretty shocked but obviously relieved. The days before it came out, I was telling others (as well as myself lol) that just because Sesshomaru and Rin's VAs had a livestream together doesn't confirm anything. Besides, why does that have to automatically mean that both pairings need to be romantic? We all know how integral these characters are/were to each other's storylines, so these pairings make the most logical sense, wouldn't you say?

In the previous livestream with the voice actors who play Inuyasha and Kagome, they discuss the new character Moroha and introduce her as Inuyasha AND Kagome's daughter. Now let's compare that to the other livestream with Sesshomaru and Rin's VAs. When they described Towa and Setsuna, they did so as Sesshomaru's daughters NOT Sesshomaru and Rin's daughters. That to me is the most telling piece of evidence.

Like how could they not use that prime opportunity to tell us Rin's the mom when her voice actor was literally sitting right there??! We were all expecting it and they still insisted on giving us nothing! What this tells me is that it's possible this mom is a new character, and it even appears she is quite pivotal to the new series. I keep changing my opinion on that part though to be honest with you, because sometimes I think she won't be important at all in the grand scheme of things. (See what I mean about being up and down? lol) Idk about you, but it seems to me like we haven't even met her character. If it was Rin, why keep it a mystery? It's not like Sessrin's popularity is exactly a secret in this fandom. Why wait until the big reveal if it's "so obvious" in the first place? How does Sunrise benefit from hiding this information?

If it does end up being Rin, it would've been better to just come out and say it. If this ain't just pure fanbait like some of us still hope it is, why hold back? Give 'em what they want already and let us antis be at peace. If they hope to think that I'll change my mind and give this sequel a go just because I've waited this long so might as well, they're sorely mistaken. If anything, I'm going to be pissed they kept us in the dark this long when they could've just saved us all the trouble. I imagine that goes for a lot of us, shippers and antis alike. Whatever way you look at it, I won't be invested in this sequel if Sessrin goes canon- period. I cannot and will not be on board with a series that promotes such a harmful and insulting dynamic.

Which brings us to Sunrise's marketing strategy. Well, I definitely think they have been catering to the fans of this ship for quite some time now. Because, ya know, money. Whether that's because they plan to make this ship canon or not remains to be seen. "Show meee the moneeeeyyyy!" *yells in Jerry Maguire*

There was first the drama cd and more recently that calendar which included art of adult!Rin with Sesshomaru, but neither of those are canon first off. Also, does anyone know if it was actually confirmed to be pro-Sessrin fan art? I mean, I know it doesn't look very good when the artist who made it is a Sessrin shipper and certain fans are fawning over their OTP, but that doesn't necessarily mean the calender automatically is either last I checked. I wonder why it can't simply be Rin as an adult visiting with Sesshomaru. I believe in one picture she's seen giving him a flower, much like little Rin would've done, or just as any child does for a loved one. So if Rin is still bringing him flowers as an adult, I would assume that means their relationship dynamic hasn't changed at all. That's what's supposed to happen, too! If an adult's relationship was established with another person while they were just a child, then that adult will always view them as a child no matter what and vice versa. Even when those children become grown-ups, that won't change. That's just how things are, or how they're supposed to be rather. In other words, a normal healthy adult-child bond does not resemble one like Sessrin.

Both Sessrin fans and antis agree there haven't been any romantic implications between Sesshomaru and Rin in the original series. That's why I can't understand for the life of me why we're even having this discussion. Alas, here we are. This is what happens when society has conditioned us to believe that the only proper (aka "best") way an adult male and a young female's closeness can evolve is with romance. So maybe it's not obvious at first (because that would be illegal), but we should EXPECT their relationship to shift in that direction. Why, you ask? Well, simply because sexualizing young girls is the norm so why not, right? No clues or foreshadowing required! Because like I just said, that would be illegal. Fiction has loopholes for this kinda stuff, so problem solved?

Nope! Aging her up counts too, folks! When you look at a girl character and the first thing you think is, "I can't wait till she grows up so she can f*ck" then, yeah, you're a part of the problem. You may not realize it, but you are. That's not to say you're a bad person or that it's even your fault, just saying that there are times in all of our lives where we start to question some of our beliefs. If you not only support but desire the idea of a romance eventually forming between a grown man- yes, 19 is an adult- and a young girl, then you should probably ask yourself why that may be and re-evaluate. Please stop using cultural differences and history that dates back almost a thousand years to justify this so-called tradition.

"You all shouldn't think too deeply about this, it's just fiction! Ugh, you're ruining the fun! Antis should all just shut up! Only we can have problems, but when you do it's just complaining!"

Right....

And by the way, most of us are not even complaining. We're being critical of the content we're watching. Criticism isn't always pretty unfortunately.

If Sunrise and Rumiko do decide to go through with this, then I will disappointed, sure, but not surprised. Romanticizing these sexualized images of young or pre-pubescent girls has been happening for far too long, after all. We've become desensitized to it sadly enough, especially when the media continues to glorify it. I wish we'd realize how many young girls- or minors in general- we're putting in danger by sending messages such as this.

