#/ vent

[goldengamer2500]

Personal vent Below cut:

My life has kinda gone to shit ever since COVID and it's not gotten better since. I'll try to summarize the last 5 years in as quick of a manner as i can:

The only context you need for this is that I'm about to turn 19, recently figured out im trans and I lived with my little brother and both of my parents before covid.

Covid hits, forced to online school, no interaction with friends

Parents get separated without telling us

Dad forces us to move to a separate state to get as far away from my mom as possible, we didn't know why at the time

Lost contact with old friends cause of that

Moved like 4 separate times in the span of three months.

Eventually Mom and Dad seemingly get their shit together and reconcile, Mom moves back with us.

Spoiler alert: They didn't get their shit together. The next 3 years will be filled with constant fighting and bickering between them, which they tried to keep away from us but failed miserably

Homeschooled for a year, it sucked.

Still no interaction with the outside world cause the lockdown is still a thing

This is about the time where I was supposed to enter highschool. I'm enrolled into a tiny-ass online school with like 10 students, none of which I particularly liked.

Starting to become aware of gender dysphoria, even if I didn't know what it was at the time, it sucked.

Total shut-in by this point, even if it's not entirely my fault. Stop taking care of my health at all. I'm so dangerously underweight my parents think I have anemia. (I didn't)

Parents try to put me on a diet and shit, somehow that sucked even more.

Second year of highschool. By this time the lockdown was over and schools were returning to in-person classes. Even though the school I was had also returned to in-person classes my parents insisted on keeping me online only for the first half of the year. (Remember that the school has like 10 students, so you can imagine how that was unbelievably awkward for everyone involved)

Fights and arguments between my parents become more frequent and violent at this point.

Finally return to in-person classes, super awkward cause of my long period of isolation and the weird online/in-person arrangement we had at the beginning of the year. Didn't make any friends.

^ Not like any of that mattered because not long after I finally returned to in-person classes my parents got divorced for real this time and they started fighting over custody. Which meant that I started missing classes because of jumping between living with my dad and my mom. (My dad kept the family car)

Their fighting only got worse during this time.

Right when I was about to finish my second year of highschool (literally like a week before that) my parents have this huge fight and my mom puts a restraining order on my dad, forcing us to stay with her indefinitely.

My dad obviously contests this and they begin a long, honestly stupid legal battle that's still fucking ongoing over custody and child support.

Mom is barely able to afford to take care of me and my brother because of her low salary and the fact that my dad was trying to pay as little child support as he physically could.

Mom begins to drink constantly, getting drunk every few days.

Basically forced to take care of her and my brother instead of myself. (not like I cared for myself either way)

Completely skipped third year of highschool because of this.

This continues for about a year, we pretty much go no-contact with our dad or with the outside world during this time because my mom doesn't have a car.

Move other few times during this time.

Mom is still unable to afford to take care of me and my brother and dad still refuses to pay child support so she's forced to send my brother to live with my grandparents so that they can help him go to an actual highschool.

Figure out im trans, cue gender dysphoria being a bitch.

Mom forces me to find an online college to enroll into. (I had been postponing this as much as possible due to lack of motivation towards life, possibly because of depression (haven't been able to afford to go to a therapist so i cant say if that was actually the reason))

Moved again, the legal battle between my parents continues to be on a stalemate.

And that's basically where we are now. Mom and Dad have been fighting their legal battle for almost two years now and I haven't seen my dad in that time (particularly due to lack of trying). My brother was forced to move to a different state. Mom still drinks (but thankfully much less), she got a better job so we're not as tight with money but the situation there is not great. Dad still refuses to pay child support. The online college I'm on isn't great and I haven't talked to people my age in years.

So yeah. I don't want to blame it all on COVID, but it certainly didn't help.

me in five years when i still don’t have my life together:

[pngjamie]

ugly doodle after listening to meteor shower

[addictao3]

I hate to be that guy… but like if you’re going to tag something. Tag it appropriately. Like I do NAWT wanna see fem reader if I’m looking specifically for m! Reader. It’s not that hard chat.

[clazyfox]

"your silence is speaking for you"

[kasai0148]

wounds of the heart

[foldingfittedsheets]

My managers cologne is so strong it hurts my throat and gives me a headache. It’s so pungent in fact that if he used a desk terminal the day before his smell is overpoweringly imbued onto the work space.

