#i promise you’ll experience a lot less negative reactions then

[quillkiller]

people have to stop acting like they’re oppressed because people are being annoying and/or mean about their otps

[infini-tree]

ok thinking about every post/video/theory that goes along the lines of, “oogway was the True Villain all along”. and if you’ve been here long enough you know how much i... disagree, to put it mildly.

that isn’t to say that oogway hasn’t done some questionable things or has no “negative” character traits, but between his minor role in the story, the implications of his backstory being minimal in the final product and any further elaboration is in the concept art books, and biases, its often conflated into its worst case. 

consider this a counter-argument turned me gushing about my favorite scenes in a kfp short and casual oogway character essay (but we’re not there yet, ssh).

speaking of, what is oogway’s negative trait? its also his greatest boon: his knowledge and wisdom! it comes through in different ways, but it usually amounts to his worldliness and how he can see the big picture. it helps guide himself and others to a greater goal-- which more or less amounts to keeping the peace. 

(when i say negative, its in the context of the scene/characters interpreting it. traits are inherently neutral unless put up against a situation that would hurt/help-- being bullheaded to refuse help and the determination to save the day still comes from the same root of stubbornness.

as an aside, one could say how that could derive from his previous experience as a former warlord but that’s not what this is talking about)

the negative aspects are more in regards to the chain reaction. seeing the big picture leads to hurting the individuals involved whether he means to or not. people like to talk about oogway’s treatment of tai lung or kai, but a lot of it is more in the subtext or concept art books-- while useful, it leaves a lot of wiggle room.

so let’s pivot and talk about secrets of the masters. 

maybe people will brush this off on account of it not being Main Canon Material (ie. the movies), but considering that it was often bundled with kfp2′s dvd releases its meant to be supplementary material and additional context to the main canon. plus, it showcases oogway as an actual character and being “manipulative” on-screen in a way the tai lung and kai examples don’t have, which you think would make this prime evidence.

in the short, the entire reason why the past Master’s Council comes together is because (spoilers) oogway lies to them! when he tries to mobilize them to join him, he tries to appeal to them by mentioning the abstract good that can be done by accomplishing the mission to go to the hubei volcano and defeating the wu sisters-- he talks about using their kung fu for a noble purpose and helping the innocent.

this does not impress the past Master’s Council, who are much more pragmatic and are looking out for a material reward. and this is his reaction.

CROC: I can’t help but feel that something is still missing.

OOGWAY: [sighs] Because upon completing the mission, you’ll discover a path to a wealth of riches.

oogway pivots quick from listing off virtues to something they would want to hear once  he realizes his usual speech won’t rouse them to his side. far from his usual peaceful, unshakeable self from a few moments ago-- let alone the movies-- he's exasperated and a little thrown off that the trio wouldn’t do it without the promise of a theoretical reward.

and that exasperation continues throughout the short. it’s interesting that while the plot hinges on oogway basically manipulating them, he is at his most blunt, where he expresses frustration and an awareness to his own role (which arguably can be construed as either genre savviness for laughs, complete confidence/arrogance, or an attempt to impart the wisdom that they’re stronger together, depending on how you want to read the scene).

OOGWAY: It’s so nice you’ve managed to take the most respected art form in China and use it to pursue nothing but fame.

T. RHINO: How does this help us get across?

OOGWAY: [chuckles] It doesn’t! It helps me... and by helping me, you help yourself.

but the lie does eventually catch up with oogway, to disastrous consequences. whatever goodwill was built up in the journey to defeat the wu sisters immediately crumbles-- both literally and metaphorically as the ground crumbles under the trio and into a lava river headed straight over a cliff... only for oogway to save them and be deemed dead on the spot as he plummets in their place.

OOGWAY: Well, I never said money.

CROC: You did!

OOGWAY: I said riches, as in emotional riches.

[...]

T. RHINO: Wait a sec-- no money? That’s the only reason why we followed you.

while in the end, they get the character growth needed to fight the wu sisters and become the master’s council, it didn’t come without a cost-- the trio were manipulated for most of the journey, through unforgiving terrain far from home, nearly died, and just saw someone they trusted basically die in front of them. they don’t have the hindsight that oogway isn’t going to die like the audience. and that was before they even had to fight the wu sisters! 

it’s messed up if you put it plainly. however, one could argue that oogway was performing his role as a mentor figure to them. while he may have known the “end result” leading them to being the council by whatever means established in canon, in the end he had to put his faith on them that they’ll do the right thing without him being there-- which is a lot to ask.

another argument one can posit is that since oogway is trying to do this for good or that it lead to notable good results, that this action wasn’t manipulative and was teaching them a lesson so it doesn’t count. its both! it is complicated! 

how is him trying to do the best under the circumstances shown in masters different from him not giving tai lung the dragon scroll? how is it not different from him going up against kai and having to “send him to the Spirit Realm” and later hide his past legacy? he tried to look at the big picture to do what’s best, but in these situations his attempts backfired horribly. 

anyway tl;dr: oogway’s doing his best, yes the fact that he looks so big picture that he ends up hurting others is his greatest weakness but also why he’s managed to protect others, inspire to protect others, and why kung fu continues to be a thing

[britcision]

I mean your library may take a while to get to the end of the series, the last book only came out in English this month but I do have a link for scans 👀 (provided you pinky promise to get at least the Adventurer’s Bible yourself one day if they suck you in too)

The great news is, you’re like, a book or two away from where I went full feral 👀 8 and 9 are the tasty tasty main meal of Kabru and Mithrun

(They are absolute fucking catnip to me for exactly the reasons you describe, the shapeshifter moment is going to steal your soul they are my EVERYTHING)

And tbh the best thing is, apiary being a positive social signifier in one society just makes it more likely to be heavily rejected and looked down on in their political rivals 😏

The elves get a lotta (mostly earned) negativity in Dungeon Meshi from pretty much everyone else - the reactions to Beloved Elf Senshi being the underline, so if apiary is an elf thing they use to keep themselves unified and whole

(Like the borg but less telepathic get good elves)

Then yeah, it’s another reason to look down on anyone who gets affected

And would make it all the more difficult/interesting for Chilchuck to get his guild off the ground, because… yeah, it’s an apiary colony large enough that it’s deadass hard to be a member without getting infected

Which is another good reason for Mikbell, Kabru’s half-foot friend, to heartily reject joining 👀👀👀 he’s from Kahka Brud, the dwarf city, so he’s got space for so many hangups

It’d also add another tasty and complicated dynamic to the “job” of being a dungeon delver; after all, pretty much every dungeon experience does kinda boil down to being exposed to physically dangerous metaphors of someone else’s trauma 🤔

(Let me know when you get there I have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS)

Adventurers expect to die a lot, it’s in the job description and not a big deal so long as your dungeon has an immortality spell

You’ll probably come back traumatized, hopefully rich, but so long as people know you were a dungeon diver… I do think that has to follow you, positive or negative 👀 coming back apiary as well… mmm delicious

Parties breaking up because of romantic relationships is already a whole ass thing in the canon, imagine if only one partner contracts apiary. They might get fully ostracized, like Namari, with the whole party booting them to try and avoid the “bad luck”

Apiary adventurers having no choice but to find other apiary adventurers because no one else will hire them, forced into “hives” that might not have compatible personalities unless they can find people who don’t care… or hide their apiary tendencies well enough

People being accused of having apiary even when they don’t, because there are no visible ways to prove you do or don’t have it

Kids born from hives always being assumed to be apiary themselves, even when they usually aren’t

Just. Mm. Delicious.

(What if that’s why Chilchuck moved away from his family???? He got apiary and kicked outta town AAH I am DYING his other two daughters not talking to him cuz it’s literally not safe for them to, if people know their dad is apiary queen Chilchuck Tims they could lose their damn houses)

Can I inflict a thought on you?

Apiary dynamics dungeon meshi party. It's an affliction that's technically non-human in origin. It makes all of their specific tendencies even worse. They can only separate so far. Everyone can only deal with some of the consequences.

-Faer

👀

I mean I’m chewing my way slowly through the omegaverse version so it’s not out of my way

(The elves have weaponized their omegas’ “if the fight gets to us it’s to the death IMMEDIATELY” lack of chill to form the Canaries)

I gotta do a rerun through the levels but off the top of my head I am gonna start unconventional

Chilchuck’s the queen

It’s his dad energy. He doesn’t necessarily accept anyone he works with into the hive, but all the half-foots are his and hooboy does it make him cranky to be away from the guild HQ

But he couldn’t let any of his people go down to the dungeon as deep as Laios and Falin were planning, so he dusted off his gear and assumed it’d be quick

Except

Falin caught Apiary

And Chilchuck has not yet worked out how to get her into his hive-union cuz she’s definitely not a half-foot, but the adoption process already started

(Godiva’s tempting for Falin with her healing to have the nurse/caretaker role, but she’s just so bonk happy I’m going with Arcadia. She likes to go and collect things and gather up the bugs and bring people snacks, she basically did not notice any change

She’s just. Slightly more insistent that people eat the things she brings them. And more likely to run off after shiny things)

None of them know Chilchuck’s a queen, and at first it was only Falin so he was just Suffering but making do

But Falin died

And that’s his goddamn hivemate he’s not going anywhere like it or not - maybe being estranged from his bio kids (they did not agree to move and join the union and he’s. Not up to trying to persuade them.) makes him overly aggressive, or just overly protective and unusually likely to risk himself rather than his hivemates

(He’s still not goddamn fighting and you can’t make him this is what he has hivemates for!)

Senshi is sitting on the Arcadia/Godiva line too, because he is a hive of one but did not question why he fell so easily in with Laios (Chilchuck’s) group

(Chilchuck is not sure how he keeps acquiring all these other definitely-not-half-foots as hivemates (it’s because you keep leaving the hive and miss your kids sir you’re pack bonding with rocks) but dammit he’s got another one)

Marcille and Laios don’t catch apiary until they get hit with the dryad spores in the dungeon’s depths, but they’re both Ivanhoes so there are no immediate consequences if you don’t count them both suddenly getting way more protective of the others

Izutsumi is Izutsumi

Both Flokes are Godiva, Tansu’s the queen and yes this is why they acquire new grandbabies so readily

And because I’m Basic™️, the Canaries!

Cithis is not apiary but she can and will steal every single fucking hive she sees, immaculate queen vibes

Lycion’s a Godiva, natural caretaker who is the tank pretty much by default so he gets antsy when he has to do combat chores rather than tending to his hive

Fleki isn’t apiary but she’s godiva-sexual because godDAMN she needs someone competent to take care of her and she likes belonging

Otta has had shots to prevent catching apiary but they make her read like a Libertine (drone) to the other bees. She is very okay with this

Pattadol has only just got her anti-apiary shots but it might be too late for her tbh

Flamela’s a Quixote, she caught it from her twin after they got a visit from the capital (mmmmmm high rates of apiary among noble elves? Maybe?), her twin was being raised to be the next queen but Flamela’s just waaaaaaay too aggressive and wants to stab everything

This makes it significantly harder for her to work with Mithrun, who was a Quixote before he got broken by the demon and is now a deeply fucked up little Godiva

(because he really does try and save every single dungeon lord. All of them. He wants to help them, get them away and let them recover too. And if they won’t he’ll kill them)

This leads to them butting heads all the harder because Flamela’s instincts insist Mithrun should be the one sticking behind her and letting her go do the dangerous shit, but all of their orders INSIST Mithrun go running face first into danger and she has to hang back

And neither of them are gonna disobey the queen but Mithrun’s just not particularly connected to his gender for anything except the dungeon lords, so he doesn’t act like a Godiva except when he’s around a dungeon, and then he’s full Mama Bear and you stay the fuck outta his way until he determines if this dungeon lord is Baby (to be saved) or Toast

(He still doesn’t feel any of his apiary needs either, but the squad try and feed those for him by eating in front of him and taking care of him alongside their own care routines, so they can make sure he’s alright and he can see they are too

Most of that falls on Lycion as their other Godiva but it feeds his gender needs too so it all works out)

Milsiril’s actually secretly winning the record for Most Broken Godiva though (she hoards children, easy) because she constantly craves a caregiving role, but her own special brand of dungeon PTSD and asocial personality disorder make it extremely hard for her to actually form the interpersonal bonds that would make it satisfying for her

So her serial-parenting of shorter lived folks gets drastically worse, she’s the most helicopter of helicopter parents, and occasionally (regularly) leaves any trip to town with more kids than she started with

Milsiril is no longer allowed to go into town

She also absolutely did try and kidnap Mithrun into her hive rather than letting him go to fight the demon, it was 1000% a trap but because she can’t form bonds well and Mithrun can’t form bonds at all he basically wandered off one day while the kids were being noisy and they both forgot about the whole thing

Milsiril doesn’t remember it until Kabru mentions meeting Mithrun after everything’s over so she does make another vague ploy to kidnap him but Mithrun’s busy making noodles with Senshi and doesn’t notice

Kabru has had every apiary shot and takes his meds every day he is NOT catching what Milsiril got… but he’s real good at spotting it in others and playing it up

Edit: for anyone wondering about apiary:

@faeriekit I dunno if you expected this much but if not you should have by now 😅

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 31

A/N: Bubble chapters incoming.....!

July 18th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was getting frappucinos with Kasha.  

She was happy she and Kasha were on the same page – that they would get tacos for a late dinner and bring them back to their place to eat.  Neither were comfortable with dining in restaurants, even though it was allowed.  It just wasn’t something they wanted to do just yet.  So they’d take the tacos back to their apartment, sit on their balcony, and have a romantic date night with the frappucinos and – if Aberdeen was being honest – a bottle of rosé between them.  

Kasha had to run to an ATM, so Aberdeen was left waiting for the tacos herself.  It was a Saturday night, so the streets were somewhat busy – not as busy as they would have been during normal times, but busy enough that it made Aberdeen uncomfortable.  What was everybody doing out?  Where were they going?  Who were they meeting up with?  Why weren’t they staying at home?  It was all very weird to her.  Last summer she wouldn’t have even batted an eye; now, she was hyperaware of the people around her, hyperaware of standing six feet away from the other people ordering tacos, either in line or at the restaurant, and was clutching on to the strap of her bag so her hands didn’t fidget with her mask or touch anything else around her.  She was getting tested every day at work, and thankfully she was lucky to have them always come back negative.  She was being extra cautious.  She didn’t want to—

“Aberdeeeeeen?  Is that you?!” a voice suddenly called out from down the sidewalk.

Aberdeen looked to her right to see Saylor walking down the sidewalk with a posse of girls equally as glamourous as she was.  Aberdeen looked down at her outfit and gulped.  Leave it to Saylor to show up when she was waiting for a boatload of food and in clothes she just threw on to appear presentable in public.  “Hey Saylor,” Aberdeen half-waved.  More than anything, she was surprised to see Saylor in the city – from what she’d seen on Instagram, Saylor had gone back to Lake Forest during quarantine.  Kasperi had joined her.  

“You’re wearing a mask outside?  I thought you didn’t have to here.”

“I was just inside,” Aberdeen pointed with her thumb to the restaurant.  Not that she had to justify wearing a mask anywhere.  The world was still in the midst of a fucking pandemic.  “Just waiting for my food…and my friend.”

“These are my friends – Gina, Amanda, Jen, and Sadie,” she pointed to each girl.  Aberdeen gave them all a quick nod.  They couldn’t seem less interested in her.  “Girls, Aberdeen works for the Leafs with Kasperi.”

Suddenly, all of their eyes shot forward.  “Really?” the one identified as Jen asked.  “What do you do?”

“I—I’m Brendan Shanahan’s personal assistant,” she revealed reluctantly.  She didn’t want to tell these girls anything, let alone her job.

“Kasperi told me you’re going into the bubble next week,” Saylor said before the conversation could go any further.

“I am,” she nodded, hesitating to even confirm the news to Saylor.  After their last altercation in Los Angeles, Aberdeen was fine with never seeing her again.  She was almost positive Saylor felt the same way, but apparently not.  

“He said you’re going to be the only girl in there.”

Saylor was right.  Aberdeen would be the only woman in the bubble for the Leafs.  She was sure – well, she fucking hoped – that other women from other team staff would be at the hotel too.  It would make the experience a lot less fucking awkward, that was for sure.  “Yeah, that’s true.”

Saylor’s friend Gina snorted.  “We all know what you’ll be used for.”

Aberdeen’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.  Now she knew why Saylor didn’t just ignore her and walk by her on the street.  She wanted other people to do her dirty work for her.  She wanted to re-live what happened in Los Angeles, except this time, it would be five against one.  

“Not yet,” Saylor smiled wryly.  “Not until she gets her nose job.”

The other girls laughed.  Aberdeen narrowed her eyes at Saylor.  “I fucking love my big nose, alright?”