To you young teenage girls and even boys reading this, you may not fully understand right now, but it's never okay for anyone to tell you that your body being sexualized is a natural and beautiful thing. It's going through through a lot changes at your age, yes, but they should never use your curiosity to satisfy their sexual needs. Don't allow some of these stories to be an example of what is acceptable to occur in your own life if you were ever to encounter a similar situation, especially if fiction is all that you have to compare it to. It is not in any way, shape, or form okay for an adult to say or do sexual/romantic things to you. Even a conversation that may seem harmless at first could have dire consequences. No, not even if you trust them and they're one of your favorite people in this world are these things ever appropriate. What they're asking from you or showing you is dangerous, and even if it doesn't seem like it they are very likely taking advantage of you. If you're ever unsure about something, don't hesitate to come to me. Or maybe you have a loved one that you can go to, that works too. 😊

Idk if I even gave you a definite answer, but perhaps it's because I'm still figuring it out myself. If I ever do, ha! I hope by allowing you to get inside my head for a little bit you got a better idea. Or maybe not, and I just made it more confusing for you. Oops! lol Feel free to hit me up again, dear, and have a nice day/night!! 👋

[jinxthequeergirl]

Dream Come True

Steve harrington x Hopper! Reader (coraline AU)

Summary: escaping your everyday life after you move to live with your father couldn't have been something you wanted more, luckily for you you are given the chance

Warning: swearing, Horror themes like idk It's Coraline i think that speaks for itself no?

