#your trauma is not your fault

[bioethicists]

it's very important to understand how a personality disorder diagnosis functions in the psychiatric system, even if you identify with the diagnosis or find it useful.

personality disorders on your medical record will be used to discredit anything you say or do. they indicate "don't bother listening to this person; apply treatment regardless of their wishes but also they're probably manipulating/attention-seeking so maybe don't bother treating them". needing support becomes attention-seeking. behaviors that would be treated + supported in someone without this diagnosis are ignored or treated as manipulative. providers are instructed to "withdraw warmth" (a real thing in the DBT provider's manual, btw) in response to self-injury or suicidal ideation.

if you have been dx'd with a personality disorder professionally, you likely understand this.

now, here's the important part: this is not an issue of 'stigma' against a politically neutral, pre-discursive True Disease which is being Unfairly Maligned. these diagnoses were formulated based on the idea that some patients cannot be trusted, that some patients seek care too much. they are applied to patient charts as a justification for withdrawing care or as a dismissal of someone "not getting better" fast enough. in the uk, they are often employed by the nhs to shame or problematize people who use large amounts of nhs resources, arguing that receiving a lot of care through the nhs is a negative behavior stemming from a disordered personality.

there are elements of personality disorders which resonate strongly with many people, including myself, but you need to be clear-eyed about the origins + functions of this diagnosis. as a whole, they were created + function as ways to discredit + mistreat noncompliant or "difficult" patients. 'reclaiming' them is not going to change how they function systematically- it is going to make it easier to engage in this systematic neglect by evoking 'ableism' or 'stigma!' when people question the utility or application of the diagnosis.

[thepeacefulgarden]

You are worthy, you are enough, and you matter. No person or circumstance can ever change that or take that away from you. ❤️

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

[steddiehyperfixation]

hc that steve actually likes metal and listens to it regularly, just always pretty quietly. so when eddie, who never has his stereo turned down to anything below 40 and even that's too quiet sometimes, gets in steve's car one day to hear metallica playing through the speakers with the volume only set to like 7, he's immediately torn between being ecstatic that steve is listening to one of his favorite bands and outrage that he's not giving it the proper listening experience it deserves

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Trans rights you fuckers. Y’all know who you are.

Just clogging your tags before you can clog the toilets with all your shit. No need to thank me, terfs <3

[skarkkk]

It was fucking rape. That's my fucking point of view.

What do you mean he liked it? What do you mean it was cheating? What do you mean I like her?

It was rape, there is no other interpretation other than rape.

Robby lived with two addicts and yet he was abandoned in a bar with free access to alcohol, and that's where it started.

He got drunk for the first time, he drank for the first time and he has no resistance to alcohol because he stays away as best he can for the simple fact that his parents were addicts who never cared about him. So he wanted to forget what was happening, to repress all of this and he turned to alcohol because where else would he go when everyone didn't give a damn about him, or his situation with Tory or his emotions? Where else was he supposed to go when his example of dealing with emotions is aggression and addiction? So he drank. He drank to a level where he couldn't formulate a response, a sentence, when Kwon came to talk to him and provoke him, and we know that if he was sober he would have done something. It was obvious on his own face listening to Kwon that he was spaced out, drunk, and then Zara approached him. And took him to her room, from where he came out the next morning. No memory of the night before, a headache, and still looking out of it, as we can see when she kissed him and he didn't even react to it. The level of alcohol this requires is the level of alcohol that prevents someone from giving consent.

— I barely remember last night

— Good thing I do

Can we see the exact connotation that something happened? That she actually took advantage of the boy who couldn't speak to give consent, who couldn't think to say no, who was too drunk for this to be acceptable? The fact that she shows no remorse whatsoever for this happening and yet kisses him again.

Besides the fact that the writers themselves are treating it like it's some kind of cheating with Tory, the characters themselves acting like he's not a vulnerable person being raped by someone who knows better?

I hate her and I hate the writers for making this like it's nothing. I don't want to be that girl, but being that girl, if the roles were reversed, would this be in the show? Would this be treated that way? Or would they actually treat it like the SA situation that it is?

