#zetsu headcanon

[or0ch1maru]

••••••CRY BABY••••••

Warnings: none? Crying, being called a cry baby. Sensitive female reader

•

-you were sensitive, always have been, but you never thought you were a cry baby. It wasn’t until you got together with your boyfriend that you realized just how soft you truly are

-“aww, what’s the matter pretty girl?” Your partner coo’s towards you when he walks into your shared room. Seeing your blood shot eyes, mascara smeared under your lashes, and streaks of the black ink stained against your soft skin

-“such a little cry baby, hm?” despite your lover’s teasing, he hates seeing you upset, let alone to the point that tears were shed. He’d kill anybody who upsets you, especially if they called you a cry baby. Only he’s allowed to do that.

-all you manage to mutter out is a faint ‘m sorry”, using your sleeve to wipe away the evidence of your feelings.

-“tsk, none of that baby” his words are soft, devoid of his usual taunting nature. He climbs into bed, wrapping his arms around you, pulling your small frame against his chest.

-you always felt safe around your boyfriend, allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable with him. Which, of course, causes you to let out a soft sob and a few more tears, forming a small wet spot against his shirt.

-you relax further into his chest, feeling a large hand move up and down over your back, something he took to the first time you cried in front of him. Something he does to keep you grounded. Focused. Calm.

-“come on, talk to me mama. Let me know what upset my baby.” His voice is gentle, his tone full of patience as he waits for you to catch your breath.

-he’ll never admit it, especially to you, but he loves this. Loves being able to be the one to make you feel better, allowing his own vulnerability to show, which goes against his tough nature. It only fuels his need to protect you

-he loves nothing more than having a cry baby as a girlfriend.

•

SATORU, Suguru, SUKUNA, TOJI, Choso, Renji, KENPACHI, Kakuzu, Hidan, OBITO, Zetsu, Kisame, pain, orochimaru, + whoever else you see fit ^.^

[cosmic-glow]

Request: "May I request soft akatsuki headcannons for a reader who loves to bake and cook? It's a passion of mine, and a great stress reliever! There's nothing I won't try and try to make!"

Notes: First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to respond 😭 I also like cooking and I completely agree with you! I hope you like what I wrote, good reading!

"Are you hungry, love?"- Akatsuki

Warnings: no pronouns; no use of "y/n"; pure cuteness. Gender: Soft Headcanons. Characters: Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Kakuzu; Hidan; Zetsu; Tobi/Obito; Pein; Konan.

Itachi Uchiha

He always offers you help in the kitchen.

He is very picky when cooking for someone but is easily satisfied with whatever you cook for him.

He feels obligated to return the favor by cooking for you too. That's why he took charge of breakfast, always waking up before you to prepare what you like.

Likes hot foods and pasta. Loves handmade sweets.

He prefers traditional foods, but accepts trying new flavors when he's with you.

He loves going out to buy new ingredients with you, he knows a lot about the subject and would be of great help.

Kisame Hoshigaki

You know that popular saying that the best way to conquer a man is through his stomach? It applies very well to this man.

He likes to be spoiled with food and will be grateful for it so.. please cook for him.

His heart feels warm when he comes home and smells something delicious you are preparing.

He likes foods with a sweet and sour taste, and he loves meat. He also loves sweets, so it's not hard to please Kisame.

He loves trying new flavors with you. If you want, he'll even help you in the kitchen, but he's not very good (he's a bit clumsy).

He'll find a way to say thank you, whether it's washing the dishes, giving gifts, taking you out to eat, all of the above, whatever you prefer.

He's the kind of guy who would eat what you prepared even if it was completely burnt if he knew you put effort into it.

Deidara

He likes fast food, but is very happy when you cook for him.

Thanks to you, he's starting to eat more healthily, because he has a childish palate and is very resistant to exploring new flavors.

He likes spicy foods because are like an explosion in the mouth.

"I have to say, honey, your cooking is an art!" - he says with his mouth full when he really likes it.

One of his favorite moments of the day is when you're eating something you've prepared or he's bought, watching a movie and talking about anything.

It's something very simple, but if you make a cake just for him on his birthday, he'll feel so loved that he might even cry a little.

(Sometimes he brags to the other members about having such a skilled s/o in the kitchen).

But please keep this boy the hell away from the kitchen! When I say he's a complete chaos cooking, it's because the kitchen almost always explodes! Literally!

Sasori

He often forgets that he still needs to eat due to his puppet body, so he's grateful that you remind him. He still needs to eat a little every now and then to ensure a bit of vital energy or something.

And yes, that was the lie he invented to not disappoint you. And regardless of whether you believed it or not, he always eats your food, even though he knows how much work it will take to clean his insides afterwards (don't worry, he'll probably come up with something to solve this).

Understand, he lied because he knows how important cooking is to you, he sees how much you work at it, but had the misfortune of being with a guy who doesn't need to eat… but he couldn't risk hurting you for something that's his fault.

Sasori only eats your food and no one else's, no matter how much they insist.

He likes foods with strong spices, he no longer feels flavors in the same way as when he was a human.

At the end of every meal, he politely thanks you for the delicious food and offers to help with the dishes.

Kakuzu

He likes hot, very hot, and traditional foods. Doesn't like sweets.

He's great in the kitchen and sometimes cooks for you too, as a thank you. Kakuzu has many years of experience in the kitchen, take the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, he may not show it but he really likes to help you.

Maybe you don't know, but Kakuzu practically never eats out, he knows that some people want him dead and could easily poison his food. So for him to eat everything you prepare without hesitation is really a great show of trust.

He is very silent while eating, but he doesn't mind if you want to talk about your day, he will be listening to every part.

He really appreciates your food, getting involved and asking about the spices you used, how you prepared it, he really likes it when you test a new recipe.

Always at the end of every meal he thanks you for the food and gets up before you to clear the table and wash the dishes, a silent way of thanking you.

Hidan

Spicy and crunchy foods and sour desserts, it's true heaven for him...

As incredible as it may seem, Hidan is very picky about his food, it's unbearable to go out to eat with him, it seems like he always makes a point of finding some flaw.

But it's the total opposite with you, he eats everything you prepare without complaining too much, just teasing you a little as always. Except if he is angry with you for some reason, then he will be impossible, no matter what you prepared, he will not eat it.

Hidan has a very annoying childhood palate, so don't force him to eat something he doesn't really like, like vegetables for example.

You'll probably have some arguments about him drink any kind of blood but not wanting to eat the soup you made (for example), but it won't change anything.

Whenever you enter the kitchen, Hidan follows right behind to find out what you're going to prepare and also because he loves to annoy you while you're cooking. He tickles you, bites you, hugs you, kisses you and even steals some utensils to disturb you before you kick him out of the kitchen.

Zetsu

He likes meat a lot, in fact you thought it was the only thing he could eat.

He is very impatient and even hugs you trying to convince you to let him eat before you finish.

"I don't care that it's not ready yet and it's raw, I'm hungry, love. Let me eat it just the way it is."

Not a very good critic of your recipes, he will eat literally anything you put in front of him and thank you for it.

You are the one who teaches him to have a more refined palate and he loves trying new flavors with you.

Zetsu grows a vegetable garden just for you, with everything you need fresh and tasty for your recipes.

Tobi/Obito Uchiha

Tobi >loves< sweets, make sweets for him and you'll have him curled up in the palm of your hand.

Both Tobi and Obito don't like spicy food.

He feels so loved when you cook for him <3 (a tip: prepare ramen for him when he's sad, it'll make him feel better).

Whenever he comes home early he brings you some sweets he bought at the bakery as a treat.

This is another man who is very easy to win over with his stomach. He'll feel very special if you tell him you've prepared something just for him. Make him your guinea pig for new recipes, he really doesn't mind and always gives you great feedback.

He always offers you the first bite out of respect, he is as happy to see you eating and talking about how tasty it is as he is to eat something you prepared.

Pein

Pein went through long periods of starvation as a child, so as much as it may seem, he isn't very picky about what he eats.

Likes hot and spicy foods. Hate sweets.

He is a great fan of your food, even if you've accidentally burnt it or overdone the seasoning, he'll be happy to eat something you've lovingly prepared.

Due to his work as leader of Akatsuki, he often forgets to eat properly. It's you who show up at his office and remind him to eat, with something you've prepared in hand, he's really grateful for your care.

He is always attentive to your needs. Did you like a cuter utensil kit than the ones you have? Are your. Wanting new seasonings? Suddenly they appear in your pantry. Everything you need.

Pein always makes it clear how he likes you to cook but that he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with it, so he does everything to make this task easier for you, including ordering something from restaurants for you to eat and enjoy your free time together.

Konan

He likes mild sweets and, ironically, spicy foods. (Please make sweets for Konan, she likes a lot).

She will always feel like she is bothering or burdening you when you cook for her.

Konan isn't that good in the kitchen, so she's grateful to have a s/o who cooks so well. Sometimes she watches you cook to try to learn something, in an attempt to return the favor one day.

Buy a lot of sweets for you and make a point of always keeping your pantry well stocked so you don't have to worry about buying ingredients.

As I said, Konan doesn't like to burden you, so very often she takes you on restaurant dates.

