#//but he still didn’t want to lose any part of himself; esp not this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mortemoppetere · 1 year ago

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TIMING: sometime before don't lose your head LOCATION: worm row PARTIES: @declinlalune & @mortemoppetere SUMMARY: andy finds a drunken emilio being kicked out of a bar and escorts him home. CONTENT WARNINGS: alcoholism, suicide ideation, parental death, sibling death, child death

“Can’t kick me out,” Emilio slurred, throwing an elbow into the ribs of the man who was currently dragging him out of the Wormhole by his clothes. “Was leavin’ anyway. ¡Come mierda! Pinche pendejo, vete a la mierda. ¡Vete a freír esp — “ The last of his angry tirade was quickly cut off as the bouncer tossed him into the alley and practically ran back over to the door, slamming it shut. Emilio heard the lock click as he stumbled to his feet, flipping off the door and swaying. “Que cabrón ,” he mumbled to himself, kicking the ground.

He didn’t usually get like this. He drank, sure, but not usually to this excess. Not in public, at least, not where people could see him. Emilio preferred to fall apart in the empty silence of his own apartment, but… Well. It was rough right now. With the second anniversary of the massacre fast-approaching and Rhett and Vida’s combined presences in town giving him grief and stress for different reasons, Emilio wasn’t at his best.

Still mumbling under his breath, he turned to leave the alley… and ran smack into someone walking by. “Shit,” he mumbled, stumbling backwards. “Didn’t mean to — Oh. Hi, Andy.”

—

“Fuck!” Andy reached out to steady the person who had connected with her shoulder, only to pull away and notice that it was .. Emilio? She blinked at him, immediately smelling the alcohol not only on his breath, but on his pants, too. Had he spilled whiskey on himself? Or maybe somebody else had.

He said her name, which at least meant a part of him had some cognitive ability. “You good?” She looked past him towards the alley he had come out of, noticing that a door to the bar was closed shut. “Did you just get kicked out of there?” She didn’t frequent bars, not unless it was for the wings or poetry, apparently. Andy let out a small breath before letting go of him. “Can you walk? Do you need a ride home?” Their last conversation (not to be confused with the one online about Kaden’s tendencies) weighed heavy on her mind. While she wouldn’t necessarily leave anyone to fend for themselves like this, she felt the urge to help even more after recalling what he had said to her.

“I can get you some water?”

—

Was he good? He took stock of himself with an expression that almost looked confused. “I’m not bleeding or anything,” he decided with a shrug. It wouldn’t occur to him until he’d sobered up that she’d probably been referring to his inebriated state rather than asking if he’d had any more run-ins with rogue beasts looking to bite his arms off. Emilio wasn’t thinking entirely clearly; that probably wouldn’t come as any kind of a surprise.

Looking back to the bar, he shrugged. “Yeah. Said I was dis — disru… perturbador. Estúpido. I was just having a drink.” Or… more than one. Andy’s hands, which had previously rested on his shoulders, disappeared, and Emilio swayed slightly in their absence. “Can I walk? Ay, not as well as I used to, but I’m still all right at it. One then the other. Right?” He took a few steps to demonstrate, stumbling over himself slightly. It was dizzying, and he felt a little nauseous. He still thought he preferred it to being sober. “Water. Whiskey sounds better. Wanna get a drink? There’s a bar near here.”

—

“Uh huh…” Andy narrowed her eyes at him as he claimed that he was fine and not bleeding. That hadn’t been what she meant, but at least there weren’t any secret injuries she now needed to be worried about. That was a relief.

“Disrupting?” She asked, moving to catch him as he staggered off, his legs wobbling beneath him. He stumbled and Andy’s grip returned to his shoulders. He was a little taller than her, but directing him back to the sidewalk wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. He asked if she wanted a drink, and while she would have taken him up on the offer had he not been so drunk that he was falling over himself, she didn’t think it was a good idea to go into another bar.

“Actually, doing a whole thing with no drinks for the… week.” She didn’t drink often, so it wasn’t that hard to believe. Andy let out a small sigh as she let go of his shoulders. “Can you walk to my jeep? It’s just that way.” She made a move to jut her chin in the direction that she was parked in. Whether or not he’d be able to pull himself up into the passenger seat was to be determined. “But before that,” she said, getting another whiff of whiskey, “I think we should get you that water. Come on.” She looped her arm through his, walking him in the direction of a corner store that was up ahead.

—

Andy inspected him like there was something to see, and Emilio held his arms out as if to prove that there wasn’t. Her eyes were narrowed, her face suspicious, and he was starting to learn that this didn’t always coincide with poor intentions. Sometimes, in fact, it meant the opposite; if someone was worried about you, they might look close to make sure you were as okay as you pretended to be. If someone was worried about you, they might find out that you weren’t. Emilio tried to keep this from happening now. The alcohol had helped his mood instead of hurting it tonight, and he wanted to hold on to that. Even if only for a while.

“Yeah!” He pointed at her, nodding his head. “Yeah, that. That one.” Her hands were at his shoulders again, and he might have thought it was funny that she was able to keep him upright if he didn’t know the extra strength she boasted. Juliana had been smaller than him, too. Smaller than Andy, even. She’d been able to move him around just as easily. Rangers, like all other hunters, had plenty of strength on their side. They needed it, after all, even if they didn’t hunt. There were still things that would hunt you, even when you hung up the silver bullets. He wondered, absently, if Andy worried about that. Were there wolves tracking her and her sister down for their family’s sins the same way Emilio’s daughter had died for his? The thought threatened to pull a dark curtain over his otherwise decent mood, and he struggled to shove it to the side.

His brow furrowed as Andy spoke, but he nodded along anyway. No drinks for the week. Right. Was it Lent? No, no. That wasn’t right. It was too late in the year for that, wasn’t it? Emilio hadn’t been a decent Catholic in years now, but his current confusion stemmed less from that and more from the fact that he wasn’t entirely sure what month it was. He decided it didn’t matter. If Andy wasn’t drinking, she wasn’t drinking. He glanced off in the direction she indicated. “Don’t want to go that way,” he replied. “My apartment is that way.” He motioned in the opposite direction, towards Axis. It wasn’t far from the Wormhole; that was one of his favorite parts about the dump. “Do you want a water?” He let her lead him off somewhere, still tripping over himself a little. “You’re talking about it a lot. Maybe you’re perj — pro — trying to say I want what you want. I’ll get you a water.” He didn’t have any money left, he was fairly certain, but he had some room in his pockets. He could fit a water in there.

—

Andy barely struggled as Emilio came to a sudden stop, his hand lifting and finger extended in the opposite direction of where she was trying to get him to go. “Your apartment?” She followed the invisible line he motioned towards and nodded firmly. “Right, okay.” His apartment might be better, she realized. Less chance of him making a mess of the jeep. “I don’t want water,” Andy responded as she started him in the direction of his apartment.

“But I think that you could use some water. Maybe a nice loaf of bread.” The few times Andy had drank, that had always helped when she woke up with a bitch of a hangover. “But sure, I can have some water, too.” She might need it anyway after lugging him down the street. She kept a firm hold on his arm, looking down at his feet every now and again to make sure that he hadn’t gotten an untied shoelace or something.

The corner store wasn’t far from where they were now and Andy considered running in to grab a bottle or two. “Swear you won’t run away if I go in there really quick? We can sit on this curb for a second, or do you want to go home?” She felt like she was talking to a toddler. Or rather, to Alex when she had thrown her tantrums. Andy had only been a teenager now, and though she’d grown up entirely too fast, she felt a little like one now, too.

—

Andy seemed willing enough to swap gears, changing direction to move back towards his apartment. For a moment, he felt a familiar sense of worry. What if Rhett was there? What if his brother had come by to shower, or to raid his fridge, or to sit on his couch and do whatever it was he did when Emilio wasn’t there? But then, the thought faded. Andy was a hunter. If anything, Rhett would be pleased to see Emilio hanging out with her. It wasn’t like with Ren, who he’d sense and try to hurt right away, or with one of his other less-human friends. This was one friendship Emilio could partake in without disappointing anyone. There was something freeing about that.

“Bread? Don’t think I have any.” The only food in his apartment had been left by other people, and he doubted any of them brought bread over. Wynne tended to leave stew and homecooked meals, while Javi only ever brought pre-packaged things that could last a while before expiring. Maybe there was still some of whatever bread Rhett had bought to fend off whatever weird, bread-sensitive fae he’d been fighting last week. “Don’t you — You sell bread.” He thought he remembered something about a bakery. Hadn’t she posted about it before?

He leaned against the wall when Andy stopped, relying on the bricks to keep him upright a little more than he’d care to admit. When she spoke, he squinted. “Why would I run away?” It wasn’t like she was trying to take him anywhere he didn’t want to go. In fact, his apartment was sounding better and better the closer they got to it. “I don’t care what we do. We can sit on the curb. We can go home. Gotta walk my dog, though.” It seemed more important now than it usually did, for some reason. Perro needed a walk. Emilio wanted to walk him. What a great team they’d make.

—

“Can’t judge. Only reason I’ve got bread is because of the bakery.” That wasn’t necessarily true. She and Alex had lived off of PB&J’s for quite some time before they’d finally gotten access to a fridge to store perishables. But even then, Andy had opted for canned ravioli. With Kaden around, things were different. Her cousin actually cooked, and whatever he did make, both she and Alex ate with glee, but not without some light teasing. “Yes, but unfortunately I’m not carrying any with me right now.” She thought about the holes in the walls at the bakery and grimaced.

“I…” She thought about the few times she’d drank and how she had run away. “No reason. Just precautions is all.” Andy flashed him a grin before steadying him against the wall. “Your dog? You have a dog?” Had she missed that tidbit of information? It wasn’t groundbreaking or anything, but Andy couldn’t exactly picture Emilio with a dog. A cat, maybe. He seemed like a cat, himself.

“Uh, sure, I’ll go in, be right back.” She flashed a look over her shoulder before disappearing into the store, coming out a few minutes later with a bag of bread, water, and a frozen bacon egg and cheese sandwich. “Figured you could use the grease tomorrow when the hangover kicks in.” She lifted the bag awkwardly before realizing it might have been stupid to be doing all this. She didn’t know Emilio that well, if at all, and she had taken his compliments way too quickly. Sure, she didn’t get them often, and sure it was somebody older delving them out, but still. Andy felt a little stupid as she approached him. “How much further are we from your place?”

—

He knew it. He knew she worked in a bakery. He was so busy patting himself on the back for remembering the detail that he almost missed what she said next. She worked at a bakery, but she didn’t have any bread with her? That was weird. He worked at a detective agency, and he always had his… detections… with him. Maybe, he thought, Andy just wasn’t very good at her job. He opted not to say this aloud. He thought it was very generous of him.

Emilio furrowed his brow as she claimed there was ‘no reason’ to her concern surrounding his status as a flight risk. When someone said ‘no reason,’ there was always a reason. He decided he’d try to remember this and ask her about it in the morning. The odds of this attempt to remember being successful were low, but in his drunken state, Emilio didn’t recognize this. “Yes. His name is Perro. He’s very mean.” He said it with an uncharacteristic amount of fondness to his tone, the same way one might speak if they were gushing about a pet.

As Andy disappeared into the store, Emilio leaned against the brick wall outside of it. He wanted to sit on the curb, but even as drunk as he was, he knew it wasn’t a great idea. The odds of him being able to get up again if he sat down were pretty low, even with Andy’s help. The alcohol might have numbed some of the pain in his bad knee, but it did little to make it work any better. If anything, it probably made it function a bit worse. In any case, he wasn’t left waiting long. Andy reappeared with a bag in hand, and Emilio squinted at it. “I get rid of hangovers another way,” he replied with a shrug. His ‘solution,’ of course, was more whiskey. It seemed to do the trick. But still… “I like sandwiches. I can eat it.” It would be pretty rude not to. He glanced around at her question, looking thoughtful. “I think… not far. It’s that way.” He motioned in the same direction they’d been headed again. “It’s usually less blurry than this.”

—

“Okay, but you can try this way, too. No harm, no foul, right?” But Emilio seemingly accepted her offering. “I do too, now let’s go home, yeah?” This was different, she realized. From helping injured shifters out of the woods. This was somebody like her; somebody who understood what it was to be something else before you could be a person. She wondered only briefly just what he had sacrificed, and what had gotten him to the point of drinking himself under. Andy knew that it was traumatic, whatever it was, based off of the conversation they had had about Alex. He’d been grateful that Andy had raised her outside of … typical hunter environments.

The speculation came to an end, however, as she got him moving in the direction that he had said his apartment was in.

It really wasn’t that far, as he had stated, but Andy had wondered very briefly if he’d been lying. She realized then, that she’d have to walk all the way back to her jeep. Good thing she continued carrying the bear spray. She looked over at Emilio. “Do you think you’ll make it up the stairs?”

—

“Sure,” he replied with a shrug. If Andy thought water and bread would cure a hangover, he’d give it a shot. He was pretty sure she was wrong, but he liked her enough to try it anyway… even if he might not admit to it. Emilio had never been particularly good at telling people when he enjoyed their company, and it felt even more complicated with Andy. She reminded him a little too much of himself, in the way every hunter did. Their lives were always similar in a way that hurt, always starting the same and largely ending the same. Hunters were born to be weapons, and meant to die as them, too. The fact that Andy had broken herself and her sister free from that cycle might hurt less if Emilio felt he’d ever be able to do the same.

But, of course, he was too drunk to dwell on it now. That was why he did this to himself, why he drank until he couldn’t think anymore. It was so much better than the alternative, so much easier than living in his mind when it was sober.

Even if it did make walking a bit harder.

He snorted at her question, glancing at the stairwell. “Can’t even make it up the stairs sober,” he replied, more truthful than he would have been with a few less drinks in him. “But there’s a — uh… Thing. Goes up.” He shuffled towards the rickety elevator, shoving his finger into the button. It screeched as it came down, loud and daunting. There was no way the thing was up to any kind of code; Emilio got into it without hesitating, holding his arm in front of the door to keep it open and looking at Andy expectantly.

—

Andy came to a stop in front of Emilio’s building, craning her neck to get a good look at the outside facade. She dropped her gaze back to her company as he insisted that he had another way. She watched as he wobbled into the elevator, recoiling at the sounds it made. It was louder to her, and she half-wondered if Emilio was able to ignore it now from the familiarity. Living outside of town had been the right choice on several fronts. The squealing elevator had been added to the list.

She got onto it and waited for Emilio to press the button that’d take them to the floor they needed to get off on. Only problem was, it didn’t move. Instead, it made another squealing sound, this time metal against metal and Andy visibly winced, covering one of her ears. “What the hell? I thought you said it went up.” She moved forward and jammed her finger against the lit up button, but nothing happened. At least the doors hadn’t closed. “We should– get off. What if we get trapped on here?” Together, she and Emilio could probably pry the doors open, but she didn’t want to figure out if they were capable.

Without another word, she stepped off. “We should take the stairs.”

—

Andy was looking at the elevator like it might bite her, but she got onto it anyway. There was some relief in that; Emilio didn’t particularly want to stand around trying to argue with her about whether or not the elevator was safe, because it probably wasn’t. The thing was beyond its last legs, but until it dropped him out of the damn sky, Emilio would continue using it.

Or, alternatively, until it refused to go up.

He glared at the buttons when the elevator refused to move, as if a stern look might scare it into shape. It didn’t. “It does go up,” he insisted, stabbing a finger into the button again. Once, twice, ten times. “It always goes up. I think — You broke it. You broke my building.” He sighed mournfully, resigning himself to sleep in the elevator. “How would we get trapped? The doors are open.” It didn’t quite occur to him, in his drunken state, that this was subject to change.

As Andy stepped off the elevator, Emilio shrugged and followed suit, faltering a little at her suggestion. “I’m not good on the stairs,” he grumbled. “Knee locks up. Can make it up halfway, but then I can’t go longer. Don’t want to sleep in the stairs, so I’ll sleep here.” The elevator would probably be working again by tomorrow.