From the beginning, you can see her interest in Robby - starting with that scene in the captains' photo shoot where she talks to Tory. She knows he's in a relationship. All those teasing scenes with Tory. Her taking advantage of Robby. Then the fight scene.

— You chose her over me?

Like, girl, what the fuck did you expect? He doesn't know you, he doesn't like you, you raped him and you're going after his girlfriend - the person he loves? How high is your ego to even consider that he would choose you? Axel's obsession with Sam I can understand more, although I still have my doubts. She was the first person to understand and see his situation with his sensei, she was friendly and he developed a protectiveness towards her. Although his attitude towards Miguel was wrong, he didn't rape Sam or act like a bitch towards her.

Iron Dragons and their obsession with the Miyagi-Do captains.

Zara Malik and the fact that she raped Robby Keene.

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

105 - See what they did here? (2 mins apart)

This is the legacy of childhood trauma. Rock bottom self-esteem. Because you have to ask yourself how a man such as Ed Teach can be bullied by a man such as Izzy Hands.

Ed wasn’t primed by his father’s abuse only. His mother’s words helped to create a boy who felt worthless, who lacked agency to control his own destiny* Left him vulnerable to the Izzy’s of this world who carry themselves as gods. Virtually spitting in Ed’s face in 104 and 110. Deciding who gets what, when and how. Policing behaviour. Threatening with violence. Controlling souls.

*edited to add @edsblanketfort ‘s comment.

I guess at least subconsciously he can feel the link between Izzy and his father. Ed doesn’t want to repeat the past. The belief he’s a monster becomes a restraint on his soul, causes paralysis.

[furiousgoldfish]

I dislike the term 'trust issues' because it implies that the trust should be the default, and that the one who 'doesn't trust' is somehow morally wrong for it.

In reality, we learned very slowly and painfully where we can and can't trust. People are born with infinite and instinctual trust; as a toddler, you didn't suspect anyone, didn't doubt anyone. You couldn't. It was by repeated interactions, inflicted displeasure, disappointment, pain, betrayal, rejection, abandonment and grief that you learned to predict and mimic other people's behaviour. Your trust has remained only where it has not been broken.

For someone to fear interactions with other people, they would have to be utterly broken by what other people did to them, and how much verbal abuse and trauma they suffered. For someone to not trust others to touch them, they would have to be tortured and severely violated by human touch. People crave both interaction and touch, and for that craving to be overwritten by fear, it had to be proven unbearable and deadly to be touched and interacted with. People don't lose their trust completely for anything less.

Even when all trust is lost, it can be re-established by very slow, cautious and consistent actions. If another person took care to approach you slowly, to be very consistent with their actions, never attempted to violate you, took great care to understand and protect your comfort - after a while of confirming that they mean it, you could potentially feel safe around them. Unless this is exactly how someone approached you before, and they did it right until the point you relaxed, and then they betrayed your trust and hurt you. Sometimes, that happens too. In that case, it becomes even harder to establish trust.

But if someone wants your trust after all you've been put thru, they should earn it. They should figure out your ideal pace and your level of comfort and be respectful of your boundaries, not once or twice, but consistently. And even then, you don't owe your trust to them. You don't owe it to anybody. You do not have to risk your well being for someone else's curiosity or desires or whatever kind of intentions they have with you. You don't need to expose yourself to a potential new trauma just so someone wouldn't accuse you of having 'trust issues'. What exactly do they want to do to you that requires your blind trust? Why should anyone require trust they didn't earn?

Trust comes naturally, and is broken forcefully. If someone refuses to acknowledge that your trust was broken by force, and not by your choice, they're not the kind of person to be trusted.

[notalostcausejustyet]

You know what I love about storytelling?

It makes the burden lighter by allowing us to share it. It allows us to say the words we needed to hear as children, and perhaps even tells those words to someone who still needs to hear them. It gives us a chance to take profound hurts and questions and to reevaluate them through the lens of fiction.

Storytelling is both a tool for building community and a balm for the condition of being human. No matter the medium, it is magic.

This is snagged from my own page.

[bugwolfsstuff]

I will never like or forgive Luke mostly because he is the reason Castor is never gonna see their dad again

Like its assumed that Dionysus had a good relationship with his kids.

