#<- this is so those ppl dont interact w this
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anyways parents who record/post their autistic child having a meltdown are awful people :)
#“but its for awareness!!!!” shut up#there is no excuse#actually autistic#actually autism#meltdown#autistic meltdown#sensory issues#autism#autistic#tw ableism#ableism#autism moms#proship dni#<- this is so those ppl dont interact w this#ik it's unrelated but it's for my safety 🫶
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cant believe i reached 30 tags in prev post rambling about homestuck i didnt even know there was a limit
#i usually save word diarrhea for twitter but hope someone enjoys the huge dump i took here for once#anyways tldr homestuck orv and taz are all special stories to me in kind of similar ways#that i would elaborate on if i thought i could piece together my words that would entice people rather than scare them off lmao#so i'll just say IT's COOL.. I SWEAR#and also genshin which is an outlier i suppose bc its the only capital P Popular thing#but i'd also put genshin w those first three stories in terms of how interesting i find their storytelling methods and narrative themes#i love the pockets of genshin fandom that are ppl obsessing over fragments of lore and making big conspiracy boards#i dont really interact w main genshin fandom but i like peeking at the other pockets haha. like the people investigating khaenri'ah lore..#very cool.. and people invested in sumeru gang. the sumeru characters are so interesting#whole city of eccentrics you can bash together and examine#i'm scara and childe fan forever idk what they did to my brain but i think they were a psyop#made specifically in ways they knew would target me and the things i like damn ‼️#someone at genshin HQ put crack in these guys and i cant stop drawing them and coming up w ideas to draw my beautiful muses that ruined me
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people have to stop acting like they’re oppressed because people are being annoying and/or mean about their otps
#i get its annoying but lets chill maybe#its not Real#just block ppl and dont interact w those bothering u#i promise you’ll experience a lot less negative reactions then#yes this includes me and other people who ship rair pairs#some of yall want to be mad i swear#some of have to stop being so fucking serious ahdhdhshdjfjdkfk#lets touch some grass <3
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the 0 notes on nearly every post i make will not drive me off this app and stop me from making them continuously. this i assure you <3
#its def interesting bc i mean i have like. 200+ followers all of which only a select few interact w me and those r only mutuals usually...#when i had like 8k on my first blog they rarely interacted too AND THATS A LOT OF PPL... so it def does not matter to me esp now LMFAOOO#i had 2k when i moved to my side but then i deleted that and now i am here...... :3#maybe its just me lol who knows#i guess that is a little demotivating to think abt now vs then in terms of writing engagement but i honestly dont mind it!#and that was not who i really am now! so its okay :>#LESS PPL TO PERCIEVE ASKJFHSDKJF#sora.txt
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forgot to include lifeweaver in my weird little name/nickname chart i posted a while ago, so i came up w this. tbh these guys are more like a trio to me than when i draw the junkers w the ow members (where i tend to focus on junkrat)
#info#tho i've also been imagining junkrat like 'running away' from ovw HQ for a couple days & running into lifeweaver by chance#& the two of them just chillin for a bit while junkrat figures out where he stands as a member of a larger organization. or sth idk#no real conclusion tbh#i do like that lw has some parallels w the junkers tho like getting kicked out of their homes#distaste for order and structure#authorities are after them#traveling the world#like their goals are super different but i think they have potential for connecting on those grounds ahah#also does lifeweaver have an interaction w junkrat about bugs or sth??? i saw some ppl talking abt it once but i cant find it on yt#(i dont play ow so. i get all my content from other ppls posts dkfndkdjfndjfn)
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can i be so honest i Hope j&d have me muted on twitter
#everytime one of my lovely oomfs reposts my dumbass posts to their Direct Line of Sight i get so scared#like idk i dont want to interact w them. i dont understand how ppl do it like#i have a respect for them that for me translates to i never want to interact one on one with those guys Ever#probably also my anxiety#jad
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Wait what’s the issue even like are they not allowed to just have 3 As? Pittsburgh had like 8 As a few years back
according to the 23-24 rulebook, only 1 c and 2 a's or no c and 3 a's can be present on the ice and on the scoresheet for the game. as for whether a team can HAVE more, they can. the leafs have had one extra a since 2019 and auston and mitch took turns rotating it barring injury or mo or jt. i believe the rangers rn have 1 cap and 4 a's. i do think just continuously adding a's makes things a bit ridiculous bc like... more ppl can show leadership in the room than need an a, lol. i like the leafs group rn, i just think ppl arguing over the technicality of WHEN ppl can wear it is stupid as hell. it's not a real problem.
