#<- this is so those ppl dont interact w this
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anyways parents who record/post their autistic child having a meltdown are awful people :)
#“but its for awareness!!!!” shut up#there is no excuse#actually autistic#actually autism#meltdown#autistic meltdown#sensory issues#autism#autistic#tw ableism#ableism#autism moms#proship dni#<- this is so those ppl dont interact w this#ik it's unrelated but it's for my safety 🫶
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I been doing so many fanart requests, I need to start posting my OC more.. Me when I fear people will forget/stop caring about her
#text post#not art#dont get me wrong i been doing those cuz i genuinely have fun w it but grah. !#i have a simpsons oc as well and she's fun prommy!!#i been doodling some things w her including an ask i got from my friend Cruising ages ago.. i'll finish things eventually#i have to. i have to make people care. the patient needs the world to see her oc to live!!!#<- got suddenly hit by a Worry and a Longing#the way i crave oc interactions and asks about her from random ppl who just like her and all. the world could be so beautiful#looks out the window longingly#anyways the requests are underway too dw everyone :] i just got a LOT more than expected i'm sorry its taking a while LOL#also @ the person who sent me 13 ask requests (iirc) (wow!): i genuinely love your enthusiasm but#i think i likely will end up doing a big post with all the sketches at once rather than a big colored 3-pic post like the usual#usually people ask one or two things at once and wait to get their post before asking for more so i got a bit overwhelmed bGHBGH#love your love for background characters though and shaking your hand on that fr#secondary/background/one-off characters deserve love too
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#I dont wish for this post to show in any general tags in any way shape or form. consider it a vent#d*scord has been banned as a lot of other different things and I can't fix it especially with my Computer Curse (tm)#which is frustrating to say the least. it's not like I've been there often but I Did contacted a lot of ppl through it#there is always people who has it worse and I feel like even thinking about it makes me a horrible person but#as much as I hate posting about stuff like that I genuinely believe that my country slowly tries to become second n*rth k*rea.#and it heavily affects me even if I live in the countryside.#first you ban gay people from existense so I can't even hold hands with same-sex friends in public and if my social media is leaked I can b#send to. like. an actual pr*son. which is very real and not a joke at all.#then you ban every online payment services so I'm forced to work double time to be able to feed myself since commissions are barely availab#anymore. and THEN you ban ways for people to connect. don't get me started on how much is fucks up my calling scheldue w friends & I miss#servers I used to visit to get my mind off of all of this bullshit#this is just upsetting. not gonna lie#with a cherry on top that the winter is close I'm freezing dead in my living space & the roof is leaking & my phone is dying &#I thought the vicious thunder the other day was another midnight b*mbing LOL. at this point I have no idea how I'm still sane#not gonna say Ive got it bad because I'm slowly reaching my goals and it's gonna get better eventually. it's just one of those days#where all of the things come at once overwhelmingly and I'm paralyzed to start anything on my to-do list#I think I need to go outside and stop overthinking it as I usually do.#I'm absolutely gonna miss LN3 release and will slowly fall out of fandom (but not stop being interested in it. at this point it's impossibl#sigh#tumblr is the only way for me to contact outside world and even tho the real world is not so bad I'm still missing a lot and falling out of#my interest in fandom & art in general. if they're gonna ban tumblr I think I'll fall out completely and vanish#bcause runet algorithms are not fandom- and/or art-friendly & I'm not really popular in my space to gather any meaningful interactions#I'm gonna boil in my already-formed company and that's as much as I can get. pretty much a foreseeable death of me as an artist.#how it's gonna affect me is unpredictable and I'm not gonna grief for inevitable future#but I'm sure I'm gonna be very sad. as if there's not enough weight already on my shoulders.#let's pray they won't do that. but I'm ready for the worst already since they're trying to make people's lifes as much miserable as they ca#overthinking wins for today fellas. it seems.#memento mori by will wood starts playing#vent#its bad to say but the w*r doesnt affect me much since Ive been living in a horrible conditions this whole time. it truly can't be any wors
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okay lol mini rant in the tags sorry i just HAD to get this off my chest 😭 sorry if this is very incoherent and poorly worded or structured or whatever i'm just. pretty out of it and i cannot really think to write this properly. well, that or i am probably just illiterate actually. Yeah that's it lol
