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[felyxxx]

Imagime being Orochimaru at Akatsuki:

This idea always makes me laugh, like:

Orochimaru:*tries SO hard to gain immortality, meanwhile* Sarori: I'm a living puppet. My body is a masterpiece. I can switch them. My core is my heart. Kakuzu: No true immortality exists, but my body is my weapon. It serves my will. I have 5 hearts and 5 lives. Hidan:*headless body slouched on the ground* Hidan's head:*rolling in the floor* WHAZZUP!

[felyxxx]

KakuHida Crazy Stories Idea:

Hidan is Gen Z

Kakuzu is Boomer

--- like ---

Kakuzu: "This is ridiculous. Back in my day, we didn't need all these 'yeets' and 'vibes.' We just worked."

Hidan snickering: "Okay, boomer. Keep giving those 'grindset' speeches while I manifest my best life, no cap."

Kakuzu glares angrily: "I have no idea what you're saying, but it sounds lazy."

Hidan smirking: "Alright, grandpa. Keep living in your 'hustle' era; I'm out here catching vibes and living rent-free."

Kakuzu getting up: "I'll give you rent-free. It's called getting a job."

🧢 📻 🧢 📻 🧢 📻 🧢 📻

[felyxxx]

WINGED

KakuHida Angel AU

In the shadowy depths of the black market, mercenary Kakuzu thrives in a world of power and wealth—until an unexpected encounter turns his life upside down. When he stumbles upon a naked man with striking silver hair sprawled across the cold stone floor of an abandoned church, Kakuzu has no idea that he’s just rescued a guardian angel named Hidan. As their worlds collide, Hidan's playful charm and Kakuzus's past draw them into a dangerous dance between Heaven and Hell.

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Hidan can't sleep, has existential crisis

Hidan: [tossing and turning] Kakuzu, you sleep?

Kakuzu: [groans] Not anymore.

Hidan: I can't sleep.

Kakuzu: I can.

[silence]

Hidan: Do you think I look like an octopus?

Kakuzu: [turn to face him, complete shock] ...W-what?

Hidan: You know, 'cause they're immortal, so maybe I have some octopus DNA.

Kakuzu: [blinks] That's jellyfish.

Hidan: Huh?

Kakuzu: Jellyfish are immortal. Octopuses aren't.

Hidan: [genuinely intrigued] How do they do it?

Kakuzu: I don’t know. Ask Kisame.

Hidan: [serious] Okay, I will. You know-...

[Kakuzu sighs and pulls a pillow over his head, hoping to muffle Hidan's endless jabbering. The harder he pressed, the less he heard—but also, the less air he was getting. Briefly, he considered suffocating himself just to get some peace, but he gave up after a moment. When he finally lifted the pillow, Hidan was still talking. Now, Kakuzu was thinking about suffocating him.]

Kakuzu: Go right now. Bother him, not me. [rolls over, done with the conversation]

[silence]

Hidan: [snickers] Hehe, you said "Octopussies."

🐙🖤🐙🖤🐙🖤🐙🖤

[felyxxx]

Absolutely right. I still believe that very lost that fight on purpose to just pretend dead and Kakuzu dig Hidan out and they live happily ever after together.

hidan and kakuzu were literally so fucking married.... team 10 should not have won that fight

Ohhhh, the fight. The fight. Hahaha.

I think the really egregious parts for me were:

Hidan not noticing that he had not hit his enemy. That one's weird. Pressure and impact communicate themselves pretty well through an object you're holding and he has a lot of practice hitting people.

Kakuzu just kind of standing still waiting for his rasengan. Naruto canonically is very slow at making those things at this stage. He needs his shadow clone to help. There's a weird part where Kakuzu just stops fighting at all and stands there. Like... you don't want to mount a retreat, buddy? You don't want to, idk, block? Dodge?

I think if they'd given me a really good Kakashi and Tenzo v Kakuzu and Hidan fight (perhaps using Shikamaru to provide the battle plan to provide closure on the Asuma thing, even though I don't really like Shikamaru), I'd have bought the zombi combi defeat. Grudgingly.

