nyx-the-reader

[nyx-the-reader]

Ok, another rant time ......

I just don't get the hate Steve Rogers has been getting since the Civil war. Like seriously, I get that Steve didn't tell stark about his parents and he should have but people keep forgetting that Steve's human as well. Every wrong that happens due to Tony is justified as him being traumatized but seriously he is not the only character who has issues in the MCU. Every single person from Steve to Coulson to anyone associated with the heroes is traumatized. Tony created Ultron, people keep saying that Wanda manipulated him which is not true at all. Wanda just gave him have a nightmare and he flew off the handle. He says that the Avengers dropped a building on that kid when he was solely responsible for Ultron while the others were just cleaning his mess. He decided to listen to a guy he knows has hunted down one of his closest friends in the past and is obsessed, but people keep saying that Bruce and Thor would have agreed with Tony. Like seriously the guy who has been hunted all over the world and just wants to help and the guy who has told his father and king that he will save people even against the king's order would agree with Ross of all people? That's not even counting the fact that the accords are basically violating so many human rights? What was Tony even thinking, let me guess he wasn't, it's justified because he was traumatized. Similarly what even is going through his mind when bringing a minor to a fight with trained superhumans. That even blackmailing the kid. I have seen so much shade thrown at Steve and team cap for fighting against Peter but seriously they weren't even aware of Peter's age. As for Rhodey getting hurt, Vision aimed a laser beam at Sam, what was he to do, not dodge it? And then when sam actually tried to help (He probably had more of a basic medical training than tony himself), he gets another beam to his face? When fighting with Steve and Bucky, Tony is trying to kill Bucky, a literal 70 year Prisoner of War while both Bucky and Steve are trying to just disarm him. Tony is called an orphan like he's the only one. Like he doesn't have a better support than most people. Here is a bestfriend and girlfriend who put up with a whole lot of your shit. Here is a loyal friend/ employee who genuinely cares about your safety. Here is a whole lotta money, you can definitely afford a therapist with it. Here is the world, more than half of which adores you. When people bring up Wanda and Pietro's hurting tony, they conveniently forget that it was a weapon made by stark that killed their parents and their neighbours, everyone they knew. The bomb is still stark's property, if we are to blame the person not the weapon how is it different than Bucky being tortured and brainwashed to kill people.

But Nyx, tony didn't sell it to those people who bombed Wanda's place. It's a weapons manufacturing company not a chocolate making company the distribution has to come from them only. Even if it was Obediah who sold them, it's still Tony's responsibility to atleast check what is happening in a company running under his name, selling his weapons, what was he doing ? Having parties, throwing insults and shades at people who probably didn't even do anything. It's irresponsible behaviour which he frequently displays over each movie.

Another example is giving his address to a terrorist on live television, here take my address bomb it if you can, who cares if my best and my girlfriend both have access to visit. Same for my friend happy and any other person I invite to my house.

We all know Project Insight and Ultron were a bad idea, what does he do, creates a mini AI powered project insight - EDITH.

He has no respect for others, he calls a World War veteran with probable water and ice related PTSD popsicle and worth nothing without the serum, which we all know is not true per Dr. Erskine, he deliberately picked on Bruce to see if he could turn to hulk on the helicarrier knowing the threat it was. He literally called Wanda a WMD disregarding her status as a human when he himself spent most of his life manufacturing them and made the iron man suits. He blackmails a teenager to fight his battle. He took a weapon (Iron man suit) to a party, got drunk his ass off and shot lasers. He makes comments on people without knowing them, without censorship and without thinking who he is talking to. He deliberately withheld information on his test on the spectre from Thor. HE ANNOUNCED ABOUT CLINT'S FAMILY WHERE ANYBODY COULD HAVE HEARD (Sorry, I'm sensitive about that one). He chose to not call Steve and went to space without backup and then blamed Steve for breaking the team up and losing Peter.

