#?? he doesnt have a last name right
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Duncan pls if u want to 👀👀👀👀👀👀
^___^ here u go
#asks#bully cce#bully game#canis canem edit#duncan cce#?? he doesnt have a last name right#for some reason... his voice compilation on yt is age restricted....#erm.... maybe its bc of the kissing noises ? LOL#i dont know much abt any townies other than him and zoe... i like his lore#im not sure i drew his nose right bc i only used one ref pic u_u
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I'm so close...... NY!Hrid is at +9. One more and I can drop the game.... I just love him so much and this alt is so happy and I need it for him...
#fe heroes#hrid#man i was looking back at my hrid art and i wanted to reblog some of it but then im like#mm nah most of my followers have seen it i wont force it upon them again#but i really do love hrid so uh here im so close to being done but i have to grind orbs#because my luck is abysmal right now as i glare at the red he shares with his sister#as i stare at the singular reds that drain my orbs just a bit faster than multiple reds#i mean GRANTED im at least GETTING reds but still#wild to me that i pulled a ny unit on his banner as a four star special after pulling her on her rerun banner#like i didnt already have her .... and it wasnt a red#so at least my pity wasnt broken by it but still wild that i pulled a ny rerun hero on a ny rerun banner that wasnt hers#i think i actually traded a couple of ny!gunns for feathers previously bc i keep pulling her instead of hrid#this alt is so much fun and i love it for him he deserves it ! since is doesnt want to acknowledge him otherwise#i say as i stare at last years summer banner casually name dropping him to say#wow sure is a shame hrid isnt here with us - maybe he will be next year#let hrid have nice things 2024 challenge
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to “educate” me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic 💀 they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my “anti ship propaganda” in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right 😅#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will 💀#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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okay. @evil-eyedlurker lets try this again since tumblr ate my last draft.
Part 1: Setting the Stage.
Before we begin, I'd like to recommend reading the book for yourself. There's a free copy here on archive.org. I'd also like to point to my previous post for some context if anyone reading this post is new here. You may also want to watch Dual Process Theory's take, as I agree with pretty much all of their arguments.
You have the appropriate context for this? Good.
Now then.
Within the logbook, there are three known writers: Red Pen, aka Michael Afton; Faded Text, aka Charlie Emily; and Altered Text, aka CC/Cassidy Afton.
There are also, however, three identifiable names: Mike, Cassidy, and Dave. Popular fanon will tell you that "Cassidy" is Faded, as well as being the Vengeful Spirit and the second Golden Freddy spirit. It will now also tell you that CC's name is Dave, previously mstaken to be Evan.
I am here to tell you that popular fanon is, as popular fanon tends to be, wildly off the mark.
As per my last post, I dismissed Cassidy as a little girl for two reasons: firstly, that she has no narrative significance before whenever the logbook takes place, and secondly, because Faded asks too many specific questions to be a stranger. The logbook came out after Pizzeria Sim, and introducing Cassidy as such an important character this late in the story is nonsensical.
But...my theory leaves out Dave. Who is Dave?
Put a pin in that for now. We'll get there. For now, let's talk about Michael Afton.
Part 2: Why?
In my last theory post, linked above, I asked a question that I found to be forgotten: why? Why does faded ask such specific questions? Why is there so much puppet symbolism? Why would CC know the name Cassidy? Why are there so many tidbits that never get mentioned?
I have some new ones today: Why is Mike here? Why are Charlie and Cassidy in his book? Why is the name Dave important?
For simplicity's sake, we'll start with why Charlie and CC are talking. Based on the imagery of the Puppet and birthdays on pages 31 and 98, as well as "The party was for you" (103), it's most likely to set up the Happiest Day, placing this before...whenever that happens. Before Pizzeria Sim, at least.
(Fig. 1: The Puppet/Happiest Day symbolism.)
So...if that's the goal, why is Mike important? Sure, he helps spell Cassidy's name, but only the last couple letters. And of all the available grids, "Dave" is spelt in the Foxy grid. The one animatronic that is associated with Mike.
(Fig. 2: Available grids.)
To me, this implies the name Dave is important for Michael to remember. But why?
...Why would Michael need to remember anything? Surely he remembers, right? I mean, he references the Nightmares and casual bongos and exotic butters and the Bite. Surely, surely that means he remembers!
(Fig. 3: Michael's references.)
Reread all his answers again, all throughout the book, knowing this takes place after Sister Location, during the time he's hunting down his father. Tell me what's missing. (Or you can trust me to tell you, I suppose.)
Mentions of his family, right?
In fact, he's not even the one to bring up the Bite. The logbook brings it up for him; he just responds to it.
Throughout the book, Mike is unresponsive and noncommittal. His doodles exist in the corners and margins, he rarely responds to either the book or Faded's questions directly, he even crosses out his own name. The only thing he repeatedly emphasizes throughtout the book is SURVIVAL. In all caps, SURVIVAL. CERTAIN DEATH.
(Fig. 4: Michael's scribblings as per the previous paragraph.)
Interestingly, he commonly writes about leaving leaving. Such as running away, locking up the animatronics, going on vacation, or dying. This directly contrasts his established desire to find his father, which implies he hasn't gotten that motivation yet.
Michael has been scooped by the time the Logbook happens. Michael, like most spirits, forgot. Forgot less than Cassidy and perhaps the MCI, for whatever reason, but forgot nonetheless.
And Charlie is here to help him remember, the same way she's helping Cassidy remember.
