#the akatsuki

[multifandomnonsense]

More Akatsuki :)

[ollyvoile]

Obito waking up one day in his late twenties realizing he better hurry the fuck up because his joints are not jointing like they used to

[denerturee]

Akatsuki Babysitting chart

[ladykissingfish]

Very Random Akatsuki Headcanons

Sasori would 100% have a garden, and most of the stuff he grows would be illegal or highly toxic. He would ask Zetsu for tips a lot and force Deidara to help him weed it even though Deidara will LOUDLY complain about it the whole time. Sasori will gently sing to/ talk to his plants when he thinks no one is looking.

Kisame the type to nag others about how important it is to drink water and stay hydrated but. He has never fully finished one single bottle of water. Any place they are, you can immediately tell that Kisame’s been there because every surface area will have plastic water bottles sitting on it with various levels of water in them.

Hidan has many, many bad teeth, mostly in the back of his mouth. Missing, chipped, cavities or straight rotting. Always in some level of pain but never seeks out help because you know, Lord Jashin encourages personal suffering. Was finally tentacle-held to a chair by Kakuzu and forced to let Sasori do what repair work he could after the others got tired of hearing him curse and grumble all night over his mouth pain. Absolutely loves his new smile afterwards but never admits it.

Every single member of the Akatsuki has at some point had a crush on Konan. Including Zetsu. But it went away once each member started seeing her as a sister or mother figure. The only one it didn’t go away for is Nagato, but he’d never admit his true feelings because he values their friendship and working relationship too much.

Itachi likes to collect rocks. He’s an amateur geologist and enjoys finding different types of stones when he’s out on missions. The others learn this about him and will sometimes take the time after missions or when traveling to pick up “pretty” rocks to bring back to him.

Deidara has a lot of anxiety and restlessness, and keeping himself busy alleviates that. He prefers doing things with his hands which is why he’s always making little sculptures with his clay. If no clay is available he’ll tap or drum his fingers on things or fiddle with his hair. The faster his fingers move it means the more anxious he feels. Sasori would get annoyed by this behavior so he created for Dei what would essentially be a ninja world version of a fidget-spinner. Deidara loved it and he makes sure to pack it with him whenever he leaves on missions.

Nagato’s fingers are often bloody because he’s a nail-biter to the extreme. He’ll chomp those things down right to the quick of the finger. The others will “gift” him gloves to try and prevent this from happening, and it’ll work for while, but sooner or later he’s right back at it again.

Deidara once gained ten pounds in two months because Tobi kept convincing him to stop at sweets cafes while they were out traveling, and then to have seconds and thirds of whatever they were eating.

Kakuzu figured out that Hidan didn’t know how to read when Hidan would avoid looking at the map on missions and kept giving Kakuzu wrong information about sign posts along roads. After a lot of convincing that he wasn’t “making fun of him”, Kakuzu finally got Hidan to let him teach him basic reading and math skills over the course of a year.

When Orochimaru was a part of the Akatsuki, one day he managed to get Konan alone and was hitting on her in a very creepy Jiraiya-esque way. Turns out that he was merely trying to get her to trust him so that, when he ultimately left the Akatsuki, he would be able to convince her to follow so he could study her body and paper-jutsu. Having had no close experiences with women other than Tsunade, who always responded favorably to flirtatious behavior, he’d assumed that this was how ALL women would react. If Itachi hadn’t driven Oro away, Konan would have blindsided and killed him first.

Nagato (in a Pein body) gave the sex talk to Deidara, Hidan and Itachi. All three of them hadn’t the slightest clue about how anything worked in that regard. Sasori gave him diagrams out of his medical books to aid in his talk. Nagato kept having to add on to his talk because of the questions. “What if you’re a guy who likes guys? How does that work?” “What if you don’t like anyone like that, or you don’t want to ever do those kind of things; is that okay?”

In strong sunlight:

Konan burns bright red.

Itachi and Hidan brown.

Zetsu withers.

Nagato dehydrates within two minutes. As does Kisame.

