nyx-the-reader

[nyx-the-reader]

The first time I saw you,

I was struck by your beauty,

I stood there like an statue,

Gaping at your elegance,

You were calm and serene,

You still brought chaos to my mind,

At first I didn't understand,

But in that moment all I knew,

There would be nothing I won't do,

To have and to hold your attention,

Like a dragon hoarding it's treasure,

I'll greedily keep it close to my chest,

If it gets you to glance at me,

I'll pick petty fights with you,

If all I can ever get from you is a glare,

I'll become your greatest annoyance,

If that is the only claim I can have on you,

I'll happily make myself the object of your ire,

I'll tease and flirt and boast and jest,

Just so you look at me and never look away

- Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

And here I was standing,

Love staring unapologetically right at me,

Proudly, with his head held high,

Ready to lay down his life at my feet,

How did I not realise it before,

Is the question I ask myself,

But the truth is that maybe,

I had always sort of known,

I just tried very hard not to see,

I was just too afraid,

To be found lacking,

And undeserving of him,

He is the best of us,

The most beautiful soul out there,

And here I am,

Nothing compared to him,

He, who is ready to forsake his world for me,

I, who has never felt deserving of his devotion,

How can I drag him down with me,

To this hell where Angels don't belong,

Now I understand my denial,

Has done nothing but caused us suffering,

Now, after everything,

I just wish to say that,

Your love is reciprocated,

It has been from the start,

I apologise for hurting you,

Causing you pain also wounded my heart,

And Thank you for loving me,

Even if I tried to make it so hard.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Nobody said that being in love is easy,

Maybe falling in love is,

When you don't realise it's happening,

Or when it happens in seconds,

But when you both decide to be together,

Then you must be ready to play your parts,

Because sometimes love is all about pain,

It mostly tears apart your hearts,

Sometimes it's intimacy,

It's a vulnerability you have to share,

It's about making compromises & sacrifices,

The consequences that you have to bear,

It's about putting your heart in somebody's hand,

Crossing your fingers, hoping for a happy end,

Nobody ever said staying in love is easy,

Because it really is not,

But if you are willing to work through it,

I promise you it wouldn't be for naught.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You are gone, but I cannot yet follow,

For you will never forgive me for running away from my responsibilities,

Wait for me as I wrap this life up,

As I raise our child into a fine young man,

As I protect the weak even if my heart yearns,

As I strive to make this world a better place,

As I live my life just as you would have wanted,

I know that I can never be happy without you,

But I still feel content as our little one grows,

When I save people and try not to drown in my regrets,

All I think about is your smile and your laugh,

Remember the teasing smirk you used to throw my way,

I will push myself to survive until I cannot endure anymore,

Just wait for me my love, for I will join you soon

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

I am not made for gentle affection,

Nor have I ever known kind words,

My hands have only ever hurt people,

I am drowning in others' blood,

I can never verbalize my adoration,

For I live in fear of dragging you through the mud,

I am forever abandoned,

My future is quite stark,

But if you ever choose to love me,

I would probably fall apart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Everyone says I'm too obvious,

That you are the only one who doesn't see,

They look at me and see an extension of you,

Making my heart beat like crazy,

All my actions scream louder,

Than the words I never say,

It's like I'm shouting it from the rooftops,

You hold my heart, my soul, my destiny,

I, who has never before known love,

And you who would never shy from it,

If I were to ever tell you,

I know that you will be kind,

I hope you will understand that,

Loving you has been a curse,

But it has been a privilege too,

That if I ever have to choose,

I would choose again and again to fall for you

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Maybe our story was always meant to be incomplete,

Ending with us on different paths or in death,

Those few precious moments with each other is maybe all we get,

Along with this heartache, this agony,

Maybe it was my fault, for not appreciating you,

Or maybe it was fate's cruel design,

Now I wonder, if things would have different,

Had I not come to your life, would you have been happy?

Now, we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum,

Forever cursed to be devoid of the other,

Seeking forgiveness, from each other, for each other,

Maybe it was always going to end this way, in loneliness, in misery,

But still, What a beautiful tragedy....

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You, my annoyance, my rival, my headache,

You call me by nicknames that are more insulting than friendly,

You disagree with me every chance you get, sometimes just to be contrary,

I look at you and think of all that could have been,

If I had just a little more courage, I would probably tell you,

That when you call me those stupid nicknames, they sound endearing,

Sometimes I look at you when you're smiling at others, hoping you'll direct that smile at me too,

Sometimes I watch you pine after others, hoping you'll spare me a glance as well,

When you contradict me, I become so happy to be the center of your attention even for just a moment,

Sometimes I just wish to spend my days just like this, bickering with you, fighting side by side,

You, who encourages me, who understands me, who completes me,

But I will never tell you this,

You, my friend, my love, my heartbreak

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You and I, we are made of the same stardust, our souls forged in the same fire.

We carry the same scars, the same hurts,

Your spirit burns with the same passion as mine does,

We are on the same team or maybe we are on the different sides of the battlefield,

Maybe we are standing together on the world stage or maybe you and i are holding our swords to each other's necks,

We may worship the same Gods or maybe our faiths and beliefs are opposing,

But we still wish to explore the same stars, fulfil our dreams side by side or we just wish to spend the eternity wandering together.

You and I, we can understand each other without words, we can read each other's hearts,

Our actions are so transparent to each other that we fight like we are dancing, so elegant and so in tune with each other,

You, who completes me and you, who destroy me,

You are definitely my soulmate, the other half of my heart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Maybe I don't get to have you, to give myself to you .....

Let me devote myself to you anyway,

Let me preserve your legacy,

Let me remember your smile anyway,

Let me compose songs in your love,

Let me worship your statues anyway,

Let me fight for your soul, for your honor,

Let me wander and search this world and the next for you anyway,

Let me be a little reckless,

I wish to join you in perdition anyway.......

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

I was taught that showing emotions is prohibited, that unorthodox was wrong and that rules are above all. Then came the sunshine personified in my life and bought my ever-repressed emotions to the surface.

I tried to deny it and fight it. Then I looked at him and all was for naught. He was fighting his own battles, his own demons but he tried to always smile, to always be kind. Of course, he was not perfect, he was petty, he was also his own worst judge. In many ways I hurt him but he hurt me as well. But after going through so much with him, having also lived without him, I realised that maybe he is and always will be my soulmate.

[nyx-the-reader]

Now that I know you, I can never be the me I was before. My smiles are different & my tears are different and i don't know what to do anymore........

[nyx-the-reader]

I mean Books ARE Canon...... AKA it doesn't matter what JRoth says or does #bellarke will forever be canon. For me Bellamy proposed to Clarke and now they're living a peaceful life and that is the only ending I know and believe.

We should all remember that the TRUE creator of Bellamy Blake kept him alive and well and in love with Clarke and that is all the canon I need. The 100 was just really shitty fan fiction.

[nyx-the-reader]

When you get up from your bed every morning, even when you can't find a reason to do so, is not the evidence to your weakness but the testament to your strength

[nyx-the-reader]

Find people who know you're not perfect and realise you're a little broken but still love you anyway

[nyx-the-reader]

I swear there's nothing more terrifying than the prospect that someone may care about you even if it's the one thing you crave the most

[nyx-the-reader]

There are times I feel like a broken record, stuck on the loop of "I'm okay" and "Everything's fine"