#pein headcanons

[cosmic-glow]

Request: "May I request soft akatsuki headcannons for a reader who loves to bake and cook? It's a passion of mine, and a great stress reliever! There's nothing I won't try and try to make!"

Notes: First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to respond 😭 I also like cooking and I completely agree with you! I hope you like what I wrote, good reading!

"Are you hungry, love?"- Akatsuki

Warnings: no pronouns; no use of "y/n"; pure cuteness. Gender: Soft Headcanons. Characters: Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Kakuzu; Hidan; Zetsu; Tobi/Obito; Pein; Konan.

Itachi Uchiha

He always offers you help in the kitchen.

He is very picky when cooking for someone but is easily satisfied with whatever you cook for him.

He feels obligated to return the favor by cooking for you too. That's why he took charge of breakfast, always waking up before you to prepare what you like.

Likes hot foods and pasta. Loves handmade sweets.

He prefers traditional foods, but accepts trying new flavors when he's with you.

He loves going out to buy new ingredients with you, he knows a lot about the subject and would be of great help.

Kisame Hoshigaki

You know that popular saying that the best way to conquer a man is through his stomach? It applies very well to this man.

He likes to be spoiled with food and will be grateful for it so.. please cook for him.

His heart feels warm when he comes home and smells something delicious you are preparing.

He likes foods with a sweet and sour taste, and he loves meat. He also loves sweets, so it's not hard to please Kisame.

He loves trying new flavors with you. If you want, he'll even help you in the kitchen, but he's not very good (he's a bit clumsy).

He'll find a way to say thank you, whether it's washing the dishes, giving gifts, taking you out to eat, all of the above, whatever you prefer.

He's the kind of guy who would eat what you prepared even if it was completely burnt if he knew you put effort into it.

Deidara

He likes fast food, but is very happy when you cook for him.

Thanks to you, he's starting to eat more healthily, because he has a childish palate and is very resistant to exploring new flavors.

He likes spicy foods because are like an explosion in the mouth.

"I have to say, honey, your cooking is an art!" - he says with his mouth full when he really likes it.

One of his favorite moments of the day is when you're eating something you've prepared or he's bought, watching a movie and talking about anything.

It's something very simple, but if you make a cake just for him on his birthday, he'll feel so loved that he might even cry a little.

(Sometimes he brags to the other members about having such a skilled s/o in the kitchen).

But please keep this boy the hell away from the kitchen! When I say he's a complete chaos cooking, it's because the kitchen almost always explodes! Literally!

Sasori

He often forgets that he still needs to eat due to his puppet body, so he's grateful that you remind him. He still needs to eat a little every now and then to ensure a bit of vital energy or something.

And yes, that was the lie he invented to not disappoint you. And regardless of whether you believed it or not, he always eats your food, even though he knows how much work it will take to clean his insides afterwards (don't worry, he'll probably come up with something to solve this).

Understand, he lied because he knows how important cooking is to you, he sees how much you work at it, but had the misfortune of being with a guy who doesn't need to eat… but he couldn't risk hurting you for something that's his fault.

Sasori only eats your food and no one else's, no matter how much they insist.

He likes foods with strong spices, he no longer feels flavors in the same way as when he was a human.

At the end of every meal, he politely thanks you for the delicious food and offers to help with the dishes.

Kakuzu

He likes hot, very hot, and traditional foods. Doesn't like sweets.

He's great in the kitchen and sometimes cooks for you too, as a thank you. Kakuzu has many years of experience in the kitchen, take the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, he may not show it but he really likes to help you.

Maybe you don't know, but Kakuzu practically never eats out, he knows that some people want him dead and could easily poison his food. So for him to eat everything you prepare without hesitation is really a great show of trust.

He is very silent while eating, but he doesn't mind if you want to talk about your day, he will be listening to every part.

He really appreciates your food, getting involved and asking about the spices you used, how you prepared it, he really likes it when you test a new recipe.

Always at the end of every meal he thanks you for the food and gets up before you to clear the table and wash the dishes, a silent way of thanking you.

Hidan

Spicy and crunchy foods and sour desserts, it's true heaven for him...

As incredible as it may seem, Hidan is very picky about his food, it's unbearable to go out to eat with him, it seems like he always makes a point of finding some flaw.

But it's the total opposite with you, he eats everything you prepare without complaining too much, just teasing you a little as always. Except if he is angry with you for some reason, then he will be impossible, no matter what you prepared, he will not eat it.

Hidan has a very annoying childhood palate, so don't force him to eat something he doesn't really like, like vegetables for example.

You'll probably have some arguments about him drink any kind of blood but not wanting to eat the soup you made (for example), but it won't change anything.

Whenever you enter the kitchen, Hidan follows right behind to find out what you're going to prepare and also because he loves to annoy you while you're cooking. He tickles you, bites you, hugs you, kisses you and even steals some utensils to disturb you before you kick him out of the kitchen.

Zetsu

He likes meat a lot, in fact you thought it was the only thing he could eat.

He is very impatient and even hugs you trying to convince you to let him eat before you finish.

"I don't care that it's not ready yet and it's raw, I'm hungry, love. Let me eat it just the way it is."

Not a very good critic of your recipes, he will eat literally anything you put in front of him and thank you for it.

You are the one who teaches him to have a more refined palate and he loves trying new flavors with you.

Zetsu grows a vegetable garden just for you, with everything you need fresh and tasty for your recipes.

Tobi/Obito Uchiha

Tobi >loves< sweets, make sweets for him and you'll have him curled up in the palm of your hand.

Both Tobi and Obito don't like spicy food.

He feels so loved when you cook for him <3 (a tip: prepare ramen for him when he's sad, it'll make him feel better).

Whenever he comes home early he brings you some sweets he bought at the bakery as a treat.

This is another man who is very easy to win over with his stomach. He'll feel very special if you tell him you've prepared something just for him. Make him your guinea pig for new recipes, he really doesn't mind and always gives you great feedback.

He always offers you the first bite out of respect, he is as happy to see you eating and talking about how tasty it is as he is to eat something you prepared.

Pein

Pein went through long periods of starvation as a child, so as much as it may seem, he isn't very picky about what he eats.

Likes hot and spicy foods. Hate sweets.

He is a great fan of your food, even if you've accidentally burnt it or overdone the seasoning, he'll be happy to eat something you've lovingly prepared.

Due to his work as leader of Akatsuki, he often forgets to eat properly. It's you who show up at his office and remind him to eat, with something you've prepared in hand, he's really grateful for your care.

He is always attentive to your needs. Did you like a cuter utensil kit than the ones you have? Are your. Wanting new seasonings? Suddenly they appear in your pantry. Everything you need.

Pein always makes it clear how he likes you to cook but that he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with it, so he does everything to make this task easier for you, including ordering something from restaurants for you to eat and enjoy your free time together.

Konan

He likes mild sweets and, ironically, spicy foods. (Please make sweets for Konan, she likes a lot).

She will always feel like she is bothering or burdening you when you cook for her.

Konan isn't that good in the kitchen, so she's grateful to have a s/o who cooks so well. Sometimes she watches you cook to try to learn something, in an attempt to return the favor one day.

Buy a lot of sweets for you and make a point of always keeping your pantry well stocked so you don't have to worry about buying ingredients.

As I said, Konan doesn't like to burden you, so very often she takes you on restaurant dates.

Konan loves the culinary tours you plan, she could listen to you talk for hours about techniques, recipes and ideas. She loves seeing how excited you get talking about it.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[iambilliejeanok]

can you please write headcanons on how the Akatsuki eat out their fem s/o? Thank you.

Yes I can, you’re welcome🌸

🌸How the Akastuki members eat out fem reader🌸

Feature: Pein||Kakuzu||Hidan||Sasori||Itachi||Kisame

Warnings: 🔞, NSFW, content might be unsuitable for some viewers, contains taboo/explicit scenes that some might find disturbing, darcyphillia, female cunnilingus, UNEDITED, the whole thing is about pussy eating, all consensual scenarios.

No artwork presented here belongs to me

💗Enjoy💗

Pein

We love Pein we really do, but dear lawd, he knows how to torture you. Pein is such a dirty tease. He’s so bad, you might even end up crying, the remainder of the session.

With his mouth literally watering, this is tough on him too, spit casually sliding off of his tongue and onto your vulva, while he’s softly biting and sucking the skin surrounding your genitalia, leaving small hickies behind and NEVER touching your clit.