—

“I didn’t– I did not break your building? You pressed the button first.” Something else definitely broke it, but maybe, like all things in Wicked’s Rest, it could sense her unwillingness to do what was expected of her. Andy crossed her arms over her chest, staring at him from outside of the elevator. She had to remind herself that he was drunk and that this wasn't normally how he was. Then again, she didn’t know what he was normally like. She’d only seen him at his most extremes. “Because they could close, and then maybe the buttons wouldn’t work like they aren’t working now.” Andy didn’t like elevators, there were too many scenarios where things could end up bad.

She arched a brow and shook her head. “You don’t do that, no.” But to get him up the stairs, not only because he had had his fill of liquor but because of his bad knee, Andy knew she needed to come up with something to urge him to at least try. “I’ll carry you.” Maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe he’d be all macho and tell her it was emasculating. She didn’t care if he thought that. It was a solution. “Once you can’t make it anymore.” Maybe it wasn’t that great of an idea. Maybe she should just leave him to sleep on the elevator floor, per his insistence. But something tugged at her to not leave him behind in unsavory conditions, even if she were in his shoes, she might say the same. “So come on. Let’s go, I’ll walk up behind you and support you.”

—

“I press the button all the time,” he insisted stubbornly. “And it never breaks. You press the buttons once, and now it doesn’t go up? It’s your fault.” Even drunk, Emilio was too stubborn to admit that the building had been falling apart long before he’d moved into it, and that this probably wasn’t the first time the elevator had given up the ghost. Just because he’d never been unlucky enough to get stuck in it didn’t mean his neighbors could make the same claims. “I don’t think they would close,” he replied, but he followed her off the elevator, anyway. The moment they stepped off, the doors did, in fact, slam shut behind them. Emilio looked back curiously. “I think they might close,” he amended.

She’d carry him? Emilio furrowed his brow. Hunters were stronger than run-of-the-mill humans, he knew that. And Juliana had been a ranger, like Andy. She’d been plenty capable of carrying him when it was necessary, and she’d been smaller than Andy was. But up a flight of stairs? “You sure you won’t fall?” The last thing he wanted was for the two of them to go tumbling down the stairs together. He’d feel bad if Andy broke her neck because he had a few too many drinks. And her sister or her cousin would definitely kill him, which didn’t seem like a particularly fun experience. But… Maybe he’d be able to make it up without assistance. He couldn’t usually, but he was drunk enough that his knee wasn’t hurting as badly as it typically did. And the idea of laying down on his mattress was a nice one. Pursing his lips, Emilio nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “But if you break your neck, you’re not allowed to be a ghost in the stairs. Okay?”

—

Andy stared at the back of Emilio’s head as he turned to look at the now-closed doors of the elevator. She knew him to be stubborn, but had thought that maybe it was reserved for online situations. She was a little more outgoing online, too, even if she held all the same reservations. She let out a sigh before turning towards the stairwell that was across from the elevator. At least the steps didn’t look like they’d fall through with applied weight.

She turned back to look at him as he asked if she would fall. “Why would I fall?” The question sounded stupid. Maybe she was a little too sure of herself. She lifted sacks of flour on the daily. Not only had she been gifted some kind of super strength thanks to the dumbass hunter genes, but she worked out, too. She was more than capable of getting Emilio up to his apartment. “Yeah, I promise to haunt your apartment only.” So how would they do this? The idea of carrying Emilio bridal style was comical, but the most effective would be to get him on her back. “Do you need a stepping stool to get on my back or what?” She turned it to him, beckoning for him to climb on. “I hope you don’t know what Twilight is,” Andy muttered under her breath as she waited for him to get on.

—

In all honesty, Emilio had little familiarity with the stairwell of his building. He was stubborn enough to attempt the stairs a few times after moving into town — Wicked’s Rest was the first place he’d stayed put long enough to have an apartment after the injury to his leg left him with more pain and less functionality in the limb, and most of the motels he’d stayed at in the years preceding his ‘settlement’ into the town didn’t have stairs to speak of — but it hadn’t lasted long. As much as he hated to accept any kind of weakness in himself, taking the elevator felt less embarrassing than being unable to finish the trek up the stairs. He’d never been in a situation like this one, where the elevator was unusable. He wasn’t sure if it was good luck or bad that Andy was here with him for it. The extra help was nice… but it also meant an extra person who’d see how pathetic he was.

“I’m heavy,” he mumbled, staring up the stairs. Maybe it wasn’t too late to have her drag him off to wherever Rhett had parked his van and just sleep there for the night. Rhett would probably be a shit about it, but Rhett was usually a shit anyway. “If you haunt my apartment, I’m calling an exorcist,” he threatened, shooting her a glare. They were already here, right? Might as well just suck it up and let her help him. Sighing, he motioned for her to turn around. “I can do it, I can do it. I’m taller than you are.” Not by much, but still. He was a little unsteady as he climbed onto her back, glaring at the wall as he did so. “I know what twilight is. I’m a slayer. I do some of my best work at twilight.”

—

“And I lift, and it’s probably more than your weight.” Andy wasn’t exactly sure– it was hard to tell by the height of him, but she wanted to be right, anyway. She could and would lift Emilio if needed, and there wasn’t much else he could say about it. When he threatened her with an exorcist, Andy snorted. “I know the perfect one. I’ll give you her number.” It was so odd, being able to be open about things like exorcists. She had been so used to only having Alex for discussions on the supernatural. Now that Kaden was in town, that had shifted things around, too; and again with Emilio.

“Uh huh.” Andy thought very briefly for teasing him about his height by telling him that he probably wore insoles, but her lips parted in disbelief as he explained what he knew Twilight was. Before she could ask how and where he had watched it, he was talking about the sky in periwinkles and baby blues. “Right. Yeah, lots of spidermonkeys, too.” She barely grunted at his added weight. Instead, she hiked him up further, arms tucking under his legs as she took the first step. “What floor is it again?” The last time she’d been here, it’d been in a rush, and it wasn’t until she’d been in the elevator that she’d remembered it much at all. There’d been a lot more blood then, she realized. She was glad it wasn’t like that this time.

—

“Do you lift men a lot? Not the same as weights.” Even if it was the same weight as a person, there was a big difference in carrying weights and carrying a body. Emilio had learned that through years of carrying his siblings home from bars and from hunts that went badly. The distribution of the weight was different, the fact that it moved and breathed and talked was different. But Andy wasn’t dragging him miles through the woods; she was carrying him up a couple flights of stairs. They were probably safe, he thought. “Perfect. I’ll kick you out with your own exorcist.” He wasn’t sure if the concept was genuinely hilarious, or if he was just drunk. Maybe both.

Spider monkeys? His brow furrowed in confusion. “I don’t think there are monkeys in Maine. Maybe you saw something supernatural and thought it was a monkey. Or it got out of the zoo. Maybe — Maybe Kaden let it out. When he was high at the zoo and petting carts.” Kaden asked him to get rid of the security footage, and Emilio had… but not before watching it. And saving a copy. Just in case. “Uh…” He furrowed a brow at her question, which wasn’t a hard one. He knew what floor he lived on. It was just fuzzy in his head at the moment. “Second,” he said with a sudden burst of confidence. “End of the hall. There’s a sign at the door, maybe.” The neighbors took it down, sometimes, but he thought he remembered it being up when he left. Andy had been in his apartment before, of course, but he doubt she remembered much of it. He didn’t remember much of it; they’d both been in pretty shit shape.

—

“I try not to, no, but I lug around sacks of flour. May as well be men.” She opted out of mentioning the bear traps she’d clean off the hiking trails, too, not wanting to get too into why she might be doing that. Emilio had made his position known, but she still wasn’t certain about his take on trying to protect the supernatural, even if it was in her own weird ways. Andy rolled her eyes at his comment. “I wonder if she’d leave me there just to haunt you. She’ll probably need to meet you to make that decision first.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you? The Kaden-zoo thing.” She thought it was funny, but a part of her did feel for her cousin. Would he ever be taken seriously? Especially with the kid who kept lying about dating him? Andy probably wasn’t helping by telling everyone he was French Canadian. “But yeah, maybe it was one of those.” That, in itself, confirmed they were talking about totally different versions of Twilight. “Got it.” She hadn’t remembered their trek being very long, but it was hard to focus on the elevator door opening and rushing a bleeding Emilio through it. It’d been urgent then,and it wasn’t urgent now. She reached the door just outside of the hallway that’d lead to his apartment and she sidestepped, nudging it open and then kicking it open with her shoe. “Do you still want me to carry you, or can you walk this?” She asked, craning her neck to the side to get a look at him.

—

“I am not flour.” Emilio sounded entirely offended by the implication, huffing and rolling his eyes as if he’d been personally insulted. Maybe if he’d been a little less intoxicated, it wouldn’t have been nearly as offensive. As it was, it felt incredibly rude. He was much better than flour. “She wouldn’t leave you to haunt me. Right?” Surely no exorcist would just leave someone asking for help to be terrorized by a poltergeist, even if the person in question was Emilio, who had never made a particularly good first impression… or second impression, or third. In any case, this was all hypothetical. Andy wasn’t going to fall and break her neck on the stairs when he’d explicitly told her not to.

With an amused laugh, the slayer shook his head. “No. It’s funny. Not a lot of funny things in this town.” Wicked’s Rest and its residents were so often tormented by horrors that he’d found it was important to take the funny, lighthearted things as they came. If that meant making fun of Kaden for his zoo experience, he’d keep doing it. Kaden would probably hate it, but he’d do the same to Emilio if the roles were reversed, anyway. “We should find it. If it is. Not good for monkeys to be in the streets here. Something will eat it.” Or Nora would take it home to her crypt, and it would somehow become Emilio’s problem. Neither option seemed ideal to him. He nodded as they climbed the stairs, relieved to see the door to the second floor. “I can walk, I can walk,” he insisted, hopping down off her back as soon as they were in the hall. A jolt of pain, dulled by the alcohol but in no way nonexistent, shot through his leg and he winced, but stubbornness kept him on his feet. Stumbling a little, he headed down the hall and motioned for her to follow. “Careful not to wake up, uh…” He trailed off, gesturing vaguely to Jeff’s door across from his own. “That guy, él no es agradable. You know he stabbed me once. Pendejo.” Without reaching for his keys, he pushed the door open. “Come on. You want — Maybe there’s food.” He’d been about to offer her a whiskey, but she said she wasn’t drinking right now. He’d forgotten, of course, about the food and water she’d bought at the corner store; he was too drunk to hold onto such information.

—

“Obviously not. You talk, and you say annoying things.” Andy knew that arguing with him in this state would be useless. It felt like when Alex hadn’t wanted to move from the place they’d been to the next adventure and she would have to entice her sister with the promise that things would get better. At least she didn’t need to tempt Emilio with anything. “And I don’t know, who’s to say?” She flashed him a grin.

Andy let Emilio go, careful to not send him crashing into a nearby door. “Something probably would eat it, you’re right.” She wrinkled her nose at the thought. She was sure there was some kind of… evil monkey running around in Wicked’s Rest, but she hadn’t come across it yet. She was grateful for that. Andy followed after him as he wandered the rest of the way down the hall. At his comment, she looked towards the door he motioned towards with an eyebrow raised. “He stabbed you?” She asked, voice hushed as she followed him into his apartment. She took notice of how he hadn’t locked his door. This guy was a PI? She kept the comment to herself as she shook the bag at him. “Remember the sandwich? The bread? Here.” She dropped it onto the table and the bottle of water fell to the side, nearly rolling out of the plastic. Andy glanced back towards the door, chewing her lip between her teeth. She didn’t mind having to walk all the way back to her jeep, but with everything going on… “Do you mind if I crash here tonight?” It was funny, she had said she’d never need his couch, and here she was.

—

“I do not say annoying things. I say good things.” He looked even more affronted by her addition, though if he were sober he might be able to admit that he did sometimes say annoying things. He did it on purpose sometimes, particularly with people like Rhett. It was a younger sibling’s job to be annoying. As an older sister, Andy probably knew that. “I would call a different exorcist,” he told her, “if yours said no. There are a lot of exorcists. I would find someone.” Partially because he didn’t want a ghost in his apartment… but also a little because he couldn’t imagine being a ghost was much fun, either. When he died, he didn’t want to stick around as a spectator, able to see but not interfere. That sounded like its own special version of Hell.

Humming, he considered the hypothetical. “Guess Kaden would have to catch it.” That was what he did, wasn’t it? Controlled animals? Even the ones that turned out to be zoo carts or people in mascot outfits. Emilio let out a quiet laugh at this thought as he stumbled down the hall and to his door, with Andy close behind him. She didn’t comment on the door, but he could feel her watching him as he pushed it open, anyway. “Doesn’t lock,” he told her. “Fixed it when I moved in, but someone broke it again. Then again. Don’t want to just keep fixing it so they can keep breaking it.” If someone wanted to break in, they could break in. There wasn’t anything to steal, and Emilio wasn’t exactly helpless if they came with the intent to hurt him. He could hold his own. “Oh,” he said, looking to the bag, “right. The bread.” He started to lean down to pick up the bag, but his balance was shoddy enough that he found himself in more of a… controlled fall that found him just sitting on the floor. He looked up at Andy, nodding his head. “Sure. Yeah. That’s okay. You want the couch or the bed? I can sleep on the couch if you take the bed. Or I’ll stay up. Sleeping’s — I don’t have to do it as much.” Perks of being a slayer, right? Or… cons of his poor mental state. He wasn’t entirely sure which of the two attributed to it more. “Do you want any of this bread?”

—

It was a little silly to Andy, that at one point in time, she thought Emilio could have been a threat to Alex. Granted, he didn’t know about her, and she wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about shifters by any means, but she hoped that her gut was right with this. That spending this kind of time with him wouldn’t be met with catastrophe towards the end. What he had said hung like a crown made of thorns upon her head– grating and a reminder that she had survived, and she had ensured that Alex did, too. Even if he didn’t know the details, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that for the first time in a long time, she’d been told that she’d done good. It wasn’t often that she got that, and especially not from a fellow hunter. Maybe it was a little stupid and selfish, but she wanted to hold onto the feeling. Emilio might have been a little bit of an ass, but he was a breath of fresh air. Kaden was the same, and she had recognized that after their discussion regarding his decision to leave Lyon. They were all a bunch of broken people trying to do what they could, and fuck Andy hoped that she wouldn’t regret trusting Emilio. It was easier, without Alex directly in the picture, but still– she didn’t need to think about that now, because they were making jokes about exorcists and monkeys and various other stupid things.

She found herself staring for a little too long and Andy blinked a couple of times, reaching up to rub her eyes. “Why is your apartment so dry?” She dropped into the chair and glanced back towards the door. “I could fix it, probably. If you wanted. Would probably need a new door though.” She chewed the inside of her cheek before shifting in the chair, gaze set on him now as he dug into the bag to get the bread out of it. “I can sleep on the floor, or I can keep you company if you’re going to do that weird thing where you don’t sleep.” She motioned casually at him with her index finger in a swirl-y manner. “Just not sure I want to walk all the way back to my jeep this late.” She could probably defend herself, if needed, but there was only so much she was willing to put up with. Call it self preservation, or whatever. “No, I’m okay. Make sure to put the sandwich in the fridge so it won’t spoil.”

—

Even drunk, he could feel her looking at him. It wasn’t as intense as it would have been had he been sober — Emilio might not have a name for the paranoia that wrapped long fingers around his throat and held him in a choking grip, but he could recognize its presence — but it never went away entirely. There were a lot of reasons for the amount he drank, but he knew that the dullness the alcohol awarded the unpleasant feelings was among them. In this state, he could feel Andy’s eyes on him without breaking into a sweat. He could talk about the broken lock on the broken door without imagining a world where she somehow used it against him, could sit in the floor with his bad leg stretched out and not wonder how he was supposed to defend himself if someone burst in. It wasn’t good, he knew, to rely on alcohol to make him feel more like a person than a thing, but he’d never managed to achieve this level of relaxation without it. He didn’t think he ever would.