#easks#so basically only 3 ppl on the ice can have letters at any given time#there are like. technical jobs those ppl are allowed to do in terms of interacting w officials over the rest of the team but#the symbolism of it ... like u dont NEED an a to do what it represents#i jsut think taking it away from someoen who has had it for yrs is more of a punishmetn than.. a player.. having to swithc on and off#while still v much being part of the leadership group in general lol#theyre just pre emptively getting mad at the fact their guy has to 'share' it and doesnt get it 24/7 like..#as if thats a real problemfbjdjd#also forgot abt muzz but he had it too just. for a brief time rip king
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also I got rly scared abt this last night or the night before because I suddenly realized sometimes people interpret it this way,,
so i just wanted to say that the reason i dont interact w people very much is NOT bc i think im better than ppl or anything - i am just very genuinely Petrified of messing up in social situations, to the point that I end up isolating and avoiding rather than risk making mistakes ^^;; WHICH ISN'T HEALTHY but . i havent figured out how to work through this yet dhdjdkl
BUT YEAH i just wanted to try to make sure nobody is thinking I'm some hoity-toity goober, I am literally just Extremely Terrified fjdjdkdl
#I've had nothing but good exps w ppl online for MONTHS but it hasnt seemed to improve my fear :')))#idk why im so scared honestly fhkddl i didnt use to be this ridiculously terrified ??#i could probably trace it back to a couple genuinely somewhat traumatizing bad interactions BUT CMONNN BRAIN !!!#its literally just a handful of Really Bad exps and all the rest have been totally fine 😭😭 those were OUTLIERS !!!#regardless. i rly hope i dont come off that way of being like. ''im too good for u'' bc thats absolutely not whats going on dhdkdl#im just. very very scared pretty much constantly and dont want to make any mistakes#bc i rly cherish this space and i am so grateful for everyone in it so i dont want to mess it up for myself i guess fhdkdl#any time i send a DM or reply or ask just know im probably fighting back Genuine Fear as i do so LMAO its so ridiculous honestly 😭😭#one day I'll figure it out and be able to interact w others without feeling like i am jumping straight into a lion's mouth !!!! one day !!!#(also theres a whole thing of me feeling like im scum of the earth and i don't want to make ppl have to be around me bc that would be rude)#(but the Fear is the main thing djdkdl the self-loathing is secondary at this point which... is potentially progress? maybe?)#(plus i am a notorious rambler. see example A (this right here). and i dont want to talk ppls ears off 😭😭)#dandy.cmd
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#when im extra depressed i watch old yt compilations#this week is critical role moments#and ugh. Ugh#i always forget how mf touch-starved and affection-starved i am until i watch those 8 interact w each other#like. always touching. so much touching#i havent had a cuddly / touchy friend in like 6+ years and i am Suffering for it#like as much as w any other people im v touch-averse and dont want that at all#when it comes to friends i am extremely pro touch and genuinely love being affectionate#and i Can't#and sometimes that sucks ngl#no shade to my friends who aren't comf w that obviously#that's 100% gr8 and i would never push or wanna make them uncomf lots of ppl dont like that#i just. used to always have at least 1 friend who /was/ okay with it that i could be as cuddly as i wanted with#and now i dont and it ??? is getting to a point where it is almost painful#like str8 up i've had to talk to my therapist abt this the last 6 months bc its becoming a bit dire#hugs r wonderful dont get me wrong but thats the max amount of touch for my ok-with-touch friends#and the rest r no-touch#whereas im sitting here like 😭😭😭 PLS I JUST WANNA HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND#OR LEAN MY HEAD ON SOMEONE'S SHOULDER OR HAVE AN ARM AROUND A WAIST OR A HEAD IN A LAP#OR STR8 UP SNUGGLIN ON A COUCH#I DESPERATELY NEED IT#ANY OF IT IT DOESNT NEED TO BE ALL OF THAT#I FEEL LIKE I AM SHRIVELLING UP LIKE A SENTIENT RAISIN INSIDE#JUST HAVIN ALL THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF ME THRU LACK OF TOUCH#I WANT SOMEONE TO RUFFLE MY HAIR OR PAT MY ARM OR KISS MY CHEEK#HELL I'LL TAKE A HAND ON MY BACK PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STOPPING ME FROM WALKING INTO TRAFFIC#WHICH AT THIS POINT I AM TEMPTED TO DO DUE TO EMOTIONAL DISTRESS LMAO (DEVASTATED LAUGHTER)#aiyaiyai and i cant even just go and Make New Friends bc most spaces to do that arent accessible or safe for me#the only friends i've made in the last few years r thru Mutual Autism Vibes~ and they're all anti-touch#WHERE R THE OTHER TOUCH-STARVED CUDDLY AUTISTICS AT ??? WHERE R U ??? COME FIND ME PLS I BEG !!! i feel like im gonna die fr
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none of u are ready for the roleswap im cookin up