If you’re strong willed enough, screaming at him and tugging on his dry orange hair might direct his attention to your suffering, but that also really annoys him, and now a lingering kiss is all he leaves you with, your hips would’ve shot up if he wasn’t holding them down, but your poor clit is way too sensitive that just the contact of his soft lips against your clit nearly took you out.

“Pein! Baby I can’t stand this! Please!!!”, you desperately beg him, unashamedly attempting to shove your clit in his mouth but you can’t even get close, he’s freakishly strong. He’s eyebrows now lower and he’s purely disappointed. “If I give you want you want you’re still going to bother me. Why can’t you give in to me?”, he asks, and lawd knows you couldn’t give a flying fuck right now, he needs to get serious.

But this is his little game, to see how much he can torture you, purple eyes refocusing on your pussy. Here’s a good reason as to why he admires edging you so much, you’re so incredibly wet, and when he separates your folds to get a good look at you, it’s all goey and sticky, and he absentmindedly starts licking a trail up and down every inch of your exposed vulva, every lick setting your entire body ablaze, Pein shoving his tongue as deep as it can go inside of you as he continues licking up, but he stops just below your clit his eyes blissfully shut and his head in another world as he takes his sweet time to taste every inch of you.

There’s no level of horny greater than this for you and Pein is hard enough to break something with his erection. He’s definitely not sorry for putting you through this and for a matter of fact, he had you right where he needs you. He’s managed to reduce you to a desperate mess, your pussy is dripping with your arousal and he’s looking right back at your hole, watching it contract and expand as though it’s begging him too. He knows it’s begging him. Now he can mess with you.

Kakuzu

First of all, Kakuzu towers over you, his impressive frame and bulky size means he can easily manhandle you regardless of your size, and we know this grumpy piece of sexyness takes advantage of that too.

He’s so serious though, but he loves your personality, whatever it is. He doesn’t typically make any sounds outside of heavy breathing when the two of you have sex, and you’re always the one reaching the high notes.

Kakuzus approach to eating you out is definitely different from Peins, because Kakuzu doesn’t have the time of day to edge you. He’s a dangerous assassin and only enjoys making money the easiest way he knows how, so he always needs to stay alert and be on guard, even in the comfort of your own bedroom while his head is buried between you legs.

He’s very intentional and to the point, he wants you to start crying out his name with ragged screams RIGHT NOW😭This man has no general idea of how to initiate anything sexual so he just scoops you up, throwing you over his shoulder wherever you are. He places you down anywhere comfortable enough for you lay down, and he’s immediately pushing your thighs up and spreading your legs. He also ALWAYS just moves your panties to the side because he doesn’t have time to get all romantic with you, but he also really wants to make you feel good🥺 he really tries his best to make you feel good, if only it didn’t have to be so spontaneous and intense all the time

The pad of his thumb is already rubbing your clit in circles. Now you know he’s insanely good at this, so the minute he throws you over his shoulder, your pussy is already growing moist with every passing second. He’s not a fan of dirty talk but sometimes he’ll comment on how you’re already creamed up at this point. If only he understood his own power😭😭

With his focus on your beautiful face, he spits right onto your clit and you can’t help but moan at the sensation of the cold spit landing on clit, but he’s massaging your clit again with his thumb, his free hand working in ripping your top in half so he can free your titties. Kakuzu gets so horny when you let him play with you, because it’s not like he can just do this whenever he wants. Biting your lip to stifle a moan at the contact of his open palm kneading your boob would work if the speed of his thumb in your clit didn’t increase, and you’re moaning loudly now, his focused facial expression relaxing with a smirk pulling at his lips before he buries his head between your thighs, tongue fucking you to an orgasm, and you’re already throwing your head back, overwhelmed with Kazuzu’s intensity and aggressiveness as he licks and sucks on your clit, your screams like a beautiful play that he gets to orchestrate, knowing what to do to get what kind of reaction.

Your orgasm are always so long and intense because he’s constantly stimulating something. If he’s sucking your soul out of your clit he’s also tongue fucking you, his fingers helping out to stimulate your gspot while he’s free hand keeps you spread just enough to lick every inch of you. HE LOVES EATING YOUR WHOLE ASS OUT OKAY. He’s so strong it’s left you with a little bit of an obsession towards his touch. He lifts your ass up easily enough with how he pushes your thighs open and by the time he’s getting around to lapping the crack of your ass and circling your anus you’re a complete mess. You’re squirting, screaming and shaking but it’s barely been three minutes…he has the time to go a little longer. 5 minutes, maybe 6 since he’s feeling extra relaxed at this point.

Sasori

He’s so sick and evil please😭😭 why does getting your pussy ate out have to be so intense and overwhelming. And you might need to endure a little bit of pain to experience those orgasms that make you feel like you’re turning into another creature. He loves to study you and your body, how certain things will drive you crazy and how other things you can handle better.

Sasori is surprisingly a loyal pleaser, he always strives to send you over the moon and he now understands that the more pleasure you experience the easier it is for you to handle penetration. He loves penetrating you while eating you out, yes with his fingers and they feel so good you can literally envision the way he makes you feel, but he also gets a kick out of seeing the toys he meticulously designed fit inside of you, one inside your anus and one inside your vagina. The one inside your vagina just vibrates, starting from a low buzz and gradually growing more intense, that you’ll eventually have orgasms that could last the whole session, while the you that goes inside your vagina is the one he plays around with, fucking you with it while he devours your clit. Sometimes he will pull the toy inside your vagina out to replace it with his own tongue and slurp up the mess you’re making. 😭🙈

Hidan

Hidan loves spanking yes, but not he’s not about your ass. When you’re enjoying an intense orgasm, crying, or fussing enough to annoy him, especially while he’s in the zone, spreading your lips apart to directly stimulate your exposed bean, but gentle licks is enough to send you into spasms. When it gets difficult to keep you in one position, he straightens up and smacks your titties, loves to slap both of them, until your promise him you’ll sit still. You know the drill.

But the reality is you’re not going to be able to stay in one position with how he’s not giving your a break, constantly licking your vulva, unintentionally stimulating your g spot every time his tongue slips inside of you, taking his sweet time, his eyes shut to really taste you. So he opens his eyes and frowns, sitting upright to start smacking your breasts again.

He makes you cry when he does this because it’s really not fair, and damn you because your years will tug at his heart enough to convince him you deserve a break. He’s actually kinda sweet though, because when you begin to really cry and beg him to wait, he will find something else to do until you’re ready for round two, massaging your boob in one hand while he’s warm mouth is suckling the other, and your beautiful skin is always covered in dark patches from the millions of of hickies he leaves all over you, especially your chest and neck area when he’s giving you a break.

In between kisses he checks on you. “Hey”, he whispers as to not startle you, your eyes fluttering as they open up to see him. You should answer him when he’s done planting soft kisses against your softer lips. “hey”, you respond in the softest voice, he immediately has the urge to wrap his arms around you, squeezing you tight. “Intense right.. babyy, are you okay?”, he whispers in your ear. “Yes I’m okay, thank you”. “May I continue?”, he asks placing a kiss against your temple, already leaving a trail of kiss as he repositions himself between your legs.

This time around he’s a little meaner, praising you for constantly squirting on him while he’s devouring you, your orgasms so intense it doesn’t take too long for you to start throwing another tantrum. He’s so good at handling you🥺

Itachi

Itachi🥺 he loves talking to you during foreplay. He’s also constantly flirting with you, that probably explains why you’re always horny. He knows what he’s doing because Itachi LOVES pleasuring you with his mouth. Whether it’s verbally or physically, he never fails to make you feel so so good.

Itachi will eat you until a whiny mess and he talks you through all of it. “Tachi!’ I can’t take it uhhhh!!!!”, you whine, Itachi not stopping the stroke of his tongue against your clit until you have this orgasm. He doesn’t like ruining your orgasms, so he’s rather just make you nut and give you a break after, no matter how intense the orgasm is. You’re going to have it until you calm yourself. “There you go sweet girl”, he pants, mesmerized by the way you’re squirting and the noises you’re making, screaming while he’s literally just watching you cum. “Baby”, he smiles, “I love watching my pretty girl squirt like this. Thank you baby”. “I- o-okay—“, you try and speak but that orgasm was rather overwhelming.