I’ve told him this is a problem for me but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t change his habit and it’s just mine to deal with.

Last week it was so bad I wore my mask just to not smell it. But the reek stuck to my arms where they rested on the desk (even after a wipe down) and kept me awake that night. I had to get out of bed and wash my arms.

This week I didn’t want to deal with that and I was frustrated. I found an old foot protector and put it on the desk. It’s lumpy and it’s hard to use the mouse but it’s at least dampening the smell.

[void-dude]

Freaking hate twitter people keep stealing my stuff and designs over there :((

[sasaleletrebol]

Everything that is made by FANS is FANart there is no such thing as "CANON" if someone other than the creator made it. This includes "fanon" vs "canon" posts. That is YOUR interpretation of what "canon" is which, surprise surprise, IS ALSO FANON. EVERYONE IS WRONG. AAARRRRRGHHH.

[voidyellingback]

last night, i had a dream that i had a flat chest. i looked in the mirror and saw myself exactly how i would look without anything there. no surgical scars or anything. i ran my hands over my chest and felt true euphoria. i put on a shirt. no suspicious binder lines and no pesky breast tissue protruding and revealing what i really am.

and then i woke up.

i became immediately aware of the shameful sacks of fat clinging to my body like parasites. they follow me everywhere in everything i do. i cant bear to look at my shadow.

i cant handle living as a girl anymore. i cant go on like this. i need to transition so i can finally breathe. i need to cut these things off me so i can finally breathe.

i dont think cis people could ever understand this feeling.

i hope i have this dream again tonight.

[nofuckingideawho]

I don't even matter to myself anymore

[sirpuntine]

THIS I get a lot of comments of a similar flavor -

“I can’t do this due to being disabled.”

- “Well I have the condition you said you have once / know someone with it, and I / they do that thing, so you’re lying.”

“A single disorder often affects different people differently. Also, that is just one of a dozen or so comorbid diagnoses I live with, most of which are considered subjectively more severe / relevant to my condition by my doctors and require much higher support. They exacerbate each other significantly.”

- “You can’t possibly have multiple disorders, you must be faking. Just pick a struggle.”

“I’ve been in treatment for over a decade. I see health professionals weekly. I can barely leave bed, and need multiple accessibility tools daily, which I have fought tooth and claw for. I am very sure that I am disabled. The struggles picked me.”

- “You’re stealing from taxpayers and a burden on your family. Stop faking, you’re stealing resources from actual disabled people.”

"I can't do this. my disability prevents me from doing this"

another disabled person: well I have to do this! have you considered just doing it anyways?

"I'm not sure you know what can't means and I also don't think you realize that I, too, have to do those things. I just.. y'know, can't."

[mitsukiixx]

Trump has paused the military aid to Ukraine until Zelensky apologizes to him about the meeting on Friday...

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

He started a shit show on Friday. And now he thinks we owe him an apology because he was a jerk? He disrespected the people who died and are dying for our country and now expects praise from that? Is this about pride or is he just fucking with Zelensky?

I feel disgusted, shocked and scared.

I'm a child who can't do shit but write a post about how shitty this man is.

Why is it a man, we, Ukrainians, had no power in choosing as a leader, have to suffer from other people's choices?

I feel disgusted because I had a friend who was telling me how he will end the war under 24 hours... And now my home has lost a good chunk of support that we need in order to survive.

My close family live in a constant fight or flight mode but Trump doesn't give a shit. Cause appearantly Politics is business to him.

And my family has to suffer because of it.

[bugg-bonez]

UGGGHH I HAVE GOT TO STOP MAKING GOOD VENT ART BECAUSE I WANT TO SHARE ITTT

RRAAAGGH.

Anyhoo. TAKE THIS AND GO. I'M PUTTING THE FRIES IN THE BAG AND NOT COMMUNICATING FURTHER.

(Its about chronic pain flare ups)

...reblog if you agree/sil/nsrs

[sunnydayaoe]

sometimes I feel bad for deciding not to engage that much with the utmv fandom [besides posting art and fics occasionally] before I remember I am an angry angry person and wouldn't be able to handle it.

happy for everyone else though <3

[angel-9mm]

me when i realize it's up to me to get better. and also i can't hate myself into getting better