nyx-the-reader

[nyx-the-reader]

I am in love with you,

With your smiles

And your laughter,

With your chaos,

And your disaster,

I have found my peace,

In the calamities you have caused,

I wish to make my home,

In your heart that has been locked,

My own heart is willing to drown,

In the moments we share,

Your presence is overwhelming,

I need you like I need air,

But this I can not tell you,

I would never dare,

My feelings are not your burden,

They're my cross to bear.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Maybe, I never knew your heart,

As well as I thought I did,

And perhaps that ignorance is,

What will forever be my downfall

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

And don't you know,

That love is selfishness,

And selflessness,

Wrapped up tight,

No one can ever,

Untangle the two,

Without either one,

Love would never feel right.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You know who's not appreciated enough.....

Son Hak. This man is not a green flag or a tree, he is a literal green forest

From the start of the manga, he's been a fabulous person. He's in love with Yona but understands that she is in love with Su-won and respects that. He loves them both and wants them to be happy.

When everything goes to hell, he doesn't want to bring problems with his tribe so he officially leaves it. Stands by Yona but teaches her to stand for herself as well. He believes in her. He wants to protect her but puts his trust in her abilities as well. He's proud of her skills and he's not afraid to brag about her capabilities.

He isn't afraid to show emotions either. While he has a banter with the dragons, he genuinely shows that he considers all of them his friends. He hugs them. He cries and doesn't try to hide it. Doesn't act like a tsundere when feelings are involved. Yes he's a little baffled when Yona returns his feelings but that's normal. I know he does have a temper. But he tries to put his rage at the bottom of his priority list.

Frankly I believe he deserves all the love in the world.

[nyx-the-reader]

If the eyes are said to be,

The windows to the Soul,

What does it say for me,

Whose eyes are often described,

As either Empty or Cold.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

I do not know when it happened,

One moment, I was standing still,

And in the next, I had fallen in love.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Sometimes I wonder what,

A heart as divine as yours,

Saw in my dreadful existence,

And found it worthy of you.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Let me read your stories,

Let me accept your past,

Let me take all your hurts,

Let me give you the stars,

Let me accompany you in silence,

Let me ease your scars,

Let me adore you in solitude,

Let me enjoy our spars,

Let me bear all your burdens,

Let me guide you through the dark,

Let me worship your idols,

Let me give your dreams a start,

Let me know all your thoughts,

Let me carve your image into my heart,

I'm aware my feelings are not reciprocated,

That is why I have never dared to ask,

You don't have to love me back,

Just don't let us grow apart.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

The idea of having someone equal and opposite to you, somewhere out there in this world, now that's the dream. Who can be the technical mastermind to your inner chaos causing gremlin. Who will look at you fighting and say that they don't need to interfere because they have full confidence that you'll win since you're their equal afterall. Someone to hold a dagger to your throat because they know you can fight back if you wanted and smirk when you're holding one to theirs. I think it's more like finally having someone to rely on. Someone who can watch your back. Someone with whom you don't have to hold back at all.

ok but why does no one ever talk about the palpable sexual tension of meeting your match. your equal. it can be in any task you excel in. just the idea of everyone before them being so substandard and then finally you have someone who can challenge you in a way that no one ever has before. someone that can finally be better than you, who can protect you in a way no has ever been able to. there is a certain loneliness in being the best of the best and here comes someone eager to overthrow you. the rivalry. the acceptance of the other’s strength. the equality in skillsets. why does no one ever talk about that? huh? HUH?

[nyx-the-reader]

What is love,

I've always been afraid to ask,

Is it your stuttering heartbeat,

When you hear him laugh,

Is it losing yourself in her sly smile,

When she pretends to straighten your scarf,

Is it looking into his mischievous eyes,

Knowing you'll never be the same again,

Is it when your hand moves automatically,

To play with her hair without any restraint,

Is it your quick anger,

In cases when she's hurt,

Is it in your instinct,

To try & protect him from this world,

Maybe love is an accumulation of all this,

Or maybe it's so much more,

All I know is that I'm feeling something,

Which I've never felt like before.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Ok so rant time .....

First, this post is not Wei Wuxian critical.....