Your inability to get yourself together always amuses him, he loves doing this to you. “My pretty girl”, he says, leaning forward to finally kiss you, his fingers slowly separating your folds, the pad of his middle finger rubbing your clit in left to right strokes, the speed increasing, quickly leaving you unable to kiss him in return. He smiles again, amused. Your clit is so sensitive and you’re so sweet and responsive, the demon inside of him wants to come out and play. Now even though you’re screaming from such simple actions, he still wants to see you have another orgasm, despite the intensity.

But he’s loving and sweet with how he handles the situation you don’t realize he’s the reason why you find yourself able to make it to orgasm number 4 in just one round😫

Kisame

Like Kakuzu, Kisame is also really tall and bulky, and uses that to his advantage whenever he can, even when he’s trying to pleasure his precious lover😞

He loves him some foreplay and loves using his fingers before he finishes you off with his mouth. He loves you between his thighs with you back resting against his chest, and with his free hand leading your boobs, his other hand is rapidly flicking at your clitoris, bringing you to multiple orgasms while you squirm and convulsive between his legs, yet he easily holds you snug against him. He might even place his own legs over yours and bring you to another orgasm. You’re guaranteed to squirt when he bullies you like this. Sometimes he would make you sit on his dick while he does this to your poor clit, but let’s get into that some other time…

He loves for you to sit on his face, sit on his face and ride him. Don’t stop though because that might aggravate him😭 and slowly make him feel like he has to be a little more aggressive. “Cmon baby, what’s the matter?”, he frowns, smacking your ass hard before sitting you right back on his mouth, the grip of his hands on your hips is so strong you don’t even try and escape, succumbing to your fate of back breaking orgasms. Tomorrow your back will certainly remind you of this moment right here with how often you arch. But you’re grateful for your morning yoga sessions because those help a lot with any body aches you might have, unless Kisame walks in on you in that downward dog position, then he suddenly wants to do some yoga with you. You both know why he’s really here and it’s going to end with his head between your thighs.

But if it’s not for face riding please let him eat you out on all fours. Lawd he’s so aggressive and might make you wanna tap out from the overstimulation. And in this position you’re so exposed, he buries his face nose between your ass cheeks, might enjoy sniffing your anus while he’s devouring you, his tongue lapping at your clit while he shakes his head, making all kinds of grunt and groaning sounds to show you how much he’s enjoying this. And while you’re pushing his head band begging him to stop he makes more sounds while casually smacking your hands out the way.

He can and will tongue fuck you to tears carefully observing your face while he shoves it inside of you with force, making you crumble and cum right then and there.

[jellyfishoof]

Random Headcanons of Akatsuki on whether I think they're a drinker or a smoker

𝔓𝔞𝔦𝔫 ~ smoker (mainly)

I would assume that he would be the type to smoke. Now as to what exactly, I see him as the type to hit a bong, maybe even a hookah….maybe tho. I could also see him as someone who drinks, but would only drink a bottle and nothing more than that.

𝔎𝔬𝔫𝔞𝔫 ~ drinker

I see her as the type to mainly intake alcohol. Soft drinks, cocktails, and wine are all alcohol beverages that she would drink. If she wants to be a bit more moderate with her intake of alcohol, she’ll drink a mojito or piña colada. However, when she wants to wash down her stress she’ll gulp down a bottle of Château Lafite Rothschil.

𝔒𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔬 ~ heavy drinker

Alright, I'm sure we all know why :(

Its mainly because of Rin. He fr can't get over her loss. I meannn its the whole reason why some some unfortunate events take place. So to no ones surprise, he would drink to the point of blacking out. Any type of drink will do. Anything that will get him drunk enough to forget a bit about the pain of losing her.

ℑ𝔱𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔦 ~ drinker

I see him as the type to drink sake. And only drinking the finest sake at that. Trying to keep things traditional and shit like that. I guess its the Uchiha in him wanting to maintain tradition by indulging in his culture.

𝔎𝔦𝔰𝔞𝔪𝔢 ~ drinker (sometimes)

He drinks sometimes not often. I feel like he complains about how the alcohol dries up his mouth a lot, so he won't drink as often. He’ll probably only drink when offered. Otherwise, he would prefer water over anything.

𝔎𝔞𝔨𝔲𝔷𝔲 - a little bit of both

Dealing with Hidan all the time, I can see him smoking a blunt and trying to get high enough that he can drown out Hidan’s constant bickering. Same with drinking, he would drink a lot but not to the point of passing out drunk. He still gotta focus on chasing that bag, but wants to do it without dealing with Hidan’s moaning and bitching.

ℌ𝔦𝔡𝔞𝔫 ~ definitely both

Hardcore drinker and smoker. Will for sure drink vodka on a mundane Wednesday afternoon. Does not care when, what or where; he just needs something to stimulate him. And when drinking or smoking isn't enough he’ll resort to cocaine and other measures to be at that right state of mind.

𝔇𝔢𝔦𝔡𝔞𝔯𝔞 ~ both

Being young and all I see him trying to experiment with drugs, though not as hardcore like Hidan. He would stick with smoking and drinking, but would most likely be excessive with it. He for sure would be a pothead and will have a smoking sesh with Pain. I see him as the type to also make his own drinks by mixing random shit.

𝔖𝔞𝔰𝔬𝔯𝔦 ~ neither

He's basically a puppet. And I think its been said that he doesn't eat or drink either for that same reason. Though, if he wasn't a puppet, I would say that he'd be a casual drinker like Konan, possibly even like Kisame in that he'd only drink when offered.

[ladykissingfish]

(Blank) The Type Of Person …

Konan the type of person to sleepwalk to the kitchen at midnight, eat all the leftover pizza, put the empty box back in the fridge, wake up the next day forgetting what she did, and go around interrogating/threatening to kill everyone because dammit she was planning on eating that for breakfast!

Hidan the type of person to not shower for weeks at a time because he believes that drenching himself in cologne works the same.

Sasori the type of person to say he’s only going to read ONE chapter of his book this evening, end up reading the entire thing in one sitting, absolutely hate the ending and spend the rest of the next day writing a fanfic about it to “correct the mistakes”.

Kakuzu the type of person to insist that his birthday is “just another day” and “not a big deal” then be really, really hurt if everyone doesn’t make it a big deal.

Konan the type of person to seem very gentle and delicate at home, but when she goes to the gym she’s an absolute heavy-lifting beast.

Itachi the type of person to pour himself a bowl of Raisin Bran for the fiber then sit and pick out raisins until the bowl contains an even number of them.

Kakuzu the type of person that absolutely does not trust banks and keeps all of his money either under the bed or in his pillowcase, and everyone KNOWS this but nobody ever tries to rob him because they know this man counts his cash at least five times a day and will literally stab you if he thinks you took even a few cents from him.

“Tobi” the type of person to “confess” to everyone in the Akatsuki as to who he really is, but separately and secretly, so that each person believes that they’re the only one who knows the truth.

Obito the type of person to spend forever picking out little thoughtful gifts for his friends, then never give the presents to them because he thinks they’re not good enough.

Itachi the type of person that spends the first ten minutes in the shower just standing and staring blankly at the wall.

Deidara the type of person to speak vigorously and viciously about someone he doesn’t like, but then all that person has to do is give one teeny tiny positive compliment about Dei’s art and he does a complete 360 opinion change on them.

Kisame the type of person that watches himself work out, shirtless, in the mirror.

The type to wash the dishes right away: Konan, Itachi, Sasori, Kisame

The type to let the dishes sit in the sink until they’re “reminded” to do them: Hidan, Deidara,

The type to purposely do the dishes so badly that the others just do them before they do: Tobi

The type who make someone else do the dishes by threat of violence: Kakuzu, Nagato

The type to never use dishes, period: Zetsu

Deidara the type of person to start some kind of new diet every week. One week it’s cutting out added sugar, the next it’s going for a high protein intake, the next it’s intermittent fasting, etc. The routines usually last about 3 days before Dei gives them up in pursuit of something better.

Nagato the type of person to keep holding on to an old phone simply because the newer ones have gotten rid of the headphone jack and he despises wireless buds. Says it’s for aesthetic reasons but it’s really because he doesn’t get how wireless and Bluetooth works and feels too embarrassed to ask anyone to explain it to him.

Itachi the type of person that'll start going gray in his late teens and feverishly dye his hair at least once a week to hide this from the others.

Zetsu the type of person to be anal about buying “all organic” products at the grocery store and judge the others when they don’t. Conveniently ignores that organic products cost more money and most of the others don’t have the financial resources that he does.