Konan loves the culinary tours you plan, she could listen to you talk for hours about techniques, recipes and ideas. She loves seeing how excited you get talking about it.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere Akatsuki Headcanons (Platonic)

❝ — 🍥 lady l: something I thought about for a while and decided to do it now. I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes! ❤️🖤

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, murder, mention of death, yandere themes, stalking and jealousy.

❝🍥pairing: platonic yandere!akatsuki x gender neutral!reader.

Becoming part of Akatsuki was an important decision and one you knew shouldn't be made lightly. They were wanted and dangerous criminals. Once you decided to join, there would be no going back.

You were not innocent, you had already killed and committed some minor crimes and you were a well-trained ninja. That's why you decided to join Akatsuki. You just didn't know that your life would turn out completely different than you initially thought it would.

Pain was a little wary of allowing you to join Akatsuki, as not only did you not have a little-known reputation but there was something about you that unnerved him. That attracts him. But he decided to agree, after talking to Konan.

That's how you joined the world's most wanted ninja, Akatsuki and became their obsession.

Pain is the leader of Akatsuki and has a god complex. He is serious and distant, rarely approaching other members except to give him missions or orders. However, when he is Nagato he is totally different. Kind and shy. You and Konan are the only people who really know him as Nagato.

Regardless of your identity, he is very protective of you. He sees you as something good, as one of the few remnants of goodness, even if you are a criminal, you are still better than everyone. Besides being quite possessive of you. He wants to become a God and he will, but he sees no point in becoming one if you are not by his side.

Konan possessed a calmness, an admirable and frightening control. She has enviable self-control and this is visible in the way she deals with you. She is very calm around you, offering a kind smile and seeking any form of affection she can get from you.

She is desperate for affection, but she will never admit it. Konan is very intelligent and knows how to manipulate you. Stoic and cold-blooded, she will kill anyone who gets in her way, in your life other than herself and the other members. She takes whatever time she can have by your side.

Tobi has lost a lot during his life and these losses have shaped him into who he is today. He never expected to get attached to someone again, to love someone else after being deprived of someone he loved. This made him paranoid and very overprotective of you. Obito already lost someone he loved once, he won't lose you too.

He is introverted, however, and tries to avoid social interactions with the other Akatsuki members as much as possible, but with you, he is more sociable. Tobi is very possessive and always has one eye on you, especially when you are around the other members.

Itachi is calm and reserved, his feelings for you, the obsession he harbors, are very well hidden behind his mask. Not even the other members know Itachi very well, as he is enigmatic and mysterious. He deals with you the same way he does with everyone else, calmly and without showing much of how he feels. This makes you more distant.

However, he is not a really bad person. He did bad things, things he will regret. He sees a second chance in you, he trusts his intuition and you a lot. Itachi has a strong sense of empathy towards you and he is the one who notices the most if you are uncomfortable or upset about something, usually offering you comfort. He is possessive, however, because he has already lost a lot and wants your attention to him.

Kisame is a tailless tailed beast, a shark in humanoid form and he has strong predator instincts. He is very aggressive and can often be dominated by his bloodlust and desire for death, but he knows how to control himself when he wants to or when ordered to do so. You are one of the few people who can convince him to have mercy.

He's very perceptive, though. Kisame is always on alert and is aware of any danger and his first reaction is to take you away from danger. He is very protective and is also great at analyzing people and will know when you are bad.

Kakuzu only cares about money and himself, an avaricious and greedy man. He used to be like that until you joined Akatsuki and he started to care about you, but like a possession. Something that belonged to him, something to be controlled.

He often says that you can only trust him and money, the only two things you can rely on. Kakuzu is very attached to you and cares in his own way. He has a violent temper and becomes obsessed easily and you are his biggest obsession. He gets jealous very easily and reacts harshly to it.

Zetsu is a duality and only a manipulation, a difficult one to read and understand. White Zetsu is the easiest to deal with, he is playful and carefree, and he loves to tease others. He is very calm and loves to have fun with you, but he is very protective of you and although he doesn't usually use violence, he will.

Black Zetsu is the real problem. He is very intelligent and is the real brain behind many plans, serious and experienced. He is a great manipulator, appearing trustworthy and loyal, but his true loyalty is unknown to you. He is very possessive and a born stalker and will kill anyone who gets too close to you. He gets into several conflicts with White Zetsu because of this.

Deidara is extremely proud and fully believes that the greatest art form is destruction. He does not accept defeat and will always seek revenge. He is very reckless and even impulsive, often acting without thinking and that includes you. But he is not stupid, but rather calculating.

He is easily jealous and no one can insult you around him, as he will go crazy and be willing to sacrifice even himself to destroy the offender. Deidara protects you fiercely and his possessiveness leads him to states of madness that only you or Sasori can control. His favorite activity is the art of explosion with you.

Sasori is devoid of any human emotion, has no feelings of affection and is even considered inhuman. He doesn't feel anything, he never cared about anyone or anything, until he met you. Cold and distant, Sasori just watches from afar, preferring to keep his attention on his puppets.

You made him feel something for the first time in years, someone he could finally have the love he always wanted as a child. Sasori, although distant, still stays close to you when it suits him. He became possessive, even threatening the other Akatsuki members over you. He doesn't care about anything or anyone except you. And he won't let you be taken from him. Even if he has to turn you into a puppet. You will stay together.

Hidan has no respect for anything or anyone, insulting everything and everyone that suits him. Not even his own leader is safe from his insults, considering he doesn't respect him at all. Although a religious ninja, Hidan acts in a manner completely contrary to a religious person. He kills everything and everyone without any remorse.

He is quite easygoing towards you, his insults are never directed at you and he will eviscerate anyone who dares to insult you. Hidan is a sadist, finding pleasure in causing pain and killing his victims in the most painful way possible. He definitely wants to teach you how to be like him.

Akatsuki became more united when you joined and although there will always be conflicts between them, you became the missing piece. Pain would never let you leave, not when you were true peace. You're stuck with them forever.

[that-weeb-in-ur-closet]

annie♡ i saw your requests are open👀 could you maybe write smth for pookie deidara? anything works really look how cute he is. i literally cannot express how much i love him

Eeeee, Anne !!! You don't know how excited that made me <3 (I love Deidara and js Naruto in general)

Genre: Fluff, Crack, NSFW at the end.

If you're new in the Akatsuki, he'd be extremely awkward. I think he'd be so bad at introducing himself before he reaches the, "Art is an explosion!!" bit.

If he doesn't scare you off from literally popping an explosive clay bird in your face, he'll immediately get obsessed with you. It's not very often people aren't annoyed by his cute outbursts of energy and just eccentric personality. (He was definitely a theater kid.)

— The second you say anything about his hair, he blushes. Like, hard. Even if it's just a simple "your hair looks nice !" or "can I do/play with your hair?"

He does let you do it without complaint, but he, again, is probably super awkward about it. He doesn't know if it'll be weird if he speaks or if he doesn't, so he immediately feels relief when you start the conversation. (Only to immediately get embarrassed again when you call him a pretty princess.)

— He *will* teach you how to make clay sculptures. That's the only thing he tries to be all demanding about, walks up to you after hyping himself up, walking with confidence, and it all fades when he looks at your eyes. "I– uh... Do you... No! You'll– I'm gonna teach you how to make clay sculptures!"

That and doing his hair are probably the most intimate things you can do. He goes behind you and grabs your hands to help you sculpt it, and oddly enough—he's extremely relaxed, not awkward at all. "Good job... Yeah, push down right there, that's it. It's looking really nice." (It's not dirty I swear.)

— He looks so pretty with his hair down. That's, that's the whole headcanon, sorry.

— When he gets the courage to ask you out, after two years, you've never seen him more out of it. He hadn't slept for two days straight, which, may or may not have helped how he asked?? He wasn't as nervous as he would be if he did sleep. You said yes, and he immediately fell asleep on your shoulder the second you did. (CUTE !!!!!!!!)

— He doesn't let go of you. He has to be holding you, hugging you, has his hand on you, (cough, cough). He just has to be near your presence because he just loves you too much. <3

— He gets SO FUCKING JEALOUS of the other members. He knows some of them are better looking, stronger, etc, and it makes him insecure. He won't admit it, but of course, you can tell. But he notices the way you *obnoxiously* say "BRO !!" and "DUDE !!" to all the other members, as well as keeping a good three feet away from them when you find out. He notices. And he's no longer jealous, and the insecurities were kissed away.

— Speaking of kisses... He wanted your first kiss to be romantic and sweet. (Spoilers, it wasn't.)

He was sitting with you under a cherry blossom tree, looking at the clouds as the stereotypical couple does, when he picked a little flower and put it behind your ear, causing you to look at him. His hand is still by your face when you turn, causing his palm to be on your mouth.

Yeah, you ended up kissing the hand on his mouth instead of the one on his face. (That's a story to tell your kids.)

— I headcanon that the Akatsuki has a whole ass "Paint your nails day !" together and paint each other's nails. But he won't let you do it with them, and you do it in the comfort of his bedroom. He's too possessive to let anybody else touch your pretty hands.

— Okay, random, but you are the couple that checks people out. YKWIM?? Like, a girl/guy will walk by with a nice ass, and you simultaneously turn to look at it. Don't be afraid to admit bitches be attractive sometimes.