“Is it supposed to be wet?” He pulled the water bottle from the bag, opening it and taking a gulp. Hm. Not bad. He’d never understood that different kinds of water bottles had different tastes until he was out on his own. It was a strange thing to have preferences about. Most things that people were meant to have preferences about felt weird to Emilio, who had never been made to feel as though he was allowed to have opinions on anything before. “You don’t have to fix it. I don’t think it matters.” What was the point in fixing something just so it could be broken again? Why bother making repairs that would only ever be undone in a few weeks’ time? It all seemed so pointless. “Ah, don’t sleep on the floor. Not very clean.” Not that the couch or the bare mattress he called a bed were much better. “You can stay if you want to. I have — My, uh, my… worker might come by in the morning, but probably not early.” If Nora did come over before Andy left, Andy would know she was a shifter. But Emilio was less worried about that than he might have been with another ranger. Andy said she didn’t hunt anymore, and she’d have no reason to lie about that. If anything, she would have lied the opposite and claimed to still hunt when she didn’t. That was the safer stance to take with another hunter, after all. “The fridge,” he agreed, looking across the room to the kitchen. It was too long a walk for the moment, he decided. The floor was comfortable. He opened the bread, taking a slice out and staring at it for a moment, not eating it but not putting it aside, either. Just… looking. A silence settled over them until Emilio, too drunk for caution, broke it. “Hey, Andy? Why’d you stop hunting?”

—

“No, you just need to open a window or something.” It was easy to get lost in the thoughts of what could have been had she not been born into this life. Maybe she and Emilio would have become friends for their shared love of sarcasm. The only reason she had bothered talking to him again was so that she could protect Alex, and though she wasn’t sure being in his apartment was the greatest means to do that, Andy felt a certain calm that she hadn’t in some time. Kaden’s reappearance had scared her at first, and Emilio’s interaction with her sister had, too. But now? There was a shred of trust, no matter how small, and she wanted to lean into it, because it’d been so long since she’d been able to trust anyone. For so long, it had been her and Alex against the world. Maybe Emilio the slayer wasn’t the best person to lean on, especially not in the state he was in now, but Andy was so desperate for some kind of sign that she’d done okay by Alex that she’d take it from anyone. “Wouldn’t want to get in the way of business, could be out as soon as the sun cracks over.” The way Emilio spoke of his worker had her wonder if there was something else there. If it was a worker at all.

Andy watched as Emilio opened the bag of bread. She wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it. Eat it, maybe. Throw it at her? Possibly. It seemed like he’d do that. But instead, he set it to the side. A bout of silence ensnared them and Andy wanted to interrupt it; to keep the inevitable from breaking loose between them, but she was too late. He asked the question she thought she’d supplied the answer to, but who would have taken her bullshit for what it was at face value? “I never wanted to in the first place.” Because that had been true. With everything she knew now, and with everything that happened, it couldn’t be more true. “It didn’t fit me. I didn’t fit it.” Alex, either, Andy wanted to say. “My parents got mauled to death in front of me. Realized I didn’t blame the ones who did it for protecting their own, and it just sort of clicked.” That, and my sister turned into a fucking werewolf, Andy would have added, if that were knowledge supplied between them. “I was young when that happened, and I had my sister to take care of. A cycle of violence seemed fucking stupid when I had a seven year old to feed.” A bitter laugh escaped her and it echoed the same that’d sprung forth during her conversation with Leticia. “It’s just life, isn’t it? Guess I got the opportunity to choose how I wanted to spend my life. Why? Are you going to judge me for it?” The last few words left her before she could stop them, and she winced. Maybe a part of her should have been worried about Emilio the way that she’d been worried about the ranger who had definitely recognized her, but she wasn’t. It was like with Kaden. There was a familiarity there, even if with her cousin it’d been a bond by blood– not that it mattered to his side at all, but still, Andy wanted to hold onto something.

—

“Open a window? With the smell?” He wrinkled his nose, shaking his head so adamantly it left him dizzy. He’d never noticed any ‘dryness,’ though that was hardly a surprise. Most days, Emilio felt more dead than he felt alive. Andy was different — she didn’t have the option. She had someone to take care of, still. Someone leaning on her, someone she was looking out for. Though part of Emilio envied her, another part knew just how hard that was, just how heavy a weight it put on your shoulders. She’d been so much younger than she should have been when she’d been handed that weight, and she’d still carried it well. (Better than he had, he thought; Alex was alive, was stubborn, was breathing, was here. Andy had gotten her sister to adulthood. Emilio hadn’t been able to do the same for his daughter. He ached with the knowledge.) “Hard to get in the way, I think.” It wasn’t like there was a whole lot of actual ‘business’ going on in Axis. Half the time, Nora’s ‘shift’ at work was just her sleeping on the couch and raiding the fridge. But he wouldn’t try to convince Andy to stick around, even if he didn’t think she’d cause any problems for Nora. He wouldn’t argue with her to stay when he wasn’t even sure he wanted her to.

Her story was a familiar one. Not just because she’d already told him pieces of it, but because it felt a little like his own. He remembered how it felt to grow up without a father, remember knowing exactly why he didn’t have one. He remembered his brother’s death, remembered being twelve years old and being told there was nothing to bury. He couldn’t stop remembering the massacre, the way his sister’s furious screams had been cut off in the middle, the way his nephew was so small but fought like hell anyway, the way his daughter’s blood stayed under his nails for what felt like years after she was gone. He looked at his hands absently, rubbing at those same nails now as if he could still see specks of red beneath them. Didn’t every hunter’s story end like this? “Not judge you,” he admitted quietly. “I just… I tried to get out, once. You know? I thought I could get out. I thought I could —” He cut himself off, unable to finish the thought no matter how much alcohol thrummed through him. I thought I could get her out. He used to think he’d been stupid for even thinking so, but here was Andy. Here was Andy, who’d done what he had been unable to do. She’d saved her sister, she’d gotten Alex out. It was possible. He just hadn’t done it. “I was going to do it. You know? I had — I had a plan. I was going to do it, and then… The same thing that always happens happened. And I was… I am so angry. All the time, I am angry. I don’t know where to put it.” It was something that was an uncomfortable truth. If he stopped hunting, where did the anger go? If he finished his vengeance, what was left of him? Of Flora? He tore a piece of bread off, rolled it between his thumb and forefinger absently. “I’m not what I’m supposed to be, I think. Not anymore. Maybe I never was.”

—

Even if it’d been an excuse, Andy nodded, “yeah, you’re right.” She looked towards the infamous trash couch and wondered just how bad it smelled up close. It wasn’t like she’d go sniffing it, but she was curious since he had mentioned it a few times already. Their conversation had taken a turn into something far deeper than intended, and Andy decided that depending on the outcome, she’d either leave or stay. She couldn’t stomach the thought of vulnerability and sticking around to see it through, but maybe if Emilio dropped it, it would be okay. In the past month, Andy had unearthed more trauma than she had in years, and she wasn’t sure when it would stop spilling from her.

Andy sat across from Emilio and though she recognized him to be a danger in every sense of the word, there was a familiarity about him that she thought only people like them would sense. There was a difference, she realized. Telling Emilio her story and telling Leticia, it felt different. This felt wrong, too, in its own way. Because she had gotten out, just as Emilio stated. She listened to him speak, throat suddenly dry. Maybe she should’ve taken him up on the offer for whiskey. She knotted her hands together under the table, thumb pressing crescent half-moons into her knuckle. It was clear Emilio had lost something. She had felt it that day in the common and she felt it now. She’d seen it in his eyes, even after the qutrub incident. The idea that he could die, and that he would be leaving nothing behind. Andy had been told her parents being mauled had been due to her inaction. Because if they hadn’t been trying to protect Alex, if Andy had only been strong enough to help, maybe things would have been different. Incompetence had been the reason for bloodshed, but Andy didn’t think like that, not anymore. She wondered if Emilio ever would.

“I’m still figuring out who I’m supposed to be, without all of that.” She paused for a moment, thinking back on Emilio’s anger and how rampant it was. “I don’t think we’ll ever know. How are we supposed to, when we’re told one thing from the moment we’re born? What do we do when we don’t have that anymore.” She didn’t know. She still didn’t fucking know. Andy released the grip she had on her hands. “I don’t… know what happened to you, Emilio, and I don’t expect you to tell me.” She wanted to say the right thing. Why was she always so fucking bad with words? “But what I can say is that despite all of that, despite how hard you tried, a version of you got out. Even if some part of you is still stuck there, back where it happened. A part of you got out, too.” Because she was still in those woods on Alex’s birthday, blood dripping from her hands, her father’s unseeing eyes upturned as the wolf’s muzzle was coated in his blood. In her mother’s, too. She could still feel Alex shaking in her arms as they ran, bloodied and bruised. “I can say that with confidence, because even if it seems like I got out, I’m still there, too. But I’m… I do right by Alex. I try to, at least. I have to.” Maybe Emilio didn’t have a version of Alex to do right by, or maybe he had lost them, Andy didn’t know, but what she did know was that a version of him had gotten out, even if the anger was stuck to him like a leech.

—

It had been easier when they were talking about the stench or the couch or the elevator. And Emilio knew he was the one who’d pulled this heavy veil over their conversation, he was the one who’d turned it from something lighthearted and simple into something dark and twisted and complex, but he didn’t quite know why. The alcohol had loosened his lips, lowered his inhibitions. And maybe, on some level, that was part of why he drank the way he did, too. He wasn’t a very brave man. Not in any of the ways that mattered. He’d risk his life to save a stranger, but risking your life when you hadn’t cared about the air in your lungs for years wasn’t bravery so much as it was a particularly pretty suicide attempt. He was never brave enough to do anything real.

But Andy was. Privately, in a mind soaked in alcohol, he thought Andy might have been the bravest person he’d ever met. To watch her parents die and respond not with anger but with kindness, to see her world ripped apart and admit she understood, a little, why it had happened, to leave behind the only life she’d ever known so that her sister could grow up in a world where she was loved and she was safe and she was a person instead of a weapon… Emilio wasn’t sure he could imagine anything braver. There were hunters who would have taken them in. Andy must have known that. She could have gone to her family’s allies, had probably been to a camp or two that she could have drawn contacts from. She could have stayed in that world and been free of the responsibility of raising a kid only a few years younger than herself, but she hadn’t. She’d recognized the reason behind her parents’ death, and she’d made sure the same thing wouldn’t happen to her sister. As a kid, as a teenager. Emilio never could have done that. He hadn’t even been able to manage it as an adult.

He continued rolling that bread between his fingers as she spoke, not looking at her, not looking at anything, really. A version of him got out, she said, but he wasn’t sure it was a version worth having, a version worth being. All he was now was a series of losses wearing human clothes. A manifestation of grief playing dress up. “Sometimes I think it would have been better,” he admitted quietly, “if nothing got out at all.” If the entirety of the Cortez family had died in Mexico the way everyone thought they had, if there were truly no survivors… Christ. At least then, the story would be over. He wanted so badly, sometimes, for the story to be over. Andy had Alex, had someone to protect. But what did Emilio have? He couldn’t even look at Vida or her children without feeling that awful, unforgivable jealousy. He spent most of his time trying to keep Rhett from meeting any of the kids he’d picked up who his brother would kill without thinking about it. The wedding band on his finger felt heavier than it should have, the name tattooed on his wrist spent most of its time covered with a leather bracelet. A part of him was still there, in Mexico, just like Andy said. Sometimes, he thought that was the only good part left.

Clearing his throat, he tossed the piece of bread aside and shook his head. “Sorry,” he said quietly. “Guess there is such a thing as too much to drink, hm? You, um… Do you want the couch? Or the bed? The dog is in the bedroom, but he won’t bite you.” He wasn’t sure if the out was for her sake or his own.

—

After everything in Tennessee happened, Andy had contemplated what life would have looked like had Alex not gotten bit. Despite the need for support as a fourteen year old, she was almost sure she would have done the same thing. She would have taken Alex and ran, because that was not a life either of them should have lived— a life where Alex would be ridiculed for her lack of prowess, and Andy for her lack of ferocity. Andy would have done the same, over and over again, just to give her sister a better life, and so recognizing that fact had made it a little easier for her to stomach living with herself, even if she didn’t think she deserved much from her existence.

But Emilio explaining that he wished he’d been back where he had lost it all— that maybe not making it out would have been better for him, Andy couldn’t help but feel a certain guilt. Because he was right. She had made it out, and even if things had been hard and were still frightening— knowing that her sister now had a permanent target on her back for something that wasn’t her fault, she had gotten out.

Everything she wanted to say— how she was glad that he had, died at the back of her throat. Because would that not be pity? Especially from somebody who hardly knew him much at all. She found herself wanting to get to know him, to show him that life was worth living, despite all of the loss. Andy looked at Emilio and saw a version of herself that could have been, had she lost Alex in those woods. “But it did, and now it’s something you need to live with, even if that’s hard. Because even if nobody deserves anything, you at least owe it to yourself to try, even when you don’t want to.” Exhaustion etched itself into his features and carved into the shape of his shoulders as they drooped down. She had seen this in its permanence, just like the slight grimace he always seemed to wear.

Something snapped, and Andy found herself taking too deep a breath as Emilio interrupted the process of grief. He offered her his home again, even though she had asked first, and Andy poked at the table. “I’ll take the couch, it’s fine.” She had forgotten the dog. She wondered if he’d need to take it out. Andy had regretted asking at first, but would leaving down be another notch of abandonment? Would he understand his story to be one deserved, or would he be grateful for the peace of mind that Andy wasn’t watching over his shoulder any longer? While Andy hadn’t ever had anyone like Emilio in her life, he reminded her of the person she might have become, and that in itself was terrifying.

#declinlalune #andy: hunter hurt #wickedswriting #s1 writing #season 1

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marsabillions · 3 months ago

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Heheheheh okok

They were extremely close as kids. Even with regular playdates, it was hard not to be close in a big house with no parents most of the time and where even a house-elf didn’t care that much about you. Because of this, they know eachother like no one else does, just as well as they know themselves. They’re two sides of the same coin. As they grew up though, and got exposed more to the outside Wizarding World (esp at school), it drove a rift between them. They become distant but still with that same ability to know the other’s thoughts without even a full glance. It’s weird.

Pandora is the less attractive, less popular sibling. She was simultaneously spoiled and neglected (moreso than Evan) and barely knows how to take care of herself, much less cares too. She’s the emo loner twin lmao. Her only friend is Mary and that’s because Mary is an enthusatic popular girl that consistently tried to be the weird kid’s friend over the course of like two years. And even then they’re not besties. There’s also this one other Ravenclaw that lets her do Geneva violating experiments on him but he’s prob not important(She does tolerate Barty and she’s acquaintances with Regulus—but for the most part she doesn’t like Evan’s friends)

Pandora is smarter and more capable than Evan, but he’s friendlier and more sociable than her

They have a weird-bad relationship, mostly from envy and resentment that’s built up through young adulthood. Evan envies a lot of people, but he envies no one like Pandora. He hates her for having a perceived inferiority (i might make a post abt how demonstrably weird about women Evan is) but he also knows how clever she actually is. He doesn’t want to admit to the fact that she has a lot of the qaulities he imitates and she may—barf—be his equal. He mostly copes with this by trying to make her feel as gross and unloveable as possible—making her feel like she’s failed as a woman. Pandora resents her brother for having everything she never got: scraps of childhood attention, inheriting the wealth of their family (Pandora is technically the oldest by like two minutes), and never being pressured to make himself as small as possible. Her methods of lashing out at Evan are mostly to embarass or humiliate him (something Evan can’t handle, he can’t lose control for even a second) and just genuinely make him look bad.