#mun art.#the different names are because i figured starline was unlikely to use their real names#id have liked to revert to surge and kit's 'real' names to highlight the difference but. lmao. dont know what those are#yes rascal is a ref to rosy rascal. it just made sense#lets see what else....design notes....#my first few sketches i did of rose at work pulled more from surge's concept art and i liked a lot of it#but very little looked like AMY yknow#so i pulled in other elements from previous amy designs that were punkier#particularly her sonic the comic stuff#i abandoned most of creams clothing colour scheme cos i wanted it 2 be really obvious that she was Built and Designed to echo ames#the jacket shes wearing is one of amy's! cream prefers big jackets she can hide inside#doesnt like feeling Exposed. very nervous#i wanted 2 keep surge and kits basic colours / etc but make them feel like Designed if that makes sense#like more casual. not built 2 be heroes just ppl who hang out#surge is still a lil punky and more masc / androgynous when compared 2 ames which was important to me#i didnt want to just swap em and make surge feminine while amy gets masculine#amys still feminine! just a punkier version! etc#personals do NOT interact w this ill EAT YOU#i wanna put a Cleaner version of this on my art blog eventually#but i wanted 2 share this asap cos im having so much rotating them in my brain
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can i be so honest. every critique ive read of nope so far has been very lacking
#myposts#genuinely it seems like the only way people feel comfortable with interacting w this film is through the lens of 'spectacle bad'#without ever really defining what 'spectacle' means for the record!#it often takes of these contradictory meanings even in the same sentences which makes the whole thing feel worse bc like#i dont think YOU know what YOURE talking about#and the same w how the movie talks about race#earnestly if the only thing u think it has to say about race is like. people of color are either excluded from or tokenized in hollywood#then ur going to have to square that w ur critique that spectacle is bad end of sentence#is it the characters saving grace that they are exempted from an exploitative industry or should that industry be exploiting them??#bc if ur saying hollywood is bad bc excluding ppl of color + spectacle exploitation u seem to be implying that we should want#people of color to be spectacized and tokenized. and i dont think most people making those statements would agree w that#i genuinely think its the fault of this overreliance on the word spectacle as the thing that holds it together#which sucks actually bc i havent even seen people super digging into the word itself and how fascinating its usage as the bad miracle is#idk. i think theres more to the movie--way more--than just the sin of looking#witnessing and understanding through the look is so significant and so good in it. it is OJ looking at emerald him Seeing her#that gives jean jacket its name. its recognization#we learn to be less afraid of the monster when we understand it--when we see it--and know it doesnt want to be looked at#do you see what i mean?#and thats aside from how it complicates the black horror narrative itself--how it highlights desperation induced by poverty#induced by racism and racially justified disregard as legitimate problems that cant be solved by galacybraining 'nopeing' out#they try to leave--and try to Not Look to abandon the spectacle as spectacle based critique says is the main concept of the movie#and thats not possible. it doesnt work. they go back and going back necessitates looking and engaging w spectacle#like literally the answer is not as simple as 'to spectacalize is Wrong' bc the victorious endstate of the movie#is for these characters to reclaim the history of spectacle theyre denied by disenfranchisement. she takes the frame by frame pictures#their names are attached to it forever and cant be forgotten as the jockey is. how can you square that?? honestly#idk. just watching this yt video where some white woman is talking about how nope is about and only about the entertainment industry#its just not the whole picture
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and as much as i love it when random happenings turn into important bonds i think its equally as beautiful when u have some random interaction with someone and it deeply impacts u and then u never see or hear of them again. like wow we know nothing abt each other and yet u still managed to be a key memory in my life how cool is that!!!!!!
#GAY COWBOY FROM PRIDE 2019!!!!! CHARLES FROM THE RENFAIRE WHO MY FRIEND ACTUALLY BUMPED INTO AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!!!!! I STILL THINK OF U!!!!!!#the group of ppl i played pokemon go with when it first came out. when we ran around the whole town looking for the ponyta someone spotted#it was literally only that one day for a few hours and then i never saw most of them again and those i saw around i never rly spoke to again#even though it was such a small town#the one guy who i remember most bc he was so boisterous and fun and loud who was a graduating senior while i was going into freshman year#i actually saw again a couple years later as his friend was driving and he stuck out the car window shouting I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ALL#down the entire street#apparently hes one of my friends best friends ex boyfriend but my interactions w him were only limited to that#all these ppl who i dont know i cherish them deeply#to me these kinds of intersections with random ppl at random times are rly just as precious as lifelong friendships. just in different ways#i can only hope that ive affected ppl randomly in the same way that is my one wish#GOD!!! THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY IN THIS WORLD!!!!!! SO MUCH TIME FOR SO MANY GOOD THINGS!!!!!