So i don't know if im going to end up making this a series or not but hey if this does really well then I might, but just this is so long so i might have to.

~~~~~

In front of you sat a small box with many opportunities, two small glossy black buttons, thread and the promise of freedom...

You watched the rain drops race down the window intently as your father drove you home from the headwear store. you'd only been In Hawkins for only half a month, having to move there with your father after your mom died. And you had only spent the time unpacking, today you had finally convinced your dad to take you to get supplies so you could really make your new rooms more like you.

The car bounced slightly causing your head to lift and hit the window. "Ow!"

"Sorry pot hole..." Hopper said glancing over to you. "You alright?"

"Yea...but guess it takes a while to figure out if you have brain damage or not.." You muttered sitting straight in the car seat, crossing your arms over your chest.

"C'mon don't be that way...you get to redecorate your room..that must be exciting for you? Give you something to do while we wait for the rain to clear up. "I guess..." You perked up at a new idea popping into your head.

"Maybe I can start a garden in the front too? Make it look pretty? I have a garden box so we wouldn't need anything, el can help me too!?" You said almost as a question seeing if he would go along with the idea.

"Sure... Sounds good, just wait till the rain clears up so you aren't bringing mud in." You frowned lightly, ut had been raining for the past three days without any sign of stopping soon. "Yea...sure."

The car came to a slow stop infront of the house. "I'll help you get this stuff inside and make you lunch but I've got to go back to work." You nodded as you got out of the car.

You'd begun by rearanging the few things of furniture in the room,while hopper set to work at making you a lunch. You starting with the dresser dragging it across the room to set it in its new place.

You dusted off your hands and turned your attention to look at the new space you made, stopping once it was caught by something on the wall where the dresser once was.

"Hello..." You slid across the floor and dragged your fingers across the outline of a small door in the wall.

"Hey Dad!?" You yelled getting up to look for him. "Whats up?"

"What this?" You asked now running your finger over the key hole. "Do you have the key!?" You asked hopefully turing to look up at him in the dokr way. He shook his head and shrugged. "I...maybe? I'm not sure...if i did it's probably boared up! They're would be no point."

You rolled your eyes. "Now Food in on the counter your sister is with Mike so make sure to call in about an hour to check on her-"

"Can you please look for a key?" You cut in. He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can, but I'm late so just finish unpacking and setting up and I'll look for it when I come back." You huffed but nodded and started to finish setting up your room.

After about an hour and a half you'd finished painting, unpacking and decorating your room, you had finished. Even had lunch and called El just like hopper had asked. Now you simpily sat in your room staring at the photo of your previous bestfriends that sat on the bedside table.

Back in New York with your mom you never had to worry about being bored, all your friends where their and there where places to go. Hawkins was diffrent, granted you where still adjusting but that didn't make it any less difficult.

The phone rang snapping you of of your thoughts. You hustled across the house to puck it up. "Hello?"

"Y/n! Thank god you picked up! Just the girl I was looking for!"

"Hey Robin,whats up?"

"Not much, I was just wondering since the rains cleared up would you be intrested in taking a tour of Hawkins with me and Steve?"

You thought about it for a moment, The first day you'd mobed here and met everyone they where the two you'd hit it off with, well You did with Robin anyways so you didn't see why you couldn't get out.

"Yea...I'd love to!"

"Cool! We'll be there in a few."

"So what does one do around here?" You asked following beside Robin And Steve down the sidewalk. "Well there's the arcade... " steve started but quickly trailed off. "There are some shops around town." Robin added.

"Is there like, i dunno a mall maybe? A movie theater at least?"

"Movie theater yes, mall not so much."

"It a...it burned down." Steve informed. "Oh...wow..." You followed them through town, going in and out of every store that was open.

"So Steve...." You attempted to start while looking through a clothing Rack in a thrift store.

"Got a girlfriend?"

"Uh no..no ya know I'm kinda just testing the waters...seeing if theres anyone worth dating around here."

"And?" You asked not looking up at him, you could clearly tell he was trying to act cool around you.

"And?" He repeated your question.

"Is there?...anyone worth dating around here?"

"Nah none that are really my type." He said nonchalantly fixing his hair in the mirror across from him. "Wow...are you always this increadibly douchie? Or are you like this just for me?" You asked leaning on clothing rack to look at him better.

"What I'm not...I'm not being-"

"You kinda where Harrington." Robin said from across the store earing a chuckle from you. His face flushed and he pretened to look at a jacket that seemingly caught his attention. "Ah don't be that way stevie...it's sooo charming, I'm practically swooning for you." You said sarcastically. "Shut up!"

The sun was hanging low through the trees casting that late afternoon orange glow upon the three of you as you walked back home.

"This place is...pretty boring...how do you guys manage?"

"Hawkins isn't all bad...besides It's a lot more exciting than you would think." Robin said while offering you some of her candy. "You just gotta...know where to look."

"Sometimes the intresting things find you." Steve said stopping once your house came into view. "If you say so...thanks for showing me around."

"No problem, maybe we can hang out again soon." She offered as you started to continue forward. "Yea! That would be great!" They both waved to you as you stepped into the house shutting the door.