Evan is the more cruel and sadistic of the two, but Pandora is just as capable of cruelty. Indulging in cruelty for no reason is boring to her but she uses it when she feels necessary and can enjoy it almost as much as her brother. From time to time, she gets a kneejerk interest in suffering but she’s mostly blank to it (this includes Mary for the most part)

They are both extremely selfish and spoiled. Pandora takes no a little easier than Evan, but not by much

Most people call Pandora ‘Panda’, but Evan and their family call her Dory

Type of people to get into a massive, they-will-kill-each-other fight and then the next day be cool

The twins’ mother, Juno, is almost entirely absent from their life from the minute they’re born. They’ve met her maybe a collective of nine times throughout their entire life. Evan hates her but Pandora is more hesitant to this impulse. She knows that could very well be her one day, unwillingly married to a man she barely knows and carrying children she hates.

They both approach sentimental or sweet moments between them with a level of bewilderment. They’re not kind people, they’ve never learned how to be. Espcially not to eachother. Any genuinely positive/sincere ineractions are awkward. Both are extremely shy about it.

At the end of the day, they do love eachother in their strange, barely love Rosier way. The twins’ don’t know how that fits in their life or they don’t even acknowledge it. But they’re trying at least…sometimes.

If anyone wants my rosier twins hcs…ill dole them out

#evan rosier #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #marauders era #marauders fandom #mauraders era headcanons #evan rosier headcanons #pandora rosier headcanons #pandora lovegood headcanons #rosier twins #sorry if this has typos lmao i didnt really check

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redrobin-detective · 3 years ago

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Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached.

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control.

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule.

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown.

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments.

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand.

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents.

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture.

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

#Ben 10 #this took sooo long whoops #i wanna write about ben's breakdown so mad you have no idea

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nemeseos-noctua · 4 years ago

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Hey darlings! Can I request Xiao, Albedo and Diluc separately carrying reader around for a day because of a bet they lost? Love yall! <3

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: diluc, albedo, xiao (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: not proofread

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: THIS TOOK SO LONG I’M SO SORRY ANON (i was busy and didnt feel like writing anything for like a month ☹ but im back and ill try and write more, esp since my school year ends in like a month and a half)

oh you could see so much

Diluc was so tall.... it was great

“is this what height feels like?”

despite you enjoying every second of it, the pyro typhoon was slowly suffering

HIS REPUTATION !! WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS REPUTATION ???

the answer is nothing (except that Donna is jealous and pissed)

“How much longer are we going to have to do this for?”

“The whole day, obviously! That was the bet!” you cheered, clearly enjoying where you were currently. His suffering for your enjoyment.

The red-haired man sighed and continued walking around, eventually drifting over to the giant tree in the middle of Windrise.

He stops next to the base of the oak tree, slightly lowering himself down. You weren’t exactly surprised that he could carry your weight, since he wields a giant claymore as a weapon, but you couldn’t feel not just the tiniest bit bad for him.

you guys were playing a guessing game as Diluc took a shift at Angel’s Share last night

“how much is venti gonna drink tonight”

you won, obviously

that damn bard drank at least 50,000 mora’s worth in dandelion wine

HE DOESNT EVEN PAY FOR IT IN MORA

and thats how you lose money in a business, children

You lowered yourself off of the man’s back, assuming that’s what he wanted.

“Hey, sorry about the bet...” you trail off, taking a seat on the grass and letting the wind graze your face.

“It’s fine. A bet is a bet.”

“Yeah but--” you stopped. There was absolutely no way that you would win this debate.

The pyro user looked at you after a few seconds of silence. You usually talked a lot more than this and strongly believed in sharing your thoughts, so what was stopping you now?

“You know what? Let’s just go to the winery and take a walk there together.” You begrudgingly got up from your spot from the cool grass and started to walk in the direction of the winery.

There were a few hurried steps coming from behind you, assumingly from Diluc, but you paid no mind to him. He probably just didn’t wanna leave you behind--

“Woah-- hey! Diluc, wh--”

“A bet is a bet.”

you found yourself on his shoulders this time

dude really ran up and lifted you onto his shoulders

like dipped under you

mans said “woOOP”

you would kill him but hes too hot for that 😉

You sighed.

A bet is a bet.

you were taller than the alchemist

not by much, but it was enough that it was wacky as hell

(i hc that Albedo isn’t super strong so he’s struggling even tho he’s a sword user-- tbh i thought that he was a catalyst at first lmao)

it’s so funny because Albedo is literally holding you like a baby being burped while doing some sort of experiment

“Stop kicking before I spill something on the both of us, (Y/N).”

“No.”

The blond sighed and continued to work on some kind of potion.

It was comforting to be in someone’s embrace again. How long’s it been? Years, maybe...

And soon enough, you fell asleep while the scholar cradled you in his arms.

i can assure you that he was FREAKING OUT

he was scared that he would wake you up if he put you down on the bed that the he occasionally would sleep on (he survives on caffeine)

but he needed to do this experiment

like... NEEDED to

“../N)..? (Y/N), wake up.” You whined in response, not really processing anything that was coming out of Albedo’s mouth. “You won’t be able to sleep later tonight if you continue with your nap.”

“..what time is it..?” you let out a large yawn and covered your mouth. Since you had just woken up, your brain had refused to function properly. And with that, it took you a while to realize that you were laying on a bed.

Albedo was still working on something (you weren’t sure what) but stopped to wake you up.

he’s cute

but he almost blew up

impressive how you didn’t wake up

“Only around sunset. Come, I’ll make dinner.”

the least i could say is that Xiao was not pleased.

HE WANTED TO COMPLAIN SO MUCH

but he didn’t wanna hurt your feelings 🥺

karmic debt was nothing compared to you feeling sad /j

karmic debt is horrible :( poor xiao

also being in crowded places was not fun for him

LANTERN RITE !! he did think that the xiao lanterns were cute

“Ooh, ooh, look! It’s a food stand,” you excited pointed out from on the yaksha’s back, “wanna get something? There might be almond tofu!”

“Only if there’s--”

“--almond tofu. Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s the only thing you can stomach. Mr. Dream Eater...”

That must’ve struck a chord in him. The “young” man kissed his teeth, showing a hostile attitude that he had never done to you.

“Just because I agreed to let you win doesn’t mean that I won’t go back on it.”

secretly he didn’t

he really enjoyed your company and hates everyone else

funny because he desires company and love but WHATEVER !

xiao loves you in some type of way

he adores you and all of your stupidity

and sometimes you mess up and it’s fine

it’s just a “mortal thing”

(he also makes mistakes but shh)

You remained silent until the two of you reached the food stand, filled with savoury smells and delicious aromatics. Though there was no almond tofu.

“You wanna try somewhere else? I don’t mind going to find a different spot.”

Xiao grumbled. Not like you were the one walking and exerting energy to get from one place to another.

“Fine.”

“Look... I promise this is gonna be the last place. If we don’t find any, we can go back to Wangshu Inn and ask Verr Goldet for some,” you reasoned.

The adeptus remained silent, but didn’t show any signs of displeasure. You took it as a yes.

“Wanmin restaurant has some, I think! It’s the best of the best in Liyue too.”

“This better be worth it.”

“Don’t worry, it will! I’ll even pay for it and everything!” He sighed, making his way toward the restaurant. Honestly, you didn’t wanna even get anything to eat. For the most part, it was just spoiling Xiao for once since he never went anywhere and only ate the almond tofu Verr Goldet made at the Inn.

I hope that you can be happy, at least for today.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin impact #genshin scenarios #genshin imagines #genshin headcanons #xiao x reader #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #albedo x reader #diluc x reader #genshin xiao #genshin albedo #genshin diluc #ririsann

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merakiui · 3 years ago

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What do you think of the concept of yan!xiao, childe venti trapping their darling in a teapot?

I feel like they would be less restrictive since the darling wouldn't necessarily be able to escape most likely, so they wouldn't worry about restraint much. Esp in Ventis case...he is the God of freedom so while his darling isn't exactly 'free' they're still kinda free in a way that they have their own world to be free in?

Xiao would probably be somewhat restricted, but only just keep them in the house because he probably wouldn't trust them to be by themselves yet--he figures they may try to run off and hide from him or something

Childe would probably let them try to "escape" on purpose and would be absolutely amused when his darling finds out they wouldn't be able to leave

(cw: yandere, captivity, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, mention of children and implied stockholm syndrome for childe’s part)

Venti doesn't exactly lie to you, but he does trick you. He's aware that it's not the nicest thing to do and that it's not exactly captivity if you're living in a world that resembles the one outside. Only this pocket-sized world is nicer and happier and there aren't any people to get in the way. He tells you about it when you're vulnerable. Maybe you're drunk or you're crying your eyes out because something horrible happened. Either way, you're not in the right state of mind when you make the comment: "I wish I could live in my own ideal world for just one day." And this is great news for Venti because it makes relocation so much easier.

He shows you the teapot and explains it briefly, leaving out certain details. It's better if you don't know everything about how the teapot works. After all, ignorance is bliss. Venti tells you how to get in, but he doesn't tell you how to get out. And the way he describes it makes it sound so tempting—as if living inside this teapot for a bit will cure whatever's bothering you. You decide it wouldn't hurt to spend a day or two inside the teapot to see the little world Venti holds in the palms of his hands.

It's a lot of fun at first. You and Venti glide from the top of the mountains in Emerald Peak, he sings melodious ballads as you look up at the sky, and the two of you play hide-and-seek inside of the house, playfully popping out of rooms and laughing when you’re caught. Eventually the charm wears off and you start to yearn for the outside world. It’s not the same in the teapot. As pretty and peaceful as it may be, it still feels so empty. And when you bring it up to Venti he finds small ways to change the subject. It probably plays out like this:

“Venti, I’d like to go home now.”

“But we were just about to play another round of hide-and-seek! Come on! Don’t be a spoilsport! One more round? Then we’ll leave.”

Or he’ll tell you that you’re already home. There’s always a big smile on his face when he says stuff like that. He’s happy that he gets to spend so much time with you and no one can interfere. But it does get annoying when you start to beg for the old world. Your pleas to leave will fall upon his deaf ears. Venti does feel a little bad when you start to sulk, but his sympathy is short-lived. Let’s not forget that you were the one who wanted this. You wanted to live in your ‘ideal world.’ And isn’t this ideal?

As an adeptus, Xiao is aware of Sub-Space Creation and the effort it takes to construct a presentable teapot. He’s been working hard on his ever since you came into his life. Before he knew you he didn’t have a reason to put effort into it because he stays at Wangshu Inn, but after he met you he started working a lot harder. He tries to make the teapot as comfortable as possible. You mentioned you like dogs or cats in passing? You can find a few in the teapot. You said you like berry bushes and flower fields? There’s a bunch in his teapot. He probably has a nearly perfect model of your room in there as well. Before he brings you into the teapot, he’ll often sit in that room and make sure everything replicates the original, down to the bed frame and the fabric used for the pillow case.

He’ll put some of your things in it just so it feels more personal. Xiao knows he’s stealing from you whenever he does this, but it’s not like you ever noticed anything was missing. Besides, it’s all going in the teapot anyways. You won’t even need your real room or mortal possessions anymore. Xiao is actually quite proud of the teapot and manages to fool himself into thinking you’ll like it, too. And you do (for the first few days, that is). He’s very forward with his question of whether or not you’d like to see his teapot. And you eagerly nod because the two of you are friends and Xiao wants to show you something he made and he looks a little…excited? There’s definitely light in his eyes when he gets your agreement to view the inside of his teapot.

Once you’re inside, you’re genuinely surprised. It’s far more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. The Floating Abode is a really gorgeous landscape. You’re so caught up in looking at the sunset and the flowers and the animals that roam the teapot that you aren’t aware of the horrors that lie just beyond. You’ll find the room that resembles yours in no time and it’s really creepy. As much as you try to tell yourself that Xiao means well and wouldn’t actually do something like this on purpose, it’s hard to ignore the fact that everything is practically identical to your room. It’s so, so strange. You want to ignore it, but you just can’t. It’s so obvious.

It’s definitely creepy, but you don’t have the heart to tell him.

You hold your tongue because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You’re really the only close friend he has, so you’d feel bad if you insulted his interior decorating skills. Xiao’s pleased to hear that you like it so much. Praise falls from your lips like a waterfall and it gives him a sense of relief. He’s so happy that you like it and since you’re okay with it it’ll be fine if you live here. When he tells you that, your brain freezes and you’re not sure how to respond.

“Live here? Like…permanently?”

And to your shock he nods.

Xiao is far less lenient than Venti. With Venti everything feels like eternal, childish fun with the idea of freedom sprinkled in. But with Xiao it’s definitely a harsher form of captivity. You aren’t allowed outside because he’s worried you might fall off of the bridges that connect the floating islands or you might try to find your way out of the teapot. So you’re confined to the mansion. It’s got everything you could ever need and the interior design matches that of your home perfectly. Just treat it like it’s your own home and it won’t be so bad. You definitely try to see the good in this situation because you care about Xiao, but it’s so hard when he’s keeping you here like you’re just another addition to his teapot.

It’s miserable, but at least you can count on him to visit you every single day.

Childe is very receptive to the idea of owning his own little world in a small teapot. Maybe he was holding you captive before he came upon the teapot and while you’re sleeping he relocates you. You don’t expect to wake up in a new location, but you assume you’re still somewhere in Liyue. Childe finds it cute that you’re so startled, clearly confused with the change in scenery. And when you glance at the surroundings on the Cool Isle, it feels like you might have a chance. Childe seems to think so because he waves you off, telling you with the sincerest voice that you’re ‘free to go.’

You don’t need to be told twice and so you run because you’re invigorated. You can leave and he’s not coming after you. Childe doesn’t even raise his bow in warning. You’re actually leaving him and he’s letting you! But it feels too good to be true. A day passes and you learn that there’s no one else to help you. So you find an empty shack on the shoreline and you hide in it because survival is the only thing you know right now. And the day goes by, the night comes, and morning makes its arrival. You’re still safe. He hasn’t found you.

And it really feels like you can make it out of this. Even if there’s no one around, you can still find something to help you. You’d take anything at this point. By the end of the week, you’re losing sight of your goal and you really just want to head back to the mansion and nap on a comfortable bed. You’ve been catching the crabs and the fish and doing what you can to start a long-lasting fire. When Childe finds you, you’re so exhausted from running and hiding that you collapse into his arms. And he smiles so sweetly while he tells you something that shatters your entire world.

“You did well, comrade, but this isn’t Liyue. You have no need to run.”

It’s not even Teyvat. It’s another world entirely—one existing solely within a teapot. And everything comes crashing down when you realize just how impossible that makes any escape attempts. No human contact. No energy or life that comes from meeting with friends and seeing family. It truly does feel like you and he are the only people in this world.

Childe knows that you’ll adjust to this new world whether you like it or not. It was fun to toy with you in the beginning (and it still is) when you didn’t realize this was the world inside the teapot. But now he just wants to settle into a comfortable life. He takes every chance he has to visit you and eventually you’ll find yourself succumbing to the relaxing pleasures of domestic life. You learn how to cook delicious meals with Childe’s help, you collect seashells on the shore to cure your boredom, and you’ll take care of any chores or housework. It warms Childe’s heart to see you accepting this life.

Maybe the two of you can start a family. Maybe he should get a few pets to liven up the house. It’s not like you can get away from him while inside the teapot, so it’s a recipe for anything to happen. And you’ve come to learn that what happens in the teapot stays in the teapot.

#chit chat #yandere #yandere venti #yandere xiao #yandere childe

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writing-for-life · 10 months ago

Text

I nearly didn’t see this one because it somehow didn’t go into my notifs…

If we put aside for a minute that even in Greek mythology, having immortal parents was never a guarantee to be immortal, I think it’s exactly what you say.