Deidara sprouts freckles.

Sasori smells like a fire.

Obito and his Hashirama cell DNA photosynthesize like a damn tree.

Kakuzu also turns into a freckle-factory but because his skin is already so dark, it’s unnoticeable.

Sasori has fairly moderate misophonia and especially can’t stand the sound of people chewing. It was one of his primary reasons for turning his body into a puppet; so he no longer had to endure the sound of himself eating. He thought he’d died and gone to hell when he found out that Deidara chews food with all three mouths.

Deidara likes Tobi to read to him at night. It gives him a very comfortable sleepy feeling. The more Deidara nods off the more Tobi lets his voice become more natural/Obito. This is pleasant to Obito because doing the “Tobi voice” all day puts a huge strain on his throat, so it’s nice to be able to break character once in a while and speak normally.

Hidan is extremely sensitive to the cold and will do anything to avoid having to travel or do missions in the winter.

Konan has kept a diary of her life ever since she was a child. She picked up the habit of writing during the period when Jiraiya was staying with/watching over her, Nagato and Yahiko.

Deidara developed a hell of a crush on Kakashi after “meeting” and getting his arms blown off by him and the Konoha nin. He’d gush about Kakashi for days afterward … to Tobi. Tobi who had to grit his teeth and not start screaming over how Kakashi unintentionally attracted everyone that Obito was ever interested in.

Best Smelling to Worst Smelling:

Konan

Tobi/Obito

Deidara

Kakuzu

Kisame

Zetsu

Itachi (would be higher but often smells like strong, bitter medicine and night-sweats)

Nagato (his actual body, not a Pein body)

Hidan and Sasori tie for worst because both smell like blood and corpses

Obito never killed his grandmother during the Uchiha massacre. He used a very powerful jutsu to erase her memory and then relocate her to a place in a village far away that took care of the elderly. He pays the facility with the money he earns/steals during missions, and every so often he’ll go and visit her at night, when she’s alone in her room. She doesn’t know who he is and just thinks that he’s a nice young man that’s there because he’s visiting somebody else.

Kisame loves to bake. It started because he was worried over Itachi being so thin and never seeming to want to eat anything other than desserts. So Kisame taught himself how to make cakes and pies and cookies, etc. Over time it became a zen-like activity to him that helps him relax and clear his head when he’s stressed out.

Kakuzu is as vain over his hair as Deidara is over his own. At least once a week they’ll get together and give each other trims and deep conditioning treatments. Sometimes Itachi will join if he feels up to it. Hidan mocks them for this but is secretly trying to grow his hair longer so that he can join them.

[machrealgirl]

i fear naruto got it so right when it comes to building dynamics between characters. like what if these very specific characters were forced to develop an eternal bond even though they were picked entirely randomly to be on the same team for years to come?? god. what if the extrovert dog boy got put in a team with little miss social anxiety and autistic bug enthusiast, and they had no CHOICE but to become extremely protective of each other. what if the taijutsu specialist got put in a team with the kekkei genkai user and the weapons nerd, and they were FORCED to develop fighting tactics using TEAMWORK.

and then ur like. oh wait. all of the adult characters here also used to be in teams. and that's where the real fun begins, because oh my god, kakashi lost both members of his team?? that makes so much sense actually. wait, guy, ebisu, and genma were a team?? taught by choji's father, or all people?? yknow what. yeah. i can see that. poor choza. wait, what do you mean the SANNIN WERE A-

and then like. the way they did the same thing with the akatsuki too, by giving them the whole partner system. what if you were introduced to two new terrifying villains, and the first thing you found out about them is that they have different opinions about art. what if even their leader, self-proclaimed god, wasn't immune to the humanizing effects of bonds, because he also had his own partner by his side at all times. man.