Sometimes I feel like Tony's favorite activity is to find people to blame for his fuck ups. Ultron - blamed on Wanda, Sokovia - on Avengers as a whole, his company was selling to terrorists - he didn't know, blame on the others in his board of directors panel (why shouldn't he know, it's his company, maybe spend time in office instead of getting drunk), breaking Avengers - Steve and team cap, losing Peter - blame on Steve (like the poor guy is literally tony's go to metamorphic punching bag, something happens blame on Steve), Rhodey's hurt - Sam's fault, Breakup with Pepper - She couldn't handle you being Iron man (it's more in the line of You being You), Howard was a bad dad - Steve's fault (That one I can never understand)

I can go on and on but I'll type all that another day.

[nyx-the-reader]

Let me read your stories,

Let me accept your past,

Let me take all your hurts,

Let me give you the stars,

Let me accompany you in silence,

Let me ease your scars,

Let me adore you in solitude,

Let me enjoy our spars,

Let me bear all your burdens,

Let me guide you through the dark,

Let me worship your idols,

Let me give your dreams a start,

Let me know all your thoughts,

Let me carve your image into my heart,

I'm aware my feelings are not reciprocated,

That is why I have never dared to ask,

You don't have to love me back,

Just don't let us grow apart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

The idea of having someone equal and opposite to you, somewhere out there in this world, now that's the dream. Who can be the technical mastermind to your inner chaos causing gremlin. Who will look at you fighting and say that they don't need to interfere because they have full confidence that you'll win since you're their equal afterall. Someone to hold a dagger to your throat because they know you can fight back if you wanted and smirk when you're holding one to theirs. I think it's more like finally having someone to rely on. Someone who can watch your back. Someone with whom you don't have to hold back at all.

ok but why does no one ever talk about the palpable sexual tension of meeting your match. your equal. it can be in any task you excel in. just the idea of everyone before them being so substandard and then finally you have someone who can challenge you in a way that no one ever has before. someone that can finally be better than you, who can protect you in a way no has ever been able to. there is a certain loneliness in being the best of the best and here comes someone eager to overthrow you. the rivalry. the acceptance of the other’s strength. the equality in skillsets. why does no one ever talk about that? huh? HUH?

[nyx-the-reader]

What is love,

I've always been afraid to ask,

Is it your stuttering heartbeat,

When you hear him laugh,

Is it losing yourself in her sly smile,

When she pretends to straighten your scarf,

Is it looking into his mischievous eyes,

Knowing you'll never be the same again,

Is it when your hand moves automatically,

To play with her hair without any restraint,

Is it your quick anger,

In cases when she's hurt,

Is it in your instinct,

To try & protect him from this world,

Maybe love is an accumulation of all this,

Or maybe it's so much more,

All I know is that I'm feeling something,

Which I've never felt like before.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Ok so rant time .....

First, this post is not Wei Wuxian critical.....

I know many people are like "oh! Lan Wangji was so mean to Wei Wuxian during their Cloud Recess study era for absolutely no reason". Well I actually disagree. If a person, even if they are my crush (let's be honest, at that point it was only a crush on Wei Wuxian not full on love) tried to touch any part of my body without my consent, I would react with anger as well. The Lans grow up believing that the ribbon is a part of themselves just as their eyes or ears are. It doesn't matter that Wei Wuxian is not from Gusu, he is still on their territory but has no respect for them anyways. I understand many of Gusu rules are frankly bullshit but it's still Lan Wangji's belief system if nothing else. Here is a person who keeps touching you without consent and then just to annoy you slips spring books to your reading material. If Lan wangji had been a girl, this would have been grounds for Lan Wangji to be forced to marry Wei Wuxian. I know Wei Wuxian doesn't know the meaning of the ribbon but come on it's literally one of the rules he had to copy several time. He is a genius who did recite all those rules to Wen Chao. Lan wangji believing that Wei wuxian knows the meaning of the ribbon also makes sense as it's right there, literally everyone knows, even Jiang Cheng. Which I think also makes him angry because from Lan Wangji's perspective the guy he is crushing on keeps making this joke on the expense of something so sacred to Lan Wangji. So Lan wangji reacting in anger is actually more sense than anything. As for the always punishing Wei Wuxian part, Wei Wuxian breaks the rules for fun. Again many of Gusu rules do not make sense but they are still the rules of the place you are residing. Lan wangji punishing Wei Wuxian is not some weird kink on his part, he is the appointed disciplinarian for the whole class. It's literally his responsibility. You can't expect him to shrink his duties for a boy he just met, he wouldn't be the Lan Wangji if he did. Look I love Wei Wuxian but he is one oblivious dude. And as they grow old Lan Wangji also does not do a great job at expressing himself either. But to blame Lan Wangji solely for "The Misunderstanding" does not work either. They grow up, Lan Wangji has to learn to stand up to his own family, to his own mistakes. He breaks and remakes his own morals, he forges his own understanding of rules, learns to live with consequences of his actions and inactions. So for me, Lan Wangji is not perfect but I relate and understand him more.