“I’m sure you do.  That’s very homely of you,” Saylor rolled her eyes.  “And I’m warning you now, you better stay away from Kasperi in that bubble.”

Aberdeen snorted out loud.  Actually snorted.  “Oh my God, is that was this is about?” she asked indignantly.  “You’re…Saylor, you’re joking right?”

Saylor didn’t look too pleased that Aberdeen was laughing at her.  “Stay away from my boyfriend.”

“I wouldn’t touch your boyfriend with a ten-foot pole.  I wouldn’t even touch him wearing a hazmat suit.”

Saylor took a step forward, trying to intimidate her.  Aberdeen was laughing too much to care.  The whole thing got so ridiculous so quickly that the only thing she could do was laugh.  Saylor was completely out to lunch.  “It’s so obvious that you’re so jealous of me,” she said.

“Saylor, I don’t even think about you at all.”

“We ready to go?  I got our tacos,” Kasha’s voice suddenly interrupted the confrontation.  Aberdeen looked behind her to see Kasha holding the bag up slightly, eyeing the situation.  Aberdeen wondered how much of the conversation she’d heard.  “Who’s this, Aberdeen?”

Aberdeen took a slight step back.  “This is Saylor.  Kasperi’s girlfriend.”

Kasha nodded once.  “Have fun,” she said to the group of girls before linking her free arm around Aberdeen’s.  As they took their first step forward, Kasha looked at Aberdeen.  “Kasperi?  Is that the one that DM’ed me?” she asked.  Loudly.

Aberdeen didn’t turn around to see Saylor’s reaction.  She didn’t need to.  She knew she would have never seen someone turn so red so quickly in her entire life.  And as they walked down the street, the wry smile on Kasha’s face grew.  “Was that okay?” Kasha asked.  

“You’re brilliant,” Aberdeen said.  Maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing to do – okay, it definitely wasn’t the nicest thing to do – but God did it feel good.  Kappy had never DM’ed Kasha before in her life.  Aberdeen wasn’t even sure Kappy knew who Kasha was even though he met her at the Halloween party.  “I might get a phone call later, but it was brilliant.”

“If you get a phone call, I’ll let them know that she said you weren’t hot enough without a nose job,” Kasha said.

“So you heard that?”

“That’s when I came in.  The guy was calling your name and so I grabbed the food and lingered.”

Aberdeen smiled.  “I love you, bitch.”

“Love you too, bitch.”

***

Message from: Kasperi Kapanen

I heard u ran into Saylor tonite?

Yes

Why did Kasha say I slid into her DMs?

Must have had to do with the fact that Saylor told me I wasn’t pretty enough for any of you to fuck in the bubble unless I got a nose job.

***

minskatt what did saylor say to u tn?

Nothing important because you love my nose and that’s all that matters

can i call u

No I’m with Kasha

minskatt please

It’s fine Willy I don’t care She’s dumb She thinks I’m jealous of her And she told me to stay away from Kappy in the bubble She thinks I want to sleep with him I mean 🤣

omg

Please don’t worry about it I’ll see you tomorrow

i love u

I love you too I want you to cum down my throat tomorrow Okay?

🥴🥴🥴

***

July 25th, 2020

Aberdeen and William promised each other they would take it slow because they wanted to make the moment last as long as possible.

They were both fully packed.  Aberdeen’s suitcase was packed back in her bedroom.  A two-month supply of food and cat litter was bought for Minerva so that Kasha wouldn’t have to go get any, just in case the Leafs went all the way (which meant, at the end of August, she’d be getting on a plane to Edmonton, too).  She had organized outfits – work and casual.  She made sure to bring entertainment.  The Louis Vuitton duffel bag they all got her for her birthday definitely came in handy.  William had packed some clothes and shoes.  Made sure to pack the basic necessities.  He’d texted guys on the team to see what they were bringing in so he didn’t forget anything.  He wasn’t the best packer.  

Now, all that was left was to spend time together before they couldn’t anymore. 

William didn’t want to go straight into sex.  There was no point.  The sex was great but what he wanted, more than anything, was intimacy – to be able to hold Aberdeen and feel her body pressed up against his; to be able to take in her scent as he always did and be calmed by it as he always was; to be able to bury his face in the crook of her neck and graze his lips along her skin there so delicately it made her shiver; to whisper ‘I love you’ over and over again to her while “Quitting You” by the Arkells played on a constantly loop quietly in the background of their time together.  This is what he would miss.  Florida was different – they were a country away from each other, and it was hard.  But to have her working with them, in the same bubble, while everyone was around, on the same floor, and not be able to get her alone, go to her hotel room, even hold her hand?  It would be torture.  

He laid his head on her chest, hearing and feeling her heart beat as she ran her fingers through his hair.  His arms were wrapped tightly around her and buried underneath her – he was sure the circulation would cut off soon but he didn’t care.  He closed his eyes, and pictured them holding hands.  Openly.  Aberdeen was smiling.  He pulled her into him and kissed her.  They were in the team locker room.

“What are you thinking about?” Aberdeen’s soft voice broke the silence.

“You,” he said simply.  “Us.”

“What about us?” she asked.

“Holding your hand,” he said.  “Kissing you in the locker room.”

When he shifted his head to look up at her, she was smiling.  “Do you hate me because we can’t?”

He shook his head.  “I could never hate you, minskatt.  You know that.”

“It’ll happen soon.  I promise,” she said.  “You won’t have to do anymore waiting.”

“Shhhh…” he cooed, moving up and nuzzling his nose against her jawline.  “I’m not waiting for anything when you’re here with me, am I?” he asked, placing the lightest of kisses on her jawline.

Aberdeen sighed happily.  “When I write my first book, I’m dedicating it to you.  It’s gonna say ‘For William, for waiting’,” she said with a slight chuckle.  

He chuckled too.  “I look forward to it.  Your second book can be dedicated to Siena or Cam or your parents.”

“Second book?  I’m writing a second book, am I?” she smiled.  

“Mhm,” he nodded her.  “You’re gonna write a bunch of books, minskatt.  And they’re all gonna be amazing, and you’ll be all literary or whatever, and everybody’s gonna buy your books.”

Her heart was growing a thousand sizes.  “You think so?”

“I know so.  You’re gonna be a famous writer, minskatt.  I’ll just be in the background.”

She curled around and shifted her body into his.  Their lips came together tenderly as they began kissing each other, Aberdeen slipping her tongue into William’s mouth easily.  His hands wandered down her body to cup her ass before he helped her hook her leg over his torso.  They lay kissing for a while until their lips were red and swollen and their breathless gasps the only sound they could hear in the room.  When William pulled away quickly to take a breath, Aberdeen shifted to lay on her back.  “Willy?” she asked, her voice breathless.

“Minskatt?”

“Make love to me, Willy.  One last time before the bubble.”

He picked her up and brought her to his bedroom, setting her down on the bed gently before crawling over her body and continuing their kissing.  With some trusty hands, William’s hoodie was off, then Aberdeen’s top, then Aberdeen’s pants, then William’s pants.  He kissed down her body, but she pulled him back up.  “Willy—”

“Minskatt—”

“I just need to feel you inside me, Willy.  Please.”

Somewhat reluctantly, he kissed his way back up her body, paying attention to her breasts for a while before he put on a condom and she wrapped her legs around him and he entered her slowly.  Everything was so slow and gentle and intimate, and he’d buried his face into the crook of her neck again to kiss the skin there.  When he came back up and looked at her, it was very clear to him that there were tears welling in her eyes.  His mind immediately went into overdrive and his body seized up.  “Aberdeen?  Aberdeen why are you crying?”

“I’m not – no – no no no, it’s not you, it’s not you,” she let out quickly, cupping his face in her hands.  His entire body had stopped moving as he hovered over here.  She felt a few tears escape down the sides of her eyes, powerless to stop them.  “It’s just me.  It’s me.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just love you so much,” she said, her voice cracking slightly.  “You believe in me, Willy.”

“Of course I believe in you.  I’ll always believe in you.  Where is this coming from?”

“It was Florida.  Sixty-one days away from you,” she explained.  “Now in the bubble we’re going to be together but we can’t be together, and I want you to know how much I love you.  You know that, right?”

“I do,” he nodded.

“Whatever happens in the bubble, I believe in you and I’ll always believe in you like you believe in me,” she said.

William’s heart panged at her statement.  He craned his head to continue to kiss her, and she could feel tears – not her own – on her cheeks as well.  His slow and steady movements, passionate and thorough and pleasurable all at once, reminded her of that love they just spoke of.  They made love with everything they had in them.  And when they climaxed, and William collapsed on top of Aberdeen’s body, she held him close to her, unwilling to let him go.

He shifted slightly to move out of her, but she tightened her legs around him.  “No,” she pleaded.  “Stay.  I want to feel you inside me for as long as possible.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please Willy,” she almost begged, although she knew she wouldn’t have to.  “Stay.  Let’s just stay like this.”

***

July 26th, 2020

Aberdeen’s family had made it to the staff send-off before they went into the bubble.  Camden and Siena came along too.  Camden made her a card and gave her a crossword puzzles book he’d bought her at Indigo.  When Siena hugged her, she said “Make good choices!” jokingly.  Their parents would always say it to them before they got out of the car when they were driven to parties or the like.

If Siena only knew.

Once her family left, Aberdeen had the fantastic tasks of preparing the buses and organizing significant others to be far enough away from each other so everyone was still social distancing.  Everybody’s significant other was there, save for the single guys like Auston and (to everyone else) William.  As she stood off to the side, she couldn’t help but watch.

Bee McTavish was crying.  She wasn’t wailing loudly or anything like that, but Aberdeen could see her glistening cheeks from her tears as Morgan couldn’t stop kissing her and she couldn’t stop wiping her eyes.  He looked pretty torn up about leaving her, too.  She knew all the guys would be.  They were excited to play hockey again but they weren’t too sold on the concept of the bubble.  Everyone was going to hate being away from their families – Bee and Morgan were no exception.  “Call me whenever you want to,” Aberdeen overheard her tell him.  “And if a single thing starts to hurt you please don’t play.  You need to be healthy, Morgan.”  

Frederik Andersen and Aleida Casillas couldn’t stop kissing, either.  Aleida was getting emotional, although Aberdeen knew that Aleida didn’t want to show it.  Fred’s new wedding ring glistened in the light.  Aberdeen could only imagine what it was like to leave your wife on your one-month anniversary.  

Jace was giggling at his dad’s kisses.  John had spent the last five minutes holding and kissing his baby boy, with Aryne smiling and cuddling them too.  Aberdeen could see Aryne’s small bump peeking out through her t-shirt and realized John was going into the bubble while his wife was pregnant and having to take care of a one-year-old.  Her heart ached.  She saw the smile on John’s face as he cooed at his son and Jace kept repeating “Dada” over and over again and she could feel a rush of emotion flood her face.  

When she saw that Jason had his four girls in a giant bear hug, Aberdeen had to hold in a giant sob.  He was crouching down at their level, kissing them all multiple times and whispering things to them as Jen looked on, looking like she was on the verge of tears herself.  Jason wouldn’t let them go – couldn’t let them go.  Aberdeen had to look away so she didn’t start crying right then and there.  It was too much for her to think about.  

“You okay, Aberdeen?” Auston’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and she whipped her head towards him.  

“I’m fine,” she said, trying not to think about the scenes she just saw.  “Do you need me to pack your bag in the bus?” she asked.

“I’m not gonna make you pack my bag, Aberdeen,” he said like it was the most absurd thing in the world.  

Aberdeen looked at Auston, but could only see right past him.  Behind him, she could see Kappy and Saylor saying their goodbyes.  Saylor was hugging Kappy but giving Aberdeen a death stare.  Aberdeen focused her attention back on Auston.  “How much does Saylor hate me?” she asked.

Auston shrugged.  “Wouldn’t know.  I don’t talk to her anymore.  But from what I hear, a lot.”

“Good to know.  What have you heard?  Because she thinks I want to sleep with Kappy.”

Auston smiled.  “Something like that.”  Aberdeen rolled her eyes playfully, smiling back at Auston.  “For what it’s worth, she thinks everybody wants to sleep with Kappy,” Auston said.  “You know, because he’s just so good looking.”

“You ready for the bubble?” Saylor’s voice suddenly surprised them from behind Auston.  Because of their conversation, they hadn’t seen her approach.  Auston jumped slightly.  He noticed that Saylor was staring directly at Aberdeen.

“As ready as we can be, I think,” Aberdeen said.  

“Just remember what I told you!” Saylor said in a playful tone.  “Stay six feet away from my boyfriend!”

“Just for you, Saylor, I’ll make it ten,” Aberdeen winked.  “I’ll put a pole between us if that’d what you prefer.”

***

There were cameras everywhere covering their arrival.  Naturally, of course, since they were the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Aberdeen only hoped that she wasn’t caught in any of the photos.  She’d already had enough of a time with her identity and stalkers showing up outside her apartment.  She didn’t need people to be lingering outside of the bubble gates for her as well.  

They checked in.  Everything was eerie.  They could only go up the elevators two at a time with their suitcases after they got their welcome packages and key cards.  Aberdeen was situated at the first room to the right side of the elevators.  The equipment staff, trainers, doctor, and coaches were in the wing as well.  Kyle and Brendan had their rooms opposite each other at the very end of the hallway.  The social media person was across from her.  A few more of the equipment guys were on “her” side of the hallway.  To the left of the elevators were the team rooms.  William was the second room in, in the middle between Auston and Mitch.  Jason was in the middle of the hallway.  She knew these things because – as the executive assistant to perhaps the most important executive there – she got a copy of the room allocations and floorplan.  

When she walked into her room, it was set up like any normal, swanky hotel room.  There was a queen-sized bed and a big, beautiful window that looked directly out onto the CN Tower.  The bathroom was big and immaculate.  Things were practically shining.  She hauled her suitcase onto the bed before going to the window to push the curtains open.  If she was going to have a view of the city, she was going to milk it for all it was worth.  

When she walked back to her bed, something on the nightstand caught her eye, and she walked over to it.  Once she realized what they were, her breath hitched in her throat.  She didn’t know who was responsible for this.  But it made her so emotional.  There were three frames with pictures in them, each more sentimental than the last.  In the first frame, there was a mashup of two pictures: one of she and Siena when Siena attended the game in Ottawa, and one of she and Camden when Camden visited right before lockdown.  The second picture was the group shot of the outdoor practice, where she was freezing her butt off but having the time of her life.  The third, and perhaps the one that hit her the most, was a picture from the Night With the Blue and White.  In it, she was posing for a picture with Brendan, Jason, and William, with a champagne flute in her hand.  Her smile took up half her face.  

She let out a sob.  

It wasn’t that she looked so happy.  It wasn’t that she could still remember the way William smelled that night.  It wasn’t how less than ten hours after the picture was taken, she and William had sex and admitted they wanted to be in a secret relationship.  It wasn’t that they had followed through with that promise now for months.  It was that the picture depicted normalcy.  Her job.  Brendan.  Jason.  William.  It depicted life before masks, before social distancing, before hand sanitizer being more readily available than water, before lining up outside of grocery stores.  It depicted a life that seemed so far in the past.  Giant gathering.  Group photos.  Seeing someone teeth when they smiled.  Putting your arms around another person for a hug.

Now, she found herself alone in a hotel room, within an artificially created bubble, for a hockey team, with no physical contact with the outside world.  Nothing about this was normal.  Nothing.

***

William decided to call Aberdeen.  Everybody was holed up in their rooms unpacking everything they bought, and the hotel was eerily quiet for so many people staying in it.  He figured it was because the hotel was old, and its walls were solid – none of this new construction, shitty craftsmanship.  These building was built by fucking donkeys, as evidence by the photographs in the lobby.  Donkeys and stone; so these walls were thick.  Some of the boys had checked up on him to make sure his PlayStation set up had gone smoothly.  It did.  But William could care less.  

“Hello?” Aberdeen answered her phone.

He could immediately tell she’d been crying.  “What’s wrong, minskatt?”

“These damn pictures they put up in my room,” she admitted immediately – no need to beat around the bush.  “They framed the one we took with Jason and Brendan during the Night With the Blue and White.”

William understood completely how and why that would affect her.  “Yeah, I get it.  They put a bunch of pictures of my family.  Well, my parents and my sisters.”

“No Alex?”

“He’s too ugly to be in a picture,” William deadpanned.  He heard Aberdeen snort slightly on the other end.  He found solace in the fact that he was able to make her laugh.  “The pictures really got to you, huh?”

“It wasn’t just that,” she said.  “Just seeing all the families say goodbye to each other.  I watched John say goodbye to Jace and it made me emotional, but then I saw Jason saying goodbye to his girls and I absolutely lost it,” she revealed.  “I kept it together for the bus ride but the second I got in here and saw these pictures, it was, like, a tidal wave.”