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that being said using canon stuff to shut down other ppl's ideas or hounding what is and isnt true within the story too much is also cruel and stupid. like in the end of the day these are stories that are told for some kind of purpose. like does x little detail add anything substantial to what the story is abt? many times that question will be no yet ppl treat that information as it would be like a real life undisputable event... also this ties into how many ppl interact w fiction and fictional character like they would w real life events and people lol
#quenthel special#like ppl in the trenches abt astarion's eyecolor#or long ass discussions abt dnd lore and timelines etc when those are on purpose foggy given how dnd is an ever growing franchise#designed to be vague on the details so you can write your own stoires into the setting#like dont get me wrong im an obsessive person im like my dog sometimes when she sees a hedgehog i have to have my jaws around the thing#until it cuts me so badly i start to bleed everyhwere it happens#but idk... some ppl lose the plot abt how real and tangible these things are and dont differentiate between fiction and reality#and that makes it hard to interact w them and sometimes turns them very malicious towards fellow fans#anyway i wish to look at art and analysis and so many times i see bullshit and its tiriing...
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not to be That Kind of zelda fan but the hyrule historia does also explicitly refer to the world of the ocean king as ‘another world’
#i bring this up to be slightly petty but also as in like. one of the big loz info things refers to it as its own world#like even if the game is inaccessible and ppl dont want to look at cutscenes or anything. its Right There in this big series resource#im mostly pissed at this i think bc it kind of borders on straight up misinfo on ph’s lore stuff and also just. it feels… idk#really hand-wavey and indicitive of maybe how little some loz fans think of ph? that they see these baseline similarities with a more#popular loz game and just go oh so its like that. without actually fact checking or looking more into ph itself to look for nuance to it#like ph aint perfect but this is just one thing that pisses me the fuck off bc they always default it all to working exactly as it did in l#when it very clearly does not beyond those really general broad strokes- like its just wrong and it bothers me bc i see it often#its barely even up to debate tbh (headcanons are free reign tho) cuz like. canonically within the game and outside it is a solid world#everything in there is real and some of it interacts within the great sea. it just has different properties and w/e#like smaller headcanon shit is fine ofc??? like oh maybe its just in a different location in the same world as the great sea#or nitty gritty hcs abt how time passes in comparison n wether or not oshus himself csn manipulate how much times passed between worlds#its just like. the ‘dream world’ thing feel so different bc it just seems to come abt from ppl not actually looking at the game and just#conflating it with a different game like theyre like eh this ones not important so i can just figure it works the same as this other one#i think that explains why i hate this idea??? like im not pacing back and forth fuming abt this irl#i picked up the historia bc its in my room and i was looking for other stuff anyways and was like hm what does this say#its just. just irritating enough. i may delete this later#anyways ‘that kind’ as if i dont personally follow the official historia timeline#og point of this post is like. the book considers it ‘another world’ and makes no suggestion that its not real in any sense#compared to with la it makes it clear that yeah that one is a dream
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yet another night sitting around in taiwan and thinking about how the only reason im here is bc my chinese prof sent me more emails than the latino studies dept and i love the relationship i have w her and i love what i do and speaking the most commonly spoken language in the world is not an unuseful skill to possess but i think all the time about how not that undergrad academics are about what you are contributing insert cynical description of the social construct of academia but it really is sad when i think abt how i kind of just casually missed the opportunity to feel like i was doing smth genuinely purposeful w my time in higher ed n i just dont think grad school is in my future w the basic uphill Cs get degrees battle of my even staying in school due to my problems and issues not to mention the um $ . but anyways gn
#kind of funny how i just grew up talking abt those kinds of things w my aunt while learning academic talk from her 2 for 1 deal#so i feel like discovering latino studies was a thing was like discovering u can get a degree in painting.#like ppl do what i did w my tia in car rides for fun as a teen for an occupation.#but alas.#like i enjoy chinese studies just bc i love learning new things#and so i sit around and i learn a great deal of things i did not previously know and ended up accidentally racking up enough credits#to make an extra ba out of it AJSHFHHF#but i dont feel like its a reciprocal relationship. and it doesnt have to be but like. sad that i feel like i couldve had one w my academic#n i still have the interactive benefits of living in a teeny tiny dept. but yk. just different
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is this hashtag paranoia or do ppl not interact w me a lot on this blog in a visible way. like replies n asks n shit.
#mod posts#my brain wants to believe that ive done something to make ppl wary of being seen interacting w me#but idk how rational that actually is#the idea that im just naturally weird in a way that i cant tell but everyone else can has been on my mind a lot lately#like in general not just online way u know#im not sure which one id consider more likely. that im just naturally someone that ppl dont want to be seen with#or that ive said or done something shitty that make ppl avoid me n no ones telling me abt it#or that im just imagining it all bc im deeply narcissistic and need to be publically adored so i dont feel like the worst being on earth#just one of those nights ya feel
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