But yes I think the canon end to Kakuzu and Hidan was a bland cop out. I'm biased but I'm also correct.

But also even though I love Kakuzu as a character, I do think shippuden Kakashi could have won against Kakuzu. I think they both would have had a pretty good chance of winning that fight, so if the story requires Kakuzu to die, it could have been written as a Kakashi victory.

Hidan... I'm not sure what even happened there. Shikamaru should never have won that. Shikamaru's entire plan hinged on tricking him about whether or not he'd actually hit something?? What?

I am really biased about this one because I also think constructing the Shikamaru-avenges-Asuma story beat as personal revenge arc, using this established setting in which everyone's one mission away from being a hired killer, is tone deaf to the point of absurdity. To me it is misaligned with the setting and represents a frustrating flaw in the delivery of the themes and tone of the manga. (This marks the point in the story at which I took a break for many months lol.)

[felyxxx]

Hidan lore overthinking! Sorry bad english

But the little information of Hidan's life completly brings Red flags all over.

OK. That one thing on the books when his whole village blamed a child Hidan for maybe killing an entire clan makes me think what kind of child they saw him as to be able to do all of that. Even if they confirmed later the Chinoike Clan killed each other, they still thought damn what if this fucking child killed them all.

This also means Hidan as a child thought to go to the place called "the Valley of Hell" where the Chinoike Clan got exiled to. Towards a clan that was dangerous af, and were also scary. The Valley of Hell was also referred as unlivable and smelling of sulfur. No one stopped him, who knows how long it takes from Yugakure to the Valley.

Then he finds the entire fucking dead, massacred by each other. Runs back to his village tells everyone and first thing they do is blame him.

By pure speculation of numbers, Hidan must've been 6 when the war ended. Which is not great. Getting raised through war probably did affect him as well. I know there's no information of Yugakure involvement in that war, but it's in the middle of the Land of fire and the Land of lightning so.

No information regarding parents so either:

Parent's whos kid left the village to a place called the Valley of Hell

No parents

No clue

Also the general idea of raising kids as soldiers and killing machines, and expecting it to be all good. To then be like: "fuck you were getting rid of the military" which how much Hidan talks about fighting like "letting steam off" (seperated to Jashin stuff) he must've liked fighting. It was an insult to him.

Also the Akatsuki have S rank Rouge Ninjas right? Was Hidan a top ninja at his village? Then we get the lack of Ninjutsu and Getsutsu. The symbol of jashin, the blood connection and immortality are never considered as anything jutsu right? These guy it's full Taijutsu and Jashin (which the fact that's never EVER explained that's crazy).

He called himself the slower attacker of the Akatsuki, but that's still crazy fast. He has a demonic momentum, even in the air moving his scythe around. He his beyond athletic too. (Go look at him skipping and spining Shikamaru's shadow).

His fighting is reckless. He throws himself in cause he knows he can't get killed and he is overconfident. But it's better being fast an eratic cause his main thing getting blood, That's why his weapon it's the way it is. He also relies a lot on his ritual and Kakuzu. He never expects people pulling him off his circle. -and when his head cut off he just relies on Kakuzu helping him out any ways.

It's said, he found Jashinism when he wanted to leave the village for demilitarizing. There is theories that Jashin isn't real nor the religion at all, and that Hidan it's immortal by chance. Like Hashirama healing factor being so good. So this mf got Immortal regen or something at birth. If he gained immortality otherwise, affecting the reality of his religion is also out there.

Hidan's approach to religion is also weird. Options: He belives a lie or he made it up and knows it's bullshiting OR it's real.

Hidan prays for LONG amounts of time (which Kakuzu complains about often) would he made up waiting for 30 minutes long just because? Or he belives in needing to pray for that long. Hidan constanly complains about "Kakuzu if this is another of your extra money missions i'm gonna be pissed! Let's just go for the Jinchuriki" I find it weird he would be 30 minutes praying in the ground if he didn't belive the HAD to do it (Disconnected to any validity to Jashisim). Hidan did try to annoy others (mainly Kkz) on porpose so much so... BUT he also referes to praying like 'a pain in the ass, but the comaments are very clear'.