[nyx-the-reader]

You are the family,

I found for myself,

You're a Father's sagely advice,

Whenever I am in need,

You're a Mother's warm hugs,

Full of love when I weep,

You're the shoulders of a Sister,

Available for my cries,

You're a Brother's silent support,

Steadily standing by my side,

You are a Friend's mischievous grin,

Funny, teasing and sly,

You are my Mentor's guiding hands,

Teaching me the ups and down,

You are my Teammates' quick resolve,

That they would never let me drown,

You are a Lover's gentle smile,

My one and only,

If we all have each other,

We will never be lonely,

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You, with lovely hair

And your sparkling eyes,

You, with your cheeky grins

And your dimpled smiles

Who do you think you are

For causing this Chaos in my mind,

Forgiving all my sins in one breath

Contradicting all my plans in the next,

You came like a hurricane,

Testing my patience and my discipline

I hate you sometimes

For bringing this bright hope in my life

I mourn thinking of the day you will leave,

Taking all this joy back with you

I dread the future that is inevitable,

For everyone has left and you will too.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

The first time I saw you,

I was struck by your beauty,

I stood there like an statue,

Gaping at your elegance,

You were calm and serene,

You still brought chaos to my mind,

At first I didn't understand,

But in that moment all I knew,

There would be nothing I won't do,

To have and to hold your attention,

Like a dragon hoarding it's treasure,

I'll greedily keep it close to my chest,

If it gets you to glance at me,

I'll pick petty fights with you,

If all I can ever get from you is a glare,

I'll become your greatest annoyance,

If that is the only claim I can have on you,

I'll happily make myself the object of your ire,

I'll tease and flirt and boast and jest,

Just so you look at me and never look away

- Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

And here I was standing,

Love staring unapologetically right at me,

Proudly, with his head held high,

Ready to lay down his life at my feet,

How did I not realise it before,

Is the question I ask myself,

But the truth is that maybe,

I had always sort of known,

I just tried very hard not to see,

I was just too afraid,

To be found lacking,

And undeserving of him,

He is the best of us,

The most beautiful soul out there,

And here I am,

Nothing compared to him,

He, who is ready to forsake his world for me,

I, who has never felt deserving of his devotion,

How can I drag him down with me,

To this hell where Angels don't belong,

Now I understand my denial,

Has done nothing but caused us suffering,

Now, after everything,

I just wish to say that,

Your love is reciprocated,

It has been from the start,

I apologise for hurting you,

Causing you pain also wounded my heart,

And Thank you for loving me,

Even if I tried to make it so hard.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Nobody said that being in love is easy,

Maybe falling in love is,

When you don't realise it's happening,

Or when it happens in seconds,

But when you both decide to be together,

Then you must be ready to play your parts,

Because sometimes love is all about pain,

It mostly tears apart your hearts,

Sometimes it's intimacy,

It's a vulnerability you have to share,

It's about making compromises & sacrifices,

The consequences that you have to bear,

It's about putting your heart in somebody's hand,

Crossing your fingers, hoping for a happy end,

Nobody ever said staying in love is easy,

Because it really is not,

But if you are willing to work through it,

I promise you it wouldn't be for naught.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You are gone, but I cannot yet follow,