And yeah Castor will have Pollux in the future but they're never gonna see their dad again.

They're dead and Dionysus is deathless

They're dead and never gets to see the parent they loved because Luke hated his parent

[luck-of-the-drawings]

FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[lunar-years]

I think it’s *ahem* interesting that the same portion of the fandom that understands how Ted’s poor mental health and under-addressed trauma negatively impact his life and worsen his decision making also tend to treat Dottie Lasso like she’s the devil incarnate who’s single-handedly destroyed her son and his wellbeing. There’s this group of fans who both acknowledge Ted’s mental health journey as an imperative part of his arc and journey (which it is!) and excuse a lot of his behavior, particularly when it comes to the ways in which his mental health at its worst inarguably lessens his ability to be a present and effective parent to his son. They actively encourage him NOT to return home to son because “he finally has the chance to prioritize himself and needs to take it” or whatever, then turn around and say Dottie’s an irredeemably horrible evil witch who spends her time manipulating Ted and toying with his feelings. Ignoring completely that she’s also a women with a heck of a lot of under addressed trauma who’s gone without the resources to help herself and presumably also carries the baggage of growing up under a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. Which is not to say I don’t think a lot of Dottie does is net bad/harmful! It totally is! And Ted is 100% in the right for confronting her and calling her out for the ways in which her inability to discuss what happened to their family has longterm fucked with his head. I just also think Dottie is also in the right for calling out Ted and the net negative effect his absence is having on Henry.

The thing about that scene is that they are both simultaneously wrong and right! But what makes it an effective conversation is that hell, at least now they’re talking about it! And airing out their baggage (hopefully) jumpstarts a positive change for both of them to do better for one another and their wider family. Because yes, I do think the conversation with Dottie contributed to Ted’s decision to return home…but unlike others, I think that is a good thing! The end of Ted’s story on the show is that he’s gotten the help Dottie never did (either because she didn’t know those resources were available to her, or the stigma around mental health dissuaded her, or whatever) and he’s all the better for it! By showing up in London, I do think there’s evidence that Dottie is also trying. Like sure, yes, she’s often misguided and faulty in her efforts. But she and Ted are much more similar than they are different. Both do a ton of masking to hid their own problems. Both are two imperfect people who made decisions they *thought* were right for their children only to later realize they’d fallen short as parents. And I think by the end of Mom City it’s safe to say that both are people who want to recognize their failings as parents and rectify what they can.

So yeah Dottie Lasso they could never make me hate you. Or whatever.

[lostinalem]

he would not fucking say that

unsquished and unblurred boone below?

didn't put as much attention in the details because. he got blurred. but might as well share :3

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Actually speaking of the HoW library, if its a place for female trauma survivors to heal how come Rhysand didnt put Feyre in there when he got her out of the spring court? I guess its meant to be for victims of sexual assault which Feyre isnt (i mean she is, but Rhysand in acomaf is specifically saving her from her realtionship with Tamlin who sucks but never sexually assaulted her, and also neither he nor the narrative perceive it as such so who cares), but it seems rather cruel to turn someone whos suffering away from that kind of place just because they dont have the right kind of trauma. So how come she had to spend all this time with Rhysand and his friends (who have all barely managed to heal from their respective traumas in over 500 years) instead of spending it with all these other women who can understand her and teach her how to live with her trauma? Man its almost like he was taking advantage of her when she was incredibly vulnerable or something

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

the thing i love about bill cipher is that even after i've learned all of this stuff about him, seen him at the most vulnerable he'll ever get, seen him at his most innocent, i still can't give a flying fuck about trying to justify his actions. yes he's traumatized, yes he was twisted into what we know today, and while it gives a semblance of context to why he did what he did, it doesn't matter. he still ruined ford's life. he still drove and baited multiple humans to suicide. he still tormented every human he saw as his ticket out of the consequences of his own actions. he still took delight in his actions. he was willing to commit genocide for fuck's sake!!! (freezing all of the humans into statues). trying to explain away what he did does not get rid of what he did, but it certainly puts it in perspective. you won't be catching me being a bill apologist any time soon <3