The type to carry the groceries in, in multiple trips: Konan, Itachi, Zetsu

The type to attempt to carry all of the groceries in at once no matter how bulky or heavy: Deidara, HIDAN, Kisame, Tobi

The type to (threaten) someone else to carry in the groceries: Nagato, Sasori

The type to offer to pay someone else to bring in the groceries (but never does): Kakuzu

Kisame the type of person to constantly downplay his talents or abilities, while secretly being the most badass person to ever do anything, ever. Makes a fantastic poker player.

[thottyimagines]

Heyy, i really love ur akatsuki headcanons, like every one of them is so believable lmaoo.

Could u do akatsuki headcanons where their s/o asks them to hold their peepee while they pee? I swear there was one exact ask on tumblr but it cant find it

Thanks and i hope its not a weird question but they r weirdos anyways so

Thank you!

I've gotten a variation of this ask several times which is telling me the people (or just one tenacious anon) really want to know, so...god, here goes nothing:

Pein is...weirdly complicated, given the real body in the basement/paths for his bidding situation, but I'd say the only way he'd allow it is if it's absolutely necessary because his actual bod is too weak to even help himself. I imagine he just diapers the poor thing and gives Konan the honor of cleaning him up, though, so he doesn't really need an s/o to aid in that venture.

Konan, should she have one for her s/o to hold, would be kind of confused by the request, but not put off. I don't think she'd really get it, but sure, knock yourself out, s/o.

Itachi would get flustered and embarrassed, should his s/o ask to do the holding for him. He'd reassure them that he is more than capable of performing his own bathroom duties, from ablutions to urination, and their concern is...well, kind, if unwarranted. He'd probably wonder if his s/o is noticing his deteriorating eyesight and then frets that he can no longer aim, and everyone has felt too awkward to tell him. He starts using the bathroom with his Sharingan always on and the door locked tight so he can make sure he cleans up properly.

Kisame would probably be amused and go for it. He'd somehow find a way to be flirtatious and horny about it, but hey, his s/o was the one to be a freak and ask in the first place so as far as he's concerned it's all fair game.

Hidan would only accept if he could be flirtatious and horny about it. He'd probably just assume his s/o developed a piss kink or something, I'll be real with you.

Kakuzu initially shuts that down with a firm "no." If his s/o is persistent, he'd relent, but he'd be annoyed and brusque about it. If their finger gets caught in the zipper when he's done, well, that'll show them to stop impeding his business.

Deidara gets very embarrassed and flustered, like Itachi, but in a weirdly flattered, excited way. He's young and horny and will gleefully embrace any opportunity to have someone touching his dick, even for something as mundane as him peeing.

Sasori probably didn't give his puppet twink bod any genitalia, as he needs to neither pee nor fuck in this form. He'd be sure to let his s/o know that.

Tobi would get embarrassed and deflect and probably accuse his s/o of being a pervert (fair), but forgive them because they're just too cute. They're still not giving the assist, though. He's self-conscious about how it looks soft.

Zetsu also doesn't seem to have the anatomy required for this scenario, given he's running around in the buff all day long and no one has ever commented about his bits hanging out and about.

[naruto-imagines-and-headcanons]

Naruto Love Languages (Akatsuki)

Pein/Nagato - Physical Touch

Nagato struggles with his public image and personal image. When he is around others he is a god, a highly power who will bring peace. He is held to such a high standard and that comes with a lot of pressure. Inside he feels like just another person, but knows he has to keep up the persona to execute his plan. When you join him in public he boosts you up as his equal, an equal god to rule with him. But when you two get away from others and back into solitude, Nagato just collapses into your arms and wants to stay there all day. Sure he was tons of paperwork to do, but god dammit have you see the state his body is in? He deserves ONE day off. Loves it when you let him lay down on your lap and you play with his hair. While he is definitely more touchy in private, you do notice that in public he will quietly snake his hand into yours and not let go the whole meeting

Konan - Gift Giving

Konan is stoic but very sweet. She's been hurt quite a bit and is afraid to reach out again. Even when dating you for awhile she occasionally catches herself getting comfortable and retreats a bit. You know she means well and understand her struggles, but it does get sad sometimes. Something that doesn't go away though is her gifts to you. Konan loves to make origami for you, and larger paper creations as well. Your favorite animals, your favorite anime characters, she even makes statues of you two together. Seeing your smile when you recieve these makes her heart soar. Giving you gifts is her one way to confidently express her love, and will bring out the most genuine smiles she ever gives

Itachi Uchiha - Acts of Service

Itachi has some issues showing his emotions more directly. He's a man of few words. But what he doesn't say in words he says in actions. He adores taking care of you. He misses taking care of a younger sibling, or just family in general, it makes him feel important. So caring for you feels just as good, even better since you guys get to kiss and cuddle and stuff. Itachi will always be cooking meals for you and picking up around the house. If you ever get sick this man will be at your side the whole time, I'm talking fresh soup and blankets. Sure he may be a full time Akatsuki member, but with you he's like a housewife. And he wouldn't have it any other way!

Kisame Hoshigaki - Quality Time

Kisame is the definition of loyalty. He is already loyal to his friends and teammates, but to you he is unwavering. He'll never lie to you, sell you out, cheat on you, nothing. You're the only one for him. You're so special and are so interesting to him. Spending time with you is bliss for him, even when you just sit around and casually chat. Kisame could listen to your voice and stare at your beautiful face for hours on end. You'll often find him just staring at you smiling sweetly (much to your embarrassment). He'll back off if you tell him to, but will be back at it the next day

Sasori - Quality Time

Sasori values eternity over everything, that's why he turned himself into a puppet. The passage of time won't affect him, and he doesn't want it to affect your relationship either. He's not big on talking or touching, it's more just existing with you that makes him happy. Whenever he works on his puppets he likes to have you in his studio doing your own thing (with the occasional small talk if you catch him on a good day). Sasori thinks in the long term as well, not worrying if you guys just spend a day doing nothing. You have years and years ahead of you, you can spend a day just doing nothing and relaxing. Just be aware he will consistantly try to convince you to become a puppet so you guys can really live for eternity forever

Deidara - Gift Giving

When you and Deidara started dating, he definitely was showing off awkwardly. I'm talking bragging about his achievements, hyping up his fighting skills, stuff like that. He's lucky he's cute cause he could kinda be insufferable lol. But once he got comfortable around you he mellowed out a lot. More genuine conversations, wider range of emotions and vulnerability, and more confident touches as well. Now he can hold your hand without freaking out. Deidara adores giving you gifts most of all though. His art is obviously the best, and you're the best, so you are worthy of it! His gifts range from tiny little birds that tweet your favorite song before poofing into smoke, or a whole giant dragon doing a show and exploding into colorful fireworks. All of Deidara's creations have tons of time and effort put into them to make sure they are the highest quality for you. Everytime there is a new surprise in his clay, and you look forward to it every day

Hidan - Physical Touch

...Are you surprised? Come on let's be real here. Hidan appreciates the more sinful things in life, and that includes your body. He's kind of a douchebag and you each piss each other off alot, but he DOES care for you. He wouldn't want any other partner, you're his favorite little shit and he couldn't dream of losing you. Not to mention this man worships your body. Everything about you is just perfectly carved by Jashin just for him. Pretty much anything you do will turn him on, you're just that sexy to him. Hidan has no shame and will actively start making out and feeling you up in public. Why should he have to wait to get home to ravish you, you look so good right here right now! And he isn't ashamed to show the world how much he loves you, fuck them all. If you manage to hold him off till you get home, the moment you walk in the door he is throwing you over his shoulder and parading to the bedroom

Kakuzu - Quality Time

Kakuzu isn't the most... romantic person in the world. He's a bit difficult to deal with, even in a relationship. Sometimes you wonder why you fell for this guy in the first place. But then he'll ask you to stay with him while he counts money and talk. The whole time he is attentive and engaged, surprising you with his sincerity. He likes to have you around him a lot and will sometimes drag you into the same room as him with no words. Just sit next to him and he's satisfied. Kakuzu is also protective of you more than anyone in his life. Most people he gives no shits about, just ask his previous teammates. But you don't annoy him as much and he found himself genuinely caring for you. So in return he will kill anyone who dares to threaten or hurt you. News flash though, you will always play second fiddle to money

Tobi/Obito - Words of Affirmation

Either persona he chooses uses words to show his affection, just in drastically different ways. As Tobi, he is waaaaaaay more open and extravagent about it. He is gushing about you all the time in front of everyone, constantly bragging about you during meetings, he will not shut the fuck up. The world will KNOW how cool and funny and hot you are. But when he is back to regular Obito, he definitely calms down. He is still very affectionate and vocal, but in a more private way. He saves this sincerity for alone time and very rare outings. These times he feels open to be vulnerable with you and enjoys telling you all the things he holds inside. So no matter what side of Obito you have, you are gonna be treated like a national treasure (Oh but uh, another problem with Tobi is that uh... nothing you guys do will be private. Everything is gonna be broadcasted to the rest of the Akatsuki, so get used to the group knowing what color panties you were wearing)

----------

Konoha 12 + Sand Siblings | Shinobi & Founders | Akatsuki

[watermelonsloth]

Ranking the Akatsuki Based on How Well Liked They Are in the Organization

1 Kisame Hoshigaki - He’s surprisingly friendly for a former Blood Mist Village friend killer. He's honest, even if he follows strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” and “need to know basis” rules, and he seems be both loyal to the organization and it’s members. He’s agreeable, a good listener, and easy to get along with.