Calliope and Dream somehow managed to make something real out of something unreal (contraceptive sparkles territory, proceed with caution 🤣). That’s obviously loaded with allegory to the rafters as well, but I *do* believe it could have been a conscious choice on their part, especially considering how integral grief as a pillar of life and love is to The Sandman in its entirety. That whole “it is the mortal way” and “so live” spiel is really so, so heartbreaking. Because I think he knows it’s the reality. Mortals live, love, lose, grieve and die. And the tragic thing is that while he understands it conceptually and wants to, he doesn’t allow himself to feel it for the longest time, and that’s obviously also in his nature (because he is [a] D/dream, and life and death and true love [not infatuation or chasing an idea] and loss and grief are as real as it gets). And once he allows himself to feel it, he comes apart at the seams. The Frank O’Connell intro to TKO still kills me in that regard (obviously, no one should ever read it before they read TKO, because… holy spoilers, Batman).

But in a beautiful yet tragic way, that’s also when he finally gets what he craves: Reality. He truly felt what it means, not just on an abstract level like before, and he finally understood it. And he finally understands his son (which is part of what breaks him)—I think that’s the really unbelievably sad part about it: That he had to feel the grief and guilt related to killing him to understand why Orpheus felt the way he felt, that there was never any other way for him after he lost Eurydice. That his advice as a father was sound in theory (and even “right”), but that it lacked empathy, because you can only have empathy if you truly understand, and if you allow yourself to feel. And that feeling means to be vulnerable, and that pushing those feelings and vulnerabilities aside makes you hard to those who need you most (and yourself). That despite all their stubborn similarities, Morpheus and Orpheus are also true foils to each other: One who is immortal and unreal and secretly wishes for a story of his own he thinks he can never have; the other who is mortal and real and defined by the “mortal way”, who has his story and knows it and won’t let it go, to the point he can’t anymore without someone else’s intervention. It is beautiful and sickeningly well thought out, and it makes me so ill 😩

But ultimately, Morpheus becomes real because he stops being Dream—with all that entails. So in a way, he gets there, even if it leaves us all in tears (catharsis, yay! 🤣). But the lessons are there, they have been learned, and we can do better.

As a side note: I’m still not convinced the Endless can’t experience their own function. Dream so obviously dreams (of leaving his island and having a story of his own, no?), Delirium so obviously cracks (in Endless Nights), Desire desires/wants (e.g. to destroy Dream—until they don’t), Despair despairs over certain things (e.g. the many regrets she has related to esp. Destruction), Death… well dies, if only once every 100 years and not forever, Destiny is also bound (chained, if you will) by his own destiny. Destruction is maybe the only one who is not quite so intuitive in that regard, but I think even with him, we can find ways to say he experiences destruction (maybe of his relationship to his own concept because he reinvents himself? Isn’t leaving behind what doesn’t serve you a destruction of a kind, too?). They might not be consumed by their function in its entirety, but I honestly think the theory they can’t perceive their own function at all took on a life of its own, and I personally think it’s wrong. We know that the narration/narrators in The Sandman aren’t always reliable (even Destruction himself, who is always cited with what he says about the Endless’ nature in Brief Lives, says he doesn’t really know), and this seems to be one of those cases to me.

So while Death is certainly the outlier in terms of supposedly not dying (as much as Dream is the outlier in being the only of his siblings who is unreality), and hence not being bound by one of the most fundamental laws of the universe (but neither is Dream, because he is the only one of the siblings who can change reality, even if not directly in an abracadabra way but rather through many loopholes), the question remains:

What happens after she takes the last life and locks the universe behind her? If the Endless come into existence because of cosmic law and a need for them (they only exist because of us/mortal/sentient life, not the other way round), what happens if that very need ceases to exist? If there is nothing left to die, the need for Death to exist ceases to be. She might not “die” like everything she takes, but is no need for her to exist not what would make her cease to exist eventually? Is that not a form of death? I’ve personally always taken the “lock the universe behind me” with a pinch of salt and never seen her as keeping on existing in a void. Even The Books of Magic don’t give a really terminal (bad BoM pun) answer to that in my view: She comes to claim Destiny and then the Universe itself—but then what? What happens to her after she took the Universe and the need for her existence ceases to exist? That doesn’t really get answered in my view. Other people’s interpretive mileage might vary…

Winter’s Edge: Death, A Winter’s Tale

A long time ago (in Tumblr years), folks were discussing Death’s character, and asking me to weigh in. (@rey-jake-therapist do you remember tagging me? this has sat in drafts for precisely that long) Coincidentally, I was writing this post during that time and ended up sitting on it due to reasons I'll get into below.

The next issue in my Sandman Reread is A Winter’s Tale. So today, we'll be discussing Death as a character and what she says of herself in this issue. And it was really hard to write this because the story is pretty short and is essentially the monologue we hear from Death in the TV episode for "The Sound of Her Wings". So from my perspective, there wasn't a lot new to explore in this issue.

But since I started this post, we've been talking in the Sandman Bookclub posts about how the Endless really are their concepts. And I ended up not posting this and completely rewriting it. So without further ado, my thoughts...

First up, I loved the art in this: simple black and white pen and ink sketches are overlayed with watercolor backgrounds. I love the use of paint bleeding across the paper to give a background. The loose sketches give it a fresh feel.

As for the premise, the whole issue is basically what we hear in Sound of Her Wings as I mentioned above. Death talks about how in the beginning, folks were excited to live and die, but then things took a dark turn and she started to hate her function. She ended up quitting for a while and not ushering folks to their afterlife until an individual came to her and showed her what she had done. Then she goes through a period where she's kind of hard and cold until a small girl puts things into perspective. Here we learn that Death takes a day to live every 100 years so she can experience life and death.

So back to Death as a character and a concept. It's interesting to me the journey she goes on. What would make Death withhold her gift? What would make her become cold and brittle? What would make her chose to live among us for a day? If I think about this whole tale as a metaphor, I'm not sure I can come up with a good explanation or story for it. (if @poobtato or @writing-for-life have any good takes on what would be the backstory here, I'd love to hear them.)

However, I do think there is a good parallel between the way that death has been perceived by folks and differing cultures to the different feelings She attaches to her function. Death is indiscriminate. She can be cold and unfeeling. Untimely. A relief from terrible circumstances. Compassionate. Loving.

And I think that ultimately, it's so easy to see her as a character who is a friendly face. Who is a loving sister. And because of that we tend to look at her as a human and forget just what she is: the end. The end of a life, of a story, of a perspective. She's comforting, but she's still an end. And no softening of her character can negate that.

She and Morpheus may have a lot in common. There is a conceptual overlap between sleeping overnight and the final rest we all take. Hamlet's soliloquy even ties the two together ("To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub: For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause...") Not to mention how we've all joked about La petite mort here on Tumblr. It's easy to view the 2 of them as simply two siblings who are close.

However, I do think there is something to them being close and Morpheus drawing closer to death as he gets closer to his sister. They can't help being what they are. So if Death is a bit insensitive to Morpheus' depression/suffering, she can't really help it. She's not human: she is literally Death. Death doesn't really care what leads you to her: she's there waiting for you in the end regardless. To be close to his sister, is to be close to death itself. To be comfortable with the idea of it. To seek it out. Even if she is the one who finds him at the park. She extends the invitation to come with her, and he follows. I love her, and yet, I want to shout at Morpheus to keep his distance.

If Sandman is a tragedy and a story about grief, this issue sums it all up from her perspective. Death is all of the above: it's a fact of life and it touches us all at some point before it's our time. I like that ultimately, Gaiman chooses to embrace a friendly face at the end. Rather than leave us with a colder, meaner end, he gives us a Death who is that friendly face. Who will walk with us to whatever lies beyond. Who is a comfort. It's given me a lot to think about, and I've decided that I want this to be the end that awaits us all.

#the sandman #sandman #death of the endless #dream of the endless #sandman meta #the endless #sandman book club #sandman bookclub

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jellyluchi · 3 years ago

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La Squadra x Gamer!Reader + spice

A/N: I’m not much of a gamer but I have been playing a few video games lately that gave me this idea. Edit: this was drafted mooonths ago when I was still playing Hades which I haven’t touched in a hot minute...

— Genre: nsfw, minors DNI

— Warnings: suggestive content, mentions of oral, fingering

Risotto

Tries to understand and play some of your video games if you decide to teach him, depending on the type of game he’s either really good or he sucks

Prefers to watch you play in either complete silence or let you talk and explain what the game is about

might ask you questions here and there because he’s a good boyfriend who takes interest in his partner’s fav hobbies!

enjoys relaxing decorative games or puzzle games the most. Also horror for aesthetics and good stories.

depending on whether he can tell if you’re in the mood (and yes he can tell) might tease you as you play

it starts with very light touches while you’re concentrating on the game and before you can even tell somehow you’re squirming!

very good at being stealthy when it comes to teasing his partners physically

might even use metallica to heighten your experience! your game is soon forgotten and you can’t remember if you beat the level or not

Prosciutto

Most likely to have you already on his lap when you’re playing if it’s his day off and he’s relaxing

a grandpa who won’t even try your video games unless you can somehow convince him with like.... a 45 slide power point on why he’d enjoy it, otherwise it’s just not to his taste

however, in the occasion that you do convince him, it’s truly a sight to see! This man is as intensely competitive as he is shit at games LOL (running in an fps looking at the ground with no camera control rip)

prone to giving up very fast unless you really walk him through it! Even then might not enjoy it unless it’s an interesting story or concept

will be more partial to games that tackle ethics and morals or are darker themed

But his favorite game is teasing you, you’re already on his lap and he loves giving you cuddles and if your having fun with your game why can’t he have fun with his?

It will be such a sensual and soothing experiencing you won’t realize when it even began before you’re panting a bit.

The best outcome is when you willingly leave your video games to go play with him instead

Pesci

Not big on gaming on his own but enjoys them very much when he plays, loves it if you invite him to play something!

Enjoys building and open world exploring type games the most (especially if the latter has some sort of fishing mini-game)

He likes to be creative with his building or wants to get immersed in some fantastical story

Is also chill with listening to you explain your games to him if he’s unfamiliar and loves watching you play

Now if you want some ‘video games and chill’ type situation you might have to be the one to initiate.

Whether it’s hinting at it verbally or physically he would need that confirmation

But once he knows what you want he’s not afraid to support you under the desk if you know what I mean.

Likes to hear your moans overpowering the video game music because it lets him know he’s doing a good job

Formaggio

He’s already your video game buddy most likely, and he gets playfully competitive to boot

Likes FPS the most, especially if it’s multiplayer because that means he can go against you and keep score who got most kills

But if it’s a story based game he’ll goof off and sabotage missions on purpose to see how he can mess with the game (gfx, mechanics etc.)

Also just generally a fan of shooting things in game because it’s satisfying plus he has really good aim wit all his practice

when he’s not in the mood to play he’ll comment on your gaming and get close to rub your thighs slowly

if you don’t get the hint he’ll get bolder with his touches until they’re on your ass and interrupting your concentration

likes when you get frustrated from his touches and considers it a victory if you drop your game to make out with him

Likes to make bets like ‘if you score ___ I’ll dive between your legs’

Melone

Not partial to gaming but definitely has gaming experience, mostly with rhythm games rather than traditional console or PC ones

He really likes to know the details of games from you and can listen to you for hours explaining your favorite parts

Gets into Sci-fi games the most, he loves the world building and the creative fictional technology that they come up with esp for space travel

His skills with the computer didn’t give him much gaming skills but it did allow him to get used to the controls quickly and he gets better with time

Touching you is something he’d rather do, even if its got an interesting concept because nothing is better than seeing you try to fight your moans

If you’re concentrated in gaming or explaining something he won’t interrupt you, but will invade your personal space till you get the hint

If you don’t, he will only inch closer till he’s touching you, first in innocent spots but eventually between your legs or your chest

Loves giving oral during gaming sessions, if you need support under the table he’s your man

Illuso

Never been much of a gamer but he loves to watch you play, especially when you get riled up. He’ll make lots of teasing comments about your gameplay to make you angry or irritated on purpose

He pretends to look down on your gaming skills only because he knows the anger fuels your hormones

He gets bored quick when asked to play, is more into the avatar making section of the game than the actual game

The type to run around in game going through the surrounding talking to random NPCs than actually playing

His boredom from the games usually leads to other ideas, abandoning his console he, very sneakily, gets behind you. Like a snake he’s quickly wrapped around your body before you realize

You would only notice when he’s making quick work of your clothes, he’ll stop if you ask but if not, and usually you don’t, he’ll tease your inner thighs

Doesn’t really putting his fingers between your legs unless you give him your undivided attention. If you whine, he just asks you what you want (may or may not give it to you depending on his mood)

His goal is to make you sexually frustrated enough to abandon the game and let him finger you instead

Ghiaccio

A competitive gamer himself, you may find yourself actually challenged when playing with him. More likely to play FPS than the rest.

He’s definitely vocal and focused when playing, comments on your every little move like you’re making the worst decision of your life

Thinks bets are stupid (because he’s gonna win, obviously right?) and accept whatever challenge you throw at him

Is super smug if he wins, but if he loses and you make him do something he hates he’ll be a sore loser and curse up a storm saying he’ll get you back for it

Ghiaccio takes things at face value, he’s not going to think you’re here to fuck unless you actually say so (in which case he goes very red not realizing your intentions)

If he’s particularly pent up though, he will wonder about the possibility of but won’t initiate it, you really have to be the one to rile him up well

if you play your cards right, that is, letting him win, handling his attitude about it, getting him flustered enough, he will be open to letting you sucking him off, courtesy of winning the game

the other much more fun route would be to win against him, tease him to hell and back and just saying “shut up and fuck me” in which case he will be more than happy to oblige after the stunt you pulled when playing

Sorbet & Gelato

These two are actually pretty accustomed to old consoles such as the n64, having had grown up during it’s time however you will still have to help them navigate any gaming interface properly

Most likely not used to PC gaming just yet but it’s terribly fun to have them watch especially if you’re playing horror and Gelato delights in the jumpscares while Sorbet really has no reaction

Very much likes the morbid games psychological horrors with gore, their favorite characters are always the unhinged ones

They’re both prone to comment if they’re playing themselves and it’s fun to watch as they’re barely phased by the atmosphere or general horrors of the game

Neither of them have much fun just observing you play your game, it’s more likely Gelato will get bored and whisper something lewd into Sorbet’s ear who smirks and they move into action

The plan is simple, they just want to see you squirm, won’t it be so much more fun to play if you’re taking Gelato from behind while Sorbet goes down your throat?

Sure, in that case you’d be in no position to play by yourself but in perfect position for them to play with their little plaything

they’re really not much for subtlety and two of them and one of you, it doesn’t take much convincing nor man power to get you on your knees.

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hops-hunny · 3 years ago

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Pride Lost, Feelings Found

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Pronouns: They/Them

Word Count: 2.2k

Request: @summerstardust “Could you do a Neville with a gender neutral reader. It can fluff/smut/bit of both 🤷, whatever you want. With the prompts: 4. "You think she looks at me? Am I invisible?”, 12. "I’ve always liked you, you’ve just never noticed.” and 17. "Make me fall in love with you.”

Maybe where Neville is secretly crushing on the reader from afar and the reader is told, in some way, about this and he just runs away from the scene. Then the reader follows and finds him and tells him that they want to get to know him.

Don’t feel pressured to use this idea, though. I am just feeling a bit angsty at the moment. Thank you! :)”

Summary: It all crumbles down before Neville’s eyes, but it’s replaced with something he’d never expect.

Warnings: angst but it turns to fluff!!

A/N: Ok ok, if you want a part 2 with what happens after reader says that? Lmk and I’ll probably write it! I’m so sorry this took so long esp for one of my favorite readers. I hope you enjoy <3

4. "You think she looks at me? Am I invisible?”