— IDK if any of you have seen that thing where there's a door, person A is behind the door with their back against it, and the other person B is talking to someone at the door with their hand on person A's mouth, hiding person A from whoever is at the door? Idk it's hard to explain. Y'all have done that. Anyway.

— Let's talk about nicknames. He's so SAPPY with them. "Sugar," "Love," nah. "My work of art," "My radiant sunshine," "Divine," "My explosion," ("Girly pop"), you get it. (Now if we're talking bedroom names‐)

Short NSFW !! if you're uncomfortable with that, please ignore this part !! ♡ (fem reader)

— You already know. The hands. He's gonna eat you out with them. One hand on your pussy, the other on your nipple, while he kisses you.

— He loves holding your hands above your head with you lying on the bed while he pounds into you. That's not a headcanon he would do that.

— Pull his hair. Pull his fucking hair. Nothing else.

— He gets KINKY as FUCK. Wants you to wear makeup so he can see it all smudged and messed up, will tie you up to the bed, will make you watch as his hand sucks him off and leans down to whimper in your ear, will eat you out under the table with other members watching and ACT LIKE HE'S NOT, he bites and licks you. So much. Maybe a mommy kink if you squint, and loves it when you grind on his thigh.

— Speaking of thigh grinding. (Is this my own biggest kink? Yeah, it is, get over it.) Let's talk about it. He'll grab your hair with one hand and make you look at him while the other is on your hip, helping you grind against him. Dry hump his abs while he sleeps, and see how hard he fucks you when he wakes up. "Couldn't wait till I woke up? Hmm... My pretty little whore..."

— Cum eater. What do you think those mouths are for? Clay? No, eating you and all your liquids.

— Choking kink. I repeat, choking kink. Doesn't matter if you're choking him or vice versa. If he's doing it, hickeys, hickeys, hickeys, hickeys. So many.

ANYWAYYYYYY that's all the headcanons I have for you !!!! Thanks for requesting <3

[ladykissingfish]

Very Random Akatsuki Headcanons

Sasori would 100% have a garden, and most of the stuff he grows would be illegal or highly toxic. He would ask Zetsu for tips a lot and force Deidara to help him weed it even though Deidara will LOUDLY complain about it the whole time. Sasori will gently sing to/ talk to his plants when he thinks no one is looking.

Kisame the type to nag others about how important it is to drink water and stay hydrated but. He has never fully finished one single bottle of water. Any place they are, you can immediately tell that Kisame’s been there because every surface area will have plastic water bottles sitting on it with various levels of water in them.

Hidan has many, many bad teeth, mostly in the back of his mouth. Missing, chipped, cavities or straight rotting. Always in some level of pain but never seeks out help because you know, Lord Jashin encourages personal suffering. Was finally tentacle-held to a chair by Kakuzu and forced to let Sasori do what repair work he could after the others got tired of hearing him curse and grumble all night over his mouth pain. Absolutely loves his new smile afterwards but never admits it.

Every single member of the Akatsuki has at some point had a crush on Konan. Including Zetsu. But it went away once each member started seeing her as a sister or mother figure. The only one it didn’t go away for is Nagato, but he’d never admit his true feelings because he values their friendship and working relationship too much.

Itachi likes to collect rocks. He’s an amateur geologist and enjoys finding different types of stones when he’s out on missions. The others learn this about him and will sometimes take the time after missions or when traveling to pick up “pretty” rocks to bring back to him.

Deidara has a lot of anxiety and restlessness, and keeping himself busy alleviates that. He prefers doing things with his hands which is why he’s always making little sculptures with his clay. If no clay is available he’ll tap or drum his fingers on things or fiddle with his hair. The faster his fingers move it means the more anxious he feels. Sasori would get annoyed by this behavior so he created for Dei what would essentially be a ninja world version of a fidget-spinner. Deidara loved it and he makes sure to pack it with him whenever he leaves on missions.

Nagato’s fingers are often bloody because he’s a nail-biter to the extreme. He’ll chomp those things down right to the quick of the finger. The others will “gift” him gloves to try and prevent this from happening, and it’ll work for while, but sooner or later he’s right back at it again.

Deidara once gained ten pounds in two months because Tobi kept convincing him to stop at sweets cafes while they were out traveling, and then to have seconds and thirds of whatever they were eating.

Kakuzu figured out that Hidan didn’t know how to read when Hidan would avoid looking at the map on missions and kept giving Kakuzu wrong information about sign posts along roads. After a lot of convincing that he wasn’t “making fun of him”, Kakuzu finally got Hidan to let him teach him basic reading and math skills over the course of a year.

When Orochimaru was a part of the Akatsuki, one day he managed to get Konan alone and was hitting on her in a very creepy Jiraiya-esque way. Turns out that he was merely trying to get her to trust him so that, when he ultimately left the Akatsuki, he would be able to convince her to follow so he could study her body and paper-jutsu. Having had no close experiences with women other than Tsunade, who always responded favorably to flirtatious behavior, he’d assumed that this was how ALL women would react. If Itachi hadn’t driven Oro away, Konan would have blindsided and killed him first.

Nagato (in a Pein body) gave the sex talk to Deidara, Hidan and Itachi. All three of them hadn’t the slightest clue about how anything worked in that regard. Sasori gave him diagrams out of his medical books to aid in his talk. Nagato kept having to add on to his talk because of the questions. “What if you’re a guy who likes guys? How does that work?” “What if you don’t like anyone like that, or you don’t want to ever do those kind of things; is that okay?”

In strong sunlight:

Konan burns bright red.

Itachi and Hidan brown.

Zetsu withers.

Nagato dehydrates within two minutes. As does Kisame.

Deidara sprouts freckles.

Sasori smells like a fire.

Obito and his Hashirama cell DNA photosynthesize like a damn tree.

Kakuzu also turns into a freckle-factory but because his skin is already so dark, it’s unnoticeable.

Sasori has fairly moderate misophonia and especially can’t stand the sound of people chewing. It was one of his primary reasons for turning his body into a puppet; so he no longer had to endure the sound of himself eating. He thought he’d died and gone to hell when he found out that Deidara chews food with all three mouths.

Deidara likes Tobi to read to him at night. It gives him a very comfortable sleepy feeling. The more Deidara nods off the more Tobi lets his voice become more natural/Obito. This is pleasant to Obito because doing the “Tobi voice” all day puts a huge strain on his throat, so it’s nice to be able to break character once in a while and speak normally.

Hidan is extremely sensitive to the cold and will do anything to avoid having to travel or do missions in the winter.

Konan has kept a diary of her life ever since she was a child. She picked up the habit of writing during the period when Jiraiya was staying with/watching over her, Nagato and Yahiko.

Deidara developed a hell of a crush on Kakashi after “meeting” and getting his arms blown off by him and the Konoha nin. He’d gush about Kakashi for days afterward … to Tobi. Tobi who had to grit his teeth and not start screaming over how Kakashi unintentionally attracted everyone that Obito was ever interested in.

Best Smelling to Worst Smelling:

Konan

Tobi/Obito

Deidara

Kakuzu

Kisame

Zetsu

Itachi (would be higher but often smells like strong, bitter medicine and night-sweats)

Nagato (his actual body, not a Pein body)

Hidan and Sasori tie for worst because both smell like blood and corpses

Obito never killed his grandmother during the Uchiha massacre. He used a very powerful jutsu to erase her memory and then relocate her to a place in a village far away that took care of the elderly. He pays the facility with the money he earns/steals during missions, and every so often he’ll go and visit her at night, when she’s alone in her room. She doesn’t know who he is and just thinks that he’s a nice young man that’s there because he’s visiting somebody else.

Kisame loves to bake. It started because he was worried over Itachi being so thin and never seeming to want to eat anything other than desserts. So Kisame taught himself how to make cakes and pies and cookies, etc. Over time it became a zen-like activity to him that helps him relax and clear his head when he’s stressed out.

Kakuzu is as vain over his hair as Deidara is over his own. At least once a week they’ll get together and give each other trims and deep conditioning treatments. Sometimes Itachi will join if he feels up to it. Hidan mocks them for this but is secretly trying to grow his hair longer so that he can join them.

[eevee-d]

Akatsuki Sensory headcanons! 2?

Deidara gets reminded of his chest-mouth and starts actively moving the tongue. Is like telling someone to manually breathe.

Kakuzu is better at Dealing with Cold temperatures, + his fire-style heart helps with that too.

Konan right after using her jutsu to make herself into paper, can't fully feel her body, in the same way at least. The feeling wears off in hours.

In any personal room / any room he stays in for a while Itachi he prefers the lights off or dim. Less headaches!

Hidan is better at dealing with heat (will still complain) Yugakure is THE (natural) Hot Spring village and some old ninja training was done inside the Hot Springs.

Sasori dislikes getting touched at random by others, even if he doesn't feel it as much.

Kisame has unfortunately experience stuff getting stuck on his gills, he is grossed out by it to the next level.

Zetsu's body is a sensory nightmare.