Specifically, she wants him to remember the name Dave, spelled out via the coordinates of the answered questions. The first one of which is answered by Michael, long before Cassidy says "I'm scared" as a potential alternate answer.
Part Three: Fandom Really Needs to Learn to Re-examine Fundamentals.
Take that pin out of "Who's Dave" and "Why is Dave important" from earlier, because it's time to answer those questions.
Okay. So, we've established a few things.
Dave is not one of the spirits in the logbook.
Charlie is pushing for Michael to remember the name Dave.
Michael has lost his memory, and has yet to gain the motive of finding his father.
If all of this is true, "Dave" must be connected to Michael's motivation: finding his father.
But we already know his name! William Afton, as established in...in......uh.........which game was it again? Sorry, hold on, let me just check my sources...*shuffling papers*...oh! Here we go! William Afton's name was established in the novels...and...and for the entirety of The Silver Eyes, he's referred to almost exclusively by his alias, Dave. To my knowledge, his first name is never confirmed in the games.
...What if we've been wrong in accepting that his name is William Afton? What if he is Dave, and it's not just an alias?
Allow me, once more, to set the scene.
Part Four: FNaF is a story. Let's treat it as such.
The date is [REDACTED], just after Michael's scooping. His corpse gets up without him, shambling around with metal for bones and vague remnants of children's souls for a pilot.
Michael himself is stuck in a security logbook; a paltry little thing given to him by his employers, like a twisted joke. He writes and crosses out his own name, and doodles in the margins for a bit.
Charlie, ever the attentive soul, joins him, bringing the Crying Child with her. Two brothers, one memory, or something like that. She begins gauging what he remembers: Does he know who he is? How he died?
Michael doesn't respond. He doesn't need to. It's not hard for Charlie to piece together what happened, especially given his shambling corpse ranting and raving about their revenge.
So, she begins to push Michael to remember his killer. She starts with the nightmares (do you have dreams), the first thing he did. She follows up with his resemblance to his father (what do you see), but Michael goes unresponsive, possibly catching on to her game. Ever the stubborn one, that. Instead, CC responds. So she switches gears, roping CC into helping her spell out both names by directing her questions to him, until Michael finally helps spell Cassidy.
Next to the wordsearch where Cassidy remembers is a mirror; one to reflect EVAD (spelled in CC answer order) into DAVE. Two brothers, one memory, as the saying doesn't go.
Michael's corpse lies cold and empty on the ground, Ennard having escaped into a gutter. He can't move on, not yet. There's only one option left for him now.
Michael looks into the mirror.
And his eyes open purple.
.
also it would be really funny if davetrap had an alias in the games timeline and it was william/will miller THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!
#I REMADE THE FUCKING DAVE POST CHEER AND CLAP#me rereading the logbook every paragraph to cite my silly litle sources#if we REALLY wanna get into it. i think 'charlie' is also book only. so she COULD be named cassidy.#but personally i think the dave parallel works better.#charlie voice i can put the first victim to rest AND have the last one take revenge! its perfect! (unfortunately. The Quencies)#i dont actually know how cassidy gotinto the book. for narrative purposes charlie brought him.#theres no real Evidence either way and it makes sense for charlie to keep him with her until she can put him to rest.#my posts#fnaf theory#fucking love the mirror parallel i saw that in a reddit post and i LOVE IT#ALSO seeing 'dave' in the mirror works REALLY WELL for michael bc hes literally mistaken for his father in SL if i rember right#i also Could address the idea that this book takes place during/after 3 but the imagery for it is so minimal that the idea is nothing to me#like ooo it mentions springlockkks the things that were around for ages! and it has a similar officeeee oooooooooo#like. for all we know! the fnaf3 office is Modeled After The Book. and also mike DOESNT reference ANYTHING in fnaf3#despite everything implying HES the protagonist of it#plus from a narrative standpoint. this book taking place post-scooping pre-3 makes the most Sense. its setup for everything in 3.#also i think 'do u miss them' (pg 70) refers to mikes siblings. but thats not Relevant its just neat#bc! its where the book asks who youd miss if they were to die in an accident such as being stuffed into a suit#and i LOVE the idea that CC was stuffed into golden fred and is the fifth missing kid its. mwah.#fnaf theories
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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MACHINES
#potatart#my ocs#robots#robot oc#POTATO ROBOT STORY#(FOR ORGANICATIONAL PURPOSES)#I DONT FEEL LIKE CREATING ANOTHER ACCOUNT U_U#SORRY FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS IT JUST FEELS RIGHT ATM#FIRST GUY DOESNT HAVE A NAME BUT I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM. what if a robot had so so many mental problems#CHARACTER IN THE LAST IMAGE IS NAMED CENTI! SHES A GIRL NOW#i could not pass up the opportunity to make a centipedegirl so now all theee of the humans r girls#which is epic#the only context i really have for this is that robot fella in the first image has control over a lot of these robots#bc he is Spreading his Code
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two very different kinds of siblings