Idk which is crazier: He doesn't believe it and made up shit he even complains about in his religion just to get something out of it (like a justification or martyrs) OR he fully believed in it and still was like "shit i have to pray 30 minutes for this bullshit".

ok... Important part here:

CAUSE WHY TF did Hidan get such a center persective during the Akatsuki plan exposition? (during the 2 tails extraction). He was the newest member ""besides Tobi"" and we got and explanation towards him from Pain himself (fish out the water, the character doesn't know something so they get a explanation so the audience gets it too). I think how the time frames got written sound pretty different based on other stuff but that doesn't matter. He jumps and critics the Akatsuki and Pain directly, we also get him gritting his teeth. Like damn we got introduced to an inner conflict of Hidan's believes against the akatsuki for no reason????? Right after this we also get a positive interaction with Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu doesn't get mad at him for being so againts the leader, and gives him his headband instead. (which he kept tight on his arm for those 3 days of 2 tails extraction) His headband must also be unique compared to others that village no longer has ninja so getting another one can't even be a thing really.

I'm sad their arc was rushed and plenty of stuff got cut. But I understand the circuntsances: crazy schedule, Kishimoto sick, an arc centering someone other than Naruto.

Kakuzu prison and hashirama backstory was obviously there but we didn't get it. Hidan getting his backstory in extra material is also insane. I have no idea if the plan was still killing them by the end of a (longer version) of the arc or not. But maybe they would've gotten Sasori treatment. Get their backstories before they lose. They were the only ones that got cut short so much (besides Konan but she got the backstory in full flashbacks at least).

Kishimoto even had more extra funtions for Hidan's Scythe too. Constantly getting small answers about Hidan in random interviews with him also show what else there was to add to him. +Saying Hidan was his fav Akatsuki and villan too. Sad he also cut Hidan coming back in the war arc cause he had put so many characters, but he probably felt he couldn't do all he wanted to do with him- so left it there.

aka. I love Hidan's character :)

[felyxxx]

Casual Akatsuki Headcanons

Hidan complains about the quality of any hotspring he goes to.

Deidara is neurodivergent and gets chest tightness.

On a group mission, Konan was extremely close to ask everyone to go a mixed gender hot spring. Because she didn't want to be in one alone in the girls side with all the guys in the men one.

Sasori has muscle memory reactions where he scrathes himself. But he isn't itchy, he is wood.

Kisame thought that a group of women were making fun of his looks, when in reality they thought he was hot.

Kakuzu catches himself acting like an old person, and freezes on the spot, eyes wide open.

One time, Itachi accidentally called Deidara "yellow" cause he is blind and distinguishing the other akatsuki by hair color while looking at fights.

Nagato almost wanted to test Hidan's blood connection, to try to heal himself through em.

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"I fucked these midges in my mouth, this fucking mud, damn bumps, the leader, his stupid missions. AND YOUR FUCKING SHORTCUT!"

I decided to finish this today because I received a package with new markers.

[felyxxx]

Authors note on: Morning symphony

So in this one Hidan can actually play organ. In this, he plays a different melody but I love to imagine him playing sometimes

Bach, Toccata and Fugue in D minor, organ

Spoiler for this and other stories:

In this story, I really wanted to show the contrast between the peaceful, quiet beauty of nature taking over this long-abandoned church (yes, I'm hinting at the Blood Bear Legend here!) and the idea that something darker is always lurking in the background, especially Hidan’s past. His carefree attitude now is just a cover for something more sinister and complex.

And come on, how fun is it to imagine Hidan playing the organ? As an adult? Sexy. But as a child, still learning? Like, picture him as this ADHD kid driving everyone nuts in church, smashing keys, and causing chaos.

Poor Pein is going to have a rough time because you just know Kakuzu is all curious about this hidden side of Hidan.

Also, I love the idea of Kakuzu low-key wanting to know more, even if he won’t admit it out loud.