“How can I make it better?” William asked.  He knew this would be hard on her – being in the bubble – and although he cautioned against it, Aberdeen made her own decision at the end of the day, and he respected that.  It didn’t mean the bubble experience would be any better for her, but at least she made the decision herself and she came into it knowing what she was getting herself into.  Aberdeen wasn’t a stupid girl.  Far from it.  

“You wanna just stay on the phone with me?  So I can hear your voice?” she asked timidly.

“Of course,” he answered, equally as softly.  She could practically see and feel his smile through the phone.  “Want to practice your Swedish with me, minskatt?”

***

July 27th, 2020

“A girl?!”

Aberdeen’s ears turned red as she heard the gasp from behind her near the conference room where the Leafs were designated to eat all their meals.  She was apparently a novelty.  Because they had to stay holed up in their hotel rooms for most of the day, unless it was a pre-planned excursion or meal, she hadn’t seen any other women.  It was awful.  And now this.

She looked behind her as discreetly as she could.  She saw two men – boys – wearing New York Islanders t-shirts staring at her.  She recognized them immediately as Mat Barzal and Anthony Beauvillier.  She glared at them.

“Is she here delivering the food?”

“She has a badge, you idiot.”

“You’re telling me she works for the team and they brought her into the bubble?”

She wanted to scream at them.  But she didn’t have to.  Kyle Dubas appeared out of nowhere right beside her, clutching a coffee and a banana.  “Miss Bloom,” he greeted her formally, and loud enough so Mat and Anthony could hear.  “Shanahan is going to need those CORSI stats for Matthews and Tavares after we eat.”  He glanced at them quickly.  “Boys,” he nodded a greeting.

They scurried away.

Aberdeen looked at Kyle.  “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Does Shanny really need those CORSI stats?” she asked.

“No,” Kyle shook his head.  “I said that so they wouldn’t fuck with you.”

***

July 28th, 2020

Aberdeen was waiting for the exhibition game to start.  Yet again, she was experiencing her second exhibition game for a hockey team she never thought she would work for, let alone for this long.  She was in their usual box with Kyle and Brendan, but it felt different.  No fans.  No other personnel.  The only other people around were the extra players sitting in the seats below them.  The media was around somewhere, but nowhere near her.  The boys were warming up on the ice.  

“You okay?” Brendan asked as he looked at her.

Aberdeen nodded.  “Are you?”

“As okay as I can be,” he shrugged.  “I don’t get nervous about exhibition games.”

“Did you think I’d be here long enough for two sets of exhibition games?” Aberdeen asked, wiggling her eyebrows slightly.  

He huffed, giving her a joking look.  She began giggling.  “To be honest…no.”

“Yeah, me neither.  Don’t worry.”

***

Thirty-three seconds into the first period, Ilya Mikheyev scored off a pass from John Tavares that Aberdeen had seen one hundred times in training camp.  She smiled wide.  

Hockey was back.

[negasonicimagines]

Do You Want To

requests: “Can I request one where reader is DP's daughter and their personalities are very similar. He recently said she has to start going to Xavier's because of her ability to create portals, but doesn't want to attend. Ellie is asked to be her guide and help her get situated. After seeing ellie she does some classic Wilson flirting. ‘Dad, I want her to sit on my face.’” + “Okay okay so Ellie imagine where reader Ellie and a bunch of other Xavier's students are at a party (reader and Ellie are not dating here) and have to play never have I ever and reader says that she's never gotten a hickey and then later Ellie catches up with her and asks if she wants her to give her one? And it leads to like a HEAVY makeout”

notes: F/B: Favorite Band. Jubilee appears as she does in the movies, and the others appear as they do in X-Men Evolution. Also, this fic makes some assumptions about you! If they don’t fit, okay, but please suspend your disbelief.I also did some experimenting with style, I’ve read a lot of @starman-thorsus-canos-jock​‘s fics lately and I love the style so I tried to let it influence me!!

warnings: underage drinking, borderline smut but dubious consent considering you’re both the same level of drunk! Sober, clear consent is important, even if the characters in this story don’t have a negative experience.

Open house at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is always an interesting experience for Ellie. An increasing number of fresh faces every year, finding out what idiots (and tolerable people) she’ll be sharing classes with, and, the most unsettling of all: if she’ll be having a roommate.

But one face - or, rather, mask - that she notices isn’t fresh. It’s annoyingly rotten.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Deadpool? Perving on teenage girls, seriously?” She asks, gesturing to you. “I expected at least better than that.”

“Well, I’m no Ivanka, so I guess I’ll be heading back to my old schoo-”

Ellie gawks while he grabs the collar of your F/B tee shirt, pulling you back to your seat. You’re so… So...

“So, you… You have a daughter..?” Who looks like… Like she does?

“I didn’t always look like a moldy avocado, you know!” He protests. Your lip curls into what’s best described as a sweet smirk. “She makes portals and hates her mom’s new husband. I’m sure you two will get on real well.”

“Yeah,” you agree, eyeing the girl. “Y/N.”

“Ellie,” Ellie introduces herself, feeling her face heat up a little bit with the way you’re looking at her, unashamed of your interest. “Well, I’ve got to go get my schedule…”

“Go with her,” Wade tells you, and you fix him with a skeptical glare. “Please,” he adds. “Such a stickler for manners.”

“I don’t let men order me around,” you correct, and Ellie’s knees are weak.

“I’m very proud,” Wade half-jokes. “Go on, I’ll be here when you get back. I promise not to flirt with any of your teachers.”

“Thank you,” you respond with a bitter chuckle. The cheap shot at your mother that he probably didn’t mean much by was a nice touch. You follow Ellie to a slowly-shrinking crowd, and wait with her. You observe her, and she fidgets under your gaze. No one’s really showed this kind of interest in her before, especially so unabashed.

“Are you… Are you going to say anything, or are you just gonna keep staring at me?” She finally works up the nerve to ask.

“I told you my name, and that I don’t let men order me around. What more do you really need to know?”

Ellie never understood how your dad’s flirting ever worked on women when seeing it in practice on Piotr and Logan, but you seem to pull off the shameless, blunt interest like how she already wouldn’t mind you pulling off-

“Miss Phimister, good to see you’re already acquainted with your roommate this year. Miss Wilson, it’s a pleasure to see you again. Here are your schedules,” Charles Xavier himself says, handing you both your schedules. “You wouldn’t mind helping your new friend get settled in, would you, Eleanor?”

Ellie agrees to help you, and the two of you walk away. It’s not the awful flirting, Ellie realizes, but the hotness of the person saying the words: you.

“Roommates, huh? Whoever made out schedules must be a fucking psychic. A literal fucking psychic,” you flirt as the two of you walk away, and she can barely handle keeping a neutral expression, much less the scowl she normally wears. “Trying to be aloof will only make me want you more… In case you can’t tell, I have daddy issues. And mommy issues. I’m the full package, and willing to wear whatever kind of package you want.”

“Is that so?” Ellie tests the waters, and you blink at her for a few moments.

“Uh… Yeah,” you decide to answer, and she snickers.

“Not as smooth as you’d like to think, huh?”

“I’m just surprised you spoke, Negasonic Teenage Perks of Being a Wallflower,” you retort.

“Nice one, did your dad come up with it?”

“You’ve got bite! That’s good, now if you wouldn’t mind biting my neck..?”

“I-”

“Hey! Hey! New girl!” Ellie recognizes the sound of the boy a year younger than her zooming towards you both before she recognizes his voice. Pietro. “Party tonight, bring a friend, don’t, whatever, it’s in the woods, you’ll know it when you see it!”

He zooms off just as quickly, and you raise a brow.

“Is it actually a party, or his he just skeevy?” you ask.

“It is.”

“Hm, it would be a good idea to make some friends I don’t find irresistible,” you say it like it’s absentmindedly thinking out loud, tapping your lip, but she catches your eyes cutting up to her, looking for a reaction. “But… If I don’t know anyone, how fun would that be?”

“I’ll go with you,” Ellie’s mouth decides for her, but, thankfully, it doesn’t come out too quickly. “I know where it is, they have a huge bonfire in the clearing near the watering hole to celebrate everyone returning to school.”

“I see… Well, it does sound fun. Will there be alcohol?”

“Yeah, it su-”

“Oh, then we’re definitely going,” you decide, and Ellie both dreads and looks forward to later tonight.

~

After a short trek in the woods, Ellie and you find yourselves at the party.

“Ellie! Good to see you!” Bobby calls out, recognizing her from GSA. “You and the new girl should come over and play Never Have I Ever with us!”

“That sounds great!” you answer for her, heading over. Ellie follows you, because you’re the only reason she’s here, and the two of you sit on a log with Kitty, Anna, and Jubilee, with Bobby standing. At least they’re people she doesn’t hate.

He goes over the rules, and the six of you get started.

“Never have I ever… Kissed a girl,” Bobby says. You, Kitty, and Anna each take a shot, each lowering a finger. “Now you, Jubilee.”

“Never have I ever… Cheated on a test.”

Ellie takes a shot, cringing at the taste and lowering a finger. Based on the not-circle circle that you all are in, Kitty goes next, then Anna, then you, then Ellie, and so on.

“Never have I ever… Received a hickey,” Kitty says. Bobby is the only one to take a shot, and Ellie looks to you with surprise.

“Never have I ever… Fallen in love at first sight,” Anna discloses. You take a shot, winking at Ellie, who is either flushed due to alcohol - it’d honestly be adorable if she was a lightweight, you think - or what you basically just declared to everyone.

“Never have I ever… Tried to cut my own hair,” you decide, and everyone but you takes a shot and lowers a finger. You knew Ellie probably had, but the others surprised you.

“Never have I ever…” Ellie finds herself drawing out the r, having realized this is a good tool to get to know you without dropping her aloof facade. “Played strip poker.”

You and Anna each take a shot. So far, the score is as follows: Bobby - 9,  Jubilee - 9, Kitty - 8, Anna - 7, You - 7, and Ellie - 8. You’re starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, though so far it’s really just a giggly lightness and slightly-lowered inhibitions, not that you had many of those in the first place. You can feel yourself on the way to becoming a little more drunk, though.

“Never have I ever,” Bobby begins the next round. “Been to a strip club.”

You take a shot, and your not-circle circle of maybe-friends gasps.

“Y/N’s dad’s wife works at one,” Ellie clarifies for you with a roll of the eyes.

“Why can’t you just let them think that I’m cool?” you whine, leaning on her just a little bit. She scoffs, pretending she doesn’t enjoy the attention from you.

“Never have I ever… Cursed in front of my academic adviser,” Jubilee says. Both Anna and Ellie take a shot.

“Never have I ever…” Kitty starts, and it’s clear she’s not sure what to say. She hums, looking over the group before her eyes land on you and Ellie. She delivers you an almost imperceptible wink. “Got in a fight with someone because I didn’t like them. Not self-defense or helping someone else or X-Men stuff, just straight-up not liking them.”

You and Ellie both drink to that.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you people are trying to get me drunk,” you giggle, definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol after five out of your ten allotted shots.

“I’m there with you,” Anna replies, snickering as well. “Never have I ever-“ she giggles. “Had sex.”

No one takes a shot, all looking at each other - well, Ellie’s just looking at you, kind of but not entirely surprised - before you decide on your declaration.

“Never have I ever…” You giggle some more, a long one that you can’t stifle no matter how much your lungs beg. You look to Ellie for inspiration. “Shaved my head!”

Ellie and Bobby take their shots.

“Never have I ever… Been the first to lose in Never Have I Ever,” Ellie decides.

You and Anna drink, which makes sense, looking at your scores.

The score is now: Bobby - 7, Jubilee - 9, Kitty - 7, Anna - 5, You - 4, and Ellie has 5.

“Since the game is already starting to be long, maybe we should just go until Y/N loses and decide the winner based on that,” Jubilee suggests.

“Who says I’ll lose?” You pout.

“You have the least amount of points, Y/N,” Ellie says. She can take her alcohol pretty well, surprisingly enough to her, while you’re an adorable - No, wait, fuck, I didn’t mean that - giggling mess.

“I do? Is that hot to you or should I start lying?” You ask, and it’s the same blunt interest as before. Ellie chuckles, realizing that perhaps the reason you’re a laughing fool is because you’re already totally unreserved, whereas she has walls up constantly that the alcohol has to break down first. She smiles at you.

“What do you think?” Ellie asks you, and it comes out more sultry than she thought she could ever sound. You squeak, blushing even harder than whatever’s in these plastic shot glasses is making you.

“Bobby! Your turn!” You blurt.

“Never have I ever… Had a crush on the person to the right of me.”

You and Anna take shots.

“That’s me,” you quietly tell her, thinking she got mixed up.

“I know,” Anna whispers back with a smirk, and jealousy pools in Ellie’s chest. It wasn’t hard to make her jealous, and it didn’t help that her emotions were heightened.

“Never have I ever…” Jubilee begins. “Had a crush on the person to the left of me.”

You eye Anna before making the decision to take a shot. Ellie takes her shot quickly, a little embarrassed at being caught. The jealousy inside her boils, now.

“Hey, what happened to having a crush on me?” Ellie asks - sounding more defensive than anything - before she can stop herself.

“Oh, trust me, Hothead, I call you Hothead because you’re hot and you're angry. I told you: daddy issues, mommy issues.”

“This is the first time you’ve called me Hothead.”

“Out loud,” you correct her in a tone that’s best described as ditzy, and she scoffs.

“Never have I ever,” Kitty loudly starts, drawing everyone’s attention. “Done a striptease. Doesn’t have to mean you got naked, just that you took off your clothes for someone else’s benefit.”

You take a shot.

“Jesus, Y/N, you need to write a book,” Bobby says.

“And start giving me advice!” Jubilee, still in first place, exclaims.

“Never have I ever… Kissed someone at the top of a Ferris wheel,” Anna declares. Kitty and Bobby each take a shot.

“Never have I ever…” You giggle, remembering many of these people have roommates. “Masturbated with someone else in the same room.”

All of them take a shot, and you cackle drunkenly.

“Never have I ever…” Ellie has a cunning smirk, knowing exactly how to end the game. “Had my dad be Deadpool.”

“Oh, come on,” you whine, taking your last shot. “Oof.”

“Let’s see everyone’s fingers!” Bobby cheers. He has 5, Jubilee has 8, Kitty has 5, Anna has 3, You have none, and Ellie has 3.

“Go Jubilee!” You cheer, and the rest of the players echo it, as well as a few of your random partying classmates, scattered throughout the clearing.

You try to stand up, but stumble, knees giving out almost instantly. Ellie steadies you, also not the most structurally sound but slightly less physically encumbered by her drunkenness.

“I think that’s enough for us,” she suggests. “Wanna go back to our room?”

“Oh, hell yeah, I thought you’d never ask,” you flirt, and she snorts. “Wait, wait, I can portal us back to the school, just gotta visualize it. Okay, there’s that one.” You wrap her in a tight hug before the two of you fall through the ground, landing on the paved walkway.

Ellie hurls into the hydrangea bushes, making you feel a bit nauseous, but you only gag.

“Water,” you slur. “We need water.”

Ellie nods, and the two of you stumble in, giggling a little bit and trying to be quiet but definitely not being as quiet as you think you are.

You two enter the kitchen, and - to your surprise - your father is in there, with a shiny man you realize is his beloved Colossus.

“Dad, what’re you doing here?” You stumble over your words but straighten your posture, trying to seem not drunk off your ass.

“Same thing you’re doing, flirting with Mr. Rasputin,” Ellie explains for him, opening the fridge and getting out two water bottles.

“I’m not flirting with Mr. Rasputin, weirdo, I’m flirting with you,” you correct her before you loudly whisper to Wade, holding a hand up to the side of your face like that’ll disguise your words: “I want her to sit on my face.”

“Did not need to know that,” Wade tells you at the same volume, blinking - and reevaluating the example he was setting for you, like Piotr had been asking him to do before you came in - before sighing.

“I got the water…” Ellie weakly informs you.

“Yeah!” You enthusiastically respond, and the two of you leave Wade and Piotr to whatever their conversation was. You two slowly make your way up the stairs, clutching each other and the railings.

The trek is eventually over, and the two of you sip on your water, you leaning against one of the four posts of the bunk bed.

“I’m so hot,” you complain, taking off your shirt - arching off the post in a way that surely wouldn’t be that suggestive to Ellie’s sober mind but Drunk Ellie is ready to jump your bones - without really thinking about it.

“Yeah,” Ellie agrees, and you notice her blush at the sight of you.

“So, you’ve never kissed a girl… Do you want to?” You ask her.

“Of course I want to,” she scoffs, before realizing what you’re asking: Not if she wants to in general, but if she wants to kiss you. “Definitely. And you’ve never gotten a hickey, right? Do you want to?”