12. "I’ve always liked you, you’ve just never noticed.”

17. "Make me fall in love with you.”

Sometimes Neville wish he had never noticed (Y/n). But when you shine as bright as they did, how couldn't you notice? They bewitching, enchanting everyone around them with a simple smile, him included. However when miracles as amazing as (Y/n) come to be, so does a lot of attention. He adored everything about them, the way they always smeared their ink on their scroll when they wrote, how they’d walk into class every morning with that same sleepy expression, even down to the way they’d always have to pull their socks up because they got the wrong size and they’d fall down. They was his dream partner. But sadly, that’s the thing about dream lovers, they’re meant to stay dreams.

From as long as Neville could remember, he had been on the bottom of the social ladder. Hell, when your familiar (who is also a toad) causes a wild goose chase during your first years at a new school, it’s really not hard to understand why. If it had been someone else instead of him, he would've made fun of them too. He was a loser and no one would ever let him forget. Not his friends, not Malfoy, not anyone. But they did. In all his years at Hogwarts, (Y/n) had never made him feel like a loser. Every interaction the two of them had made him feel normal, like himself.

Granted every interaction they had was small. Accidentally bumping into them in the halls, a tight lip smile when eye contact was made. One time he thought (Y/n) was waving to him but was in fact waving to their friend behind him but luckily they hadn't seen (Malfoy definitely did..). Out of all the people who could have noticed the way he looked at them or the way his cheeks would turn red when they'd pass him it had to be Malloy. That was awful for a multitude of reasons. One being that for some reason, (L/n) and Malfoy were the best of friends. Everyday he wished that it was him who got sat next to them in potions instead of that weasel of a boy. The second reason being that despite knowing how Neville felt for them, he still had yet to do anything with the information. To most people, they’d be relieved if Malfoy found out one of their most personal pieces of information and had yet to do anything but, Neville knew better. Draco was a vile creature and if he hadn’t teased him about it yet, that surely meant something even greater was coming. Something truly awful and devastating.

The first week after Malfoy found out had Neville staying up to the break of dawn, stirring around restlessly at the thought of what he’d do. Would he spill something on him when he was set to have a class with them, tape a note to the back of his shirt with the information on it, or worse...no, no. Not even Malfoy was cruel enough to do that! If anything, if he was going to tell (Y/n) he’d probably do it when Neville wasn’t around so they could come up to him and reject him at random. Although it was sad, what got Neville to sleep at night was imagining that they already knew. That (Y/n) was more than aware and it was only a matter of time till they’d reject him and his life would go back to normal without any pesky thoughts of how beautiful he found them to be.

--------------------------------

Seamus’s words went in one of Neville’s ears and right back out of the other, sounding like white noise to the boy. He couldn’t listen to whatever idiotic thing he was going on about. How could he when (Y/n) was a few feet away, looking just as gorgeous as they usually did? It was hard not to focus on them, the way their pretty lips would curl into a smile, giggling at something one of their friends had said. He felt a smile grace his own lips at the sight, letting out a noise of protest as Ron chucked a cushion at his head.

“Are you even, listening Longbottom?” he heard him ask, still not ripping his eyes away from the (y/h/h) across the hall.

“You think they look at me? Am I invisible?” he asked in a hushed tone, as if he was to speak any louder, they would somehow hear them despite them being so far away. Seamus let out a loud snort, beginning to cackle as he slapped the boy on the back a bit too hard.

“Fat chance, Longbottom! You think (L/n) would notice you? They wouldn’t even notice me, and that’s saying something!” Seamus wheezed out. Neville shot him a pointed glare, fuming from the boy’s words. He shoved him off the couch, rolling his eyes.

“It’s not that people don’t notice you Seamus….it’s that they do for all the wrong reasons.” Dean pointed out, causing the other 3 to laugh, growing louder as Seamus failed to push himself off the ground.

“Oh don’t worry, Longbottom. (L/n) will be sure to notice you soon enough.” he froze at the sound of the cold voice, turning around to look at the platinum blonde prince himself. Draco stood their, smirking. Crabbe and Goyle tried to nod along when in reality, they had no idea what their leader was going on about. Neville gulped, standing up to face him completely.

“W-what do you mean?” he asked him, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. Draco simply shrugged, beginning to walk in the opposite direction. He turned around briefly looking the boy up and down.

“Means exactly what I said. Nothing more, nothing less. Well as much as I’d love to stay around and lose brain cells with you idiots, I’ve got better things to attend to.” and with that he left.

“Don’t worry, Nev. Draco is always just talk, I’m sure nothing will come of it.” Harry said, offering the boy a reassuring smile. Although Neville knew he meant well, he couldn’t stop the sinking, tight feeling in his chest. Draco had yet to do something so he had no reason to feel this way, but it was just a hunch that the worst was yet to come.

Even hours later, as Neville lay in his bed that night, all he could think about were the words that echoed throughout his head over and over.

“Oh don’t worry, Longbottom. (L/n) will be sure to notice you soon enough.”

He didn’t know if he was grateful for how vague that was or if it was the bane of his days. Draco could’ve meant anything by that, all he knew is whatever it meant the intent behind his words were less than kind. He turned again, sighing as he looked out the window. There was a full moon tonight, a beautiful silver halo of light dancing its way around it.

“Merlin, save me please.” he pleaded quietly, to no one in particular. Every bit of hope, every positive thought laced in his words. Although he prepared for the worse to happen, he had a sliver of hope that it wouldn’t. That tomorrow he’d wake up and his day would be as mundane as usual, just the way he’d like it. And if he was lucky (Y/n) would give him a small smile in the hall.

---------------------------

Neville’s small sliver of hope had grown into an entire cake. Looking back on earlier in the week, he was worried for absolutely nothing! Malfoy once again was all bark and no bite which for once, he was glad for! He let out a sigh of content as he made his way from the library, heading in the direction of the main corridor. He saw Seamus give him an uncharacteristically serious look from the small crowd that was gathered around something. As he grew closer, in the middle of the circle he saw Draco stood on a crate as (Y/n) sat next to him, listening as he read something from a paper.

“Nev, you might wanna...might wanna leave.” Seamus whispered to him. However, he looked as people stared at him, some giggling while some look sympathetic.

“Why? What’s going o-”

“Here’s another one I found in his bin! ‘Dear (Y/n), although I’ll never give you this letter, I can’t help but write about how amazing you are! When I saw you help that injured bird the other day, I wanted nothing more than to help you tend to it. I find it funny how even when you’re sad, you manage to brighten up my day.’ God how dorky is this loser? I can’t believe he fancies you so much (Y/n)!” Draco howled in laughter, a few others joining him. Neville found himself at the forefront of the circle, frozen in his spot. That was his letter! He had started writing them as a way of coping with his feelings, knowing that the person he fancied would always be out of reach of him. “Anything to say for yourself, Longbottom?”

Neville felt tears well in his eyes, the warmth of them mixing with the heat of his red flushed face. “I...I..” he looked at (Y/n) who look like they had something to say however, he didn’t wanna stick around to hear it. Without another word, he ran off, tears streaming down his face as soon as he was far enough from anyone. In his time of despair, he ran to his only place of comfort. The one place that he wasn’t Neville, the loser who just had his feelings ripped from safe keeping in front of half the students in his year. The place where he was just Neville.

He took in a deep breath of the familiar muggy air of the greenhouse, relaxing slightly as he took a seat on the ground. “God I’m so stupid!” he wailed, tears flowing down his face. His crying grew harder, harsh hiccups shaking and jolting his body as he screamed into his knees. He knew there was a matter of time before (Y/n) was to find out, he just didn’t know it’d be like this. If this was just the pain from them learning about his feelings, he didn’t wanna know how bad he’d be wounded when they came to reject him. Neville’s head jolted up at the sound of soft footsteps making their way over to him. He noticed the familiar pair of black shoes, turning his head as they kneeled down in front of him.

“I thought you may be here! You always seemed so passionate about plants during herbology so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to check here first.” (Y/n) said, placing a hand on the boy’s knee. He looked down at where they connected, feeling his face flush slightly from the contact. “You know, your friends care about you a lot. After you ran off, Ginny came up and socked Draco straight in the face. It was quite a sight really.” they let out a soft giggle at the memory. “Hermione went in to drag her off but when she saw how smug Draco looked, she couldn’t help but to join in. While they did that, your other friends set off looking for you and I did too.”

“Why?” he asked, catching their attention. The (y/h/h) gave him a confused look, tilting their head to the side. “Why did you come looking for me? Don’t you hate me now? Gross, stupid Longbottom having a crush on Hogwart’s sweetheart. How pathetic, huh?” he sniffled, ripping his eyes away from them. He knew if he was to continue to look, a completely new set of tears would be triggered.

“Why wouldn’t I? I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t! Although I don’t know much about you, I do know you’re a kind individual and you didn’t deserve what Draco did to you.” they said in a soft tone, moving into the spot next to Neville. They sat in silence for a moment before (Y/n) cleared their throat, looking over at him once more. “How long?”

“Pardon?”

“I mean, how long have you liked me for? I wasn’t even aware until today.” they queried curiously.

“I’ve always liked you, you’ve just never noticed. I don’t blame you for not noticing though, we’re from two different worlds. You’ve got everyone in hogwarts begging for a moment of your time and you hang out with some of the most elite and prestigious people in the castle.” he sniffled some, wiping his nose on his sleeve as he set his hand down on the cold cement ground. “It was stupid of me to let my feelings last for so long.”

“Why was it stupid?” they asked, scooting closer to him. Neville turned to look at them, losing his breath at their closeness.

“Because you don’t feel the same..not that I expected you to. You didn’t even know I existed until today.” he let out a huff of air. (Y/n) bit the inside of their cheek before placing their hand on top of Neville’s, tangling their fingers together.

“You’re right, I don’t feel the same,” they started, tightening their grip as the boy began to get up. “But that doesn’t mean I never will. Let’s get to know each other a bit more.” they leaned in closer, the feeling of both of their breath being exchanged like whispers amongst their lips.

“Make me fall in love with you.”

TAGSLIST:@vayeya11 @pink-hufflepuff @clancyscookies @beewitchedlou

@nevillelongbottomsgirlfriend @redpanda-poetry @vibingaesthetically

#Neville Longbottom #neville x you #neville longbottom x you #neville longbottom x reader #neville x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 3 years ago

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idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

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somewhereinthepines · 2 years ago

Note

i’m still bummed out, that we barely got any info on kyalee and caleb in the game. i understand, that they didn’t had a lot of time or smth, but some extra note or whatever else would have been nice. and as for censorship, it’s pretty logical, that they didn’t showed werewolves bits. usually death/gore gets a free way, where sex or anything related to it might get flagged.

and well, travis indeed does have more scenes in canon, but i also suppose, that he’s just the type of character, a lot of people gravitate toward. i love travis as well, but i wouldn’t have written anything for him specifically tbh. and oh, i’ve heard of that show and seen it around, but i never watched it lol.

well, there is always smth precious about having memories like this. so chris in part, keeps those tapes for memory sake. as well, as for prob looking at ryan closely and finding new things about him, that he didn’t notice before. a lot of stuff, that chris does while creepy, seems to be mostly harmless, but it won’t stay this way forever. not when ryan is about to make everything worse. as for ryan appreciating such kind of dedication to his person or not, well, it can go two ways. for one, atm, he’s a bit uneasy at how different chris sometimes is, and how it sort of collides with the ideal imagery, that ryan made of the man. and there is a saying, that basically goes like this ‘if you put someone onto a pedestal, you lose the chance to understand them’. and that’s true. esp bc in a way, ryan does all the lying for chris. he does a lot of damage control, just bc he’s unwilling to consider, that maybe, mister h is kinda messed up lol. sure, he notices things, but he’s also willing to ignore a lot of possible implications there. which in return gives chris more ‘freedom’, more leeway to as per usual justify himself to a degree, when he does smth weird lol. they’re quite a disaster, honestly. and well, ryan is the clingiest one, but chris clings to him in other ways. it’s hard for him to stay away, when he’s literally being offered some of those things. and for sure, there will be more possessiveness in this fic vs in ASB, where it was touched upon, but not really explored. and welp, chris is a fatherly figure sort of man, and he essentially thinks, that he’s a very bad person, inside his mind he deserves it. but with this mindset in place, he also accidentally often ignores what ryan wants and really thinks. in WCA, he sorta just decided it all by himself, which led ryan to have a bit of a wtf moment there. so it’s like ‘do what’s better for ryan. without actually asking ryan about it’ lol. naturally, he means well, but also like, yeeeeah, not cool, dude.

i imagine, that ryan be the same way. he knows how to handle campers, knows a bit about the woods and how not to start the forest fire, but that’s pretty much it, haha. for chris, who lived his whole life in a place like north kill, it all seems to be familiar and normal. but ryan will be in for a wild ride. besides, he’d never been this close to chris or spent this much time around him, outside the work. it could have been a very good slow-burn, esp when chris would still disappear once in months, but this time, ryan might actually try to track him. that’s aside, i always find the idea of ryan trying very-very hard to act normal around kyalee and caleb, and pretend like he doesn’t have a crush on their dad is hilarious. kyalee’s and caleb’s dad is really kinda rad, he’s all i want and i want him so bad. okay, sorry, i had to. this song is hilarious. and for sure, caleb and kyalee would crush into ryan’s new place, have sleepovers and movie nights. bring beer and prob weed, which ryan disapproves of, but will give in due to peer pressure lol. as for their secret, idk. caleb and chris would be unwilling to tell. but kyalee just might crack one day, esp bc she trust ryan. but she also might re-think it at the last moment, bc it would bring more problems, than relief. tho tbf, ryan would prob think, that it’s kinda cool, that they’re werewolves. he loves paranormal stuff.

and it’s fine, haha. i tend to get lost in ramblings too, esp when it’s a fun topic!

How do you think Kaylee and Caleb think about Ryan and Chris? In ASB, Kaylee was trying to subtly push them together a bit, so I got to wondering how they view Ryan liking Chris and their dad liking Ryan. This sent me down a mini rabbit hole of thoughts that somehow led me to thinking, "Does Chris have something like a knot like in popular werewolf fiction?" I honestly can't remember how I got to wondering about that, and idk how it'd even work either, lmao.

Then, from that thought, I naturally jumped to the next randomised one, which was wondering about how Chris spent the year when Ryan wasn't there? The tapes he has of Ryan wandering around and staring into space got me thinking that maybe he'd watch those sometimes? They have eachothers phone number, too, so they call like they did a bit in ASB. It was just interesting to think about in the context of GP because the nature of their relationship is different. Chris has his obsession, and Ryan atm isn't quite on the same level rn, but he's still pretty fixated on Chris. With these things in mind, I just wondered how it might change how Chris feels/reacts to Ryan's absence during the off-season of camp.

