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swear it.

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Timber date in the aftermath of this post

Originally done as a commission that fell through

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Local food blogger Bernard Dowd and his penchant for getting into situations

Based on this post by @/chamiryokuroi

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I am genuinely sorry to bother you with this, but I am hoping you can help settle what is becoming a very unpleasant multi-fandom argument-is Crowley canonically gay? Some people feel he is, some people feel he may be bi/pan, but there is quite a lot of nastiness floating around Tumblr aimed at people who wish to write fan fic about Crowley having romantic interest in people other than Aziraphale. Any insight you could offer into these characters would be much appreciated. You're a treasure.

I suspect that I’m about to step into something I would be wisest to keep well away from. But what the hell, it’s that time between Christmas and New Year’s. And nobody’s yelled at me over the internet since I said that the TV Aziraphale doesn’t use a cell phone. *

Canonically, which is to say using the text in the book, you don’t get any description of Crowley’s sex life. The only thing the book says is “angels are sexless unless they specifically make an effort”.  You can infer, and (more to the point) you can imagine, and lots of people have chosen, not unreasonably, to ship him with Aziraphale, but you are still Making Stuff Up. It could be Making Stuff Up that happens between paragraphs, or Making Stuff Up that isn’t mentioned at all, but it’s still Making Stuff Up.** (And using the kind of eagle-eyed textual analysis that Bible scholars used to decide exactly what a piece of four thousand year old verse definitely meant also counts here as Making Stuff Up.)

Which is the fun of fanfiction, and part of the tradition of fanfiction. As is, I’m afraid, grumbling at people who do not see that your ship is the only true ship, and choose to ship anyone else with anyone else.

If anyone decides that The Relationships in Their Fanfiction Are the Only True Fanfiction, it seems to me they are missing the point. The point is Fanfiction exists so that you can imagine, enjoy and fill in the gaps. The point is that you can change things and have fun with them. And the stories are absolutely true… for you.

The TV series gets deeper into Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. It’ll be canonical for the TV series, and not canonical for the book.*** 

If I were to Pronounce on things that are not explicitly stated in the book, I still wouldn’t be telling you if Crowley was Canonically Gay. I would be telling you what I think, because it’s not canon unless it’s in the book. It won’t be TV canon unless it’s on the screen.

So, do not worry what other people think, and do not worry about what they say. These are not things on which people can be right or wrong, or on which anything can be “settled”. 

Make fun fanfiction. Enjoy yourself. Make things up. Share them. That’s the point.

*People would only bother him on it. And if anyone gave him one as a present, it would be still be in its box, on the same shelf as the still-unboxed Kindle.

**Which was what Terry and I did when we wrote the book. And what I had to do for the TV scripts when I needed to take the story into places the book hadn’t covered.

***They don’t contradict each other, but there is territory covered by the TV series that isn’t covered by the book, particularly about Crowley and Aziraphale in bygone years. Also the Present Day in the book is probably the early 1990s, and the Present Day in the TV series is 2019ish, although 11 years ago in the book wasn’t particularly 1978, and 11 years ago on TV is post-ubiquitous cellphones but pre-smartphones.

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You were right and I had to draw my sleepy boy... because I clearly don't make enough art of him.

In my hc, one of the many downsides to Bizarro Syndrome is narcolepsy. Match is always tired and needs lots of rest. Sometimes in the most odd places or times.

Good thing that he has Thad to back him up most of the time... no matter how annoying it is for him. My hc for Match being that he's really smart, you need him not falling asleep in the middle of making up an evil plan to destroy Young Justice.

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*opens a file titled wip* hm. wrong one

*opens a file titled wip1* hm. wrong one

*opens a file titled wip2* hm. wrong one

*opens a file titled wip4* hm. wrong one

*opens a file titled wip3* hm. wrong one

*opens a file titled wiptest2* there you are

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date night ❤️ [C2E126]

after 3 weeks, i finally finish my beauyasha date art! amidst all the other crazy shit that’s happened since then, i still got this episode on my mind.

🌟 Instagram | Twitter | Youtube 🌟

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god it took me AGES but it’s finally done. Happy Batman Day!