“Of course I want to,” you echo, taking one more drink of water before fumbling with the cap and putting it on the ground. You press your lips to Ellie’s, and her hands mold themselves to your bare waist before sliding up your back as the two of you kiss, lips moving in sync.

“Wow,” she breathes after pulling away, placing a hot, open-mouthed kiss on the space between your neck and shoulder, just above your collarbone.

“Ellie…” you sigh, nibbling at your own tongue to prevent too much of a reaction and clutching at her shoulders. She continues to suck at your neck, sinking her teeth in and delighting in the way you tremble.

This continues, and you fidget quite a bit, finding that you want more after this and hoping she feels the same way.

Ellie eventually pulls away, admiring her handiwork and sliding a thumb over the dark red mark before looking to you for approval.Your bra strap slips down, and she fixes it, rather tenderly for someone with limited coordination.

She gets more than approval just by looking at your face, and kisses you once more, tangling her fingers in your hair haphazardly. Your grip slips from her shoulders to her shoulder blades and you dig into her back.

“Fuck,” Ellie says against your lips.

“Not yet,” you retort, pulling away. She feels her face heat up, and notices that both of you seem to be a bit more sober after the water and the… Other things. “But we could get pretty damn cozy on whichever bunk you want.”

Ellie nods.

“Top or bottom?” you ask her.

“Top, I would’ve thought it was obvious,” she scoffs, and you go to climb.

“Oh,” Ellie realizes, so used to you being overt that she thought she was answering a different question before. “Bottom bunk. I top.”

“Oh,” you repeat, mouth drying. You remove your foot from the ladder, removing your shoes afterward and sliding onto the bed. Ellie straddles you before capturing your lips with her own, steadily gaining a certain confidence in her abilities - and her instincts - that allows her to roughly pin your wrists down without thinking too hard on it. She continues to kiss you, enjoying the way you writhe beneath her, muffling already-quiet moans, but eventually she decides to move on to giving you another hickey.

Ellie mouths at your neck and your chin tips up to give her more access. She can’t help but grin, licking a stripe up your neck and going up higher, but on your left side this time, suckling and tonguing at the sensitive flesh just under your jaw.

“Gonna be hard to cover up,” you observe with bated breath, and Ellie adores the way your body feels against her.

“Good,” she snarls, surprising even herself, and you whimper. She can feel you rubbing your thighs together underneath her, and she nips at the new hickey. You cry out in surprise, in pleasurable pain and Ellie snickers - of course she does, you knew she’d tear you apart like this the moment you laid your hungry eyes on her - before removing her hands from your reddened wrists, straightening her posture so that she’s practically sitting on top of your mound, and placing a hand on each breast and admiring the fabric of your bra.

You can hear your heart pounding in your ears and Ellie arches a brow at you, waiting for an answer to the unspoken question

“Mhm,” you hum, and she smiles, squeezing experimentally at first and only watching the way you squirm beneath her. You fidget in a twisty way, desperate for more touch, and she lets out a moan - surprising even herself - and sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “Don’t,” you request shyly, and she doesn’t stop herself from making noises as she massages your breasts at a more consistent pace while you rock yourself up into her, letting her grind down on your mound.

“That’s- Fuck, that’s nice,” Ellie tells you. “But we should stop.” You immediately still.

“Since you said so, definitely, but why?” you ask the girl, who’s still on top of you.

“Because I really want to, with you, but I wanna do things right. We’re both tired, we’re both still buzzed...” Ellie explains, sounding much more exhausted after she  lays next to you. “Wanna take you to a scary movie, because you’ll either love it or hold me. Kiss you quick on the cheek after, and then you’ll kiss me on the lips because outside of this room you’re more forward. Walk you home and sneak in past curfew using a portal, have a late dinner of junk food.”

“You sound like you’re in love with me,” you half-joke.

“I’m gonna be,” Ellie sleepily tells you, slinging an arm over you in one last act of bravery before the two of you fall asleep.

[mental-health-advice]

Hi. I have Pure O and have recently formed a negative association with something I love out of nowhere (it’s a TV show which sounds stupid, but I have this fear that I will lose the ability to enjoy things I know I love because that’s connected to my first OCD trigger). I constantly emotion/thought check to see if I still love it; I imagine different scenarios to test my emotional reaction. (PURE O PART 1)

It seems like such a stupid thing to stress over, but I want to know why I suddenly can’t feel happiness over something I love despite still wanting to talk about/watch/enjoy it. And it sounds like an OCD trigger, because it feels like I’m not thinking like myself. It’s just not the typical trigger. I just don’t want something I love to be destroyed, because I don’t understand what could’ve caused it nor does it line up with some of my other thoughts/desires to enjoy it. (PURE O PART 2)

Hey lovely,

This doesn’t sound stupid at all! I promise. Liking a TV show is something everyone experiences from time to time, so it’s something that a lot of people can relate to. And suddenly losing the ability to enjoy that is really scary. And since that seems to be connected to your first OCD trigger, it sounds understandable that this is part of your OCD as well. Especially since you’re constantly emotion/thought checking to see if you still love it. To me, that sounds like a compulsion (which I think you’ve realised as well). Although I do want to point out that we are not professionals at MHA. We also don’t recommend self-diagnosis for the reasons listed here.

When dealing with intrusive thoughts (or intrusive-like thoughts), this four step program can be very helpful. It can help you remind yourself that these thoughts don’t mean anything and can therefore help for them to affect you as less. At some point it might even help enough so that you don’t feel the need to carry out the compulsions (emotion/thought checking to see if you still love it) anymore. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) with ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) can also be very helpful when dealing with OCD. It’s focussed on challenging those thoughts (the CBT part) as well as exposing yourself to situations that would normally cause you to carry out compulsions, but not carrying them out (the ERP part). That might sound scary, but you start small and slowly work up towards bigger situations. 

Would it be possible for you to start treatment? I really think it could be very helpful. You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They can then arrange a referral to a therapist or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. 

We also have an OCD page series that has a lot of information, including self help tips. Hopefully you’ll find some helpful info on there.

Is there anyone you’re close to that you could open up to? Sometimes it can really help to let out your thoughts so that they don’t swarm around in your head as much anymore. Having to deal with it all by yourself can be really exhausting. 

It might also be helpful to see if there are rational thoughts that can soothe your mind a little. For example, you can remind yourself that it’s wonderful that you can enjoy it now and that you only focus on the present as that’s what matters now. I sometimes (not always, it’s a bit of hit or miss) also find it helpful to think more through what the worst case scenario would be. In your case that would be that you wouldn’t enjoy the TV show anymore. And yes, that would be difficult and very frustrating. But you could look for something else you could enjoy for a while. It would be something that you would be able to deal with. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be hard and I’m not denying your fear or anything! Your struggles are valid

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.Love Pauline

[seriouslyhooked]

Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 16)

22 part AU written for @cssns​. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy​!!

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.

A/N: Hey everyone! So we are back after the LONGEST time away I have ever had from fic writing since I started way back when. I know it was such a long break, and so many of you have reached out to see if I am still in this, but I never forgot this story. I just had to pass the hardest year of school ever to get back to my CS happy place! There is so much going on in this story right now, so many pieces that need tying together or resolution on, and in this chapter we are moving full steam ahead (but since it’s been a while you might want to go back and refresh on where we left off before). There’s finally a meeting that so many have you have been waiting for and there’s love, loss, and so many other emotions too… but I won’t spoil much more than that. You’ll just have to read and then let me know what you think! Anyway thank you all so much for continuing to follow along in this story with me. Hope you enjoy!

“Okay, so I know that technically I can do more than make flowers grow, but I have to be honest… this is so freaking cool, I never want to stop!”

The excitement exuding from Anna this afternoon as she and Elsa worked on some magical ‘training’ with Ruby was undeniable. Emma couldn’t blame Anna for that elation either, not when she was watching her friend do something remarkable and almost unbelievable. The beautiful garden that had been here just a few hours ago was now totally over grown, with so many more flowers than there had been before. The colors of their petals were also now touched with an ethereal element. They seemed to glow, and to radiate this precious golden light from within. The veins of each leaf swirled in a pronounced and gorgeous way, and these plants were simply bursting with life and energy and magic.

Over the past three days Anna and Elsa had been doing their best to make progress in their ability to wield their family gift. This had been a fatiguing process, with Ruby having to start from very basic places. There were rules, it turned out, about how to cast spells and use magic safely. One had to remember all of these steps to make sure no one got hurt, and though at times Anna was a little hyper active or distractible, Emma had never seen her friend more studious and focused. She was determined to access her magic and do everything she could with it, and that determination was bringing her leaps and bounds in a very short time. In fact, Ruby was so confident in Anna’s ability to test her gifts and to remember to follow the laws of magic that she’d given her free time to just explore what she could do, thus this impromptu garden party of sorts.

“It’s amazing, Anna. How does it feel?” Emma asked, having a sense herself as she felt the warm and subtle kiss of the magic in the air around them. Emma felt rejuvenated and calmed all at once by this magical display, so she could only imagine what casting the spells that made this possible felt like.

“It feels like…” Anna closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and soaking in the joy around her, and when she opened her eyes they were filled with emotion and a thoughtful quality that spoke to real happiness. “It feels like getting to lick the spoon when Grams makes cookies, or the first beach day with Mom and Dad every summer.”

“That good?” Emma asked, less as a question and more as a statement of awe and true joy for her friend.

“That good,” Anna agreed, her smile growing as her eyes cast around at all she’d created over the past few hours. But eventually her gaze turned back to the house and some of that happiness dimmed. It wasn’t fully gone, but now there was a little bit of sadness in the midst of all this celebration. “I only wish that Elsa felt this way too.”

“She’ll get there,” Emma promised, though she didn’t have visions of the future to check that that was true. All she had was a thorough understanding of her other best friend, and faith that soon the pieces would fall as surely into place for Elsa as they had for her sister. “You two are never far apart for long.”

“And where we go you usually follow,” Anna joked, making Emma laugh even though this time that couldn’t be the case.

“Unless you know of some mystical waters or whatever the heck sparked magical people years ago, where I could get a gift like yours, I’m not sure that’ll be happening this time. I think the flowers only have one new overlord to answer to.”

“Well of course your magic won’t be the same,” Anna said, like this whole conversation was so totally obvious. “But being a shifter? I mean come on, that’s arguably the coolest magic of all. You’ll get to turn into a wolf for crying out loud!”

At the mention of her suppressed shifter status Emma’s heart jumped. That seemed to be a recurring thing since her grandmother had turned up and dropped the bomb of all bombs. Well honestly, maybe the biggest reveal had been the fact that her grandmother was even alive at all, but looking past the magic that was required for all of this to be real, and the heartbreak of the years that Ruth and her Dad had been apart, the reality that there was shifter blood running through Emma’s veins was surreal.

Being a hybrid, even if her ability was currently blocked, changed so much about what Emma knew of herself. It was a blessing and a curse in so many ways. On the one hand Emma was glad to have some things make more sense. The white wolf in her dreams all those years ago and that feeling that not everything was as it should be now made sense, but at the same time there was no guarantee that Elsa could even remove the block in Emma’s spirit as she had for Neal.

Currently Elsa was trying to access those memories with Ruby, but it was slow going. And even if Elsa could recreate the spell, Emma had to think about if that’s what she wanted. It would no doubt be dangerous, and no one actually knew what happened when human/shifter hybrids came of age. She would be the first one as far as they all knew and she was so out of touch with her animal Emma didn’t even realize it was there when she was awake. So how could she ever expect to be a good shifter? How could she hope to learn all that needed to be learned? What if in the end she wasn’t meant to be one? What if -

“Uh oh, and there you go again, over thinking things,” Anna said, bringing Emma’s attention back to the real world. Anna’s hand was now on her hip and she shook her head in an almost chastising way. “You’ve got to stop doing that, Ems. Elsa is going to figure this out, she’s going to find a way to safely lift the block, and then you are going to finally be all you were meant to be.”

Emma didn’t want to argue with her friend, but suffice it to say she wasn’t as convinced. Anna made it sound so simple, but in Emma’s mind it wasn’t. What she had right now was brilliant. Her life was full and happy. She had her family and her friends, and she had a true love, her fated mate, a man who made her experience love in the most blissful of ways. She didn’t want to risk any of that, and she didn’t want to go off hoping for more when what she had right now was more than enough. No one should be this lucky, despite the continued unrest that waiting for Liam was bringing, and Emma didn’t want to jinx things by feeling entitled to being a shifter too.

“It’s like me and my magic, Emma. When we found out, I was excited but I was also really scared. I kept thinking that everyone was wrong. There had to be a mistake, because it wasn’t me who was special it was Elsa.”

“Anna,” Emma said, her earnestness showing through in her tone. “Elsa might be special but so are you. You deserve your magic just as much as she deserves hers.”

“I know that, Emma, I do, but even if I know that, there’s still that voice in my head that doesn’t want to hear it, and I bet it sounds a lot like the one you have telling you that you’re not ready to be or worthy of being a shifter.”

Anna came over and took Emma’s hand in hers in a sign of solidarity. She was right, after all. Those negative thoughts did seem to be something they shared, and though she was nervous, Emma craved the chance to overcome hers just as Anna had.

“So how did you get over it?” Emma asked and Anna laughed.

“I didn’t. It’s still there sometimes, but I just have to tell it to shut up. Fear doesn’t want you to hope for good things, Emma. It wants you to limit yourself and deprive yourself of things that could be great just because they also could be scary. You can either cave to it or you can overcome it, and not so deep down you know that. And you know how I know that you know?  Because you, Emma Nolan, are one of the bravest people I have ever met.”

Emma’s throat tightened at the words, and she could feel her friend’s own emotion starting to get the better of her. Anna’s feelings freely flowed in the air around them just as they always did. She was not the kind of person to stifle her reactions. Instead, she spoke the truth as she saw at, blowing Emma away as she did.

“There’s no one else who faces a crisis like you, Emma. You stay steady, even when everyone else breaks. You did it when we were kids and small scale things happened, like when the Heller boys decided to start bullying Elsa, or when someone had to scale the McNealy’s fence to get our ball back.”

Emma barked out a laugh, thinking about old Mr. McNealy and how he used to scare them senseless as kids. Now they knew he was just a curmudgeonly old guy, but back then he seemed like a real monster.

“And you did it when everything was happening with Neal. You had to take on so much far too soon, and you did it unflinchingly for your brother and for your parents. Then, when we lost Grams, and then lost Mom and Dad so soon after, you were there for us too. Night and day, no matter what, you were our rock. As much as Elsa and I pulled ourselves together, you were right there with us, and you never questioned it. It’s always a given to you that you’ll help everyone you love and anyone you meet.”

“Well when you put it like that…” Emma said, attempting some humor even though her voice was thick with emotion. She was touched at Anna’s words, and it came to a head when her friend pulled her in for a hug. The tears pooling in her eyes fell at that point, quietly but undeniable, and she had to wipe them away as she pulled back. “Thanks, Anna. And just for the record, I don’t think I have that calm in the storm thing all to myself.”

“I know. It was a great pep talk wasn’t it?” Anna asked, prompting more laughter between the friends that continued until some rustling came from the hedgerow and Elsa and Ruby appeared.

“Seems like you two are having fun,” Elsa said, her eyes softening immediately as she saw Emma and Anna. There was still stress there, but Emma could see that Elsa felt better being back in their company.

“Well there’s plenty to go around,” Anna joked, flicking her wrist and launching an ivy vine up into the air and having it rustle against Elsa’s braided hair. “Unless you guys still have work to do. It’s kind of been a lot for one day, don’t you think?”

“About that… we’ve got some good news and some not so good news,” Ruby announced, her hands waving along as she talked, a trait Emma knew she and Killian shared when they were catching other people up to speed. “The good news is that we were able to access Elsa’s memory of when she helped Neal.”

“So you saw the spell?” Emma asked, looking between Ruby and Elsa. A chill zipped through her at their faces, because despite the breakthrough, neither of them seemed super enthusiastic.

“We did,” Ruby continued. “Turns out Elsa did the impossible – she literally removed Neal’s two souls from his body to blend them back together.”

“Removed them... wait, like killed him?” Emma asked, shocked, and Elsa looked so stricken as she quickly explained.

“I didn’t kill him. It was just a few seconds. It happened really quickly. He just went to sleep for a second, that’s all.”

“But technically without a soul a person is dead,” Ruby supplied. “And if they’re not, we’re entering vampire territory.”

“Vampires?!”  The question was yelled out not just by Emma, but Anna and Elsa as well, and Ruby winced in response.

“Sorry, bad joke. Vampires aren’t actually a thing. But then again removing souls from a body wasn’t supposed to be a thing either. So at this point…” Her continued attempt at light heartedness petered off as Ruby shrugged.