Then, finally, I thought, "What if Ryan stayed with Chris during the off-season?" Idk what the circumstances would be, but Ryan just doesn't go home or doesn't live with his family anymore? I was thinking about what they'd do, obviously with Chris's parents around, he can't bring Ryan to the house. So they'd be at the lodge, or at least Ryan would be. It leaves a lot of room for potential domestic fluff or smut. Without the campers and counsellors around, Ryan would truly be in the wolfs den. I'd imagine Kaylee and Caleb might visit more without the noisy campers and nosy counsellors there.

i’d say, that they prob don’t think about it too deeply. like, ryan’s crush is pretty clear to everyone, who bothers to inspect his and chris’s relationships for more, than 2 minutes. but while kyalee thinks, that it’s fun and might be good for chris, i feel like caleb sort of avoids the topic. and not bc the hates the idea of it, more so, bc it’s very awkward lol. i mean, he’s the older out of the 3. he views ryan on the same level as kyalee, like as someone, who’s clearly younger than him. and his sister has a habit of having new, non-serious crushes pretty often. so he might assume, that ryan is the same in that regard. like that he’s confused or smth. and then, chris is his dad, who he considers to be good-natured, but a bit lame. not to mention, that ryan is around the same age category as them, and learning that your father is a ‘dirty old man’ surely doesn’t help, haha. so yeah, caleb would try to not dig too deeply into it. and nope, chris doesn’t have it, haha. i mean, in human form surely not. in werewolf one, he prob does, haha. but i struggle to imagine ryan surviving such an encounter tbh.

ah, that’s a good question. i imagine, that chris has a lot to do around the campground, even when no one is around. then, he and the rest of the hacketts prob try to track down silas and all that business as well. but i feel like, chris doesn’t really believe, that they would ever find him. one would imagine, that it’ll be travis, who low-key gave up on everything, when in fact, trying to kill silas is in part of what keeps him going. compared to this, chris has a more cynical view on it. at least, in my fanon, haha. i guess, i always picture him as a guy, who really wants to help others, but considers himself to be beyond help. or maybe, not even worthy of it. i mean, i feel like while fandom adores fawning over travis’s situation, no one ever considers why chris had to be the one, who runs the camp. i don’t think, that it was a gift from his parents. i actually, assume that he was ‘trusted’ (read conditioned) into that position, bc travis was always a scapegoat of the fam, but in a way, he was ‘let go’. he could do whatever, bc no one cared all that much, which is still pretty bad, don’t get me wrong. but with this in mind, and added fact, that bobby is clearly the favorite child, it would mean that chris was automatically put into position, where literally no one, but him could ‘inherit’ the hackett’s quarry. and where he had to be the one to have a family, and be ‘the ideal man’ or whatever. all eyes were on him, bc there were things expected from him. nothing was expected from bobby. and in a way, from travis as well, but for different reasons clearly. with this being said, i don’t think that chris had it ‘worse’ than travis or smth, it’s just that he had to suffer through different sorts of parental pressure and most likely abuse too. travis has a stockholm syndrome toward his family, and chris was basically conditioned into filling the role, that no one else could. sorry, tangled up, haha.

but like with all this in consideration, it’s fairly easy to imagine why he would get so obsessed with ryan. and yeah, he for sure would rewatch the tapes, and enjoy phone talks, that they have. he never had anything like this before. a thing to truly look forward to. his kids are adults, so in all fairness, they no longer need him like they used to, and i feel like chris gets very aimless, when there is nothing for him to do, no one to care for, bc he has no idea how to live for himself at all. and yeah, in GP ryan’s and chris’s levels of obsession are a bit different. i suppose, partly bc chris’s mental state is also worse, than it was in ASB. he tries his best still, but cracks are starting to show more and more often. as for how he feels, when ryan is not around for months, i think that it’s a tricky question. chris is party terrified of himself and what he can do, so rational part of him says, that it’s good that ryan is far away from him, and that it might be better if he never comes back. but then, he also always longs for him to be back all the same. need vs care. obsession vs common sense. chris is very morale dualed, haha. esp when it comes to ryan. but i feel like, he’s prob one of the rare kinds of characters, who can overpower his own selfishness more often, than not. like, if i had to put all my supermassives otps into situation, where they had a choice to basically keep their ‘better half’ with them or have a chance to let them go with hope, that they can do better, that it would essentially be better for them, only chris and andrew would be capable of smth like lmao. everyone else, ryan included, would have the ugliest tantrum imaginable. even john with a similar level of self-hatred as chris, wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from being terribly selfish and keep andrew, no matter what it would have taken. this is partly why chris was okay with ryan killing him in WCA. he just assumed, well, it would be better for ryan. kinda a dick move tho. like ryan killed people for him, and he then, asks him to shot him lmao.

and oh, funny enough, i had un-used plot, where ryan gets kicked out of the house by his mother. idk, where his grandparents are. maybe, they don’t exist in that au or they’re not close. so as result, ryan literally has nowhere to go. he asks kyalee and caleb, if they can hook him up with some temporary place, until he finds a job and will get out of their hair. but naturally, they call him an idiot and say, that he can just stay on the campground during that time, chris won’t mind. i imagine, that ryan would ask them to not tell chris why he’s here, make up some story. it also leaves a lot places for humor, bc ryan is city kid, he doesn’t know much about life in the country. but chris be there to teach him. so yeah, they would spent a lot of time together. just two of them. kyalee and caleb would also indeed have a chance to hang out with ryan more often, show him around and such. for a while everything will be alright with the world. which is smth that i really about the quarry tbh. their set-up is so deceptively cozy.

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everythingsinred · 3 years ago

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 20)

PART TWENTY! I've written thousands and thousands of words about this particular character's love. That's really crazy. And you guys read thousands and thousands of words! And we're not even done yet!

We will talk about the second half of this "gap arc", including one of my favorite chapters, and then the school will turn upside down, as we will see in the next part.

Chapter Ninety-Three

Mikan was so exhausted saving Narumi from Persona’s alice that she ended up hospitalized. Nobody else seems to know much of what really happened except Natsume, who spends so much time in the hospital these days that it would have been more surprising if he didn’t know she was there too.

Besides, Natsume knows so much about Mikan. He knows about her mom and that the ESP is interested in Mikan possibly possessing the stealing alice. He knows that she’s in danger. He’s vigilant, as I’ve said, and this vigilance means absorbing all possible information. He overhears Narumi warning Mikan to keep her new alice a secret, and Natsume gets confirmation that Mikan does indeed have the stealing alice, that Narumi knows and wants to protect Mikan too, and that this information could possibly get to the ESP if they’re not careful.

Dead man walking. Or rather... dead boy walking.

He walks away from her room, unseen, coughing. He walks down a hall of doctors and patients and nurses and he doesn’t stand out at all. Natsume’s presence in the hospital is so normal that nobody bats an eye anymore. Kaname is hospitalized for long stretches of time, as we shall continue to see, but Natsume merely goes to the hospital for limited periods of bed rest and for getting huge bags of medicine to take before bed so he doesn’t accidentally pass away in his sleep. Natsume might be in just as much need as Kaname for long periods of hospitalization, but he can’t for two reasons.

One, the school absolutely does not want that. They want their favorite child soldier to be always at the ready. He can’t be at their beck and call at all times if he’s cooped up in a hospital bed. He needs to be where they can grab him easily, and pumping him full of medicine and pretending that’s enough for him is the most they will do.

Two, Natsume absolutely does not want that. Mikan is in more danger than ever, and being sequestered in a hospital without seeing anyone leaves her alone and unprotected. How is he supposed to spy on the ESP and Persona for information on Mikan if he’s hospitalized? He needs to be free as a bird, just like they want him to be, so that he can be at Mikan’s beck and call. At the slightest threat, he will be there for her.

Later, when Bear follows Mikan around while Kaname is sicker than ever, Koko can discern that Bear wants Mikan to steal Kaname’s alice from inside of him. Many people are onlooking, and Natsume has a shocked expression, not because he didn’t know that Mikan has the stealing alice, but because he’s concerned for what consequences may come if more people find out. If the ESP comes to hear any of this, serious issues will arise. Things are already dangerous enough, but if the ESP finds out, then turmoil will come sooner than later.

This is an "Oh, shit" moment! How terrible.

Things get worse when the rumors about Mikan’s alice spread through the upper divisions. Mikan gets chased by upperclassmen who want her to steal their alices because they think their star rank will go up if they can catch her in the act. The ESP seems to have purposefully spread such a rumor in order to speed things along. He wants to push Mikan into a corner, perhaps force her into using her alice and exposing herself, so that he has an excuse to swoop in and take her into his custody.

We see a panel of Natsume hearing the news of the middle schoolers’ pursuit of Mikan and he’s just as shocked as before. Her life is endlessly hectic in the worst way. She is always under attack from rumors and speculation and being honest about her alice will only end poorly for her. This is the last glimpse we get of him this chapter, but his reactions, despite the fact that he says nothing this whole time, is enough to give hints to where his mind is right now. His priorities and concerns are all made clear, building up to when he will eventually be quite needed.

Chapter Ninety-Four

Class B is getting ready for swimming lessons in P.E. Most of the class, especially Mikan, are excited for this.

There’s not much Natsume in this chapter either, but we can see him on the poolside, obviously not well enough to swim. Swimming is one of the most physically taxing exercises because of how much it requires you to use your full body. Natsume can’t waste what little energy he has on P.E. when he has missions to do. Those are much more important.

Mikan may get occasionally down or sad about her alice and the uncomfortable state of things, but Ruka is there to cheer her up and play water polo with her. Natsume simply looks on.

Tsubasa spots him, and instantly looks troubled. He and Natsume are not just both in the DA class now, they’re also going on many of the same missions. He’s also the only one who knows the truth about Natsume’s alice shape, and how much the taxing missions affect his body. Seeing Natsume sit on the side and not join in with the others is not a good sign. He’s not doing well.

Fun and games are over! It was never gonna last long anyway!

The panel of everyone having fun while Natsume coughs by himself, isolated from everyone, brings to mind the page from Chapter Nine, so long ago. The last page of that chapter has Natsume being sent on a mission, in stark contrast to the final panel of the rest of the class having fun and bonding over dodgeball.

He could never join in for long was the message we got then, and it’s not any less true now. Natsume let himself get attached to Class B and to Mikan in particular but his fun happy times of joining in on the fun were never meant to last. He can’t play the sax anymore. He can’t run around with the rest of them. Luna was a warning to him as much as she was to Mikan. His time is running out and his life will always be too different from the rest of theirs. He will always be shrouded in darkness and an imminent death. They can take occasional breaks from the stress and worry of their lives, but he can’t. Not anymore. Not in any real way. Not without it taking a serious toll on his body.

The last page features two groups of best friends: Natsume and Ruka looking out the window at Hotaru and Mikan as they walk through the rain.

Bad things are going to happen. And that right soon.

There’s a feeling of foreboding in this arc. The last page carries some threat with it while also trying to stay on the side of hope. One should not take things for granted is the main take-away, a harsh lesson for these kids to learn, especially in this way.

These few chapters between the Sports Fest and the next arc are almost similar to the gap chapters between the Hana Hime den chapters and the Sports Fest. They are a much needed respite from the heavy chapters before and after. The difference is that these gap chapters are heavier and there’s a threat looming over Mikan and the others in each one. The happiness and lightness of the Valentine’s day chapter are not present, even in this sweet chapter about swimming. Everyone is unsettled and disturbed, aware that something horrible is to come.

Chapter Ninety-Five

And nothing good ever lasts, as this chapter reveals. The tension that has been building for so long is starting to reach a boiling point.

A lot will happen here. Hotaru gets called to the headquarters. Yuka returns to the Alice Academy campus to find Mikan. Tsubasa goes missing.

God, could they stop sending children to get blown up for FIVE MINUTES?!

Natsume and Tsubasa are separated during a nondescript mission. A warehouse explodes and Natsume screams out for Tsubasa, not knowing where he’s disappeared to, or if he’s even still alive.

Tsubasa is missing, his location unknown. Natsume has returned to campus from the mission, but he hasn’t been seen by anybody yet either. He’s busy trying to locate Tsubasa, trying to find information.

Natsume goes on missions all the time. He goes with other DA types and is frequently in life or death situations with them. That being said, he hates most of his classmates, Youichi being one exception. But Tsubasa is different. They have an unspoken respect for each other, and might even be considered friends. They spent a lot of time in the DA class on missions that we haven’t seen in the manga and their work to find--or rather not find--Yuka and protect Mikan has probably brought them closer.

Natsume wants to find Tsubasa because he’s so important to Mikan, because she loves him like a big brother and losing him would break her. He wants to find Tsubasa because Tsubasa is his friend too. If something happened to him on a mission they went on together, then it’s his responsibility to bring him back, and he might even feel guilty for his disappearance as well. Knowing what we do about Natsume’s self-esteem, martyr complex, and tendency to blame himself for everything, he is probably not taking this very well.

It’s exciting and nerve-wracking to see so many people involved in this chapter, but seeing as everything’s coming to a head, many of the characters narratively have to be involved.

Nobara, who discovers that Narumi plans to run away with Mikan to keep her safe from what’s to come, is soon after made aware that she will be blessed with a friend in the DA class: Mikan. Nobara and Natsume do not get along, but so far she’s been diligent in communicating with him about information she discovers that he would not otherwise find out. There’s no way she wouldn’t try to reach out to him, which explains why he knows about it.

Natsume has been mainly absent from the chapter, and from school as well. Nobody has seen him, because he’s too busy trying to find Tsubasa. But it’s nighttime now and everyone is going to sleep. The rumors about Tsubasa’s disappearance are all around the school and he knows that Mikan knows by now. And she’s all alone.

So he takes a break from all the work he has to do to go and comfort her. He cannot leave her alone, even if he originally planned on it.

He appears in her window and she rushes to him. She asks him questions, about where he’s been and all those wounds on his body, but he didn’t come here to talk about what happened to him. He’s here for her. He confesses that he hadn’t wanted to see anyone until he’d found Tsubasa safe and sound, but he had to see her, fearing that she was crying on her own.

They're both sad. They're each other's comfort.

Natsume knows Mikan, that she frequently acts fine even if she’s suffering. Her resilience and determination are great traits, and it’s easy to get lost in the illusion that she should always be bubbly and optimistic and smiling, but even a girl like Mikan needs to let it out sometimes. Finding out that someone you love is missing is not easy, and smiling in the face of that is not something that even Mikan can do all the time. She needs comfort, and Natsume wants to be there for her.

He’s wanted this the whole time, deep down, to be someone she could rely on, someone who could comfort her, and now he’s the only one who can. All the things he’s wanted to do for her this whole time: to comfort her, to tell her it’ll be okay, to hug her. He does it all because after all they’ve been together, she knows now that he’s someone she can rely on.

She’s crying, and she admits that she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to, because she has to cry in Natsume’s place.

Natsume came to comfort her, yes, but he’s been through a lot too. He also cares about Tsubasa and has been suffering on his own for even longer. He also needs comfort, and because he won’t let himself cry, she’ll do it for him. Mikan can see that he can’t afford to not be perfectly composed all the time. She’s thinking of him, too, and it must be nice to be seen so clearly by somebody he loves.

She knows that he's close to Tsubasa too, even if he won't admit it. THEY'RE EACH OTHER'S COMFORT.

He tells her he will find Tsubasa, and “about her too”, which means he’s letting her know he’s taking care of her. He will keep an eye out and try to keep her safe. He’s hinting that he knows about her other alice, and that he’s on top of it. He has to go now, but his farewell--his promise--is his final way of comforting her for the night. She doesn’t need to worry too much about Tsubasa or what will happen with the school, because he will fix it all. He will protect her.

Conclusion

There's something looming over the kids at the academy. Something really bad is going to happen, and everyone seems somewhat aware at this point. Natsume is at the ready for the slightest threat to Mikan, and he will finally be able to spring into action in the next edition of this already-too-long essay.

So... This is the twentieth part. If I'm to guess, I'd say there's not going to be another ten parts to make it to thirty, but I might be wrong, depending on how long my analysis gets in the last parts of the manga. As I post this, I'm about fifty chapters ahead (which sounds impressive but actually isn't considering the Time Travel Arc has groups of entire chapters that I had to skip). Maybe it'll get to something like twenty-eight but I'm not sure about thirty. We'll see. Once upon a time I thought it'd be forty, even! No, not Natsume's. Mikan's, maybe, but not Natsume's.

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simonsrosebud · 4 years ago

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what if kevin & dalton had been set up instead of meeting on their own?

(pls accept this as apology for not posting any kalton for MONTHS)

kevin doesn’t have a date to the banquet.

normally, it’s fine. he’s taken allison or renee to the last few, as friends. but this year, renee has something going on with gwen, their freshman dealer who is somehow only a year younger than himself. and allison got scooped up by ricky, the other freshman dealer.