[vulpisnocturna]

There was only one bed - Horny Akatsuki Edition

request by @takhidk 🤍

SOFT NSFW



Deidara:

-is completely speechless when he finds out there is only one bed at the inn during your mission together

-acts cocky though, telling you not to make a move on him

-he’s the first one to make a move, saying the bed is too small (he is literally 5’5” lmao) as he scoots closer to you

-you tease him about it and he tells you to shut up, his cheeks red

-he’s never had sex before but what he lacks in experience he makes up for with his enthusiasm

-you have to tell him that his hands are a gift, and how to use them, but he’s very happy to comply

-‘wouldn’t it be better to make the bed explode when I make you cum, hm?’ he asks, and you look at him, eyes wide

-‘no, Deidara. Unless you want this to never happen again’

-‘fine’

Obito:

-can’t believe himself. He hasn’t slept in the same bed with anyone ever

-decides to play dumb with his Tobi persona, hugging you like a pillow

-in reality, bro is dying to have you close to him

-after a while, though, he gets quite worked up, and decides he’ll have his fun with you. He can tell you want him by the way you casually move your ass against him, as if he couldn’t notice

-he blindfolds you and takes off his mask, starting to kiss your neck, letting his voice drop to his normal tone

-‘you know what happens to little things like you who poke the rattlesnake, right?’

Hidan:

-As soon as he sees there’s only one bed, he’s all for it

-‘I bet you asked for one bed, huh? Guess I’m just irresistible’ he grins cockily

-‘Yeah, right’ you say, rolling your eyes, though you have to admit he is hot.

-‘Let’s fuck’ he says, as forward as always. You stare at him, swallowing painfully

-When you hesitate, Hidan practically throws you on the bed, ripping the cloak off of you and licking your exposed chest

-‘Come on, sweetheart. Let’s have some fun, you and I’ he says, pulling your shirt up and starting to suck on your nipples, a bit too rough, but the pain soon mixes with the pleasure

Itachi:

-blinks and stands in the doorway, looking at the double bed. ‘There must have been a misunderstanding. I will solve it, don’t worry’ he says, disappearing towards the reception. You kind of hope they won’t have any other rooms, although the idea of sleeping with Itachi is both hot and terrifying

-when he comes back, he does not look too happy

-‘I am deeply sorry about this. They do not have any other rooms. I will sleep on the chair’ he says, removing his cloak as he goes in. You do the same, and you don’t fail to catch his eyes on you for a split second. As you get into bed, you stare at him, sucking in your lips

-‘Sleep on the bed, Itachi’ you say after a while. He looks at you, his throat bobbing before he slowly gets up and crawls under the blanket, staring at you. He wants to touch you, but it would be inappropriate. He can’t get himself to move. And yet, when you move closer to him and push your ass against him, he can’t contain himself and wraps a hand around your waist, pulling you closer

-‘Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. Let me indulge you, then’ he says, his hand slipping under your shorts as he starts to kiss your neck languidly

Pain:

-Is quite pissed off that he was not given two rooms, but when he looks at you, he can’t help but think this must have been fate

-and after all, he hasn’t had that chance in so long

-he saw the way you looked at him, with a blush on your cheeks and suggestive eyes

-‘lie down’ he says, tone authoritative, ‘and take off your clothes’

-you can’t believe your ears. Though when Pain gives you a meaningful look, you quickly do as he says, though you’re blushing and trembling with anticipation

-‘let’s make the most of this unfortunate situation, shall we?’ he says, running his hands on your thighs, splaying them open for him and staring at you with those hypnotic eyes

Kakuzu:

-is fuming at first. No one can mock him like this

-after that, though, he’s quite pleased with himself

-‘Less money to pay like this. We will do this from now on’

-‘Uhm… Kakuzu? Where are you going to sleep?’

-‘On the bed. I am going to get my money’s worth, brat’ he says, removing his headband and mask. You look at him, suddenly hyperaware. He’s… good-looking. For a 90-year old guy, he’s handsome

-when you shift slightly to find a comfortable position on the mattress, black tendrils catch your wrists and you find yourself tied up

-‘You’re a handful. Do not move’ he says, hovering above you. You think he’s going to knock you out cold, but instead, he positions himself between your legs

-‘I don’t want to hear a sound. Or else’

Kisame:

-laughs it off when you’re embarrassed that there’s only one bed

-‘I suppose there’s nothing to be done. Might as well get comfortable’ he says, taking off his cloak and his shirt. You stare at him, your lips parting at the muscles on his body

-‘It’s not a shop window. You can look and touch, if you want’ he says with a sharp grin

-You blush, nevertheless getting closer to him, until your hand is resting on his chest

-His large hands easily lift you up from your waist as he holds you against him until you have to wrap your legs around his hips

-‘I didn’t even need the bed, but since we’re here…’ he says, lowering you on the mattress and grinning as he unfastens your cloak

Sasori:

-‘I don’t need to sleep anyway’ he says, sitting at the desk and turning the lamp on as he starts tinkering with one of his puppets

-You frown, lying down on the bed. The noise of screwdrivers and nails clattering on the desk is pissing you off, and you decide to see if he really is a puppet who doesn’t feel anything at all

-you move your hand between your legs, underneath your underwear

-‘what are you doing?’ he asks, voice smooth, but he doesn’t turn around

-‘nothing’ you say, smirking slightly and gasping softly as you start to touch yourself on the bed.

-‘rude’ he says, and when you try to move, your hands are frozen. When you look at him, there are chakra strings connecting his hands to yours

-‘I suppose I can play with you instead of my puppets tonight’

Konan:

-Blushes when she sees that there’s only one bed and asks you if you want her to look for a different inn

-you tentatively tell her it’s okay

-when you two get into bed, you keep glancing at each other, and you keep looking at that piercing underneath her lip, wondering what it would be like to kiss her and feel it against your lips

-when she moves, you’re frozen in place

-her lips are soft and you do feel the coldness of the metal on your bottom lip, but it’s quite a nice feeling

-Konan gets on top of you, continuing to make out with you, neither of you saying anything as you start to undress each other

-literally the most normal experience you’re gonna get in the Akatsuki, and she’s stunning too! Go you

Zetsu:

-watches you sleep like a creep

-sorry, I got nothing on this “guy”

[bh-52]

What are some of your favorite Akatsuki headcannons?

Deidara personally arranges New Year's fireworks displays while Konan and Sasori handle other decorations for their new year's party, and they all help setting up the Lunar New year's Eve festivities in Amegakure

Offscreen, Konan is the mum of the group.

Tobi has a crush on Konan, and he hates that he does because he thinks he's being disloyal to Rin.

Kakazu's idea of money laundering is literally cleaning his dirty money, especially his coins.

Itachi has a mug declaring himself one of the only two sane Akatsuki members, (Konan has the other), and nobody disputes it.

The Akatsuki has a betting pool about whether Nagato and Konan are directly a couple, or if the Deva path (Yahiko's corpse) is dating her.

Obito sometimes steals Kakashi's Icha Icha collections, and hides them in the Kamui dimension. He also reads them.

Nagato makes Wizard of Oz references when Akatsuki members meet the real him.

Sasori's favourite song is There are no strings on me.

Every Akatsuki member, except Zetsu, Kakazu and Orochimaru, has given Konan valentine's day cards.

In his early days as a member, Itachi would have nightmares, and Konan would take it upon herself to calm him down and comfort him.

Konan's extremely ticklish, and loves being tickled.

Hidan, Kakazu, Zetsu & Sasori make horror movies together.

Sasori, Orochimaru & Kakazu were the Akatsuki's official medics.

Hidan is a Jinchuriki for the spirit of Jashin, his immortality being why he was chosen.

Konan wanted to adopt baby Naruto & Fuu, so they could be raised by the Akatsuki. A sentiment a surprising number of members were all for doing.

Orochimaru's favourite Bleach characters are Mayuri Kurotsuchi & Sosuke Aizen.

The Akatsuki invited Zabuza to join, and he told them he'd consider it since he already had Haku to look after.

Hidan wanted to recruit Raiga, but the rest of the Akatsuki rejected the idea faster than Minato using the hiraishin.

Obito (as both Obito and Tobi) tried to win the Dango eating world championship, and lost to Anko Mitarashi both times.

When the group's all together, Itachi's in charge of breakfast, Konan's in charge of lunch and afternoon tea, Kisame's in charge of dinner, and Sasori's in charge of dessert.

Even though he doesn't have taste buds anymore, Sasori still bakes perfectly.

Deidara's favourite song is TNT

[aaatsuuu]

The Akatsuki when they find a bug😭

Don't even ask why I'm writing this. I'm bored and I thought it'd be funny💔💔

No tags are really needed. A little domestic, I guess(?)

Screaming and crying

Deidara and Hidan (maybe Itachi. JUST MAYBE) are definitely screaming divas. You'd hear Hidan shrieking over the critter, pleading for Kakuzu to get it off him. Depending on his mood, Kakuzu would either lazily swat it off with his thread or use it to teach Hidan a lesson😭. I feel like Deidara doesn't necessarily hate how the bug looks but how it *feels*. The way he can feel it crawling so lightly drives him crazy, and he's flailing his arms, shrieking, trying to get it off. I also feel like he's the type of guy to associate bugs with uncleanliness. It's even worse if it keeps crawling up on his skin. This guy is SHRIEKING. Sasori would just pick it up with a sigh, shaking his head as he examines it and letting the critter crawl around the wood of his puppet. Anyway, elaborating further on Itachi being the screaming diva, he wouldn't scream, but he'd definitely gasp. He's the type to see a bug and have an internal jumpscare. He'd try his best to hold back his noise in front of others, but if you look closely, you can see his eyes widen for just a split second. He wouldn't be scared. Just get an ick. Hidan definitely gets scared and icky though.