“But you can do it,” Emma said, looking to Elsa and her friend nodded.

“Apparently I can. I had no idea what I was doing then, and I can’t find anything in my family’s archives. It’s a mystery.”

“Would you even be able to do it again?” Anna asked and Emma fully expected Elsa to say that she couldn’t, but for the first time Elsa looked certain as she nodded.

“Yes. I can do it.”

“Maybe,” Ruby stressed. “She can maybe recreate a miracle a second time, but I have to be honest guys, this is not magic I know how to wield. It’s a real risk. Anything could go wrong. Your souls could react badly, they could not blend, they could reject any kind of intervention at all, and if they did…”

“If they did, I could die.”

There was no need to say anything else on the matter for a moment. The four of them allowed Emma’s observation to hang in the air, sinking in in a sickening way. Life and death situations were something Emma had faced before, but she’d never willingly put herself in a dangerous way. To do so now would either be incredibly foolish or impossibly brave, and Emma wasn’t sure where she stood yet on that. On the one hand, she could be taking a huge risk only to lose everything she now held so dearly. On the other, this could be the answer to that last missing piece of the puzzle that was her life. Plus it would help not only her, but Neal as well who was going to be facing his first shift just a few more years from now.

“Whatever you decide, Emma, there’s no need to rush,” Anna said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen as she touched Emma’s arm in a reassuring motion. “It’s not like Elsa is going anywhere. We’ve got time to see what you might want.”

“Exactly,” Ruby said with a firm nod. “This isn’t the kind of thing we should be too hasty about. Let’s just tackle one thing at a time. Liam will be arriving any day now. Let’s climb that mountain before staring down another.”

The four of them agreed this was a good place to leave things, and Emma was relieved. Crazy that the impending arrival of Killian’s unknowable brother was of relief to her now when for days it had been so anxiety inducing. But for some reason, that felt like a battle that could be won. For this moment she was part of a team, it was her and Killian and her friends and family. She felt like anything could be accomplished as long as they were together, and she genuinely had hope in her heart that things weren’t as hopeless with Liam as Killian believed. But trying to heal her block… well that would just be her and Elsa trying to do something they had no real clue how to do, and that was scary as hell.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?”

Elsa’s sudden question prompted Emma to look to her new friend, immediately feeling a pang of anxiety again. Ruby was overly alert, and Emma had seen that kind of posturing before from Killian when he thought she was in trouble.

“We’ve got company.”

“Liam?” Emma and Elsa asked at the same time and Ruby shook her head.

“No. I think I’d sense if it were Liam. No I just heard something. In the woods back there.”

The three friends turned to follow Ruby’s gaze, but Emma was shocked when Ruby moved forward towards the sound. She told them to stay back and she’d figure it out, but just as she moved out of sight, Emma, Elsa, and Anna heard a throaty chuckle that came from the opposite direction. They jumped in surprise and whipped their attention over and then Emma and her friends sighed aloud in relief.

“Graham, was that you?” Emma asked, and their town Sherriff grinned.

“Maybe.”

“It was him,” Anna said with an eye roll. “Well I hope you’re happy. You scared five years off my life. Not cool Graham.”

“Ruby it’s okay you can come out!” Emma called. “It’s just Graham. He’s harmless.”

“Oh you wound me, Emma. I like to think I could do some…”

Whatever words Graham was going to say trailed away as his eyes looked past Emma and back to the tree line. Without even having to peer over, Emma knew what he was staring at, or rather who he was staring at. The only person in that direction was Ruby and from Graham’s expression, this was more than a strictly ‘she’s hot’ reaction. Emma flipped her gaze to her new friend and sure enough, Ruby looked just as struck silly as Graham did.

“Ooh, look it’s happening again!” Anna whispered whisper-yelled gleefully. “Love struck, the two of them. It’s like Emma and Killian 2.0. I bet you guys a month of diner lunches that they’re fated mates too.”

Both Emma and Elsa refused to take the bet, instead watching (with totally no chill and no attempt at giving Graham and Ruby privacy) as the two shifters moved toward each other. Emma wondered what it must be like for them, but she had some idea. Killian had detailed to her what it felt like to be confronted with one’s other half if you were a shifter. Everything shifted focus and all of a person’s senses were heightened and needy. It was an instant force of lust and want and adoration. It was really love at first sight, and for most shifters it was just understood. There was no need for small talk or getting to know each other. Nature chose your perfect match, and time would prove that to be true.

Because she knew this, it didn’t surprise Emma when Graham took Ruby’s hand in his and when his other hand came to cup her cheek. They were so close, eyes flashing a wolf’s color and they looked just a split second away from forgetting themselves entirely and making out or doing more. Surprisingly though, words did come, and though Emma and Elsa and Anna were totally forgotten, Ruby did seem to have the sense to ask some critical questions.

“But how did I… there’s no trace of you in town. I should have known about this - known about you.”

“Oh trust me, babe, Tink is going to be hearing quite an earful from me about this.”

“Babe?” Emma whispered to Elsa and Anna, half shocked at the word choice and half uncomfortable. In all her years of knowing Graham he had never, ever, called anyone anything like that before.

“Tink?” Ruby asked, and Emma was really curious now about what having a mate meant for Ruby. There was a chance she was so overwhelmed with Graham that she wasn’t able to tap into her gifts, but this seemed like a relatively straightforward vision. Also, Emma was like ninety five percent sure Tink had been mentioned more than once.

“Girl, she is so gone for him,” Anna said gleefully. “Oh! We should make popcorn!”

“Uh no,” Emma and Elsa said at the same time before Elsa continued on. “If anything we should leave them be. It’s only a matter of time before they start going at it, and we don’t need to be anywhere near seeing that.”

Emma laughed at Elsa’s claims as Anna feigned a sigh. Obviously she wasn’t interested in spying on the intimate moments of two new mates, but Anna really did love love, and Emma knew her friend was hoping for more cuteness before any impending sexy times. But whatever any of them were expecting, it likely wasn’t what happened next. One second Ruby and Graham looked poised to run off together, and the next Ruby’s features changed and her eyes went hazy. It only lasted a moment but she jumped when it was over and she looked to be in actual pain. Graham moved with her, and though Ruby was still alarmed, Emma could see the slightest bit of comfort come form Graham still being there. Still it wasn’t enough to fully calm her, and what Ruby declared next sent ice rushing through Emma’s veins.

“He’s here. Liam’s here, and he just found Killian.”

Shit!

………………………………..

At times like this it was difficult for Killian to know if pacing was a product of habit or an animalistic urge.

There was evidence enough to suggest it could be his animal. Wolves were known for patrolling when they were contained, agitated, or ready to fight, but as the morning light shifted to a mid-day warmth, Killian’s pacing felt like more than that. True, he felt a little held captive; the anxiety of what was coming was getting to him and there might indeed be reason to fight. But this motion right now, this back and forth route in front of his new Storybrooke home, wasn’t caused by his brother or an impending battle: it was caused by a desire so strong it was starting to control him.

As the days passed by, Killian’s love for Emma only grew. Despite the full moon being long gone by now, he felt this continuing clawing need to be near his mate. It was difficult for him to be away from her, and it was damn near impossible when there was a threat not too far off. In fact, the only thing keeping him sane right now was that she was protected and surrounded by other people who loved her. Ruby was a more than capable shifter who had made it very clear that she considered Emma family in the realest kind of way, and with her visions she should see any danger for Emma before it got here. They had been spotty as of late, with larger blind spots than she was used to, but both Killian and Ruby were certain that when the time for Liam’s arrival actually came, Ruby would know of it. That, coupled with Anna and Elsa’s new gifts, was enough to keep Killian from trailing Emma all afternoon and trying to protect her himself.

The fierceness of his need to see Emma safe was one of the strongest things he’d ever experienced, second only to his love for her, and carrying around such immensity of emotion made Killian eager to shift and to run and howl. He’d allowed himself the first two so far this morning already, but eventually he’d been called back to human form and to the house again. Connecting with his wolf right now just didn’t seem to hold all of the power that it once did for his peace of mind, and Killian was relatively certain he knew why. For underneath all of that protective instinct, and beyond the anticipation of seeing his brother again, there was something else clawing at Killian, something he wanted to do so badly but kept having to keep himself in check over.

Opening the small black box that held a symbol of his hopes for he and Emma, Killian looked down again at his grandmother’s ring, his eyes catching the way the precious gem sparkled in the light. It looked just the same as it always had, a classic and beautiful ornament, now fitted to Emma to perfection, and designed to show the world how tied up they were together. It was a testament to love, a symbol that, if she said yes, the two of them would be wed. And even though he knew that’s what Emma wanted, seeing as she’d already agreed to be his mate, it still made his heart sputter in his chest to think of asking her. He knew that he wanted that moment to be perfect. Emma deserved everything from flowers to candlelight. She deserved ambiance and the undeniable truth that he loved her more than anything. She deserved a story, one they could tell forever and look back at with pride. But even though he knew what should be done, it was killing Killian not to just do this now. He hated waiting. His patience was all but fried, and every day that he spent not working towards that forever with Emma hurt him more than he could say.

But here was where it all came back full circle. Because the reality was he couldn’t create that moment. He couldn’t give Emma those things when he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. All of them were anticipating the arrival of his brother and the showdown that would come, and until that was faced and dealt with Killian couldn’t do what he wanted most. It would be too selfish on his part, and he already had regrets about how things had gone with Emma already. Not their being together surely, for he could regret nothing about having Emma in his life and in his heart. But he wished that things could have been a little less harried. Emma was strong and determined. She would stand tall through whatever storm came their way, but he wished she didn’t have to. That essence of normalcy that she was craving? Truth was he craved it too. If they could just have a little bit of peace and quiet to enjoy all that they’d found it would be miraculous. But it seemed too much to ask the universe to have such a brilliant mate and a bit of time to truly enjoy his good fortune.

You’re going to wear a patch in the grass, Killian.

He heard the words in his head and they were said with the loving chastisement that only his mother had ever truly been able to capture. He closed his eyes and stopped, inhaling the fresh air around him and breathing out again. It was rare for him to do this anymore, to hear his mother’s voice as he went about his life. He’d shut off the part that was open to her and her goodness so long ago. When he trained to confront his father, he stifled that old connection. He shut down the little voice inside his head that reminded him what was good and right. But since he’d found Emma and tried to separate himself from that old life of revenge, he was more and more susceptible to it again. That susceptibility was both beautiful and painful. On the one hand he swore he could hear his mom right now. He could picture her in his minds’ eye shaking her head at him with a smile at her lips. But he knew when he opened her eyes she wouldn’t be here. There would just be more waiting and more agonizing over what was next.

“Bloody hell, Liam, I wish you would just get here already and be done with it.”

The words were gruff as he spoke them aloud, nearly yelling with the ferocity of his agitation. He kept his eyes closed and tried to center himself again, but before he could a voice by the tree line responded to him.

“Wish granted.”

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Killian pivoted to where he heard his brother’s voice and looked at him for the first time in so many years, seeing that it was in fact Liam there, and not just some figment of his imagination.

A few seconds passed where Killian allowed himself to take his brother in, and though he was surprised at how clean cut and together Liam still seemed to be, he didn’t let any of that show. If this reunion was going to be anything like last time then he was in for a hell of a fight, but there was a real need for Killian to control himself. Even on the night he was first infected, the bite had made it so Liam was out of control and unable to resist his baser urges. To counteract that, Killian had to be smart. It was the only way to handle this and to see that he, Emma, and the rest of their friends and family were okay. Still, looking at Liam now was like a stab to the heart, for though all this time had passed, he still looked as he always had, and Killian swore he saw a mix of sadness and also love in his brother’s eyes, despite everything.

“It’s been a long time, little brother,” Liam said, filling the space between them with words that were charged in a way Killian couldn’t understand. There was no anger there. No resentment. Just longing and a little bit of pain. “You look different.”

“I am different,” Killian replied. His muscles flexed slightly, and though he hoped to hide it from Liam, Killian watched as his brother tracked the movement. Liam didn’t reply in kind though, instead siding with continued conversation as he moved a bit closer.

“Ah yes. A mate’s love will do that, or at least that’s what they tell me.”

Now Killian couldn’t help tensing up.  He didn’t like it at all that his brother had mentioned Emma, even in the abstract. It was too close for comfort, but when Killian let out a low growl, Liam only laughed. It was a barked out sound, one that made it seem like Liam hadn’t had cause to laugh in a long time, but it calmed something inside of Killian. It wasn’t threatening. If anything, Liam seemed to be enjoying himself. That was unexpected, but it didn’t feel aggressive and that was something to be grateful for.

“Relax, brother. I didn’t come here for her.”

“Then why did you come?” Killian asked, wanting to believe Liam, but knowing that the bite would change any man and that it had already started to change Liam years ago.

“So it’s like that then,” Liam sighed. “Straight to the point. No conversation after all this time? No soft landing?”

“Why bother putting it off? You’re here, and we both know why.”

“I’m not so sure we do,” Liam replied thoughtfully. “I’ve thought of this moment every day since that night. I thought of what I’d say when I saw you again, and damn if I can bring myself to say any of that now. It all seems… not enough.”

“Well why don’t we start with the basics. This control you’re displaying. Is that… permanent?”

“Much as I might like to say yes, I can’t do that. For all my flaws, lying is something I still can’t abide by.”

Killian’s stomach fell at the confession from his brother. It was confusing to say the least, because on the one hand Liam didn’t seem to be doing anything that would signal that he or his wolf wanted to fight. There was no display of dominance, no call to contest. To Killian that signaled that maybe Emma’s more wishful thinking was right. Perhaps Liam was here to make amends and to make things right, as crazy as that seemed, but confessing that he wasn’t actually in control scared Killian. He’d seen the flip switched in his brother before. It was terrible to behold and if Liam couldn’t stop it then it was only a matter of time before Killian bore witness to that beast again.

“So the sickness. You haven’t cured it?”

“No,” Liam replied, his acceptance of his condition heart wrenching to hear. “I am what I am now. A monster, a beast, an abomination: you can call me whatever you like, but the curse remains.”

Killian allowed that truth he already knew to soak in. Again he’d been hopeful, and again his hope was thwarted. Of course Liam was still burdened with this blackness. There was no escaping it, but still it killed Killian to hear it. Listening to his brother berating himself, calling himself a monster – a beast – it was terrible, and yet Killian couldn’t contradict him. He knew nothing of Liam anymore. He knew the man he had been, but what was to say that man truly remained? He appeared to be here, but appearances weren’t enough to build trust on. They couldn’t be, not when the stakes were so high.

“You never were good at covering your emotions, brother,” Liam said witfully, his eyes studying Killian intently. “I can see it all practically jumping off of you. Love. Wariness. Sadness. Fear. Crazy you stayed hidden all these years. You’d think so much energy would be easier to track.”

The mention of tracking put Killian on alert again. There was the reminder he needed that this wasn’t a one off. Liam wasn’t here for a casual visit. He’d been hunting for Killian for years and Killian had known it. He’d lived off the grid as much as he could. He never built a life, never had roots. Hell, he never had dreams of any kind for years and years to stay ahead of that search. His life had been hellish, and that hell was in no small part because there was always the threat of Liam just waiting to take him down.

“What can I say? Ruby’s a powerful witch.”

“Ah she always was. Little Red,” Liam said with another strange laugh. “Remember when we called her that as kids? God she hated that.”

Killian was thrown by the tenderness Liam displayed for Ruby. This whole exchange was honestly giving him whiplash. One moment his brother was kind and trying to connect, the next he was poking Killian with the reminders of the threat he posed. It was confounding and confusing, and it made the wolf inside scratch at the surface, trying to fight this out instead of lingering in whatever strange game Liam was playing here.

“Ruby isn’t the reason you came either. So let’s get on with it. Why are you here, Liam?”

“I’m here because I have to be. We had to meet again. You made sure of it that night.”

“I spared you that night, Liam. I…” Killian trailed off before reiterating the thought, because honestly he wasn’t so sure that’s what he’d done. Had he spared Liam? Or had he just damned his brother to so many more years of this descent into madness?

“You made a choice, a choice that speaks to who you are, brother. You could have killed me, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. It could have all been over. You could have been free, but instead you chose another path. This path, and now we have to face it.”

The ominous words hung in the field between them and Killian didn’t know what to say. Liam was right after all, at least in a way. He hadn’t been capable of killing Liam. There just wasn’t that option, and because of that there had been the risk and that sinking sensation that followed Killian all these years that they’d meet again. But while his brother was resigned and yet also strangely unreadable, Killian was resolute. Things wouldn’t end the same way twice. There were too many other people who needed protecting, and too much more to live for now than there had been years ago.