“what happened to us being dates? i thought it was unspoken?”

allison shrugs and pushes her hair behind her shoulder. she has her arms crossed as she leans against the doorframe to kevin’s bedroom. “sure, but ricky has a crush on me and it’s fun playing around with it.”

kevin sends her a look. “ew, don’t look at me like that. as if, he’s like a baby to me.” kevin opens his mouth, but gets cut off. “you could get a date easily, it’s fine, we’ll help.”

and she’s right. later that afternoon she shoots a text to the team groupchat.

allison: kevin needs a date, any and all genders welcome. must be hot, good at socializing, and able to withstand his complete lack of care for them esp once he starts talking exy.

allison: i expect a nominee from each of you. good luck soldiers.

and kevin’s going to kill that girl.

the freshmen don’t answer, of course. all of their friends are freshmen, and they’re also just too scared to respond to the foxes sometimes.

aaron responds first, suggesting he just take one of the vixens. neil chimes in by saying that marissa girl is fucking social alright.

kevin doesn’t get why allison can’t just set him up with one of her friends. she has a strict rule against any of the foxes dating her non-exy friends, but it’s just an banquet.

matt comes in last, but instead of the groupchat it’s just to kevin.

matt: i have a friend named dalton. he’s in his masters to become a professor but he’s chill. he’s nice and fun too, the best guy i know

kevin knows he shouldn’t be shallow, but...

kevin: picture?

matt responds almost instantly. a picture of his friend sitting across from him at starbucks on his laptop. he looks caught off guard, like matt took the picture without warning.

is he with him right now?

kevin: maybe.

he drops his head back and rubs his eyes.

an hour later, the door opens. neil comes in first. matt is on his heels, and someone else trails in behind him. kevin sits up.

neil looks at him. in french, he says, “i wasn’t a part of this.”

kevin stands, and responds back in french. “you let him in.” neil shrugs at that, and continues down to the bedroom.

matt nods at him with a smug smile. “do you still have your psych 101 workbook? i have to take it next semester and i don’t wanna buy it.”

kevin frowns. is he not going to introduce his friend? “uh, yeah.” he turns to his desk and rummages through the drawers to pull it out.

“oh, this is dalton, by the way. he’s a friend from sophomore year.”

there it is. kevin turns back, book in hand, and nods at dalton.

dalton smiles, calm and charming, and tilts his head a bit. “he’s lying. i was his TA.”

kevin gives a smile. it’s small and faint, and mostly fake. he can’t help it. he doesn’t care for small talk like this. how old does that make dalton?

also, how did matt befriend his TA? kevin’s never spoken a word to the majority of his own.

“can’t imagine having to deal with him in class,” he says, jokingly.

matt doesn’t defend it, just shrugs and moves on. “hey, did you find a date to the banquet yet?” he wiggles his eyebrows.

kevin’s gonna kill him. he stuffs his hands into his hoodie pocket so he can ball his fists. “not yet, no.”

he nods, nudges dalton. “kevin’s on the exy team, too. he’s the only one without a date to the winter banquet this year,” he says. “allison, remember allison? she’s on a manhunt to find someone she approves of for him.”

dalton considers it. “that sounds like allison.”

kevin refrains from frowning. “have you met her?”

dalton has, just one time when he and matt went to a football game this fall and made a pit stop to matt’s room. it’s also when he met neil, albeit very briefly. neil had too much going on to give him the time of day.

“once, a month or so ago.”

when matt and dalton get into the car, dalton turns halfway in his seat to fully face matt. “he doesn’t have a date?” matt shakes his head. “is he into guys at all?”

matt glances at him. “yeah, he’s bisexual.”

dalton raises his eyebrows. “um, hello?! why didn’t you set him up with me?!”

matt frowns and shoots his friend a look. “why do you think we just went over?! i took psychology freshman year!”

dalton’s gonna kill him. “but you didn’t say anything about me to him.” matt rolls his eyes and waves him off, and dalton sits back in his seat.

“i know kevin, i know what i’m doing.”

he crosses his arms. “you’re the worst wingman i’ve ever met.”

but low and behold, kevin texts matt a few hours after his visit.

kevin: how do u know dalton would want to be my date to the banquet?

matt: bc he literally told me so

kevin: fine, ask him if he wants to go and i’ll take him.

when dalton climbs on the bus behind matt, it takes him only a moment to spot kevin and make his way over.

the banquet is five hours away, so the foxes and their dates are changing into their formalwear once they arrive.

dalton has joggers on, and a long sleeve henley that’s a size too big. his collarbone hangs out as the collar hangs low. he wears a soft smile, and pushes a hand back through his hair.

he looks hot.

dalton looks even more hot dressed up in his suit. he keeps at kevin’s side at first, and talks to both matt and dan from time to time. allison even pops up once to inquire about him, since he wasn’t one of her picks.

dalton and matt seem to joke around like they’re best friends. but he doesn’t ever remember matt mentioning him.

then again, if kevin had friends outside of exy, he may not introduce them to the foxes, either.

he finds his way back to kevin’s side at their table, where he’s talking to a trojan player. after a while, kevin turns to him. “you don’t have to stick by my side, if you don’t want.” he almost feels bad.

dalton shrugs and smiles. “what if i want to stick by your side?” the way that kevin reacts shows that he wasn’t expecting that, and dalton’s smile turns shy. “um, i don’t mind, really. i’d feel bad leaving you alone. i’m your date.” he takes a sip of his drink.

“okay.” it barely leaves kevin’s lips, but it’s enough to make dalton happy.

“you can even talk exy to me, if you want. i can pretend i know how it works.”

kevin’s heart seizes. “you don’t know exy?”

dalton grins. “i’ve never even seen a game.” he leans closer. “teach me?”

so he does. for the next half hour, they sit and kevin blabbers on, and dalton listens and asks questions. and then they sidetrack somehow to talking about marvel movies and what they suspect will happen in the next spiderman movie.

dalton swears to die on the grave that peter parker is a bisexual icon.

“you can take that title, instead, though.” his grin is cheeky. kevin lightly kicks his ankle and rolls his eyes, but he’s heavily amused.

“what about you? what are you?”

“gay,” he shrugs. “not much to it.”

“did you… when you told people, how did they react?”

dalton’s head tilts just a bit, and his smile starts to fade. “some people don’t like it, but it was fine for the most part.” and after a moment. “why, are you okay?”

kevin nods.

dalton doesn’t believe it. and he supposes he doesn’t know kevin enough to say that, but there’s something about the way kevin doesn’t verbally respond to it that sits weird in his head.

he props his chin in his hand. “i told my roommates i was gay the first week of freshman year. my roommate knew, but we had two suitemates, and one of them kinda stopped talking to me after that if he could help it.” he flicks his eyes up to meet kevin’s. “my uncle asks me at every family function if i’ve got a girl yet. he’s known for seven years, now,” he says. “and thanksgiving is now hosted at my house because my grandmother told my mother that i was unwelcome in hers.”

harsh.

“i’m sorry.”

he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say, really. he barely has family as it is, but he can’t imagine losing them now because of something so small.

but dalton just shrugs a shoulder. “it’s okay. think about it this way, if i was still in the closet i wouldn’t be your date right now.” he cracks a smile. always smiling.

that’s when kevin notices just how close their faces are. and how he keeps glancing at dalton’s mouth. he sits back. not here.

dalton goes to the bathroom, and matt takes his seat. “how’s it going with dalton?”

kevin frowns. “fine, why? did he say something?”

matt’s face is indescribable. “no, but i see you guys getting all close and stuff. just flirt with him, dude! he obviously likes you.”

yeah right. “i-i don’t think so. he’s just here because i didn’t have a date.”

matt drops his head for a second. “kevin, after you first met him he scolded me for not setting you two up. he doesn’t watch exy, and he’s not here for the famous kevin day, just give him a chance.” kevin looks to the side, where dalton’s on his way back talking with dan at his side. they’re getting closer, so he talks fast and quiet. he stands. “don’t fuck this up, he’s hot and nice,” he whispers, and grins when dan slides into his side.

“we wanna dance. boys?” she looks expectantly at both kevin and matt. matt doesn’t have a choice, but he’d never say no anyway.

dan pulls kevin up and shoves him lightly into dalton, who catches a hand on his waist. kevin wants to squirm out of it, but not because he doesn’t like dalton, or dalton’s touch. just because the idea of liking dalton scares him a bit.

but dalton lets go when he finds his balance.

“i don’t- i can’t dance.”

“yeah right, i’ve seen you at eden’s before.”

when he was belligerently drunk.

“you don’t have to.” dalton’s voice is soft behind him.

matt slides his gaze to kevin. don’t fuck this up.

he turns. how has his life come to this? “no. i will, if you want to.”

dalton grins, lopsided and happy. “yeah?”

he hopes he doesn’t regret it. “yeah.”

so dalton takes him by the hand and leads him after matt and dan. the majority of the foxes are in the midst of the crowd as well, but they don’t pay them any mind. there’s enough people that kevin can pretend he’s at eden’s.

kevin is a terrible dancer. dalton notices it right away and laughs. when kevin gives him a look he says, “follow my lead. just sway a little. nod your head to the music,” kevin looks up at him while he dances, but catches dalton’s eyes instead.

he looks away and falls out of rhythm. “sorry,” he mumbles.

“it’s okay.” dalton gently takes kevin’s hands and puts them on his waist. it feels illegal. his hands feel like dead weights, he doesn’t know what to do.

is he blacking out right now?

but then dalton’s moving his hips and dancing, and laughing. he’s having fun and kevin wants to have fun too.

he moves his hands from dalton’s waist to around his neck, and dalton hesitates with his hands near kevin’s hips until kevin nods.

dalton’s fingers dip into his hips. his one finger taps along the beat of whatever song is playing, while he lightly sings along and bounces back and forth.

it’s dark on this side of the court with the exception of some colored lights darting around. the designated dancing spot.

kenna is kissing jack in the crowd.

kevin looks back to dalton, singing with a smile plastered on his face.

no one would notice.

kevin’s fingers twitch against dalton’s neck. but someone could.

he’s already out, but that doesn’t mean he’s kissed a boy in public yet.

he drops his arms. “i need some air.”

dalton let’s go, “are you okay?” but he just nods and takes off, off of the court and down the hall to the locker rooms. the foxes have their things in the away men’s locker room.

kevin sinks down on the bench. he plays with the bracelet around his wrist, courtesy of betsy in case he needs something to fidget with. opposed to panicking, that is.

that woman is never wrong.

kevin likes dalton, that’s not in question nor is it really the problem. the problem is that he doesn’t know what his problem is. if it’s what people will say when they see that he truly is into men.

being told something versus seeing proof that it’s real are two different things. he’s learned that, dealt with it more than once. the last time it was the proof of the raven’s bullying and abuse. being told that kevin and riko’s relationship isn’t what the fans fantasize it is versus then seeing proof that it isn’t anything that they thought, for example.

kevin had to deal with backlash like that for months after the raven’s investigation post championship game. him being bi isn’t the same, of course, but he doesn’t know how to predict the behaviors of his fans. he doesn’t know what they’ll support or not.

but he likes dalton.

“hey.”

one of the freshmen, eva, stands in the doorway. “stop running

you don’t have to be scared of people seeing you dance, you know.”

kevin frowns. “i don’t care about dancing.”

“yeah, but you care about dancing with your date.” they cross their arms and lean against the doorframe. “no one cares. half this team is a little gay, anyway.”

once they’ve changed for the night in the hotel room, dalton hesitates from where he stands by the bed. “are you okay? you seemed a little jittery all night, i just... i wanna make sure everything’s fine, i guess.”

kevin looks up, but doesn’t answer.

stop being so afraid of everything.

he opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn’t know what he can say.

he sighs.

dalton’s standing there, arms crossed, concerned. kevin swallows his fears as he makes his way across the room until he’s standing right in front of dalton, and slides a hand behind his neck to kiss him.

dalton hums, surprised. after a moment he brings a hand to kevin’s chest, and there’s a second where kevin thinks hes going to be pushed away. instead his fingers dig into his hoodie and he pulls kevin closer.

dalton’s smiling as kevin pulls away. “about time,” he mumbles, and kisses him again.

the back of dalton’s knees hit the bed by accident, but he drops down to sit and gently pulls kevin by the strings of his hoodie.

kevin isn’t new to sex, so to speak. he’s not the most experienced, but he’s had his fun. it’s the only reason he’s confident enough to scoot dalton further back and kiss him into the mattress.

dalton wraps an ankle around the back of kevin’s knee. he curls his fingers into his hair and leans his head back when kevin kisses down his neck.

they wake up to kevin’s phone blaring. matt’s calling.

kevin only acknowledges the fact that he has his arm around dalton for a second before he checks the time.

they’re late.

wymack’s gonna kill him.

kevin sits up and shakes dalton as he answers his phone. “hey you guys are awake right? coach is pulling the bus around then we’re loading up.”

kevin’s out of the bed and throwing his shirt on, tossing dalton’s hoodie to him. “yeah, we’re coming.” dalton’s eyes go wide and that kicks him into gear as he realizes the situation.

they look a mess as they run around. they’ve really only got one pair of clothes and their suits to frantically shove into their bags. kevin pulls his sneakers on without socks and dalton’s got his on with the laces all undone as they jog down the hall.

at least they brushed their teeth.

dalton drops down to tie his shoes in the elevator, and when he stands kevin takes the liberty of carding his fingers through his hair.

he shrugs. “bed head.”

dalton can’t help but smile. “might wanna pull this up a little,” he mumbles, and that’s when kevin realizes that he’d accidentally put on dalton’s long sleeve henley. the shirt he’d been wearing last night before it got dropped to the floor.

dalton pushes the shirt up so it’s not hanging lower on kevin’s collarbone. he’s got a nice hickey that needs hiding.

“they’re never going to let this go,” kevin says.

dalton leans back against the elevator wall. “i’ve got some juice on matt if you ever need.”

kevin smiles, just a little. despite him worrying all during the banquet, last night was so good. he doesn’t want it to end as soon as they step off of the bus. he doesn’t want dalton to be a one night stand, he doesn’t think.

he takes a step forward and kisses dalton against the wall once more. he pulls away when the elevator dings.

matt smiles to himself as he watches them come around the corner. he tries to tame it, at least.

kevin and dalton are the last on the bus. kevin’s spot in the back is open, so they go back there. dalton toes off his shoes as soon as he sits down.

kevin is on the aisle side. his chest skips when dalton’s hand lands gently on his thigh. he doesn’t hate it.

it’s dinner time when they get back to a rainy palmetto. dalton had fallen asleep on kevin’s shoulder a half hour ago, and jolts awake when matt whoops and shouts to get out of his way so he can run off the bus for the bathroom.

“sorry,” dalton says quietly, scratching his head and yawning into the back of his hand.

“i didn’t mind.” kevin stretches his legs and pulls his shoes on.

dalton’s car is in the gated stadium parking lot. kevin walks him to it, head ducked because all he’s got on is dalton’s henley. no one anticipated rain.

dalton turns after unlocking his car, and sticks a ripped off folded note into kevin’s palm. kevin puts it right into his pocket for safe keeping. “so are you gonna call me after this?” dalton’s hair is falling wet over his forehead.

he nods, mouths the word yeah but nothing comes out. and dalton can’t help himself, so he takes a step forward and kisses kevin one last time, gentle as he hesitates with his fingers hovering over his cheek.

kevin’s got nothing to lose at this point, so he curls his hand alone dalton’s neck and steps closer.

he only pulls away because the team is most likely watching, and someone whistles. “i’ll call you,” he nods. he shoves his hands into his pockets and ignores the rain as he watches dalton drive out of the parking lot.

he turns towards the maserati and sees andrew shakes his head. kevin looks down at himself. he’s halfway to soaked. not ideal for such an expensive car. which leaves one option.

kevin slides into the front seat of his father’s car.

wymack can’t wipe the smug look from his face. “so-“

“no.”

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