(OK, I know Deidara controls and makes his clay bugs, but I feel like he's just gonna say, "It's different! My beautiful pieces of art aren't some disgusting creepy crawlies!")

Touching the bug

Sasori and Zetsu are definitely the types to just pick up the bug and play with it😭. Black Zetsu wouldn't give a FUCK if it's flying or crawling, or even on him. White would just be like, "Oh, what a cute little creature..." and just examine it out of boredom. Sasori is definitely the type of kid to be playing with those roly-poly bugs. He would probably just think they're interesting and let it crawl all over him, and I can definitely see him using his puppet-master jutsu to fling a bug towards Deidara when he's nagging him LOL. Honestly, Kisame would be the type to touch it, too... idk he's just a goofy guy. He'd definitely find the holographic-looking bugs cool and be like, "Oh hey, Itachi, check this little guy out." I feel like Konan would also like to examine and touch the bug, but it honestly depends. She's definitely the type to play with lady bugs and butterflies, but she hates other bugs.

Kills it

Kakuzu. Definitely. He just does it just because he can and doesn't like them. Like even if it's a small ant, he'd just kill it with his finger or something. I feel like he hates moths since they eat clothes and stuff, "I don't want them near my clothes or money. It'd be a waste." I feel like Tobi's just the type of guy not to kill it because he doesn't like bugs, but just because he's weird😭. He's definitely one of those people you'd see go out of their way to mess up an ant hill. Kakuzu wouldn't really care if it was a nest or what. He'd only kill it if it's like a singular bug or something in his way/area.

Doesn't care

Pain wouldn't really give a damn. There is no need for a God to waste time on such a trivial thing, y'know. However, I feel like he hates flies and maggots since they remind him of his days as a war orphan (I don't need to elaborate further😭💔). I also feel like Itachi wouldn't care, too. I know I lumped him in with the scaredy-cat category, but it really depends on the bug tbh. Like he's cool with butterflies and SOME of the bugs Kisame shows him, but he wouldn't go out of his way for one.

[nardo-headcanons]

Hey my dear mutual! Another super stupid and weird request coming, so, please, feel totally free to ignore completely if you want, really. So, let's say instead of a criminal organization, the Akatsuki are actually a lab team. Which would be their roles, their work focus or their research topics? How would they behave at work with each other or, I don't know, whatever you can think of. Inspired by your agar plates post, by the way, hahahaha

Hello Sasuke, my dear. Don't call your asks weird, I love how creative they are! If anyone wants to write a fic about this please TAG me!

Big thanks to @the-real-sasuke-uchiha for requesting!

The Akatsuki in a modern research lab AU

Akatsuki Labs, Inc. No one knows what they're actually researching, and how they get their funding, however everyone hires them, they're incredibly popular with institutions and businesses alike...

Deidara is a lab rookie who is still at the beginning of his study. He went to a scientific high school and an absolute ace at chemistry. Besides studying chemistry, his other major is pyrotechnical engineering. He blows shit up on the regular and even adds copper sulphate to fires when he is the one supposed to put them out. He frequently steals minerals from the lab to use them for his pottery projects. And yes, he knows how to make meth.

Hidan is on his way to become a neurologist. He is fascinated by the way the nervous system works (especially while processing pain) and has the ego of a neurosurgeon twice his age. However he is regularly asked for a second opinion because he knows his shit. He's pretty popular with the ladies due to his confidence, however many of them are freaked out when they find out what a huge masochist he is.

I've never seen Itachi as a huge stem guy, but I've actually had a discussion about this with my dear moots @pet-plasma-bubble and @suki91 and came to the conclusion that he's either a plant biologist or studies medicine because he's one of these kids with a chronic and/or underdiagnosed illness going into medicine to make a change. Plant biologist!Itachi regularly talks to his plants when no one is looking and he gives them names as well. He doesn't really care much for the actual lab work and prefers to take care of the plants in the different lab greenhouses. Med student!Itachi is one of these anatomy girlies who draw their stuff in fancy colors and actually enjoy studying human anatomy.

Kakuzu is a senior scientist/professor who initially studied pharmacology/pharmacy to save many lives and prolong the lives of millions, but eventually got disillusioned and sold his soul to the pharma industry. He should technically be retired now, but he joined the Akatsuki labs inc to make some money on the side.

Kisame started out as a marine biologist specializing in shark research, however, seeing these beautiful, innocent creatures get bastardized by Hollywood and pollution made him apply to Akatsuki labs inc to help find solutions to the current crises caused by humanity. During his free time, he volunteers in a dolphin rehabilitation center.

Konan is the cofounder of Akatsuki labs inc, everyone respects her and even looks up to her. Once a brilliant scientist in the field of engineering, she got tired of how male dominated it was and how her male colleagues kept getting the credit for her ideas. She frequently holds lab courses for young girls interested going into the scientific field.

Nagato is the Akatsuki labs founder, and rarely seen in the lab. He has made himself a name in the field of robotics by inventing the Shurado robotics system which helps millions of automated machines run to this day. Rarely seen in the lab, he communicated with his employees via his Pain Alias Email. though to be fair, Konan writes most of these emails for him; she's the only one regularly talking to him face-to-face.

Orochimaru is a geneticist and biochemist, his focus being finding ways to avoid cellular decay, as well as the human genome and anti aging research. His parents are academics as well and he lived up to their expectations to the fullest. He has his own skincare formula which keeps him looking snatched at all times. Given the rumors about several scientific ethical code violations, everyone is kinda scared of him except for his personal lab tech, Kabuto.

Sasori is a renowed mortician who's also very interested in histology. His preparation techniques are unmatched and he even invented new preparation- and histological staining methods, which are called "Red Sand" and "Red Technique", respectively. He often gets into fights with Kakuzu about his microtome collection being unnecessarily expensive.

Tobi is the Akatsuki labs CEO cosplaying as a clueless intern that always steals from the candy bowl in the waiting room. In reality, he has a PHD in physics, his thesis being about rifts in space time and interdimensional interactions, however all of his papers are published under an alias. He has a soft spot for Deidara and refuses to fire him despite the latter's frequent "accidents".

Zetsu is a biological anthropologist fascinated by human evolution and human behavior. Some think even his colleagues are subjects of his studies. Some people say he's two-faced, but he is very chatty and inquisitive most of the time. He volunteered to have Itachi's venus fly traps in his office and can sometimes be seen feeding them dead flies or mosquitoes.

[or0ch1maru]

headcanons for playing just dance with the akatsuki members? 💃

This is honestly fucking hilarious and I’m the perfect amount of buzzed for this

I can’t stop laughing at imagining how this would actually go

Also, I haven’t played just dance in years so if I make a mistake in anything, let me know and I’ll edit it🫶🏻

•

Hidan:

•would be the type to forget to tighten the strap around his wrist, the remote going soaring when he swings his arm too hard. Bonus points if it hits another member or breaks something

•doesn’t play fair. AT ALL. Will knock into his opponent or shit talk to the point it distracts them

•I can see him being the type to play this game drunk, not buzzed, but drunk. His movements over exaggerated and sloppy. He thinks he’s doing amazing but in reality he looks like a fish out of water, flapping & flailing around

Kakuzu:

•he would rather give up all his money before playing something so ‘stupid’ and ‘childish’ and that says a lot lol

•would sit off to the side, watching as his comrades play and enjoy themselves. Just because he’s a grouch and doesn’t let loose like they do, doesn’t mean he’ll ruin their fun

•I can see him disappearing and hiding in his room to avoid Hidan’s constant begging and whining. He knows deep down Kakuzu would eventually give into him, even if it’s only to shut him up and Kakuzu doesn’t want to ‘stoop to that level’

Konan:

•omg, she’d be so good at it. Her movements smooth and languid. She doesn’t look out of place at all like Hidan does, moving as if she was a natural dancer

•ends up racking up the most points by the end of the game, beating everybody she plays against. Her focus controlled, even when up against Hidan, who tries to knock her knee out

•isn’t ashamed one bit, not even if the dance moves displayed come off corny to others, ignoring the chuckles of her mates as she copies the choreography

Pain:

•at the very beginning, he’d be shy. His movements stiff. His hands barely leaving the sides of his body as he copies what’s displayed on the screen

•would totally be flustered, cheeks red and an awkward smile plastered on his face as he feels all the eyes of his teammates on him as he dances

•it’s not until he’s like 5 drinks in, feeling a decent buzz when he finally lets go and dances like no tomorrow. Not giving a shit if he messes up

Kisame:

•the team cheerleader. Claps, cheers, and shouts as he encourages his mates to keep going.