You placed a few of the nick nacks you'd bought onto the top of your dresser for decoration, glancing at something that wasn't there before. A glossy black key.

You plucked it from its spot on the dresser and turned to the small door quickly slidding across the floor once again to get to the door. You hestitantly dragged the key across the outline of the door ripping the wall paper open before slipping the key inside.

It slid in perfectly, giving you some sort of relife as it clicked open, you pulled it open being met with nithing but brick.

"Damn..." You huffed and shut the door and placed the key back ontop of the dresser.

Something yanked you from your sleep suddenly and you lied awake, a sliver of silver moonlight hitting your face through the curtains as you did so.

It was quiet as you lied there except for an ever so faint sound of humming that you just barrely missed. You stayed still fir a second trying to pin point the sound, it continued for a while as you did so softly floating through the air from an unknown source, you finally gave in and tossed the covers off and stood up from your bed moving around the room to find it stopping when your foot hit something on the ground.

"What the hell!?" Jumping back slightly at the contact you looked down seeing a long greyish green vine across your bedroom floor. "What the hell..." You repeared examining it closer you followed it with your gaze seeing it came from the small opening of the little door a slight glow came from it along with little white particals that floated up into the air around it.

You moved carefully over to it kneeling next to it careful to avoide the vine protruding from it, as you did you could hear the humming closer now. You pulled the door open getting a blast of air blown back into your face along with a bright glow. You gasped slightly watching a tunnle appear almost instantly infront of you.

The humming slightly louder now. With out a second thought you climbed through, eventually met with another door which you easily pushed open and found yourself crawling through only to see you'd cralwed back into your bedroom. "Huh?" The humming was louder, unmistakable too, you knew that song. You looked at your bedroom door seeing the light from the living room shining in.

"Dad!?" You stood up and exited the room being greeted by the smell of food cooking. "Dad? What are you do-" you stopped a few feet from the counter seeing him move around the kitchen

"Hey sweet pea! You're just in time for dinner!" You gulped thickly when he turned to face you. "Oh god...I must be mistaken...you aren't my dad...my dad-" it was him but, diffrent. He seemed plaer yet more lively.

"Doesn't cook?" He asked guesturing to the freshly cooked meal. You couldn't help but stumble back a little bit as he approached you with a light hearted laugh. "Well thats because I'm your other father dear! Well better father"

"Other...Father?...wha-"

"Why don't you get your mom and Tell her dinner is ready!"

"Mom?

"Well your Mother of course silly! I actually think she's in the garden out front." He pushed you forward lightly and you glanced back cautiously before going to the front door.

You opened the door and stepped outside being greeted by a beautifully bright garden. "Holy sh-"

"Watch your mouth young lady!" You jumped turning tonthe voice and and gulping.

"Oh my god....mom!?" You stopped and covered your mouth feeling tears briming in your eyes.

"Hello sweet pea!" She opened her arms and you instantly ran to her and hugged her. You could tell just like with your father she was diffrent but couldn't exactly tell whatbwas diffrent.

"You...your alive!"

"Well of course I am! Oh come look at this!"

She pulled away taking your hand and pulling you down the steps of the pourch into the flower filled front yard.

She held your shoulders as you watched the flowers practically bloom before you. "I planted them just this afternoon! Our faviorte!" It was true the flowers before you where always both you and your mothers faviorte.

"They're beautiful mom! Oh!" You turned to her with a smile. "Dad said dinner was ready and sent me to get you."

"Oh! We don't wanna keep him waiting!" She said giggling with you and guiding you back to the house.

"There they are!" Hopper yelled setting the last of the food on the table. "Thirsty?" Your mom asked as you sat down. "Mmm you know I could go for a purple cow!"

"Coming right up!" She knocked on the table lightly the lights above lowered themselves offering you said drink, along with extra grape soda and vanilla icecream just incase.

"Wow thank you!" You said taking the drink and extras. Hopper placed a plate infront of you. "Here comes the Gravey train choochoo!" You mom said earning a laugh from both you and your dad.

A toy train in fact made its way across the table stopping infront of you to dump gravey on your plate.

"Mmh! This is so good!" Youbsaid stuffing your mouth full of food. "More?" Hopper asked.

"No thank you I'm stuffed." You said leaning back and taking a last sip of your icecream float.

Hopper took the plate from you and your mother placed a cake before you that read 'Welcome home'

"Home?"

"We've been expecting you for a while!" Hopper said.

"Wow...uh..really?"

"Of course! You beling here! With your family!"

You smiled lightly.

"Thanks...but It's late...I should go to bed.."

"Oh of course!" You stood up and they both followed you to your bedroom. You crawled into bed and they took turns kissing your forhead and wishing you a goodnight. You slowly drifted off to sleep peacefully.

"It was so weird!" You said throwing a rock into the water infront of you.

"Well it was just a dream, nothing to freak about." Robin shrugged.

"Yea I mean your mom was there it couldn't have been real..."

You and robin both glared at Steve. "I...well thats not what I meant..." He gulped slinging his own rock into the water.

"He's right though." You said softly. "But it just...it felt so real! The food the...feeling! But I woke up and the door was all bricked up again..."

"That's just further proof it was only a dream." Robin said as you sat beside her.

"Yea..." It was already late afternoon and you had decided to stay out until the sun had set well into night.

Steve had dropped robin off at her house and so you sat alone with him in his car as he took you home.