2 Konan - She doesn’t interact with the Akatsuki’s members very often, especially outside of missions. Some members regard her as boring, but she’s respectful enough, not antagonistic, and will go out of her way for the members if it benefits the organization. It’s a low bar for normal people, but the Akatsuki aren’t normal.

3 Pein - He’s respected for his strength, drive, and ability to pull something like the Akatsuki off in the first place. The members have an ongoing debate of whether his attempting his goals is courage or arrogance. He has a bad habit of going on philosophical tangents. Sometimes he says things during meetings and no one can tell if he’s teasing them or… Like Konan, no one knows much about him outside of that because he rarely interacts with them.

4 Itachi Uchiha - He usually keeps to himself but occasionally gets really nosy. He thinks he’s subtle. He isn’t. He doesn’t act like someone who would kill their clan and he refuses to talk to anyone about it. He’s sick and he’s tired all of the time, no one has agreed on what he’s like outside of that. Since he’s so unreadable, many members don’t know whether or not he’s trustworthy. Average brought down by Deidara.

5 Zetsu - Everyone is uncomfortable with how he insists on keeping tabs on them. Outside of that, opinions are mixed. Black Zetsu is rude but he makes sure everyone gets their work done on schedule. White Zetsu is an idiot but is the closest thing to good company after Kisame. Hidan and Kisame gave them the nicknames Dokuzetsu and Jozetsu and they just kind of stuck. Everyone has chosen to ignore the cannibalism. Pein and Konan don’t seem concerned, so he’s probably safe, right?

6 Kakuzu - He’s aggressive and short tempered, but he won’t bother anyone unless they’re late on work or go over budget, for the most part. He’s so stingy that most of the Akatsuki prefer paying out of pocket over fighting him about “unnecessary mission expenses” like food or shelter. Most members just ignore him and he ignores them right back.

7 Deidara - He’s good at his job, so everyone understands why he’s there, but he’s also regarded as loud, overconfident, dramatic, short-tempered, only interested in art, and immature. Him being the youngest member of the Akatsuki, even if it is only by three years, doesn’t help the immature allegations. Most members were over him by week 2.

8 Sasori - He’s critical and condescending. He is ready and willing to attack anyone who makes him wait. He is unapologetically nosy and doesn’t even try to hide it like Itachi. If you don’t tell him what he wants to know, he’ll just gather intel on you behind your back. If it weren’t for the skill and knowledge he’s accrued, no one would like him.

9 Hidan - He’s loud, vulgar, and will take any chance to preach about his religion. He has been kicked out of meetings on more than one occasion. If he gets too bored, on missions or not, he will start picking fights. He complains all of the time, even about things he doesn’t actually care about. He’s made it abundantly clear that not only is he neither loyal to the organization nor its members, he’s expressed that he hates both.

[fireflylitsky]

Okay, Akatsuki cooking Headcanons, are they good in the kitchen??? Itachi- What he’s learned to cook, he does so very well, but only knows a few simple recipes his mother taught him. He's a perfectionist and would rather master the egg flip than have an arsenal of ‘okay’ meals under his belt. 

Kisame- An absolute grill master. If you want rare, you get rare. Medium rare? No problem. All he needs to do is poke it with a finger and he knows just when to pull it off the grill. Ask him for well done and he’ll shame you the entire time it takes to cook, but yeah, he can do that too. He knows fancy spatula/tong flipping tricks and will show off even if no one’s looking. Hidan got him an apron that says “Fuck the cook” and Kisame wears it every chance he gets, and if he’s drunk enough, with nothing underneath.

Sasori- Food is for the weak.

Deidara- He definitely thinks he’s a good cook. The others refuse to eat his creations on the assertion that if he has mouths on his hands, it’s unsanitary, but really he just goes crazy with spices and hot sauce.

Hidan- Is Hidan good in the kitchen? Of course he is. The counter is the perfect height. When it comes to cooking though, he’s impatient and always cranks the heat, then whines when it tastes burnt. That doesn’t stop him from eating it, and it definitely doesn’t stop him from burning it next time either.

Kakuzu- No one has any clue if Kakuzu is a good cook because he won’t do it for anyone but himself. He buys the food he wants in the exact quantities required. None is ever wasted. He is a meal prep king and reserves a spot in the fridge for all his perfectly portioned leftovers. Anyone to touch them dies.

Konan- She knows the basics, but she’s a woman with a lot of shit to deal with, so she turns to instant ramen a lot. Whenever one of the guys teases her for not being a better cook, because apparently that’s expected of her, she will make them something purposefully disgusting and forces them to finish it. No one really says anything disparaging about her cooking anymore.

Nagato- Lol just no. The man knows nothing of cooking, but Konan ensures he eats.

Pein- As a corpse being piloted by an unhinged trauma-ridden friend, no. No, he is not much of a cook.

Zetsu- Doesn’t believe in cooking. 

Tobi/Obito- Tobi would not be a good cook. Obito knows this and loses a piece of his soul every time he has to purposely fuck up a meal just to stay in character, because Obito is actually quite a good cook. The man just wants to make beautiful, braised meats and savory soups and instead he’s stuck pretending to not know the difference between soy sauce and maple syrup. He pretends to enjoy sugar-filled, rainbow colored treats because that is what Tobi would like.

Orochimaru- This motherfucker is so extra. His cooking is gourmet. He fully intends on enjoying his immortal life and that means each meal should be a treat. Of course he gets busy and doesn’t always have time, in which case he opts for something quick and efficient—he has a whole ass recipe book for smoothies alone with all his favorites dog-eared and he tells Kabuto they taste better when he makes them.

(Thanks to @mooshi-png for the Kisame in that fucking apron hc lmao, it lives in my head permamently)

[immoralimmortals]

Akatsuki Member Songs and Headcanons Part 2

I told you I could do this post over again with new songs! Some of the associations are more based on headcanon than others. The songs are linked in the headers. Hope you enjoy!

Hidan: BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA by Will Wood

This song...is definitely about someone who cannot die. Whats more: it is also definitely someone who has a strange relationship with pain and suffering. Hidan in canon so very clearly dislikes being in pain if he is not in his ritual form. Simultaneously, he says he'd love if someone managed to kill him. (I know he may be sarcastic but imagine the possibilities if he's not!) He's a gratuitous man of contradictions and confidence, and I think this song carries it well. Throughout are mentioned symbols of health and longevity in grotesque situations. You KNOW this man's body is fucked up, both by his hand and others. I want to cut him open and study him like an anatomical doll. The whole "interview" in the middle is me eventually grabbing him by the collar and going what the hell is fucking wrong with you! How can a severed head breathe and talk!

I've also heard that WW wrote this as a test to himself to get as many words in a normal length song as possible. It suits how much Hidan fucking talks. I also think it's a nice nod to the fact that he quite obviously introspects and thinks *a lot* despite being portrayed as headstrong and stupid.

Notable lyrics:

And through flight-or-fight revelation shame the Black Box Warrior He skipped this town and headed straight down history

His ego a mosquito, evil incarnate good incognito

For what? For what? For what it's worth If it was going to kill you boy, it would have by now For what? For what? For what it's worth There's no more looking back, it's looking up or looking down

He wondered if Christ Consciousness would charge a cancellation fee Auf wiedersehn, au revoir, he gripped his wits right by their ends

A bloody knife to split your infrastructure, wine to rev your motor function Coital machinations of the dead Well, you mainline your animus, karate chop your abacus And learn to be an animal instead

You've lost your mind and almost lost your life before So you'll be fine

Sasori: Thumbnail by Louie Zong and Brian David Gilbert

Something I've mulled over a long time is how the contradiction of how a man who prefers things to be long-lasting can also be so impatient. My interpretation so far is that this implies some level of anxiety; he wants things to last if they are comfortable for him to exist. That's why he doesn't mind his fight with Kankuro taking longer, despite just bashing Deidara for playing around. I think l, in perhaps the kindest way I can, that he is both shallow and more sensitive than he'll ever admit.