 [SOURCE]

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I haven't been here in like half a year but. 🧍 Hi. I'm a DC Comics bitch now and I am a simp for Dick Grayson and birdflash.

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I wanna make a Batman joke so badly while Bruce is weilding a bat as a weapon... finding a place to fit it in naturally is the hard part 😅😅😅

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I'm writing a kinda sorta not really sequel to Fuck, Marry, Kill where Bruce gets Kidnapped as Bruce Wayne after the League knows his identity and like... half of them come to his rescue? (And Superman and Batman are kinda sorta maybe dating, it's unclear to everyone including themselves) Anyways I just wanted to share my favorite part I've written so far with y'all:

🦇🦇🦇

Superman is crashing through a wall, Diana running through it behind him, still in her civilian clothes.

What an absolute nightmare.

"Bruce! You're okay!"

He sighs, putting down his bat. It's not like he needs it now. "I'm fine. Now can we get out of here before the rest of the League shows up?"

"Sure," Clark strides forward, "I'll carry you home."

"I can walk," Bruce responds tersely, and starts heading for the hole Superman just put through the walll.

Diana gives him a knowing smile. "Come on Bruce, let Superman carry you. He's been feeling so guilty since he complained to me that you stood him up for your lunch date."

"Diana!" Clark splutters.

Flash doesn't even argue that he got here first. It's probably better for him anyways, since his arm must be hurting from the swing Bruce took at him.

Bruce just cocks an eyebrow at Clark. "I missed our lunch date and you thought I stood you up? You know I was looking forward to it!"

"Did I?"

"I texted you three times about it."

"Isn't that just... a normal amount of times?"

Bruce exhales roughly. "Maybe for teenagers. Let's just, get out of here. Fine, you can carry me."

"I'm sorry?" Clark apologizes, like he's not sure if he's supposed to.

"Later, boy scout."

"Ooh. He's calling you boy scout again, Supes. You're in the doghouse now," Flash teases.

Bruce rolls his eyes. "Escape now, argue later, please?"

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Thanks for the request, @secretsalute ! Gosh, I just love her hair so much. She's got such a gorgeous design 😍

I just gotta do Dorian and Fearne to fill out Bell's Hells ♡ I'll post them all together once they're done, and I'll do the same for the Mighty Nein and Vox Machina :)

Here's the updated chart:

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Date Night in the Tower

aka: Caleb shut up and let the lesbians brag challenge

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Fuck, Marry, Kill

Short, dumb, crackfic based off this post

Summary: the Justice League plays FMK as a team-building exercise. Batman joins them for the first time and finds out a little more than he wanted to about their opinions of certain Billionaires.

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Later that day, Bruce wouldn't be able to say what possessed him to join them.

Usually, he's not really one to play silly team-building downtime games with the other members of the Justice League. He's generally too busy working overtime to manage his double life, family, and make up for his lack of powers to stay ahead of the other Heroes and maintain his place as their leader and strategist.

Maybe he felt he needed a break, maybe he just wasn't looking forward to going home and dealing with Jason's teen angst right away.

Whatever the reason, when Superman politely invited him to join them as he always does, he didn't turn it down for once.

The other league members are varying degrees of surprised and excited when he shrugs, says "sure, why not," and takes a seat at one of the chairs on the edge of the group's mostly-circular formation.

Flash breaks the news to him first: "we're playing Fuck Marry Kill, do you know how it works, bats?"

He almost rolls his eyes. "Yes, I was a teenager too, once."

The dry statement draws some laughter from Diana and Clark, and the group eases up.

"Let's get back to it, then," Lantern claps, grinning. "New round?"

There's a general consensus of agreement, and the green-clad hero claps again. "Great, let's do billionaires; Bezos, Luthor, or Wayne."

"Hell yeah," Flash cheers, "I got this one, easy. Kill Luthor, obviously. Marry Bezos for the money, But I'm definitely cucking him for hotboi heartthrob Wayne, I mean, is there any other option?"

"Of course!" Aquaman is quick to interject, looking almost offended. "Wayne deserves better than being a mistress. He's kind, he's a family man, he donates so much to charity and does so much to help his city... I'd Marry him before any other!"