•even though he’s skilled on the battlefield doesn’t entirely mean he’s a good dancer. With how big he is, his movements are erratic, taking up most of the space in front of the tv, and ends up knocking into his opponent a few times

•doesn’t care about points or winning as he’s simply enjoying bonding as friends and family. Knowing he’d cherish this moment forever

Itachi:

•just like Konan, his movements would be smooth, but also sharp and precise

•I also believe he’d be a little apprehensive at first, not because he feels like he’d embarrass himself or anything, but because he hasn’t been able to relax and have fun in a long time, having to grow up so early in life

•ends up having the time of his life, coming in second to Konan, and having a celebratory drink to commemorate his small victory

Tobi:

•would be an absolute clown about everything but truthfully, making everyone’s night even better

•I think he’d be shy, just like pain, but once he gets over it, would have a lot of fun. Focusing on the dance moves as much as possible even though he ends up missing a step time to time

•would take FOREVER trying to pick a song, I feel like he’d chose something by lady Gaga or Rihanna. Something fun and upbeat

Zetsu:

•honestly, I think he wouldn’t participate. Would linger and watch the others as they play. Taking post in his favorite spot in the wall or on the arm of the couch

•black and white Zetsu would be going back and forth between the two of them as white Zetsu wants to play but black Zetsu doesn’t. Ends up giving in and sitting aside the whole night

•would sneak back later once everyone has gone to bed or passed out drunk to play by himself

Sasori:

•would also think the game is ‘stupid’ but after a drink or two would be the first one with a remote in his hand, ready to dance

•once he gets in the zone, his mates all agreed he had a natural ‘talent’, not better than Konan or Itachi, but close to it. What his mates don’t know is that he comes into the living room to play time to time when nobody’s home

•when he’s not playing, he makes sure his friends have what they want or need. Snack, another beer, etc

Deidara:

•nervous baby for sure. At the beginning that is.

•When he wins his first match, beating Kisame in a landslide, that win, gets to his head. Ends up cocky and taunting everybody, only to lose his next match to Hidan.

•definitely flamboyant and extravagant with his moves. Almost hit Hidan in the face before his loss. Curses when he drops the remote. Completely forgot to even slide the strap on his wrist, which gave Hidan the chance to succeed

Orochimaru:

•at first, they’d simply enjoy watching and observing their team as they play and have fun. For some reason I can see them writing things down for their research. Something about how bonding is essential for security and happiness in a friend group

•orochimaru would be enjoying the drinks more than the game, drink after drink to help unwind, realizing how much they truly enjoy being around others compared to being stuck in the lab all day

•would play a round or two towards the end of the night for the hell of it. Using the excuse of ‘it’s for my research’ instead of coming clean about their real reason. They wanted to experience the fun but they’d never admit that

I had lady Gaga’s, heavy metal lover on repeat while writing this. I love her and I feel like a handful of the akatsuki would too🫶🏻

[cosmic-glow]

A Beach Day with Akatsuki

Summary: how would each of the Akatsuki members be in the cliche anime beach episode.

Warnings: mentions of deaths and alcoholic beverages. SFW.

Characters: Pein; Konan; Tobi; Zetsu; Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Hidan and Kakuzu (from Naruto).

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Kisame

Kisame liked the idea from the beginning.

As soon as he gets to the beach he goes straight to the water.

Likes to surf.

And it's really good at it.

He doesn't wear sunscreen.

He spends practically all day in the water.

He just goes out to pull someone out to sea with him.

Or to buy some ice cream.

He randomly comes out of the water sometimes and brings a very nice shell or rock and gives it to someone.

He tries to pull Itachi out to sea with him just to provoke him.

Kisame would come out of the water in the afternoon to watch the sun go down.

While drinking something refreshing, like coconut water or a drink.

That man was so comfortable.

It upsets him to have to leave the beach.

The next day he is locked in his room, sunburnt.

He doesn't want to go out for  doesn't have to overhear Itachi saying "I told you" for refusing to apply sunscreen.

Still, he really liked his day at the beach and would do it all over again.

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Kakuzu

He didn't want to come.

Like, beach is just a warm place with salt water and sand, what's fun about that? That's what he thinks.

He is really in a bad mood.

He can't even cool off in the sea because he can't swim due to his stitched up body.

He tries to relax sitting in the shade of the parasol while reading a book.

But any noise bothers him.

And a beach with Deidara, Hidan and Tobi is sure to be noisy.

He eventually decides to walk to the edge of the sea away from the group while checking his bingo book.

Was that or kill those three.

In the end, when he is well away from the group he manages to enjoy the beach a little.

He sits near some palm trees.

The waves gently lap at him feet in a relaxing manner.

And finally the silence that he loves so much.

He would only reappear in the group in the evening, when started to cool down.

He is not sad that he has to leave.

And he would never admit that he enjoyed the quiet moments he spent alone.

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Tobi/Obito

Ever since he learned that him be going to the beach he has been extremely anxious.

He is wearing those bathing suits that cover the whole body, like surfers do.

But he doesn't surf.

Yes, he is wearing the mask even on the beach.

Doesn't stop at any moment.

He would go into the sea to jump the waves and end up falling as soon as they took their eyes off him.

Then he would get up as if nothing had happened.

He has been bothering Deidara since they arrived.

"Wow Deidara-senpai, I didn't know your abdomen was so defined" - would be just one of the comments he make to tease the blond.

Tobi is a good boy, so he put sunscreen on the parts that his suit doesn't cover.

Takes too much ice cream and ends up freezing his brain.

He would not want to leave the beach.

Would only do it when it was getting dark.

Definitely a happy child enjoying his day at the beach.

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Hidan

For Akatsuki to be able to go to a beach it would have to be isolated.

And well, I'm saying this because Hidan was responsible for offering Jashin anyone who showed up bothering.

He's a narcissist and made a point of getting a swimsuit that didn't cover too much and value his ass.

At first, he avoids getting into the water because he doesn't want to get his hair wet.

But when he enters the sea it's scary to see how he spends hours underwater since he can't die by drowning.

Enjoys bothering Kakuzu... as usual.

He purposely wets Deidara's hair.

Hidan wasn't worried about sunscreen.

After all, he's immortal, what difference does it make?

What no one knows is that he ended up going through the fear of losing the pale shade he likes so much.

He has who brought the alcohol.

He keeps drinking and bothering others with silly pranks.

Leave the beach at the end of the sunset already drunk.

He found the day at the beach fun.

After all he didn't have to work and spent all day drinking and making fun of the members, why would he complain?

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Zetsu

He likes sunbathe.

Obviously him don't wear sunscreen, because he don't need it.

Would avoid going into the sea because of the salt water.

White Zetsu wants to make a sand castle.

But doesn't work out too well because black Zetsu refuses.

He likes to drink a lot of water.

Zetsu purposely walks away from the group.

He likes to be alone and it is no surprise to anyone.

He finds the sound of the sea very relaxing.

White Zetsu wants to take the little shells he finds home.

Black Zetsu wants to eat the crabs he finds.

At some point he would end up sleeping.

Would only wake up when the sun started to set.

And then finally would return to the group to leave.

White Zetsu really enjoyed the day at the beach and think was relaxing.

Black Zetsu didn't think it was bad, but he wouldn't admit it and would say it was a waste of time.

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Deidara

“Finally a rest day” - that's what he thought, until he saw how Tobi can be even more irritating on the beach.

The beach is a very inspiring place for an artist.

So Deidara is trying not to waste all his explosive clay on Tobi.

He wants to tan, not burn, so he put on sunscreen.

Deidara knows and likes to surf.

And he's annoyed that Kisame is better than him at this.

He was avoiding going into the sea until Hidan wet his hair.

His bathing suit is the prettiest.

This boy has style.

He would retreat at some point to make sand castles without being seen.

Prefer to eat slushies.

Would want to compete with Itachi on something.

And would say he cheated when he lost and walk away from the group.

Collect shells <3

He tries to sunbathe, but Deidara is the kind of person who can't sit still.

So it's useless.

The sunset is art for him, after all it is temporary.

Appears out of nowhere in the group when they are leaving.

At the end of the day he's sulking.

Because the day at the beach was not what he expected.

… But he liked it.

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Itachi

To be honest, he doesn't really like the beach.

Like, he can't deny the place is beautiful, but what is he going to do here?

He ends up sitting in the shade of the parasol watching others have fun.

Most of the shells Kisame brings from the water are for him.

He obviously use  sunscreen.

And brought it, in case anyone forgot.

In fact, the bag with everything needed for a day at the beach is his.

He doesn't really like the idea of ​​going into the sea.

The most he'd do is get his feet wet because it's relaxing.

He's the one who bought Kisame's ice cream while he was getting out of the water.

He's not paying attention to Deidara's taunts.

And he made no effort to beat him.

He likes the sound of the sea.

Take the opportunity to rest for a while.

He ends up getting so relaxed and quiet you could swear he's sleeping sitting up.

Itachi finds the sunset a bit melancholy but beautiful.

Is eager to return to the group's hideout.

The next day he know that Kisame doesn't want to leave his room because he's sunburned.

He didn't think the day at the beach was all bad, but he would have preferred to go somewhere else.

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Pein

Honestly, he only accepted all this because of Konan.

Doesn't like warm places, so the beach is not his favorite place.

He came just to make sure that nothing bad would happened.

He refers to Hidan, Deidara and Tobi in the same place for more than 5 minutes.

And he doesn't want anyone to bother Konan either.

Konan who reminded him to wear sunscreen.

Pain likes to eat watermelon when he is at the beach, is refreshing.

He won't go into the sea, don't even try.

Doesn't like ice cream very much.

He doesn't really like sweets in general, they make him thirsty.