I know many people are like "oh! Lan Wangji was so mean to Wei Wuxian during their Cloud Recess study era for absolutely no reason". Well I actually disagree. If a person, even if they are my crush (let's be honest, at that point it was only a crush on Wei Wuxian not full on love) tried to touch any part of my body without my consent, I would react with anger as well. The Lans grow up believing that the ribbon is a part of themselves just as their eyes or ears are. It doesn't matter that Wei Wuxian is not from Gusu, he is still on their territory but has no respect for them anyways. I understand many of Gusu rules are frankly bullshit but it's still Lan Wangji's belief system if nothing else. Here is a person who keeps touching you without consent and then just to annoy you slips spring books to your reading material. If Lan wangji had been a girl, this would have been grounds for Lan Wangji to be forced to marry Wei Wuxian. I know Wei Wuxian doesn't know the meaning of the ribbon but come on it's literally one of the rules he had to copy several time. He is a genius who did recite all those rules to Wen Chao. Lan wangji believing that Wei wuxian knows the meaning of the ribbon also makes sense as it's right there, literally everyone knows, even Jiang Cheng. Which I think also makes him angry because from Lan Wangji's perspective the guy he is crushing on keeps making this joke on the expense of something so sacred to Lan Wangji. So Lan wangji reacting in anger is actually more sense than anything. As for the always punishing Wei Wuxian part, Wei Wuxian breaks the rules for fun. Again many of Gusu rules do not make sense but they are still the rules of the place you are residing. Lan wangji punishing Wei Wuxian is not some weird kink on his part, he is the appointed disciplinarian for the whole class. It's literally his responsibility. You can't expect him to shrink his duties for a boy he just met, he wouldn't be the Lan Wangji if he did. Look I love Wei Wuxian but he is one oblivious dude. And as they grow old Lan Wangji also does not do a great job at expressing himself either. But to blame Lan Wangji solely for "The Misunderstanding" does not work either. They grow up, Lan Wangji has to learn to stand up to his own family, to his own mistakes. He breaks and remakes his own morals, he forges his own understanding of rules, learns to live with consequences of his actions and inactions. So for me, Lan Wangji is not perfect but I relate and understand him more.

[nyx-the-reader]

You are the family,

I found for myself,

You're a Father's sagely advice,

Whenever I am in need,

You're a Mother's warm hugs,

Full of love when I weep,

You're the shoulders of a Sister,

Available for my cries,

You're a Brother's silent support,

Steadily standing by my side,

You are a Friend's mischievous grin,

Funny, teasing and sly,

You are my Mentor's guiding hands,

Teaching me the ups and down,

You are my Teammates' quick resolve,

That they would never let me drown,

You are a Lover's gentle smile,

My one and only,

If we all have each other,

We will never be lonely,

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You, with lovely hair

And your sparkling eyes,

You, with your cheeky grins

And your dimpled smiles

Who do you think you are

For causing this Chaos in my mind,

Forgiving all my sins in one breath

Contradicting all my plans in the next,

You came like a hurricane,

Testing my patience and my discipline

I despise you some days,

For bringing this bright hope in my life

I mourn thinking of the day you will leave,

Taking all this joy back with you

I dread the future that is inevitable,

For everyone has left and you will too.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

The first time I saw you,

I was struck by your beauty,

I stood there like an statue,

Gaping at your elegance,

You were calm and serene,

You still brought chaos to my mind,

At first I didn't understand,

But in that moment all I knew,

There would be nothing I won't do,

To have and to hold your attention,

Like a dragon hoarding it's treasure,

I'll greedily keep it close to my chest,

If it gets you to glance at me,

I'll pick petty fights with you,

If all I can ever get from you is a glare,

I'll become your greatest annoyance,

If that is the only claim I can have on you,

I'll happily make myself the object of your ire,

I'll tease and flirt and boast and jest,

Just so you look at me and never look away

- Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

And here I was standing,

Love staring unapologetically right at me,

Proudly, with his head held high,

Ready to lay down his life at my feet,

How did I not realise it before,

Is the question I ask myself,

But the truth is that maybe,

I had always sort of known,

I just tried very hard not to see,

I was just too afraid,

To be found lacking,

And undeserving of him,

He is the best of us,

The most beautiful soul out there,

And here I am,

Nothing compared to him,

He, who is ready to forsake his world for me,

I, who has never felt deserving of his devotion,

How can I drag him down with me,

To this hell where Angels don't belong,

Now I understand my denial,

Has done nothing but caused us suffering,

Now, after everything,

I just wish to say that,

Your love is reciprocated,

It has been from the start,

I apologise for hurting you,

Causing you pain also wounded my heart,

And Thank you for loving me,

Even if I tried to make it so hard.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

Nobody said that being in love is easy,

Maybe falling in love is,

When you don't realise it's happening,

Or when it happens in seconds,

But when you both decide to be together,

Then you must be ready to play your parts,

Because sometimes love is all about pain,

It mostly tears apart your hearts,

Sometimes it's intimacy,

It's a vulnerability you have to share,

It's about making compromises & sacrifices,

The consequences that you have to bear,

It's about putting your heart in somebody's hand,

Crossing your fingers, hoping for a happy end,

Nobody ever said staying in love is easy,

Because it really is not,

But if you are willing to work through it,

I promise you it wouldn't be for naught.

-Nyx

[nyx-the-reader]

You are gone, but I cannot yet follow,

For you will never forgive me for running away from my responsibilities,

Wait for me as I wrap this life up,

As I raise our child into a fine young man,

As I protect the weak even if my heart yearns,

As I strive to make this world a better place,

As I live my life just as you would have wanted,

I know that I can never be happy without you,

But I still feel content as our little one grows,

When I save people and try not to drown in my regrets,

All I think about is your smile and your laugh,

Remember the teasing smirk you used to throw my way,

I will push myself to survive until I cannot endure anymore,

Just wait for me my love, for I will join you soon

-Nyx