For you will never forgive me for running away from my responsibilities,

Wait for me as I wrap this life up,

As I raise our child into a fine young man,

As I protect the weak even if my heart yearns,

As I strive to make this world a better place,

As I live my life just as you would have wanted,

I know that I can never be happy without you,

But I still feel content as our little one grows,

When I save people and try not to drown in my regrets,

All I think about is your smile and your laugh,

Remember the teasing smirk you used to throw my way,

I will push myself to survive until I cannot endure anymore,

Just wait for me my love, for I will join you soon

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

I am not made for gentle affection,

Nor have I ever known kind words,

My hands have only ever hurt people,

I am drowning in others' blood,

I can never verbalize my adoration,

For I live in fear of dragging you through the mud,

I am forever abandoned,

My future is quite stark,

But if you ever choose to love me,

I would probably fall apart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Everyone says I'm too obvious,

That you are the only one who doesn't see,

They look at me and see an extension of you,

Making my heart beat like crazy,

All my actions scream louder,

Than the words I never say,

It's like I'm shouting it from the rooftops,

You hold my heart, my soul, my destiny,

I, who has never before known love,

And you who would never shy from it,

If I were to ever tell you,

I know that you will be kind,

I hope you will understand that,

Loving you has been a curse,

But it has been a privilege too,

That if I ever have to choose,

I would choose again and again to fall for you

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Maybe our story was always meant to be incomplete,

Ending with us on different paths or in death,

Those few precious moments with each other is maybe all we get,

Along with this heartache, this agony,

Maybe it was my fault, for not appreciating you,

Or maybe it was fate's cruel design,

Now I wonder, if things would have different,

Had I not come to your life, would you have been happy?

Now, we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum,

Forever cursed to be devoid of the other,

Seeking forgiveness, from each other, for each other,

Maybe it was always going to end this way, in loneliness, in misery,

But still, What a beautiful tragedy....

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You, my annoyance, my rival, my headache,

You call me by nicknames that are more insulting than friendly,

You disagree with me every chance you get, sometimes just to be contrary,

I look at you and think of all that could have been,

If I had just a little more courage, I would probably tell you,

That when you call me those stupid nicknames, they sound endearing,

Sometimes I look at you when you're smiling at others, hoping you'll direct that smile at me too,

Sometimes I watch you pine after others, hoping you'll spare me a glance as well,

When you contradict me, I become so happy to be the center of your attention even for just a moment,

Sometimes I just wish to spend my days just like this, bickering with you, fighting side by side,

You, who encourages me, who understands me, who completes me,

But I will never tell you this,

You, my friend, my love, my heartbreak

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You and I, we are made of the same stardust, our souls forged in the same fire.

We carry the same scars, the same hurts,

Your spirit burns with the same passion as mine does,

We are on the same team or maybe we are on the different sides of the battlefield,

Maybe we are standing together on the world stage or maybe you and i are holding our swords to each other's necks,

We may worship the same Gods or maybe our faiths and beliefs are opposing,

But we still wish to explore the same stars, fulfil our dreams side by side or we just wish to spend the eternity wandering together.

You and I, we can understand each other without words, we can read each other's hearts,

Our actions are so transparent to each other that we fight like we are dancing, so elegant and so in tune with each other,

You, who completes me and you, who destroy me,

You are definitely my soulmate, the other half of my heart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Maybe I don't get to have you, to give myself to you .....

Let me devote myself to you anyway,

Let me preserve your legacy,

Let me remember your smile anyway,

Let me compose songs in your love,

Let me worship your statues anyway,

Let me fight for your soul, for your honor,

Let me wander and search this world and the next for you anyway,

Let me be a little reckless,

I wish to join you in perdition anyway.......

-Nyx