#why are friendships so complicated#in my last year of senior high school at an all girls school#i transferred last year#and it's just cliques left and right#they all hate each other#i'm the type of person who can vibe with all of them even if their personalities are very very different#i am kind of friends with everyone in the sense that i can find common ground and have interact comfortably and enjoyably#my friend group from grade 11 (theyve been friends w each other for so long and i was the newcomer) dissolved this year bc things went down#i dont know the full extent of what happened#but those five friends split and three have merged with another group#the group that isolate my other two friends and seem to not like them#at least the “leader” of the group anyway. Not so sure about the rest#and now i am stuck in the middle lol. I have other friends from other groups but they have their own groups#the three girls already have each other and the new group (it's kind of a mix of me excluding myself on purpose and them not including me#in things presumably bc i am still “close” with my other two friends they don't like#it is a weird dynamic because me and the other group the three other girls merged with can vibe with each other#we can laugh with each other and enjoy each others company when theyre not talking shit (they rarely do it in front of ppl so i havent rlly#seen the full extent of it)#and also my two other friends are obviously closer to each other than with me since theyve been friends for way longer#i remember i had a conversation with one of my friends from the three girls that split away#it was something like i have to tell the class this and that etc since im the president#and i am not a very assertive person i am also very scared of being disliked. I told her i didn't want the class to hate me and she said#“everybody likes you you are friends with everyone”#it really doesn't feel that way. why do i feel like secretly they are talking shit#again i dont even know why we split up#but now i am just. Stuck in the middle#the thing is ive never even heard my other three friends talk shit and do nasty stuff with the new group/the main clique of the class#i havent seen the bad side to anything that i hear whispers about because ive never seen it#i havent been subjected to it either#i feel like i am wrong about a lot of things but i am just. blind or too deep into my people pleasing tendencies to not realize shit
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people have to stop acting like they’re oppressed because people are being annoying and/or mean about their otps
#i get its annoying but lets chill maybe#its not Real#just block ppl and dont interact w those bothering u#i promise you’ll experience a lot less negative reactions then#yes this includes me and other people who ship rair pairs#some of yall want to be mad i swear#some of have to stop being so fucking serious ahdhdhshdjfjdkfk#lets touch some grass <3
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the 0 notes on nearly every post i make will not drive me off this app and stop me from making them continuously. this i assure you <3
#its def interesting bc i mean i have like. 200+ followers all of which only a select few interact w me and those r only mutuals usually...#when i had like 8k on my first blog they rarely interacted too AND THATS A LOT OF PPL... so it def does not matter to me esp now LMFAOOO#i had 2k when i moved to my side but then i deleted that and now i am here...... :3#maybe its just me lol who knows#i guess that is a little demotivating to think abt now vs then in terms of writing engagement but i honestly dont mind it!#and that was not who i really am now! so its okay :>#LESS PPL TO PERCIEVE ASKJFHSDKJF#sora.txt
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forgot to include lifeweaver in my weird little name/nickname chart i posted a while ago, so i came up w this. tbh these guys are more like a trio to me than when i draw the junkers w the ow members (where i tend to focus on junkrat)
#info#tho i've also been imagining junkrat like 'running away' from ovw HQ for a couple days & running into lifeweaver by chance#& the two of them just chillin for a bit while junkrat figures out where he stands as a member of a larger organization. or sth idk#no real conclusion tbh#i do like that lw has some parallels w the junkers tho like getting kicked out of their homes#distaste for order and structure#authorities are after them#traveling the world#like their goals are super different but i think they have potential for connecting on those grounds ahah#also does lifeweaver have an interaction w junkrat about bugs or sth??? i saw some ppl talking abt it once but i cant find it on yt#(i dont play ow so. i get all my content from other ppls posts dkfndkdjfndjfn)
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Wait what’s the issue even like are they not allowed to just have 3 As? Pittsburgh had like 8 As a few years back
according to the 23-24 rulebook, only 1 c and 2 a's or no c and 3 a's can be present on the ice and on the scoresheet for the game. as for whether a team can HAVE more, they can. the leafs have had one extra a since 2019 and auston and mitch took turns rotating it barring injury or mo or jt. i believe the rangers rn have 1 cap and 4 a's. i do think just continuously adding a's makes things a bit ridiculous bc like... more ppl can show leadership in the room than need an a, lol. i like the leafs group rn, i just think ppl arguing over the technicality of WHEN ppl can wear it is stupid as hell. it's not a real problem.