[felyxxx]

Authors note on: MonkFisk

According to Sha no Sho Kakuzus

favorite dish is Monkfish livers

least favorite is chestnut jelly

A fish for monks: It's believed monks used to head down to fishing markets and ask for any unused fish. As monkfish have an unappealing look and were often caught as a byproduct, fishmongers would give their monkfish to the church to eat.

Spoiler for this and other stories:

I wanted to share a little insight into this chapter and some of the elements I tried to weave into it. First off, I experimented with writing haikus in this piece. It was a challenge for me, as English isn’t my first language, and capturing the simplicity yet depth of a haiku was harder than I expected! Still, I thought these short moments of reflection added a layer of serenity, especially to Kakuzu’s often rigid character, and I hope they worked well with the narrative.

As for the monkfish liver, there’s a fun tidbit from Naruto Sha no Sho/Databook where we learn that Kakuzu’s favorite food is monkfish liver. Historically, monkfish used to be one of the cheapest fish, often given to monks because of its ugly appearance and affordability. It’s ironic that Kakuzu, who’s always been a bit of a “cheap ass,” loved it when it was affordable. Now that monkfish has become a delicacy, it’s far more expensive, and knowing Kakuzu, he'd still try to find ways to avoid paying for it! That’s why I had him collecting one straight from the beach after the storm, figuring, “Damn, it’s still fresh, so why not?”

And lastly, the kiss... well, I just had to!

[felyxxx]

Authors note on:

Cold desert night

Number 4 is characteristic of Kakuzu:

4 stolen hearts

4 mask to rule

4 wrist tattoos

Number 4 in Japan is considered a bad number/omen. The pronunciation of this number is "shi/死し", also the pronunciation of the word death.

Fav quote:

Regrets, doubts, and unresolved questions played out in an endless loop. Sometimes it was only a fleeting feeling he couldn’t grasp, slipping through his fingers like sand.

Spoiler for this and other stories:

This story explores the significance of the number 4, a number deeply intertwined with Kakuzu’s character and fate. In Japanese culture, the number 4 ("shi/死し") shares its pronunciation with the word for "death," marking it as an omen of misfortune. Kakuzu embodies this dark symbolism with his four stolen hearts, four masks, and four wrist tattoos—all symbols of his power, but also his ties to death and destruction.

The imagery of four fence foxes represents both his sinister ties to death and the memory of a past life.

In my Akai Ito series, I write about Kakuzu's traumatic past, revealing that he was once a father of four sons. The weight of the number four has followed him throughout his existence, representing both loss and strength.

Hidan shows his need from deep inside, that what he seeks from life is some kind of attention. Any in fact. So he provokes people because that proved to be the most effective way. Even if it gets him beaten and bleeding.

But Kakuzu’s reaction was so interesting that he was willing to push it further.

[felyxxx]

Kakuzu and Hidan rent a room in an inn and it only has ONE BED

Kakuzu: [glares at the single bed]

Hidan: [building a pillow wall in the middle of it]

Kakuzu: What are you doing?

Hidan: Building a wall. What do you think?

Kakuzu: I see that, but what’s it for?

Hidan: Because we are both dudes, It's an anti-fuck wall. 

Kakuzu: [sarcastic] Right, or we just don’t fuck and go to sleep.

Hidan: But what if we touch and you get horny? 

Kakuzu: And you think a pillow wall is going to stop me? Hidan, if I really wanted to do it, a brick wall wouldn't stop me. 

Hidan: [blushing and immediately dismantling pillow wall] Damn, that's hot. 

Kakuzu: Put it back. Immediately...

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Fun fact! In the French version of Naruto, the Uchiha are called the Uchiwa

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colorspread!

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Hold on, let me just...

That's it! Stare at me harder 👁🫦👁

staring harder

[felyxxx]

THIS IS THE ONLY HOLE HIDAN SHOULD BE STUCK IN

There once was an alley and wall,

And in that wall, a hole so small.

Legs stuck up in the air, pride took a fall,

Hidan has trouble, no grace at all.

[felyxxx]

🙏