#cpuk#took me FOREVER to make mac and al Feel Right to me and just as long to properly execute on the vibe i knew i wanted for goog always#but pretty happy with these!#cpuk alabaster uppercut#cpuk juniper uppercut#cpuk google#cpuk mac and cheese#you ever call a character by a nickname shortening of their name so long that when you have to type their full name again#it hits you all over again how goofy it is. anyway mack encheez would be an entirely normal ace attorney character name#ive been thinking about Al a lot lately. the difference between him in season one and season 2 is interesting to try to reconcile#because in season one its very explicit- he has beef with The Tournament Itself and that was the only reason he was here.#he was an ideological pacifist who was publically mocked and only came to fight in cpuk to prove a point#when a kid from uppercut village was getting bullied because of contestants mocking him and the village.#but when season two rolls around hes a 'cpuk veteran' who's always fighting at locals and bettering the scene.#which leads me to assume Al arrived to CPUK and went 'damn bitch y'all live like this?' and set to work on repairing the vibes#especially since uppercut village has been utterly ignored by the lore since his introduction and with ncct information...#im not sure it... meaningfully exists? its a part of his concept and self that informs his actions but has never mattered.#and as such with the schrodingers isekai way that submission to cpuk works in nccts worldbuilding#i think it might be. just as unreachable as eric is to thera/folk. something from another reality hes just not part of anymore.#in his second tournament appearance he sets a goal of not coming in last and then he's retiring and he doesnt come in last.#but then he comes back.#imagining this dude trying to get a ride back home to uppercut village and the driver needing directions bc hes got no idea where that is#and al realizing he doesnt. know how to get there either. and so the only place he has to go is back to the tournament.#and the sense of community identity so core to himself he's named after it falters and hes left alone#and so he begins to build a new sense of community for himself out of the new home he's been left with. makes friends. adopts new family.#living in honor of the memory of a village that never was.#at least not here.#juni knows the participants of cpuk as family. uncle cha cha. mama hoedown.#in a sense both al and juni are adopted from elsewhere into the family they know.#smthn smthn 'it takes a village to raise a child.' i am speculating myself into getting emotional about funny punch guy 👍
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Vargsången
It had been around a week since they had found refuge at Camp Dragonhead, when Rael woke especially early one morning. They usually got out of bed early enough to watch the sun rise with no problem whatsoever but this particular morning they rose with an uneasy feeling.
Before they left their room Rael glimpsed out of the window, where big white snowflakes were wildly dancing in front of a dark cloudy sky. It would be difficult to get A‘viloh out of bed today, Rael thought as they put on their boots which they had placed next to the door the evening before. It was then that they noticed the carefully folded piece of paper someone had pushed through the small gap between the door and the dark wooden floorboards.
With a confused expression on their face they picked it up and unfolded it to see a small and very familiar handwriting. Instantly that uneasy feeling flared up again. Quickly Rael read the short letter and found their worst fears confirmed.
Dear Rael,
I am sorry to leave you like this but I know that you would have tried to stop me. I am aware that this plan is madness but I simply cannot go on with this uncertainty any longer. I am returning to Ul’dah to find out what happened to our friends. I know it is dangerous but I ran and hid from the consequences of my actions for long enough to know that I will not find peace this way. Don’t come looking for me and please keep Tataru and Alphinaud safe.
Forgive me. If you can.
Your friend,
A’viloh
„This idiot!“, Rael growled as they threw another glimpse out of the window and then hurriedly left their room. Without knocking they tore open the the door across the corridor but found A’viloh’s room empty. As fast as they could they ran down the stairs, ignoring the greetings of the few people who were also up early and threw open the door leading to the yard. The blizzard they had already seen from the window felt a lot stronger and colder up close and to Rael’s frustration not a single footstep was to be seen in front of the house. No traces where he would have gone. The evidence long destroyed by the storm. How long was he already out there? And what had he been thinking at all to go out alone in a weather like this??
Whispering another string of profanities Rael stepped outside and ran across the yard. With one strong push they threw open the heavy double doors that led to the commander’s office. They hadn’t even reached the desk on the opposite side of the room yet when they urgently addressed the Elezen sitting behind it. „Lord Haurchefant!“
Surprised the man looked up from the paperwork’s on his desk and smiled at Rael.
„Please, I told you to drop the formalities. How may I help you.“
„We have a problem!“, Rael continued and the worried tone in their voice was enough to make Haurchefant’s smile turn into a more serious expression. „What happened?“
„A’viloh!“, Rael exclaimed in frustration as if that one word was explanation enough and waved around the piece of paper they still clasped tightly in their hand. „He ran away! To find our friends it seems, but all he’s gonna accomplish is get himself killed. I don’t need to be from around here to know that someone without experience is going to freeze to death all alone in that storm out there! And even if he miraculously makes it to Ul’dah, Ilberd and the other traitors will without doubt be waiting for him and he doesn’t stand a chance against all of them alone.“
„Breathe, my friend.“, the Elezen said and gestured for Rael to calm down. For a moment he looked out of the window in thought and nodded. „Unfortunately you are right. With this weather it is very dangerous out there…“
That information didn’t do much to calm Rael down. „How can we find him in that blizzard? I don’t know when he left or how far he got. I fear he—„
„Say no more.“, Haurchefant interrupted them. Without further hesitation he stood up and walked toward the door, grabbing a thick woollen coat from a coat rack beside the door. „I will find A’viloh and bring him back. You stay here where you are safe. No! No argument, please. I’ll be faster without you.“
Nonetheless Rael followed him out to the yard where he shouted for one of the guards to immediately bring his chocobo.
Rael tried to convince him that they would cover more ground if they both went searching for A‘viloh but Haurchefant pointed out that Rael would most likely get lost too and that he didn’t like to have to search for them both out in this storm. Reluctantly Rael promised to wait for him at Camp Dragonhead and watched him check his gear, get on his chocobo and vanish into the storm with worry written all over their face.
***
The snowflakes and the ice-cold wind felt like sharp little blades on his face. He cursed this storm for not the first time today and he also cursed himself as well.
What had he been thinking?
Not much honestly.