This is a song about wanting interactions condensed. If you tell me something bad, get it over with. But also, I don't know how to give you more than what I have. He's insecure about what he emotionally brings to the table, im sure. I figure that's a big reason he's destroying his humanity down to the core.

Notable lyrics:

Keep it quick, say it brief If it's fast, it will be a relief Short on time, that's a gift Count your seconds, and they'll catch the drift

Don't like what's revealed here When your depth of field's near, it's hard to come close Chip stones from the boulder Suddenly, my vulnerability shows Oh, you can crop and trim, 'till all that's left Is the essence of a presence that is feeling bereft Avant-garde, just the gist of a tale That is less of an image, and more of a thumbnail

How novel is a novel that can fit on one sheet It seems that I'm destined to fail To compress myself to the size of a thumbnail

Itachi: Blood on My Name by The Brothers Bright

Need I say more? Lots of individual lines that match up with his circumstances, especially his imminent death and the bodies he unfortunately racked up. And...of course...the Uchiha name is bloody as hell. His fate is inevitable, it is in stone and he is dragging his corpse to the finish line.

Notable lyrics:

When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell comin' after you I've got blood And I've got blood on my name

When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you

Can't you see I'm sorry? I will make it worth your while Made of dead man's money You can see it in my smile Oh, Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh, Lazarus, were you so afraid?

It won't be long, 'til I'm dead and gone Watch the fires rise, burn through my skin Down to the bone, scorchin' my soul

Konan: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As tragic as life is, Konan is defined by her hope. This song references how others have come around time after time to help her see the light. This is a song that gets me emotional. It is slow, lingering, and forces you to drink it all in, every star and sorrow alike.

Notable lyrics: its literally the whole song so here's one verse

You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath You explained the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

Deidara: Boss by The Correspondents

This man HATES his fucking job! He was just out there, vibing, and was forced to be an Akatsuki and remains more or less to exact revenge on an idea (that the Sharingan is perfect art). Petty bitch! But he kind of has a point, at least with the being forced to be Akatsuki part.

Notable lyrics:

I would love for this to not be an issue I would love to just laugh in your face But I'm finding it hard to dismiss you When you're the one running the place

We didn't ask for you to lead us We didn't want you to be boss You have done nothing but deceive us And it exacerbates our goals

Kakuzu: Six Feet by Patent Pending

This song is nearly perfect for my headcanons about him. The world is harsh, you must do as you must. He takes no joy in it. His ability to understand you or not does not affect your situation or relationship as shibobi. It is going to be what it is regardless. We are going to work until we die.

Notable lyrics:

When you hear that whistle blow, only the weakest go home Like their pain don't put food on their plate

You're keeping up, I see Well, it's a big world and it's only getting bigger And if you wanna be the best then you've gotta beat the best

Ain't nobody coming when you make the call 'Cause every man gunnin' for the first to fall Fill that bucket 'til the well runs dry It's left, right, left, 'til the day you die

Zetsu: Stalker's Tango by Autoheart

GREAT song if you want one for a ship with him. Describes over the course of its verses the increasing invasiveness and intensity of a stalker's relationship with the listener. References to being able to appear anywhere AND shape-shifting? Bonus! Also has a very calm yet arrogant, self assured air about the singer. I think it's great for him. I can imagine myself tied up in a chair while he explains himself to me with this song.

Notable lyrics:

I know, I know, I know this situation's strange It takes a little getting, a little getting used to

I know, I know, I know I'm always in your place But don't you see, my dear? I am your Doppelgänger I have your face

It's not that complicated, no matter what they say You'll never meet another me It's not that difficult to get your head around You'll never meet another me You'll never-never-never-ever-ever meet another me

Pain: Godhunter by Aviators

Hunting tailed beasts while claiming to be a god himself? A song where perhaps the godhunter becomes so powerful shes a God to be hunted???? YES!

...okay that last bit is largely my own very indulgent interpretation of this song. But I LOVE how it would suit him, being both the god and the godhunter in the plot of the story.

Notable lyrics: its literally the whole thing. Here's some cherry picked lines.

When you're holding on to majesty You'd fear the hunt, a travesty That balance may return

If you're something more than flesh, ascended And you've taken on the rest To end it then she'll find you in a dream, tormented Godhunter's gonna hunt you down

Tobi/Obito: The End of the Rope by They Might Be Giants

Who doesn't love a good villain song? You could almost think it's from a musical, how dramatic and explanatory it is. Very good representation of the heel turns this man makes to the protagonists throughout his character arc.

Notable lyrics: its the whole song. Here's the first verse.

How thoughtless of me How dumb can you be? Hopeless, wasn't that What you called me? And in fact It was even more true than you knew

Kisame: Delirium Tremendous by Felix Hagan & the Family

Kisame's a bit of what the kids would call, uh…blackpilled? He enjoys himself, yeah definitely, but he also knows he's a special kind of traitor, the lowest of the low. In my book, that makes him a little less low than some other villains in the series, but he would not agree.

To me, this song is a couple things. Most obviously, delirium tremens after drinking. Next overtly, it's about not being able to fit in. More specifically, it's about not being able to fit in among misfits who are defined by their abnormality, their abhorrent nature to regular society. He is a very alienated man, he wants the good, but he has accepted he is not and that the world as it is will never be that way unless someone else (Tobi/Madara, in his view) takes it by the reigns and changes everything about how it works. He yearns for something he does not feel he has earned or deserves. It captures a lot of vibes and emotions I associate with Kisame all at once: lonliness, sensation, aggressiveness, fighting, longing. AND it's a fucking bop!

Notable lyrics:

What would make you get so battered That your bones betray you, start to shatter And you can’t relate to all the happy little night-time boys and girls

Save breath, crave death Can’t be much worse And I'm sick, sigh, can’t abide This twitching track from wet to dry I’m too old to cry, too young to die Too rabid for the pack So I’ll spit, try to hold it in Search for a sign of life within And I’ll fake a grin, until my skin Is starting to crack

So just stay cool and break through this sick delirium state I got wasted, now I’m tasting the cruel justice of fate

[cosmic-glow]

A Beach Day with Akatsuki

Summary: how would each of the Akatsuki members be in the cliche anime beach episode.

Warnings: mentions of deaths and alcoholic beverages. SFW.

Characters: Pein; Konan; Tobi; Zetsu; Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Hidan and Kakuzu (from Naruto).

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Kisame

Kisame liked the idea from the beginning.

As soon as he gets to the beach he goes straight to the water.

Likes to surf.

And it's really good at it.

He doesn't wear sunscreen.

He spends practically all day in the water.

He just goes out to pull someone out to sea with him.

Or to buy some ice cream.

He randomly comes out of the water sometimes and brings a very nice shell or rock and gives it to someone.

He tries to pull Itachi out to sea with him just to provoke him.

Kisame would come out of the water in the afternoon to watch the sun go down.

While drinking something refreshing, like coconut water or a drink.

That man was so comfortable.

It upsets him to have to leave the beach.

The next day he is locked in his room, sunburnt.

He doesn't want to go out for  doesn't have to overhear Itachi saying "I told you" for refusing to apply sunscreen.

Still, he really liked his day at the beach and would do it all over again.

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Kakuzu

He didn't want to come.

Like, beach is just a warm place with salt water and sand, what's fun about that? That's what he thinks.

He is really in a bad mood.

He can't even cool off in the sea because he can't swim due to his stitched up body.

He tries to relax sitting in the shade of the parasol while reading a book.

But any noise bothers him.

And a beach with Deidara, Hidan and Tobi is sure to be noisy.

He eventually decides to walk to the edge of the sea away from the group while checking his bingo book.

Was that or kill those three.

In the end, when he is well away from the group he manages to enjoy the beach a little.

He sits near some palm trees.

The waves gently lap at him feet in a relaxing manner.

And finally the silence that he loves so much.

He would only reappear in the group in the evening, when started to cool down.

He is not sad that he has to leave.

And he would never admit that he enjoyed the quiet moments he spent alone.