Bruce can't have heard that right. His brain is stalling in a way it hasn't since... well, maybe the last time one of his kids got into serious trouble. Probably not since Jason crashed the batmobile and broke an arm.

Why are they so sure about this? He's pretty sure he never played a game of FMK that had answers given with such little hesitation. Aren't they supposed to be embarrassed? At least a little bit?

He sure is, and he hasn't even gone yet. He's just glad that his cowl covers most of his face, because he's sure he looks more than a little red-cheeked and dumbstruck right now.

Definitely not what he was expecting.

Superman sighs, shaking his head. "This again?"

Oh good, a voice of reason.

"You two argue over this every time," the kryptonian continues. "We get it, everyone here is horny for Bruce Wayne."

Nevermind.

"Yeah, but we don't know Batman's opinion on his resident billionaire yet," Flash argues, "it's a rite of passage, I gotta know."

It takes a second before Bruce realizes that the speedster is looking at him expectantly. He blinks, rushes to collect himself, and speaks in an admirably even tone. "I gotta think about it."

"Aw, alright," Flash pouts, sitting back down. "You can go last then. Since you're new and all."

This time, Bruce does roll his eyes.

He's tempted to just pretend he got a message and needs to leave so he doesn't have to hear all this, but he knows Superman will call him out on it. And, well.

He is a little morbidly curious.

So he stays, and listens.

Bruce is fully aware that he's a celebrity, and that he's featured regularly in magazines. He knows he's attractive, and he knows that many people speculate about whether he'll find a partner soon, as a wealthy, handsome, very eligible bachelor.

However, it's an entirely different thing to know all that, and then to hear his fellow Justice League Members casually discuss exactly how much they want a piece of his ass.

He learns that Clark wants to fuck him to Kansas and back (and wants to kill bozos and Marry Lex, because he "can fix him", or so he says.)

Aquaman wants to marry him and make love to him in ways Bruce hadn't even conceived of before. (He chose to kill Lex and fuck Bezos, and didn't give even a tenth of the explanationfor either that he gave for his choice to marry Bruce.)

Flash waxes more poetic about Bruce's ass, regularly interrupting others and being tolerated for it because apparently most of the grouo agrees.

Diana chooses to marry him, fuck Lex, and kill Bezos. She doesn't elaborate, thankfully.

Lantern is in full agreement with Flash, which is perhaps the only time Bruce has ever witnessed them go back and forth on something without bickering the whole while.

Martian Manhunter, like Diana, doesn't seem inclined to elaborate as he says he would Fuck Wayne, Marry Bezos, and Kill Lex.

This continues for far longer than Bruce is really comfortable with before it gets back around to his turn. Yet, he's just about glued to his seat, unable to tear himself away from such a surreal experience.

When Superman finally turns back to him expectantly, after everyone else has said their piece, he still isn't quite sure what to do.

"Alright, Batman. Your turn, you've had plenty of time to think."

He almost laughs.

After a long moment of hesitation, he decides... fuck it. He knows everyone else's secret identities. It's only fair.

And really, he can't think of a better time for it than right now.

"I guess I'd Fuck Lex, Marry Bezos, and then Kill myself."

Flash groans. "That's not how the game works, Bats."

This time, he does let out a small, hysterical snort. "I'm pretty sure it is," he disagrees, then pulls his mask back and off his head.

At least one person screams, and it vaguely sounds like "Nofuckingway!"

Someone else just faints on the spot.

Superman just lets out a quiet "Oh no."

Aquaman's face has turned a shade of red that Bruce didn't know he was capable of.

He's sure his own face isn't really any better.

He coughs. "Anyways," he stands, pulling his cowl back up. "Maybe I should leave these games to the rest of you. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of this. Now, goodnight, I have to go make sure my kids eat something."

Then he turns, leaves, and doesn't look back.

---

Later that evening he enters his estate and is immediately greeted by Dick, apparently visiting from his own apartment. His first adoptive son is usually unannounced nowadays, but always welcome.

He must instantly sense that Bruce's mood is off, because he skips right past asking how his mission went.