There hadn’t been a storm when he had sneaked out long before anybody else was awake. The whole night he hadn’t slept, once again thinking and wondering. Back then this part of his plan had seemed to him the easy part. He had more wondered about how he would cross Gridanian territory and make it into Ul’dah unrecognised than what else could happen on his way there when at first only a few big snowflakes had begun to slowly fall from the sky. In his determination he had barely taken notice of them, only when the clouds got darker and darker, the snow more and more and finally the wind picked up, howling and biting, he had realised that he hadn’t planned for something like this to happen. He had already walked quite a bit of distance and the Observatorium couldn’t be that far anymore. Maybe he could hide there until the storm died down. So he continued onwards. But with every minute passing he saw less and less of where he was going and soon he realised that he had no clue anymore where he was at all or in which direction he needed to walk. And with every passing moment it only seemed to get colder.
So now there he was, blindly stumbling through the snow, hoping that a settlement, a house, a fire, anything would show up before his eyes. But instead he couldn’t even tell anymore where the white ground beneath his feet ended and where the sky with it’s veil of wind and snow begun. He had no idea what to do.
For a moment he contemplated to scream for help, but who would hear him out here with this howling wind? He tried anyway and found that he barely made a sound, his voice only a distant whispering even to his own ears. Oh, I’m going to die here, he thought, no one will ever find me. That thought made him shiver even more violently than he already did and hot burning tears started to gather in the corners of his eyes. They were long frozen on his cheeks before they could reach his chin.
Nonetheless he took off his gloves, tried to wipe the weird sensation away but his face and hands only felt cold and numb. Instead he lowered his fingers to his lips, tried to warm them with his breath but even breathing felt more and more painful and exhausting by now, let alone putting one feet in front of the other.
Finally he tripped. There hadn’t even been a stone or a branch, just his frozen clumsy feet that felt so heavy. Without much of a sound he fell into the deep cold snow. Absently he tried to blink the snow out of his eyes, not that he would have seen much anyway. At first he weakly tried to push himself back up but his whole body felt so horribly heavy and tired. Oh yes, he was tired, so very tired. Maybe he just needed to rest for a moment. It all didn’t really seem that bad anymore now that he lay here in the soft white snow. It felt strangely warm really. For a moment he even thought he heard a voice calling out his name. Saw a silhouette between the dancing snowflakes. A hand stretched out towards him.
With a peaceful smile on his face his eyelids drooped and his mind faded to darkness.
***
How long was he gone now?, Rael wondered as they paced about the room, around the big table with all the maps, back and forth between the roaring fireplace and the window facing south.
For the third time now they pulled up their collar and stepped out into the empty frozen courtyard. Everyone at Camp Dragonhead who wasn’t on guard duty had been clever enough to seek shelter from the storm indoors and as Rael worriedly looked towards the gate, it‘s silhouette barely visible against the myriad of snowflakes, they wondered if Haurchefant’s decision to leave in search for A’viloh on his own had been a good one. Maybe something had happened to him.
Should they follow him?
No, they would get lost without a doubt…
Should they alarm the whole camp about their commander’s absence?
But what should the soldiers do about this?
Helplessly Rael raised their face to the sky but all there was were dark storm clouds and more questions they couldn’t answer. There was nothing to guide them, to tell them what to do. No gods, no teacher, no whispers, no vision. Nothing at all. Rael, who always knew what to do or at least had an educated guess about what might prove helpful, never felt that useless before.
Almost violently they pressed their eyes shut and tried to summon up the answers they needed by sheer force of will. A lonely figure at which the wind tore mercilessly. Determined but also futile. Forcing any sign to reveal itself to them had never worked before and neither did it now. There simply was nothing they could do.
Why haven’t I seen this coming?
Eyes still closed they started to shiver, fighting against the burning sensation building behind their eyelids. Their mouth twitched no matter how tightly they pressed their lips shut. Instead they breathed through their nose, heavy shaky breaths which turned to white clouds in the air.
Then a horn blared above. Rael flinched and realised that a guard on the fortification wall had given a signal. They didn’t know what it meant and still Rael fixed their eyes on the barely visible gateway, hoping, praying to whatever was willing to listen. Please, let them be safe.
At first Rael feared they were imagining it but then clearly something moved between the sea of snowflakes. A dark form, something - no, someone was coming closer. Rael almost stopped breathing. Once they realised it was truly Haurchefant on his chocobo, they almost fell to their knees in relief.
Only as Haurchefant carefully climbed off of his chocobo, Rael saw that he wasn’t wearing his coat anymore. Instead he had held it in place bundled up on the saddle in front of him, to make sure it didn’t fall down and also keeping it close to himself for warmth. As he lifted that small bundle into his arms and slowly stepped towards them Rael couldn’t stifle a sob any longer and desperately ran towards him.
A’vi!
Wrapped in the way too large piece of clothing was the small Miqo’te, entirely motionless. His skin so pale and cold. Frantically Rael searched for a sign of life - a sound, a movement, a pulse - but there was none. He looked like a dead thing and that fact smashed Rael’s heart to a million little pieces.
It had been too late. They had lost him.
***
Darkness. Endless and suffocating.
A moment ago he thought there had been light.
There had been snow too.
No…
Dark angry water. Hissing like the wind.
A thunderstorm. Or a blizzard.
But there had been sun too, right? Once. Warm pleasant sunlight. Hot bright sand.
Yes, it had been warm. But why was he feeling so cold then?
Why had the sun left him all alone in this cold, cold darkness?
Suddenly he heard a voice calling his name.