“I’m sorry, Killian. I’m sorry for that night, and for any night you’ve faced since that you worried about me. I’m more sorry than you can ever imagine. I would have done anything to spare you that.”

Wait… what?

“You’re sorry,” Killian repeated, his mind reeling from the truth he heard in Liam’s out of the blue words. “But you’ve come here to kill me.”

“So you keep suggesting,” Liam replied, his eyes taking on a little humor again.

“And what are you suggesting, Liam? I realize this is all some big game to you, but frankly I don’t want to play. I never did, so if you’ve come to fight me, fight me.”

“You know I thought this would be different, our last time together,” Liam said, his voice a wistful whisper, as it sailed across the breeze to Killian’s ears. “I should have known, even if I hoped for something more. But let me cut to the chase. I came to -,”

The snap of a branch in the woods very close to them claimed both brothers’ attention, and when Killian saw it was Tink his feelings were mixed. There was relief, but also dread. He couldn’t exactly explain why, but the reason would show itself soon enough.

“I caught a new scent in town and thought you might need backup,” Tink said, but her usual confidence was cowed in an instant when a fierce growl sounded out so loudly that it shook the ground around them.

Killian whipped his head back to look at his brother, but Liam was gone and all that remained was the beast in man’s clothing. His eyes were like coal, his face was snarled, his stance was poised for shifting. He heaved for breath, his anger rolling off of him, and just like that the nightmare Killian had been reliving for years was with him once more. Whatever had just occurred was over. The talking was done, the dancing was finished, and now it was time to face this twisted fate once and for all...

Post-Note: Okay I know I know I left this on a cliffhanger and I am terrible! BUT I have some pretty great news – the next chapter of this story is already mostly written and I will be posting it sometime in the next week! I should probably space it out more since the rest of the chapters aren’t completed yet, but trust me – you will all want to see the conclusion of what happens between Killian and Liam.  Anyway thank you all so much for your patience and your continued support. Hope you’re all doing well, and hope you’ll tune in next time!

Tag list: @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @teamhook @ultraluckycatnd @resident-of-storybrooke @coliferoncer @artistic-writer @snowbellewells @eastside-divebar @snarkycaptainswan4 @allofdafandoms-blog

[comingupforblair]

I’ve said before that I’m against what I see and what are often interpreted by detractors as efforts to “fix” or “save” the DCEU by making it closer to what they want because I feel it just sidesteps the main issues at hand.

I’m not just talking about the frankly appalling behavior of some people towards these films and their fans, although that’s certainly part of it. I’m talking about a lot of the criticism itself and how much of it is unfair or outright inaccurate yet has consistently gone unchallenged or examined.

You don’t even have to be a fan of the films to spot this and it mostly comes back to DCEU Superman and how he’s been regarded by people unhappy with the portrayal which has led to them massively exaggerating or just outright making up flaws to attribute to his character.

Read some of the articles written about him and you’ll see him described as someone who “is violent and confrontational”, “looks down upon humanity”, “demands to be worshipped as a god”, “he’s mean and nasty and feels contempt for humanity”, resorts to physical violence at the slightest provocation”, He’s been called “mean-spirited”, “nasty”, “brutish”, “petty”, “a bully”, “cruel”, “selfish”, and many other things.

I’ve seen him called “nihilistic”, a “fascist”, “a sociopath” (I’ve found myself quoting Inigo Montoya a lot when reading these comments). I’ve seen him described as an indifferent or sadistic killer who murders anyone who looks at him sideways. I’ve seen him made out to be this ignorant, ill-tempered jerk who never displays any kind of redeeming traits and even seems to regard the mere concept of altruism with disdain, treats everyone around him like insects and isn’t fit to be seen as a hero of any kind, let alone Superman. 

I could list examples all day but you can see a clear pattern of people framing this version of the character in terms generally reserved for real-life dictators.

The idea of DCEU Superman being this comically evil character is so common and so accepted that no one (except for DCEU fans and it’s clear they have no interest in listening to us) has pointed out that it’s complete nonsense.

I’m not going to try and change anyone’s mind about the films or their portrayal of Superman and I don’t doubt that people have reasonable criticisms of this version and are capable of not liking it without resorting to all the behavior I’ve outlined.

But the narrative has formed around these films and their portrayal of the character has simply not been a fair reflection of the films or their portrayal of Superman.

If the next Superman director comes along and promises to do a version that makes him along the lines of the Chris Reeve version, it will be a step back not only for the character but for fandom because such a move avoids them having to ask tough questions about how they perceive these characters and the expectations they have of them and how they react when those expectations aren’t met, regardless of how reasonable they were to begin with.

If the criticism I see of these films are going to be listened to and have an effect not only on a mult-billion dollar franchise and it’s artistic direction but likely all future portrayals of the character and similar ones, it only seems fair that we start examining those criticisms and asking about the accuracy and where they come from and I think just having the next director or writer promise to “make Superman smile again” and detractors treating that as a validation of their words dodges that.

Superman in these films may not have been the paragon of virtue they wanted him to be but neither was he the irredeemable monster they paint him as.

There’s also the fact that a lot of the criticism has a distinct tone of toxic masculinity that I’m starting to see is way more of an issue in geek circles than we ever thought. Superman has been treated as an abhorrent monster for the way he struggles with negative emotions and experience, how he reflects the experience of a lot of fans who have struggled with mental illness or difficult moments in their lives. You can imagine how demoralizing it is for those fans to be told that the same emotions that made the character resonate with them are evidence of him being an abhorrent monster. It’s impossible to not feel insulted by such a claim.

The criticism and negative reaction to these films has shined a light on some less than stellar behaviors in fandom and critical circles and we can’t retreat back to ignorance or look for a quick fix to these issues. All of this behavior is going to manifest again and it won’t be pretty. 

Making a Superman film where he smiles more and declaring the problem solved is just ignoring the deeper issues at hand and they aren’t going to go away just because we don’t want to deal with them. They’ll just make themselves impossible to ignore at a later date.

[sleepyfan-blog]

Sleepy Dream [Part 2]

Fandom: Undertale AU

Part two of this. Part three here. 

Characters: Dream, Science!Sans, WD Gaster

warnings: cursing

word count: 1,883

Summary: Dream decides to go to Sci for help.

A month later, and Dream was definitely sure that it wasn’t because of the timelines they’d been fighting to protect. He’d managed to convince Stretch of that though, and the Swap Papyrus had stopped gently poking him. But Dream had no idea what was wrong… And the positive guardian could admit, at least to himself, that he needed someone else’s help in figuring out what was going on. But who had the expertise and the ability? Not to mention the access to whatever resources he might need to deal with whatever was wrong. While he could tell Ink about the issue… Dream grimaced a little. The artistic skeleton wasn’t his first choice for talking about such an issue with. Mostly because he was pretty sure that Ink would just laugh it off, pat him on the head and tell him to take a nap.

He was currently wandering around in a pretale, hiding from the monsters in the underground per Ink’s rules of only Sanses and Papyri getting involved in the multiversal shenanigans - as the more beings aware of them in a single AU, the more likely that Error was to notice where they were. Or at least, that’s what the other said was true… And Dream had no reason not to believe the other. His eye lights brighten as he realized that the Science Sans of this AU was already aware of the multiverse and a good friend and ally of Ink’s… And someone who Dream was relatively sure he could trust with this issue.

The positive guardian waited until Sci was on his lunch break - and from the looks of it, he’d grabbed enough Grillby’s for the entire team beneath the Royal Scientist (who was a Gaster currently, if Dream wasn’t mistaken), shadowing the other until he was walking through an empty spot in Waterfall before calling out “Hey Sci! Uhm… Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Sci turned around, his eye lights widening a little, before a bright smile appeared on his face “Oh, heya Dream! Got a new gadget that you want me to take apart and put back together? There shouldn’t be anyone else around during this time - everyone’s either at work or sleeping.”

“Ah… No. Actually I was… I was hoping if you could help me with a personal issue, actually.” Dream started, fidgeting with his hands a little “I’ve been having some issues keeping my energy levels up to where they normally are and I don’t know why. I’m not hurt and as far as I know, I didn’t pick up any negative stat effects or curses.”

Sci hummed a little, frowning a bit “How long’s this been going on? Can you tell me what your signs and symptoms are?”

The positive spirit sighed a little, explaining what he’d noticed… And finished semi reluctantly with “And this has been happening for about three months now. The passive MP and energy loss is… About 10 MP per hour. I’ve been snacking on monster candy and cinnabunnies to counteract that but… It’s starting to become less effective. Also while sleeping for eight hours does restore me back to full MP, that only lasts for about three hours - less if I get into a fight.”

“That’s… How much MP do you even have if a loss of 10 MP an hour isn’t a noticeable dip in power? Stars above, Dream. That could be really dangerous!” Sci sputtered, his eye lights shrinking to panicked pinpricks for a moment “Of course I’ll help you. I’ll… If you’re not physically hurt, it could indicate that you might have… I’ll need to check your Soul.”

Dream winced at that, fidgeting a little. Most people had really strange reactions to seeing it. Given the fact that it was colored, I'm not in the shape of a normal, for either a human or a monster. The fact was that Dream was neither, but he tended not to like to think of that fact as it was simply easier for him to be assumed to be just a normal skeleton monster. It was a lot easier and to allow others to make assumptions then to explain the truth and have to go into details about his past that he did not want to speak about to anyone ever. “I… ok. Will you be able to run the tests during the day, or should I come back when you're off-shift?”

“Dream, I know that you and Ink have this no-interference policy. And I can understand why it’s in place. But this could be a very serious issue. I’ll be the one taking the data and looking it over, but I’m going to have to report this to my boss - because I’m going to have to be using some of the Soul equipment which none of us are allowed to do except under certain circumstances. A… Condition like yours being one of them. I’ll only tell Doc G though. And he’s good. A little weird, but he’s good. Trust me on this, I’m an excellent judge of character. He’ll also be helping me look at the data as he’s got a lot more experience with these things than I do.” Sci explained, suddenly grabbing one of Dream’s wrists and teleporting the two of them directly in front of the labs. The younger skeleton fumbled with his keycard for a moment before swiping it and marching the both of them into the top floor of the labs.

The Dr. Alphys was on the floor, along with several other monsters whose names Dream did not know off of the top of his head. In the middle of all of them, quietly talking to the Alphys, was a Dr. Gaster. He was just as tall and intimidating as any other Gaster who Dream had tentatively peeked at from behind a tree (or Ink) and the positive guardian dug his heels in for a moment “Sc… Saaaans!” He fussed, tugging at the other before stumbling forwards, an unhappy groan coming from the back of his throat as he realized that he was wholly incapable of stopping the younger skeleton from dragging him around like a ragdoll. He called the other Sans,  rather than his nickname as this was going to be strange enough as it was.

“Uh… Sans… Who’ve you got there? I didn’t realize there were any other skeletons in the underground about from the doc,  you and your brother…” A snake-like monster spoke up, moving towards the two of them curiously.

“That’s because he’s not from the Underground. Or this universe. Everyone, this is Dream the source and protector of all positive feelings in the multiverse. He’s in dire need of help and may be dying a little bit. Here’s the grub, I’m going to be on sub level five - and he’s not gonna react well to being poked and prodded by anyone but me. Don’t ask me how or why I know him, just that I do.” Sci explained, throwing the bags of Grillby’s at the cat monster - who caught the food immediately. Everyone around them was staring in utter confusion as Sci stomped over to the elevator, still dragging a limp and face palming Dream behind him.

“Why did you tell them that?” Dream asked, voice muffled as they waited for the elevator to show up “And can’t we just teleport down there?”

“Because they would have asked a bunch of questions and trying to lie to them is damn near impossible. Especially since this is not something that is probably going to be fixed after a quick check-up. Besides, all of them have met Ink before. Alph found his dumb ass passed out in a puddle of paint half-dead before you showed up and dragged him inside to get healed. So they’re aware that the multiverse is more than just a concept, and that there are protectors trying to keep glitch head from destroying all of us.” Sci explained impatiently “And there are anti-teleportation wards on the lower levels of the labs to prevent potential theft. Or Ink wandering in and seeing how many things he can poke and mix together until something explodes.”

“Oh. Okay…” Dream responded, managing to finally get his feet under him. He shuffles a little bit closer to the younger skeleton, distinctly distressed by the way that the scientists are watching him and tries to shake off the desire to run and hide. He… People watching him with that sort of intensity usually doesn’t entirely end well. “Uhm… They’re kind of… Staring… A bit?”

“We look a lot alike, Dream. And I kind of shoved a lot of information their way. They’re good people, Dream. We’re safe here.” the younger skeleton murmured as the elevator dinged and the two of them stepped into it.

Dr. Gaster followed behind them before the elevator doors could close. “I believe you’ll need my help, Sans.” He murmured glancing curiously at the both of them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ah, Dream I believe it was? I am Doctor Wing Dings Gaster, although most Call me Doctor Gaster… Or Doc G, if they’re feeling particularly cheeky.”

The positive spirit couldn’t help the flinch - nor could he help the fact that he grabbed Sci and pulled the both of them into the furthest corner of the elevator, trying and failing to teleport them out of there, starting to shake a little. He was holding Sci close to him, the both of them scrunched into the corner of the elevator as Dream trembled as he stared up at him. He wanted to believe Sci when he said that this Gaster was good… But with the other’s tall, looming presence and the way the other’s darker magic pressed against his senses, Dream was feeling incredibly trapped at the moment.

“Dream… Dream did you have a bad encounter with a Fell G recently? Or… Hell, did you run into a Handplates Gaster recently? I promise you. He just wants to help. He’s not going to hurt anyone. It’s okay. We’re safe here. You can trust us. We won’t hurt you.” Sci attempted to soothe, his calm, caring emotions - along with the neutrally curious emotion coming from Gaster were helping somewhat.

“...Sorry. I just… I don’t… Like asking for help… From anyone and wasn’t expecting to be introduced to a room full of beings and my weakness shouted at them.” Dream managed out, voice quiet and trembling. He didn’t mean to cause the flash of guilt that ran through Sci, he really didn’t. “And I did tell you earlier that I can’t die of natural causes.”

“You could be cursed or something, and it’s hidden well enough that it doesn’t pop up on a surface check, Dream. I’ve seen the occasional curse like that. It’s slow-acting, but it’s insidious and has taken lives if not stopped.” Sci answered back bluntly, shaking his head a little as they reached their stop “And I like hugs… But please let me go this is our stop.”

“... Okay. I… I trust you, Sci. And you did mention that this Dr. Gaster is trustworthy… So I’ll take you at your word.” The positive spirit responds quietly, letting his friend go and following him out of the elevator and into one of the labs.

[relenafanel]

Reading your fic about Bucky writing Steve fanfics makes me wanna start writing my own and actually posting them. I’m pretty nervous do you have any advice?

Just do it.

I know it doesn’t seem like great advice, the same as ‘just rip the bandaid off’ doesn’t always seem like great advice, because it ignores all the nervousness, the hard work, the actual writing and then the posting, but if you don’t just do it, then you’ll get up in your own head and never go through with it.

And that would be a shame.

RelenaFanel’s 101 on Fanfic Writing: ADVICE, not RULES

(keep in mind that my very first fic was posted in 2001 that’s how long it’s been since I started, so I’m going to base this on what I’ve learned in my advanced age. there’s also a tiny bit of these feelings when you start a new fandom)

1. Think of something to write. I love writing AUs, but usually the fandoms I end up writing AUs for are ones that need them. So, you can look at fandom and see what it is that you want to put into it, OR you can acknowledge the many-cake theory and just write what you WANT and love. So Bucky in the Steve Rogers Problem tended to scope out fandom for gaps, and I do that too, but it’s not the only way.

2. Sit down and write it. Maybe scrap it and start something new, maybe not. This step is extremely personal to what will turn out to be your writing habits, so I’m not touching it. It turns out individuals treat an activity like writing as personal, so if you want tips, there are a ton of writing guidelines out there, but don’t take any of them as YOU MUST do this.

3. Get someone to read it over for you to check for plot inconsistencies, typos, etc. I advocating getting a beta reader, but I know a lot of people have trouble with this step and I’m 0% help. So, if not, get someone you know irl to do it. I started with my BFF.

Also: remember that you’re the author and so you have final say over what your beta suggests. This isn’t me telling you to ignore all their help, this is me telling you that you know what your intention was. So if they say ‘no this doesn’t work’ but you think it’s important, consider that maybe they picked out clunky phrasing or something else that would hinder the reader. 

4. NOW YOU’RE READY TO POST YAY. (this is all assuming Ao3, and honestly gets a little tl;dr)

Pick a title. Look, picking a title sucks a lot. If you’ve noticed mine have started looking like clickbait articles, and I’m ok with that. A funny title fits my writing. Honestly, go ahead and use song lyrics or poetry lines, or maybe a reference to the fic. Life is short and you could spend half of it thinking up titles - JUST, don’t use something common. Like, if *I* can recognize it as a line from Hamilton or Mumford and Sons, maybe don’t use that one.  Ppl don’t pay that much attention to the title unless there’s no title there to pay attention to or if they’ve seen 8 fics in the last week with the same title. 