He notices when someone moves away.

Being honest, he is just waiting for the day to end.

He understands why they think sunsets are beautiful, him thought too when he saw how Konan admired the sky.

Pein makes sure that everyone is present as they come back.

Tobi tests his patience by refusing to return "so soon".

He understands that a rest is necessary... But for him it was just a wasted day.

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Konan

She was who gave the idea to go to the beach.

Konan likes to sunbathe, even though she's very pale.

Hoped that this day would be at least a little relaxing for Pain.

Konan would read a book in the shade while listening to the sound of the waves.

Likes to drink refreshing drinks, eat scratch cards, eat watermelon, etc.

She is enjoying the moment.

Would go into the sea to cool off a bit, but she would be quick.

Konan is very stylish, so her bikini makes her look radiant.

She really wants to play in the sand for a while.

But as we know she is shy, and ends up being embarrassed.

Didn't approve of the idea that Hidan could kill anyone who came along.

But her understand why Pein thinks it's necessary.

She loves the different shades that appear in the sky as the sun goes down.

Left the beach a little reluctantly.

She who manages to convince Tobi to leave.

Konan liked her day at the beach but wishes she had enjoyed it more.

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Sasori

He wonders why he had to come along.

Like, there's nothing for him to enjoy on the beach.

Not that he can't go into the sea, but he's a puppet, the job he'd take to get the water out of his body.

Not to mention that salt water can wear out his body.

Definitely out of the question.

The only problem is that all that sand and hot sun just reminds him more and more of his old village.

He doesn't have a problem with the heat at all, he actually likes it.

He would try to distract himself by looking for pretty rocks.

Kisame would notice and bring some for him.

He'd be so focused on this that he wouldn't realize he'd ended up walking away from the group.

He ended up getting wet when he picked up a rock too close to the sea and a wave came to meet him.

He returns to the group grumpy after that.

Sasori lies down waiting for the sun to dry him and ends up sleeping.

Hidan and Deidara bury him in the sand.

He hasn't seen the sunset and is just grumpy wanting to go back to hiding.

But he is taking the rocks he found with him.

He doesn't want to repeat the experience.

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Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[thottyimagines]

Heyy, i really love ur akatsuki headcanons, like every one of them is so believable lmaoo.

Could u do akatsuki headcanons where their s/o asks them to hold their peepee while they pee? I swear there was one exact ask on tumblr but it cant find it

Thanks and i hope its not a weird question but they r weirdos anyways so

Thank you!

I've gotten a variation of this ask several times which is telling me the people (or just one tenacious anon) really want to know, so...god, here goes nothing:

Pein is...weirdly complicated, given the real body in the basement/paths for his bidding situation, but I'd say the only way he'd allow it is if it's absolutely necessary because his actual bod is too weak to even help himself. I imagine he just diapers the poor thing and gives Konan the honor of cleaning him up, though, so he doesn't really need an s/o to aid in that venture.

Konan, should she have one for her s/o to hold, would be kind of confused by the request, but not put off. I don't think she'd really get it, but sure, knock yourself out, s/o.

Itachi would get flustered and embarrassed, should his s/o ask to do the holding for him. He'd reassure them that he is more than capable of performing his own bathroom duties, from ablutions to urination, and their concern is...well, kind, if unwarranted. He'd probably wonder if his s/o is noticing his deteriorating eyesight and then frets that he can no longer aim, and everyone has felt too awkward to tell him. He starts using the bathroom with his Sharingan always on and the door locked tight so he can make sure he cleans up properly.

Kisame would probably be amused and go for it. He'd somehow find a way to be flirtatious and horny about it, but hey, his s/o was the one to be a freak and ask in the first place so as far as he's concerned it's all fair game.

Hidan would only accept if he could be flirtatious and horny about it. He'd probably just assume his s/o developed a piss kink or something, I'll be real with you.

Kakuzu initially shuts that down with a firm "no." If his s/o is persistent, he'd relent, but he'd be annoyed and brusque about it. If their finger gets caught in the zipper when he's done, well, that'll show them to stop impeding his business.

Deidara gets very embarrassed and flustered, like Itachi, but in a weirdly flattered, excited way. He's young and horny and will gleefully embrace any opportunity to have someone touching his dick, even for something as mundane as him peeing.

Sasori probably didn't give his puppet twink bod any genitalia, as he needs to neither pee nor fuck in this form. He'd be sure to let his s/o know that.

Tobi would get embarrassed and deflect and probably accuse his s/o of being a pervert (fair), but forgive them because they're just too cute. They're still not giving the assist, though. He's self-conscious about how it looks soft.

Zetsu also doesn't seem to have the anatomy required for this scenario, given he's running around in the buff all day long and no one has ever commented about his bits hanging out and about.

[immoralimmortals]

Akatsuki Flowers! What a lovely ask. Let's look at your suggestions first:

Hidan, prince's feather:

Ohhhh immortality! I think that's perfect. Apparently a nickname for this flower is "kiss-me-over-the-garden-gate"

Deidara, buttercups:

Youth, joy, play, simple pleasures? Interesting choice, I can see why you went this direction! Matches his hair, too. It seems awfully innocent for him, I wonder if he'd disagree!

Deidara, australian rose:

A couple of results say "you are all that is lovely", and my gut tells me that may not be what you intend? But nevermind that LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS

Anyhow!

I've used a little bit of flower symbolism, as you've probably guessed, for my fic! Red roses (and their various states of life, death, and preservation) and forget-me-nots are pretty obvious, though. But I used two others, hydrangeas, and daffodils, and they both suit Kisame!

Kisame, hydrangea, daffodil:

I picked a hydrangea festival, for one because it's a real thing that happens, and two, it means heartfelt emotion! I think Kisame feels with all of his being, intensely. He, as many people are not, is someone very aware that he is not always aware, if that makes sense; he is wary of the way his blood can boil, rage heating under the skin. Goes along with him not always feeling "human." Daffodil, the flower I used for the lotion in my fic, is in opposition as it stands for truth and honesty. We all know "truth" is sort of Kisame's thing. It's his pinnacle of morals, his reason for living, and then dying. I think it keeps him in line, too.

Itachi, white poppy:

Consolation, Rest, (Eternal) Sleep, Peace, Dormant Affection. He's a man that is a nice comparison and foil to Kisame, because like him, he feels deeply and has to deal with that in order to carry out his sacred duty. He is a man that wants peace, and with the short time he has on Earth tries to use it to redeem himself, his brother, the Uchiha name as well as he can, all the while dreaming that things will eventually go for the better. Dead man walking, a ghost with work to do.

Nagato, flowers of the elm tree:

Protection, Warn of Others, Purification of tainted areas. He protects his village by summoning rain, keeping watch of who even so much as whispers dissent. His land is pure. And he will purify the world. Perhaps it's a warning about him, too.

Konan, white rose:

Honestly this is a pretty predictable choice lol. I think she's emotionally...stagnant. In constant mourning, even if by her definition she's entirely moved on. Like Nagato, she takes her pain and uses it to continue, define her existence. She is the right hand, that which Pain uses to purify, an angel who does not boast of her power. She merely acts upon the will of that which justifies death.

Kakuzu, spruce, chamomile

Spruce: Eternal hardiness, Endurance, Symbol of North and Cold.

Chamomile: Patience, Attracts Wealth, Energy in Adversity

Yeah, I know spruce isn't technically a flower, but it's a growth on a tree and something you'll see in the language of flowers, so I'm using it. Kakuzu's ring, of course, means "north", and I honestly think it's fascinating to think of that in comparison to the north wind. He is a man as hardy and cold as the world he's trudged through. He's the definition of withstanding the worst, both physically and emotionally. The chamomile goes along with that, with a tenacity to make things work. You don't get to live to be 91 and still an active rogue ninja without a willingness to crack some eggs.

(also my art accounts are all chamomile-carillon or some variation. I love chamomile. And I love Kakuzu. yea)

Sasori, the four ancient poisons:

Aconite: Lustre (reflected light), Misanthropy

Hellebore: A Beautiful Year Ahead, Wit Relieve My Anxiety, Relieve my anxiety, tranquilize me

Hemlock:   You will cause my death

Nightshade: Truth, Silence; Your Thoughts are Dark ; Falsehood ; witchcraft/sorcery

I at first was just going for poison but all of these are PERFECT for him in their own right. Misanthropic man who wants to feel numb, wants to cause death and ultimately chooses to die. The contradiction of nightshade being both truth and falsehood...reminds me of how contradictory he is. A man who is trying to gain all the time in the world, absolutely impatient and unwilling to wait a second. Oh I can see the art for this in my head now....

Obito, love-lies-bleeding:

Love-lies-bleeding (Amaranthus): Desertion, Hopelessness, Constant, Unchangeable, Immortal or Unchangable Love, Immortality, Fidelity, Everlasting Friendship

This one just kind of has it all for him. The way everything good that ever happened to him left his world, his steeled resolve, his extended life via Madara's help, his love for Rin... Hoo.

Zetsu, two-bloomed green rose, dock flower, astilbe

Two-bloomed rose: Secrecy

Green rose: alien, strange, We Are Worlds Apart

Dock: patience

Astilbe (false goat's beard): I'll Still Be Waiting

He's really defined by his patience-- black Zetsu especially but white Zetsu was also playing the long game too, sticking around Obito since his childhood. The rose is pretty self-explanatory; he keeps a lot of secrets and he exists in a way that is very hard for others to comprehend. I figure he has difficulty understanding others, too.