It sounded so far away and then suddenly so close. So worried.
He couldn’t quite remember if he knew it but it felt friendly. It felt warm and welcoming.
It felt safe. He could rest now.
***
When Haurchefant had arrived back at Camp Dragonhead cradling poor A‘viloh in his arms, the Miqo’te had no noticeable breathing or pulse at all. He had looked like a corpse and Rael had already feared he was dead. Nonetheless Haurchefant had hurriedly brought him indoors. Loudly he had yelled orders left and right and suddenly the whole camp was in turmoil. In fact it was still early morning and it only had been this sudden unexpected ruckus that had awoken Tataru and Alphinaud as footsteps and loud voices rushed past their bedrooms. They watched puzzled as the servants quickly brought lots of blankets as well as warm dry clothes to replace A’viloh’s frozen ones and also wood for the fireplace and warming pans for his bed.
Immediately Rael had begun to work. For a few terrifying moments they had sat there in silent focus trying to find a sign of life from A‘viloh. Heartbeat, breathing, aether. Nothing… nothing… nothing… then: a shy heartbeat after all. So slow, so weak, easy to miss. But it was still there and Rael refused to let it vanish! They never had to heal a patient with hypothermia before and only could guess what to do exactly. It wasn’t a open wound they could close or a poison they could extract. Instead all they could do was use their magic to steady his heartbeat and help slowly warm his body up.
Both, Tataru and Alphinaud, stood there by the door speechlessly staring in shock, not knowing or understanding what had happened. They saw Rael’s face and didn’t dare to ask either. Not until Haurchefant reappeared. The servants had urged him to change into dry, warmer clothes too and now he returned pressing warm drinks into the helpless spectators hands and shooing them off, back to their rooms, against quiet protest.
“Please, the healer will arrive any moment now. There is nothing you can do in the meantime. I promise I have you informed at once if anything changes.“
Bleakly Rael noticed that his choice of words didn’t specify if this would be a change for better or for worse. A few moments later the healer, torn from his sleep on Haurchefant’s demand, arrived but he also left rather quickly again.
Rael had only let this ishgardian doctor close to A’viloh because they had hoped that maybe he knew better how to help him than they did considering he needed to have more experience with cases like this. But the Elezen hadn’t done much at all and only claimed that the poor Miqo’te’s life now lay in Halone’s hands. Rael had sharply laughed at this statement but it had really sounded more like a menacing bark. Why did this sharlatan bother to come here at all? Once again they had to do everything by themself if they wanted it done properly.
Just to make sure, they tried every kind of healing magic they could think of hoping that maybe some of it would help, even the ancient spells his mother and the oracle had taught them. When no immediate response was visible - had they really expected one? - they kept on monitoring A’viloh’s heartbeat as well as his still very thin aether and supported both as good as they could using their own.
For hours they sat there silently working their magic, carefully trying to ration their own power reserves as long as possible. They were almost exhausted, almost out of aether themself. Their fingers were shaking and their eyelids felt heavy. It wasn’t healthy and they knew they couldn’t do this much longer.
But at least it seemed to work. For a short happy moment they thought everything would be fine again.
Then the fever hit.
***
The darkness scared him.
It was cold and wet and inescapable.
The wind turned to howls of wild animals and these again soon to laughs and mockery.
Their hungry fangs and claws reached for him in the darkness. Trying to pull him down.
He tried to run but he wasn’t moving at all.
He tried to shake off the claws digging into his skin but their grip was too strong.
He tried to scream but couldn’t make a sound.
Then with a sudden jolt he was falling. A long horrible fall through infinite darkness.
When he finally hit the ground he was in the cold, freezing snow again.
Just that it didn’t feel cold at all anymore. But soft and warm.
There was that voice again, calling his name.
An unfamiliar voice.
No, that wasn’t true. He knew this voice.
It was the only voice he ever wanted to remember.
If he ever realised he forgot this sound, the pain would destroy him.
Between the veil of snow there was a hand reaching out for him. A worried face.
Arms holding him tight. Keeping him warm.
So familiar eyes of molten gold.
A loving smile.
His favourite thing in the world.
Oh! Now he remembered!
He understood. At last, no miracle to save him.
Finally…
…
Laqa.
***
„Laqa…“
Shocked Rael looked up from the hand they carefully held between their own.
Haurchefant couldn’t know the meaning of this feverish mumbling but Rael did and it terrified them, the panic plainly visible on their face.
„The healer warned us that the fever might make him hallucinate...“ the elezen offered in an attempt to console them.
„I know that!“, Rael snapped harshly.
It wasn’t fair but they had no nerve to hear things that were plainly visible. After the fever had appeared Haurchefant had called for the ishgardian doctor again. At least this time he had offered a potion that was supposed to lower A’viloh’s fever. So far it hadn’t shown any effect though. But that wasn’t Haurchefant’s fault.
„I am sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you…“
The Elezen shook his head. „I know, my friend. You’re tired. Don’t you think it would be better to rest for a while?“
„No, I’m fine. I will stay.“ It did sound hollow even to them.
„You know, you did everything you could, right?“, Haurchefant asked while putting a hand on Rael’s shoulder and Rael hated how it almost sounded like they had lost this fight already.
„I know… Would you mind leaving me alone for a while?“ Hopefully that hadn’t sounded rude again.
He hesitated, then he nodded slowly. „No more magic though, alright? I don’t want you to collapse too.“
Rael just shrugged. It wasn’t the answer Haurchefant had wanted but he left anyway. With a heavy sigh they returned their gaze to A’viloh’s pale face as he mumbled something unintelligible.