"Sorry about what i said...about your mom..."

He said finally. "No...it's ok...like i said you where right...it's just a dream..." He frowned slightly, you could tell he was beating himself up about it.

In all honestly you hadn't gotten off on the best of feet with him but it's wasn't so awful to be around him, he just had a hard time telling when to open his mouth and when to keep it shut. But you liked him.

"Well here we are." He said pulling up to the house. "Thank." You said with a smile before getting out and going inside.

"Hey kid!" Hopper said happily as you stepped inside.

"Hey!" You smiled. "Oh hey, sorry I never got around to finding that key for you."

"Thats ok I found it"

El stood in the door way with a concerned look. "What are you-" you hurried to your room and pulled the key out and showed him.

"You where right though...there was nothing there." You shrugged going back to your room.

"Bad place." You jumped at El's voice behind you. "What?"

"Don't keep going there it's a bad place..." She said quietly. "What bad place?"

"El! Its Mike's on the phone!" El quickly left to take the phone.

"Bad place?..."

[magpiefngrl]

Book Recs Jan-Jun 2020

I’ve been reading voraciously these past six months (my Goodreads challenge says 68 books so far). Here are some memorable reads, grouped according to what you might be into.

I want queer romance please:

Brothers of the North Wild Sea by Harper Fox (m/m historical)

This book ruined me (in a good way). Or maybe it isn’t good that I’ll be carrying it inside my heart for ever and ever till the end of my days, my lip wobbling at the mere thought of it. A wonderful romance, a pairing I adored, gorgeous prose, a fascinating historical background (medieval times, north of England, Viking invasions). There’s a faint supernatural undercurrent that becomes more prominent at the very end. I sobbed through the last few pages with fear, with relief, with happiness. Highly, highly recced.

Bitter Springs by Laura Stone (m/m historical)

Every historical novel I’ve read is set in the UK, so the fact that this is a US historical book was fascinating to me. Two POC cowboys fall in love while seeking mustangs in the wilderness of Texas (?? idk where Del Rio is). It’s sweet and loving with a side-serving of jealousy when a former lover briefly appears on the scene; but mainly it’s two men getting to know each other and falling in love in the desert. I loved the horses too.

The Sins of Cities trilogy by KJ Charles. (3 books, 3 different couples, interconnected, m/m historical)

OK so the first book in the series didn’t do much for me. A pairing who loves to be domestic and sweet and to drink tea by the fire is cute... but I got bored. The second one, though... I think my eyes popped out of my head from the sheer heat of it. Justin Lazarus shot to the Top-5 of my fave characters of all time, and I’d willingly kill all of you for him, sorry that’s how it is. The trilogy is a murder mystery set in Victorian London, and unlike most romance series, you’ll need to read the books in order. Overall, this isn’t my fave series of KJC, but it was fun nonetheless, and it does have Justin in it so it’s worth a read.

Slippery Creatures by KJ Charles (m/m historical)

This one is amazing!!! This is KJC’s latest, first in a trilogy with the same pairing, which means the HEA is 2 books away (it doesn’t mean that this ends unhappy; another reader called it the WNDY ending -- We’re Not Done Yet). Boy, this is a scorcher. Set in the 1920s, it features spies, secret societies, murder, lies, kidnapping, grey characters with elastic morals: these are all catnip for me, and I inhaled this novel twice in a week. Highly recced for anyone into a gay historical romance, who loves a bit of pulp with their gay sex. The second installment is out next month.

The 13th Hex (novella) and Widdershins by Jordan L. Hawk (both m/m historical paranormal, but different universes)

I can’t say I’m enamoured by Hawk’s writing skills; in fact, I usually feel a tad let-down by the prose, mainly because the books have such potential. Hawk’s plotting is fantastic and his world-building fascinating and truly unique. I just love both of these worlds and their magic systems. Hot sex too. I don’t want to discourage people: I’m possibly just too fussy with prose. Hawk is super popular and you should give his books a shot. Widdershins is free! (In case it sways you: Hawk recently came out as a trans man.)

Unnatural by Joanna Chambers (m/m historical)

I read a few romances by Chambers lately, some less satisfying than others. This one is a standalone companion novel to her most popular series, called Enlightenment, set in Regency Britain. It’s a well-written fast read; a friends-to-lovers romance, with lots of tension and chemistry between the leads. As in all Chambers books that I’ve read so far, there’s lots of angst about one’s homosexuality (very era-appropriate) and lots of pull-and-push before it ends in a very HEA.

****

Do you have anything with fantasy and/or magic, my kind lady?

His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik (alternate history, Napoleonic wars with dragons)

Do you like dragons who talk and bond with honourable officers during times of war? Do you love soulmate bonds and sentiments such as: “I’ll do anything for you” and “You’re mine” but when it’s people, it makes you uncomfortable? Well, here former Naval officer Lawrence and his dragon Temeraire (and all dragons with their handlers) have this bond, and it’s the best thing ever. I’m in love with Temeraire, I shiver at the profound bond between Lawrence and his intelligent dragon, and I can’t wait to read the rest of the series by a beloved author (ahem).

The Dark Artifices by Cassandra Clare (YA urban fantasy)

I don’t hold the best opinion of Clare’s writing skills so I was pleasantly surprised when I read the first installment a few years back (Lady Midnight). I decided to reread it during quarantine, and then I moved on to the second one, Lord of Shadows. They’re both long novels, tightly-plotted, with several romances evolving on page.