"What happened?"

Bruce debates the merits of answering honestly. He doesn't really like hiding things from his family, but also he hasn't quite sorted out how to feel about this, and it's not his kids' job to play therapist for him.

Still, Dick doesn't like to be treated like a kid, so Bruce opts to give him a truthful, if vague answer. "I think I might need to have the Justice League take Sexual Harrasment training."

The younger vigilante's eyes go wide. "What? But they're heroes? I've only ever seen them be respectful to Wonder Woman and Canary. Starfire's never said anything to me either, and I know she's worked with a bunch of them."

Bruce shakes his head, "do you really want to know, Dick? Or do you want to go have dinner in peace?"

"I have to know, now."

"I warned you," he sighs. "They were playing Fuck Marry Kill. With Lex, Bezos, and Me. Or well, Bruce Wayne. Not one of them chose to kill me, and they went into... more detail than I'm comfortable with telling you about."

There's a beat of silence.

Then, Dick starts laughing. Hard.

Bruce scowls, waiting it out.

"... are you done?"

"Oh come on, you expect me to find out that the whole Justice League wants to fuck or Marry you and I'm not supposed to think it's hilarious?"

"It wasn't that funny," Bruce sighs, but can't help a smile tugging at his lips. It is pretty ridiculous, in hindsight.

Dick just snorts again. "You don't think anything funny, Bruce." He pauses, "but I mean, if you're really upset about it, I'll cut it out."

Bruce shakes his head. "I don't think I am. Just thrown off. I wasn't expecting any of that, but they couldn't have known my identity." He pauses. "I'm mostly wondering if I made a mistake by telling them."

"You *told* them?!"

"In hindsight, maybe it wasn't my most well-thought out decision. But," Bruce lets a smile creep onto his face, "you should have seen the looks on their faces."

"I'll bet," Dick whistles. "So can I tell Starfire who I am now?"

"That's up to you," Bruce starts to answer, then stops talking as he hears the telltale whoosh of Superman's flight as the kryptonian sails out of the sky and lands by them.

Wonderful. Superman paying Bruce Wayne a visit definitely isn't going to cause him a media headache later.

"Batm-- uh, Bruce. Mr Wayne?" The superhero greets him, obviously still wrong-footed from earlier.

"Just Bruce is fine," he answers evenly.

"I'm Dick," his adopted son/mentee greets cheerfully. "What should I call you? Supes? Or are you aiming for step-dad?"

The way Clark's face turns beet red and he rubs the back of his neck instantly makes Bruce glad he told Dick. What other kid isn't afraid to make fun of the man of steel?

"Uh." Superman stumbles a little over his words. "Actually, I came to apologize about that. I hope you know we didn't have any idea, but that doesn't excuse it anyways. I can't imagine how uncomfortable we made you, Bruce, and I'm sorry."

His sincerity is easily believable, and Bruce wasn't really mad at him to begin with. "Apology unnecessary, but accepted," he starts. "I'm a celebrity, it comes with the territory. Believe me when I say I've seen worse published about me. You're fine, let's just forget it happened."

Clark looks abundantly relieved. "Oh, good. Yeah, you got it. But, just, if there's anything you need, give me a holler, okay? I can be here in a snap."

And then he's gone, as quick as he came.

Bruce has no idea whether the offer of help is out of guilt or his crush, but either way he makes a mental note that Superman is keeping an ear out for him. It'll probably be useful to call in a favor sooner or later.

"Does he know you're Bi?" Dick asks as soon as Superman can no longer be seen on the horizon. "He's way into you."

Bruce shakes his head. "That's enough, Dick. It's time for dinner, I'm starving."

The younger vigilante snickers, but doesn't argue any further as they head into the mansion to join the rest of their family.

All in all, not a terrible day for the Batfam and the Justice League.

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Fearne in B1 or Beau in E2 would be nice! :D

Fearne is down for B1 too, but she'll get her own post ♡ here's Beau!! This pose is perfect for her, imo 👌

All the spots are filled, so requests are closed now. I'll open up commissions after I'm done with this chart though!

Updated chart:

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Love the friendship between these two ♡ [x] [x]