Oh, why hadn’t they noticed he was planning something? Where had they gone wrong?
Probably when A’viloh’s smile had fooled them into thinking that he was alright. As if a few nice words and some hot chocolate could fix everything that was wrong. Rael had wanted to believe it but should have known better. No matter how much they had told themself that he was stronger now, braver, healthier… mostly he seemed fine and then suddenly tiny things could still throw him off course. It was a tricky thing for Rael to assess how A‘viloh would react sometimes. Like a broken mug that had been kitted. There were bits and pieces that were still alright or had healed fairly good, the damage almost invisible, and then there were the spots were all that kept the ragged shards together was too much glue, unevenly filling the wounds. Ugly and weak, easily broken apart again. On his really bad days Rael still feared that there were some small pieces of him irrevocably lost, never to be found again, sunken to the bottom of the sea and impossible to replace.
Barely audible, like a knife to Rael’s heart, the poor fever-dreaming Miqo’te whispered, „I‘ve missed you so much, Laqa.“
„No!“, Rael yelled almost angrily and threw themself at A’viloh’s chest protectively. „You can’t have him yet!“
It was ridiculous! Who were they even talking to? Instead they turned their pleading gaze to the Miqo’te’s feverish face.
„Please, A‘vi! Tell him that he has to wait a little longer… please… he would want you to live your life first, wouldn’t he?“
Of course A'viloh didn’t answer.
Desperately Rael buried their face in the Miqo’te’s shirt and started to sob. „Please don’t die. I cannot do this without you…“
***
The sea washed around his feet, then retreated again with a slight pull.
He couldn’t care less.
Everything he cared about was right here with him.
Arms as warm and comforting as the late afternoon sunlight wrapped tightly around him.
With his eyes closed, his head rested between Laqa’s shoulder and neck, he felt safe and at peace. He felt at home.
When had he last felt that way?
It didn’t matter anymore.
He would never have to let go of him again.
Vi…
this so familiar voice whispered as he pressed a kiss into his hair.
Slowly Laqa loosened his embrace and instead cupped A’viloh’s face gently with both of his hands.
It is time, Vi…
For a moment they just looked at each other, smiling, before their lips met halfway for a long kiss.
Finally Laqa pulled back a little and immediately A’viloh missed him again.
This hadn’t been enough. It would never be.
With a smile on his face Laqa rested his forehead against A’viloh’s.
You have to go now.
***
For days A‘viloh wandered between sleep and death, two things that sometimes looked horribly similar like only siblings could.
The fever had ebbed away and risen again but never completely left him alone.
Neither had Rael.
Day and night they had remained by A’viloh’s bedside, refusing to leave unless it was really necessary.
Alphinaud had brought food and water for them both and sometimes even Tataru had joined them for breakfast or for dinner. Every now and then Lord Haurchefant had brought tea as well. All of them had tried to cheer Rael up and also tried to convince them to get some rest. Both very unsuccessfully. Although they appreciated the effort.
When they were alone Rael talked to A’viloh. They felt a little crazy for this because they didn’t know if A‘vi was hearing any of this at all but still… they sat down on the bed beside him, held his hand in theirs and told him everything they had ever wanted to tell him.
How much they admired him for the person he was, despite everything. How much they had enjoyed traveling with him and also how much of the world they still hoped to show him. All the places Rael had visited on their journey and thought A‘vi would love. They told him how much they wished they could show him Golmore. They sang him the lullabies their mother used to sing for them and told him everything about their home and also about themself. About all the qualities they lacked and he possessed. About his kindness and how he so easily won over the hearts of everyone he met. About how Rael finally understood what it felt like to be as terrified as him. The fear and the guilt. How sorry they were for not seeing that he hadn’t been okay.
The thought that maybe against all of their efforts A'viloh simply didnt want to wake up again almost made them cry once more. In the end Rael lay there beside him with their head rested on A‘viloh’s chest. His heartbeat the only solace for their sorrow, a lullaby for their troubled mind, their tired eyelids almost closed.
„Wake up, A‘vi… Please. Just say something…“, they whispered a final plea.
Apart from the crackle of the fireplace and the wind rattling at the window the room was silent.
Almost asleep suddenly a quiet raspy sound startled them.
„…Rael?“
In surprise the viera shot up and indeed saw tired green eyes slowly squinting at them.
„What are you doing here?“, A‘viloh‘s voice asked hoarsely.
„A‘vi!“, Rael exclaimed in disbelieve and realised how stupid this must look. Hurriedly they jumped up, pretending to get him some water to hide how embarrassed they were. „How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Here! You should drink something! I‘ll go and ask for some soup too, you really need to -“
A’viloh chuckled and made them stop. Confused Rael turned around and looked at him cheekily grinning.
„What?“, they blurted out awkwardly.
The Miqo'te shook his head. „Nothing… Soup would be great, I think I am starving… and also thank you for worrying about me.“
„You are such an idiot, you know that?“, Rael asked while crossing their arms in front of their chest and staring at him in the best imitation of anger they could pull off.
A’viloh just laughed. This time Rael was wary to trust it.
Oh, they would give him quite a lecture! It was a good thing he couldn’t run off in his condition. But first they would get some food.