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Tobi/Obito

Ever since he learned that him be going to the beach he has been extremely anxious.

He is wearing those bathing suits that cover the whole body, like surfers do.

But he doesn't surf.

Yes, he is wearing the mask even on the beach.

Doesn't stop at any moment.

He would go into the sea to jump the waves and end up falling as soon as they took their eyes off him.

Then he would get up as if nothing had happened.

He has been bothering Deidara since they arrived.

"Wow Deidara-senpai, I didn't know your abdomen was so defined" - would be just one of the comments he make to tease the blond.

Tobi is a good boy, so he put sunscreen on the parts that his suit doesn't cover.

Takes too much ice cream and ends up freezing his brain.

He would not want to leave the beach.

Would only do it when it was getting dark.

Definitely a happy child enjoying his day at the beach.

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Hidan

For Akatsuki to be able to go to a beach it would have to be isolated.

And well, I'm saying this because Hidan was responsible for offering Jashin anyone who showed up bothering.

He's a narcissist and made a point of getting a swimsuit that didn't cover too much and value his ass.

At first, he avoids getting into the water because he doesn't want to get his hair wet.

But when he enters the sea it's scary to see how he spends hours underwater since he can't die by drowning.

Enjoys bothering Kakuzu... as usual.

He purposely wets Deidara's hair.

Hidan wasn't worried about sunscreen.

After all, he's immortal, what difference does it make?

What no one knows is that he ended up going through the fear of losing the pale shade he likes so much.

He has who brought the alcohol.

He keeps drinking and bothering others with silly pranks.

Leave the beach at the end of the sunset already drunk.

He found the day at the beach fun.

After all he didn't have to work and spent all day drinking and making fun of the members, why would he complain?

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Zetsu

He likes sunbathe.

Obviously him don't wear sunscreen, because he don't need it.

Would avoid going into the sea because of the salt water.

White Zetsu wants to make a sand castle.

But doesn't work out too well because black Zetsu refuses.

He likes to drink a lot of water.

Zetsu purposely walks away from the group.

He likes to be alone and it is no surprise to anyone.

He finds the sound of the sea very relaxing.

White Zetsu wants to take the little shells he finds home.

Black Zetsu wants to eat the crabs he finds.

At some point he would end up sleeping.

Would only wake up when the sun started to set.

And then finally would return to the group to leave.

White Zetsu really enjoyed the day at the beach and think was relaxing.

Black Zetsu didn't think it was bad, but he wouldn't admit it and would say it was a waste of time.

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Deidara

“Finally a rest day” - that's what he thought, until he saw how Tobi can be even more irritating on the beach.

The beach is a very inspiring place for an artist.

So Deidara is trying not to waste all his explosive clay on Tobi.

He wants to tan, not burn, so he put on sunscreen.

Deidara knows and likes to surf.

And he's annoyed that Kisame is better than him at this.

He was avoiding going into the sea until Hidan wet his hair.

His bathing suit is the prettiest.

This boy has style.

He would retreat at some point to make sand castles without being seen.

Prefer to eat slushies.

Would want to compete with Itachi on something.

And would say he cheated when he lost and walk away from the group.

Collect shells <3

He tries to sunbathe, but Deidara is the kind of person who can't sit still.

So it's useless.

The sunset is art for him, after all it is temporary.

Appears out of nowhere in the group when they are leaving.

At the end of the day he's sulking.

Because the day at the beach was not what he expected.

… But he liked it.

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Itachi

To be honest, he doesn't really like the beach.

Like, he can't deny the place is beautiful, but what is he going to do here?

He ends up sitting in the shade of the parasol watching others have fun.

Most of the shells Kisame brings from the water are for him.

He obviously use  sunscreen.

And brought it, in case anyone forgot.

In fact, the bag with everything needed for a day at the beach is his.

He doesn't really like the idea of ​​going into the sea.

The most he'd do is get his feet wet because it's relaxing.

He's the one who bought Kisame's ice cream while he was getting out of the water.

He's not paying attention to Deidara's taunts.

And he made no effort to beat him.

He likes the sound of the sea.

Take the opportunity to rest for a while.

He ends up getting so relaxed and quiet you could swear he's sleeping sitting up.

Itachi finds the sunset a bit melancholy but beautiful.

Is eager to return to the group's hideout.

The next day he know that Kisame doesn't want to leave his room because he's sunburned.

He didn't think the day at the beach was all bad, but he would have preferred to go somewhere else.

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Pein

Honestly, he only accepted all this because of Konan.

Doesn't like warm places, so the beach is not his favorite place.

He came just to make sure that nothing bad would happened.

He refers to Hidan, Deidara and Tobi in the same place for more than 5 minutes.

And he doesn't want anyone to bother Konan either.

Konan who reminded him to wear sunscreen.

Pain likes to eat watermelon when he is at the beach, is refreshing.

He won't go into the sea, don't even try.

Doesn't like ice cream very much.

He doesn't really like sweets in general, they make him thirsty.

He notices when someone moves away.

Being honest, he is just waiting for the day to end.

He understands why they think sunsets are beautiful, him thought too when he saw how Konan admired the sky.

Pein makes sure that everyone is present as they come back.

Tobi tests his patience by refusing to return "so soon".

He understands that a rest is necessary... But for him it was just a wasted day.

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Konan

She was who gave the idea to go to the beach.

Konan likes to sunbathe, even though she's very pale.

Hoped that this day would be at least a little relaxing for Pain.

Konan would read a book in the shade while listening to the sound of the waves.

Likes to drink refreshing drinks, eat scratch cards, eat watermelon, etc.

She is enjoying the moment.

Would go into the sea to cool off a bit, but she would be quick.

Konan is very stylish, so her bikini makes her look radiant.

She really wants to play in the sand for a while.

But as we know she is shy, and ends up being embarrassed.

Didn't approve of the idea that Hidan could kill anyone who came along.

But her understand why Pein thinks it's necessary.

She loves the different shades that appear in the sky as the sun goes down.

Left the beach a little reluctantly.

She who manages to convince Tobi to leave.

Konan liked her day at the beach but wishes she had enjoyed it more.

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Sasori

He wonders why he had to come along.

Like, there's nothing for him to enjoy on the beach.

Not that he can't go into the sea, but he's a puppet, the job he'd take to get the water out of his body.

Not to mention that salt water can wear out his body.

Definitely out of the question.

The only problem is that all that sand and hot sun just reminds him more and more of his old village.

He doesn't have a problem with the heat at all, he actually likes it.

He would try to distract himself by looking for pretty rocks.

Kisame would notice and bring some for him.

He'd be so focused on this that he wouldn't realize he'd ended up walking away from the group.

He ended up getting wet when he picked up a rock too close to the sea and a wave came to meet him.

He returns to the group grumpy after that.

Sasori lies down waiting for the sun to dry him and ends up sleeping.

Hidan and Deidara bury him in the sand.

He hasn't seen the sunset and is just grumpy wanting to go back to hiding.

But he is taking the rocks he found with him.

He doesn't want to repeat the experience.

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Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[thebloodredraven]

What kinda insecurities do you think the Akatsuki struggle with?

Itachi

Itachi struggles with autism having such an unshakable one-track mind that he gets in his own way and makes things worse than what they could be if he were lenient in his methods of getting things done, and it haunts him. He's very frigid and unbending and he doesn't realize he could have done things a different way until well after he's done something dangerous, irresponsible, or insensitive. The worst part about it is the delayed guilt; he feels little to no remorse in the moment because he fully believes everything he does is justified and a means to an end. It's only when he sees the disastrous aftermath when he realizes he was wrong and starts to question everything he's ever done. I mean he didn't even see how much he fucked up with Sasuke until AFTER he died. He didn't see how much he was manipulated by others around him because he was too busy hyper-fixating on his own goals and his own wants/needs. He didn't see that there were other plausible ways of stopping the massacre because of his devotion to an imperialist state over his own family. His insecurity is knowing nothing he does will ever be good enough despite being the prodigy in everyone else's eyes. His insecurity is knowing he's wrong. His insecurity is knowing his weakness for his brother caused him to make horrible decisions and he's to blame. He's one of the smartest people in the entire show but he's definitely not the brightest and he knows that.