#easks#so basically only 3 ppl on the ice can have letters at any given time#there are like. technical jobs those ppl are allowed to do in terms of interacting w officials over the rest of the team but#the symbolism of it ... like u dont NEED an a to do what it represents#i jsut think taking it away from someoen who has had it for yrs is more of a punishmetn than.. a player.. having to swithc on and off#while still v much being part of the leadership group in general lol#theyre just pre emptively getting mad at the fact their guy has to 'share' it and doesnt get it 24/7 like..#as if thats a real problemfbjdjd#also forgot abt muzz but he had it too just. for a brief time rip king
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also I got rly scared abt this last night or the night before because I suddenly realized sometimes people interpret it this way,,
so i just wanted to say that the reason i dont interact w people very much is NOT bc i think im better than ppl or anything - i am just very genuinely Petrified of messing up in social situations, to the point that I end up isolating and avoiding rather than risk making mistakes ^^;; WHICH ISN'T HEALTHY but . i havent figured out how to work through this yet dhdjdkl
BUT YEAH i just wanted to try to make sure nobody is thinking I'm some hoity-toity goober, I am literally just Extremely Terrified fjdjdkdl
#I've had nothing but good exps w ppl online for MONTHS but it hasnt seemed to improve my fear :')))#idk why im so scared honestly fhkddl i didnt use to be this ridiculously terrified ??#i could probably trace it back to a couple genuinely somewhat traumatizing bad interactions BUT CMONNN BRAIN !!!#its literally just a handful of Really Bad exps and all the rest have been totally fine 😭😭 those were OUTLIERS !!!#regardless. i rly hope i dont come off that way of being like. ''im too good for u'' bc thats absolutely not whats going on dhdkdl#im just. very very scared pretty much constantly and dont want to make any mistakes#bc i rly cherish this space and i am so grateful for everyone in it so i dont want to mess it up for myself i guess fhdkdl#any time i send a DM or reply or ask just know im probably fighting back Genuine Fear as i do so LMAO its so ridiculous honestly 😭😭#one day I'll figure it out and be able to interact w others without feeling like i am jumping straight into a lion's mouth !!!! one day !!!#(also theres a whole thing of me feeling like im scum of the earth and i don't want to make ppl have to be around me bc that would be rude)#(but the Fear is the main thing djdkdl the self-loathing is secondary at this point which... is potentially progress? maybe?)#(plus i am a notorious rambler. see example A (this right here). and i dont want to talk ppls ears off 😭😭)#dandy.cmd
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none of u are ready for the roleswap im cookin up
#mun art.#the different names are because i figured starline was unlikely to use their real names#id have liked to revert to surge and kit's 'real' names to highlight the difference but. lmao. dont know what those are#yes rascal is a ref to rosy rascal. it just made sense#lets see what else....design notes....#my first few sketches i did of rose at work pulled more from surge's concept art and i liked a lot of it#but very little looked like AMY yknow#so i pulled in other elements from previous amy designs that were punkier#particularly her sonic the comic stuff#i abandoned most of creams clothing colour scheme cos i wanted it 2 be really obvious that she was Built and Designed to echo ames#the jacket shes wearing is one of amy's! cream prefers big jackets she can hide inside#doesnt like feeling Exposed. very nervous#i wanted 2 keep surge and kits basic colours / etc but make them feel like Designed if that makes sense#like more casual. not built 2 be heroes just ppl who hang out#surge is still a lil punky and more masc / androgynous when compared 2 ames which was important to me#i didnt want to just swap em and make surge feminine while amy gets masculine#amys still feminine! just a punkier version! etc#personals do NOT interact w this ill EAT YOU#i wanna put a Cleaner version of this on my art blog eventually#but i wanted 2 share this asap cos im having so much rotating them in my brain
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and as much as i love it when random happenings turn into important bonds i think its equally as beautiful when u have some random interaction with someone and it deeply impacts u and then u never see or hear of them again. like wow we know nothing abt each other and yet u still managed to be a key memory in my life how cool is that!!!!!!
#GAY COWBOY FROM PRIDE 2019!!!!! CHARLES FROM THE RENFAIRE WHO MY FRIEND ACTUALLY BUMPED INTO AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!!!!! I STILL THINK OF U!!!!!!#the group of ppl i played pokemon go with when it first came out. when we ran around the whole town looking for the ponyta someone spotted#it was literally only that one day for a few hours and then i never saw most of them again and those i saw around i never rly spoke to again#even though it was such a small town#the one guy who i remember most bc he was so boisterous and fun and loud who was a graduating senior while i was going into freshman year#i actually saw again a couple years later as his friend was driving and he stuck out the car window shouting I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ALL#down the entire street#apparently hes one of my friends best friends ex boyfriend but my interactions w him were only limited to that#all these ppl who i dont know i cherish them deeply#to me these kinds of intersections with random ppl at random times are rly just as precious as lifelong friendships. just in different ways#i can only hope that ive affected ppl randomly in the same way that is my one wish#GOD!!! THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY IN THIS WORLD!!!!!! SO MUCH TIME FOR SO MANY GOOD THINGS!!!!!