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv writing#ff14 screenshots#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv gpose#gpose#Aviloh Tia#Rael Hyskaris#the title is the name of a song because I was uncreative and I will use every possibility to show you her songs#I will put the link in the comments in case anyone cares#I edited the pictures because the in-game weather was so underwhelming…#They call it SNOWSTORM and there are like 5 tiny snowflakes???#not much rambling this time because I honestly dont know what possessed me to write 4200 words...#I considered cutting this in half but I didnt want to leave you with a mean cliffhanger#And you wouldnt have believed me that I was going to kill off A'vi anyway right?#RIGHT?!#A good chunk of the second half was never planned like this...#then I looked at some of my favourite screenshots and decided to add the last bit from A'vi's PoV#This is for you! I know you are reading this and I know you miss Laqa: So here he is like you always imagined A'vi would dream about him!#<3#And the last bit with Rael made me struggle because i wasnt sure how in-character this would be for them.#They got attached to this silly little miqo more than they care to admit haha...#I like to think that while Rael doesnt like hugs and stuff like that in general they got a little used to it with A'vi...#They also know that it comforts him so...#Can you imagine A'vi's confusion waking up with that grumpy bun cuddled up to him? :D#He messed up and he knows that so he doesnt tease Rael about being flustered xD#And how can Rael be angry with him if they are just so happy he woke up!
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kinda tired of all these parent redemption arcs tbh. give chimney a gun
#911 spoilers#hey dont mind me im just casually popping in 👋🏼#but yeah anyway#eddie and ramon last season felt natural/organic but buck and chim in this one felt kinda forced#like im sorry but didnt the buckleys stop going to therapy with him?#youre gonna tell me that 30 years of emotional neglect has been resolved?? like. no lol#the ending was sweet but also. idk. contrived? that might not be the right word#and CHIMNEY#i have NEVER seen mr. han smile. not once. he was cold/distant with albert too but now all of a sudden theres a baby named after his dead#dead first wife and hes sitting on the floor playing?? making faces?? pop pop is funny???#it just doesnt seem realistic to me. like at all#plus everyone else putting the pressure on chim to reach out and fix things is bullshit#hen was so against him meeting with tatiana again. i feel like she was way too nice about it last ep#yeah its fine to encourage a talk for chim to get everything off his chest but like if it was me? if this was my friend?#idk maybe im a bad person but i wouldve used harsher language than that lol#'maybe its about what you need to say' turns into 'call him out! confront him! let him see what hes done to you! make him take responsibili#*responsibility!'#also didnt like that he wound up having the talk with his stepmom instead of the party actually involved#and maybe im remembering wrong but didnt his first marriage end bc his wife died?? he considers that a personal failure?#ANYWAY#all this to say: it is not the children's responsibility to reach out and reconcile with their parents. stop trying to make chim feel bad f#for being kinda aloof with the guy who literally abandoned him in a foreign country#god my thumbs hurt. im not used to this#chimney my beloved 💖#i think thats the tag. its been a while
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i think millennials are the worst generation i’ve had to work with i’m so serious
#op#sorry millennial mutuals i’m sure you’re great to work with this is just from my own experience#right now at work it’s me (gen z) one millenial and then everyone else is gen x and maybe a few boomers#and like mr millenial is the one who takes nothing serious??? ever???#first of all he’s literally mocked me a few times and i know he’s joking but it’s like idk u like that#and he’s always getting us talked to being reminded about guidelines BEVAUSE HE DOESNT LISYEN#i wish so badly i could be like ‘i think that was [name]’ because i’m not the one doing that!!!!#our manager sent a text reminding us tubs can’t be over 40 pounds and that a couple libraries were overfilled#and the tubs for those libraries were in the section he was working on yesterday#and i remember last week he said something#about how he hates making new tubs for just a few books and i said i don’t like to overfill them and i rather the drivers decide what to do#with an almost empty tub because they have a few options#like they could leave it put it in a full tub take a half full tub put a few in a bag etc#AND HE MOCKED ME FOR SAYING THAT#HE WAS LIKE OH HOW KIND OF YOU#WHAT?????? LIKE YES THATS KIND OF ME ACYUALLY THESE TUBS VANT BE OVER FORTY POUNDS#AND SOME OF THESE MEN ARE OLD AS DIRT#anyway i hate him and every millenial i’ve ever worked with i’m so sorry millenial mutuals#it’s not you it’s the dumbasses i’ve worked with#i would understand if u hate gen z a little but pls remember i’m the exception <3
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Actually i just realized how effective was even the whole "whipping memory whole" thing for Harry if he still has fucking PTSD from the war? Like sure he'd have told his whole life and shit but to have such a strong reaction like that one review implies he had would require him actually remembering more than he should.