Your life will be happier when you don’t really give a shit WHAT the title is. It took me until like 2015 to reach that point, so... *shrug* Just make sure to call it something.

Write a summary. This also sucks a lot and I haven’t entirely mastered it, but DO NOT admit to anyone that your summary sucks. “summary sucks, just read”? dooonnnn’tttt. If I see that line I’m going to assume the writing in the fic also sucks. Most of the time the summaries aren’t that bad until you get to that line, so just own your summary, no matter how awful you feel it is.

Sometimes you can get away with a line / para from the fic. I try to reserve that for shorter fics that don’t need a lot in terms of summary.

You’re trying to convey what the story is about and make it interesting.  So, go look at some summaries for similar tropes and see what people are doing. Just read the summary, this isn’t the point you’re looking at reading the fics.  If there’s something you like, copy the style of it (but not word for word).

Also PROOFREAD. Summaries with typos are also something that tends to repel discerning readers.

Make the tags. So for tags you want to remember a few things. Only tag the main relationship in the fic as a courtesy. Then start broad and then narrow in on more specific. So start with whether it’s au or canon. Then the tropes in the main theme. Then some of the tropes that aren’t as important but are present. If you mention something once and it has no bearing on the fic as a whole, there’s no need to tag it. Also be aware of what possible triggers are involved, and conversely what things you might tag so people can find it. An example of this is with sex scenes and whether one of them bottoms. I want the people who love that to be able to find it. I am, as a person, a lot less concerned with people who might find that specific example triggering, but they do, so also be aware of that.

also, be aware of your tags as a whole message. If you write a 5k adorable coffeeshop au that has one line where someone inappropriately comes on to a character, don’t dedicate 5 tags to that line because it’s disproportionate to the contents of the fic. This, ofc, depends on the gravity of the thing, but you could honestly just explain the contents in an author’s note instead of using the tags to explain. If it’s a fluff fic, most of your tags should reflect that.

And honestly if you have a fluffy fic with some major grim or dark themes, then maybe it’s not a fluffy fic?

Also, once I’m done with that I sometimes add some funny or clever tags, but if you’re into the funny and clever tags, remember to make sure the important ones are included so Ao3′s tagging system can work to your advantage. 

FINALLY as a specific nitpick of mine that I think is also good advice, don’t admit it’s your first fic or your first fic in a while. It feels like you’re lessening your own culpability, like saying “this is my first fic be gentle” means you’re admitting it might suck so you hope people will be gracious, but in my experience what you’re doing is telling people “be slightly harsher judging this because it might suck” - whether they do it on purpose trying to be helpful or whether it’s subconsciously.  It does the opposite of what you mean for it to do.

So, in general, don’t show weakness. Fake it til you make it. The whole process is scary and sometimes it makes us feel better to say something like “oh god this sucks idek” (yes, including me) but it’s just a knee-jerk reaction to your own anxiety. Feel it in your brain, but resist the urge to put it in the post, because what readers see isn’t your ball of anxiety or ‘what if ppl don’t like this?’ panic, they see an author who doesn’t like their own work, and so why should they?  They see an author who says ‘this sucks’ and since they’re the authority of their own work, they believe it.

So don’t sabotage yourselves my dears.

5. Authors notes and Posting. You can put any details you don’t tag in the authors note. Usually, I also include a link to my tumblr in the end note because I want people to find me. Learn the html here.

Then, hit that post button.

6. Advertise yourself. You’re your biggest advocate. So make a tumblr post (if you have one and didn’t anon me because you don’t) and tag it with the common tumblr tags within the first 5 tags.  This isn’t as important, but it helps. If you do this, make sure to include the link to the tumblr post in your Ao3 notes. You want people who like it to pass it on.

7. Be kind to yourself. As a final point, I don’t know how to approach this without sounding like an egotistical dick, but don’t ever compare your fic to mine and allow my kudos/comments to make you feel bad. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been writing fanfic since 2001, I adapted early on Ao3 and have had a ton of time to build up subscribers. I’ve been around for a long time, ok, and so you can absolutely strive for the popularity and put the work in for it, but don’t torture yourself over comparing your work to mine.

It’s not a fair comparison.

You know what is a fair comparison? Compare your second fic to your first. Did it do better with kudos/comments? Worse? What’s different between them? Maybe it’s a less popular trope, which you can’t control (unless you write for popularity, in which case make note of it). How can you improve? What do you want to try next?

Play the game against yourself. I promise you, the results are better and you feel a lot less bitter and downtrodden.  It’s ok to emulate other authors you admire as a way to work on your writing and find your niche. Don’t outright steal, but work on copying tone as a writing exercise. Keep in mind the fics that you love and ask yourself what you love about them. Tone? Characters? Dialogue? Description?

Hold the nice comments you get close to your heart. Did someone love your description of a certain scene? Love that you’re good at description and keep writing descriptions until you’re better at them. Until you’re the description master. 

Did someone leave you a not-so-nice comment about your characterization? Ok, first of all, it’s ok if your first thought is ‘screw you’ because yeah! you stand behind your fic! (maybe don’t answer back ‘screw you’ and if you have the ability to stomach it, instead ask if they mind being more specific in order to help you improve - I have never had that skill, I’m a sulker under negative feedback). But also, if you’re going to internalize their criticism anyway, then use it to your advantage and start paying a little more attention to that part when writing.

A lot of this stuff gets so intuitive that you probably won’t be consciously thinking about it.

Most importantly of all: have fun. 

[potteryclaylover]

How to Motivate When You're Absolutely Exhausted

Off days. We all have them from time to time.

Maybe you didn't sleep well the night before, or perhaps you're working on a project that isn't particularly exciting. Or maybe there's no viable explanation at all, and you're just straight up not feelin' it that day.

First of all, that's OK. We can't be on all the time. Motivation is an ebb and flow: We all have periods of high energy where productivity comes easily, as well as periods of low energy where your work doesn't come so easily.

10 Ways to Get Motivated When You're Exhausted

1) Just get started.

Have you ever found yourself faced with a deadline or a looming task, only to realize that was the perfect time to clean your house or start a new season of 24? Turns out, that's your brain playing tricks on you.

A study by Dr. John Bargh, an award-winning psychology researcher, showed that, before we start on a big project, our brain attempts to simulate real, productive work by focusing on small, mindless tasks. The result? We don't get started on the tasks that are most meaningful. And the longer we procrastinate, the more anxious we feel.

That's why, sometimes, we don't need a particular thing to motivate us -- we just need to get started, and a more focused and productive mental state will follow.

2) Make or rework your to-do list. (The right way.)

When your energy is low, it can be hard to get in that get-stuff-done mindset. So when you feel yourself dragging, stop what you're doing and take a few minutes to either make a new to-do list or rework the one you already have.

After all, studies show that when we write down our goals, we're more likely to achieve them. This small step can not only help your productivity, but it can also help get rid of that uncomfortable, anxious feeling you get when you procrastinate.

To get started, think about what part of that broken-down task you can accomplish right now or today, and begin working on it with the more manageable and achievable goal in mind.

3) Commit publicly.

Accountability works. None of us likes to look bad in front of others. Chances are, if you've promised to do something publicly, you'll be more likely to achieve it. That's why so many people do things like create public blogs or Instagram accounts to hold themselves accountable for fitness and weight loss goals.

You don't have to go public with your goals to reap the benefits of accountability. You can do it with coworkers, or with friends and family.

4) Change up your location.

According to Duhigg's research, your physical environment is one of the most powerful drivers of our habits and behaviors.

Where you work can affect your motivation levels. Duhigg says this might be because we mentally assign behaviors, habits, and routines to particular locations, like bed for sleeping, desk for working, couch for relaxing. (Another reason taking your lunch break away from your desk can do wonders for your productivity.)

Need to really focus? Step away from your desk, move to a workspace with no distractions, and hone in on whatever it is you need to do. That's what Amanda Sibley, a demand generation manager at HubSpot, told me works for her: "If there is something I must get done in a day -- a deck due to our CMO, for example -- then I turn off email and shut myself in a room for an hour or so until it's done."

5) Listen to pump-up music.

Music motivates us. Think about it: Why do people listen to music when they go to the gym? Because it gives us energy.

We don't just have an emotional reaction when we listen to music; we also have a physical reaction. Music engages our bodies' sympathetic nervous systems. Our airway opens, our heart accelerates, and our muscles become primed for movement. When the speed, intensity, or volume of the music rises, our pulse quickens and our breathing accelerates.

This is great for physical exercise, of course. But it's also great for reenergizing you when you're feeling tired or bored. Not only will it help refocus you, but studies have shown that music can help draw our attention away from the negative aspects of whatever task we're doing.

So the next time you're tackling something that doesn't quite thrill you, consider putting on some happy tunes. If you need some music ideas, try one of these science-backed productivity playlists.

6) Meditate.

Listening to pump-up jams not your cup of tea? Perhaps meditating is.

It's funny: We rest our aching muscles after a tough workout without a second thought, and yet we expect our brain to work hour after hour, day in and day out. It just doesn't make sense. Burnout is real, folks.

Taking ten or twenty minutes out of your workday to meditate is a great way to use a break time -- especially when you find your attention and motivation wavering. According to one study, intensive meditation can help you focus and sustain your attention -- even during the most boring of tasks. It also helps boost your mood: A 2012 study found that people who mediated "stayed on tasks longer and made fewer task switches, as well as reporting less negative feedback after task performance."

Never meditated before? You don't need any experience to enjoy the benefits of meditation -- especially with the many apps out there that offer guided meditations. Next time you feel disconnected or unmotivated at work, try using one of these free apps:

7) Talk to a coworker. (Or talk to yourself.)

Sometimes, taking a short break to talk with a colleague can be enough to reenergize you for several more hours. In a study of call center workers, those who talked to more coworkers in between calls actually got through calls faster and felt less stressed -- all while having the same approval ratings as their peers.

If you just need a break from the task at hand, grab a coworker and talk a short walk. If you need some inspiration, choose that coworker wisely, and use the time to bounce ideas off of them. If you're really struggling, try asking them for advice on how to refocus or reprioritize.

“People are used to receiving and giving advice in the second-person, and they seem to prefer using the second-person pronoun to psych themselves up before engaging in action,” study coauthor Dr. Sanda Dolcos told The Huffington Post. “Self-advice expressed using ‘You’ probably enables people to adopt a broader perspective, considering how a significant other might view the event, and to reproduce the kind of encouragements previously received from others.”

8) Eat an energy-boosting snack.

Food is fuel for our brains and our bodies. What we eat -- and when we eat it -- has a direct impact on our performance at work. Recent studies show that willpower is a limited resource and depletes throughout the day, but may be strengthened by the food we eat.

9) Move your body.

Whether it's spending some quality time at the gym or simply going for a short walk between meetings, regular exercise can do wonders for your health, your happiness, and your productivity and energy levels at work. In fact, researchers have found that people who exercise during normal working hours are actually more productive at work, even if they technically log fewer hours.

“A lot of people are overworked and not sleeping enough,” said Patrick O’Connor, co-director of the university’s exercise psychology laboratory. “Exercise is a way for people to feel more energetic. There’s a scientific basis for it, and there are advantages to it compared to things like caffeine and energy drinks.”

10) Take a power nap.

Another way to unleash your brain's natural energy? Take a power nap. Researchers have found there are clear benefits to napping, including increased alertness after your nap. The key is doing it right. In other words, napping for the right amount of time, and at the right time of day.

Then, once you're up from your nap, get back to it.

[consummate-deviant]

The Character of Android 17

What’s up, friendos? So, Android 17 has been the toast of the town in Dragon Ball circles lately.  Don’t get me wrong, that’s awesome and definitely deserved: the dude is unquestionably the MVP of the tournament of power, and if you try to say otherwise, I’ll… shrug and carry on with my day, I guess.  You do you, I ain’t your dad.

No, but seriously, go to any discussion forum or comment section these days, and you’ll see plenty of people talking about how great and cool 17 was, and how he’s definitely shone more than any other during the current arc.  I agree with the sentiment whole-heartedly, so we’re not here to discuss that, rather, I want to bring up some of the negativity that has come along with this newfound bump in fan appreciation.

See, where there’s hype, there must be backlash, and 17 has been subjected to plenty of that.  With every more popular member of team universe 7 to be eliminated before him, the number of people bitter at his continued presence grew.  This is fine, in and of itself, for the ‘not your dad’ reason I listed above, but there are two specific complaints I occasionally hear about 17 that I just can’t co-sign for you, and I decided to write this up to address them.  

The first is: “He’s not even the same character he was!  This guy doesn’t act anything like 17/has nothing in common with his DBZ incarnation”

the second is: “He’s boring/blank/bland!  He has no personality.”

Since I’m one of the five people worldwide who listed Android 17 as his favorite character ever since the good ole days of Z, I figure the least I can do is roll up my sleeves and share some of the reasons I disagree with the above, as well as express how I see his actions and arc.  We’ll go through the timeline of events he participated in, and see if we can’t parse together the delinquent he was with the chill park ranger he would become!

PART 1: A Reminder of the Android’s Origin and the Future Timeline

So, Android 17 was originally Lapis, a teenage delinquent who would often go out and rabble-rouse with his sister and his droogs, playing their rap music too loud, wearing pants with the waistband far lower than the waistband of pants should be allowed to hang in civilized society, and other stuff like that, I assume.

Unfortunately for the duo, Dr. Gero was about, looking for a team of teenagers with attitude he could convert into an armada of godless killing machines.  One might feel prompted to ask why Gero intended to create machines so powerful that he couldn’t control them uness they wanted to listen to his orders, but sought the demographic of humans statistically least likely to ever listen to what an old man has to say to them to be the vessels of those machines, but this isn’t an essay about Gero being a silly, silly man.

Rather, the salient point to take out of the backstory we’re given is that 17 and 18 started out with a chip on their shoulder and a lack of love for people or society.  We don’t get any info on their home life or their parents, but based on their choice of hobby, and the ease with which they were spirited away, we can safely assume there were no happy beginnings here.  From the moment they became relevant to the universe of DB they were already in a position to hate society; being kidnapped by a madman and turned into cyborgs specifically to vent THAT madman’s hatred of society only exacerbated this, resulting in a mixture that basically burned the world to the ground.

Fast forward to some time later, and humans are an endangered species, Gohan has been disarmed, and Trunks has been brought to the verge of death. We don’t really learn a lot about the personalities of the future incarnation of the androids.  They behaved like a pair of psychopathic children, destroying the world less because of any deeply held hatred or bloodlust, but more because it sounded like a fun idea and what else were they gonna do with their weekend?  They share some elements of their character with the versions of themselves who would be proper cast members, which I’ll get to later, but for the purposes of the story they were more of a force of nature than anything.

It’s too late for the future… but not the entire multiverse!  So Trunks head back to the past, but hold up, Jack!  Would his warnings prove accurate?

Part 2: Android 17 in DBZ

The first thing we learn about android 17 is that he’s a troll. Seriously, not only is he quite sardonic in his disposal of his stepdad, the first interaction he has with the Z warriors, his nominal enemies, is to beckon Krillin over to him, then abruptly stand up and frighten him.  No end game, no intent to harm, he just really wanted to screw with the poor guy.  He’s a gadfly who frequently says and does things for no greater reason than to see the reaction they provoke in others.

The second thing we learn is that he shares his future incarnation’s flippant, whimsical attitude, but to a less morbid extreme.  He makes short work of the assembled heroes, but treats it like clearing the arcade mode of a fighting game, stopping at the knockout and expressing a hope they may be more fun if he encounters them again. When 18 steps up to fight Vegeta, 17 reacts to it like a child whose sister beat him to calling dibs on the front seat during a car trip.

The third thing we learn is that he is one cocky little punk.  He refers to himself as the ultimate warrior on multiple occasions, brags constantly about himself, and treats the notion of anyone being his rival, much less stronger than he is, as a notion so ridiculous that it doesn’t even deserve his contempt.

These three traits are important because they remain central to his disposition even as a grown man, albeit to a far more muted and mature degree, even though his personality does change quite a bit during the ten years we don’t see him.  It may be tempting to say that being eaten by a bug man was what served to put a sock in his constant “I’m the best in the world” talk, and that certainly did play a role in who he became, but I would say his character started to change a little bit before that: during his fight with Piccolo.

The thing about 17’s strength is that it has nothing to do with martial prowess.  As a delinquent he certainly had experience in street fights, but he never did any formal training, or did anything that would require effort or discipline.  When Gero made 17 an android he made him so strong that he could crush anyone he encountered, but it was just that, raw strength.  It had no technique or prowess behind it.  