I was excited to read the last one, A Queen of Air and Darkness, but alas! I didn’t love it. To start with, it’s 1000 pages long, and unlike books of that length that I’ve read, you feel it. The book drags. Everyone and their mother has a POV and a love story on page. There are no subplots, because they’re all Plots: all afforded equal space in the narrative, so there’s lots happening at the same time, but the story doesn’t feel like it’s moving forward with a good pace. As the end of the trilogy, Clare indulges in some of her fave elements, namely mentioning someone’s eye colour every three pages, or having every single person paired up by the end (something which bothers me a great deal). There are a few plot contrivances that ensure her main pairing conveniently gets their HEA. I confess I skimmed most of the last part of the book. I’m happy I read it and got to the end of the story, but I can’t say I was satisfied. If you’re looking for an undemanding, escapist fantasy, though, it’s the ticket: it certainly worked for me when I had quarantine brain.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amar El-Mochtar & Max Gladstone

Sci-fi, literary af, two time-travel agents from opposing Agencies bent on destroying each other, exchange letters and fall in love. I’m completely torn in half: half of the book (the prose, the imagination) left my jaw on the floor. The rest of it left me cold and indifferent. Wonderful prose, couldn’t get into the characters. Short and dense.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner

Queer fantasy novel that gives strong Dangerous Liaisons vibes. Written in 1987, one of the first fantasy novels to feature a society where same-sex is accepted. The writing is beautiful, the plot twisty. There’s no actual magic, but there are sword fights, courtroom drama, intrigue. Good fun if you like that kind of thing.

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang

Adult fantasy. So far (I’m half-way through) it’s phenomenal. I’ve seen it recced everywhere and was so happy to see that Scribd offered it in my subscription. Set in a Chinese-inspired world, it features a vivid setting and memorable characters, and I’m loving it. I predict it’ll be my new fave. Do heed the content warnings (pretty much every CW you can think of applies); it’s quite dark as it progresses.

A bunch of novellas and short stories by Aliette de Bodard

This author came to my notice about a year ago. I’ve been following her on twitter ever since, but didn’t have the chance to read any of her work until I saw she had a bunch of stuff available on Scribd. I read a couple of sci-fi novellas set in a Vietnamese-inspired future; The Citadel of Weeping Pearls was my fave.

She’s also published a fantasy trilogy with fallen angels and magic set in a war-ravaged Paris, which sounds awesome. I haven’t read it, can’t afford to yet, but I did read two short stories set in that ‘verse and they were fabulous. The atmosphere, the setting, the premise, the Fallen of the Dominion universe just sounds like very much my thing. Here’s a link to some free stories they offer, if you want to check out her writing.

The Autobiography of a Traitor and a Half-Savage by Alix E. Harrow

I read a short story by Harrow several months ago and was blown away. I’ve rarely fell so fast and so deeply in love with an author. I haven’t read her debut yet, but I came across this short novella and she blew me away again. It’s a story set in the US, magical realism rather than fantasy imo, and it’s about colonialism and the land, and it’s so powerful. You can read it for free at Tor.com. Please do, it’s incredible.

******

[petri808]

Red Strings Cannot Be Broken

@yatoriweek2020​ Soulmates prompt. Gomen, gomen, it’s totally rushed and I since I suck at action scenes, fair warning it’s minimized as much as possible lol and I can’t help but think angst when I write this ship ;-; Aged up, Hiyori is 19. Total idk canon divergence.

Just as Yato, Bishamon and their Shinki’s reach the scene, Father cackles and drives a katana through Hiyori’s corporeal body. “You’re all such gullible idiots! She was always your weakness son. Three years we’ve done this dance and I was always one step ahead.”

The young woman stumbles backwards and collapses, holding onto her stomach. A reddish stain forming, seeping through the fabric and growing in diameter every second that passes by.

“So now what are ya gonna do?” the grinning sorcerer questions. “For betraying me, I will take away everything you love!”

“You sonofabitch!” The stray god screams and makes a move to rush forward.

“There’s no hope for her, see.” The man points the sword back at the dying girl with a menacing smiles. “Poor girl, if only she hadn’t met you.”

“Yato,” Bishamon yells as she takes off towards Father. “You get to Hiyori!”

A battle ensues between the goddess of war and the sorcerer as Yato rushes to the young girls side. He picks her up, cradling her body in tears. “Hiyori, don’t die on me, please!” But it really was too late, for her breathing had ceased and he could find no pulse. “Fuck!!!”

“Yato what are we gonna do?!” Yukine shakes him. “W-We can’t let her just die!” The poor boy was still in agony over his time of betraying the stray god and now the guilt of losing Hiyori was slowly taking hold. Nora stays quiet, hugging to the boy to keep him from doing anything rash.  

“There’s only one thing I can think of…” the man mumbles. As the fight around them escalates, the pair watch a puffkine appear above the body.

Reading off his master, Yukine’s eyes widen. “I-Is that a good idea?!”

“I don’t know.” Her soul didn’t appear as an ayakashi, so that was a promising sign. Yato places her body back on the ground and stands before the floating spirit. There was no way to know for sure what would happen and no time to think it through. Performing his spell, he turns her into a regalia, but instead of giving her his family name of ne, keeps the human name Hiyori and makes her vessel name Majoki.

They watch as the woman they knew as Hiyori manifests, standing before them. “W-Where am I?” She questions the trio. “Who are you?”

Yato grabs hold of her by the arms to keep her from turning around and seeing her body too soon. He smiles. “I know this must be confusing right now, but I just want to tell you before it’s too late…” he leans his forehead against hers and closes his eyes. “I love you Hiyori. Soon I pray, it’ll all make sense again, but just remember I love you.” He whispers something the others two couldn’t hear, then pulls away and kisses her hand before releasing them.