[shirii]

the akatsuki if they were cool tbh 🍃😎

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan: Hey, blondie, red-eyes ... you guys ever wonder what it would be like to have a home? Itachi: I'm assuming you mean a REAL home, and not one of the hundreds of hideouts we've inhabited in the past few years? Hidan: Yeah. Like, what would that shit be like? Itachi: My ideal home would be a small cottage in the woods somewhere. Cozy, quiet, comfortable. *blushes slightly* And of course, to be able to come back to Kisame each night ... Hidan: Shit, the old bastard and his greed must be rubbing off on me, because I can see myself in some big-ass white house, with a huge yard, and all kinds of expensive furniture inside. Maybe somewhere on the beach, so I can work on my tan. And Kakuzu, if he hasn't kicked the bucket by then. What about you, blondie? Deidara: Honestly, it probably wouldn't matter to me where the place was or what it looked like, hm. Like you guys said, the important thing to me would be coming home to Danna every night. Itachi: That's really a rather sweet things for you to say, Deidara. You -- Deidara: Sasori up to his elbows in human entrails, random body parts scattered all over the carpet. The constant smell of blood and chemicals. Me blowing up the bodies he doesn't think are "suitable" into millions of pieces in the yard ... *sighs dreamily* Maybe one day our dreams will come true, hm. Itachi and Hidan:

[pocketlessdruid]

Sasodei week day 1: kids

Deidara gets so enthusiastic about meeting a fellow artist but sensory issued Sasori is absolutely not happy to be touched with mouth hands

@sasodeiweek

[krn-art]

Deidara doodle dump

[minikaryun]

[x-emeraldsky-x]

My nasty little blood boy

[multifandomnonsense]

I love the akatsuki they’re such losers

[ollyvoile]

[denerturee]

It's 2025 and I don't accept that Kishimoto didn't explore Akatsuki correctly, we had so many incredible characters with bad development and a ridiculous death!!!!

[ladykissingfish]

Deidara: So you may be wondering why I called this meeting …

Hidan: “Called a meeting” my ass, blondie. You got us out here by screaming that the house was on fire!

Deidara: Anyways, I think it’s more than time we address the question that’s on everyone’s minds: which one of you gets to date me?

Itachi: … Pardon?

Deidara: It’s obvious that you’re all in love with me a little, hm. But I can’t just pick one of you, so I thought we should decide it as a group.

Sasori: Brat, I have to say, as far as delusions go, this may be your biggest one yet.

Deidara: I know you’re angry about this, Danna, because we’re partners and you think your claim should be stronger than anyone else’s. But we gotta be fair to the others, hm.

Hidan: Fuck that, you can keep him, puppet-dick. I’m definitely not interested in his dumb ass! I mean if he wants to bang a few times, sure, but —

Itachi: Deidara, why am I here? You don’t even like me!

Kakuzu: I cannot see how “dating” you would do anything other than cost me time and money. Pass.

Kisame: I would eat you alive. And I don’t mean that figuratively.

Konan: No offense, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have, er, the right “parts” to interest you.

Tobi: I’d love to date Senpai … *switches to Obito voice* You and I would make beautiful music together ~

Deidara, blushing: Well, I —

Sasori: Wait a second … Deidara, are your standards so low that you would actually date this masked idiot?

Tobi, still in Obito voice: I could take care of him better than you ever could, you wooden asshole. You, or anyone else in this room.

Itachi, sarcastically: Indeed. Because if Deidara just suddenly decided to stop hating Uchiha’s, he’d pick the least talented one of the group to date.

Konan: … Who’s an Uchiha, now?

Hidan: Holy Jashin, blondie … maybe we should be dating after all. I’d feel fucking guilty leaving you with this pool of losers.��

Kakuzu: Oi, if this is going to distract you all from your missions and hinder your bringing in money, then I will date the brat after all. I’m the only one with the self-control necessary to not let personal ties interfere with business.

Kisame: Pardon me, but you’re not the only one with exceptional self control, Kakuzu-san. I believe I’m talented in that area as well.

*everyone in the group begins loudly arguing with each other*

Konan, to Deidara: So was there anyone in particular you had your mind on?

Deidara: No, hm. I was just bored.

Konan:

Konan: Why are you like this?