Kisame (bonus post for him)

Physically, Kisame has a very obvious insecurity surrounding how monstrous he looks. He takes pride in how fit and athletic his body is so him boasting about being as strong as the tailed beasts is to be expected. But he avoids mirrors. Every comment about his gills and abnormal facial features cuts him. His skin makes him stick out like a sore, oversized thumb. If he looks too long at himself, he's forced to acknowledge the fact that he heavily leans into his fighting abilities and overzealous bloodlust because it justifies the way he looks. He needs to be physically strong to make up for what he lacks in being a normal-looking person. People are going to be afraid of him anyway; may as well give them a reason.

Kakuzu

Kakuzu struggles with self-worth. He was known as being a formidable and undefeated shinobi in his youth. So ruthless and cut-throat that his village leaders deemed him worthy enough to take on the 1st Hokage. That defeat ruined his life and took away every bit of self-worth he had when he was further humiliated by the village elders. When he couldn't regain his honor and turned rogue, he placed all his worth into money which has been his driving force and sole motivation to do pretty much anything. It's all he cares about because he has no other option. Money doesn't care about honor. Money doesn't care about reputation. Money doesn't care about what he can and can't do. He sees the value and worth it has in the world and by attaining it himself, he himself has value and worth.

Zetsu

This is strange, but I don't think Zetsu has insecurities. I'm still at the beginning of the war arc and know very little about the outcome of his character, but seeing as he's not even an Earthly being, I find it very difficult to believe that he'd concern himself with human experiences like that.

Nagato

Nagato's insecurity lies in his ability (or lack of) to properly carry out Yahiko's legacy. He's very aware that he'll never measure up to his friend's vision simply because they don't share the same viewpoint; they look to the same goal with different eyes because Yahiko was willing to sacrifice himself for an ideal bigger than himself while Nagato was willing to sacrifice everyone. Somewhere in his mind he's aware of the irony in using Yahiko's corpse -- a shell of who he was and empty of any real soul -- to carry out their plans because he knows he'll never be accepted. Yahiko would never have approved of taking away people's free will to avoid war and I think he knows that. So he uses his abilities to shield who he actually is so he can pretend he's just as good and just as pure as his friend was. He never will be, though.

Konan

At no direct fault of her own, she's lost everyone she ever cared about or loved. I refuse to believe she genuinely thinks she's the one at fault for Yahiko's death, but I think if it weren't for Yahiko wanting Nagato to keep the organization going she would have left that very day he was killed. By the time Nagato was gone, she had nothing left and abandoned the Akatsuki altogether to let Naruto handle it (from what I remember, I may be wrong). She stayed in the Akatsuki out of pure survivor's guilt and that had to be eating at her every year that went by. Maybe at some point, she'd think about if she was even good enough to keep it going. Yahiko loved her but entrusted the Akatsuki mission to someone else. Was she not enough? Was she not strong enough? Did her being kidnapped make Yahiko think she couldn't do it? I can see these questions going through her mind at some point.

Hidan

Hidan likes to pretend he's big and bad, but his biggest insecurity is how utterly terrified he is of death despite being the person to dish it out to others AND that he's literally nothing without killing. I like to think he made killing people his biggest personality trait because he really doesn't think he has anything else to contribute. It's all he knows how to do and all he's good at so when his hometown went from a shinobi village to a tourist town, they took away the one thing that made him useful. He was beside himself and instead of being a normal person and taking up something else, he snapped because he's narcissistic enough to think of it as a personal attack on him. How dare they take away the one thing he based his entire life around and the only thing that gives him any semblance of true purpose. I also have a headcanon that he made up the existence of Jashin to validate his insistant and unhinged need to slaughter innocent people and that his clan was involved in some shady human experimentation type of shit that fucked with his psyche as a child.

Obito

Obito.....oh boy. His biggest and loudest insecurity is his scars. Not for superficial reasons or anything like that, but because they're a glaring reminder that him attempting to do true good ended in tragedy. I can't say too much about him because I'm still in the very early stages of the war arc but from what I know about him and the lengths he was willing to go to cause the destruction he did over YEARS, those scars are just a physical reminder of everything he could have been, everyone he should have had in his life, and everything he'll never be.

Sasori

Sasori's biggest insecurity is how sensitive and vulnerable he actually is. He hates it. Despises the fact that he feels so much that he goes to great lengths to hide it. You don't go through the trouble of turning yourself into a human puppet just because it's a Tuesday afternoon and you're bored. You do it because the grief is too great. You do it because whatever pain you felt was so terrible and so awful that taking away the very essence of your humanity is the only way you can cope with it. He had to feel the soul shattering, heartbreaking agony that comes with having the people you love most ripped away from you at such a young age and never being able to fill that void. He hates that he wears his heart on his sleeve and can't hide it, but secretly wants someone to acknowledge the pain he's in. He turned his parents into puppets. He may have gotten rid of them once he realized they weren't a good replacement for his real parents, but he had to get to that point in the first place. He turned his only friend into a puppet after he was accidentally killed. He found peace during Edo Tensei after Kankuro validated his philosophy on everlasting art. That Scorpio man is a walking bleeding heart no matter how nihilistic he is and hates every second of it.

Deidara

Deidara's insecurities lie in his inferiority complex. He's a kid trying to prove himself to be worthy in the eyes of others and when he doesn't get that validation from people he admires, it hurts. He spent so much time trying to prove himself to his rivals (Itachi, Sasuke, Sasori, etc.) and hyperfixated on getting the upper hand because he had this inherent need to finally been seen as someone's equal through his own abilities. He hates being treated like a joke, like an afterthought, and like his voice doesn't matter and the people around him consistently do that exact thing. Honestly, I felt bad for him half the time cause they kept making a fool out of him even after he died 😭

[imagineakatsuki]

How would Pain react to his s/o wanting to see his "true form" / meeting Nagato for the first time?

Nagato would be very apprehensive about granting the request. After all, he looks nothing like any of his paths, especially the Deva path that his s/o would be most familiar with. He would reluctantly agree after a lot of begging, coaxing, and reassuring from his s/o that they wouldn’t judge him. Having Konan in their corner would help a lot. At the actual meeting (with Konan as mediator), Nagato wouldn’t hide his crippled body or machine, preferring to get it over with if his s/o would leave him for his appearance. He would be very grateful if they chose to stay despite knowing what he truly looks like and Konan would leave the room at that point with a smile (at least one of them has some kind of happiness).

Admin S

[naruto--headcanons]

Kakashi's home at any point after Sakumo died had always been decorated by other people. plants, furniture, and decorations had been gifted to him, mostly by Naruto, Gai, or Yamato.

[thottyimagines]

Akatsuki 5 year plan? Like where they would see themselves in five years lol

Pein would likely imagine himself ruling over a peaceful land as its god-king, if he's being optimistic about how long his plans would take to come to fruition.

Konan gets to be the god-king's hot best friend/second-in-command. I suppose she'd like some more down time to pursue her hobbies, though.

Itachi hopes to be rotting in the ground long before five years come to pass, and ideally his sweet baby brother is the one to put him there.

Kisame would like to be working toward some sort of "greater good," probably, but maybe with less living on the lam involved.

Hidan imagines himself as some sort of Mormon missionary for Jashinism, except for instead of using humanitarian efforts as a way to proselytize, Hidan is just murdering people he thinks may be burdening the community and expecting converts in return. It doesn't work, not because terrified villages won't put sacrifices forward, but because their hearts aren't quite in it so Jashin does not grant immortality.

Kakuzu would like to be living in a world where he can murder as he pleases and also generate a massive passive income. Maybe he'll start investing in real estate and go from there, unless life under god-king Pein ushers in a new golden age with stock markets.

Deidara plans to be going out in a blaze of glory around then, ideally in some sort of awesome mass murder/suicide situation with all of his very best works of art involved.

Sasori would like to keep up the sweet deal he has going that allows him to mostly skulk in a dark room turning human bodies into terrifying weapons of puppetry for him to use.

Tobi is not letting Pein become god-king, except for in his own fantasies. He's throwing the world into that mass genjutsu, baby.

Zetsu is helping Tobi with that whole world hallucination thing.

[thekingwhereitallends]

Heres an interesting scenario what if minato was behind the mask instead of obito

It would've been sick to see Minato invading konoha instead of Pain,revealing himself to be the leader of Akatsuki.

But what will be his motives?

Will Naruto's talk no jutsu work on "Evil" Minato?

Can Naruto defeat his father?

[watermelonsloth]

Nagato, on the phone: Not now, Konan. Hidan’s being a real B-I-T-C-H

Konan: …

Hidan: *screaming on the other end*

Nagato: Well how was I supposed to know you can spell?! I’ve never seen you read!