He then turns to his Shinki. “Nora, make her see,” is all he quietly says, indicating to the girl to break the seal of the Gods greatest secret.

“But Yato, that might destroy her.”

“I pray it won’t. Please keep her safe for me Nora.” He places a final kiss on Hiyori’s confused cheek. “Come Sekki, we must finish Father right here and now before he does any more damage.”

Yukine transforms into a sword and the pair rush off to assist Bishamon. The boy asks Yato what he’d told Hiyori before they’d left and the God simply answered with, ‘remember me.’ But there was no time to question further. They needed to focus for Father was as skilled as any of them and a powerful sorcerer that could conjure and control ayakashi to attack them. This would be a fight to the death, either theirs or his.

Nora pulls Hiyori away behind some trees, and away from the current fighting. She hesitates for a moment unsure of exactly how to accomplish her task. As Chiki, she could wield the liberation spell that broke the secret, but without it, she would have to trigger it. The strange part was, normally telling a Shinki their true name would do just that, but Yato had given the woman back her real name and it didn’t do anything. Hiyori just appeared to have no memories of her past life.

“Do you have any idea who I am?” Nora questions, but receives a ‘no’. “How about Yato, the one who just spoke to you?” Again, the woman pauses, then shakes her head slowly no. “Yukine? The boy?” Nothing.

“That man… that man said he loves me. He sounds sincere, but I don’t remember anything. Were we in a relationship?”

“Sort of. You’ve been together for I think 3 years now. Inseparable, and you loved him too.”

“I did?”

Nora nods her head. “You… you died trying to save him.”

Hiyori’s eyes widen at those words. She was dead?! “I’m dead?!” Her hands fly up to her head, palms flattened against the sides as a suddenly whirling sound rustles in her brain. The noise grew, a myriad of voices, images hurtling through her mind so quickly, she couldn’t process what was happening to her. “No, no, no!”

The young girl grabs hold of the woman’s arms to keep her steady as she starts to shake uncontrollably. “Your name really is Hiyori. Hiyori Iki. You saved the god Yato once from getting hit by a bus and it turned you into a hanyou. After that you two became inseparable. You were with him when you found Yukine.”

“I don’t understand any of this!” Tears pour down the woman’s face. She was utterly confused at what this girl was telling her and yet somehow knew it was all true. How did she know it was true?!

It was a good sign to Nora that Hiyori wasn’t transforming into an ayakashi yet, but as the woman’s mind fought to unlock the secrets of her life, the pain appeared to be excruciating and the risks of being consumed were great. When she herself had learned the truth about her life, for some strange reason it never affected her and that was why she could wield liberation. Yukine too surprisingly had come through the process without completely breaking down.

“Over time, you and Yato grew closer and closer, and you helped him a lot. I believe it’s because of you that he’s completely changed for the better. You and Yukine are his family. Father, the guy they’re fighting now, he’s trying to destroy it all and he killed you because he knew your death could kill Yato too. But the only way to bring you back in a way, was to turn you into a regalia. That gives a lost spirit purpose again.”

Hiyori wanted to scream and run away. This was madness. A god, spirits, bringing back people from the dead?!! She could hear the battle raging just out of her sightline. And this girl. “Who are you then?”

“I’m Nora, one of Yato’s regalia like you. He calls me his little sister. We used to work for Father in the old days but we’ve both been betrayed by him. Yato realized it sooner than I did, but that man was only using us to wage his war with the Gods of Heaven.”

Great now Gods of Heaven as in plural. Hiyori’s head was spinning, and she felt like throwing up. “I love you Hiyori. Soon I pray, it’ll all make sense again.” Is what the man had said and even though her brain was not comprehending everything going on, her heart was telling her to remember it all... To remember... Hiyori gasps, “Remember me…”

A sharp pain shoots through her head, so she cradles it in her hands from the sudden spike. ‘Remember me…’ Hiyori cries out once and her vision goes black.

Hiyori Iki, 19 years old. Born to Sayuri and Takamasa Iki, brother of Masaomi, and born on June 28th. Everything about her life flashes as images in her minds eye. How she’d met Yato at the age of 16 through a near-death experience. Becoming a hanyou, The Far Side, the Gods, everything was rushing back in the blink of an eye.

As quickly as it began, it ended, and a final memory paused like on a movie screen. It was an image of Kofuku holding up the matching making tablets… ‘I— remember…’ Her feelings for Yato had started long before the god of poverty had interceded, but perhaps, that goddesses intervention truly sealed their bond eternally in a red string of fate? ‘That’s right…’ she’s starting to put the connections together. Learning who she really was should have driven her insane. It hurt, but…

Hiyori’s eyes open and finds herself lying on the ground with Nora kneeling beside her.

“Oh, thank the Kami’s you’re back,” the girl breathed out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t know what was going on, you just suddenly collapsed again.”

“Thank you, Nora,” she sits ups slowly. “I-I remember who am.”

A strange, invigorating energy was thrumming inside of Hiyori and she wondered if this is what the weapon aspect of a Shinki felt like. But Yukine had never mentioned feeling an odd sensation, and even weirder, she didn’t sense a regular weapon in her soul. The name Yato had given her was not of a normal tool but matched her abilities even while she was still alive.

She turns to Nora, “I need to help Yato. We need to help Yato.”

“There’s nothing we can do unless he calls for us,” the young girl replies. “And he probably wouldn’t want you anywhere near the fighting.”