As the fight progresses, we see 17’s attitude toward Piccolo change subtly.  At the start, he’s just a toy to be played with, another level in his game to be cleared and forgotten about, but as it progresses Piccolo does something that 17 had never encountered before: he holds his own.  With skill and grace, he matches every move 17 has, blow for blow.  In the past 17 had had many fights as a bully and a thug, but this was the first time in his life he did battle as a warrior, and he liked the feel of it.  He expresses a kind of respect for piccolo as their fight reaches its end, even though it is couched in his trademark, planet-sized, ego.  It was an encounter that took the first step toward redeeming him, and setting him down the path we would see him walking in Super.

...and then a bug ate him… Yeah, it’s hard to stay arrogant after you’ve been eaten by a bug, so that helped too.  My big sticking point is that it’s often assumed that if Cell hadn’t screwed up the flow of events, the modern androids would have eventually became their future selves, but I think there’s a chance for their redemption even without Cell, provided at some point in time 18 meets Krillin and 17 fights the fused Kami-Piccolo.

Part 3: 17 in DBS and the Tournament of Power

Ten years pass, Android 17 is, if not in his thirties, pushing up close to ‘em for certain.  His personality is now quite placid, and he’s a family man, carrying on 16’s spirit by protecting nature, and carrying on the fire that Piccolo lit in him a decade ago by training constantly to improve his technique.  Now, I maintain that his character is still consistent, but does he BEHAVE differently now?  Of course he does.  Look, I don’t know how old you are, reader person, but I promise you, when more than a few seasons separate you from your teenage years, you will look back at who you were as a teenager, and the things you did… and you will cringe. Hard.  Heck, I’m in my thirties now, and I look back at the things I said and did in my early twenties and cringe, sometimes.  Growing older is a game of constantly realizing how ridiculous you used to be and hoping you’re less ridiculous now.

So yeah, he is more mature, but the three elements that are the center of his character are intact.  He is a merciless gadfly throughout his entire run in Super.  He exchanges affectionate barbs with his sister when he meets her daughter, he teases Krillin’s nervousness around him, despite expressing to Goku that he was fond of the man, and considered him his brother, and in general never openly acting like he took anything he encountered as seriously as he really did.

He still tends to treat everything around him like a giant game, made most evident by all of his interactions with Universe 2, but most of all with  Ribrianne and her Kamikaze Fireballs, playing the role they provided him with abandon and gusto- when Ribrianne accused him of being a villain from some kind of magical girl anime… he promptly starts hamming it up and acting like a villain in some kind of magical girl anime!

He’s no longer the loud mouthed braggart he was as a teenager, sure, but his faith in himself remains strong.  It’s just that it’s no longer childish, absolute arrogance, and instead has been tempered into a realistic confidence in his own abilities.  When faced with insurmountable odds, he remains calm and studies his situation carefully, never moving recklessly, but also never losing faith in his ability to eventually find a way to overcome the situation he finds himself in.

The tournament of power DOES introduce an important arc to 17’s character, though, and it’s a surprisingly subtle one.  Sadly, I’ve already typed up 2,000 words on the subject, so I’m going to go ahead and stop here for now.  This is how I perceive the character, and why I like him so much.  If anyone wants me to, I may type up the second essay on 17 I have rattling around in my head sometime, and reveal how 17 accomplishes something impossible:  makes JIREN an interesting antagonist.

[gretchensinister]

Burgess Wilderness Recreation Area 17/?

And so continues the story I began for the Black as Pitch Halloween event. It’s the kind of story I’m sure you know well. Five college kids, a cabin, and a state park that just doesn’t get many visitors any more… (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16)

Tooth bolted down the road, some part of her still guilty that she was running, guilty that she wasn’t crying or screaming as she ran. But what was the point of guilt right now? She didn’t need to display any particular emotion now; she just needed to run. To get away, to not twist her ankle, she knew how this kind of story went, and she didn’t want to play out the same old expected thing. She was going to live, she was going to live, she just needed to run a little farther, to get out get out get out.

Soon, though, she reached the point when she felt she was really beginning to understand how much all the running she was going to have to do was going to hurt. Oh well, oh well. She had oodles of will power; she wouldn’t have gotten to college without it. As long as she had her mind, she’d run as long as she had legs.

She rounded the last bend, and came upon another fallen tree. Now, she did scream. Then she noticed movement, and screamed again, and then she noticed that the movement was most definitely not the monster. The two park rangers from yesterday—yesterday?—were standing in front of the downed tree. Well, not standing. They were jogging toward her, and they were holding some…weapons! They could help! They could kill that thing and maybe save Sandy or no maybe not or at least take revenge for him. But wait, no, that didn’t make sense. Why would they be here with weapons? Why would they be here at all?

“Miss! Miss! Are you all right?” the man asked.

What could she say to that?

“No!” she cried. Keep it simple, keep it simple, but now they could try to save Sandy, right? She just needed to sound normal, somehow. “Help,” she said. “I need help, my friend needs help, you need to come with me, if we run, maybe, maybe…”

Oh. So now she would start to cry. And now there was no stopping. Big, panicky sobs interrupted and distorted all her words.

“Come here, come here,” the woman said, holding her arms out and herding her towards the tree.

“No, no, I don’t want to leave!” Tooth managed to say. “I don’t want to leave Sandy!”

“There were three other people,” the woman said. “Are they in danger?”

A sudden coldness came over Tooth, allowing her to stop crying almost at once. “They’re not in danger,” she said. “They’re dead.”

“Oh! Oh, um, fuck,” Katherine said. “Right.” Questions filled her mind. How had they died? Where were they? When had this happened? But none of that mattered right now, because the answer to “when” might be “minutes ago” and they didn’t have time to waste on questions that could be answered later. If this was some sort of practical joke, she’d deal with college students laughing at her.

But she really didn’t think that this was any kind of a joke.

“Show us where we need to go,” Katherine said.

“Just back down the road,” the girl said. “If he’s not—if he’s not on the road anymore, then—then…” She wrapped her arms around herself and started shaking. “I don’t want to go back there. But, but, I can’t stay alone. All right, all right…let’s go.”

“We’ve got ways to defend ourselves,” Luc said. He held up a pair of gardening shears.

This didn’t appear to inspire any confidence or hope in the girl.

“Come on,” Katherine said. “We’ve got to act quickly, right?”

 ***

 “No,” the girl said, upon reaching a not particularly noteworthy section of trail. “No. He’s not here.” She hunched forward. “We have to get out of here. I’m the only one left and…and the longer we stay, the more likely we are to die, too.”

“Hey, um…what’s your name?” Luc asked.

“Riti, but my friends called me Tooth,” she said.

“Okay,” Luc said. “I’ll call you Riti until we know each other better, okay?”

She nodded.

“Okay. You understand that we have a lot of questions now, right, Riti? Do you promise that you’ll answer them once we’re away from here?”

Tooth nodded again. “But we need to go, now. I think…I think we have a little time, but not much.”

Luc and Katherine looked at each other. Movies were all they had to go on, and they knew that it could be fatal, standing around and asking questions in very strange circumstances. Which was kind of an awful message, come to think of it, Katherine thought. But when there was only time to act, then, well, you really did have to act.

“I think Mary’s Market would be far enough away for us to talk, based on the newspaper articles we found,” Katherine said.

“Can you tell us what’s going on when we get there?” Luc asked Tooth.

“Yeah. I’ll try,” she said.

“Then let’s get out of here,” said Luc. “This is too much for just us.”

But who was it not too much for? Katherine wondered as they headed back towards the truck.

 ***

 When Sandy awoke, he was in the middle of a quiet clearing full of early spring wildflowers. The sun was warm on his face, the sky a clear, peaceful blue. He had a moment of profound relief, the thought, so the fundies were wrong after all, and then the unpleasant rush of recollection as to why he expected to be dead.

Upon looking at the familiar imperfect trees around the clearing, he decided his expectation had not been fulfilled. But…but why? Sudden hope made him gasp. Maybe the monster hadn’t killed Jackie and Nick and Bunny. Maybe they were around here, somewhere, stored for later or something. True, they’d probably be injured, considering how they’d been dragged off, but still! Even to see them for a short while!

Sandy made a lost little sound. He was thirsty, and tired, and he wanted his friends, and he wanted none of this to be happening. He slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position, as if being vertical would help somehow.

When he sat up, he found the monster staring at him.

He swore, but didn’t try to get up to run. So, the monster wanted to stare at him? Well, let it. He was still scared, of course he was, but he no longer felt like he had enough hormones in his body for a strong chemical fear reaction.

The monster crept forward in the tall grass. Sandy grimaced, but still didn’t move. He would face this. And he could observe, too, that the creature did move well on all fours. Or—wait. The creature was holding one of its arms up away from the ground. Sandy didn’t want to meet anything that could hurt a monster like this, but then, accidents could happen even to monsters, couldn’t they? Would having one limb not at full strength give Sandy any kind of advantage? Well, honestly, probably not. This monster was really good at hunting people, while Sandy had no experience escaping large predators. But an injury to the monster could only put him less into the negatives of advantage.

At this point, he’d take whatever he could get.

The monster finally pushed through the grass where Sandy was sitting and Sandy realized that what he was getting was not what he had expected.

The monster hadn’t been moving the way it had because its leg was injured. It had been moving the way it was because it was carrying something. A can of beer, in fact.

Sandy felt like he’d slid sideways into a world that bore not even the least passing resemblance to anything he’d ever known as real life. There was room in real life for monsters in the woods! What did he know about woods, anyway? There could be anything in there. But there was no room in real life for a killer monster deciding not to kill him, and, instead, offering him a beer.

“It is a drink for you,” the monster said. “It is the kind of thing you like to drink.”

Sandy couldn’t form a response. None. Absolutely zilch. Nada. His mind supplied nothing but the countless scenes in books and movies where a person offered candy to some freaky thing to try to forge a friendship. If only he was facing something that could be pacified by Reese’s Pieces!

Surely he’d packed some sort of candy in his pack—oh, but he wouldn’t have it anymore, would he?

Except that he did. Some small fragment of his perceptions was free enough to tell him that one of his backpack straps still tugged on his arm. He instinctively tried to hide his surprise, to not let the monster know that it had forgotten to take this advantage from him, but realized an instant later that this was ridiculous. Why would the monster have bothered? There was definitely nothing in Sandy’s backpack that could hurt it. It didn’t need to make any power plays with him like a human kidnapper might. It had nothing to prove to him.

How marvelously alien it was!

And it was still holding out a beer for him.

This increasingly undeniable circumstance increasingly demanded a response. Sandy hadn’t got much of a handle on it, yet, but he figured he might as well have a drink, if things were going to be this weird.

Carefully, so as not to touch the monster’s fingers—he was on the edge of a freakout already, he didn’t want to do anything that might push him over the edge—he took the can. The monster withdrew its hand and sat back, still watching him. Sandy didn’t feel capable of staring down the monster anymore, so he looked at the beer can, instead. It was a regional brand, both beloved and sort of hated, not great, but supposedly better than the megabrands. It was the kind of beer that he and Nick had stocked up on for the camping trip.

A wave of dizziness washed over Sandy as he pictured the monster picking its way through the cabin, the clothes they’d left behind, their unmade beds, their dishes, the food they’d brought, every other little ordinary thing, every little human thing, that that cabin represented: it had gotten into the cabin after all!

Had they left it unlocked? Sandy couldn’t remember. But whether it had broken the lock or not, the horror of it was that the cabin hadn’t deterred the creature at all. The cabin was just another space to it. No mythic embodiment of the woods, then, thought Sandy. This thing, whatever it was, was only itself. It didn’t play by any rules that humans understood.

A little hysterical giddiness joined some of Sandy’s horror. The monster was so, so real. There was no rubber mask to pull off.

As if to confirm this, the wind shifted so that Sandy was now downwind of the monster. A very faint, woody, musky scent blew towards him as the monster’s fur ruffled. It wasn’t unpleasant, and hardly noticeable in the woods, really—Sandy probably wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t been sitting right in front of the monster. No skunk ape here. That made sense. It wouldn’t benefit a monster that hunted humans to be easy for humans to detect.

“Drink,” the monster said. It wasn’t exactly a command. If it had any tone at all, it was puzzled. It had offered him a drink and he had taken it, so why didn’t he drink? An animal wouldn’t have hesitated. But then, the monster knew he wasn’t just any animal, otherwise it wouldn’t have offered him a beer.

That raised the question of how much the monster did know. It had spoken to him in English, after all. Or at least he had heard English when it spoke. Would it understand him when he spoke? Again, Sandy felt his fear ebbing away in curiosity. He felt like he’d crossed some sort of line, beyond which all ordinary ways of thinking had to fall away. Or maybe he was just dissociating. Regardless, he wasn’t reacting like someone about to be torn limb from limb. He couldn’t even muster up any fear at how he was taking so long to obey the monster’s command.

But that was another one of the surreal things about this situation. He wasn’t afraid that this monster would get angry at him. Sandy felt that this monster didn’t take things like that personally. Probably there hadn’t been anything personal behind even the killing his friends.

That would be…no, no, Sandy didn’t want to think about that right now. He didn’t want to think about much of anything, in fact.

He popped open the can and took a drink. It tasted good, and he was suddenly annoyed at his body’s interest in staying alive. By rights, he should already be dead.

The monster’s expression didn’t change much, but it relaxed even further as Sandy took another sip.

[witchcastors]

How do you cope with the fact that you can see what other people can't... I mean I get grounded if I even mention to my mom I saw something so I grew up feeling like being able to see is bad ability... like it makes me bad. Just the other day I have a situation with a friend of mine and he wants to ask me more about it... but it makes me uncomfortable. I wanna be able to talk about it like you do on your blog.

Oh, hunny…I’m so sorry; I sympathize with you immensely. 

I grew up in a house that wasn’t particularly religious, but my mom is. Things on my dad’s side is…estranged. And I can remember, quite vividly, getting in severe trouble when one of my spirit journals was found. My mom, however, wasn’t so much as harsh as she was scared–she was/is more worried about my soul than anything, she (and the rest of my mom’s side) can’t really seem to understand my point of view at all. Half of them don’t even try to, (my mom, aunt, gma being the three exceptions)

I grew up thinking I was crazy, battled a lot of depression/anxiety, paranoia, etc, it was awful, and I’m so sorry you’ve got to experience this as well. I became very secretive, defensive, (I still snap at my mom and will cry any time she asks a mundane personal question–because I’m terrified of being judged. It’s not so much a huge deal anymore, but years of keeping parts of me hidden has taken an obvious toll–I shut everyone in my family out on anything personal in my life, I don’t recommend)

As for coping, I don’t do it very well. I’ve got an explosive defensive side, and I can be very secretive and paranoid about things; but I’ve been working on it. It takes awhile to find a few good hearted people you can trust with your soul, and it’s important not to let walls build up. I’ve taken a lot of therapy to get to this point, (it’s comical, my therapist once said “can you believe you’ve been coming to me for over 8 months and I still don’t know anything about you?”–it takes a lot for me. I think the reason I’m so open here is because my blog’s main purpose is to be helpful to others who are in the same craft field/those who are beginners or are curious. Oh! And another thing, my craft, when I finally embraced it, did wonders. Particularly, my deities. Hecate helped me feel more empowered, more confident. And I decided I wanted to help others. Nothing makes me happier than being a witchy mama/mentor/friend. I’ve been able to witness and help quite a large number now of witchy babes realize/start their paths, and it’s easier to be yourself around like-minded individuals. I feel much less judged in this community then anywhere else.

As for your mother…this just breaks my heart. I understand the unknown can be scary, and most of the time it’s just ignorance and closeminded-ness that leads to the intense reactions to the witch/spirit communities. But I can say for a fact that there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re certainly not bad. You’ve got an ability, and that’s a neutral thing. How you use it is up to you, it can be super helpful and a very powerful thing, but it’s not innately negative, and I’m sorry you’re mother can’t seem to grasp it. I hope with time, like my mother, she’ll come around. Until then, you might have to simply not include her in it. Not that you ever have to, technically, it’s your body and it’s none of her business how you use it (obviously if you’re a harm to yourself or others, that’s a different story–please make sure you protect yourself and do research before diving too far into spirit work)

It’s not a bad thing, hunny. You’re not bad for this. You should try to help your friend, if you feel ready (if not you can message me for help if you need it!). You should be happy and proud of who you are, you’re lovely and gifted and there’s nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. I hope you can find a way to experience your ability in a safe manner, and that you’ll be able to experiment and find your path in your own way, without anyone else bogging you down! And you’re more than welcome to keep me and my followers updated with your progress, I’d be excited to be apart of it!!