[that-weeb-in-ur-closet]

Hello....I saw the fluffy+nsfw headcanons for Deidara you did earlier and I loved it sooo much I can't even tell you! I was wondering if you could do something similar with Hidan as well if it's not too much trouble? Specifically with someone who's really kind to him and insists on treating him nicely, because let's face it, both in anime and manga pookie bear just gets tossed around like he's nothing by both himself and everyone else. He's such an adorable ball of sunshine and I'd really really appreciate it if you could write something for him 💕

Ah !! I'm gonna be honest, I haven't seen enough of Hidan to make that good of a story, but I'll really, really try!!

From the few scenes I've seen of him, all I can really see is that he's sarcastic, religious, and loud, so I can totally see all the members just hating him, and I wanna see him loved.

Some NSFW, mostly Fluff, and a fem!reader in the NSFW parts.

If you meet the other members before him, your view will definitely be altered. "Yeah, he's pretty rude, so just ignore him."

He knows everyone says that to the new member, so when you approach him with bright and welcoming energy, he's thrown tf off guard.

He obviously covers it with a sarcastic comment, saying his name and rudely saying you're not worth his time. He, again, is thrown off-guard when you react with a smile and walk away.

— The next day, you wave to him and say a quick "hello." What you don't know is that he stayed up thinking about you. Why were you so... Nice?

He comes up to you and asks bluntly, "Are you religious?" Which, causes you to be confused. He soon introduces you to his God.

Soon after that, you spend night after night praying to whatever God he believes in, which he finds extremely sweet but he won't admit it. That's something he believes in, and this random girl is now believing in him too???? He may fall in love a little too soon.

Speaking of love, the first time you saw him blush is when he told you he did. He seemed so... Not sarcastic and rude, which was different for him. "H-hey... I don't care if you feel the same, but I have feelings for you." He tries to sound confident... And fails.

When you tell him you reciprocate the feelings, he pauses, as if he didn't expect that whatsoever. The first date you had was so unworldly and romantic. It was at a local park at about ten at night, candles all around while fucking star gazing. How. Romantic.

He's not that touchy with you but is completely fine if you are. He's just really into your voice. His love language is definitely words of affirmation. He just loves hearing complaints and nice things about him, or even just you talking to him and not at him.

Your first kiss was... Interesting? Idk. He was doing the ritual he does after he kills someone, as we're you. And after you were both done, he sat up and looked at you, not saying anything. Then he just leaned in and kissed you. There was no rhyme or reason. He just did it. Was it romantic? I mean, if you think kissing over a dead person is romantic... — He gave you a better kiss the next day.

He hogs the blankets. I'm not sorry, and he does. You sleep in the same bed as him? You're gonna get cold. This bitch is the embodiment of "I don't care so I don't share" when he sleeps. Maybe it's on purpose. Maybe it's not.

He's so dramatic. In everything he does. The nicknames he calls you, when he tells everyone you're dating, (when he breaks the Fourth Wall and tells the viewers watching he's dating you, BECAUSE IK THIS MF BREAKS THAT WALL SO MF MUCH–), in just everything he does. That's another thing you love.

He likes necks. Yes, I will elaborate on that. You're welcome. – If you're both walking, he'll gently push your head down and poke at your neck. If you have a nape piercing he will CRY. He's gonna be fidgeting with that all day. — If your little spoon, he'll kiss and bite little marks into the back of your neck. He just likes how intimate and sensitive it is.

Why not bedazzle his sword, too? Not the blade, just the handle of it. I'm not gonna say anything else, sorry.

He gives off the oldest child's energy. He kinda bullies you, playfully, while you take it while giggling. That's part of why he loves you, you just accept him as him and all he does.

A few NSFW headcanons here. Minors look away, and if ur uncomy, ignore this part!!!

Fem!Reader.

He's a dom. No doubt.

Okay, here's how it starts. You'd be reading a book while sitting on him. He starts poking at your clothes like he usually does, getting more and more bold as he does. He's softly moving you around, pulling down your shirt and pants like a doll, while you barely realize. He always messes with your clothes. What's different today?

The difference is where his hands are. One hand goes to your clit, the other massaging your nipples. That earns a loud moan from you and a chuckle from him, as you set down your book, looking up at him.

He loves when people hear you, if we're talking kinks. An exhibitionist, if you will. (Is that another one of my biggest kinks? Yes, now stfu you horny bitch)

He has fucked you in the hallway of the place you and the other members stay in, and he will do it again. Each reaction is different. (Itachi doesn't leave his room, DeiDei stares before running and squealing like a girl, Pain just stares before walking away, Konan is speechless, and Sasori goes to warn the others.)

I have one more headcanon. A blood kink. I'm not going into that, use your imagination.

Thanks for requesting, I hope you like it, and request more in the future !!

[ladykissingfish]

Coupla Random Akatsuki Headcanons 🤷🏽‍♀️

Many of the Akatsuki members spent so many years camping on the ground or sleeping on floors that beds feel strange and foreign to them. Oftentimes in hotels with beds, a member will wake up in the middle of the night on the floor because at some point in their sleep they got up and moved themselves to a spot more familiar.

Sasori developed a mild case of agoraphobia following the death of his parents. When they passed, the outside world suddenly seemed too big, too bright, too threatening. He preferred to stay indoors as much as he could, reading, and later working on his puppets. When he travels he travels inside Hiroku not so much for protection but because the small, enclosed space puts his mind more at ease.

Along with his eyesight, Itachi has slowly been losing his sense of taste over the years. “You eat with your eyes” is a very true saying, and because of Itachi’s worsening vision, all food looks (and eventually starts to taste) very bland to him.

Deidara takes a ton of vitamins every day because he dreads getting sick. When he’s ill, his hand-mouths become ill as well, meaning coughing and multiple bodily fluids are coming out of every place imaginable. When he does get sick, he’ll quarantine himself until he’s well again because he doesn’t want the others to see him in such a state.

Kakuzu is a secret lover of romance novels, as is Kisame. One will often buy a book, read it, and then lend it to the other to read so that they can talk it over with each other.

Everyone fights over who gets to go on missions with Kakuzu in late fall/winter. His five hearts make him run very warm, so warm that he doesn’t really need his cloak or anything when traveling. He throws off a great deal of warmth and just standing near him is like standing in front of a crackling fire, which feels very pleasant in cold weather.

Kisame didn’t learn how to swim or breathe underwater until he was nearly 20 years old. All his early life he was embarrassed of his half-shark genetics and refused to do or learn anything that would give him away as being more than human.

Konan is somewhat of a germaphobe. She keeps her distance from the other Akatsuki members and when she does have to have close interactions with anyone, afterwards she’ll sanitize and/or “power shower” herself as soon as she’s able. A large part of this has to do with Nagato; his actual body is very frail and his immune system is extremely weak. She’s constantly worried that she’ll unwittingly bring him something that might end up killing him.

Hidan needs to be reminded to eat, a lot. Especially after he’s through with a prayer ritual. When he does eat he prefers lots of meat; he’s somewhat anemic due to all the blood he’s constantly losing and his body seeks out ways to replace his depleted iron.

Although he doesn’t show it, Deidara actually really likes traveling with Tobi. Deidara thinks it’s nice to be around someone who doesn’t (seem to) take life so seriously, and he likes being the “senior partner”, as opposed to his time with Sasori when Deidara was constantly being given orders and “bossed around”.

In nice weather, Konan and Deidara like to fly together (she with her paper wings, him on his birds). Sometimes they race to see who can go faster, although Konan almost always wins due to being more lightweight.

With the exception of Itachi and Sasori (who doesn’t eat anymore), none of the Akatsuki really knows how to cook. They can make simple things like rice balls or porridge, but that’s about it. A great deal of the Akatsuki’s monthly bills comes from eating at inns or buying easy to eat foods at markets.

Zetsu became sensitive to the others complaining about how he smelled like “compost and corpses”, so to compensate, he started to wear cologne. Too much cologne, in fact. So much that the smell was over-powering and made it harder to be around him than before. After a talk with Obito, Zetsu agreed to stop with the sprays and just start showering more often, a compromise the others were happy to accept.

Deidara is hyper-sensitive to the textures of certain foods, and simply refuses to eat anything that doesn’t “feel” right to him. He also has a quirk where, if he’s having a meal with multiple things on a plate, none of those things can be touching each other in the slightest.

Itachi is pretty lauded as being the group’s resident insomniac, but Kakuzu is just as bad (if not worse) than him. They mostly give each other their own space during the long nights awake, but sometimes they’ll spend a couple of hours together talking or reading or going for a long walk (weather permitting).

Sasori has shown every member in the Akatsuki how to put him together should there ever be a situation when Sasori was too incapacitated to do it himself. The only one he hasn’t shared this information with was Hidan, because Sasori doesn’t trust Hidan to put him back incorrectly.

Hidan has extensively studied/looked into the major religions of the country, because he wanted to be sure that Jashinism was the correct one for him. Many years passed and he never found another set of beliefs that suited him like the way of Jashin did.