Hiyori lifts up her hands and focuses on them, reaching deep within her very essence and feeling the energy burning inside of her. Nora watches in fascination and downright amazed surprise when they begin to glow. She’d become the perfect weapon to defeat a sorcerer.

“I don’t care what Yato thinks,” the woman steels her resolve. “He needs my help.”

With Nora following close behind, Hiyori rushes over to where the Gods were fighting. They see others had joined in the battle. Kofuku & Daikoku. Tenjin, Ebisu, and several others that Father had not yet brought to their knees. Amaterasu and Heaven’s army had already suffered devastating losses prior to this event, and this fight with his son, was Father’s last obstacle. The two girls stand at the top of a hill surveying the battle, and when Yato senses them he turns to look.  

That lapse in focus also catches Father’s attention. He breaks away from one attack and rushes towards Yato.

“Call my name now!!” Hiyori screams to the stray God.

He hadn’t planned on letting Hiyori anywhere near this fight, but overwhelming energy flooding off his Shinki was something he’d never heard of or felt in his life. Without another second of hesitation, he screams, “Majoki!!”

The flash of light from the vessels transformation was not only blinding but sent out a wave of energy that sent Father flying backwards from the shockwave. Even the other Gods stopped what they were doing in confusion. No new weapon manifested in Yato’s hand, only a red tasseled cord wrapped loosely around his neck.

Whatever miko abilities Hiyori had in life were now amplified ten-fold as a Shinki. Her connection to Yato and their love for one another transcended death because of their tied fate and as his regalia turned her into his strongest weapon against this kind of foe. How do you fight a sorcerer? With sorcery.

“Whoa what the hell powers does she have now?!” Yato hears Yukine asking him in his mind. “Even I can feel her!”

“Y-Yeah, even I’m surprised,” the God answers back. It all felt a little strange because it was so different than any other Shinki he’s ever had. Hiyori’s powers didn’t flow from a tool… Yato became the tool.

“Bind his powers Yato. He is nothing without his magic.”

“But how?! That’s a Shinki’s ability not a Gods.”

“You shall wield us,” she responds in his mind with no hesitation. “All you need to do is strike Father once and I will send the power through Sekki. Once he’s wounded my magic will seep through to affect the spell. Then you all attack for he will be a mere human.”

“We can do this Yato,” Yukine responds as well. “As a team.”

“No,” the God breathes out with a smirk, “as a family. Hiki!!!” He pulls his third vessel into the fray.

“Yato what are you thinking, three of us will sap a lot of your energy,” Nora scolds the God.

“Well then we better make this quick!”

“Guys!” He screams at the other Gods. “Let’s back him into a corner fast! I got a plan!”

After being thrown back, Father scrambled to his feet ready to take on the next challenger. With Yato’s call of collaboration, God after God along with their Shinki’s levy a multitude of attacks at the sorcerer forcing him into a defensive. There’s just too many things coming at him to counter. He tries to call ayakashi’s to his aid, but they are either killed off quickly or Hiyori and Nora combine their energies to control the spirits.

Finally, the constant barrage is taking a huge toll on the sorcerer and everyone can sense it. The male is using a significant amount of energy to fight back, and it’s rapidly depleting. A solid blow from Bishamon sends him hurtling into the trunk of a tree. He hits his back hard against it and falls straight down. Then, before he can get to his feet, Yato sweeps in with two solid strikes by Chiki and Sekki, cutting a deep gash over the sorcerers torso.

Father screams in searing pain as he feels the burn of Hiyori’s magic soak into his flesh. “No! No! No! this cannot be!!” It travels outward from the wound until it encompasses his entire body, binding his magic, and sapping any ability beyond a physical confrontation. He sinks to the ground, clutching to his chest and abdomen, in agony. “That bitch!”

“Oi,” Yato narrows his eyes and puts the blade of Sekki to the man’s throat, “don’t call her a bitch just because she out classed you.” It was starting to dawn on the stray God that his meeting Hiyori truly had a purpose.

The man grits his teeth as adrenaline from pain and anger fires through his nerves. “Fuck you!!”

“Tch. You thought you knew me, us so well that you thought you could manipulate things. But you never did old man. Your hate ends now.”

At that moment, the war goddess grabs the fallen sorcerer by the fabric of his yukata and yanks him to his feet. “Heaven has rendered their full judgement upon you. Amaterasu will make your death a painful one I’m sure.” With the help of some of Heaven’s soldiers, the mortally wounded sorcerer is flown away to receive his divine punishment.

Yato releases his Shinki’s and collapses from exhaustion. Thank the Kami’s it was over because he wasn’t sure how much longer he would have lasted. There would be a lot of explaining to do but it could wait. First things first.

“Yukine, Nora, could you two wait for me at Kofuku’s?” the stray god requests of his regalia. “I need to talk to Hiyori.”

“Don’t do anything else crazy!” Yukine shakes his finger, scolding the man.

“Come on,” Nora pushes at her friend. “I doubt she’d let him.”

Once the pair is leaving, he turns back to the woman sitting patiently beside him. “Hiyori…” he felt guilty that he wasn’t able to save her life, and now wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry I failed you.”

“I don’t blame you,” she takes his hand. “It was my fault for getting in the way.”

“But Father was right, if only you’d never met me… o-or if I’d cut your ties sooner, you’d still be alive.”

“Yato, listen to me.” She cups his cheeks in her hands and holds his gaze. “Do not blame yourself for any of this. I made my choices and you honored my wish. Am I sad that my family won’t be able to see me anymore, of course? They’ll be heart broken, but we both know this was the only way to make my final wish come true because no matter what,” her voice softens into a smile, “I love you too.”