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not to be That Kind of zelda fan but the hyrule historia does also explicitly refer to the world of the ocean king as ‘another world’
#i bring this up to be slightly petty but also as in like. one of the big loz info things refers to it as its own world#like even if the game is inaccessible and ppl dont want to look at cutscenes or anything. its Right There in this big series resource#im mostly pissed at this i think bc it kind of borders on straight up misinfo on ph’s lore stuff and also just. it feels… idk#really hand-wavey and indicitive of maybe how little some loz fans think of ph? that they see these baseline similarities with a more#popular loz game and just go oh so its like that. without actually fact checking or looking more into ph itself to look for nuance to it#like ph aint perfect but this is just one thing that pisses me the fuck off bc they always default it all to working exactly as it did in l#when it very clearly does not beyond those really general broad strokes- like its just wrong and it bothers me bc i see it often#its barely even up to debate tbh (headcanons are free reign tho) cuz like. canonically within the game and outside it is a solid world#everything in there is real and some of it interacts within the great sea. it just has different properties and w/e#like smaller headcanon shit is fine ofc??? like oh maybe its just in a different location in the same world as the great sea#or nitty gritty hcs abt how time passes in comparison n wether or not oshus himself csn manipulate how much times passed between worlds#its just like. the ‘dream world’ thing feel so different bc it just seems to come abt from ppl not actually looking at the game and just#conflating it with a different game like theyre like eh this ones not important so i can just figure it works the same as this other one#i think that explains why i hate this idea??? like im not pacing back and forth fuming abt this irl#i picked up the historia bc its in my room and i was looking for other stuff anyways and was like hm what does this say#its just. just irritating enough. i may delete this later#anyways ‘that kind’ as if i dont personally follow the official historia timeline#og point of this post is like. the book considers it ‘another world’ and makes no suggestion that its not real in any sense#compared to with la it makes it clear that yeah that one is a dream
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yet another night sitting around in taiwan and thinking about how the only reason im here is bc my chinese prof sent me more emails than the latino studies dept and i love the relationship i have w her and i love what i do and speaking the most commonly spoken language in the world is not an unuseful skill to possess but i think all the time about how not that undergrad academics are about what you are contributing insert cynical description of the social construct of academia but it really is sad when i think abt how i kind of just casually missed the opportunity to feel like i was doing smth genuinely purposeful w my time in higher ed n i just dont think grad school is in my future w the basic uphill Cs get degrees battle of my even staying in school due to my problems and issues not to mention the um $ . but anyways gn
#kind of funny how i just grew up talking abt those kinds of things w my aunt while learning academic talk from her 2 for 1 deal#so i feel like discovering latino studies was a thing was like discovering u can get a degree in painting.#like ppl do what i did w my tia in car rides for fun as a teen for an occupation.#but alas.#like i enjoy chinese studies just bc i love learning new things#and so i sit around and i learn a great deal of things i did not previously know and ended up accidentally racking up enough credits#to make an extra ba out of it AJSHFHHF#but i dont feel like its a reciprocal relationship. and it doesnt have to be but like. sad that i feel like i couldve had one w my academic#n i still have the interactive benefits of living in a teeny tiny dept. but yk. just different
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why does the internet want it to be harder for you to cultivate your feed
#txt#i mean i know why#but also it makes me so mad when people act like OPHH CULTIVATE YOUR FEED ONLY INTERACT WITH WHAT YOU WANT#yeah! i do! thats why i like tumblr...!#but god i hate algorythms so much#i want likes on posts to mean that ive SEEN the post not that i want MORE OF THOSE POSTS#i hate that i always like ppls vent stuff on tiktok and then get MORE TRIGGERING CONTENT#BC MY BRAIN STILL WANTS LIKES TO BE LIKE A. WAY TO SHOW THAT U SAW SOMETHING AND ARE SUPPORTING SOMEONE#NOT A FUCKING CONVERSATION W THE ALGORYTHM#SO THEN ON TIKTOK *ONLY* I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF 'dont like this unless you want to see more of it'#WHICH IS SO HARD#STOP . NO MORE ALGORYTHM
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okay final 1am thoughts i know a weird gay thing with a discord friend would be the absolute Worst thing for me rn but . im bored? and it's gonna be june in less than a month so :/
#me: actively resists meeting and interacting w new people#also me: if i dont meet someone my age who kisses boys and likes or is willing to learn abt all my interests and listens to cool music and#. i will probably be completely fine and in fact better off ultimately . but literally where is the fun in that#anyway i dont think those ppl exist so im good anyway 👍#i am just going to wait until i am actually like a full human first . tired of being a child forever
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Are you the type to get excited or mad when you share a bias with other people
i get so excited tbh i 💕 talking abt my favs w other ppl n thats even more fun if they bias my favs too!!!!!
lmao tho this is so embarrassing but there are like 3 idols where im like…..how do i word this…. possessive? over like respectfully you dont get them like i do 🚬🚬 but its probs just me being self indulgent and projecting myself onto them LMAO
#☆ ; hey listen ?#one of them is jiwoo#from kard#obv#and thats not me projecting thats just me being a jealous wife#thats MY gf stay away 👹👹#jk but not really#the other two are a secret bc usually like i said i LOVE sharing biases#n i dont wanna sound bitter when interacting w other ppl who bias those idols too KSKSKS#hihihi this is so pathetic give me a couple months ill get over this i promise
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