#luly talks#bro can't remember his mother's face but he sure can remember racist slurs huh ........................................#im joking im a harryhead to the grave i just find it funny still#bc like even w his name its like. it just FEELS right you know. which isnt the same as remembering much#dsaf#dsaf harry#also admittedly that one review 2 me is the darkest joke in the game like not a word is said in that whole bit that doesnt make me upset#kudos to that MGHJNDJUYHBGH#btw im saying this bc i was thinking of how honeshtly maybe having gotten his memory whipped was a cruel mercy or sorts#bc if you think of it his life is filled to the brim with loss.#imagine having to see your 5 coworkers and i suppose closests friends die twice on top of that#bc he was the last phoney so#this man is just so fucking tragic in general it makes me so sad
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and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
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things i think buddie would argue about after moving in together: buying organic, the tupperware cabinet, couch throw pillows, the coffee maker
#yes i will elaborate#yk bucks buying all organic and name brand. eddie only buys organic or name brand if buck or chris want it. otherwise its gonna be generic#like if chris wants cheezits then hes getting cheezits if buck wants organic fruit leather then buck is getting his organic fruit leather#but if eddie wants oreos hes getting twist and shouts or sandwich creme cookies or whatever generic brand is available#every grocery trip is like just grab organic lettuce eddie. it doesnt matter buck just cuz theres no dirt on it doesnt mean its not lettuce#and the tupperware cabinet at the diaz (buck changes his last name to diaz okay he told me himself) house is crazy#i just know bucks tupperware cabinet in the loft is organized like crazy prob has labels or something. have you seen his immaculate kitchen#eddies tupperware cabinet is based on vibes. he tries to keep it organized but chris keeps coming home with more for some reason and theyre#all different sizes and theres no good way to condense them so theyre all just kinda in there and the cabinet closes so thats good enough#and that cabinet is the bane of bucks existence bc eddie let him have free rein over organizing everything else in the kitchen except#the tupperware cabinet#seriously eddie why cant we just throw some of these away and make some room in here?#oh suddenly mr we need to buy organic sustainably grown toilet paper wants to throw plastic directly into a landfill? absolutely not buck#and about the throw pillows#i just know mr eddie diaz loves home goods hes prob a member of the finders club or something#that man is decorating for all holidays and changes the pillows every season (canon) and buck well. weve seen the loft its the bare minimum#eddie comes back from home goods with a new pillow set and buck is like. eddie. eddie we have a dozen pillows already why do we need more??#none of the old ones match the new painting.#the new painting?? what new painting???#the coffee maker is a constant battle#because buck has had a hildy coffee maker for years and when he tried to set it up at eddies eddie was like. no. get that out of my house#and bucks like your house?? i thought this was our house 😔😔😔#oh baby i didnt mean that ofc its our house everything of mine is also yours#so i can set up hildy in our house right?#no.#and so buck is always dramatic as hell whenever he makes a pot of coffee.#oh if only i could set the brew cycle to match our work schedule. oh imagine how much we could save on the electric bill if it could put#itself to sleep after brewing. eddie. eds. babe if we could brew coffee from our phones then we could cuddle longer in the mornings#buck no. that thing is not allowed in this house.#me thinks
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anyway. i am going to be SO incredibly livid and angry and throwing an absolute tantrum on thursday if i dont get good feedback on my script.
#and by good i mean anything actually helpful not just 'omg wow this is amazing' tho ofc that's acceptable too#like a month back now u. might remember that the day i was supposed to get feedback on my outline i literally ended up#holding back tears in class bc it was so. just. pointless and rude and genuinely not helpful#and last week everyone was soooo boring about the scripts that were due like no one was giving helpful critiques or anything#it was all just sooo insufferable u people are not being constructive about like actually helping someone develop their story or whatever#ur just being stupid. and by that i mean it. like they didnt even try to just understand the humor or worldbuilding of this one kid's scrip#t it pissed me off.#and i actually had fun with my script finally it's a first draft so u know it's gonna have its weak spots but eye had fun hanging out#w my girls <3 so. if people could attempt to be helpful this time around that'd be awesome.#like last time a few people made snide comments like 'um about this - well i can't even remember this one's name' hey girl. you could#probably look at the very contained outline i wrote that's right in front of your face instead of saying annoying shit like that to the#writer's face!#the vibes have just been off. that class was so fun for a while and lately it's been such a bitch fest.#they were so mean about mine and my friend's i think people r jealous that that's our bestie prof's class but like. he doesnt treat us any#kind of way you know. and he's supportive of everyone like u dont have to make this weird#sorryyyyy for complaining about what i THINK is wrong with everyone but like! idek how to deal with their passive aggressive shit anymore#they're mean to each other too sometimes#just gonna go crazy with it on thursday#abby talks
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i finally met my district manager today and i fucking hate him <3
#jane.doc#called me alias to my fucking face <3#repeatedly said to him: jane is my legal name#he also actually said my first name#which i REALLY didnt need to hear#bc i do have a lot of trauma associated with that name#and last night i had an auditory hallucination involving my dad#so it did not put me in a particularly good mood#my sm was right there and could see how genuinely angry i was#and the pt assistant manager overheard and could tell without even looking at me#that i was furious lmfao#“oh i totally get it”#TO ME ABOUT BEING CALLED BY MY MIDDLE NAME#BUT CLEARLY HE DOESNT#sorry for complaining and being dramatic about this#but im so particular about what im called#like i dont even like nicknames or pet names#like bestie or bff is totally fine#but like an actual nickname or pet name really bothers me#please just call me jane
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the sillies
#Eight-Legged Doodles#<- thats a decent enough art tag I think!#Universe 1#Alice#Gamma#alternate title: these two in a nutshell#Alice ''Arent You Tired Of Being Nice? Dont You Just Wanna Go Apeshit?'' Ressurexit#and Gamma ''Arent You Tired Of Going Apeshit? Dont You Just Want To Be Nice?'' Ressurexit#(<- not his actual last name btw. he straight up just doesnt have one so Alice lets him borrow hers sometimes lmao)#I'll post the time lapse video from ProCreate in a bit probably!!#sorry if this is too many tags - I dont post art all that often. mostly because I dont do art like this all that often lmao#but I wanna start doing more!! it takes me ages to finish a single piece but its a lot of fun and good for when I dont feel like writing!!#if Gamma looks a little wonky. that's because I suck at drawing him lmao I dont know what it is but I can never get him looking right#I'm a LOT better than I was years ago tho!! like. now I can draw him and not instantly wanna burn the page ahdkgkhahfkgk
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